Cheating is the worst kind of betrayal. To those who are suffering from sleepless night, racing negative thoughts, self blaming for not knowing sooner or even suicidal thoughts.. just so you know that you will pass that stage sooner than u imagine. Talking from my experience, the thought of him cheating doesn’t hurt me as much. It broke me, he changed my life and belief in love, i took a break from my job to give myself the attention I need. Whatever happens, put your happiness first. You are hurting, no one can help you heal but yourself. You will get there soon! Sending warm hugs
Thank you for this Syifa. I copied it to my friend who just caught her husband. I went through it thirty years ago and while I rarely think about it now, the raw feelings still return when I watch something like this. There were years of pain, revenge and shallow relationships. I am now married to a wonderful man and the ability to love and trust has finally returned. Enjoy your new life my darling.
12 years later and I will still from time to time go into a grief spiral - marriage gone, feeling loved gone, family gone, home gone. After decades together it’s not just like breaking up with someone, it’s the loss of everything you have worked for your whole life and can’t get back.
I wish you peace… This scares me as I am only days into this grief!! Still in the same house with the man who I truly believed he loved me for the last 24 years. I am confused, angry, sad & more… I will never feel deep happiness again and all of this happened in a matter of few hours! I went from being a happy woman to a dead inside forever
@@fppiroozian6372 I know just how you feel. For me, it's 6 months since DD, been married for 35 years. It's the most painful thing I ever had to endure.
Fendora I am sure you still have your soul. This does not change you. It activates you. To preform how you have been taught to preform. which part of the loss hurts more?
lr s I agree, I do have my soul but it is changed. The betrayal was to my soul like acid to flesh. It dissolved part of my being and now I have a rougher scarred self. I won't allow that to turn me bitter but I will never trust 100%. To experience that kills the person we were in regards to romantic relationships. It will NEVER be the way it once was, not even if we try. With a lot of effort esp from the traitor, it might even be better than it was, but it will never be what it once was. No one deserves to have their past, their present and future destroyed. It leaves one questioning if any part of that relationship and person was ever real.
Fendora love the way you write. Its sounds to me that you were deep in love. Through this love affair, how many times if any did your blind love see what that person was, and still keep loving. This love that burns inside of you, what would happen if you turned it on yourself? Or is it that you dont trust yourself? Now if you dont trust yourself is it because you seen what was happening and yet hung on hoping it was not true or that he would change? Fall in Love True Love with YOURSELF, and enjoy those around you for the time that they are around you. You lost nothing when that person betrayed you. The only thing that happened was that he broke the rule you were taught to believe in.
lr s I agree. I lost nothing in me. I have always loved deeply and genuinely. The love can't just end because of a severe error on their part, I have however turned my focus on myself, my nieces, and my 2 cats. I cannot control nor want to be in charge of another's actions or behaviors. I have known my worth all along, that is why I blindly trusted. I have no room for hate, because that love was pure and that is my truth. It was real and pure. Suffice it to say... I only grieve for the one I loved, for he died when I opened my eyes.
Got cheated on twice by my wife, the first time made me so anxious for years. The second time was liberating. I have divorced and have been divorced for a few months now and believe me when I tell you. You will feel a lot better with time. It's nothing that you do it's them and them alone. I hope you find calm soon
going through this now cheated 3 times but i still miss him wtf if this is still love i dont want it anymore its hurr so bad we were together almost 10 yrs
@@JanJan-gn5io I’m sorry, I was cheated on too, we were together for 6 years. When you’re with someone for so many years it’s hard for others to understand
After 25 years together my husband was cheating for the last 6 years, he still in denial but I left him and after all the pain he caused me , now I am a new person, very happy and in peace with myself, is the best feeling after all this years of pain. Focus on yourself, do new things and never come back. You can do it.. all the best for the ones still suffering, life is so precious, dont waist time with the wrong people .💕💕💕💕
@@MariaFernandez-gq1rr Excellent advice. The same thing happened to me. We were married 37 years. I knew and loved him the majority of my adulthood, for 40 years. It was the worst pain imaginable and upended my life and everything I knew. I felt my life was a lie. Our divorce was extremely painful but I learned how brave, lovable and resilient I am. It took time but I finally have peace, integrity, and I can sleep at night. I’ve learned so much about myself and especially how to love myself. It’s now a wonderful life without him.
My son and daughter-in-law had occasion to stay with me for a few weeks between moves. My son told me that I yell out and talk a LOT in my sleep, which I was completely unaware of. I was aware, however, of losing 25 pounds in 6 weeks, panic attacks, suicidal thoughts, insomnia, and heartbreak. After 34 years of marriage, I am finally light years better nine years later. Everyone you meet has some kind of wound they are fighting to heal. Let’s be kind as often as we’re able.
Three months ago I was publicly accused of being a predator based on rumors and gossip. I read this article called, Psychology of Defamation. The first thing that hits your mind is total disbelief. Then the author goes on to talk about suicidal ideation and suicide is fairly common among victims of slander. Both my wives cheated on me. I actually believe this man saved your life. There are very few people who actually know what happens in a person after betrayal. God bless you; I hope your healing continues in peace.
Now I know what I was suffering from... Cheaters simply expect their spouses to forgive. They have no remorse and very often go back to cheating before their partners/ spouses tears are even dry.
" It takes two to make a marriage and one to make a divorce" My mom told me this years ago. Now that I am the victim of my unfaithful spouse, I see exactly what she meant.
It's an abuse that never really goes away, even after the end my relationship I was plagued nightmares, ( when I could sleep) lack of focus, sever depression, physical ailments, hair loss, etc. It's a scar that will never go away. It's been years now. It hurts just as much now as when I found out. And there is no legal recourse. Some hurts you physically you can press charges, someone hurts you emotionally and the law will go out of its way to protect the perpetrators.
Yes it is, I am going through this now, been there 20yrs ago with the same man, he has no will to change just to be more clandestine, finally I am getting a divorce after 36 yrs of marriage but he is trying to stop that too. He wants the marriage and the mistress. I have forgiven him for my own peace of mind so that I can move on, it was my best decision yet,
Cheating can ruin stuff, but it can be survived.. some marriages survive the cheating some dont ....ive never personally understood it ive never cheated or been cheated on to my knowledge, but just imagining having a life and kids with a man really dedicating yourself to someone to find out they havent been the same way with you that theyve cheated that family or love meant nothing it would be devastating and healing would be brutal i dont think id ever trust anyone again if you have a partner and youre done with them dont cheat either talk with youre partner or get a divorce do anything but cheat!!
"our society is suffering deeply and we don't know how to respond" thank you for caring enough to at least try to respond and heal our society, our families, our relationships
Infidelity needs to just go away. Hey here's a thought, instead of cheating, break up with the person you promised to be monogamous with! And if you want to have your cake and eat it too, go find another polygamous person just like you who wants to be in an open relationship, they exist! Then you can have everything you want and you DON'T HAVE TO LIE CHEAT AND HURT PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!
@@jayrodriguez4119 Interestingly what I've learned in the process, is that improper seperation individuation from one's parent/s may lead a person to latch on to another for the express purpose of orchestrating this missing occurrence. Described by some as 'devaluation and discarding' is what started to happen a year into our marriage; even before I fell pregnant with our first child. It was as if I was objectified into taking the place of his controlling mother; from whom he wanted to break free; this instead of obeying, pleasing and keeping her happy; as was expected of him and his sister while they were growing up... The painful process of criticizing, emotional distancing, and rejection continued - developing over 3 decades - untill eventually there was not only continuous emotional, but also open physical infidelity.
YES!! Almost exactly what I said to her. It would be the only decent thing to do for someone you are supposed to love and have a commitment with. She belongs to the streets!
Here's what happens when you've been the victim of infidelity: 1: You lose all ability to trust. Not just towards your partner who cheated, but for EVERYONE 2: You withdraw from everyone and go through a period of deep depression. 3: You lose all confidence in yourself and your ability to judge another's character. 4: You are consumed by RAGE and a deep desire to hurt and destroy those who have hurt you so deeply.
❤️❤️I definitely felt suicidal after finding out my entire marriage was a lie. It was such a horrible pain. It's embarrassing. It's shameful. People who cheat are so selfish, they inflict this horrible pain, and for what? Some orgasms? Cruel.
The people that cheat are narcissists. They lack empathy & compassion for others. They need constant validation/admiration, demand blind loyalty, but aren't loyal themselves. They feel no guilt, shame, or remorse. They lie, cheat, gaslight, manipulate others for their own gain. They never take responsibility for themselves & love to play the victim. Unfortunately, they will never change. Best to let them go & move on.
I found out recently, around the same time I found out I was pregnant with my second child, that my fiancé and spouse was cheating. I caught him and my god, the pain was unbearable. I never felt the pain, anxiety, isolation, suicidal thoughts, and self internalization. People who cheat are cowards and selfish.
If you cheat, don't run away. Face the reality and communicate it to your partner, express your feelings and what happened. Your reasons might be more or less understandable, but it's a hundred times better to be honest, apologize, and talk to each other, rather than not saying anything, which is, I think, the culminate reason why victims get finally traumatized, because they don't have any logical thoughs to hold onto.
Right. I used to be just super sweet and devoted. Then I turned mean. I can do a switch back to nice as needed. I was happy as a sweetie, but that kind of behavior . . . got me here. You know. Watching this video alone at night. So, mean is safer. Besides, what an ex nice person considers being mean is just really being normal. It doesn't guarantee people won't hurt you.
My wife cheated on me 5 weeks ago, the pain is like nothing I have ever experienced. I lost my confidence, I have nightmares and I don't ever think I will feel the same ever again. I hope you find strength to love yourself again if you have this pain.
@@charlesezrarevmongoosecane5097 that's the hard bit isn't it. It's usually men who cheat, worst part is that I've done everything I can to provide for my family, we have a very good lifestyle but it's obviously not enough.
Time helps. Pick your friends carefully, not everyone has the capacity to deal with your brokenness. It is not you, it is her lack of empathy, courage and compassion that has you reeling. Feeling for ya buddy, been there, still recovering. If you patch it up, work on trust though honestly in my experience, once a cheater always a cheater.
Dear Absolute Auto. Read the advice I posted The whole concept of another person belonging to you is based on fantasy. You cannot own a person or ma k e demands on them
This guy is emotionally connected to people, I love him. He’s brave for being willing to show this side of himself. That is real strength in a society that glamorizes emotional disassociation in men. He is truly brave. I’m sure many will call him weak or attack him for becoming emotionally invested in this clients but that’s what we NEED in his profession and society, connection... Thank you Kevin Hugs
Three marriages, three divorces. Three husbands who cheated on me. I think that I have a broken chooser, because I seem to always choose men who will hurt me. Happily single for 10 years and don’t plan on changing that. I’m 62 and happy. Finally.
Karen Oakes no one can say you never tried! When the romance goes by the wayside, it seems like marraige can become one big compromise after another. That's what my parent's final marraige looked like. Final, simply bc my dad died first. Funny but not funny. 🌞🥀💚Enjoy your your life!🌞🥀💚
I know what you're going through. I was married with a baby and realized my husband had been unfaithful to me while in the army. The pain it caused and the way I see it all affecting mine and my son's lives to this day has been a life changing experience. There was PTSD, abuse, divorce, child custody battle, escaping and finally complete abandonment.
@@c.j.p.7607 I'm so sorry you had to go through this. The same happened to my cousin one year back . She moved on in the best way possible. She humiliated him in front of his family and office workers ,took a huge alimony and moved to another country with her children . But even after this her children will remember that their father as a cheating man
The nightmares, doubts, the feeling that you can't share it to anybody because you feel like they couldn't understand... sometimes you just wanted to scream because it makes you feel damn crazy. I just learned that you can't move past that. It's like a cycle. You thought you're over it and then, bam, all the memories of hid infindelity, it hits you again
I went through it 2 years ago and I honestly think that no one can help you. I avoided people, places... I did not want to see my friends. But today I'm in love again. Time is the only thing that helps. It becomes less and less painful with each passing week, month. We just have to keep going on until we go through. Don't give up! It will get better.
Lies and Infidelity is a very serious issue to deal with and it’s a major threat to most marriages and relationships.Scars left behind from a narcissist husband is hard to erase from the mind. I was reluctant at first about finding the truth about my cheating husband but I’m glad I finally took the courage for it .I got help from Cyber Hack Solutions as he helped clone my cheating husband’s phone and I got access to all his phone call logs, emails, text messages both deleted texts and also social media chats; whatsApp , Facebook, Instagram without having access to his phone because he is mostly out of town due to the nature of his work and I was able to track his location too, all I provided was his phone number to this wonderful hacker. This was very revealing for me as he’s a serial cheater until I got into his phone and ended things.I’m glad to uncover his, lies, secrets and Infidelity. You can contact this amazing Hacker David via gmail (cyberhack003) or text and call on his phone and WhatsApp : +15303784744
Are you still with your betrayer? I am 1 month in and trying but I don't know if I will ever get over what she has done. I caught her she didn't stop it on her own. I feel like she's her because of guilt or at last at first. Hiw did you make it work?
Loved the speech but should include the stages of grief. As not only are you suffering ptsd but something has died. A piece of you that can never be given back.
nshade25 I agree. Some part of your spirit is broken, never to be replaced. At least for me. I have tried to put in some kind of behavioral context.....but because I don’t understand, I cannot.
I have had experiences that I did not understand . I turned into what I thought was a crazy person. Not eating :sleeping/ rage and violence. Everything that is trauma and I did not understand what was going on. . I hit rock bottom 2 days ago when I had a thought of not being alive anymore. I came across this video in tears like this was supposed to be for me. Thank you.
I was broken until my grandma made me see it was not me it was him. I never remarried but I became a good worker and a excellent mother. My boys are gentleman loving and caring but most of all honest
The most horrible thing to experience emotionally. I found out my fiance was cheating on me 1 month before our wedding. I thought I was going to die. But now, I feel thankful it happened when it did and not after. I am single and enjoying my life.
I'm not happy for you to experience all that but you're lucky to not be married with that man, because at mid 20s I know how it is to be betrayed and cheated by the same person who promised you forever😭.it's been a month now but it still hunt me every night having night terrors and waking from all those nightmares every single night..
The exact same symptoms I've suffered and still suffering from after my husband's infidelity. It's the most crippling and agonizing thing to deal with. Nothing takes it away, you just suffer until you start to feel numb. No one wants to hear what you're going through but everyone rally around him and always checking in on him. He's the one that purposely shattered my world, my soul, and my faith but he's the one the people I turned to for help are more focused on. So once again I suffer alone and just do my best to power through the pain and torment I feel daily.
Not sure of all you circumstances, but it sounds like your husband might be manipulative and triangulating friends/family against you subtly. If that resonates, you might want to look into "cluster B personality disorders" for more info. There are many UA-cam channels for support.
Rachel Bourque Monogamy is trust. Why don't you try screwing ever one you don't love and they don't love you. When you are older and infirm see who changes your diapers.
@bravoman I'm sorry your marriage isn't a happy one. I was merely pointing out that monogamy does work for some happy couples, to the person who said they believed "monogamy destroys lives". Theirs was a very generalized statement that I disagree with.
Cheaters are like shape shifters who can miraculously turn themselves into the victim. That’s the part that really pisses me off. Becoming the victim is almost worse than the act itself!
JohnnyRebKy, Letha, I hear you and I definitely feel your pain. I went through this also years ago. My ex calls routinely to apologize, blame, remind me what I lost! He even called to let me know that he married another, bought a great new home, new car and traveling to the very places we had planned! After 2.5 years of marrigae, she is cheating on him and he still doesn't get the absolute devestation he caused me....it is still about him! Shape shifting from cheater to victim....
Cheaters are cowards and the utmost selfish people. Cheating is always a choice. They can always choose to end a relationship but their selfishness would rather make them shatter another person for life.
JohnnyRebKy I 100% agree! Cheaters love to play the victim, and they deflect blame onto their faithful spouses. This is verbal abuse added to the emotional abuse of the cheating. Don’t ever fall for it. There’s nothing you did that MADE them cheat. Cheating is a deliberate CHOICE, and it causes permanent damage.
For those cheaters in the audience, bravo for not getting up and leaving for fear of outing yourself and being FORCED to listen to the damage you’ve done to your partner, whom I hope they’re sitting next to.
As someone who was unfaithful I can tell you that this video is so powerful.The pain this causes can't be described.With lots of self awareness and work on my part its gotten a little better.Its been a tough road but with God's grace and mercy hopefully we'll get through it.
@@Crypticmind242 You'll find a lot of that in Japanese or Korean dramas . Heck the fans even supported their on screen infidelity just because they look " great " with each other . Shows you how impactful and devastating some of these media influences can be .
It destroys a spouse and nobody understands the trauma you go thru but another victim of Infidelity. It destroys your sanity, your heart, your trust, your soul. Cant sleep, cant eat, constant panic attacks... You feel like you are being murdered, by the person who is supposed to be your soulmate and best friend, every hour, every day. The attacks come in waves. You can be sitting there okish for a minute and then BAM a wave comes in and YOU ARE F**KING DROWNING. Thats what it feels like sometimes. You are drowning. Drowning and nobody is around but your spouse and they are just staring at you yet not at your eyes, and doing nothing. Its worse when you see them later with your replacement. Rips apart your soul and mind, over and over and over. PTSD for Infidelity Victims is real. I didnt know it until I saw this video. But now it all makes sense. The comments on this video, wow. People should be forced to watch this video and read the comments before being granted a marriage license.
Omg When I started listening this, I was sure its gonna be a justification for men, just because the talker is male I never expected this much compassion, beauty and kindness Was deeply touched Thank you😚
This happened to me almost Four months ago. I can definitely tell you that I was in shock for a month and very traumatized after learning that 2 and a half of my years with a person ended in her cheating. I can definitely tell you that everything he's saying is true. It's been Four months, but I am a different person now. I am not sure who I'll be in my next relationships, but I hope that whoever reads this realizes that you were okay before this person did this to you and you will be okay after they left. Be strong and work on yourself, and stay strong!
"You were ok before...." Those words meant so much. They are true and I know I was ok thinking back. I just didnt believe it for a long time. The affair was 30 years ago. I am so strong now, but I went through all he mentioned except the suicidal thoughts. It never was about me. I was a good wife and mother.
The pain is sooo, real!! I went thru it 9 years ago, when my now ex-husband decided to leave me with my 1 month old daughter and 5 year old son after 10 years of marriage. I remember crying non stop all night and getting up in the morning because my babies needed me, i felt that sense of responsibility for them to be alive and get over it. I really believe now that my love for them kept me alive. Only time heals the broken heart in some way. My 9 year old daughter told me a few days back... Mommy my dad left because he wanted to be happy right? I was thinking of an answer when she said; and to do that he destroyed our family and made 3 people sad and unhappy? That is being so' selfish. She's starting to rationalize things i guess.
If someone cheats on you - you just need to leave. Leave and never look back. No matter how hard they plead, or say they will change - you need to let them go FOREVER. That person has shown you that they are not your soul mate. Every second you waste is time wasted at finding someone who is worthy of your love.
Aimee Ruggeri , I understand where you are coming from, however, I did forgive my wife a shirt while ago. I found her in bed getting pleasured by someone else. I didn't create a scene and I quietly closed the bedroom door so they could have privacy. My wife and I spoke peacefully that night. Her male friend needed a wife until she got over her lower back problems. I wasn't too happy that he was enjoying my wife in the interim. I didn't want to end our marriage because of infidelity. My wife promised not to do it again and as far as I know, she hasn't.
@@denergized7993 Same. I forgave my husband. But if you trust your wife. Thats foolish. I dont trust my husband at all. I sinply changed how I view our union. Something for our daughters with casual enjoyment of each other. I do not take any of my husbands declarations of love seriously anymore. Because I changed my perpesctive of what a relationship.
i think if you don't solve the problems you had with one partner (with professional help maybe?) the problems will come back in the next relationship. i think it is never a good idea to leave when you have the most problems. solve the problems and then leave. otherwise it is like running away. but you cannot run away from yourself and subconsciousness
The question of what’s wrong with me is so crazy, because when a person cheats, it’s about what’s wrong with them not their partner. I think most of this could be eliminated if we just left the person following their infidelity. Yes, hurt would still be there, but what happens when you stay, is torture. It’s not something I’d ever repeat.
The problem is that the unfaithful party probably had been breaking the other down by criticizing end rejecting them over time; this before the cheating behaviour was eventually fully exposed. This is what leaves one with the feeling of not being good enough, after trying one's best to please the dissatisfied other.
@@maricamaas2326I can confirm. The more I tried to please her, the less she seemed pleased. It was as if the goalposts were continually moved. On the other hand, these other guys who only had to put in minimal effort were rewarded with something that should have only been given to me. It makes you feel worthless.
This is so enlightening. We all tend to have similar responses to infidelity and betrayal yet can’t seem to help eachother as much as you would think due to embarrassment and shame.
Infidelity is the result not the root of the issue. That issue begins with each individual and their relationship with themselves. The second part of the issue is a result of the communication between the people in the relationship. Relationship trauma does not require infidelity. The real question is how do we set people’s understanding of relationships in a direction that encourages self awareness and higher communication with their partners? We fall short in relationships because we are not taught how to be in a healthy relationship.
Will Withem Lack of communication in a relationship is a common problem. But it’s never an excuse for infidelity. Too often cheaters will point to pre-existing problems in the relationship as the root cause of the infidelity. They’re wrong for doing this. Infidelity is always a choice, and the consequences of it are devastating.
I hate that my husband of 25 years keeps telling me that I should stop living in the past and that I haven’t forgiven him nor myself….I’m like if only you knew what you have done to me, my soul and my 5 children. And yes indeed my trauma needs a voice especially when my husband continues to blame me for his 21 years of infidelity.
Been there 3 times. I’ve lost all hope in loyalty, honesty and integrity. I’d rather just stay single and live my life without all the bs of relationships.
I hope you don't punish yourself with a single life, rather I hope your first goal is to give yourself a singularly positive and fulfilling life, because you really are worth it, first as a band-aid, and then soon as a reward for being a faithful and decent partner with a huge and warm heart! Three timed proofed. All the best wishes for the new chapters in your life's adventure-book. You can still be happy and content, because the cheating wasn't your fault!
And people keep saying it's a human thing to do? It's not that as simple to explain YES we give into temptation, but *infidelity?* not once but multiple and by selfish means to escape your marriage that your too cowardly to solve by normal means?..... All fair in love and war but, if your not a player your a pawn but a pawn CAN turn on you teeth and claws bared to tare you apart
You don’t own your partner or their thoughts... bad decisions shape us all. Yes, some people are narcissistic and cheat compulsively but some Learn a valuable lesson and come out the other side great
What worked best for me for dealing with PTSD is No-Contact starting immediately and lasting forever. Block them on everything and never speak to them again. It's empowering and the fastest way to heal, I think.
And yet your experience as a child pointed you in the direction of a brilliant healer of thousands of clients. That's beautiful, and your dad's apology, healed him and your family. Thank you.
My husband’s infidelity was extremely traumatic for me. I knew it would be but even I was surprised by the devastation I experienced. It was life changing. To my shock, my pastor told me I should “get over it” after 9 months. I tried my best to move forward but he took my emotional instability as an excuse to do it again. I left him soon after. Fast forward to now, 9 years later, and I still struggle with numbness and emptiness, neither of which I’ve ever experienced before. I was diagnosed with CPTSD
It's ok. I don't blame you or think you need to just get over it. Your pastor has not yet realized that your heart was pure and invested in this. You are not the problem. May I suggest you write a letter or letters to your husband about how his cheating made you feel? Then go into learning how to sing and dance and draw but freestyle. It helps release any emotional pain.
This was my life...caught him...and 22 days later he walked out on me and our kids..12 years of marriage...no one would talk to me...he told everyone i was crazy...my parents said that i cant make someone love me...and the divorce...even worse..my kids hurt every day and its been 4 years...still hurts...im crying...this was my story...but even worse!!!!
Jennifer Thom, I very sad for your loss Jennifer. I found my wife in bed getting pleasured by someone else. I didn't create a scene and I quietly closed the bedroom door so they could have privacy. My wife and I spoke peacefully that night. I never walked out . I didn't want to throw away our marriage. Her male friend's wife had bad back problems and he needed a wife until she got better. I wasn't too happy that he was enjoying my wife in the interim. She promised not to do it again and as far as I know, she hasn't. You need someone who loves you Jennifer!!
I am going through this same ordeal as we speak, if you ever need to talk about this with someone who understands I am here for you. 18 years together and 13 years or marriage with three kids and she walked out. I know your pain and I am here for you if you ever need someone to share your pain with.
I'm bawling... Hearing how some people are being supported and cared for after such a horrible experience. It's 18 months since D-Day... I've been alone. so alone. And silent.
Such a moving talk. I have experienced infidelity in my marriage and last relationship. Rips your soul apart. Love and compassion makes it a little easier but the damage on your self esteem and worth is almost irreparable. A daily struggle. Thank you Dr Kevin for making it your life work to help people get thru this trauma. I have PTSD bcos of this too.
I didn’t get over it but I got thru it. Healing takes awhile. There’s no timetable. But, please know that it DOES get better and you will find joy again. I have no interest in dating or marrying again. I gave 35 years to my marriage and now I’m giving everything to me. Life is good.
I have lived through this and it is on point!! The trauma is real, the betrayal is real when it comes from the person you least expected it from. The life lesson to learn is that you HAVE to forgive, you have to learn to move on and live your own and happy life. There is hope !!! And trust me, it is beautiful once you understand why everything happened.
I also went through this experience, and I agree, forgiveness is a must!!! I used to think that to forgive was to condone what was done, but it's not. Forgiveness sets the person who has been hurt free from the one who caused the hurt. You forgive for your own benefit, you do it for yourself. It doesn't make everything all right all of a sudden, but it does help you to start to see your way out of the pain.
@@aprilstark8887 Ok i forgive this man for making it seem (without actually saying it outright) that women are the victims in these traumatic situations.
@@spirgtudsrubec7776 What do you mean? Although, not every situation is the same, a lot of the time, the woman is being cheated on. Cheating is not okay. If there's a problem, communicate or cut it off. It doesn't have to be difficult and messy by getting cheating involved.
SJ Mtz I’ve lived through it and I agree. I would also add that forgiveness does not necessarily mean reconciliation. People often confuse these things. The infidelity may not be unforgivable, but that doesn’t mean the marriage is reconcilable.
Lies and Infidelity is a very serious issue to deal with and it’s a major threat to most marriages and relationships.Scars left behind from a narcissist husband is hard to erase from the mind. I was reluctant at first about finding the truth about my cheating husband but I’m glad I finally took the courage for it .I got help from Cyber Hack Solutions as he helped clone my cheating husband’s phone and I got access to all his phone call logs, emails, text messages both deleted texts and also social media chats; whatsApp , Facebook, Instagram without having access to his phone because he is mostly out of town due to the nature of his work and I was able to track his location too, all I provided was his phone number to this wonderful hacker. This was very revealing for me as he’s a serial cheater until I got into his phone and ended things.I’m glad to uncover his, lies, secrets and Infidelity. You can contact this amazing Hacker David via gmail (cyberhack003) or text and call on his phone and WhatsApp : +15303784744
When you experience all the Relationship Trauma with someone who gaslights you at the same time. The caves we crawl out of bring us to our true self. Keep climbing!!!! I pray for EVERY person who experienced this level of betrayal and transform into the absolute best version of yourself.
Crystel, I hear you and I definitely feel your pain. I went through this also years ago. My ex calls routinely to apologize, blame, remind me what I lost! He even called to let me know that he married another, bought a great new home, new car and traveling to the very places we had planned! After 2.5 years of marrigae, she is cheating on him and he still doesn't get the absolute devestation he caused me....it is still about him!
This is not the other side of infidelity. Everyone talks about it from this perspective. The other side would have been from the perspective of the person who committed the infidelity. I am NOT condoning the act of infidelity. I just thought this talk would be from a different perspective.
Thank you for this comment - I am with you, the other side is looking into the perspective of the person who committed the infidelity.... I will watch with an open mind, but at least know it isn’t what I assumed it would be.
James Ferrantino Interesting view, I immediately thought it would be about the person cheated on. Infidelity..men or women who cheat have a million excuses and blame the other to justify cheating. The one cheated on sometimes are not only left in grief from altered life but they are blamed. It is a death...but I think I've read about the cheaters side. Some seem genuine repentant, but most make excuses or cast blame or feel sorry for themselves that their spouse won't forgive or take them back. Its a very challenging subject.
...every " fantastic" woman thinks that the toad she s kissing will turn into a prince ....this is only true in fairy tales ... croak croak croakkkk ...
I did 1st yr art therapy and what I gleaned was the best thing you can ever do for any person is to hold space for them so they can tell you anything. Support not judgement. Beautiful Ted Talk
when my husband of 17 years told me he cheated on me, I was so afraid of him, I seriously thought he was going to murder me in my sleep and I carried all my important documents around with me in the biggest handbag that I had, it was so heavy, I couldn't eat for weeks, when I could eat it was only cause I had to help myself to help my kids and stay strong for them! The best thing I did was to ask him to leave cause he became so mean to me and was still lying to me and seeing her and I didn't want to expose my kids to my hurt and our fighting. We never fought about his infidelity in front our our kids, I will never regret asking him to leave, cause I wanted to protect them.
I understand that feeling of being in danger. My first boyfriend and his other girlfriend tried to poison me when I became pregnant. Luckily I just threw up violently from it. I didn't realize that was what happened until years later.
It gets better eventually. Took me about 2 years before I could breathe again. It takes way longer than people think. I had to give up my job (major trigger for a variety of reasons), i used to listen to certain music to try and pep myself up (can no longer listen to those). Yes it is awful, but does get better with time and it takes a huge toll on you mentally and physically and just when you can have a day or two without a meltdown, something will happen to flare it up. Eventually the days start adding up and then you can think about it without breaking down (took me about 4/5 years for that). Now I can ask him questions and not want to kill him and have a rational conversation about it. It's still devastating and trust has taken a huge blow but if I am honest I would have to say our marriage is better that it ever was, but it isn't quick and both parties have to want to participate. Good luck with it!
It has been the worst thing in my life when my husband cheated. There was no one there for me....there still isn't and the PTSD still goes on. It has never gone away.
I'm a young 19 year old guy, I used to be very happy, positive, always trying to be as kind to people as possible. After my gf of two years cheated on me and dumped me I haven't been the same since, it really broke me, after two months I experience a constant low-level pain and act depressing around people and can't seem to be nice to people anymore because I no longer trust them. For the first time in my life I've felt suicidal, I never knew life could be this bad. I'm hoping it makes me a stronger person but in the present moment it just feels like all the joy has been sucked out.
My ex husband had emotional and physical affairs for nearly 30 years. It’s taking me a lifetime to rebuild. Just remember that that’s not how your story ends! You can choose to be a victim or victorious. I know the pain down to the core, but I refused to let it define me as a human being. I’m not the girl who got cheated on. I am a child of the Most High God and deserve better. Some pain doesn’t go away but God can help you through it. I will never again allow a man to disrespect me. God bless you and keep you! 😊
I am a licensed professional counselor and experienced the TRAUMA from infidelity! Sadly, a psychologist they I saw told me that I can’t say it was “traumatizing” needless to say I stopped seeing him as I KNEW I has Acute Stress Disorder and was headed for full blown PTSD period!!! It was awful.
Write them a letter or letters about how it makes you feel then burn the letter. Cry if you need to then learn to sing and dance and draw freestyle. It helps
Oh honey, try an online support group.Daily Strength dot com got me thru the unthinkable. There, you'll be able to select the group you think suits you best, it's as anonymous as you want it to be ,and I guarantee you're going to find plenty to talk to who are going thru this. (All hours&its free) the only way we will get through this is with support from other people who are going through the exact same thing. And to have a group surrounding you,even if only online, is comforting. Especially when it's hard to discuss it with family or friends who may either judge or just not understand.You're not alone.Hang in there:)
All this Pain that I endured in my life...has caused me to be Wiser and Mentally Stronger...at times it Brings me Rage...But iam Thankful for what I have gained from it.
Hypnotic Harmony im in that stage myself where ive taken the "good" out of all this infidelity....im stronger for it, a better man for it, i can forgive but never forget, the worst day in my life.....but i will rise up and carry on ...this doesn't have to paralyze us...
Cheaters have never learnt love growing up as a child, they constantly seek out lust confusing it for Love which is compassion, kindness, empathy, care, support, forgiveness and sacrifice. People who cheat seek external objects to fulfil their void, so I can only empathise their ambivalence, it must be confusing right. We are never responsible for their happiness, period.
Even though it's been a while since it happened to me, I finally feel someone understands. Thank you Dr. Skinner. I hated my self for sometime as if I had been the culprit. One thing about all of it is that infidelity makes the hurt party act irrationally, obsessively and even look like the worst creep at times. And I would feel guilty from having constant thoughts, images, nightmares, lack of rest, and 'let it go' or 'find a way to get over it' was the best advice I'd get. After all I was a man and supposedly emotionally together. Indeed my pastor was no help and I chose not to share with my family out of shame. Few understand it even though many of us have suffered it.
My family was destroyed by my stepdads infidelity. Absolute devastation. The initial blow was painful. The deconstruction of our unit was more painful.. the emotional ramifications to my mother still evident (12+ years later) is most painful. The fear of experiencing this hurt and betrayal is more overwhelming than the fear of missing out on the opportunity to find a partner to share life with.
This is an excellent talk. I just experienced this myself. You put your finger on the very issues I struggle with. The first time a phone called triggered my ptsd my counselor made himself immediately available to talk to me. It's a frightening & overwhelming thing. I want to send this talk to everyone I know.
I have never heard such an emotional and practical talk ..👍👍👍 He is so down to earth and empathetic.. Infidelity is to do with flawed personality of the perpetrator..it might be narcissistic personality, craving for attention, feeling entitlement.. If the perpetrator is really remorseful and ready to learn, mend ways, stay committed , one more chance should be given to him but if he is simply brushing it aside or blaming, pointing faults of his spouse..there is no other way but to part ways...
This talk hits me. For anyone who is being cheated, it is more about them not you. Please avoid self-diagnosing yourself with PTSD, depression, anxiety, etc and just talk to a professional. Talking to a professional helps me a lot to realize and identify my priorities, marriage values, and principles, found out he does not fit them. It took me six years to realize but I am more than relieved now.
So heartfelt, geuinine. It's absolutely as painful as it gets. And not surprising it's similar to ptsd. People lose lives to heart breaks and what not. Community is what we need. Support and understanding.
Yes, still trying to deal with it. Someone asked me what it’s like. It’s a death that walks the earth, but doesn’t think you are good enough. It’s painful.
I never imagined that someone could understand. My ex was a serial cheater for 23 years and 3 years ago he left me for his mistress. I attempted to take my life twice over his infidelity. I've cried everyday since I moved out. It destroyed me and I'm finally taking the steps to heal. I don't think I will ever truly heal, instead I will have to find a way to manage it. It changed me. None of my friends or family have been there to support me. They all ran to his side and turned their backs on me. All I want is for someone to understand and care.
This is a beautiful message to share our support and love for those suffering from a cheating spouse. A hug can mean so much and go a long way. A phone call can make a difference just to let them know that you are thinking of them. Cheating is debilitating and it causes depression, anxiety, and sleepless nights.
I agree cheating is the worst betrayal. He not only cheated but set it up to take my children away with him after me being a stay at home mom. I still wish I had died back then as 14 years later I am still dealing with PTSD caused from that moment of betrayal and loss of my family. He has moved on had another family and never said a word to me since or ever shown any regret over what he has put me through. After 30 years I thought I deserved better than that but I guess I was wrong. He has never shown any remorse or regret for his actions.
The reason he shows no remorse is he knows he destroyed people with his decision. He can't face how horrid he is. Mine did the same. It took years to block him out of my head for myself. I hope you are getting better. XXOO
I swear, this was for me. I wish there were more understanding people like you. The people I turned to in my hour of need hurt me more than my betrayer. Everything you said, especially the nightmares, the suicidal thoughts, the constant repetitive thoughts and images of your supposed love lusting over another rips into every fiber of your being. It's been five years since I've become aware his double, triple, quadruple life, yet it is an open wound, fresh with salt sprinkled upon it every day.
My husband of 30 years cheated with a pole dancer. The irony is that he was blind ,a neglect from diabetes got him blind. . Now even that was a relief from taking care of him still hurt like PTSD.4 years went by and I am happy alone. We talk sometimes and the last conversation he jokely said,,,, you woulding take me back would you? I pretend I did not hear.
This is so true..... I'm a shattered shell of emptiness. To have peace and hope in my world would be a gift I desperately need. But I don't know if it's possible to get there. Nightmares... My gosh!!!! I can't sleep. Then I can't get out of bed. C-PTSD is my world. He speaks the truth of my world. Hopelessness and despair.... 💔 I don't have anyone... 😰 Make it stop
I've thought for a long that I have been suffering some forms of ptsd and found this to be validating. Thank you for the talk and thank yoy to those brave enough to share.
Welcome to my world. I felt victim shaming from 8 out of 10 of the different kinds of therapists I’ve been consulting. This ted talk is even an understatement of what I’ve experienced and am experiencing. Many many PTSD symptoms here. I’ve never been to war. “I’m here” and then listen is so simple but few therapists have understood
I’ve always wondered why infidelity in a marriage is not criminalized. At that point you have an actual contractual relationship, and the betrayal causes some to kill themselves, and also some become enraged and hurt/kill others. You’ve completely destroyed that persons life and their mental well-being. And not only that if you have kids it severely affects their futures. Of course in court there would be factors that lead to that discussed and some cases could be dealt with more severely than others but I can’t comprehend why this is something that goes completely unaddressed. I’m my mind, if your partner was faithful and decent to you and they kill themselves because of your betrayal you are guilty of some level of homicide.
Until now, im still struggling to cope with my depression post infidelity. It was so hard and still hard - emptiness, sad, loneliness : they go one by one like a wave and seems like they have work shift in my mind. The pain is so deep until i just cant recognize my old self anymore
It’s like a death. There’s stages of pain, denial, anger, etc. I praise God my ex cheated on me. It gave me a way out of my marriage of 30 years of emotional abuse from a narcissist.
@@mysticbluelight5872 Take my advice, leave. Twenty years later and it hurts like it happened yesterday. Don't wait till your old like me with few choices.
Lies and Infidelity is a very serious issue to deal with and it’s a major threat to most marriages and relationships.Scars left behind from a narcissist husband is hard to erase from the mind. I was reluctant at first about finding the truth about my cheating husband but I’m glad I finally took the courage for it .I got help from Cyber Hack Solutions as he helped clone my cheating husband’s phone and I got access to all his phone call logs, emails, text messages both deleted texts and also social media chats; whatsApp , Facebook, Instagram without having access to his phone because he is mostly out of town due to the nature of his work and I was able to track his location too, all I provided was his phone number to this wonderful hacker. This was very revealing for me as he’s a serial cheater until I got into his phone and ended things.I’m glad to uncover his, lies, secrets and Infidelity. You can contact this amazing Hacker David via gmail (cyberhack003) or text and call on his phone and WhatsApp : +15303784744
I work in a drive thru and a woman once came thru in tears because she just found out her husband had cheated on her. I wish she had told me before I charged her because I would have sent her away with it for free. Best I could do was joke about forming an assassination squad and got her to laugh before she left, but man. It's rough.
My husband cheated for 37 years. I lost my youth. I raised 3 good children. I'm 56. Full of hope, now free of him and getting stronger every day.
Everybody got choices....
Stay strong ok I promise it will get better xxx😚
mmommo After so many years of betrayal I think it would be very hard to recover. I’m happy for you, and I find your words encouraging.
I salute you and your magnificence ❤
this is exciting to read
Cheating is the worst kind of betrayal. To those who are suffering from sleepless night, racing negative thoughts, self blaming for not knowing sooner or even suicidal thoughts.. just so you know that you will pass that stage sooner than u imagine. Talking from my experience, the thought of him cheating doesn’t hurt me as much. It broke me, he changed my life and belief in love, i took a break from my job to give myself the attention I need. Whatever happens, put your happiness first. You are hurting, no one can help you heal but yourself. You will get there soon! Sending warm hugs
Thank you for this Syifa. I copied it to my friend who just caught her husband. I went through it thirty years ago and while I rarely think about it now, the raw feelings still return when I watch something like this. There were years of pain, revenge and shallow relationships. I am now married to a wonderful man and the ability to love and trust has finally returned. Enjoy your new life my darling.
Thank u....this really helped
Thank you
Thank you
What is sooner than you imagine??? I am going through this pain right now, just finding out a month ago. When will the pain stop?
12 years later and I will still from time to time go into a grief spiral - marriage gone, feeling loved gone, family gone, home gone. After decades together it’s not just like breaking up with someone, it’s the loss of everything you have worked for your whole life and can’t get back.
😮😢
I still have nightmares almost 20 years later.
I’m a week in.
I wish you peace…
This scares me as I am only days into this grief!!
Still in the same house with the man who I truly believed he loved me for the last 24 years.
I am confused, angry, sad & more…
I will never feel deep happiness again and all of this happened in a matter of few hours! I went from being a happy woman to a dead inside forever
@@fppiroozian6372 I know just how you feel. For me, it's 6 months since DD, been married for 35 years. It's the most painful thing I ever had to endure.
Infidelity dissolves your soul with every breath. No turning back, you just come out of it completely changed.
Fendora you articulated perfectly. I'll never be the same.
Fendora I am sure you still have your soul. This does not change you. It activates you. To preform how you have been taught to preform. which part of the loss hurts more?
lr s
I agree, I do have my soul but it is changed. The betrayal was to my soul like acid to flesh. It dissolved part of my being and now I have a rougher scarred self. I won't allow that to turn me bitter but I will never trust 100%. To experience that kills the person we were in regards to romantic relationships. It will NEVER be the way it once was, not even if we try.
With a lot of effort esp from the traitor, it might even be better than it was, but it will never be what it once was.
No one deserves to have their past, their present and future destroyed. It leaves one questioning if any part of that relationship and person was ever real.
Fendora love the way you write. Its sounds to me that you were deep in love. Through this love affair, how many times if any did your blind love see what that person was, and still keep loving. This love that burns inside of you, what would happen if you turned it on yourself? Or is it that you dont trust yourself? Now if you dont trust yourself is it because you seen what was happening and yet hung on hoping it was not true or that he would change? Fall in Love True Love with YOURSELF, and enjoy those around you for the time that they are around you.
You lost nothing when that person betrayed you. The only thing that happened was that he broke the rule you were taught to believe in.
lr s I agree. I lost nothing in me. I have always loved deeply and genuinely. The love can't just end because of a severe error on their part, I have however turned my focus on myself, my nieces, and my 2 cats. I cannot control nor want to be in charge of another's actions or behaviors. I have known my worth all along, that is why I blindly trusted. I have no room for hate, because that love was pure and that is my truth. It was real and pure. Suffice it to say... I only grieve for the one I loved, for he died when I opened my eyes.
Got cheated on twice by my wife, the first time made me so anxious for years. The second time was liberating. I have divorced and have been divorced for a few months now and believe me when I tell you. You will feel a lot better with time. It's nothing that you do it's them and them alone. I hope you find calm soon
Thanks
going through this now cheated 3 times but i still miss him wtf if this is still love i dont want it anymore its hurr so bad we were together almost 10 yrs
@@JanJan-gn5io I’m sorry, I was cheated on too, we were together for 6 years. When you’re with someone for so many years it’s hard for others to understand
After 25 years together my husband was cheating for the last 6 years, he still in denial but I left him and after all the pain he caused me , now I am a new person, very happy and in peace with myself, is the best feeling after all this years of pain.
Focus on yourself, do new things and never come back. You can do it.. all the best for the ones still suffering, life is so precious, dont waist time with the wrong people .💕💕💕💕
@@MariaFernandez-gq1rr Excellent advice. The same thing happened to me. We were married 37 years. I knew and loved him the majority of my adulthood, for 40 years. It was the worst pain imaginable and upended my life and everything I knew. I felt my life was a lie. Our divorce was extremely painful but I learned how brave, lovable and resilient I am. It took time but I finally have peace, integrity, and I can sleep at night. I’ve learned so much about myself and especially how to love myself. It’s now a wonderful life without him.
PTSD from betrayal trauma is no joke. Very good thoughts from this doctor.
g00gl3it... you are so right! I stated that my self esteem was destroyed.
My son and daughter-in-law had occasion to stay with me for a few weeks between moves. My son told me that I yell out and talk a LOT in my sleep, which I was completely unaware of. I was aware, however, of losing 25 pounds in 6 weeks, panic attacks, suicidal thoughts, insomnia, and heartbreak. After 34 years of marriage, I am finally light years better nine years later. Everyone you meet has some kind of wound they are fighting to heal. Let’s be kind as often as we’re able.
@@maryverrette1158 7m
Slavik Princess preach it one more time
I've been trying to figure out what's wrong with me and I truly believe I had ptsd as a result of emotional trauma.
As my therapist, this man changed my life. Actually, he saved my life.
🏆, he's amazing and lucky you!
❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
Three months ago I was publicly accused of being a predator based on rumors and gossip. I read this article called, Psychology of Defamation. The first thing that hits your mind is total disbelief. Then the author goes on to talk about suicidal ideation and suicide is fairly common among victims of slander. Both my wives cheated on me.
I actually believe this man saved your life. There are very few people who actually know what happens in a person after betrayal. God bless you; I hope your healing continues in peace.
I am glad you found him, and he had a positive impact.
An affair/cheating is the ultimate sign of DISRESPECT for your marriage and your children.
Lol i can just tell you are a woman
Now I know what I was suffering from...
Cheaters simply expect their spouses to forgive. They have no remorse and very often go back to cheating before their partners/ spouses tears are even dry.
My wife told me to "Just get over it!".
Yes I went through that
My husband said "it was nothing".
Mine says, “it’s in the past! It has nothing to do with us now!”
@@littlelam3691 what you wrote is scary because that was my boyfriends exact words
" It takes two to make a marriage and one to make a divorce" My mom told me this years ago. Now that I am the victim of my unfaithful spouse, I see exactly what she meant.
I'm sorry. How are you today?
how are you now?
@@jessedphillips you bet I am.
Not so sure you did understand.
@@norwegianblue2764 or rather you don’t…
Cheating is emotional abuse.
Definitely is. And technically can be physical too (you could end up with an STD)
It's an abuse that never really goes away, even after the end my relationship I was plagued nightmares, ( when I could sleep) lack of focus, sever depression, physical ailments, hair loss, etc. It's a scar that will never go away. It's been years now. It hurts just as much now as when I found out. And there is no legal recourse. Some hurts you physically you can press charges, someone hurts you emotionally and the law will go out of its way to protect the perpetrators.
Yes it is, I am going through this now, been there 20yrs ago with the same man, he has no will to change just to be more clandestine, finally I am getting a divorce after 36 yrs of marriage but he is trying to stop that too. He wants the marriage and the mistress. I have forgiven him for my own peace of mind so that I can move on, it was my best decision yet,
It is!
Cheating can ruin stuff, but it can be survived.. some marriages survive the cheating some dont ....ive never personally understood it ive never cheated or been cheated on to my knowledge, but just imagining having a life and kids with a man really dedicating yourself to someone to find out they havent been the same way with you that theyve cheated that family or love meant nothing it would be devastating and healing would be brutal i dont think id ever trust anyone again if you have a partner and youre done with them dont cheat either talk with youre partner or get a divorce do anything but cheat!!
"our society is suffering deeply and we don't know how to respond" thank you for caring enough to at least try to respond and heal our society, our families, our relationships
Infidelity needs to just go away. Hey here's a thought, instead of cheating, break up with the person you promised to be monogamous with! And if you want to have your cake and eat it too, go find another polygamous person just like you who wants to be in an open relationship, they exist! Then you can have everything you want and you DON'T HAVE TO LIE CHEAT AND HURT PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!
Unless ... they want to lie, cheat and hurt people! That's the other side that's not spoken of. A lot of these cheaters wanted victims.
I feel your pain. I'm sorry for that. I'm still waiting for the confession for closure, it'll never come. I pray we all heal with love in our hearts.
@@jayrodriguez4119 true
@@jayrodriguez4119
Interestingly what I've learned in the process, is that improper seperation individuation from one's parent/s may lead a person to latch on to another for the express purpose of orchestrating this missing occurrence.
Described by some as 'devaluation and discarding' is what started to happen a year into our marriage; even before I fell pregnant with our first child.
It was as if I was objectified into taking the place of his controlling mother; from whom he wanted to break free; this instead of obeying, pleasing and keeping her happy; as was expected of him and his sister while they were growing up...
The painful process of criticizing, emotional distancing, and rejection continued - developing over 3 decades - untill eventually there was not only continuous emotional, but also open physical infidelity.
YES!! Almost exactly what I said to her. It would be the only decent thing to do for someone you are supposed to love and have a commitment with. She belongs to the streets!
Here's what happens when you've been the victim of infidelity:
1: You lose all ability to trust. Not just towards your partner who cheated, but for EVERYONE
2: You withdraw from everyone and go through a period of deep depression.
3: You lose all confidence in yourself and your ability to judge another's character.
4: You are consumed by RAGE and a deep desire to hurt and destroy those who have hurt you so deeply.
Facts!!
Yup
Tracy Fitzgerald.. you are 100% dead on. I experienced those 4 to the letter.
You ain't never liedddd!!! 1 million percent correct
Then you learn to heal and rise up again like a Phoenix. No excuses! Being miserable is a choice!
❤️❤️I definitely felt suicidal after finding out my entire marriage was a lie. It was such a horrible pain. It's embarrassing. It's shameful. People who cheat are so selfish, they inflict this horrible pain, and for what? Some orgasms? Cruel.
The people that cheat are narcissists. They lack empathy & compassion for others. They need constant validation/admiration, demand blind loyalty, but aren't loyal themselves. They feel no guilt, shame, or remorse. They lie, cheat, gaslight, manipulate others for their own gain. They never take responsibility for themselves & love to play the victim. Unfortunately, they will never change. Best to let them go & move on.
I found out recently, around the same time I found out I was pregnant with my second child, that my fiancé and spouse was cheating. I caught him and my god, the pain was unbearable. I never felt the pain, anxiety, isolation, suicidal thoughts, and self internalization. People who cheat are cowards and selfish.
@@sds6303 I think this might be a simplification. Can all people who betray their partners be narcissists?
They are bottomless pit of ego mania that can't get enough attention.
@@taurean6201 you were also quick to judge by saying, “That’s everyone’s problem right here.”
If you cheat, don't run away. Face the reality and communicate it to your partner, express your feelings and what happened. Your reasons might be more or less understandable, but it's a hundred times better to be honest, apologize, and talk to each other, rather than not saying anything, which is, I think, the culminate reason why victims get finally traumatized, because they don't have any logical thoughs to hold onto.
Thanks for your help
Exactly. Well said!
Hilarious that you think most people cheat and care about the other person.
True communication is lacking
“What’s wrong with me that everyone close to me hurts me?”
...and there it is.
Tonya Ellis that was the most profound 11 words to come out of that. I couldn’t imagine anyone being more isolated in life as the person who said that
markie mark yes and I felt every word to my bones. Time to turn things around💪♒️
Right. I used to be just super sweet and devoted. Then I turned mean. I can do a switch back to nice as needed. I was happy as a sweetie, but that kind of behavior . . . got me here. You know. Watching this video alone at night. So, mean is safer. Besides, what an ex nice person considers being mean is just really being normal. It doesn't guarantee people won't hurt you.
Tonya Ellis i felt that in my soul....
My wife cheated on me 5 weeks ago, the pain is like nothing I have ever experienced. I lost my confidence, I have nightmares and I don't ever think I will feel the same ever again. I hope you find strength to love yourself again if you have this pain.
I’m dealing with it. Never thought this will happen to me. I feel emasculated and embarrassed
@@charlesezrarevmongoosecane5097 that's the hard bit isn't it. It's usually men who cheat, worst part is that I've done everything I can to provide for my family, we have a very good lifestyle but it's obviously not enough.
I totally feel your pain. Just makes you feel gutted and numb
Time helps. Pick your friends carefully, not everyone has the capacity to deal with your brokenness. It is not you, it is her lack of empathy, courage and compassion that has you reeling. Feeling for ya buddy, been there, still recovering. If you patch it up, work on trust though honestly in my experience, once a cheater always a cheater.
Dear Absolute Auto. Read the advice I posted The whole concept of another person belonging to you is based on fantasy. You cannot own a person or ma k e demands on them
This guy is emotionally connected to people, I love him. He’s brave for being willing to show this side of himself.
That is real strength in a society that glamorizes emotional disassociation in men. He is truly brave. I’m sure many will call him weak or attack him for becoming emotionally invested in this clients but that’s what we NEED in his profession and society, connection...
Thank you Kevin
Hugs
All the thumbs down (which I cannot believe) calling him weak, probably all men that think it is "ok" to cheat. This should have zero thumbs down.
Breeding a nation or narcissist sociopath psychopaths and normalizing it
No one will do that
Three marriages, three divorces. Three husbands who cheated on me. I think that I have a broken chooser, because I seem to always choose men who will hurt me. Happily single for 10 years and don’t plan on changing that. I’m 62 and happy. Finally.
Me too
It's probably the best place to be.
Happy for you... Sorry about the betrayals I know it hurts
Karen Oakes no one can say you never tried! When the romance goes by the wayside, it seems like marraige can become one big compromise after another. That's what my parent's final marraige looked like. Final, simply bc my dad died first. Funny but not funny.
🌞🥀💚Enjoy your your life!🌞🥀💚
I have often thought my "picker" was broken after looking back at what I chose.
Going through this now. It's been the biggest, most cowardly sucker punch I've ever felt. This is a great talk.
I'm sorry you have to go thru this.
I know what you're going through. I was married with a baby and realized my husband had been unfaithful to me while in the army. The pain it caused and the way I see it all affecting mine and my son's lives to this day has been a life changing experience. There was PTSD, abuse, divorce, child custody battle, escaping and finally complete abandonment.
Sorry Debbie. It would be a massive understatement to say that you're not alone.
Same here it’s the worst thing
@@c.j.p.7607 I'm so sorry you had to go through this. The same happened to my cousin one year back . She moved on in the best way possible. She humiliated him in front of his family and office workers ,took a huge alimony and moved to another country with her children . But even after this her children will remember that their father as a cheating man
The nightmares, doubts, the feeling that you can't share it to anybody because you feel like they couldn't understand... sometimes you just wanted to scream because it makes you feel damn crazy. I just learned that you can't move past that. It's like a cycle. You thought you're over it and then, bam, all the memories of hid infindelity, it hits you again
Write them a letter. Then learn to sing and dance and draw freestyle it helps
Today reading this message.. same pain and feelings... How did you come out of this?
Did you deal with this and yes that’s exactly what’s happening to me
“I don’t do married men”, was one of my guidelines when I was young. I’m happy now because I obeyed my own rules. Love from Australia 🇦🇺
If only everyone was that respectful. Love from the States
That was sort of my ex-wife’s rule. She seldom did me, but had no problems with other married men!
Tony Bright Silly woman
One of my rules too
I don't usually do comments, let alone public comments but I want to commend you...that's a basic rule every girl should grow up with ...way to go :)
I went through it 2 years ago and I honestly think that no one can help you. I avoided people, places... I did not want to see my friends. But today I'm in love again. Time is the only thing that helps. It becomes less and less painful with each passing week, month. We just have to keep going on until we go through. Don't give up! It will get better.
I don't feel like I can ever get through this...
4 years for me. Never got better. The scar is to deep. It's just part of me now
Lies and Infidelity is a very serious issue to deal with and it’s a major threat to most marriages and relationships.Scars left behind from a narcissist husband is hard to erase from the mind. I was reluctant at first about finding the truth about my cheating husband but I’m glad I finally took the courage for it .I got help from Cyber Hack Solutions as he helped clone my cheating husband’s phone and I got access to all his phone call logs, emails, text messages both deleted texts and also social media chats; whatsApp , Facebook, Instagram without having access to his phone because he is mostly out of town due to the nature of his work and I was able to track his location too, all I provided was his phone number to this wonderful hacker. This was very revealing for me as he’s a serial cheater until I got into his phone and ended things.I’m glad to uncover his, lies, secrets and Infidelity. You can contact this amazing Hacker David via gmail (cyberhack003) or text and call on his phone and WhatsApp : +15303784744
Are you still with your betrayer?
I am 1 month in and trying but I don't know if I will ever get over what she has done. I caught her she didn't stop it on her own. I feel like she's her because of guilt or at last at first. Hiw did you make it work?
Love yourself you can't go wrong.
Loved the speech but should include the stages of grief. As not only are you suffering ptsd but something has died. A piece of you that can never be given back.
nshade25 I agree. Some part of your spirit is broken, never to be replaced. At least for me. I have tried to put in some kind of behavioral context.....but because I don’t understand, I cannot.
That gave me an idea. I think I'll do a closure ritual in the form of a funeral to honor the part of me that died.
I have had experiences that I did not understand . I turned into what I thought was a crazy person. Not eating :sleeping/ rage and violence. Everything that is trauma and I did not understand what was going on. . I hit rock bottom 2 days ago when I had a thought of not being alive anymore. I came across this video in tears like this was supposed to be for me. Thank you.
Colene Walters Music hope you okay today
Colene Walters Music I hope you are OK as well. Believe me when I tell you this person was not worthy of you! It is their problem not yours!,
Some random Mid age people Thank you I’m doing OK.
Patricia Dalton thank you
Write a letter to them about how they made you feel then learn to sing and dance and draw freestyle. It helps
This talk is So much More than just about Infidelity . It's about Humanity Compassion & Empathy .
Yes it is
It restores hope.
Whats sad is we usually go looking for these from the cheater, when they don't have it.
I was broken until my grandma made me see it was not me it was him. I never remarried but I became a good worker and a excellent mother. My boys are gentleman loving and caring but most of all honest
Praise God 🙏
The most horrible thing to experience emotionally. I found out my fiance was cheating on me 1 month before our wedding. I thought I was going to die. But now, I feel thankful it happened when it did and not after. I am single and enjoying my life.
I'm not happy for you to experience all that but you're lucky to not be married with that man, because at mid 20s I know how it is to be betrayed and cheated by the same person who promised you forever😭.it's been a month now but it still hunt me every night having night terrors and waking from all those nightmares every single night..
The exact same symptoms I've suffered and still suffering from after my husband's infidelity. It's the most crippling and agonizing thing to deal with. Nothing takes it away, you just suffer until you start to feel numb. No one wants to hear what you're going through but everyone rally around him and always checking in on him. He's the one that purposely shattered my world, my soul, and my faith but he's the one the people I turned to for help are more focused on. So once again I suffer alone and just do my best to power through the pain and torment I feel daily.
Not sure of all you circumstances, but it sounds like your husband might be manipulative and triangulating friends/family against you subtly. If that resonates, you might want to look into "cluster B personality disorders" for more info. There are many UA-cam channels for support.
happened to me too. even the pastor....
my whole life is ruined
The family closed me off. I can’t talk about it. I’m to get over it. I’m shattered, completely broken into pieces
K. S. I’m sorry sister! I too experience this.
Cheating Destroys Lives
Maryanne Knox especially for the children.
Maryanne Knox no... Monogamy destroys lives!
Rachel Bourque
Monogamy is trust.
Why don't you try screwing ever one you don't love and they don't love you.
When you are older and infirm see who changes your diapers.
@@rachel031404 As a happily married man who knows marrying his wife was one of the best decisions he ever made, I couldn't disagree more.
@bravoman I'm sorry your marriage isn't a happy one. I was merely pointing out that monogamy does work for some happy couples, to the person who said they believed "monogamy destroys lives". Theirs was a very generalized statement that I disagree with.
Cheaters are like shape shifters who can miraculously turn themselves into the victim. That’s the part that really pisses me off. Becoming the victim is almost worse than the act itself!
JohnnyRebKy, Letha, I hear you and I definitely feel your pain. I went through this also years ago. My ex calls routinely to apologize, blame, remind me what I lost! He even called to let me know that he married another, bought a great new home, new car and traveling to the very places we had planned! After 2.5 years of marrigae, she is cheating on him and he still doesn't get the absolute devestation he caused me....it is still about him! Shape shifting from cheater to victim....
Those people have a name.... Narcissistic personality disorder
Cheaters are cowards and the utmost selfish people. Cheating is always a choice. They can always choose to end a relationship but their selfishness would rather make them shatter another person for life.
Yes and you are blamed by the cheaters for your PTSD symptoms as if it was a trait that 'led you to cause the infidelity'. It's messed up!
JohnnyRebKy I 100% agree! Cheaters love to play the victim, and they deflect blame onto their faithful spouses. This is verbal abuse added to the emotional abuse of the cheating. Don’t ever fall for it. There’s nothing you did that MADE them cheat. Cheating is a deliberate CHOICE, and it causes permanent damage.
For those cheaters in the audience, bravo for not getting up and leaving for fear of outing yourself and being FORCED to listen to the damage you’ve done to your partner, whom I hope they’re sitting next to.
I thought about that too uff
You know that every cheater has a fake story they tell themselves about how they aren't wrong for doing it though
She's actually too busy checking out the guy three rows in front and wondering if she will bump into him at the coffee break. Infidelity, Yada yada...
Cheaters don’t care. They have no empathy. They convince themselves they are the victims
As someone who was unfaithful I can tell you that this video is so powerful.The pain this causes can't be described.With lots of self awareness and work on my part its gotten a little better.Its been a tough road but with God's grace and mercy hopefully we'll get through it.
Society encourages infidelity. Just look around, the music the movies the TV, everything about it now a days is setting you up for failure.
So true!
Only if you buy into it
Name me 1 tv show or movie that says cheating is good, not just portraying the act, but where the message was that 'cheating is a good thing'.
@@Crypticmind242 song..."me and mrs Jones". Hate that one so much.
@@Crypticmind242 You'll find a lot of that in Japanese or Korean dramas . Heck the fans even supported their on screen infidelity just because they look " great " with each other . Shows you how impactful and devastating some of these media influences can be .
It destroys a spouse and nobody understands the trauma you go thru but another victim of Infidelity. It destroys your sanity, your heart, your trust, your soul. Cant sleep, cant eat, constant panic attacks...
You feel like you are being murdered, by the person who is supposed to be your soulmate and best friend, every hour, every day. The attacks come in waves. You can be sitting there okish for a minute and then BAM a wave comes in and YOU ARE F**KING DROWNING. Thats what it feels like sometimes. You are drowning. Drowning and nobody is around but your spouse and they are just staring at you yet not at your eyes, and doing nothing. Its worse when you see them later with your replacement. Rips apart your soul and mind, over and over and over.
PTSD for Infidelity Victims is real. I didnt know it until I saw this video. But now it all makes sense. The comments on this video, wow. People should be forced to watch this video and read the comments before being granted a marriage license.
Crying reading this because that’s me right now. I’m sorry for any pain you’ve experienced I don’t wish that on anyone..I pray for your heart❤️
That's a really good description of how it feels! It's like you're inside my head!
It does get better though. :)
This is a perfect description of how I feel. I'm crying while reading the comments feeling like my unbearable pain will never end 😭
THIS!!!!!! I feel like you were in my brain and in my heart when you wrote this comment.
Omg
When I started listening this, I was sure its gonna be a justification for men, just because the talker is male
I never expected this much compassion, beauty and kindness
Was deeply touched
Thank you😚
This happened to me almost Four months ago. I can definitely tell you that I was in shock for a month and very traumatized after learning that 2 and a half of my years with a person ended in her cheating. I can definitely tell you that everything he's saying is true. It's been Four months, but I am a different person now. I am not sure who I'll be in my next relationships, but I hope that whoever reads this realizes that you were okay before this person did this to you and you will be okay after they left. Be strong and work on yourself, and stay strong!
"You were ok before...." Those words meant so much. They are true and I know I was ok thinking back. I just didnt believe it for a long time. The affair was 30 years ago. I am so strong now, but I went through all he mentioned except the suicidal thoughts. It never was about me. I was a good wife and mother.
The pain is sooo, real!! I went thru it 9 years ago, when my now ex-husband decided to leave me with my 1 month old daughter and 5 year old son after 10 years of marriage. I remember crying non stop all night and getting up in the morning because my babies needed me, i felt that sense of responsibility for them to be alive and get over it. I really believe now that my love for them kept me alive. Only time heals the broken heart in some way. My 9 year old daughter told me a few days back... Mommy my dad left because he wanted to be happy right? I was thinking of an answer when she said; and to do that he destroyed our family and made 3 people sad and unhappy? That is being so' selfish. She's starting to rationalize things i guess.
God bless you!!!
Hope you'll heal from this completely one day!!! Stay strong!!!
Destruction of a marriage for a perceived happiness can only last so long.
If someone cheats on you - you just need to leave. Leave and never look back. No matter how hard they plead, or say they will change - you need to let them go FOREVER. That person has shown you that they are not your soul mate. Every second you waste is time wasted at finding someone who is worthy of your love.
Aimee Ruggeri , I understand where you are coming from, however, I did forgive my wife a shirt while ago. I found her in bed getting pleasured by someone else. I didn't create a scene and I quietly closed the bedroom door so they could have privacy. My wife and I spoke peacefully that night. Her male friend needed a wife until she got over her lower back problems. I wasn't too happy that he was enjoying my wife in the interim. I didn't want to end our marriage because of infidelity. My wife promised not to do it again and as far as I know, she hasn't.
@@denergized7993 Same. I forgave my husband. But if you trust your wife. Thats foolish. I dont trust my husband at all. I sinply changed how I view our union. Something for our daughters with casual enjoyment of each other. I do not take any of my husbands declarations of love seriously anymore. Because I changed my perpesctive of what a relationship.
Right, I am going through this now with a newborn.
@@a.d.w8385 no, please have more respect for yourself.
i think if you don't solve the problems you had with one partner (with professional help maybe?) the problems will come back in the next relationship. i think it is never a good idea to leave when you have the most problems. solve the problems and then leave. otherwise it is like running away. but you cannot run away from yourself and subconsciousness
The question of what’s wrong with me is so crazy, because when a person cheats, it’s about what’s wrong with them not their partner. I think most of this could be eliminated if we just left the person following their infidelity. Yes, hurt would still be there, but what happens when you stay, is torture. It’s not something I’d ever repeat.
The problem is that the unfaithful party probably had been breaking the other down by criticizing end rejecting them over time; this before the cheating behaviour was eventually fully exposed. This is what leaves one with the feeling of not being good enough, after trying one's best to please the dissatisfied other.
@@maricamaas2326I can confirm. The more I tried to please her, the less she seemed pleased. It was as if the goalposts were continually moved. On the other hand, these other guys who only had to put in minimal effort were rewarded with something that should have only been given to me. It makes you feel worthless.
This is so enlightening. We all tend to have similar responses to infidelity and betrayal yet can’t seem to help eachother as much as you would think due to embarrassment and shame.
Infidelity is the result not the root of the issue. That issue begins with each individual and their relationship with themselves. The second part of the issue is a result of the communication between the people in the relationship.
Relationship trauma does not require infidelity. The real question is how do we set people’s understanding of relationships in a direction that encourages self awareness and higher communication with their partners?
We fall short in relationships because we are not taught how to be in a healthy relationship.
Will Withem your words are arguably the most emotionally intelligent words on this thread.
'and their relationship with themselves' ..... so very true.
Infidelity is mainly a character issue (or lack thereof), which is the real root (narcissism, entitlement). It does not "take two to tango" here.
@@michellemostert1123 So true, a symptom of a deep issue. The act has never to do with the betrayed spouse.
Will Withem Lack of communication in a relationship is a common problem. But it’s never an excuse for infidelity. Too often cheaters will point to pre-existing problems in the relationship as the root cause of the infidelity. They’re wrong for doing this. Infidelity is always a choice, and the consequences of it are devastating.
I hate that my husband of 25 years keeps telling me that I should stop living in the past and that I haven’t forgiven him nor myself….I’m like if only you knew what you have done to me, my soul and my 5 children. And yes indeed my trauma needs a voice especially when my husband continues to blame me for his 21 years of infidelity.
He sounds like a 5 year old. Hope you get away from him.
A rare and compassionate man... such a gift to women.
Been there 3 times. I’ve lost all hope in loyalty, honesty and integrity. I’d rather just stay single and live my life without all the bs of relationships.
I hope you don't punish yourself with a single life, rather I hope your first goal is to give yourself a singularly positive and fulfilling life, because you really are worth it, first as a band-aid, and then soon as a reward for being a faithful and decent partner with a huge and warm heart! Three timed proofed. All the best wishes for the new chapters in your life's adventure-book. You can still be happy and content, because the cheating wasn't your fault!
This guy really sounds like he has empathy for the people he's helping. That's really important for a therapist.
Cheating is unacceptable, period.
And people keep saying it's a human thing to do? It's not that as simple to explain YES we give into temptation, but *infidelity?* not once but multiple and by selfish means to escape your marriage that your too cowardly to solve by normal means?..... All fair in love and war but, if your not a player your a pawn but a pawn CAN turn on you teeth and claws bared to tare you apart
Says a sheep
You don’t own your partner or their thoughts... bad decisions shape us all. Yes, some people are narcissistic and cheat compulsively but some Learn a valuable lesson and come out the other side great
It is. But every case is different. Not all circumstances are the same.
We all know killing is unacceptable too. But in some cases it is justified.
Well stated, Mark!
I’ve said these words. Took a long time to receive the answer. Self Love is the key ❤️
“What’s wrong with me that everyone close to me hurts me”
The only Ted talk about infidelity in which I felt understood.
What worked best for me for dealing with PTSD is No-Contact starting immediately and lasting forever. Block them on everything and never speak to them again. It's empowering and the fastest way to heal, I think.
True 💯
Very true. Seeing them, replays the pain + trauma.
Amen, amen, amen! I am in no contact going on 2 years under the same roof with 5 children, waiting for our divorce. They are demons.
AGREE 100PC
soon hopefully
And yet your experience as a child pointed you in the direction of a brilliant healer of thousands of clients. That's beautiful, and your dad's apology, healed him and your family. Thank you.
BS
My husband’s infidelity was extremely traumatic for me. I knew it would be but even I was surprised by the devastation I experienced. It was life changing.
To my shock, my pastor told me I should “get over it” after 9 months. I tried my best to move forward but he took my emotional instability as an excuse to do it again. I left him soon after.
Fast forward to now, 9 years later, and I still struggle with numbness and emptiness, neither of which I’ve ever experienced before.
I was diagnosed with CPTSD
It's ok. I don't blame you or think you need to just get over it. Your pastor has not yet realized that your heart was pure and invested in this. You are not the problem. May I suggest you write a letter or letters to your husband about how his cheating made you feel? Then go into learning how to sing and dance and draw but freestyle. It helps release any emotional pain.
I didn't have anybody. No support. I completely had a nervous breakdown.
Oh i am so sorry
hey if you trust me, is there anything i can do to help you? you ok?
Oh Iris 😭😭 Be strong 💖💖
How are things now ?
That’s really,really tough...so very hard when you is all you have. Much love x
This is SO real. I know.. I have LIVED it. Trauma needs a voice.
Trauma needs a voice. Hearts are not a game. Trauma needs a voice.
peggy marin I am going through this right now . Everything around me is traumatizing and can’t get out of it
This was my life...caught him...and 22 days later he walked out on me and our kids..12 years of marriage...no one would talk to me...he told everyone i was crazy...my parents said that i cant make someone love me...and the divorce...even worse..my kids hurt every day and its been 4 years...still hurts...im crying...this was my story...but even worse!!!!
Jennifer Thom 😔
Jennifer Thom, I very sad for your loss Jennifer. I found my wife in bed getting pleasured by someone else. I didn't create a scene and I quietly closed the bedroom door so they could have privacy. My wife and I spoke peacefully that night. I never walked out . I didn't want to throw away our marriage. Her male friend's wife had bad back problems and he needed a wife until she got better. I wasn't too happy that he was enjoying my wife in the interim. She promised not to do it again and as far as I know, she hasn't. You need someone who loves you Jennifer!!
This too shall pass....
I am going through this same ordeal as we speak, if you ever need to talk about this with someone who understands I am here for you. 18 years together and 13 years or marriage with three kids and she walked out. I know your pain and I am here for you if you ever need someone to share your pain with.
Why would you want to be with someone like that? Good riddance!
I'm bawling... Hearing how some people are being supported and cared for after such a horrible experience. It's 18 months since D-Day... I've been alone. so alone. And silent.
Hang in there and do whatever it takes to heal. You deserve better than to just exist. Don't settle for that.
Such a moving talk. I have experienced infidelity in my marriage and last relationship. Rips your soul apart. Love and compassion makes it a little easier but the damage on your self esteem and worth is almost irreparable. A daily struggle. Thank you Dr Kevin for making it your life work to help people get thru this trauma. I have PTSD bcos of this too.
I am going through it now. It is awful. I just keep praying to God each day to get over it.
I didn’t get over it but I got thru it. Healing takes awhile. There’s no timetable. But, please know that it DOES get better and you will find joy again. I have no interest in dating or marrying again. I gave 35 years to my marriage and now I’m giving everything to me. Life is good.
I have lived through this and it is on point!! The trauma is real, the betrayal is real when it comes from the person you least expected it from. The life lesson to learn is that you HAVE to forgive, you have to learn to move on and live your own and happy life. There is hope !!! And trust me, it is beautiful once you understand why everything happened.
I also went through this experience, and I agree, forgiveness is a must!!! I used to think that to forgive was to condone what was done, but it's not. Forgiveness sets the person who has been hurt free from the one who caused the hurt. You forgive for your own benefit, you do it for yourself. It doesn't make everything all right all of a sudden, but it does help you to start to see your way out of the pain.
@@aprilstark8887 Ok i forgive this man for making it seem (without actually saying it outright) that women are the victims in these traumatic situations.
@@spirgtudsrubec7776 What do you mean? Although, not every situation is the same, a lot of the time, the woman is being cheated on. Cheating is not okay. If there's a problem, communicate or cut it off. It doesn't have to be difficult and messy by getting cheating involved.
SJ Mtz I’ve lived through it and I agree. I would also add that forgiveness does not necessarily mean reconciliation. People often confuse these things. The infidelity may not be unforgivable, but that doesn’t mean the marriage is reconcilable.
Lies and Infidelity is a very serious issue to deal with and it’s a major threat to most marriages and relationships.Scars left behind from a narcissist husband is hard to erase from the mind. I was reluctant at first about finding the truth about my cheating husband but I’m glad I finally took the courage for it .I got help from Cyber Hack Solutions as he helped clone my cheating husband’s phone and I got access to all his phone call logs, emails, text messages both deleted texts and also social media chats; whatsApp , Facebook, Instagram without having access to his phone because he is mostly out of town due to the nature of his work and I was able to track his location too, all I provided was his phone number to this wonderful hacker. This was very revealing for me as he’s a serial cheater until I got into his phone and ended things.I’m glad to uncover his, lies, secrets and Infidelity. You can contact this amazing Hacker David via gmail (cyberhack003) or text and call on his phone and WhatsApp : +15303784744
When you experience all the Relationship Trauma with someone who gaslights you at the same time. The caves we crawl out of bring us to our true self. Keep climbing!!!!
I pray for EVERY person who experienced this level of betrayal and transform into the absolute best version of yourself.
That is the worst part 😔😔
wise words ✨
10 years later and I think about what he did to me every day.
Crystel, I hear you and I definitely feel your pain. I went through this also years ago. My ex calls routinely to apologize, blame, remind me what I lost! He even called to let me know that he married another, bought a great new home, new car and traveling to the very places we had planned! After 2.5 years of marrigae, she is cheating on him and he still doesn't get the absolute devestation he caused me....it is still about him!
20 years later and it still hurts...we're still together, but I'll never trust her again.
Write him letters then burn it. Then learn to sing and dance and draw freestyle. It helps
That scares me....Knowing that years from now- it will still haunt me.
Please forgive him not for him but for yourself
Then and only then you’ll find peace
This is not the other side of infidelity. Everyone talks about it from this perspective. The other side would have been from the perspective of the person who committed the infidelity. I am NOT condoning the act of infidelity. I just thought this talk would be from a different perspective.
Thank you for this comment - I am with you, the other side is looking into the perspective of the person who committed the infidelity.... I will watch with an open mind, but at least know it isn’t what I assumed it would be.
I expected same... but THIS too was educative.
James Ferrantino Interesting view, I immediately thought it would be about the person cheated on.
Infidelity..men or women who cheat have a million excuses and blame the other to justify cheating.
The one cheated on sometimes are not only left in grief from altered life but they are blamed.
It is a death...but I think I've read about the cheaters side.
Some seem genuine repentant, but most make excuses or cast blame or feel sorry for themselves that their spouse won't forgive or take them back.
Its a very challenging subject.
Same here. But I guess, he called it other side because most people tell the victim that he/she needs to work out.
...every " fantastic" woman thinks that the toad she s kissing will turn into a prince ....this is only true in fairy tales ... croak croak croakkkk ...
I did 1st yr art therapy and what I gleaned was the best thing you can ever do for any person is to hold space for them so they can tell you anything. Support not judgement. Beautiful Ted Talk
when my husband of 17 years told me he cheated on me, I was so afraid of him, I seriously thought he was going to murder me in my sleep and I carried all my important documents around with me in the biggest handbag that I had, it was so heavy, I couldn't eat for weeks, when I could eat it was only cause I had to help myself to help my kids and stay strong for them! The best thing I did was to ask him to leave cause he became so mean to me and was still lying to me and seeing her and I didn't want to expose my kids to my hurt and our fighting. We never fought about his infidelity in front our our kids, I will never regret asking him to leave, cause I wanted to protect them.
I understand that feeling of being in danger. My first boyfriend and his other girlfriend tried to poison me when I became pregnant. Luckily I just threw up violently from it. I didn't realize that was what happened until years later.
@@kristeb74 oh my gosh, that is so scary and horrible! The flashback and realization must've been horrifying! I'm glad u r ok!
Racing thoughts, panic attacks, nightmares. All of it , and more...
contractual and within our social circles...
It gets better eventually. Took me about 2 years before I could breathe again. It takes way longer than people think. I had to give up my job (major trigger for a variety of reasons), i used to listen to certain music to try and pep myself up (can no longer listen to those). Yes it is awful, but does get better with time and it takes a huge toll on you mentally and physically and just when you can have a day or two without a meltdown, something will happen to flare it up. Eventually the days start adding up and then you can think about it without breaking down (took me about 4/5 years for that). Now I can ask him questions and not want to kill him and have a rational conversation about it. It's still devastating and trust has taken a huge blow but if I am honest I would have to say our marriage is better that it ever was, but it isn't quick and both parties have to want to participate. Good luck with it!
nemo congratulations, after many years, I still have trouble with this.
This is my life. Second time. Same feelings.
It has been the worst thing in my life when my husband cheated. There was no one there for me....there still isn't and the PTSD still goes on. It has never gone away.
Did u go to a therapy?
The pain from infidelity is too much, it feels like it will not end. That’s why many people have had suicidal thoughts.
I'm a young 19 year old guy, I used to be very happy, positive, always trying to be as kind to people as possible. After my gf of two years cheated on me and dumped me I haven't been the same since, it really broke me, after two months I experience a constant low-level pain and act depressing around people and can't seem to be nice to people anymore because I no longer trust them. For the first time in my life I've felt suicidal, I never knew life could be this bad. I'm hoping it makes me a stronger person but in the present moment it just feels like all the joy has been sucked out.
Milk sending love! Don’t give up. It will get better. Promise. Love is real that just wasn’t it
Hey man, how are you doing now? I'm going through something similar
Hope you are doing better!
My ex husband had emotional and physical affairs for nearly 30 years. It’s taking me a lifetime to rebuild. Just remember that that’s not how your story ends! You can choose to be a victim or victorious. I know the pain down to the core, but I refused to let it define me as a human being. I’m not the girl who got cheated on. I am a child of the Most High God and deserve better. Some pain doesn’t go away but God can help you through it. I will never again allow a man to disrespect me. God bless you and keep you! 😊
I am a licensed professional counselor and experienced the TRAUMA from infidelity! Sadly, a psychologist they I saw told me that I can’t say it was “traumatizing” needless to say I stopped seeing him as I KNEW I has Acute Stress Disorder and was headed for full blown PTSD period!!! It was awful.
Daniall Foskey hope you are better today
It consumes you with every emotion possible...
Tamika Reed yep. Every single one
Yes
Write them a letter or letters about how it makes you feel then burn the letter. Cry if you need to then learn to sing and dance and draw freestyle. It helps
Watching this is so validating.
The loneliness. Oh God this loneliness.
Sara Hewson Sara please give yourself time to adjust
I wish I could have a group of women to talk to so I didn’t feel so lonely
The loneliness is God awful
Oh honey, try an online support group.Daily Strength dot com got me thru the unthinkable. There, you'll be able to select the group you think suits you best, it's as anonymous as you want it to be ,and I guarantee you're going to find plenty to talk to who are going thru this. (All hours&its free) the only way we will get through this is with support from other people who are going through the exact same thing. And to have a group surrounding you,even if only online, is comforting. Especially when it's hard to discuss it with family or friends who may either judge or just not understand.You're not alone.Hang in there:)
It’s almost too much to bear at times
All this Pain that I endured in my life...has caused me to be Wiser and Mentally Stronger...at times it Brings me Rage...But iam Thankful for what I have gained from it.
Hypnotic Harmony im in that stage myself where ive taken the "good" out of all this infidelity....im stronger for it, a better man for it, i can forgive but never forget, the worst day in my life.....but i will rise up and carry on ...this doesn't have to paralyze us...
Same
Cheaters have never learnt love growing up as a child, they constantly seek out lust confusing it for Love which is compassion, kindness, empathy, care, support, forgiveness and sacrifice. People who cheat seek external objects to fulfil their void, so I can only empathise their ambivalence, it must be confusing right.
We are never responsible for their happiness, period.
Even though it's been a while since it happened to me, I finally feel someone understands. Thank you Dr. Skinner. I hated my self for sometime as if I had been the culprit. One thing about all of it is that infidelity makes the hurt party act irrationally, obsessively and even look like the worst creep at times. And I would feel guilty from having constant thoughts, images, nightmares, lack of rest, and 'let it go' or 'find a way to get over it' was the best advice I'd get. After all I was a man and supposedly emotionally together. Indeed my pastor was no help and I chose not to share with my family out of shame. Few understand it even though many of us have suffered it.
I have felt a lot of that myself as the man in this situation. How are you these many years later?
My family was destroyed by my stepdads infidelity. Absolute devastation. The initial blow was painful. The deconstruction of our unit was more painful.. the emotional ramifications to my mother still evident (12+ years later) is most painful.
The fear of experiencing this hurt and betrayal is more overwhelming than the fear of missing out on the opportunity to find a partner to share life with.
This is an excellent talk. I just experienced this myself. You put your finger on the very issues I struggle with. The first time a phone called triggered my ptsd my counselor made himself immediately available to talk to me. It's a frightening & overwhelming thing. I want to send this talk to everyone I know.
I have never heard such an emotional and practical talk ..👍👍👍
He is so down to earth and empathetic..
Infidelity is to do with flawed personality of the perpetrator..it might be narcissistic personality, craving for attention, feeling entitlement..
If the perpetrator is really remorseful and ready to learn, mend ways, stay committed , one more chance should be given to him but if he is simply brushing it aside or blaming, pointing faults of his spouse..there is no other way but to part ways...
This talk hits me. For anyone who is being cheated, it is more about them not you. Please avoid self-diagnosing yourself with PTSD, depression, anxiety, etc and just talk to a professional. Talking to a professional helps me a lot to realize and identify my priorities, marriage values, and principles, found out he does not fit them. It took me six years to realize but I am more than relieved now.
This literally made me cry as I experience all the symptoms he mentions and it's been 5 months already.
So heartfelt, geuinine. It's absolutely as painful as it gets. And not surprising it's similar to ptsd. People lose lives to heart breaks and what not. Community is what we need. Support and understanding.
Yes, still trying to deal with it. Someone asked me what it’s like. It’s a death that walks the earth, but doesn’t think you are good enough. It’s painful.
Wow, this is exactly what it feels like ❤
I never imagined that someone could understand. My ex was a serial cheater for 23 years and 3 years ago he left me for his mistress. I attempted to take my life twice over his infidelity. I've cried everyday since I moved out. It destroyed me and I'm finally taking the steps to heal. I don't think I will ever truly heal, instead I will have to find a way to manage it. It changed me. None of my friends or family have been there to support me. They all ran to his side and turned their backs on me. All I want is for someone to understand and care.
This is a beautiful message to share our support and love for those suffering from a cheating spouse. A hug can mean so much and go a long way. A phone call can make a difference just to let them know that you are thinking of them. Cheating is debilitating and it causes depression, anxiety, and sleepless nights.
I agree cheating is the worst betrayal. He not only cheated but set it up to take my children away with him after me being a stay at home mom. I still wish I had died back then as 14 years later I am still dealing with PTSD caused from that moment of betrayal and loss of my family. He has moved on had another family and never said a word to me since or ever shown any regret over what he has put me through. After 30 years I thought I deserved better than that but I guess I was wrong. He has never shown any remorse or regret for his actions.
So sorry for your pain
Oh my Goodness... I am so sorry.
I’m so sorry.
The reason he shows no remorse is he knows he destroyed people with his decision. He can't face how horrid he is. Mine did the same. It took years to block him out of my head for myself. I hope you are getting better. XXOO
He is talking about me. A year and a half out and I am still traumatized.
Kathleen Simmons hope you are better today
Kath......i m there for u....love u....u r adorable
How are you doing now?
R u the wife
I swear, this was for me. I wish there were more understanding people like you. The people I turned to in my hour of need hurt me more than my betrayer. Everything you said, especially the nightmares, the suicidal thoughts, the constant repetitive thoughts and images of your supposed love lusting over another rips into every fiber of your being. It's been five years since I've become aware his double, triple, quadruple life, yet it is an open wound, fresh with salt sprinkled upon it every day.
💜
This feels like dying. It's terrible. Now that you are not alone, all of these stories make me realise i'm not alone.
My husband of 30 years cheated with a pole dancer. The irony is that he was blind ,a neglect from diabetes got him blind. . Now even that was a relief from taking care of him still hurt like PTSD.4 years went by and I am happy alone. We talk sometimes and the last conversation he jokely said,,,, you woulding take me back would you? I pretend I did not hear.
take him back if he has money.
This is so true..... I'm a shattered shell of emptiness. To have peace and hope in my world would be a gift I desperately need. But I don't know if it's possible to get there. Nightmares... My gosh!!!! I can't sleep. Then I can't get out of bed. C-PTSD is my world. He speaks the truth of my world. Hopelessness and despair.... 💔 I don't have anyone... 😰 Make it stop
I've thought for a long that I have been suffering some forms of ptsd and found this to be validating. Thank you for the talk and thank yoy to those brave enough to share.
Infidelity is the worst betrayal ever! The second you find out, immediately you are in a fog.
I’m releasing my past pain, I am healing
Damn.. It's been 6 years since I left him. I have C-PTSD. This was so validating. Thank you
Welcome to my world.
I felt victim shaming from 8 out of 10 of the different kinds of therapists I’ve been consulting.
This ted talk is even an understatement of what I’ve experienced and am experiencing.
Many many PTSD symptoms here. I’ve never been to war.
“I’m here” and then listen is so simple but few therapists have understood
I’ve always wondered why infidelity in a marriage is not criminalized. At that point you have an actual contractual relationship, and the betrayal causes some to kill themselves, and also some become enraged and hurt/kill others. You’ve completely destroyed that persons life and their mental well-being. And not only that if you have kids it severely affects their futures. Of course in court there would be factors that lead to that discussed and some cases could be dealt with more severely than others but I can’t comprehend why this is something that goes completely unaddressed. I’m my mind, if your partner was faithful and decent to you and they kill themselves because of your betrayal you are guilty of some level of homicide.
Cheaters should be branded, so that no one ever touches them ever again
Until now, im still struggling to cope with my depression post infidelity. It was so hard and still hard - emptiness, sad, loneliness : they go one by one like a wave and seems like they have work shift in my mind. The pain is so deep until i just cant recognize my old self anymore
It’s like a death. There’s stages of pain, denial, anger, etc. I praise God my ex cheated on me. It gave me a way out of my marriage of 30 years of emotional abuse from a narcissist.
I want to be free of this pain. I want to be free of being around someone I don’t respect.
Leave.
manabouttongue
Thank you you are right.
For some reason i can’t. I’m clinging on. I’m messed up hoping for light. I’m lost.
@@mysticbluelight5872 Take my advice, leave. Twenty years later and it hurts like it happened yesterday. Don't wait till your old like me with few choices.
Lies and Infidelity is a very serious issue to deal with and it’s a major threat to most marriages and relationships.Scars left behind from a narcissist husband is hard to erase from the mind. I was reluctant at first about finding the truth about my cheating husband but I’m glad I finally took the courage for it .I got help from Cyber Hack Solutions as he helped clone my cheating husband’s phone and I got access to all his phone call logs, emails, text messages both deleted texts and also social media chats; whatsApp , Facebook, Instagram without having access to his phone because he is mostly out of town due to the nature of his work and I was able to track his location too, all I provided was his phone number to this wonderful hacker. This was very revealing for me as he’s a serial cheater until I got into his phone and ended things.I’m glad to uncover his, lies, secrets and Infidelity. You can contact this amazing Hacker David via gmail (cyberhack003) or text and call on his phone and WhatsApp : +15303784744
I work in a drive thru and a woman once came thru in tears because she just found out her husband had cheated on her. I wish she had told me before I charged her because I would have sent her away with it for free. Best I could do was joke about forming an assassination squad and got her to laugh before she left, but man. It's rough.
You are precious.