I am and it got so bad that ive been selling things online to help me move out. I got furloughed from my job since covid and home life is very stressful
It took me such a long time to connect with the idea to just shut up. Be quiet. Say nothing. Do not react. Do not respond. No contact is the only way for me. I am an all or nothing kind of person. If you are going to disrespect me and my boundaries - I want nothing to do with you. I have gone no contact with a number of people in the last year - and it has been so good for me. Being alone is absolutely fine.
Me to ,I had to cut a close friend of 15 years,people who I trust and share same intimate things betray me ,I'm very much alone rigth now ...God is taking care of me ...I'm a very guiving person but I learn my lessons.
@Bronwyn Tanner - You said it! Still having to learn to be consistent with "just shut up. Be quiet. Say nothing. Do not react." So against my personality - but it's the only thing that works and is emotionally intelligent.
I pretty well have to do the same, which to be honest isn't entirely happenning right now, at least amid my family. .. I just don't know how to not open up for realies, and they refuse to desist with the vapid pleasantries. .. It just seemed too exhausting to resist visitting with them while living with them!.... (which I do, for complicated reasons that I am trying to remedy.)
Well said. It speaks to the depth of disassociation from anything that does not directly give them narc supply. Nothing else exists to them. Consequently, they are very easy to avoid. They are doing all the work for you. Just stay away.
They do. My parents did. I did this naturally as a teenager. Answered “I don’t know” to their probing questions and kept my tone entirely flat since they had basically sucked the soul out of me. They mocked me for being boring and kept coming after me for more supply. Narcs are relentless.
“Don’t waste what is holy on people who are unholy. Don’t throw your pearls to pigs! They will trample the pearls, then turn and attack you." Matthew 7:6
OMG Sessa, you said what has been said to me many times! I don't even know how to identify a pig and I have often been trapped because of my kindness and wanting to believe everyone is good. Thanks for the reminder: it's come a couple of days before I will be with relatives who have been infected with narcissism by their narc father. So sad. Thanks again.
Ohh, yeah, and do I know about that one!!.. the narcs are everywhere these days .. married for 60 years.. then a new d-in- law... turns out to also be narc.. all will use me if Im not careful.. wish I had dr. R IN MY LIFE 40 years ago!! Its so good to finally understand the whole mess my life has been in for SOOO VERY LONG.. had a major stroke .. many years ago, ...thanks to extreme stress, now disabled, BUT GOT AWAY 9 years ago. So life was o.k sorta, bt he still insisted on “ helping” ?..well he has to keep up his acting the nicest guy ever, has to have a key to my home now... Im living in assisted living for seniors.. he has had no access to the building (or me) cause of covid-19 lockdown for six weeks...whewww.. its first time in 60 years that Ive been free every day..I LIKE ITVERY MUCH and thanks to DrR for keeping me on track I watch every one of th videos!BEST...🇨🇦🇨🇦🇨🇦..Cheryl.💋
Amen! Couldn't have said it better myself. Perfect explanation for not wasting your time, resources, finances and your "Soul". No better explanations, but from the word of God.. Even the lord tells us to be careful who we trust as a friend and who we confide in. Thanks for sharing scripture, his word will not go out and come back void. God bless you. Our Redemption draws near. End time signs for sure. Read 2 Timothy 3: 1-5. Take care.
@@gratefulsoul1661 Bless you too. It's all in there , is it not? The Holy Scriptures God wanted all of His Children to know. I started studying over 4 years ago. I have a real scholar who not only had taught the KJV many times, he understands and teaches from all the languages that were used for the translation! A REAL pastor. I do some study every day. And these better narc awareness vids have been such a blessing in my life too. Word of God, FIRST. Then God will lead us to those He approves of for help in what we need. I love Dr. Ramani and her teaching about this huge problem in the world. Definitely the ones who Timothy spoke about! God will lead good souls to other good souls. May He Bless Dr. Ramani today!
And there's another saying that goes like: Don't cross seas for the ones that wouldn't cross a puddle for you. Well... With that kind of 'this for that' attitude we're stuck on the victim triangle, also called the drama triangle , where we move from one place to another (victim / perpetrator / rescuer). Grey rocking is a form of retaliation when it means more than not fuelling arguments (non-reactivity), in fact it's a form of passive agression that will eventually lead to ending a relationship that got shallower and shallower with your active contribution. So if we take the "They don't change" affirmation as a belief that is applicable to everyone having narcissistic traits, not engaging might unconsciously sabotage any chances of healing or building a healthier relationship --if that is possible.
@Four Fingers sorry to hear that. I'd always been a people pleaser all my life because my parents taught me to always put others first no matter how you feel about it. Until I couldn't bear it anymore and the hardest mental shock finally hit me last year. I went to a psychologist and she told me that I need to stop hating myself and love myself more. Right now I'm still learning to do that and with every lesson learned about narcissism I've grown more love to myself.
Yes I am the target of my brothers family they let, taught and encouraged there kids to be disrespectful it's more then sad that it it has gotten to where it is now and not getting any better. My other brother is the same way but the mother of his kids will not join him in his ways. I know this is not normal because my sister does not do this with her family.
@@lindabermudez-hafer5440 Whatever some people say about souls or whatever they say is not concerning me. I listen to people speak and then I always come to my own conclusions.
@@clayandputtyvideos1647 yes they can by turning you into a living dead waiting to die. No aspirations nothing to do with anyone no desire no hobby etc
This is *such* a better alternative than dissociating. We *have* to protect that most vulnerable part of ourselves and cherish our openness and permeability in a conscious, almost warrior-like way. Everyone should learn this skill. 🙏
I was accepted into a graduate program to get my MBA, and I dreaded telling my Narc spouse bc I already knew how he was going to react. While everyone else was extremely happy for me; all my husband said was I don’t know how your gonna to do that, your already too busy. 😒
@@lorryschlick9894 it takes time, a lot of time to forgive them and forgive yourself for putting up with them for too long. But as you implement more things into your life that you know are good for you, you can start to feel whole again. Just trust that you will eventually get there, because at first it seems so crushing, so hopeless, like they've sucked the life out of you. But remember you can get back to being your best self, and beyond that, with your own determination and self love. You have everything you need inside of you already, trust in yourself.
I took it back, by doing myself the favor for a change, I'm just improving my Life and just grey rocking his ( my 31 year long husband who never put me first. ) I got him to go to a therapist and I finally got him to get me my first car. Now I'm going to work for myself instead of for him. And yes I told him that too. If he wants the divorce I looked for after 30 years ,so be it. Now I don't look for the partner that most look for . I just see it as someone who just lives here. I respect him as a human being, but as a distant person who lives near by. Best that way to keep my sanity.
@@julies9997 I was doing great before the pandemic. Made a whole new life with new friends, new hobbies, new everything. My weekly trauma bond therapy went right down the drain as soon as I was alone. I know I have everything in me to recover bc I was well there. Now it's like I never recovered at all. Back at square one stupidly yearning for his return and his love which I never had to begin with. I see no getting out now as I live in NY where at 66 I see no future once again. Any advice for someone alone and lonely fighting for my soul for a second try at life? Thank you both for reading my comment and caring.
I started soul distancing when I realized he was going to throw those intimate and vulnerable things I had expressed back in my face when he went on his next rage spiral. It was almost amazing to watch. He would twist the things I said in a moment of vulnerability, a time where I needed safety and understanding SO BADLY, and make them some sort of personal weakness or reason for why it’s ok that he is screaming at me. It’s so weird and distorted and confusing.
This is what I am dealing with at this very moment...it all ends in raging. My mouth is usually hanging open while he screams my words back at me in an entirely different order than I said them. I pray to God everyday he will get me away from this sickness. It is killing me.
My brother is like that. Dealing with him is like mental whiplash that leaves you with massive vertigo. Navigating a conversation is a lot like going thru a mine field.
Once I became aware of what was really going on during my interactions, I found it almost natural to shut down any conversation about the things that I get excited about, the things that give me reason to get up in the morning. No more baring my soul to someone who does not get it...
If you're waiting for them to come back to you, I "need" you to remember how unhappy you were in the end. You deserve better. Dont settle for crumbs and bullshit! Hand it over to God❤
ErikisOfficial thank you! I needed this words! He won’t ever change. I hope someday I could forgive him so we won’t find each other in any other life... I’m so shallow because of him
@@gisellzozaya203 you're welcome. I'm glad the words were able to help. I try to participate to help others just like others have helped me. But like I said just hand it over to God. Don't be hard on yourself Gisell. If you ever need to talk about let me know. I personally will never talk to anyone who hasn't been through a break up with a narcissist because they don't understand it's not a regular breakup. That's why I'm always in the comments 😆
This was a hard one to listen to. As someone who grew up being unseen and unheard, and spending years doing work on engaging my “soul” and all my beautiful, creative expressions of self, I fear that others might misinterpret this, or worse yet loose their beautiful unique selves as it’s just beginning to blossom. At the same time I wish that someone had explained it to me this way. I wasted too many years, and too much energy on people who refused to see me.
As mean as it sounds sometimes people have to go no contact with a narcissist but still acknowledge that they are human and not some kind of alien. That's what a lot of people did to me in the beginning until they realize i have my own place. I don't over dress anymore in my area of town because it sends the signal that i have to much free time if you don't have at least one friend you can confide in that can prove you are a responsible person. I literally had to struggle just to get an apt but its a good goal i met to show newcomers I'm not a free loader.
Have you read SAFE PEOPLE by Dr. Henry Cloud. There is some very good information in this book about how to distinguish between people you can trust and people you should just keep as an acquaintance. It helped me a great deal.
The main reason I watch you is , because you remind me of my mother. I can’t discuss my experience of abuse with her again and again. But, every time I see you, I get the same warmth, and over these 4 months, my addiction to the narcissist is slowly and steadily fading away.
I feel, personally, that I have gone from being very empathetic and open with an endless need to " Give," ( to him ) AND a very anxious attachment style ( childhood trauma) to a closed and Avoidant person, in the ten years with him. Self preservation.
@@suzanne4396 I'm so sorry this has happened to you too, Suzanne. I vaguely remember being that empathic person 14 years ago, and giving everything I had (time, money , energy) to ensure 'this relationship is gonna work!'. Today, I am empty of confidence, have no feelings for anything or anyone (other than my cat!), have a partner who'd rather work than make quality time for us, and so uncertain of what my needs actually are, that I'm wondering if the accusations are correct and I'm the insensitive narcissist, after all.
Your comment inspired this thought bubble. Thank you. 💞 Too bad we are so highly judged by the vehicle, which we did not get any say or choices about, that's ONLY purpose is to drive our souls around. Indeed, it is our soul that must be priority. Protect it. Defend it. Nourish it. Share it. The vehicle we got is only functional for so long... if we do it right, our souls will live on indefinitely via the ripple effect.
Do all therapists recognize narcissistic personality disorder as a serious behavioral disorder or for lack the correct terminology on my part try to label it something else like bipolar disorder. I thought I was dealing with a bipolar ex, after listening to you describe the traits and actions of the narcissistic disorder I’m convinced it’s narcissistic behavior I dealing with ,a very serious case of the malignant type very destructive and physically and verbally abusive I have have witnessed acts of rage and destruction with my narc she has no boundaries,she’s succeeded in alienating my children against me. To the point they don’t want to be around me and embarrassed to be seen with me. I try to pretend it doesn’t bother me, I’m devastated. She’s alienated my friends,and family members against me through social media friending my friends then throwing me under the bus.
Funnily enough, when I'm around my narcissist family, I go very quiet to the point my partner says I'm a completely different person around them than I am with him. I have a sense of feeling peoples narcissism even around strangers and keep quiet and to myself. Thanks for backing my instincts up!
I did this a week ago when my ex texted . Naturally. Self protection. No , u don’t get to see ME anymore, my care, sense of humor, nada. I give those things to those who can reciprocate. No hate just being smarter about my emotional investment.
When I was a kid, the only way I could protect the 'real me' was to stifle it completely. It didn't take long to realize that anything I shared would eventually be denigrated. No one knew (or knows) who I really am. I'm still terrifed of sharing myself because if anything I do well gets back to my family, they will publicly destroy it in order to humiliate me.
Cut them out of your life friend, move away, change your name, start a new life, be free, but most of all become who you're meant to be-you. Good luck to you.
só recognisable.ive made myself so little in order they dont notice me at all with anything. anything i like or when i succeed, they would imediately tear it down,my whole life,
I did hear similar things from ted talks, spiritual leaders and other BUT When this woman speaks, she CARES for strangers like me. I feel nice to take her advice, she gently gives not throws at us.
I have remained emotionless when engaging with narcissistic co-workers when in the office. Their reaction is always interesting to me how after trying to get me to react to yet another backhanded comment or action to no avail. The usual comment, "You are so calm." That's followed by, "Why are you so calm?" One of them tried to scare me several times in one day for kicks and giggles I guess. I ignored her. She finally admitted that she was trying to scare me and wanted to know why was I not afraid. I ignored her. She finally found her way back to her seat.
I used to have a colleague like that. Luckily, he left for 'greener pastures' but still does the usual hoovering. Keep it up and hopefully, they will get the message and leave you alone. It won't be easy but stay strong
I'm so sorry you have to go through that. We're in the same boat. The problem is my boss likes the narcissist bc she's a brown noser and takes credit for everybody else's work. She makes the boss feel like an absolute Queen, but I don't kowtow to anyone. Obviously my boss has a personality disorder as well.
Soul sucking is exactly how it felt for me. I never felt anything like that before. 2 months ago I walked away and am just flabbergasted. There was this gaping hole where my love and vitality used to reside. Every day away from him -as hard as breaking that toxic bond is- I am nurturing myself daily, blossoming again, and healing. 🙏 Dr. Ramani, thank you for these videos and your authenticity, tenderness, and clarity presenting this disorder. I’m a recent graduate with my masters of science in counseling and it was especially shocking to learn this one firsthand. I am sharing this knowledge with my clients now. ✌️❤️🤗
that's all my dad does now, i feel so bad for the people who he attacks so i try to only have a neutral or positive influence on social media to at least undo some of negative energy which is sent out
Separate TV's is good. I can watch you while he watches what he wants. Headphones are good because I now have a private world. Once you have hurt feelings and suffered through horrible outbursts, it's only natural to avoid people who hurt you. Narcissists don't know or care how they hurt you.
I think it's because it's Mother's Day. Otherwise, there would be no communication. Some things are so obvious.Can't help wondering...is she thinking . " wow, I might have gone too far this time"... nope.
Yes me too. Since I watched doctor Ramani's videos, I have got all the answers I need. I have never felt the power of knowledge like I have after finding these videos.
I too am gaining such strength and realizing I’m not the one that has the problem. No longer feeling helpless about what could I do to make the relationship’s work. No more explaining, compromising or honesty conversations. I’m just focusing on my mental health and like Dr. Ramani said, not sharing good or bad moments for them to store for use later.
Thank you for addressing this, Dr Ramani. My husband and I are legally separated but he refuses to move out and continues to play games, trying to manipulate and delay the divorce. I’m still forced to see him daily. Learning about Narcissism has given me the strength to endure and deal with this otherwise traumatising living arrangement. I now focus on myself and my healing and only allow healthy contacts into my personal space. The joy of rediscovering my true self after almost 3 decades of abuse is keeping me afloat. Thank you once again for reaching out to us and making this possible❤️
I'm so sorry you have to endure this! It's hell. I'm in a similar situation but for only 5 years so I can just imagine! Congratulations on even distancing yourself and getting the divorce to begin with, it can be borderline impossible in these kind of situations. You're very strong and will make it through this even stronger!😊
Everything was pretty good for ten years until we had children. Now 33 years later, I’m still with him. It’s impossible for me to leave now. Physical disabilities and my own mental illness prevents this. These videos are saving my life. These replies are, too.
Josephine Sipple, I understand how tough it must be for you. Stay strong! These videos have been my saving grace too. Sending you lots of strength and peace!💕
My ex husband would not get out of my house either during the divorce. I had to have full hysterectomy from std he gave me and he had an endless supply of money to waste on his lawyer. I did not. Police finally made him leave when he brought a sledhammer in to destroy my water pipes in basement. Got a restraining order and his own lawyer told him do t come back or he will be in jail.
I was married to a narcissist for 35 years. During that time the only way I survived was to go into myself, my soul ,and shut him out. He passed away in 2018, so the victory was mine, I outlived him! People ask me how I'm doing now that I'm alone. They don't understand that even though I had a person living with me, I was actually alone for 35 years. Live is wonderful now. My true, beautiful soul is free.
“Don’t give them the best of yourself”...oh, Dr. R, this will be one of the things I keep telling myself, as I help care for my 84 year old narc mother in law. I never understood why she treated me this way all these years until I started watching your You Tube videos. I am learning so so much from your series on narc terms/vocabulary. I am in the process of turning a corner in our “relationship,” recapturing who I am, and this video will help me preserve my soul.
Amen, I can relate as I have bent over backwards caring for an 83 year old friend while being put down with little appreciation for the thousands of good things I have done for this person.
I am with you! I didn't know there was a word for this behavior... just kept thinking they would come around, do the right thing! I get it all now. I learned .maybe its not too late!!
The meat of this message is at the 10:59 mark. They don’t deserve the best of me! They didn’t respect it at all. So everything will be turned down 10 notches. Exactly! 💕love this point.
Sometimes I get so angry I have to sit here and learn how to deal with these sickos!!! Thanks so much Dr. Ramani, for shining a light and giving us strategies.
This is hands-down the best advice for anyone who can’t go the traditional no contact. “Emotional no contact” is also a therapeutic way of being kind to your empath soul while you protect your vulnerable self from a narcs control. Truth is, emotional no contact is the safest way to behave when you start a relationship until you feel the person is worthy of and you trust them with your “soul.” Amazing advice Dr. R!!! ❤️
Try that when the narcissist is your PARENT and they CONSTANTLY poke and prod whenever they sense you're not having good day or won't talk to them much!!! So hard!!!!
More importantly "try" to work on an exiting strategy while you follow the Dr.'s advice. Remember there's really people out here who really love you. ❤
@B. All346 yup! No problem. I've gotten so much closure and healing on her channel I just try to be positive and participate. Both also help with my own healing as well
Over the years I have found that accepting you are alone when you arent physically alone has been the most major challenge I have had... but "you dont get thick skin without getting burnt." On so many levels being a wife and a mother, living with a narcissist has been so heart breaking. You do a fantastic job Dr. Ramani. I am so thankful I found your channel.
So true, especially when it's in your own home - the one place someone is meant to feel safe and be themselves. I hope that anyone that emotionally distances themselves tries to fill that space with self-love otherwise it can feel lonely and you could end up losing yourself.
I pray for people living in unmanageable situations, who are unable to reach out for help. I am so glad I have my Dr. and was able to reach out and be able to learn techniques.
This is so me and my mother... I've had to learn soul distancing on my own. My eyes were open after she mocked me when I cried over my stillborn baby. Something broke between us that day and I've since worked hard to learn how to set boundaries. Thank you Dr. Ramani. Btw, I LOVE the grey, it's a beautifying crown, keep it, stop dyeing it XO
That was excellent. I appreciate your giving advice for those of us who cannot go "no contact" because of coparenting. I learned to practice soul distancing throughout my entire 25 year marriage. Who wants to share their most sacred and authentic self with someone who hates the essence of who you are? It doesn't make any sense. They have not earned that right. The challenge is to honor that authentic self and be deeply centered in God so that you can continue to contribute to society in a good way and make meaningful connections.
Freidell Urbina yes it’s very hard. I think the most difficult part is the stigma from those who just can’t relate because they have a wonderful relationship with their own mothers.
I can so relate...in my culture women are praised for just bringing children here...worst yet my mother brings up PRAYER as her shield for her narcissistic ways....I finally have some clarity 👏🏾👏🏾
Matthew 7:6 You must not give that which is holy to dogs. Do not cast your pearls before swine, or the swine may trample them under foot, and then turn on you and tear you to pieces.
But to treat a problem you have to admit you have a problem and his ego is to big for that and that will never happen he will move on again and again and keep doing it with no regard it’s change my life being married to a narc they have no conscience no moral compase no loyaliity it’s self sel self take tak take lie after lie even believing his own lies
You show your vuablies with people you think you love and you think love you I got rid of it and have rebuilt myself and my life I’m protected now he can destroy the new person/people in his life I’m pleased his out of my life and I have no need to give him anything but he will carry on he destroys all relationships children family new supply friends as long as his not in my life I don’t care
Thank god his not in my life he tried to make me leave my dad for his last Christmas he was dying but I refused I wasn’t listerning I felt like he was trying to crush my soul I took it all back never again Never again
This stay at home order forced me to realize it was BEYOND time to end the constant abuse. It's over. No more: devaluing, constant threatening, constant criticism, explosive rages over tiny things a normal person wouldn't care about, belittling, name calling, joy killing....done. divorce on.
You are certainly adorable the way you explain and share information. Soul distancing with a narc is the highest peace we can have.Distance them, abandon them,ignore, make them disappear,leave them to suffer alone.
She gives good advice.But that is to much work.Just stay away from them.Live your life around more Postive people.Narce are a waste of time and energy.Just avoid all family gatherings with them.Be creative.I can"t imagine trying to grieve in a room full of narcissistic family.I don"t have the patience.Distancing is your top key.Keeps you safe and out of dead end drama.
I didn't know there was a name for this, but this is exactly what I did at 16 and 17, as I learned to deal with the narcissistic abuse of my aunt, whom I was placed in kinship care with. I realized that sharing any tiny piece of me would result in gaslighting, gossip, manipulation, and verbal abuse, and that she was sitting there collecting these little pieces of "me" to hurt me later. It's sort of like being authentically less authentic? I remember thinking "If something is important to me, I won't give it to her, because she'll take it and treat it as trash rather than a gift." That includes a memory, anything that sparked joy for me. Any little comment I would make about school or a friend or even my birthday plans. Before I knew it she'd throw it back at me, just to hurt me. It was only after I started doing this that I gained more confidence and independence from her control. Once she felt on some level that I was no longer handing her my energy, she discarded me like trash. Dropped me off at college, after telling me I'd fail at everything I ever wanted, and hasn't contacted me since. Reminds me of Ariana Grande's song lyrics with her best friend where they sing "real protective with my soul, where you been?"
thank you Dr Ramani! So well timed. Here's something I penned after I finally woke up. I gave you the treasures of my heart. Intangibles. Love, honor, commitment, loyalty, Faithfulness, Trust I gave you the treasures of my heart And you threw them aside Like petals of a flower plucked carelessly, thoughtlessly, and released to the wind- I gave you the treasures of my heart And you didn't know, never saw, Couldn't comprehend what they meant. I gave you the treasures of my heart And found them Lying scattered on the ground- having been tossed to and fro by the relentless wind. Abandoned, Scattered, Crumpled. I gave you the treasures of my heart And when I found them, I gently and tenderly Gathered, Smoothed, Hugged, And kissed them. Now my treasures are back where they belong, In my heart.
this actually has upped abuse, and personally as 26 year old that has suffered from various chronic illnesses, i’ve had to move back in with my mom and her husband recently.. it’s been traumatic, to say the least. they are both narcissists. anyways, thank you so much for posting all of these videos.. including this one. anyone that’s suffering from narcissist abuse, just know there’s is so much support and most of us are here for each other. i am here for you. if anyone would like to talk, please let me know. xo
Thank you Dr. Ramani. I finally understand that my best friend of 7 years is a narcissist and that's why it's never enough for her. Always listening to her, always doing things for her, always about her, her explosive tantrums (sometimes out of nowhere) and the constant apologising I need to do to appease her. Never an apology from her because 'I deserve it'. The minute she noticed me giving her the cold shoulder or finding other friends to hang out with she reeled me back in by strategically dropping breadcrumbs. As soon as I was back, she put me on the back burner until the next time she needed something. It would also explain why she always misspelt my name... it's because she doesn't care. Took me such a long time to realise that she was never good enough for me and she preyed on my sincerity and empathy like a vulture. I have since deleted her information and have ignored her attempts to reconnect. I can be cold too.
Meditation helps me distance myself. When something stressful happens around me and I am unable to remove myself from the situation, I focus on my respiration or chant something like a mantra internally.
This is EXACTLY how my husband and I have learned to deal with my mother-in-law. We didn't have a name for it until now - gray-rocking or soul-distancing, but we have been doing this all along. We instinctively have become self-protective when it comes to her. And we only allow her to take from us very occasionally, and we limit in-person visits to no more than 2 hours because being around her is truly soul-sucking. We never share anything personal or vulnerable with her EVER. First, she doesn't REALLY care about us - she only asks us how we are doing, then interrupts 2 seconds into our answer, so that she can talk about herself. So we stay superficial, give 1-word answers, and put up TONS of boundaries and limitations on the time we will give her.
THIS IS MY MOST NEEDED VIDEO FROM YOU ❤❤❤❤ Ive always prided myself on always being authentic no matter who was around but you are 💯💯💯💯 right that some people do NOT deserve that part of me.
This strategy of thinking really resonates with me! Going silent feels like defeat and when its going good I just want to be me. Holding back doesnt feel authentic but you're way of looking at it feels empowering! I can decide he isnt worth sharing my sacred feelings and thoughts with and choose people that are! Yes!
I wear headphones constantly at home & let my narc partner know I’m putting them on, it’s great bc he plays everything out loud, & has no tolerance for me playing anything out loud, so it gives me the perfect reason to wear them all the time.
@@dannym6552 I used to ask myself the same question: if they want something, why don't they just ask for it? Simple, right? Well, after thinking about this question, I came to the conclusion that the reason N´s don't ask is because: (a) they don't want to acknowledge your autonomy; and (b) they fear rejection. If they would ask you for something, that would give you power over them, i.e., the power to say no and reject them, which they of course can't handle because it would cause narcissistic injury.
I am sorry to hear about those having to deal with narcissists in the same household. I hope you find your happy places. For me it has been a year from a second time no contact from my narcissist sister, took my son's birth to realize that she was that toxic and a problem starter. I can't wait for social distancing to end to spend more time with other family members and friends with great happy souls.
YES! THIS! It's deep spiritual work...I call it "one away" and I imagine my-SELF stepping "one step away" to the side. Where I can watch..as a witness..the abuse that they are dishing out. PRACTISE, practise, practise!
I call it "Going To My Happy Place", I internally hum, think of old movies.......etc. Meanwhile I say ok, really, when, inside I am content and not investing in his negativity. 🤐
Personally, I find it easier to go no contact, especially since I’ve grown up around a narcissistic personality style. I’m still learning how to live authentically and live unapologetically as myself. That I am enough, that I am worthy of others’ attention, that I’m not a burden or too much for other people, that I’m worthy of being loved and being loved well, and that I am clear and articulate. I just don’t feel like soul distancing is enough for where I am in my healing
You really are worthy!! Don’t ever think you are not! I had same treatment growing up..... it’s taken years to realise I’m just as good as everyone else! Sometimes better😁I am a likeable loveable person in my own right! I’m no contact with my narcissistic mother8 years... sad, but it’s how it has to be for me.Good luck to you!
I had to be myself in front of my narc. sister. She didn't like it at all,couldn't manipulate me anymore so she went no contact. Greatest gift ever. I am free and I will continue to be with No Contact. I believe she was doing this as punishment and wanting me to grovel. Not going to happen.
Our soul is "Its the US.Its the identity, that meets our divinity, meets our spirituality, meets our authenticity." THIS IS WHAT THE SOUL IS!!!!!!! She captured it!😍🙌🏾🥰🥰🥰🥰😜👌sorry y'all, that made me happy...lol
The part where Dr Ramani says "don't share your goals and aspirations with the narcissist" is SO important - I spent so long hearing from my narcissistic abusers that I could never attain my dreams that I truly believed I couldn't get what I wanted, and in the cases where I DID obtain a goal I'd set, or won an award, or received recognition of some sort, my abusers used that as narcissistic supply to make themselves look good in a way that was like "You only got here because of me" and that is SO damaging because for the longest time I believed I could not do anything without their help. I'm still healing from that, but I'm getting better every day. Thank you so much, Dr Ramani, for making these videos - they are a gift for those of us who've experienced (past or present) narcissistic abuse and hold so much validation that we need.
I learned this many years ago. In 1990, I realized that I was like a China shop, with so many beautiful things, crystal and china, proudly displayed on glass shelves with pretty lace runners. Then when my hubby would come in charging like a bull, and wreck all my fine china and crystal. He left me bleeding and crying at the devastation, all the best parts of me, smashed to smithereens on the floor of my china shop. I would sit there, gluing my pretty pieces back together, crying. Every single time, no mercy, no compassion, no remorse on his part. .I realized that the wonderful parts of me that were beautiful beyond compare and ever so priceless and precious, could not be allowed to be destroyed like this any more. So I put them in a China cabinet and only brought them out to share with people that I could trust and who were worthy and deserving. Then I hung a sign on the door of my China Shop "No bulls allowed". Over 30 years ago. Still with him because Covid and financial constraints, but I make sure I keep my self safe from that bull.
My mother used to call it lovingly detach. I watched her do it with many people in her life with admiration. I’m doing this with my adult daughter right now. I have been feeling guilty about it but she causes the most pain in my life. She has BPD and major depression. I have had to give up the dream of having a close relationship with her but I am very close to my grand daughters. I feel like I share custody, and I don’t want to abandon them as I represent more “normal “ thinking. My daughter triangulates, manipulates, and all the horrible things narcs do.. it’s sad. My relationship with her has destroyed many good ones of my own. I feel I have soul distanced with her finally. She no longer gets that part of me. I’m loved by many in my life and share with those who deserve it as you said! Thank you again for the clarity 💕
Children emulate their parents. Also, nobody asked to be here. You made that decision for her. Gifting slavery ( making a clone of themselves aka children) is not nice.
I can only imagine how difficult it is for you and I’m happy you found a way to be there for your grandchildren. Thing is, even if they get help with borderline personality disorder and depression, often times because they have already become a narcissist, they develop a sad empathy to feel for other people.
Dr. Ramani, this video is so gratifying for me. I naturally have done "soul distancing" all my life. As if I have a natural turn-off valve with narcissists. In turn, having been labelled as not having feelings, or I didn't know how to be a good friend. I didn't realize that THIS - soul distancing - is what I was doing.
I did soul distancing all through my childhood Bc even my friends were hijacked. It was hard to leave behind and noticed that I was actually emotionally delayed and it made me a good target for suppressors. Now after a failed marriage and expensive therapy, I’m starting to awaken and hungry for life again. I’m trying to break the cycle.
I’m really glad that this information is readily available to anyone who needs the support. Narcissistic abuse is such a huge problem in our culture that it is so important for people to be actively talking about it. I hope that the conversation continues.
Dr. Ramani thank you as always. I just wanted to add that not engaging in conversations that touch on deep topics does not make you less authentic as a person. You're living in your integrity without owing anything to anyone who did not earn it. Please remember this
Dr. R, you did it again! You bless me EVERY TIME! You have become my best youtube friend! Thank you for really addressing the reality that we do not all have the freedom to just walk away from our Narc. You totally hit the nail on the head about protecting our soul. I have been dealing with greif over having to say good bye to my dream, fantasy, expectation that I would have this awesome soul intimacy with my spouse, but THIS is the loss I greive. Thank you for helping me realize I have been so blessed to have people in my life that have been safe to share my soul with, I am certain this is why I have not lost myself entirely. - just saying, I COULD NOT be more grateful for your work!!!
I moved across the country for my own health, also because I just cold not deal with the narcissistic interactions anymore. I finally figured out not to give my soul in the conversation!!! Thank you for this, it is exactly what I needed to hear.
I've been doing "soul distancing" without realising. I avoid my Narc sister as much as possible. We share a home, and I have no choice. But I'm mostly distant with her. Don't talk about things that excite me, my interests, secrets, etc. If I have to talk to her, I talk the bare minimum. Only practical, daily things but the minimum. I avoid going to common places like the kitchen, if she's there.
Thanks , i’ve been just avoiding my narc husband ,keeping myself busy , with household chores. I do practice that when I m outside, but somehow when at home , i turn defensive, always worrying n trying to remember not to take the bait.All i actually need to do is not to be there emotionally, especially the negative emotion.Yeah.. thanks😘😘
Dr. Ramani, I can't thank you enough for all of your videos, but particularly this one. I have done this basically all my life, and never knew it was a coping mechanism. I have felt so much guilt keeping "myself" hidden from my family, knowing that they would just mock me and tell me that I'm strange. You lifted a huge burden from my heart today. Thank you for your videos and education. Stay safe and healthy.
At the moment, I am staying away from my narc person. And I'm slowly realizing how much easier it is to breathe. Don't get me wrong I have my moments where I wish he would contact me: as it feels painful be away from him. Watching your videos is helping me a lot. Thanks for all your knowledge because I don't think I could detach from him if I didn't have your videos to watch and remind me that I matter. And that I deserve respect and love.
It’s the ‘I Am’. Your higher self, Beyond name and form and truly one with the divine. Thank you Dr. Ramani you are a gift to a world suffering from narcissists/psychopaths. 🙏🏼
I’m in lockdown with a textbook Narcissistic father, and living in agony with a cracked tooth and no dentist open. Wish me luck, stay safe and well everyone.
I am in the same boat but with a narc mom. I made the connection recently that that tooth is connected to my gut and solar plexus. I have runny stool and acid reflux lately too. All due to poor boundaries. I have been daily working on cord cutting, grounding in nature and white light protection, and the pain is subsiding, I am healing. I will at some point do an extraction and dental implant. Also putting iodine and oil of oregano on the tooth, which my dentist recommended.
I feel like I had to not really interact with my husband anymore to survive our marriage as we have a child together . My friend told me she thought I didnt even realise how numb ive made myself that I can’t even see how unhappy I am anymore. Then I watch this . Almost every single video I have watched has been so exact its profound . I hope everyone and your children get through this and enjoy life on the other side of it
With my spouse, I almost start texting and delete it , i almost open my mouth to share and shut up, I almost listen in to their whining and turn deaf... I cry in the car, in silence, I pray to God to guide me. It's soul crushing to be in a dead marriage.
I've had to learn to do this over the years with my sister. It makes me so sad, but it works. Thanks for this Doctor R; this is validating and I know what to call it and that it is a soul-saving measure to keep me safe from her toxicity.
You had it spot on when you said they feel like the only game in town. My mom legit asked me recently if I look forward to them coming home because they are my only physical interaction. I only said enough to not hurt or feed her ego because I didnt feel like dealing with narcissistic injury.
I pray for all the children that are in quarentine with abusive parents 🙏
I pray for all animals and humans who are abused.
i pray for you because you are going through the same
I am and it got so bad that ive been selling things online to help me move out. I got furloughed from my job since covid and home life is very stressful
@@MR-kt1vx Do you have a car? You can work for uber. How old are you?
@@prakritisingha6906 I moved out and moved to another state. I've gone no contact.
It took me such a long time to connect with the idea to just shut up. Be quiet. Say nothing. Do not react. Do not respond. No contact is the only way for me. I am an all or nothing kind of person. If you are going to disrespect me and my boundaries - I want nothing to do with you. I have gone no contact with a number of people in the last year - and it has been so good for me. Being alone is absolutely fine.
Me to ,I had to cut a close friend of 15 years,people who I trust and share same intimate things betray me ,I'm very much alone rigth now ...God is taking care of me ...I'm a very guiving person but I learn my lessons.
@Bronwyn Tanner - You said it! Still having to learn to be consistent with "just shut up. Be quiet. Say nothing. Do not react." So against my personality - but it's the only thing that works and is emotionally intelligent.
Praise God, thank you.
SAME !!!! No Contact Is what about to do in 1 month and I am SO Glad and distancing myself from my toxic family !!!
I pretty well have to do the same, which to be honest isn't entirely happenning right now, at least amid my family.
.. I just don't know how to not open up for realies, and they refuse to desist with the vapid pleasantries. .. It just seemed too exhausting to resist visitting with them while living with them!.... (which I do, for complicated reasons that I am trying to remedy.)
Funny how narc people are so busy thinking about themselves they don’t even notice you’re keeping your soul from them
Gwen13061 You could even consider it humourous that they even know what a soul is...
Yes they r weird...
Well said. It speaks to the depth of disassociation from anything that does not directly give them narc supply.
Nothing else exists to them. Consequently, they are very easy to avoid. They are doing all the work for you. Just stay away.
They do. My parents did. I did this naturally as a teenager. Answered “I don’t know” to their probing questions and kept my tone entirely flat since they had basically sucked the soul out of me. They mocked me for being boring and kept coming after me for more supply. Narcs are relentless.
Gwen13061 So accurate!
'This person hasn't earned that right, because they haven't respected it in the past..." I appreciate those words
Me too. On point.
Me too!!!
Yes!
I value that too. I’m soul distancing right now and am grateful to have a name for what it is.
Yes. Spot on!
''Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.'' Proverbs 4:23
This is my main verse now!!
Yes, so true
Yes, and amen.
I love this. Thank you.
Wow 😳! Thank you for informing
“Don’t waste what is holy on people who are unholy. Don’t throw your pearls to pigs! They will trample the pearls, then turn and attack you." Matthew 7:6
OMG Sessa, you said what has been said to me many times! I don't even know how to identify a pig and I have often been trapped because of my kindness and wanting to believe everyone is good. Thanks for the reminder: it's come a couple of days before I will be with relatives who have been infected with narcissism by their narc father. So sad. Thanks again.
Ohh, yeah, and do I know about that one!!.. the narcs are everywhere these days .. married for 60 years.. then a new d-in- law... turns out to also be narc.. all will use me if Im not careful.. wish I had dr. R IN MY LIFE 40 years ago!! Its so good to finally understand the whole mess my life has been in for SOOO VERY LONG.. had a major stroke .. many years ago, ...thanks to extreme stress, now disabled, BUT GOT AWAY 9 years ago. So life was o.k sorta, bt he still insisted on “ helping” ?..well he has to keep up his acting the nicest guy ever, has to have a key to my home now... Im living in assisted living for seniors.. he has had no access to the building (or me) cause of covid-19 lockdown for six weeks...whewww.. its first time in 60 years that Ive been free every day..I LIKE ITVERY MUCH and thanks to DrR for keeping me on track I watch every one of th videos!BEST...🇨🇦🇨🇦🇨🇦..Cheryl.💋
Amen! Couldn't have said it better myself. Perfect explanation for not wasting your time, resources, finances and your "Soul". No better explanations, but from the word of God.. Even the lord tells us to be careful who we trust as a friend and who we confide in. Thanks for sharing scripture, his word will not go out and come back void. God bless you. Our Redemption draws near. End time signs for sure. Read 2 Timothy 3: 1-5. Take care.
@@gratefulsoul1661 Bless you too. It's all in there , is it not? The Holy Scriptures God wanted all of His Children to know. I started studying over 4 years ago. I have a real scholar who not only had taught the KJV many times, he understands and teaches from all the languages that were used for the translation! A REAL pastor. I do some study every day. And these better narc awareness vids have been such a blessing in my life too. Word of God, FIRST. Then God will lead us to those He approves of for help in what we need. I love Dr. Ramani and her teaching about this huge problem in the world. Definitely the ones who Timothy spoke about! God will lead good souls to other good souls. May He Bless Dr. Ramani today!
And there's another saying that goes like: Don't cross seas for the ones that wouldn't cross a puddle for you. Well... With that kind of 'this for that' attitude we're stuck on the victim triangle, also called the drama triangle , where we move from one place to another (victim / perpetrator / rescuer). Grey rocking is a form of retaliation when it means more than not fuelling arguments (non-reactivity), in fact it's a form of passive agression that will eventually lead to ending a relationship that got shallower and shallower with your active contribution. So if we take the "They don't change" affirmation as a belief that is applicable to everyone having narcissistic traits, not engaging might unconsciously sabotage any chances of healing or building a healthier relationship --if that is possible.
Little kids suffer the worst with narcissistic parents. They often carry the pain even until they’re grown up and have families of their own.
Same here
vani diana that’s so true
@Four Fingers sorry to hear that. I'd always been a people pleaser all my life because my parents taught me to always put others first no matter how you feel about it. Until I couldn't bear it anymore and the hardest mental shock finally hit me last year. I went to a psychologist and she told me that I need to stop hating myself and love myself more. Right now I'm still learning to do that and with every lesson learned about narcissism I've grown more love to myself.
@lt19611 True, even now I'm married it's still hard to leave my family of origin behind.
Yes I am the target of my brothers family they let, taught and encouraged there kids to be disrespectful it's more then sad that it it has gotten to where it is now and not getting any better. My other brother is the same way but the mother of his kids will not join him in his ways. I know this is not normal because my sister does not do this with her family.
They've stolen your soul. Time to take it back and protect it.
Nobody can steal anyone's soul ever.
Clay And Putty Videos Not so! Did you watch the WHOLE VIDEO?
@@lindabermudez-hafer5440 Whatever some people say about souls or whatever they say is not concerning me. I listen to people speak and then I always come to my own conclusions.
@@clayandputtyvideos1647 yes they can by turning you into a living dead waiting to die. No aspirations nothing to do with anyone no desire no hobby etc
@B. Allen Thank you. I know. It's time for people to empower themselves.
"Don't throw your Pearl's to swine, they will trample it then attack you.. " wisdom straight from the Holy Bible
Yes!!! 😊
This is *such* a better alternative than dissociating. We *have* to protect that most vulnerable part of ourselves and cherish our openness and permeability in a conscious, almost warrior-like way. Everyone should learn this skill. 🙏
I never thought NOT to share even good things with the narc. Wow!!! They don't care or they're jealous of you and your life.
ABSOLUTELY!!!!!!! ENVIOUS AND jealous of EVERYTHING!!!
I was accepted into a graduate program to get my MBA, and I dreaded telling my Narc spouse bc I already knew how he was going to react. While everyone else was extremely happy for me; all my husband said was I don’t know how your gonna to do that, your already too busy. 😒
Bingo
Narcissists lack the empathy to be happy when good things happen to you. Best not to share your joys and accomplishments with a narc.
No one should be allowed to share your soul again especially if they tried to destroy it every possible way.
How do you get the big piece back they took?
@@lorryschlick9894 it takes time, a lot of time to forgive them and forgive yourself for putting up with them for too long. But as you implement more things into your life that you know are good for you, you can start to feel whole again. Just trust that you will eventually get there, because at first it seems so crushing, so hopeless, like they've sucked the life out of you. But remember you can get back to being your best self, and beyond that, with your own determination and self love. You have everything you need inside of you already, trust in yourself.
I took it back, by doing myself the favor for a change, I'm just improving my Life and just grey rocking his ( my 31 year long husband who never put me first. ) I got him to go to a therapist and I finally got him to get me my first car. Now I'm going to work for myself instead of for him. And yes I told him that too. If he wants the divorce I looked for after 30 years ,so be it. Now I don't look for the partner that most look for . I just see it as someone who just lives here. I respect him as a human being, but as a distant person who lives near by. Best that way to keep my sanity.
@@lorryschlick9894 I just improve myself and look forward to talking to those who really care.
@@julies9997 I was doing great before the pandemic. Made a whole new life with new friends, new hobbies, new everything. My weekly trauma bond therapy went right down the drain as soon as I was alone.
I know I have everything in me to recover bc I was well there. Now it's like I never recovered at all. Back at square one stupidly yearning for his return and his love which I never had to begin with. I see no getting out now as I live in NY where at 66 I see no future once again.
Any advice for someone alone and lonely fighting for my soul for a second try at life?
Thank you both for reading my comment and caring.
I started soul distancing when I realized he was going to throw those intimate and vulnerable things I had expressed back in my face when he went on his next rage spiral. It was almost amazing to watch. He would twist the things I said in a moment of vulnerability, a time where I needed safety and understanding SO BADLY, and make them some sort of personal weakness or reason for why it’s ok that he is screaming at me. It’s so weird and distorted and confusing.
They have to be in control of the narrative, so they change the story... to make themselves look good...
This is what I am dealing with at this very moment...it all ends in raging. My mouth is usually hanging open while he screams my words back at me in an entirely different order than I said them. I pray to God everyday he will get me away from this sickness. It is killing me.
Your words are my words too. Lets find then strength to do what’s right
My brother is like that. Dealing with him is like mental whiplash that leaves you with massive vertigo. Navigating a conversation is a lot like going thru a mine field.
The same thing happened to me
Soul distancing: keep / hide the best part of you from narcissistic people.
...or your vulnerability.
Once I became aware of what was really going on during my interactions, I found it almost natural to shut down any conversation about the things that I get excited about, the things that give me reason to get up in the morning. No more baring my soul to someone who does not get it...
Yup!!! ❤
If you're waiting for them to come back to you, I "need" you to remember how unhappy you were in the end.
You deserve better. Dont settle for crumbs and bullshit! Hand it over to God❤
ErikisOfficial thank you! I needed this words! He won’t ever change. I hope someday I could forgive him so we won’t find each other in any other life... I’m so shallow because of him
Anyone who thinks they need a narcissist BACK need to face the fact that they are masochists. Embrace it, or stop being a doormat, it's your choice.
Amen🥺👏🏽❤️
@@liamfbia ❤ yep....don't wait!
@@gisellzozaya203 you're welcome. I'm glad the words were able to help. I try to participate to help others just like others have helped me. But like I said just hand it over to God. Don't be hard on yourself Gisell. If you ever need to talk about let me know. I personally will never talk to anyone who hasn't been through a break up with a narcissist because they don't understand it's not a regular breakup. That's why I'm always in the comments 😆
This was a hard one to listen to. As someone who grew up being unseen and unheard, and spending years doing work on engaging my “soul” and all my beautiful, creative expressions of self, I fear that others might misinterpret this, or worse yet loose their beautiful unique selves as it’s just beginning to blossom.
At the same time I wish that someone had explained it to me this way. I wasted too many years, and too much energy on people who refused to see me.
As mean as it sounds sometimes people have to go no contact with a narcissist but still acknowledge that they are human and not some kind of alien. That's what a lot of people did to me in the beginning until they realize i have my own place. I don't over dress anymore in my area of town because it sends the signal that i have to much free time if you don't have at least one friend you can confide in that can prove you are a responsible person. I literally had to struggle just to get an apt but its a good goal i met to show newcomers I'm not a free loader.
Have you read SAFE PEOPLE by Dr. Henry Cloud. There is some very good information in this book about how to distinguish between people you can trust and people you should just keep as an acquaintance. It helped me a great deal.
Sundayjean thank God for this comment. I understand what you mean. Keep growing and blossoming
Same
Same
The main reason I watch you is , because you remind me of my mother. I can’t discuss my experience of abuse with her again and again. But, every time I see you, I get the same warmth, and over these 4 months, my addiction to the narcissist is slowly and steadily fading away.
🕊💕
Same here
ishana kumar 🙌🏾
That's good👍🏾
Sending love xx
"Above all, guard your heart with all vigilance for from it flow the spring of life." ~prov 4:23
Seems I’ve been ‘soul distancing’ naturally, as an automatic self-preserving response to being held in perpetual contempt.
Me too! I started when I was around 10 to 12. How about you?
I feel, personally, that I have gone from being very empathetic and open with an endless need to
" Give," ( to him ) AND a very anxious attachment style ( childhood trauma) to a closed and Avoidant person, in the ten years with him.
Self preservation.
@@suzanne4396 I'm so sorry this has happened to you too, Suzanne. I vaguely remember being that empathic person 14 years ago, and giving everything I had (time, money , energy) to ensure 'this relationship is gonna work!'. Today, I am empty of confidence, have no feelings for anything or anyone (other than my cat!), have a partner who'd rather work than make quality time for us, and so uncertain of what my needs actually are, that I'm wondering if the accusations are correct and I'm the insensitive narcissist, after all.
'Soul'= the very essence of your being. Worth preserving.
kuuku Yankson amen
Your comment inspired this thought bubble. Thank you. 💞
Too bad we are so highly judged by the vehicle, which we did not get any say or choices about, that's ONLY purpose is to drive our souls around. Indeed, it is our soul that must be priority. Protect it. Defend it. Nourish it. Share it. The vehicle we got is only functional for so long... if we do it right, our souls will live on indefinitely via the ripple effect.
Yessss
Soul= most important for saving!
Do all therapists recognize narcissistic personality disorder as a serious behavioral disorder or for lack the correct terminology on my part try to label it something else like bipolar disorder. I thought I was dealing with a bipolar ex, after listening to you describe the traits and actions of the narcissistic disorder I’m convinced it’s narcissistic behavior I dealing with ,a very serious case of the malignant type very destructive and physically and verbally abusive I have have witnessed acts of rage and destruction with my narc she has no boundaries,she’s succeeded in alienating my children against me. To the point they don’t want to be around me and embarrassed to be seen with me. I try to pretend it doesn’t bother me, I’m devastated.
She’s alienated my friends,and family members against me through social media friending my friends then throwing me under the bus.
Funnily enough, when I'm around my narcissist family, I go very quiet to the point my partner says I'm a completely different person around them than I am with him. I have a sense of feeling peoples narcissism even around strangers and keep quiet and to myself. Thanks for backing my instincts up!
Same.
100% relatable!
You're probably an empath :)) It's a gift.
@@NWYVR Glad to know! Thanks!
I did this a week ago when my ex texted . Naturally. Self protection. No , u don’t get to see ME anymore, my care, sense of humor, nada. I give those things to those who can reciprocate. No hate just being smarter about my emotional investment.
When I was a kid, the only way I could protect the 'real me' was to stifle it completely. It didn't take long to realize that anything I shared would eventually be denigrated. No one knew (or knows) who I really am. I'm still terrifed of sharing myself because if anything I do well gets back to my family, they will publicly destroy it in order to humiliate me.
Cut them out of your life friend, move away, change your name, start a new life, be free, but most of all become who you're meant to be-you. Good luck to you.
só recognisable.ive made myself so little in order they dont notice me at all with anything. anything i like or when i succeed, they would imediately tear it down,my whole life,
I did hear similar things from ted talks, spiritual leaders and other BUT
When this woman speaks, she CARES for strangers like me.
I feel nice to take her advice, she gently gives not throws at us.
I have remained emotionless when engaging with narcissistic co-workers when in the office. Their reaction is always interesting to me how after trying to get me to react to yet another backhanded comment or action to no avail. The usual comment, "You are so calm." That's followed by, "Why are you so calm?" One of them tried to scare me several times in one day for kicks and giggles I guess. I ignored her. She finally admitted that she was trying to scare me and wanted to know why was I not afraid. I ignored her. She finally found her way back to her seat.
Jesus Christ - that sounds crazy.
I may of hit her " out of reaction to fear"
I used to have a colleague like that. Luckily, he left for 'greener pastures' but still does the usual hoovering. Keep it up and hopefully, they will get the message and leave you alone. It won't be easy but stay strong
@@videofan1010 Really and truly Bizzaro World. They are an odd paranoid bunch.
I'm so sorry you have to go through that. We're in the same boat. The problem is my boss likes the narcissist bc she's a brown noser and takes credit for everybody else's work. She makes the boss feel like an absolute Queen, but I don't kowtow to anyone. Obviously my boss has a personality disorder as well.
My narcissistic husband is soul sucking. Now that I’ve gone completely emotionless to him and his comments, he’s fighting with people on social media.
Sounds exactly like my mom. She's addicted to getting into arguments on twitter.
Isn't it great when their focus is no longer on you but elsewhere
That is exactly what my husband has done! He now thinks he’s the king of Twitter!
Soul sucking is exactly how it felt for me.
I never felt anything like that before. 2 months ago I walked away and am just flabbergasted. There was this gaping hole where my love and vitality used to reside. Every day away from him -as hard as breaking that toxic bond is- I am nurturing myself daily, blossoming again, and healing. 🙏
Dr. Ramani, thank you for these videos and your authenticity, tenderness, and clarity presenting this disorder. I’m a recent graduate with my masters of science in counseling and it was especially shocking to learn this one firsthand. I am sharing this knowledge with my clients now. ✌️❤️🤗
that's all my dad does now, i feel so bad for the people who he attacks so i try to only have a neutral or positive influence on social media to at least undo some of negative energy which is sent out
Separate TV's is good. I can watch you while he watches what he wants.
Headphones are good because I now have a private world. Once you have
hurt feelings and suffered through horrible outbursts, it's only natural to
avoid people who hurt you. Narcissists don't know or care how they hurt you.
Cymbolic Human YUP! My headphones are in my ear from sun up to sun down
I'm always on my smartphone, I don't inflict myself on anyone and am less disturbed. I watched TV with my son until he was 15 and that's it....
my ex hated my headphones...he knew what I was doing...blocking the sound of his voice.
@@goodwillbunny5773 headphones are a good thing against this type of people. You block their voice.
I think it's because it's Mother's Day. Otherwise, there would be no communication. Some things are so obvious.Can't help wondering...is she thinking . " wow, I might have gone too far this time"... nope.
This is why I've stopped sharing things about my life with my family.
Me 2
I leaned the hard way
Mee too
I feel so much stronger today having the tools to protect myself. Thank you so very much!
Yes me too. Since I watched doctor Ramani's videos, I have got all the answers I need. I have never felt the power of knowledge like I have after finding these videos.
I too am gaining such strength and realizing I’m not the one that has the problem. No longer feeling helpless about what could I do to make the relationship’s work. No more explaining, compromising or honesty conversations. I’m just focusing on my mental health and like Dr. Ramani said, not sharing good or bad moments for them to store for use later.
What particular tools help you the most?
very positive comment, I take the chance to wish all of us the best in our healing journey
I ask my Higher Power for protection from toxic people.
"This person hasn't earned that right." Beautifully put.
Thank you for addressing this, Dr Ramani. My husband and I are legally separated but he refuses to move out and continues to play games, trying to manipulate and delay the divorce. I’m still forced to see him daily. Learning about Narcissism has given me the strength to endure and deal with this otherwise traumatising living arrangement. I now focus on myself and my healing and only allow healthy contacts into my personal space. The joy of rediscovering my true self after almost 3 decades of abuse is keeping me afloat. Thank you once again for reaching out to us and making this possible❤️
I'm so sorry you have to endure this! It's hell. I'm in a similar situation but for only 5 years so I can just imagine! Congratulations on even distancing yourself and getting the divorce to begin with, it can be borderline impossible in these kind of situations. You're very strong and will make it through this even stronger!😊
Mariah Chase, thanks dearie! Love and light to you💕😊
Everything was pretty good for ten years until we had children. Now 33 years later, I’m still with him. It’s impossible for me to leave now. Physical disabilities and my own mental illness prevents this.
These videos are saving my life.
These replies are, too.
Josephine Sipple, I understand how tough it must be for you. Stay strong! These videos have been my saving grace too. Sending you lots of strength and peace!💕
My ex husband would not get out of my house either during the divorce. I had to have full hysterectomy from std he gave me and he had an endless supply of money to waste on his lawyer. I did not. Police finally made him leave when he brought a sledhammer in to destroy my water pipes in basement. Got a restraining order and his own lawyer told him do t come back or he will be in jail.
I was married to a narcissist for 35 years. During that time the only way I survived was to go into myself, my soul ,and shut him out. He passed away in 2018, so the victory was mine, I outlived him! People ask me how I'm doing now that I'm alone. They don't understand that even though I had a person living with me, I was actually alone for 35 years. Live is wonderful now. My true, beautiful soul is free.
I understand! You are free now not to be alone.
Im in 10yrs + with 3 if them, him with ALS. Just getting worse..
Soul distancing is bliss. The narcissist thinks they are making you suffer, but it’s your best way to protect yourself and focus on what’s important.
I never thought a couple of years ago that being alone can be good, I couldn't imagine being alone. But it can be amazing!
U can always make new friends
“Don’t give them the best of yourself”...oh, Dr. R, this will be one of the things I keep telling myself, as I help care for my 84 year old narc mother in law. I never understood why she treated me this way all these years until I started watching your You Tube videos. I am learning so so much from your series on narc terms/vocabulary. I am in the process of turning a corner in our “relationship,” recapturing who I am, and this video will help me preserve my soul.
Just send her to the grocery store without a mask 😷 ✅
Amen, I can relate as I have bent over backwards caring for an 83 year old friend while being put down with little appreciation for the thousands of good things I have done for this person.
I am with you! I didn't know there was a word for this behavior... just kept thinking they would come around, do the right thing! I get it all now. I learned .maybe its not too late!!
Linda Winters, stay away from your Mother in law. You don't owe her anything. Chose yourself.
@Linda Winters I have same experience with an ungrateful 84 year old woman I take care of
The meat of this message is at the 10:59 mark. They don’t deserve the best of me! They didn’t respect it at all. So everything will be turned down 10 notches. Exactly! 💕love this point.
Sometimes I get so angry I have to sit here and learn how to deal with these sickos!!! Thanks so much Dr. Ramani, for shining a light and giving us strategies.
This is hands-down the best advice for anyone who can’t go the traditional no contact. “Emotional no contact” is also a therapeutic way of being kind to your empath soul while you protect your vulnerable self from a narcs control. Truth is, emotional no contact is the safest way to behave when you start a relationship until you feel the person is worthy of and you trust them with your “soul.” Amazing advice Dr. R!!! ❤️
Try that when the narcissist is your PARENT and they CONSTANTLY poke and prod whenever they sense you're not having good day or won't talk to them much!!! So hard!!!!
More importantly "try" to work on an exiting strategy while you follow the Dr.'s advice.
Remember there's really people out here who really love you. ❤
🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾
So true...and from this community, we are all sending each other heartfelt love.
Yet to be found from my perspective
@B. All346 yup! No problem. I've gotten so much closure and healing on her channel I just try to be positive and participate. Both also help with my own healing as well
@@xoxovolo1524 ❤
Over the years I have found that accepting you are alone when you arent physically alone has been the most major challenge I have had... but "you dont get thick skin without getting burnt." On so many levels being a wife and a mother, living with a narcissist has been so heart breaking. You do a fantastic job Dr. Ramani. I am so thankful I found your channel.
Soul distancing can be soul damaging when it goes on too long.
So true, especially when it's in your own home - the one place someone is meant to feel safe and be themselves. I hope that anyone that emotionally distances themselves tries to fill that space with self-love otherwise it can feel lonely and you could end up losing yourself.
@@Natasha-kc6ol u are right!
Weakness in isolation strength in numbers
Natasha It's like being in solitary confinement.
My 4 year old daughter is my lifeline!
I pray for people living in unmanageable situations, who are unable to reach out for help. I am so glad I have my Dr. and was able to reach out and be able to learn techniques.
Summer,I admire your lovely smile 😊
This is so me and my mother... I've had to learn soul distancing on my own. My eyes were open after she mocked me when I cried over my stillborn baby. Something broke between us that day and I've since worked hard to learn how to set boundaries. Thank you Dr. Ramani. Btw, I LOVE the grey, it's a beautifying crown, keep it, stop dyeing it XO
I'm so sorry you had to endure that cruelty from your mother, especially when you were in such deep grief and shock.
❤️
That was excellent. I appreciate your giving advice for those of us who cannot go "no contact" because of coparenting. I learned to practice soul distancing throughout my entire 25 year marriage. Who wants to share their most sacred and authentic self with someone who hates the essence of who you are? It doesn't make any sense. They have not earned that right. The challenge is to honor that authentic self and be deeply centered in God so that you can continue to contribute to society in a good way and make meaningful connections.
You couldn't have said it any better!
Amen! God bless you!
@@barbararay1389 Thank you and God bless you too!
@CSt3: "...someone who hates the essence of who you are" - how wonderfully put! That's *exactly* how it is!!!
Well said. Thank you. ❤
This is exactly how I’ve had to deal with my narcissistic mother. Now I see there is a name too it. It works. 😊
how do yo do Christine? I have the same issue with mine.It´s hard with our mother in our culture, they are entitled to broke our boundaries
Freidell Urbina yes it’s very hard. I think the most difficult part is the stigma from those who just can’t relate because they have a wonderful relationship with their own mothers.
I can so relate...in my culture women are praised for just bringing children here...worst yet my mother brings up PRAYER as her shield for her narcissistic ways....I finally have some clarity 👏🏾👏🏾
Matthew 7:6
You must not give that which is holy to dogs. Do not cast your pearls before swine, or the swine may trample them under foot, and then turn on you and tear you to pieces.
But to treat a problem you have to admit you have a problem and his ego is to big for that and that will never happen he will move on again and again and keep doing it with no regard it’s change my life being married to a narc they have no conscience no moral compase no loyaliity it’s self sel self take tak take lie after lie even believing his own lies
You show your vuablies with people you think you love and you think love you I got rid of it and have rebuilt myself and my life I’m protected now he can destroy the new person/people in his life I’m pleased his out of my life and I have no need to give him anything but he will carry on he destroys all relationships children family new supply friends as long as his not in my life I don’t care
Thank god his not in my life he tried to make me leave my dad for his last Christmas he was dying but I refused I wasn’t listerning I felt like he was trying to crush my soul I took it all back never again
Never again
Don't insult dogs. They are way better than people, and everyone knows it.
This stay at home order forced me to realize it was BEYOND time to end the constant abuse. It's over. No more: devaluing, constant threatening, constant criticism, explosive rages over tiny things a normal person wouldn't care about, belittling, name calling, joy killing....done. divorce on.
Susanne Wilson The,you look stunning 🌹🌹🥀🌺
GREAT VIDEO ! Reminds me of the saying in the bible: "cast not thy pearls before swine, lest they trample over it, and turn again and rend you".
You are certainly adorable the way you explain and share information.
Soul distancing with a narc is the highest peace we can have.Distance them, abandon them,ignore, make them disappear,leave them to suffer alone.
She gives good advice.But that is to much work.Just stay away from them.Live your life around more Postive people.Narce are a waste of time and energy.Just avoid all family gatherings with them.Be creative.I can"t imagine trying to grieve in a room full of narcissistic family.I don"t have the patience.Distancing is your top key.Keeps you safe and out of dead end drama.
I didn't know there was a name for this, but this is exactly what I did at 16 and 17, as I learned to deal with the narcissistic abuse of my aunt, whom I was placed in kinship care with. I realized that sharing any tiny piece of me would result in gaslighting, gossip, manipulation, and verbal abuse, and that she was sitting there collecting these little pieces of "me" to hurt me later. It's sort of like being authentically less authentic? I remember thinking "If something is important to me, I won't give it to her, because she'll take it and treat it as trash rather than a gift." That includes a memory, anything that sparked joy for me. Any little comment I would make about school or a friend or even my birthday plans. Before I knew it she'd throw it back at me, just to hurt me. It was only after I started doing this that I gained more confidence and independence from her control. Once she felt on some level that I was no longer handing her my energy, she discarded me like trash. Dropped me off at college, after telling me I'd fail at everything I ever wanted, and hasn't contacted me since. Reminds me of Ariana Grande's song lyrics with her best friend where they sing "real protective with my soul, where you been?"
thank
you Dr Ramani! So well timed.
Here's something I penned after I finally woke up.
I gave you the treasures of my heart.
Intangibles.
Love,
honor,
commitment,
loyalty,
Faithfulness,
Trust
I gave you the treasures of my heart
And you threw them aside
Like petals of a flower plucked carelessly, thoughtlessly,
and released to the wind-
I gave you the treasures of my heart
And you didn't know,
never saw,
Couldn't comprehend what they meant.
I gave you the treasures of my heart
And found them
Lying scattered on the ground-
having been tossed to and fro by the relentless wind.
Abandoned,
Scattered,
Crumpled.
I gave you the treasures of my heart
And when I found them,
I gently and tenderly
Gathered,
Smoothed,
Hugged,
And kissed them.
Now my treasures are back where they belong,
In my heart.
Thank you for your lovely poetry. Art helps
Wonderful!
Love this poem - they get so much and are blind to it all.
BEAUTIFUL!!!
Beautifully said for something so devastating
“Don’t throw your pearls before swine....”
this actually has upped abuse, and personally as 26 year old that has suffered from various chronic illnesses, i’ve had to move back in with my mom and her husband recently.. it’s been traumatic, to say the least. they are both narcissists. anyways, thank you so much for posting all of these videos.. including this one. anyone that’s suffering from narcissist abuse, just know there’s is so much support and most of us are here for each other. i am here for you. if anyone would like to talk, please let me know. xo
Thank you Dr. Ramani. I finally understand that my best friend of 7 years is a narcissist and that's why it's never enough for her.
Always listening to her, always doing things for her, always about her, her explosive tantrums (sometimes out of nowhere) and the constant apologising I need to do to appease her. Never an apology from her because 'I deserve it'. The minute she noticed me giving her the cold shoulder or finding other friends to hang out with she reeled me back in by strategically dropping breadcrumbs. As soon as I was back, she put me on the back burner until the next time she needed something. It would also explain why she always misspelt my name... it's because she doesn't care.
Took me such a long time to realise that she was never good enough for me and she preyed on my sincerity and empathy like a vulture. I have since deleted her information and have ignored her attempts to reconnect. I can be cold too.
Sounds similar to something that happened with me and my former best friend. 🙏🏼 Send you love and light ☀️
Meditation helps me distance myself. When something stressful happens around me and I am unable to remove myself from the situation, I focus on my respiration or chant something like a mantra internally.
This is EXACTLY how my husband and I have learned to deal with my mother-in-law. We didn't have a name for it until now - gray-rocking or soul-distancing, but we have been doing this all along. We instinctively have become self-protective when it comes to her. And we only allow her to take from us very occasionally, and we limit in-person visits to no more than 2 hours because being around her is truly soul-sucking. We never share anything personal or vulnerable with her EVER. First, she doesn't REALLY care about us - she only asks us how we are doing, then interrupts 2 seconds into our answer, so that she can talk about herself. So we stay superficial, give 1-word answers, and put up TONS of boundaries and limitations on the time we will give her.
THIS IS MY MOST NEEDED VIDEO FROM YOU ❤❤❤❤ Ive always prided myself on always being authentic no matter who was around but you are 💯💯💯💯 right that some people do NOT deserve that part of me.
This strategy of thinking really resonates with me! Going silent feels like defeat and when its going good I just want to be me. Holding back doesnt feel authentic but you're way of looking at it feels empowering! I can decide he isnt worth sharing my sacred feelings and thoughts with and choose people that are! Yes!
Run!!!
Headphones work well. Don’t let them steal your time, life ,ideas
I wear headphones constantly at home & let my narc partner know I’m putting them on, it’s great bc he plays everything out loud, & has no tolerance for me playing anything out loud, so it gives me the perfect reason to wear them all the time.
I mean if they want something from someone why not just be nice, and ask stealing stealing stealing.
@@dannym6552 I used to ask myself the same question: if they want something, why don't they just ask for it? Simple, right? Well, after thinking about this question, I came to the conclusion that the reason N´s don't ask is because: (a) they don't want to acknowledge your autonomy; and (b) they fear rejection. If they would ask you for something, that would give you power over them, i.e., the power to say no and reject them, which they of course can't handle because it would cause narcissistic injury.
@@dannym6552 Because they think they don't deserve it; so, if they want it, they just have to take it.
I am wearing mine now
I am sorry to hear about those having to deal with narcissists in the same household. I hope you find your happy places. For me it has been a year from a second time no contact from my narcissist sister, took my son's birth to realize that she was that toxic and a problem starter. I can't wait for social distancing to end to spend more time with other family members and friends with great happy souls.
This is the only UA-cam channel I would happily pay money for, no matter how much it would cost me.
Not everyone has the budget to do so. The best thing you can do is subscribe, spread the word AND TURN OFF ADBLOCK to support her and her team.
YES! THIS! It's deep spiritual work...I call it "one away" and I imagine my-SELF stepping "one step away" to the side. Where I can watch..as a witness..the abuse that they are dishing out. PRACTISE, practise, practise!
I call it "Going To My Happy Place", I internally hum, think of old movies.......etc.
Meanwhile I say ok, really, when, inside I am content and not investing in his negativity. 🤐
Personally, I find it easier to go no contact, especially since I’ve grown up around a narcissistic personality style. I’m still learning how to live authentically and live unapologetically as myself. That I am enough, that I am worthy of others’ attention, that I’m not a burden or too much for other people, that I’m worthy of being loved and being loved well, and that I am clear and articulate. I just don’t feel like soul distancing is enough for where I am in my healing
You really are worthy!! Don’t ever think you are not! I had same treatment growing up..... it’s taken years to realise I’m just as good as everyone else! Sometimes better😁I am a likeable loveable person in my own right! I’m no contact with my narcissistic mother8 years... sad, but it’s how it has to be for me.Good luck to you!
I had to be myself in front of my narc. sister. She didn't like it at all,couldn't manipulate me anymore so she went no contact. Greatest gift ever. I am free and I will continue to be with No Contact. I believe she was doing this as punishment and wanting me to grovel. Not going to happen.
Our soul is "Its the US.Its the identity, that meets our divinity, meets our spirituality, meets our authenticity." THIS IS WHAT THE SOUL IS!!!!!!! She captured it!😍🙌🏾🥰🥰🥰🥰😜👌sorry y'all, that made me happy...lol
Yes, that beautiful, authentic and kind soul needs to be protected and thank you.🌼
The part where Dr Ramani says "don't share your goals and aspirations with the narcissist" is SO important - I spent so long hearing from my narcissistic abusers that I could never attain my dreams that I truly believed I couldn't get what I wanted, and in the cases where I DID obtain a goal I'd set, or won an award, or received recognition of some sort, my abusers used that as narcissistic supply to make themselves look good in a way that was like "You only got here because of me" and that is SO damaging because for the longest time I believed I could not do anything without their help. I'm still healing from that, but I'm getting better every day. Thank you so much, Dr Ramani, for making these videos - they are a gift for those of us who've experienced (past or present) narcissistic abuse and hold so much validation that we need.
I learned this many years ago. In 1990, I realized that I was like a China shop, with so many beautiful things, crystal and china, proudly displayed on glass shelves with pretty lace runners. Then when my hubby would come in charging like a bull, and wreck all my fine china and crystal. He left me bleeding and crying at the devastation, all the best parts of me, smashed to smithereens on the floor of my china shop. I would sit there, gluing my pretty pieces back together, crying. Every single time, no mercy, no compassion, no remorse on his part.
.I realized that the wonderful parts of me that were beautiful beyond compare and ever so priceless and precious, could not be allowed to be destroyed like this any more.
So I put them in a China cabinet and only brought them out to share with people that I could trust and who were worthy and deserving. Then I hung a sign on the door of my China Shop "No bulls allowed".
Over 30 years ago. Still with him because Covid and financial constraints, but I make sure I keep my self safe from that bull.
My mother used to call it lovingly detach. I watched her do it with many people in her life with admiration.
I’m doing this with my adult daughter right now.
I have been feeling guilty about it but she causes the most pain in my life. She has BPD and major depression. I have had to give up the dream of having a close relationship with her but I am very close to my grand daughters. I feel like I share custody, and I don’t want to abandon them as I represent more “normal “ thinking.
My daughter triangulates, manipulates, and all the horrible things narcs do.. it’s sad. My relationship with her has destroyed many good ones of my own. I feel I have soul distanced with her finally. She no longer gets that part of me. I’m loved by many in my life and share with those who deserve it as you said! Thank you again for the clarity 💕
Children emulate their parents. Also, nobody asked to be here. You made that decision for her. Gifting slavery ( making a clone of themselves aka children) is not nice.
I can only imagine how difficult it is for you and I’m happy you found a way to be there for your grandchildren. Thing is, even if they get help with borderline personality disorder and depression, often times because they have already become a narcissist, they develop a sad empathy to feel for other people.
@@ama230 You are not nice for saying something like that. It is clearly not true in this particular situation. Have a blessed day.
Dr. Ramani, this video is so gratifying for me.
I naturally have done "soul distancing" all my life. As if I have a natural turn-off valve with narcissists. In turn, having been labelled as not having feelings, or I didn't know how to be a good friend. I didn't realize that THIS - soul distancing - is what I was doing.
These videos are keeping me going during lockdown. Thank you, Dr. Ramani, the information you have shared has opened my eyes.
I did this with my mum. She never learned who I was, not that she even cared. But it kept me safe. It kept me sane, in an insane familial world.
I did soul distancing all through my childhood Bc even my friends were hijacked. It was hard to leave behind and noticed that I was actually emotionally delayed and it made me a good target for suppressors. Now after a failed marriage and expensive therapy, I’m starting to awaken and hungry for life again. I’m trying to break the cycle.
I’m really glad that this information is readily available to anyone who needs the support. Narcissistic abuse is such a huge problem in our culture that it is so important for people to be actively talking about it. I hope that the conversation continues.
Dr. Ramani thank you as always. I just wanted to add that not engaging in conversations that touch on deep topics does not make you less authentic as a person. You're living in your integrity without owing anything to anyone who did not earn it. Please remember this
Dr. R, you did it again! You bless me EVERY TIME! You have become my best youtube friend! Thank you for really addressing the reality that we do not all have the freedom to just walk away from our Narc. You totally hit the nail on the head about protecting our soul. I have been dealing with greif over having to say good bye to my dream, fantasy, expectation that I would have this awesome soul intimacy with my spouse, but THIS is the loss I greive. Thank you for helping me realize I have been so blessed to have people in my life that have been safe to share my soul with, I am certain this is why I have not lost myself entirely. - just saying, I COULD NOT be more grateful for your work!!!
She is so good at psychology I love this.
I always called this “sending in the REPRESENTATIVE or my HOLOGRAM self”
Cool!
Clever.
that's a cool way of putting it! :D I called it my shield
I moved across the country for my own health, also because I just cold not deal with the narcissistic interactions anymore. I finally figured out not to give my soul in the conversation!!! Thank you for this, it is exactly what I needed to hear.
Dr. Ramani, you're a saint and a never-ending source of knowledge. Thanks!
I've been doing "soul distancing" without realising. I avoid my Narc sister as much as possible. We share a home, and I have no choice. But I'm mostly distant with her. Don't talk about things that excite me, my interests, secrets, etc. If I have to talk to her, I talk the bare minimum. Only practical, daily things but the minimum. I avoid going to common places like the kitchen, if she's there.
Thanks , i’ve been just avoiding my narc husband ,keeping myself busy , with household chores. I do practice that when I m outside, but somehow when at home , i turn defensive, always worrying n trying to remember not to take the bait.All i actually need to do is not to be there emotionally, especially the negative emotion.Yeah.. thanks😘😘
Dr. Ramani, I can't thank you enough for all of your videos, but particularly this one. I have done this basically all my life, and never knew it was a coping mechanism. I have felt so much guilt keeping "myself" hidden from my family, knowing that they would just mock me and tell me that I'm strange. You lifted a huge burden from my heart today. Thank you for your videos and education. Stay safe and healthy.
Thank you for giving a coping technique rather than just saying go silent 🙌🏽🙏🏽 this is so wise
This hits home! That extra icing after putting all strategies in place
This is so spot on ! You can absolutely not share your soul with the devil !
you're the mother of fierce compassion!
Many feel they own you. When they say the pain will end just know they are lying. Thank you for this talk.
This is a really helpful concept for dealing with those I can not physically remove myself from. Thanks.
At the moment, I am staying away from my narc person. And I'm slowly realizing how much easier it is to breathe. Don't get me wrong I have my moments where I wish he would contact me: as it feels painful be away from him. Watching your videos is helping me a lot. Thanks for all your knowledge because I don't think I could detach from him if I didn't have your videos to watch and remind me that I matter. And that I deserve respect and love.
Woman.... u are a god sent....
It’s the ‘I Am’. Your higher self, Beyond name and form and truly one with the divine. Thank you Dr. Ramani you are a gift to a world suffering from narcissists/psychopaths. 🙏🏼
I’m in lockdown with a textbook Narcissistic father, and living in agony with a cracked tooth and no dentist open. Wish me luck, stay safe and well everyone.
❤
If you have a cracked tooth, that’s an emergency. Do a search for “teledentistry” and good luck!
I am in the same boat but with a narc mom. I made the connection recently that that tooth is connected to my gut and solar plexus. I have runny stool and acid reflux lately too. All due to poor boundaries. I have been daily working on cord cutting, grounding in nature and white light protection, and the pain is subsiding, I am healing. I will at some point do an extraction and dental implant. Also putting iodine and oil of oregano on the tooth, which my dentist recommended.
Hope you are feeling better xx
That sounds so challenging-- wishing you luck!
I’m going to try to implement soul distancing. I’m glad that you did the visualization because that helps me to have some instruction on how to start.
I feel like I had to not really interact with my husband anymore to survive our marriage as we have a child together . My friend told me she thought I didnt even realise how numb ive made myself that I can’t even see how unhappy I am anymore. Then I watch this . Almost every single video I have watched has been so exact its profound . I hope everyone and your children get through this and enjoy life on the other side of it
With my spouse, I almost start texting and delete it , i almost open my mouth to share and shut up, I almost listen in to their whining and turn deaf... I cry in the car, in silence, I pray to God to guide me. It's soul crushing to be in a dead marriage.
Yes, yes it is, I feel these words, and the pain that lies behind them, deeply
It is.
I've had to learn to do this over the years with my sister. It makes me so sad, but it works. Thanks for this Doctor R; this is validating and I know what to call it and that it is a soul-saving measure to keep me safe from her toxicity.
You had it spot on when you said they feel like the only game in town. My mom legit asked me recently if I look forward to them coming home because they are my only physical interaction. I only said enough to not hurt or feed her ego because I didnt feel like dealing with narcissistic injury.
Kayden, remember reflection: they need you around , dumping their unhappiness on you gives them energy.
Follow the Light ☆