I married my husband when I was 34 and he was 37. I wish we met when we were younger but we didn’t have that privilege. I’m just thankful God brought my husband into my life.
Okay, story time: I am a child of divorced parents. They were together for 12 years, and when I was 4, they divorced. For about 10 years after, they went to court every year "fighting" over custody. As far back as I can remember, I knew if I ever was going to get married, my marriage would last "till death do us part." The 2 or 3 people I actually dated throughout high school and college I was like, "Okay, I'm not dating to date. I'm dating to marry." They didn't see it that way. I never slept or did anything like that with any of them at all. But,after a number of heartbreak and my issues with my parents. I had given up on love, turned my back on God. But soon after, I ended up meeting this girl online. She lived on the other side of the planet and made a long story short... 2 years, fell in love, turned back to God, traveled thousands of miles to be with together, etc. I am 26 years old, and she just turned 25 this week. We were married in March. And we are in it till death do us apart.
Ya boy is 34. Have had the desire in my heart to get married since I was 19 years old. I have continually worked on myself, love Jesus, got my money right, run multiple businesses and have an amazing community of men that keep me accountable… Needless to say, I’m an outlier in a lot of areas, because I thought I would be married by now, and am continually keeping faith in that I will find my wifey for lifey, but dang it’s tough out here y’all.
35 year old Christian woman here. Didn't want to participate in the hookup culture and lived in an area where even Christian men expect premarital sex, then had a number of significant things happen in my family of origin that took an enormous amount of my time and made dating impossible (caregiving for older relatives), so it hasn't worked out for me yet. I've always wanted to be a wife and mother, so it is a real struggle sometimes not to lose hope as time continues to pass. Just wanted to add this to say that we do exist, and honestly just seeing your comments to know that similar-minded men are also out there and looking is really reassuring. God is faithful, and we aren't meant to be alone. Keep the faith, gentlemen.
I mean, God always wants the best for us, which means that usually you should be getting married young if you are following Him and taking the opportunities He presents. Obviously if His plan is for you to be a doctor and so you focus on getting through medical school and you don't want to distract yourself with dating then that makes sense. But most of the time, people are getting married later because they're listening to society tell them to wait and try out their partner like a new suit and move in with them when they aren't married and so on. We didn't have years and years of courtship and dating and premarital sex and so on when Jesus walked the earth, and yet people managed to live happy lives and marriages despite that.
As 32 years old women who’s been saving herself for marriage,it’s true the more time goes by more I don’t feel like getting married, but my fear is that I might regret later not having a spouse and children in life. But I’m also thinking that it’s not that bad to remain single, and I can always adopt children if I want to…
While I highly doubt this is your situation, God does keep some people single so that they can worship him and spread his message to those who need it. But being 32 and unmarried, or without children, isn’t bad at all. I’m sure God is preparing you, and your future spouse, so that when you two meet you will be ready for a future together.
@@compilationsfordays8493 Adopted children presumably have no (present) mother or father. So being raised by a loving single parent is a preferable alternative, don't you think?
I met my husband at 20 and we got married at 24, we grew up together, we waited for sex too. It does build a strong foundation to grow up together. We are celebrating 26 years married next month. We also hope our children marry young. My oldest is single but ready to marry, dating for a purpose. She is 21. We are grateful. This is great advice.
I married my now husband when I was 20 and he was 23. Our first date was a simple conversation of what we wanted in our lives and how to get there...thank God, going on 12 years of marriage. Ben is absolutely right, and I agree with his statement. I see some people I know struggling to maintain a relationship and jumping from one to another in a short amount of time. It is sad and they don't seem to take good advice from someone with more experience.
Absolutely agree, I got married at 19, he was 21 and it was the best decision besides following Jesus. He is the only man I've ever kissed. We were both virgins at the altar and we both got our first apartment together. We built our entire adult lives together and almost a decade and 3 kids later, we are still so happy together ❤️❤️❤️ he is the best blessing
At the end of the day whether you’re young, old, or in between when you get married, you should have in mind to be flexible and be ready to compromise. It’s a must.
They're not saying you can't be flexible as you get older, it's just easier to be (esp on the bigger things) when you're younger because you get to develop many beliefs/habits together rather than developing separately and needing to mesh later on
As a single 27-year-old who desires marriage and has been in godly relationships but ended for reasons out of my control - this video stresses me the heck out lol
I heard Ben say this same kind of thing several years ago and thought the same thing.. Its ok, there are good partners out there. It just takes some of us longer to find them. I was 30 and he was 41.
I didn't find my husband until I was 27. We got married after I turned 28, he was 33. Don't stress, just pray and have serious criteria early upon meeting someone. I pray that you will be happy no matter what life brings you.
Don't worry man. The data says you're right on time. Couples married between the ages of 28-32 have the best marital outcomes. Plus, as much as I think Ruslan is well meaning, he's not God. Just make sure that when God says it's your time, you're ready.
Something worth considering: Ben is not advocating in absolutes, though that’s the way he speaks. Even he understands there are exception cases of successful couples starting older. He’s arguing that society needs an ideal to aim for, and to land as closely to it as possible. Ideals don’t simply give us a target that requires hitting the middle, or else we are failures. Ideals also provide the right board to land on, because a board sets the right priorities we all should have as we aim for the same target, so that when circumstances affect where we land, we still land in the best possible situation relative to our circumstances. When there is no ideal to aim for, there is no board at all, and people are left aimless and needlessly miss the entire board. That is Ben’s premise. With nothing to aim for, people don’t get serious when they should and don’t look for the right things for too long. And that is partially how the average age of marriage has gotten older and older. The response is not to rush into marriage out of fear, but to simply realize the proper stakes as it pertains to your situation and fire your arrow.
It's worth mentioning that choosing the right person is nearly impossible if ones relationship framework and worldview is already distorted. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to effectively qualify a spouse until deep into my 30s. So this emphasizes the importance of having great counsel and models for a marriage from CHILDHOOD, or at the very least assume some level of therapy and discipleship is needed well before courting anyone.
what does qualify a spouse mean? and why is it unfortunate that it didn't happen until deep in your 30s? only sounds unfortunate if you are comparing yourself to others. otherwise the timing seems fine
@@Lil08103 In my case, qualifying means using the Bible to identify Godly character and perspectives, particularly on the lifelong, sacrificial, and complementarian nature of a spiritual marriage covenant, the kingdom of God and most importantly, setting one's hope on the eternal hope of Christ. This goes beyond physical attraction, basic core values, and liking ones company, etc. Also, it's not so much the age that I'm emphasizing, but the fact that I spent many years chasing women who were not qualified due to immaturity, lack of wisdom, and sexual sin informed by my relational and worldview distortion. This obviously isn't the way it should be.
I may be a weird case, but I personally would not have done well marrying young. From childhood, I had a severe food addiction (without knowing it). I was overcome with sloth (slob spending all day on computers or tv or games). And though I was Christian, I was not very serious in my faith. Other than saving myself for marriage, I really didn't do anything to prepare myself to be a good wife. Around age 25, I finally recognized and overcame my food addiction. I got thinner and healthier. Then, I started exercising regularly. About a year later, I gor much more serious in my faith and started really seeking after the Lord. I started developing much better habits of keeping house and cooking etc. And I've gotten much more involved in church by volunteering and getting involved in multiple church groups. I've just generally gotten my act together, I guess. So I've never been more ready for marriage than I am right now. But still, it's discouraging. I want to get married. I want a family. I am still a virgin, and I want to one day experience that kind of intimacy with my husband. But it does feel more and more hopeless the longer it doesn't happen. Getting a late start in this dating environment is a really disheartening experience, imo.
Hold on tight! Although it is discouraging and sometimes perhaps frustrating, keep the hope that it will happen for you, and when it does...because it will, it will be worth the time and effort you put into it. Ask the good Lord even when He already knows what you desire but He has vast knowledge as to who will be the best for you and the right time to hold onto that future husband. I know friends in the same situation as you, but two out of three are now happily married after waiting and saving themselves.
Everyone’s journey is different. I’m nearly 27 and still working through some things and in the process of studying for a career change. I can relate in a way. I think the right time to get married is when you meet the right person :)
I made the decision at 15 that there was no point in dating if it wasn’t for marriage, because I knew I was very passionate about creating a Godly family. I was blessed and found the right person the same year. Things were rocky at first as we were young and he departed from his faith long before he met me, but we reached a turning point and he accepted God as his savior and we have never been better. He now leads me in the right direction in our faith. We are approaching 7 years together and we are so excited for the lifetime ahead of us.
Wow. This was great. I 100% agree. I got married when I was 18. He was 21. This is spot on. Like after two months he said he loved me for the first time. I loved him too. Soon as he said that I put my name in his phone as wifey. He said that played a role in his mindset for marriage.
My husband and I got married at 20 and we are now 28 with a 1 year old. Just like they said, we grew up together and discovered out our values together over the years. We have both changed so much but have been hand in hand the whole time. ♥️
My favorite line was when Ben talked about the kids “value shopping” between mom and dad. I know firsthand that it really sucks to be in the middle of that. I hope I never do that in my marriage.
Man, I'm 23 years old and me and my girlfriend just broke up because of my insecurities and infidelity. I feel terrible, but I'm putting in the work to never ever feel this way again and to never put anyone through this. It just sucks because I wish I had this mindset way beforehand smh. Yall pray for me please
At least you’re being honest. Work on yourself so that you can be a good husband to someone else in the future. It’s no point getting married early if you can’t be faithful. Just give yourself time to mature.
Super true. I definitely needed to mature and go through the deep traumas in my life before getting married, let alone dating. My emotional and spiritual health just wasn't there. Thank you for this!@@TheFlyyBohemian
Jesús forgives all and can change everything in you. He did it to me. Cast away the lies that try to tell you who you are and the condemnation that comes along with it. In your pain - go to Jesus. Praying for you Jaylin
Yep, make it clear from the beginning what your values/beliefs are, and that marriage is your goal. The ones who aren't marriage material will be vetted right away, and eventually you'll find the right one, God's timing :)
This is truth when he says about being more set in your ways the older you get, not willing to compromise on minuscule things in life. I have seen that.That’s why older single people say that the “good women” or “good men” already have been taken. But it’s not that there are “good” men or women, but the fact that shaping takes place, when young men and women get married. And the best thing is when Jesus through Holy Spirit does that shaping.
My mother was 34 when she had me and im 32 now. There is still time for me to start a family, I trust in God's plan. His time is not our time, we cant force his blessings.
I'm so glad I didn't marry young. I had a lot of growing and maturing to do before marriage. Everyone is raised differently and there is not one life path. I've been happily married for almost 20 years and so glad I waited. Some people are ready for things at a certain age but don't let that pressure you into thinking you have to do the same thing or do anything major by a certain age. Thankfully life is more flexible than that.
First, that's awesome and congrats on 20 years! Second, I married young like Ruslan (20) and I was always baffled by my childhood friend who seemed so despondent that he hadn't gotten married like my wife and I in his early 20's. I don't know how many times we tried to drill in his head that we weren't the norm and he shouldn't force it. That's my long way of saying that, while I'm still very happy and grateful to God that I married early, it most definitely isn't for everyone and it's all in God's time. Edit: typos
I’d like to say, like Ben I married young and VERY VERY EXTREMELY I might add immature. Still living w/ parents at that time, not knowing how to truly treat a woman how women ought to be treated and lots of anger issues. My wife was no saint either and was 20 at the time. 19 yrs later, lots of prayer, trusting God, church accountability, friends, patience, forgiveness, sacrifice and LOVE has sustained us. Oh we got some ugly ugly stories but we have soooo many INCREDIBLY beautiful ones as well. Comments like yours can be misleading bc it can make someone think if they have maturing to do then they should wait. No need to wait based on age just bc of perceived maturity/ immaturity. I’ll say this, you can and should be constantly maturing and there is always something terrible about ourselves that will always need work on. If you and your partner have solid core values that are aligned and apply some of the principles I mentioned chances are you will make it too. It’s really based on many factors and no cookie cutter formula but age and maturity have little to do with the success of your longevity and sustainability.
Yeah Shapiro and this ruslan guy are full of arrogance and act like they know it all. In their minds every word they say is 100% correct and anyone that goes against it is wrong. If they had it their way everyone would marry at 18 lol ridiculous.
@@terrycrews1760 I understand what you're saying and I was only speaking for myself. I had no business getting married in my 20's. I'm being honest to say I know that about myself. If I was in your marriage at a young age I would have divorced in 2 seconds. Probably never to marry again. I'm glad I waited until I had better relationship skills before considering marriage.
I understand this perspective but I just want to add that before anything, seek God first. He will show you who you are and who you should be with if you earnestly ask and seek. “But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.” Matthew 6:33
I think his stance on people getting married too late isn’t taking an account of not everyone being mature enough and understanding the commitment of a marriage and how much marriage exposes your inner being. I think a lot of heartache and unnecessary struggle can be avoided by marrying older. It all depends on where someone is at in their life when it comes to their finances, character, spiritual, mental, emotional and physical health but i don’t think pushing young marriage should be a one size fits all type of stance because not everyone is at the same stage of life. I think more people need to really ask themselves, according to the scriptures is it wise for me to pursue marriage. Am I patient? do I have habitual sin in my life? Am I in debt? Have I really counted the cost of marriage? Have I thought thoroughly about what I value most and what I want my future spouse to value most? Is there past trauma that I need to address ? etc… I have no interest in getting married at all but that would be my encouragement for people wanting to get married because I’ve seen too much divorce in the church and not enough time spent dealing with the questions I mentioned above in the season of singleness.
I just want to say that sometimes you don't meet your person when you are young. It's not always a choice. Everyone's journey is different and God will make it happen in his time.
This clip is on the money. I wish i had married young and not got a sense of the world. Its genuinely harder dating in your 30's. I think more content needs to be created about dating in our 30's. Some great points here about ingrained habits as we got older. How can we change some of these habits and be accepting of others habits etc.
I agree with what Ben is saying! I have been married for 16 years now, I was 20 and my husband was 23. I am so thankful God brought us together when He did, we grew up together. Before marriage we talked about our goals, desires, beliefs, values...you have to align if you want to build a beautiful and fruitful life!
More simply, the best quality is God. All of the other characteristics you mentioned are in the bible and are given to a believer that has the holy spirit.
I love this video! My husband and I were married at 22 after being together for 5 years and about to celebrate 10 years married in a few weeks! 🥰He's my best friend! Our individual relationships with Jesus has been what carried us both through some serious hardships. We are committed. Just as we daily choose Jesus, we daily choose each other too.
Great conversation that hits close to home being 31 and single. I really didn't have the desire to be married until the least year or so. I'm grateful for the last several years that I've spent on my own growing in my knowledge of God. It would have been painful to have done that in a marriage and potentially have to leave my husband behind while I continued going deeper. My faith and love for Him is rock solid. The difficulty now is finding someone with that same firmness and solidity of love for Him.
Honestly, Ben is the biggest counter to a lot of the RP nonsense. He broke most of their "rules" to get to their desired promised land. Many people end up coming to the same conclusion after they have "dated randomly" and incurred massive amounts of damage. If, instead, they were intentional about using the dating process to pick their spouse, we would see a lot more successful marriages and a lot less single-parent households.
Fully agree with everything that was said here. My wife and I met each other in the middle of High School. I was 17, she was 16. Then we began dating when I was 19 or 20 and she was 18 or 19. Go married when I was 27 and she was 26. Happily married for 5 years now. So, she and I been together for 13 years overall. I'm a Catholic Christian since birth, and she was baptized into Christianity at 17 years of age. So, I firmly agree with everything said in this video. Personally we are lucky to have found each other early rather than later. God only knows what kind of people we would've been now given how crazy the dating market is nowadays. 😅
My mom told me to not marry the first guy that comes around. I was never a player so that wasn't really an issue but she was trying to convey wisdom from watching her relations and friends that got married in their teens and 20s and then 5 years later they felt like they threw away the best years of their life and were restless and looking for a divorce and moving on. This was in the early 60s. She got married when she was 26. Hers was in 1965. I got married when I was 28, in 1998. One marriage for each of us. The cultural and political climate perhaps played a part.
I know way too many ppl who married young after meeting at a Christian college and divorced later. Marrying each other at 1.0 version as opposed to 2.0 version is risky.
With a world full of deception and broken homes, sometimes you do not know your values until a later age... The Lord wakes us up at different times for His sake and His plan... If you listen carefully God will find your spouse for you... This is too rigid of a world view... This is ideal circumstances vs the reality of living in a fallen state. May the Lord Bless 🙏🏼
I totally agree. It sounds all too idealistic & utopian. Everyone's lives & destinies are different. Even for identical twins. But I think coming from a well balanced family can really be helpful.
I tend to agree but I changed the most as I was about to hit 30….I left the left. I became a conservative, I’m not a devout atheist anymore…not a feminist anymore..now I want marriage…and kids..as I did when I was a kid. I do have bad habits but I’m working on them for myself.
I’m a Christian and I feel like a lot of y’all may get on me for this but this is my opinion I feel like you can overlook if you don’t find somebody really attractive I feel like you can’t overlook if you find someone extremely unattractive For example, if I see a girl who I think is all right, not really pretty but she’s not ugly. She’s just an all right person. I feel like that is an ok because if we have the same values, I will become more and more attracted to her but if you find someone who you genuinely see as unattractive to look at, even if y’all are compatible on a values and spiritual level, I feel like that is still something that can be a dealbreaker And that’s not just going for men looking for women I think it’s even stronger for women looking for a man because if a woman not only doesn’t find her man attractive, but she finds him unattractive over time that will cause issues
That is damning advice. I’m 31 and with no dating prospects in sight. I guess I am in part to blame, but I genuinely could never see how someone would want to be with me. At least not from a physical perspective. Plus, anxiety is a hell of a life killer.
a House with 2 Masters is a house divided... That quote hold true for marriage as well, if both of you are set in your ways, both of you are your own masters, No one wants to compromise well... It's like 2 male lions, one's bound to eat the other.
Im 34 I seen young married couples in church, I realized that maybe there is more acceptance of differences for one another . The older you are the more choosier people seem to become in searching for relationships. You need to look a certain way , make a certain amount of money . I haven't had any luck with woman in the church most of them seem uninterested and dont serve in the church teams.
I agree with this video for the most part, however, I think it’s a little dangerous to suggest that everyone should marry young. Reason being is that not everyone is in the same maturity level. There are very mature 20 something year olds as there is very immature ones. Personally, if I would have gotten married at 20 I would probably be divorced right now because at that age I had no idea how to be a wife. For me it was helpful to mature a bit and get married a little older. Gave me time to really establish myself and learn what entails being a good wife and for my husband as well. I think everyone is different and if you are mature and established at 20 and want to get married then more power to you. Otherwise, sometimes it’s better to wait a little longer. Being in a marriage entails a lot of selflessness and compromise and many people aren’t ready for that at a young age.
Thank you! I agree wholeheartedly and was waiting to see if someone else would say it. Maturity is huge when it comes to marriage and I’ve always felt a lot of young folks now a days lack the maturity required at that age to not just get married, but STAY married. It’s more of the exception than the rule.
I want to feel encouraged watching this but instead I feel sad. Tonight talking to my brother I said I wanted someone not currently dealing with any kind of addiction, hardworking, sense of humor that fits with mine, loves the Lord, and prioritizes his health. Didn’t even mention attraction. His response like so many others is I have to knock at least one of those criteria off if I want to be married since competition is so fierce. On the flipside, I have people telling me it’s to my disadvantage to be too attractive, in shape, confident, funny, or serious about the Lord because it’s just too intimidating and guys will assume I’m already disinterested. From the worlds standards things feel dire. Like, be the person you’d want to be with! But also if you do you’ll be too much and also if you have too many basic standards your competition is too fierce 💀 choosing to believe God can provide for His daughters and will guide my expectations ⚡️
I got engaged at 20, married by 21, and a mother by 22. It has been a rollercoaster but it has been fun not doing it alone. We've had losses and brokenheartedness and many fun times and bliss. I have family tell my girls to get a career first then get married in their 30's. That's not what my girls want and I have to remind them that unsolicited advice is not welcomed. My girls want to get married young and they dream of falling in love and having kids, even though they're kids themselves right now.
I got married at 28, husband was 31. There’s absolutely no disadvantage to us getting married at these ages because it was God’s perfect plan for us before the foundation of the world. Getting married earlier would not have been better for us, to say that it would, would mean there is something better God could have done for us. That’s a lie. I think he had good points about the type of mentality people should have when it comes to dating and marriage but whenever you listen to guys like this who are not Christian, they’re going to leave out fundamental truths like God’s will and sovereignty. If you’re older and not married, it was not God’s will and he had a better plan for you. Pray and pray some more that he would give you a spouse in His perfect timing. Not Ben Shapiro’s perfect timing.
I wish the church community was more suuportive and helpful of younger people getting married. Young couples defintely need the support of Christian community to help them navigate marriage at a young age.
Ruslan what do you think about age gaps in marriage for example most people in my country (South Africa) especially from my parents' generation have age gaps ranging from 7 to 10 years. Meaning the man was 30 and the woman 20 when they got married. What do you think about this?
There is more wiggle room for men in getting married older and I'm saying this being a woman. If you look at a lot of people's grandparents in America several of them have age gap relationships and it's because sometimes it takes men longer to build themselves up wether it's getting the right job to support a family or just not being seen by women until they got older. Women should definitely marry young if they can though, just like they used to do in the past all the time until feminism destroyed that and traditional roles.
Age gap marriages are definitely more common in Africa but it depends on the subculture. My father is from Cameroon and her converted from Catholicism to being a born again Christian in the Pentecostal church when he was 19. He ended up marrying my mother who was 3 years younger than him when he was 22 years old. In a lot of Apostolic and Pentecostal churches in Cameroon and a lot of West Africa, they push for both the men and women to marry young. I know another Nigerian pastor who married his wife at 21. I for one kept my age limit within 6 years and I was not willing to entertain any man older than that. I have other African female friends who feel the same way.
Y’all, please don’t jump on me for saying this. I don’t mean any harm at all and I mean no shade towards Ruslan, or anyone else who got married young. I don’t have an issue with people getting married young, but sometimes it feels like the church forgets about those who aren’t as young and haven’t been blessed with that gift. It’s almost in a way that those of us who are 30+ are subtly looked down on as if we’ve made some mistake in judgment because we’re not married yet. It’s like getting married young has become an idol. I’m not saying this is what this video is arguing but what IM saying is, some people aren’t single because they chose to chase their career. Perhaps they didn’t meet their sweetheart on a missions trip. Perhaps the folks they serve alongside in the worship team are already married. Also, some people wait patiently on the Lord for their spouse and it doesn’t always happen at 23 or 22 or even 30. My friend waited for years to meet someone and get married. She met her now husband nearly 20 years ago. She didn’t know it at the time. They dated briefly but lost touch with each other. Fast forward to 2016, they found themselves back in touch with each other, and they finally tied the knot 3 weeks ago. She’s 40. Is she young? Well, relatively, but she’s not 23. She was faithful to God, though. I’ve been single for 15 years, and haven’t been on a date in a decade. I tried in college, but guys weren’t checking for me. I wasn’t saved at the time. The boyfriend I had after college wasn’t anything near saved and he was rude. The last guy I went on a date with was lovely. I would’ve loved to have been with him, but he wasn’t interested in a long distance relationship. I was devastated. I go to a small church and served and attended community groups for years. All the men have been married. I tried dating apps. Nothing. What do you want people to do? People can’t be shamed because they’ve had no other choice but to work lol. Again, I’m not saying anyone here is saying that. This is just how I feel. Quite frankly, I haven’t watched the whole video because as soon as you said “getting married young is the best choice” I checked out. Admittedly. Respectfully. We’ve gotta stop acting like marriage in our youth is the gold standard or acting as if late marriages are the last resort. You don’t know what The Lord has in store for people. Conservatives gotta get off their marriage in youth high horse. It’s such a hopeless message for those who are still patiently waiting on The Lord and desire to be married. Again, y’all I’m sorry. I’m not trying to attack anyone. I just wish the social media church had more grace for folks who have to wait a little longer and stop acting like everywhere is the south or the Midwest.
Nah no one's wrong here. Ruslan or you both have good points. I definitely don't think getting married young is a must especially since there's zero times the bible says too... what I think Ruslans trying to say is, "there's a good mentality to be in when dating and a bad mentality." The good being start trying to find the right person immediately. And the bad mentality being, I've got plenty of time, who cares. Because the younger you find that person the easier life becomes in the long run. But either way young or old, make sure God is in your marriage and you'll be happy.
I think the point is the chances are better the younger you are. Just because it’s “easier” when you’re young doesn’t mean it’s impossible if you’re above a certain age. Love and marriage is possible from conception to death, ease varying
Nicely stated. Singleness with the desire for marriage at an older age is one unique experience. I personally say wait until you get older and can fully understand who you are and then the right person can only compliment and vice versa. Don’t apologize for your stance. I am sure there are benefits to marrying young or marrying at a later age. I personally stand on marrying later, like into your upper 20’s where you better understand yourself. And if you know your identity and decide to marry young, God bless to all who managed that accomplishment 😀🙏🏾
You said nothing wrong or offensive. Everybody’s path is different and God brings potential mates to people at different points in life. And also there’s nothing wrong with singleness either.
I agree on the part of pre conditioning. I dated a lady for 7 years n when I wanted her to meet my family she told me she wasn't ready to marry me. N her excuse was she was too scared of marriage.
4:20 it’s only “controversial” to those who are immature or liberals and don’t understand what ur saying. I agree on that and yes we are more “flexible” when we’re young in our minds that when we get older then we’re set on our ways and how we live life. I do agree people are getting married a bit too late cus I think when we get older then the dating pool gets smaller cus we become more picky and the certain amount of people becomes smaller. So when we’re young then we have room to grow, adjust, and learn how our partner works and how to work together more fluidly. I also thank my parents for teaching me how to date which is only date to find my future wife and become friends first to see how they are. This helped me a lot within finding my wife where I only had two gfs and I wasn’t sleeping around. If u was like any other player out there then my body count could have been in the double digits easily, but that’s not how it’s suppose to be.
I think he means if your general standard is the person needs to be a 10/10 vs being ok & not paasing up getting a solid 5-7.5 who is a solid stable individual.
I "dated" a guy who was 27 at the time, I was 20, and he was already quite set on his ways and already marked or chanbged by his previous relationships. It felt like I had to make space for me in his life and explain myself on my thoughts, there was no way he was changing his mind. I mean, he did change his mind about a couple of things I told him about but it was already too late. Anyways, I'm bot saying it didn't worl out just because he was older. He and I just weren't ready. But it's tru that people get set in their ways as time passes by.
Just because someone’s ideal says this would be the best case scenario that does not invalidate your journey. Some of y’all really need to stop getting offended by conversations when someone is sharing a perspective, & just try to listen and learn. Remember God still has His hand on your life and He has a plan for you!! Seek Him, before you seek a man or marriage!! I had my daughter at 29 (unmarried & a whole lot of mess, got out went to therapy started seeking God), met my boyfriend at 31 (we started dating with the intention of marriage) we waited to till marriage, and went to premarital counseling and I’m now married at 32, and we co-parent with my daughters dad. We are blessed! But definitely worth waiting to create a family with your husband. Coparenting is never easy, but we are making the best out of the situation we put ourselves in and putting our daughter first!
Met at 18, dated at 23, married at 25. Still going strong. If you want to marry, date to marry and save yourself for the person who will love you and commit to you through marriage. It’s beautiful to be married, it’s work but worth it, with the right person.
I was engaged at 19, it didn’t work out though. Ive been single for the last 12 years, I’m now 36. Had a couple relationships in between. Asking for prayer that I may become the husband God intends for the wife he has for me
I was 25 when my husband and I got married and he was 24. I can't stand the cultural narrative around getting married young. I even wish we would have decided to tie the knot sooner than we did. We've been together since we were 17 and 16.
Hearing that people are set in their ways by their late 20s is very eye-opening and interesting. However, I have to say that, as I am approaching 30, I have been getting way better with my general ambitions, my focus on improving my business, getting way better with my finances, and where I spend my time doing things that are useful. I am very little spend time doing things that are not useful or add to my life. I do not have any character traits in my early 20s. I think in my early 20s I would’ve made a terrible husband.
I feel like within Christianity, there’s this idea that’s seeped into the church that is - “Let God bring you your spouse,” which I’ve always felt promotes this laissez-faire, lack of intentionality for marriage and relationships. I’m not sure where this idea came from because it kind of insinuates a lack of faith if you are openly seeking a spouse, and we never hear people say, “Let God bring you a job,” or “Let God bring you the roof over your head.” It just seems to imply that if you’re a faithful Christian, you shouldn’t bother to seek out a spouse or relationship at all. This idea definitely contributed to my mindset in dating, or lack thereof, as well as many of the people I know. And I think it might be more of a Western cultural idea than a Biblical one. Because, at the same time, in culture, I always felt like dating for marriage was lumped into the same boat as being “desperate,” which I was equally petrified of being perceived as. Any thoughts?
So true that marrying young means you shape each other- you are actually there and know why your partner does what he/she does, etc.. But I also think that if you are not attracted to a person-do not marry them-seriously! If you do not want to sleep with that person, then why would you marry them?
I got married at 30 as a man.I tried getting a girlfriend for many years before I met my now wife,but nothing ever worked out,all the ladies rejected me except my now wife
I wholeheartedly support getting married young, if that’s an option. I was 22 and my husband was 24 when we got married, so we were fairly young. We had our first child a year and a half later. I always say, if I could do it all over again, I would have gotten married and started having kids even sooner. If you’re both truly committed to Christ there is nothing as beautiful as marriage, all of the hills and the valleys included. Also-best piece of advice I received from someone was that “you know in six months or less if they’re the one.” (Much sooner in many cases!)
Lol also there’s people at 21 who can’t even wash their ass properly why would they be mature enough to be married. A few years before you had to raise your hand to use the bathroom
This is good advice but I also think people in their late 30s have different mindset to people currently in their late 20s and less. People in their that 30s now didn't grow up with tech, the internet etc so there wasn't much to change your ways. People in their late 20s and younger grew up with the internet/social media and that is definitely impacting the way we think. I think we're less rigid than older generations so would probably be set in our ways a lot later in age than before as we have access to so much information that's always updating. For example the growth in tech and internet growth, literacy has grown exponentially
The truth is you cannot force attraction. Your brain does not work that way. But it absolutely should not be about looks only. The timing for marriage will not be the same for everyone, that’s something we have to accept. Many marriages are lasting from being in your 20s , and there are many that are not. I was engaged at 20 as nice as he was I am so glad God did not allow it, we would have been divorced by now. I am person of faith and always have been. Gods timing is His alone.
12:20 I disagree with this. People unfortunately don't live in the 1940s anymore. Dating is a process of elimination. Many people can date without "hooking up" and have marriage in mind. Its like hiring process. It's a necessary evil, to learn about how strong a person is in their values and etc. By going through the dating process
I’m not a fan of dating any more but the real issue is going from boyfriend to boyfriend or girlfriend to girlfriend. Date to find you’re compatible and you actually want to be together, sure. But why as Christians are we having long exclusive relationships and then breaking up?
There's a difference between getting to know someone and "dating". He doesn't say it in this clip, but Ben actually asked all these important questions on the first "date"!
@roseroyaltyy Exactly! The reality is, dating is unnatural to humans, and that's why we have so many people who dated their significant other for 3, 4, or even 10 years years. We are gonna have redefine dating because most people couple up after getting to know each other better, but most feel or believe they are not ready for marriage! Hence, the extended non- marital relationships we have nowadays. Coupled with society accepting cohabitation, it's become almost an epidemic to find tons of 30 or 40 year olds who are still single but heartbroken and jaded from being on one of those long-term relationships that didn't lead upto marriage.
I wish I could have gotten married young, even at that time, but now I'm just hoping to get married, period.😢 31F and still saving myself and living out my faith.
The problem that all of the people of the world have is they don't understand what love really means. The fact of the matter is that who you love is a choice. You may not be physically attracted to someone, but you can still love them romantically because you think they're an amazing person, deserve to feel loved, and want to take that job on yourself because you don't see anyone else doing it. That is what love is supposed to be, period. I completely disagree with Ben that being attracted to them should be a prerequisite. The Bible never mentions that the virtues you should be looking for in a spouse include how they look or how much money they have.
Bigger problem isn't dating the right person, it's not having ways for singles to connect and even meet in the 1st place. But nobody wants to talk about that.
Ruslan, on the last video I watched, you said you have been trying to “grow in gentleness.” I just want to say that I’ve noticed you doing just that in your videos! Obviously I am not someone who knows exactly what’s going on in your life but if the tone of your videos are any evidence, it’s happening!
This keeps tugging in my mind since the acknowledgment of the red pill and the whole gender thing. Do you think arranged marriages should be a thing now, should it be present due to how he expressed start early. If I'm guiding my son for school why not guide him early for a potential partner?
Nope, we all saw how that worked out in the past, terrible, and the children don't marry for love and end up resenting their parents. You're not giving them a choice and grooming them into a marriage. I don't know you, and I'm not judging you, but I can't even fathom forcing my child to marry someone I want. It's their life, not yours.
@katelyn.0124 then me raising my child with my doctrine and my beliefs. He shall either follow them and continue them the same way I give him guidance on a partner. I never implicated forcing marriage arrangements is a suggestion. Then go into the world and im sure my child will return to seeking the suggestions and advice his/her parents give them. Also its a suggestions better then the rest that aren't even having any children. Also then parents shouldn't be held accountable for the actions of a child when a child murders someone like the parents that got arrested for the actions of their son. Its not their hands that pulled the trigger so why are they in jail for the sons actions so is the child.
@EvaVas03 I'm sorry. I think I misunderstood you than, I obviously don't mind if you install certain values into your children, and they would mirror them into their relationship. It's normal to teach your kids what you believe, and they follow that. But you sort of made it sound like at three or whatever age you would pick a pather for your child and they had to marry them. If I'm wrong about that, then my bad. If you're saying you want to show them what you believe is a healthy or biblical relationship. That's fine.
@@Blue.velvet.0124 actually, the exact opposite of what you said is true. Arranged marriages work better than anything in history. It is right now that marriage is falling apart as an institution. Love was never the primary reason for marriage.
It's not the individual person, it's the social and legal milieu in which marriage exists. The significance of the Sword of Damocles is that it hangs, not that it falls. I could never live comfortably with the Sword of Divorcecles hanging over me, it's just plain not worth the risk. I am admittedly rather risk averse, I don't roller skate or sky dive or run with the bulls in Pamplona Spain. Sure, I miss out, but I'm accepting of my limited view of life.
I married my husband when I was 34 and he was 37. I wish we met when we were younger but we didn’t have that privilege. I’m just thankful God brought my husband into my life.
Praise the Lord from whom all blessings flow💜
@@aidylweiss. Amen!!
You met when you were supposed to.
27 and 34. I don’t know if we would’ve like each other any earlier.
You probably didn’t meet earlier because feminism told you to focus on career and education
Okay, story time:
I am a child of divorced parents. They were together for 12 years, and when I was 4, they divorced. For about 10 years after, they went to court every year "fighting" over custody.
As far back as I can remember, I knew if I ever was going to get married, my marriage would last "till death do us part."
The 2 or 3 people I actually dated throughout high school and college I was like, "Okay, I'm not dating to date. I'm dating to marry." They didn't see it that way. I never slept or did anything like that with any of them at all.
But,after a number of heartbreak and my issues with my parents. I had given up on love, turned my back on God.
But soon after, I ended up meeting this girl online. She lived on the other side of the planet and made a long story short... 2 years, fell in love, turned back to God, traveled thousands of miles to be with together, etc.
I am 26 years old, and she just turned 25 this week. We were married in March. And we are in it till death do us apart.
Thank you for sharing. Praise the Lord!
God bless you ❤❤
Awesome!! Thanks for sharing and best of luck to you both. God bless🙏
God bless brother!❤
Let me guess, her name was Cinderella and you gave your
vows before Charles Perrault himself.
Ya boy is 34. Have had the desire in my heart to get married since I was 19 years old. I have continually worked on myself, love Jesus, got my money right, run multiple businesses and have an amazing community of men that keep me accountable… Needless to say, I’m an outlier in a lot of areas, because I thought I would be married by now, and am continually keeping faith in that I will find my wifey for lifey, but dang it’s tough out here y’all.
Keep having faith bro!! She is out there. Have you tried joining small groups at church or faith-based groups?
35 year old Christian woman here. Didn't want to participate in the hookup culture and lived in an area where even Christian men expect premarital sex, then had a number of significant things happen in my family of origin that took an enormous amount of my time and made dating impossible (caregiving for older relatives), so it hasn't worked out for me yet. I've always wanted to be a wife and mother, so it is a real struggle sometimes not to lose hope as time continues to pass. Just wanted to add this to say that we do exist, and honestly just seeing your comments to know that similar-minded men are also out there and looking is really reassuring. God is faithful, and we aren't meant to be alone. Keep the faith, gentlemen.
@@sarahy9513 My mom had met my dad and had me at39 and are happily married. Don’t lose hope, it’s all in God’s timing
Obviously there's a reason. Don't give up though!!!
God bless you, brother. She's out there
I agree with Ben. But don’t forget that God has a plan for each person, and sometimes that does not include getting married young.
Yep, remember Boaz.
And isaac
Sometimes we aren’t called to be married at all, remember Paul
No shade, but, what you said should be obvious. Everyone should know Ben's advice is general wisdom, not commandments.
I mean, God always wants the best for us, which means that usually you should be getting married young if you are following Him and taking the opportunities He presents. Obviously if His plan is for you to be a doctor and so you focus on getting through medical school and you don't want to distract yourself with dating then that makes sense. But most of the time, people are getting married later because they're listening to society tell them to wait and try out their partner like a new suit and move in with them when they aren't married and so on. We didn't have years and years of courtship and dating and premarital sex and so on when Jesus walked the earth, and yet people managed to live happy lives and marriages despite that.
As 32 years old women who’s been saving herself for marriage,it’s true the more time goes by more I don’t feel like getting married, but my fear is that I might regret later not having a spouse and children in life. But I’m also thinking that it’s not that bad to remain single, and I can always adopt children if I want to…
*Prayer sent ❤❤❤
Ditto!
and choose to raise them without a father ?
While I highly doubt this is your situation, God does keep some people single so that they can worship him and spread his message to those who need it. But being 32 and unmarried, or without children, isn’t bad at all. I’m sure God is preparing you, and your future spouse, so that when you two meet you will be ready for a future together.
@@compilationsfordays8493 Adopted children presumably have no (present) mother or father. So being raised by a loving single parent is a preferable alternative, don't you think?
I met my husband at 20 and we got married at 24, we grew up together, we waited for sex too. It does build a strong foundation to grow up together. We are celebrating 26 years married next month. We also hope our children marry young. My oldest is single but ready to marry, dating for a purpose. She is 21. We are grateful. This is great advice.
Awesome!! Thanks for sharing. I’m 22 and a single male who wants to wait til marriage. You should let her know haha. God bless🙏
I married my now husband when I was 20 and he was 23. Our first date was a simple conversation of what we wanted in our lives and how to get there...thank God, going on 12 years of marriage. Ben is absolutely right, and I agree with his statement. I see some people I know struggling to maintain a relationship and jumping from one to another in a short amount of time. It is sad and they don't seem to take good advice from someone with more experience.
Absolutely agree, I got married at 19, he was 21 and it was the best decision besides following Jesus. He is the only man I've ever kissed. We were both virgins at the altar and we both got our first apartment together. We built our entire adult lives together and almost a decade and 3 kids later, we are still so happy together ❤️❤️❤️ he is the best blessing
At the end of the day whether you’re young, old, or in between when you get married, you should have in mind to be flexible and be ready to compromise. It’s a must.
Not your morals though.
They're not saying you can't be flexible as you get older, it's just easier to be (esp on the bigger things) when you're younger because you get to develop many beliefs/habits together rather than developing separately and needing to mesh later on
As a single 27-year-old who desires marriage and has been in godly relationships but ended for reasons out of my control - this video stresses me the heck out lol
I heard Ben say this same kind of thing several years ago and thought the same thing..
Its ok, there are good partners out there. It just takes some of us longer to find them.
I was 30 and he was 41.
I didn't find my husband until I was 27. We got married after I turned 28, he was 33. Don't stress, just pray and have serious criteria early upon meeting someone. I pray that you will be happy no matter what life brings you.
Don't worry man. The data says you're right on time. Couples married between the ages of 28-32 have the best marital outcomes.
Plus, as much as I think Ruslan is well meaning, he's not God. Just make sure that when God says it's your time, you're ready.
My husband was 30 and I was 20 when we got engaged. So it's different for everyone.
Something worth considering: Ben is not advocating in absolutes, though that’s the way he speaks. Even he understands there are exception cases of successful couples starting older. He’s arguing that society needs an ideal to aim for, and to land as closely to it as possible. Ideals don’t simply give us a target that requires hitting the middle, or else we are failures. Ideals also provide the right board to land on, because a board sets the right priorities we all should have as we aim for the same target, so that when circumstances affect where we land, we still land in the best possible situation relative to our circumstances.
When there is no ideal to aim for, there is no board at all, and people are left aimless and needlessly miss the entire board. That is Ben’s premise. With nothing to aim for, people don’t get serious when they should and don’t look for the right things for too long. And that is partially how the average age of marriage has gotten older and older.
The response is not to rush into marriage out of fear, but to simply realize the proper stakes as it pertains to your situation and fire your arrow.
It's worth mentioning that choosing the right person is nearly impossible if ones relationship framework and worldview is already distorted. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to effectively qualify a spouse until deep into my 30s. So this emphasizes the importance of having great counsel and models for a marriage from CHILDHOOD, or at the very least assume some level of therapy and discipleship is needed well before courting anyone.
what does qualify a spouse mean? and why is it unfortunate that it didn't happen until deep in your 30s? only sounds unfortunate if you are comparing yourself to others. otherwise the timing seems fine
@@Lil08103 In my case, qualifying means using the Bible to identify Godly character and perspectives, particularly on the lifelong, sacrificial, and complementarian nature of a spiritual marriage covenant, the kingdom of God and most importantly, setting one's hope on the eternal hope of Christ. This goes beyond physical attraction, basic core values, and liking ones company, etc. Also, it's not so much the age that I'm emphasizing, but the fact that I spent many years chasing women who were not qualified due to immaturity, lack of wisdom, and sexual sin informed by my relational and worldview distortion. This obviously isn't the way it should be.
I may be a weird case, but I personally would not have done well marrying young.
From childhood, I had a severe food addiction (without knowing it). I was overcome with sloth (slob spending all day on computers or tv or games). And though I was Christian, I was not very serious in my faith.
Other than saving myself for marriage, I really didn't do anything to prepare myself to be a good wife.
Around age 25, I finally recognized and overcame my food addiction. I got thinner and healthier. Then, I started exercising regularly. About a year later, I gor much more serious in my faith and started really seeking after the Lord. I started developing much better habits of keeping house and cooking etc. And I've gotten much more involved in church by volunteering and getting involved in multiple church groups. I've just generally gotten my act together, I guess.
So I've never been more ready for marriage than I am right now. But still, it's discouraging. I want to get married. I want a family. I am still a virgin, and I want to one day experience that kind of intimacy with my husband. But it does feel more and more hopeless the longer it doesn't happen. Getting a late start in this dating environment is a really disheartening experience, imo.
Hold on tight! Although it is discouraging and sometimes perhaps frustrating, keep the hope that it will happen for you, and when it does...because it will, it will be worth the time and effort you put into it. Ask the good Lord even when He already knows what you desire but He has vast knowledge as to who will be the best for you and the right time to hold onto that future husband. I know friends in the same situation as you, but two out of three are now happily married after waiting and saving themselves.
Everyone’s journey is different. I’m nearly 27 and still working through some things and in the process of studying for a career change. I can relate in a way.
I think the right time to get married is when you meet the right person :)
Trust in the Lord. A “late start” is nothing if you ask for God given wisdom
I made the decision at 15 that there was no point in dating if it wasn’t for marriage, because I knew I was very passionate about creating a Godly family. I was blessed and found the right person the same year. Things were rocky at first as we were young and he departed from his faith long before he met me, but we reached a turning point and he accepted God as his savior and we have never been better. He now leads me in the right direction in our faith. We are approaching 7 years together and we are so excited for the lifetime ahead of us.
Wow. This was great. I 100% agree. I got married when I was 18. He was 21. This is spot on. Like after two months he said he loved me for the first time. I loved him too. Soon as he said that I put my name in his phone as wifey. He said that played a role in his mindset for marriage.
Thats sweet 😂
My husband and I got married at 20 and we are now 28 with a 1 year old. Just like they said, we grew up together and discovered out our values together over the years. We have both changed so much but have been hand in hand the whole time. ♥️
My favorite line was when Ben talked about the kids “value shopping” between mom and dad. I know firsthand that it really sucks to be in the middle of that. I hope I never do that in my marriage.
Man, I'm 23 years old and me and my girlfriend just broke up because of my insecurities and infidelity. I feel terrible, but I'm putting in the work to never ever feel this way again and to never put anyone through this. It just sucks because I wish I had this mindset way beforehand smh. Yall pray for me please
At least you’re being honest. Work on yourself so that you can be a good husband to someone else in the future. It’s no point getting married early if you can’t be faithful. Just give yourself time to mature.
Super true. I definitely needed to mature and go through the deep traumas in my life before getting married, let alone dating. My emotional and spiritual health just wasn't there. Thank you for this!@@TheFlyyBohemian
Jesús forgives all and can change everything in you. He did it to me. Cast away the lies that try to tell you who you are and the condemnation that comes along with it. In your pain - go to Jesus. Praying for you Jaylin
So true at aimlessly dating. I noticednince I say I'm dating for marriage that's it, end of discussion and ghosted
They weren’t worth your time either than. Keep looking girl. I’m in the same boat but I know the right guys are out there.
Yep, make it clear from the beginning what your values/beliefs are, and that marriage is your goal. The ones who aren't marriage material will be vetted right away, and eventually you'll find the right one, God's timing :)
This is truth when he says about being more set in your ways the older you get, not willing to compromise on minuscule things in life. I have seen that.That’s why older single people say that the “good women” or “good men” already have been taken. But it’s not that there are “good” men or women, but the fact that shaping takes place, when young men and women get married. And the best thing is when Jesus through Holy Spirit does that shaping.
My mother was 34 when she had me and im 32 now. There is still time for me to start a family, I trust in God's plan. His time is not our time, we cant force his blessings.
I'm so glad I didn't marry young. I had a lot of growing and maturing to do before marriage. Everyone is raised differently and there is not one life path. I've been happily married for almost 20 years and so glad I waited. Some people are ready for things at a certain age but don't let that pressure you into thinking you have to do the same thing or do anything major by a certain age. Thankfully life is more flexible than that.
First, that's awesome and congrats on 20 years! Second, I married young like Ruslan (20) and I was always baffled by my childhood friend who seemed so despondent that he hadn't gotten married like my wife and I in his early 20's. I don't know how many times we tried to drill in his head that we weren't the norm and he shouldn't force it. That's my long way of saying that, while I'm still very happy and grateful to God that I married early, it most definitely isn't for everyone and it's all in God's time.
Edit: typos
I’d like to say, like Ben I married young and VERY VERY EXTREMELY I might add immature. Still living w/ parents at that time, not knowing how to truly treat a woman how women ought to be treated and lots of anger issues. My wife was no saint either and was 20 at the time. 19 yrs later, lots of prayer, trusting God, church accountability, friends, patience, forgiveness, sacrifice and LOVE has sustained us. Oh we got some ugly ugly stories but we have soooo many INCREDIBLY beautiful ones as well. Comments like yours can be misleading bc it can make someone think if they have maturing to do then they should wait. No need to wait based on age just bc of perceived maturity/ immaturity. I’ll say this, you can and should be constantly maturing and there is always something terrible about ourselves that will always need work on. If you and your partner have solid core values that are aligned and apply some of the principles I mentioned chances are you will make it too. It’s really based on many factors and no cookie cutter formula but age and maturity have little to do with the success of your longevity and sustainability.
Yeah Shapiro and this ruslan guy are full of arrogance and act like they know it all. In their minds every word they say is 100% correct and anyone that goes against it is wrong. If they had it their way everyone would marry at 18 lol ridiculous.
@@terrycrews1760 I understand what you're saying and I was only speaking for myself. I had no business getting married in my 20's. I'm being honest to say I know that about myself. If I was in your marriage at a young age I would have divorced in 2 seconds. Probably never to marry again. I'm glad I waited until I had better relationship skills before considering marriage.
One week after turning 19 I got married to my high school sweetheart. We have been married for 51 yrs.
I understand this perspective but I just want to add that before anything, seek God first. He will show you who you are and who you should be with if you earnestly ask and seek. “But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.” Matthew 6:33
Ben Shapiro's father knew what he was talking about...and his walkthrough of the mindset when he met his wife is GOLD.
Got married at 20, wife was 21. Couldn't be more thrilled with how it has gone - not to say it's been easy.
I think his stance on people getting married too late isn’t taking an account of not everyone being mature enough and understanding the commitment of a marriage and how much marriage exposes your inner being.
I think a lot of heartache and unnecessary struggle can be avoided by marrying older. It all depends on where someone is at in their life when it comes to their finances, character, spiritual, mental, emotional and physical health but i don’t think pushing young marriage should be a one size fits all type of stance because not everyone is at the same stage of life.
I think more people need to really ask themselves, according to the scriptures is it wise for me to pursue marriage. Am I patient? do I have habitual sin in my life? Am I in debt? Have I really counted the cost of marriage? Have I thought thoroughly about what I value most and what I want my future spouse to value most? Is there past trauma that I need to address ? etc…
I have no interest in getting married at all but that would be my encouragement for people wanting to get married because I’ve seen too much divorce in the church and not enough time spent dealing with the questions I mentioned above in the season of singleness.
I was 17 and my husband was 19 when we got married, and we have been together now for 21 yrs...
I just want to say that sometimes you don't meet your person when you are young. It's not always a choice. Everyone's journey is different and God will make it happen in his time.
This clip is on the money. I wish i had married young and not got a sense of the world. Its genuinely harder dating in your 30's. I think more content needs to be created about dating in our 30's. Some great points here about ingrained habits as we got older. How can we change some of these habits and be accepting of others habits etc.
I agree with what Ben is saying! I have been married for 16 years now, I was 20 and my husband was 23. I am so thankful God brought us together when He did, we grew up together. Before marriage we talked about our goals, desires, beliefs, values...you have to align if you want to build a beautiful and fruitful life!
Best qualities in marriage; God, love, loyalty and understanding.
More simply, the best quality is God. All of the other characteristics you mentioned are in the bible and are given to a believer that has the holy spirit.
@@ctrlaltdelete11111Doesnt mean that person will walk in the light, they need to be committed & disciplined.
Ability to make a good grilled cheese would also be nice.
I love it that Ruslan had to move Ben from 1.25x speed to normal speed 😂
I love this video! My husband and I were married at 22 after being together for 5 years and about to celebrate 10 years married in a few weeks! 🥰He's my best friend! Our individual relationships with Jesus has been what carried us both through some serious hardships. We are committed. Just as we daily choose Jesus, we daily choose each other too.
good advice Ruslan
Great conversation that hits close to home being 31 and single. I really didn't have the desire to be married until the least year or so. I'm grateful for the last several years that I've spent on my own growing in my knowledge of God. It would have been painful to have done that in a marriage and potentially have to leave my husband behind while I continued going deeper. My faith and love for Him is rock solid. The difficulty now is finding someone with that same firmness and solidity of love for Him.
Honestly, Ben is the biggest counter to a lot of the RP nonsense. He broke most of their "rules" to get to their desired promised land.
Many people end up coming to the same conclusion after they have "dated randomly" and incurred massive amounts of damage. If, instead, they were intentional about using the dating process to pick their spouse, we would see a lot more successful marriages and a lot less single-parent households.
Fully agree with everything that was said here. My wife and I met each other in the middle of High School. I was 17, she was 16. Then we began dating when I was 19 or 20 and she was 18 or 19. Go married when I was 27 and she was 26. Happily married for 5 years now. So, she and I been together for 13 years overall. I'm a Catholic Christian since birth, and she was baptized into Christianity at 17 years of age.
So, I firmly agree with everything said in this video.
Personally we are lucky to have found each other early rather than later. God only knows what kind of people we would've been now given how crazy the dating market is nowadays. 😅
Go pick up the prayer journal. It's so good i got two
I’m mid 20’s and I definitely feel things are starting to set in…
So I agree with being able to grow and mold each other and a younger age
My mom told me to not marry the first guy that comes around. I was never a player so that wasn't really an issue but she was trying to convey wisdom from watching her relations and friends that got married in their teens and 20s and then 5 years later they felt like they threw away the best years of their life and were restless and looking for a divorce and moving on. This was in the early 60s. She got married when she was 26. Hers was in 1965. I got married when I was 28, in 1998. One marriage for each of us. The cultural and political climate perhaps played a part.
I know way too many ppl who married young after meeting at a Christian college and divorced later. Marrying each other at 1.0 version as opposed to 2.0 version is risky.
With a world full of deception and broken homes, sometimes you do not know your values until a later age... The Lord wakes us up at different times for His sake and His plan... If you listen carefully God will find your spouse for you... This is too rigid of a world view... This is ideal circumstances vs the reality of living in a fallen state. May the Lord Bless 🙏🏼
I totally agree. It sounds all too idealistic & utopian. Everyone's lives & destinies are different. Even for identical twins. But I think coming from a well balanced family can really be helpful.
Agree. I was an emotional mess in my early 20s, I could have made a huge mistake if I married young. I think God actually protected me from that
I do love this. Great insights guys! Thank you!
Great advice!
I tend to agree but I changed the most as I was about to hit 30….I left the left. I became a conservative, I’m not a devout atheist anymore…not a feminist anymore..now I want marriage…and kids..as I did when I was a kid. I do have bad habits but I’m working on them for myself.
How can we help the younger ones so they don’t end up in the same place
Time will heal ❤
@@danie77xyes! I would love to do that!
Best channel
I’m a Christian and I feel like a lot of y’all may get on me for this but this is my opinion
I feel like you can overlook if you don’t find somebody really attractive I feel like you can’t overlook if you find someone extremely unattractive
For example, if I see a girl who I think is all right, not really pretty but she’s not ugly. She’s just an all right person. I feel like that is an ok because if we have the same values, I will become more and more attracted to her but if you find someone who you genuinely see as unattractive to look at, even if y’all are compatible on a values and spiritual level, I feel like that is still something that can be a dealbreaker
And that’s not just going for men looking for women I think it’s even stronger for women looking for a man because if a woman not only doesn’t find her man attractive, but she finds him unattractive over time that will cause issues
That is damning advice. I’m 31 and with no dating prospects in sight. I guess I am in part to blame, but I genuinely could never see how someone would want to be with me. At least not from a physical perspective. Plus, anxiety is a hell of a life killer.
a House with 2 Masters is a house divided... That quote hold true for marriage as well, if both of you are set in your ways, both of you are your own masters, No one wants to compromise well... It's like 2 male lions, one's bound to eat the other.
Im 21, thanks for video bro. It helps a lot
Im 34 I seen young married couples in church, I realized that maybe there is more acceptance of differences for one another . The older you are the more choosier people seem to become in searching for relationships. You need to look a certain way , make a certain amount of money . I haven't had any luck with woman in the church most of them seem uninterested and dont serve in the church teams.
I agree with this video for the most part, however, I think it’s a little dangerous to suggest that everyone should marry young. Reason being is that not everyone is in the same maturity level. There are very mature 20 something year olds as there is very immature ones. Personally, if I would have gotten married at 20 I would probably be divorced right now because at that age I had no idea how to be a wife. For me it was helpful to mature a bit and get married a little older. Gave me time to really establish myself and learn what entails being a good wife and for my husband as well. I think everyone is different and if you are mature and established at 20 and want to get married then more power to you. Otherwise, sometimes it’s better to wait a little longer. Being in a marriage entails a lot of selflessness and compromise and many people aren’t ready for that at a young age.
Thank you! I agree wholeheartedly and was waiting to see if someone else would say it. Maturity is huge when it comes to marriage and I’ve always felt a lot of young folks now a days lack the maturity required at that age to not just get married, but STAY married. It’s more of the exception than the rule.
I want to feel encouraged watching this but instead I feel sad. Tonight talking to my brother I said I wanted someone not currently dealing with any kind of addiction, hardworking, sense of humor that fits with mine, loves the Lord, and prioritizes his health. Didn’t even mention attraction. His response like so many others is I have to knock at least one of those criteria off if I want to be married since competition is so fierce. On the flipside, I have people telling me it’s to my disadvantage to be too attractive, in shape, confident, funny, or serious about the Lord because it’s just too intimidating and guys will assume I’m already disinterested. From the worlds standards things feel dire. Like, be the person you’d want to be with! But also if you do you’ll be too much and also if you have too many basic standards your competition is too fierce 💀 choosing to believe God can provide for His daughters and will guide my expectations ⚡️
I’m about to be 29, have been saving myself, and have been single for multiple years haha
I got engaged at 20, married by 21, and a mother by 22. It has been a rollercoaster but it has been fun not doing it alone. We've had losses and brokenheartedness and many fun times and bliss. I have family tell my girls to get a career first then get married in their 30's. That's not what my girls want and I have to remind them that unsolicited advice is not welcomed. My girls want to get married young and they dream of falling in love and having kids, even though they're kids themselves right now.
I got married at 28, husband was 31. There’s absolutely no disadvantage to us getting married at these ages because it was God’s perfect plan for us before the foundation of the world. Getting married earlier would not have been better for us, to say that it would, would mean there is something better God could have done for us. That’s a lie.
I think he had good points about the type of mentality people should have when it comes to dating and marriage but whenever you listen to guys like this who are not Christian, they’re going to leave out fundamental truths like God’s will and sovereignty.
If you’re older and not married, it was not God’s will and he had a better plan for you. Pray and pray some more that he would give you a spouse in His perfect timing. Not Ben Shapiro’s perfect timing.
Thank you.
Thank you. Sometimes we also make mistakes on the way, and God takes time to work us. And it's better to get married ready than early.
I wish the church community was more suuportive and helpful of younger people getting married. Young couples defintely need the support of Christian community to help them navigate marriage at a young age.
Ruslan what do you think about age gaps in marriage for example most people in my country (South Africa) especially from my parents' generation have age gaps ranging from 7 to 10 years. Meaning the man was 30 and the woman 20 when they got married. What do you think about this?
7 years is the perfect age gap
Man, Africa is a whole different ball game all together🙃
There is more wiggle room for men in getting married older and I'm saying this being a woman. If you look at a lot of people's grandparents in America several of them have age gap relationships and it's because sometimes it takes men longer to build themselves up wether it's getting the right job to support a family or just not being seen by women until they got older. Women should definitely marry young if they can though, just like they used to do in the past all the time until feminism destroyed that and traditional roles.
@@batfuzz1681 110%
Age gap marriages are definitely more common in Africa but it depends on the subculture. My father is from Cameroon and her converted from Catholicism to being a born again Christian in the Pentecostal church when he was 19. He ended up marrying my mother who was 3 years younger than him when he was 22 years old. In a lot of Apostolic and Pentecostal churches in Cameroon and a lot of West Africa, they push for both the men and women to marry young. I know another Nigerian pastor who married his wife at 21. I for one kept my age limit within 6 years and I was not willing to entertain any man older than that. I have other African female friends who feel the same way.
If I could’ve I would’ve gotten married younger. Unfortunately that didn’t happen and it has been my hearts desire to be married.
Y’all, please don’t jump on me for saying this. I don’t mean any harm at all and I mean no shade towards Ruslan, or anyone else who got married young.
I don’t have an issue with people getting married young, but sometimes it feels like the church forgets about those who aren’t as young and haven’t been blessed with that gift. It’s almost in a way that those of us who are 30+ are subtly looked down on as if we’ve made some mistake in judgment because we’re not married yet. It’s like getting married young has become an idol.
I’m not saying this is what this video is arguing but what IM saying is, some people aren’t single because they chose to chase their career. Perhaps they didn’t meet their sweetheart on a missions trip. Perhaps the folks they serve alongside in the worship team are already married. Also, some people wait patiently on the Lord for their spouse and it doesn’t always happen at 23 or 22 or even 30.
My friend waited for years to meet someone and get married. She met her now husband nearly 20 years ago. She didn’t know it at the time. They dated briefly but lost touch with each other. Fast forward to 2016, they found themselves back in touch with each other, and they finally tied the knot 3 weeks ago. She’s 40. Is she young? Well, relatively, but she’s not 23. She was faithful to God, though.
I’ve been single for 15 years, and haven’t been on a date in a decade. I tried in college, but guys weren’t checking for me. I wasn’t saved at the time. The boyfriend I had after college wasn’t anything near saved and he was rude. The last guy I went on a date with was lovely. I would’ve loved to have been with him, but he wasn’t interested in a long distance relationship. I was devastated. I go to a small church and served and attended community groups for years. All the men have been married. I tried dating apps. Nothing. What do you want people to do? People can’t be shamed because they’ve had no other choice but to work lol.
Again, I’m not saying anyone here is saying that. This is just how I feel. Quite frankly, I haven’t watched the whole video because as soon as you said “getting married young is the best choice” I checked out. Admittedly. Respectfully.
We’ve gotta stop acting like marriage in our youth is the gold standard or acting as if late marriages are the last resort. You don’t know what The Lord has in store for people. Conservatives gotta get off their marriage in youth high horse. It’s such a hopeless message for those who are still patiently waiting on The Lord and desire to be married.
Again, y’all I’m sorry. I’m not trying to attack anyone. I just wish the social media church had more grace for folks who have to wait a little longer and stop acting like everywhere is the south or the Midwest.
Nah no one's wrong here. Ruslan or you both have good points. I definitely don't think getting married young is a must especially since there's zero times the bible says too... what I think Ruslans trying to say is, "there's a good mentality to be in when dating and a bad mentality." The good being start trying to find the right person immediately. And the bad mentality being, I've got plenty of time, who cares. Because the younger you find that person the easier life becomes in the long run. But either way young or old, make sure God is in your marriage and you'll be happy.
I think the point is the chances are better the younger you are. Just because it’s “easier” when you’re young doesn’t mean it’s impossible if you’re above a certain age. Love and marriage is possible from conception to death, ease varying
Nicely stated. Singleness with the desire for marriage at an older age is one unique experience. I personally say wait until you get older and can fully understand who you are and then the right person can only compliment and vice versa. Don’t apologize for your stance. I am sure there are benefits to marrying young or marrying at a later age. I personally stand on marrying later, like into your upper 20’s where you better understand yourself. And if you know your identity and decide to marry young, God bless to all who managed that accomplishment 😀🙏🏾
You said nothing wrong or offensive. Everybody’s path is different and God brings potential mates to people at different points in life. And also there’s nothing wrong with singleness either.
AMENN thanks for speaking my thoughts
I agree on the part of pre conditioning. I dated a lady for 7 years n when I wanted her to meet my family she told me she wasn't ready to marry me. N her excuse was she was too scared of marriage.
4:20 it’s only “controversial” to those who are immature or liberals and don’t understand what ur saying. I agree on that and yes we are more “flexible” when we’re young in our minds that when we get older then we’re set on our ways and how we live life.
I do agree people are getting married a bit too late cus I think when we get older then the dating pool gets smaller cus we become more picky and the certain amount of people becomes smaller. So when we’re young then we have room to grow, adjust, and learn how our partner works and how to work together more fluidly.
I also thank my parents for teaching me how to date which is only date to find my future wife and become friends first to see how they are. This helped me a lot within finding my wife where I only had two gfs and I wasn’t sleeping around. If u was like any other player out there then my body count could have been in the double digits easily, but that’s not how it’s suppose to be.
My Grandmother married at the age of 14, had 5 kids, lived and loved as a great mother and grandmother.
What do you mean by training/molding each other in regards to marriage?
I do wanna get married. Just have to be with the right guy. I wished I was married already.
My dude says, it’s not about looks and then after Ben said you have to be attracted, he said that looks matter. Cmon man
I think he means if your general standard is the person needs to be a 10/10 vs being ok & not paasing up getting a solid 5-7.5 who is a solid stable individual.
I "dated" a guy who was 27 at the time, I was 20, and he was already quite set on his ways and already marked or chanbged by his previous relationships. It felt like I had to make space for me in his life and explain myself on my thoughts, there was no way he was changing his mind. I mean, he did change his mind about a couple of things I told him about but it was already too late.
Anyways, I'm bot saying it didn't worl out just because he was older. He and I just weren't ready. But it's tru that people get set in their ways as time passes by.
Thanks for telling us what he said right after he said it 👍🏻
I had just turned 21, my wife was 22. We’ve been married 17 years-and 3 kids later, we wouldn’t change a thing!
Oh man! Now I feel the pressure even more!😬😰
Just because someone’s ideal says this would be the best case scenario that does not invalidate your journey. Some of y’all really need to stop getting offended by conversations when someone is sharing a perspective, & just try to listen and learn.
Remember God still has His hand on your life and He has a plan for you!! Seek Him, before you seek a man or marriage!!
I had my daughter at 29 (unmarried & a whole lot of mess, got out went to therapy started seeking God), met my boyfriend at 31 (we started dating with the intention of marriage) we waited to till marriage, and went to premarital counseling and I’m now married at 32, and we co-parent with my daughters dad. We are blessed! But definitely worth waiting to create a family with your husband. Coparenting is never easy, but we are making the best out of the situation we put ourselves in and putting our daughter first!
Met at 18, dated at 23, married at 25. Still going strong. If you want to marry, date to marry and save yourself for the person who will love you and commit to you through marriage. It’s beautiful to be married, it’s work but worth it, with the right person.
This was so good. If you are a young person, please listen to this!
I was engaged at 19, it didn’t work out though. Ive been single for the last 12 years, I’m now 36. Had a couple relationships in between. Asking for prayer that I may become the husband God intends for the wife he has for me
I am almost 26 and I want to be married
I was 25 when my husband and I got married and he was 24. I can't stand the cultural narrative around getting married young. I even wish we would have decided to tie the knot sooner than we did. We've been together since we were 17 and 16.
I like that shirt. 😮
Hearing that people are set in their ways by their late 20s is very eye-opening and interesting.
However, I have to say that, as I am approaching 30, I have been getting way better with my general ambitions, my focus on improving my business, getting way better with my finances, and where I spend my time doing things that are useful. I am very little spend time doing things that are not useful or add to my life. I do not have any character traits in my early 20s. I think in my early 20s I would’ve made a terrible husband.
I feel like within Christianity, there’s this idea that’s seeped into the church that is - “Let God bring you your spouse,” which I’ve always felt promotes this laissez-faire, lack of intentionality for marriage and relationships. I’m not sure where this idea came from because it kind of insinuates a lack of faith if you are openly seeking a spouse, and we never hear people say, “Let God bring you a job,” or “Let God bring you the roof over your head.” It just seems to imply that if you’re a faithful Christian, you shouldn’t bother to seek out a spouse or relationship at all. This idea definitely contributed to my mindset in dating, or lack thereof, as well as many of the people I know. And I think it might be more of a Western cultural idea than a Biblical one. Because, at the same time, in culture, I always felt like dating for marriage was lumped into the same boat as being “desperate,” which I was equally petrified of being perceived as. Any thoughts?
So true that marrying young means you shape each other- you are actually there and know why your partner does what he/she does, etc.. But I also think that if you are not attracted to a person-do not marry them-seriously! If you do not want to sleep with that person, then why would you marry them?
I got married at 30 as a man.I tried getting a girlfriend for many years before I met my now wife,but nothing ever worked out,all the ladies rejected me except my now wife
I wholeheartedly support getting married young, if that’s an option. I was 22 and my husband was 24 when we got married, so we were fairly young. We had our first child a year and a half later. I always say, if I could do it all over again, I would have gotten married and started having kids even sooner. If you’re both truly committed to Christ there is nothing as beautiful as marriage, all of the hills and the valleys included. Also-best piece of advice I received from someone was that “you know in six months or less if they’re the one.” (Much sooner in many cases!)
100% correct take, on all points. I would also add, but while getting married young is important, this is more important for the female.
Dang massive hate and degradation toward females. Feel bad for whoever ends up with you.
@@TheLastGen my wife feels bad for you, actually. Shouldn’t have pursued feminism. It ruined your life, now its too late.
@@matthewterry9413 So christian of you to say.
@@TheLastGen thanks, telling the truth is always Christian
I see a dislike/thumbs down count on the Shapiro video..how do you get that to show up again? Haaven't seen that counter in a long time.
Lol also there’s people at 21 who can’t even wash their ass properly why would they be mature enough to be married. A few years before you had to raise your hand to use the bathroom
This is good advice but I also think people in their late 30s have different mindset to people currently in their late 20s and less. People in their that 30s now didn't grow up with tech, the internet etc so there wasn't much to change your ways. People in their late 20s and younger grew up with the internet/social media and that is definitely impacting the way we think.
I think we're less rigid than older generations so would probably be set in our ways a lot later in age than before as we have access to so much information that's always updating.
For example the growth in tech and internet growth, literacy has grown exponentially
I came from a toxic upbringing. Any earlier than 27 would’ve been horrendous for me. I think for my man, too.
The truth is you cannot force attraction. Your brain does not work that way. But it absolutely should not be about looks only.
The timing for marriage will not be the same for everyone, that’s something we have to accept. Many marriages are lasting from being in your 20s , and there are many that are not.
I was engaged at 20 as nice as he was I am so glad God did not allow it, we would have been divorced by now. I am person of faith and always have been.
Gods timing is His alone.
12:20 I disagree with this. People unfortunately don't live in the 1940s anymore. Dating is a process of elimination. Many people can date without "hooking up" and have marriage in mind. Its like hiring process. It's a necessary evil, to learn about how strong a person is in their values and etc. By going through the dating process
I’m not a fan of dating any more but the real issue is going from boyfriend to boyfriend or girlfriend to girlfriend. Date to find you’re compatible and you actually want to be together, sure. But why as Christians are we having long exclusive relationships and then breaking up?
There's a difference between getting to know someone and "dating". He doesn't say it in this clip, but Ben actually asked all these important questions on the first "date"!
@roseroyaltyy Exactly! The reality is, dating is unnatural to humans, and that's why we have so many people who dated their significant other for 3, 4, or even 10 years years. We are gonna have redefine dating because most people couple up after getting to know each other better, but most feel or believe they are not ready for marriage! Hence, the extended non- marital relationships we have nowadays. Coupled with society accepting cohabitation, it's become almost an epidemic to find tons of 30 or 40 year olds who are still single but heartbroken and jaded from being on one of those long-term relationships that didn't lead upto marriage.
I wish I could have gotten married young, even at that time, but now I'm just hoping to get married, period.😢 31F and still saving myself and living out my faith.
I'm 23 and getting married in 4 months! 🎉
1:45 Good for you to realize you don’t need to speed up Ben Shapiro’s voice, he already runs at 2x speed naturally.
😂😂😂🤣
The problem that all of the people of the world have is they don't understand what love really means. The fact of the matter is that who you love is a choice. You may not be physically attracted to someone, but you can still love them romantically because you think they're an amazing person, deserve to feel loved, and want to take that job on yourself because you don't see anyone else doing it. That is what love is supposed to be, period. I completely disagree with Ben that being attracted to them should be a prerequisite. The Bible never mentions that the virtues you should be looking for in a spouse include how they look or how much money they have.
Bigger problem isn't dating the right person, it's not having ways for singles to connect and even meet in the 1st place. But nobody wants to talk about that.
Ruslan, on the last video I watched, you said you have been trying to “grow in gentleness.” I just want to say that I’ve noticed you doing just that in your videos! Obviously I am not someone who knows exactly what’s going on in your life but if the tone of your videos are any evidence, it’s happening!
El Ruslan, y El Shapiro...Muy bien...
This keeps tugging in my mind since the acknowledgment of the red pill and the whole gender thing. Do you think arranged marriages should be a thing now, should it be present due to how he expressed start early. If I'm guiding my son for school why not guide him early for a potential partner?
I love the idea
Nope, we all saw how that worked out in the past, terrible, and the children don't marry for love and end up resenting their parents. You're not giving them a choice and grooming them into a marriage. I don't know you, and I'm not judging you, but I can't even fathom forcing my child to marry someone I want. It's their life, not yours.
@katelyn.0124 then me raising my child with my doctrine and my beliefs. He shall either follow them and continue them the same way I give him guidance on a partner. I never implicated forcing marriage arrangements is a suggestion. Then go into the world and im sure my child will return to seeking the suggestions and advice his/her parents give them. Also its a suggestions better then the rest that aren't even having any children. Also then parents shouldn't be held accountable for the actions of a child when a child murders someone like the parents that got arrested for the actions of their son. Its not their hands that pulled the trigger so why are they in jail for the sons actions so is the child.
@EvaVas03 I'm sorry. I think I misunderstood you than, I obviously don't mind if you install certain values into your children, and they would mirror them into their relationship. It's normal to teach your kids what you believe, and they follow that. But you sort of made it sound like at three or whatever age you would pick a pather for your child and they had to marry them. If I'm wrong about that, then my bad. If you're saying you want to show them what you believe is a healthy or biblical relationship. That's fine.
@@Blue.velvet.0124 actually, the exact opposite of what you said is true. Arranged marriages work better than anything in history. It is right now that marriage is falling apart as an institution. Love was never the primary reason for marriage.
I just found out that average marriage age for men and women in my country are now 32 and 30, respectively.
It's not the individual person, it's the social and legal milieu in which marriage exists. The significance of the Sword of Damocles is that it hangs, not that it falls. I could never live comfortably with the Sword of Divorcecles hanging over me, it's just plain not worth the risk. I am admittedly rather risk averse, I don't roller skate or sky dive or run with the bulls in Pamplona Spain. Sure, I miss out, but I'm accepting of my limited view of life.
Huh! Whod've thunk? Having conversations to determine compatability. 🎉
What if you want to get married but do not want kids?