the part about not getting romantic attention growing up hits hard. I've never quite put that together for myself before but damn. Something to talk about in therapy.
That’s true and people don’t have even basic feeling relationship where you just hug talk touch no sex that’s the kind of people I was used to not a sneaky conniving money grubbing group
As someone who dated a lot in high school, and ended up marrying my high school sweetheart, I am often filled with disappointment in myself for handling it that way. Now as a 34 year old single mom (because that high school sweetheart ended up cheating) I have no idea who I really am. My life was so wrapped up in him, I never got to do all of the self exploration and learning and care you are doing now. You are most definitely allowed to feel these feelings, but I hope you are also super proud of yourself for making yourself a priority. You are wise beyond your years, and I love your videos.
I'm 25 and throughout my whole life (and I mean it, I was very boy-crazy in kindergarten lol) I've always been in romantic relationships of some kind; my longest lasted more than five years (he broke up with me when I was 23) and oh boy, it hit me like a ton of bricks especially because I didn't get to transition into adulthood on my own, I got severe depression and anxiety because I thought we'd just get married and that'd be it, I literally didn't know who I was or what I wanted. It's been a rough couple of years but I've learned so much, I wouldn't have had it any other way. However, a part of my does envy my single friends for all the wisdom they've accumulated over the years of being with themselves and learning to love the person they are, I feel waaaay behind. I hope we'll get there some day, bestie. Best of luck on your journey 💕
I didn’t date in high school but I did get engaged to my first boyfriend in my last year of high school, we’re still engaged but I’m so wrapped up in him, I feel myself already regretting not prioritizing myself in things and I regret that I didn’t get to do what I wanted most of the time. I’m very nervous that I’ve wasted all this time, I don’t want to be 30 and having to restart. I’m 20 now
@@hlianamariakaragiorgi6134 No Offence, but no, I disagree. She shouldn't have to wait till her children are grown up, to enjoy her life and feel at home and comfortable within herself. Though her childern are big part of her life and focus. She still is her own person, outside of being a Mother. However, she can step a foot in, Dibble dabble in finding who she is/becoming that and still being an amazing Mother. It can be as small as, highlights in hair, something subtle but can feel good knowing your choice wasn't/doesn't feel influenced by another person. Sometimes we unrealizing want to look good for someone WHICH IS OKAY! I say this, cause with now being single, you may question it all, your style being one of them. If that's how you'll like to look or if how they wanted you to look like. But also it is good to dress, look ourselves in the mirror and feel good regardless if others take as much notice or detail to it. That all to say, she as anyone else is deserving to find themselves, and learn who it is they are. Because we will always be someone to someone. A child to a parent(s) , a friend, a lover and maybe a parent if you want that. Yet, it is important, vital that you're also being you, to you. To be able to be alone at times and be content in just having your own company, because you know who you are and it doesn't feel foreign anymore. All it is, all that is needed to do so, is balance. It'll take some time, trail and error and be patient on yourself. But once you find that nice medium, the balance that suits you and your lifestyle. You'll enjoy it all even more and be thankful you took a step of faith. Whomever decides to read this, take care darling. I wish you the best, God bless.
Dating can be difficult and terrible, and I've also cried about things that didn't happen. I read somewhere when you're grieving a relationship, you're really grieving the parts of you that you brought to it - the joy, laughter, freedom, openness. So the other person never gave you those things, you brought them and it kind of feels as though it's gone, but it was all you. And it's never gone. The one thing I read more about relationships is not having a checklist, but deciding how you want to feel, this also makes noticing the red flags easier. Don't ignore your intuition! Being discerning about your needs, boundaries and how perhaps you do want a committed relationship requires us to reframe how we date. Not everyone will check everything off, but that doesn't mean settle. It just means our programming, habits and our own unmet needs can get in the way. We have to unpack, heal and meet those ourselves first.
At this point i dont even care, im single since 4 years ago, no even a hook up or a kiss... My only sexual/romantic release its through series and movies 😂 Men are gross lately, woman dont even care about me, i not even left my house and im very picky, the probs are practically 0 😂
Thank you so much for taking the time to write this and share it. This resonates with me so intensely right now. I broke up with my ex partner about a year ago and I still feel sad about it. But you are so correct! I brought so much love, nurturing, adventure, openness and creativity to that relationship. That was all me. I miss aspects of myself that was shining in the relationship. I wish I could get to that place without being in a relationship. 🥰 I wish you so much happiness and joy 🐏🐑🦙🐐
I got broken up with over text last week. We were together for six months, and it was my first ever relationship. He saw it as sexual and casual, but made me keep hoping and believing it was more than that. You're totally right Maddie, a lack of experience about this stuff when you're younger really affects you. No one ever asked me out, or wanted to date me in my teens. Then here comes someone who finally does want me, but not like I wanted him too. Thank you for all you do and say on this channel. You inspire me everyday, and I adore your content. From a introverted late 20 year old who is learning to love herself first ... thank you! ❤
I have a feeling this is exactly where my current “relationship” is headed. It’s simply fizzling out even though I really don’t want it too. I can empathize with everything you said, it truly feels really really shitty. It’s my first time being vulnerable/having any kind of partner in 5 years.
Oof I can totally relate to this. Something similar happened to me and I just was desperately wanting to stay in it even though I knew that he did not see my worth as much as it really was and what I really offered. It was so tough to get out of it but once I did, I spent time with myself and all my emotions really going through it. And then I met my now-boyfriend. Who is the best person I’ve ever been with and easily gives me the love I so desperately was asking for in the previous “relationship”. Being with him now makes me see so clearly that I deserved so much more and there was someone more than willing to give it to me (without me asking) like joyfully doing this while the other guy didn’t even do the bare minimum which I would literally ASK for. We are worth so much more! And please know that there is someone who will joyfully and easily love you the way you deserve to be loved.
wow can i relate, this same thing happened to me too... sending you the strength to heal from this, you deserve exactly the person that you want and nothing less
Right! And it’s hard not to want to blame the universe, bc it’s like if I had the experience I would have wisdom and discernment and I wouldn’t have been used like that. Now I’m scarred and feel as if all men only see me as a sexual object and nothing more. I’ve completely lost hope and I feel more apathetic than hurt at this point. I’m just over it. Oh well.
this is the thing that people dont talk about in self care and finding yourself. you become self aware to the point where it’s annoying and it hurts. where you know certain feelings and thoughts shouldnt be effecting you but they still do.
It means soo much that you talk about this topic of not getting a certain type of attention growing up. Sometimes, it the middle of all of these romantic stories and cute pictures on Instagram of happy couples, being single seems even lonelier than it is supposed to be. I've never had any type of connection, not romatic, nor sexual, and sometimes it feels as if I'll always be single. Seeing you speak up on this topic, makes me feel hopeful and trust that the Universe has something great in store for everyone. (sorry for the mistakes, English is not my first language)
This happened to me as well. I’m also wondering if I was the weird one and wtf is wrong with me? I'm worried that I might be alone forever. Thank you for saying this
Ooh girl I feel this so much. As a black girl in a white neighborhood this was my reality too and I'm still dealing with the wounds that left behind. Truly didn't even have the vocabulary to recognize this until you talked about it in this video. Thank you for sharing! Your sweet romance is coming ❤❤
I know exactly what you mean about missing out on teen romance. I just turned 27 and I am so far behind my peers. They all have so much experience with dating because they've been doing it for more than 10 years at this point. Yet there I am having never even had a crush on anyone nor has anyone ever been interested in me. I feel super rejected though I don't even want anyone. I'm especially terrified of getting my heartbroken. I feel like it's gonna be heartbreak x10 to "catchup" for all the heartbreaks I never had as a teenager. I'm also scared about sex. Everyone my age speaks like a sex expert, but I've never even kissed anyone. No one wants an adult woman with zero experience. I feel like missing out on teenage romance screwed me over forever and I missed my chance at "normalcy."
hello friend! i empathize with you deeply. with love, i remind you that you are living in your own timing. i bet you have grown in ways you haven’t consciously recognized. you are so loved and worthy of the love you seek. ❤️
Hey its okay. I had the exact opposite teen experience, I started out being molested at 11 and at home I wasn't taught boundaries. so then going into middle school and highschool I thought giving my body was a must and I was so scared to say no. I thought being in a relationship was for forever and I was too clingy and my perception of a healthy relationship wasn't existent. these teen romances made me so swept up in them and I didn't love myself so I'd pour my love to them and it was "too much". when I turned 19 the relationships started ending with crashing and burning and my heart broken so I'd jump to the next person. I'm 24 now. when my last one came burning down I finally decided I was going to figure out life for me and that I wasn't going to seek the next one with the same mindset and one fell in my lap with my boss. now I'm doing self exploration within our relationship because I missed out on discovering what I like, who I am, because I bent over backwards for every single person and I abandoned myself. I'm really happy to have this space to rediscover what I want, boundaries, and have therapy in my corner. the grass isn't greener on the "teen romance" side and I'm sorry that society made you feel so left out because you didn't experience it young. but please keep your head up, embrace being alone and filling up your cup with your own compassion, love, and acceptance. you are worthy regardless of what has happened. also! whoever you choose as your partner, you can let them know that you need to take things slow with sex and even ask them for patience when you become intimate. yes it's scary being vulnerable but you shouldn't feel pressured by anyone. remember you're doing your best💜
@@EchelonPandora omg i haven't met someone with a similar situation so hi!! I hope youre doing better and that you remember that you're wonderful and that it wasn't your fault. it's sad that we are twins in trauma but im glad that this helped us both see we're not alone.
EVERYTHING you said resonates with me. I have a little hope for a real, legitimate relationship but, even that is diminishing little by little. I'm older than you & if I could go back & do some things over, I would. Sometimes, it feels like I'm cursed. I've been emotionally drained & exhausted from hoping for, wishing for, & strategizing for a real, legitimate relationship. Almost all the wind has been knocked out of my sails. Enthusiasm is nearly gone & now I'm at the point were I'm beginning to accept that I may just be single for the rest of my life.
I totally relate you you Maddie, I never had a boyfriend in high school, never even had my first kiss until I was in my 20s, and haven’t had any sort of relationship that has lasted more than a few months. I’m 25 now and am so traumatized by dating bc I can’t move as fast sexually as people expect me to. I get so triggered by people only viewing me sexually bc while I can go through the motions of sex, what I actually crave is a deeper sort of love, I’ve always imagined the person I’m meant to be with would go at my pace and I have yet to find that. I realized I was giving my body to people bc “they won’t wait much longer for sex”. But I stopped doing that bc it’s not fulfilling to me personally. I’ve been finding so much peace fostering my passions and career, traveling and spending time with friends and family. One day I hope we both will find the love we crave. But for now I’m just grateful for the platonic love I have around me. The most pure love I’ve felt is from my friends and family and I’m so grateful for them. I just wanted to end this by saying you are such a light to this world. I know we are around the same age but you feel like my big sister and I just relate to you so much. Your energy is so pure, fun and magnetic and I’m so grateful to have found your channel. Someone will cherish your beautiful heart, and I’m so excited for that to happen for you 💛💛
Thank you for this ❤ the pandemic really didn't help, feel like more crucial years that are a part of your sexual/ romantic development have been taken away too
@@AngieRose711 honestly, it just adds more to the idea of losing your prime years! But also it has forced me to be alone, and make the most of that time! I love being alone, and I think that being able to enjoy alone time is a really important part of life, but yeah sometimes the nights feel a liiiiil lonely😅
I feel this so hard! It is so painful when others talk about how ugly they are and how no one wants them but they have been flirted with through highschool and had dates. I have literally NEVER had that happen to me and it's soul crushing to hear someone who has say they are ugly because what does that say about me.
i’ve never had someone relate to that child part of me that dreamed of having a high school boyfriend and dreamed of love notes and passionate and intense love. i always thought the more i didn’t get that throughout high school was just me repressing how i was never given love as a child and i wanted that same type of love from a romantic spouse. but at the same time i still believe it was a dream too… one of wanting to be a princess and one of wanting a happily ever after romantically and internally.
Sending hugs to everyone that also cried in the last section. Like everything in that section I could have said myself. It makes me sad to know that others go through this and experience these feelings 💔
THEY DON’T EVEN HAVE THE RELATIONSHIP I WANT INSIDE MY HEAD- maddie you are wise beyond your years about this line right here. As I personally am sitting in the shock of being single again, you’re so so so right. Being alone hurts and we build up being in a relationship as this great thing even if it’s not what we want or need. Holding space for these feelings is so important and I am grateful for you and this video!
Ooof this one really hit deep. I’ve never had a proper relationship and I’m in my late twenties. I’ve spent my whole life growing up alongside my friends and watching them experience all these different relationships, some magical and some extremely toxic! I’ve always told myself my time will come but having not experienced any romantic attention from men I am interested in so far, is hard not to make me question myself. I’ve tried to convince myself I’m fine on my own, and for the most part I am… but like you said, it’s hard not to grieve for what you haven’t had. You always hear stories about your first loves and heartbreaks happening in your teens and early twenties and it’s hard to accept that’s just not my story. I’m just focusing on my journey of self love and acceptance and hold out hope that my time will come when I’m truly ready for it! I relate to your content so much it’s unreal 💜 Thanks for sharing and being vulnerable, it helps more than you could know x
It’s so weird how just a few days ago I felt so alone and my feelings felt so novel, and then I found this channel and found so many people who are in the exact same emotional boat as me. It’s honestly nice. I feel less alone, but it also confirms for me that I’m probably really going to end up alone. Weirdly, I know the year has just began, but I’m feeling so fine with that. I think it’s bc I’m so tired and I’ve just been hurt for the first time in my life and it’s taught me I am a fragile person. No shame in that.
@@rosedalinevaletine6931 idk if it’s just me but this channel makes me feel even more alone lol. I get the lack of romantic experience but she’s so sexually experienced every time I watch her content I feel like I’m not doing something right or I’d have comparable experience.
@@thewatcheronthewalls4809 as someone who has just had her first sexual experience and it has left me scarred, it’s best to wait or to just never have it if you never meet them correct person. The right person doesn’t have to be the love of your life, but simply someone you’ll never regret. They’re hard to find. Sex is not good if it’s not with someone who makes you feel beyond comfortable and is someone you’ll never regret. So…just don’t have it. I wished someone had told me that. Now, I’m waiting for marriage or death, but I’m never selling myself short again. I feel so gross and disgusted with myself. Worst thing I ever did was have sex. Save yourself the grief.
Girl, you have so much insight for me raising my Daughter! She is 19. And so many of the same ideals of growing up. thank you for helping me understand her thought process and remembering to validate her feelings and healings! You my dear are glorious! So worthy of getting what you want! It will happen when you least expect it!
crying with you. only being “wanted” or desired in a way that is strictly sexual has broken my heart. thank you for this moment that nobody EVER talks about. so much love. so much light. 💚 we are worthy of the love that we dream about.
Honestly I started yelling at my phone as I watched the part where you started to talk about not receiving romantic attention in your younger school years and then mostly receiving sexual attention in the college days because that is exactly what happened to me. And now I am 29 years old. I still have not had a relationship under my belt and trying to navigate the dating world and love is DIFFICULT. Of course there are other factors other than just the things that you pointed out but that is a huge part of it. I think I go back and forth between being cynical of romantic love for myself and still wanting it the way you described because I know it still happens to other people. It’s hard not to have this attitude of “well logically not every human on the planet is meant to be in a romantic relationship and maybe I’m one of those people and that’s okay.” I call it a realistic mindset, others may say it’s defeatist. I like to say I am open and welcoming to love but maybe grieving the past needs to be done first for that to be true.
i try to tell people the genuine effects of never getting any attention in middle/high school. i also like how you said that the s/o in hs does make a difference because getting no attention makes it confusing in college, but once you sexual attention, you realize that it’s not the kinda of attention you want, so you feel like you sacrificed your body to others. gd maddie are we twins?! i feel like we’ve lived the same lives i’m just a few years behind😅✨
My friends always undermine my anxiety and sadness around never getting attention in high school. They don’t get it because they’ve never been through it.
I was 40 before I got married and I’m so glad I waited! That’s the thing, you wait until you find the person who loves the totality of you and treats you with the tenderness and respect you deserve.
I relate so deeply to what you're talking about. I have always mostly attracted sexual attention and at some point I just accepted it and started only offering that because that was a way for me to protect my feelings... but now I realize how much I actually have to offer and I need to value it so much more and be proud of my personnality and qualities. You are such an angel, a light in this world. Someone will see that in you and show how much they like you and are inspired by you, just as we all do in the comments. I love you Maddie and hate to see you cry 💜💜 You will meet the love you crave, you will
you will never understand the impact you have on young girls and the way that you love yourself so unconditionally. In a world that has only portrayed self criticism and hatred and the expectation of women to change ourselves, your utter appreciation for every facet of your being is refreshing. i want to have your love for life and yourself. thank you:(
I don’t think I’ve come across a UA-camr who described my exact situation. I’m about to turn 26 and I haven’t been in a serious relationship yet. When I tell people that it freaks them out, but I’m just doing my own thing and not settling for anything less than I deserve. I truly think other people are more worried that I’m not in a relationship than I am. And that pressure puts me into an endless cycle of being miserable on the apps, then deleting it, then downloading it again feeling pressured because apparently there’s something wrong if I’m not in a relationship. I feel so free when I’m not desperately searching. It’s been a journey but I’ve learned so much from being on my own. I know one day I’ll share that with someone and it’ll be beautiful. For now, I’m just doing my own thing :)
I loved seeing this side of Maddie. She is so wise and so far along in her healing path but she struggles just like us. She cries just like us over the missing piece of love and intimacy that we all deserve
you just opend my eyes to all those things that I never knew I had an issue with, but it all just makes so much sense now. I tried online dating in the summer, but as a hopeless romantic myself, I realized that, in order to be "successful" aka not getting my feelings hurt too much and get the guys, I had to be the cold, cool bitch that I just not am. And that is okay. And it's okay that I am dreaming of a gentle, easy, delicate, real love story even if the whole world/all men that I met before proves me otherwise. And if that means I have to wait a lifetime or it's maybe not even in my cards, it's also okay. But I realized I will never settle for less, because I know, deep down, it is out there, somewhere, waiting for me.
I teared up reading your comment. It's so true. Thanks for sharing and I hope you'll have a life filled with love, whether it be from a romantic partner or not. xx
@@MissScrabble308 and I teared up a little reading you answer! this is so sweet of you, I sometimes feel like if everyone just share how they really are, the world would be a better place. Thank you so much, I hope the same for you too!🥺💖
The flip side of getting noticed by guys when you are younger is you fall into relationship after relationship and can get lost in it. I admire how you have been able to figure out what you want for yourself and been given the time for self exploration without thinking about another person. ...also idk where these men are with the flowers, love notes and extravagant dates are at. Men do not have it together, younger or older it does not even matter. I think I got flowers once at prom where I know it was his mom who planned that. I'm not even going to lie the nicest gestures I remember are my girlies doing nice things for me.
I didn’t even realise that I missed out on innocent affection, fuck. I truly did. I went straight to the first person who liked me at 19 and dated them for four horrific years, then suddenly I was an adult woman who was now in a place where it was the standard to be sexual, even though I had very limited experience. Now I know I value myself on my sexual worth and it’s really fucked up. I’m so glad you posted this video Maddie, I’ve got some work to do. I know you will find someone who checks most if not all your boxes and it’ll be incredible. It’s so inspiring seeing someone refuse to settle, one day you’ll be sitting watching tv with your significant other and be so glad you did. 💖
It does suck to not get any of that innocent attention at a younger age, especially when you did have a chance to but it turned out to be a dare or a joke. It almost ruins your view of relationships all together because you feel like no one could ever like you unless it was a joke or to get a laugh. As a young girl, this really fucked with my view of relationships and it's been really hard to try and change that, but I'm hoping that one day I will be able to love someone and trust them without immediately thinking that it's not real.
One thing that also made it hard was the fact that I came from two parents who never dealt with it. They both had several relationships in high school and throughout their early adulthood before they found each other, so they don't get that I keep feeling like I've missed out on something because I'm in college and I still haven't had that.
Holy shit same. I'm 24 a kissless sexless virgin who never even held hands. Men never look at me but then I'm also harrier than the average woman everywhere on my body and I lose confidence over it. I was bullied massively through out my school life both by boys and girls for being ugly. I never developed a sense for romantic love because I was never given a chance.
@@EchelonPandora After watching early 2000s rom-coms, especially Pride and Prejudice, and reading a lot has helped me develop an idea of what I want from a romantic relationship. I think also learning how to love yourself and be alone with yourself without being uncomfortable in any way makes a big difference. No one knows you better than yourself so to understand what type of romantic love you want, try to look at yourself from another person's perspective. Kind of like an out-of-body experience, and think about how you would want to treat that person. How do you think that person would receive love and how they should be given love? This will give you an idea of what you expect from romantic partners, and then that becomes the blueprint.
This woman is my Pride and joy, it’s almost feels like catching up with a good friend every time idk if you know that but your videos really help your loved and cared for🤍✨
I relate so much to you... ever since I was 16 I've been saying to myself "next year it'll happen" but it never does. Now I'm 21 almost finishing college with social anxiety and never having had sex. Whenever I tell this to people they brush it off and say I have nothing to worry about, but it's so hard to see everyone moving forward and experiencing love, and sex, and interest while I'm at home hoping, for the 1278th time this year that someone would even look at me.
I never fully understood people who just got really attached to vloggers and watched everything they did wether or not it applied to them until I found you. The way you are so willing to be open with where your at is truly comforting and makes me feel like I have a friend who I can check in with on a weekly basis.
I cried so hard with you on the crying about everything that didn't happen. For the longest time I felt almost shame for never getting romantic experiences while growing up. I'm now 21, in college and moved to a big city just like you, and as you said i'm getting a lot of attention (sexual), it breaks my heart because the hopeless romantic in me is so disappointed. Thank you so much for putting my emotions into words
when you started to describe all the things that didn’t happened i couldn’t relate more, all i ever dream about was holding somebody’s hand and i didn’t get to do that even to this day. it sucks.
A few thoughts. 1. I need a Ziggy Cup 2. I love how you edited this video by inserting your film photos 3. Thank you for creating this video. Healing is not always linear and the only way through a season of healing and sadness is through. ❤️
I relate so much to this. I even find myself getting "jealous" when I see my friends going out and flirting with people, having casual sex without the need of Tinder... and I have a boyfriend that I love. But I'm still like "that wouldn't have happened to me if I was there". I still feel complimented when I think someone's paying me that kind of attention, even if I'm not interested on that person, but my ego rises up, and I even find myself kind of "bragging" about it. And then I think about it and it feels super sad.
Girl… I completely understand you. I never got attention during middle and high school and only got asked to a dance once. I was never a first choice. I still never get good affection from others. I always had this image of dating so many people and just having fun but it’s not that way for me. I relate to this on every level it’s insane. Thank you for this. Now I can use this video to explain how I really feel. Sending love ❤️
Youre literally hitting my fucking SOUL rn Maddie. I have so many emotions just listening to you talk about the things that never happened and I RELATE. Although I’ve become a more confident person, I still feel down not ever experiencing relationships like everyone else. And it still hurts honestly.
Nowadays, every time I see a couple that I think are super cute I tell myself, "I can have that too." You have to remember that someone else's success does not mean it's at the expense of your failure, there is enough success and love and good things for everyone
When you started talking about innocent affection and comparing it to sexual attention, It really hit my heart. I never realized others felt that way i thought it was just normal and that sexual attention is just the 'adult' form of affection
I’m happily single and turning 28 next month, but part of me selfishly wants a romantic partner to share these amazing moments with. Thank you for your vulnerability and giving words to the feelings I’ve been trying to understand myself. It feels nice to listen to someone talk through this. 💕
This book I’m reading called Attached talks about how naturally as humans we wants companions. So it’s ok to want someone sometimes, it’s what makes you human. But you prioritizing yourself is also something to be proud of 🧡
Nothing selfish about wanting to share life with a romantic partner! People in general are wired for connection 😊 Being happily single is great, and it's ok to simultaneously hope for a romantic relationship.
i really felt kind of alone on the topic of your young adult life/love life not going at all the way you thought or hoped… literally took the thoughts out of my brain🥺thank you for always being so vulnerable and open
The whole part about thinking that maybe there would be someone writing love notes, making that effort you are making for everyone, that you go out of your way. And them not being there (yet...). And feeling the impact of not getting that early romantic attention... I felt that. Cried with you. Being soft... That's the most tough thing to do. Appreciate you being so open and vulnerable with us, thank you so much.
I pictured getting married to my high school sweetheart before the age of 25. He broke up with me 8 days after our 10th dating anniversary. Here I am nearing 28, single and depressed about it. When you said we have to grieve the visions of what we thought dating was gonna look like, that hit hard.
i’m in my 20s now with a long term partner but i will always grieve for that little girl who never got asked to a dance, even went to prom alone. midwestern boys are cruel and she didn’t deserve that!
Maddie, I have the exact same thing as you going on for me right now, just with friendships. I give so much of my precious love to not receive it. I must go on loving in protest and value myself deeply.
i come back to this video all the time, and i cry along with you every time. i just resonate so deeply, and feel a mixture of being comforted that i’m not the only one who feels this way, and also sadness that me, you and so many other people have to feel this pain that our sweet hearts do not deserve.
I think the fact that you are a loving, open, warm, affection person means that there HAS to be other people/men out there who are the same. You will find each other
I wholeheartedly agree and feel almost exactly the same about everything you said about dating. It really does truly suck to feel alone and see other people getting what you don't have. However, what's interesting to me is that you have a much more optimistic view than I have-- you believe that your person will show up at the right time in the right way. My fear is that I won't ever find "my" person, and that I'll end up alone forever.
Maddie, it's completely okay to want a boyfriend and want someone there for you like you are there for everyone else. You shouldn't shame yourself for wanting that ❤ you are a human, and humans need to be loved. It's biological reaction to crave that intimacy, it's not lame
I resonated sooo much with this girl. Growing up it seemed like the only attention I got was sexually but because I didn't have a full grasp of healthy boundaries and how to differentiate love v. lust, I'd find myself getting attached to partners who only wanted me physically. It would eventually make me question if that's all I'm good for, but I never stepped back and learned to love myself because I craved the acknowledgement I'd get from these people. As another Venus in Pisces individual, I feel you forreal. Sending love from the west coast.
the part when you talked about dating and not dating in middle and high school really hit hard. and people not showing genuine innocent attention to you because same. i've only ever had people (in college) having like sexual attention to me and not like a soft innocent attention, and it really messes with me whenever a guy acts interested, cause i'm like yeah sure you're just interested in sex
I just love how you always feel like a big sister. Being the eldest sibling, and in a rocky family where my mom didn't really guide me through things, it means a lot
When you got to section “ crying about what didn’t happen “ I had a realization that I am the same exact way . When you’ve never been wanted by anyone you jump at the first person that shows you the slightest bit of attention . I stopped to journal and I wrote about how ready I was to be vulnerable but it was never reciprocated . I wrote that I finally got attention but it’s not the type of attention that I ever wanted . I came back to listen to the rest of your video and you said the same thing … I feel the same love . I am jaded .. I feel like someone sucked the life out of me and I am scared to get back into the dating scene too. The unknown is terrifying and so is the thought of getting hurt again . It’s so insane how someone can make you feel this way ! We will get through this and we will find the love we deserve 💖✨
I am right in the middle of grieving what I thought being in a relationship in college would be. So this video is hitting me right in my feelings. So thank you for letting me know that I’m not alone in this
I relate so much to this but I also am truly scared of starting any kind of relationship, not only because of the horror stories I hear from my friends in the dating game but also because I am so fucking scared my inexperience will result in either me getting fucked over/taken advantage of or me doing/saying the wrong thing or not moving at the pace I'm supposed to and fucking up something that's great. And the more time goes by the less eager I am to try and make myself emotionally available, because how am I supposed to start something into my late twenties with no experience at a time when people enter long term relationships??? I am also very comfortable being by myself but also scared I'm deluding myself into thinking I want to be alone when really I'm too scared to step out of my comfort zone. Sending you lots of love 💗
There’s this quote I tell myself that helps when I start getting those feelings that goes “everything I want in my life has already happened, time just hasn’t caught up yet” Your dream partner has always been there, time just hasn’t caught up yet. It’s inevitably going to reach you and is not a matter of “if” but “when” Sending you love and light 🤎
this video hits hard bc i didnt even get the platonic attention i wanted growing up.. its so hard to always be the one who doesnt get invited, who ppl talk to outside of neccessity, and adding that on top of never having been shown romantic attention it feels like u'll rlly be alone forever..
Thank you for this beautiful moment of vulnerability. I never had a boyfriend in high school or college. I felt like I worked on myself and took the steps I was suppose to take and I never found love. It's incredibly hard sometimes when you're young and your life isn't what you thought it would be❤
And you will meet someone who makes you feel even more special than your 16-year-old self or your current self knows! It will happen when you've least expect it! Thank you for always showing us your vulnerability always. You are so beautiful!
As someone who is 24 and never been in a relationship (and also lives alone), you talking on this and reading the comments has made me feel so much better. I have built a strong foundation of self love which has definitely helped, but also has made me see myself as an island, which I'm not (thank you therapy lol). I love what you said about staying vulnerable and open and waiting - at the moment I am being hard on myself about my lack of interest in the dating world, but you've made a good point in that you can stay vulnerable without constantly putting yourself in shitty situations just for the sake of trying. Thank you for sharing, absolutely love your videos 🥰
This feels like a late night conversation with my best friend. You are going to have so much love in your life, and refusing to accept less than you deserve is exactly why
I think we all cried with you on this one Sending so much love to anyone reading this. Youre on the right path no matter where you are. Just keep going!
i've been avoiding watching this video since it was posted because i had a feeling that i knew how hard it was going to hit me and i was right... every single thing you said resonated with me, about the grief that is being a girl who didn't get the attention she was dreaming about growing up, and about carrying that into your twenties... patterns of bad experiences have been discouraging me in even putting myself out there lately, even though i so deeply want to find a meaningful connection... it scares me that i'm closing myself off to the thing that i want so much because of feelings of worthlessness that come from the actions of guys i've met in the past, and from comparing myself to my friends who seem to have exactly what i want. and so often i feel so alone in these feelings, and that often makes it worse. truly from the bottom of my heart, thank you for this video maddie. i hope the person that checks all your boxes is right around the corner, you deserve that so much.
Oh Maddie, I feel you. Nothing is wrong with you, these feelings are so valid. You are such a lovable and kind person. I'm sure you will have everything that you desire one day.❤
Thank you for putting into words exactly how I feel....and I am a 40 year old mom who's been married for almost 12 years. My life isn't what I thought it would be and I feel like I'm not supposed to feel like this. I appreciate you and it helps me feel less alone knowing someone else shares this blah. 💕✌
Hey Maddie, firstly I just want to say a massive thank you for this vlog and the entirety of your Emotionally Unavailable series. I have never found a set of videos that have articulated the complexity and minefield that is dating in your 20s as well and as relatable as you. Secondly, what you said about the lack of attention as a teenager messing with your head as an adult is something that has been coming up a lot in my conversations lately. I went to an all-girls school so receiving male attention was essentially a currency for popularity (or at least that's what it felt like). As someone who didn't fall into this category, similarly to you, I had no experience whatsoever until I went to University; it meant that I was often naive to people's intentions and advances and as a result found myself in a couple of abusive relationships. I'm now 25, and it has also just hit me that most of the people I've dated have predominantly racially and sexually fetishised me (even if it wasn't overt), and the questions and confusions around why no one can see what you have to offer/if you're doing something wrong when it's repeats of the same situation is truly an emotional war. As women, it is ingrained in us that any form of male validation, no matter how objectifying, should make us thankful that the patriarchy has validated our existence, which though we know is a load of bs our feelings often have a harder time catching up. However thirdly - please know that your videos and your openness make such an impact on your subscribers. As someone on a very similar journey/healing process and is too a massive hopeless romantic, I'm currently trying to also work through the horrendous experiences that have replaced the pure connection I thought I would have by now. I found your channel and the Emotionally Unavailable series around the time I was in a situation where though it was miles better than any of the previous situations I'd been in, I could feel myself wanting to compromise and settle for something that couldn't give me what I needed. But, I remember thinking 'Maddie would tell me I deserve better' and rather than just going along with what they wanted, I ended it. I'm still grieving, but I'm happy and proud of the fact that for the first time I chose myself, something I wouldn't have been able to do only a couple of years ago. Every time I feel like I've doubted my decision I re-watch the series (which is at least once a week) and your words remind me of the queen that I am. Despite still feeling jaded, a part of me still has hope as I know you do too, and that's a strong thing to be able to do. Major apologies for the essay but it needed to be properly expressed just how much your videos have helped and comforted me when I too have been crying about the same thing (my poor Cancer Moon). Thank you for showing how multifaceted facts and feelings can be, and normalising this internal conflict as just being human. Whoever you'll be with is the luckiest person. Rooting for you and sending love from London xx
I would have loved to have you around when I was a teenager or even in my twenties, but I appreciate what you have to say so much more in my thirties than I ever would have back then. It still kills me sometimes that I don't have this great love I always dreamed of, but what I thought I wanted then is a fraction of what I know I am ready for and deserving of now. Anyway, you're a gift Maddie, truly. xx R.
This is SO important, you just made me realize what I’m missing. IM MISSING THE INNOCENT. I want to be gentle, I want to go slow, I want kisses on foreheads, holding hands and writing love notes. I want all of this but somehow when I started having sex I kinda skipped that stage. And now I’m starting to miss it. I crave innocence but also struggle with not going for what I want = sexual relationships. This is so important. Thank you for opening my eyes on this reflection. Would love to hear an update about that and what you’ve come to. All the love xx
“Romantic desire” is tough for me. I would be shown affection and then was forgotten about for someone else the next day. I didn’t care to date when I was younger (in middle & highschool) but I didn’t care to because why would I care if no one saw me in that way to begin with? I never had a sex drive growing up (I still really don’t) and was petrified of dating or meeting men because I was terrified to even think about catching feelings. Now, I just turned 24 and just started a relationship with someone who does show he cares and wants me. I truly believe that you are on the path to find a great, passionate love. The confidence you have in yourself and how well you know what you want gives you a glow that is very hard to miss.(?) I don’t know what I’m saying anymore but I love you Maddie and I genuinely hope you achieve everything you strive for in your personal self, and relationship with love. Have a great day ❤️
Damn Maddie you made me cry... I relate so much. It can be really depressing and sad to feel like nobody wants to give you tenderness and romance and only want to get in your pants... you can feel SO different than other people, like YOU are the problem. But we are not the problem and you obviously know it already seeing how wise and how incredibly intelligent you are. Let’s try to heal ourselves and our relationship with our past and with the lack of romance before even being sad of not having it... myself before anything else. To anyone reading this : no one is ever gonna make you fall in love with yourself. So just change your perspective on things and let’s not make a goal of being in a relationship. We are all beautiful creatures, who are already whole ✨
Wow...what you were saying about skipping over innocent affection and it messing you up...you just made me realize some things about myself that I have been struggling with but couldn't quite figure out where it was coming from. Thank you for being open and sharing this with us.
during the crying part, i cried with you. it felt like a deep conversation with an older sister or a friend, and i related to all of it. i keep trying to tell myself that i don’t need male validation to be happy. but it sucks when everyone else is at a stage (even though i’m literally just starting my high school freshman year) where they’ve had their first kisses, they’ve gone to parties and had sweet perfect relationships and fallen in love, and now they’re ready for something else. and the only people who are attracted to me i meet online and i feel like i can only feel pretty with filters on my face.
Crying with you while doing work right now 16:00 forward made me glad i don’t have to go into an office because i sobbed a bit. Thank you for expressing how I’ve felt so long.
i related so hard to your reflection, i was dating a boy almost a month ago and now i'm pretty much over him but i can't help but grieve all the things i imagined with him, i idealised our short relationship because i craved the gentle attention he gave me until he didn't anymore and in my mind i made a lot of excuses for why he didn't hold my hand as often and stuff. we never got to be boyfriend and girlfriend, as has happened with all my previous 'relationships', and at first i couldn't help but wonder if there was something wrong with me; but there isn't! and there's nothing wrong with any of us just because we don't a romantic partner, dating does weird things to our minds, specially to us romantic girls. but we deserve the fairytale, we'll never get the magic that we've seen on books or movies but we will create our own magic with the right person. love you Maddie, you are such an inspiration because you are a real human being. you deserve the world and i you'll find the person that's willing to give you the world one day. we don't chase, we attract.
Appreciate and resonate so much with the topic about crying about everything that didn't happen. I've also been recently coming to terms with the fact that my vision of my relationship doesn't look exactly the way I envisioned it or dreamt it up so when you say that the couples you know don't even have the relationship you want I was nodding right along. The reality of things are so much more different (not necessarily in a bad way) than how we imagine things will be and after reading through the comments I think it's clear that everyone's situations and relationships are all over the place. So you have it right not to settle but to continue to keep your wants and needs at the forefront as you get back out there.
Menstrual cups were LIFE CHANGING for me!!! I was soo tired of tampons 😣 I also got the Paragard IUD this year & had to get a bigger cup since my period took a 180° from it.. AND yes! You can use a cup with an IUD!! 😁 My new one is by Saalt which is made from a softer silicon than my Lunette, so if you’re struggling with a cup see if you can find one made with softer silicon ✨
You're the living Dionysian spirit of this world. You're the life of the forest and the love of a dryad. I hope you find someone who celebrates that deep tender wildness 🌺
I am decades older than you and the truth is, you never stop crying about the things that never happened. Life doesn't deliver the preconceived ideas of experience we dream up. Sometimes, life's surprises are more wonderful than we could possibly have imagined. Sometimes, so much more dreadful. My experience is that all things inevitably become a combination of the two. You WILL fall in love deeply, completely. You WILL be loved by another, deeply, completely. And that love will end and the hurt and despair and heartbreak you will feel will be so painful because once the pleasure and delight was so strong. Seeking love, finding love, falling in love, breaking up, heartbreak and loss, these are universal experiences, but we each experience them uniquely on a timeline we cannot dictate. Your best (and worst) are yet to come, and when they do, they will look and feel like nothing you have been able to imagine. Bless you x
Aww, that was art. As a fellow Old, I concur. It gets better when we stop trying to make it happen...and just allow it to happen. Letting go is the hardest part, but that's where the freedom is. 💘
You are a kind, emotional, and romantic person in a heartless world. It is difficult for sensitive people like us. And reminder, you are only in your early 20s! It is not over for you. Not even a little bit. A whole life is ahead of you! Best of luck to you.
I just started watching your channel a few days ago and as a 16 year old girl I really enjoy them and how you don't filter anything because it's all so real and it's all so helpful and insightful. It feels comforting to watch you and the life you live, which isn't far from something I Imagine having for myself one day. Especially in this video where you talked about being alone and choosing to be but also not sure if that's what you want, and how you reflect on your 16 year old self because that's where I'm at right now. I've never been able to fully understand my own feelings like that or put it into words and that's exactly what you did. The things you do and the things you promote and the things you talk about matter so much to me and I just want to say thank you for your content. You also have great style and a fucking great personality.
I just found this video when I really needed it. I am in my late 20ies and never been in a relationship. I had a few kisses and a few unsuccessful attempts at sex but that’s about my experience. Dates are usually a one time thing and all together no guy has ever showed any genuine interest in me and I thought I an simply not good enough to ever be loved. I am trying to work through how that non-experience has shaped me and I find that many people just can’t understand the pain and the grief of not having experienced something. I always get told that someone will be there for me or that I am just fine on myself. And while that is very true it always feels like it’s belittling my pain. I am in pain because I grief for not having had a chance to make these experiences. And that is real and it influences how I act bc I never got the reassurance to be liked or desired. So thank you for voicing this.
I’ve been single for almost 3 years, after 5 years together I was convinced that my last relationship was it and for the first time in a very long time allowed myself to dream about the future. When it ended, I felt dead inside, empty and lost, I was numb for the next six months and then went on a binge of partying and drinking, it was awful. It took a while for things to get better and for me to start my healing process, but I’m still scare of dating it so daunting. I’ve had the same conversation with myself and at the end I would think that it was so dumb to cry for something that doesn’t even exist and felt so alone. Thank you for sharing such a vulnerable part of you, I truly appreciate it.
i almost cried with you during the “everything that didn’t happen” part. i think about that almost everyday, especially hearing my other friend’s experiences. thank you for talking about it, i feel a little less alone now…but i’m sorry this happens. you and others and i deserve better and pure love.
This is everything I have felt and experienced but no one in my life has ever fully understood. Thank you for your vulnerability and authenticity, Maddie. You are seen and appreciated and impacting so many people 💕
It's so crazy hearing someone talk in a video about everything I've literally been thinking in my own head. This was my whole mindset in college. Like, I literally kept waiting for my life to change in that dramatic romantic way and I was becoming so disappointed when all my hopes and dreams failed to come alive. I think a big part of it is just how society set up that being in a romantic relationship is the most wonderful and important thing for young people. I was so obsessed I didn't even think about the things I did accomplish because it felt like my life was never going to be complete until I had a relationship. Thank you so much for sharing Maddie! It really means a lot when someone is willing to say these things out loud because for a long time I really thought I was the problem.
please don't invalidate your feelings. i literally have been crying for the past two days feeling the exact same way. i feel like i'm never going to have sex nor meet someone i can truly have intimacy with. emotionally especially. gosh girl my anime loving ass still wants the love notes, teddy bears, flowers - and i'm stuck home with an emotionally abusive family. you're not alone
You’re not behind & that’s SOOOOO much better for you & your future relationship to not budge on what you want & KNOWING, 👉🏼specifically👈🏼, WHAT you want 💖 The love you want WILL find you. It will. And it’ll find you right when you need it, okay?? ✨
the part about not getting romantic attention growing up hits hard. I've never quite put that together for myself before but damn. Something to talk about in therapy.
Saaaame. 🖤 I told my therapist yesterday how much I admire Maddie, and now I have this other whole issue to talk about in a later sesh.
That’s true and people don’t have even basic feeling relationship where you just hug talk touch no sex that’s the kind of people I was used to not a sneaky conniving money grubbing group
same
As someone who dated a lot in high school, and ended up marrying my high school sweetheart, I am often filled with disappointment in myself for handling it that way. Now as a 34 year old single mom (because that high school sweetheart ended up cheating) I have no idea who I really am. My life was so wrapped up in him, I never got to do all of the self exploration and learning and care you are doing now. You are most definitely allowed to feel these feelings, but I hope you are also super proud of yourself for making yourself a priority. You are wise beyond your years, and I love your videos.
I'm 25 and throughout my whole life (and I mean it, I was very boy-crazy in kindergarten lol) I've always been in romantic relationships of some kind; my longest lasted more than five years (he broke up with me when I was 23) and oh boy, it hit me like a ton of bricks especially because I didn't get to transition into adulthood on my own, I got severe depression and anxiety because I thought we'd just get married and that'd be it, I literally didn't know who I was or what I wanted. It's been a rough couple of years but I've learned so much, I wouldn't have had it any other way. However, a part of my does envy my single friends for all the wisdom they've accumulated over the years of being with themselves and learning to love the person they are, I feel waaaay behind. I hope we'll get there some day, bestie. Best of luck on your journey 💕
It's never too late.. once ur children are grown u can finally do you...
I didn’t date in high school but I did get engaged to my first boyfriend in my last year of high school, we’re still engaged but I’m so wrapped up in him, I feel myself already regretting not prioritizing myself in things and I regret that I didn’t get to do what I wanted most of the time. I’m very nervous that I’ve wasted all this time, I don’t want to be 30 and having to restart. I’m 20 now
@@hlianamariakaragiorgi6134 No Offence, but no, I disagree. She shouldn't have to wait till her children are grown up, to enjoy her life and feel at home and comfortable within herself. Though her childern are big part of her life and focus. She still is her own person, outside of being a Mother. However, she can step a foot in, Dibble dabble in finding who she is/becoming that and still being an amazing Mother. It can be as small as, highlights in hair, something subtle but can feel good knowing your choice wasn't/doesn't feel influenced by another person. Sometimes we unrealizing want to look good for someone WHICH IS OKAY! I say this, cause with now being single, you may question it all, your style being one of them. If that's how you'll like to look or if how they wanted you to look like. But also it is good to dress, look ourselves in the mirror and feel good regardless if others take as much notice or detail to it. That all to say, she as anyone else is deserving to find themselves, and learn who it is they are. Because we will always be someone to someone. A child to a parent(s) , a friend, a lover and maybe a parent if you want that. Yet, it is important, vital that you're also being you, to you. To be able to be alone at times and be content in just having your own company, because you know who you are and it doesn't feel foreign anymore. All it is, all that is needed to do so, is balance. It'll take some time, trail and error and be patient on yourself. But once you find that nice medium, the balance that suits you and your lifestyle. You'll enjoy it all even more and be thankful you took a step of faith.
Whomever decides to read this, take care darling. I wish you the best, God bless.
Super helpful comment. Thank you so much for your contribution it feels great to see the other side of the story
Dating can be difficult and terrible, and I've also cried about things that didn't happen. I read somewhere when you're grieving a relationship, you're really grieving the parts of you that you brought to it - the joy, laughter, freedom, openness. So the other person never gave you those things, you brought them and it kind of feels as though it's gone, but it was all you. And it's never gone. The one thing I read more about relationships is not having a checklist, but deciding how you want to feel, this also makes noticing the red flags easier. Don't ignore your intuition! Being discerning about your needs, boundaries and how perhaps you do want a committed relationship requires us to reframe how we date. Not everyone will check everything off, but that doesn't mean settle. It just means our programming, habits and our own unmet needs can get in the way. We have to unpack, heal and meet those ourselves first.
At this point i dont even care, im single since 4 years ago, no even a hook up or a kiss... My only sexual/romantic release its through series and movies 😂
Men are gross lately, woman dont even care about me, i not even left my house and im very picky, the probs are practically 0 😂
Thank you 💕
Thank you so much for taking the time to write this and share it. This resonates with me so intensely right now. I broke up with my ex partner about a year ago and I still feel sad about it. But you are so correct! I brought so much love, nurturing, adventure, openness and creativity to that relationship. That was all me. I miss aspects of myself that was shining in the relationship. I wish I could get to that place without being in a relationship. 🥰 I wish you so much happiness and joy 🐏🐑🦙🐐
the crying about everything that didn't happen section is so important, i cried with you! thank you thank you
girl, same 😭✨🦋
SamesameSAME.
Oh god! I’m watching this video at work and if I’m gonna cry…oh well 🙃
oh my, was about to type the same thing, cause same girl
Cried too 🥺💕
I got broken up with over text last week. We were together for six months, and it was my first ever relationship. He saw it as sexual and casual, but made me keep hoping and believing it was more than that. You're totally right Maddie, a lack of experience about this stuff when you're younger really affects you. No one ever asked me out, or wanted to date me in my teens. Then here comes someone who finally does want me, but not like I wanted him too. Thank you for all you do and say on this channel. You inspire me everyday, and I adore your content. From a introverted late 20 year old who is learning to love herself first ... thank you! ❤
I have a feeling this is exactly where my current “relationship” is headed. It’s simply fizzling out even though I really don’t want it too. I can empathize with everything you said, it truly feels really really shitty. It’s my first time being vulnerable/having any kind of partner in 5 years.
you deserve so much better 💛
Oof I can totally relate to this. Something similar happened to me and I just was desperately wanting to stay in it even though I knew that he did not see my worth as much as it really was and what I really offered. It was so tough to get out of it but once I did, I spent time with myself and all my emotions really going through it. And then I met my now-boyfriend. Who is the best person I’ve ever been with and easily gives me the love I so desperately was asking for in the previous “relationship”. Being with him now makes me see so clearly that I deserved so much more and there was someone more than willing to give it to me (without me asking) like joyfully doing this while the other guy didn’t even do the bare minimum which I would literally ASK for. We are worth so much more! And please know that there is someone who will joyfully and easily love you the way you deserve to be loved.
wow can i relate, this same thing happened to me too... sending you the strength to heal from this, you deserve exactly the person that you want and nothing less
Right! And it’s hard not to want to blame the universe, bc it’s like if I had the experience I would have wisdom and discernment and I wouldn’t have been used like that.
Now I’m scarred and feel as if all men only see me as a sexual object and nothing more. I’ve completely lost hope and I feel more apathetic than hurt at this point. I’m just over it.
Oh well.
These conversations we have in our head but never vocalize with others.
“Comparison is the thief of joy” yikes that hits a little TOO hard lmao
this is the thing that people dont talk about in self care and finding yourself. you become self aware to the point where it’s annoying and it hurts. where you know certain feelings and thoughts shouldnt be effecting you but they still do.
It means soo much that you talk about this topic of not getting a certain type of attention growing up. Sometimes, it the middle of all of these romantic stories and cute pictures on Instagram of happy couples, being single seems even lonelier than it is supposed to be. I've never had any type of connection, not romatic, nor sexual, and sometimes it feels as if I'll always be single. Seeing you speak up on this topic, makes me feel hopeful and trust that the Universe has something great in store for everyone. (sorry for the mistakes, English is not my first language)
You communicated beautifully 💕✌
Nah your writing is beautiful ❤️
Bestie don’t apologize for English not being your first language! You wrote with such grace and you should be proud of yourself!!
what mistakes bestie?? you're so eloquent
This happened to me as well. I’m also wondering if I was the weird one and wtf is wrong with me? I'm worried that I might be alone forever. Thank you for saying this
Ooh girl I feel this so much. As a black girl in a white neighborhood this was my reality too and I'm still dealing with the wounds that left behind. Truly didn't even have the vocabulary to recognize this until you talked about it in this video. Thank you for sharing! Your sweet romance is coming ❤❤
I know exactly what you mean about missing out on teen romance. I just turned 27 and I am so far behind my peers. They all have so much experience with dating because they've been doing it for more than 10 years at this point. Yet there I am having never even had a crush on anyone nor has anyone ever been interested in me. I feel super rejected though I don't even want anyone. I'm especially terrified of getting my heartbroken. I feel like it's gonna be heartbreak x10 to "catchup" for all the heartbreaks I never had as a teenager. I'm also scared about sex. Everyone my age speaks like a sex expert, but I've never even kissed anyone. No one wants an adult woman with zero experience. I feel like missing out on teenage romance screwed me over forever and I missed my chance at "normalcy."
hello friend! i empathize with you deeply. with love, i remind you that you are living in your own timing. i bet you have grown in ways you haven’t consciously recognized. you are so loved and worthy of the love you seek. ❤️
Hey its okay. I had the exact opposite teen experience, I started out being molested at 11 and at home I wasn't taught boundaries. so then going into middle school and highschool I thought giving my body was a must and I was so scared to say no. I thought being in a relationship was for forever and I was too clingy and my perception of a healthy relationship wasn't existent. these teen romances made me so swept up in them and I didn't love myself so I'd pour my love to them and it was "too much".
when I turned 19 the relationships started ending with crashing and burning and my heart broken so I'd jump to the next person. I'm 24 now.
when my last one came burning down I finally decided I was going to figure out life for me and that I wasn't going to seek the next one with the same mindset and one fell in my lap with my boss.
now I'm doing self exploration within our relationship because I missed out on discovering what I like, who I am, because I bent over backwards for every single person and I abandoned myself.
I'm really happy to have this space to rediscover what I want, boundaries, and have therapy in my corner.
the grass isn't greener on the "teen romance" side and I'm sorry that society made you feel so left out because you didn't experience it young.
but please keep your head up, embrace being alone and filling up your cup with your own compassion, love, and acceptance. you are worthy regardless of what has happened.
also! whoever you choose as your partner, you can let them know that you need to take things slow with sex and even ask them for patience when you become intimate. yes it's scary being vulnerable but you shouldn't feel pressured by anyone. remember you're doing your best💜
I'm 24 holy shit are you me? It breaks my heart that there are people out there like me but it also feels good to know I'm not alone.
@@EchelonPandora omg i haven't met someone with a similar situation so hi!! I hope youre doing better and that you remember that you're wonderful and that it wasn't your fault. it's sad that we are twins in trauma but im glad that this helped us both see we're not alone.
EVERYTHING you said resonates with me. I have a little hope for a real, legitimate relationship but, even that is diminishing little by little. I'm older than you & if I could go back & do some things over, I would. Sometimes, it feels like I'm cursed. I've been emotionally drained & exhausted from hoping for, wishing for, & strategizing for a real, legitimate relationship. Almost all the wind has been knocked out of my sails. Enthusiasm is nearly gone & now I'm at the point were I'm beginning to accept that I may just be single for the rest of my life.
that little section with the museum and the music, and live vs the camera shots... damn, that was cute
I totally relate you you Maddie, I never had a boyfriend in high school, never even had my first kiss until I was in my 20s, and haven’t had any sort of relationship that has lasted more than a few months. I’m 25 now and am so traumatized by dating bc
I can’t move as fast sexually as people expect me to. I get so triggered by people only viewing me sexually bc while I can go through the motions of sex, what I actually crave is a deeper sort of love, I’ve always imagined the person I’m meant to be with would go at my pace and I have yet to find that. I realized I was giving my body to people bc “they won’t wait much longer for sex”. But I stopped doing that bc it’s not fulfilling to me personally. I’ve been finding so much peace fostering my passions and career, traveling and spending time with friends and family. One day I hope we both will find the love we crave. But for now I’m just grateful for the platonic love I have around me. The most pure love I’ve felt is from my friends and family and I’m so grateful for them. I just wanted to end this by saying you are such a light to this world. I know we are around the same age but you feel like my big sister and I just relate to you so much. Your energy is so pure, fun and magnetic and I’m so grateful to have found your channel. Someone will cherish your beautiful heart, and I’m so excited for that to happen for you 💛💛
I relate so much with your comment and I just want to thank you for writing all this 🤍🤍🤍
Thank you for this ❤ the pandemic really didn't help, feel like more crucial years that are a part of your sexual/ romantic development have been taken away too
@@violahazel4606 I’m so glad you took the time to read it 🥰
@@tarataylor5715 yes! I totally have had this thought about Covid before
@@AngieRose711 honestly, it just adds more to the idea of losing your prime years! But also it has forced me to be alone, and make the most of that time! I love being alone, and I think that being able to enjoy alone time is a really important part of life, but yeah sometimes the nights feel a liiiiil lonely😅
I feel this so hard! It is so painful when others talk about how ugly they are and how no one wants them but they have been flirted with through highschool and had dates. I have literally NEVER had that happen to me and it's soul crushing to hear someone who has say they are ugly because what does that say about me.
i’ve never had someone relate to that child part of me that dreamed of having a high school boyfriend and dreamed of love notes and passionate and intense love.
i always thought the more i didn’t get that throughout high school was just me repressing how i was never given love as a child and i wanted that same type of love from a romantic spouse. but at the same time i still believe it was a dream too… one of wanting to be a princess and one of wanting a happily ever after romantically and internally.
Sending hugs to everyone that also cried in the last section. Like everything in that section I could have said myself. It makes me sad to know that others go through this and experience these feelings 💔
THEY DON’T EVEN HAVE THE RELATIONSHIP I WANT INSIDE MY HEAD- maddie you are wise beyond your years about this line right here. As I personally am sitting in the shock of being single again, you’re so so so right. Being alone hurts and we build up being in a relationship as this great thing even if it’s not what we want or need. Holding space for these feelings is so important and I am grateful for you and this video!
Ooof this one really hit deep. I’ve never had a proper relationship and I’m in my late twenties. I’ve spent my whole life growing up alongside my friends and watching them experience all these different relationships, some magical and some extremely toxic! I’ve always told myself my time will come but having not experienced any romantic attention from men I am interested in so far, is hard not to make me question myself. I’ve tried to convince myself I’m fine on my own, and for the most part I am… but like you said, it’s hard not to grieve for what you haven’t had. You always hear stories about your first loves and heartbreaks happening in your teens and early twenties and it’s hard to accept that’s just not my story. I’m just focusing on my journey of self love and acceptance and hold out hope that my time will come when I’m truly ready for it! I relate to your content so much it’s unreal 💜 Thanks for sharing and being vulnerable, it helps more than you could know x
I have had a similar experience and just want you to know you are not alone my love 🥰🥰🥰
I feel the same way
It’s so weird how just a few days ago I felt so alone and my feelings felt so novel, and then I found this channel and found so many people who are in the exact same emotional boat as me.
It’s honestly nice. I feel less alone, but it also confirms for me that I’m probably really going to end up alone. Weirdly, I know the year has just began, but I’m feeling so fine with that. I think it’s bc I’m so tired and I’ve just been hurt for the first time in my life and it’s taught me I am a fragile person. No shame in that.
@@rosedalinevaletine6931 idk if it’s just me but this channel makes me feel even more alone lol. I get the lack of romantic experience but she’s so sexually experienced every time I watch her content I feel like I’m not doing something right or I’d have comparable experience.
@@thewatcheronthewalls4809 as someone who has just had her first sexual experience and it has left me scarred, it’s best to wait or to just never have it if you never meet them correct person. The right person doesn’t have to be the love of your life, but simply someone you’ll never regret. They’re hard to find. Sex is not good if it’s not with someone who makes you feel beyond comfortable and is someone you’ll never regret. So…just don’t have it. I wished someone had told me that.
Now, I’m waiting for marriage or death, but I’m never selling myself short again. I feel so gross and disgusted with myself. Worst thing I ever did was have sex. Save yourself the grief.
Girl, you have so much insight for me raising my Daughter! She is 19. And so many of the same ideals of growing up. thank you for helping me understand her thought process and remembering to validate her feelings and healings! You my dear are glorious! So worthy of getting what you want! It will happen when you least expect it!
crying with you. only being “wanted” or desired in a way that is strictly sexual has broken my heart. thank you for this moment that nobody EVER talks about. so much love. so much light. 💚 we are worthy of the love that we dream about.
Honestly I started yelling at my phone as I watched the part where you started to talk about not receiving romantic attention in your younger school years and then mostly receiving sexual attention in the college days because that is exactly what happened to me. And now I am 29 years old. I still have not had a relationship under my belt and trying to navigate the dating world and love is DIFFICULT. Of course there are other factors other than just the things that you pointed out but that is a huge part of it. I think I go back and forth between being cynical of romantic love for myself and still wanting it the way you described because I know it still happens to other people. It’s hard not to have this attitude of “well logically not every human on the planet is meant to be in a romantic relationship and maybe I’m one of those people and that’s okay.” I call it a realistic mindset, others may say it’s defeatist. I like to say I am open and welcoming to love but maybe grieving the past needs to be done first for that to be true.
i try to tell people the genuine effects of never getting any attention in middle/high school. i also like how you said that the s/o in hs does make a difference because getting no attention makes it confusing in college, but once you sexual attention, you realize that it’s not the kinda of attention you want, so you feel like you sacrificed your body to others. gd maddie are we twins?! i feel like we’ve lived the same lives i’m just a few years behind😅✨
My friends always undermine my anxiety and sadness around never getting attention in high school. They don’t get it because they’ve never been through it.
I was 40 before I got married and I’m so glad I waited! That’s the thing, you wait until you find the person who loves the totality of you and treats you with the tenderness and respect you deserve.
I relate so deeply to what you're talking about. I have always mostly attracted sexual attention and at some point I just accepted it and started only offering that because that was a way for me to protect my feelings... but now I realize how much I actually have to offer and I need to value it so much more and be proud of my personnality and qualities. You are such an angel, a light in this world. Someone will see that in you and show how much they like you and are inspired by you, just as we all do in the comments. I love you Maddie and hate to see you cry 💜💜 You will meet the love you crave, you will
you will never understand the impact you have on young girls and the way that you love yourself so unconditionally. In a world that has only portrayed self criticism and hatred and the expectation of women to change ourselves, your utter appreciation for every facet of your being is refreshing. i want to have your love for life and yourself. thank you:(
I don’t think I’ve come across a UA-camr who described my exact situation. I’m about to turn 26 and I haven’t been in a serious relationship yet. When I tell people that it freaks them out, but I’m just doing my own thing and not settling for anything less than I deserve. I truly think other people are more worried that I’m not in a relationship than I am. And that pressure puts me into an endless cycle of being miserable on the apps, then deleting it, then downloading it again feeling pressured because apparently there’s something wrong if I’m not in a relationship. I feel so free when I’m not desperately searching. It’s been a journey but I’ve learned so much from being on my own. I know one day I’ll share that with someone and it’ll be beautiful. For now, I’m just doing my own thing :)
I loved seeing this side of Maddie. She is so wise and so far along in her healing path but she struggles just like us. She cries just like us over the missing piece of love and intimacy that we all deserve
you just opend my eyes to all those things that I never knew I had an issue with, but it all just makes so much sense now. I tried online dating in the summer, but as a hopeless romantic myself, I realized that, in order to be "successful" aka not getting my feelings hurt too much and get the guys, I had to be the cold, cool bitch that I just not am. And that is okay. And it's okay that I am dreaming of a gentle, easy, delicate, real love story even if the whole world/all men that I met before proves me otherwise. And if that means I have to wait a lifetime or it's maybe not even in my cards, it's also okay. But I realized I will never settle for less, because I know, deep down, it is out there, somewhere, waiting for me.
I teared up reading your comment. It's so true. Thanks for sharing and I hope you'll have a life filled with love, whether it be from a romantic partner or not. xx
@@MissScrabble308 and I teared up a little reading you answer! this is so sweet of you, I sometimes feel like if everyone just share how they really are, the world would be a better place. Thank you so much, I hope the same for you too!🥺💖
The flip side of getting noticed by guys when you are younger is you fall into relationship after relationship and can get lost in it. I admire how you have been able to figure out what you want for yourself and been given the time for self exploration without thinking about another person. ...also idk where these men are with the flowers, love notes and extravagant dates are at. Men do not have it together, younger or older it does not even matter. I think I got flowers once at prom where I know it was his mom who planned that. I'm not even going to lie the nicest gestures I remember are my girlies doing nice things for me.
I didn’t even realise that I missed out on innocent affection, fuck. I truly did. I went straight to the first person who liked me at 19 and dated them for four horrific years, then suddenly I was an adult woman who was now in a place where it was the standard to be sexual, even though I had very limited experience. Now I know I value myself on my sexual worth and it’s really fucked up. I’m so glad you posted this video Maddie, I’ve got some work to do. I know you will find someone who checks most if not all your boxes and it’ll be incredible. It’s so inspiring seeing someone refuse to settle, one day you’ll be sitting watching tv with your significant other and be so glad you did. 💖
I was able to meet someone at 27 who gave me innocent affection - someone like me, be who you want to attract - that person will come 💗
@@Elizabeth-mf3dn that person did come 🥺💖 just woke up next to them now as I read this comment. I’m happy for me and you!
It does suck to not get any of that innocent attention at a younger age, especially when you did have a chance to but it turned out to be a dare or a joke. It almost ruins your view of relationships all together because you feel like no one could ever like you unless it was a joke or to get a laugh. As a young girl, this really fucked with my view of relationships and it's been really hard to try and change that, but I'm hoping that one day I will be able to love someone and trust them without immediately thinking that it's not real.
One thing that also made it hard was the fact that I came from two parents who never dealt with it. They both had several relationships in high school and throughout their early adulthood before they found each other, so they don't get that I keep feeling like I've missed out on something because I'm in college and I still haven't had that.
Holy shit same. I'm 24 a kissless sexless virgin who never even held hands. Men never look at me but then I'm also harrier than the average woman everywhere on my body and I lose confidence over it.
I was bullied massively through out my school life both by boys and girls for being ugly. I never developed a sense for romantic love because I was never given a chance.
@@EchelonPandora After watching early 2000s rom-coms, especially Pride and Prejudice, and reading a lot has helped me develop an idea of what I want from a romantic relationship. I think also learning how to love yourself and be alone with yourself without being uncomfortable in any way makes a big difference. No one knows you better than yourself so to understand what type of romantic love you want, try to look at yourself from another person's perspective. Kind of like an out-of-body experience, and think about how you would want to treat that person. How do you think that person would receive love and how they should be given love? This will give you an idea of what you expect from romantic partners, and then that becomes the blueprint.
This woman is my Pride and joy, it’s almost feels like catching up with a good friend every time idk if you know that but your videos really help your loved and cared for🤍✨
I relate so much to you... ever since I was 16 I've been saying to myself "next year it'll happen" but it never does.
Now I'm 21 almost finishing college with social anxiety and never having had sex.
Whenever I tell this to people they brush it off and say I have nothing to worry about, but it's so hard to see everyone moving forward and experiencing love, and sex, and interest while I'm at home hoping, for the 1278th time this year that someone would even look at me.
I never fully understood people who just got really attached to vloggers and watched everything they did wether or not it applied to them until I found you. The way you are so willing to be open with where your at is truly comforting and makes me feel like I have a friend who I can check in with on a weekly basis.
I cried so hard with you on the crying about everything that didn't happen. For the longest time I felt almost shame for never getting romantic experiences while growing up. I'm now 21, in college and moved to a big city just like you, and as you said i'm getting a lot of attention (sexual), it breaks my heart because the hopeless romantic in me is so disappointed. Thank you so much for putting my emotions into words
This came at such a perfect time
when you started to describe all the things that didn’t happened i couldn’t relate more, all i ever dream about was holding somebody’s hand and i didn’t get to do that even to this day. it sucks.
A few thoughts.
1. I need a Ziggy Cup
2. I love how you edited this video by inserting your film photos
3. Thank you for creating this video. Healing is not always linear and the only way through a season of healing and sadness is through. ❤️
I relate so much to this. I even find myself getting "jealous" when I see my friends going out and flirting with people, having casual sex without the need of Tinder... and I have a boyfriend that I love. But I'm still like "that wouldn't have happened to me if I was there". I still feel complimented when I think someone's paying me that kind of attention, even if I'm not interested on that person, but my ego rises up, and I even find myself kind of "bragging" about it. And then I think about it and it feels super sad.
Girl… I completely understand you. I never got attention during middle and high school and only got asked to a dance once. I was never a first choice. I still never get good affection from others. I always had this image of dating so many people and just having fun but it’s not that way for me. I relate to this on every level it’s insane. Thank you for this. Now I can use this video to explain how I really feel. Sending love ❤️
I sobbed through the beginning and the end. I have been feeling this so aggressively lately and it feels so validating to hear it spoken aloud.
Youre literally hitting my fucking SOUL rn Maddie. I have so many emotions just listening to you talk about the things that never happened and I RELATE. Although I’ve become a more confident person, I still feel down not ever experiencing relationships like everyone else. And it still hurts honestly.
Nowadays, every time I see a couple that I think are super cute I tell myself, "I can have that too." You have to remember that someone else's success does not mean it's at the expense of your failure, there is enough success and love and good things for everyone
When you started talking about innocent affection and comparing it to sexual attention, It really hit my heart. I never realized others felt that way i thought it was just normal and that sexual attention is just the 'adult' form of affection
I’m happily single and turning 28 next month, but part of me selfishly wants a romantic partner to share these amazing moments with. Thank you for your vulnerability and giving words to the feelings I’ve been trying to understand myself. It feels nice to listen to someone talk through this. 💕
This book I’m reading called Attached talks about how naturally as humans we wants companions. So it’s ok to want someone sometimes, it’s what makes you human. But you prioritizing yourself is also something to be proud of 🧡
Nothing selfish about wanting to share life with a romantic partner! People in general are wired for connection 😊 Being happily single is great, and it's ok to simultaneously hope for a romantic relationship.
@@JustNicole6400 omg, I'll have to check it out!! Thank you for the book rec
@@ituesday24 you're absolutely right!! thank you! 💕
i really felt kind of alone on the topic of your young adult life/love life not going at all the way you thought or hoped… literally took the thoughts out of my brain🥺thank you for always being so vulnerable and open
The whole part about thinking that maybe there would be someone writing love notes, making that effort you are making for everyone, that you go out of your way. And them not being there (yet...). And feeling the impact of not getting that early romantic attention... I felt that. Cried with you.
Being soft... That's the most tough thing to do.
Appreciate you being so open and vulnerable with us, thank you so much.
i’m so glad you exist omg
I pictured getting married to my high school sweetheart before the age of 25. He broke up with me 8 days after our 10th dating anniversary. Here I am nearing 28, single and depressed about it. When you said we have to grieve the visions of what we thought dating was gonna look like, that hit hard.
i’m in my 20s now with a long term partner but i will always grieve for that little girl who never got asked to a dance, even went to prom alone. midwestern boys are cruel and she didn’t deserve that!
Maddie, I have the exact same thing as you going on for me right now, just with friendships. I give so much of my precious love to not receive it. I must go on loving in protest and value myself deeply.
i come back to this video all the time, and i cry along with you every time. i just resonate so deeply, and feel a mixture of being comforted that i’m not the only one who feels this way, and also sadness that me, you and so many other people have to feel this pain that our sweet hearts do not deserve.
I think the fact that you are a loving, open, warm, affection person means that there HAS to be other people/men out there who are the same. You will find each other
I wholeheartedly agree and feel almost exactly the same about everything you said about dating. It really does truly suck to feel alone and see other people getting what you don't have. However, what's interesting to me is that you have a much more optimistic view than I have-- you believe that your person will show up at the right time in the right way. My fear is that I won't ever find "my" person, and that I'll end up alone forever.
I also wish I was as optimistic as Maddie but that fear has definitely been haunting me lately!
Maddie, it's completely okay to want a boyfriend and want someone there for you like you are there for everyone else. You shouldn't shame yourself for wanting that ❤ you are a human, and humans need to be loved. It's biological reaction to crave that intimacy, it's not lame
I resonated sooo much with this girl. Growing up it seemed like the only attention I got was sexually but because I didn't have a full grasp of healthy boundaries and how to differentiate love v. lust, I'd find myself getting attached to partners who only wanted me physically. It would eventually make me question if that's all I'm good for, but I never stepped back and learned to love myself because I craved the acknowledgement I'd get from these people.
As another Venus in Pisces individual, I feel you forreal. Sending love from the west coast.
the part when you talked about dating and not dating in middle and high school really hit hard. and people not showing genuine innocent attention to you because same. i've only ever had people (in college) having like sexual attention to me and not like a soft innocent attention, and it really messes with me whenever a guy acts interested, cause i'm like yeah sure you're just interested in sex
You’re an incredible person. This honesty and rawness is so valuable. I wish more people on the internet were like this.
I just love how you always feel like a big sister. Being the eldest sibling, and in a rocky family where my mom didn't really guide me through things, it means a lot
Mentally putting this in the "watch everyday for the rest of your goddamn life" playlist.
When you got to section “ crying about what didn’t happen “ I had a realization that I am the same exact way . When you’ve never been wanted by anyone you jump at the first person that shows you the slightest bit of attention . I stopped to journal and I wrote about how ready I was to be vulnerable but it was never reciprocated . I wrote that I finally got attention but it’s not the type of attention that I ever wanted . I came back to listen to the rest of your video and you said the same thing … I feel the same love . I am jaded .. I feel like someone sucked the life out of me and I am scared to get back into the dating scene too. The unknown is terrifying and so is the thought of getting hurt again . It’s so insane how someone can make you feel this way ! We will get through this and we will find the love we deserve 💖✨
I am right in the middle of grieving what I thought being in a relationship in college would be. So this video is hitting me right in my feelings. So thank you for letting me know that I’m not alone in this
I relate so much to this but I also am truly scared of starting any kind of relationship, not only because of the horror stories I hear from my friends in the dating game but also because I am so fucking scared my inexperience will result in either me getting fucked over/taken advantage of or me doing/saying the wrong thing or not moving at the pace I'm supposed to and fucking up something that's great. And the more time goes by the less eager I am to try and make myself emotionally available, because how am I supposed to start something into my late twenties with no experience at a time when people enter long term relationships??? I am also very comfortable being by myself but also scared I'm deluding myself into thinking I want to be alone when really I'm too scared to step out of my comfort zone. Sending you lots of love 💗
There’s this quote I tell myself that helps when I start getting those feelings that goes
“everything I want in my life has already happened, time just hasn’t caught up yet”
Your dream partner has always been there, time just hasn’t caught up yet. It’s inevitably going to reach you and is not a matter of “if” but “when”
Sending you love and light 🤎
this video hits hard bc i didnt even get the platonic attention i wanted growing up.. its so hard to always be the one who doesnt get invited, who ppl talk to outside of neccessity, and adding that on top of never having been shown romantic attention it feels like u'll rlly be alone forever..
Thank you for this beautiful moment of vulnerability. I never had a boyfriend in high school or college. I felt like I worked on myself and took the steps I was suppose to take and I never found love. It's incredibly hard sometimes when you're young and your life isn't what you thought it would be❤
And you will meet someone who makes you feel even more special than your 16-year-old self or your current self knows! It will happen when you've least expect it! Thank you for always showing us your vulnerability always. You are so beautiful!
As someone who is 24 and never been in a relationship (and also lives alone), you talking on this and reading the comments has made me feel so much better. I have built a strong foundation of self love which has definitely helped, but also has made me see myself as an island, which I'm not (thank you therapy lol). I love what you said about staying vulnerable and open and waiting - at the moment I am being hard on myself about my lack of interest in the dating world, but you've made a good point in that you can stay vulnerable without constantly putting yourself in shitty situations just for the sake of trying. Thank you for sharing, absolutely love your videos 🥰
This feels like a late night conversation with my best friend. You are going to have so much love in your life, and refusing to accept less than you deserve is exactly why
I think we all cried with you on this one
Sending so much love to anyone reading this. Youre on the right path no matter where you are. Just keep going!
i've been avoiding watching this video since it was posted because i had a feeling that i knew how hard it was going to hit me and i was right... every single thing you said resonated with me, about the grief that is being a girl who didn't get the attention she was dreaming about growing up, and about carrying that into your twenties... patterns of bad experiences have been discouraging me in even putting myself out there lately, even though i so deeply want to find a meaningful connection... it scares me that i'm closing myself off to the thing that i want so much because of feelings of worthlessness that come from the actions of guys i've met in the past, and from comparing myself to my friends who seem to have exactly what i want. and so often i feel so alone in these feelings, and that often makes it worse. truly from the bottom of my heart, thank you for this video maddie. i hope the person that checks all your boxes is right around the corner, you deserve that so much.
Oh Maddie, I feel you. Nothing is wrong with you, these feelings are so valid. You are such a lovable and kind person. I'm sure you will have everything that you desire one day.❤
Thank you for putting into words exactly how I feel....and I am a 40 year old mom who's been married for almost 12 years. My life isn't what I thought it would be and I feel like I'm not supposed to feel like this. I appreciate you and it helps me feel less alone knowing someone else shares this blah. 💕✌
"Comparison is the thief of joy."
I heard that at the exact moment I needed.
Sending you love and light girl
Hey Maddie, firstly I just want to say a massive thank you for this vlog and the entirety of your Emotionally Unavailable series. I have never found a set of videos that have articulated the complexity and minefield that is dating in your 20s as well and as relatable as you.
Secondly, what you said about the lack of attention as a teenager messing with your head as an adult is something that has been coming up a lot in my conversations lately. I went to an all-girls school so receiving male attention was essentially a currency for popularity (or at least that's what it felt like). As someone who didn't fall into this category, similarly to you, I had no experience whatsoever until I went to University; it meant that I was often naive to people's intentions and advances and as a result found myself in a couple of abusive relationships. I'm now 25, and it has also just hit me that most of the people I've dated have predominantly racially and sexually fetishised me (even if it wasn't overt), and the questions and confusions around why no one can see what you have to offer/if you're doing something wrong when it's repeats of the same situation is truly an emotional war. As women, it is ingrained in us that any form of male validation, no matter how objectifying, should make us thankful that the patriarchy has validated our existence, which though we know is a load of bs our feelings often have a harder time catching up.
However thirdly - please know that your videos and your openness make such an impact on your subscribers. As someone on a very similar journey/healing process and is too a massive hopeless romantic, I'm currently trying to also work through the horrendous experiences that have replaced the pure connection I thought I would have by now. I found your channel and the Emotionally Unavailable series around the time I was in a situation where though it was miles better than any of the previous situations I'd been in, I could feel myself wanting to compromise and settle for something that couldn't give me what I needed. But, I remember thinking 'Maddie would tell me I deserve better' and rather than just going along with what they wanted, I ended it. I'm still grieving, but I'm happy and proud of the fact that for the first time I chose myself, something I wouldn't have been able to do only a couple of years ago. Every time I feel like I've doubted my decision I re-watch the series (which is at least once a week) and your words remind me of the queen that I am. Despite still feeling jaded, a part of me still has hope as I know you do too, and that's a strong thing to be able to do.
Major apologies for the essay but it needed to be properly expressed just how much your videos have helped and comforted me when I too have been crying about the same thing (my poor Cancer Moon). Thank you for showing how multifaceted facts and feelings can be, and normalising this internal conflict as just being human. Whoever you'll be with is the luckiest person. Rooting for you and sending love from London xx
I would have loved to have you around when I was a teenager or even in my twenties, but I appreciate what you have to say so much more in my thirties than I ever would have back then. It still kills me sometimes that I don't have this great love I always dreamed of, but what I thought I wanted then is a fraction of what I know I am ready for and deserving of now. Anyway, you're a gift Maddie, truly. xx R.
Going on a date with yourself is actually so inspiring, I never thought of that. It's great, I will do that, thanks for sharing!
8:34 that was such a sweet moment between this elderly family ❤️ How the (presumably) mom stroke her sons back 🥰
This is SO important, you just made me realize what I’m missing. IM MISSING THE INNOCENT. I want to be gentle, I want to go slow, I want kisses on foreheads, holding hands and writing love notes. I want all of this but somehow when I started having sex I kinda skipped that stage. And now I’m starting to miss it. I crave innocence but also struggle with not going for what I want = sexual relationships. This is so important. Thank you for opening my eyes on this reflection. Would love to hear an update about that and what you’ve come to. All the love xx
“Romantic desire” is tough for me. I would be shown affection and then was forgotten about for someone else the next day. I didn’t care to date when I was younger (in middle & highschool) but I didn’t care to because why would I care if no one saw me in that way to begin with? I never had a sex drive growing up (I still really don’t) and was petrified of dating or meeting men because I was terrified to even think about catching feelings. Now, I just turned 24 and just started a relationship with someone who does show he cares and wants me. I truly believe that you are on the path to find a great, passionate love. The confidence you have in yourself and how well you know what you want gives you a glow that is very hard to miss.(?) I don’t know what I’m saying anymore but I love you Maddie and I genuinely hope you achieve everything you strive for in your personal self, and relationship with love. Have a great day ❤️
Damn Maddie you made me cry... I relate so much. It can be really depressing and sad to feel like nobody wants to give you tenderness and romance and only want to get in your pants... you can feel SO different than other people, like YOU are the problem. But we are not the problem and you obviously know it already seeing how wise and how incredibly intelligent you are. Let’s try to heal ourselves and our relationship with our past and with the lack of romance before even being sad of not having it... myself before anything else. To anyone reading this : no one is ever gonna make you fall in love with yourself. So just change your perspective on things and let’s not make a goal of being in a relationship. We are all beautiful creatures, who are already whole ✨
Wow...what you were saying about skipping over innocent affection and it messing you up...you just made me realize some things about myself that I have been struggling with but couldn't quite figure out where it was coming from. Thank you for being open and sharing this with us.
during the crying part, i cried with you. it felt like a deep conversation with an older sister or a friend, and i related to all of it. i keep trying to tell myself that i don’t need male validation to be happy. but it sucks when everyone else is at a stage (even though i’m literally just starting my high school freshman year) where they’ve had their first kisses, they’ve gone to parties and had sweet perfect relationships and fallen in love, and now they’re ready for something else. and the only people who are attracted to me i meet online and i feel like i can only feel pretty with filters on my face.
Crying with you while doing work right now 16:00 forward made me glad i don’t have to go into an office because i sobbed a bit. Thank you for expressing how I’ve felt so long.
i related so hard to your reflection, i was dating a boy almost a month ago and now i'm pretty much over him but i can't help but grieve all the things i imagined with him, i idealised our short relationship because i craved the gentle attention he gave me until he didn't anymore and in my mind i made a lot of excuses for why he didn't hold my hand as often and stuff. we never got to be boyfriend and girlfriend, as has happened with all my previous 'relationships', and at first i couldn't help but wonder if there was something wrong with me; but there isn't! and there's nothing wrong with any of us just because we don't a romantic partner, dating does weird things to our minds, specially to us romantic girls. but we deserve the fairytale, we'll never get the magic that we've seen on books or movies but we will create our own magic with the right person.
love you Maddie, you are such an inspiration because you are a real human being. you deserve the world and i you'll find the person that's willing to give you the world one day. we don't chase, we attract.
Appreciate and resonate so much with the topic about crying about everything that didn't happen. I've also been recently coming to terms with the fact that my vision of my relationship doesn't look exactly the way I envisioned it or dreamt it up so when you say that the couples you know don't even have the relationship you want I was nodding right along. The reality of things are so much more different (not necessarily in a bad way) than how we imagine things will be and after reading through the comments I think it's clear that everyone's situations and relationships are all over the place. So you have it right not to settle but to continue to keep your wants and needs at the forefront as you get back out there.
Menstrual cups were LIFE CHANGING for me!!! I was soo tired of tampons 😣 I also got the Paragard IUD this year & had to get a bigger cup since my period took a 180° from it.. AND yes! You can use a cup with an IUD!! 😁 My new one is by Saalt which is made from a softer silicon than my Lunette, so if you’re struggling with a cup see if you can find one made with softer silicon ✨
You're the living Dionysian spirit of this world. You're the life of the forest and the love of a dryad. I hope you find someone who celebrates that deep tender wildness 🌺
I am decades older than you and the truth is, you never stop crying about the things that never happened. Life doesn't deliver the preconceived ideas of experience we dream up. Sometimes, life's surprises are more wonderful than we could possibly have imagined. Sometimes, so much more dreadful. My experience is that all things inevitably become a combination of the two. You WILL fall in love deeply, completely. You WILL be loved by another, deeply, completely. And that love will end and the hurt and despair and heartbreak you will feel will be so painful because once the pleasure and delight was so strong. Seeking love, finding love, falling in love, breaking up, heartbreak and loss, these are universal experiences, but we each experience them uniquely on a timeline we cannot dictate. Your best (and worst) are yet to come, and when they do, they will look and feel like nothing you have been able to imagine. Bless you x
Aww, that was art. As a fellow Old, I concur. It gets better when we stop trying to make it happen...and just allow it to happen. Letting go is the hardest part, but that's where the freedom is. 💘
You are a kind, emotional, and romantic person in a heartless world. It is difficult for sensitive people like us. And reminder, you are only in your early 20s! It is not over for you. Not even a little bit. A whole life is ahead of you! Best of luck to you.
I just started watching your channel a few days ago and as a 16 year old girl I really enjoy them and how you don't filter anything because it's all so real and it's all so helpful and insightful. It feels comforting to watch you and the life you live, which isn't far from something I Imagine having for myself one day. Especially in this video where you talked about being alone and choosing to be but also not sure if that's what you want, and how you reflect on your 16 year old self because that's where I'm at right now. I've never been able to fully understand my own feelings like that or put it into words and that's exactly what you did. The things you do and the things you promote and the things you talk about matter so much to me and I just want to say thank you for your content.
You also have great style and a fucking great personality.
i'm rlly rlly feeling what you're saying,,, "crying about everything that didn't happen" rlly is the perfect title
I just found this video when I really needed it. I am in my late 20ies and never been in a relationship. I had a few kisses and a few unsuccessful attempts at sex but that’s about my experience. Dates are usually a one time thing and all together no guy has ever showed any genuine interest in me and I thought I an simply not good enough to ever be loved. I am trying to work through how that non-experience has shaped me and I find that many people just can’t understand the pain and the grief of not having experienced something. I always get told that someone will be there for me or that I am just fine on myself. And while that is very true it always feels like it’s belittling my pain. I am in pain because I grief for not having had a chance to make these experiences. And that is real and it influences how I act bc I never got the reassurance to be liked or desired. So thank you for voicing this.
I’ve been single for almost 3 years, after 5 years together I was convinced that my last relationship was it and for the first time in a very long time allowed myself to dream about the future. When it ended, I felt dead inside, empty and lost, I was numb for the next six months and then went on a binge of partying and drinking, it was awful. It took a while for things to get better and for me to start my healing process, but I’m still scare of dating it so daunting.
I’ve had the same conversation with myself and at the end I would think that it was so dumb to cry for something that doesn’t even exist and felt so alone. Thank you for sharing such a vulnerable part of you, I truly appreciate it.
Your videos about these topics feel like chats with a best friend. They're so important to me, thank you for being so vulnerable and open with us! 🥺
i almost cried with you during the “everything that didn’t happen” part. i think about that almost everyday, especially hearing my other friend’s experiences. thank you for talking about it, i feel a little less alone now…but i’m sorry this happens. you and others and i deserve better and pure love.
This is everything I have felt and experienced but no one in my life has ever fully understood. Thank you for your vulnerability and authenticity, Maddie. You are seen and appreciated and impacting so many people 💕
It's so crazy hearing someone talk in a video about everything I've literally been thinking in my own head. This was my whole mindset in college. Like, I literally kept waiting for my life to change in that dramatic romantic way and I was becoming so disappointed when all my hopes and dreams failed to come alive. I think a big part of it is just how society set up that being in a romantic relationship is the most wonderful and important thing for young people. I was so obsessed I didn't even think about the things I did accomplish because it felt like my life was never going to be complete until I had a relationship. Thank you so much for sharing Maddie! It really means a lot when someone is willing to say these things out loud because for a long time I really thought I was the problem.
please don't invalidate your feelings. i literally have been crying for the past two days feeling the exact same way. i feel like i'm never going to have sex nor meet someone i can truly have intimacy with. emotionally especially. gosh girl my anime loving ass still wants the love notes, teddy bears, flowers - and i'm stuck home with an emotionally abusive family. you're not alone
You’re not behind & that’s SOOOOO much better for you & your future relationship to not budge on what you want & KNOWING, 👉🏼specifically👈🏼, WHAT you want 💖 The love you want WILL find you. It will. And it’ll find you right when you need it, okay?? ✨