Yes, my divorced mother was a narcisist and I married a narcisist...have never known love and I'm 73 years old. Am learning to love myself after two very devaluing and totally abusive relationships. Thank you for validation and encouragement...no one ever takes your side...these folks are liers, manipulators and oh sooo cunning! It's hard to understand how a mother and a husband that you have loved can be jealous of you and want to destroy you! God bless you and the work you and others are doing to help us survivors and others understand this dangerous disease which has become an epidemic!
Am in the same position. Narc mother and husband and one adult child taking the narcs side. The other adult child is so depressed and pissed off about the situation.
Only a relationship with ur creator, The Almighty God, ur heavenly father can love you unconditionally without "attached strings", or motives, or manipulative plans for you. Trust Him with all ur heart and soul. Give ur heart to God and mean it and you will have the complete joy, love , and happiness you've always needed. Trust God to bring the right mate in your life. 73 is just a number dear lady !
Only a relationship with ur creator, The Almighty God, ur heavenly father can love you unconditionally without "attached strings", or motives, or manipulative plans for you. Trust Him with all ur heart and soul. Give ur heart to God and mean it and you will have the complete joy, love , and happiness you've always needed. Trust God to bring the right mate in your life. 73 is just a number dear lady !
I learned alot from several narcissist in my life. If I see them I look straight in their eyes. Without any expression. And go on about my day as if I hadn't even seen them. It's funny af.
It took me 44 years of living and two consecutive marriages/ relationships of 25 years of narcissism to come to a point where enough was enough and now on the healing journey.
Mine came after me today with money-shaming aka financial abuse. She KNOWS that's a sore spot for me and that I work my ass off but don't make much money. She brought it up THREE times in one "conversation". You can tell she enjoyed it, too. They're horrendous people. Toxic from the inside out.
"You're selfish" "You're evil" "You're too sentimental" "You can't take a joke" "You can't take a bit of banter" These are the things that the two narcs I had in the past called me, not taking into consideration that they're the ones that brought their nasty, hateful and selfish attitudes to the plate to begin with. And I used to believe them, because I guess, I didn't know any better. What I learnt from the situation is to always trust your instincts. If something isn't right in a situation, be strong enough to address it. And if they're not willing to change their ways, be strong enough and willing enough to change the people you interact with, or better yet, your scenery....
I can relate to everything you write about and took me a lot of time to learn exactly what I was dealing with. God bless all of us that have endured of these people.
I was just called selfish and evil by my husband for is a narc. I filed for divorce last week. I changed the locks on our home because My son and I felt unsafe. We have been married 15 year and he has been abusive at least 7 of those years. I'm finally standing my ground and speaking up and he says that's me being a monster. It hurt.... so badly. I know it's not true but it hurts.
I feel like they complement you to test how you'll respond, just to see if you still have a buzz from external validation. Then once they rope you back in and make you feed safe and heard, they tear you down.
This is a real gem of a video. It is the life-changing answer to a habit of energy-draining behaviors that have kept me entangled with the narcissist, and giving away my power. The number one conveyer of confidence is body language. Narcs have it down to a fine art. What it is, is a subtle defiance, or veiled threat that things could get "ugly." Just yesterday, I managed to NOT let my narc mother intimidate me into being fearful of any “outcomes.” Sadly, at the end of the day, I blew it. I started “over-explaining,” and “caring” about what she thought. The triumphant look on her face said it all! This video serves as a great reminder not to fall for any more of the narcissist’s tricks, or crazy antics!! Thank you so, so much Stephanie.
1:50 "(The narcissist) will challenge you to stand up for yourself." I tried NO CONTACT, I tried boundaries, I tried everything else, sometimes I overreacted back.. NO CONTACT is the only cure FROM ME BACK IS THE ONLY CURE for this sort of disease of theirs. NOTHING ELSE WORKS FOR THESE REGARDS
That’s what I’ve learned to do in my life. The moment you stop caring about the opinions of other people you stop drowning in them. In life, it’s important not to argue with argumentative people as it’s just draining. Let them be and simply cut them out of your life. For example, I’m naturally a happier overseas person, so if someone in the UK tries to convince me to stay here even after I’ve made it crystal clear that my heart doesn’t belong here, I let them be and just avoid them. In life, once you get to know a person well, you’ll know if they’re right for you. You need to trust your gut instinct.
This is absolutely tremendous, Thank you so much for this Stephanie, I don't care what others think, I don't want anyone approval, I self validate, I have a strong sense of self, No one can make me feel inferior without my contest, people who bully and put others down are insecure and need to feel better about themselves, Peace, love and respect to you and everyone, Thank you universe, All glory to the most high God 🌈🕊🍄😘🐎⚽🦄✌⚖🕆😃🦁💙💗💚❤👽☘💛♱💜
My mother is a typical clinical narcissist.Havent seen her for 17 years and even after she used the brief contact to still deny anything she did wrong inspite of black on white evidence
In middle-age, after processing the abuse from a workplace narcissist/OCPD manager, I realized my step-mother was the first one I encountered. I thought I had processed my CPTSD from childhood, until a narc/OCPD became my manager and everything was triggered in me. I found myself being critiqued about everything, like my experienced workflow, my choice of words, my part-time degree work, my goals, my autonomy to have workplace conversations with colleagues, to not checking-in with the narc/OCPD with my every action, etc. I had to learn Gray Rocking first. That didn't immediately feel good, but it stopped me from supplying the narc/OCPD with my reactions, and it seemed to immediately stop them in their tracks without someone to argue with. At that point I started learning to feel good inside while not responding to their attacks/control. After that I began to see them for who they really are, where I needed to grow stronger/healthier. I now don't try to people-please anyone, I know not to ask for approval for my own needs, and I don't seek validation for my goals, ideas, and revelations. When you have something other people want, you might feel like a target of many others. Many others seem to "connect" or self-validate through being contrarian to your preferences. It's an oddly lonely feeling to listen to people try to form an argument for why they are ok despite them wanting what you have, and to simply stand there being silently compassionate as they figure themselves out until you can exit the conversation kindly.
This video is so full of nuggets and excellent guidance and I appreciate how you explained what it looks like to be in the healthy place and sticking to your truths, not over explaining, having boundaries, being you and sticking to your interpretations of reality, not what the narcissistic person tries to narrate. Love your videos.
@@steadypace1262 Same here being bullied, mobbed, gaslighting, harassed at the hospital for over 12 years. I've happened to be the top worker for 38 years and have never been suspended. These bullies are jealous and miserable people. Union, manager, HR and the police are all totally useless. Bullies are lazy bums and stupid managers are scared of the bullies. They say about me I'm crazy, I drink, I'm a stalker all bs defamation of character. The biggest mistake since they removed disciplinary measures. They should arrest the bullies and fire the manager. Action speaks louder than nasty words. It destroyed my reputation. I will never quit to make these lazy bums ever win. If I decide to transfer to another hospital and may start mobbing once again, I don't know all the managers ect like in every department like now. So best to not change hospitals. I will never let bullies try to control me from quitting. Never let these low life lazy bums win ever win.
You are speaking directly to me with this video. I moved my narcissistic husband on October 1st. Took our 2 1/2 year old son and left. I have been battling this so badly and I didn’t know why. I still try to make him happy or do things to make it easier for him, etc. 10 years of trying to prove to him I was good enough and never succeeding … amazing how trauma therapy is helping me realize how my depressed mom and my dad that always cancelled his weekends with me has impacted me now as an adult. Long story short, but I needed this video desperately and needed it today. Thank you ❤️.
That's awesome, Amy! 26 years with mine and we have 4 children still at home. She's constantly making us feel inadequate! I'm trying to find a way to amicably leave.
Thank you for letting me know that a thing called narcissist exist. Without knowing that, i was experiencing abuses. 2 years of no contact. Living the real life now.
I doubt you'll see this message, my mother is the narcissist 🙌 I have to see her at family gatherings. She's tried to manipulate my family not to let me attend gatherings. Seeing her tomorrow. What a wonderful world 😁 But yes, I'll be responding to her like she's a robot. Nothing she says has any meaning. Everything is motivated that she does. I will do what I chose because I am me, not her game to twist and manipulate x
Stephanie the mind reader!!! I was just thinking about this right now, I would get upset and depressed whenever a narcissist would insult me or put me down, making me feel bad for who I am, and thought that they were right and I was wrong. I won't care about what they think of me anymore, thanks friend.
I had a Five year relationship with who I thought was the love of my life. I started seeing a few red flags a few years in but I ignored them., 9 weeks ago she did the discard but I had already known it was over but did not want it to be so. After feeling bewildered I started watching your videos. I reached out to her sister who she isolated me from also some of our friends that we went to school with ( she convinced me to unfollow and unfriend a lot of our mutual friends) I found out everything she told me was a lie. I had started telling her no in the last year. My professional life had been improving during our relationship and she did not like it. She portrayed herself as a good Christian woman. Turns out she was a Christian female covert narcissist. I found out after the relationship she had been having affairs left and right. I should have opened my eyes! Now I have started a martial arts class going back to church ( she never wanted to go-red flag for a Christian woman) and my shrunken self confidence has turned explosive! You have got to get out and heal yourself!
I litterally just went through all of this an hour ago. I’m proud of how I handled it and want to thank you so much Stephanie. You’ve made such a difference in my life.
Very good point… Seeking validation, approval or respect. It’s nice to know we are appreciated when deep down we should realize better then that. It’s because we work our fingers to the bone for them and the kids and it’s only expected. That’s it. We are just dumb driven cattle. Now wonder many turn to substance abuse. I’m not promoting that but I can see why people fall so far down and then they need help getting back out. Sad man😢
In the last five months I threw three narcissists out of my life. They were pretending to be my friends for twenty (!) years. Without your videos I would probably still be suffering from those toxic and manipulative abusers. Stephanie, thank you for all the effort you put to share all this stuff with all of us! It's priceless 🥰
Thank you so much! I just found this video at the perfect moment. My ex keeps getting back in touch with me with meaningless seemingly nice messages, while I'm suffering from a relapse into depression following our unhealthy relationship filled with manipulation and gaslighting. I don't want to stay in touch with this person, but haven't been strong enough to cut the ties.
This video just stopped me from going back after an argument to again explain myself. I do see that I do this all the time while he turns everything around on me. I just texted myself the link to this video to watch it every day. Thank you.
You described me when you talked about the issues someone has within THEMSELVES that they need to work on to not give someone like this control over you. I did a lot of personal work and now no longer look for validation and approval from others and had to cut the really toxic narcissists out of my life and am happier for it.
Spot On!!! I have been divorced for four years. I wish I had seen this video back then. Because four years later these games are still going on. Now I know what to look for in myself as well as how to manage the situation. Thank you for this! This is a Gem
For me the loss of fear of narsys is the healing step that is allowing me to heal and make decisions. For me to not care is to not fear them. To be able to move my own life as I need to. There is hope. My early life views of humility were too extremist.
When I was with her I realised she was very controlling and paranoid, in time she became more toxic. I dont care what someone like this thinks or says about me. Spend enough time with her you'll see it for yourself.
You should never tell someone how to feel or tell someone that their feelings don’t matter . I’m glad I watched this video because I actually don’t care what people think . I no longer need anyone s approval.
I am professional diagnosed and identified as intj personality type with anti social schizoidal tendencies on the spectrum to. When I run into narcasist I play them like a piano and make them act out. When the narcasist gets physical that's when I shine. It's what entertains me and I like dishing out the pay back.
I’m really far into my journey and yet I still seek validation from trusted friends and my therapist. Sometimes before responding to my ex I text others first to get their opinions. I send a snapshot of her outrageous text then a screenshot of my response that waits in queue until I get validated, then I send it. It’s sad really. After such a long time I still care what she thinks even though she left me a shell of my former self.
Wonderful video. Thanks so much. Will contribute but abroad and wont let me at mo, but I am grateful to you for all your videos. You have 😮helped me more than you could know.
Hard when it’s your adult child. When they blame you for all that’s wrong in their life. When they are the classic text book “ narcissistic blame the parent abuser”. Even the title of this brought more release.
"Falling down and hurting your knee" brought back a memory. It was 1969. I was 5 years old. I fell off my bicycle. The blood was gushing from my leg! That's a scary sight for an ADULT, never mind a CHILD! I remember running home, and my mom lost her shit on me! I was in trouble for it! That's messed up! I remember her screaming at me. The thing is... almost a week later, it was sooooo swollen at the nasty cut site that we went to the doctors. Stuck in my leg was a HUGE chunk of glass. Doc said had my parents waited another day, I would have lost my leg from the knee down. All these years later, I've finally stopped making excuses for her. (I gave her waaaaay too much understanding all these years I gaslight myself by saying "Well...she had 2 more kids at home, my dad was out of town on a business trip and she had no car, she was only 29 years old, 3 small children, no way to get me to a doc, she musta been so frustrated......blah blah blah..... I just got away from a narc after 27 months. No wonder he came after me. I was a sitting duck! Man oh man, do I have work to do on myself!
I think we are all narcissistic to a certain degree, some more than others for sure. As long as you recognize what you are saying and take accountability for what you articulate or your actions as well , you should be good. We aren’t perfect. But steps in the right directions.
If you focus on the positive and growing as a human things will take care of themselves. I had a dark year where I lost some family who sided with the narc. Over time though people will see the truth. I have had most of my family realize they truth. I have learned many of my friends had to cut my ex out because of the negative behaviour towards me. Stay positive and do the work. Learn boundaries and you will win in the long run.
My Mother I think is very dominant controlling everything has to be her way or the highway and it’s been a very hard battle to deal with someone like this that’s supposed to respect you love you care about you but I’m confused I don’t feel like she really does like it’s just a game that she plays and it breaks my heart every day🥲
Practicing how to self parent and actually seeing some good healthy fruits from it is very freeing and relieving from negative thoughts and emotions, it is also very eye opening as well💘😭🤞🏼.
I take care of my disabled son, cook healthier and take care of my pets and home. They think I have nothing to do all day but listen to their BS. I'm very selective of who I want in my life now.
And I feel like I’ve been put down all my life by my mother and I have been a scapegoat and my other brother is a golden child and she just told me this year that she never even wanted kids and she’s almost 70 years old now and found out She has cancer this year but this is been the most dramatic hurting experience I ever have went through all my life but I am trying to cope with it because I don’t know what else to do and I thank you for your advice it helps so much🙏👍
@@LovedbyGodalways I'm so sorry you have had to deal with such cruelty. I hope you have found a place of your own to live, and that you will find kind people in your life to connect with. Peace to you.
No, I'm not. I'm still trying to get over, how my daughter stood their & did nothing to help me🥺 while her husband was putting me through Mentally & emotionally. Only I could figure out. Is my daughter is to afraid to stand up me because of him. Best thing I could do for myself!! Was just walk away from Drama/TOXIC Behavior!! Yes, I sure do miss my grandson 😢 but, I had to walk away, for peace of mind!! There's No one there to help/Protect me, from his Narcissistic Behavior!!!
This sounds like my x-mother, father, sister, and brother in laws. Thank you for this video. This literally video literally opened my eyes and makes completely sense to me now.
I keep playing this one over and over, hoping the incredibly true facts will be ingrained in my brain so that I can remember when Im in the situation. Really really helpful thank you. Edit: this video helped me directly identify what I was missing as a child that has literally stunted any growth in that area (approval/validation).
Yes I was over explaining and trying to get him to stop twisting my words. And I kept reassuring him and he’s wasn’t with me. Then when he would say things to me after he provoked me or made me feel crazy, and said condescending things he didn’t do that. But I did. Reassure him. How do I stop letting what he thinks or what he thinks I said about him affect me. And just get over it because he wasn’t even what I needed anyway but it still hurts because I care. I know he’s probably moved on. But it’s like how do I stop letting it affect me when they don’t even sit there and honestly even care as much as I do. Ohhh okay that’s another thing too is I was letting the narc tell me what I was doing wrong, and what they think when I wasn’t.
The last point of trying to convince them is something I need to work on. You throw logic and they catch a rubics cube, mix it up and say hey, logic that. So you start all over again, on the first color.
I feel way better without him but yesterday I became really bothered by what he’s saying to his family and friends. He threw and smashed something but obviously zero apology… I don’t know why?! It will all be half truths and manipulation and they are the ones who told me he was a narcissist 😳 Yes, totally a competition for him. He is blocked and I have no desire to have anything to do with him. I need to work on letting go of needing any apology, plus I will work on the approval aspect which stems from a previous relationship.
Excellent! You have a way of saying things so succinctly, and with such great knowledge and wisdom. And this advice can be applied to all relationships, not just primarily relationships that started out as romantic ones. The more generalized this information can be presented, the more people will be able to relate to the information and apply it to their introspective journey in becoming healthier and happier within themselves.
I wish I didn't care what my narc dad thinks. He (Dad-narcissist) pulls the autocratic method-bullying me(pulling the parent card: authority(alleged) that he thinks he has(and doesn't).
I dont have A relationship with this person anymore and thats how I want it to stay. I have moved on and they don't even know what I want to do anymore. I am not even in contact with the person now. You probably know them better than me I just want the contact with them to stop.its a big pain to me that they just get on with there life would suit me fine. On a good note, I have enjoyed your advice, so thanks. Edward
“What are you talking about?” “Your a burden to this family” Etc… etc… eventually you think there is something is wrong with you and there maybe is some (accountability) but it’s actually them. - typical baby boomer parents. It’s a miracle I found AA, Jesus and can be of service to others and society. I love you God loves you. You’re not as crazy as you think you are ❤
No one talks about how to deal with a mimicking narcissist that uses the flying monkeys to monitor where you shop despite blocking them and going no contact
Yes, my divorced mother was a narcisist and I married a narcisist...have never known love and I'm 73 years old. Am learning to love myself after two very devaluing and totally abusive relationships. Thank you for validation and encouragement...no one ever takes your side...these folks are liers, manipulators and oh sooo cunning! It's hard to understand how a mother and a husband that you have loved can be jealous of you and want to destroy you! God bless you and the work you and others are doing to help us survivors and others understand this dangerous disease which has become an epidemic!
Mother's Day is the most triggering day of the year when you have a mother who literally wanted you to die
I am glad you are healing today .
However was the relationship between these 2 narc were alright ? Did they get along ? Im so curious
Am in the same position. Narc mother and husband and one adult child taking the narcs side. The other adult child is so depressed and pissed off about the situation.
Only a relationship with ur creator, The Almighty God, ur heavenly father can love you unconditionally without "attached strings", or motives, or manipulative plans for you. Trust Him with all ur heart and soul. Give ur heart to God and mean it and you will have the complete joy, love , and happiness you've always needed. Trust God to bring the right mate in your life. 73 is just a number dear lady !
Only a relationship with ur creator, The Almighty God, ur heavenly father can love you unconditionally without "attached strings", or motives, or manipulative plans for you. Trust Him with all ur heart and soul. Give ur heart to God and mean it and you will have the complete joy, love , and happiness you've always needed. Trust God to bring the right mate in your life. 73 is just a number dear lady !
'Get confidence back, learning to love yourself.... ' Moving forward. Good to listen to you, thank you!!
The narcissist won't even acknowledge you as being a human being who has the same needs and wants as everyone else. Good video.👍🙂
I learned alot from several narcissist in my life. If I see them I look straight in their eyes. Without any expression. And go on about my day as if I hadn't even seen them. It's funny af.
It took me 44 years of living and two consecutive marriages/ relationships of 25 years of narcissism to come to a point where enough was enough and now on the healing journey.
Better late than never ! !
Mine came after me today with money-shaming aka financial abuse. She KNOWS that's a sore spot for me and that I work my ass off but don't make much money. She brought it up THREE times in one "conversation". You can tell she enjoyed it, too. They're horrendous people. Toxic from the inside out.
"You're selfish"
"You're evil"
"You're too sentimental"
"You can't take a joke"
"You can't take a bit of banter"
These are the things that the two narcs I had in the past called me, not taking into consideration that they're the ones that brought their nasty, hateful and selfish attitudes to the plate to begin with. And I used to believe them, because I guess, I didn't know any better.
What I learnt from the situation is to always trust your instincts. If something isn't right in a situation, be strong enough to address it. And if they're not willing to change their ways, be strong enough and willing enough to change the people you interact with, or better yet, your scenery....
I can relate to everything you write about and took me a lot of time to learn exactly what I was dealing with. God bless all of us that have endured of these people.
I've lost count how many times I've heard "I was just joking. " and these ppl do physical things that are attempted homicide.
"you're too sentimental" ? How is that a bad thing? That's a good thing!! 🙄 Only a narc can make all ur good qualities a problem....
I was just called selfish and evil by my husband for is a narc. I filed for divorce last week. I changed the locks on our home because My son and I felt unsafe. We have been married 15 year and he has been abusive at least 7 of those years. I'm finally standing my ground and speaking up and he says that's me being a monster. It hurt.... so badly. I know it's not true but it hurts.
I used to say some of those things to the narcissist though especially they are to sensitive which they are
When I was younger, I felt this from some family members, a couple of former co workers . Not so much now. The older you get the wiser you get.
I feel like they complement you to test how you'll respond, just to see if you still have a buzz from external validation. Then once they rope you back in and make you feed safe and heard, they tear you down.
This is a real gem of a video. It is the life-changing answer to a habit of energy-draining behaviors that have kept me entangled with the narcissist, and giving away my power. The number one conveyer of confidence is body language. Narcs have it down to a fine art. What it is, is a subtle defiance, or veiled threat that things could get "ugly." Just yesterday, I managed to NOT let my narc mother intimidate me into being fearful of any “outcomes.” Sadly, at the end of the day, I blew it. I started “over-explaining,” and “caring” about what she thought. The triumphant look on her face said it all! This video serves as a great reminder not to fall for any more of the narcissist’s tricks, or crazy antics!! Thank you so, so much Stephanie.
It s my mom, i wish i knew this earlier...
Soul has been depleted. I was as low as I ever could have imagined. I am now standing one one sid foot and trying my damndest!
Are you real? How can someone be so beautiful and yet so down to earth?! I have been healing for the past two years, in part thanks to your videos
1:50 "(The narcissist) will challenge you to stand up for yourself." I tried NO CONTACT, I tried boundaries, I tried everything else, sometimes I overreacted back.. NO CONTACT is the only cure FROM ME BACK IS THE ONLY CURE for this sort of disease of theirs. NOTHING ELSE WORKS FOR THESE REGARDS
That’s what I’ve learned to do in my life. The moment you stop caring about the opinions of other people you stop drowning in them. In life, it’s important not to argue with argumentative people as it’s just draining. Let them be and simply cut them out of your life. For example, I’m naturally a happier overseas person, so if someone in the UK tries to convince me to stay here even after I’ve made it crystal clear that my heart doesn’t belong here, I let them be and just avoid them. In life, once you get to know a person well, you’ll know if they’re right for you. You need to trust your gut instinct.
This is absolutely tremendous, Thank you so much for this Stephanie, I don't care what others think, I don't want anyone approval, I self validate, I have a strong sense of self, No one can make me feel inferior without my contest, people who bully and put others down are insecure and need to feel better about themselves, Peace, love and respect to you and everyone, Thank you universe, All glory to the most high God 🌈🕊🍄😘🐎⚽🦄✌⚖🕆😃🦁💙💗💚❤👽☘💛♱💜
My mother is a typical clinical narcissist.Havent seen her for 17 years and even after she used the brief contact to still deny anything she did wrong inspite of black on white evidence
In middle-age, after processing the abuse from a workplace narcissist/OCPD manager, I realized my step-mother was the first one I encountered. I thought I had processed my CPTSD from childhood, until a narc/OCPD became my manager and everything was triggered in me. I found myself being critiqued about everything, like my experienced workflow, my choice of words, my part-time degree work, my goals, my autonomy to have workplace conversations with colleagues, to not checking-in with the narc/OCPD with my every action, etc.
I had to learn Gray Rocking first. That didn't immediately feel good, but it stopped me from supplying the narc/OCPD with my reactions, and it seemed to immediately stop them in their tracks without someone to argue with. At that point I started learning to feel good inside while not responding to their attacks/control. After that I began to see them for who they really are, where I needed to grow stronger/healthier. I now don't try to people-please anyone, I know not to ask for approval for my own needs, and I don't seek validation for my goals, ideas, and revelations. When you have something other people want, you might feel like a target of many others. Many others seem to "connect" or self-validate through being contrarian to your preferences. It's an oddly lonely feeling to listen to people try to form an argument for why they are ok despite them wanting what you have, and to simply stand there being silently compassionate as they figure themselves out until you can exit the conversation kindly.
This video is so full of nuggets and excellent guidance and I appreciate how you explained what it looks like to be in the healthy place and sticking to your truths, not over explaining, having boundaries, being you and sticking to your interpretations of reality, not what the narcissistic person tries to narrate. Love your videos.
I teared cos it reminded me of my close friend and I. I treated her like an older sis, but she put me down time and time and again.
DUDE! I have watched dozens of your videos, but this was the one I needed. Thank you for what you do. Much ❤️
I thought the same thing.
@@steadypace1262 Same here being bullied, mobbed, gaslighting, harassed at the hospital for over 12 years. I've happened to be the top worker for 38 years and have never been suspended. These bullies are jealous and miserable people. Union, manager, HR and the police are all totally useless. Bullies are lazy bums and stupid managers are scared of the bullies. They say about me I'm crazy, I drink, I'm a stalker all bs defamation of character. The biggest mistake since they removed disciplinary measures. They should arrest the bullies and fire the manager. Action speaks louder than nasty words. It destroyed my reputation. I will never quit to make these lazy bums ever win. If I decide to transfer to another hospital and may start mobbing once again, I don't know all the managers ect like in every department like now. So best to not change hospitals. I will never let bullies try to control me from quitting. Never let these low life lazy bums win ever win.
You are speaking directly to me with this video. I moved my narcissistic husband on October 1st. Took our 2 1/2 year old son and left. I have been battling this so badly and I didn’t know why. I still try to make him happy or do things to make it easier for him, etc. 10 years of trying to prove to him I was good enough and never succeeding … amazing how trauma therapy is helping me realize how my depressed mom and my dad that always cancelled his weekends with me has impacted me now as an adult.
Long story short, but I needed this video desperately and needed it today. Thank you ❤️.
You are not alone. Dealing with the same thing at the same time.
That's awesome, Amy! 26 years with mine and we have 4 children still at home. She's constantly making us feel inadequate! I'm trying to find a way to amicably leave.
Thank you for letting me know that a thing called narcissist exist. Without knowing that, i was experiencing abuses. 2 years of no contact. Living the real life now.
I doubt you'll see this message, my mother is the narcissist 🙌 I have to see her at family gatherings. She's tried to manipulate my family not to let me attend gatherings. Seeing her tomorrow. What a wonderful world 😁 But yes, I'll be responding to her like she's a robot. Nothing she says has any meaning. Everything is motivated that she does. I will do what I chose because I am me, not her game to twist and manipulate x
These videos help keep me sane and not feeling lonely temporarily.
Stephanie the mind reader!!! I was just thinking about this right now, I would get upset and depressed whenever a narcissist would insult me or put me down, making me feel bad for who I am, and thought that they were right and I was wrong.
I won't care about what they think of me anymore, thanks friend.
This is so much how I feel and the way he treated me.
I had a Five year relationship with who I thought was the love of my life. I started seeing a few red flags a few years in but I ignored them., 9 weeks ago she did the discard but I had already known it was over but did not want it to be so. After feeling bewildered I started watching your videos. I reached out to her sister who she isolated me from also some of our friends that we went to school with ( she convinced me to unfollow and unfriend a lot of our mutual friends) I found out everything she told me was a lie. I had started telling her no in the last year. My professional life had been improving during our relationship and she did not like it. She portrayed herself as a good Christian woman. Turns out she was a Christian female covert narcissist. I found out after the relationship she had been having affairs left and right. I should have opened my eyes! Now I have started a martial arts class going back to church ( she never wanted to go-red flag for a Christian woman) and my shrunken self confidence has turned explosive! You have got to get out and heal yourself!
I litterally just went through all of this an hour ago. I’m proud of how I handled it and want to thank you so much Stephanie. You’ve made such a difference in my life.
Very good point…
Seeking validation, approval or respect.
It’s nice to know we are appreciated when deep down we should realize better then that.
It’s because we work our fingers to the bone for them and the kids and it’s only expected. That’s it.
We are just dumb driven cattle. Now wonder many turn to substance abuse. I’m not promoting that but I can see why people fall so far down and then they need help getting back out. Sad man😢
In the last five months I threw three narcissists out of my life. They were pretending to be my friends for twenty (!) years. Without your videos I would probably still be suffering from those toxic and manipulative abusers. Stephanie, thank you for all the effort you put to share all this stuff with all of us! It's priceless 🥰
Pretend to be your friends for 20 years? How did they pull that through?
This was exactly what I needed to hear at this point in my life.
Thank you so much! I just found this video at the perfect moment.
My ex keeps getting back in touch with me with meaningless seemingly nice messages, while I'm suffering from a relapse into depression following our unhealthy relationship filled with manipulation and gaslighting. I don't want to stay in touch with this person, but haven't been strong enough to cut the ties.
This video just stopped me from going back after an argument to again explain myself. I do see that I do this all the time while he turns everything around on me. I just texted myself the link to this video to watch it every day. Thank you.
You described me when you talked about the issues someone has within THEMSELVES that they need to work on to not give someone like this control over you. I did a lot of personal work and now no longer look for validation and approval from others and had to cut the really toxic narcissists out of my life and am happier for it.
I don’t think she knows how hard it is to stay focused when she’s so beautiful
Spot On!!! I have been divorced for four years. I wish I had seen this video back then. Because four years later these games are still going on. Now I know what to look for in myself as well as how to manage the situation. Thank you for this! This is a Gem
For me the loss of fear of narsys is the healing step that is allowing me to heal and make decisions. For me to not care is to not fear them. To be able to move my own life as I need to. There is hope. My early life views of humility were too extremist.
Co-parenting is the worst with a narcissist. They make things so difficult.
I wanted my narcissist to find another supply and forget I ever existed. While he had a new supply he was leaving me alone and I had peace and quiet
That's heavy you explained everything in one video
When I was with her I realised she was very controlling and paranoid, in time she became more toxic. I dont care what someone like this thinks or says about me. Spend enough time with her you'll see it for yourself.
You should never tell someone how to feel or tell someone that their feelings don’t matter . I’m glad I watched this video because I actually don’t care what people think . I no longer need anyone s approval.
I am professional diagnosed and identified as intj personality type with anti social schizoidal tendencies on the spectrum to.
When I run into narcasist I play them like a piano and make them act out.
When the narcasist gets physical that's when I shine.
It's what entertains me and I like dishing out the pay back.
I’m really far into my journey and yet I still seek validation from trusted friends and my therapist. Sometimes before responding to my ex I text others first to get their opinions. I send a snapshot of her outrageous text then a screenshot of my response that waits in queue until I get validated, then I send it. It’s sad really. After such a long time I still care what she thinks even though she left me a shell of my former self.
❤your content is exactly what I need today
Wonderful video. Thanks so much. Will contribute but abroad and wont let me at mo, but I am grateful to you for all your videos. You have 😮helped me more than you could know.
Thank you for brilliant observations and excellent advice.
Thanks for this video. It's joined so many dots and has given me a valuable perspective of myself and my situation.
Hard when it’s your adult child. When they blame you for all that’s wrong in their life. When they are the classic text book “ narcissistic blame the parent abuser”. Even the title of this brought more release.
"Falling down and hurting your knee" brought back a memory.
It was 1969. I was 5 years old.
I fell off my bicycle. The blood was gushing from my leg! That's a scary sight for an ADULT, never mind a CHILD!
I remember running home, and my mom lost her shit on me!
I was in trouble for it!
That's messed up!
I remember her screaming at me.
The thing is... almost a week later, it was sooooo swollen at the nasty cut site that we went to the doctors.
Stuck in my leg was a HUGE chunk of glass.
Doc said had my parents waited another day, I would have lost my leg from the knee down.
All these years later, I've finally stopped making excuses for her.
(I gave her waaaaay too much understanding all these years
I gaslight myself by saying "Well...she had 2 more kids at home, my dad was out of town on a business trip and she had no car, she was only 29 years old, 3 small children, no way to get me to a doc, she musta been so frustrated......blah blah blah.....
I just got away from a narc after 27 months.
No wonder he came after me.
I was a sitting duck!
Man oh man, do I have work to do on myself!
Omg I needed this. I still want them to approve of me or look up at me.
Yes yes and yesssss I’m latina and maybe I’m a little toxic for this but I talk shit back and defend myself
I think we are all narcissistic to a certain degree, some more than others for sure. As long as you recognize what you are saying and take accountability for what you articulate or your actions as well , you should be good. We aren’t perfect. But steps in the right directions.
I’m really starting to move through all of this thanks to you!
Oh my gosh, you are just what I need . You have walked my steps.
If you focus on the positive and growing as a human things will take care of themselves. I had a dark year where I lost some family who sided with the narc. Over time though people will see the truth. I have had most of my family realize they truth. I have learned many of my friends had to cut my ex out because of the negative behaviour towards me. Stay positive and do the work. Learn boundaries and you will win in the long run.
Thank you, Stephanie. It's just what I needed to hear.
I realised by listening to him when first met he did nothing but put me in stress and trouble
Because I never addressed my childhood issues. I was in a repeated cycle of being a victim. It’s crazy how I kept myself there.
My Mother I think is very dominant controlling everything has to be her way or the highway and it’s been a very hard battle to deal with someone like this that’s supposed to respect you love you care about you but I’m confused I don’t feel like she really does like it’s just a game that she plays and it breaks my heart every day🥲
Practicing how to self parent and actually seeing some good healthy fruits from it is very freeing and relieving from negative thoughts and emotions, it is also very eye opening as well💘😭🤞🏼.
Kyle Robert Terry & Adwin Neelesh Pratap are narcissists I've dealt with. There should be an app where we can list narcissist abusers.
Yes yes yes! And what narssy hive jobs to flee from.
I agree
That would create an amazing narcissistic injury. Lmao
That would be nice. Especially actual diagnosed NPD. But it would be abused and become worthless.😒
I take care of my disabled son, cook healthier and take care of my pets and home. They think I have nothing to do all day but listen to their BS. I'm very selective of who I want in my life now.
And I feel like I’ve been put down all my life by my mother and I have been a scapegoat and my other brother is a golden child and she just told me this year that she never even wanted kids and she’s almost 70 years old now and found out She has cancer this year but this is been the most dramatic hurting experience I ever have went through all my life but I am trying to cope with it because I don’t know what else to do and I thank you for your advice it helps so much🙏👍
I been put down my whole life and scapegoated telling the truth big mistake
@@LovedbyGodalways I'm so sorry you have had to deal with such cruelty. I hope you have found a place of your own to live, and that you will find kind people in your life to connect with. Peace to you.
God talk to me I got a deliverance thank u lord
No, I'm not. I'm still trying to get over, how my daughter stood their & did nothing to help me🥺 while her husband was putting me through Mentally & emotionally. Only I could figure out. Is my daughter is to afraid to stand up me because of him. Best thing I could do for myself!! Was just walk away from Drama/TOXIC Behavior!! Yes, I sure do miss my grandson 😢 but, I had to walk away, for peace of mind!! There's No one there to help/Protect me, from his Narcissistic Behavior!!!
Very eye opening ❤️🕊️🙏
Oh my goodness that is what she tells me
This sounds like my x-mother, father, sister, and brother in laws. Thank you for this video. This literally video literally opened my eyes and makes completely sense to me now.
I keep playing this one over and over, hoping the incredibly true facts will be ingrained in my brain so that I can remember when Im in the situation. Really really helpful thank you.
Edit: this video helped me directly identify what I was missing as a child that has literally stunted any growth in that area (approval/validation).
Yes I was over explaining and trying to get him to stop twisting my words. And I kept reassuring him and he’s wasn’t with me. Then when he would say things to me after he provoked me or made me feel crazy, and said condescending things he didn’t do that. But I did. Reassure him. How do I stop letting what he thinks or what he thinks I said about him affect me. And just get over it because he wasn’t even what I needed anyway but it still hurts because I care. I know he’s probably moved on. But it’s like how do I stop letting it affect me when they don’t even sit there and honestly even care as much as I do.
Ohhh okay that’s another thing too is I was letting the narc tell me what I was doing wrong, and what they think when I wasn’t.
This is exactly what happens to me
Appreciate you Steph! Vids, boot camp, and podcast posts all seem to serendipitously resonate.... From a guy!
The last point of trying to convince them is something I need to work on. You throw logic and they catch a rubics cube, mix it up and say hey, logic that. So you start all over again, on the first color.
Thank you for very good advice.
I really needed to hear this today I live with my abuser with no where to go its hard
Thank you Stephanie!….I’m doing with npd sister more & more….it’s a rocky road, but so worth it💯♥️♥️
I feel way better without him but yesterday I became really bothered by what he’s saying to his family and friends. He threw and smashed something but obviously zero apology… I don’t know why?! It will all be half truths and manipulation and they are the ones who told me he was a narcissist 😳
Yes, totally a competition for him.
He is blocked and I have no desire to have anything to do with him. I need to work on letting go of needing any apology, plus I will work on the approval aspect which stems from a previous relationship.
Love it! Totally insightful!
Excellent! You have a way of saying things so succinctly, and with such great knowledge and wisdom. And this advice can be applied to all relationships, not just primarily relationships that started out as romantic ones. The more generalized this information can be presented, the more people will be able to relate to the information and apply it to their introspective journey in becoming healthier and happier within themselves.
You are Awesome
This was great! Thanks, Stephanie!
Thanks for your tips Stephanie, this was so helpful, keep up the good work
Thank you - you're spot on.
Whoo!... This one was a good one. Thank you.
I wish I didn't care what my narc dad thinks. He (Dad-narcissist) pulls the autocratic method-bullying me(pulling the parent card: authority(alleged) that he thinks he has(and doesn't).
I dont have A relationship with this person anymore and thats how I want it to stay. I have moved on and they don't even know what I want to do anymore. I am not even in contact with the person now. You probably know them better than me I just want the contact with them to stop.its a big pain to me that they just get on with there life would suit me fine. On a good note, I have enjoyed your advice, so thanks. Edward
Let them think what they like, their thoughts are as distorted as their behaviour
Wow, so important video! Thank you ❤
Thank you!💕
My ex always want to be around me. He is so toxic. He won't even take our daughter unless I go with them
You are incredible. Thank you
thanks
My Name is Alvin and I am doing exactly that
“What are you talking about?”
“Your a burden to this family”
Etc… etc… eventually you think there is something is wrong with you and there maybe is some (accountability) but it’s actually them. - typical baby boomer parents.
It’s a miracle I found AA, Jesus and can be of service to others and society. I love you God loves you. You’re not as crazy as you think you are ❤
No one talks about how to deal with a mimicking narcissist that uses the flying monkeys to monitor where you shop despite blocking them and going no contact
Excellent video
The way I see it is like this who do they think they are
Lovely video coach 👏🏼
Great content. Well explained to the T.