Finally get your family OUT OF YOU & be the true self you were never allowed to be 👇 Access my free training - jerrywise.ewebinar.com/webinar/free-training-10027 ‘Road to Self’ Program: Join 10,000+ people who have transformed their lives! www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/road-to-self
Jerry, Just to say this - you could make a video that is 6 hours long and I wouldn't want to miss a second of it! Once again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for your influence in my life and your direct impact on my healing and wellness - I am certain that I speak for many, many people. May God Bless You in All You Experience.
Jennifer, thank you for your kind words. Thank you for watching. Any donation would help in making these videos. www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/donations
After years of different counselling I can only thank you from the bottom of my heart for all the help I have never received from any counsellor I have seen . Your videos are giving people deep rooted healing something not many people or counsellors posses thank you 🙏 so so much😁
There is a famous quote…..I don’t remember the author but it goes like this “Praise and Criticism should be given equal weight…..take neither to heart”
I noticed something; that when I was teaching in a public school, every year the kindergarteners were quite individuated compared to the students in all the other grades. I didn't think of it that way at the time but I did think they were very individualistic in what to me were delightful ways, and I remember wondering what they might turn out to be like as they grow up if what I was seeing that was unique in a good way in each one was nurtured and supported instead of being "socialized" and squashed. Isn't it interesting that the billionaires and some other people purposely don't put their kids through that system? I've also noticed that the more I work on individuating as an adult, the more in touch with my inner child I become. I'm getting more in touch with how I originally was as a kid than I was as a teenager, which is when I more consciously, or rather, self-consciously, began changing myself into someone I thought others would approve of.
One thing I've learned is to never discuss finances with anyone other than my spouse and my financial advisor. I've learned that the hard way. Even what you paid for the things you've bought is nobody else's business - EVER.
It took me years to deprogram and i still have a hard time with not ruminating over negative comments from narc parents..its a lifelong discipline to "observe and not absorb".. 🙏 🤲
Me too! 6 years of being estranged and I still get thoughts of things they said or did to me when I was 5! Who tells a 5 year old they’re evil and bad?? My parents!
I tried to escape my mother-daughter-triangulation mess today, but met with great resistance- told by daughter "just don't be so emotional. Just ignore grandma when she annoys you." Yesterday, my mother looked into my daughter's new job, but called (me) about it and wrecked my dinner. When I told mom I don't want to talk about it, talk to daughter, it's your issue, she resisted. I just want to be heard. I'm the classic daughter of a Narcissist -- the kids have learned from my mom how to run me over. Thanks again Jerry , I'm binge watching today to get re-calibrated.
Thank you so very very much for sharing your story here! You have done me a world of good because this relates to what I am going through in a huge way. Yes hope you recalibrate every time you need to, and that every time you do it you gain more solidity and strength! Know there is someone out here whose heart is with you in it.
Often it’s not so much statements they make, but patterns of behaviour that people find acceptable to treat you that way. Then setting boundaries results in gas-lighting.
I was always embarrased by people who knew all that was "bad" at me long before they have even met me for the first time! But they never told me how I had to improve so many "failures". Thank You, Jerry Wise!!👍💐😊🌷
I don’t understand why we can’t say to someone, “That is really none of your business”? People think that they should get in your face about YOUR business.
You can say that. And you will have to say it repeatedly because they will continue to try to define you. Accept yourself. You own you. Silence works when they start up with you.
I love your videos, Jerry. They're so helpful, and your presentation is really calming. I'm tackling this very topic in counselling at the moment. It's long overdue! I'm 49 and come from a very large and toxic family. I will watch this video many times over! Thank you for your videos. Every one of them has been a huge help
Thanks for the Coca Cola idea. My biological mother wanted me to become a nun (or a prostitute), I wanted to become a violonist or a vet or a surgeon and to move to Germany/Austria or to the US/Canada. I have made it as far as the UK where I have done various crap jobs (financial industry, being treated like a Barbie and discarded, lots of narcs out there; factory jobs, lots of vulnerable narcs who are incredibly jealous and of women who are either divorced/separated or trapped in loveless marriages). Still better than being a nun or still living 'at home' with my 'family', or being used by a pimp, or being dead!
I dealt with labeling my whole life from my father. It was labeling based on physical attributes, weight and comments about my character. The man persisted even on his deathbed. I have been able to flush it mostly out of my system but I return to videos like this because they fortify my understanding and implementation of new ways of looking at myself. Never give up on yourself. Even if you’re older, you can find peace.
ALL of us are a work in progress. You have helped so many Jerry (myself included) when you we're heavier and continuing up to now. You are a wise and generous soul. There aren't many who offer the works of their colleagues in their videos, yet you do so in just about every one. This tells me that you are genuinely interested in helping others and self-promotion is not the priority. Never mind the haters. Keep being the inspiration you are.
Thank you for your kind words Jazz Head... and Thank you for watching. Any donation would help in making these videos. www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/donations
oh, just one thing tho: if someone is mean to you, they ARE mean. Period. Whether they're ALSO traumatized, or not, on the "inside" is another matter. Are they mean with the full intent of being mean? ah, that's a different question. But don't you try to overthink it, such as are they really a mean person, lol, bc that's when you're thinking of them, instead of caring about yourself.
The only way I have found, over a lifetime, to "not allow" others (my family, specifically) to define me is to stay as far away as possible. I've tried everything in (and out of!) the book, and nothing works because, I believe, the "family narrative" that has held everyone else together "needs" me to be "the problem". At this point, as it's plain as day. It wasn't always, but I've been learning to "observe and not absorb" for around 10 years now, and I'm a million times better at it, but regardless of this fact, it's just not o.k. with me any longer, to stick around when this is occurring. I would say that there is one particular family member who, I believe, is mostly responsible...or at least responsible for abusing her expertise in manipulating everyone else in the family. Yes, I understand that even they have a responsibility to know when they're being manipulated....but unfortunately they don't see themselves as having enough to lose to make that effort. Sad?...Yes. Twisted?...Yes. Painful? Yes..for a very long time...but I can see the whole thing so clearly now that it's become almost "easy" not to take it personally. But not easy enough to want to spend another minute in the midst of it. Life is short and there are an infinite number of things I'd rather be doing.
This seems like a challenge to do because it’s like I have to detach from craving approval from others. I just realised that just that means that I allow others to define me as in whether or not I’m good enough.
Praise makes me cringe, this sort of praise, and why? bc it immediately puts a load of responsibility onto my shoulders: to continue living up to the praise. Especially with these kinds of people (they often are borderlines, all or nothing), these people WILL turn against you, one day. Their shallow praise is as easily, as unthoughtfully, given as their criticism. Ooh, makes me cringe, if someone was to tell me, you're the only one X and Y. Run away. Could be a borderline, could be a narcissist buttering you up, could be a psychopath.
In a nutshell, I come from a dysfunctional and psychologically abusive relationship with my father who was a covert narcissist and had robbed me of my self-worth, I was homeless with him for a very long time during my upbringing and never had a good home life growing up. I managed to escape that and went to go be with my extended family that had found me on the internet, I genuinely felt that I would belong with them and I thought they felt same way, but unfortunately, I guess they didn’t. What seemed like a gift from the universe, just turned into something that only contributed to my psychological and emotional wounds, I was only with them for 3 months because of how difficult they were to live with, and how conditional their love and regard was towards me, couldn’t really be loved or accepted for just the way I am and only if I meet certain criteria, and had to constantly jump through hoops in order to be loved. It’s just really unfair to me how my upbringing pretty much got robbed by a narcissist father and is something no kid should ever have to go through, while my fully related brother got to have what they called a ‘privileged life’. Yet, some online stranger on discord said to me “who are you and why should you be loved and cared for” and even a former friend laughs at me and invalidates me saying “well they raised your brother and not you so he’s their kid and not you why do you think you deserve everything what he always gotten.” …but to me it’s just really unfair, my aunt didn’t even have any idea why I went to go be with them, even though she invited me and was like “why not come stay here?”. It has put me in a constant endless loop of rumination. I remember I stayed with a friend of mine and his family because his mom couldn’t sleep at night knowing that I was sleeping in a car in a parking lot somewhere. They treated me as equally as their 2 boys… I wanted that with my brother… every other kid gets to have a family home life, the most basic thing in the world… except for me I guess…
Sorry, thousands of children have dreadful childhoods like you,start a new life, thank goodness you’re out of it al!! Had a bad start, make it a good finish….
That was Nmothers Modus Operandi. So so confused as a child and young person . She would tell others too. Then, often at dinner time..she would suddenly say..."Mrs S, said ...* 😮 As a teen...a young teen...very damaging.
Thank you for your time in what you are doing for greater good. People don't realize the amount of time healing takes so lengthy amounts of time is what it takes. If the lengthy time is what is looked at then it just means they are not ready or willing at that time. I would spend 24 hours a day to work on me and healing my traumas and bettering of myself as I spend every minute I can intentionally working on that exactly. Thank you for contributing and helping me in my journey.
Totally knew what you are saying. Recently a guy told me I looked like I was in high school or college. I was like what? Ya right. I am 54 years old, get a grip 😆
Wow I love listening to your videos. I have been struggling with everyone else defining who they think I am knowing they're way off. It has been messing with me mentally lately. This helps a lot
Im laughing at the ending because I’m guilty of thinking that, “ I wish my dad had been like Jerry “. I’m not fawning! You just have a very warm, very accepting voice and look about you. But don’t worry I will not put you on a pedestal 😂
In my effort to become more self-aware & heal from abuse, I like to watch the shorter videos during the work week. But I really look forward to your longer videos on the weekends when I want more depth & guidance. Thank-you for taking the time to publish these videos - they have been very helpful.
Jerry, I love your videos. And I find so much truth and help for me in them. When someone critizes you for your weight then he is not listening but just looking at your form. I see that in the US the looks count even much more than in Europe.... Looks can be a great facade.... And it is great you have lost weight. 🙂..Failing is a painful experience one can learn a great deal of. Nobody wants to fail - but sometimes it is inevitable. Nobody is perfect.
I am healing and trying to put boundaries. Colleagues have been shaming and blaming me for being distant. I went weak and kind of meet her to say "no, i didnt realise i was doing that... im just busy in my books" probably i'll be left all alone now... have to work on detachment. What would have been your reply if you were in my place? I made it sound as if I didnt realise when i know exactly what im doing to toxic gossipers.
You have no idea how much these videos mean to me right now. Thanks for your incredibly "matter of fact" and intuitive manner of delivering these ideas.
Yes exactly, also when your insecure and you take on board these comments from people it even makes you even more in secure and it makes you second guess yourself all the time !!🙈thank god im gone past that stage in life ! Omg Gerry had to file bankruptcy also and the judge and jury my family all had their opinion and advice on it . as I said to then my god if ye had only given i advice to us we could have avoided all the heartache !!!!😂😂
Jerry, the coca cola technique is hilarious and I absolutely love it. The humorous element of that takes you right out of visceral reaction and it brings you right back to perspective. Thank you!
I am curious if you have any videos on the Christian perspective of going no contact. After decades of emotional and sexual abuse there was simply no other choice. I’d be curious as to your spiritual response to accusations of being unloving, unforgiving, how I need to “ show grace” to the abusive family member. Thank you for your work. This is so very helpful. Not to Coca Cola you- you are not just knowledgeable but also humble and that is a gift navigating this side of the journey.
Unfortunately I don't have a Christian perspective video on going no contact sorry. Thank you for your kind words. Thank you for watching. Any donation would help in making these videos. www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/donations
Your videos are my favorite of all the others I’ve watched on this topic. I especially appreciate when you give examples of what to say and how to say it when setting boundaries or differentiating yourself. Thank you.
You are very welcome Thank you for watching. Any donation would help in making these videos. www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/donations I have also been discussing with my Brazilian media director about traveling to Santos Brazil soon. Thank you Fernando.
Thanks Jerry I’m in a much better after listening to this! I’ve taken notes and plan on putting some of this into practice. Wise words and really balanced and helpful x
Thanks for sharing this it was helpful to us all 🙏 people should mind their own business about what you do on your videos if they don't want to listen and improve themselves that's their problem watch something else.. also usually when people are nasty and spiteful about the way someone looks.. it's a problem they have with themselves they don't like themselves😂 again putting their crap on to another person when a diet and exercise routine would help them become happy about themselves.. The problem id theirs..and people please listen if you're not happy with the video watch something else or make your own video😊 and see who watches it!
When I say "should" it's not meant the way that you are talking about. I don't use it as an insult or put down. I don’t say things like "you should lose weight" kind of a thing. I am only trying to make a suggestion maybe about a product or something that I have used or if they have trouble with their stomach or something say " you should try ******* (whatever). It's not an insult disguised as a suggestion and it’s definitely not meant as an order. II probably should use a different word. It’s more intended as a recommendation and totally meant in a nonjudgmental and helpful way because I like to help someone and I don’t mean by doing what I want kind of a thing.
Just found your channel. Straight forward teaching, examples. Visuals, to add my own silliness to the “oh so helpful critic” criticism, that is said, done to be anything but. 🧐 I can picture a clown nose, get up on the wicked witch, trying to look all cute and endearing, but in reality… the mask is slipping, and it is viewing time. Thanks for reminding social structure. Accept(believe) people for who they are…. Just remember to place accordingly.👩🏻🦰
Thank you so much for sharing your knowledge, wisdom and experiences very appreciated it here. Namaste 🙏 (looking forward to keep listening your advices)
Finally get your family OUT OF YOU & be the true self you were never allowed to be 👇
Access my free training - jerrywise.ewebinar.com/webinar/free-training-10027
‘Road to Self’ Program: Join 10,000+ people who have transformed their lives! www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/road-to-self
Jerry, Just to say this - you could make a video that is 6 hours long and I wouldn't want to miss a second of it! Once again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for your influence in my life and your direct impact on my healing and wellness - I am certain that I speak for many, many people. May God Bless You in All You Experience.
Jennifer, thank you for your kind words.
Thank you for watching.
Any donation would help in making these videos.
www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/donations
After years of different counselling I can only thank you from the bottom of my heart for all the help I have never received from any counsellor I have seen . Your videos are giving people deep rooted healing something not many people or counsellors posses thank you 🙏 so so much😁
I could not say it better. Jerry has changed my life. Greetings 🇩🇪
I agree!! ❤
@@jerrywisethe link is not working.
There is a famous quote…..I don’t remember the author but it goes like this “Praise and Criticism should be given equal weight…..take neither to heart”
I noticed something; that when I was teaching in a public school, every year the kindergarteners were quite individuated compared to the students in all the other grades. I didn't think of it that way at the time but I did think they were very individualistic in what to me were delightful ways, and I remember wondering what they might turn out to be like as they grow up if what I was seeing that was unique in a good way in each one was nurtured and supported instead of being "socialized" and squashed.
Isn't it interesting that the billionaires and some other people purposely don't put their kids through that system?
I've also noticed that the more I work on individuating as an adult, the more in touch with my inner child I become. I'm getting more in touch with how I originally was as a kid than I was as a teenager, which is when I more consciously, or rather, self-consciously, began changing myself into someone I thought others would approve of.
All very interesting observations, love that.
this is the only person i can understand on any type of personal work that actually hits home
Yeah for sure. Sadly I will never be able to afford one on one sessions :(
Even a few sessions with Jerry could change your life, it did mine!
I’ve been wanting for this all my life!
One thing I've learned is to never discuss finances with anyone other than my spouse and my financial advisor. I've learned that the hard way. Even what you paid for the things you've bought is nobody else's business - EVER.
It took me years to deprogram and i still have a hard time with not ruminating over negative comments from narc parents..its a lifelong discipline to "observe and not absorb".. 🙏 🤲
Me too! 6 years of being estranged and I still get thoughts of things they said or did to me when I was 5! Who tells a 5 year old they’re evil and bad?? My parents!
I firmly think that a lot of my ADHA as a child is related to both parents being Narcissists.
I tried to escape my mother-daughter-triangulation mess today, but met with great resistance- told by daughter "just don't be so emotional. Just ignore grandma when she annoys you." Yesterday, my mother looked into my daughter's new job, but called (me) about it and wrecked my dinner. When I told mom I don't want to talk about it, talk to daughter, it's your issue, she resisted. I just want to be heard. I'm the classic daughter of a Narcissist -- the kids have learned from my mom how to run me over. Thanks again Jerry , I'm binge watching today to get re-calibrated.
Thank you so very very much for sharing your story here! You have done me a world of good because this relates to what I am going through in a huge way.
Yes hope you recalibrate every time you need to, and that every time you do it you gain more solidity and strength! Know there is someone out here whose heart is with you in it.
Thank You. Take care and Hugs@@iahelcathartesaura3887
Often it’s not so much statements they make, but patterns of behaviour that people find acceptable to treat you that way. Then setting boundaries results in gas-lighting.
19:30 he ain’t heavy he full of wisdom
And might I add… “he’s my brother.” The Hollies right?
Thanks Jerry I watch the family ping and realize it's not about me.
I was always embarrased by people who knew all that was "bad" at me long before they have even met me for the first time! But they never told me how I had to improve so many "failures". Thank You, Jerry Wise!!👍💐😊🌷
I don’t understand why we can’t say to someone, “That is really none of your business”? People think that they should get in your face about YOUR business.
You can say that. And you will have to say it repeatedly because they will continue to try to define you. Accept yourself. You own you.
Silence works when they start up with you.
This concept is empowering for victims, thanks Jerry!
Channels like this have helped me tremendously in my process of healing and developing emotional intelligence. I have learned so much! Thank you!
Thank you for watching.
Any donation would help in making these videos.
www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/donations
I love your videos, Jerry. They're so helpful, and your presentation is really calming. I'm tackling this very topic in counselling at the moment. It's long overdue! I'm 49 and come from a very large and toxic family.
I will watch this video many times over!
Thank you for your videos. Every one of them has been a huge help
Wonderful!
program.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/welcome/
Thanks for the Coca Cola idea.
My biological mother wanted me to become a nun (or a prostitute), I wanted to become a violonist or a vet or a surgeon and to move to Germany/Austria or to the US/Canada. I have made it as far as the UK where I have done various crap jobs (financial industry, being treated like a Barbie and discarded, lots of narcs out there; factory jobs, lots of vulnerable narcs who are incredibly jealous and of women who are either divorced/separated or trapped in loveless marriages). Still better than being a nun or still living 'at home' with my 'family', or being used by a pimp, or being dead!
I love that CC idea...😮
I dealt with labeling my whole life from my father. It was labeling based on physical attributes, weight and comments about my character. The man persisted even on his deathbed. I have been able to flush it mostly out of my system but I return to videos like this because they fortify my understanding and implementation of new ways of looking at myself. Never give up on yourself. Even if you’re older, you can find peace.
ALL of us are a work in progress. You have helped so many Jerry (myself included) when you we're heavier and continuing up to now. You are a wise and generous soul. There aren't many who offer the works of their colleagues in their videos, yet you do so in just about every one. This tells me that you are genuinely interested in helping others and self-promotion is not the priority. Never mind the haters. Keep being the inspiration you are.
Thank you for your kind words Jazz Head... and
Thank you for watching.
Any donation would help in making these videos.
www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/donations
oh, just one thing tho: if someone is mean to you, they ARE mean. Period. Whether they're ALSO traumatized, or not, on the "inside" is another matter. Are they mean with the full intent of being mean? ah, that's a different question. But don't you try to overthink it, such as are they really a mean person, lol, bc that's when you're thinking of them, instead of caring about yourself.
The only way I have found, over a lifetime, to "not allow" others (my family, specifically) to define me is to stay as far away as possible. I've tried everything in (and out of!) the book, and nothing works because, I believe, the "family narrative" that has held everyone else together "needs" me to be "the problem". At this point, as it's plain as day. It wasn't always, but I've been learning to "observe and not absorb" for around 10 years now, and I'm a million times better at it, but regardless of this fact, it's just not o.k. with me any longer, to stick around when this is occurring.
I would say that there is one particular family member who, I believe, is mostly responsible...or at least responsible for abusing her expertise in manipulating everyone else in the family. Yes, I understand that even they have a responsibility to know when they're being manipulated....but unfortunately they don't see themselves as having enough to lose to make that effort. Sad?...Yes. Twisted?...Yes. Painful? Yes..for a very long time...but I can see the whole thing so clearly now that it's become almost "easy" not to take it personally. But not easy enough to want to spend another minute in the midst of it. Life is short and there are an infinite number of things I'd rather be doing.
Shaming and blaming contribute to toxic work environments too...If only people were more self-aware 🙄☹️
Being on the receiving end feels totally undermining so thank you for this video.
Jerry, thank you for reminding me that the golden children are an incurable breed.
The number of insecurities in people are astonishing and also others’ imagined power their conscious or unconscious manipulative games tactics.
Yes. And this includes ourselves as well, focusing inward will teach us more about emotional dynamics than looking outward🤍
This seems like a challenge to do because it’s like I have to detach from craving approval from others. I just realised that just that means that I allow others to define me as in whether or not I’m good enough.
Thanks. “…Finally, I get a little drop of water for who I am as a person…”. My life defined with this statement for way too long.
Jerry, best tennis lesson ever!😊
Praise makes me cringe, this sort of praise, and why? bc it immediately puts a load of responsibility onto my shoulders: to continue living up to the praise. Especially with these kinds of people (they often are borderlines, all or nothing), these people WILL turn against you, one day. Their shallow praise is as easily, as unthoughtfully, given as their criticism. Ooh, makes me cringe, if someone was to tell me, you're the only one X and Y. Run away. Could be a borderline, could be a narcissist buttering you up, could be a psychopath.
In a nutshell, I come from a dysfunctional and psychologically abusive relationship with my father who was a covert narcissist and had robbed me of my self-worth, I was homeless with him for a very long time during my upbringing and never had a good home life growing up. I managed to escape that and went to go be with my extended family that had found me on the internet, I genuinely felt that I would belong with them and I thought they felt same way, but unfortunately, I guess they didn’t. What seemed like a gift from the universe, just turned into something that only contributed to my psychological and emotional wounds, I was only with them for 3 months because of how difficult they were to live with, and how conditional their love and regard was towards me, couldn’t really be loved or accepted for just the way I am and only if I meet certain criteria, and had to constantly jump through hoops in order to be loved. It’s just really unfair to me how my upbringing pretty much got robbed by a narcissist father and is something no kid should ever have to go through, while my fully related brother got to have what they called a ‘privileged life’. Yet, some online stranger on discord said to me “who are you and why should you be loved and cared for” and even a former friend laughs at me and invalidates me saying “well they raised your brother and not you so he’s their kid and not you why do you think you deserve everything what he always gotten.” …but to me it’s just really unfair, my aunt didn’t even have any idea why I went to go be with them, even though she invited me and was like “why not come stay here?”. It has put me in a constant endless loop of rumination. I remember I stayed with a friend of mine and his family because his mom couldn’t sleep at night knowing that I was sleeping in a car in a parking lot somewhere. They treated me as equally as their 2 boys… I wanted that with my brother… every other kid gets to have a family home life, the most basic thing in the world… except for me I guess…
Sorry, thousands of children have dreadful childhoods like you,start a new life, thank goodness you’re out of it al!! Had a bad start, make it a good finish….
Listening to your videos is both educational and soothing. Love the leisurely calm pace and space..
I didn't know that "Should's" are a form of Shaming.
What were you taught to feel when you didn't do the 'should'?
@@jerrywise you "Had to Obey" as if it was the law. Weird.
@@kaystill8358 I hope my videos can help you learn to let go of that law ❤
It's a never ending "expectation" we haven't fulfilled, not for ourself, but rather for the person serving the "should's"
Superb content Jerry! It sounds like “The Emotional Net” may be continuing content for many to conquer. Thank you for the gentle reminders.
That was Nmothers Modus Operandi. So so confused as a child and young person . She would tell others too. Then, often at dinner time..she would suddenly say..."Mrs S, said ...* 😮 As a teen...a young teen...very damaging.
this is game changing
Thank you for watching.
Any donation would help in making these videos.
www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/donations
Thank you for breaking it down Jerry. The more I view your videos the more I can smile In response to others when they try to define me. ❤
Thank you for your time in what you are doing for greater good. People don't realize the amount of time healing takes so lengthy amounts of time is what it takes. If the lengthy time is what is looked at then it just means they are not ready or willing at that time. I would spend 24 hours a day to work on me and healing my traumas and bettering of myself as I spend every minute I can intentionally working on that exactly. Thank you for contributing and helping me in my journey.
Thanks for the great content, Jerry. You make important points about defining, exorcising, and protecting boundaries.
My pleasure!
Thank you for watching.
Any donation would help in making these videos.
www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/donations
Totally knew what you are saying. Recently a guy told me I looked like I was in high school or college. I was like what? Ya right. I am 54 years old, get a grip 😆
Wow I love listening to your videos. I have been struggling with everyone else defining who they think I am knowing they're way off. It has been messing with me mentally lately. This helps a lot
Im laughing at the ending because I’m guilty of thinking that, “ I wish my dad had been like Jerry “.
I’m not fawning! You just have a very warm, very accepting voice and look about you. But don’t worry I will not put you on a pedestal 😂
Lol If you put me I’ll jump right off. Thanks for watching
In my effort to become more self-aware & heal from abuse, I like to watch the shorter videos during the work week. But I really look forward to your longer videos on the weekends when I want more depth & guidance. Thank-you for taking the time to publish these videos - they have been very helpful.
Jerry, I love your videos. And I find so much truth and help for me in them. When someone critizes you for your weight then he is not listening but just looking at your form. I see that in the US the looks count even much more than in Europe.... Looks can be a great facade.... And it is great you have lost weight. 🙂..Failing is a painful experience one can learn a great deal of. Nobody wants to fail - but sometimes it is inevitable. Nobody is perfect.
I am healing and trying to put boundaries. Colleagues have been shaming and blaming me for being distant. I went weak and kind of meet her to say "no, i didnt realise i was doing that... im just busy in my books" probably i'll be left all alone now... have to work on detachment. What would have been your reply if you were in my place? I made it sound as if I didnt realise when i know exactly what im doing to toxic gossipers.
When the narcissist smears me as the narcissist..Thank you ever so much I needed to hear your messages.
You are so welcome
Thank you for watching.
Any donation would help in making these videos.
www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/donations
I see nothing wrong with "I must watch you more carefully"
Jerry, your videos are very well done. Easy to follow and expansive in knowledge. Thank you for your work❤
You have no idea how much these videos mean to me right now. Thanks for your incredibly "matter of fact" and intuitive manner of delivering these ideas.
Wow, thank you!
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Thank You Jerry! This was very really Wise ;) and very importnat for me personally.I wish you all the best!
Yes exactly, also when your insecure and you take on board these comments from people it even makes you even more in secure and it makes you second guess yourself all the time !!🙈thank god im gone past that stage in life ! Omg Gerry had to file bankruptcy also and the judge and jury my family all had their opinion and advice on it . as I said to then my god if ye had only given i advice to us we could have avoided all the heartache !!!!😂😂
12:51 Thank you so much for another illuminating, interesting and very useful video, Mr. Wise.
You are very welcome
Thank you for watching.
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❣️❣️❣️
Wow! On this video I learned enough for the week, and to study and practice for a long time.
Jerry, the coca cola technique is hilarious and I absolutely love it. The humorous element of that takes you right out of visceral reaction and it brings you right back to perspective. Thank you!
Glad you enjoyed it
Thank you for everything~ 🌞
I am curious if you have any videos on the Christian perspective of going no contact. After decades of emotional and sexual abuse there was simply no other choice. I’d be curious as to your spiritual response to accusations of being unloving, unforgiving, how I need to “ show grace” to the abusive family member. Thank you for your work. This is so very helpful. Not to Coca Cola you- you are not just knowledgeable but also humble and that is a gift navigating this side of the journey.
Unfortunately I don't have a Christian perspective video on going no contact sorry. Thank you for your kind words.
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We love this old guy
Thank you for watching.
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Hi Jerry, you are indeed getting Wise.
Thank You
You are heaven sent.
Thank you Jerry
You are so very helpful for me now, as usual Jerry, thank you!!
This was a very good imformative video thank you
Glad it was helpful!
Thank you Jerry, Very helpful! I follow most of your teaching this one is very personal to me ,Please keep doing what you do !!
Hi, I just want to say Thank U for being a lovely humanitarian ❤❤❤
Your work is amazing!
Glad you think so!
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You are Not other's burden carier ! that is great expression, helps a lot..
Yes! Thank you!
This was an amazing video.
This was helpful and timely for me. Thank you!
This is a great video! Thank you for posting.
Awesome helpful teachings...and examples...thank you
Your videos are my favorite of all the others I’ve watched on this topic. I especially appreciate when you give examples of what to say and how to say it when setting boundaries or differentiating yourself. Thank you.
Boy, I really needed to watch this one today, thank you!
Why?
Love!this podcast.
TYSMFS!
😁
Thanks Jerry. I love this topic, gosh.
Resonate, very helpful, appreciated
Thanks again Jerry for sharing your wisdom and insight. I just made another donation, glad it’s via PayPal and not another source. 💜
Much appreciated!!!
So powerful!! I’ll have to listen to this 10 times for these points to sink in lol
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Really Helpful Jerry, Thank you for your work. Sending gratitude from Brazil
You are very welcome
Thank you for watching.
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I have also been discussing with my Brazilian media director about traveling to Santos Brazil soon. Thank you Fernando.
GOD bless u Jerry 💓🙏🕊🕊🕊! U r brilliant and ur work has helped me so much💓💓🙏.
You are so welcome
Thank you ❤
Thank you for your help with producing free videos. And thank you for watching.
Coca-cola - classic! love it every time. Thanks for the video Jerry.
Glad you enjoyed it
Thanks Jerry I’m in a much better after listening to this! I’ve taken notes and plan on putting some of this into practice. Wise words and really balanced and helpful x
Excellent!
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Thank you for another video, Jerry 👍
Thank you, so intressting and gives a lot of reflektion.
Glad you enjoyed it!
Thanks for sharing this it was helpful to us all 🙏 people should mind their own business about what you do on your videos if they don't want to listen and improve themselves that's their problem watch something else.. also usually when people are nasty and spiteful about the way someone looks.. it's a problem they have with themselves they don't like themselves😂 again putting their crap on to another person when a diet and exercise routine would help them become happy about themselves.. The problem id theirs..and people please listen if you're not happy with the video watch something else or make your own video😊 and see who watches it!
Brilliant
Great information ❤❤❤
Glad you think so!
This is SUCH a great video!! Thank you for all you do Jerry!! ❤
Thank you so much, Hanna! You are so welcome
Most helpful
Thanks for another powerful, inspiring video Jerry. Happy New year!
I have one of those “friends “….
When I say "should" it's not meant the way that you are talking about. I don't use it as an insult or put down. I don’t say things like "you should lose weight" kind of a thing. I am only trying to make a suggestion maybe about a product or something that I have used or if they have trouble with their stomach or something say " you should try ******* (whatever). It's not an insult disguised as a suggestion and it’s definitely not meant as an order. II probably should use a different word. It’s more intended as a recommendation and totally meant in a nonjudgmental and helpful way because I like to help someone and I don’t mean by doing what I want kind of a thing.
my mom defended my sexual bullies my dad abused me emotionally
Just found your channel.
Straight forward teaching, examples. Visuals, to add my own silliness to the “oh so helpful critic” criticism, that is said, done to be anything but. 🧐
I can picture a clown nose, get up on the wicked witch, trying to look all cute and endearing, but in reality… the mask is slipping, and it is viewing time.
Thanks for reminding social structure.
Accept(believe) people for who they are…. Just remember to place accordingly.👩🏻🦰
The journey isn’t easy, but it’s worthwhile. Welcome to the community❤️
Thank you so much for sharing your knowledge, wisdom and experiences very appreciated it here. Namaste 🙏 (looking forward to keep listening your advices)
You are so welcome
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hurt peiplr use projection as a psychological defense
Hi Jerry, lovely to hear from you ❤️💫
Hello there!
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I am so grateful that you shared so much truth.
Thank you for watching.
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Very helpful..i needed this. Thank you Jerry 😊
How do we differentiate what is real and what is our or someone else's projection then? How do we understand that something is objective reality?