Jordan Peterson's Contrarian Perspective On Divorce
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- Опубліковано 16 кві 2024
- In this video, I comment on some of Peterson's views about divorce and the welfare of children who would be affected. My commentary covers what he has said during multiple interviews over the years.
#jordanpeterson #marriage #family
About me:
I am an NCCA licensed clinical pastoral counselor from Texas, USA. I provide Christian Counseling services to people struggling with a wide variety of life challenges, including marital problems, depression, anxiety, trauma, and substance abuse. I also teach classes on Nonviolent Communication techniques, temperament, psychology, and Bible topics.
For questions, or to get counseling for yourself, and/or family members, you can reach me on my website: www.marriageranger.com
Just leaving a quick note here to say that my website is temporarily down for repairs. If you need to contact me, you can still reach me by email: marriageranger@protonmail.com
If parents make the decision to stay together for the kids, then they should simultaneously make the decision to try and do better and give the kids a loving and peaceful home
I fully agree. It is the only way!
You’re spot on here, man. Especially about selfishness. Family used to be a much bigger deal in the US. The most valuable things in life are free, but we take them for granted because they’re free. It’s not until it’s too late that we realize they were irreplaceable.
The most precious thing a man or woman could have aside from a relationship with Jesus Christ, is an intact, loving family. My favorite TV line / quote is from Colonel Potter on MASH. "I don't care how poor a man is; if he has family, he's rich.”
We’re in this situation currently; husband completely checked out and moved to another room. 😢 I wish it wasn’t what was happening, but he refuses to see a counselor. I’ve resigned myself to live like this because I’m a child of divorce and hated the shuffling from parent to parent. At least this way I can keep doing a 100% of the parenting (he’s only mildly interested in any of it). Can’t say it’s super easy emotionally to accept though.
May God strengthen your heart in this difficult time, Carmen. Our Lord is not unaware of your pain, and he will make a way for you to get through it. I am praying for your healing and for your husband to have a change of heart and love you in the way that you have been craving. With God, all things are possible.
Great video full of complete truths and wisdom.
Thank you. I'm glad it helped!
This couldn't have come at a more fitting time. Currently battling whether I should give him another chance for the sake of our 2yo daughter or shut him out completely. It's difficult to look at someone the same way once adultery is in the picture...
Not saying your situation is the same as mine, but I gave my Wife another chance, to save our family/children the distress, and she never even stopped the affair...now ex wife for a reason. Personally I would now never give someone a second chance...usually once a cheater always one...but what do I know??
@@jaimecoyne7129 I appreciate any relevant insight I can get so thank you for sharing.
My relationship dealt with infidelity and it only got better when we went to therapy. Both parties need to be open. There was a point I didn’t know if we would make it but I’m glad we saw it through. This works only if the cheater is truly remorseful and willing to put in the work, but ALSO if the other victim is willing to truly forgive and work on trust.
Been there and I chose to leave, as the other woman that he also worked with, told me clearly telephonically that she had NO intention of letting go of him. I'm so glad that I did. His conscience got the better of him and to this day, he spoils both me and our 36yr old son rotten. OH! We were in Switzerland at the time, and our son was just a BABY ... so I returned to family & friends in South Africa, changed my career, studied clothing design & became a menswear designer for HD LEE Jeans South Africa. 💪👍💃🥰😍 BEST DECISION BY FAR! I had a fantastic social life too. 😁🤭It only works WELL if they can support you financially so that you don't lower the standards that you're accustomed to. ALL the best! 🙏😘
I hate to say this, but the harsh reality is the partner you end up with post-divorce will probably do the same thing. And I say this not only because almost all men have the desire to cheat. I'm saying this because often times, men want more sexual effort than the woman is willing to put in. That impasse is often the root cause of what drives men to actually cheat. I'm not sure if you guys have had any counseling, but if not, have you ever actually sat your spouse down and asked him why he cheated, and if he felt you weren't doing enough? If you allow him to be honest about that without judgement, you'd be surprised what men are willing to do to reciprocate the empathy and make changes for your sake.
I often hear in response to this that "children are happy if you are happy." No, no they are not. That's not how they operate. They are happy when they have a safe, stable, and loving environment and divorce utterly ruptures that framework. I don't believe no-fault divorce should be totally banned for people with children for a few reasons, but it should certainly be taken far more seriously than it currently is in our culture and should be regarded as a terrible last resort.
Thank you for commenting!
I would say stay together if your partner is a decent person and the kids are not suspecting anything is up. But if you got an awful parent like my narcissist mom, it’s the lords work to kick them out of their kids’ life. May my dad rest in peace, but I still resent him for not having done it himself. Even if he may have had the best intentions with it, I ate a lot of the consequences without having a say.
I totally disagree! Arguing parents are absolutely HORRENDOUS and any child from such a dysfunctional family will express the same. Staying together is NOT BENEFICIAL for the children! PERIOD! Having JOINT weekends and/or holidays would be awesome.
I would rather have arguing parents than no father🤷♂️
It is understandable that that parents that are toxic together are better off apart. The point being made though is IF The parents can work out EVEN IF the situation is less than ideal for them both for the sake of the children. Love is a choice not merely a feeling. Obviously, there are situations where it is just impossible to live together.
However, if it is just boils down to personal happiness and the selfishness of the husband or wife seeking a divorce then that is wrong.
Not matter how you slice it, divorce is not good for children and is a destabilizing force for them.
My parents argued like mad growing up. No doubt that brought on some traumas I have to deal with. But had they gotten divorced I can safely say my life would be so much harder. My dad had to move out of state to for work and my mom stayed home to watch us while I finished school. My life became so much worse when he left and my grades and behaviors completely deteriorated. This period only lasted for four months. Unsurprisingly once we were all reunited, my life improved drastically. I couldn’t disagree with you more and the stats back me up on this. If you make the mistake of choosing the wrong partner and then bringing an innocent child into this world, you are accountable for that situation. It’s not about you anymore.
Arguing and conflict are a part of everyone's life. Avoiding it at the expense of your children's life potential is worse. A child can grow up with arguing parents and overcome that same pattern by compromising and communicating better or even learning how to choose a better partner when they become adults.
Unfortunately, the facts are against your personal opinion.
I'm not sure I agree with this idea, my parents stayed together for my sake and constantly told me so, that harbored a feeling of guilt on my part. I thought that the only reason they constantly argued was for my benefit. Finally when they divorced I felt a peace that I could be their son separately without battles. Later in life I made the same mistake with my ex and our son. My marriage was to that of a narcissist for 27 years. I finally made the move as he graduated from college and got a divorce. I am finally happy now being with a wonderful woman for 20 years. I actually regret staying with my ex that long and subjecting our son to her constant belittling behavior......so in short I don't agree with this, life is too short to accept abuse.
I am a child of a similar situation and definitely wish my parents had divorced earlier and were happier earlier
Yep. Spot on.
If parents make the decision to stay together for the kids, then they should simultaneously make the decision to try and do better and give the kids a loving and peaceful home.
Not to insult you, but did you not watch the video at all? The guy talked about not staying in a marriage where there is abuse, not a hard concept to grasp, really.
IMHO, after women, essentially, become more "feminized," they essentially became more "masculinized." After both of my wives, finally, decided they weren't men, they both become much easier to live with--of course, this was after I divorced both of them. Come to think of it, that's really what men are all about. They need feminine wives to slow them down and make them easier to live with. Thanks for reading.
@@squreshi8413 Both of them came after me because my family was wealthy and I was a typical nice guy. Both got pregnant on purpose--knowing I had no interest in having children and was attempting to put career and work ahead of family life, at least, to start with. I am good friends with both of their husbands, golfing buddies to be exact, and both men agree with me. Have a nice day.
I'm a child of multiple divorces, mom remarried then divorced again. And here I am, watching this video wondering wtf is wrong with me and my marriage. Didn't adjust to kids well, wife had enough of my BS and had affair 8 years ago, and here we are still picking up the pieces trying to "make it work". I'm anxious and wife is avoidant. It's hell. But here we are. Sticking it out. Hope God knows what he's doing with our little family 😢
I prayed for you ❤
Also praying for you!! Don't give up!
So sorry mate! It's got NOTHING to do with God, but trust that he's constantly watching over ALL of you without ever judging. God bless! 🙏🤗
What you have been through is extremely painful. The years of her avoidance and the resentment within you are making the wound fester. The bitterness will only grow until you can restore what was lost. Have you seen my video on presence and empathy guessing? I have several videos on how to speak in a way that engenders warm feelings within her.
I would never stay with a husband that cheats on me or mistreats me any other way. Not even for the kids.
I think your self awareness is a positive force. You should not get married or have children. The institution of marriage requires self sacrifice. Making a commitment to bring another life into this world also requires self sacrifice.
4:48-6:22 Right, which is why he talks about adultery, abandonment, abuse, etc, things the victim spouse has no control over. He’s taking about the general selfishness of so many people who only care about ‘their happiness’.
(Edit for adjusting time.)
@jenniferruth812 Thank you, Jennifer. That is correct. I am not opposed to divorce in all cases. It is truly a worst-case scenario. If the husband is truly penitent, I hope that forgiveness is possible. However, if she believes that she can't trust him again, I believe God authorizes divorce and, potentially, remarriage to a good man later on.
@@marriageranger thank you, sir, for your response. I hope I didn’t take too much liberty w your thoughts!
@@jenniferruth812 Not at all. Thanks for commenting!