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Ugh.. if I did this.. I wouldn’t feel comfortable. It’s so surface level. Narc’s can bring up whatever they want without ever trying to hold back but if don’t answer their question, they won’t answer yours. Of if you answer their question/need.. they don’t have to answer your question. It’s one way to make one feel as less of a being. Besides I would still wanna lose it after even if I said what you are trying to say.. B/c they don’t care and want to make a person walk away even thinking about what they feel.. to shake your stability. 40 years of this.. Best just not talk to them at all.. just not worth it & what it leaves inside engaging. You’re going to hurt a lot being alone and the painful sadness that comes up regarding their inability to ever actually love you.. at least you won’t be harmed more by engaging.. just the same heartache that is always there.. no further picking at the wound that has never healed. Why let them pick at the scab by engaging. It just sets a whole chain of being retraumatizd again.
How does one make sure they don’t become numb emotionally or cold as they work on not reacting to certain emotions. I have seen this in people…they turn off one emotion in a sense and you can’t turn off one with soon turning most of them off.
@@coryshea856 There's a difference between training yourself not to display emotions in the presence of a toxic person AND not feeling those emotions at all. You are absolutely correct in that blocking one emotion carries the risk of blocking others. You don't block; you just choose to RESPOND instead of REACTING. For example, let's say somebody triggers you. You mindfully notice what emotion is brewing inside of you, you make a note of how your body feels, which emotion it is, why it's there, etc and you CHOOSE not to display it in that moment. But you keep a mental note. When you go up to your room or you go home or basically regain your privacy, you can then go back to the incident in your mind and sit with that emotion again, let it come up for processing. At least that's how I do it.
@@coryshea856 In this way, you are not being vulnerable with the toxic person, but by allowing yourself the space and time to feel and process your own emotions, you are still being true to yourself and your experience.
One neutral response I really like is.. “...and how are YOU going to handle that?” Or “and how are YOU going to resolve your feelings?” It lets me stay logically curious which keeps me emotionally disconnected.
@@Kelly-pp1et You would have to know what the exact circumstances are to know if it is passive aggressive... Do you have a better response for someone being abused?
I'm rewatching this video for the 4th time. This is something that I could do a lot better, all the while I've noticed significant improvements implementing these responses.
Right in time for the holidays. It’s hard to say nothing when you’re so hurt, but you have to be neutral to end the cycle and suffering. Like water around a rock. You are the rock now. Thank you
Jerry, it would be impossible for me to overstate how much I appreciate the difference your influence has helped me to make in my relationships...Thank you!
Gosh I always tend to jump between my narcissistic mother and my husband because I know how venomous she can be. I see now that is not an adult response, thank you!
Thank you! This video is so good. Previously I thought I needed to defend my position about why I choose to do something my way. Now I know I can use neutral responses and don't need to explain or justify myself.
My counselor taught me to ‘wargame’ the typical reactions I would get to my attempts to remain neutral and not take the bait. Before being with my family or significant other, I would plan for their reactions and decide what mine would be. Best advice I ever received.
It is not easy It takes practice 1. Empathy(I understand you are concerned. I recognize my actions.) 2. Declaring Self (Yes I am, and it is not your place to make my decision) 3. Silence 10:34 Staying Connected without Cutting off Neutrality instead of Reactivity 11:42 "Do you know what your brother/sister said, what she did to me?!" I don't know if he/she said that or not. You may want to talk to him/her about that 14:20 *Christmas Eve Dinner* 18:09 Calm, empathetic, mature, neutral Prepared Change, Acceptance of the new mean
My sibling is still pouting about a relationship I had that ended about 20 years ago, and still punishes me by pushing me away alternately with "love bombing" and making me pay with passive-aggressive rejection. My own therapist joked with me about how my sibling expected me to have NO ONE ELSE in my life. I had been told by a childcare professional that my sibling is "developmentally arrested". This seems to be the case, as my sibling seems to respond to situations the way a preteen would, everything based on "feeling", not on rationality. Also, everything with my sibling is "my way or the highway".
I LOVE ALL your Videos Jerry. I am one of your many TOP FANS! I am learning more and more every day. I am 50 yrs old and I have been on an inner journey the past year especially. I have learnt so many lessons from you. So much gratitude to you Jerry. Your knowledge and wisdom is wonderful! 🙏 #brilliance
Disappointment is part of life. "If you ask me to not disappoint you but to disappoint myself, I am afraid that is not something I am willing to do and it is fine if you don't understand".
Please join as a paid member for $1.99/month on my UA-cam channel, click JOIN and support the free videos on my UA-cam channel, also you will get notifications of upcoming events and additional helpful recovery information. Also, Please sign up for the upcoming workshop “Getting Your Family of Origin Out of You” Workshop Date: February 6, Saturday Time: 1pm EST - 5pm EST Zoom www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/events [Even if you are not able to attend, if you sign up for this workshop, I will send you your own copy of the full workshop and the workshop notes]
I understand neutrality, I just have had no luck with sustaining it. It is taken as a provocation by narcissists, and then they up the ante until I react. I had to go full no contact to protect myself.
Having to work so hard to not be reactive makes me feel like a zombie. I feel like I have to shut myself down, turn my power button off. I understand how useful non-reactivity would be with dysfunctional people, but it also feels too superficial for me. I'd rather not be around those people. It seems to be a choice then between practicing non-reactivity and going no contact.
Non reactivity is setting boundaries emotionally. There is no point feeling upset about someone else issue's. The situation dosen't get better for the other person and now there are two upset people. It's a lose lose situation. Best would be to understand and accept you cannot solve other's problems it is better to refer them to someone who can.
@@Artlover2803 Somewhat agree with you, but it depends on the situation. Sometimes when I hear a neutral response it makes me question whether it's more ambivalence from that person. I feel we are living in a culture now of ambivalence and it's increasingly making people lonely and unwell. People aren't learning how to do non-reactive communication, they are going silent and numb instead. (Disassociating.) People react b/c they are upset about something. Instead of "Not my circus, not my monkey." How about, "I don't want to discuss this right now, but let's set a time to do so later." Therapy is not an option for a lot of people b/c of the cost so luckily we have You Tube and Jerry Wise! Re: one of the examples Jerry gave about dating a woman. I don't like my close friend's husband. He is verbally abusive and controlling. It's my circus b/c it's upsetting to be sitting at the dinner table with them and observing how poorly he treats her. For so long, I sat in silence. Then, I started saying to him calmly, "She may be your wife, but she is also my friend. And, what you are saying about her right now is upsetting me because she is a kind person and doesn't deserve this." I always felt better about speaking up instead of staying silent. Still do.
Your videos are so helpful in navigating me through awakening as I’m scapegoat, rejected by entire family and narc mom now has my daughter as a flying monkey and I’m suffering as I can no longer see my grandchildren as I’m portrayed as the crazy one for being truth teller. Grateful for your help
16:45 I would like to borrow your phrase sometimes to keep insensitive people at bay, Jerry. "Welcome to the world of disappointments. We all have [ live in with] disappointments. I am not doing this with malice....". No insulting, no condescending, no explaining.
I was a GC and my mom always used to criticize my brother when he wasn’t around so I would try to change the subject sneakily. Mom: “I can’t believe your brother is still dating that woman.” Me: “Isn’t she from Hillsville? My friend moved to Hillsville. One time me and my friend…” and I go on to tell a 5-minute long story of no importance whatsoever to try and make my mom forget that she was criticizing my brother.
Yes turn yourself on manual vs automatic thanks for watching Please join as a paid member for $1.99/month on my UA-cam channel, click JOIN and support the free videos on my UA-cam channel, also you will get notifications of upcoming events and additional helpful recovery information. Also, Please sign up for the upcoming workshop “Getting Your Family of Origin Out of You” Workshop Date: February 6, Saturday Time: 1pm EST - 5pm EST Zoom www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/events [Even if you are not able to attend, if you sign up for this workshop, I will send you your own copy of the full workshop and the workshop notes]
You are so welcome Please join as a paid member for $1.99/month on my UA-cam channel, click JOIN and support the free videos on my UA-cam channel, also you will get notifications of upcoming events and additional helpful recovery information. Also, Please sign up for the upcoming workshop “Getting Your Family of Origin Out of You” Workshop Date: February 6, Saturday Time: 1pm EST - 5pm EST Zoom www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/events [Even if you are not able to attend, if you sign up for this workshop, I will send you your own copy of the full workshop and the workshop notes]
One thing i used when my narc vehemently objected to my choice, and went so far as to assassinate my character, was: "I understand that you feel that way, and I'm okay with that." Stopped her in her tracks
This is brilliant, Jerry. ...You've lifted the lid, more than once for me now,as far as a my relationships go. ...Speaking of which: any tips for dealing with shame for having, and for a long time having, a poor sense of boundaries...?
"I'm sorry that's upsetting to you", is an apology, so not entirely neutral, not one I would have used Jerry. It's focusing on the narcs feelings. But I get your point on this. Staying calm is important, and I would just use the grey rock method myself. The problem is that people recognise they have narc parents after a lifetime of this.
Imagine your speaking to a kid- Saying you’re sorry that you are upsetting them (for example by telling them they need to go to bed and that is your decision) is a very neutral non reactive response. It’s about removing your own reactivity while acknowledging their point of view regardless if their point of view makes sense. It’s not an apology for the sake of being sorry, it’s a way to state your calmness despite the obvious different point of view. I hope this added clarity!
I want to ask if two scapegoats got married and have a family. If they divorce their family..if they have kids. What type of plan should they come up w for back up caretakers if they die?
'sorry to hear you are upset about that' My situation: every second I have an incorrect thought/feeling Solution is detaching that thought/feeling Problem: however, if I have a bad thought/feeling and I tell myself 'sorry' then it doesn't help me detach that thought. Saying sorry is kind of like reacting in an apologizing/guilty way. Question: how can I stay neutral while observing the bad thought/feeling (without using distraction)?
Jerry, when you say you get to do what you want to do because you're an adult, that's true on the surface. But if you are narcissistic about it and don't allow any room for any kind of negotiation/compromise, consideration of the needs of others, you are taking the chance that the neglect involved in a one-way-street situation will eventually starve the relationship to death. Don't lose sight of the way a narcissist may interpret your statement "you get to do what you want". There's give and take in relationships, and the narcissist and/or immature don't want to recognize this.
Is there another way to say it other than “I’m sorry?” Because usually I’m not sorry about things that aren’t someone else’s business and then saying “I’m sorry” rings inauthentic to me. Why would I be sorry about something?
I get asked this as well. Now all I say is, with a very calm and sincere voice: “sounds like you’ve got a reason for asking?” The key is to say it out of curiosity without any hint of agitation. It works pretty good. What is someone supposed to say when they answer? They don’t really have anything to say and all I do is just smile. Oh, and by the way, I don’t answer!
Join the crowd, it is a common problem Please join as a paid member for $1.99/month on my UA-cam channel, click JOIN and support the free videos on my UA-cam channel, also you will get notifications of upcoming events and additional helpful recovery information. Also, Please sign up for the upcoming workshop “Getting Your Family of Origin Out of You” Workshop Date: February 6, Saturday Time: 1pm EST - 5pm EST Zoom www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/events [Even if you are not able to attend, if you sign up for this workshop, I will send you your own copy of the full workshop and the workshop notes]
If you happen to get a bunch of dislikes, don’t be surprised. The phrase “Neutral Response” is an internet dog whistle that causes videos to get an equal number of likes and dislikes.
@3:00 My "Police Contact Script" questions #1 & #4 will prove you are not obligated to answer any question from a police officer, prosecutor, or judge!!! ua-cam.com/video/icAB24Gzt-c/v-deo.html
Jerry dates circuses, hey how do I get in on that scene? Come on Jerry, you CARE about everyone, you have finally reached perfection with that statement :)
Finally get your family OUT OF YOU & be the true self you were never allowed to be 👇
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‘Road to Self’ Program: Join 10,000+ people who have transformed their lives! www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/road-to-self
Ugh.. if I did this.. I wouldn’t feel comfortable. It’s so surface level.
Narc’s can bring up whatever they want without ever trying to hold back but if don’t answer their question, they won’t answer yours. Of if you answer their question/need.. they don’t have to answer your question.
It’s one way to make one feel as less of a being.
Besides I would still wanna lose it after even if I said what you are trying to say.. B/c they don’t care and want to make a person walk away even thinking about what they feel.. to shake your stability. 40 years of this..
Best just not talk to them at all..
just not worth it & what it leaves inside engaging. You’re going to hurt a lot being alone and the painful sadness that comes up regarding their inability to ever actually love you.. at least you won’t be harmed more by engaging.. just the same heartache that is always there.. no further picking at the wound that has never healed. Why let them pick at the scab by engaging. It just sets a whole chain of being retraumatizd again.
You are wise Jerry. You are aptly named. Love you Jerry.
Funny too: "Who I'm dating is my circus, my monkeys." (9:32)
@@truthfortots3288I've heard that the circus / monkeys bit is from a Polish saying.
How does one make sure they don’t become numb emotionally or cold as they work on not reacting to certain emotions. I have seen this in people…they turn off one emotion in a sense and you can’t turn off one with soon turning most of them off.
@@coryshea856 There's a difference between training yourself not to display emotions in the presence of a toxic person AND not feeling those emotions at all. You are absolutely correct in that blocking one emotion carries the risk of blocking others. You don't block; you just choose to RESPOND instead of REACTING. For example, let's say somebody triggers you. You mindfully notice what emotion is brewing inside of you, you make a note of how your body feels, which emotion it is, why it's there, etc and you CHOOSE not to display it in that moment. But you keep a mental note. When you go up to your room or you go home or basically regain your privacy, you can then go back to the incident in your mind and sit with that emotion again, let it come up for processing. At least that's how I do it.
@@coryshea856 In this way, you are not being vulnerable with the toxic person, but by allowing yourself the space and time to feel and process your own emotions, you are still being true to yourself and your experience.
One neutral response I really like is..
“...and how are YOU going to handle that?” Or “and how are YOU going to resolve your feelings?” It lets me stay logically curious which keeps me emotionally disconnected.
I’m going to use that 😂
This is passive aggressive behavior.
@@Kelly-pp1et You would have to know what the exact circumstances are to know if it is passive aggressive... Do you have a better response for someone being abused?
@@EffieS-fh8xn yes. Leaving and going no contact. Like I have done.
I’m watching this at 3am when I woke up due to stress of family issues… this is reassuring and calming thanks ❤
You’re welcome 😊
I'm rewatching this video for the 4th time. This is something that I could do a lot better, all the while I've noticed significant improvements implementing these responses.
Right in time for the holidays. It’s hard to say nothing when you’re so hurt, but you have to be neutral to end the cycle and suffering. Like water around a rock. You are the rock now. Thank you
My new moto "not my circus not my monkies"
Jerry, it would be impossible for me to overstate how much I appreciate the difference your influence has helped me to make in my relationships...Thank you!
Wow, thank you!
Jerry Wise Relationship Systems 🙏🏻 Thank you.
Gosh I always tend to jump between my narcissistic mother and my husband because I know how venomous she can be. I see now that is not an adult response, thank you!
Thank you! This video is so good. Previously I thought I needed to defend my position about why I choose to do something my way.
Now I know I can use neutral responses and don't need to explain or justify myself.
Glad it was helpful!
My counselor taught me to ‘wargame’ the typical reactions I would get to my attempts to remain neutral and not take the bait. Before being with my family or significant other, I would plan for their reactions and decide what mine would be. Best advice I ever received.
My 93 yr old father is not near death, but I’ve already started practicing my non-reactive responses to a particular sibling I’ll have to see.
It is not easy
It takes practice
1. Empathy(I understand you are concerned. I recognize my actions.) 2. Declaring Self (Yes I am, and it is not your place to make my decision) 3. Silence
10:34 Staying Connected without Cutting off
Neutrality instead of Reactivity
11:42 "Do you know what your brother/sister said, what she did to me?!"
I don't know if he/she said that or not.
You may want to talk to him/her about that
14:20 *Christmas Eve Dinner*
18:09
Calm, empathetic, mature, neutral
Prepared
Change, Acceptance of the new mean
I’ll be calling on my inner Jerry this weekend with my family. Thank you so much!
Stay calm & non reactive. Observe don't absorb ❤️
Thank you Jerry❤
The sane voice in a ' mad' world
The Wise, Wise. You have helped me greatly this past year.
My sibling is still pouting about a relationship I had that ended about 20 years ago, and still punishes me by pushing me away alternately with "love bombing" and making me pay with passive-aggressive rejection.
My own therapist joked with me about how my sibling expected me to have NO ONE ELSE in my life. I had been told by a childcare professional that my sibling is "developmentally arrested". This seems to be the case, as my sibling seems to respond to situations the way a preteen would, everything based on "feeling", not on rationality. Also, everything with my sibling is "my way or the highway".
Same here. My sister always says to me, "Well, it's because you like musicians." Because 40 years ago my high school b/f was a musician.🙄
I LOVE ALL your Videos Jerry. I am one of your many TOP FANS!
I am learning more and more every day. I am 50 yrs old and I have been on an inner journey the past year especially. I have learnt so many lessons from you.
So much gratitude to you Jerry.
Your knowledge and wisdom is wonderful! 🙏
#brilliance
That is awesome!
Thank you for your words, Jerry.
I hope to God I can practice this and learn sooner.
“Welcome to the world of disappointment.” I’ll try not to say this out loud when someone thinks their disappointment should govern my actions.
Disappointment is part of life. "If you ask me to not disappoint you but to disappoint myself, I am afraid that is not something I am willing to do and it is fine if you don't understand".
Excellent video!
It took me quite a while to become confident with dealing with the toxicity in a "matter of fact" way.
Thankful for this information. Jerry continues to deliver new stuff, and he keeps putting it out for free. It's so helpful. This guy.
Please join as a paid member for $1.99/month on my UA-cam channel, click JOIN and support the free videos on my UA-cam channel, also you will get notifications of upcoming events and additional helpful recovery information.
Also,
Please sign up for the upcoming workshop
“Getting Your Family of Origin Out of You”
Workshop
Date: February 6, Saturday
Time: 1pm EST - 5pm EST
Zoom
www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/events
[Even if you are not able to attend, if you sign up for this workshop, I will send you your own copy of the full workshop and the workshop notes]
I understand neutrality, I just have had no luck with sustaining it. It is taken as a provocation by narcissists, and then they up the ante until I react. I had to go full no contact to protect myself.
program.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/welcome/
Having to work so hard to not be reactive makes me feel like a zombie. I feel like I have to shut myself down, turn my power button off. I understand how useful non-reactivity would be with dysfunctional people, but it also feels too superficial for me. I'd rather not be around those people. It seems to be a choice then between practicing non-reactivity and going no contact.
Non reactivity is setting boundaries emotionally. There is no point feeling upset about someone else issue's. The situation dosen't get better for the other person and now there are two upset people. It's a lose lose situation. Best would be to understand and accept you cannot solve other's problems it is better to refer them to someone who can.
@@Artlover2803 Somewhat agree with you, but it depends on the situation. Sometimes when I hear a neutral response it makes me question whether it's more ambivalence from that person. I feel we are living in a culture now of ambivalence and it's increasingly making people lonely and unwell. People aren't learning how to do non-reactive communication, they are going silent and numb instead. (Disassociating.) People react b/c they are upset about something. Instead of "Not my circus, not my monkey." How about, "I don't want to discuss this right now, but let's set a time to do so later." Therapy is not an option for a lot of people b/c of the cost so luckily we have You Tube and Jerry Wise! Re: one of the examples Jerry gave about dating a woman. I don't like my close friend's husband. He is verbally abusive and controlling. It's my circus b/c it's upsetting to be sitting at the dinner table with them and observing how poorly he treats her. For so long, I sat in silence. Then, I started saying to him calmly, "She may be your wife, but she is also my friend. And, what you are saying about her right now is upsetting me because she is a kind person and doesn't deserve this." I always felt better about speaking up instead of staying silent. Still do.
Thank you, Mr. Wise. Your videos are a blessing. ☀️
So nice of you
Your videos are so helpful in navigating me through awakening as I’m scapegoat, rejected by entire family and narc mom now has my daughter as a flying monkey and I’m suffering as I can no longer see my grandchildren as I’m portrayed as the crazy one for being truth teller. Grateful for your help
You are so welcome Tonya
Thank you for watching.
Any donation would help in making these videos.
www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/donations
Dear Dr.Wise thank you for offering us the tools of self- defferentiation.
Regards 🇧🇷
My pleasure
16:45 I would like to borrow your phrase sometimes to keep insensitive people at bay, Jerry. "Welcome to the world of disappointments. We all have [ live in with] disappointments. I am not doing this with malice....". No insulting, no condescending, no explaining.
I was a GC and my mom always used to criticize my brother when he wasn’t around so I would try to change the subject sneakily.
Mom: “I can’t believe your brother is still dating that woman.”
Me: “Isn’t she from Hillsville? My friend moved to Hillsville. One time me and my friend…” and I go on to tell a 5-minute long story of no importance whatsoever to try and make my mom forget that she was criticizing my brother.
I can count on being concerned with others; its time to practice counting myself into the equation, its not automatic..
Yes turn yourself on manual vs automatic thanks for watching
Please join as a paid member for $1.99/month on my UA-cam channel, click JOIN and support the free videos on my UA-cam channel, also you will get notifications of upcoming events and additional helpful recovery information.
Also,
Please sign up for the upcoming workshop
“Getting Your Family of Origin Out of You”
Workshop
Date: February 6, Saturday
Time: 1pm EST - 5pm EST
Zoom
www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/events
[Even if you are not able to attend, if you sign up for this workshop, I will send you your own copy of the full workshop and the workshop notes]
I really wish I had seen this earlier today, lol . Would have saved me a lot of grief. I fell for it with a relative.
Thank you for articulating this ‘growth part’ so well! I appreciate your videos, thank you.
Great video !
Glad you enjoyed it
Excellent advice. 👍🏻🧡
You are not only Jery Wise but you are a wise JERY...Much love from Kenya Africa.
Thank you Jerry ❤️ for creating this wonderful video and giving me some tools to use to change my life.
You are so welcome
Exercising My Legal Right To Remain Silent, Especially With Police...
Every word of this is pure gold. Thank you for all you do, it resonates deeply with me and my experiences.
Thank you - Jerry
You are so welcome
Please join as a paid member for $1.99/month on my UA-cam channel, click JOIN and support the free videos on my UA-cam channel, also you will get notifications of upcoming events and additional helpful recovery information.
Also,
Please sign up for the upcoming workshop
“Getting Your Family of Origin Out of You”
Workshop
Date: February 6, Saturday
Time: 1pm EST - 5pm EST
Zoom
www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/events
[Even if you are not able to attend, if you sign up for this workshop, I will send you your own copy of the full workshop and the workshop notes]
Jerry is giving me the courage to deal with my horrid, nasty, and judgmental aging narc mother next week for a holiday gathering.
Thank you
Thanks for this 🙂
Thank you, i really needed to hear this!
Thank you very much for your work! As ACOA and codependent I find your videos very helpful. They helped me a lot 🙏🏼
You're very welcome!
Could I respond “well, it’s unfortunate you feel that way.” That way I don’t have to apologize for my own decisions?
I think that'd be borrowing off the narcissist's script. You don't have to apologise for your actions, full stop
One thing i used when my narc vehemently objected to my choice, and went so far as to assassinate my character, was: "I understand that you feel that way, and I'm okay with that." Stopped her in her tracks
@@herewegokids7 thank you!!
Thank you!!!
Thanks Jerry I am an adult my father has no right to dictate my life .
This is brilliant, Jerry. ...You've lifted the lid, more than once for me now,as far as a my relationships go. ...Speaking of which: any tips for dealing with shame for having, and for a long time having, a poor sense of boundaries...?
Healing the Shame that Binds You by John Bradshaw might help
"I'm sorry that's upsetting to you", is an apology, so not entirely neutral, not one I would have used Jerry. It's focusing on the narcs feelings. But I get your point on this. Staying calm is important, and I would just use the grey rock method myself. The problem is that people recognise they have narc parents after a lifetime of this.
Imagine your speaking to a kid- Saying you’re sorry that you are upsetting them (for example by telling them they need to go to bed and that is your decision) is a very neutral non reactive response. It’s about removing your own reactivity while acknowledging their point of view regardless if their point of view makes sense. It’s not an apology for the sake of being sorry, it’s a way to state your calmness despite the obvious different point of view. I hope this added clarity!
I want to ask if two scapegoats got married and have a family. If they divorce their family..if they have kids. What type of plan should they come up w for back up caretakers if they die?
'sorry to hear you are upset about that'
My situation: every second I have an incorrect thought/feeling
Solution is detaching that thought/feeling
Problem: however, if I have a bad thought/feeling and I tell myself 'sorry' then it doesn't help me detach that thought. Saying sorry is kind of like reacting in an apologizing/guilty way.
Question: how can I stay neutral while observing the bad thought/feeling (without using distraction)?
Pour your music into my ears ❤
Why 'sorry' ?
We cannot claim ownership of others views
Only if you 'want' to ❤
Jerry, when you say you get to do what you want to do because you're an adult, that's true on the surface. But if you are narcissistic about it and don't allow any room for any kind of negotiation/compromise, consideration of the needs of others, you are taking the chance that the neglect involved in a one-way-street situation will eventually starve the relationship to death. Don't lose sight of the way a narcissist may interpret your statement "you get to do what you want". There's give and take in relationships, and the narcissist and/or immature don't want to recognize this.
Is there another way to say it other than “I’m sorry?” Because usually I’m not sorry about things that aren’t someone else’s business and then saying “I’m sorry” rings inauthentic to me. Why would I be sorry about something?
I’d hereby like to propose a motion to attribute the Jerry chant from the Jerry Springer show to Jerry Wise.
How do you stay neutral to the nagging questions about being single? “I can’t believe you’re still single?” Or “Are you dating anyone yet?”
I get asked this as well. Now all I say is, with a very calm and sincere voice: “sounds like you’ve got a reason for asking?” The key is to say it out of curiosity without any hint of agitation. It works pretty good. What is someone supposed to say when they answer? They don’t really have anything to say and all I do is just smile. Oh, and by the way, I don’t answer!
I struggle w having to get reactive in order to assert myself.
Join the crowd, it is a common problem
Please join as a paid member for $1.99/month on my UA-cam channel, click JOIN and support the free videos on my UA-cam channel, also you will get notifications of upcoming events and additional helpful recovery information.
Also,
Please sign up for the upcoming workshop
“Getting Your Family of Origin Out of You”
Workshop
Date: February 6, Saturday
Time: 1pm EST - 5pm EST
Zoom
www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/events
[Even if you are not able to attend, if you sign up for this workshop, I will send you your own copy of the full workshop and the workshop notes]
Gamechanger!!!
Very demure, very mindful 😂
If you happen to get a bunch of dislikes, don’t be surprised. The phrase “Neutral Response” is an internet dog whistle that causes videos to get an equal number of likes and dislikes.
@3:00 My "Police Contact Script" questions #1 & #4 will prove you are not obligated to answer any question from a police officer, prosecutor, or judge!!!
ua-cam.com/video/icAB24Gzt-c/v-deo.html
I like that, not my monkey, not my circus👏✋✌
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Jerry dates circuses, hey how do I get in on that scene? Come on Jerry, you CARE about everyone, you have finally reached perfection with that statement :)
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Mr. Wise, you are saving me from a future on high-blood pressure medication lol 🚫💊🧠🩹👍
Excellent advice. 👍🏻🧡
Glad it was helpful!