The quote is attributed to Tryon Edwards. It reflects the idea that some people seem to have an old soul from birth and never quite experience the carefree growth typically associated with youth. He is best known for compiling the "New Dictionary of Thoughts", a widely referenced book of quotations.
@@CreativeAutistic No problem and can I just say I love your clay figures? They look so slick and clean. How long does it take on average for you to complete a sculpt?
That's very common for autistic women Especially. I've written multiple pieces for Huffington post and other major media about autism in women and girls. My daughter & iare both autistic.
Very relatable. 54 yo female. Diagnosed AuDHD last week!! Perimenopause forced me to unmask. I identify with the same experience of being an overly mature and independent child and now I feel like a teenager in a 54 yo body.
when i was a teenager, i remember exclaiming to my mom that i couldn't wait to grow up because everyone my age was SO immature. she told me that nothing would change - people her age were still immature. she was right. i watched a cousin die of cancer before her 30th birthday, so aging to me is a privilege.
I was diagnosed with autism at 4 years old, which is very rare for girls on the spectrum. I’ve always been told that I was smarter than most kids my age, and that I was very articulate and talked like an adult. My parents never talked down to me, they always talked to me as if I was an adult. I’m 24, which is still pretty young. I’m still trying to figure out how to be an adult and stand on my own, I got a long way to go. When it comes to being childish and liking childish things, I most definitely relate to this. I still collect toys, build legos, collect comics, watch cartoons and animated movies, and play childish video games. You are Never too old to enjoy this stuff, Fun is not age gated. Here’s something I say often, “Keep your inner child hood spirit alive, because without it, you’ll forget how to have fun…and be happy” so, yeah, you do you, don’t let the world tell you how to live your best life.
I relate to this. My parents never baby talked to me. But I wasn’t diagnosed (despite having all the classic traits) until 35. As a woman or anyone who grew up working class or in a small town, that’s about average I think.
I have always been, and will likely always be, a strange mismatch of elements from all over the place. Doesn't matter what age I am I don't fit in with contemporaries. Being a kid or being an adult are just a collection of ideas that I certainly didn't agree to so I'm not following them. I'll just be me and to hell with what anyone else thinks.
I want to comment on this but it floored me. I've never identified with anything so much. Literally everything in this describes me. I'm actually in tears, so will comment more when I compose myself.
@@CreativeAutisticNot upset at you. I had just thought it was I was alone in many of those feelings and was overwhelmed. Feeling understood means a lot. Thank you.
I totally agree because I spent most of my life wondering why I was different and or what was wrong with me. Unfortunately I wasn't a clever child and really suffered at school.
I felt like an old soul as a child as well. Liked to be around and interacting with adults. Now I am soon 40 and feeling younger than those at the same age. I have kids and even though I have got a lot of responsibility I am often the only parent jumping with the kids, swinging and going around in the play grounds enjoying it the same much as the kids😅.
Me too. I was the kid that would seek out the parents if I went to a friends house and sit in the kitchen conversing with them about broad topics. "Very mature for my age" was said regularly. Now, in my 40s, I'm the kid that goes by myself to the skatepark and skates joyfully amongst the groups of 8yo scooter boys, and if I feel like it climbs those big climbing nets with no hands! Let me tell you, the looks on the kids and parents faces is priceless.
Me too, I'm often the only parent, who enjoys playing with my kid, especially in swimming pools. :D Other mothers are those boring women, who just sit in the water or swim heads high with make up on. I dive under water and have fun.
@@jonskitalonhenki9613 Kindred spirits. It would be a blast if we could all play together lol imagine the shocked looks. I have soooo much fun zooming on my skates I just can't get my head around why the other parents aren't doing it too, I suppose they are the ones masking now lol
It was the title of this video that caught my eye. I can definitely relate. When I look in the mirror and see my gray hair there’s such a disconnect from the way I feel inside.
64 years young here. Always felt drawn to adults as a child, and now most of my friends are younger. Go figure. Self-diagnosed AuDHD. Partly because I found my biological half-sister a few years ago and was told many in the family have add, I went to a video on UA-cam by a woman who had ADD and broke down in tears, because for the first time in my life, I saw someone who was like me. I was lucky, because my mother was a teacher and she worked with me (also had a background in child psychology), so my dyspraxia is not as bad as it could be... but I doubt my parents suspected I was autistic. In the 60's in the US, autism was looked at as only happening in boys (and sadly, it seems many people STILL believe this today). I don't know if I will ever be officially diagnosed (in the US, it's hugely expensive, even with insurance), and I don't truly know if I need it. I am proud of myself and how I have coped through life, but I do still recall what I said to myself after watching that video in 2021. "You mean, I'm NOT a bad person? I'm just a different person?" Given the rebellious, stubborn child I was (also suspect I am PDA), I would NOT have done well with the therapies that are out there. ABA in particular would have been disastrous for little me. I can tell you that as an older woman, I for one am happy that I am "invisible", and I know myself pretty well. I feel fine with arranging my life the way I want it, and my husband (also introverted but not autistic) doesn't push me to do social things if I don't want to. I am finding some of the physical aspects of aging difficult, but I still don't see myself as "old". I am a woman who is happy in her own skin for the first time, learning more and more, and allowing myself to stim (we even bought a swivel rocking chair for the apartment so I can happily rock and spin and stim all I want to). I love myself far, far more than I did as a child, and I feel immense compassion for my younger self and all she went through. I wish I could go back and tell her that it does become better, but I know she would not believe me; would scoff and shrug and say, "Yeah.... RIGHT." My husband and I are childfree (sorry if that offends, but I don't think I am "less" of a person simply because I don't have children), and so are most of our friends, but I will say that I feel tremendous respect for autistic people who are also parents. You are braver than I, and I don't know how you do it. I take my hat off to you. Respect! Thanks for your video, and just know that, if you have people who love and respect and support you, you can have a wonderful life. I know I do (even with the low times). No offense taken if you say, "TL; DR"; if you HAVE read this to the end, I thank you and hope you got something from it. Peace!
This is beyond relatable. Looking back on my childhood I always blamed the way I felt on me being raised by my grandparents. I can't really pinpoint the moment I transformed from a mentally old person to feeling younger than my age. I guess somewhere around my early twenties. Some years ago said I'm a mixture of a 7 and a 70 year old and it still applies to my everyday experience. I'm currently 39.
it is stories like this which really strike to the etymological reason for autism having its name. 'Old head on young shoulders' is something I have been described by for as long as I remember. I think it was meant as a compliment, but it made me feel isolated from where I 'should be'. Still awaiting an assessment (I need to chase up on it as all I got this year was a letter saying that the waiting list is longer with no timeframe). A line from a Bob Dylan song resonates well with how I look back on life: 'I was so much older then, I am younger than that now'
Same here! I don't know what autistic people would've done before the advent of UA-cam and easily accessible information. I feel quite fortunate to be living in 2024 instead of 2004.
I'm 52 years old, but I always tell people I feel like a 12 year old with adult responsibilities. I'm usually mistaken for someone in my 30s. I work as an early childhood educator in a Kindergarten classroom, so people notice my vibrant, quirky aesthetic and assume it's because of my job, but really I just like dressing that way (baggy overalls and pinafore dresses made of brightly coloured second-hand fabrics, and patchwork hoodies.) Incidentally, The Beatles are my absolute favourite from the time I was ten years old, and they are now my teenage daughter's special interest, too. (Her Beatles knowledge is incredibly in-depth!) Seeing Ringo Starr play in concert last month was a dream come true for both of us! Plus, we are flying from Canada to the UK next summer to do some Beatles-related tourism in London and Liverpool. CANNOT WAIT!!!
Right now, I feel like a total mismatch between various ages. I like some things that are considered “childish”, such as video games and reading science fiction books, but also some things that are considered for the elderly (mainly knitting). I’m 30, yet it feels like I’m both very old and very young at the same time, because my life experiences don’t match the expected life experiences of people my age. Mental health issues have ensured that I simply haven’t had the time to do the things you’re supposed to do in life, and it’s like I’ve missed so much that I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to catch up to my age peers. I’m not asking for much, I’d just like to be able to live a decent life with a permanent home, a stable source of income, and to live with my partner. This seems extremely difficult to actually achieve, society isn’t really made for people like me.
@@CreativeAutistic life is struggle. From our first breath, we struggle to breathe, beat our heart, acquire food, learn to read, insert life tasks here. The struggle makes it worthwhile. If it were easy, what would be the point? We'd become Eloi. We kinda are turning into Eloi as it is. Morloks struggled, but they didn't get eaten in their prime. Hope you get the reference.
I am 64. I have known I am autistic for less than 3 months. I am so sorry I didn't know earlier. Life is now short and the most productive part of over. Still, it is wonderful to have found out, even so late.
This has absolutely been my experience. I feel a bit like I am internally aging backwards in some respects. I figured out that I was autistic after a son was diagnosed and early menopause amplified all of my autistic traits so much that I was not functioning very well for years and years.
I'm 61, year old lady, 4 years.on menopause and I'm just learning about this. I'm scared about if I cannot get a diagnosis in time for me to get help. It really does scare me.the time it can take and my mental health on top. I keep asking myself what should I do. I love this sort of content.
I hope you find a group or community w neurodivergents. Support groups on fb and online in general can be a great resource and can be soothing. Just b careful who you trust as irl
I'm so sorry to hear this, Suzanne. I second @maderlolohio in that facebook groups can provide a wealth of knowledge, information and support - as well as speaking with your GP/primary care practitioner. Sending positive vibes your way 🧡
I am a similar age to you and what you have said resonates so much. I was spoken to like an adult by other adults when I was little and wanted to be around grown ups way more than children I am aware of my biological age obviously and I actually feel physically older a lot because I have several physical challenges like fibromyalgia and hyper mobility etc but I just feel age-fluid and don’t feel I fit in with any particular age group and if anything I feel like I’m maybe in my 30s in my head My lifestyle is also not the typical of a middle aged person - I don’t have children for a start - and I frequently act in a childlike way in my excitement and wonder at things while dealing with adult responsibilities so it’s such a mix of elements and can be a lonely place! Really interesting to hear you talk about this thank you x
Great video and the title blew me away when I read it because I never once felt like a child when I was a child. However, I'm now in my mid 70s and I still feel like a teenager. The physical restraints are a bit of a pain but with grocery deliveries and afternoon siestas I'm coping okay and really enjoying doing the things I love...but more slowly, lol. My son was the same too, an 'old soul' who still likes the things he loved as a child now he's in his late 40s. We're both Aspies. :)
I feel like I was born at age 64, and each year makes me feel more like myself. I remember ranting in preschool because the teachers talked to me like a little kid. Middle school and early high school were the worst, because in addition to having non-relatable interests, it also turns out I'm asexual. (Yes, I love Tchaikovsky and all that he is. Wait... do I want to WHAT!?)
I heavily relate to this video despite being much younger than you at only 23 years old. I was always called an old soul as a kid, but I somewhat took that as something to be proud of, or something to signify my maturity against my peers. As I've gone through early adulthood however, it feels like I'm slipping further and further away from the milestones that are "typical" for someone my age, and I tend to feel very estranged from most people in general. The ultimate paradox of my life currently is wanting so desperately to connect with other people, but finding much more solace in being alone. To the point of aging though, I've always thought "acting your age" was kind of weird. We seem to be the only animals that have qualms over what's normative of a certain age group. Most other social animals, at least to my knowledge, seem to stay playful and youthful up until their bodies prevent them from doing so. Who's to say someone in their 50s can't act as exuberant and full of life as someone in their 20s--to a certain extent? Thank you for making this video, it's very validating.
Describes me perfectly! Late diagnosed just like you. Originally from the UK (now living in America). Your journey has resonated with me far more than any other UA-camr. Always loved the company of old people, even as a child. Much more interested in listening to their wisdom than playing outside with the other children. One of my best friends was a very elderly Army General. I would relish talking geopolitics at 10 years old rather than listening to the latest music (we are of a similar age, so Duran Duran springs to mind). It's as if I had "skipped" a generation, not by choice. Thank you for all you do, a true sister on this neurodivergent journey. OMG Morph, still love him!!! Bagpuss still has my heart.
I was diagnosed with autism four years ago at 49. So much of my life has started to make sense. I was the one to sit up front of the bus and befriend the bus driver, or befriend the librarian or the teacher rather than connect with my peers. I worked in education for my entire adult career and always connected with my students rather than my peers. Now I’m disabled and work part time for an after care program with elementary students. I identified with so much you spoke of one thousand percent! I’m going to rewatch this one later for journaling. Wonderful topic!
Oh Lizzie, I feel so sad picturing little you without your mom when you were that young. That must have been so hard... 🧡 I have always felt like I was about 7 years old in this crazy, upside down world, childlike and kinda in my own unforced rhythm of grace... even if my body is showing signs of age now. I know what you mean about the muppets and Sesame Street. There is a simplicity and innocence in these that perhaps we long for. I was a big Mr. Rogers fan. He was so gentle and kind. I am grateful that you are part of the community of creators as a 50 year old. I am 11 years ahead of you and am still active and playful. May you always be too! Thanks as always for sharing your heart, wisdom, and knowledge so openly and graciously Lizzie. I look forward to your videos every week.
Aww, thank you so much, Lisa, and for your inspiring words. I hope I'm still playful in the years to come. I'm just so grateful to know there are others like me, and like your lovely self, out there and I just wish I'd found this community much sooner in my life. But here we are now and that's all that matters. Thank *you* for being here 🧡 🧡 🧡
Really loved this video and having received a diagnosis at 45, I completely identify with feeling disappointed about the lost time and wishing I'd known earlier. I have to remind myself that when I was a kid in the 80s, it was such a different time and a diagnosis back then would have been very different to one today.
Familiar - got diagnosised this January at 47. Grew up in the 80s - it's been a big year of realizing so many things I can't explain where Autism. When we grew up barely anyone knew what Autism was - we where just weird & different.
Very true. I think an autism diagnosis in childhood would have contributed to further bullying and isolation, so I try my best to see my late diagnosis as a positive thing (although it would've been *very* helpful in my twenties)
this brings back memories, not being able to 'get' why people were into stuff in my teenage years, i admit i looked at it as 'immature' sometimes. then, when i was a young adult, of course people handled me as a noob but now i'm 30something and it still regularly happens. ppl tell me i look younger, too, which might partially be due to my clothing choices. but it's also the way i carry and compose myself and how i have an oblivious perspective still to many things others consider trivial. i feel like starting afresh every morning (sometimes to the point of being clueless about what to even do, but that's an adhd story)
Everything you talked about is so relatable; this is great video 🙂: the almost reversal in 'mindset' in time; being a very mature child and a child like grown up. I agree, lived experiences like yours are precious
Very relatable. I fit in better with the adults as a child then I did with the children. My feeling about aging is more a concern about losing the ones I love along the way along with losing more of my current abilities.
Thank you for this beautiful video. I relate to everything you say. You described me to myself and made me feel like a better person, in fact a wonderful person, like you!. I'm 58, just diagnosed.
👍👍Yep, this is the sort of topic in which I'm most invested as a late-diagnosed middle-aged autistic. That said, the autistic mind is so immersed in the immediacy of the present moment that aging itself feels like a foreign concept (aside from the physical aspects it seems like much more of a social construct than anything else.) I didn't feel any more or less myself after I left home at 16 but I was relieved to have extracted myself from the various milieus and expectations of adolescence (and I, too, heard the "old soul" thing throughout my first 25 to 30 years.) Having had a heart attack six years ago now (and pre-diagnosis, no less), on the subject of mortality I can say my main concern is the dearth of *informed* support for autistic adults. My brush with mortality wasn't any more philosophically significant than a trip to the dentist, which is to say it was tediously uncomfortable (I even delayed going to hospital for 12 hours because I wasn't convinced that I'd even had a heart attack and I didn't want to suffer the tedium of an institutional setting); in fact, the worst part of the experience was having to STAY there for the next several days. The best part of aging, now that I'm two years post-diagnosis, is the self-awareness that I just want to be left alone to finally pursue my own interests. Permanent disability status doesn't afford much in the way of quality of life but to finally be spared the torment of neurotypical work environments has been a godsend, particularly in that it gives me the time/energy resources I need to focus on creative work. Ultimately I suspect that death will come as a mere inconvenience, similar in affect to missing a bus or train.
I feel the same at 50 as I did at 16. Aging has not changed my outlook much. It’s the same with traveling. Many say your life will change because you start seeing from other cultural perspectives, but I feel exactly the same after being to different countries. Seems like I’m always the outsider looking in.
I'm sorry to hear about your heart attack, Hermit, though I *totally* get your response (the autist's ambivalence to traumatic events, both in the moment and beyond, is so interesting to me) - and yep, I hope to make more content around these themes, as well as the autism & advocacy we spoke about. Some discussions/themes are so *big* they just take a while to figure out how to present them.
Thank you for this video! So many things I resonate with! Diagnosed over 2 years ago - 51 now. Always felt like an alien and couldn't understand much at school. Was labelled lazy and "slow" because back then, autism had a different definition - far more restricted (you had to be non-verbal, have repetitive movements and speech patterns, be non-emotional or violent even etc) - so I was not autistic back then - just "slow, limited and child-like" Had I been diagnosed, it might have been a bit easier to adapt to the onus of being an adult and taking care of myself. I don't think being child-like is bad; if anything, it has helped me navigate some very troubled seas with relatively mirthful stoicism... I've been managing on my own for about 20 years now (was living with friends before), but my ability to cope with work stressors and just the everyday panic of commuting (I live in London where peak hours commuting is a nightmare at best) is quickly dwindling. I'm very uncertain about the future and, although I don't fear death, like you, I'm apprehensive about the way it will happen. I would like to choose when it's my time to leave, when I still have body and mind autonomy and not have to rely on others to take care of me (there's no one anyway). I live in constant worry, which is probably one of the reasons my lifespan will certainly be shorter than the average. It's good to know I'm not alone, yet painful to realise that we are not always being heard, let alone accommodated, until it's far too late (sometimes we ourselves don't understand what is wrong until it's too late!! - I find that very frustrating!) Wishing you inspiration and creativity!
Wow, Several points ring true to me... born old, and never grew up. Then understanding late in life Then the ache of wishing I had understood more when I was younger. That I felt I was cheated out of years, and missed out on important parts of life, and now I'm too old to make it up.
This is such an interesting concept and I relate so much! I'm awaiting official diagnosis, did the evaluation a few weeks ago I was wise beyond my years as a kid and as a 50yo woman am really into cutesy stuff. My office is a pastel shrine to my mini lego builds, cute knick knacks, my finished crafts, stuffed animals, etc. It's so full in there but all of it is displayed neatly on pretty shelves. My son is 21, he and his friends always want to include me because we have fun together. I feel strange hanging out around the fire pit with the young guys, but it also feels right at home! We are all just pals that share the same interests. (Before anyone makes it weird, I've been happily married for 30 years and these kids are more like my nephews.) You brought up a lot of memories of my obsession with the Muppets and Garfield. 😊 Duran Duran was my absolute favorite as a tween and my collectibles are still in my parents' attic! 😂
i feel like i could have made this very video, change out some of the interests (except the muppets and sesame street and art!) but otherwise, omg. omg. this made me feel so seen. im at 16:00 where you are talking about not having a barometer for where you are in age and you dont have the younger generation around to help and I can say that I (43, AFAB) have nephews (2 in high school and 1 in college) and my two closest friends are half my age and I still feel so separated from my age, it feels wrong when i think about it or see it. I don't identify with it. I have some very old friends my age and they are so different mentally, i dont feel connected to them or anyone my age. i feel like having these younger people around just strengthens my connection to the younger generations bc i feel more heard and seen and understood. i dont have the resources to get professionally diagnosed, but over the years i have learned and researched so much. i have been diagnosed with adhd, but i feel strongly that i am on the spectrum. i know self diagnosis is very vaild in the community (except for outliers that have very classist and gatekeep-y points of view), so i do my best to educate myself on autism-especially how it is experienced by AFABs and I love finding fellow AFABS like you that I can learn from. I can not thank you enough for making this video, it helps more than i can say to hear another person verbalizing the things i have experienced for so long. I appreciate seeing someone around my age and how you are sharing your experiences. I am concerned for getting older, being farther and farther from how i feel on the inside. i also have many chronic illnesses and am disabled, with new illnesses and problems popping up every day (just got another diagnosis today) and its so hard to be in this failing, aging body while simultaneously just barely learning about myself and how things could have been so different for me. Realizing that my mother, while unfamiliar with autism I think, knew I was different and was fiercely protective of me and supportive of my interests and desire to just be alone with my books and my dolls and my art or just hang out with her. I also have some of my fondest childhood memories attached to spending the day with my grandmother and her friends. i was so very happy with them, it was safe and kind and i miss that so much. I wish my mother was still here, i desperately crave the support and love she always gave me, how she understood me without really knowing what was going on.
Thank you for sharing and I'm sorry to hear of your illnesses, including your latest diagnosis. I know how challenging it can be trying to manage everything (and an autism self diagnosis is absolutely valid) 🧡
As I rapidly approach my 71st birthday, I’m not really feeling old. I seem to have overcome many of the aches and pains that I had in middle age, except for knee problems. My aim is to still have at least a quarter of my life ahead of me, so I work on remaining healthy. I suppose that I’m no longer living in survival mode, but, even though I’m retired, I have a long to-do list that can seem overwhelming. As for music, I didn’t become a Beatles fan until I heard the White Album. Then, they became my favorites. But, I feel like an outsider to most people, because over 50 years ago, as a college student, I fell in love with modern and contemporary classical music. And, I found that I have a talent for music that I’ve not really developed.
Thank you for sharing, Jeffrey. It's both refreshing and inspiring to hear someone say they feel better after middle age and I so hope I feel the same way in the years to come. Congrats on finding your new talent for music 🎵
I just found your channel and can totally relate to everything you're saying in this video! I was diagnosed with autism late in life too. Last February when I was 54. It answered so many questions about my life I'd always wondered about why I was and reacted so different to things than other people. I also have hEDS, POTS, fibromyalgia, the swallowing/choking problem you have, OCD, chronic pain syndrome, osteoporosis, chronic dry eyes and gastroparesis. Also like you I hate having to give my age as nobody likes at me and believes I'm the same I am as I don't look or act like other 56 year olds I know. Not that I know how you're really supposed to act but I don't act different to how I did in my 20s. I can relate to you very much. I was born in the UK and grew up in there but moved to the States in 2006 so I grew up watching the same shows you mentioned - Take Hart etc. I also want interested in boys, clothes, pop music etc in school and was also bullied. I was obsessed with the Hammer Horror films with Christopher Lee and Peter Cushing and also like you spent much more time with adults and people much older than me and never had friends my own age. I'm scared of getting and looking old. I don't want to. I never "planned on being an old granny". It's never been in my plans..
I've heard a similar phrase in the context of childhood trauma: "Never a child, always a child." In that case it refers to how children who aren't given the freedom to be children grow into adults with the emotional maturity of a child. I thought I identified with that for a long time, and I did grow up with an abusive father, but I also grew up with a wonderful mother and maternal grandparents and didn't live with said abusive father after age 6. I've come to realize in my 30s that I'm autistic and autism is why I am the way I am and why I've never felt that I fit with the people I'm told are my peers. I was always told I was an old soul, too mature, skipped from 13 to 30. I wanted to hang with the adults but the adults found me creepy. I was the 20 year old employee who was treated like the middle aged managers by my 18 year old coworkers, but treated like the 16 year olds by the middle aged managers' non-management peers. And then I had a kid at 29, took time off to be home with her, and then went back to school for a different career. Now I'm back in the work force at 36 and suddenly I'm assumed to be younger than I am. I've literally been perceived as 30 all my life and suddenly that's not older than I am. Suddenly that's younger. It's weird. I'm closer to 40 and I don't know how to be perceived as 40. My boss is 32 and thought he was older than me. I worry that the perception of my skills and experience will always be tied to the perception of my age and that perhaps I won't ever hold a higher position than I hold now.
This video has just begun and I feel a kinship with what you are saying. I have only just turned 50 and was diagnosed a few months ago, to my great relief! Glad I found this.
Parents and grandparents often referred to me as 'born 40'. (Actually in my 40s now.) No one ever thought about Autism / Asperger's because I was 'gifted' and a music prodigy so they saw these things as quirks accompanying my abilities or personality. If my wife and I were assessed now, we would both definitely be put in the ASD bucket. Trying to reckon with it now after years of overwork and long-term burnout while raising a family is often a huge challenge. This idea resonates strongly, and this is the first place I've heard anyone articulate it. So many of the things you said / your experiences sounded like they were drawn out of my own past.
Omg I so relate, my aunt always used to say that to me and I never wanted to play with my cousins, I preferred the adults! And now I’m 60 I sometimes feel like a silly kid!! Lol
Funny thing is, I've described myself in much the same terms for a long time without ever knowing there might be others feeling the same way - let alone that I might be autistic (currently in the process of getting a diagnosis). As a child, I found other children boring to the extreme and had a much easier time talking to adults (who invariably either ignored me or were quite surprised by how "grown up" my thought process and interests seemed), yet now, well into my thirties, I often find myself having to very deliberately "act adult" (which is terribly exhausting) or be perceived as childish. My own take is that I simply haven't changed nearly as much as most people seem to - meaning that the change in perception is mostly due to a change in expectation. Unfortunately, I've always had a hard time understanding those expectations and even if I did, found myself unable to meet them, even if I can mask that for a while. However, I'm not a good actor at all. Most people notice I'm pretending rather quickly (which frequently results in *very* negative reactions), so I've mostly given up on that. I've met a lot of people who accept that and that's great (I happen to have found a fair number of those in my workplace). Others can't (I've met far too many of those during my school years), and that's fine as well - but it makes working together long term very difficult if not impossible.
I'm 50 years old too, and having children has made it easier and more acceptable for me to enjoy young people's stuff even more. I was always the quirky one and when I was a young adult, I was always empty things that were very eclectic and strange, and I still do, and having kids for me, at least makes it easier. 👋🏻 Thank you for your video. I really could relate to many of the things that you talked about.
I loved this video - thank you, Lizzie. As a kid, I got on better with adults, and as an adult...I'm a frustrated 'kid' who's constantly denied the time to, er, make videos about autism. Like you, I'm quite pragmatic about the reality of death, but I do want to slip away quietly. Such a typically autistic thing for me to say, and privileged...Free Palestine.
It's interesting that you brought up girls your age being obsessed with dating and stuff like that whilst growing up. I'm a guy and some years ago I attended a community art collage, it had a couple of autistic girls and I had a bit of a shock when I met them and thought "holy sh these girls have like actual personalities" before that pretty much all girls I'd met in school and stuff were copy pasted versions of each other. They were all very superficial and pretty much only cared about looking good so over the years I sorta dehumanized them (which sounds bad but it was like an automatic uncontious sort of thing) mentally. But meeting those autistic girls sorta opened my eyes.
It does sound terrible, but honestly I think it just happens. I had viewed boys the same way, simply because from the outside looking in they were .. all the same. Same rude, boring jokes I’ve heard over and over. Sports, or Star Wars, marvel, etc. the important part is to catch when we’re making these mistakes, because I didn’t like that about myself and I don’t like when others view people in this way.
@@lilyprettylambthat's true. I suppose we just sorta pay more attention to the people who 'makes themselves seen' or whatever and they often tend to be the least caring / rude ones. The nice people on both sides / genders are probably more reserved and more so in the background.
I’m so happy your video popped up. Lovely to meet you. I’m a UA-cam creator who just recently was diagnosed with ADHD, which was not a surprise to me but what was is the fact I tested so high for Autism. I’m also in menopause now. I couldn’t agree with you more about aging. Now I know why I have never felt “grown up” and now my whole life just makes more sense to me. I subbed! ❤
I would love to share my thoughts on age and aging, but you said all the things I would have said. So I'll be subscribing today as a 43 year old, menopausal, neurodivergent woman that was born old and never aged 🧡
It is rare to feel such a relatable video. As you say, young autistic people are doing sterling work getting the msg out there, but being older there are other concerns to take into account too. I've never heard anyone else talk about not having a reference chart to ages. Not that it should matter, but it does. I find it hard to believe I'm now considered in the grandparents bracket (57) and because I too skipped having children, coz lets face it, I don't like children, not when I was a child myself, and not as an adult either. I don't wish my expereince of childhood on anyone. I never fitted in with other children, prefered the company of adults, and was bullied at school for simply being different. It's only this last year I've started questioning if I'm on the spectrum. Well, I know I'm ND, but I'm not diagnosed. I just couldn't wait to grow up, I hated being a child. And like you I found it wasn't really the answer. Not having any rl close friends my age, I have no one to compare notes with, like 'is this normal with aging, is it part of chronic illness/disability, or should I be worried and ask a professional?' I didn't watch my parents age either, my fostermum died younger than my current age, and my bio mum died from cancer 20 yrs ago (we were estranged), and I'm pretty sure she was autistic. So I'm not just cool with, but grateful for, you mentioning age, even if some think it is (too) frequent. I do worry about getting older, I can not see a future where I can ever retire, so I hope I go before such a time when I cannot take care of myself. And that it isn't painful. goodness knows I've dealt with enough pain in this incarnation as it is. But there are a few things I want to complete and experience before I go, so I hope I get to do that.
Wow. This is my first time watching a video of yours, and I'm just in shock at how similar our experiences are -- down to the special interests you had growing up. It's comforting, in a sad way, to know that I'm not alone in feeling so conflicted and confused about aging, growing up, milestones, etc. I wish things were easier for us autistic people, but at least we can rely on each other
I got a masters degree a year ago then had my son, I live in America and I have tons of student and medical debt and we get no paid parental leave here. I was already burnt out of work and never felt I could give my daughter 100% while working even part time. I feel so much pressure to return to work but staying at home has made me feel like I’m thriving. Yes, babies are overstimulating, yes it stretches our budget, yes I might be missing out on career opportunities. But I’ve found that embracing my childlike hobbies and involving my children in them has helped all of us to thrive so much more. It’s hard and overstimulating to be a parent, but I’ve made it an outlet for creativity and playfulness each day. I wish that workplaces could accommodate parents, especially neurodivergent parents more. But this is where I’m at and it’s working (most days)
Great video! As a young child I found my own age very "stupid" and "boring", and I wanted to have "intellectual discussions" with the grown ups. However, most grown ups shooed me away and always said "go be a good girl and play with the children", or "go play, the grown ups are talking now...", "you're too young for this conversation..." This made me soooo angry and not being taken serious. This left a lot of scars in me as I actually grew up, not being taken serious or listened to at all. Being belittled at every opportunity. I've got diagnosed in my 30s, and I had to get through a lot of "backwards grief" so to speak, for the fact that caretakers around me just let me "float around" amongst other children, feeling like an alien. Now that I understand my neurodiversity I feel like I want to "redo" my childhood so to speak, and do everything that I've missed out on as a child. Going out with friends I actually vibe with, watching childhood series that were "banned" from me for "reasons", etc.. I have gotten more comfortable with myself now, as I age and understand my neurodiversity, to give people "the finger" so to speak, if they voice a "grown up opinion" upon me :P And I feel free now to live my life as is most suited to my needs. I now have adults tell me that I can't do "childish things" anymore... why? Why would I deny myself fun? All I think now is; Go be a miserable adult in your grown up house and leave me alone with your opinions :P It's so freeing to be able to acknowledge and cater to my own needs now :)
I loved your video, thank you. I'm a bit younger than you (in my thirties), but also recently diagnosed, and really want to see autistic people from all age groups talk about their experiences.
Thank you for being vulnerable. Your video came up on my feed. I can totally relate to you I'm 55 and a creative artist. When I was younger I was more of an adult than I am today at 55. People can't believe that I'm 55 they think I'm in my 30s mainly because I actand look younger. And I don't have any children but I have 5 cats. I struggled in school and really keeping friendships. I only wanted 1 or 2 best friends. I never in a million years would ever consider myself autistic though even though I was struggling in school and hated college sometimes I struggle in jobs because I get bored and I can't wait to get out of there to do my own thing. I mainly just thought it was because of childhood trauma. Perhaps I should investigate more. Thank you again.
Oh my… this basically describes my life. When I was in school I found all the games kids played like running and stuff overwhelming. I liked things that I saw more adult as reading, playing cards, and stuff like that. Of course there were childlike things I enjoyed, like video games and movies, but I never fully felt as another child. Now, with 30 years old I am behind my peers in a lot of aspects. I have difficulties with relationships with my co-workers, and even if it is not really that bad I still feel different sometimes and now I am like a child. I realized that I was always a child, I just was a different one. It doesn’t help that the adults see you as more mature than your age and straight tell that to you… like I think I was actually immature deep down lol…. Just different.
Aging physically is inevitable for everyone, all we can do really is try our best to keep ourselves as healthy as we can for as long as possible. The rest is up to the genetic lottery, so to speak. I too am an autistic who was told I had an “old soul” as a child and who now, as an adult, engages more in things I loved as a child. Although I do think that part of the reason why I do that might be because I had moments in my childhood where I was forced to be more adult and not simply because I’m autistic. I might also mention that I was diagnosed in the year 2000, when I was eight years old and I turn thirty-two this Saturday. Even being diagnosed young can be both a blessing and a curse. When I was diagnosed, my mother initially treated my diagnosis as something to hide and not be proud of- I made my own choice to be proud of it then because I didn’t want her view to affect me. But I still faced challenges at school. When other kids at school find out someone is autistic, they can sometimes be more drawn to bullying that person and certain teachers will too in their own way, unfortunately. But there are others who will do the complete opposite. For example, in high school, my science teacher loved my hyper focus on zoology and got me into the highest level classes possible with a letter of recommendation, for which I felt very appreciative, as many normal level classes bored me. But the teacher for my favorite subject, English Literature & Language Arts, turned up her nose toward me and actively bullied me in class for being autistic until I decided to leave. Then she saw my ACT/SAT scores and begged me to come back but I had already been way too traumatized. No thank you, I was gonna enjoy the literary world more on my own. 😅
46, late diagnosed AuDHD, I was raised by my grandparents and have felt like an old person my entire life, but now as I'm aging I feel that it's easier for me to be childlike than it was when I was a child. Just diagnosed this year as well.
I'm 33 and was diagnosed earlier this year. I am so grateful for autistic youtubers and other creators as I likely would not have had the courage or insight to pursue diagnosis without seeing so many others like me. I too always preferred The Beatles over any current bands growing up! I'd love to make a group of irl likeminded autistic friends. I've tried apps but they've not been too conducive. If anyone has any leads please let me know!
I love listening to you; it's as if you know, even before I do, exactly which topics I’m interested in hearing about right now. On top of that, you vastly improve the conversation with your personal experiences, which are highly relatable
Thank you for sharing your story and reminding me about some of my favorite things about my autistic friends and gf in the process! 😊 my relationship with aging is also really weird due to having chronic illness starting as a child. I hope there’s a lot to look forward too but am also worried. But we’re adaptive, no matter how long it takes.
I´m so happy the algorythm was usefull for once and recommended this video to me. I´m in my early 40s and was diagnosed not even a year ago. Everything you speak of resonates so well with me and (without getting too dramatic but) it really helps to watch your videos so I´m not feeling so isolated in my experiences anymore. So thank you.
I relate so much. I always felt like a little adult as a kid, as a teenager I felt like my mom's mom at times. I'm in my mid 30s and I have a childlike spirit when it comes to arts, crafts and stuff I collect. My grandpa, who was a huge influence on me, watched cartoons until the year he died. I always watched cartoons with him and he always loved wearing shirts with Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck. He had some figurines on his shelf, too. He even enjoyed some anime with me, and would reminisce on his time stationed in Japan during the Korean War. He would play with the dog in a childish manner and loved to "jumpscare" and prank people in his 60s and 70s.
Hello, well articulated, I relate to so much of these themes. Love the Muppets and Morph too (we have a Tony Hart original sketch, so miss him). Did you ever send any art into the Take Hart gallery ? 😊 Thank you for creating and sharing (especially from our age group).
Thank you, and I'm glad you can relate. I've a dreadful memory but I don't think I ever submitted to The Gallery - I loved seeing everyone's contributions though 🧡
Just found your channel, you relax me so much watching and listening to you. It’s such a rare feeling so thank you for that. I’m diagnosed autistic adhd at 49. I have always been different and had a hard time. But now as an adult I feel a sense of belonging in the autism groups now. My extreme sensitivity to stimuli has gotten worse but I will be working on that going forward trying to force myself into the world more so I’m not so extreme. Anyway, thank you for your content. It is needed. 💛😊
❤ So, so relatable. During holidays, after dinner, I preferred to hang out with the men talking about science, political issues, and more “important,” things. I couldn’t relate to the women in the kitchen who would talk about relatives I didn’t know, recipes, who was born and who was sick and who had passed away. The older male family members knew I was an unusual little girl. My Grandfather doted on me and we worked crossword puzzles together. I loved him and he loved me. ❤️ I miss him a lot.
This is all very recognizable. Is it perhaps fair to say (we are all different, so I wouldn’t presume to speak for all of us on the spectrum) that we tend to be more stable throughout our lives, at least in terms of our interests and also how ‘mature’ (or naive/infantile) we come across to others throughout our lives? I get how it may be difficult for those not on the spectrum not to see us as old souls when we’re young, and ‘stunted’ when we get old. We develop in ways that are often invisible or even quaint to others. But it is usually overlooked How much we’ve learned (and struggled to do so) about what others experience as self-explanatory.
Thank you for this one. I'm feeling the very same way, but lucky enough to be 38 I guess. I'd like to know the origin of the phrase as well. The disappointment slowly setting in that all the people who called me an old soul or whatever, had no clue what they were talking about. I thought I was getting in practice for being an adult as a kid, therefore believed I would be well ahead of the curve after 21. A late bloomer. Well, let's hope it's a very late bloom. I would never tell a kid they were adult like, why would you do such a thing?
I took a while to talk, but once I got started, I kept learning new words. So I was accused of using large words nobody understood. And I took on the job of informing the teacher of all the bad people in her absence…though, looking back, I now see the teachers were annoyed by this. But I never felt comfortable with people my own age. I hung out with people much older or younger kids.
I remember a story from when I was younger called "The Ugly Duckling" and I related to it then. Now I'm still an odd duck but I'm older now. I kinda relate to a lot of what you are saying.
I'm new to your channel and I've watched a few videos already but never have I felt so identified from the title of this one!! I was always told I was so mature and wise for my age and I would make a great Mother because I was so empathetic and kind, despite never wanting children from a very young age (that has been a push pull scenario now I'm in my 30's, though not realistically likely to happen for other reasons also) but I was always much older in my head than my actual age and always more advanced emotionally than my friends. I've never seen this topic covered before either so it's a really refreshing video to watch 🙂🩷
I have never related to a video more in my life. From beginning to end, even down to several of the details such as the Beatles being a hyper fixation in your early teens. I am 39 so a little bit younger than you, but I too am in perimenopause because for whatever reason, both sides of my family tend to go through perimenopause and menopause early or on the earlier side and I do feel like the autistic experience of perimenopause is unique. Thank you so much for sharing this video for making this video and helping this autistic woman feel so seen
I think I related to this video more than I have any other content to date. I was diagnosed with ADHD, primary inattentive type, when I was 51. An official autism diagnosis where I live is probibitavely expensive, but my paychiatrist and therapist both agree I show several signs of being on the spectrum. As a kid, I was into music from the 1920s and 40s, musicals, and 60s folk. Needless to say my peers didn't at all relate. I was also into Edgar Allan Poe, Emily Dickinson, and Gothic fiction, funerary rites, etc. I related best to people in their 80s and 90s. Now most of my friends are Millennials. The only Xers I relate to are still in the Punk and Goth scene. Never had kids. My husband is also likely autistic. We play board and ttrpg games. We did roller derby together all through our 40s. My biggest struggle with aging is that I'm no longer a mountain goat, can't safely swing on wisteria vines, and have to be a lot more careful climbing trees. Perimenopause was absolute hell, but menopause was a breeze. I had a few hot flashes off and on for about 6 months and then was fine. I have to take medication to manage my ADHD. I don't know if it helps me with my (likely) autism or not. I struggle most with executive dysfunction and time management. Those of us wishing we had been diagnosed young in the 70s or 80s should keep in mind how negatively neurodivergence was viewed then, both by the public at large and even clinicians. We may have dodged a worse bullet even if our experiences were painful and isolating. That's my two cents. As far as death, I'm not afraid of ending. I just worry about the path to it as I've seen a lot of suffering in family and loved ones before they died. If and when I get to that point, I guess all I can do is what I've always done, my best to find joy and pleasure in the little things while enduring the physical pain. Cheers. ❤
Your words really resonated with me. I feel exactly the same. It can really be difficult to cope with these almost opposing feelings. I’m old but I’m young. I’m young but I’m old. I think these traits have enabled me to work well with children. Which is what ended up doing for a living. Unfortunately these traits, for me, have given me a whole host of mental health issues. I take on too much. I think too much. I care too much. I analyze too much. It’s nice to know I am not alone!
Wow, me too. "Old soul" and "Odd".growing up, always struggle to fit in, so much more comfortable by myself, overwhelmed and exhausted with social situations. I'm 62 and totally identify with being a bit autistic. It explains all my similar quirks.Only recently considered this a possibility. So agree with tough societal expectations. When I've tried to hold down regular jobs, It would be so exhausting and overwhelming. Just wanted to crawl into a cave and insulate. Always needed long periods of insulation to recover.
This was the first time I saw this quote, and I immediately clicked on the video! This is EXACTLY how I feel! I loved playing make-believe fantasy with some of my more mature childhood friends, but couldn't stand the chaos, rudeness, and crassness of particularly boys. I also always wanted to sit at the adult table. But I find now I need to work hard to find people who don't mind being silly and laughing. I find a lot of older people too serious and boring.
I had to take on more responsibilities that any kid should. now I'm more reliant and childish, I don't feel like an adult at all. I need (professional) help with most life stuff. it's like I've already used up my grown-up-ness (did I just invent a word?) in my early years, against my own choice. now I'm in a perpetual teen ish state, sometimes regressing down to toddler. I like it, adults are meh anyways! and those that aren't seem to have stayed young too :p I was so happy to see this topic talked about. also your voice is very soothing
I wasn't diagnosed with Autism until I was 22, but at the time (2000), they were still calling it Asperger's Syndrome, so I can relate to having a late diagnosis. I'm surprised that my generation (Generation X) wouldn't have at least known about Autism, especially during the 80s and 90s. And having a sister who isn't Autistic, we tend to have very different perspectives on things, especially since she's 7 years younger than me (I'm 46 and she's 39). Growing up, I was mostly into the pop culture that was relevant to kids and teens, and I could share that with my sister, plus it helped me in learning how to socialize. But we were also interested in the pop culture of our parents' generation, since it was introduced to us through cable television; for instance, Nickelodeon used to air reruns of shows like The Monkees, or I Love Lucy. We also enjoyed the pop culture of our grandparents' generation, such as watching old Betty Boop cartoons. Anyone can be interested in older pop culture, regardless of age or neurotype. Also, there's much overlapping, between generations. I also try to maintain an interest in current media, as well. It especially helps to socialize with younger people, not just because I have a younger sister, but also because some of my friends are younger than me, plus I have a young niece (she's 4). As for aging, sometimes I do worry about what my 50s will bring, since I'll be 50 in a few more years. But then I remind myself that I still have a long way to go, before I reach that age, and that I should be more focused on the present.
Very good video, lots of interesting thoughts. It's great that there are lots of autistic creators on YT but the vast majority do seem to be under forty. It's very important to get a middle-aged autistic perspective. Middle-aged autists have usually spent most of their lives undiagnosed and - as you say - often not understanding why they didn't fit in. They've usually had more years being misunderstood by others. It can also feel more isolating as a middle-aged autist as awareness of autism among others in that age bracket is also often very limited whereas younger people have usually grown up aware of other youngsters who've been diagnosed. Too many middle- and older-aged people either have never heard of autism or have narrow-minded or stereotypical notions about it. All generations of autistic people can have difficult experiences but I think it's generally tougher the older the person.
Oh heck yeah, when I was young I felt very much older, couldn't really relate to people my own age. Now I'm in my early 50's and I still consider the folks above and below in age as the elders, but mentally I'm not grouping myself in with them. We are a couple w/ no kids, and like you my parents are no longer around. InLaws are, but they live far away. Totally understand what you are talking about. thanks for your input into this space.
In response to your comment about under-representation of your age group, I certainly did feel the same as a teenager, there were so many questions that I could never find the answers to since I had only discovered that Autism was a thing at the age of 14. I was in a blank stage where I didn't know how much was teenage hormones and how much was sensory overload, or perhaps if I was jumping to conclusions or finding myself. One question that I asked myself a lot of the time was about how much I masked, because I didn't know how long it took before masking became instinctual, as I never seemed to notice it, but some things didn't seem to be masked at all. Ages 1-10 and 20-35 seem to be represented the most in my opinion. Anyways, lovely video, I hope to hear more about this topic.
I have always been young in mind as I grew up. Me and my dad were both the same and joked about not growing up and how it keep's us young even though we were getting older. It's like the saying 'Growing old is mandatory but growing up is optional'. I worry so much about getting old and what will happen to me, I worry about my arthritis getting worse and being in chronic pain, I worry I will be a burden or end up in a horrible old people's home and I worry I will end up alone. I too wish I had my diagnosis years ago. It has made such a difference to my life and how I view myself, even though it's only been a couple of weeks since my official diagnosis. I know I would have lived life differently if I had known sooner. I am starting to let myself like the things I used to eg: childhood interests, which I purposely made myself hide away as I grew because it was socially not the thing to like as an adult. Thank you for the interesting topic as always.😊🧡
Describes me to a tee ! Getting older is inevitable but growing up is optional! 😂 I am 51 and just still identify as a 30 yr old. I spent years expecting to start feeling like an adult every day and to my shock I didn't !
I used hang out with the adults when I was younger. I also wasn’t diagnosed with ASD until a bit over three years ago. I know as a teenager that I was more different then my peers while in the public school system in a couple of different states.
The quote is attributed to Tryon Edwards. It reflects the idea that some people seem to have an old soul from birth and never quite experience the carefree growth typically associated with youth. He is best known for compiling the "New Dictionary of Thoughts", a widely referenced book of quotations.
Ah, amazing. Thank you so much for this - I hate not being able to credit artists, writers, etc. Pinning this 👍
@@CreativeAutistic No problem and can I just say I love your clay figures? They look so slick and clean. How long does it take on average for you to complete a sculpt?
Ah, thank you! It depends on the amount of detail and whether I'm trying to capture a likeness, but anywhere between 2 - 5 days usually.
I felt older when I was a child,and as an adult now I feel younger than my age and those the same age as me.
Thank you for sharing 🧡
I feel the same way, I feel like a young person in an old woman's body. And I felt I was old when I was young.
Me too 😢
That's very common for autistic women Especially. I've written multiple pieces for Huffington post and other major media about autism in women and girls. My daughter & iare both autistic.
Ong same
as a child I always always told “you’re so wise for your age” 📚
Now I’m grown people always tell me to “act my age” 🎉
Yep! 🤪
I would say this is a flaw in how some adults think about adulthood. They've misunderstood what adulthood means.
The people who say “act your age” think no one should have fun after 35. Those people need to play more.
Tell them “I am acting my age.”
Very relatable. 54 yo female. Diagnosed AuDHD last week!! Perimenopause forced me to unmask. I identify with the same experience of being an overly mature and independent child and now I feel like a teenager in a 54 yo body.
Congrats on your diagnosis 🎉 and best wishes on the journey of knowing yourself better.
Congrats on your diagnosis - I hope it helps you to slowly reframe things (and I'm sure it will) 🧡
@@resourceress7 thank you
@@CreativeAutistic thank you.
when i was a teenager, i remember exclaiming to my mom that i couldn't wait to grow up because everyone my age was SO immature. she told me that nothing would change - people her age were still immature. she was right.
i watched a cousin die of cancer before her 30th birthday, so aging to me is a privilege.
It's absolutely a privilege 🧡
No, it's a curse@@CreativeAutistic
@@Demonetization_Symbol Do you need a hug?
I was diagnosed with autism at 4 years old, which is very rare for girls on the spectrum.
I’ve always been told that I was smarter than most kids my age, and that I was very articulate and talked like an adult.
My parents never talked down to me, they always talked to me as if I was an adult.
I’m 24, which is still pretty young. I’m still trying to figure out how to be an adult and stand on my own, I got a long way to go.
When it comes to being childish and liking childish things, I most definitely relate to this. I still collect toys, build legos, collect comics, watch cartoons and animated movies, and play childish video games. You are Never too old to enjoy this stuff, Fun is not age gated. Here’s something I say often, “Keep your inner child hood spirit alive, because without it, you’ll forget how to have fun…and be happy” so, yeah, you do you, don’t let the world tell you how to live your best life.
Being an adult means you get to choose what you spend time and money on.🥳 Joy seems like a good thing to have on that list.❤
I relate to this. My parents never baby talked to me. But I wasn’t diagnosed (despite having all the classic traits) until 35. As a woman or anyone who grew up working class or in a small town, that’s about average I think.
I have always been, and will likely always be, a strange mismatch of elements from all over the place. Doesn't matter what age I am I don't fit in with contemporaries.
Being a kid or being an adult are just a collection of ideas that I certainly didn't agree to so I'm not following them. I'll just be me and to hell with what anyone else thinks.
Absolutely this 🧡
That’s so well-worded! You nailed it
I want to comment on this but it floored me. I've never identified with anything so much. Literally everything in this describes me. I'm actually in tears, so will comment more when I compose myself.
Oh gosh, I’m ever so sorry it upset you. Sending all the positive vibes to you 🧡🧡🧡
@@CreativeAutisticNot upset at you. I had just thought it was I was alone in many of those feelings and was overwhelmed. Feeling understood means a lot. Thank you.
Glad it resonated with you 🧡 🧡 🧡
Acknowledgment and validation can be so powerful.
I totally agree because I spent most of my life wondering why I was different and or what was wrong with me.
Unfortunately I wasn't a clever child and really suffered at school.
I felt like an old soul as a child as well. Liked to be around and interacting with adults. Now I am soon 40 and feeling younger than those at the same age. I have kids and even though I have got a lot of responsibility I am often the only parent jumping with the kids, swinging and going around in the play grounds enjoying it the same much as the kids😅.
Relate to that
Me too. I was the kid that would seek out the parents if I went to a friends house and sit in the kitchen conversing with them about broad topics. "Very mature for my age" was said regularly.
Now, in my 40s, I'm the kid that goes by myself to the skatepark and skates joyfully amongst the groups of 8yo scooter boys, and if I feel like it climbs those big climbing nets with no hands! Let me tell you, the looks on the kids and parents faces is priceless.
Me too, I'm often the only parent, who enjoys playing with my kid, especially in swimming pools. :D Other mothers are those boring women, who just sit in the water or swim heads high with make up on. I dive under water and have fun.
@@jonskitalonhenki9613 Kindred spirits. It would be a blast if we could all play together lol imagine the shocked looks.
I have soooo much fun zooming on my skates I just can't get my head around why the other parents aren't doing it too, I suppose they are the ones masking now lol
You sound like an amazing parent! 🧡 🧡 🧡
It was the title of this video that caught my eye. I can definitely relate. When I look in the mirror and see my gray hair there’s such a disconnect from the way I feel inside.
I totally get this. I still expect to see my 30 year old self in the mirror 🧡
64 years young here. Always felt drawn to adults as a child, and now most of my friends are younger. Go figure. Self-diagnosed AuDHD. Partly because I found my biological half-sister a few years ago and was told many in the family have add, I went to a video on UA-cam by a woman who had ADD and broke down in tears, because for the first time in my life, I saw someone who was like me. I was lucky, because my mother was a teacher and she worked with me (also had a background in child psychology), so my dyspraxia is not as bad as it could be... but I doubt my parents suspected I was autistic. In the 60's in the US, autism was looked at as only happening in boys (and sadly, it seems many people STILL believe this today). I don't know if I will ever be officially diagnosed (in the US, it's hugely expensive, even with insurance), and I don't truly know if I need it. I am proud of myself and how I have coped through life, but I do still recall what I said to myself after watching that video in 2021. "You mean, I'm NOT a bad person? I'm just a different person?" Given the rebellious, stubborn child I was (also suspect I am PDA), I would NOT have done well with the therapies that are out there. ABA in particular would have been disastrous for little me. I can tell you that as an older woman, I for one am happy that I am "invisible", and I know myself pretty well. I feel fine with arranging my life the way I want it, and my husband (also introverted but not autistic) doesn't push me to do social things if I don't want to. I am finding some of the physical aspects of aging difficult, but I still don't see myself as "old". I am a woman who is happy in her own skin for the first time, learning more and more, and allowing myself to stim (we even bought a swivel rocking chair for the apartment so I can happily rock and spin and stim all I want to). I love myself far, far more than I did as a child, and I feel immense compassion for my younger self and all she went through. I wish I could go back and tell her that it does become better, but I know she would not believe me; would scoff and shrug and say, "Yeah.... RIGHT." My husband and I are childfree (sorry if that offends, but I don't think I am "less" of a person simply because I don't have children), and so are most of our friends, but I will say that I feel tremendous respect for autistic people who are also parents. You are braver than I, and I don't know how you do it. I take my hat off to you. Respect! Thanks for your video, and just know that, if you have people who love and respect and support you, you can have a wonderful life. I know I do (even with the low times). No offense taken if you say, "TL; DR"; if you HAVE read this to the end, I thank you and hope you got something from it. Peace!
@@maggierestivo5256 ❤️
This is beyond relatable. Looking back on my childhood I always blamed the way I felt on me being raised by my grandparents. I can't really pinpoint the moment I transformed from a mentally old person to feeling younger than my age. I guess somewhere around my early twenties. Some years ago said I'm a mixture of a 7 and a 70 year old and it still applies to my everyday experience. I'm currently 39.
It seems many of us feel similarly 🧡
it is stories like this which really strike to the etymological reason for autism having its name.
'Old head on young shoulders' is something I have been described by for as long as I remember. I think it was meant as a compliment, but it made me feel isolated from where I 'should be'.
Still awaiting an assessment (I need to chase up on it as all I got this year was a letter saying that the waiting list is longer with no timeframe).
A line from a Bob Dylan song resonates well with how I look back on life:
'I was so much older then, I am younger than that now'
Subscribed to your channel, I'm 57 and got my autism diagnosis two years ago. Great to have found a middle aged autistic youtuber!
Welcome! 🧡
It is so refreshing to know that there is someone that felt and feels this way other than me…
🧡
Same here!
I don't know what autistic people would've done before the advent of UA-cam and easily accessible information. I feel quite fortunate to be living in 2024 instead of 2004.
I feel this! 38 here, diagnosed at 32. Always felt 50 as a teenager. But I have an inner child that will never die 😇💜
I'm glad to hear it! 🧡
I'm 52 years old, but I always tell people I feel like a 12 year old with adult responsibilities. I'm usually mistaken for someone in my 30s. I work as an early childhood educator in a Kindergarten classroom, so people notice my vibrant, quirky aesthetic and assume it's because of my job, but really I just like dressing that way (baggy overalls and pinafore dresses made of brightly coloured second-hand fabrics, and patchwork hoodies.) Incidentally, The Beatles are my absolute favourite from the time I was ten years old, and they are now my teenage daughter's special interest, too. (Her Beatles knowledge is incredibly in-depth!) Seeing Ringo Starr play in concert last month was a dream come true for both of us! Plus, we are flying from Canada to the UK next summer to do some Beatles-related tourism in London and Liverpool. CANNOT WAIT!!!
No way u live in Canada? Me too
Right now, I feel like a total mismatch between various ages. I like some things that are considered “childish”, such as video games and reading science fiction books, but also some things that are considered for the elderly (mainly knitting). I’m 30, yet it feels like I’m both very old and very young at the same time, because my life experiences don’t match the expected life experiences of people my age. Mental health issues have ensured that I simply haven’t had the time to do the things you’re supposed to do in life, and it’s like I’ve missed so much that I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to catch up to my age peers. I’m not asking for much, I’d just like to be able to live a decent life with a permanent home, a stable source of income, and to live with my partner. This seems extremely difficult to actually achieve, society isn’t really made for people like me.
Agree, we all deserve the fundamental basics in life without having to struggle for them 🧡
Can relate
@@CreativeAutistic life is struggle. From our first breath, we struggle to breathe, beat our heart, acquire food, learn to read, insert life tasks here. The struggle makes it worthwhile. If it were easy, what would be the point? We'd become Eloi. We kinda are turning into Eloi as it is. Morloks struggled, but they didn't get eaten in their prime. Hope you get the reference.
I am 64. I have known I am autistic for less than 3 months. I am so sorry I didn't know earlier. Life is now short and the most productive part of over. Still, it is wonderful to have found out, even so late.
Congrats on finally discovering your truth! 🧡
This has absolutely been my experience. I feel a bit like I am internally aging backwards in some respects. I figured out that I was autistic after a son was diagnosed and early menopause amplified all of my autistic traits so much that I was not functioning very well for years and years.
Yep, menopause really ramped up many of my traits too, to the point I where could no longer ignore them 🧡
I'm 61, year old lady, 4 years.on menopause and I'm just learning about this. I'm scared about if I cannot get a diagnosis in time for me to get help. It really does scare me.the time it can take and my mental health on top. I keep asking myself what should I do. I love this sort of content.
I hope you find a group or community w neurodivergents. Support groups on fb and online in general can be a great resource and can be soothing. Just b careful who you trust as irl
I'm so sorry to hear this, Suzanne. I second @maderlolohio in that facebook groups can provide a wealth of knowledge, information and support - as well as speaking with your GP/primary care practitioner. Sending positive vibes your way 🧡
I am a similar age to you and what you have said resonates so much. I was spoken to like an adult by other adults when I was little and wanted to be around grown ups way more than children
I am aware of my biological age obviously and I actually feel physically older a lot because I have several physical challenges like fibromyalgia and hyper mobility etc but I just feel age-fluid and don’t feel I fit in with any particular age group and if anything I feel like I’m maybe in my 30s in my head
My lifestyle is also not the typical of a middle aged person - I don’t have children for a start - and I frequently act in a childlike way in my excitement and wonder at things while dealing with adult responsibilities so it’s such a mix of elements and can be a lonely place!
Really interesting to hear you talk about this thank you x
Ps I’m also late diagnosed - August this year!
Pps im also perimenopausal so that’s a fun combo! 😂
I can certainly relate to acting in a childlike way! Glad you enjoyed it 🧡
Oh man, ain't it the truth! 🤪 😩
Great video and the title blew me away when I read it because I never once felt like a child when I was a child. However, I'm now in my mid 70s and I still feel like a teenager. The physical restraints are a bit of a pain but with grocery deliveries and afternoon siestas I'm coping okay and really enjoying doing the things I love...but more slowly, lol. My son was the same too, an 'old soul' who still likes the things he loved as a child now he's in his late 40s. We're both Aspies. :)
@@DevonExplorer 71 here, and this resonates deeply. ❤️
@@helenkesteloo1282 🥰
I feel like I was born at age 64, and each year makes me feel more like myself. I remember ranting in preschool because the teachers talked to me like a little kid.
Middle school and early high school were the worst, because in addition to having non-relatable interests, it also turns out I'm asexual. (Yes, I love Tchaikovsky and all that he is. Wait... do I want to WHAT!?)
Yes, I *hated* being talked to like a little kid too 🧡
I heavily relate to this video despite being much younger than you at only 23 years old. I was always called an old soul as a kid, but I somewhat took that as something to be proud of, or something to signify my maturity against my peers. As I've gone through early adulthood however, it feels like I'm slipping further and further away from the milestones that are "typical" for someone my age, and I tend to feel very estranged from most people in general. The ultimate paradox of my life currently is wanting so desperately to connect with other people, but finding much more solace in being alone. To the point of aging though, I've always thought "acting your age" was kind of weird. We seem to be the only animals that have qualms over what's normative of a certain age group. Most other social animals, at least to my knowledge, seem to stay playful and youthful up until their bodies prevent them from doing so. Who's to say someone in their 50s can't act as exuberant and full of life as someone in their 20s--to a certain extent? Thank you for making this video, it's very validating.
Thank you, I'm glad you found it useful 🧡
Describes me perfectly! Late diagnosed just like you. Originally from the UK (now living in America). Your journey has resonated with me far more than any other UA-camr. Always loved the company of old people, even as a child. Much more interested in listening to their wisdom than playing outside with the other children. One of my best friends was a very elderly Army General. I would relish talking geopolitics at 10 years old rather than listening to the latest music (we are of a similar age, so Duran Duran springs to mind). It's as if I had "skipped" a generation, not by choice. Thank you for all you do, a true sister on this neurodivergent journey. OMG Morph, still love him!!! Bagpuss still has my heart.
Thank you for sharing and glad it resonated with you. Loved the wee mice in Bagpuss 🧡
I was diagnosed with autism four years ago at 49. So much of my life has started to make sense. I was the one to sit up front of the bus and befriend the bus driver, or befriend the librarian or the teacher rather than connect with my peers. I worked in education for my entire adult career and always connected with my students rather than my peers. Now I’m disabled and work part time for an after care program with elementary students. I identified with so much you spoke of one thousand percent! I’m going to rewatch this one later for journaling. Wonderful topic!
Aww, thank you for sharing, and for the lovely feedback 🧡
Oh Lizzie, I feel so sad picturing little you without your mom when you were that young. That must have been so hard... 🧡
I have always felt like I was about 7 years old in this crazy, upside down world, childlike and kinda in my own unforced rhythm of grace... even if my body is showing signs of age now.
I know what you mean about the muppets and Sesame Street. There is a simplicity and innocence in these that perhaps we long for. I was a big Mr. Rogers fan. He was so gentle and kind.
I am grateful that you are part of the community of creators as a 50 year old. I am 11 years ahead of you and am still active and playful. May you always be too!
Thanks as always for sharing your heart, wisdom, and knowledge so openly and graciously Lizzie. I look forward to your videos every week.
Aww, thank you so much, Lisa, and for your inspiring words. I hope I'm still playful in the years to come.
I'm just so grateful to know there are others like me, and like your lovely self, out there and I just wish I'd found this community much sooner in my life. But here we are now and that's all that matters. Thank *you* for being here 🧡 🧡 🧡
Really loved this video and having received a diagnosis at 45, I completely identify with feeling disappointed about the lost time and wishing I'd known earlier. I have to remind myself that when I was a kid in the 80s, it was such a different time and a diagnosis back then would have been very different to one today.
Familiar - got diagnosised this January at 47. Grew up in the 80s - it's been a big year of realizing so many things I can't explain where Autism. When we grew up barely anyone knew what Autism was - we where just weird & different.
Very true. I think an autism diagnosis in childhood would have contributed to further bullying and isolation, so I try my best to see my late diagnosis as a positive thing (although it would've been *very* helpful in my twenties)
this brings back memories, not being able to 'get' why people were into stuff in my teenage years, i admit i looked at it as 'immature' sometimes.
then, when i was a young adult, of course people handled me as a noob but now i'm 30something and it still regularly happens. ppl tell me i look younger, too, which might partially be due to my clothing choices. but it's also the way i carry and compose myself and how i have an oblivious perspective still to many things others consider trivial.
i feel like starting afresh every morning (sometimes to the point of being clueless about what to even do, but that's an adhd story)
Thank you for sharing 🧡
Everything you talked about is so relatable; this is great video 🙂: the almost reversal in 'mindset' in time; being a very mature child and a child like grown up. I agree, lived experiences like yours are precious
Thank you, I'm glad to hear it resonates with you 🧡
@@CreativeAutistic 🥰
Very relatable. I fit in better with the adults as a child then I did with the children. My feeling about aging is more a concern about losing the ones I love along the way along with losing more of my current abilities.
Yes, I worry about this too.
I have never related to an autistic experience more than this video
I'm glad it resonated with you 🧡
Thank you for this beautiful video. I relate to everything you say. You described me to myself and made me feel like a better person, in fact a wonderful person, like you!. I'm 58, just diagnosed.
Aww, you're very welcome. Congrats on your diagnosis - I hope it helps you to slowly reframe things (I'm sure it will) 🧡
👍👍Yep, this is the sort of topic in which I'm most invested as a late-diagnosed middle-aged autistic.
That said, the autistic mind is so immersed in the immediacy of the present moment that aging itself feels like a foreign concept (aside from the physical aspects it seems like much more of a social construct than anything else.) I didn't feel any more or less myself after I left home at 16 but I was relieved to have extracted myself from the various milieus and expectations of adolescence (and I, too, heard the "old soul" thing throughout my first 25 to 30 years.)
Having had a heart attack six years ago now (and pre-diagnosis, no less), on the subject of mortality I can say my main concern is the dearth of *informed* support for autistic adults. My brush with mortality wasn't any more philosophically significant than a trip to the dentist, which is to say it was tediously uncomfortable (I even delayed going to hospital for 12 hours because I wasn't convinced that I'd even had a heart attack and I didn't want to suffer the tedium of an institutional setting); in fact, the worst part of the experience was having to STAY there for the next several days.
The best part of aging, now that I'm two years post-diagnosis, is the self-awareness that I just want to be left alone to finally pursue my own interests. Permanent disability status doesn't afford much in the way of quality of life but to finally be spared the torment of neurotypical work environments has been a godsend, particularly in that it gives me the time/energy resources I need to focus on creative work. Ultimately I suspect that death will come as a mere inconvenience, similar in affect to missing a bus or train.
I feel the same at 50 as I did at 16. Aging has not changed my outlook much. It’s the same with traveling. Many say your life will change because you start seeing from other cultural perspectives, but I feel exactly the same after being to different countries. Seems like I’m always the outsider looking in.
I'm sorry to hear about your heart attack, Hermit, though I *totally* get your response (the autist's ambivalence to traumatic events, both in the moment and beyond, is so interesting to me) - and yep, I hope to make more content around these themes, as well as the autism & advocacy we spoke about. Some discussions/themes are so *big* they just take a while to figure out how to present them.
Thank you for this video! So many things I resonate with!
Diagnosed over 2 years ago - 51 now. Always felt like an alien and couldn't understand much at school. Was labelled lazy and "slow" because back then, autism had a different definition - far more restricted (you had to be non-verbal, have repetitive movements and speech patterns, be non-emotional or violent even etc) - so I was not autistic back then - just "slow, limited and child-like" Had I been diagnosed, it might have been a bit easier to adapt to the onus of being an adult and taking care of myself. I don't think being child-like is bad; if anything, it has helped me navigate some very troubled seas with relatively mirthful stoicism...
I've been managing on my own for about 20 years now (was living with friends before), but my ability to cope with work stressors and just the everyday panic of commuting (I live in London where peak hours commuting is a nightmare at best) is quickly dwindling. I'm very uncertain about the future and, although I don't fear death, like you, I'm apprehensive about the way it will happen. I would like to choose when it's my time to leave, when I still have body and mind autonomy and not have to rely on others to take care of me (there's no one anyway). I live in constant worry, which is probably one of the reasons my lifespan will certainly be shorter than the average.
It's good to know I'm not alone, yet painful to realise that we are not always being heard, let alone accommodated, until it's far too late (sometimes we ourselves don't understand what is wrong until it's too late!! - I find that very frustrating!)
Wishing you inspiration and creativity!
Wow, Several points ring true to me...
born old, and never grew up.
Then understanding late in life
Then the ache of wishing I had understood more when I was younger. That I felt I was cheated out of years, and missed out on important parts of life, and now I'm too old to make it up.
Thank you for sharing, and yes, I think many of us have similar feelings around late diagnosis.
This is such an interesting concept and I relate so much! I'm awaiting official diagnosis, did the evaluation a few weeks ago I was wise beyond my years as a kid and as a 50yo woman am really into cutesy stuff. My office is a pastel shrine to my mini lego builds, cute knick knacks, my finished crafts, stuffed animals, etc. It's so full in there but all of it is displayed neatly on pretty shelves.
My son is 21, he and his friends always want to include me because we have fun together. I feel strange hanging out around the fire pit with the young guys, but it also feels right at home! We are all just pals that share the same interests. (Before anyone makes it weird, I've been happily married for 30 years and these kids are more like my nephews.)
You brought up a lot of memories of my obsession with the Muppets and Garfield. 😊 Duran Duran was my absolute favorite as a tween and my collectibles are still in my parents' attic! 😂
I really appreciate your content ❤. Im self realized autistic and I'm pretty sure I'm ADHD too. I'm 35, its great to get more perspectives
Congrats on discovering your truth 🧡
i feel like i could have made this very video, change out some of the interests (except the muppets and sesame street and art!) but otherwise, omg. omg. this made me feel so seen. im at 16:00 where you are talking about not having a barometer for where you are in age and you dont have the younger generation around to help and I can say that I (43, AFAB) have nephews (2 in high school and 1 in college) and my two closest friends are half my age and I still feel so separated from my age, it feels wrong when i think about it or see it. I don't identify with it. I have some very old friends my age and they are so different mentally, i dont feel connected to them or anyone my age. i feel like having these younger people around just strengthens my connection to the younger generations bc i feel more heard and seen and understood.
i dont have the resources to get professionally diagnosed, but over the years i have learned and researched so much. i have been diagnosed with adhd, but i feel strongly that i am on the spectrum. i know self diagnosis is very vaild in the community (except for outliers that have very classist and gatekeep-y points of view), so i do my best to educate myself on autism-especially how it is experienced by AFABs and I love finding fellow AFABS like you that I can learn from. I can not thank you enough for making this video, it helps more than i can say to hear another person verbalizing the things i have experienced for so long. I appreciate seeing someone around my age and how you are sharing your experiences.
I am concerned for getting older, being farther and farther from how i feel on the inside. i also have many chronic illnesses and am disabled, with new illnesses and problems popping up every day (just got another diagnosis today) and its so hard to be in this failing, aging body while simultaneously just barely learning about myself and how things could have been so different for me. Realizing that my mother, while unfamiliar with autism I think, knew I was different and was fiercely protective of me and supportive of my interests and desire to just be alone with my books and my dolls and my art or just hang out with her. I also have some of my fondest childhood memories attached to spending the day with my grandmother and her friends. i was so very happy with them, it was safe and kind and i miss that so much. I wish my mother was still here, i desperately crave the support and love she always gave me, how she understood me without really knowing what was going on.
Thank you for sharing and I'm sorry to hear of your illnesses, including your latest diagnosis. I know how challenging it can be trying to manage everything (and an autism self diagnosis is absolutely valid) 🧡
As I rapidly approach my 71st birthday, I’m not really feeling old. I seem to have overcome many of the aches and pains that I had in middle age, except for knee problems. My aim is to still have at least a quarter of my life ahead of me, so I work on remaining healthy. I suppose that I’m no longer living in survival mode, but, even though I’m retired, I have a long to-do list that can seem overwhelming.
As for music, I didn’t become a Beatles fan until I heard the White Album. Then, they became my favorites. But, I feel like an outsider to most people, because over 50 years ago, as a college student, I fell in love with modern and contemporary classical music. And, I found that I have a talent for music that I’ve not really developed.
Thank you for sharing, Jeffrey. It's both refreshing and inspiring to hear someone say they feel better after middle age and I so hope I feel the same way in the years to come. Congrats on finding your new talent for music 🎵
I just found your channel and can totally relate to everything you're saying in this video! I was diagnosed with autism late in life too. Last February when I was 54. It answered so many questions about my life I'd always wondered about why I was and reacted so different to things than other people. I also have hEDS, POTS, fibromyalgia, the swallowing/choking problem you have, OCD, chronic pain syndrome, osteoporosis, chronic dry eyes and gastroparesis.
Also like you I hate having to give my age as nobody likes at me and believes I'm the same I am as I don't look or act like other 56 year olds I know. Not that I know how you're really supposed to act but I don't act different to how I did in my 20s. I can relate to you very much. I was born in the UK and grew up in there but moved to the States in 2006 so I grew up watching the same shows you mentioned - Take Hart etc. I also want interested in boys, clothes, pop music etc in school and was also bullied. I was obsessed with the Hammer Horror films with Christopher Lee and Peter Cushing and also like you spent much more time with adults and people much older than me and never had friends my own age.
I'm scared of getting and looking old. I don't want to. I never "planned on being an old granny". It's never been in my plans..
I've heard a similar phrase in the context of childhood trauma: "Never a child, always a child." In that case it refers to how children who aren't given the freedom to be children grow into adults with the emotional maturity of a child. I thought I identified with that for a long time, and I did grow up with an abusive father, but I also grew up with a wonderful mother and maternal grandparents and didn't live with said abusive father after age 6. I've come to realize in my 30s that I'm autistic and autism is why I am the way I am and why I've never felt that I fit with the people I'm told are my peers.
I was always told I was an old soul, too mature, skipped from 13 to 30. I wanted to hang with the adults but the adults found me creepy. I was the 20 year old employee who was treated like the middle aged managers by my 18 year old coworkers, but treated like the 16 year olds by the middle aged managers' non-management peers. And then I had a kid at 29, took time off to be home with her, and then went back to school for a different career. Now I'm back in the work force at 36 and suddenly I'm assumed to be younger than I am. I've literally been perceived as 30 all my life and suddenly that's not older than I am. Suddenly that's younger. It's weird. I'm closer to 40 and I don't know how to be perceived as 40. My boss is 32 and thought he was older than me. I worry that the perception of my skills and experience will always be tied to the perception of my age and that perhaps I won't ever hold a higher position than I hold now.
I think it's wonderful to see middle aged autistic content creators. This video resonates very much with me.
Thank you, I'm glad you enjoyed it 🧡
This video has just begun and I feel a kinship with what you are saying. I have only just turned 50 and was diagnosed a few months ago, to my great relief! Glad I found this.
Congrats on your diagnosis 🧡
Parents and grandparents often referred to me as 'born 40'. (Actually in my 40s now.) No one ever thought about Autism / Asperger's because I was 'gifted' and a music prodigy so they saw these things as quirks accompanying my abilities or personality. If my wife and I were assessed now, we would both definitely be put in the ASD bucket. Trying to reckon with it now after years of overwork and long-term burnout while raising a family is often a huge challenge.
This idea resonates strongly, and this is the first place I've heard anyone articulate it. So many of the things you said / your experiences sounded like they were drawn out of my own past.
Omg I so relate, my aunt always used to say that to me and I never wanted to play with my cousins, I preferred the adults! And now I’m 60 I sometimes feel like a silly kid!! Lol
Thank you for sharing 🧡
Another really interesting video and nice to see an Ian cameo! 😀
Glad you enjoyed it! 🧡
Funny thing is, I've described myself in much the same terms for a long time without ever knowing there might be others feeling the same way - let alone that I might be autistic (currently in the process of getting a diagnosis). As a child, I found other children boring to the extreme and had a much easier time talking to adults (who invariably either ignored me or were quite surprised by how "grown up" my thought process and interests seemed), yet now, well into my thirties, I often find myself having to very deliberately "act adult" (which is terribly exhausting) or be perceived as childish.
My own take is that I simply haven't changed nearly as much as most people seem to - meaning that the change in perception is mostly due to a change in expectation. Unfortunately, I've always had a hard time understanding those expectations and even if I did, found myself unable to meet them, even if I can mask that for a while. However, I'm not a good actor at all. Most people notice I'm pretending rather quickly (which frequently results in *very* negative reactions), so I've mostly given up on that. I've met a lot of people who accept that and that's great (I happen to have found a fair number of those in my workplace). Others can't (I've met far too many of those during my school years), and that's fine as well - but it makes working together long term very difficult if not impossible.
I'm 50 years old too, and having children has made it easier and more acceptable for me to enjoy young people's stuff even more. I was always the quirky one and when I was a young adult, I was always empty things that were very eclectic and strange, and I still do, and having kids for me, at least makes it easier.
👋🏻 Thank you for your video. I really could relate to many of the things that you talked about.
Aww, I'm glad you can relate 🧡
I loved this video - thank you, Lizzie. As a kid, I got on better with adults, and as an adult...I'm a frustrated 'kid' who's constantly denied the time to, er, make videos about autism. Like you, I'm quite pragmatic about the reality of death, but I do want to slip away quietly. Such a typically autistic thing for me to say, and privileged...Free Palestine.
Glad you enjoyed and related with it, Neil. It seems many of us feel very similarly! 🇵🇸 🍉
It's interesting that you brought up girls your age being obsessed with dating and stuff like that whilst growing up. I'm a guy and some years ago I attended a community art collage, it had a couple of autistic girls and I had a bit of a shock when I met them and thought "holy sh these girls have like actual personalities" before that pretty much all girls I'd met in school and stuff were copy pasted versions of each other. They were all very superficial and pretty much only cared about looking good so over the years I sorta dehumanized them (which sounds bad but it was like an automatic uncontious sort of thing) mentally. But meeting those autistic girls sorta opened my eyes.
It does sound terrible, but honestly I think it just happens. I had viewed boys the same way, simply because from the outside looking in they were .. all the same. Same rude, boring jokes I’ve heard over and over. Sports, or Star Wars, marvel, etc. the important part is to catch when we’re making these mistakes, because I didn’t like that about myself and I don’t like when others view people in this way.
@@lilyprettylambthat's true. I suppose we just sorta pay more attention to the people who 'makes themselves seen' or whatever and they often tend to be the least caring / rude ones. The nice people on both sides / genders are probably more reserved and more so in the background.
@@lilyprettylamb I think mainly it's a front people put on to try and be liked, that makes them seem like carbon copies of one another.
I’m so happy your video popped up. Lovely to meet you. I’m a UA-cam creator who just recently was diagnosed with ADHD, which was not a surprise to me but what was is the fact I tested so high for Autism. I’m also in menopause now.
I couldn’t agree with you more about aging.
Now I know why I have never felt “grown up” and now my whole life just makes more sense to me.
I subbed! ❤
Thank you and lovely to meet you too 🧡
I would love to share my thoughts on age and aging, but you said all the things I would have said. So I'll be subscribing today as a 43 year old, menopausal, neurodivergent woman that was born old and never aged 🧡
Thank you and welcome! 🧡
It is rare to feel such a relatable video. As you say, young autistic people are doing sterling work getting the msg out there, but being older there are other concerns to take into account too.
I've never heard anyone else talk about not having a reference chart to ages. Not that it should matter, but it does. I find it hard to believe I'm now considered in the grandparents bracket (57) and because I too skipped having children, coz lets face it, I don't like children, not when I was a child myself, and not as an adult either. I don't wish my expereince of childhood on anyone.
I never fitted in with other children, prefered the company of adults, and was bullied at school for simply being different. It's only this last year I've started questioning if I'm on the spectrum. Well, I know I'm ND, but I'm not diagnosed. I just couldn't wait to grow up, I hated being a child. And like you I found it wasn't really the answer.
Not having any rl close friends my age, I have no one to compare notes with, like 'is this normal with aging, is it part of chronic illness/disability, or should I be worried and ask a professional?'
I didn't watch my parents age either, my fostermum died younger than my current age, and my bio mum died from cancer 20 yrs ago (we were estranged), and I'm pretty sure she was autistic.
So I'm not just cool with, but grateful for, you mentioning age, even if some think it is (too) frequent.
I do worry about getting older, I can not see a future where I can ever retire, so I hope I go before such a time when I cannot take care of myself. And that it isn't painful. goodness knows I've dealt with enough pain in this incarnation as it is. But there are a few things I want to complete and experience before I go, so I hope I get to do that.
Wow. This is my first time watching a video of yours, and I'm just in shock at how similar our experiences are -- down to the special interests you had growing up. It's comforting, in a sad way, to know that I'm not alone in feeling so conflicted and confused about aging, growing up, milestones, etc. I wish things were easier for us autistic people, but at least we can rely on each other
Aww, thank you for sharing and I'm glad it resonated with you so much 🧡
I got a masters degree a year ago then had my son, I live in America and I have tons of student and medical debt and we get no paid parental leave here. I was already burnt out of work and never felt I could give my daughter 100% while working even part time. I feel so much pressure to return to work but staying at home has made me feel like I’m thriving. Yes, babies are overstimulating, yes it stretches our budget, yes I might be missing out on career opportunities. But I’ve found that embracing my childlike hobbies and involving my children in them has helped all of us to thrive so much more. It’s hard and overstimulating to be a parent, but I’ve made it an outlet for creativity and playfulness each day. I wish that workplaces could accommodate parents, especially neurodivergent parents more. But this is where I’m at and it’s working (most days)
Great video! As a young child I found my own age very "stupid" and "boring", and I wanted to have "intellectual discussions" with the grown ups. However, most grown ups shooed me away and always said "go be a good girl and play with the children", or "go play, the grown ups are talking now...", "you're too young for this conversation..." This made me soooo angry and not being taken serious. This left a lot of scars in me as I actually grew up, not being taken serious or listened to at all. Being belittled at every opportunity. I've got diagnosed in my 30s, and I had to get through a lot of "backwards grief" so to speak, for the fact that caretakers around me just let me "float around" amongst other children, feeling like an alien. Now that I understand my neurodiversity I feel like I want to "redo" my childhood so to speak, and do everything that I've missed out on as a child. Going out with friends I actually vibe with, watching childhood series that were "banned" from me for "reasons", etc.. I have gotten more comfortable with myself now, as I age and understand my neurodiversity, to give people "the finger" so to speak, if they voice a "grown up opinion" upon me :P And I feel free now to live my life as is most suited to my needs. I now have adults tell me that I can't do "childish things" anymore... why? Why would I deny myself fun? All I think now is; Go be a miserable adult in your grown up house and leave me alone with your opinions :P It's so freeing to be able to acknowledge and cater to my own needs now :)
Thank you for sharing and there's certainly a lot to relate to here! 👍
I loved your video, thank you. I'm a bit younger than you (in my thirties), but also recently diagnosed, and really want to see autistic people from all age groups talk about their experiences.
Congrats on your diagnosis - I hope it helps you to slowly reframe things going forward 🧡
Thank you for being vulnerable. Your video came up on my feed. I can totally relate to you I'm 55 and a creative artist. When I was younger I was more of an adult than I am today at 55. People can't believe that I'm 55 they think I'm in my 30s mainly because I actand look younger. And I don't have any children but I have 5 cats. I struggled in school and really keeping friendships. I only wanted 1 or 2 best friends. I never in a million years would ever consider myself autistic though even though I was struggling in school and hated college sometimes I struggle in jobs because I get bored and I can't wait to get out of there to do my own thing. I mainly just thought it was because of childhood trauma. Perhaps I should investigate more. Thank you again.
I can totally relate. Im same age and everyone thinks I'm 20 or 30 yrs younger.
Thank you for sharing 🧡
Oh my… this basically describes my life. When I was in school I found all the games kids played like running and stuff overwhelming. I liked things that I saw more adult as reading, playing cards, and stuff like that. Of course there were childlike things I enjoyed, like video games and movies, but I never fully felt as another child.
Now, with 30 years old I am behind my peers in a lot of aspects. I have difficulties with relationships with my co-workers, and even if it is not really that bad I still feel different sometimes and now I am like a child. I realized that I was always a child, I just was a different one. It doesn’t help that the adults see you as more mature than your age and straight tell that to you… like I think I was actually immature deep down lol…. Just different.
Aging physically is inevitable for everyone, all we can do really is try our best to keep ourselves as healthy as we can for as long as possible. The rest is up to the genetic lottery, so to speak. I too am an autistic who was told I had an “old soul” as a child and who now, as an adult, engages more in things I loved as a child. Although I do think that part of the reason why I do that might be because I had moments in my childhood where I was forced to be more adult and not simply because I’m autistic. I might also mention that I was diagnosed in the year 2000, when I was eight years old and I turn thirty-two this Saturday. Even being diagnosed young can be both a blessing and a curse. When I was diagnosed, my mother initially treated my diagnosis as something to hide and not be proud of- I made my own choice to be proud of it then because I didn’t want her view to affect me. But I still faced challenges at school. When other kids at school find out someone is autistic, they can sometimes be more drawn to bullying that person and certain teachers will too in their own way, unfortunately. But there are others who will do the complete opposite. For example, in high school, my science teacher loved my hyper focus on zoology and got me into the highest level classes possible with a letter of recommendation, for which I felt very appreciative, as many normal level classes bored me. But the teacher for my favorite subject, English Literature & Language Arts, turned up her nose toward me and actively bullied me in class for being autistic until I decided to leave. Then she saw my ACT/SAT scores and begged me to come back but I had already been way too traumatized. No thank you, I was gonna enjoy the literary world more on my own. 😅
46, late diagnosed AuDHD, I was raised by my grandparents and have felt like an old person my entire life, but now as I'm aging I feel that it's easier for me to be childlike than it was when I was a child. Just diagnosed this year as well.
Congrats on your diagnosis 🧡
Never heard that quote before but is totally relatable! I've always felt the same age since I can remember. Love your insights
Thank you, and yes, I think a whole lot of us are finding real meaning in this quote 🧡
I'm 33 and was diagnosed earlier this year. I am so grateful for autistic youtubers and other creators as I likely would not have had the courage or insight to pursue diagnosis without seeing so many others like me. I too always preferred The Beatles over any current bands growing up!
I'd love to make a group of irl likeminded autistic friends. I've tried apps but they've not been too conducive. If anyone has any leads please let me know!
I love listening to you; it's as if you know, even before I do, exactly which topics I’m interested in hearing about right now. On top of that, you vastly improve the conversation with your personal experiences, which are highly relatable
Aww, that's such lovely feedback - thank you 🧡
Thank you for sharing your story and reminding me about some of my favorite things about my autistic friends and gf in the process! 😊 my relationship with aging is also really weird due to having chronic illness starting as a child. I hope there’s a lot to look forward too but am also worried. But we’re adaptive, no matter how long it takes.
Yes, this is a very pragmatic way to look at the aging process 👍
I´m so happy the algorythm was usefull for once and recommended this video to me. I´m in my early 40s and was diagnosed not even a year ago. Everything you speak of resonates so well with me and (without getting too dramatic but) it really helps to watch your videos so I´m not feeling so isolated in my experiences anymore. So thank you.
Aww, thank you and welcome. It's really helpful in terms of my own imposter syndrome to know other autistic people can relate to my experiences 🧡
Shoutout to Ian who sounds like a legend 😊
Ha! I think this has made his day 😜 😆
I relate so much. I always felt like a little adult as a kid, as a teenager I felt like my mom's mom at times. I'm in my mid 30s and I have a childlike spirit when it comes to arts, crafts and stuff I collect.
My grandpa, who was a huge influence on me, watched cartoons until the year he died. I always watched cartoons with him and he always loved wearing shirts with Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck. He had some figurines on his shelf, too. He even enjoyed some anime with me, and would reminisce on his time stationed in Japan during the Korean War. He would play with the dog in a childish manner and loved to "jumpscare" and prank people in his 60s and 70s.
Hello, well articulated, I relate to so much of these themes. Love the Muppets and Morph too (we have a Tony Hart original sketch, so miss him). Did you ever send any art into the Take Hart gallery ? 😊
Thank you for creating and sharing (especially from our age group).
Thank you, and I'm glad you can relate. I've a dreadful memory but I don't think I ever submitted to The Gallery - I loved seeing everyone's contributions though 🧡
Just found your channel, you relax me so much watching and listening to you. It’s such a rare feeling so thank you for that. I’m diagnosed autistic adhd at 49. I have always been different and had a hard time. But now as an adult I feel a sense of belonging in the autism groups now. My extreme sensitivity to stimuli has gotten worse but I will be working on that going forward trying to force myself into the world more so I’m not so extreme. Anyway, thank you for your content. It is needed. 💛😊
Aww, thank you for your lovely feedback. I'm glad you found your tribe! 🧡
❤ So, so relatable. During holidays, after dinner, I preferred to hang out with the men talking about science, political issues, and more “important,” things. I couldn’t relate to the women in the kitchen who would talk about relatives I didn’t know, recipes, who was born and who was sick and who had passed away. The older male family members knew I was an unusual little girl. My Grandfather doted on me and we worked crossword puzzles together. I loved him and he loved me. ❤️ I miss him a lot.
This video was unbelievably relatable for me. 45- diagnosed at 43. And everything you described is spot on for me!
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This is all very recognizable. Is it perhaps fair to say (we are all different, so I wouldn’t presume to speak for all of us on the spectrum) that we tend to be more stable throughout our lives, at least in terms of our interests and also how ‘mature’ (or naive/infantile) we come across to others throughout our lives? I get how it may be difficult for those not on the spectrum not to see us as old souls when we’re young, and ‘stunted’ when we get old. We develop in ways that are often invisible or even quaint to others. But it is usually overlooked How much we’ve learned (and struggled to do so) about what others experience as self-explanatory.
Thank you for this one. I'm feeling the very same way, but lucky enough to be 38 I guess. I'd like to know the origin of the phrase as well. The disappointment slowly setting in that all the people who called me an old soul or whatever, had no clue what they were talking about. I thought I was getting in practice for being an adult as a kid, therefore believed I would be well ahead of the curve after 21. A late bloomer. Well, let's hope it's a very late bloom. I would never tell a kid they were adult like, why would you do such a thing?
I took a while to talk, but once I got started, I kept learning new words. So I was accused of using large words nobody understood. And I took on the job of informing the teacher of all the bad people in her absence…though, looking back, I now see the teachers were annoyed by this.
But I never felt comfortable with people my own age. I hung out with people much older or younger kids.
I remember a story from when I was younger called "The Ugly Duckling" and I related to it then. Now I'm still an odd duck but I'm older now. I kinda relate to a lot of what you are saying.
Thank you for sharing and I'm glad you can relate 🧡
I'm new to your channel and I've watched a few videos already but never have I felt so identified from the title of this one!! I was always told I was so mature and wise for my age and I would make a great Mother because I was so empathetic and kind, despite never wanting children from a very young age (that has been a push pull scenario now I'm in my 30's, though not realistically likely to happen for other reasons also) but I was always much older in my head than my actual age and always more advanced emotionally than my friends. I've never seen this topic covered before either so it's a really refreshing video to watch 🙂🩷
I'm glad it resonated with you 🧡
I have never related to a video more in my life. From beginning to end, even down to several of the details such as the Beatles being a hyper fixation in your early teens. I am 39 so a little bit younger than you, but I too am in perimenopause because for whatever reason, both sides of my family tend to go through perimenopause and menopause early or on the earlier side and I do feel like the autistic experience of perimenopause is unique. Thank you so much for sharing this video for making this video and helping this autistic woman feel so seen
Aww, I'm glad it resonated so much for you 🧡
Very relatable. Thanks for sharing.
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Saw the title and it describes my experience perfectly.
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I think I related to this video more than I have any other content to date. I was diagnosed with ADHD, primary inattentive type, when I was 51. An official autism diagnosis where I live is probibitavely expensive, but my paychiatrist and therapist both agree I show several signs of being on the spectrum. As a kid, I was into music from the 1920s and 40s, musicals, and 60s folk. Needless to say my peers didn't at all relate. I was also into Edgar Allan Poe, Emily Dickinson, and Gothic fiction, funerary rites, etc. I related best to people in their 80s and 90s.
Now most of my friends are Millennials. The only Xers I relate to are still in the Punk and Goth scene. Never had kids. My husband is also likely autistic. We play board and ttrpg games. We did roller derby together all through our 40s.
My biggest struggle with aging is that I'm no longer a mountain goat, can't safely swing on wisteria vines, and have to be a lot more careful climbing trees. Perimenopause was absolute hell, but menopause was a breeze. I had a few hot flashes off and on for about 6 months and then was fine. I have to take medication to manage my ADHD. I don't know if it helps me with my (likely) autism or not. I struggle most with executive dysfunction and time management.
Those of us wishing we had been diagnosed young in the 70s or 80s should keep in mind how negatively neurodivergence was viewed then, both by the public at large and even clinicians. We may have dodged a worse bullet even if our experiences were painful and isolating. That's my two cents.
As far as death, I'm not afraid of ending. I just worry about the path to it as I've seen a lot of suffering in family and loved ones before they died. If and when I get to that point, I guess all I can do is what I've always done, my best to find joy and pleasure in the little things while enduring the physical pain.
Cheers. ❤
Your words really resonated with me. I feel exactly the same. It can really be difficult to cope with these almost opposing feelings. I’m old but I’m young. I’m young but I’m old. I think these traits have enabled me to work well with children. Which is what ended up doing for a living. Unfortunately these traits, for me, have given me a whole host of mental health issues. I take on too much. I think too much. I care too much. I analyze too much. It’s nice to know I am not alone!
I'm sorry to hear this but I can relate for sure 🧡
Wow, me too. "Old soul" and "Odd".growing up, always struggle to fit in, so much more comfortable by myself, overwhelmed and exhausted with social situations. I'm 62 and totally identify with being a bit autistic. It explains all my similar quirks.Only recently considered this a possibility. So agree with tough societal expectations. When I've tried to hold down regular jobs, It would be so exhausting and overwhelming. Just wanted to crawl into a cave and insulate. Always needed long periods of insulation to recover.
This was the first time I saw this quote, and I immediately clicked on the video! This is EXACTLY how I feel!
I loved playing make-believe fantasy with some of my more mature childhood friends, but couldn't stand the chaos, rudeness, and crassness of particularly boys. I also always wanted to sit at the adult table. But I find now I need to work hard to find people who don't mind being silly and laughing. I find a lot of older people too serious and boring.
I had to take on more responsibilities that any kid should. now I'm more reliant and childish, I don't feel like an adult at all. I need (professional) help with most life stuff. it's like I've already used up my grown-up-ness (did I just invent a word?) in my early years, against my own choice. now I'm in a perpetual teen ish state, sometimes regressing down to toddler. I like it, adults are meh anyways! and those that aren't seem to have stayed young too :p
I was so happy to see this topic talked about. also your voice is very soothing
I wasn't diagnosed with Autism until I was 22, but at the time (2000), they were still calling it Asperger's Syndrome, so I can relate to having a late diagnosis. I'm surprised that my generation (Generation X) wouldn't have at least known about Autism, especially during the 80s and 90s. And having a sister who isn't Autistic, we tend to have very different perspectives on things, especially since she's 7 years younger than me (I'm 46 and she's 39).
Growing up, I was mostly into the pop culture that was relevant to kids and teens, and I could share that with my sister, plus it helped me in learning how to socialize. But we were also interested in the pop culture of our parents' generation, since it was introduced to us through cable television; for instance, Nickelodeon used to air reruns of shows like The Monkees, or I Love Lucy. We also enjoyed the pop culture of our grandparents' generation, such as watching old Betty Boop cartoons. Anyone can be interested in older pop culture, regardless of age or neurotype. Also, there's much overlapping, between generations. I also try to maintain an interest in current media, as well. It especially helps to socialize with younger people, not just because I have a younger sister, but also because some of my friends are younger than me, plus I have a young niece (she's 4).
As for aging, sometimes I do worry about what my 50s will bring, since I'll be 50 in a few more years. But then I remind myself that I still have a long way to go, before I reach that age, and that I should be more focused on the present.
Very good video, lots of interesting thoughts. It's great that there are lots of autistic creators on YT but the vast majority do seem to be under forty. It's very important to get a middle-aged autistic perspective. Middle-aged autists have usually spent most of their lives undiagnosed and - as you say - often not understanding why they didn't fit in. They've usually had more years being misunderstood by others. It can also feel more isolating as a middle-aged autist as awareness of autism among others in that age bracket is also often very limited whereas younger people have usually grown up aware of other youngsters who've been diagnosed. Too many middle- and older-aged people either have never heard of autism or have narrow-minded or stereotypical notions about it. All generations of autistic people can have difficult experiences but I think it's generally tougher the older the person.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts, and yep, agree on pretty much all of this 🧡
Thank you for sharing so openly, much of what you said resonated with me so much.❤
Glad it was helpful! 🧡
You could be me, everything you said was so relatable. I even started my Beatles fandom at the same time as you!
They're the best! 🧡
Oh heck yeah, when I was young I felt very much older, couldn't really relate to people my own age. Now I'm in my early 50's and I still consider the folks above and below in age as the elders, but mentally I'm not grouping myself in with them. We are a couple w/ no kids, and like you my parents are no longer around. InLaws are, but they live far away. Totally understand what you are talking about. thanks for your input into this space.
In response to your comment about under-representation of your age group, I certainly did feel the same as a teenager, there were so many questions that I could never find the answers to since I had only discovered that Autism was a thing at the age of 14. I was in a blank stage where I didn't know how much was teenage hormones and how much was sensory overload, or perhaps if I was jumping to conclusions or finding myself. One question that I asked myself a lot of the time was about how much I masked, because I didn't know how long it took before masking became instinctual, as I never seemed to notice it, but some things didn't seem to be masked at all. Ages 1-10 and 20-35 seem to be represented the most in my opinion.
Anyways, lovely video, I hope to hear more about this topic.
Thank you for sharing 🧡
I’ve connected with so much of this. Thank you.
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I have always been young in mind as I grew up. Me and my dad were both the same and joked about not growing up and how it keep's us young even though we were getting older. It's like the saying 'Growing old is mandatory but growing up is optional'. I worry so much about getting old and what will happen to me, I worry about my arthritis getting worse and being in chronic pain, I worry I will be a burden or end up in a horrible old people's home and I worry I will end up alone. I too wish I had my diagnosis years ago. It has made such a difference to my life and how I view myself, even though it's only been a couple of weeks since my official diagnosis. I know I would have lived life differently if I had known sooner. I am starting to let myself like the things I used to eg: childhood interests, which I purposely made myself hide away as I grew because it was socially not the thing to like as an adult. Thank you for the interesting topic as always.😊🧡
So much to relate to here, Sarah. Sending much solidarity 🧡 🧡 🧡
Just found your channel. I really enjoyed this video and I really resonated with a lot of things you said.
Thank you - I'm glad it resonated with you 🧡
Describes me to a tee ! Getting older is inevitable but growing up is optional! 😂 I am 51 and just still identify as a 30 yr old. I spent years expecting to start feeling like an adult every day and to my shock I didn't !
Yep! 😆
I used hang out with the adults when I was younger. I also wasn’t diagnosed with ASD until a bit over three years ago. I know as a teenager that I was more different then my peers while in the public school system in a couple of different states.
💓💖💕 I relate to almost everything you said. I, too, was diagnosed at 50. I’m about 18 years older than you.
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Resonating 100%. 😮❤
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