8 Reasons They Refuse to Give Closure & How This Keeps You Stuck
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- Опубліковано 3 жов 2024
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They will never give you an apology or closure, because they give nothing, they just take, and take.
💯💯💯
They don’t give you closure because they don’t want to loose all the benefits they get with being you and they don’t want you to move on with your life.
You are loved. 💛
YES! I think that’s it too!
But thus hurts so bad
I got no closure and he told me to move on so yeah.
@@EchelonPandorathat’s clear closure
I stopped looking for closure,and started looking for a way out
Good for you. Please continue doing that. It will certainly help you. I truly hope you can heal, and you have a journey of self-discovery that allows you to become as better person!
Why they refuse to give closure:
1) It would mean acknowledging that you mattered at one point in the relationship. The Narc doesn't want to admit this, and is too sick to allow you to feel you mattered because it tips the scales of power out of their control in your direction.
2) They don't want you to move on. They know you have the potentiial to be really happy in another relationship, and even if they don't want to be in the relationship, they don't want you to be happy either.
3) They want to leave you hanging in a negative emotional state, because it gives them attention, even if it is negative attention (Narc supply). They want to believe you are unable to move on because of them, so they can reel you in again and again.
4) If there is no closure, it still leaves the door open for them to come and go as they please, reel you in again and again.
5) They want to play the victim and have mutual family and friends side with them. This gives them power and Narc supply and attention.
6) They want to leave you in a state of confusion to keep you stuck so you can't move on.
7) They will never admit they hurt you, becauae they can't admit their mistakes and only want to focus on yours.
8) They want you to keep striving for the closure so they can dangle it in front of you like a carrot.
You must stop staring at the fact that they never apologized and stop staring at everything that they did to hurt you. This keeps you stuck!!! You don't need their apology to move forward once you realize they are too sick and narcissistic to ever give it to you, and it is just a ploy to keep you stuck, so they can have the upper hand and reel you back in. Refuse to alllow them to manipulate you this way.
This needs to be pinned to the top of the comments.
This is what I have been seeking since my break up. An absolute genius statement of a narcissistic dumper. Brilliant! The most accurate description!
Brilliant comment. All very well laid out.
I ignored the direct 1st hoover and the 2nd indirect one through a "flying monkey".
I am well, but sometimes I feel shifts in me. Both hoovers gave me nightmares. The 1st even caused my hand to shake.
Sucks to admit, but I am clearly still vulnerable. A bit worried with what might come next. She knows my address and place of work.
It's been nearly 3 months of no contact and I don't have social media.
Mental illness is no joke and narcissist abuse is up there as the worse it can happen to someone.
Dude can I talk to you personally? I'm suffering from my breakup and it literally screwed my mind I'm lost I want someone to guide me in this.
Thankyouu
@@_naimishaaa it's still fresh. It's gonna keep hurting. You gonna have to be patiente.
What you were giving your ex-narc (energy, love, care, attention, money) now give it to yourself.
I am really sorry for your pain. I know what's like, just takes time and discipline.
Discipline? You might ask.
Stay off their social media, I don't even have social media (except UA-cam a d WhatsApp).
No Contact, all blocked. You are a privilege to interact with and the ex lost it.
Exercise, eat healthy, sleep 8 hours a day or more, treat your body like the beautiful temple it is.
Focus on your work goals or any life goals. Spend time with those who possibly warned you about your ex, but you didn't want to listen.
Educate yourself on narcissism, understand your ex sickness and your role in allowing the abuse to carry on for so long (not setting boundaries). And that you don't deserve any abuse.
Forgive your ex eventually (don't tell him), it's a gift for yourself.
And most importantly, forgive yourself. For ignoring red flags, not setting and sticking to your boundaries, for allowing the abuse to carry for so long. Remove him from your pain, take responsibility for part of it and forgive yourself.
Say it to the mirror, I did. Example "Forgive me Carlos for allowing this abuse to carry for so long and always placing your well being last".
Time will heal, be strong. Now more than never. And be careful, a hoover will come.
Let go of any codependency. Be strong for yourself. No one can be strong for you.
This healing journey success depends on you, but you can do it.
I wish you success and much strength on your journey.
It is vital to break away from toxic people, not only physically but also mentally. It takes take and is possible.
They will never give you closure. Us normal folks desire to bring closure, because we understand how important it is. Narcissists never will. I've learned not to express anger, or highlight what they are doing. This gives them emotional control. Oh, and if you try to play games to make them feel like you do, they will just gaslight, and hoover. They may even kill you in some cases.
You're loved, friend. 💛
Learn to accept the apology you never got and make amends with yourself, by doing something nice for yourself, to make yourself feel better.. healing from toxicity doesn't include the very toxic person that hurt you repeatedly. So it's no surprise that they'd continue to try and hurt you outside of the relationship too, that's who they are🙌
We can only keep OUR side of the street clean.
Has anyone ever had their narcissist be so smart they deleted parts of texts to portray a totally different conversation then what happened, then share it with their friends?
Years ago I dated a very sneaky covert. My old texting style I use to send sentences, one at a time. She deleted key parts of my thoughts, and deleted her baiting questions. A mutual friend sent me a screenshot of a conversation she claimed to have had with me. It was mind blowing.
This was years after I cut ties, and this mutual friend found out who she was.. rarely do we see the light bulb come on in a flying monkey. Time doesn't just heal wounds.. it can bring peace too.
Yes, my sociopathic ex-husband used to do that.
Yes!!!!
Yes
happened to me 12 years after
Omg...your so right ! They even admitted to me parts of our text messages they intentionally deleted. To get a response out of me or just to make me feel like they didn’t care...? Who knows ....but I do know your not the only one who is going through that. Thanks for sharing that ....makes me understand narcissistic a little better 😏 Stay blessed & I wish you the best in life and love 💕
I have been following Michelle for a long time since my divorce. I have been in full agreement that my ex-wife was a complete narcissist although I never realized that until I started watching Michelle. This particular video has hit the nail on the head. I'm going on 11 years since my ex-wife had the affair which I thought was over. And over 9 years since our divorce where she ended up with the individual she had the affair with. She has taken everything from me, financially and my children. I have been fighting to try and figure out myself for all these years, because it just didn't make sense and she refused to acknowledge that anything was her fault. She even convinced the court system that I was the one who was in the wrong. I am so thankful that I have continue to follow Michelle, because at last this is exactly where I'm at.
Many more women are narcissiste then we think. I am educating myself as well . The knowing gives us power over those situation. Keep going .It sad to say that i am not alone in this boat
@@yvancharest9460 Having others to support us really helps, bud. I don't come here often, but I need to commit to being involved with this community again like I once was. It really helps me.
God bless you.
My son's ex-wife is a narcissist extraordinaire. She has it down to a T and has turned his kids against him and against me and also has taken all his money. Oh, for sure there are female narcissists. Michelle is SO helpful with her advice. I'm so relieved that my son divorced and has moved on with his life while still young enough and is now married to someone else. When there are children involved it's a never ending battle with the ex. They never give up.
I am so grateful for your content. Thank you ❤️ still crying after a sudden narcissistic discard after he vocalized he feared I’d break up with him and after talking about getting married. So devastating but I see it now that it was a toxic relationship. Thank you for making me feel less alone and guiding us how to heal.
I left 10 months ago the toxic people in my life I said farewell that’s my closure,
You are kind of lucky in this way, there was some points in my story I was close to this point, but they just manipulated me to a point that I’m in right now, they reeled me back in then dropped me here that I can’t peacefully let go of it
My marriage ended in such a confusing fashion a few years ago. I've watched numerous videos on narcissism once I understood what was going on.
We were so happy for 7 years then all of a sudden I couldn't do anything right, she tells me I said things I know I didn't say, started doing things to goad me into a fight and I'm convinced she was trying to get me to hit her at one point.
Once it was over I said I didn't understand any of this, she said it wasn't her responsibility.
I've replayed events from the 8 years over in my head trying to figure out what happened.
This video i wouldn't say is giving me closure, but the description is so close to how it ended for me, it does give sort of a sense of validation and that I'm not crazy.
Buddy, nothing is ever their fault. It's one thing to be upset sometimes and say something isn't your fault even if it really was, but then you have shame, and remorse. They never feel those things, nor will they ever say they are sorry.
She will find out the "The grass isnt greener" these Cluster B types are never truly happy inside , once you accept that they are damaged individuals
Then you will finally realise you dodged a bullet big time......
Ive lived it and Im so happy now Im free from my Narcissistic Ex...he lied ,cheated repeatedly, used me, scammed me for money, smear campaign
And yes he also just walked away after living together for 3 years 🤔
You need to look at the bigger picture......true healthy love shouldnt make you feel shit all the time its not normal
Best of luck to you in the future😇
Anything that they can leave scars on you, anything to hurt you they will, I got my closure once I found out what I was dealing with. There's people out here that you just can't fix and the narcissist is one of them.👍 up survivors and thrivers 🙏
The strangest thing I’ve ever experienced in my 41 years is being in love with someone who clearly doesn’t love me or even care enough to respect me despite pouring into her life more than I’ve ever done for anyone before. She never once gave me closure and always came back even when I ghosted her for months. She’s always right back to the drinking and sleeping around.
I’ve never been so betrayed over and over again and still care for the problem itself.
You're loved, buddy. 🤗🤗
I'm sorry you're going through this. Do your best to move on. I know how hard it is to let go, because they will NEVER, and I mean NEVER give you closure, unless you back them into a corner. That's very rare, though. Try to focus on your needs to heal, and cut them from your life.
Many, many involved with the religious communities claiming to be "Christians" are full of narcissist behavior. I've met very few good ones in my life, and I used to be one. I don't have faith in God anymore, though. I mean, I do, but it's tainted. I don't think I'll go to heaven anymore.
@@grace_alone_toward_repentance yes you will. its not about what organisation you are enrolled in. its about who you are as a person ❤
@@maugoddess Hi there! Did you mean you think I'll go to heaven because I'm a good person?
In that case, yes, I'm a good-hearted person, but it's difficult for me to love that who plot against me. I want to love them, and understand them, but I just don't know how to. Some days I have forgiveness toward them, but most days I am angry, because they invade my privacy. I have anywhere between 5-100 million men and women staking me. Even the police do it. It's weird.
Thanks so much for this video! Needed to hear this right now. The best revenge we can all have is to move on from the narcissist and be happy because it's the one thing they can't stand. If we are happy and living our life, the narcissist has no power.
This is probably one of the most important vids that has helped with me dealing with my situation. Thank you.
Very helpful video. Closure began for me once I became clued in to the playbook of the narcissist. For a decade the “no closure” gnawed at me like a low grade tooth ache.
Once I discovered the standard stages of narcissistic relationships my personal closure began. Eventually, did not need to, or even desire, the closure conversation with accountability explanations. Once there is knowledge that they think and value differently than most mentally balanced people, you realize that the answers will never come from them in an adult like conversation. The truth is, the thought of that type of conversation terrifies them to their dark soulless core.
This just makes me frustrated all over again!!!
Whenever you feel frustrated try to feel grateful and thankful for a little more information about the narcissist to get you to see the “TRUTH”! Sometimes the truth is denied until that’s the only thing left in the end but even then, it’s up to you to ACCEPT it and move on. Thanks for sharing & I wish you the best in your journey and love life! 🦋💜💕 & btw it’s ok to feel frustrated...I felt that too 😉
At one time this guy really chased me. When I fell for him he started acting distant. Then, when I asked him about it, he got defensive. I said I needed consistent calls and texts then he went missing. It broke my heart and I've been looking to find closure some way and somehow by watching videos like this. It's been 3 weeks since I've heard from him and I'm still in tears. 😔
One day, all of us here will have a closure
How are you feeling after this time has passed?... 😶😶😶
@@samrothstein7346 I actually am happy with someone new who unexpectedly came into my life. I received two texts during the holidays from my ghoster, one of which was before I met my new man. I ignored both texts and I realized I didn't need that toxic person in my life.
@@ClaudiaZachara Wow that is great to hear! Good for you!!! It brings me hope to know that everything worked out for the best in the end. 🙂
The universe knows the intentions of our hearts and we are safe in this truth. 🙏
Same situation right now except I see him every damn day as we work in the same area. I'm really having a hard time right now
Its simple, if you make a physical mess, you clean it up. And if you make an emotional mess, you CLEAN IT UP.
My narc "family" hated to discuss with me just because they knew every single word as well as everything I would say before I have started to speak...Thank You!!:))!!👍🧚💟🌼💚🌟
there is no education in school about this. life is the teacher and those who let toxic people around them learn the hard way. good news that this lesson is for lifetime. be happy, the knowledge is yours
I've been digging around for hours and this video is a gem. Thank you
thanks for sharing this,
such a unsatisfying feeling if someone U once appreciated very much doesnt give you a chance to find peace of mind for yourself, because they need blame shifting for themself to move on.
Its Such a selfish way to handle interpersonal quarells.
Its heartbreaking sometimes
Michelle you may have just saved me from having a mental/emotional breakdown because of my current situation. He is avoiding talking to me on the phone and letting me say what I need to say, but he is texting me and taking his time to respond back. He said what he wanted to say (over text 😒) but avoids giving me the chance to say what I need to say through text AND on the phone. He only responds to what he wants to respond to, which is not something he EVER used to do to me. This makes me really sad 😢 but watching your video just made it so much easier to move on. Obviously this relationship meant something to him, but I guess I will have to accept the situation for what it is NOW. Thank you Michelle!
Thank them for the closure. And walk! You win.
By the way this is the best video thank you so much Michele I’ll come back to this video ♥️ you’re helping so much!
Thank you for the talk. I'm demanding closure and he's not giving divorce. He has manipulated my children, my parents, my only brother...
I picturise myself as the bark of a tree with no roots nor branches - just a bark of tree which has no life!!
I'm so sorry... I understand your distress, and pain. I really do. They will always try to hurt you, and never admit to wrongdoing. Never expect him to admit to anything wrong, because he won't.
Just be thankful you're not in my shoes. I'm on an exclusive, branded real reality show where millions watch me in the privacy of my home. So many are involved that even if I end up being able to afford a device that can find the cameras and listening devices, most will get away with it. It's also run under a very powerful drug Lord in Columbia.
They claim they're "trying to help me", but they've never shown any action to propogate that to be true. They're blowing dust in the wind. All narcissists want to try to persuade you into believing that the way they abuse you is simply okay. Crazy people. 🙄
@@grace_alone_toward_repentance thank you for your time you took to type such a huge response. May all be blessed to live a peaceful life!
@@saj4642 You're very welcome! Thank you for your reply back. ☺️
@@grace_alone_toward_repentance 💐
@@saj4642 Thank you for the bouquet! Very sweet of you. ☺️ I hope you have a blessed day.
Thanks for making these videos and caring so much, Michelle. You have helped me get closure from within as I’ve worked on building myself up after having lost everything because of my narcissistic ex. Because you’re right; I know I’ll never get closure from him. Instead, he’s been acting like he’s the victim, even though he left me for his lesbian friend when I had brought our preemie daughter home from the nicu and then found out I was pregnant again. He made a complete mess of the situation, refusing to take any responsibility, turning his sisters against me, and acting like he was hurt when I reacted to his toxic behavior.
If it weren’t for these videos, I would still be blaming myself. But, after looking at the full picture, I know I’m only to blame for ever trusting a covert narcissist. Thanks again. You’re awesome!
Your so accurate, you have just discribed my Mother & her mirror image daughter, my sister. Im over 50 & only realised what was going on 5 years ago after I had a mental nervous breakdown with a long string of failed relationships all of which were Narcissist themselves...I had alot of inner work to do. I now have humility & on my way back & up. I had to break from the Narcissists & victim mentality. I toot/taking back my power day by day, they will kill me & not blink an eyelid, sad but true.
Institutional Psychology Academia had/have no idea, they are dangerous to be the respected authority on others mental state with a large majority of Psychologist/Psychiatrist having very little knowledge on Narcissism & the types. Its only just been mentioned in the latest DSM 5 Edition... I was diagnosed with BorderLine instead of the Narc Mother. It took myself & a friend who pointed out behaviors in me & my families that adventually led me in the right direction. When I first heard stories from others who had suffered at the hands of Covert Malignant Narcissists I almost fainted, these stories were identical to mine, it was as if these ppl were flys on the wall who saw everything & heard everything I had gone through with these sick creepy liars....The thing is I once adored my mother, she knows it too...she & my sister ruined a large chuck of my life but no more.
Thanks for being one of the great channels to help open my eyes re this terrible sickness & being there for me when I needed help.
Cheers
@Andrew Marshall, your story is similar to mine. A covert narcissistic mom, a golden child sister i woke up to the truth 2 years ago at the age of 44 and went no contact with both. Been healing ever since. I used to adore my mother too all the while she was betraying me and hurting me in every possible way...
I wish you strength and continuous healing. You're not alone.
The bigger question is how do you go about avoiding these type of partners? When you date them, the entire time you have no clue. You won’t know until the relationship ends.
Find a non serious and casual way to ask about how things ended with an ex, maybe even leading with a story of your own. "We just didn't work out, but we discussed things like adults over lunch and I haven't seen her since. What about you?"
I'm currently going through a breakup with a woman who refuses any and all forms of communication now that I want to finally split, and looking back, she doesn't have a single "clean" breakup in her past. It's one thing to keep exes around, but another if every one of hers ended abruptly and she has no idea what happened to them.
It’s really not that calculated on the narcissistic side they’re just protecting them selfs and can’t handle the emotions and truth closure will bring .
I don’t need closure anymore … I worked him out! Woke up and left a marriage of 35 years and got most of the money. Money is the love of his life so I’m sure that was a gut punch for him!
Thank you Michele They are a moment Like a WTF moment To keep trying to make sense out of nonsense makes no sense If that makes any sense or as if at all Forget them and live the best you can with Faith and Truth
I usually come here for advice about my narcissistic mother that discarded me but this video is exactly what I needed to hear about my ex girlfriend. The crazy thing is I knew in the back of my head most of the things you just said. I always suspected my ex would not give me closure because she didn't want to admit any faults or validate me as a person. I even called it out to her but of course she denied everything and said I'm just crazy. You confirmed what I was thinking and gave me the closure I needed. I know it sounds corny but I think you're the closet thing to a real life angel on this earth. I know how to handle people like this now thanks to you. It's not to reason with them or to try and rationalize. That will drive me crazy. I have to see people like that for what they are (narcissist/lost cause) and get away. You have no idea how much you helped me. Thank you and god bless you with all my heart
Personal closure is an inside job. Eventually your sanity will matter more than who, what, where, when and why.
You are really awesome. There are a lot of great channels about narcissistic abuse. I like them all- but we all connect with certain ones especially- you are one of those for me. I kinda forgot about you because I hadn’t been watching videos for a while. I’m at a different stage now- 2 weeks post discard- he left me in a truly narcissistic way- no surprise.
Anyways- I’m so glad this popped up for me tonight! Good timing…. Thanks universe 🙏
Thank you for partaking in our healing process Michèle. After three years of hell, everything slowly makes sense for me and I let go
Excellent video! My ex was always the victim! Lies and changes the story has to vent to his men friends. He did the silent- no closure treatment to me but also to his Mother, Ex Wife, daughters for 10 years. He is always mad a t someone, bitter and in denial and can never be wrong. Thank you for this video, good job, Michele Lee. Looking forward to listen more of your videos.
I had a 'situationship' with someone whom i have deep feelings for. Though there were no verbal statements of the feelings that existed between us, there were signs ( mind you the other person asked if he could kiss me..thats just one of the many signs).
But now he acts like nothing ever happened or anything was ever there between us. Though its just a situationship, i had super deep feelings for him and him refusing to give me closure as to why he moves on and refusing to acknowledge anything had ever existed between us is breaking my heart. In addition, he kept on using words that would make me small when he is angry. I felt that my feelings were very one sided and i guess gaslighted me into thinking that alll those moments were just in my imagination. I tried my best to move on from that but the lack of closure is haunting me
Same🙃
This happened with my last relationship. She didn't blame me for our issues, and I didn't blame her. After we broke up we were still communicating for a couple months then she cut me off. So I started my process of moving on, then 3 months later she texts me "I miss you." So I started communicating with her again. Then after a month she tells me that she doesn't want to hurt me, and cuts me off again. I told her to "fu** off." And leave me alone.
"She didn't blame me for our issues, and I didn't blame her."
" I told her to "fu** off.""
Whaaaat???????? You're clearly blaming her if you're associating this video with her and told her to f off after she felt sorry for you...
Glad you said kick rocks 🤙🏻
Refusing closure keeps one foot in the door
awsome content
At last,he accepted the closure,I cut all ties we have, asked him to blocked me...
This really gives me closure. Thank you.
I have been feeling exactly what you said in this video about being stuck because of not having any closure at all. His leader of the pack narc mom came in from Illinois without me even knowing & sneakily took him from our home here in Indiana. I didn't even know where he disappeared to. So I was worried after 2 days & called his mom to find out if she had heard from him. She was real abrupt & hung up on me. I found out later from another person that he was with his mom. I have cried every day trying to figure out why he did this to me.He made me believe he really loved me & even wanted me to marry him. He even left all his things at our home. It will be exactly 5 weeks tomorrow & he hasn't called me even one time. I contacted his dad & stepmom there in Illinois to ask for him to call me about his things he left here. They are being very mean & cruel to me too like his mom is. I always have been very good to all of them. It is really breaking my heart. I can only hope I can get closure soon somehow some way. I had no idea people could be so unkind. They are all being like mean bullies.Thank you for your videos.
Thank you for all you do. ❤️❤️❤️
Thank you for this information. This is all I needed to finally let go. I can't believe how accurate you where in describing a narcissist. I've done a lot of self healing, which honestly, only took time. But I am happy to say that those days of blaming myself for everything has come to end, thank you!
Thank you so much, Michele. Your videos help me to have a better perspective, and begin to heal.
Great video! This is exactly how she is in all ways of her life. The last time I saw her right before I left I actually called her a petulant child.
Very very concise, well put together on many many levels. .Thank you for discussing the solution.
Thank you soooo much ❤. Its been 4 years, and even years of little to no contact, the lack of closure ate at my soul. Nightmares. How could he not be aprry for what he did when I was so sweet and adored him? He was so good to me....then BOOM. He was a completely different person. My mind couldnt do the mental gymnastics to understand that socioapthic and twisted stuff.
Thank you so much for this video. It’s helping, tremendously.
Mine actually told me that she refuses to let me express myself to her. That her life is a mess and I'm not allowed to tell her how I feel. She wants to keep me stuck, but I'm not going to let it happen. It's quite amazing what bad parenting does to people as they get older. It's very sad. I hope everybody takes this advice and just moves on no contact. Love is out there. Real love.
One of the best videos on this topic x
Hi Michelle, the fact that they refuse closer is a show of how evil & twisted & Dmonic they truely are, & show them selves to be the problem, in time past they would be burned at the stake. They need to learn their subject to the protective laws of man. By showing themselves evil they put themselves in a very vulnerable position before man.. God Bless You Michelle, keep the Faith, I thank God for the courage you have shown by standing up to this strange form of being, that is proving themselves to have lost their human capacity... Thank You
I was ended with after 4 years., by text message.. because she said ‘I need to concentrate on my work and health’ .. 😳 (no major issues as far as I knew)
I pleaded for closure.. she just got increasingly angry for not believing her reasons.. very heartbreaking and made no sense.
She only thinks of her feelings never yours. Same with me. Good riddance.
Wide awake wake-up call. 🙏
Get back to your own life and sense of purpose...
They basically have an attachment still, that’s why the door was never closed especially in the relationship etc.. I mean you really can’t just give yourself closure sure you can ignore it and move forward, but that doesn’t mean dwell or stop living your life, closure should come from that person not you. In my opinion.
Wow this totally saved me rn
Hello Michelle, thank you for this and other videos you have produced. This one really strikes a cord within me. I am dealing with this type of breakup/divorce. I wanted to be compassionate to my x but this video shows the writing on the wall. I am interested in your course on thriving. I work 5 days a week and I want to know what time are your zoom meetings? Let me know when you have the time. Thanks again for helping us all!!!!
This is exactly what I’m dealing with. Got me stuck.
I really needed to hear this today.
You just helped me move on. I thank you.
With peace and love, I think you may want to look into narcissism sub-types, because although your videos are EXCELLENT and you're playing a significant role in my healing process, you're always specifically naming the malignant narcissist, when in fact ANY sub-type is harmful and to some degree dangerous and/or frightening. These would include the covert narc, the vulnerable narc, the grandious narc...etc.
Thank you for your AMAZING WORK and insights 🙏🏼
They text and talk to you, wanting affection after they brutally discard you. Never apologize and ask you not to close the door too tightly. Horrible manipulation
Being ghost is your closure
Give yourself closure
Yes!!!!! All that you said mirrors my situation........being in a toxic relationship, and dealing with this narcissistic man, for far too long, and it has taken a serious toll on my life. I ended things towards the end of September, and although it has been difficult, I know this is the BEST decision for me.
It felt like I was dealing with multiple "people" within ONE person.......looking back, it just felt like it was all a facade, and a crazy mental GAME, he loved to play, repeatedly.
He messaged me telling me he wants to give me closure, has so much to tell me, wants to apologize, wants to meet and make peace….(after 3 years of NC) i didn’t engage then he just flipped and said that he’s with someone (even though i showed no interest) he kept saying we will never get back together, i want to talk to you once then goodbye…(but never will i ever take him back) so what does it mean? He then stopped messaging me and a couple days later said sorry im selfish and i just ignored it…but the betrayal was my closure so why now after all this time??
Best thing to do is just give him one word bland answers like: "k" , "cool", "if you say so"
This way you bait him and he'll try to flip the script and try and gaslight and blame you or try and bait you into an argument lol but that's when just don't answer him back and ghost him.
You'll get a one up on the situation and it'll show him that he's not worth your time and effort. Easier said than done but your best bet is do your best to dissociate from him and his existence. Just look at him like the dirt beneath your feet and that he's not even worthy of your time. He's nothing to you and basically doesn't exist in your reality
@@CurlyFries120 yes thank you Ataris that’s exactly it my head and conscience know but I guess he was just trying to play the control, bait, gaslight, projection and so on card. I worked so hard to get to where I am right now. He noticed I was doing good and looking great he tried to mess that up but he didn’t win I did because I’m the one who got away! He’ll always be miserable. One day someone will appreciate my empathetic heart and I’m doing me. He’s trash and will always be lonely and spiteful. That’s it.
@John Hooper totally agree!
I think him telling you he's with someone unsolicited and you can't get back together is *totally* a hoover/bait. My narc said something similar and was pushy about knowing if I had romantic feelings. When I told them I was not interested/stayed super logical (I focused on my values, not my emotions), they word-saladed a "oh I thought you were" response. It was a v dramatic email thread. It is weird to see how similar things are between your narc and the one I blocked. They don't make sense and create confusion, but I tried so hard to find sense in someone who didn't want anything to be clear. Now, I don't accept a pattern of confusion in my relationships.
I am proud of the work I'm doing to stick to my values and not be reactive to the baiting. ❤️
I've lost almost fifty years of my life with this narc, my dignity, my sanity, my money, everything. I've lost practically everything.
🙏☘🙏 GOD BLESS YOU ALWAYS NOW THINK ABOUT YOU SELF! ITS NOT EASY BUT WE COULD FEEL OUR THOUGHTS AGAIN! PRAY GOD WILL HELP YOU YOU NOT ALONE 👊🤲👊
@@carmengomez8062 Thank you Carmen. I have my wonderful kids and grandkids at least. I would do it over just to have them, but I'd do things a lot differently. GOD bless you as well!!
Spot on thank you 🙏🏽 you’re inspiring me to go into counseling
My ex fits all of this to a perfect T. And I'm stuck until I share my truth to him.
Thankfully, his friends all know how toxic and unhealthy he is. When they ask me what happened, they know I'm not making stuff up. I hope no one has taken sides, but honestly, I know at least one of them has no respect for him anymore and won't talk to him after he physically assaulted me and lied to her about it. I hate seeing that but honestly, he did it to himself.
But even still getting to share my story with everyone, it doesn't help. It has to fall into HIS ears. I don't want him. I just want to move on and my mind is stuck right here, right where I need to share my truth. Once I do that, I will be able to move on with my life.
I absolutely know he doesn't want to see himself and the hear the words I need to say. He's scared. Bc he'll hear how awful he is. He'll hear the depth of his toxicity. He's too scared. Even tho it would be the best thing for him to ever hear in his entire life so he can grow into a healthy person.
Yep. They'll keep everything healthy and necessary to a relationship, at arms length. Jokes on him, I left regardless. Don't need closure from him. his absence from my life is once of my greatest blessings.
Move on from them
That's very difficult if not impossible when you didn't learn about your whole family especially your own mother being very narcasistic or psychopathic in your late forties.
I've been robbed of everything that matters, everything needed to even survive.
On top of that my mother and relatives gave me the silent treatment the moment I tried to talk to them about this and put a no contact order on me then I even went to jail for a week recently for accidentally texting my mother.
I need to show some what they're doing to me.
God bless anyone affected by these kind of people.
@@russellm7530 I haven't seen my family in 15 yrs best go no contact they dont get better but worse
@@chriswalls5831 Well you know that's the same thing I've been hearing ever since I found out about this NARCASISM crap or psychopathy or whatever it is which my family most certainly are. Extreme Cluster B types.
I know this now.
It seems like all the NARCASSISM UA-cam channels and most everyone else says, OH JUST WALK AWAY FROM THE, GO NO CONTACT.
It's like everyone has just given these deranged psychopaths a free pass to let them get away with doing extreme intentional harm to one's self.
Can't some of these people, some even PhD types think of some way to get some reparation from these people especially when they're your own family or even a mother who were your elders that made everyone else even myself think that they were caring and protective and all the good things etc.
I've had homes and even family stolen from me by my mother and some other relatives.
They made me their sacrificial lamb in a huge way. And they all appear as just good nice people to everyone else.
It makes me sick. God bless anyone affected by these kind of people.
Thank you so much. 🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽
If you’re reading this and you have come to this video for some healing, I want you to understand something a lot of the healing has nothing to do with your ex or the narcissist. It’s about you it’s about why you allowed this to into your life and why somebody else wouldn’t
It’s time now to go within
Agree!
very goooood !!!!! I wish I would have known how to process the end of relationships with no closure over 40 years ago.... keep up your important work
Thanks Michelle for the content, Actually I am dating a narcissistic person who makes me feel suffocated with his behavior multiple times. He neither gives closure nor remain consistent in the relationship, ultimately damaging my mental health. But now, I decide that I will move on from all of this, yes I love him..but I am done🙂
Thank you, useful insight.
Yep and YEP😢… and I am stuck for a year now 😢😢😢😢😢 I gotta let this go 😢😢😢😢😢
"In Pieces"
(Linkin Park)
Thankyou so much michelle🥺❤️
Great info here...
TY.🙂👍
Easy , you send them the date relationship was born , the date relationship died , like a gravestone
My Bipolar/NARC set me Free 5 1/2 mos ago after 17 mos. I got my closure by researching on NARC. I don't need it from her. Her Mom told her He's a Keeper. Her 26 yr old dau said I know he treats you like a Queen. She lost!! I'm journaling, going places & doing things by myself. Even therapy. I give myself PEP talks a few x's a day in the mirror. The woman I fell in ❤ with No longer exists. So for new I'm working on me. It's just me & my German Shepherd Dog!!
I really want one asked for it multiple times after the fight did not get a proper convo. Got blamed on, given silent treatment. But if I go and ask for it again after few days have passed It would come up or show up as "finding ways to talk again" "wants him back".
All I want to talk about is what happened and end things
Michelle your looking really good 😉 x
I had a tumultuous relationship on and off in my early twenties with someone six years older than me. I finally ended things for good when he disrespected me for the last time, but I felt really bad for a lot of the things I said and did and had a hard time moving on because I felt like I was such a bad person. So much guilt and shame. One day I texted him to apologize for everything and he said, „Thank you, I appreciate that.“ 😂 Absolutely zero accountability or compassion on his end for the brutal betrayals, etc. I still don‘t fully understand what happened in that relationship but I am healthy and happy now and I know it wasn’t all my fault.
She refuses to give me clarity and she has turned everybody against me bc of her lies
This helped so much. Thank you 🙏🙏
Thank you for this video it really helped Mr alot.
I’ve forgiven this person but I have this expectation in my mind of her coming back that inhibits me from life decisions
Flippin annoyin no cap
Hi Michele. Can you do a video on narcs turning against flying monkeys?
I’ve never heard of that? Do they do this?
@@MJ-qb5ph they do when they don't have a victim
@@lauradelregno99 Oh my God … just when you think you have all the info you need … and it gets worse … I just sum up the whole thing in one word now: run. Thanks for this … I see why my nephew could be seen as an enabler … it is more that he has read this sign
You speak very clear ❤
My ex and my mom both teamed up on me on a regular basis. I was ALWAYS crazy and out of line. I don't think I've ever had a friend or partner see what my mom was doing to me so anytime I defended my self I was reminded that im in the wrong because im the common denominator in my issues. Im starting over with my kids and trying to navigate my mom and my ex in a way that doesn't leave me depleted. Its hard.
What is the mind game of me going no contact for the last time because he hit a nerve and touched a spot that was the last straw…and then he reaches out to my lawyer saying he needs something for our child, and then he simultaneously sends a package to the house after putting in writing on an official coparenting site that he won’t send things anymore. Then when (through the lawyer) I get him what he needs for our child he has xfinity send me a notification (still trying to get my attention) and then for the next day I’m on edge thinking I’ll never be able to relax because the second I do he’ll find some way to contact me. And now he has gone radio silent but has accomplished being in my mind b/c of all of the games. I was DONE. And then he started crossing boundaries (sending things to the house, sending things to my email address) and this has me thinking about him all over again I HATE THIS! If I could just understand wtf just happened I think I could get back to being DONE
I needed this😊
Your channel and your content is helping me realize some things that I never knew about myself. I always thought I was a pretty strong person not easily succumb to being fooled or manipulated, but I guess I've been very naive. I've been in a relationship for over 12 years and can remember way back to the beginning losing my temper because we would have these circular conversations that would make no sense. Everytime I would say hey I need this out of this relationship it would be completely invalidated I would be called anal if I wanted the house to be kept clean for example. And when you're the only one who cleans up you get tired of doing it after a while. It would get to the point where I wouldn't take out the trash from the bathroom intentionally just to see how high she would let it go before she would take it out. It would usually be a huge pile you can't throw anything in it anymore stuff on the floor all around it and then I would still have to say something like hey can you take out that trash cuz it's got pads and tampons wrappers and stuff in there and they're overflowing. Everytime I ask her to help clean it ends in a fight. That's not normal, you shouldn't have to get in a fight every time you want somebody to help in the house do chores and housework. When I was growing up every Saturday we cleaned the house and everybody worked together and got the whole thing done in a couple hours. I've tried to get her to do that with me to no avail for well over a decade and have completely given up and have no hope of ever achieving any goal of a clean house or anything like that. The problem really comes when I think about my future, for instance like we bought a new house five years ago and in my mind I could see this nice new house and I could just Envision the good times we would have in the house. But then when we moved in I realized did everything would be the same as it ever was and that now I'm just in a bigger house and have to clean this whole house by myself. And then sometimes when we argue about cleaning the house she'll say I vacuumed, yeah once. How long have we lived in this house? Over four years. News flash, the carpet needs to be vacuumed two more than once every four years. And this is how it goes every time I mention something she'll say something that she did. But it's never consistent and it's only just enough to get me to shut up. Then it's right back to the way things were before so many times that I know she has absolutely no intention of changing. Here I am still stuck in this nightmare relationship pondering over what damage would be done to my five-year-old little boy if I leave. I can't even stand to be in the same room. It's like when she walks in the room it feels like all the air is just sucked out so I can't even breathe.
Thank you so much 🙏🙏🙏
It's like breaking up with Dr Fauci.