Most of the times we walk on eggshells because of our fear of loosing the person we love....but eventually i realised that people who wants to stay in our life will stay even after 10 fights...and person who wants to leave us will find only one reason to leave....so it is better to be our real selves without fear of breakup....it will not effect our self esteem and self worth....
When the narcs would say that I was too sensitive, I finally just started to say, "no, you are just too insensitive ". I refused to get hurt by their behavior.
@@ciarantreacymusic Here is the thing, spotlighting their behavior simply makes their behavior go on steroids'. Either going no contact or just not reacting to them, takes away all the supply.
He provoked me over and over but I NEVER fought back 😥😓💔 I sat there, for 14 yrs with my head hung low, crying silently and just TAKING IT. Next Thursday will be my 2 year anniversary of having left!!! ❤️💗❤️💗
@@ricklopez4115 I’m going through a custody battle at the moment and it’s draining so I can only imagine what you’re going through but I have to believe there is light at the end of the tunnel and the same for you. Be gentle with yourself throughout all of it. Wishing you the best and sending love and healing throughout your journey!
@@ricklopez4115 it’s a process and will take time but I think acknowledging those feelings and recognizing that is huge in itself. Allow yourself to grieve and go through this but also grow through it. You will, just like all of us, get to the other side. Let go of any embarrassment because we don’t know what we don’t know and especially when we are wrapped up in it it can be hard to recognize the signs. But now we see and now we grow. I’ll keep you in my prayers.
My husband always did things he knew would annoy me and he literally couldn't contain himself from the joy and excitement this gave him and I saw he was watching me from the corner of his eyes waiting for me to react. He wanted to see how long I can withstand not telling him off or not calling him out. Really sick behaviour.
"Bc they are damaged, wounded and insecure, they need that validation" which they get by abusing others - Steph you really call it like it is, thank you!
Its called reaction abuse. To make you think your the bad person and its all about you. When they turn around and blame you for your getting mad at them because you confronted them and then the gaslighting begins. They will always push you away again and again. They hate to loose. You cant win with them. Let them go and move on with your life. It WILL be the best thing you can do for yourself. It just takes time to heal. And yes im still trying to get back to somewhat normal in my life. And yes these videos are really good information about the narcissistic abuses in any relationship. So thank you for your help with better understanding what a narcissist really is and does. I had no idea.
Because of your channel I healed from narcisstic abuse and I built my confidence & I am not a people pleaser & Im so much happier than I have ever been💕
It takes a little while to train yourself to respond and not react but when you stop reacting they start to get angry... Great video love the way you explained it
I am worried now that I'm "grey rocking" or w.e that she will start telling everyone I know my darkest secrets, abuse I received as a child etc. But I know this is what I have to do and I'll just have to try to put that fire out if it happens. Also worried she'll try to now try to fight me in court for the child she also discarded as a way to gain back control over me :\
"You're dealing with a child." Facts! My hubs is 53 and soooo immature and insecure! He needs constant positive attention or he'll get nasty and start a fight (or try to). I do my best to ignore him or not play into it. It's exhausting! Sometimes I succeed. Sometimes I don't. My mouth and speaking the truth--though I know it won't matter--gets the best of me at times. I'm doing better, though. And I don't connect my confidence with his opinion or share much of my life with him.
@@leiac98 Me too! Though our therapist said she thinks he has borderline personality disorder, though they use the same narcissistic techniques. I don't know if it was always there (probably so) or if it got worse over time (know so). I feel ya! I really, really do and I'm sorry for what you're going through. 🤗 🤗 🤗
I'm 55 he's 50 married 30 years. His health isn't great, hate to say it but waiting for the end. And like you working on self, I'm leaving tomorrow for arizona to see friends by myself, it took years to get to this point. I make myself stand up against his pity self.
The neighbors from hell that moved in 5 months ago have somehow made it their mission to destroy me even after all of the welcoming kindness I showed them when moving in. They're a couple and I knew something about them was a little off from the get-go (these are upstairs neighbors) but I was always optimistic. I'm an empath and I've done my time in the battlefields of resistance but this is next level. Literally, next level. To have complete strangers act like they hate you out of nowhere and try to make your life a living hell day and night (for 4 months now) is just insanity. These people (or spirits) will choose a target for anyone that is vulnerable or especially living alone with no witnesses. It's as if screwing with me daily is their daily bread and what keeps them bonding in their own relationship. I'm sharing this only because they (NPDs) don't always just show up in relationships - which is the most obvious and convenient source. But because of that, I've willingly remained single for 10 years now due to my last girlfriend (that I now understand was high on NPD) and this energy still came to find me even as a seemingly sweet retired couple? My other neighbors get a COMPLETELY different version of them when they're outside than I get inside above me. Rages and all. It's nuts and I wish it on no one. But it has also galvanized me in many ways that I'm deeply thankful for. It could easily be suspect for a spiritual test when anyone goes through this. Hang in there and be awesome. Once you see narcissism up close, for what it really is for the first time... you simply can't unsee it. True story. Literally... grown-ass toddlers.
I get "I'm sorry" from my narc a lot. The problem is, she doesn't understand empathy or regret. It's just a reset button, to wipe out the score, and restart the game. I say " the best apology is changed behavior" and she doesn't get that. Why work on herself when she thinks she's already perfect?
OMG THIS!!! This is my husband as well. Says ‘Sorry’, then does the same shit the very next day! Yet, I’VE apologized for something I did YEARS ago, never did it again, but it’s still brought up and thrown in my face! AARRRGGGHHHHH!
That’s interesting, because my narc NEVER says I’m sorry. She either makes an excuse to condone her behavior or, of course, flips it around so that it is my fault. I’m serious, NEVER said I’m sorry. Hard to imagine a human going through a week without apologizing, much less a lifetime.
Im going through a break up and "my" repeats "are you ok, how are you" alot he even contacted my mother to ask how i am (bc i blocked him of course) . I know he does not care its just a facade. Hes really upholding this caregiving facade to everyone and still tries to gaslight me. Kind of sad..
Stephanie, why did this happen today with my ex. I stopped myself, laughed, and told him to have a great day *click* 😊 I’m no longer bothered by the bs, nor am I entertaining it 🤷🏽♀️
@Observe self - yes, I know. Just walk away. Don't "laugh" when they're in a rage mode. That can be dangerous. If you are afraid, there's a reason. That's your intuition/ instincts talking to you. Listen to that. Hugs
That’s the hardest part for me as a push over empath to understand , they will get their attention ANYWAY they can get it and it’s just astounding. I hate conflict with a passion. It’s very uncomfortable and I will go to lengths to avoid it. The NPD person’s eyes will light up with pure joy in the midst of such discomfort. Gives me the creeps.
You said it!! Once I gotten so upset that I went to our job (we use to work at the same transit company) yelling at him. Something I said at the time made his eyes light up and I was like okay no more!!! He's loving the attention
For every narcissist I shrug off with indifference three new ones continue the assault. This is a never ending battle. Narcissist's are human vampires feeding on negative low vibrating emotions from people. The human species is a all you can eat buffet for them. You are very knowledgeable in this area at young age, I respect you. Continue posting these truthful videos we need the truth. 👍🏆🌞
It helps a lot from my experience. It's hard though to stick with it. Especially in the beginning it got worse sometimes as they tend to *rage* when you don't fight. Keep your cool, just don't react, stick to facts. It's getting better over time. Wish you the very best!
@@ParisArmaniTV Hm ... it's personal I think. @Jaimee: A good start, you're here and get a wake-up call. Paris is also right - if you can. Some people on the other hand can't just get out. My personal example: the divorce is filed, we live in separate ends of the city, ... yet I can't just get out as I would leave the kids behind. They trust in me fighting for them and I do. Guess she never got that aspect of me. Luckily as it turns out. However: people have reasons to do what they do. Any escape away from those abusers and into reality and consciousness helps anyway. Physically, mentally or both. Stay strong, hope y'all are heading towards an amazing future!
When he pokes and pokes at me and I get upset because he doesn’t listen to a word I say. He will speak over me and stair at me . Then he will tell me “your the one screaming and yelling not me , you need help. Now I’m learning to walk away or I just tell him you’re right.
I probably would've gotton myself in trouble. When he said that you need help. I probably would've said, "yeah, I need help in getting away from you". I left. So no longer a problem. No longer have the issues in my life regularly. My oldest son occasionally stirs the pot, but I don't live with him and I refuse to let anyone ever again take my joy!!!!
they want validation from everyone,its so sad and disgusting,they need it even from complete strangers or passers by them,they do not care about the quality of the person they give it to them,anyone who would do it well its ok,even in front of their partners and they know how to hurt you with that
The favourite saying of my BPD ex was 'right or wrong'? she used that with everyone, even people she didn't really know well. I used to think it was odd, now I know why she did it.
What you said about them withholding validation, showing 0 compassion and showing little to no empathy and explaining that we will NEVER get that.. really resonated with me. That was exactly what I was fighting for .. and have made myself feel emotionally, physically and spiritually unwell doing so. Thank you for saying those words!.. very helpful x
I have a narcissist neighbor who does this all the time, and when I finally got mad at all her passive aggressive insults and behavior, she claimed that she was now afraid of me. Being a Karen and telling neighbors that I was volatile, while she would have tantrums and throw things in my backyard. I hate her now and I wish her the absolute worst. She provoked me to anger then plays a victim. I just hate people like that and when karma comes a knocking, I’m going to allow myself to savor her troubles and laugh. Her relationship sucks, her partner threatens suicide and appears to be borderline. This is why I gave up on humanity a long time ago. Too many fucked up people.
Wow! Great video!! They want to drive us as emotionally crazy as they actually are. Also, I think my two narc exs would do this because they know that they are awful and they want to bring one down to their level by making one upset or by trying to get one to be as bad as them. Then they don't feel so jealous and envious of our compassion and composure and dedication to be kind and decent.
My ex's wife is one also. He's given up because I proved he is one in court. She is still obsessed, after 15 years she's finally losing it in front of everyone. She admitted to a group of people how she's going to prove I'm crazy. They now all see now she's obsessed with me.
My bf literally told me weeks ago that he does things to upset me to get a reaction. I knew it was weird but kept doubting myself. It’s only month 4 so I’m just glad I caught the red flags now. He’s a master manipulator though so I have to be careful not to fall into his lovebombing trap again.
Stephanie, excellent information and advise. I can tell you from my experience with a person like this that this is exactly how they act. So illogical, and emotionally immature. Best thing to do is cut your losses, get out of Dodge, and after healing from the emotional abuse find a healthier person and relationship. You deserve better than what this person threw at you. Take care Stephanie, be safe and well.
I’m dealing with a narc sis n law and calls me crazy! She’s the nut! She’s just jealous of me. She’s very insecure of herself and I now have cut her from my life cannot deal with her anymore! I’m done
A narcissist will provoke you because he or she was treated like crap as a child and is simply repeating the abuse. They need therapy. But they will blame you for everything and say you need therapy for all the reactive abuse they dragged out of you. They're crazy. You have 3 options. Move out. Learn to deal with the craziness. Give it back to them so bad they think twice about screwing with your head ever again. Good luck.
I was with a narcissist for 8 years and didn't even realize it. It was definitely the most toxic period of my life. Once you're out of that situation, everything about them and all of the things you didn't understand about the relationship when you were in it, really start to make sense
Thank you so much! I just got out of a relationship with a Narc. It feels good to reclaim my life back! Moving forward and working on me. I choose me! He constantly used the Bible to justify his behavior. I was like a slave catering to ALL of his needs while working a full time job and a part time job to put my daughter through school. He always had an answer for everything and of course, I was always wrong. The whole relationship I felt alone and invalidated. Well, I ran for the hills and I ain’t lookin back! Thank you so much for sharing your knowledge. I really needed these videos. I feel empowered.
6:15 "This is their way of feeling in CONTROL. This is their way of HOPEFULLY chipping.away at your self-esteem." Thank you..I knew I wasn't crazy. Always knew it wasn't about the argument, but about the ARGUING for them
What’s heart breaking is whenever you look at your kid(s) cause they deserve better if only that narcissistic partner has an open mind and have the heart to listen and change.
You and Doctor Ramani are the BEST!! You two have helped me so much, in my healing and recovering from my physically abusive narcissistic ex 😭🙌💙🖤💜 I appreciate you 🙏
I love how you touch on aspects of narcissism that many don't. These are real issues that some of us deal with but find it difficult to articulate to friends and family. Also, many therapists need to equip themselves with these kinds of non-textbook insights cos they tend to be very academic and surface level in their approach.😢
They are incapable of empathy, thats why its all so fucked up and confusing because normal people would never discard or never say sorry for anything ever.
Yes we empaths could'nt ever treat someone like that which is normal..but they are not normal..they have a big big dysfonctional problem with themselves!!
I just realized yesterday that when my wife acts over excessively nice to other people while treating me like dirt, and I previously thought she had dual personalities, but now, realize she does that in front of me to hurt me.
The purpose for the rudeness in narcissists is to cause you to blow up so they can feel superior. Just recently I told a narcissist that they were rude for no good reason and they ghosted me for an entire week. They acted as though I did something really terrible for telling them what they said was mean. This narcissist lulled me into forgetting how they were by their previous love bombing. This person began accusing me of "being irrational", "blowing things out of proportion" and other verbiage to make me look like I was the foolish and crazy one. This person even accused me of being out of control when the narcissist was the out of control one, they project constantly their own attitudes. I was lulled into believing this person had changed, after this mess I realize they had not changed at all, which made me feel discouraged to realize we never had what I thought we had in the relationship. When the narcissist figures out we are aware of their tricks they will become more covert and tricky to be able to claim they didn't do anything and that we are the ones making a big deal about nothing. One of my problems is in thinking telling a narcissist will learn from dialogue, they never do, they always rage. Fixing the narcissist is impossible, they do not learn, they hate wisdom and truth. The silent treatment is the most used tactic I have experienced from the family narcissists. Yes, and they can go on for days and weeks to try to break you down. I have found the best way to get through these things is to ignore it entirely. I have failed at times in becoming emotional it only escalated their hateful actions.
When my harassment started, stalking,harassment repeating conversations I had in private in a store,really crazy unbelievable stuff,I freaked out so badly,had a breakdown, one of the person's involved made a comment about acting childish,which it was reactive abuse,I was traumatized,I now look back on that as another projection this person made because there childish behavior, and then putting it on me,and I still feel bad on how I reacted,I wish I had known more about all this.
Bottom line, you can’t talk to these people like normal people. Don’t try. You will always be shocked by their 💩 behaviors, choices, words. They will try EVERY ANGLE to get you to respond. Mine goes from overly friendly and helpful to critical and threatening it’s a cycle of the same strategies to pull me out. it’s wearing even though I understand it and know it. It’s insane. this video is so on point. Oh and NEVER tell them they upset you. They’ll use it again! Just stop, walk away, end whatever it is. You don’t have to explain yourself- that is a green light for them !
I put this into practice with the narc sister and it works. During a very tense situation the narc kept trying to bait me and I didn’t react and I could see her frustration. I was shouted and screamed at but I remained as calm as possible. I was also accused of looking for supply, by a narc, when I asked simple questions. This works and thank you for sharing.
Thank you!!!♡. Divorcing a drug addict, narcissistic ex husband and with 1 child. You are spot on!!♡ such a positive inspiration to others of us!!! Thank you!!!
I am the punching bag and then I become the praiser after being beat up. I am doing generally great and am healing, but am living with my narc mother temporarily due to extraordinary circumstances. It took 3 weeks before I was drawn in. Self-compassion, I got this!!
I have experienced theft. Did not cut person off soon enough. Turned around in a market to see this person closing the clasps to my purse which was in a shopping cart...then two coin purses missing. Subsequent events necessitated cutting this person. These vids help.
Dealing with a child is exactly right and it's exhausting, frankly. I have never desired to be anyone's parent and it is truly tiring. Thank you for this very useful content.
@@maryjane5255 I have healed quite a bit!!! Thank you though! My validation comes from God and self! I was married for 31 years and I'm disabled from ex- husband. Then of course he abused me through the court system thanks to legalsheild and a shitty lawyer! God is rebuilding my life and is rewriting my story!!! Guess what I lived happily ever after narc free!!!😉😉😉👍👍👍❤❤❤🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻 prayers to everyone facing this demonic spirits!!! Its been 14 months since my divorce and taste of freedom is Awesome!!!❤❤❤
Observe don't absorb. They have patterns. Watch them and remain calm.They will stop picking at you because they want The reaction. Don't fight back. If she says im crazy i say yep. End of conversation. We control ourselves because they can't stop. It stops reactive abuse. That's when your the abuser in their mind because you stood up for yourself. Stop just observe. Walk away go do something else. When they triangulate -they're trying to make you feel like you don't existt.
Dear Stephanie. Your tutorials seem to match exactly with what is happening in my separation. You will never know, but you have been a life saver for me. I am eternally grateful for your advice. Thank you, thank you, thank you. May the road always rise up to meet you! Warmly Bernardette
To be honest no one really deserves to be cheated upon and I believe smartness is essential in any relationship, my worst experience was discovering my 7 years cheating Narcissist husband through the help of an hacker who helped cloned his cell and i got access to all his Call logs, Text messages, Whats-app, Facebook, Messenger, I-cloud, GPS location, Kik, Snap-chat, Instagram, Skype, Twitter, Email and Social media chat, i was able to read both his new and deleted messages without touching it. I was hurt when i saw a picture of my husband and his lover, i felt so bad about infidelity. I’m here in Texas, USA and was able to access his phone anonymously while he was away cheating in UK and saw all the proofs i needed for a divorce and even terrible things they had planned . He also does hacking of account or any other type of hacking and retrieval of data. His services are trusted and guaranteed and also affordable. Contact this Genius tracker via Gmail (geniustracker701) or Via Whats-app +1 (724) 330-3252. I wish you, luck
My mother was narc since I was little as six, I was so insecure I guess now I realize that so many people who came to my life also started controlling me. One of my best friend, my sister, an aunt and my mother in law. I guess others follow as you grew up with a narc they see the possibility of messing with your life.
He can only ‘hurt’ me if I ALLOW him to hurt me. It used to really bother me, but since realizing how narcissistic he is - and watching videos like this one - I’ve come to realize that it’s all just WORDS. It doesn’t ‘hurt’ me anymore. I don’t give him the satisfaction of a response anymore. But it still does baffle me how these narcissists think they can treat people the way they do, then expect them to come back as if nothing. Like WTF???
I will never forget how one day, I came home and found my narcissist ex sobbing as he worked on installing our living room flooring. It shocked me, because until then, I felt like he was without any kind of feeling for me. He was crying over the breakdown of our marriage. To this day, I really don't understand it. It was a sign of empathy that he had never shown me. We had only been married about two months, and he had said so many awful things to me, and done so many awful things to me. All I could say to him at the time was, "it keeps getting worse." I was at a loss as to what to do. I do think narcs love at first, but they cannot sustain the love. It's more of a feely love than a deep down respectful love that accepts that we all have weaknesses. I think narcs expect victims to be their everything, and when they see flaws that we all have, they write them off as not their perfect match.
Flying monkey whack-a-mole seems to be their best attack. A story will start to circulate that is false and when you start to effectively chip away at it, it is quickly replaced by another false story and even by new flying monkeys. A few weeks or months later, the story you almost discredited will pop up again to replace another story you almost invalidated. Seems they insert another story strategically before the current story is dismissed entirely, therefore putting that story n their back pocket for the future. Dark Psychology flying monkey game of whack-a-mole!
It feels really good to finally have figured this out and to have a community of people that understand wtf happened lol.. I legit thought I was the problem and I was nuts.
Yes, I have a covert narcissist coworker that sits 48 inches away from me at work. She twist conversations to the boss to make me look bad. I am learning not to react to her purposeful twisted lies. She takes one thing that’s true in our conversation and adds lies to the information to the boss. I working on healing and not responding to all her drama manipulations. I learning to be a rock.
Thank you Stephanie I have some neighbors that are narcissistic and it helps to talk about it I think it takes the power out of it and Jesus loves me so I don’t care what you think right cause they are wrong
He used my weaknesses against me. I couldn't understand why he would continuously try to provoke me. After staying with them for two years I got toxic as well and I gave him back everything he gave me.. gaslighting, I was critical flaw finding screamed in him I couldn't take it anymore and it was quite satisfying and then I left
I really appreciate your videos, thank you, Stephanie. I wish I had experienced all these things only in theory. You're so damn right to a T when you say narcissists' invalidation literally forces other ppl to crave for their validation, prove narcs they're worth all the best etc. although all these attempts are doomed to failure from the very beginning. It always makes my hair stand on end when I witness this absolutely cold and pissed-off no-remorse behavior. It's even more frightening than horror movies.
I believe the damage was done by her parents and the previous boyfriend and has bled me of my all for 33 yrs. It was that year ago that I started educating myself on the subject . It helps to hear these thing from you / women , since I've been dealing with it from a woman. So thank you.
I am married to a narcissistic and he does say all those things he likes to flirt and make me feel so insecure and he always turn around and and said stop been so insecure, there is nothing wrong talking to other girls, he said I am here with you ... What can I do when I am in that citation? I try not react at the moment but I get fed up with it and then I explode and I end up been the bad guy and he make me say sorry to him!!! It is really messing with my emotions and I feel So powerless
Please let him know that his behavior makes you feel disrespected. That it is NOT Ok to flirt with other women because he made a commitment to have eyes only for you. There is nothing wrong with setting boundaries in your marriage. You are NOT the bad guy for doing it. You deserve better.
I know what you are feeling. They do things that upset us and makes us feel disrespected and when we react or confront them they make us feel guilty for confronting them while it is them who created it and as healthy individuals we are force to apologise because we know that despite the fact that they do things that anger us we are still responsible for our own emotions. What I did in this situation is, I stop expecting anything from them it is a waste of time, if narcs want to do something they will do it no matter how hurtful it is for you. You cannot win in confronting the narcs I usually mind my own business and do what I want to. I stay formal with them And when they start a problem I ignore them and leave or avoid them they usually calm themselves after sometime but I stop listening to them. They are experts in conflict and manipulation you can never win an argument with them so the best is not to respond when they start their disrespect
I’m 54 & in therapy I learned my mum is a narcissist. She is 85 but the levels of selfishness, gaslighting and manipulation she goes to are shocking & have destroyed me after decades of abuse. Her rages since I’ve begun putting in boundaries & no contact since Christmas have been unbelievable. She is evil on your last point too about shutting me down/silent treatment when I was looking for support/empathy or apology. She’d say “stop going on about it. I’ve moved on now” or “now you’re upsetting me. Stop going on” & yet it was me who was upset. It’s the fact this is my mum who has done this to me is overwhelming & I am lost lonely unloved and exhausted. I can’t see a positive even with therapy. I watch your videos to not feel so alone or crazy 🙏❤️
I have experienced many of the things you talked about in past relationships. All the things mentioned in this video hurt and damage us. I think that "remembering the honeymoon period after the abusive behavior and the great ways a person can be in the cycle" can cause us to fall back into the poor me or if only or maybe if mentality if only for a brief period. If they threaten to move on, etc. we have to remember front and center the reality of the relationship and the abusive person. For those in long term abusive situations it requires a great shift... from I need, want this person to "you can have them" I don't want that anyway mentality. Thanks for helping so many.
Congratulations on 300k! I am so very grateful I have found you and your information on how to protect myself from my life sucking vampire narc. Your videos have been thought provoking and inspirational for my journaling prompts ( a newly found method of self-parenting accountability to myself practice). Thank you for the honest and raw depictions of my life and what needs to be done to live freely. I am a work in progress. Helps to know I am not alone. Best to all, we will get through this 🙏
This is all so true to my relationship. Except that I did get apologies, I did get acknowledgement that my point is fair. However, same thing happened over and over again and only the explanation/excuse changed every time. To the point when the "apology" and the "acknowledgement" that I'm right meant nothing anymore. Just like when he said "I love you". These were used and abused to the point and actions never backed them up that he really meant them so they meant absolutely nothing after a while. Sad.
It is a cycle for many until finally you just "frankly_______I just don't give a damn" You get out of the promises, wishful thinking, ... and into reality of what your dealing with. Then you no longer fall into the emotional trap. Deciding what boundaries you want to set and be willing to follow through is the next step.
The problem with the dishonest evasive "escape" is that it is in itself dysfunctional behavior that will sabotage real relationships and interfere with genuine connection, intimacy & healthy conflict resolution.
Other than the other parent of your child until that child turns 18 and ages out of the Family Law Industry (yes, INDUSTRY), there is no one who you must interact with. No one. No parent. No boss. No spouse. No partner. No friend. No child. No one. Until you embrace that fact, you will never be free of narcissistic abuse.
I’m there n that really stinks!! When do we get to be happy? I’ve always put my kids first, but he gets to do what he wants whenever he wants n still won’t give us a penny! It’s just frustrating, which is exactly what they want, right??
All of this is correct but the best gift you can give yourself is to establish firm boundaries and plan your escape. Move on and in faith expect only good things in your life and you will find true love. If at all possible go no contact with these abusers. Let them go in peace but protect yourself first.
Right on the money. Everything you explain is exactly how they treat you. You described my ex's behavior exactly. She flaunted a new supply to triangulate me into making me jealous to fight for her. But the thing is someone normal doesn't do that. If you bring in someone new to the situation it changes everything. This new person is now being told by the narcissist of who you are and personal things about you. This is not normal. I don't know this new person and don't want to know them. It's none of their business. She also flaunted it on facebook so mutual friends now see this. It's very humiliating. But these people don't care. It's all about the attention and supply they get from you and everyone else they bring into the drama. It's sick and it will cause you to lose yourself and become damaged. Going complete no contact is the only way to heal from this and it can take a long time to heal from it. Get and stay away from these people. They are sick.
I started a new job in February and realized from DAY 1 that my new supervisor was potentially a narcissist. Definitely an energy vampire who abused her power in her position. It took me 9 days to walk away after experiencing red flags and several really strong intuitive senses about her communication and behavior. It just was not worth it to me to attempt to work with someone who my intuition was telling was not to be trusted and was already draining and exhausting to me. I have never experienced such a strong intuitive sense about not trusting someone. I was tested I guess, however, in my opinion for me, it is never worth the effort it takes to deal with a person long term who is narcissistic or has really strong narcissistic tendencies. Best to move completely out of range and get on with your life. Hard decision but necessary. Thank you for your videos and all the information you dispense. You have helped me have realizations about what a narcissist is and their behaviors and psyche.
In the end I tried to no longer react but I failed miserably bc he went out his way to provoke me. New to the channel but ur insight & advice is really helping me heal. I had no idea what NPD was before yesterday but ur exactness in describing my ex is uncanny. Kinda proud yet freaked out at the same time knowing I survived a narc. So glad I found the strength to finally pack my shi & bounce 2 days ago. On some level I knew I wasn’t dealing with a normal person but I thought it was just that he was bi-polar ...I’m now learning my instincts were right, that I was dealing with something much more sinister ... he wore a mask in the first year when we were long distance... but in the second after moving in with him, eventually I saw the mask fall.. Thiugh we cdnt be friends on soc med bc it was too painful for me, I’d convinced myself that as long as nobody cheated there was no need to break up...What an eye-opener! Boy was I wrong. I’m just grateful it was only 2 years instead of 20.🙏🏽💙✨
Yes! Thanks for the validation The way they deal with the opposite sex.... was so annoying but it is their craving for attention, but it used to drive me crazy, She would always gaslight me on that
Omg omg omg! So true! I thought I was crazy! It stems from the abandonment from a teen n your great kid! He triggers me. So sad. I’m 60 yra old and going through this now.. 3 yra
Im not walking on egg shells for ANYONE ever again. It is what it is.
B
🔨💯♥️
Great, good on you; hope logic, reason, intelligence also within you; good luck 😊
Yea laqd
Most of the times we walk on eggshells because of our fear of loosing the person we love....but eventually i realised that people who wants to stay in our life will stay even after 10 fights...and person who wants to leave us will find only one reason to leave....so it is better to be our real selves without fear of breakup....it will not effect our self esteem and self worth....
When the narcs would say that I was too sensitive, I finally just started to say, "no, you are just too insensitive ". I refused to get hurt by their behavior.
Exactly, put the spotlight on their bad behaviour which is the real issue
Love this reply!!!
They all say the same thing
@@ciarantreacymusic Here is the thing, spotlighting their behavior simply makes their behavior go on steroids'. Either going no contact or just not reacting to them, takes away all the supply.
I feel that
He provoked me over and over but I NEVER fought back 😥😓💔 I sat there, for 14 yrs with my head hung low, crying silently and just TAKING IT. Next Thursday will be my 2 year anniversary of having left!!! ❤️💗❤️💗
He probably got a thrill from your sadness.
dont say anniversary of leaving him...make it into positive...anniversary of claiming myself and my rights and self love
Congratulations on your freedom 👏
Good for you ! I'm very proud of you
Congratulations in finding your own power ❤️
“Fighting so hard for them to just be human”. Wow nail on the head!
Wow!
I’m in a divorce right now with this exactly happening
@@ricklopez4115 I’m going through a custody battle at the moment and it’s draining so I can only imagine what you’re going through but I have to believe there is light at the end of the tunnel and the same for you. Be gentle with yourself throughout all of it. Wishing you the best and sending love and healing throughout your journey!
@@Ashley-lw4uq thanks for the kind words and that will part of the process. Again just embarrassed I never saw the signs earlier.
@@ricklopez4115 it’s a process and will take time but I think acknowledging those feelings and recognizing that is huge in itself. Allow yourself to grieve and go through this but also grow through it. You will, just like all of us, get to the other side. Let go of any embarrassment because we don’t know what we don’t know and especially when we are wrapped up in it it can be hard to recognize the signs. But now we see and now we grow. I’ll keep you in my prayers.
My husband always did things he knew would annoy me and he literally couldn't contain himself from the joy and excitement this gave him and I saw he was watching me from the corner of his eyes waiting for me to react. He wanted to see how long I can withstand not telling him off or not calling him out. Really sick behaviour.
Sick indeed.
Exactly what my ex boyfriend did. So sick. I don’t envy his new supply at all
My ex husband used to do that too!
They provoke, to get a reaction: For every reaction, there is usually a reaction, which they count on.
A lot of people behave this way. They want to hurt other people all the time. They are just jealous of who you are. They are sick people
"Monitor yourself, don't try to change them.."
They dont all leave you alone after ignoring them. Some will get obsessed, if this happens you have to move far away.
"Bc they are damaged, wounded and insecure, they need that validation" which they get by abusing others - Steph you really call it like it is, thank you!
Its called reaction abuse. To make you think your the bad person and its all about you. When they turn around and blame you for your getting mad at them because you confronted them and then the gaslighting begins. They will always push you away again and again. They hate to loose. You cant win with them. Let them go and move on with your life. It WILL be the best thing you can do for yourself. It just takes time to heal. And yes im still trying to get back to somewhat normal in my life. And yes these videos are really good information about the narcissistic abuses in any relationship. So thank you for your help with better understanding what a narcissist really is and does. I had no idea.
Because of your channel I healed from narcisstic abuse and I built my confidence & I am not a people pleaser & Im so much happier than I have ever been💕
Yaay you, Isabel! I'm working on getting there.
Hallelujah 😊
Wow only by using this vhannel
narcs have Deep Hurt and they want you to be right in the Pit with them 🤷🏼♂️ misery loves company
So true
Brilliant comment. Thank you.
Indeed
It takes a little while to train yourself to respond and not react but when you stop reacting they start to get angry... Great video love the way you explained it
they get angry because u r getting grip of yourself and they r losing it
Facts 💯💯
I am worried now that I'm "grey rocking" or w.e that she will start telling everyone I know my darkest secrets, abuse I received as a child etc. But I know this is what I have to do and I'll just have to try to put that fire out if it happens. Also worried she'll try to now try to fight me in court for the child she also discarded as a way to gain back control over me :\
Victim walking away : "I responded". Narcissist watching you walk away : "They reacted!"
Lisa Romano says "Hold onto yourself." this is priceless.
"You're dealing with a child." Facts! My hubs is 53 and soooo immature and insecure! He needs constant positive attention or he'll get nasty and start a fight (or try to). I do my best to ignore him or not play into it. It's exhausting! Sometimes I succeed. Sometimes I don't. My mouth and speaking the truth--though I know it won't matter--gets the best of me at times.
I'm doing better, though. And I don't connect my confidence with his opinion or share much of my life with him.
mine is 51, a grown child. It took me a long to figure out he's a nac. Wish I would have known before getting married
@@leiac98 Me too! Though our therapist said she thinks he has borderline personality disorder, though they use the same narcissistic techniques. I don't know if it was always there (probably so) or if it got worse over time (know so).
I feel ya! I really, really do and I'm sorry for what you're going through. 🤗 🤗 🤗
Same here Pillow Play!!!
Same here. He is 65 n I'm 60. Married for 40yrs. Cant leave now. But working on myself
I'm 55 he's 50 married 30 years. His health isn't great, hate to say it but waiting for the end. And like you working on self, I'm leaving tomorrow for arizona to see friends by myself, it took years to get to this point. I make myself stand up against his pity self.
The neighbors from hell that moved in 5 months ago have somehow made it their mission to destroy me even after all of the welcoming kindness I showed them when moving in. They're a couple and I knew something about them was a little off from the get-go (these are upstairs neighbors) but I was always optimistic. I'm an empath and I've done my time in the battlefields of resistance but this is next level. Literally, next level. To have complete strangers act like they hate you out of nowhere and try to make your life a living hell day and night (for 4 months now) is just insanity. These people (or spirits) will choose a target for anyone that is vulnerable or especially living alone with no witnesses. It's as if screwing with me daily is their daily bread and what keeps them bonding in their own relationship. I'm sharing this only because they (NPDs) don't always just show up in relationships - which is the most obvious and convenient source. But because of that, I've willingly remained single for 10 years now due to my last girlfriend (that I now understand was high on NPD) and this energy still came to find me even as a seemingly sweet retired couple? My other neighbors get a COMPLETELY different version of them when they're outside than I get inside above me. Rages and all. It's nuts and I wish it on no one. But it has also galvanized me in many ways that I'm deeply thankful for. It could easily be suspect for a spiritual test when anyone goes through this. Hang in there and be awesome. Once you see narcissism up close, for what it really is for the first time... you simply can't unsee it. True story. Literally... grown-ass toddlers.
I get "I'm sorry" from my narc a lot. The problem is, she doesn't understand empathy or regret. It's just a reset button, to wipe out the score, and restart the game. I say " the best apology is changed behavior" and she doesn't get that. Why work on herself when she thinks she's already perfect?
OMG THIS!!! This is my husband as well. Says ‘Sorry’, then does the same shit the very next day! Yet, I’VE apologized for something I did YEARS ago, never did it again, but it’s still brought up and thrown in my face! AARRRGGGHHHHH!
"It's just a reset button, to wipe out the score, and restart the game." Absolutely.
That’s interesting, because my narc NEVER says I’m sorry. She either makes an excuse to condone her behavior or, of course, flips it around so that it is my fault. I’m serious, NEVER said I’m sorry. Hard to imagine a human going through a week without apologizing, much less a lifetime.
Im going through a break up and "my" repeats "are you ok, how are you" alot he even contacted my mother to ask how i am (bc i blocked him of course) . I know he does not care its just a facade. Hes really upholding this caregiving facade to everyone and still tries to gaslight me. Kind of sad..
Wow. Apologies are extremely rare from a narc.
Stephanie, why did this happen today with my ex. I stopped myself, laughed, and told him to have a great day *click* 😊
I’m no longer bothered by the bs, nor am I entertaining it 🤷🏽♀️
Girl yes! So glad we are at a point of being unbothered by these circus clowns
Circus Clowns 🤡😂So true.
Once you figuret them out they are really a laugh. Then all these sick game playing don't work any more.
Good for you when you laugh it off they hate it
Perfect Denai 👍👍🏽👍👍🏽👏 👏🏾👏
@Observe self - yes, I know. Just walk away. Don't "laugh" when they're in a rage mode. That can be dangerous. If you are afraid, there's a reason. That's your intuition/ instincts talking to you. Listen to that. Hugs
That’s the hardest part for me as a push over empath to understand , they will get their attention ANYWAY they can get it and it’s just astounding. I hate conflict with a passion. It’s very uncomfortable and I will go to lengths to avoid it. The NPD person’s eyes will light up with pure joy in the midst of such discomfort. Gives me the creeps.
@D.W. Shepherd Better than being a Narc.
You said it!! Once I gotten so upset that I went to our job (we use to work at the same transit company) yelling at him. Something I said at the time made his eyes light up and I was like okay no more!!! He's loving the attention
I know!!!
For every narcissist I shrug off with indifference three new ones continue the assault. This is a never ending battle. Narcissist's are human vampires feeding on negative low vibrating emotions from people. The human species is a all you can eat buffet for them. You are very knowledgeable in this area at young age, I respect you. Continue posting these truthful videos we need the truth. 👍🏆🌞
@Dezy blue
Yes I agree with you.
Ohhh yessss you’re sooo correct!!! ✨💕
Yes, literally a vampire, not metaphor
Omg...... Omg.... This.... I need to just no longer react.... I didn't even realize until this video.... Wow, thanks so much!!!!!
narcs will insist until YOU WILL REACT, I tried...you're not A ROBOT to resist until they crack...
It helps a lot from my experience. It's hard though to stick with it. Especially in the beginning it got worse sometimes as they tend to *rage* when you don't fight. Keep your cool, just don't react, stick to facts. It's getting better over time.
Wish you the very best!
No, u need to ‘Get Out!’
@@ParisArmaniTV Hm ... it's personal I think.
@Jaimee: A good start, you're here and get a wake-up call.
Paris is also right - if you can. Some people on the other hand can't just get out.
My personal example: the divorce is filed, we live in separate ends of the city, ... yet I can't just get out as I would leave the kids behind. They trust in me fighting for them and I do. Guess she never got that aspect of me. Luckily as it turns out.
However: people have reasons to do what they do. Any escape away from those abusers and into reality and consciousness helps anyway. Physically, mentally or both.
Stay strong, hope y'all are heading towards an amazing future!
Takes practice! So much easier said then done. You can do it though!
"You're fighting so hard for them to be a human" YES!!! I felt this way all the time. Glad I chose me in the end, its so much more peaceful now ❤
"Emotional Punching Bag" is EXACTLY how i described it to my therapist 😳
Thank you for what you do!!!
When he pokes and pokes at me and I get upset because he doesn’t listen to a word I say. He will speak over me and stair at me . Then he will tell me “your the one screaming and yelling not me , you need help. Now I’m learning to walk away or I just tell him you’re right.
Oh gosh this is my bf :(
You better walk away but don't tell them they're right. This is probably what they want to hear from you. May you be well
I probably would've gotton myself in trouble. When he said that you need help. I probably would've said, "yeah, I need help in getting away from you". I left. So no longer a problem. No longer have the issues in my life regularly. My oldest son occasionally stirs the pot, but I don't live with him and I refuse to let anyone ever again take my joy!!!!
❤️ Telling them are right is ok... Because they'll never think they're wrong... Ever.
The narcissist roommate i had became almost hysterical when i didnt respond to her stirring drama yelling(which is s form of violence).
they want validation from everyone,its so sad and disgusting,they need it even from complete strangers or
passers by them,they do not care about the quality of the person they give it to them,anyone who would do it well its ok,even in front of their partners and they know how to hurt you with that
The favourite saying of my BPD ex was 'right or wrong'? she used that with everyone, even people she didn't really know well. I used to think it was odd, now I know why she did it.
Good ol’ stone-walling. You’ll never feel validated with an abusive person/narcissist.
What you said about them withholding validation, showing 0 compassion and showing little to no empathy and explaining that we will NEVER get that.. really resonated with me. That was exactly what I was fighting for .. and have made myself feel emotionally, physically and spiritually unwell doing so. Thank you for saying those words!.. very helpful x
So true. I noticed with the narc I was dealing with he with held all validation & praise intentionally to hurt me
omg. nailed it. I'm 5 videos in and wow. years of therapy. no answer. now here. straight up.
5 years of rebuilding my sanity
I have a narcissist neighbor who does this all the time, and when I finally got mad at all her passive aggressive insults and behavior, she claimed that she was now afraid of me. Being a Karen and telling neighbors that I was volatile, while she would have tantrums and throw things in my backyard. I hate her now and I wish her the absolute worst. She provoked me to anger then plays a victim. I just hate people like that and when karma comes a knocking, I’m going to allow myself to savor her troubles and laugh. Her relationship sucks, her partner threatens suicide and appears to be borderline. This is why I gave up on humanity a long time ago. Too many fucked up people.
Your right!I think the best revenge is being happy and successful.I have Learnt you don't need anyone to validate you.
took years to fully understand that ...very true
Wow! Great video!! They want to drive us as emotionally crazy as they actually are.
Also, I think my two narc exs would do this because they know that they are awful and they want to bring one down to their level by making one upset or by trying to get one to be as bad as them. Then they don't feel so jealous and envious of our compassion and composure and dedication to be kind and decent.
Absolutely! When they don’t get a reaction eventually they give up.
My ex's wife is one also. He's given up because I proved he is one in court. She is still obsessed, after 15 years she's finally losing it in front of everyone. She admitted to a group of people how she's going to prove I'm crazy. They now all see now she's obsessed with me.
My bf literally told me weeks ago that he does things to upset me to get a reaction. I knew it was weird but kept doubting myself. It’s only month 4 so I’m just glad I caught the red flags now. He’s a master manipulator though so I have to be careful not to fall into his lovebombing trap again.
Stephanie, excellent information and advise. I can tell you from my experience with a person like this that this is exactly how they act. So illogical, and emotionally immature. Best thing to do is cut your losses, get out of Dodge, and after healing from the emotional abuse find a healthier person and relationship. You deserve better than what this person threw at you. Take care Stephanie, be safe and well.
Best thing I did was run
Without love they find joy in the weirdest ways.
I’m dealing with a narc sis n law and calls me crazy! She’s the nut! She’s just jealous of me. She’s very insecure of herself and I now have cut her from my life cannot deal with her anymore! I’m done
A narcissist will provoke you because he or she was treated like crap as a child and is simply repeating the abuse. They need therapy. But they will blame you for everything and say you need therapy for all the reactive abuse they dragged out of you. They're crazy. You have 3 options. Move out. Learn to deal with the craziness. Give it back to them so bad they think twice about screwing with your head ever again. Good luck.
I was with a narcissist for 8 years and didn't even realize it. It was definitely the most toxic period of my life. Once you're out of that situation, everything about them and all of the things you didn't understand about the relationship when you were in it, really start to make sense
That they need 'negative attention', this is true, sad, and bizarre but you will realize they must be in a lot of pain.
Thank you so much! I just got out of a relationship with a Narc. It feels good to reclaim my life back! Moving forward and working on me. I choose me!
He constantly used the Bible to justify his behavior. I was like a slave catering to ALL of his needs while working a full time job and a part time job to put my daughter through school. He always had an answer for everything and of course, I was always wrong. The whole relationship I felt alone and invalidated.
Well, I ran for the hills and I ain’t lookin back!
Thank you so much for sharing your knowledge. I really needed these videos. I feel empowered.
Good for you for moving on. The best thing you will do for yourself
It is so true this people are mentally instable.That is why they want to get there anger on others
I thought I was going crazy turns out I'm surrounded by vipers and they wonder why I'm so cold
Just don't let them turn you into one
Yes. I can't trust anyone in my family because of this.
6:15 "This is their way of feeling in CONTROL. This is their way of HOPEFULLY chipping.away at your self-esteem." Thank you..I knew I wasn't crazy. Always knew it wasn't about the argument, but about the ARGUING for them
What’s heart breaking is whenever you look at your kid(s) cause they deserve better if only that narcissistic partner has an open mind and have the heart to listen and change.
Same here I’m 28 and he’s 64 and we have three sons and I see my middle child starting to act like my bd !
It sucks for sure. Especially when the daughter looks just like her and misses her.
I wish could've met you earlier so that i have avoided that narcs entering into my life.
You and Doctor Ramani are the BEST!! You two have helped me so much, in my healing and recovering from my physically abusive narcissistic ex 😭🙌💙🖤💜 I appreciate you 🙏
watch sam vanknin too....he is expert too
Same!! ❤
I love how you touch on aspects of narcissism that many don't. These are real issues that some of us deal with but find it difficult to articulate to friends and family. Also, many therapists need to equip themselves with these kinds of non-textbook insights cos they tend to be very academic and surface level in their approach.😢
This is eyeopening. When my ex and I would argue, I literally begged him to just treat me like a human being because he was being so mean. =(
Thank you! Just needed this reminder, I don’t understand their behavior... I could never treat people like that.
They are incapable of empathy, thats why its all so fucked up and confusing because normal people would never discard or never say sorry for anything ever.
Yes we empaths could'nt ever treat someone like that which is normal..but they are not normal..they have a big big dysfonctional problem with themselves!!
I just realized yesterday that when my wife acts over excessively nice to other people while treating me like dirt, and I previously thought she had dual personalities, but now, realize she does that in front of me to hurt me.
It is a learning process. Needed to hear this today.
Never react to them.
The purpose for the rudeness in narcissists is to cause you to blow up so they can feel superior. Just recently I told a narcissist that they were rude for no good reason and they ghosted me for an entire week. They acted as though I did something really terrible for telling them what they said was mean. This narcissist lulled me into forgetting how they were by their previous love bombing. This person began accusing me of "being irrational", "blowing things out of proportion" and other verbiage to make me look like I was the foolish and crazy one. This person even accused me of being out of control when the narcissist was the out of control one, they project constantly their own attitudes. I was lulled into believing this person had changed, after this mess I realize they had not changed at all, which made me feel discouraged to realize we never had what I thought we had in the relationship. When the narcissist figures out we are aware of their tricks they will become more covert and tricky to be able to claim they didn't do anything and that we are the ones making a big deal about nothing. One of my problems is in thinking telling a narcissist will learn from dialogue, they never do, they always rage. Fixing the narcissist is impossible, they do not learn, they hate wisdom and truth. The silent treatment is the most used tactic I have experienced from the family narcissists. Yes, and they can go on for days and weeks to try to break you down. I have found the best way to get through these things is to ignore it entirely. I have failed at times in becoming emotional it only escalated their hateful actions.
When my harassment started, stalking,harassment repeating conversations I had in private in a store,really crazy unbelievable stuff,I freaked out so badly,had a breakdown, one of the person's involved made a comment about acting childish,which it was reactive abuse,I was traumatized,I now look back on that as another projection this person made because there childish behavior, and then putting it on me,and I still feel bad on how I reacted,I wish I had known more about all this.
Bottom line, you can’t talk to these people like normal people. Don’t try. You will always be shocked by their 💩 behaviors, choices, words. They will try EVERY ANGLE to get you to respond. Mine goes from overly friendly and helpful to critical and threatening it’s a cycle of the same strategies to pull me out. it’s wearing even though I understand it and know it. It’s insane. this video is so on point. Oh and NEVER tell them they upset you. They’ll use it again! Just stop, walk away, end whatever it is. You don’t have to explain yourself- that is a green light for them !
I put this into practice with the narc sister and it works. During a very tense situation the narc kept trying to bait me and I didn’t react and I could see her frustration. I was shouted and screamed at but I remained as calm as possible. I was also accused of looking for supply, by a narc, when I asked simple questions. This works and thank you for sharing.
If you don't react they emotionally abuse you and if you do react they emotionally abuse you! The solution is LEAVE THEM!!!
Thank you!!!♡. Divorcing a drug addict, narcissistic ex husband and with 1 child. You are spot on!!♡ such a positive inspiration to others of us!!! Thank you!!!
It all came full stop almost 20 years ago when I finally got my fill and smiled and walked away.
I am the punching bag and then I become the praiser after being beat up. I am doing generally great and am healing, but am living with my narc mother temporarily due to extraordinary circumstances. It took 3 weeks before I was drawn in. Self-compassion, I got this!!
I have experienced theft. Did not cut person off soon enough. Turned around in a market to see this person closing the clasps to my purse which was in a shopping cart...then two coin purses missing. Subsequent events necessitated cutting this person. These vids help.
Dealing with a child is exactly right and it's exhausting, frankly. I have never desired to be anyone's parent and it is truly tiring. Thank you for this very useful content.
You just described my ex who I was with for 5 torturous years. I wish I had known this stuff 10 years ago before I met him.
Yep! My dad and ex husband to a "t" they love to point out anything that you do wrong but they cant self- reflect that they are ever wrong!
Hello do you need instant help??
I can recommend you to a man who can help you like he did mine 💖💖
Whasssap him 💖💖
+234,81660,34660";";";"
@@maryjane5255 I have healed quite a bit!!! Thank you though! My validation comes from God and self! I was married for 31 years and I'm disabled from ex- husband. Then of course he abused me through the court system thanks to legalsheild and a shitty lawyer! God is rebuilding my life and is rewriting my story!!! Guess what I lived happily ever after narc free!!!😉😉😉👍👍👍❤❤❤🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻 prayers to everyone facing this demonic spirits!!! Its been 14 months since my divorce and taste of freedom is Awesome!!!❤❤❤
Observe don't absorb. They have patterns. Watch them and remain calm.They will stop picking at you because they want
The reaction. Don't fight back. If she says im crazy i say yep. End of conversation. We control ourselves because they can't stop. It stops reactive abuse. That's when your the abuser in their mind because you stood up for yourself. Stop just observe. Walk away go do something else. When they triangulate -they're trying to make you feel like you don't existt.
Dear Stephanie. Your tutorials seem to match exactly with what is happening in my separation. You will never know, but you have been a life saver for me. I am eternally grateful for your advice. Thank you, thank you, thank you. May the road always rise up to meet you! Warmly Bernardette
To be honest no one really deserves to be cheated upon and I believe smartness is essential in any relationship, my worst experience was discovering my 7 years cheating Narcissist husband through the help of an hacker who helped cloned his cell and i got access to all his Call logs, Text messages, Whats-app, Facebook, Messenger, I-cloud, GPS location, Kik, Snap-chat, Instagram, Skype, Twitter, Email and Social media chat, i was able to read both his new and deleted messages without touching it. I was hurt when i saw a picture of my husband and his lover, i felt so bad about infidelity. I’m here in Texas, USA and was able to access his phone anonymously while he was away cheating in UK and saw all the proofs i needed for a divorce and even terrible things they had planned . He also does hacking of account or any other type of hacking and retrieval of data. His services are trusted and guaranteed and also affordable. Contact this Genius tracker via Gmail (geniustracker701) or Via Whats-app +1 (724) 330-3252. I wish you, luck
Bernardette Robinson, you are too precious 🌹🌹🥀 to be with a narc 😈!
You just described my husband! How is it that they are this textbook??????
My mother was narc since I was little as six, I was so insecure I guess now I realize that so many people who came to my life also started controlling me. One of my best friend, my sister, an aunt and my mother in law. I guess others follow as you grew up with a narc they see the possibility of messing with your life.
My ex used to do this so much, my lack of education made him get his supply everytime
u should say i may have less education but i have more heart.....u cant buy that
@@evka24 so true!
He can only ‘hurt’ me if I ALLOW him to hurt me. It used to really bother me, but since realizing how narcissistic he is - and watching videos like this one - I’ve come to realize that it’s all just WORDS. It doesn’t ‘hurt’ me anymore. I don’t give him the satisfaction of a response anymore. But it still does baffle me how these narcissists think they can treat people the way they do, then expect them to come back as if nothing. Like WTF???
So true...always mad at me and calls me a narcissist. Hes very disrespectful daily. Calling me names and has no loving ways and laughs at me .
I will never forget how one day, I came home and found my narcissist ex sobbing as he worked on installing our living room flooring. It shocked me, because until then, I felt like he was without any kind of feeling for me. He was crying over the breakdown of our marriage. To this day, I really don't understand it. It was a sign of empathy that he had never shown me. We had only been married about two months, and he had said so many awful things to me, and done so many awful things to me. All I could say to him at the time was, "it keeps getting worse." I was at a loss as to what to do. I do think narcs love at first, but they cannot sustain the love. It's more of a feely love than a deep down respectful love that accepts that we all have weaknesses. I think narcs expect victims to be their everything, and when they see flaws that we all have, they write them off as not their perfect match.
Flying monkey whack-a-mole seems to be their best attack. A story will start to circulate that is false and when you start to effectively chip away at it, it is quickly replaced by another false story and even by new flying monkeys. A few weeks or months later, the story you almost discredited will pop up again to replace another story you almost invalidated. Seems they insert another story strategically before the current story is dismissed entirely, therefore putting that story n their back pocket for the future. Dark Psychology flying monkey game of whack-a-mole!
It feels really good to finally have figured this out and to have a community of people that understand wtf happened lol.. I legit thought I was the problem and I was nuts.
I need to learn to think before I respond and react. Thanks for this...
Stephanie is so spot on! Thank you so much for helping ALL of US, married to a NPD wife is a living hell! I'm glad I have HELP now 👍🙂
Hello do you need help why don’t you try dr oba he was the one that help me get my ex back
Whatzapp
Yes, I have a covert narcissist coworker that sits 48 inches away from me at work. She twist conversations to the boss to make me look bad. I am learning not to react to her purposeful twisted lies. She takes one thing that’s true in our conversation and adds lies to the information to the boss. I working on healing and not responding to all her drama manipulations. I learning to be a rock.
Thank you Stephanie I have some neighbors that are narcissistic and it helps to talk about it I think it takes the power out of it and Jesus loves me so I don’t care what you think right cause they are wrong
He used my weaknesses against me. I couldn't understand why he would continuously try to provoke me. After staying with them for two years I got toxic as well and I gave him back everything he gave me.. gaslighting, I was critical flaw finding screamed in him I couldn't take it anymore and it was quite satisfying and then I left
Please keep exposing these traits of a narcissist. This helped me so much . Thank you 🙏🏼 & God Bless you ❤️
I really appreciate your videos, thank you, Stephanie. I wish I had experienced all these things only in theory. You're so damn right to a T when you say narcissists' invalidation literally forces other ppl to crave for their validation, prove narcs they're worth all the best etc. although all these attempts are doomed to failure from the very beginning. It always makes my hair stand on end when I witness this absolutely cold and pissed-off no-remorse behavior. It's even more frightening than horror movies.
I believe the damage was done by her parents and the previous boyfriend and has bled me of my all for 33 yrs. It was that year ago that I started educating myself on the subject . It helps to hear these thing from you / women , since I've been dealing with it from a woman. So thank you.
My negative attention will bruise the narc I can assure him if his here,, I think I've learned alot throw these videos!!!
I am married to a narcissistic and he does say all those things he likes to flirt and make me feel so insecure and he always turn around and and said stop been so insecure, there is nothing wrong talking to other girls, he said I am here with you ... What can I do when I am in that citation? I try not react at the moment but I get fed up with it and then I explode and I end up been the bad guy and he make me say sorry to him!!! It is really messing with my emotions and I feel So powerless
Please let him know that his behavior makes you feel disrespected. That it is NOT Ok to flirt with other women because he made a commitment to have eyes only for you. There is nothing wrong with setting boundaries in your marriage. You are NOT the bad guy for doing it. You deserve better.
Run!
I know what you are feeling. They do things that upset us and makes us feel disrespected and when we react or confront them they make us feel guilty for confronting them while it is them who created it and as healthy individuals we are force to apologise because we know that despite the fact that they do things that anger us we are still responsible for our own emotions. What I did in this situation is, I stop expecting anything from them it is a waste of time, if narcs want to do something they will do it no matter how hurtful it is for you. You cannot win in confronting the narcs I usually mind my own business and do what I want to. I stay formal with them And when they start a problem I ignore them and leave or avoid them they usually calm themselves after sometime but I stop listening to them. They are experts in conflict and manipulation you can never win an argument with them so the best is not to respond when they start their disrespect
I’m 54 & in therapy I learned my mum is a narcissist. She is 85 but the levels of selfishness, gaslighting and manipulation she goes to are shocking & have destroyed me after decades of abuse. Her rages since I’ve begun putting in boundaries & no contact since Christmas have been unbelievable. She is evil on your last point too about shutting me down/silent treatment when I was looking for support/empathy or apology. She’d say “stop going on about it. I’ve moved on now” or “now you’re upsetting me. Stop going on” & yet it was me who was upset. It’s the fact this is my mum who has done this to me is overwhelming & I am lost lonely unloved and exhausted. I can’t see a positive even with therapy. I watch your videos to not feel so alone or crazy 🙏❤️
😎 I think I'm SLDD . My new journey has begun . Thank you for truth .
I have experienced many of the things you talked about in past relationships. All the things mentioned in this video hurt and damage us. I think that "remembering the honeymoon period after the abusive behavior and the great ways a person can be in the cycle" can cause us to fall back into the poor me or if only or maybe if mentality if only for a brief period. If they threaten to move on, etc. we have to remember front and center the reality of the relationship and the abusive person. For those in long term abusive situations it requires a great shift... from I need, want this person to "you can have them" I don't want that anyway mentality. Thanks for helping so many.
Congratulations on 300k! I am so very grateful I have found you and your information on how to protect myself from my life sucking vampire narc. Your videos have been thought provoking and inspirational for my journaling prompts ( a newly found method of self-parenting accountability to myself practice). Thank you for the honest and raw depictions of my life and what needs to be done to live freely. I am a work in progress. Helps to know I am not alone. Best to all, we will get through this 🙏
This is all so true to my relationship. Except that I did get apologies, I did get acknowledgement that my point is fair. However, same thing happened over and over again and only the explanation/excuse changed every time. To the point when the "apology" and the "acknowledgement" that I'm right meant nothing anymore. Just like when he said "I love you". These were used and abused to the point and actions never backed them up that he really meant them so they meant absolutely nothing after a while. Sad.
I went through the same thing with my ex. Exactly the same thing you mentioned
It is a cycle for many until finally you just "frankly_______I just don't give a damn" You get out of the promises, wishful thinking, ... and into reality of what your dealing with. Then you no longer fall into the emotional trap. Deciding what boundaries you want to set and be willing to follow through is the next step.
Yeah acknowledgments are not good enough . Apologies and 100 percent responsibility is required. .
Yes! Apologies mean NOTHING to me now.
Love these videos. They are helping me realize the change I need to make for myself and to avoid the gas lighting.
The problem with the dishonest evasive "escape" is that it is in itself dysfunctional behavior that will sabotage real relationships and interfere with genuine connection, intimacy & healthy conflict resolution.
This UA-cam channel should be called “Stephanie Lyn Mental Fitness University” 🤩
Other than the other parent of your child until that child turns 18 and ages out of the Family Law Industry (yes, INDUSTRY), there is no one who you must interact with. No one. No parent. No boss. No spouse. No partner. No friend. No child. No one. Until you embrace that fact, you will never be free of narcissistic abuse.
I’m there n that really stinks!! When do we get to be happy? I’ve always put my kids first, but he gets to do what he wants whenever he wants n still won’t give us a penny! It’s just frustrating, which is exactly what they want, right??
Thank you , this helps a lot
Absolutely I’m the emotional punching bag even since the divorce was final in Feb. 20/20!
Thanks so much
Impeccable timing. Thank you for the excellent content
All of this is correct but the best gift you can give yourself is to establish firm boundaries and plan your escape. Move on and in faith expect only good things in your life and you will find true love. If at all possible go no contact with these abusers. Let them go in peace but protect yourself first.
Right on the money. Everything you explain is exactly how they treat you. You described my ex's behavior exactly. She flaunted a new supply to triangulate me into making me jealous to fight for her. But the thing is someone normal doesn't do that. If you bring in someone new to the situation it changes everything. This new person is now being told by the narcissist of who you are and personal things about you. This is not normal. I don't know this new person and don't want to know them. It's none of their business. She also flaunted it on facebook so mutual friends now see this. It's very humiliating. But these people don't care. It's all about the attention and supply they get from you and everyone else they bring into the drama. It's sick and it will cause you to lose yourself and become damaged. Going complete no contact is the only way to heal from this and it can take a long time to heal from it. Get and stay away from these people. They are sick.
I started a new job in February and realized from DAY 1 that my new supervisor was potentially a narcissist. Definitely an energy vampire who abused her power in her position. It took me 9 days to walk away after experiencing red flags and several really strong intuitive senses about her communication and behavior. It just was not worth it to me to attempt to work with someone who my intuition was telling was not to be trusted and was already draining and exhausting to me. I have never experienced such a strong intuitive sense about not trusting someone. I was tested I guess, however, in my opinion for me, it is never worth the effort it takes to deal with a person long term who is narcissistic or has really strong narcissistic tendencies. Best to move completely out of range and get on with your life. Hard decision but necessary. Thank you for your videos and all the information you dispense. You have helped me have realizations about what a narcissist is and their behaviors and psyche.
I learned this kindness and helping people in need from my grandma.
In the end I tried to no longer react but I failed miserably bc he went out his way to provoke me. New to the channel but ur insight & advice is really helping me heal. I had no idea what NPD was before yesterday but ur exactness in describing my ex is uncanny. Kinda proud yet freaked out at the same time knowing I survived a narc. So glad I found the strength to finally pack my shi & bounce 2 days ago. On some level I knew I wasn’t dealing with a normal person but I thought it was just that he was bi-polar ...I’m now learning my instincts were right, that I was dealing with something much more sinister ... he wore a mask in the first year when we were long distance... but in the second after moving in with him, eventually I saw the mask fall.. Thiugh we cdnt be friends on soc med bc it was too painful for me, I’d convinced myself that as long as nobody cheated there was no need to break up...What an eye-opener! Boy was I wrong. I’m just grateful it was only 2 years instead of 20.🙏🏽💙✨
Always on point! Thank you Stephanie: you can’t imagine how much you’ve been helping me!
Congratulations for the 300K subscribers 🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉
Yes! Thanks for the validation
The way they deal with the opposite sex.... was so annoying but it is their craving for attention, but it used to drive me crazy, She would always gaslight me on that
Omg omg omg! So true! I thought I was crazy! It stems from the abandonment from a teen n your great kid! He triggers me. So sad. I’m 60 yra old and going through this now.. 3 yra