Fantasizing About Someone Else (An Ex, Fantasy person) w/ Relationship OCD
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- Опубліковано 28 сер 2019
- "Help, Kiyomi & Alexis! I am fantasizing and idealizing a fantasy person and my ex. How do I stop? Does this mean I need to leave my partner?"
In this video, we go over the reasons for why humans fantasize, and how you don't need to leave your partner if you're fantasizing over another person.
As a reminder, Alexis de Los Santos is our professional Awaken into Love ROCD therapist and ROCD/OCD specialist. This video and our answers are for educational and motivational purposes only and are not therapy.
RESOURCES:
» WEBSITE: AWAKENINTOLOVE.COM
» ROCD FREE CHECKLIST: rocdcourse.com/the-checklist
» ROCD COURSE & COMMUNITY: rocdcourse.com/
» WORK WITH ALEXIS: www.awakenintolove.com/coachi...
Disclaimer: All of the information listed in this channel is for informative, motivational, educational purposes only. If you are specifically looking for a licensed and professional therapist then you are welcome to work with our therapist, if not, we will refer you to someone else. Please note that this channel is not meant to diagnose you or treat a mental health disorder but serves only as education and motivation.
When someone pops into your head while you’re having sex with your significant other....it’s the worst feeling in the world because it’s uncontrollable and random.even when I find others attractive the intrusive thoughts about crushing on others other than my boyfriend is so random and shameful and there’s simply no way to control this because of the OCD
I think this is so normal and human, even common for someone without ocd ❤️
Yes I suffering from this I love my boyfriend too much really I cant live him in my dream also but I feel like that I m attracting to some one other and feeling like something something this is very guilty feeling forme and I m suffering from ocd from 1 year or more so I think that it is a symptom of ocd??
I hear what you are saying, but I also wonder how you would respond if you knew that your partner did the same thing?
@@growtocycle6992 exactly… I believe that’s why the guilt is so strong. But I don’t think the actual act of cheating or infidelity would actually happen. But it’s still a crappy feeling.
@@lorenjones9468exactlyyyy, I feel so bad, and I feel like a terrible person
Wow, I am so grateful for this video. This is EXACTLY what I’ve been experiencing right now. My ROCD has been so bad all weekend and into this week. Thank you infinity times for this video!
I have a problem, whenever I’m about to feel a strong surge of infatuation (I think that’s the term) whilst I’m talking to my girlfriend, my brain says to me “look you’re feeling it” and that makes it abruptly stop. This is because one of my key rOCD themes is the fear of never feeling that strong surge of emotion in my chest. I am aware that it’s perfectly normal to not feel that sense of infatuation as as my relationship goes on the rarer it gets and love is more than infatuation. We’ve been together for around 2 months but we’ve been friends for a year. I really do love her, she’s the only person I want to talk to when my depression is really bad, normally I’d not talk to anyone but talking to her really gives me security and calm. We’re still young, we’re only 17 and even then I really do know I want to be committed to this girl, she’s my world and idc what my OCD, depression and anxiety tells me. Your videos have helped a great deal, thank you for that.
Did u feel like you are not intrested to her and somwhere in your heart theres love hidden for her??
Beautiful man ✌️❤️
This is literally my ROCD theme. Going to practice the exercises today. Thank you so much for this!
Umm wow! Is all I can say! This morning I woke up from yet another fantasizing dream that is super reoccurring for me and you came up first in my search. I watched your video, never seen anything else of yours and you hit the nail on my head! I'm am standing in my kitchen absolutely gob smacked! I have been doing this my whole life or as long as I can remember! And it has manifested so so much that I wasn't even aware! Now I am and will be watching so so many more of your videos! Thank you! Wow!
Thank you for another great video. This is one of my primary themes. Sending you good vibes and gratitude 💕
Beautiful soul thank you for all the hard work and taking the time to share your wisdom with us
Thank you so much for making this video. I have never been diagnosed, but I truly believe I have OCD because I struggle so much with what is stated here and in other OCD videos. On one hand, it’s a relief to know I’m not the only one who has these kinds of thoughts or challenges but on the other hand, I’m at a loss and don’t know what to do from this point forward. At the very least, I’d love to meet or speak with others who understand what it’s like to constantly fantasize about a “perfect” partner or other people, even while in a happy marriage. I’m ashamed to admit that I struggle with these kinds of thoughts and I feel like a terrible husband and human being
The guilt of thinking of another had actually ruined existing one and the guilt why I ruined, ruined my life...
hi, I'm struggling with it, I feel so guilty :(
Honestly, so helpful! I first watched this video, probably a couple times, a few years ago. My fiancé and I have been together 4 1/2 years, and recently I’ve been fantasizing about other people after every small disappointment. It’s been very uncomfortable, but hearing this helps me remember why that may be happening, and serves as a reminder to lean into that discomfort
How are you now
Perfect timing. The first time I’ve ever really done this is this week, and it’s really been worrying me
What to done
all your videos make so sense to whatever I am experiencing now...these days I am numb :( I don't get the anxiety but I get the thoughts but because of that it feels so convincing. it feels like I have forgot how I felt when I was with him, the love, the warmth. we are in a long distance and we haven't met since 6 months now because of the pandemic.
how are you guys now:)
your videos are my salvation during this difficult time. sending all my love and gratitude❤️
Such beautiful thought process! You heal me:) God Bless^^
Oh gosh, this hits home. OCD has really attacked my relationship. I have recently been wondering if I miss my ex. It makes no sense. He is a narc and I cut ties and felt the trauma bond release before I started dating my boyfriend. The thought just popped up one day. I’ve obsessed about it to the point I wonder if it is true. I keep wondering now if I “have” to leave my boyfriend though it is the last thing I want to do. I adore him and I’m happy. This obsession is making me physically ill..
i have been experiencing this for a week now. When i’m doing something, i feel like my brain is trying to remind me something of my ex and i try to repress it bcs my ex is a cheater and i know there is no way i would want to get back with him. Also, i have a very supportive and loving boyfriend. I love him so much that i get so guilty and ashamed whenever i have such thoughts.
I am experiencing the same thing and feeling myself slowly working towards coming out of it. Any updates for you on your journey? It’s nice to get guidance from someone who went through the same thing.
I’ve had a “I guess you could say” *crush* on a total stranger while with my man. It even got in the way of our sex lives. I don’t even know this person yet he gets in the way of my life with my man
@@bokjookim6991 thats your fear youre fine good thing you at least dont accept them. The thing i disagree with is that its ok to fantasize about other ppl (purposely just to enjoy it) because thays totally under our control. I recommend you resist the urge to repress it. Highly recommend insta pages such as aimees ocd journey and pure o chrissie. Hope you get well mate
@@bokjookim6991 YES I EXPERIENCE THIS SO MUCH 😭 glad to see im not alone!
I have been waiting for this video😍
thank you so much for your videos. They have become so helpful !
Thank you Kiyomi, I just wanted to tell you that I love you so much. You're an so interesting and powerful woman. 😭❤️
Actually I don't like to say that I'm healed yet because I feel that every time I am saying that I am going down again, but anyways you're helping me so much for sure. ♥️😊🙏
Thank you. You are wonderful
Thank you girl!
Great Video! I Love Your Videos! Beautiful Soul soooo much Thank you !
thank you... i needed this....
Love you ❤ you mean a lot to me
Is it normal to still have unwanted thoughts but not “feel” anxious all the time?
Kpop Lover yea it is
Does it mean my unwanted thoughts are true if I’m not as “anxious” as before finding these videos?
I think it’s a part of Ocd that sooner or later everyone is gonna experience. I think she also has some videos about it. ♥️
@@kpoplover1967 it's actually a good sign. the key to break OCD cycle is to show your anxiety that you're not afraid of this specific thought anymore, sit with it without reacting and after some time it stops distract you (there will be another one, and you have to do the same for it etc etc).
Calming down is NATURAL result in perspective for doing exposures. You feel supported and realise that you're not alone, that's true reason why u're not so anxious as before watching.
It's either your body can no longer physically feel anxiety or your learning to control the anxiety
I keep thinking about that one friend who my bf hates so much over and over and over, it feels like whenever I think of my bf he crosses my mind!!! It is crazy to the point that it feels like I cant be with anyone anymore because i will keep of thinking of someone else while im wth someone. What to do please? Is that OCD?
@@user-tq2ib3cj9z لاء 🤣 لان بديت ما اخذ مشاعر الخجل والخوف على محمل الجد! لانها مجرد افكار كلنا تجينا هالافكار لكن الفرق بين اللي يتفاعل معاها واللي يخليها تعدي
@@user-tq2ib3cj9z نعم
Have you ever been triggered by the fact the excitement isn’t there as always ? Like I know I want to marry my partner but my ROCD makes me second guess, is that normal ?
This happens to me always. One intrusive thought is "there is no butterflies and excitement, that must mean I am not in love anymore". However, I quickly remind myself of a scientific article I once read stating that the "exciting/butterfly" feeling is actually something that mostly happens during the romantic love phase (start) of our relationship, this is why at the start we can stay up all night talking to our partner or we take crazy risks to see them for just a second. While its such a fun/beautiful part of love its only a part. Later on romantic love transforms and we find a much more slow, warm, steady heat (rather than the blaze at the start) and that is okay. Doesn't mean we love our partner any less. (sorry for long reply.)
@@nikisoul i constantly wonder whether i want to be with them forever of whether i love them since i came out of the first stage. Is that normal?
@@eva-pl9vx I constantly wonder this too. I believe that is a very common intrusive thought with people who have Rocd. I know however, these thoughts aren't based on anything but fear. My boyfriend is literally the most amazing man (not perfect, noone is). He has given me no reason to not love or trust him but yet the fear and doubts are always there. Those have to do with me and not him.
@@nikisoul thank you. I always thought you need to be sure or know for sure whether you want to be with them or not.
@@eva-pl9vx It is hard to explain, because I do think that you should be able to tell whether you love them on some level or whether you want a future. The Rocd likes to create doubt, but deep down I know I do love my partner. I'm just afraid. The intrusive thoughts make me doubt even though I know I love him.
i am in no way fantasizing and im repulsed by thinking about another person. i am scared of thinking about them when i have sex. help me
Because the other person didn’t work out. For me it’s the realisation that my actions constantly ruined any other situation I was in. That showed I didn’t care, whereas in my new relationship I care to much which is why the ROCD has crept in. It creeps in to protect me from being hurt but in truth instead it actually conflicts me and hurts me more. I’ve just got to sit here and realise it’s a moment occasionally watch a video to bring me back to reality and realise the person I’m with now in all fairness is everything I’ve been looking for. You always will bring past situationships into your next relationship but that’s normal. But for people with ocd we will obsessively compare or think about the last and how we could of changed it. That’s not actually your feelings, that’s just you striving for being perfect.
Thanks this comment does help a bit. I had a bad anxiety and guilt shaming episode today.
@@Jeff79960 No worries, just realise you’re here watching this video because you care. If you didn’t you wouldn’t be here 👍🏻
@@Harz77 yea it’s getting hard to manage my headspace a lot
@@Harz77 i want to try and get professional help. Hopefully soon man. It’s just getting difficult
"That's not a actually your feelings, that's just you striving for being perfect. " YES!!! This resonated with me so much! I know I don't want the situationship, not at all, but my wounded self is just screaming the same unhealthy thoughts that kept me stuck in that toxicity for sooo long. The wounded self conflicts my true self and it isn't because there is truth to the fears, it's because the fears are so far from my loving self and the wounded self is striving for perfectionism. My current relationship is SO MUCH healthier and aligned with my values and inner wisdom. He is 1000 times better than the situationship and I cherish him so much! I loathe the situationship and regret it which is why the OCD attacks it.
thank u sooo muchhhh
Thank you so much😢😢😢😢😢😢
Hey guys I'm asking for some kind of advice. I've been in a relationship with my bf for 1 1/2 years and due to some misfortunate incidents in his past I developed a deep fear of ever loving his brother (my bf was cheated on with his brother). They are both very close now and have moved on. But this means I kind of see them always together. His brother is as charming and funny as he is, so naturally I've come to like his brother which created my worst panic attacks and obsessive thoughts and shame and guilt I could imagine. Three times I thought i was having a crush on his brother too and every time I could work through it to find out, that in fact, i wasn't in love with his brother and everyrhings fine. Now is rhe fourth time and it is really really hard to believe anything at this point, because, if I don't have feelings for his brother, why does it keep coming up, but when I meet his brother, I am 100% sure that I love my bf and he is the right one, but as soon as I am alone, I find myself fantasizing and questioning what if...
How are you now? I am completely like you. I have these thoughts and I always say, “What if I love that person and hide my feelings and do not love my partner?”
I am still fantasizing but I have come to the point that what I am fantasizing about is not his brother but an idealized "perfect" partner. I can now talk, exist and be around his brother without panicking because I know deep down that I don't love him and that I am safe but I still struggle with fantasizing frequently about someone somehow looking like him with similar qualities but all qualities are ofc fitting my needs in that moment and over all he is perfect
Today I was watching videos on how to stop the compulsions, then I saw that exposing them would improve, and suddenly when I saw that it would improve I stopped feeling the compulsions, it seemed more like my brain saw that I found the solution, and now that I'm not feeling the compulsions anymore it seems that I do not care about my relationship, and I really want to care, someone help me? has anyone gone through this?
I was feeling similar some time ago, I felt as if.. If I wasn't constantly thinking about my relationship and her, searching for answers and texting her... That it means I actually don't love her. And then I started to feel so much anxiety I lost 6kg and couldn't function again going back into the cycle. Now after some time has passed I've gotten better at noticing the thoughts.. Realising they are actually the rOCD. That if I didn't attach myself to the thoughts.. They'd just pass. And that just because Ur not thinking as much about the person.... It doesn't mean anything but the fact that u are free to focus on other aries of your life. Sometimes the feelings of love will fluctuate as well.. But you'll have small moments when u feel it... And that will be enough...
You do care, you just function regularly now, like a person without rOCD would.. Dw
could you please make a video about why the infatuation phase is not that important? I think you shared a little bit of that in your personal story video, but I have been really struggling lately as I keep comparing how his feelings were a lot stronger than mine at the beginning of our relationship. He was my friend before we started dating, but I am his first relationship. Do you think that has something to do with it? Also, I have been struggling with the falling out of love stage. P.S: i am forever grateful that I discovered your channel, thank you for everything you do ❤️
Yesss!!!!!
I had a telephone call with my first love from 20 years ago. But he has a happy healthy relationship now. All I can do this past week is cry and think about him. That we should never have given up. That we were each others soulmate. That we made a mistake. Just everything reminds me of him. I would just love to forget about him.😪
He was my first love. From 16 years old to 28. We split because I wanted childeren and he wasn't ready.
Please someone reply. Ali can ocd come in the form of ex boyfriend memories in you current relationship?..because when I got into a relationship with my ex rocd started then it turned into hocd and things were not going good in that relationship so we broke up and I started liking someone else whom I really don't wanna losse but now my thoughts and feelings are trying to convince me to go to back to my ex and it's really stressful I don't know what is this sometimes I'm really very happy with my current boyfriend and then the thoughts and old memories rush and it makes me sad and I just want these to go away but I don't know what is this.
Yes this is normal and ROCD can do this - I am experiencing this too
@niamhtea182 PLEASE READ. last night I was talking to my bf and he wasn't Abe to help me emotionally so I started thinking of my ex like how he used help me in these situations felt like I haven't moved on yet and I want to go back but now in the morning I'm worried like why did this happened earlier I was 100% sure that I don't wanna go back but now I'm feeling confused and worried that do I really want to go back or not the reality is I don't want go back but now feeling so confused and worried that what if I still have feeling or I haven't moved on yet. Because in the night I was like if my boyfriend is not helping me emotionally which in person he does but not calls so I thought that maybe I have to leave him then but I don't want to but what I still have feelings for my ex and haven't moved on . What happened last night I don't think I was ocd or not can't sat anything.
@@thelife_ofkhushiHi! I know it's stressful, but be strong. It happens to me too, but I think it could be that I fantasize about someone else as a defense mechanism because I don't accept reality with my partner. It's complicated, but I know that I love my partner more than anything and anyone in the world, so I have to trust him more. Take a break and think things through calmly. You're doing it right, it just takes patience 🩷
I'm a dude and there are some gems here. Thanks
yay, happy it resonated with you. YANA. -AIL Team
I am with my bf for some time and one month begore i got into new relationship I broke up with my ex taht I was with 4 years but it did not work and in the end of relationship I felt unhappy 🙁 and when I am long with my current bf I got some ROCD thoughts regardless my ex . I get images and thoughts about my ex that stresses me out cause I don’t love him and don’t misss my ex . I don’t wanna think them . It makes me go like what if I am
Not over him . I think i am
Tho . Idk my current bf is so
Important for me. Why ex is stuck in my head ?
This happens to me it rocd don’t worry girl ❤️❤️it will flow it fake it likes bully people you love x
Same! How are you handling this? It's been one year.
How are you guys?
@@tiannacross3841how can I know it’s ocd and not true feelings ? I’m in the same boat
why do I feel the need to tell my current partner about these thoughts? if i don’t tell, I feel complete guilt but when I do I still feel guilt because I feel as if I’m hurting my partner.
I needed to see this again. I had a dream or two where my ex was involved and it kept showing me hiding a smile or such even though I don't remember feeling good thinking of them. At the most I can admit they are attractive to me but I'd never wanna be near them as I've cut connection with them. But now I'm just not feeling as "guilty" even tho I know I am guilty and feel awful for having these thoughts pop up. My brain wants me to check and see if I feel anything when mentally putting images of them in my mind to see if I do smile or not and then see the same for my boyfriend. It sucks so much I don't wanna see that person again especially because it happened 3 months ago too. How do I stop this and just is this normal?
Today I was walking on the street and I started thinking about my ex coming to kiss me just appears for first time in my life I don't remember how I started thinking about it and just remember that I was walking and thinking and I felt happy about it ... And then I started thinking why I felt happy if I have a boyfriend.
Is it normal?
@@xior1411 literally how I started having that fear a few weeks ago! What I tell myself is that "if you believe or check how you feel you'll trick yourself into thinking you feel a certain way!" I noticed that I wasn't so much smiling I was actually frowning and feeling anxious, because I couldn't even fake a legit smile thinking about it I was more anxious and nervous :)) I hope you feel better
@@jasminelopez8454 i think that kills me because, i always thought that intrusive idea had to come only randomly, but in this case i was thinking about differente things quickly and then that appears... and you know i feel guilt
How are you guys now?
@@thelife_ofkhushi better! I'm on meds and I know that that's all OCD trying to force a reaction or anything
Can this work with a male friend ? She only talked about ex or an other person but can it work with someone u see a lot of the times ?
Yes it can.😊
How thinking about smn else is human? I think its bad
also, how do you know whether is rocd or just the fact that you have never really been in love with someone?
The thing is , you don’t , and as much as that might be a trigger when you have OCD, you have to have a mindset where you tell yourself “okay, I will never know whether I have loved somoeone, but it’s okay because I have ocd and the thoughts are just coming but I’m going to ignore them” . It takes time after time but I promise one day you will have an intrusive though , and you’ll just think “it’s the ocd again, what’s new, I’m just going to carry on living my best life” be jade at the end of the day all us OCD sufferers are “searching” for is the “perfect” answer, like we want to know the answer to everything , but once you’ve got the mindset at thinking you will never know the anxiety will reduce and your feelings will come back .
@@evandaugherty7466 Reading that just made me feel better, been single all my life until I met my partner around Christmas. I just thought of going away and sleeping with other girls doesn’t interest me! Feels like I’ve been there done that and got the T-shirt ahahah. Thanks
Ik that this is a long story but read to your own expense 😭I’ve struggled with ROCD for some time and I feel like ROCD messed up a good relationship I could of had to this day 😓 I was in a 3 yr fling with my ex he treated me like shit but I had loved him a lot ,I really dk why I was young and dumb 😭🤦🏾♀️ he was narcissistic he knew how I had felt about him and continued to take advantage of me for a while I was depressed and just felt like shit all the time we would talk on and off It was very much toxic, while talking to him on and off I had developed anxiety. Time passed and I remember getting my 1st job and meeting this guy😩☺️ I didn’t get butterflies at first like every cliche movie but I liked his vibe A LOTTT !! , I felt that We would eventually get close in some way I was still on and off with my ex but at that point I had enough of his BS he didn’t talk to me for almost a week or 2 but while he was ignoring me little did he know I was ignoring him too and started to get close to the guy from work Ik I had some type of feelings for him but I kept denying it at first ,then the last day of work we were texting otp then texting Turned into calling the next day we was otp for HOURSSSS! We was actually otp all night long at that moment Ik it was something special I had never had a bond like that before with ANYONE!!! I had totally forgotten about my ex @ the time (he still wasn’t txting me back btw) finally after some days I took a stand after the 3yrs and broke up with him for good it was hard for me but it had to be done. After that day I never spoke to him again . As time went on me and the new guy grew even closer we talked for hours he gave me attention . I was head over heals I didn’t get butterflies at first so that was my first episode of ROCD I also I asked myself “if had feelings for the 3yrs narcissistic ex “ Literally out of the blue then the thoughts became more and more overbearing like “do I still love my bf” or “ what if I cheat on my bf” and so on . I just wanted these thoughts to stop I wanted to be honest with my bf I felt super guilty for having these thoughts ( having no idea what ROCD was) I had ended up telling him I had feelings for my ex deep down Ik that this wasn’t the case but my ROCD had made believe that I did have those feelings and since those episodes I’ve been having a battle in my head 😓 i used to go online and search up “do I still love my bf” or “do I have feelings for my ex” or look up “ if I don’t get butterflies right away does that mean I don’t love him” I used to take online quizzes to see if I still loved my bf I always thought that I was uncertain b/c of my ROCD but deep down these feelings and thoughts weren’t true and made no sense .fast forward to my “bf” we had ended up breaking up which is unfortunate 🥺 to this day we still communicate he’s an amazing person I have feelings for him still and I can tell that he does as well I know that I do but sometimes I just have so much doubt that Ik don’t be making sense . Ik that I do love him I’ve felt it a couple times every time we spend together I enjoy It A LOTT ,it’s like when I’m with him all my problems go away and I want to spend time with him!! he loves me for me and is real with me , sex is great too😁😏😏 I want him in my future I just want these thoughts to not get a hold of me anymore and love him freely I don’t want no one else 😔❤️ if you have a rocd story share it too it helps you feel better I promise we will get through this guys 🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽❤️
I went threw the same thing with my ex treating me like shit. I ketp going back even when i didnt want to bc i felt so use to and focused to go back bc they things he’ll say. After a while i met my girlfriend i new i was done and i was still in A relationship with my ex i was so over it. I was already planning to break up with him. I broke up woth him and spend a lot of time with my gf and i got intrusive throughts about my exs every single day. Saying i want hime back and i dont love my gf and give me flashback of him and i get so much anxiety i cant even move my body. My gf and i been tg for almost a uear and i still get a lot of throughts about my exs and i hate them but i have to remind myself im mot the person i was before i told loveing him a long time ago. That i never love someone like my gf before and i never want that to end. For the longest I throught i was the only one that get intrusive throughts about their ex. I think its bc the things we went through and now we are in a better relationship our brains is like nahhh.
Okay I hope someone sees this. My story is I'm in a relationship with a guy and sometimes I'm just not happy with the way he is and the things he does so I fantasize about a celebrity crush but not a person I know and this happens very often it's like I love to fantasize about those celebrities cause it makes me feel so much more happier than in the reality. I need solution for my problem 🥺❤️. But it really feels like an addiction that I can't stop.
This could be maladaptive daydreaming, I think. You do that cause you want to escape reality. It's a coping mechanism. Why don't you do some research and see if it resonates with you?
Yesterday I was making a gift for my boyfriend but I was a little bit tired then I started to think, "are you really in love if you feel tired doing a gift???" "when it was your friend's birthday you weren't that tired, in fact you were so happy making it, so that means you're in love with your friend". It is killing me, I know I love my boyfriend but that though is always on my mind, I'm afraid of being in love with my friend.
Hi! I doubt you don't love your partner. Think that when we are afraid due to intrusive thoughts we do not think clearly. Don't compare your relationship with other types of relationships; It's okay if you don't feel very energetic about giving your boyfriend a gift, that doesn't mean you don't love him 🩷
@@yuria8850
What if we are at a stage where we do not believe that we are not responsible for the thoughts? Now I cannot distinguish whether I love that person or if it is just an obsession, but it is stuck in my mind every day.
@@user-tq2ib3cj9z Hi, I know it's complicated but even if you are at that stage, remind yourself daily that the thoughts that make you feel bad are not real. Even if sometimes you don't believe it, just repeat it and meditate for a few moments on that feeling that makes you have a bad time because it is not real. It is very common that you do not distinguish your feelings easily because your head has already overthought them too many times, but trust that you love your partner and despite everything you will be and both will be fine. You're doing great 🤍
i want my man and my man only but now random men pop up in my head and i want it to stop like this is BAD i love my boyfriend and want to spend the rest of my life with him but the thoughts of mh ex poppuped up they are gone now they were toxic and a horrible narccisit and now all sudden this random man i cut this man off and now hes been poppin up in my head and its not good i dont see a relationship with them nor like them i cut them off for a reason they were weird and tried talking to me behind my friends back and inneber had feelings for them and idk wh these thoughts are happening i thought i was being manifested whih i was and i put a stop to it this man isnt good eithr he watched a man grab my ass and lay on me and didnt bother to help me they were weird and funny looking and not it and we were never compatiable
I suffered with that and I told my ex girlfriend about my thoughts when we were together and she left me.
I am scared I have feelings for a coworker i barely know and even don’t like being near him. I wanna find a new job just to get away. Ever since it started i obsessed here and there but it never truly bothered me. But now it’s like I have feelings for this guy that I know I don’t have feelings for. I love my partner alot and bc of this situation I’m scared of sex and even saying I love you is difficult bc this guys names pops into my head and then my brain makes me think I have crushes on other men too… my partner knows about this and has been understanding and is happy to know. He is scared though which I can’t blame him. He’s scared they are better than him.. to me they aren’t. I just want my relationship to run smoothly so we can get past this crap. 😭 I have been struggling badly..
Wait me too! That’s what I’m currently going through. Is their anything that you did to get over it?
@@maytegonzalez6444 no.. I never did. Its part of the reason I wanna leave my job. I don’t want to be with that person. I love my partner but it’s like ROCD is still there but calmer
@@amberzuniga4727 oh I did that. He is a push over of a manager so that helped a lot 😁
Has your rocd ever made you think you’re jealous over these guys and any of their dating lives or anything
Did you deal with this?
But when do you know then that you are actually in love with someone else and that that is not ROCD?
Because the other person didn’t work out. For me it’s the realisation that my actions constantly ruined any other situation I was in. That showed I didn’t care, whereas in my new relationship I care to much which is why the ROCD has crept in. It creeps in to protect me from being hurt but in truth instead it actually conflicts me and hurts me more. I’ve just got to sit here and realise it’s a moment occasionally watch a video to bring me back to reality and realise the person I’m with now in all fairness is everything I’ve been looking for. You always will bring past situationships into your next relationship but that’s normal. But for people with ocd we will obsessively compare or think about the last and how we could of changed it. That’s not actually your feelings, that’s just you striving for being perfect.
@@Harz77 what do you mean by ' because the other person didn't work out '? Do you mean that we get those thoughts and feelings about the ex because it just didn't work out or they left us? Please answer me.
@@ophelia9604 With your ex, it didn’t work out for a reason. Due to your actions or the fact that they hurt you so severely that you hang onto the ‘good times’ ocd attacks this so when you’ve got something good it self sabotages and convinces you that you’re still in love with someone else. You have to sit with the uncomfortable feeling breathe and digest it.
@@Harz77hey in my case im struggle with the thought about how can I know that im not in love my ex? Im in a current relationship feeling so weird about this thought :(
@@xior1411 Same, i also feel like i was more comfortable with my ex, he feels like home bla bla, and i also feel like "I've been thinking of my ex way before but i just noticed it recently" and now i feel bad...
Is anybody else here like me ??? Since a month things are not going well between my boyfriend and me also he's been busy due to his work and now I met someone and I feel like im getting a strong infatuation . I don't want this please help me out 😭😭😭😭😭
Hi! Do you think it could be a defense mechanism? Like when you want to run away from things when they get bad because you don't want to get hurt. You're doing it right. If you are not sure about one thing or another, set limits with the other person 🩷
@@yuria8850 being unsure gives us a New point of view..like you aren't sure what's going on...the things which feel bad are they actually bad or they're helping you in awakening in love. When you really don't know if it's your reality or just rocd being rocd. No matter how you feel you always search for a hope... sometimes it feels as though every cell of your body is yelling at you at telling you that you don't love him but still a tiny part of you is telling you to stop and wait and believe!! YOUR RELATIONSHIP IS NO LONGER A PLACE TO ENTERTAIN YOU . ITS YOUR HOME NOW.. MAYBE BORING BUT ALL YOURS
@@pragyatripathi4046 I'm glad it gave you another perspective. It is certainly hopeful when you see at least something to hold on to in your relationship and certainly, there is always hope and that is beautiful. Every day I hold on to every little detail of him and remain hopeful. At some point I get blocked and feel empty and that hurts me. But, I certainly love him madly and I would give my life to see him smile every day and love him forever.
Can this thing apply for dreams too?
I think so. From my experience, that's how it has been. It's complicated, but remember that in these situations you do not have control over these types of thoughts because they are not something you want 🩷
@@yuria8850 okay thanks
Oh my God I feel like a bad person, I've been fantasizing about this one girl for a few weeks but shes engaged 😭 me and her have a lot in common and some nights I have trouble sleeping cause I cant stop thinking about her 😭😭
Facts and I know the person is not for me and I don’t really want her
Hi
So I’ve talked to my ex again. He was my first love. I went over to my friends house and her brother (my ex) was there. I talked to him and we were having a great time because it was us just being friends again. Then I stopped myself cause I was afraid “ am I connecting to him more than I am with my boyfriend?” I genuinely was afraid. I tried to keep the conversation small. At that moment I thought “it’s okay this is just being human and being connected with an other.” I knew deep down that I don’t love him the way I do with my current boyfriend. I have felt more emotions and going through this rocd makes me somewhat believe this could be the real deal. Idk I’m a hopeful person on loving my current boyfriend and that it could be the long run. Anyways I’ve been fixating this a little bit on thinking about him and his name keeps coming over in my head. It gives me anxiety cause I just don’t want to think that I love my ex or anything. My mind keeps making scenarios that he cares and making my past memories with him more vivid. I don’t choose ex because he’s the past. I choose and want to continue loving my boyfriend. I know he’s in the past but yea I’m dealing with the “oh but what if he completes you? What if you still love him? Are you sure you still love you’re current boyfriend? Are you willing to keep going through rocd with him?” I keep answering hell yea to going through my love with my CURRENT boyfriend because again I’ve felt so much more with him before all this and I still have hope that I’ll feel them again and again and again. I don’t know sometimes I still feel shame and guilt about it but still I have hope that this will dissolve and I’ll be at peace in the future with my choice.
I hope that if someone else who might seem like they could be going through the same situation as me could find yourself through it and find you’re peace in it.
Yeah, I’ve been having these thoughts ever since January and it really broke my relationship apart because I ended up telling my current girlfriend at the time. Unfortunately I didn’t know what I had at the time and it kept going on
for months and she finally ended up breaking up with me in April since I didn’t know how to stop or get rid of it. I really loved my girlfriend and still do, but she’s very hurt and angry about it and I’m now realizing I might have this, but I’m not excusing it. Wondering if you finally found peace with this and if you have any recommendations.
@@i_sm0ke_m3mes90 well recently my relationship has ended 😔. And I’m just dealing with a lot of hurt. It wasn’t cause of my anxiety or rocd but it was cause life kept getting in the way. He says he wants to think about things but idk. Anyways before that happened yes in someway I did find some peace those thoughts. Idk I just tried to keep my mind off of it. I totally understand on situation but I promise you these are just thoughts and silly feelings. “I told to myself that these are just thoughts... this was my past. I choose to love my partner.” (Before the break up) but I HOPE YOU DO FIND PEACE FROM THIS. I’m so sorry to hear about your break up. Just keep you’re head up my dude And push to move forward. Maybe try showing your ex-girlfriend one of these videos for her to understand what was happening at the time. Also try journaling these down. It certainly helped me at the time. (If you want) and try not to be so hard on yourself. :) i hope this helps and you find your peace with this rocd soon.
@@sweet_nerds73 thank you for the suggestion!!! I’m really sorry to hear that you and your ex broke up, it seems as if you got a big problem out of the way, but I hope you guys get back together again!!! Unfortunately my ex girlfriend doesn’t really care about it anymore, she recently manifested to move on from me and no matter if I showed it to her, she would say it would be an excuse. Although I’m still anxious about losing her and her moving on now.
@@i_sm0ke_m3mes90 thanks my dude And me too. I can barley get any sleep without getting anxious by just thinking of those exact same thoughts. 🥲 i hate it so much! Also I’m sorry to hear about that but hey just remind yourself on those days where it feels so heavy that “the darker the darkness the brighter the light.” 🙂
How are you guys now?
It's ok to have self compassion, but this is still not the way relationships should be. Don't beat yourself up! Do try to change!!!
You realize that people with OCD don’t want to have the thoughts they’re having, right? The guilt makes your brain perceive it as a threat, so it keeps sending the same thoughts so the person feels “prepared” if their fear comes true. Not a single person watching this video wants these thoughts, but trying to get rid of them makes it worse when a person has OCD. There’s a reason that suicide risk is 10 times higher in people with OCD than in the general population … and it’s not because they’re actively choosing to have their thoughts. If we could change, we would do it in a heartbeat.
Going to the bathroom is also human and natural lol. I would not want my person fantasizing about being with another woman and I don’t think he would like it if I was fantasizing about being with another man. Sugar coating something that most people would be hurt by
You do not understand what rocd is then
None of these thoughts are voluntary. People with OCD are ten times more likely to commit suicide than the general population because they do not want these thoughts. But the more we try to get rid of them, the more frequently they come. It’s a lose-lose situation. The number one diagnostic criteria for OCD is the thoughts causing distress. Nobody wants to think like this. Naomi is humanizing us for having unwanted thoughts that we cannot control, because feeling horrible about it helps no one.
I think the problem here is the definition of “fantasizing”. I am a ROCD sufferer and was a bit confused by the term to. For me it’s normal to be attracted to other people and normal in ROCD to have intrusive thoughts and feelings about it, and here we should be compassionate with ourselves and realize we’re only humans. But to me, to fantasize is voluntary. It’s to have these thoughts but act on them in your mind, to lose yourself voluntarily in these fantasies. And this is no longer involuntary intrusion, that’s your own acting upon it, which I agree isn’t so cool anymore. But maybe there’s just a misunderstanding in the term…