I think it depends on how you navigate it. You can’t erase past trauma but you can choose how much contact you have with certain individuals or whether you remove them from your life. You can also access counselling to try to work through the trauma at your own pace.
Yes, and now I do with my parents, that divorced after that and left me alone, not even talking about the losses and how I feel, we feel. Now I had to return from abroad lands where I found peace away from here just bcz my mother got very sick, and I can just say BRAVO for the very right thing you said, that HELPED ME THE MOST
Yeah it’s true. Being molested, for instance, is one thing. But now imagine your mother loves that person who molested you and you have to see them all every Christmas , and hear about their birthdays , and receive their cards. Retraumatising is an annual and ritual experience . It’s not just ‘childhood’ trauma it dosent end
The key is to ALLOW it. Allow the feeling to express in a safe environment. I used to scream out loud in my car. After about 5 years , that anger passed and I dont need to do that anymore.
You’re so right. Screaming on top a hill, in a car, in a forest, in an isolated location is something I suggest to my clients. Anger is an emotion that needs to be released because if suppressed, it usually comes out in other ways - projection onto others, tension in the body, self-hate, unhealthy habits, destruction of property etc.
I am affraid, for me anger is somehow relates with severe dissociation, I feel that if I scream I loose myself like it use to happend in my childhood when under trauma.
@@angelicacroitoru4946 I know what you mean. Allow the feeling of being afraid and allow the anger in baby steps. The way out of it is through it. You can take small steps of allowing. Avoiding it just keeps it stored.
So sorry to hear that. It must be difficult because you may feel that you didn’t get closure and never will now. It’s understandable that you would feel angry but also anger is going to hurt you in the long run. You might want to consider writing a letter to your late father with all of your thoughts and then ripping it up or burning it. I’ve used this method myself after a relationship breakup and it gave me closure ( I kept the letter for about a week and then felt ready to let it all go). Take care of yourself
I'm 25 and I can understand what you're going through to an extent. My dad denies ever abusing me and that denial, and no apology, no remorse, makes me not want to visit him anymore. I was raised to always be on good terms with someone because you never know what might happen. However, my dad happens to be the exception. He's so toxic I have no means in trying to mend the relationship. I already tried on my part and all it did was damage me more mentally. Hoping that if I start speaking to someone this year about everything I've been through, maybe I can get through it and not continue to explode like some ticking time bomb
Sometimes people don't use words because they feel so guilty and angry with themselves! Him wanting to be with you was probably the closest he could come to an apology! When someone has passed away it's very unhealthy to keep being angry with them! I hope you are in a better place about it now. God bless you
I understand. My Dad was just broken. His dad alcoholic. Folks divorced. My Dad served WW2 in jungles of Phillipines. His brother died serving in Europe. Dad alcoholic. My childhood was shit. 71 yrs. old now. 20 yes of Alanon and therapy. I'm much better. It gets better. But we have to work on it. Prayers for you.
I have internalized rage towards my mom whom I still live with. I’ve tried talking with her about past wounds and pains but, she always deflects and tells me I can’t blame her for all of my problems. Which I always say, I’m not doing. This is barely the tip of the iceberg of our relationship, and it truly angers me. There is healthy anger to feel, but anger runs deep if i let it. It’s hard still living with her and the pain of yesterdays, especially when she minimizes and invalidates my truth. But, It is what it is, when having an emotionally immature detached parent.
Thanks for sharing your story. That must be really difficult especially as you live with your mom. It’s good that you’ve accepted the reality of the situation even though it hurts. Your mom may change over time and decide to hear what you have to say and how you are feeling, but if not, don’t let it impact or influence who you are and how you behave 💕
That trauma can destroy you. I lost my best friend, and others because of it. I just try to stay away from people. I don't make friends anymore either. Just subscribed.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and for subscribing. Yes, trauma can be very overwhelming but people can also heal from the trauma that they’ve suffered in their lives. I hope that you eventually get to a place in your life where you feel that you can trust some people in life because as humans, one of the main things we desire is to belong and to connect with others. Have a good evening
A few years ago we visited with my friend a Science Centre. At the door was a camera and a monitor equipped with emotions recognition system. Every time I passed there with my natural face (I didn't feel angry or anything), there was a big sign: ANGER. Only recently I recognised that the program was correct. I'm constantly clenching my teeth, my jaw muscles are tense, and a minor thing can trigger me into rage. And it's been like this for decades.
Thanks for sharing this. Yes, sometimes, we can be experiencing sadness, anger, depression, stress and other emotions without being fully aware of it. Maybe you could consider speaking to a therapist to uncover the root of the anger?
@@mariancounsellor I met multiple therapists during last 20 years. The only one, who was able to reach the bottom of me was a Jungian psychoanalyst. Unfortunately I have a blockade regarding the feeling of anger. I'm facing a wall every time I try to approach it. I think it comes from a very early childhood.
@@anaconda470 Your pain can be overcome. I, and others in a support group I’m in, have been facing and bit by bit overcoming trauma from toddlerhood. Look at your triggers and that can help you identify what you endured. There is HOPE.
@@Amy. Thank you. I've been participating in group work for several months. It was the psychodynamic approach. It did change certain things but the core issues were not touched. I have an extreme resistance.
Finding a competent therapist is extremely challenging! I have been through many and they can do and have done so much harm and only enforce the issues at hand and create more.
I completely agree with you that it’s not easy to find a good therapist. There is no perfect way to select one but I suppose you could have an initial conversation before deciding on the therapist. It is challenging to have to keep changing therapists and repeating your story.
The main problem is everything starts out well and then they let their personal issues get in the way thereby doing harm to me even becoming abusive. They like so many lack self-awareness so when something is brought to their attention they, due to their pride, get offended and take it out on the client.@@mariancounsellor
I had about 5 therapists before I found one that helped. One told me that I didn't need therapy. One got visibly angry at me when I told him about mistakes I'd made, even seemed to mock me in a way. One never spoke to me and thought it was helpful to only listen, it wasn't. One helped me a lot but I had to move so I couldn't go anymore. My therapist now helps me cope with and navigate my negative emotions. It took months, but I can finally feel that progress is being made, and I feel better. Don't give up on healing from what happened to you. I advise you to love yourself more than that.
This was me. I blew up my life and lost my job after exploding at a client. I was a ball of rage. A consuming anger. Thankfully, I am much better now. But i did crash land in a phenomenal manner. A year after my mental breakdown, I took a very large dose of psychedelic mushrooms. It was a game changer for me. I recommend it to everyone.
I've been working with a guy who's constantly projecting his anger at others but mostly me. It's upsetting because he's incredibly knowledgeable about the job but he's got a major anger issue. I've had to put boundaries up and can't work with him anymore. On the plus side it has made me acknowledge my own suppressed anger and has helped me on my healing journey.
Thanks for sharing your story. There are so many people walking around with suppressed anger and it can feel really hard to manage the emotion in an appropriate way. That’s why many people end up projecting anger towards others or they use unhealthy ways to try to get rid of it, like taking drugs or hitting a wall. Yes, sometimes through being around others, we learn about ourselves.
I've lost many jobs in my life because of this. It was only in my mid fifties did I find a safe way to release it. I go out into the woods, or inside the car, or garage, and let the volcano blow! I get it OUT!!! I yell until I'm tired, cuss, punch a bag, etc. Just to get it OUT!!! With the release, I'm in control again. After a few weeks, it happens less and less. It's been about five years, and now it only happens a couple times a year. That's better than five times a week!!!! Even now, when it comes, I don't hold it in. I go somewhere alone, and express it; just to get it OUT!!! Sometimes I would just stand in the house, turn up the radio, and scream until I was exhausted! It helps me more than any "calming exercise" ever did!!!
Thank you for sharing your story and I agree with you that releasing anger through punching a cushion, a punch bag, screaming, are all valid and legit approaches because it’s about releasing pent up rage so that it doesn’t come out inappropriately through hitting others, damaging objects, hurting yourself. Going to the top of a hill or mountain and screaming is also somewhere that you can feel free to do that. Hopefully, the more you do it, the less you will feel like you need to. I wish you the very best!
@@mariancounsellor Thanks for your good wishes. Yes, getting it out is what matters most. I've done the very things you mentioned too! To the point I'm physically exhausted afterwards. But I always feel better afterwards. Years of having to hold it in as a child and young adult took a toll on my health. These days, I don't try to hold it in. I just keep it in check until I can get somewhere to release it. I never wanted to hurt others, nor myself! That's the hardest part! I've done pretty good, other than a few broken lamps and other inanimate objects; when throwing a cushion across the room went awry.🤭 Oops! I share because I hope it helps others get control of their rage. Not to hold it in! (That's not healthy!) But to get it out safely! Truly, I hope this helps others who suffered as I did. They need to know they aren't alone! And they aren't the problem! Don't "cage the rage" (🤦🙄 that doesn't work! It's a bad cliche!) Express it in a safe, private place. Get it OUT! Thanks for making this video to help others!
My mother was an abuser and she encouraged the rest of the family to abuse me for being handicapped. I have so much depression, anxiety, and rage nowadays because of what they did. But finding a competent therapist is extremely difficult. I've never found a therapist that understood my situation, and the final one I saw turned out to be a narcissist and she caused even more harm to me with her abuse. So now I'm afraid to look for another. I'm just trying to find ways to heal myself.
So sorry to hear about how badly you were treated and you didn’t deserve that. I understand how hard it can be to find a therapist that you can trust and feel safe enough to share your story with but don’t give up trying. I hope you find healing and know that you are not the negative things your family told you that you were.
Yes, it definitely doesn’t go away by itself but acknowledging that there’s an issue and then deciding what you want to do about it are the initial steps to changing so. Thanks for watching and commenting
Ive sat with my anger long enough to realize that it's built up pain from childhood! But just because i have alot of anger and rage doesn't make me a dangerous person whom will hurt myself or anyone else & that's why people second guess getting help (the fear of being wrongly judged)
I don’t think that people assume that someone with anger is dangerous. Everyone gets angry but it’s how that anger is expressed. Unresolved anger or misdirected anger can lead to behaviour that hurts the person and others. It is, however, always a choice for the individual whether they want to seek professional help or not.
So me! I am a survivor of childhood trauma, and I've held that anger in for too long. I've lashed out at friends, and now, I'm in therapy, working on myself. I am a work in progress.
So glad to hear that you’re in therapy and working through your past trauma. It really is common for individuals to suppress their emotions or protect themselves by blocking out painful experiences. This can come out as anger or rage because that emotion is easier to display than sadness, tears, shame etc. I wish you the very best 💕
Nothing important is ever easy but I think if the cost of living with something that impacts on your life immensely is bigger than the fear or the cost of getting therapy, that’s the decision to consider.
I have CPTSD, and Inwent 20 years without therapy and then, ones I finally hot insirance covering it, Inncombed hhrpugh 30 (!), sadly not kiddjng, therapists and only ONE of them has helped me some. The rest were interested in checklist, filling out forms, so that they can get paid and offering antidepressants over and over again, even though I have indicated before I made my first appointment that I won't take any pills. So when the person above said "easier said than done" he didn't mean overcoming a little bit of reluctance, he meant some MAJOR hurdles, that also wear you down. Imagine going through 30+ first appointments (and sometimes first few weeks) only to see yet again hhey don't have the tools or motivation to help you. I was in NYC. I shatter to think what is a person in a rural area to do
You described EXACTLY what I've been living with since all my life. A ton of childhood abuse and to top it all off, I go to combat as an infantryman in the Iraq War. I prefer to be alone because I don't want my stuff to spill onto others. I'm in therapy, but I'm misunderstood because my therapist thinks I'm flirting with them when all I'm doing is spilling my guts. Maybe I don't know how to be a good client. But, I'm safe and want to live, just ranting a bit.
Sorry to hear what you’re going through. It’s a shame that your therapist isn’t able to provide a safe space for you but you could consider finding another therapist as it seems like you you have some things to work through. There’s no such phenomenon as a good or bad client, there’s just two humans in a room building a therapeutic, trusting relationship. I hope that you’re able to find some peace.
Counselors and Therapist do one on one sessions and don't have a witness in the room like a Medical Dr. would during an appointment. They have to always feel guarded because of that. Please remember some of their patients may be sex addicts!! They also have to be careful because it's easy for a patient to accuse them of sexual misconduct ect..... I would therefore encourage you to not make them uncomfortable with what you say during your secession so that you can benefit from them. I realize some people like to joke to break the ice for themselves and others; However, we don't want to joke in a way that it could be misinterpreted!! I hope this help you understand things from their side as well!! Keep going to your secession or consider a therapist of the same sex as you are.
@rondasmith4037 I don't set out to make anyone uncomfortable during my counseling sessions. I also don't talk about sex related questions or issues because I don't want to make the session uncomfortable for either of us. I've had both male and female therspists and all but one have been top-notch professionals and have helped guide me through my issues. The one that thought I was flirting with her ended up being a freshly minted social worker, so I get her misreading of the situation.
For me it’s more mental abuse. All these years of anxiety guilt shaming and making me feel like I’m the problem has giving me ptsd and I have outburst’s when they try to provoke me
So it might be worth considering how you can limit your time with certain people who you feel provoked by, as well as coming up with a plan to respond in a different way no matter what they say or do. We can’t change what people do and how they behave but we can change our responses to them and to the situation.
I battled extreme rage most of my life, which, thank God, has gotten better as I've started to heal. My brother has scary, extreme rage, my dad was a ragaholic his whole life. Seems like it traveled from one generation to the next. No specific trauma, just being traumatized almost daily by a rager & constant chaos. The more anxious I used to get, the more easily my rage was triggered. Rage does as much damage to children as alcohol or drug addiction.
Thank you for sharing your story. It’s true that generations can pass down behaviours which are then considered the norm within families. I’m glad you’re healing and taking steps to eliminate the negative behaviours that are prevalent in your family. All the best to you.
I’ve developed serious anger issues and suicidal ideation in the last year or so. Always felt depressive, tearful and anxious until things finally ended with my girl back in July; now all that suppressed trauma has turned into rage and anger. I was abused and neglected by my parents for around 8 years in childhood and had also witnessed a lot of domestic violence, feel like now it’s finally caught up to me and has changed me into someone unrecognisable.
Sorry to hear about everything that you have been through. Have you considered getting some professional help to work through some things or even an assessment through your GP? It must feel quite emotionally exhausting at times to be carrying so much stuff around in your mind. It’s understandable that so many negative, significant events would definitely change a person but there’s always hope for the future.
I’m glad I saw your video at the right moment and time. Without getting into too much of my story I was seriously bullied and ostracized as a child although this isn’t the case now at age 40 but I lash out at others like I did today and I regret my actions. Fortunately I didn’t face legal consequences for my behavior or lose my driving privileges.
Sorry to hear your story. This is exactly the reason I made this video because after 22 years working as a Social Worker and working as a counsellor, there are so many people unable to move forward in their adult lives due to childhood trauma. I hope you consider working through things in therapy if you feel that it would help you. You can’t go back to the past and do things over but you can move forward in a positive way whilst trying to heal.
@@mariancounsellor thank you so much for taking the time to reply and respond and again I apologize for my behavior today which I don’t believe is necessary to state here but I will definitely discuss in detail with my personal counselor. Thanks 🙏 again.
As a child i promised myself as soon as i could, i would "get away" from my nuclear family as their craziness was making ME crazy! Finally, by age 31 i was finally able to cut all ties. It was nice, it was sweet. No harsh words. Until in my mid 60's. Hated these people my entire life but in my early/mid 30's i began asking in prayer to learn how to forgive these people. I had packed away all the horrific memories of sexual abuse until 40s. Then in my mid 60s the most damaging memories came. Now in my late 60s i am still tired of hating on them. Don't let anyone ever tell you that forgiveness is not and emotion.😢
Thank you for sharing your personal story and you also demonstrated how difficult it can be to just move forward from negative childhood events. It must have been really difficult for you to cut all ties with your family but it sounds like it was something you needed to do for you. Hopefully, one day, the hate will no longer be there and you’ll finally be completely free from your past. Forgiveness is definitely a personal choice and there’s no time limit on when it should happen. All the best to you.
Being called a liar, when I stood trial and told the truth about my brothers abuser while constantly being told by guardian who wasn't there I lied the doctors the scars the surgery my brothers inability to use the bathroom properly was evidence, my eyes were evidence. My voice should have been thier truth and yet they took my brothers abuser....hurts
Oh that sounds like you’ve been through a terrible time. It’s understandable that you would feel hurt and angry after that. I hope that you can access some therapy to explore what you’ve been through 💕
Thank you so much, I have a huge trauma from childhood my two sisters died months a part ....and am trying to deal with it and d' rage. Thanks, you really helped, understanding is what makes all good, I need ppl who see that in me, I wake up and go to sleep with that thought every night and morning
So sorry to hear what you have gone through. Glad that you got a lot from the video. I hope that you heal through the rage and come out the other side in a more positive way. All the best to you
Thank you so much again, I am doing better, because yes I did changed the country and went to sea and far away from all that reminded me of that :. now I am back again and a bit sad, but it's been so long don't know, plus I am helping my sick mama.
I was raised by a single mother and was the youngest of 5. I am now retired, but still living with my childhood. I stay away from people because I at times over re-act to their comments.
I'm childhood is filled with so many trauma, Sexual abus,povetry.and now I'm 27 year old..and i can see it,feel it how it affects on my life and my communication and relation with peopls,it some time give me So much depression and anxiety...i always think I'm so so different from other people,they bearly understand me..and got stressed about it..but i do meditation and forgive myself and my past.. hope one day will forget everything which makes me stressed
So sorry to hear what you have been through. It’s understandable that it would affect your life and relationships with others when you’ve been treated so badly. I hope that you can access therapy and give yourself time to heal the wounds.
In my fifties and I joke that I’m a walking masked bundle of internal suppressed rage. There was a time when it wasn’t well suppressed and I married a man with anger issues and had to become the calm nice parent. My anger issues that are inside my head though…. I just can’t do anything about the situations that make me want to scream, so I shut down instead. Great video.
Thank you for sharing your story so openly. There are a lot of people walking around with suppressed emotions. Have you considered speaking to a therapist so that you can try to work through things and possibly come up with some solutions? Just take things one day at a time and find out as much information as you can regarding the emotion of anger. Hopefully, it will help you to understand the emotion and put an action plan in place to improve things slowly. I wish you the best and glad that you found the video helpful 💕
How is snapping at people internalized anger? I've been through lots of childhood trauma and I don't snap at people I have a history of people-pleasing and taking the anger out on myself through self-harm. I haven't self-harmed in a few years, but that internalized anger is still there beneath the surface all the time.
thanks for sharing your thoughts. Snapping at people can be internalised anger because if someone doesn’t deal with what’s causing their irritation, frustration, stress or anger it comes out in that way. Not everyone’s experience or situation is going to be the same. As you’ve stated examples of how you use coping mechanisms but for others, they might experience things in a different way. It can often be buried or it can sometimes come out.
Others: You can't be drunk, you've only had x drinks, you can't be full you haven't even had dessert, you can't be tired, you haven't done anything, that can't hurt, it's only a small wound, you can't still be doing that, it only takes me 20 minutes, etc, etc, etc. Me: I guess I suck then? Also me: I can't possibly be affected by childhood trauma as the general consensus seems to be that all my shortcomings are simply down to me not trying hard enough. Anyroad, it's all my fault. Me now: There's no way I haven't been badly affected by childhood trauma.
I hear you. Other people’s perspectives on us are not usually the reality. We know ourselves more than others think they know us. This can lead to feeling misunderstood, frustrated, and undervalued. Whatever someone has been through, it doesn’t have to define you or destroy you. Some people believe that you are powerful enough to overcome anything if you create a certain type of mindset. However, it definitely isn’t easy to be completely free of negative emotions such as rage.Thanks for sharing your thoughts 💕
OMG...you obviously have met and know my self-righteous sister who obviously believes she sees and knows all about you...and you know NOTHING about yourself! Talk about both frustrating and tiresome.
im young with wrechred anger issues due to my horrid family. i dispise them and they took everything I loved. and also due to the fact imextreamly homesick for 7 years (and counting) with a country what isn't even my motherland, and I want to go back. I feel so trapped there's so much more, however im not going to disclose too much.
Sorry to hear how you are feeling. Sometimes family doesn’t always mean that you share a close bond but hopefully, you will find a way through so that your emotions don’t overwhelm you. Have you thought about speaking to a Counsellor, friend, or someone else so that you can release your emotions?
How can i help my partner who suffers from childhood trauma it affects him so much at times and i have witnessed it eat him away bit by bit and we cant afford therapy at the moment
I would try to encourage him to access long-term therapy to work through the trauma. I don’t think it’s something that can be avoided if someone really needs to get to a point where they can process things and try to move forward. You could access free therapy through your GP who would refer you, or see if there are some charity organisations or therapists who provide reduced fees. You can just be there for him as his partner but you’re not a professional so some of the approaches and interventions a therapist would use work best. There is also a book called ’Rescuing the Inner Child’ by Penny Parks which might help.
I agree with you. It definitely can create those feelings in some individuals because they feel that they are the reason for the abandonment. I may make a video on abandonment issues at some point.
@@mariancounsellor Sorry, my dear counsellor, but you don't understand the basics of abandonment. The abandoned child ALWAYS automatically blames him or herself, as Mother Nature has hard wired us to endure almost anything as a child, in order to at least have the protection and care of the much larger, stronger, and more powerful adult. This is fundamental to our survival and is primordial.
At least you have one strategy so continue to do that and maybe consider journaling, therapy, or other ways to release anger and rage. You could even walk up a mountain and just shout or scream to release anger
My mom has angry issues she gets angry very easily she screams a lot and sometimes even beats us. She really is not that bad she has also lot of good personality traits but honestly i am scared of her sometimes. She told me a lot of bad things like that i am hard to love or she constantly says stuff like why can't i be normal. I really don't know what to do. Well the worst thing is that i am very angry too. I really hate myself for getting angry so easily and well acting like my mother. I really don't want to be like her and i am so worried that i am a bad person. .
Have you thought about your options including maybe contacting Social Services depending on your age? Contacting a domestic abuse organisation or the police? Living somewhere else if that’s an option? It sounds like you’re in a dangerous and emotionally and physically abusive situation. Have you also considered therapy to work through your own anger issues?
Ive just found this video which is very timely. Ive tried therapy in the past and felt further confused amd misunderstood. Its not always easy finding that right person. Do you have any suggestions for how to find a good therapist?
I’m glad that you found the video helpful. There’s so many factors that go into matching with the right therapist. I would suggest that you take a look at some different profiles and websites and then select the ones you are drawn to. You can then maybe have an initial conversation with a few therapists before deciding. There’s definitely not a magic formula to it but go with how you feel. If you live in the UK, The Counselling Directory Website is a good place to start
Seeing my mom attacking my dad when I was a teenager, all he was doing was waiting for us to get home so he could see his children, she never apologized for that
Sorry to hear that you had to go through that. I can imagine that would lead to some unresolved anger or rage. Have you considered therapy whether professionally, or if not, maybe speaking to friends or family about it?
@@mariancounsellor it has, I’m a father of three and a grandfather of 1. It seems no matter what I do I get pushed away by relationships and family, being the youngest of five. Betrayed by all of them, it hurts more than anything else when I get betrayed by the sister I share mother and father with. Not one relationship that is long lasting but for a season, a season during which the plan to get rid of me as if I served my purpose and they can be fine without me. I trust no one especially this corrupt system and don’t know why I am telling you this. I go to bed angry and wake up the same way. Not having anyone to talk to
@@mariancounsellor I have tried therapy, mediators, talking with people that I don't know. With the source of my anger being in the same room, over the past decade or so I seen enough of the corrupt system and the people that support her, all I hear are "I was so miserable with you" or "he's a broken man" and here's two more of my favorites "take this to your grave" and "like that's my fault"
I’m dealing with internalized rage right now and I just don’t know how to deal with. My fear t it’s will come out. In a destructive way. So I keep suppressing it.
Have you considered therapy at all? or possibly think about some ways you can release anger in an appropriate way, maybe through exercise, creative activities, journaling or something like that?
@@Morgan313 One can work at being forgiveness , every goal can be worked toward until it hapoens . Thst is what i meant to say . Please forgive my cloudiness
Yes And now I'm trying to change 50 +years of BEHAVIOR.. my girlfriend of 2 years has had to unravel my life, and helped me REALIZE that my experience growing up. My girlfriend said that I'm manic depressive. Some days I'm ok and other day's I'm angry . And my girlfriend says I'm gaslighting her. I know I SUPPRESSED TRAUMA.
It can be so difficult to change how we operate after 50 years but the fact that you’ve identified the root causes is a good start. Consider speaking to a therapist and also, it’s good that your girlfriend feels confident enough to tell you what she thinks. It’s not easy to work through past trauma but it’s worth it.
i hate my mom for bringing me into poverty my while my cousins had decent lives and screwed me over financially in my late teens im 45 now and still angry and its ruined me
I'm in this exact position right now! When I was a little boy I don't remember how old cause my brain protected me at the time my best friend Virginia's dad had to move her out of state cause he to get a job out of state and the anger is gone is gone though now that I've been finally ready to talk about it and back in the 90s when I was young me and Virginia spent nearly every day together and we even spent the night together at each other's house nearly every day and her dad felt terrible about about doing what he did but he had no choice and for over 20 years it was too hard to even talk about it but recently I was finally ready to talk about what had happened and now I'm feeling a lot better! Before I was ready to talk about it I would get mad easily and explode a lot! I always knew it was linked to what happened what had happened with Virginia and I when I was little but I wasn't ready to talk about it yet but when I did the anger went away and now I'm finally able to to start healing from the trauma!
Oh I’m sorry that you went through that but I am glad that you felt ready to talk about it and that it has led to the anger and rage disappearing. I wish you the best.
Thanks and I am too! I even had night terrors before I was ready to talk about but as soon as I did those went away and now I can sleep peacefully without running around screaming in the middle of the night!@@mariancounsellor
Although this is focused on childhood events, it can happen to adults, too. In this case you might be clear on why you're angry and accept it, but if the situation is still affecting you, how do you finally let that go? It's like being caught in an endless loop.
I agree that it can also apply to adults too. I would say that the focus would be on giving yourself enough reasons to let go off an emotion that isn’t serving you. I don’t believe that there is ever an endless loop. We can feel like we’re caught in cycles but once we understand why that’s happening, empower ourselves to make changes, and then practice consistent and different behaviours, it’s possible to let things go. Focusing on the present and valuing the changes over the stuckness also helps.
That’s one way to look at it. Does the rage hurt you or hurt the person who doesn’t feel your rage? Would revenge provide you with closure or satisfaction or leave you feeling disappointed?
@@steveengland8240Having been "exposed to" or, more accurately experienced pre-verbal rage, I understand it to be from a time generally before explicit memories form. Implicit memories are experienced as sensations in the body, or emotions, which are felt, yet have no images or thoughts associated with them. Often, the sensations are intense. Body-based modalities like: Bioenergetic, Sensorimotor or Somatic Experiencing deal with these internalized states.
I don’t know if you can use the words ‘most therapists’ unless you’ve carried out official research and have evidence to support that. Therapists have training in different areas and are ultimately not going to know everything about everything. However, we work with the specialisms we understand and we provide information and knowledge based on experience and understanding.
Have you considered Betterhelp? That’s an online platform where therapy is offered globally. Also, you could visit your doctor and they could refer you to therapy.
Not sure about that. I’m not a medical professional but depression can be a symptom of many things but if someone is internalising their anger or rage, it could possibly lead them to feeling depressed as well as other negative emotions.
Sorry that someone subjected you to that. Adults who prey on children are the worst. Have you considered therapy? I can imagine it could feel exhausting to be living life full of rage, especially when it’s out of control. I wish you the best and thank you for sharing your very personal story.
I don't deal with it 😜 I let it out ⚡ unfortunately this means violently attacking someone with brutal force...no it's not ideal and yes it has led me to being sent to prison 6 times for violence...nope I think your way is better 👌
At least you’re being honest about your situation. Pent up rage can definitely lead to violence either towards people or damaging things but it still doesn’t resolve the feelings underneath. So maybe it’s worth trying a different approach and seeing if that works? You’ve got nothing to lose. Thanks for taking the time to share your thoughts 👍🏽
No, not at all. Everyone gets angry. Anger and rage are two different emotions. This video is about rage that has been suppressed from the past and then appears because it has not been dealt with. We’re not robots so of course we get angry sometimes. Only you can decide whether your responses are appropriate. However, if multiple people are concerned about your anger, there could be something in that.
You’re entitled to your opinion. I don’t agree with that at all but we all see things differently. Not sure why as a counsellor of 14 years, I’d make a video that revictimises a victim in any way. It’s not something that’s in my personal nature or professional experience to ever do. Also, transference is displacement of feelings or emotions onto a person who is unrelated to the original event, experience or person. Therefore, it means that it doesn’t belong there and the individual doesn’t get the opportunity to work through the actual issue or event.
I think Caleb Hammers entire community is toxic and abusive. Caleb just posts thumbnails to mock and degrade his guests. He screams and yells at them like a manchild, knows he has vulernable mentally ill guests, and continues to abuse them and make them worse, as well as fostering a community to come attack them and crap all over them. It has RL consequences. Its harmful, he needs to stop
@@mariancounsellor He is on youtube and has a show and abuses vulnerable people and encourages others to harass them and worsen their mental illness. If he doesnt stop...im afraid hes gonna abuse the wrong person and people are gonna get hurt.
@@mariancounsellor hes a youtuber that emotionally abuses his mentally ill guests, uses thumbnails to mock and humiliate them, screams at them the entire effort and uses his comment section to sick his vile community into hurting the person further . Can you please talk to him and explain the damage he is causing to vulnerable people? He especially seems to get the most hateful towards mentally ill or people of color. Its disgusting and promotes hate
@@mariancounsellor Obviously youre not a professional and you dont care about Caleb Hammer hurting mentally ill people and minorities. So therefore you're evil, only care about viewers and money. Inaction is evil. Go ahead share the platform with a predtor whatever
The childhood trauma becomes life long when you have to live with the same characters for the rest of your life
I think it depends on how you navigate it. You can’t erase past trauma but you can choose how much contact you have with certain individuals or whether you remove them from your life. You can also access counselling to try to work through the trauma at your own pace.
Yes, there is also the unwarranted but real guilt and fear of trying to navigate away from those characters
Yes, and now I do with my parents, that divorced after that and left me alone, not even talking about the losses and how I feel, we feel. Now I had to return from abroad lands where I found peace away from here just bcz my mother got very sick, and I can just say BRAVO for the very right thing you said, that HELPED ME THE MOST
The trigger types as I colliquilly like to call em!
Yeah it’s true. Being molested, for instance, is one thing. But now imagine your mother loves that person who molested you and you have to see them all every Christmas , and hear about their birthdays , and receive their cards. Retraumatising is an annual and ritual experience . It’s not just ‘childhood’ trauma it dosent end
The key is to ALLOW it. Allow the feeling to express in a safe environment. I used to scream out loud in my car. After about 5 years , that anger passed and I dont need to do that anymore.
You’re so right. Screaming on top a hill, in a car, in a forest, in an isolated location is something I suggest to my clients. Anger is an emotion that needs to be released because if suppressed, it usually comes out in other ways - projection onto others, tension in the body, self-hate, unhealthy habits, destruction of property etc.
I used to scream into my pillow for years. I haven't done it lately and almost forgot about it til I read your post. It helped a little.
Goals 😢
I am affraid, for me anger is somehow relates with severe dissociation, I feel that if I scream I loose myself like it use to happend in my childhood when under trauma.
@@angelicacroitoru4946 I know what you mean. Allow the feeling of being afraid and allow the anger in baby steps. The way out of it is through it. You can take small steps of allowing. Avoiding it just keeps it stored.
I'm 58, my Dad was an abuser. He's just died, he called and called for me to be with him when he died. He never said sorry. Never. I'm so angry.
So sorry to hear that. It must be difficult because you may feel that you didn’t get closure and never will now. It’s understandable that you would feel angry but also anger is going to hurt you in the long run. You might want to consider writing a letter to your late father with all of your thoughts and then ripping it up or burning it. I’ve used this method myself after a relationship breakup and it gave me closure ( I kept the letter for about a week and then felt ready to let it all go). Take care of yourself
@@mariancounsellor thank you. I'll try that!
I'm 25 and I can understand what you're going through to an extent. My dad denies ever abusing me and that denial, and no apology, no remorse, makes me not want to visit him anymore. I was raised to always be on good terms with someone because you never know what might happen. However, my dad happens to be the exception. He's so toxic I have no means in trying to mend the relationship. I already tried on my part and all it did was damage me more mentally. Hoping that if I start speaking to someone this year about everything I've been through, maybe I can get through it and not continue to explode like some ticking time bomb
Sometimes people don't use words because they feel so guilty and angry with themselves! Him wanting to be with you was probably the closest he could come to an apology! When someone has passed away it's very unhealthy to keep being angry with them! I hope you are in a better place about it now. God bless you
I understand.
My Dad was just broken.
His dad alcoholic. Folks divorced.
My Dad served WW2 in jungles of Phillipines.
His brother died serving in Europe.
Dad alcoholic.
My childhood was shit.
71 yrs. old now.
20 yes of Alanon and therapy.
I'm much better.
It gets better.
But we have to work on it.
Prayers for you.
I have internalized rage towards my mom whom I still live with. I’ve tried talking with her about past wounds and pains but, she always deflects and tells me I can’t blame her for all of my problems. Which I always say, I’m not doing. This is barely the tip of the iceberg of our relationship, and it truly angers me. There is healthy anger to feel, but anger runs deep if i let it. It’s hard still living with her and the pain of yesterdays, especially when she minimizes and invalidates my truth. But, It is what it is, when having an emotionally immature detached parent.
Thanks for sharing your story. That must be really difficult especially as you live with your mom. It’s good that you’ve accepted the reality of the situation even though it hurts. Your mom may change over time and decide to hear what you have to say and how you are feeling, but if not, don’t let it impact or influence who you are and how you behave 💕
@@mariancounsellor thank you 🙏🏾 🤍
I understand you so much. 😢
Leave immediately and find someone who can help you talk and rage it out.
I have a similar mom, she's 88 now and I want to stop talking to her again. We were estranged for 30 years until my dad died, now I'm left with her!
That trauma can destroy you. I lost my best friend, and others because of it. I just try to stay away from people. I don't make friends anymore either. Just subscribed.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and for subscribing. Yes, trauma can be very overwhelming but people can also heal from the trauma that they’ve suffered in their lives. I hope that you eventually get to a place in your life where you feel that you can trust some people in life because as humans, one of the main things we desire is to belong and to connect with others. Have a good evening
@@mariancounsellor thank you very much.
@@mariancounsellorDoes childhood trauma cause Borderline personality Disorder to develop?
Same 😢
@@rachelbailey-no2ppyes it does
A few years ago we visited with my friend a Science Centre. At the door was a camera and a monitor equipped with emotions recognition system. Every time I passed there with my natural face (I didn't feel angry or anything), there was a big sign: ANGER.
Only recently I recognised that the program was correct. I'm constantly clenching my teeth, my jaw muscles are tense, and a minor thing can trigger me into rage. And it's been like this for decades.
Thanks for sharing this. Yes, sometimes, we can be experiencing sadness, anger, depression, stress and other emotions without being fully aware of it. Maybe you could consider speaking to a therapist to uncover the root of the anger?
Omg same! 😐 xx
@@mariancounsellor I met multiple therapists during last 20 years. The only one, who was able to reach the bottom of me was a Jungian psychoanalyst. Unfortunately I have a blockade regarding the feeling of anger. I'm facing a wall every time I try to approach it. I think it comes from a very early childhood.
@@anaconda470 Your pain can be overcome. I, and others in a support group I’m in, have been facing and bit by bit overcoming trauma from toddlerhood. Look at your triggers and that can help you identify what you endured. There is HOPE.
@@Amy. Thank you. I've been participating in group work for several months. It was the psychodynamic approach. It did change certain things but the core issues were not touched. I have an extreme resistance.
Finding a competent therapist is extremely challenging! I have been through many and they can do and have done so much harm and only enforce the issues at hand and create more.
I completely agree with you that it’s not easy to find a good therapist. There is no perfect way to select one but I suppose you could have an initial conversation before deciding on the therapist. It is challenging to have to keep changing therapists and repeating your story.
The main problem is everything starts out well and then they let their personal issues get in the way thereby doing harm to me even becoming abusive. They like so many lack self-awareness so when something is brought to their attention they, due to their pride, get offended and take it out on the client.@@mariancounsellor
I had about 5 therapists before I found one that helped. One told me that I didn't need therapy. One got visibly angry at me when I told him about mistakes I'd made, even seemed to mock me in a way. One never spoke to me and thought it was helpful to only listen, it wasn't. One helped me a lot but I had to move so I couldn't go anymore. My therapist now helps me cope with and navigate my negative emotions. It took months, but I can finally feel that progress is being made, and I feel better. Don't give up on healing from what happened to you. I advise you to love yourself more than that.
Definitely. They are often more flawed then their clients. It's like going to a barber and seeing that their hair is totally messed up.
This was me. I blew up my life and lost my job after exploding at a client. I was a ball of rage. A consuming anger. Thankfully, I am much better now. But i did crash land in a phenomenal manner.
A year after my mental breakdown, I took a very large dose of psychedelic mushrooms. It was a game changer for me. I recommend it to everyone.
Wow, it sounds like you really went through a tough time but glad you’re in a better place now.
@mariancounsellor he was a fun guy to be around trust me....
I feel the same with you did. I am so grateful now. Wow what a mind blow❤
Wish i could access the psylocibin😢
I've been working with a guy who's constantly projecting his anger at others but mostly me. It's upsetting because he's incredibly knowledgeable about the job but he's got a major anger issue. I've had to put boundaries up and can't work with him anymore. On the plus side it has made me acknowledge my own suppressed anger and has helped me on my healing journey.
Thanks for sharing your story. There are so many people walking around with suppressed anger and it can feel really hard to manage the emotion in an appropriate way. That’s why many people end up projecting anger towards others or they use unhealthy ways to try to get rid of it, like taking drugs or hitting a wall. Yes, sometimes through being around others, we learn about ourselves.
Amazing explanation on how it’s caused, I never so clearly understood what a “trigger” really is.
Thank you. Appreciate your comments 👍🏽
I've lost many jobs in my life because of this.
It was only in my mid fifties did I find a safe way to release it.
I go out into the woods, or inside the car, or garage, and let the volcano blow! I get it OUT!!! I yell until I'm tired, cuss, punch a bag, etc. Just to get it OUT!!!
With the release, I'm in control again. After a few weeks, it happens less and less. It's been about five years, and now it only happens a couple times a year. That's better than five times a week!!!!
Even now, when it comes, I don't hold it in. I go somewhere alone, and express it; just to get it OUT!!! Sometimes I would just stand in the house, turn up the radio, and scream until I was exhausted!
It helps me more than any "calming exercise" ever did!!!
Thank you for sharing your story and I agree with you that releasing anger through punching a cushion, a punch bag, screaming, are all valid and legit approaches because it’s about releasing pent up rage so that it doesn’t come out inappropriately through hitting others, damaging objects, hurting yourself. Going to the top of a hill or mountain and screaming is also somewhere that you can feel free to do that. Hopefully, the more you do it, the less you will feel like you need to. I wish you the very best!
@@mariancounsellor
Thanks for your good wishes.
Yes, getting it out is what matters most. I've done the very things you mentioned too! To the point I'm physically exhausted afterwards. But I always feel better afterwards. Years of having to hold it in as a child and young adult took a toll on my health. These days, I don't try to hold it in. I just keep it in check until I can get somewhere to release it. I never wanted to hurt others, nor myself! That's the hardest part! I've done pretty good, other than a few broken lamps and other inanimate objects; when throwing a cushion across the room went awry.🤭 Oops!
I share because I hope it helps others get control of their rage. Not to hold it in! (That's not healthy!) But to get it out safely! Truly, I hope this helps others who suffered as I did. They need to know they aren't alone! And they aren't the problem! Don't "cage the rage" (🤦🙄 that doesn't work! It's a bad cliche!) Express it in a safe, private place. Get it OUT!
Thanks for making this video to help others!
Go to the coast when the waves are pounding the rock and the shore, and shout and scream your head off. Boy does it feel good!
Sounds like a great plan to release stress, tension and anger! 👍🏽
My mother was an abuser and she encouraged the rest of the family to abuse me for being handicapped. I have so much depression, anxiety, and rage nowadays because of what they did. But finding a competent therapist is extremely difficult. I've never found a therapist that understood my situation, and the final one I saw turned out to be a narcissist and she caused even more harm to me with her abuse. So now I'm afraid to look for another. I'm just trying to find ways to heal myself.
So sorry to hear about how badly you were treated and you didn’t deserve that. I understand how hard it can be to find a therapist that you can trust and feel safe enough to share your story with but don’t give up trying. I hope you find healing and know that you are not the negative things your family told you that you were.
I’m so sorry to hear that
Wow like last comment I'm also 58. Your message is so beautiful. Thank you. This stuff doesn't go away on its own.
Yes, it definitely doesn’t go away by itself but acknowledging that there’s an issue and then deciding what you want to do about it are the initial steps to changing so. Thanks for watching and commenting
Ive sat with my anger long enough to realize that it's built up pain from childhood! But just because i have alot of anger and rage doesn't make me a dangerous person whom will hurt myself or anyone else & that's why people second guess getting help (the fear of being wrongly judged)
I don’t think that people assume that someone with anger is dangerous. Everyone gets angry but it’s how that anger is expressed. Unresolved anger or misdirected anger can lead to behaviour that hurts the person and others. It is, however, always a choice for the individual whether they want to seek professional help or not.
So me! I am a survivor of childhood trauma, and I've held that anger in for too long. I've lashed out at friends, and now, I'm in therapy, working on myself. I am a work in progress.
So glad to hear that you’re in therapy and working through your past trauma. It really is common for individuals to suppress their emotions or protect themselves by blocking out painful experiences. This can come out as anger or rage because that emotion is easier to display than sadness, tears, shame etc. I wish you the very best 💕
Getting therapy for it is easier said than done
Nothing important is ever easy but I think if the cost of living with something that impacts on your life immensely is bigger than the fear or the cost of getting therapy, that’s the decision to consider.
In what way? (Curious, non judgemental)
I have CPTSD, and Inwent 20 years without therapy and then, ones I finally hot insirance covering it, Inncombed hhrpugh 30 (!), sadly not kiddjng, therapists and only ONE of them has helped me some. The rest were interested in checklist, filling out forms, so that they can get paid and offering antidepressants over and over again, even though I have indicated before I made my first appointment that I won't take any pills. So when the person above said "easier said than done" he didn't mean overcoming a little bit of reluctance, he meant some MAJOR hurdles, that also wear you down. Imagine going through 30+ first appointments (and sometimes first few weeks) only to see yet again hhey don't have the tools or motivation to help you. I was in NYC. I shatter to think what is a person in a rural area to do
You described EXACTLY what I've been living with since all my life. A ton of childhood abuse and to top it all off, I go to combat as an infantryman in the Iraq War. I prefer to be alone because I don't want my stuff to spill onto others. I'm in therapy, but I'm misunderstood because my therapist thinks I'm flirting with them when all I'm doing is spilling my guts. Maybe I don't know how to be a good client. But, I'm safe and want to live, just ranting a bit.
Sorry to hear what you’re going through. It’s a shame that your therapist isn’t able to provide a safe space for you but you could consider finding another therapist as it seems like you you have some things to work through. There’s no such phenomenon as a good or bad client, there’s just two humans in a room building a therapeutic, trusting relationship. I hope that you’re able to find some peace.
@@robert.9028 Blue Chord Brotherhood.
Sounds like you need a new therapist
Counselors and Therapist do one on one sessions and don't have a witness in the room like a Medical Dr. would during an appointment. They have to always feel guarded because of that. Please remember some of their patients may be sex addicts!! They also have to be careful because it's easy for a patient to accuse them of sexual misconduct ect..... I would therefore encourage you to not make them uncomfortable with what you say during your secession so that you can benefit from them. I realize some people like to joke to break the ice for themselves and others; However, we don't want to joke in a way that it could be misinterpreted!! I hope this help you understand things from their side as well!! Keep going to your secession or consider a therapist of the same sex as you are.
@rondasmith4037 I don't set out to make anyone uncomfortable during my counseling sessions. I also don't talk about sex related questions or issues because I don't want to make the session uncomfortable for either of us. I've had both male and female therspists and all but one have been top-notch professionals and have helped guide me through my issues. The one that thought I was flirting with her ended up being a freshly minted social worker, so I get her misreading of the situation.
For me it’s more mental abuse. All these years of anxiety guilt shaming and making me feel like I’m the problem has giving me ptsd and I have outburst’s when they try to provoke me
So it might be worth considering how you can limit your time with certain people who you feel provoked by, as well as coming up with a plan to respond in a different way no matter what they say or do. We can’t change what people do and how they behave but we can change our responses to them and to the situation.
Thank you I suffered terrible things as a child and you described me perfectly.
Oh sorry to hear that. There are so many people walking around with wounds from childhood. I hope that you heal one day
I battled extreme rage most of my life, which, thank God, has gotten better as I've started to heal. My brother has scary, extreme rage, my dad was a ragaholic his whole life. Seems like it traveled from one generation to the next. No specific trauma, just being traumatized almost daily by a rager & constant chaos. The more anxious I used to get, the more easily my rage was triggered. Rage does as much damage to children as alcohol or drug addiction.
Thank you for sharing your story. It’s true that generations can pass down behaviours which are then considered the norm within families. I’m glad you’re healing and taking steps to eliminate the negative behaviours that are prevalent in your family. All the best to you.
I’ve developed serious anger issues and suicidal ideation in the last year or so. Always felt depressive, tearful and anxious until things finally ended with my girl back in July; now all that suppressed trauma has turned into rage and anger. I was abused and neglected by my parents for around 8 years in childhood and had also witnessed a lot of domestic violence, feel like now it’s finally caught up to me and has changed me into someone unrecognisable.
Sorry to hear about everything that you have been through. Have you considered getting some professional help to work through some things or even an assessment through your GP? It must feel quite emotionally exhausting at times to be carrying so much stuff around in your mind. It’s understandable that so many negative, significant events would definitely change a person but there’s always hope for the future.
I’m glad I saw your video at the right moment and time. Without getting into too much of my story I was seriously bullied and ostracized as a child although this isn’t the case now at age 40 but I lash out at others like I did today and I regret my actions. Fortunately I didn’t face legal consequences for my behavior or lose my driving privileges.
Sorry to hear your story. This is exactly the reason I made this video because after 22 years working as a Social Worker and working as a counsellor, there are so many people unable to move forward in their adult lives due to childhood trauma. I hope you consider working through things in therapy if you feel that it would help you. You can’t go back to the past and do things over but you can move forward in a positive way whilst trying to heal.
@@mariancounsellor thank you so much for taking the time to reply and respond and again I apologize for my behavior today which I don’t believe is necessary to state here but I will definitely discuss in detail with my personal counselor. Thanks 🙏 again.
As a child i promised myself as soon as i could, i would "get away" from my nuclear family as their craziness was making ME crazy!
Finally, by age 31 i was finally able to cut all ties. It was nice, it was sweet. No harsh words. Until in my mid 60's. Hated these people my entire life but in my early/mid 30's i began asking in prayer to learn how to forgive these people. I had packed away all the horrific memories of sexual abuse until 40s. Then in my mid 60s the most damaging memories came. Now in my late 60s i am still tired of hating on them. Don't let anyone ever tell you that forgiveness is not and emotion.😢
Thank you for sharing your personal story and you also demonstrated how difficult it can be to just move forward from negative childhood events. It must have been really difficult for you to cut all ties with your family but it sounds like it was something you needed to do for you. Hopefully, one day, the hate will no longer be there and you’ll finally be completely free from your past. Forgiveness is definitely a personal choice and there’s no time limit on when it should happen. All the best to you.
Thank you for excellent commentary and on point.
You’re welcome and thank you for your feedback, appreciate it 💕
Being called a liar, when I stood trial and told the truth about my brothers abuser while constantly being told by guardian who wasn't there I lied the doctors the scars the surgery my brothers inability to use the bathroom properly was evidence, my eyes were evidence. My voice should have been thier truth and yet they took my brothers abuser....hurts
Oh that sounds like you’ve been through a terrible time. It’s understandable that you would feel hurt and angry after that. I hope that you can access some therapy to explore what you’ve been through 💕
This is excellent and makes a lot of sense. Thank you.
Thank you. Glad you found it helpful
@@mariancounsellor : )
Thank you so much, I have a huge trauma from childhood my two sisters died months a part ....and am trying to deal with it and d' rage. Thanks, you really helped, understanding is what makes all good, I need ppl who see that in me, I wake up and go to sleep with that thought every night and morning
So sorry to hear what you have gone through. Glad that you got a lot from the video. I hope that you heal through the rage and come out the other side in a more positive way. All the best to you
Thank you so much again, I am doing better, because yes I did changed the country and went to sea and far away from all that reminded me of that :. now I am back again and a bit sad, but it's been so long don't know, plus I am helping my sick mama.
I was raised by a single mother and was the youngest of 5. I am now retired, but still living with my childhood. I stay away from people because I at times over re-act to their comments.
A negative childhood can really impact on how we are as adults. Have you considered accessing some therapy to work through things?
thank you very much for putting out this issue with such kindness .
You’re welcome and thank you for taking the time to leave a comment.
I'm childhood is filled with so many trauma, Sexual abus,povetry.and now I'm 27 year old..and i can see it,feel it how it affects on my life and my communication and relation with peopls,it some time give me So much depression and anxiety...i always think I'm so so different from other people,they bearly understand me..and got stressed about it..but i do meditation and forgive myself and my past.. hope one day will forget everything which makes me stressed
So sorry to hear what you have been through. It’s understandable that it would affect your life and relationships with others when you’ve been treated so badly. I hope that you can access therapy and give yourself time to heal the wounds.
In my fifties and I joke that I’m a walking masked bundle of internal suppressed rage.
There was a time when it wasn’t well suppressed and I married a man with anger issues and had to become the calm nice parent.
My anger issues that are inside my head though…. I just can’t do anything about the situations that make me want to scream, so I shut down instead.
Great video.
Thank you for sharing your story so openly. There are a lot of people walking around with suppressed emotions. Have you considered speaking to a therapist so that you can try to work through things and possibly come up with some solutions? Just take things one day at a time and find out as much information as you can regarding the emotion of anger. Hopefully, it will help you to understand the emotion and put an action plan in place to improve things slowly. I wish you the best and glad that you found the video helpful 💕
How is snapping at people internalized anger? I've been through lots of childhood trauma and I don't snap at people I have a history of people-pleasing and taking the anger out on myself through self-harm. I haven't self-harmed in a few years, but that internalized anger is still there beneath the surface all the time.
thanks for sharing your thoughts. Snapping at people can be internalised anger because if someone doesn’t deal with what’s causing their irritation, frustration, stress or anger it comes out in that way. Not everyone’s experience or situation is going to be the same. As you’ve stated examples of how you use coping mechanisms but for others, they might experience things in a different way. It can often be buried or it can sometimes come out.
I finally found my answer! So glad for this vudeo.🙏
You’re welcome. I’m glad that you found it helpful
Others: You can't be drunk, you've only had x drinks, you can't be full you haven't even had dessert, you can't be tired, you haven't done anything, that can't hurt, it's only a small wound, you can't still be doing that, it only takes me 20 minutes, etc, etc, etc.
Me: I guess I suck then?
Also me: I can't possibly be affected by childhood trauma as the general consensus seems to be that all my shortcomings are simply down to me not trying hard enough. Anyroad, it's all my fault.
Me now: There's no way I haven't been badly affected by childhood trauma.
I hear you. Other people’s perspectives on us are not usually the reality. We know ourselves more than others think they know us. This can lead to feeling misunderstood, frustrated, and undervalued. Whatever someone has been through, it doesn’t have to define you or destroy you. Some people believe that you are powerful enough to overcome anything if you create a certain type of mindset. However, it definitely isn’t easy to be completely free of negative emotions such as rage.Thanks for sharing your thoughts 💕
OMG...you obviously have met and know my self-righteous sister who obviously believes she sees and knows all about you...and you know NOTHING about yourself! Talk about both frustrating and tiresome.
👏
clear and helpful, thank you
You’re welcome. Thanks for leaving a comment 👍🏽
ThankYou, so much, for your help with this clip...
You’re welcome
Thanks for sharing 🙏🏿🙏🏿
You’re welcome
im young with wrechred anger issues due to my horrid family. i dispise them and they took everything I loved. and also due to the fact imextreamly homesick for 7 years (and counting) with a country what isn't even my motherland, and I want to go back. I feel so trapped there's so much more, however im not going to disclose too much.
Sorry to hear how you are feeling. Sometimes family doesn’t always mean that you share a close bond but hopefully, you will find a way through so that your emotions don’t overwhelm you. Have you thought about speaking to a Counsellor, friend, or someone else so that you can release your emotions?
That was really helpful.
Thank you. Glad you got something from the video
How can i help my partner who suffers from childhood trauma it affects him so much at times and i have witnessed it eat him away bit by bit and we cant afford therapy at the moment
I would try to encourage him to access long-term therapy to work through the trauma. I don’t think it’s something that can be avoided if someone really needs to get to a point where they can process things and try to move forward. You could access free therapy through your GP who would refer you, or see if there are some charity organisations or therapists who provide reduced fees. You can just be there for him as his partner but you’re not a professional so some of the approaches and interventions a therapist would use work best. There is also a book called ’Rescuing the Inner Child’ by Penny Parks which might help.
Well done, but childhood abandonment also causes self-blame/self-loathing, along with the classic "traumas".
I agree with you. It definitely can create those feelings in some individuals because they feel that they are the reason for the abandonment. I may make a video on abandonment issues at some point.
@@mariancounsellor Sorry, my dear counsellor, but you don't understand the basics of abandonment. The abandoned child ALWAYS automatically blames him or herself, as Mother Nature has hard wired us to endure almost anything as a child, in order to at least have the protection and care of the much larger, stronger, and more powerful adult. This is fundamental to our survival and is primordial.
Thanks, I needed this right now ❤
You’re welcome. Glad you found it of benefit to you.
Great video.
Thank you. Appreciate your feedback
The only way that i know is to go to the gym. But it does not work 100%.
At least you have one strategy so continue to do that and maybe consider journaling, therapy, or other ways to release anger and rage. You could even walk up a mountain and just shout or scream to release anger
❤ Thanks for making this video.❤
You’re welcome and thank you for watching and commenting 💕
Thank you, this is very helpful 💕
You’re welcome
Thanks for your video you are amazing ❤️ one love
Appreciate it. Thank you 🙏🏾
My mom has angry issues she gets angry very easily she screams a lot and sometimes even beats us. She really is not that bad she has also lot of good personality traits but honestly i am scared of her sometimes. She told me a lot of bad things like that i am hard to love or she constantly says stuff like why can't i be normal. I really don't know what to do. Well the worst thing is that i am very angry too. I really hate myself for getting angry so easily and well acting like my mother. I really don't want to be like her and i am so worried that i am a bad person. .
Have you thought about your options including maybe contacting Social Services depending on your age? Contacting a domestic abuse organisation or the police? Living somewhere else if that’s an option? It sounds like you’re in a dangerous and emotionally and physically abusive situation. Have you also considered therapy to work through your own anger issues?
love you
super helpful!
Thank you, appreciate your support 💕
Ive just found this video which is very timely. Ive tried therapy in the past and felt further confused amd misunderstood. Its not always easy finding that right person. Do you have any suggestions for how to find a good therapist?
I’m glad that you found the video helpful. There’s so many factors that go into matching with the right therapist. I would suggest that you take a look at some different profiles and websites and then select the ones you are drawn to. You can then maybe have an initial conversation with a few therapists before deciding. There’s definitely not a magic formula to it but go with how you feel. If you live in the UK, The Counselling Directory Website is a good place to start
Very helpful!! Thank u
You’re welcome. I will be making some more videos related to trauma soon.
Seeing my mom attacking my dad when I was a teenager, all he was doing was waiting for us to get home so he could see his children, she never apologized for that
Sorry to hear that you had to go through that. I can imagine that would lead to some unresolved anger or rage. Have you considered therapy whether professionally, or if not, maybe speaking to friends or family about it?
@@mariancounsellor it has, I’m a father of three and a grandfather of 1. It seems no matter what I do I get pushed away by relationships and family, being the youngest of five. Betrayed by all of them, it hurts more than anything else when I get betrayed by the sister I share mother and father with. Not one relationship that is long lasting but for a season, a season during which the plan to get rid of me as if I served my purpose and they can be fine without me. I trust no one especially this corrupt system and don’t know why I am telling you this. I go to bed angry and wake up the same way. Not having anyone to talk to
@@mariancounsellor I have tried therapy, mediators, talking with people that I don't know. With the source of my anger being in the same room, over the past decade or so I seen enough of the corrupt system and the people that support her, all I hear are "I was so miserable with you" or "he's a broken man" and here's two more of my favorites "take this to your grave" and "like that's my fault"
I’m dealing with internalized rage right now and I just don’t know how to deal with. My fear t it’s will come out. In a destructive way. So I keep suppressing it.
Have you considered therapy at all? or possibly think about some ways you can release anger in an appropriate way, maybe through exercise, creative activities, journaling or something like that?
Thank you.
You’re welcome.
Even if you could grt back at a person who hurt you , --- forgiveness is the road goal to work with a therapist with.
Forgiveness is not a goal. It is a gift. True gifts are not demanded; they are given freely.
@@Morgan313 One can work at being forgiveness , every goal can be worked toward until it hapoens .
Thst is what i meant to say . Please forgive my cloudiness
Yes
And now I'm trying to change 50 +years of BEHAVIOR..
my girlfriend of 2 years has had to unravel my life, and helped me REALIZE that my experience growing up.
My girlfriend said that I'm manic depressive.
Some days I'm ok and other day's I'm angry .
And my girlfriend says I'm gaslighting her.
I know I SUPPRESSED TRAUMA.
It can be so difficult to change how we operate after 50 years but the fact that you’ve identified the root causes is a good start. Consider speaking to a therapist and also, it’s good that your girlfriend feels confident enough to tell you what she thinks. It’s not easy to work through past trauma but it’s worth it.
i hate my mom for bringing me into poverty my while my cousins had decent lives and screwed me over financially in my late teens im 45 now and still angry and its ruined me
Sorry to hear about your story. It’s definitely hard to release the anger but it ends up hurting you more than anyone else. All the best to you.
I'm in this exact position right now! When I was a little boy I don't remember how old cause my brain protected me at the time my best friend Virginia's dad had to move her out of state cause he to get a job out of state and the anger is gone is gone though now that I've been finally ready to talk about it and back in the 90s when I was young me and Virginia spent nearly every day together and we even spent the night together at each other's house nearly every day and her dad felt terrible about about doing what he did but he had no choice and for over 20 years it was too hard to even talk about it but recently I was finally ready to talk about what had happened and now I'm feeling a lot better! Before I was ready to talk about it I would get mad easily and explode a lot! I always knew it was linked to what happened what had happened with Virginia and I when I was little but I wasn't ready to talk about it yet but when I did the anger went away and now I'm finally able to to start healing from the trauma!
Oh I’m sorry that you went through that but I am glad that you felt ready to talk about it and that it has led to the anger and rage disappearing. I wish you the best.
Thanks and I am too! I even had night terrors before I was ready to talk about but as soon as I did those went away and now I can sleep peacefully without running around screaming in the middle of the night!@@mariancounsellor
Although this is focused on childhood events, it can happen to adults, too. In this case you might be clear on why you're angry and accept it, but if the situation is still affecting you, how do you finally let that go? It's like being caught in an endless loop.
I agree that it can also apply to adults too. I would say that the focus would be on giving yourself enough reasons to let go off an emotion that isn’t serving you. I don’t believe that there is ever an endless loop. We can feel like we’re caught in cycles but once we understand why that’s happening, empower ourselves to make changes, and then practice consistent and different behaviours, it’s possible to let things go. Focusing on the present and valuing the changes over the stuckness also helps.
Thank you 🙏
You’re welcome
Rage, Anger a want for revenge.
That’s one way to look at it. Does the rage hurt you or hurt the person who doesn’t feel your rage? Would revenge provide you with closure or satisfaction or leave you feeling disappointed?
Thank you
You’re welcome
Thanks
You’re welcome 👍🏽
@@mariancounsellor you really helped me to understand my issues and the root cause of my problem. Now I know and I can heal. 🙏
Is this the same as infantile rage?
I’ve never heard of the term infantile rage before so I don’t know.
@@mariancounsellor There’s not much information about it in general, apart from dissertation papers and cases. Also known as pre verbal trauma.
@@steveengland8240Having been "exposed to" or, more accurately experienced pre-verbal rage, I understand it to be from a time generally before explicit memories form. Implicit memories are experienced as sensations in the body, or emotions, which are felt, yet have no images or thoughts associated with them. Often, the sensations are intense. Body-based modalities like: Bioenergetic, Sensorimotor or Somatic Experiencing deal with these internalized states.
Most therapists don't understand cptsd
I don’t know if you can use the words ‘most therapists’ unless you’ve carried out official research and have evidence to support that. Therapists have training in different areas and are ultimately not going to know everything about everything. However, we work with the specialisms we understand and we provide information and knowledge based on experience and understanding.
In the United States mental health is not easy to get unles u pay 200.00 casing any sugestions
Have you considered Betterhelp? That’s an online platform where therapy is offered globally. Also, you could visit your doctor and they could refer you to therapy.
Isn’t depression a symptom of internalised anger?
Not sure about that. I’m not a medical professional but depression can be a symptom of many things but if someone is internalising their anger or rage, it could possibly lead them to feeling depressed as well as other negative emotions.
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I feel intense rage when I feel something is not fair, my rage is not normal at all. maybe it's because I was molested when I was a child.
Sorry that someone subjected you to that. Adults who prey on children are the worst. Have you considered therapy? I can imagine it could feel exhausting to be living life full of rage, especially when it’s out of control. I wish you the best and thank you for sharing your very personal story.
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I don't deal with it 😜 I let it out ⚡ unfortunately this means violently attacking someone with brutal force...no it's not ideal and yes it has led me to being sent to prison 6 times for violence...nope I think your way is better 👌
At least you’re being honest about your situation. Pent up rage can definitely lead to violence either towards people or damaging things but it still doesn’t resolve the feelings underneath. So maybe it’s worth trying a different approach and seeing if that works? You’ve got nothing to lose. Thanks for taking the time to share your thoughts 👍🏽
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Does that mean none of my present day anger responses are legitimate?
No, not at all. Everyone gets angry. Anger and rage are two different emotions. This video is about rage that has been suppressed from the past and then appears because it has not been dealt with. We’re not robots so of course we get angry sometimes. Only you can decide whether your responses are appropriate. However, if multiple people are concerned about your anger, there could be something in that.
A lot 0:02 of transference is legitimate. Too much of the attitude in this video revictimizes the victim.
You’re entitled to your opinion. I don’t agree with that at all but we all see things differently. Not sure why as a counsellor of 14 years, I’d make a video that revictimises a victim in any way. It’s not something that’s in my personal nature or professional experience to ever do. Also, transference is displacement of feelings or emotions onto a person who is unrelated to the original event, experience or person. Therefore, it means that it doesn’t belong there and the individual doesn’t get the opportunity to work through the actual issue or event.
I think Caleb Hammers entire community is toxic and abusive. Caleb just posts thumbnails to mock and degrade his guests. He screams and yells at them like a manchild, knows he has vulernable mentally ill guests, and continues to abuse them and make them worse, as well as fostering a community to come attack them and crap all over them. It has RL consequences. Its harmful, he needs to stop
I don’t know who Caleb Hammer is.
@@mariancounsellor He is on youtube and has a show and abuses vulnerable people and encourages others to harass them and worsen their mental illness. If he doesnt stop...im afraid hes gonna abuse the wrong person and people are gonna get hurt.
@@mariancounsellor hes a youtuber that emotionally abuses his mentally ill guests, uses thumbnails to mock and humiliate them, screams at them the entire effort and uses his comment section to sick his vile community into hurting the person further . Can you please talk to him and explain the damage he is causing to vulnerable people? He especially seems to get the most hateful towards mentally ill or people of color. Its disgusting and promotes hate
@@mariancounsellor Obviously youre not a professional and you dont care about Caleb Hammer hurting mentally ill people and minorities. So therefore you're evil, only care about viewers and money. Inaction is evil. Go ahead share the platform with a predtor whatever
👍🏾👍🏾🫱🏾🫲🏼very true
Thank you.
You’re very welcome
Great video.
Thank you 🙏🏾
Thank you ❤
You’re welcome 💕
Thank you.
You’re welcome 🙂