Being alone is so underrated. I’m 3 years into the game, dated here and there..but it’s been such a transformative experience. I learnt so much about myself, my choices, future plans etc., 2022 I’m putting myself out there, I feel like I’m ready ❤️
@@StephanieLynCoaching I love your enlightenment and you're so unique and so honest from the sound of your voice, you nailed it! God bless you and have a blessed day.
@@dominicusbenacus the longer a woman stays single without landing a husband the worst she gets, and men are not interested in the modern woman only 3% of women in the us are what men want to wife up.
Yes Stephanie 💕I have learned to make my own decisions and stay focused and strong with myself I deserve to be happy with healthy people who deserve my time.🙏
I feel younger and more alive now than when I was in a relationship by trying new things - yoga, cooking as a hobbie , gym work outs, planning trips and meeting new people. This is a great life!
Just concentrate on yourself, boost your family and relationships, take care of your fitness and finances, educate yourself and learn healthy habits. You will be very happy by yourself, and if you are a happy gal, the right guy will eventually cross paths with you ❤️
How about reality? Reality is…this life consists just of all emotions, not just happy. Be real. Please everyone, be real. Happy all the time is fake and quite the red flag for us wise folk out here.
@@chilloften wtf? My comment was directed at womenwhodate. I am a sheep, a follower? What are you referring too? Pisstified?? You try going 40 years without love. Precisely why I was always rejected.
What a sick, terrible society we live in. People are so broken, but no one can offer any advice except be content in Christ. While this advice is Biblical and sound, no provision is offered on how to achieve this goal. 2023 may be a year from Hell. Demonic entities possess our government officials, but Christians are mostly seeing things through the Norman Rockwell lens where the worst problem in life is I can't find a spouse!
I am choosing to be alone because most people I get attached to are narcissists. I would rather be alone than have to deal with the heartbreak and anxiety/anger/depression that comes from toxic relationships. I am so excited to not date anyone all of 2022. No more toxic relationships. I'm just going to date myself.
Absolutely what have been waiting for all these years etc. Narcissists have ruined billions of lives in this universe just stay away from these demonic people.....once you let go of these toxic people you will become more attractive than you have ever been !!!!!
Your comment describes your own emotional state of mind, and I can see why you feel relieved to be out of those relationships. But ultimately it doesn't solve your problem.
Being an introvert i have always needed my own time and space. I am very comfortable being on my own, and compared to being in a toxic relationship, i rather have my single self. I always thought that being in a relationship would bring me love and happiness. Not true! You need to fill your own cup, and create your own love and happiness.Love, happiness, and contentment are an inside job.
Great topic 🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽 once you can go from lonely to happy when you’re alone it’s a game changer. Keep it up Steph, you’re making not just a difference, but setting us all free and on an amazing new journey 💡🙌🏽🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾
I've been on my own for the last year and a half for the first time in my life.. and it's been great! This was after a 20 year marriage where near the end I felt myself lost. It was difficult at first because of the conflict of what I had been told by her, what I allowed myself to believe from others and society, and what it is that I am truly capable of doing. This time has allowed me to recognize my past relationship patterns and finally discover who I am and what I like and need. I'm beginning to put myself out there slowly as I'm still in what I call 'recovery mode', but unlike before I am not in a rush to jump into a relationship to fill a void or need. Thanks Stephanie for your support and videos!
I’m just living on my own now. After breaking up with my ex we lived together 2 years and now I’m on my own but was together for years I’m just learning how to live on my own do my own and enjoy my own company, I do miss the companionship but I love the peace and quiet
There was definitely a time when I hated being alone. That's why I found it so strange when I try when I attracted my ex narc. I had been single for awhile and didn't need anyone but wanted someone. Even though I got discarded And have been struggling I know I'm OK by myself.
The loneliest iv ever felt was in my abusive marriage. I was in my home with my husband and 6 kids but felt so alone I eventually lifted my head up and walked out and got help after 28 years. I'm now almost 8 years free and living for me and my kids. I now love to have my own time where I can feel its Ok to grow and begin to love myself then others will love me.
Agreed!! Learning how to be alone is a major superpower, you stand out from the crowd and do your own thing. Be a tiger, lone wolf etc; stand out and be the best you could be, but don't be alone for too long though. Happy Belated Valentines day Stephanie and chat!
You just shot down your own premise. Get yourself able to be on your own and enjoy your singleness. But don't be this way too long. You have to get back out there to get back into a relationship so you'll regain your true value!!
I’m just getting out of a toxic marriage so I’m enjoying my alone time. I have my girlfriends & my sisters oh & my Pomeranian dog. On Valentine’s I went out with 3 friends & we had a good time💃🏾.
This video is on my "best of" list of relationship, dating, self care, communication advice. Such a great video. Sums up so many critically true things. Thanks so much, Stephanie.
Be happy. That's the key. If you're alone, you attract many. If I a relationship with a selfish person, emotionally unavailable, your happiness will bother the hell out of them. 💋 Trust me!
I've been single for five years and I really enjoy it. The only thing I miss is regular sex and being invited on couples trips/ dinner parties. Turns out nobody appreciates a third or fifth wheel. 🙄 Maybe it's the evolutionary biological fear that I'll steal their men? Who knows. But it sucks.
Yup. It's like you're now limited to "girls nights" only or weekends or whatever. I miss the social life of being a couple too. You have social currency if you're a couple. And if you have a family. It's definitely as if you're an oddity and inconvenience and something no one knows what to do with at best and yes, definitely an unwelcome single person potential threat for cheating at worst or maybe just automatically. It's bizarre and very weird but is a sad reality. What's more, when I've been single at parties and gatherings I've been amazed at how many married guys - with their spouses at the same party - would hit on me. I just ignored them and changed the subject or left them and joined others. Each time, I never expected it and always felt like "you've GOT to be kidding me" but didn't let on how shocked and disgusted I was - didn't want to give them the satisfaction of any reaction or acknowledgement at the wildly inappropriate thing they just said or did. And nope, I wasn't sending out ANY "vibes" or was flirting or dressed sexy. It just seemed like if you got a married guy (not all but enough) out of the house or work at a social gathering, and a single female was talking to him, his male brain can't handle it and doesn't know what's happening. Get a drink in him even better. Gosh. It was always so weird and so yuck. Making being single all the more fun. 😒😠
When you are single you are free! No chains, no where are you going etc.! 😅 You will have more money saved, more time to go workout, no drama, less stress😅
I'm 57 and single for the first time in my life. I'm learning about myself and dealing toxic people including past relationships. I'll take advice from others.
I am in tremendous pain. I had thought that maybe my ex wife would be open to reconciliation, but she just made it crystal clear that isn't going to happen. So I am 63, alone in the world, and have no prospects for a dating relationship again. I know about learning to be content in my singleness, but it still sucks being single and alone. And worse yet nobody cares! And then all these beautiful, Godly women give really great advice, but it also drives the point home on what I'm missing out on!
I don’t even know where to begin. Just ended with a narcissist who is not fully out of my life and I’m so emotionally dead inside. I literally am just walking through a fog every day. I don’t want anything anymore.
Im only 24 so i know i have the whole world in front of me but damn this is hard. I wasnt in a real relationship until i was 21 years old then i dated someone for 3 years. He was a huge narcissist that never made me feel heard and was cheating. I became completely codependent in the relationship and really lost myself. Before him i wanted a relationship but i was very much independent. This is my first heartbreak and first official ex and its really weird. Im living in the apartment we got to together with the cat we got together and while im so happy to have my own place and start my career in art i still feel very much stuck.
think about what your 65 year old self would say to you now. It's helpful to have perspective when we find ourselves in difficult moments and they are just moments believe me.
I have been enjoying my freedom and time for myself, my growth and I have no intention to lower my standards. I am happy to welcome strong, self confident and emotionally healthy man into my life to make each other lives even better!
Hi Stephanie I’m so glad I have found you. I’m watching all you videos as I need a lot of help my relationship has ended 18 years we were together it was very up and down but I always took him back I do have self esteem issues I am an empath I know about that now ! he has narcissist traits I never heard or that before until I seeked help. 6 months down the line after texts from him giving me mixed messages me still thinking we will get back together he has basically told me he’s happy and seeing someone else!, I’m devastated even him telling me that has hurt me so much. I haven’t be able to move on and it’s like I can’t get out of this situation and I’ll never be free it’s awful I feel like I’m in some kind of vacuum. I’ll keep watching your videos as they have helped just to know someone understands is a massive help to me. Thank you 💋🙏🏻
I’ve lived my whole life being a loner. I would jump on my bicycle and just ride. I’ve ran into people who said “Nick, you just did you, I’ve always wanted to be like you!” I didn’t know what feeling lonely meant. I met my ex wife. Fell in love, realized there was something going on. I didn’t have the education that I have now. I was in a narcissistically abusively relationship. We got divorced 2 years ago, and I’m still talking with her. It’s like my whole life has dwindled down to only knowing her. I’ve lost everything. And I continue to make sure I’m there when she calls, just so I don’t feel alone…
If I feel alone on Valentine’s Day I listen to Valentine’s Day from LInkin Park. Yes being alone is important after being in a relationship for two years I’m at a point where I don’t want to deal with another person‘s feelings I just wanna focus on me. It’s healthy to be comfortable being alone. And if and when that significant other comes along it will happen naturally.
I have just gone through a divorce and had also lost my mom to breast cancer. I was a bit lost and sad for sometime; however, this video has helped me a lot today. I will keep practicing to self-parent and "fill my cup" first. Change starts with me, right? :)
I think this is the only video that I've found so far that actually gives great practical advice, without making it yet another disguised sermon about how not to stay single for long. Addresses all the right points with the most soothing advice. Came a bit late to it, but so worth it. Thanks Stephanie!
There's a stigma about being single - it's like being a second class citizen and less valuable human being - because the idea of attracting someone somehow validates your worth to others. Singlehood can make other people uncomfortable - it makes them think you're lonely and sad and hopeless and depressed and maybe even secretly suicidal and alone every Friday night and all weekend in an bad apartment you can barely afford eating ice cream in pajamas watching Netflix - and they don't want to think of those things cuz they can be scary and unpleasant for people - you're a reflection and remind them of their own worst fears. And then, they often want an easy, convenient explanation to explain all those unpleasant things - like you're single because something's obviously wrong with you and they might even and often might speculate what that is - oh, cuz she's so quiet, or she's just odd, or she just doesn't have it together, is a head case, has other problems, or who knows what. They'll take what they already don't like it suspect about you and project. Another thing in having a partner - even more, having your own family - gives you more value in terms of social currency - even for marketing and companies - even job hunting and how you're treated and included, respected or looked down on and put down at work. If you're part of a couple, you're not a single "third wheel" to everyone all the time. Youre part of a couple so you have something to offer. Other couples feel more comfortable inviting and doing things with other couples. Same with families - families gather with other families - the kids go off and play together, the husbands talk to each other in the yard, garage, or living room and the women gather in the kitchen. If you're single you stick out like a sore thumb and are even pitied - even better you can be group pitied. And people feel they have more in common and things they can talk about with people who have similar relationship and family statuses. And then there's the dating. Everyone's trying to fix you up (with totally wrong people for you) if they think you're a catch which can be kind of insulting. Or they're not cuz they think you're not a catch which is also insulting, obviously. And if you date and you're a woman, you have to deal with the insecure guys intimidated by your ability and/or choice to be single, who will insultingly ask you why you're single, which depending how soon and how they ask, often means "what's wrong with you that you're single?". And you have to defend yourself. There's this automatic "she's so pretty, she MUST have a partner/boyfriend, etc." assumption and if youre single that obviously means there's something wrong with you.
I just found your channel a couple days ago- I must say, I love your content. To the point, and educational. Thank you for the time you take to make these videos for people who are struggling in a situation like this.
I know so many women who stay in toxic relationships for stability (financial). Be stable in all areas of your life first. Don't be so desperate to have a warm body next to you. No one can make you happy but yourself. What is going to happen if he leaves you and you don't have a good paying career? Exactly, YOU ARE STUCK because you need your bills paid. Pathetic 😢😢
I’m single for about 6 years now , I’ll be 28 in few months … it went faster than everyone would think .. it’s been 4 years now that I feel a little bit “lonely”.. I want to share my life with someone.. well …
Soooo good Stephanie! I like being alone but almost feel like something’s wrong with me for liking it. I love the reframing part. Dog is a goal-landlady won’t allow it. Working on that. Thank you for your well thought out videos. This really helped.
I'm taking at least a year off dating! I'm over six months in, and I think I might make it twice that... or three... if I get a plant for a year after a year, then a pet after the second year... so this video is perfect 🥰 thank you!!!
You are so beautiful… just felt like I wanted to tel you that. I appreciate your age too, your experience in life is so helpful especially for younger people like me who are EMOTIONAL and trying to figure themselves out… Thank you for existing!!
While I understand your point in regards to using companionship to justify how I feel about myself inside, the truth of the matter is I have been alone for most of my 58 years and quite simply just tired of it. I love how you say, "Being single for periods of your life". My "single periods" have lasted for years. And I feel myself getting angry at my situation as I listen to you...Yes, I'm aware this is negative self talk but the reality is, I'm not capable of re-framing this situation as a positive...
I think sometimes it's not so much being alone.. its the fact that he flipped into a whole new relationship and you know making it look happy even though I've heard a lot . But still it makes you feel less than ... even though you know it's their issues. That's how it makes ya feel
That's what I'm fresh into. I don't want to be alone for too long. I was cheated on by my 10 yr spouse. He got one chance and went back w/ her again. He claims he's not happy w/ now either and regrets not working hard to restore us. He's only been out a month and I have a bit of contact w/ him, and he's trying to angle back in again. So hard. I'm not handing out another chance, and I know he'd only squander it again anyway. So sorry you're going through a similar thing. I hope things are much better for you, 9 months later after your comment.
@@saintejeannedarc9460 sorry just saw this. Honestly it depends on the day. It's hard for me to go full in with anybody. :/. Prayers for your healing. It's terrible to go thru ♥️♥️♥️
I broke up with my narcistic man on Thursday...I am feeling so confused my life is totally upside down and my emotions are in deep sadness and disappointment 😔 I learnt so much from you dear Stephanie Lyn 🙏 I was financially, sexually, emotional and verbal abused... And so weired it sounds I miss him, the good sides ...which was just illusion... Dear Stephanie Lyn, how can we self soothe when we miss love and connection and just being hugged.. I would never ever go on online dating I am a hopeless romantic woman.. I am 41 now and I developed during this dysfunctional relationship... but this need for love and physical love is so important for me .. What would you suggest? Maybe you could make a video on this I would be very grateful 🙏 💛 Sending to you love and all who read this too ❤ 💗 ♥
My god my god miss Stephanie I felt like what you are talking about when I was single you are so right miss Stephanie. Sincerely yours Mrs Amber McCutchen
So many people feel fear & anxiety around being single & living alone. One major cause of this is the message that the world foists upon us is that to be alone is not normal, it's undesirable, it can contribute to an early death, can contribute to mental/emotional illness. All of these can be true only if someone lets the world dictate you are. It's the ultimate social conditioning that many people fall for, hook, line & sinker! (hey, that one is a three! 😜 )
So true. Even though I enjoy having a partner to share life with, it is really great being totally liberated, totally free to choose whatever you want whenever you want- and you never have that unless you’re single and autonomous. Recently single again after a few years. Thanks for the reminder 🙏 oh, and having a pet is everything. My cat is 14.
I accidentally clicked the thumbs down. But I give this video a huge thumbs up. I want to refer to what Stephanie said for the readers in the comments: I have been married for almost 9 years and I have been lonely for the most part. Now I’m searching for my time alone and divorce. Just because you’re in a relationship does not mean you will be “complete”
It may have it's advantages but being alone is awfull,, I've been alone for years I'm now experiencing serious, physco social phobias & isolation syndrome, don't kid yourselves, get to know yourselves yes but extensive loneliness is the pits !
Ive ALWAYS loved being alone. Where I struggle is also bei g socially awkward and going to the events (concerts, comody shows etc) by myself. I feel so lame but I dont have or really want friends rn...
I don't like being alone and I'm not comfortable with it! I grew up in a big family and there were always nice people around and now I'm alone after the narcissist ran off and I really really don't like it! It's so hard! (Not having to see the narcissist every day is great but.....) I've tried some self soothing techniques that seem to be out there and available to us! Nothing seems to soothe my loneliness! I guess I have to just keep trying!
Pets though - great idea but you need to have the lifestyle, schedule, home and budget that can afford and take care of them. And if you don't have your own house, an apartment that will accept them (and if they do it's usually at an extra cost).
Definitely makes sense why my previous interactions weren't long term. I attracted the wrong people. The desperation was really bad. I just feel empty not having anyone to build something long term with
Build it w/ friends for now. Boost your confidence in being the best you you can be. Accept yourself for who you are and learn self love. The second greatest commandment is to love your neighbour, as YOU LOVE YOURSELF. What a gift to remind us to love ourselves too. I need to get strong in myself before I enter another relationship too. I hate being single, but it's only been a few months, since I caught my cheating ex of 10 years back in his affair. And only a month since I had to insist he move out. It will get easier over time to be single again. My brother in law even has a great sounding guy he wants to introduce me to someday, but I know I'm nowhere near ready yet. I lost 30 pounds in the ordeal and plunged to 110 and struggling to maintain that. Love yourself. I'm working on that, and it's a revelation to me.
Many people have serious Co-dependent issues..Imagine building a full life alone,it draws so many people who wants to be a part of your life it's hard choosing who to let in.
Please make a video on Narcissistic parents and how to recognise them . I think my parents are Narcissistic. They behave really really bad with me and after some day out of nowhere they start showing the love . When they show love i become confused. I start doubting myself and this cycle repeat again n again. I really need a clear picture here .
Do you have advice for a new mom with a four month old? This was my first relationship My son’s dad and I have been broken up for 7 months and I’m still having a hard time accepting the new reality.
Hi Steph, thank you Can you please do a video on this please !!.need help. Very specifically. I'm only 2 weeks out . I to NC after having been hoovered after I first left him last year. The thing that really is scaring me in being strong in my healing journey is these reminders...that's what is stumping me right now...there are 2/3 specific singers I just CaNNOT listen to ..they were completely introduced by h and surrounded in him although me as an individual I really grew to love the singers and the songs...what do I do? Should I never listen again ? And things like you mentioned the movies ..I have to literally try my hardest to avoid . And stuff .. It's really hard and of all the channels on this no one really goes in depth on this topic....just makes me feel like no matter how far I get into healing and even breaking the bong it will always be there...?
Being alone is so underrated. I’m 3 years into the game, dated here and there..but it’s been such a transformative experience. I learnt so much about myself, my choices, future plans etc., 2022 I’m putting myself out there, I feel like I’m ready ❤️
Love this!
@@StephanieLynCoaching I love your enlightenment and you're so unique and so honest from the sound of your voice, you nailed it! God bless you and have a blessed day.
What are the reasons you want to date again? Why don’t you stay single and become a permanent SOLO?
@@dominicusbenacus the longer a woman stays single without landing a husband the worst she gets, and men are not interested in the modern woman only 3% of women in the us are what men want to wife up.
On the one hand you extoll the virtues of being single and how great you are in it, yet you want to go back out there and do it all again!
Yes Stephanie 💕I have learned to make my own decisions and stay focused and strong with myself I deserve to be happy with healthy people who deserve my time.🙏
I feel younger and more alive now than when I was in a relationship by trying new things - yoga, cooking as a hobbie , gym work outs, planning trips and meeting new people. This is a great life!
That's how you meet good people for sure good on you.
Well done you 👏🏾
Sounds amazing 🤩
Why didn't you try out all these things when you were starting out in life? Then you might of had healthier relationships from the start.
Just concentrate on yourself, boost your family and relationships, take care of your fitness and finances, educate yourself and learn healthy habits. You will be very happy by yourself, and if you are a happy gal, the right guy will eventually cross paths with you ❤️
How about reality?
Reality is…this life consists just of all emotions, not just happy.
Be real.
Please everyone, be real.
Happy all the time is fake and quite the red flag for us wise folk out here.
BTW this sort of self improvement is supposed to be what you learn in high school! Not in your 50s.
@@hamilton9651 You will be pisstified soon enough. You are no better than any other soul, very apparently a sheep, a follower.
@@chilloften wtf? My comment was directed at womenwhodate. I am a sheep, a follower? What are you referring too? Pisstified?? You try going 40 years without love. Precisely why I was always rejected.
Yes! It’s the stories we tell ourselves about being alone that keep us feeling alone
Yes!
Nonsense! That's like saying if I am poor and need help my cry for help is making me feel poor.
@@StephanieLynCoaching you agree with her?
What a sick, terrible society we live in. People are so broken, but no one can offer any advice except be content in Christ. While this advice is Biblical and sound, no provision is offered on how to achieve this goal. 2023 may be a year from Hell. Demonic entities possess our government officials, but Christians are mostly seeing things through the Norman Rockwell lens where the worst problem in life is I can't find a spouse!
I am choosing to be alone because most people I get attached to are narcissists. I would rather be alone than have to deal with the heartbreak and anxiety/anger/depression that comes from toxic relationships.
I am so excited to not date anyone all of 2022. No more toxic relationships. I'm just going to date myself.
Absolutely what have been waiting for all these years etc. Narcissists have ruined billions of lives in this universe just stay away from these demonic people.....once you let go of these toxic people you will become more attractive than you have ever been !!!!!
Your comment describes your own emotional state of mind, and I can see why you feel relieved to be out of those relationships. But ultimately it doesn't solve your problem.
Being an introvert i have always needed my own time and space. I am very comfortable being on my own, and compared to being in a toxic relationship, i rather have my single self. I always thought that being in a relationship would bring me love and happiness. Not true! You need to fill your own cup, and create your own love and happiness.Love, happiness, and contentment are an inside job.
I agree ☝️ ❤️ life feels amazing being drama free
Very true
This is such a great perspective. So many people "with" a partner are still alone. It is all about perception. Thank you!
Great topic 🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽 once you can go from lonely to happy when you’re alone it’s a game changer. Keep it up Steph, you’re making not just a difference, but setting us all free and on an amazing new journey 💡🙌🏽🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾
I've been on my own for the last year and a half for the first time in my life.. and it's been great! This was after a 20 year marriage where near the end I felt myself lost. It was difficult at first because of the conflict of what I had been told by her, what I allowed myself to believe from others and society, and what it is that I am truly capable of doing. This time has allowed me to recognize my past relationship patterns and finally discover who I am and what I like and need. I'm beginning to put myself out there slowly as I'm still in what I call 'recovery mode', but unlike before I am not in a rush to jump into a relationship to fill a void or need. Thanks Stephanie for your support and videos!
ive been sibgle for over 2 decades. its great. no drama
I’m just living on my own now.
After breaking up with my ex we lived together 2 years and now I’m on my own but was together for years
I’m just learning how to live on my own do my own and enjoy my own company, I do miss the companionship but I love the peace and quiet
There was definitely a time when I hated being alone. That's why I found it so strange when I try when I attracted my ex narc. I had been single for awhile and didn't need anyone but wanted someone. Even though I got discarded And have been struggling I know I'm OK by myself.
The loneliest iv ever felt was in my abusive marriage. I was in my home with my husband and 6 kids but felt so alone I eventually lifted my head up and walked out and got help after 28 years. I'm now almost 8 years free and living for me and my kids. I now love to have my own time where I can feel its Ok to grow and begin to love myself then others will love me.
This is exactly where I'm at discovering myself it's a wonderful journey 🦋
Well done 👏🏾 Self discovery is such a beautiful thing
Agreed!! Learning how to be alone is a major superpower, you stand out from the crowd and do your own thing. Be a tiger, lone wolf etc; stand out and be the best you could be, but don't be alone for too long though. Happy Belated Valentines day Stephanie and chat!
What's too long? Like how long is too long?
Yes. What’s too long ?
You just shot down your own premise. Get yourself able to be on your own and enjoy your singleness. But don't be this way too long. You have to get back out there to get back into a relationship so you'll regain your true value!!
I’m just getting out of a toxic marriage so I’m enjoying my alone time. I have my girlfriends & my sisters oh & my Pomeranian dog. On Valentine’s I went out with 3 friends & we had a good time💃🏾.
Great message! Being alone allows a lot of freedom. Self soothing is very important. Good advice!
This video is on my "best of" list of relationship, dating, self care, communication advice. Such a great video. Sums up so many critically true things. Thanks so much, Stephanie.
Be happy. That's the key. If you're alone, you attract many. If I a relationship with a selfish person, emotionally unavailable, your happiness will bother the hell out of them. 💋 Trust me!
Don't worry, be happy!
I've been single for five years and I really enjoy it. The only thing I miss is regular sex and being invited on couples trips/ dinner parties. Turns out nobody appreciates a third or fifth wheel. 🙄 Maybe it's the evolutionary biological fear that I'll steal their men? Who knows. But it sucks.
Yup. It's like you're now limited to "girls nights" only or weekends or whatever. I miss the social life of being a couple too. You have social currency if you're a couple. And if you have a family.
It's definitely as if you're an oddity and inconvenience and something no one knows what to do with at best and yes, definitely an unwelcome single person potential threat for cheating at worst or maybe just automatically.
It's bizarre and very weird but is a sad reality. What's more, when I've been single at parties and gatherings I've been amazed at how many married guys - with their spouses at the same party - would hit on me. I just ignored them and changed the subject or left them and joined others. Each time, I never expected it and always felt like "you've GOT to be kidding me" but didn't let on how shocked and disgusted I was - didn't want to give them the satisfaction of any reaction or acknowledgement at the wildly inappropriate thing they just said or did.
And nope, I wasn't sending out ANY "vibes" or was flirting or dressed sexy. It just seemed like if you got a married guy (not all but enough) out of the house or work at a social gathering, and a single female was talking to him, his male brain can't handle it and doesn't know what's happening. Get a drink in him even better. Gosh. It was always so weird and so yuck. Making being single all the more fun. 😒😠
When you are single you are free! No chains, no where are you going etc.! 😅 You will have more money saved, more time to go workout, no drama, less stress😅
I'm 57 and single for the first time in my life. I'm learning about myself and dealing toxic people including past relationships. I'll take advice from others.
I am in tremendous pain. I had thought that maybe my ex wife would be open to reconciliation, but she just made it crystal clear that isn't going to happen. So I am 63, alone in the world, and have no prospects for a dating relationship again. I know about learning to be content in my singleness, but it still sucks being single and alone. And worse yet nobody cares! And then all these beautiful, Godly women give really great advice, but it also drives the point home on what I'm missing out on!
I don’t even know where to begin. Just ended with a narcissist who is not fully out of my life and I’m so emotionally dead inside. I literally am just walking through a fog every day. I don’t want anything anymore.
Outstanding! Just what I needed.
Always wonderful insight!! Thank you!
Im only 24 so i know i have the whole world in front of me but damn this is hard. I wasnt in a real relationship until i was 21 years old then i dated someone for 3 years. He was a huge narcissist that never made me feel heard and was cheating. I became completely codependent in the relationship and really lost myself. Before him i wanted a relationship but i was very much independent. This is my first heartbreak and first official ex and its really weird. Im living in the apartment we got to together with the cat we got together and while im so happy to have my own place and start my career in art i still feel very much stuck.
think about what your 65 year old self would say to you now. It's helpful to have perspective when we find ourselves in difficult moments and they are just moments believe me.
I have been enjoying my freedom and time for myself, my growth and I have no intention to lower my standards. I am happy to welcome strong, self confident and emotionally healthy man into my life to make each other lives even better!
Hi Stephanie I’m so glad I have found you. I’m watching all you videos as I need a lot of help my relationship has ended 18 years we were together it was very up and down but I always took him back I do have self esteem issues I am an empath I know about that now ! he has narcissist traits I never heard or that before until I seeked help. 6 months down the line after texts from him giving me mixed messages me still thinking we will get back together he has basically told me he’s happy and seeing someone else!, I’m devastated even him telling me that has hurt me so much. I haven’t be able to move on and it’s like I can’t get out of this situation and I’ll never be free it’s awful I feel like I’m in some kind of vacuum. I’ll keep watching your videos as they have helped just to know someone understands is a massive help to me. Thank you 💋🙏🏻
I’ve lived my whole life being a loner. I would jump on my bicycle and just ride. I’ve ran into people who said “Nick, you just did you, I’ve always wanted to be like you!”
I didn’t know what feeling lonely meant. I met my ex wife. Fell in love, realized there was something going on. I didn’t have the education that I have now. I was in a narcissistically abusively relationship. We got divorced 2 years ago, and I’m still talking with her. It’s like my whole life has dwindled down to only knowing her. I’ve lost everything. And I continue to make sure I’m there when she calls, just so I don’t feel alone…
You are always great. TY Shane
Thank you Stephanie ❤️ my time being quiet and alone is early morning. Starts my day in a positive way.you are the greatest 😘
THANK YOU. Your channel has been such a huge support in the most challenging of times. I’m forever grateful. Thank you, thank you, thank you. ❤
Exactly what you said is what I’m going through this very day
I’ve been married to 2 Narcs and I’m really enjoying my freedom Hopeful that after a long time healing I will welcome someone into my life again.
If I feel alone on Valentine’s Day I listen to Valentine’s Day from LInkin Park. Yes being alone is important after being in a relationship for two years I’m at a point where I don’t want to deal with another person‘s feelings I just wanna focus on me. It’s healthy to be comfortable being alone. And if and when that significant other comes along it will happen naturally.
I am excited to get to do what I want!! ❤
I have just gone through a divorce and had also lost my mom to breast cancer. I was a bit lost and sad for sometime; however, this video has helped me a lot today. I will keep practicing to self-parent and "fill my cup" first. Change starts with me, right? :)
I think this is the only video that I've found so far that actually gives great practical advice, without making it yet another disguised sermon about how not to stay single for long. Addresses all the right points with the most soothing advice. Came a bit late to it, but so worth it. Thanks Stephanie!
There's a stigma about being single - it's like being a second class citizen and less valuable human being - because the idea of attracting someone somehow validates your worth to others.
Singlehood can make other people uncomfortable - it makes them think you're lonely and sad and hopeless and depressed and maybe even secretly suicidal and alone every Friday night and all weekend in an bad apartment you can barely afford eating ice cream in pajamas watching Netflix - and they don't want to think of those things cuz they can be scary and unpleasant for people - you're a reflection and remind them of their own worst fears.
And then, they often want an easy, convenient explanation to explain all those unpleasant things - like you're single because something's obviously wrong with you and they might even and often might speculate what that is - oh, cuz she's so quiet, or she's just odd, or she just doesn't have it together, is a head case, has other problems, or who knows what. They'll take what they already don't like it suspect about you and project.
Another thing in having a partner - even more, having your own family - gives you more value in terms of social currency - even for marketing and companies - even job hunting and how you're treated and included, respected or looked down on and put down at work.
If you're part of a couple, you're not a single "third wheel" to everyone all the time. Youre part of a couple so you have something to offer.
Other couples feel more comfortable inviting and doing things with other couples. Same with families - families gather with other families - the kids go off and play together, the husbands talk to each other in the yard, garage, or living room and the women gather in the kitchen. If you're single you stick out like a sore thumb and are even pitied - even better you can be group pitied.
And people feel they have more in common and things they can talk about with people who have similar relationship and family statuses.
And then there's the dating. Everyone's trying to fix you up (with totally wrong people for you) if they think you're a catch which can be kind of insulting. Or they're not cuz they think you're not a catch which is also insulting, obviously.
And if you date and you're a woman, you have to deal with the insecure guys intimidated by your ability and/or choice to be single, who will insultingly ask you why you're single, which depending how soon and how they ask, often means "what's wrong with you that you're single?". And you have to defend yourself. There's this automatic "she's so pretty, she MUST have a partner/boyfriend, etc." assumption and if youre single that obviously means there's something wrong with you.
Amazingly well said !
And what's the solution? There isn't any...
In a bad apartment eating ice cream alone?🤣!...Imagine being in the best nieborhood in the big house on the hill loaded financially alone..yeah!.
I want to work on my fitness and mental health now.I have lived trying to please people but now I am done!
I just found your channel a couple days ago- I must say, I love your content. To the point, and educational. Thank you for the time you take to make these videos for people who are struggling in a situation like this.
I know so many women who stay in toxic relationships for stability (financial). Be stable in all areas of your life first. Don't be so desperate to have a warm body next to you. No one can make you happy but yourself. What is going to happen if he leaves you and you don't have a good paying career? Exactly, YOU ARE STUCK because you need your bills paid. Pathetic 😢😢
Getting a pet is real talk great advice love your videos huge help appreciate you!
Being separated recently which I needed to do to make both of us happy, I find your video blogs really beneficial. Thank you
I’m single for about 6 years now , I’ll be 28 in few months … it went faster than everyone would think .. it’s been 4 years now that I feel a little bit “lonely”.. I want to share my life with someone.. well …
Soooo good Stephanie! I like being alone but almost feel like something’s wrong with me for liking it. I love the reframing part. Dog is a goal-landlady won’t allow it. Working on that.
Thank you for your well thought out videos. This really helped.
Being alone gives us time to reflect and rediscover ourselves. Enjoy your time 😁
I'm taking at least a year off dating! I'm over six months in, and I think I might make it twice that... or three... if I get a plant for a year after a year, then a pet after the second year... so this video is perfect 🥰 thank you!!!
Lol try like 10+ years and then score… that’s my life currently. 🥰🙏
Yes, alone most all of the time . Oddly more so when I'm with her.
You are so beautiful… just felt like I wanted to tel you that. I appreciate your age too, your experience in life is so helpful especially for younger people like me who are EMOTIONAL and trying to figure themselves out… Thank you for existing!!
Outstanding!!!! Just what I needed
Always wonderful insight! Thank you!
While I understand your point in regards to using companionship to justify how I feel about myself inside, the truth of the matter is I have been alone for most of my 58 years and quite simply just tired of it. I love how you say, "Being single for periods of your life". My "single periods" have lasted for years. And I feel myself getting angry at my situation as I listen to you...Yes, I'm aware this is negative self talk but the reality is, I'm not capable of re-framing this situation as a positive...
I think sometimes it's not so much being alone.. its the fact that he flipped into a whole new relationship and you know making it look happy even though I've heard a lot . But still it makes you feel less than ... even though you know it's their issues. That's how it makes ya feel
That's what I'm fresh into. I don't want to be alone for too long. I was cheated on by my 10 yr spouse. He got one chance and went back w/ her again. He claims he's not happy w/ now either and regrets not working hard to restore us. He's only been out a month and I have a bit of contact w/ him, and he's trying to angle back in again. So hard. I'm not handing out another chance, and I know he'd only squander it again anyway. So sorry you're going through a similar thing. I hope things are much better for you, 9 months later after your comment.
@@saintejeannedarc9460 sorry just saw this. Honestly it depends on the day. It's hard for me to go full in with anybody. :/. Prayers for your healing. It's terrible to go thru ♥️♥️♥️
@@Brittanylee5104 Have you tried to date or met someone yet?
Thank you for your prayers, we so need them.
I broke up with my narcistic man on Thursday...I am feeling so confused my life is totally upside down and my emotions are in deep sadness and disappointment 😔
I learnt so much from you dear Stephanie Lyn 🙏
I was financially, sexually, emotional and verbal abused...
And so weired it sounds I miss him, the good sides ...which was just illusion...
Dear Stephanie Lyn, how can we self soothe when we miss love and connection and just being hugged..
I would never ever go on online dating I am a hopeless romantic woman.. I am 41 now and I developed during this dysfunctional relationship... but this need for love and physical love is so important for me ..
What would you suggest?
Maybe you could make a video on this I would be very grateful 🙏 💛
Sending to you love and all who read this too ❤ 💗 ♥
My god my god miss Stephanie I felt like what you are talking about when I was single you are so right miss Stephanie. Sincerely yours Mrs Amber McCutchen
So many people feel fear & anxiety around being single & living alone. One major cause of this is the message that the world foists upon us is that to be alone is not normal, it's undesirable, it can contribute to an early death, can contribute to mental/emotional illness. All of these can be true only if someone lets the world dictate you are.
It's the ultimate social conditioning that many people fall for, hook, line & sinker! (hey, that one is a three! 😜 )
Thank you. I’m exactly in this place.
So true. Even though I enjoy having a partner to share life with, it is really great being totally liberated, totally free to choose whatever you want whenever you want- and you never have that unless you’re single and autonomous. Recently single again after a few years. Thanks for the reminder 🙏 oh, and having a pet is everything. My cat is 14.
I accidentally clicked the thumbs down. But I give this video a huge thumbs up. I want to refer to what Stephanie said for the readers in the comments: I have been married for almost 9 years and I have been lonely for the most part. Now I’m searching for my time alone and divorce. Just because you’re in a relationship does not mean you will be “complete”
You are an awesome lady Stephanie.
Thanks so much.
I m so happy that i learn how to cook
you are spot on Stephanie!! Watched the video, societal standards are bs anyways, thinking that you need to have it all. Thank you ❤
I would rather be alone than be in a relationship that makes me feel like crap.
It may have it's advantages but being alone is awfull,, I've been alone for years I'm now experiencing serious, physco social phobias & isolation syndrome, don't kid yourselves, get to know yourselves yes but extensive loneliness is the pits !
I LOVE YOUR CONTENT! THANK YOU!
Ive ALWAYS loved being alone. Where I struggle is also bei g socially awkward and going to the events (concerts, comody shows etc) by myself. I feel so lame but I dont have or really want friends rn...
Thanks honey Just what I needed to hear.
I don't like being alone and I'm not comfortable with it! I grew up in a big family and there were always nice people around and now I'm alone after the narcissist ran off and I really really don't like it! It's so hard! (Not having to see the narcissist every day is great but.....) I've tried some self soothing techniques that seem to be out there and available to us! Nothing seems to soothe my loneliness! I guess I have to just keep trying!
Read your Bible, it help to soothe my soul and takes away the loneliness feelings. Try it!
@@sunnyg5168 thank you Sunny! What a great suggestion! 🙌 I will! 🙏🌻
@@sunnyg5168 most excellent response, i do the same and really enjoy many of the extra-biblical texts as well.
Thank you Stephanie 🙏💞, really helpful as always 💖
This is so encouranging. Thank you 💜
Pets though - great idea but you need to have the lifestyle, schedule, home and budget that can afford and take care of them. And if you don't have your own house, an apartment that will accept them (and if they do it's usually at an extra cost).
Thank you so much for sharing this ❤️ ❤️ 🥰🥰
Definitely makes sense why my previous interactions weren't long term. I attracted the wrong people. The desperation was really bad. I just feel empty not having anyone to build something long term with
Build it w/ friends for now. Boost your confidence in being the best you you can be. Accept yourself for who you are and learn self love. The second greatest commandment is to love your neighbour, as YOU LOVE YOURSELF. What a gift to remind us to love ourselves too.
I need to get strong in myself before I enter another relationship too. I hate being single, but it's only been a few months, since I caught my cheating ex of 10 years back in his affair. And only a month since I had to insist he move out. It will get easier over time to be single again. My brother in law even has a great sounding guy he wants to introduce me to someday, but I know I'm nowhere near ready yet. I lost 30 pounds in the ordeal and plunged to 110 and struggling to maintain that. Love yourself. I'm working on that, and it's a revelation to me.
Many people have serious Co-dependent issues..Imagine building a full life alone,it draws so many people who wants to be a part of your life it's hard choosing who to let in.
Nail on the head kind of video 👏🏽
wow, I needed to hear this
Being alone sucks being in an unhappy relationship sucks too
Lonelyness in my marriage was terrible. Feeling much better alone and single.
I love it thank you awesome topic to talk about 💯❗
Awesome content sis...love Ur work and you are the first one educate me on narcissistic on my x girl
You said doo doo at 12:05. Also loved this.
You’re so juvenile! Me too! I actually lol’d when I clicked your time stamp.
Great advice!!
Great advice...thank you!!!
Good stuff.
Thanks
Thank you 💕🥳
Thank You!!!
Thank you 🙏
Please make a video on Narcissistic parents and how to recognise them . I think my parents are Narcissistic. They behave really really bad with me and after some day out of nowhere they start showing the love . When they show love i become confused. I start doubting myself and this cycle repeat again n again. I really need a clear picture here .
Do you have advice for a new mom with a four month old? This was my first relationship My son’s dad and I have been broken up for 7 months and I’m still having a hard time accepting the new reality.
Hi Steph, thank you
Can you please do a video on this please !!.need help.
Very specifically. I'm only 2 weeks out . I to NC after having been hoovered after I first left him last year.
The thing that really is scaring me in being strong in my healing journey is these reminders...that's what is stumping me right now...there are 2/3 specific singers I just CaNNOT listen to ..they were completely introduced by h and surrounded in him although me as an individual I really grew to love the singers and the songs...what do I do? Should I never listen again ?
And things like you mentioned the movies ..I have to literally try my hardest to avoid . And stuff ..
It's really hard and of all the channels on this no one really goes in depth on this topic....just makes me feel like no matter how far I get into healing and even breaking the bong it will always be there...?
Great video, as always. Thank you!
Ty
I am 22. I am also clueless about how to be alone. I have never been alone either. I am terrified
Right!!!
Just got divorced 3 months ago. Single life is ok
Bingo!
Thank you. 👢👕💕
I’m just here to have this handsome woman talk sweetly to me while I work around the house ❤
Yeah, I never got on tiktok and I've deleted ig.
I’m not single but i’m lonely…