Living as Female vs. Living as Male
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- Опубліковано 27 тра 2024
- My experience of differences between being perceived as male and being perceived as female.
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Being spoken down to by men in the room even though I am the most experienced person in the room fills me with unquenchable rage.
Jasmine Byerley I would yes I want to swallow up their pride and just listen to someone else for a second because they can’t do it (Any gender)
@@moelester2797 Doesn't work. Then you're just "on your period" or "overly emotional" or something else condescending.
Typical mansplaining
Oh yeah I fucking hate that. They also always assume that women don't know shit about stuff like gaming and electronics in general.
I am studying IT right now but I still had a guy once try to explain to me what RAM is. He also knew that I'm studying IT and also am interested in gaming but he still somehow assumed that I don't know and that he knows better about that kinda stuff bcs he games a lot.
Basically some people like to think “woman=less intelligent”. It’s fucking stupid. I hate stereotypes....
“Ugh I’m on my period rn. You wouldn’t even UNDERSTAND the pain”
Me, a FtM: “oh yeah, no no there’s now way. I don’t understand at all-“
That's just dumb. Obviously men can feel intense pain for other reasons. I'd only say something like that if a many clearly acted like he doesn't believe I'm in pain.
Evija3000 Sir this is a McDonald’s drive thru
@@Evija3000 you'd be surprised how many cis men don't believe it's painful
@@8BitDarkNESsR3v14 how? How could anyone think that bleeding or of your genetals is not painful?
@@lookihaveausernametoo4231 boys or teachers in schools I went to treated it as some lame excuse girls came up with not to go to gymnastics lesson
I am ftm and worked at an auto parts store pre transition. All the time I would get comments of "Isn't this an auto parts store?" "Can I speak to a man?" Or my favorite "not bad for a girl". Now I am starting to pass more and I get the "thanks man" and customers ask for my opinions more and take my advice on their cars.
Ughhh the sexism is still very real on a daily basis. But I'm cis-female so there's no end in sight.
I’m ftm too and I’ve experienced similar things
@A M. Sounds like a dysphoria nightmare.
I hate this so much. That’s so sexist and awful
I’m mtf so I brought myself into the work of sexism😂
When I get read as a girl, I get addressed with sweetie and get talked down to a lot, even by other women. I'm also treated as if I'm weak and fragile even though I'm perfectly capable.
When I'm read as a guy, I blend it, I'm treated like just another person. People don't treat me as someone who needs help. I get a lot more respect. Also people are rougher with me.
There's a problem here
I'm a cis female who identifies as female (other than longer hair I'm not overly girly, never was) and when I was 7-11 years old I would always play with my neighbor (male, two or three years younger than me) and his mother would always be like "Be nice, she's a girl" or when he hugged me she'd say "Ohh be careful! Don't hurt her!" and one time I brought a dinosaur toy over to play with it with my friend and his mom was like "Oh... a *dinosaur...?"* as if girls couldn't like dinosaurs
like woman please I'm not a delicate flower stop telling him to be careful around me! she always acted like women couldn't do anything and it always bothered me. the weirdest part was that before i got to around age 9 she never said anything like that about me
Batman's Greatest Failure yesssssssssssss I hate it when I’m treated as weak like I can frikin beat y’all in a fight
Fr I'm always victimized as a girl When I broke up with my boyfriend people were victimizing me and not him like bruh shits wild
Yea the (american) football coach was coaching the team idk if he saw me (feminine presenting, she/her but he told them 'don't be a girl' I was sooo pissed.
So you want more what feminists call toxic masculinity ;-)
Can people stop being sexist, please? It's not fair to expect a guy to do heavy lifting by himself (as it can be dangerous) and it's also unfair to assume a female cannot do it.
I've gotten some really dirty looks for not being helpful enough with heavy lifting. Like, yes I'm weak! I'm trying my best here.
Males are made to be naturally strong, that's why men get really muscular way faster
It ain't sexist, is just what humanity is used to
@@jaydee6574 Actually for the most parts male are not that much stronger than females, is just that society tends to encourage guys to do sports (such as football) while it's not push/encouraged on to females as much. If a person (non-specifically male or female) has done sports when they where younger (especially between the age of 6 to 15) they tend to be stronger than the average person even if they don't practice sports anymore later on their life (which is the case of alot of high school/college male students). Is it true that guys can achieve stronger/fuller builts if they want to but not your everyday person wants/aspire to be a body builder.
So alot of differences that there are between men and women are actually pushed/exaggerated by society.
[i'm sorry if i made any grammatical error, english isn't my first language but i really wanted to respond you :)]
@@mbella3099 you're wrong, most none soy sipping none vegan naturally skinny guys will be stronger than most women who don't workout, weak boys boils down to a poor diet
@@jemimahkendall6579 i wasn't talking about the biological "starting point" but how society pushes sports more on guys than girls. But as i said "starting point" only that is different, if a woman works hard she can become really strong. If you don't believe me, a person on the internet, then i recommend to search for it yourself or talk to someone that is knowledgeable and a trust worthy source
when i started being read as male, i noticed that servers at restaurants started primarily addressing me instead of my girlfriend at the time. It's weird how small interactions change so much.
annoying though that one has to be "read as male" to be taken more seriously!
@@strawberryseason It's most likely due to the fact that the societal standard is for men to pay for meals.
And also managers addressing you in meetings and ignoring the female colleagues...
This is long sorry but I wanted to add to the discussion with a productive comment :)
That description of the differences in how he's spoken to now is actually perfect, not too vague. It wasn't until I spoke to other women & saw documented experiences between themselves and their male coworkers, that I started realizing just how common these differences are in our lives and not being crazy to notice it :p we are not equally treated. I watched a video on UA-cam by a woman who transitioned I thinkkk in her 40s. It's called something along the lines of : " I've lived as a man and a woman, *something something* what I've learned. " . Patronizing, assuming she's wrong and less educated/experienced/aware/knowledgeable. The best example: she was boarding an airplane as a woman (she'd flown a million miles before this point as a man) and noticed a man was in her seat. She politely let him know and offered to help him move his stuff. He didn't believe her and it got to the point where the man behind her said "move your chit chat elsewhere lady!". So a stewardess noticed & got the man to finally check his ticket - she was right. Also, she needed a part for her mountain bike & the employee kept assuming she wasn't experienced and didn't know what she was talking about. The owner heard what was going on & gave proper service though 😄.
I know this is an old comment but I (cis female) am _so_ much more social and loud than my husband that we've managed to overcome this at restaurants. Our body language is such (my husband is often slightly hunched when sitting and doesn't look at the server whereas I almost immediately start talking when the server comes up) that it's obvious who to talk to and they never get the chance to act on stereotypes they may have.
The sitting legs open thing. I'm a cis female and when I was about 14 in a mix of rebellious + extreme obsession over a TV show phase I dared sit with my legs open. One day my grandma came to my room, sat beside me, and said: "You shouldn't sit like that, guys will take it as invitation…"
It's just one of those things that remain marked in your head and burn forever.
Edit: Checking back 2 years later upon getting a response, I'm trans now
Grandmas sometimes are like that. Mine taught me and my cousin about virginity when we were like 8.
@@Evija3000 my school taught sex ed at 7 Wow
As an invitation?? What the fuck... that is so sad :/
@@angelicgacha I think there's a difference between learning how babies are made and being told by your grandmother to keep your virginity as long as possible when you're a child.
@@Evija3000 How does one go about doing that without explaining the baby-making process and what exactly "virginity" is? They're too intertwined to be taught separately
A shady guy in a trench coat approaches you from the shadows. He draws a knife, and says menacingly... "Give me your legs"
Jamie, a long time ago a very masculine biker friend of mine gave me a really good piece of advice “real men do cry, they wear pink and they eat quiche!”
firesong83 😂😂😂😂I never thought of quiche as feminine
@@stefgreen5237 Same. Why would anyone think that? It's just *food* !
@@stefgreen5237 Funny you say. Even *food* has been gendered. "Light" stuff is usually catered to women, and richer items to men. Pay attention next time you go to a restaurant or supermarket, it is surprising how screwed it is.
Jasper Aura ew ô-ô
I love this, best advice, favourite comment lol
"Started living full time as male" made me laugh, it sounds like a job. From Monday to Fridays, business hours, I am non-binary. On weekends, I'm a potato.
cool motto
Oh my god, the sitting thing. It’s to the point where I actually catch myself thinking “oh, hang on, uncross your legs, that’s too ladylike.” And then I have to actively correct myself and be like “dude, just cross your legs if you want to cross your legs, for crying out loud!” XD why? It’s just sitting, people, seriously XD
Woman have the same thing, "keep your legs closed you look like... nevermind
Airplanes yup. Ugh, those expectations are so ingrained we tend to internalize them. Damn you, society!
Gwen Caradec I do exactly the same but with "masculine" actions. Because I am not really that girly sometimes and I'm like "oh no it's weird". But then I go "shit I want to do it I will".
Gwen Caradec men generally don't cross their legs because it's physically uncomfortable to do so.. If you get my drift it's not about "looking masculine" it's just to stop our balls (which are very sensitive) from being crushed between our legs.
Lord Freeza I hear ya. Although I do know many balls-having people who still cross their legs comfortably. But yeah, crushed balls ain’t good XD
My favorite MTF quote is, "When I was male I felt like a battleship, As a female I feel like a rubber raft."
Trying to transition to a wooden boat by learning more techy stuff to become more independent and not get taken advantage of when I need some repair service :D
Your comment about sitting reminded me of when I was in grade 2. I was always a bit of a "tomboy" when I was young. I will never forget my grade 2 teacher, Mrs. Grenier. She had a real issue with how I sat in my chair. She chided me often, stating that a proper little lady shouldn't be sitting like a "cowboy" and she even went as far as to talk to my mom and she made it her mission to teach me the "correct" and proper way to sit as a lady. She would have me practice how to sit. It was so humiliating. Today, looking back on this, it makes me so angry.
oh god. that is ridiculous
Didn't she have more important things to worry about and teach?
Yeah, im a cis woman and my MOTHER was like that to me, but it didn't stick luckily, i still sit however I want, even if I'm a girl.
I would understand that in skirt/dress/kilt. Otherwise fuck that shit!
I went to an all girls convent school. We had lessons on how to walk, how to sit, to not raise our voices. And for a large part of my life I thought it was our school being sexist. But then we visited the all boys counterpart of our school and they were taught the exact same thing. A bit different about the postures, but otherwise it was all just the same, and I kinda admire that our schools did that. I don't know why I am saying it here either, I just felt like it, please ignore my irrelevant self.
Here’s an interesting thing... just after coming out to him, one of my cis male friends told me it’d be a good idea for me to go to the gym. I told him that being skinny doesn’t bother me but he told me getting bigger is about safety. Apparently because I’m really short (just over 5 ft), I’m an easy target and I need to get big enough to look a little intimidating. It’s interesting how he explained that the real world is sometimes like high school and the smaller guys tend to be taken advantage of (robbed, beat up, etc) more often but smaller guys with a bit of muscle are usually left alone. I’m pretty surprised he recognized that and now I have a gym membership...
What other crap are you willing to fall for.
@@alienpov It's not crap. It's just how our (messed up) society works. I think wanting to be safe is valid even if it means following the societal expectations
His hair looks cute in this video.
Vincent Elian Fay Rose I know right??
Jamie has AWESOME hair
I want his hair
I've been thinking about different hairstyles and the hair in this video gave me the idea of the hair I am going for actually
he always looks cute
I'm FTM too, and sometimes I almost feel like a spy among cisguys. Like "they don't know I'm not one of them. Hee-hee". do you ever feel like that?
Yesss hahaha
... you are one of them, just slightly different to them owing to your ummm
impostor lol
among us
One interesting thing I noticed for me, pre-transition everyone just expected me to know a lot about cars and mechanics and just trusted my opinions in general
Post-transition - even though I now have a Diploma in Motorsport and worked as a mechanic for some time... People are surprised that I know about mechanics, or just dismiss my opinions entirely because there's no way I would actually know something about that.
Also walking around with a motorcycle helmet now people just assume I ride a little scooter and think I'm joking when I say I have an 1125cc Buell
People are weird
you know whats more stupid? is to change ur gender to prove a point. as for u walking around with a helmet as a girl, i`ll think you ride a darn cool bike. but hey if you like to think that other ppl think less of you then be my guest.
If I see a girl with a helmet it would depend on how she looks otherwise. If she looks a bit edgy or even just has a leather jacket I'll probably assume it's a bike. If she's more girly looking I'll imagine a scooter. Still stereotypes, but not as bad as what you wrote.
So you're transfemale?
@@yian95954 indeed
Yeah.. for me it’s not as drastic, but people get really surprised when they learn that I enjoy baking and am actually good at it. They see it as something feminine I guess🤷♂️
He's a tol boi
*L O N G 🅱️ O I*
I wish i was as tall as him. I am only 5'7"
Adventures of A Teenage ? Bitch I’m 5”4 what
Entirely Confused children settle down I’m like five foot
I'm 4'11
Please
I'm so short
I'm used as an arm rest
They're speaking TO you not AT you. When it comes to the way people talk to you, I've noticed this since I've expressed more masculine.
Harley Branning sexism is so fun :/
I've never heard of put that way, but that's exactly it!
@@chrisashtonlightell-west1189 You have a very ''Trans-Dude'' name and i like it lol
Dude! This is it!
You actually found away to put it, thank you! I'm a cis female and I've definitely noticed this. It's not just men either, it's other (mostly older) women too.
I'm sure some of it is also to do with my age (older teen) but in any situation it is infuriating. I wish people would stop talking to others like they're incompetent. It makes me want to punch them out. I won't, but I want to.
I get what u mean about being spoken to... I answer phones occasionally at my job and my voice is masculine... always get the "thanks bro" or "thanks buddy".... then when I'm in person... whole different story... get all the "honey, baby, sweety, ma'am " ...... I'm wearing a name tag for fucks sake.... how bout: "thanks kel"?
Man I get what you mean
Crickus 52 this is amazing and relatable
its SO creepy for men you dont know, in a professional setting, to call (mostly younger) women honey and sweetie and stuff. i have never EVER experienced that here in germany. i wouldnt even know what to do if someone did that to me. how disgusting. i cant understand its seems such a normal thing for you over there, so sorry for you... :/
Janne Capelle I'm German too and I totally agree...
It is absolutely disgusting and if someone does it I'll very firmly say "I don't like being called that, please use my name or my title, thank you". Although if we know each other well and get on, I don't mind, and I'll "honey" or "sweetie" to them too. But basically, don't use cutesy nicknames for someone unless you're their friend. End of.
I'm a cis girl and I sit with my legs spread. I think everyone is just used to it now because I really don't care. Sit how you want.
Same
As long as we're not flashing anyone from a miniskirt, who cares?! (And yes, I'm a grown up.)
Same. It's not like someone can see up my jeans. I only care if I'm wearing a skirt/dress.
I'm AMAB (probably mtf) but my family always said to me to not cross my legs while standing 🙄
Me too
I'm 12 and I was diagnosed with gender dysphoria. I am wanting to transition from female to male. Your videos help me a lot. I'm wanting to be known as Skylar for now because my niece has always called me that for some reason. I'm a lot happier now because I'm dressing masculine and having people using male pronouns. IT'S AMAZING!
Abbi Head 413 wait do you mean female to male? Just wanting to clarify
Sarah H.H.McHarney yes I do. Typos XD I wasn't even watching my keyboard
Thank you for the correction :D
Hope you're doing well, Skylar!
your just a young child VB u have your whole life ahead of you, stop wanting to be someone else
“For nearly six years... umhh...” literally me realising how long I’ve been out of the closet for and being shocked by it
So true
Oof this is what I aspire to
Jamie is literally a foot taller than me... no surprise though, all of my friends are taller than me
No matter what I identify as everyone asks me why i sit upside down.
Are you secretly Mork from Ork??
Wait doesn’t everyone do that??
Bethesda NPC
Try cuffing your jeans and wearing a backwards snap back.
I never really understood the whole girls need to sit with their legs together or crossed. Why would it matter if a girl sits with her legs open? To me, I don't see a problem unless they're wearing a short skirt or something where people would be able to see up it. Other than that, there's no point?
Kenny B it's because society are so offended at what's between our legs that they want to forget that they exist, until it's porn or something.
Kenny B i find it bizarre because alot of guys 'stick out' way more than alot of girls so why on earth are we the ones expected to cross our legs? 😂
I'm still read as female and sometimes I wear shorts down a skirt. Sometimes I sit in a position like when you sit and hug your knees, but without the hugging thing. People can see my shorts, but I don't care. (Generally I also wear pantyhouses) But still people tell me to sit in another position -.-
Like... Why did I wear shorts in first place?
I don't sit with my legs far apart, just slightly. But I keep thinking I should probably put them together, that it probably looks unladylike to sit with them apart. Then I wonder why the f I care what people think of me.
because legs spread = potential turn on to men that may be interpreted as 'open house', thus indecent (as deemed by men?), thus we have to keep 'em closed...I guess. lol
I'm not trans, but I feel like I just wanna try switching for a day just to feel what its like in the other sex's shoes. Like switch bodies with someone
Maybe just dress up as a man and treat is like a costume. Do some actions that don’t require speaking and see how people react differently.
I'm a cisgender woman and definitely not trans but after this video, I kinda wish I was a man just to have my opinion respected for once -.-
I always get spoken over and when I get louder people are like 'Uh, why are you so mad, calm down'
@@FuckingExit ugh, right? My sister and I often go out together, with her dressing more masculinely and I more femininely. She has a boyish haircut while I have a bob. Physically we look similar enough to be mistaken for twins, and we are both not outspoken enough to draw attention.
From what I've observed, people direct questions (asking the both of us) to her, while I get ignored. They maintain eye contact with her, and are surprised if I'm the one to answer. And when she leaves me to answer their questions, they don't even look at me, or barely acknowledge me. She gets treated like "the man", you could say.
One day, I did an experiment and dressed more masculinely (basically wore something my sister would wear), pinned my hair up, while my sister remained the same. Lo and behold, people started treated us like equals. They look both of us in the eye, direct questions to both of us, generally not treat me like I'm lesser. Situations like this really make you see the casual sexism in our daily lives. And people still say we don't need feminism.
@@mslightbulbI want to but I literally can't, my body shape is too feminine (small waist, big hips, decent sized boobs) even though I want to present androgynously 😭
The first thing that really struck me that things are changing was when I entered a bike repair shop and snap, I immediately got what I went there for. Usually I would get patronising looks, people would talk to me like I can't tell a wheel from a chain, and I would get TOLD what I want, instead of being given what I wanted. It was just magic.
Another thing I relish - not being ambushed anymore at the mall and being offered to try on make-up or a perfume.
And yeah, definitely the crossing-to-the-other-side thing. That was a bit sad and unnerving.
Pff, bike shops just don't respect women :D I brought in a bike for general upkeep once after winter, saw a few minor issues. They held it for like a month, much longer than first agreed upon. And then they asked for a lot more money because supposedly it turned out worse than they thought. They said it had a broken axle (I think that's the English word) that they had to change. First, warn me beforehand about increased costs and time, second, not sure I'd have been able to ride with a broken axle, thirdly, as soon as I hesitated, they lowered the price so clearly it was inflated. Maybe they're just sketchy (although it's supposedly a good shop/service), maybe they acted like that because I was like a 20 year old girl.
And more recently I encountered a very condescending attitude in phone repair service. He was convinced my phone broke because I dropped it even though I assured him I didn't and described what happened. He wouldn't even theorize other possibilities. Funnily enough it later turned out he was completely wrong about how you open up my particular phone model. I'm pretty sure he just quickly looked it up on UA-cam because the first search result matches what he said, but shows the wrong model :D But he acted like such a pro...
I find this really interesting, because you're confirming many of the "stereotypes" about how men and women are treated differently, which sadly aren't stereotypes but reality. And it's not often you see someone who have actually experienced both sides! I find it so sad that we all put each other in boxes. As a woman, I react strongly to a lot of the things I've experienced myself, but I think it's just as bad that men aren't supposed to show feelings, or automatically have to take the lead. And what the hell is it about the way we sit, that people feel they have the right to judge? That's just crazy.
@A M. like i said in another response, WE CAN'T CHANGE THAT YOU FRUCKING IDIOT
The crossed leg thing! Only an hour ago I crossed my legs while on the train and my instant thought was 'oh my god uncross them or no one will ever take you seriously as not-female'. The small gender expectations are so stressful and also really sad.
Yees, i always sit with crossed legs and i have to remind myself to spread them out all the time lmao. It's pretty annoying and stressful thinking about such small gender expectations all the time.
Sonny Cubberley I at that at school
i read this and immediately uncrossed my legs. i’m at home by myself. why am i like this
You dont have to care about that. Its just a sterotype.
Sonny Cubberley welcome to learning that as a trans girl ad I have grown up. Its a lot to learn but just keep watching other men and try and mimic things you think are masculine. Granted I was having to work on unconscious actions with conscious thought and it was a pain to try and fit the male gender.
i’m a cis girl but when i was 9 to 11 years old i had very short hair and most people assumed i was a boy when ppl thought i was a boy i got WAY WAY WAY more credit for general politeness i’m a very polite person and people don’t notice whatsoever when they assume i’m a girl but when they thought i was a boy people literally gave me pocket change for holding to door open-
It's something that english talking people might not know, but here in France, girls must kiss someone to say hi (only on the cheek, no worries), like litterally anybody you meet, from your best friend to the most unknown stranger, while guys just have to hold hands or high five. Being quite androgynous, I lived some of those weird moments where the person that you're facing doesn't know wich one they must do. But I think it's typically french... Dunno (。ヘ°)
Tous les gars se serrent pas la main, y en a qui se font la bise aussi (j'ai une connaissance comme ca, la première fois ca m'a surpris)
I'm from Chile, and here we do the same thing. I didn't know there were other places outside Latin America that did that. But i get the same thing. In my family, i always have to kiss everyone, but when i'm outside, i get that weird moment when people don't know if they have to kiss me or shake my hand.
The same thing happens here in Argentina. One time a dude was shaking my hand, then he realized my hand was too skinny to be a boy's hand and kissed my cheek... while shaking my hand... it was very awkward.
This! My British family does this. They shake my brother's hand, but go in for the cheek kiss with me, and it's INTENSE, let me tell you. Like, regardless of gender, I'd probably still prefer to go for the hand shake, but idk.
I’m from the U.S. and not always but you will be expected to hug your friends or family or even just people you are aquatinted with and I generally never like hugs, so I usually go in for the side-hug, which is apparently a very guy/ masculine thing to do, but I never really caught on to that until someone told me after I came out. xD I’m so clueless as to social etiquette. I much prefer to shake hands, and I generally have a firm handshake, which is “expected” I think, but I just do it instinctively.
I sometimes feel like I'm not taken seriously or that people are not really listening to me just because I'm female. And it really bothers me but I don't know what to say in a situation like that to make people aware of it. As you said, it's difficult to put the finger on it and say what it is exactly.. What's more I was never really sure if that feeling was right or if it was just because of my personality (I'm kinda shy and introverted). But hearing someone talk about it who actually experienced both sides made me feel like I was right and that there really is a difference.
Manuela E. i agree completely. It's really hard. I've always noticed my family takes my brothers more seriously than me no matter my viewpoints or theirs on something.. they're just immediately respected more or listened to more. It sucks tbh. I shouldn't have to work for respect just because I'm born in a body to a gender binary, neither which I ever asked for.
You're right! I've noticed that when I talk to a group of friends consisting of men and women or just men I'm interrupted or not listened to/ignored more often than when I'm with women only. I guess men don't necessarily do that deliberately but it's become my pet peeve.
I hate that when I'm with my boyfriend people always just address him and not me. Like if someone wants directions they will ask him every time and not even look at me. In shops and restaurants it's the same. Despite him being younger than me he looks older which makes it even worse. Makes me feel like a child.
There is definitely a difference. I recommend you googling 'unconscious bias', this explains the difference properly!
I've experienced this, too. I think the hardest part about calling people out is that most people don't consider themselves sexist and will do anything to maintain that view, so 99% of the time they will deny they're doing it
the last one hurts ... it just went right in my heart. Safety of men and women is so sensitive topic for me and it's so so so so so comforting to hear a man talking about something all women know but are sometimes too used to it to notice... thank you
I agree. unfortunately being female feels a lot like being caged the most of the time especially when you're FTM and hiding in the closet.
and the fact that dudes are constantly staring smh.
@@spazmatismsf385 Oh my gosh yes~ As an FTM, I've struggled with so much anxiety over my life about being viewed as a woman. And even though my sisters understand the safety issue, I've gotten weird looks from them when I've asked them if we could change the topic away from certain really triggering conversations.
Now that I'm living and passing as a guy (albeit probably as pre-teen boy), my confidence has gone way up, and my anxiety way down. I've been able to do things that I'd have never been able to do before with the anxiety levels that I used to have whenever I'd leave the house. I really, really don't miss being seen as a girl.
I came out to my grandpa (whom I call Papa) yesterday and after he called me “bear” he double checked to make sure I was okay with it 🥺 he’s over 70 btw so if he can be accepting and respectful, 60 year old Sally down the street can be too, age is no excuse.
it honestly makes me sad how this video just highlights sexism in society, whether it be toxic masculinity (being a skinny guy, crying) or misogyny (opinion is more valued as a male, feeling safer)
I have definitely noticed pre-transition people spoke very differently to me. For instance, blokes trying to get past me would be like "excuse me, sorry miss!" in a soft voice but since transitioning they're just like " sorry, mate" in a more assertive tone and stuff like that. It is quite a small difference but it was very noticeable to me.
People totally talk to me differently now. Guys treat me like a "bro." I used to think I wanted that, but now I miss the genuine conversations I had with my female friends when I was seen as a girl.
I generaly don´t like convos with guys because it often get into measurment challange and that´s not wotrh of the time.
I wish I knew how to have that genuine conversation with female friends thing lol. I’ve only had male friends.
I haven't had any cis male friends since I was 9 and miss the relationship I had with them. I wish I could make friends with other guys but I don't really know how to. In addition to being trans, I'm also gay, so it feels a bit weird trying to hang out because I'm both of those sometimes-stigmatized things. But in the meantime, I like being the boy in the group! It's so much better than being just one of the girls, barf.
And if anything, I think I've gotten closer to many of my friends, since they're almost all some sort of queer and now we can be open and out with each other.
Today for the first time I had a woman see me as dangerous by default. It was a very strange situation. I saw a woman with something written on her mask, and my eyesight is awful so I was squinting trying to read it and she said, very forcefully “sir, why are you staring at me”. And ngl, it took me aback at first. I completely understand why she did it. 99% of the time a dude staring means he’s being creepy, and I’ve had to reassess the way I interact with women, because something that would be perceived as in innocuous when I was presenting as a woman has a completely different connotation now that I’m presenting as male. I felt so bad I made that woman uncomfortable. I hope I didn’t ruin her day.
I'm going on 20 and still get called "bud" "buddy" and "kiddo" at restaurants XD I've also noticed that when I'm perceived as male by other males, they try to engage in more "dad-esque" conversation and usually shake my hand.. it's pretty funny how a simple change in hair and clothes can affect how people go about their interactions with me and im just sittin here like "bruh im literally still the same person like wut."
I wish I could just have people talk to me more directly and with more respect without transitioning (I'm a cis-woman).
I totally know what you're talking about with being talked to different it's pretty weird. Like I had gone shopping with my friend, and she was looking to buy a dress, and I started to notice the attendant kept handing me the dresses to hold after my friend was done trying them on. What struck me the most as being really weird is the attendant kept asking for my opinion and validation of every dress she had on, and she was very, very adamant. Again with every dress, she would look directly at me and specified the price. I was just weird, and It was one of my first experiences where I was actually correctly gendered, and my friend and I both left feeling a little odd. It was just strange the drastic difference in the way that woman was talking to my friend and then the way she addressed me.
You’re so lucky. I want to transition. Could you do a video about getting jobs and the workforce when you’re trans?
As a cis lady and a runner, I am kinda jealous of guys. It must be nice to go running or even walk alone and not be as worried about safety.
Skinny guys are the cutest thing in this world :
Minifrites yass
Indeed.
Tall skinny guys make me WEAK I love them
I'm not even so skinny, I practice parkour soooo
kaiyodei deadd 😂
i love this, it highlights sexism and how sometimes you do need to have lived as a female to truly understand the small day to day oppressive behaviours that have been implemented in our society
its so sad that society place these expectations on people..
I'm so glad you made this video and highlighted some key issues relating to sexism of both genders. As a woman I really appreciate you acknowledging the way females are treated by society and how prejudice in both forms can occur.
I'm a girl and for the longest time I tried to get used to sitting with my legs uncrossed because, while I'm pretty comfortable with my gender identity, I have this weird sort of alpha male gene where I'm subconsciously like "sHow NO weAKneSs!!1!". that coupled with anxiety means I'm GREAT at socialising.
I want to say I'm more reasonable now and that I don't care how I sit, but honestly I still do it occasionally.
I don't get why even to myself I'm sometimes like, no you can't do that, it's /girly/, probably a mixture of being upset at society's expectations, and internalised misogyny idk. but I do get it especially strongly when talking to boys, where I go, uh YEAH I like football and I NEVER liked horses (both are like 60% true lol).
the worst thing is that it makes it sound like I think I'm better than other girls, which I don't. and yet I still brag that I have an above average amount of testosterone in my body like ffs
Any peeps who aren't accepted by their parents for their gender or sexuality, I'm your new parent.
*Take over the world.*
Lol jk. _Unless..._
Junko Enoshima I will gladly take over the world with my fellow allies and LGBTQ+ community.
Who runs the world? US!
Hello new parent, I need some money... 😂
@@maynardewm Steal it from the rich.
@@dragonfly2577 Yes.
Please raise me Junko
I'm 9 months on T and I already noticed a lot of those things. I'm read as male now like 90% of the time, I guess? Though my long hair is throwing people off 😅 I don't really mind it anymore though cause my voice is definitely not female anymore.
I'm definitely a lot less anxious and more confident now. I can wait for the bus in the dark in a shady place and totally don't mind standing around with all the other guys. If there's a free seat on the bus and I want it, I take it. Wouldn't have done it before when it meant having to sit next to a slightly intimidating looking man. Females do expect me to the lead now more but so far it hasn't bothered me too much. You just need to find a good balance that works for you. Also I'm so relieved that sitting 'spread legged' is not seen as weird for me anymore, it's just so much more comfortable!
So yeah, if anyone ever says that men are not priviliged in our society they are so wrong. We still got a lot of work to do!
Ben Greenleaf so interesting these comments.
Men are not privileged. You are not a man. You have no idea what you are talking about. The "differences" you speak of are your issue, not societies. Actions are not what makes some one male or female. What's backwards, is thinking you can cut your breasts off inject testosterone and call yourself a man. Men are so much more than that.
@@surfdawg7326 You clearly missed the point here, or you're too narrow minded to actually understand that you're not making sense. Society used to view him as a female and treated him one way, not they view him as male and treat him differently. Not really much else to it.
also a lot less chivalry gets presented to you.
@@surfdawg7326 ewww imagine being that close minded 🤮
waiters at restaurants call me buddy now a lot, which I think is weird because I don't know why they would be calling anyone buddy in the first place. But when I'm in exclusively male situations, I now get treated like I'm "in the boys club" which is strange because usually the guys that act like that are saying things I don't agree with anyway
Maybe if they're acting more familiar, they get better tips because there's more of a connection (even if forced).
Definitely noticed the catcalling thing. I used to get it occasionally but since I've started presenting more masculine it's not happened once. I'm not on T yet but until I speak am read pretty much 100% as male.
I'm cis female but have masculine energy. When I wear male clothing I don't get approached/ cat called, so I avoid feminine clothes if possible
same dude!
@@NetiNeti-gm5bz I have pretty feminine energy, but same. I tend to put up my hood, hide my hair, maybe wear something baggier if I'm walking alone past dark. Just feel a bit safer. Catcalling happens more when I look more feminine, which makes sense.
The crying thing irks me. I just started presenting myself in a more masculine way, and recently I ended up having a panic attack in class and crying a bit. It sucks because I do have an anxiety disorder, and I can't help the panic attacks.
Dunno about any other transguys, but I haven't had many social differences since I've transitioned. I definitely get the direct talking thing (can be a bit intimidating at times tbh), but the most obvious thing I get is that nobody judges me for being "really masculine" anymore; now people say I'm "too feminine"! xD
Tbh, I don't care about social changes; if I'm happy and confident idgaf! :)
Just remembered somat;
Before I transitioned, everyone presumed I was a lesbian, but now people think I'm gay! CAN I NEVER WIN?! D:
Clarification: On the rare occasion I'm attracted to someone, it's always a girl, so I'm 90% sure I'm straight? Maybe?
Thank you for making this video, I especially appreciate the point you made about how you are spoken to as a women vs. as a man. I needed this afarmation. People have said I am intellgent, but when men I don't know talk to me, especially in a work setting, I have always thought I have been talked down to. Like they weren't quite sure if I was able to comprehend English.
I'm NB and the sitting thing is probably my favorite part of this list. It's because I get told the "sit like a lady" with my legs crossed or closed but normally I sit cross legged or legs spread. If I'm presenting as female it's always "girls shouldn't sit like that" but when I present as male it's "man why you sitting so weird".
Can’t we just sit down to be comfortable? Good sitting posture is having your feet planted on the ground slightly spread. Society literally shames women for sitting correctly. Sitting in a chair with legs crossed constantly is bad for the body. Society cares more about how a woman looks than her physical comfort…that’s f*cked up
I feel you on the skinny comments. I don't wanna know how many times people have said I have this perfect body, but ultimately I was just like "...do you want it? You can take it." But yeah, while a lot of these things sound like cliche stereotypes, it's not surprising to me. Men and women are treated differently, for better or worse
Same! A friend of mine (who I'm not out to) was talking about how much she disliked her body and she said to me "I wish I had your body, it's fucking perfect!" I had no idea what to say because if I told her I was insecure about it she legit would not believe me, and I wasn't about to explain the real reason to her.
I did get the "you're a girl right? Cross your legs" from a semi stranger at the station. I simply refused to.
I’ve experienced the whole being spoken to differently thing. In the six months since I came out, I often get addressed as ‘mate’ by strangers which NEVER happened when I was read as female. Then they hear my voice and ‘correct’ themselves 😟. The other variation I get is I am spoken to and treated as a child because like all pre T transmen, I look young. I was at a martial arts seminar where I was told to go into a group with little kids and got the classic ‘and so what is your name young man?’. Never got treated like a kid when presenting as female.
Reuben Bryant LMAO last year I took a plane and while checking my stuff through the scanners the security guard smiled at me and asked me if it was my first time flying, whether I had sweets on me, etc. It took my oblivious ass half an hour to realize I'd been confused with a child.
I'm twenty.
justpettingmycat that is funny 😂. I’m 33 and the incident with being put into a group with little kids was only last month.
I used to get cat-called like EVERYTIME when I went outside... I have to admit I was trying out various outfits when I was in my "feminine-phase" (trying to fit in, experimenting with my body shape and make up, whatever) but even when I didn't dress up with nearly as much effort people would try to hit on me (got myself in some kinda dangerous situations as well...) and I got so many comments about my body... Now that I just hit 3 months on T people stare mostly at me because of my colorful hair or because they're not sure about my gender, but I feel way more comfortable in public.
Amazing how testosterone is such a strong driver when it comes to physical appearance. Every FTM trans guy looks exactly like a cis guy, every single time. Not always the case for MTF trans girls unfortunately.
Then you don't know enough transmen. I'm one and I don't pass well, because my skeleton happens to be very feminine. Facial features, wrist size, hip size, etc. Not as eye-catching and conclusive as very masculine looking transwomen, but still...
It is really strong especially when used for a long time. However, it causes you to lose your hair. But at least the bald look is in !
Man, I really hope it works that way with me. I can really only pass as a kid, despite being 22. I know a bit of facial hair'll at least help me order a beer at lunch without freaking out the waitstaff
It's cause T is such an aggressive hormone. We all have both tho so that's a nice thought.
T really does do a lot. I'm a cis girl with naturally high testosterone and I basically have sideburns, a crapton of acne and a menstrual cycle that makes no sense. I'm hoping it'll calm down in a few months but if it doesn't my doc has recommended I take oestrogen...
I haven't started transitioning yet but a while back I managed to pass as male for the day and I immediately noticed everyone treated me differently. It's hard to pinpoint how exactly, I could just tell.
I'm a straight cis girl, and I find your videos really helpful and I love watching all your videos ❤😄 I think you are so nice and funny ❤
Thanks for this video. I want to show it to my adult boys as I have tried to tell them how some of these things have happened to me as a female. It’s really interesting to hear from someone who has been on both sides of this.
I can totally understand the whole "spoken to differently" thing. I work in a very male-dominated industry and people literally turn around and talk down to me and my female colleagues, immediately after being very nice and funny to my male colleagues. It happens all the time and it's a bit depressing, honestly
People seem to take what I say far more seriously now I am perceived as male. This is disconcerting. I have had to point out that I really do not know and actually I am just making it up / guessing / theorising....
when I came out as trans ftm to my class some of the boys in my class definitely treated me differently, more like I am their friend and it was so weird
A real interesting thing I learned about binary transitioning (compared to non-binary) is that either you gain male privilege or lose it based on how you pass. If you're in the middle you are ostracised.
I’m transitioning and I’ve noticed that my mom calls my outfits or how I look “cute” much more. She doesn’t think I’m male, but she’s kind of coming around to it, slowly but surely. I wish she’d stop doing that because it always makes me feel dysphoric. But maybe that’s just a me thing...
As a cis woman, I am totally unsurprised by the tone one and the crossing the road/feeling safe one. I would have been more surprised if you hadn't mentioned them.
Being an autistic gay cis male living in the Suburbs I was actually shocked to find out that catcalling was a real thing, and not just something done on tv shows to make construction workers seem gross. And it's just like why? Also don't. And why?
I can't believe your 6'1" lol, I'm super jealous I'm only 5'2"
Same
I'm 11 years old and 5'2" and underweight
I'm 5'2 and 47
Matthew White I’m 4’11 :[
THE MAN 5’2 for an 11 year old is above average.
☺️ Hope you have a lovely day, Jamie! (And Shaaba too!) ❤️
I think you're absolutely the most aesthetic person ever oml.
I can totally relate. The whole how I’m spoken to now versus pre t. And the expectations from others. My girlfriend says the same thing. And I used to get cat called and now it’s like oh hey just another dude. Lol It’s insane the amount of societal differences with men and women. I could go on and on. It’s kind of ridiculous really. But the amount of things we are brain washed with.
I got called buddy by someone yesterday! It made me so happy. The first time I passed.
I hardly ever cross my legs and I am a woman. I've never had anyone comment about it but I live in America so maybe its different here about that IDK. In class at school I would slouch and keep my legs apart because I have like no ass and its just more comfortable for me lol. I use to try to correct myself because I felt like people didn't question it because maybe they just thought I was gay. I'm not a very feminine woman but then I remind myself I shouldn't care that much about what people think. (BTW I don't think there is anything wrong with being gay or transgender while I'm mentioning it.)
Uh
The thing I run into most often is when I accidentally bump into someone at the grocery store, women always apologize to me immediately, even though at least half the time it's my fault.
Thank you, Jamie, always
a pleasure. After a year on T I am barely getting peach fuzz... so thank you for keeping the hope alive!
I'm freaking tiny. Not even enough for 5" 6. The only thing that works for me is that I work out. It helps with dysphoria. 😯
Eri Chan 5'2" here.
Maybe we should start a tiny guys club. I'm 5'1. Maybe it is because i'm latin, but here i have an average female height, and i'm not that little with cis guys around. But i still feel veeery short.
I'm also 5'2"
Oh man. Smol soft transboys club? That's a huge okay for me
5ft 3
I agree 100%. There's a "brotherhood"
I am not transgender so I can't speak for experiences as both but I have noticed that as a female if my boyfriend is around most conversations are directed to him first. Even when I was buying a car for myself the questions were directed to him.
Thank you Jamie* Please, pretty please, if you feel like making Part 2 of this list, that would be great! This is such valuable and authentic information on how the society works. Thanks!
“Six years...oo...” you make me happy and put a smile on my face when I’m sad!
I'm not trans or anything like that, but as an American girl, I get creepy stares, catcalling, and the other day this guy was calling at me as I was walking down the street. I live in Thailand, and "Farang" girls are seen as exotic and very sexual.
This is so hard to explain but ever since coming out, almost every time I'm in a conversation with a female idk well who has no idea I'm trans, especially older women such as my teachers, there is just a totally different vibe / tone of voice. it's really weird trying to explain this, but women will get angry with me so much quicker or disregard what I am saying, than if i was female (no disrespect to anyone) Girls respond with a more annoyed attitude, practically no matter what i am saying, like i am just some pest or immature boy or something, which isnt even the case. My mistakes and criticized 100 times harder and pardoned less. It doesnt bother me its just so weird. Also guys are more respectful to me but i am fearful because they are more willing to confront or fight me if i say the wrong thing
Oow... I'm glad I saw your comment because you say something really interesting! I'm a female, maybe genderfluid, I'm not sure, and I think it's really important to also be aware about the sexism against men!
RJ Martin women are rude to men because nice girls finish last
@@ES-cx3gq who hurt you?
Interesting. It seems both guys and gals have their own clubs.
@@ES-cx3gqbruh
I binge watch Jamie to relax me. Just find him very calming. Not sure why but whenever I feel abit anxious at the moment I pop in and watch a Jamie vid and enjoy the escapism he provides. Thanks Jamie!
Thanks for posting this. Very useful in my research while I wait for t on nhs. And I LOVE your humour, it creases me up!
There's a Ted Talk by Paula Stone which I highly recommend. She explains very succinctly the same sort of differences in people's attitudes and behaviour from the lived experience of both genders. Paula Stone Williams: I've lived as a man and a woman. Here's what I learned | Paula Stone Williams | TEDxMileHigh | TED Talk
About the crossing legs, I never noticed that but now that you’ve pointed it out I looked through some random photos and figured it out, honestly I always sat whatever way was comfortable for me which as someone with ASD and ADHD it normally changes every minute because of sensory issues
I love the perspective from both sides!
I’m 19. FTM. I’m pre everything and I just came out. Everyone is still addressing me as a girl, treating me as a girl. I thought I’d just look like a pretty guy, but no. I’m still a girl to everyone and people are still calling me by my dead name. :/
If you have the confidence, try misgendering them, give them a taste of their own medicine. People who hold bigoted ideals tend to hate their identity being questioned.
It’s very interesting to hear your observations, as a guy who used to be seen and treated as a girl before
Me on feminine days: hello am somewhat feminine non-binary human
Me on masculine days: Hi, I’m Ethan and I’m 14
It's so nice seeing older people in your comment section asking questions. Trans isn't a generational thing. It's just been more in the open lately.
Great video as always.
I still don’t know so much about the transgender experience, and this channel is so heckin insightful!! I’m learning so much and loving it. Thanks a million, my dude! You’re doing something awesome here.
As a female I also get "You're too skinny. You look so unhealthy" comments. People always assume I decided or try to be skinny and want to point out that I shouldn't. Thats so annoying. But I guess it's the same with man and women.
I love how you said "oooo you're so tall" 😂
Very interesting experiences. Thank you for sharing them :)
I love your videos. They help me think about why I want to be trans and how I will do it in the future. You help me manage to deal with the feelings.