Clarification! I spoke with Carissa and I remembered the story incorrectly. She shared that she was arrested for harassment because she threw a small amount of lemonade at a former friend who was ended up dating her husband right after the got divorced.
She should have bought his new honey a beer and given her a few tips on the care and feeding of her ex-husband. She might have turned it into a consulting business.
I had two young women Mormons knock on my door when I was in my early twenties. I invited them in and was shocked when they came in without knowing me. They ended up coming back over and over until I threatened to call the cops. I stumbled on this video...but explained alot about my experience.
I was shocked at the difference between my drivers license pic of all things being in/out. 😂 You genuinely see how much happier I am (even at the DMV) even though I’m smiling in both. Just found your channel & appreciate your courage and voice!
I went to a Catholic boarding school that was all female and was run by a group of nuns. They hired a female police officer to teach us self defense every year. I remember that they taught us that self defense is an attitude and I still remember it to this day. I am super grateful for those nuns. You would be surprised at how good it was to be a teenager surrounded by strong powerful women.
I went to an all women's Catholic college. I'm not sure the general public realizes what bad@sses certain groups of Catholic nuns are. Mine were Benedictines, and being an emerging adult surrounded by strong, powerful women was good, too. I realize that for generations, Catholic nuns inflicted serious physical and psychological abuse on children and, in some cases, entire cultures. But I thank God for my strong, powerful women!
My mother had a similar experience. She ended up graduating near the top of her paratrooping class (in 1970--in El Salvador!). A certain kind of late-second-wave feminist would decry religious sisters as brainwashed tools of the patriarchy. My mother always responded that they were among the strongest women she'd ever known!
Years ago, I met a lovely woman named Jen at a (secular) weekend community festival. We clicked right away and hung out the entire day and exchanged photo numbers. (We are both straight; it wasn’t that.) We are the same age, both of us RNs, and both of us antique collectors. I was an antique doll appraiser and she had/ has a wonderful collection, and a ton-of knowledge about each piece she owned. Anyway, she called me a couple-days after, and wanted to come visit my home, which sounded cool. She arrived with another woman, a little older, gave me a Book of Mormon, and started her schpiel. I actually listened and went to some sort of LDS chapel, on a Sunday, with her. Quite soon, I read the book and started asking questions. I couldn’t buy the gold plates thing. The entire thing seemed just-so odd. Jen kept at me. When I told her that I wasn’t interested in Mormonism, she ghosted, although that wasn’t a term in use when this happened. I felt awful and felt foolish for thinking she was a nice, new friend, when she wasn’t interested in me other than to boast her new-Mormon numbers. About two years after that, I ran into Jen at a grocery store. She has since left the Mormon religion. She apologised for having ghosted me, said that she really though we connected as friends, but it was so difficult for LDS women to have friends who refused to join the -cult-religion. I asked her what it was that brought her to leave LDS; she said, “A cult is a religion that provides all the answers, but doesn’t allow questions.” We are still fine friends to this day, and I recently shared, with her, the link to your channel. Alyssa, great content! ❤
@@JaimeMesChiens very glad you reconnected and she's in a better place now. Keep in touch, she may need your help now, it's very isolating leaving, and you're experiencing some very normal things for the first time, etc. Not saying you HAVE to help in any way, this is not your job, but it might be nice if you feel like it, is all, best wishes to her
There’s a reason most missionaries are like 18-22. They’re naive enough to not question anything. But this also puts them in extraordinary danger, because they’ll think “oh the spirit will protect me” and put themselves in very sketchy situations.
Being raised in a conservative, protected home environment leaves these young adults incredibly vulnerable. They don't know what they don't know. And, they potentially could walk straight into a risky situation and not even recognize it for what it is. Scary.
@@nadineevans5195 that is literally the dumbest thing ive ever heard. fun fact but should not expose your kids to messed up stuff to try and toughen them up for the "real world" if you dont see a value in raising your kids in a protected home environment youre a literal child abuser. you raise them protected while educating them so they dont walk into sketchy situations
Another interesting thing about mission training is that it’s very similar to initiation into a cult. Sleep deprivation, loss of identity (sister last name instead of going by your name), endless information and work, separation from outside world and family, and never being alone to think about it.
Catholicism is very different, of course, but you choose a name of a canonized saint when confirmed, which seems a little like that to me. I wasn't confirmed, but went to classes. It could be someone to identify with on your journey. I don't know.
@@JohnDLee-im4loyou know who's truly unaccountable? People like you who do untold harm to those around them and close to them. I hope you can develop the courage and strength to question the unquestionable and seek truth no matter where it might lead you. Good luck to you and your family.
You're right about the friending to convert mindset. Today I took my neighbor, who is going through a divorce, flowers and a card. I also invited her outside to watch the solar eclipse with my extra pair of eclipse glasses. And it was AMAZING to not have that "now invite her to church" voice in my head. True friendship just for the sake of it, no alterior motives. What an amazing experience!
@SENSEF - The weight of all that guilt for being such "a bad person" and responsibility to be "a good person" in the eyes of god and in my own eyes dragged me down. I am now weight-free and it feels wonderful!
@@iambored678i can’t imagine how many people would be stuck still in the church after “loosing their testimony” and suffering if Alyssa didn’t have the power to not only leave, but write about it so eloquently ❤
I have recently spoken to a couple of young female missionaries and as one of them was talking she told me she wanted to recite her favorite passages from the Book of Mormon and of course I said go ahead and the moment she started reciting she went into the trance like state, her eyes appeared tired, her voice changed a little and the whole time she was reciting she reminded me of the completely brain washed soldiers that I met while I was in the Army. I really felt sorry for her.
What are the key signs of a brainwashed soldier? How many of those exist vs. the general population of soldiers in your estimation? Like 10% or close to 50%? Do they tend to behave like that only while they are active or does it tend to continue in civilian life?
Im a gay, male former LDS member. I made the decision to leave very recently. Your videos have helped me alot. I served a mission and it was horribly damaging to my mental health. I served in Liberia, west Africa. Ive seen lots of horrible things on my mission....but the worst part was the harassment from other missionaries and the horrible living conditions. We had sometimes 3 weeks with no water in our house or power. I saw traumatizing things like people getting killed in markets. Being gay on my mission made me hate myself...it was so hard...my companions physically and mentally harassed me. My mission president refused to help. I remember telling him I was struggling but he told me "it was a result of my sin and pain of repentance" :( . I had nights were I wanted to end it all... I was all alone...but im glad i am done with it. I'm free. Thank you! 😊
@@awkwardotter13 thanks... I still have issues however. We would get robbed frequently at night while we were sleeping, where people would remove our roofs and steal things while we slept. This has left me with extreme night terrors where I will lash out and attack people in my sleep. It makes things difficult. I'm taking every day slowly! 🥰
@@lifeisbeautiful3954 Take care to remind yourself as best you can that you're not the problem, the backwards ideas of others is the problem. You'll never satisfy people whose expectations exist completely outside the realm of logic, whether that's because of their interpretation of God or a million other reasons people close their minds off with hate. Good luck on your new life.
Must have been so awful, really no excuse for a multi billion dollar church to have its missionaries (aka salespeople) living in dangerous or conditions that they can barely afford food or have no water or power. Disgusting
Many years ago, there were 2 sister missionaries that were kidnapped and raped, this was in South Africa, and remember many people asking if they were wearing their garments. To me, it was implying that if they weren't, that's why they were assaulted. I was 14 at the time.
@@JuliaGulia310victim blaming is always based in fear. Non-predators who blame victims are acting out of fear that the same thing could happen to them. By finding something the victim did "wrong," they think they (or their loved ones) are protected from it.
'Speaking sweet' reminds me so much of Michelle Duggar. That whispery, icky sweet babyish voice is so creepy. I want to shake her and tell her to just be herself. But I doubt if she knows who that is anymore. Alyssa, thanks so much for doing these videos. I can only imagine how tough it would be to be young, female, raised in a cult and not knowing how to break free. You're helping so many people. That's a light out there if someone is young and afraid that their life will never be okay. Okay, I'm off my soapbox now. Just THANK YOU SO MUCH.
I totally agree that she looks and talks much more light-hearted now! However, the colours and type of makeup she is wearing now is complimenting her eyes, skin and hair very very well :D This definitely has an impact too :)
Hi. We went to high school together in KY! (Don’t know if you remember me) but yesterday I had two young ladies come to my door asking if they could read me scripture. Because of your videos I was educated on concept of Mormon missions and was able to ask them questions on how they were doing and asked if they felt safe. I just hope that they are okay. Even though I have no desire to be Mormon, I let them read and talk to me and it was an overall very pleasant experience.
You doing that probably helped keep them safe. 💖 I know someone who I believe did NOT want to be a Jehovah’s Witness but invited some in, made them tea and overall I think just tried to make them feel comfortable, giving them a break and respect. I admire him and you for caring about humans like that. :)
@@ashensilverlake1889 I was thinking about this. But is it really a good doing? Wouldn´t they then just want to be able to move on to the next door? Because in their point of view it´s just a waste of time.
Hi, linguist here! You're on the right track when you talk about how your voice is different now than how it was when you were still in the church. I'm not an expert on this particular subject (I'll try to include some studies that I can find) but one phenomena that could be occurring is what's called "code switching" (there's two definitions for codeswitching but I'm gonna use this one). Code switching is where a person alters parts of their speech (such as vocabulary, cadence, accent, timbre, and/or pitch) in order to fit in with a group or community (“Code Switching” in Sociocultural Linguistics. Nilep, 2006). This learned alteration can be conscious or unconscious on the speakers part. (sorry this is super brief and condensed, there's a lot more that goes into this phenomenon that I can't really explain well since it wasn't my main focus of study but it's really interesting!)
I LOVE that you answered since you are a linguist. I mentioned in a different comment that Dr. Steven Hassan, a cult expert, talks about the use of these vocal and speech techniques in various parts of the recruitment and indoctrination practices of high control groups. The science behind it is really fascinating.
Your voice doesn't sound much higher to me, but it does sound more "breathy" which is strongly coded as feminine. Trans women learn to do this to achieve a voice congruent with their presentation
i’ve also heard ex religious members, specifically women, talk about their experience with this. they call it the “baby fundie voice” and essentially describe it as a voice consciously or subconsciously adopted to better fit what’s expected of a woman in most religions, gentle, docile, subservient and motherly. (i just got to the part where she talks about exactly this. sorry for scrolling into comments so early 💀💀)
This is a super interesting topic, I wonder if this also works with different languages (I know it's not the topic here, but I was thinking how I and other people that I know have different voices when speaking in different languages)...
I was never Mormon but grew up a JW knocking on doors without adult supervision as young as 12. this brings back so many memories about the way we thought about safety and that “god will just protect us, it’s fine :)” kind of attitude when faced with grown adults screaming, spitting, threatening us with baseball bats, knives, guns, siccing their dogs on us. not even to mention the creepy comments and people trying to touch us or get us inside…
I was around 12 when my mum let JW in, i was sucked into it and I remember begging her to get me baptised. Thankfully speaking with kids in my school at the time made me a bit more sceptical
Funny story about the JW. I was house and cat sitting for my parents who were out of town. The house, in a neighborhood outside of city limits, was soon to be out on the market for sale so I always answered the door just in case it was something to do with getting it on the market when they got back in town. Anyhow I'm taking a soak in the Jacuzzi bathtub around 5:30pm after a long day at work. The doorbell rings so I hopped out of the tub as quick as I could, wrapped a towel around me, and answered the door. It was JWs going door to door. The 2 adult ladies could clearly tell I wasn't in any position to chit chat, plus I told them I was in the middle of a relaxing bath. They kept me for nearly 35 minutes and wouldn't take no for an answer and when I said I was Catholic (not completely true since I'm only baptized but not practicing) and not looking to convert they questioned why I was Catholic, why I agreed with Catholicism when it had shortcomings, and just doubled down on their pitch. Those girls were persistent! I finally had to say "No offense but I need to go. [closed front door politely on them and lock it]."
In high school I was a hardcore southern Baptist. Also very cult-y and brainwash-y. My friend from youth group and I decided we should read the Book of Mormon so that we could better understand the religion and be able to counter-argue with missionaries. Our goal was to be able to convert Mormon missionaries to Baptist missionaries. We went online and ordered a book, only to have an entire group of church elders show up at my house one evening. My mom answered the door and was utterly confused about the whole situation. She ended up refusing to take the book because as far as she was concerned, that was witchcraft. She came up to my room with hands on hips and went "child, you have some explaining to do." I had to convince her over the next few weeks that I was not planning on converting to mormonisn, but I wanted to try and convert THEM. I no longer ascribe to religion, and my mom and I laugh about that experience quite often.
over the years I have had many Morman missionaries come to my door, but when I was 21 and living alone, I had 2 (males) come to my door, I politely told them no thanks, I am not interested and went to close my door, on of them stuck his foot in my door and wouldn't let me close it, I got so mad and a little scared at the same time, yelled at him to move his foot, before I moved it for him.
The training is just so wildly oblivious, it’s like they don’t get that it’s really not safe for two women missionaries to go knocking on anyone’s door, and they also don’t get how scary it can be to have two male missionaries be pushy. Such an awful practice all around
Exactly. The reverse situation is statistically even more dangerous. Two female missionaries go around knocking on doors every day. How likely it is they'll knock on that one wrong door of a predator for example. Oh, you two want to talk to me about the gospel of Jesus Christ and the Book of Mormon? Well, come on in....
That's sad. A few years back, I remember getting approached by 2 females doing the same thing but I was going home from my high school after finishing a club activity. They also did the same to a classmate of mine who was in the same club as me. I would have slammed the door into his foot anyway while saying try me if he is ignoring it, just to prove a point.
For all the folks saying they'd never be brainwashed; it's different when they start on you when you're a child and everyone in your circle says the same thing. Congratulations on growing and your ongoing happiness
I was raised in the cult end of protestant christianity. as an adult, i am horrified. but i was indoctrinated from birth and knew no different. when it is literally all you know, it doesn’t seem that bizarre. you look back as an adult and your mind just explodes at what you believed.
They start teaching you the songs as soon as you can speak, and they do their best to restrict your social circle to other members. Pre-internet it was much more effective, but I guess it still works.
Watching an interview with someone who was deprogrammed by basically the top cult deprogrammer. She has said he told her, even he could be brainwashed in the right circumstances. The people who think they're immune are probably more likely to be vulnerable
Not even just that, i found myself almost in a Korean doomsday cult bc they were under the guise of a normal bible study. Like it’s easier than you’d expect
There were two young girls doing mission work where I live mid summer (EXTREMELY HOT) and they looked overheated and discombobulated. They tried to talk to me but I wasn't interested. I was coming home from work and ended up asking them if they needed water (they had tiny waterbottles that were empty) and they gratefully accepted. They insisted I take a jesus business card which I still have pinned on my fridge 2 years later, along with a life alert ad (help I've fallen and I can't get up) because I find both of them funny. They tried to save me with religion and I saved them (actually) with water. I find your videos so interesting Alyssa. I grew up interacting with mormon people in school and it really helps me understand the religion and idealogy. As someone who was never religious I found extreme faith to be disconcerting. I also didn't understand how they all woke up so early to go to church before school- what torture! Thanks for sharing, your vulnerability, and insights, as always.
You looked so young but also so old. Like, you look more youthful and free now. Congratulations on your 100k and on living your best life. I’m ex evangelical and the exmo space has been really helpful in my deconstruction. So thank you ❤
i had a childhood friend who served her mission in nicaragua, she was mugged MULTIPLE times and put into so many situations that were EXTREMELY inappropriate to entrust to a NINETEEN YEAR OLD. eg, counseling domestic violence victims and rape victims! it was extremely disturbing and sad to hear about. we lost touch sometime after she ended her mission because she transferred to a mormon college. i hope she is doing alright now.
Anyone who says that leaving the church will make you lose your joy should watch this video. You are clearly a more joyful person now. I’m so glad we left the church. Interesting that they groomed my brother to go on a mission but they never did with me as a girl. I was groomed to get married and make babies. Women missionaries were rare when I was growing up.
I'm so glad that I wasn't pressured into serving a mission. I feel like I was in the same boat as you. I really believe my brothers were brainwashed more severely because of their missions. I got out pretty young because I wasn't forced into that.
I am a born-again Christian (not lds), and I did a lot of mission trips as a college student (late 90s, early 2000's). In 2001, at age 19, I was part of a group that did Vacation Bible Schools at Baptist churches in Boston. We didn't go door to door the way Mormons do, we did these Bible schools with kids at churches. Anyway, one day, my team and I ran into some Mormon missionaries, and they tried to convert us. We asked them a few doctrinal questions, which they side-stepped, and they just wouldn't leave. We tried to engage them and share what we believed, but they didn't want a discussion. They wanted to do their presentation on us. We were polite, but kept saying, "Look, you're not going to convince us, and it looks like we're not going to convince you. Let's call it quits. We have commitments to get to." But they still wouldn't let us go, and they kept trying to convert a group of young adult Baptists. They held us up about 2 hours, and finally asked if they could sing to us, and we shrugged an okay, and they sang the song "The Wise Man Built His House Upon the Rock." We knew that one. It was very odd. They seemed like sweet young men, but really only trained to do their presentation, not engage wirh people who already had a strong faith that differed from Mormonism. They werebt able to give real answers to our questions about sone discrepancies in Mormonism.
That's because they're 19-year-old knuckleheads. They don't know how to interact with people or to critically think or have conversations beyond the propaganda they've been told.
the irony is that your religion is just as fraught with hypocrisies and doctrine that many christians refuse to address. so don't talk like you're better than them.
I grew up with victim-speak as a mormon in Idaho. It has taken me a lifetime to recover from all the lies and deception I was taught. This cult sets women up to be victims of misogyny for their whole lives. I'm so glad that you are the person you are today. There is life in your eyes, health in your voice, and you seem genuinely happy.
I was in Argentina 2014-2016 and I literally was almost murdered on like nine different accounts. I actually have to be medicated for the trauma I recieved in the mission field. Oddly enough though, almost dying wasn't the worst thing for me. It was more being held against my will, being constantly monitored by everyone and having absolutely zero privacy, and also being forced to go against my own conscience in order to do what church leadership wanted me to do
Woah! Where were you serving? I've been living in Argentina for almost 30 years and have even voluteered in shanty towns (villas miseria) and I don't see Argentina as being as dangerous but idk
@@euge7569 I lived in Mar del Plata, Bahia Blanca, and places like that. The best place I lived was easily Tandil. I would probably live there now tbh. Most argentine people are awesome (if not really blunt lol) but when you're being shoved into enough ghettos and shanty towns dressed like a wealthy american in a white shirt and tie, you tend to have things happen to you. One guy in my mission even got stabbed in the liver. We were robbed a lot. And since we weren't allowed to carry any weapons or even walking sticks, I got creative and turned my scriptures into a weapon that I used to fend off wild dogs and thieves. One time I was helping an older woman carry her groceries to her house in Mar del Plata and a drug addict tried to attack us with a big knife. I had to protect us with my scriptures lol. The church also refused to let us go to the hospital and it was common to get dysentary and other illnesses
@@euge7569 In hindsight I would've done a lot of things differently to protect myself and my missionary companions, but you aren't really thinking as much when you're only 19 years old
Just yesterday my husband and I were eating at a sub place and an older "rough" looking man came in wirh two young modestly dressed girls with name tags. They sat right down and were talking, never ordered. I'm such a nosy people watcher I couldn't stop paying attention to them. And I told my husband that I thought it was two missionaries, and eventually, I overheard some of the conversation that confirmed it. It bothered me that they never ordered anything ( im always worried about people not eating) , and though they were in public, they were "alone" with this man. I refused to leave until I saw them get into separate cars and leave... my husband thought I was nuts, but I couldn't help but worry. I also realize that I was being judgemental towards the man, who knows he may be a great, idk.
Wow your comment is from two months ago but I feel like I have to respond to you when I came across this. You weren’t crazy; or judgmental. You were being a very safe, smart, considerate, and concerned person. I kinda hate to say this but in today’s world it’s much much safer for us girls and fem presenting ppl to assume the worst unless we have evidence otherwise. I like to tell my girlfriends to always assume a guy wants to sleep with you, which sounds very bad and judgmental, but it is always safer, because if and when that is the case we’d would be prepared, and also we’d take many more preventative measures to avoid being in an unsafe situation in the first place. Sadly, I learned this the hard way, when I was younger and had no concept of how s*x-oriented some guys’ brains can be. So seeing your comment made me think of that, and I feel so warm inside about how you stayed to make sure those girls were okay! ❤❤❤
I have to say, you look much younger now than you did as a teen. There’s a glow to your face, a light in your eye, and sureness in your voice that I can see now that is absent from your teen version of yourself. I’m so happy for you
You wouldn’t be able to tell with me, sorry. Not all of us use this voice. Maybe many Utah members do. But since our church is global and there are so many cultures involved, we don’t all sound like that. This is a Utah thing. It’s wild she adopted it. There are probably people out there that feel like they have to adopt it to fit in, but so many of us do not use this.
I'd swear there are cult eyes too. Some sorta, idk...distant, sorta vacant and glazed look in the eyes, hard to put my finger on. The leader of Heavens Gate is a prime example but most people aren't that extreme in the look.
unfortunately i feel like i still have a mormon voice because i speak very low and timid and careful and slow but you can certainly tell quickly i'm not mormon by what i'm saying lol
You sound/look like a robot. You sound exhausted. You sound sad. And now you sound SO much more confident, happy, and free. It's genuinely eerie & I understand this crazy dissociation seeing yourself "that way" back then. Great job for being brave & getting out ❤
Wow! You were in your "I am pleasant" mode. You were a perfect Mormon girl. Something I recently learned is that the Church has a significant fund to "bring home the many missionaries who were killed or died on their missions". Those were the words used. There were several hundreds returned. Terrifying that the Church places baptising new members above the safety of missionaries. When I lived in South Africa, I had female missionaries come to my door. S.A. was and is a very dangerous country. I left because I was held at knifepoint in an attempted r@pe. I could no longer raise my daughter there. My family was greatly relieved when I returned to Europe.
It’s also confusing that the Mormon church places baptizing new members above the safety of its missionaries - because what good does it do to risk the lives of your members? They’d only be trying to convert amongst the least likely to join - at the risk oflosing a devout member. 😵💫
I was a missionary 10 years ago and one of my companions had an obsessive stalker that knew where we lived. I literally thought my companion was going to end up dead. The elders in the area did not think this guy was a threat, so I called the mission president who also did nothing. After I left the area, things escalated and the sisters had to move to a different city.
I was recently sent pictures of myself when I was growing up in a very religious household. The person's intention was to evoke nostalgia, I think. But I looked absolutely dead inside. I had such an immense sadness looking at my younger self seeing what a toll life had already taken on me at so young an age. And such a thankfulness for how I feel now that I'm out of that sphere.
As you’re talking in the interview, it almost feels as though you’re trying to convince yourself you mean what you’re speaking about! The shift and exuberance you possess now makes me so incredibly happy 😭🫶🏻
I think it would be really cool for you to have a Colorado trip where you experience all the things you should have when you lived there. Go on the hikes, see the city, snowboard etc!
I think it’s interesting how you explain the dynamic of friendship at the end and how you have to constantly look at everyone you meet as potential convert, no wonder why MLMs and Mormons are so linked. It makes so much sense.
I remember when i was at uni and I lived in a dormitory, there was a flat near us that was obviously rented by the Mormon church and they would cycle their missionaries through there. I don't know how or when but over time the missionaries would drop by for chats. In the beginning ostensibly about their faith but then it transitioned into more social calls really. We invited them for BBQs and parties and they were genuinely a lot of fun to hang out. Somehow when the first set of "deviant" missionaries left, the new ones came by pretty soon, standing there like very clearly knowing there would be fun and hanging out in the garden, but not knowing how to ask for it 😂 That went on for quite some time and then the missionary flat was moved somewhere else. i always thought it was a pity, because they seemed to enjoy it so much and then they just stopped coming.
You spoke a lot about the inherent danger in serving a mission and I think that those negative experiences are half the point. They want missionaries to recruit but it also doesn't hurt their cause if, at the point in your life when you begin to question things more and potentially start thinking for yourself, you are confronted with how dangerous and scary the world outside of you Mormon bubble can be. You are actively encouraged to bother the hell out of people and those negative reactions you receive may make you want to retreat further in to that comfort zone rather than exploring life outside Mormonism in a safe way.
This is what I’ve always believed. Missions are only partly about conversion but more importantly solidifying the us versus them mentality through fear and isolation
@@graceg3250i mean, the eye makeup is different, and it could be the nerves from being on camera, but she sort of has a thousand yard stare going on, and less facial expressions as well. she seems much more tired and subdued
I've had to spend a few periods in my life homeless (doing better now, thankfully) and when asked I'd often tell people that one of the worst things about homelessness is the complete and utter lack of privacy. Rooms in shelters all had at least 5 other dudes in them, the rest of the time you were on the streets or in the library looking for work/housing etc. - Literally the only time I was truly alone with my thoughts was when I was in the washroom (and even then, only in the really nice public restrooms that actually are private lol) - It's kinda amazing/depressing to learn that Mormon Missionaries go through something similar.
Thank you for being so honest about your emotional experiences being ex mormon. Ive seen your videos recommended to me a few times but have been hesitant to watch because i think im still so afraid that if someone else's experiences with the church differ from mine, that means mine arent valid. But im working on that. And hearing you talk about the identity crisis that comes with leaving high demand religion makes me feel very seen 💜
As I kid I did a fund raiser where we were told to go door to door to sell random crap from a catalog. That experience was enough to make me realize I would never go door to door for anything again!
I was raised as a Jehovah's Witness, and there are a lot of similarities with the Jehovah's Witnesses and the Mormons... even if the Jehovah's Witnesses would never admit that. Jehovah's Witnesses also go to people's houses to "preach the Bible," but they do it their whole lives, starting as children. I was a young child when I went to my first house. I was taught what to say, but I wasn't really prepared for the anger of people who didn't want to hear it. Looking back, I think some of the anger probably came because I was a small child, and people didn't agree with letting small children knock on the doors of strangers. There was always adults not far away, though. I never really thought of it as dangerous... but I live in Canada, and I don't live in a big city. There are also missionaries in the Jehovah's Witnesses faith, but those missionaries usually go to other countries to teach the Bible. Any fundamentalist religions have some level of brainwashing, even if the people doing the brainwashing don't understand that's what they are doing. They believe in the religion, and they are doing what they are taught to do... they don't see that it's brainwashing. My mom is still in the Jehovah's Witnesses religion. I listen to her repeat the lies she is told, like that the Jehovah's Witnesses Bible is the "most accurate translation of the holy scriptures," but I actually looked into that claim, and it isn't. They definitely made changes to the translations... or translated it badly... but most of them are somewhat small changes... but the "translator" made changes nonetheless. I don't bother trying to argue with her about it. Some people WANT to believe.
Thank you for doing this video. My granddaughter is currently serving as a missionary for the LDS Church and she strongly believes that God is directing her actions and paving the way with miracles. I worry for her safety as she enters the homes and apartments of people that she does not know to share her message. She believes that she is being protected and yet every year missionaries return home with serious illnesses, injuries, mental and emotional trauma and sometimes not alive. This is an 'elephant in the room' that goes undiscussed in the church. Parents across the church who have missionaries out in the field spend 18-24 months in fear and anxiety hoping that their child will return unscathed, while on the outside they exude confidence that the Lord is looking out for their missionary.
At the time, I loved my mission, (Kansas) where I felt like I learned god, & church history (& obviously, MAN was I wrong!) but I did lean shame, guilt, scrupulosity, realize I’m bad as “sales”, and have a ton of social anxiety. I was also really closeted (I’m trans for context) and came out to my sister like 3 days after I came home. She was really supportive. Fast forward 9 years now and I’ve left the church, been transitioning for 2 years, & I’m an atheist. What a WILD RIDE! 😂
@@mariesabine2385 oh yeah! The ride to PRIDE! (Next week… because yeah, it’s almost June, & that’s, that’s where all the queers & ally’s are.. at PRIDE 👀)
The difference between the two, your prior video and who you are today is a level of confidence. Before, you sounded hesitant, probably in the sense you were self editing, and now you sound self-assured. Speaking one's truth is a powerful thing.
A few years ago, during the Summer at 95 degrees, I treated a couple of male missionaries to lunch. They had asked the restaurant owner if they could sit in the air conditioning for a few minutes. They first had to call their senior missionary ("supervisor") for permission first. They were soaked wirh perspiration. I was afraid they were about to drop when they entered the restaurant.
Just stumbled upon your channel after a recent encounter with Mormon missionaries. Thanks for all the insights and background details - this helped me gain more perspective on who those missionaries are and why they do what they do. I’ve had quite a number of such encounters, always initiated by missionaries who just talked to me on a street at random. Perhaps I look like a potential believer to them… I was always fair to them in telling them upfront that there was no way to convert me, but that I’m always happy to chat. In most cases it was a very interesting conversation about their life, studies, travel experience and other stuff. One thing I found shocking (and scary, in a way) was their language knowledge. You already covered the language education in another video, but I bet very few people will really understand how good that education is until they actually talk to missionaries. Two of them talked to me on a street in the Czech Republic. For a moment I stared at them in disbelief and then I asked: “So, you must be of Czech origin, right…?” Their Czech was flawless. No foreign accent, no common mistakes made by foreigners. (Just to make this clear: Czech is a language with 7 cases/modes with declensions of all nouns, adjectives and pronouns, with information encoded into the ordering of words in a sentence, with “gender-aware” nouns and even verbs, etc.) Anyhow, they said they were actually from Utah and had been through a year or so of a language course. No Czech ancestry involved! Incredible! Those language courses are almost dangerous. I doubt that most foreign intelligence services of powerful countries have this level of language education. 😀 Another time I behaved in quite a stupid way, I must admit. I told two missionaries that I had an important message for them from my Lord and Savior, Dionysus. I explained to them that Lord Dionysus was the Only Lord and Savior and that He was becoming increasingly upset about the sheer number of fake “gods” in the world. Now, for the sake of redemption, salvation and all that stuff, and also to honor Lord Dionysus in general, you are required to chug bottles of wine in His Honor, so that you don’t accidentally enter Lord Dionysus’ Underworld sober. An Eternity of suffering awaits those who do! Lord Dionysus will puke His Fiery Puke right in the faces of former non-believers, for Eternity! However, if you chug wine and praise Dionysus (and sing dithyrambs) while you still can, you can reach Salvation and then chug wine with The Lord for Eternity in His Underworld one day. As I was “explaining” all of this to them, suddenly I started to feel ashamed, in a way. This time the encounter took place in Geneva. Two young girls. Their French was absolutely flawless. (So was their German, actually.) As I told them about Lord Dionysus, they looked confused, if not a bit scared. They didn’t laugh. They were struggling to figure out what to think about what I had said. Then I realized how little they knew about life and about the stupid jokes that come with it. Anyhow, sadly I did not manage to convert them and bring them closer to Lord Dionysus. May He have mercy with their avatars entering His Underworld one day.
Congratulations on more than 100K subs. And May I say that 9years-ago-Alyssa was courageous to speak up about the danger of being a Mormon missionary and recommending a safeguard like pepper spray.
My mother was actually brought into the LDS church my missionaries. It made her personality unrecognizable to me. I didn’t handle it the way I think I should have now. But one thing I stand by was when she’d get my kids for a weekend and she’d take them to church activities. They’d come home very unhappy. Ages 10 and 14. We raised our kids in the Methodist church and were strong believers in that doctrine. And she “had the nerve” to tell me I wasn’t being a good mother because I wasn’t taking care of their spiritual lives. So she got the nonnegotiable, if you take them to one more church meeting that will be the end of weekend visits, and probably the end of unsupervised visits. That about killed her because she adored her grandchildren. But she never took them to things again. Your story also explains why, At Her Funeral! one of the men followed our family to the car and said to my older daughter, right in front of me, it’s too late for your parents, but you can be saved. He pushed the Book of Mormon into her hand and told her she must read it. She tried to hand it back but he stepped away and wouldn’t take it.
Omg… your comment about never looking inward but instead looking for outside confirmation explains SO MUCH. I remember being taught that if I was upset about something to go serve someone else to “put things in perspective.” Aka, I could have it worse, go focus on someone else. Don’t look inward, don’t focus on yourself, only others matter.
I'm an exmo now thankfully. I served my mission in central america. My first week we went without food. My trainer sent all of our money home to his family. He assumed I would have money because I was american. Nope. We had some left over bread that we shared. we went 4 days without food. we did have running water at the apartment though. A few weeks later I saw the only village cop get stabbed and killed in front of me. Throughout my mission, there were dangerous situations. I've been chased down and mugged. I was chased and almost stabbed with a screwdriver. I would find dead bodies on the dirt roads walking to church in the morning. Some missionaries decided on their own to go against the mission president and carry machetes or knives of their own for protection. Also, going without water, electricity, or food was not uncommon. We were living on a little island with another set of missionaries where the small island flooded and we were without fresh water for a little over a week. We filled a jug with dirty water and poured chlorine into it. Most apartments didn't have showers, just a bucket. and some had dirt floors. We would have to lock down during political riots. It was crazy! The most we could do is call for help to the mission office several hours away. My experiences were standard for most missionaries in that area.
Holy crap dude. That's crazy. It's amazing you're okay. With all that happening I think I'd have decided god was forcefully telling me he didn't want me there after all and I'd go home.
I went to something similar to that when I was in the Peace Corps. I was one of the first groups that went out and they didn’t realize asking us to live like the natives people. Ha ha was making us very very sick. We were with we lived without any utilities you had to go out and get your own water, and there was no sanitation of any kind And we were 12,000 feet up in the mountains so there was very very little food that we could get. I went from 130 pounds to 92 pounds and I was seven months pregnant when I weighed the 92 pounds I had gotten in Amiba while I was there that was causing me to opt check at least five times a day, but I will say the people were very kind to us. I was not fearful for my life.
My family lived in Utah for 7 years. This video has given me a new insight into why it was so hard to connect with other women. When meeting a Mormon it always went like this.... 1. What Ward are you in? Oh, we aren't LDS. 2. Oh, have you been to our church? No, we are happy with our own Church. 3. Well it was nice meeting you. 4. Cease to exist Then neighbors would try to get my kids. My daughter was in 1st grade when we moved there. The prblems didn't start until they invited her to the girls' after-school program, 4th grade I think. I told the mom in charge that I didn't care if she was asked to read Bible Verses but I didn't want her reading from the Book of Mormon. She assured me that would be fine. After a few weeks I learned that she was asked to read from the BoM outloud every single time!! Rather, than thinking she was a liar I reiterated that I didn't want my daughter reading from the BoM but the Bible was okay!! Turns out our good LDS woman was a liar and made her from the BoM AGAIN!! I signed her up for gymnastics so she couldn't go anymore. Next it was trying to get her to jpin the choir.... I'll stop this is too long already!!
@zhoupact8567 It does if a parent says we will be reading Harry Potter and then knowing your feelings on the issue has your child read Lord of the Rings out load to the group. She lied to me regarding an 8-9 year old little girl. She was trying to indoctrinate her. This is standard procedure and considered godly by the LDS Church.
@@StandedInUtah I dunno. At that point I feel like its the parent being a bit silly. As someone who was not allowed to watch Harry Potter or Lord of the Rings, I think I would side with the person letting the child enjoy reading the books or watching the movie in this particular case... With the context that the child wanted to watch it anyway. I get that its slightly different in your case. Indoctrination is more serious and a bigger deal. However as someone looking in from outside reigious stuff all together though. I am not sure how much of a difference it really makes whenever its a book of mormon or a bible. Is it better if its the parent's preferred flavour of indoctrination of a child? Perhaps it is, but you know. Obviously for me, and probably if it was anyone else from outside christianity, making a 8-9 year old child read the bible also sounds like an attempt at indoctrination, right? And there are probably fair bits of the bible that can be said to be not suitable for children to read at all. God having children mauled to death by bears for finding a person's look funny enough to laugh comes to mind. (You better do as the priest says or god may get angry! 'Creepy laugh.') I dunno. Its not as if its something I care massively about. If nothing else, reading the bible is at least culturally relevant and I can not deny that, living in a reality where somehow a large portion of the population actually believe in magical stuff like that. Its probably not bad to learn what is in the book. I just presume you think christianity, jesus is like, the difference between someone burning in a hell forever, or going to that weird heaven place right? So say that it was my child, who I raise to not be exposed to christianity at all. Or say I was muslim, hindu, norse and raised my child that way. Would you look at it as equally terrible for someone to try to slip my child what you deem to be the secret, they key the lifeline to avoid hell? Presuming religious people truly believe the stuff they are into. Would not trying to 'indoctrinate' someone, even a child. And even against the parents wishes, be a terrible thing to do. Worse than if you caught the parent molesting their child, but they tell you they do not want you to do anything about it. Although I think it is all silly, I can understand why religious people would do stuff like that. And if they where not based in something... ?superstitious? but rather something real. I guess I would side with their action probably being the right one. Between upsetting/going against a parent, and saving a soul. The difference there in values is night and day right?
My friends and I always talk about the eyes mormoms have. We all grew up in the church and saw it ourselves after. I'm so happy you have gotten out and are helping others in the exmo community.
Thanks for sharing your story Alyssa. I remember something we often said at our church: "how should I think about this" or "help me know how to think about this". And if someone should think differently from a leader about some important issue, we would need to "get with the programme". (I was not a Mormon was was in a high-control group)
You are so brave (and stunning) for being able to sit through a video of yourself from so long ago. I can't get through more than 20 seconds of my old YT vids before I cringe and die.
Lol good point! I don't even like to read old emails I've sent at work. I don't think I could have made this video! Maybe the fact that she is so utterly different now helps her disassociate from it.
I took a tour of the Tabernacle in SLC years ago and my guide gave me a Book of Mormon. It was such a treasure! I figured the most loving, giving thing I could do was to share it with a stranger -- so I left it in a stall in the men's room. 😁😁
I once met a group of returning missionaries at an airport when they sat near me at the gate. The young man next to me was so sweet, so very young, and surprised that I even knew what a Mormon mission was. He was holding a Book of Mormon and asked me if I knew about it, which I did. Do these boys not know that there are Book of Mormon copies in the nightstand drawers of many hotels? Anyway, I was asking about his family, and he actually asked me if I would call his mom and tell her I saw him at the airport. He wrote her name and number on the front page of the Book. Well then I had to take it, as a mom, and I did call his mom. Maybe it was just a way to get a book into my hands, but it was done in such a way that I just wanted to help him. Smart kid, yes?
They’re not allowed to talk to their parents while on missions so it was more than just a way to get you to take the book. He wanted her to know he was okay.
i think the main difference in the tone of your voice is how confident and assured you sound now. you speak with more conviction and certainty. love your content, i’ve binged everything you put out. ❤❤ i’ve never been mormon but i find it so fascinating.
Not Mormon, but I am an ex Christian and the son of a preacher. Your videos resonate so much with my upbringing and experiences. Thank you for sharing this part of your life with us.
You in your old interview reminded me in a weird way of princess Diana and her famous interview after her divorce. At first I was thinking it's styling (your hair, makeup etc) but then you mentioned the voice! I have never thought that women in very traditional enviroments alter their voice, but it really makes sense now that you said it
I served my mission in 2019, and there was absolutely no safety training specifically for sister missionaries. We were pushed to talk to everyone we saw, even creepy men, which were abundant. My innocence was taken from me as I saw the men look at us and realized that they were interested in us, but not in our message. And even after I knew that, I still felt pressured to talk to them anyway- because I was taught that their salvation was in my hands. I was put in countless uncomfortable and dangerous situations, and I am grateful I made it home without being seriously harmed. Thank you for speaking up about this huge issue that is still ongoing today.
I'm late to the party on this one, but I'm 100% with you. I was in SO many dangerous and potentially life-threatening situations because there were ZERO safety measures beyond "come home 9 pm." I'm sorry, what? Apparently, the church thinks predators only lurk at night, which is a load of bull. I often felt so unsafe because we weren't allowed to carry weapons for self defense. I broke the rules and carried a small knife, but it absolutely wasn't enough. I honestly don't know how I came home NOT having been assaulted or abducted. I sure came close a couple times. My poor sister was not so lucky. I think sister missionaries should be given SERIOUS self-defense training and should be allowed to pack heat if they so choose and it's legal where they are. I can think of at least a couple instances where I would have absolutely taken a weapon off my belt and used it if necessary. Missionary safety is a joke.
@@aliciawhimple3907 SO true ! I’m so sorry for your sister. That’s awful. And for what you went through as well. It’s frustrating they don’t do more to protect missionaries. I agree with you completely.
I really wonder how that can happen, we never experienced anything like that on my mission.. I think mayby thats less about policy and more about who is in charge of specific missions.
@SimonDaumMusic Respectfully, you got lucky. And it's not just because you're male. A friend of mine was nearly killed at knifepoint in India because he wasn't made aware of certain signs of gang activity in the area. It happens mostly because the assumption is that the Lord will always protect missionaries. But God can't always help us if we aren't prepared. Heavy safety training, self-defense training, and removing the policy of trying to talk to everyone, no matter how sketchy they look, would go a long way. I'm still an active member, but I have to look objectively at my mission and say that my safety was largely in my own hands. God expects us to be wise and stay out of bad situations, but that can be hard to do when you're supposed to talk to EVERYONE, knock EVERY door, and always have the last word.
@@aliciawhimple3907 No question, is something the church can and should do about it.. But I still think to a great part it depends on the people being in charge in certain regions... Usually I would suspect that new missionaries are instructed by another Missionary who already knows about these things.. I think things may also be a little different here in europe. I experienced sevral missions and my impression was its more about the spirit than about the letter and the numbers... We also had areads in Engald where we couldnt go out as soon as it was dark due to gang activity, we also got beaten up once and had another not so kind encounter.. But after all I think that different coutnries can be so different that a general church policy cant be the answer to every situation.. So, there certainly is room to improve.. My point is just that its not everywhere like that and that people within and outside the church still have much in their own hands to do about it. Its not like everyone everywhere is a victim of church policy. But, when things go wrong because of such policy, thats certainly something that has to be addressed.
You have such amazing perception of all the subtle yet important differences! Like cadence in tone, feeling obligated to downplay harm- very interesting stuff. I love your videos so much!
I didn’t grow up in the Mormon church, but I find the content very interesting, because a lot of the experiences that I hear from ex Mormon women parallel with my experience being raised in evangelical Christianity. There’s lots of differences, but so many similarities. I love your takes, definitely looking forward to watching more of your content!☺️
You are so brave because I am a manager at a call center and I can’t even bear to hear my voice let alone see my face in a video and when you work in a call center it is voice is not face kudos to you. I am so proud of you. You are an amazing human being, and you inspire me every day and although I was never a Mormon, I am an extra Jehovah’s Witness, you will always be my favorite channel
I'm a real life Native American from near Utah. (born raised/schooled near the Grand Canyon) Every time Missionaries came to my home I challenged them on the historical treatment of my ancestors and they would always play good-cop bad cop, some thing white people, as a zeitgeist, tend to do with not-whites.
Your best video so far🙌🏼 the part when you talk about de “Logic mormon trap” was the reason I started doubting eventually and left the church: I must have been about 18yo, when I was having my last interview prior going to the temple. I shared with my bishop that I was having doubts and stuggling with my faith, so he said “if you really want to know the truth and WANT to belive, you will recive”, and I was like “but if I Really Want to belive, im I not just brain washing myself setting me up for a certain answer?” He didn’t know what to tell me… soon after I left for good. This was 15 years ago , and to this day it was the best decision of my life. I will never regret leaving! 🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼
So my dad spent some time with missionaries at one point in his 20s or 30s after my grandfather converted. That is exactly what he said convinced him not to go through with it. He told me he had a great time and everyone was really nice but when he asked them why he should believe in the book of mormon and Joseph Smith, they said the same thing and he wad like well if it's true, you would have a better answer, so no thank you...
The difference in your voice is definitely the first thing I noticed!! I’m not a linguist by any means - but I think it makes perfect sense that women who are raised in a male oriented religion like Mormonism to grow up and present more “docile”, or submissive. And in terms of serving missions, I think having a voice that comes off more as sweet, gentle, etc makes people more receptive towards hearing you out. Because from someones appearance, their voice is usually the first indicator we have to “judge” them. I think most of us would be more open to talking/listening to someone who’s more soft spoken, compared to someone who comes off as more aggressive.
Just don't ever do that with a Koran. (And not because the Koran's more legitimate than the Book of Mormon... or Bible or Torah. It's not. But because the reaction could be entirely different.)
Wow this is wild! One second in and I could already see that the light in your eyes is completely missing in the old video and your soul just seems so tired 😢 Such a contrast from how you are now. I’m so glad you got out of that. You’re a beautiful person, thank you for all that you do :)
Right??? As everyone’s saying, she obviously looked scared, but she also looked **tired**. Like, exhausted. I was genuinely surprised when she said this was a month after getting back from the mission and not directly after.
It is actually startling to watch the interview and compare it to how you speak now. It's more than just your voice. It's your face and your eyes like this is a perfect example in my opinion of when they make the statement of the eyes are the windows to the soul because there is a huge difference in your presence. You seem far much more content and fulfilled and happy now than before. Which I'm very happy for you about that 😂💜
I was inspired by the revealing insights you shared on your "Mormon Me," but even more by the compassion you show to your younger self. It's so important so healing. I know from personal experience how painful it can be to confront that part of one's self-the one that believed the lie, or tried to. I was a preacher's kid, so I never met the bright, inspiring, emotionally available minister people saw at church: it was like Jekyll and Hyde. And yet I had to play the role, support the illusion, be the acolyte. I wish I could have told my younger self, "You don't have to be a true believer to be loved." I know so little about life inside the LDS, and your videos are so illuminating. Congratulations on getting your 100,000 subscribers.
Congrats on your 100,000 UA-cam plack. Remember to always take time for fresh air. I wanted to say that my mom started to back out of the church when they started to try to force me to go door to door. It's dangerous. You were very brave and also lucky. I'm so happy for you that you seen the church for what it truly is. A cult. They know it's dangerous yet they force you to go on missions.
Because Judaism is a closed religion, as a jewish person, i have always found the goal of constant evangelizing as being fascinating and bizarre. Thank you for sharing ❤
I'm very curious about this. I've heard of people converting to Judaism. Is there something in Judaism for that or are those people acting in a more appropriating lane?
Most people who convert either marry into Judaism or they are Jewish by ethnicity or family ancestry and rejoin the religious part of their heritage. So I guess the second one is more of a “home coming” than a conversation. But like most converts have some connection to the faith already.
(At least that’s how conversation was explained to me by my mom when I asked her just now.) I’d never considered it before since everyone in my family is pretty much Jewish.
@@rogueshadows4664 I'm orthodox which is the most difficult but also most widely accepted community to convert to. If someone wants to convert the have to go to a bais din ( jewish court) which discourages them heavily from converting ( called geirus) the idea is a truly sincere person will return asking to convert 3 times. After this they might ( or might not) be approved to move forward and start adopting religious practices like kosher and shabbos and once they've basically become as religious as orthodox jews the go to the mikva with another bais din and say a bracha on geirus and afterwards are considered as if they were born jewish
You look much happier now! Thank you for sharing these stories. I grew up Mormon, but stopped going to church shortly after my parents divorced. I was a Miamaid. I never did the baptism for the dead either. I had a hard time believing that!!
I can't speak for all missions, but on my mission there was also a culture of being proud to be in such a dangerous area because it was proof that we must have been stronger spirits in the pre-mortal existence. I was attacked and threatened more timed than I remember and I remember wearing it as a badge of honor. I took a bus back with my district leader on his last transfer and we had to go through a mountain pass during a pretty bad snow storm and I remember him deadpan looking at me and saying that he had always had the feeling that he was not supposed to make it home from his mission. Ironically a war broke out weeks after he left and the hardest part for me, at least mentally, was the fact that it meant I had to go home early. That cult really f***s with your head.
Hi Alyssa, I’m a never-Mormon who saw your 2 extensive interviews on Mormon Stories and then found your channel (or it found me via UA-cam :) which is great. How often do we get to really hear about and share in the detailed lives of others (especially women), where people can speak and tell their stories, and I appreciate your authenticity and desire to support to others. Wow a published author (loved you speaking about how we sometimes want to be “chosen” by a big publishing house and instead you just did it, Inspiring to many of us). Now the UA-cam award. And all while being “you.”💜
Clarification! I spoke with Carissa and I remembered the story incorrectly. She shared that she was arrested for harassment because she threw a small amount of lemonade at a former friend who was ended up dating her husband right after the got divorced.
Good for her, I’d do that same
She should have bought his new honey a beer and given her a few tips on the care and feeding of her ex-husband. She might have turned it into a consulting business.
tell her that the people support her decision for me, lol- i would’ve done the same, probably worse😭 i’m always runnin my mouth LMAO
I had two young women Mormons knock on my door when I was in my early twenties. I invited them in and was shocked when they came in without knowing me. They ended up coming back over and over until I threatened to call the cops. I stumbled on this video...but explained alot about my experience.
Everyone should have to record themselves articulating their most deeply held conviction at 18-20. And watch again in 15 years
The light in your eyes isn't there.. you radiate such happiness and joy now 😊
It’s like with every word I’m walking on egg shells. So weird to watch me self-edit in real time to seem/be as faithful as possible.
I was shocked at the difference between my drivers license pic of all things being in/out. 😂 You genuinely see how much happier I am (even at the DMV) even though I’m smiling in both.
Just found your channel & appreciate your courage and voice!
Came here to say the same thing. She is so much happier now.
You're so much more authentic and happy now!
Truth!✌️💜
I went to a Catholic boarding school that was all female and was run by a group of nuns. They hired a female police officer to teach us self defense every year. I remember that they taught us that self defense is an attitude and I still remember it to this day. I am super grateful for those nuns. You would be surprised at how good it was to be a teenager surrounded by strong powerful women.
That's actually super cool 😮wow
I went to an all women's Catholic college. I'm not sure the general public realizes what bad@sses certain groups of Catholic nuns are. Mine were Benedictines, and being an emerging adult surrounded by strong, powerful women was good, too.
I realize that for generations, Catholic nuns inflicted serious physical and psychological abuse on children and, in some cases, entire cultures. But I thank God for my strong, powerful women!
Some cool Nuns you got to have in you school!
My mother had a similar experience. She ended up graduating near the top of her paratrooping class (in 1970--in El Salvador!). A certain kind of late-second-wave feminist would decry religious sisters as brainwashed tools of the patriarchy. My mother always responded that they were among the strongest women she'd ever known!
Recently stayed at a Teappist Monastery- no self defense classes (lol) but still came away completely in love with those nuns!
Years ago, I met a lovely woman named Jen at a (secular) weekend community festival.
We clicked right away and hung out the entire day and exchanged photo numbers. (We are both straight; it wasn’t that.)
We are the same age, both of us RNs, and both of us antique collectors. I was an antique doll appraiser and she had/ has a wonderful collection, and a ton-of knowledge about each piece she owned.
Anyway, she called me a couple-days after, and wanted to come visit my home, which sounded cool.
She arrived with another woman, a little older, gave me a Book of Mormon, and started her schpiel.
I actually listened and went to some sort of LDS chapel, on a Sunday, with her.
Quite soon, I read the book and started asking questions. I couldn’t buy the gold plates thing.
The entire thing seemed just-so odd.
Jen kept at me.
When I told her that I wasn’t interested in Mormonism, she ghosted, although that wasn’t a term in use when this happened.
I felt awful and felt foolish for thinking she was a nice, new friend, when she wasn’t interested in me other than to boast her new-Mormon numbers.
About two years after that, I ran into Jen at a grocery store. She has since left the Mormon religion.
She apologised for having ghosted me, said that she really though we connected as friends, but it was so difficult for LDS women to have friends who refused to join the -cult-religion.
I asked her what it was that brought her to leave LDS; she said,
“A cult is a religion that provides all the answers, but doesn’t allow questions.”
We are still fine friends to this day, and I recently shared, with her, the link to your channel.
Alyssa, great content! ❤
Another soul saved.
Happy ending! 🎉🎉🎉
@@JaimeMesChiens very glad you reconnected and she's in a better place now. Keep in touch, she may need your help now, it's very isolating leaving, and you're experiencing some very normal things for the first time, etc. Not saying you HAVE to help in any way, this is not your job, but it might be nice if you feel like it, is all, best wishes to her
@@wannabecar8733are you a parrot? 🦜
L-L
There’s a reason most missionaries are like 18-22. They’re naive enough to not question anything. But this also puts them in extraordinary danger, because they’ll think “oh the spirit will protect me” and put themselves in very sketchy situations.
Being raised in a conservative, protected home environment leaves these young adults incredibly vulnerable. They don't know what they don't know. And, they potentially could walk straight into a risky situation and not even recognize it for what it is. Scary.
Sounds like the military.
@@nadineevans5195 that is literally the dumbest thing ive ever heard. fun fact but should not expose your kids to messed up stuff to try and toughen them up for the "real world"
if you dont see a value in raising your kids in a protected home environment youre a literal child abuser. you raise them protected while educating them so they dont walk into sketchy situations
how does it feel like missing the point so hard@@realyopikechannel
@@lynnefox4892Maybe, but at least the military actually trains and arms you to deal with the dangerous situation.
Another interesting thing about mission training is that it’s very similar to initiation into a cult. Sleep deprivation, loss of identity (sister last name instead of going by your name), endless information and work, separation from outside world and family, and never being alone to think about it.
Catholicism is very different, of course, but you choose a name of a canonized saint when confirmed, which seems a little like that to me. I wasn't confirmed, but went to classes. It could be someone to identify with on your journey. I don't know.
Crazy.
my grandparents left the mormon church when my dad was little. i will forever be thankful for their bravery in doing so
Yeah...their confusion and weakness extends into the new generations...enjoy the unaccountable life!
@JohnDLee-im4lo dude you're SO brainwashed
@@HikaruCrystal8 dude you're so idiotic
@@JohnDLee-im4loyou know who's truly unaccountable? People like you who do untold harm to those around them and close to them. I hope you can develop the courage and strength to question the unquestionable and seek truth no matter where it might lead you. Good luck to you and your family.
@@jful That was hurtful. You've done untold harm to me and those close to me. Please repent.
You're right about the friending to convert mindset.
Today I took my neighbor, who is going through a divorce, flowers and a card. I also invited her outside to watch the solar eclipse with my extra pair of eclipse glasses.
And it was AMAZING to not have that "now invite her to church" voice in my head.
True friendship just for the sake of it, no alterior motives. What an amazing experience!
I love this energy for you 💛
That is such a beautiful act of friendship I’m sure she appreciated it dearly!
That is the true love of Christ when you actually care about someone not just about “converting.”
this is the cutest thing ive ever read!
@SENSEF - The weight of all that guilt for being such "a bad person" and responsibility to be "a good person" in the eyes of god and in my own eyes dragged me down. I am now weight-free and it feels wonderful!
The absolute jumpscare seeing sad Mormon Alyssa
I know, it's got me thinking of an alternate timeline where she never breaks free from the matrix 😲 it's jarring, really
I thought it was AI at first before I registered what was going on 😭
@@iambored678i can’t imagine how many people would be stuck still in the church after “loosing their testimony” and suffering if Alyssa didn’t have the power to not only leave, but write about it so eloquently ❤
She looks soulless
I was still for like 20 seconds
I have recently spoken to a couple of young female missionaries and as one of them was talking she told me she wanted to recite her favorite passages from the Book of Mormon and of course I said go ahead and the moment she started reciting she went into the trance like state, her eyes appeared tired, her voice changed a little and the whole time she was reciting she reminded me of the completely brain washed soldiers that I met while I was in the Army. I really felt sorry for her.
What are the key signs of a brainwashed soldier? How many of those exist vs. the general population of soldiers in your estimation? Like 10% or close to 50%? Do they tend to behave like that only while they are active or does it tend to continue in civilian life?
Im a gay, male former LDS member. I made the decision to leave very recently. Your videos have helped me alot. I served a mission and it was horribly damaging to my mental health. I served in Liberia, west Africa. Ive seen lots of horrible things on my mission....but the worst part was the harassment from other missionaries and the horrible living conditions. We had sometimes 3 weeks with no water in our house or power. I saw traumatizing things like people getting killed in markets. Being gay on my mission made me hate myself...it was so hard...my companions physically and mentally harassed me. My mission president refused to help. I remember telling him I was struggling but he told me "it was a result of my sin and pain of repentance" :( . I had nights were I wanted to end it all... I was all alone...but im glad i am done with it. I'm free. Thank you! 😊
I hope things get better for you ♥️
@@awkwardotter13 thanks... I still have issues however. We would get robbed frequently at night while we were sleeping, where people would remove our roofs and steal things while we slept. This has left me with extreme night terrors where I will lash out and attack people in my sleep. It makes things difficult. I'm taking every day slowly! 🥰
@@lifeisbeautiful3954 Take care to remind yourself as best you can that you're not the problem, the backwards ideas of others is the problem. You'll never satisfy people whose expectations exist completely outside the realm of logic, whether that's because of their interpretation of God or a million other reasons people close their minds off with hate. Good luck on your new life.
Find a therapist that is not faith based it should help ❤
Must have been so awful, really no excuse for a multi billion dollar church to have its missionaries (aka salespeople) living in dangerous or conditions that they can barely afford food or have no water or power. Disgusting
Many years ago, there were 2 sister missionaries that were kidnapped and raped, this was in South Africa, and remember many people asking if they were wearing their garments. To me, it was implying that if they weren't, that's why they were assaulted. I was 14 at the time.
Wow. Awful! And the victim blaming question is awful too. Or maybe it was based on fear.
That’s awful!!! Those poor girls :( how dare people ask that
@@JuliaGulia310victim blaming is always based in fear. Non-predators who blame victims are acting out of fear that the same thing could happen to them. By finding something the victim did "wrong," they think they (or their loved ones) are protected from it.
Holy cow! Reprehensible
Oh how sad..... 😔
'Speaking sweet' reminds me so much of Michelle Duggar. That whispery, icky sweet babyish voice is so creepy. I want to shake her and tell her to just be herself. But I doubt if she knows who that is anymore. Alyssa, thanks so much for doing these videos. I can only imagine how tough it would be to be young, female, raised in a cult and not knowing how to break free. You're helping so many people. That's a light out there if someone is young and afraid that their life will never be okay. Okay, I'm off my soapbox now. Just THANK YOU SO MUCH.
I hear old Alyssa correcting herself a lot, like she's afraid of being interpreted the wrong way 😔 i kinda relate to that anxiety
Same, sweets 💛
Wow I do that :( still so many times I’m so misinterpreted
or younger Alyssa
Your eyes were dark and now just radiate light! I’m so happy your FREE
Her eyes are now glazed which is an indication of demons
@@thepreacher5934 bahahahahaha
I noticed that too ! She looked void, now she has a sparkle in her eyes.
It might also be the make up...
I totally agree that she looks and talks much more light-hearted now! However, the colours and type of makeup she is wearing now is complimenting her eyes, skin and hair very very well :D This definitely has an impact too :)
Hi. We went to high school together in KY! (Don’t know if you remember me) but yesterday I had two young ladies come to my door asking if they could read me scripture. Because of your videos I was educated on concept of Mormon missions and was able to ask them questions on how they were doing and asked if they felt safe. I just hope that they are okay. Even though I have no desire to be Mormon, I let them read and talk to me and it was an overall very pleasant experience.
You doing that probably helped keep them safe. 💖 I know someone who I believe did NOT want to be a Jehovah’s Witness but invited some in, made them tea and overall I think just tried to make them feel comfortable, giving them a break and respect. I admire him and you for caring about humans like that. :)
@@ashensilverlake1889 I was thinking about this. But is it really a good doing? Wouldn´t they then just want to be able to move on to the next door? Because in their point of view it´s just a waste of time.
Hi, linguist here!
You're on the right track when you talk about how your voice is different now than how it was when you were still in the church. I'm not an expert on this particular subject (I'll try to include some studies that I can find) but one phenomena that could be occurring is what's called "code switching" (there's two definitions for codeswitching but I'm gonna use this one).
Code switching is where a person alters parts of their speech (such as vocabulary, cadence, accent, timbre, and/or pitch) in order to fit in with a group or community (“Code Switching” in Sociocultural Linguistics. Nilep, 2006). This learned alteration can be conscious or unconscious on the speakers part.
(sorry this is super brief and condensed, there's a lot more that goes into this phenomenon that I can't really explain well since it wasn't my main focus of study but it's really interesting!)
I LOVE that you answered since you are a linguist. I mentioned in a different comment that Dr. Steven Hassan, a cult expert, talks about the use of these vocal and speech techniques in various parts of the recruitment and indoctrination practices of high control groups. The science behind it is really fascinating.
Your voice doesn't sound much higher to me, but it does sound more "breathy" which is strongly coded as feminine. Trans women learn to do this to achieve a voice congruent with their presentation
i’ve also heard ex religious members, specifically women, talk about their experience with this. they call it the “baby fundie voice” and essentially describe it as a voice consciously or subconsciously adopted to better fit what’s expected of a woman in most religions, gentle, docile, subservient and motherly. (i just got to the part where she talks about exactly this. sorry for scrolling into comments so early 💀💀)
@@abakers1374 fundies take it a step further. Transwomen do it to sound more feminine. Fundies do it to sound more childlike (and feminine)
This is a super interesting topic, I wonder if this also works with different languages (I know it's not the topic here, but I was thinking how I and other people that I know have different voices when speaking in different languages)...
I was never Mormon but grew up a JW knocking on doors without adult supervision as young as 12. this brings back so many memories about the way we thought about safety and that “god will just protect us, it’s fine :)” kind of attitude when faced with grown adults screaming, spitting, threatening us with baseball bats, knives, guns, siccing their dogs on us. not even to mention the creepy comments and people trying to touch us or get us inside…
I was around 12 when my mum let JW in, i was sucked into it and I remember begging her to get me baptised. Thankfully speaking with kids in my school at the time made me a bit more sceptical
Your voice was fundy baby
Funny story about the JW. I was house and cat sitting for my parents who were out of town. The house, in a neighborhood outside of city limits, was soon to be out on the market for sale so I always answered the door just in case it was something to do with getting it on the market when they got back in town. Anyhow I'm taking a soak in the Jacuzzi bathtub around 5:30pm after a long day at work. The doorbell rings so I hopped out of the tub as quick as I could, wrapped a towel around me, and answered the door. It was JWs going door to door. The 2 adult ladies could clearly tell I wasn't in any position to chit chat, plus I told them I was in the middle of a relaxing bath. They kept me for nearly 35 minutes and wouldn't take no for an answer and when I said I was Catholic (not completely true since I'm only baptized but not practicing) and not looking to convert they questioned why I was Catholic, why I agreed with Catholicism when it had shortcomings, and just doubled down on their pitch. Those girls were persistent! I finally had to say "No offense but I need to go. [closed front door politely on them and lock it]."
Unrelated but I loved the game your pfp is from as a kid, I don't remember the name though
@@Avi-qn1sm it’s from the neverhood! i love it too haha
In high school I was a hardcore southern Baptist. Also very cult-y and brainwash-y. My friend from youth group and I decided we should read the Book of Mormon so that we could better understand the religion and be able to counter-argue with missionaries. Our goal was to be able to convert Mormon missionaries to Baptist missionaries. We went online and ordered a book, only to have an entire group of church elders show up at my house one evening. My mom answered the door and was utterly confused about the whole situation. She ended up refusing to take the book because as far as she was concerned, that was witchcraft. She came up to my room with hands on hips and went "child, you have some explaining to do." I had to convince her over the next few weeks that I was not planning on converting to mormonisn, but I wanted to try and convert THEM. I no longer ascribe to religion, and my mom and I laugh about that experience quite often.
That's pretty funny 😊
That's so freaky that they pulled your address from the purchase 😮
over the years I have had many Morman missionaries come to my door, but when I was 21 and living alone, I had 2 (males) come to my door, I politely told them no thanks, I am not interested and went to close my door, on of them stuck his foot in my door and wouldn't let me close it, I got so mad and a little scared at the same time, yelled at him to move his foot, before I moved it for him.
The training is just so wildly oblivious, it’s like they don’t get that it’s really not safe for two women missionaries to go knocking on anyone’s door, and they also don’t get how scary it can be to have two male missionaries be pushy. Such an awful practice all around
Exactly. The reverse situation is statistically even more dangerous. Two female missionaries go around knocking on doors every day. How likely it is they'll knock on that one wrong door of a predator for example. Oh, you two want to talk to me about the gospel of Jesus Christ and the Book of Mormon? Well, come on in....
That's sad. A few years back, I remember getting approached by 2 females doing the same thing but I was going home from my high school after finishing a club activity. They also did the same to a classmate of mine who was in the same club as me.
I would have slammed the door into his foot anyway while saying try me if he is ignoring it, just to prove a point.
Never open door if it's a stranger.
I would've told him if you wanna meet God I can arrange that but if not get your foot out of my door.
For all the folks saying they'd never be brainwashed; it's different when they start on you when you're a child and everyone in your circle says the same thing. Congratulations on growing and your ongoing happiness
I was raised in the cult end of protestant christianity. as an adult, i am horrified. but i was indoctrinated from birth and knew no different. when it is literally all you know, it doesn’t seem that bizarre. you look back as an adult and your mind just explodes at what you believed.
They start teaching you the songs as soon as you can speak, and they do their best to restrict your social circle to other members. Pre-internet it was much more effective, but I guess it still works.
Watching an interview with someone who was deprogrammed by basically the top cult deprogrammer. She has said he told her, even he could be brainwashed in the right circumstances. The people who think they're immune are probably more likely to be vulnerable
Yep happened to me never thought it would but When you’re vounrable you can Get stuck inn
Not even just that, i found myself almost in a Korean doomsday cult bc they were under the guise of a normal bible study. Like it’s easier than you’d expect
There were two young girls doing mission work where I live mid summer (EXTREMELY HOT) and they looked overheated and discombobulated. They tried to talk to me but I wasn't interested. I was coming home from work and ended up asking them if they needed water (they had tiny waterbottles that were empty) and they gratefully accepted. They insisted I take a jesus business card which I still have pinned on my fridge 2 years later, along with a life alert ad (help I've fallen and I can't get up) because I find both of them funny. They tried to save me with religion and I saved them (actually) with water. I find your videos so interesting Alyssa. I grew up interacting with mormon people in school and it really helps me understand the religion and idealogy. As someone who was never religious I found extreme faith to be disconcerting. I also didn't understand how they all woke up so early to go to church before school- what torture! Thanks for sharing, your vulnerability, and insights, as always.
You looked so young but also so old. Like, you look more youthful and free now. Congratulations on your 100k and on living your best life.
I’m ex evangelical and the exmo space has been really helpful in my deconstruction. So thank you ❤
The way the old Alyssa looks so dark and unhappy while present day Alyssa is literally glowing. Hell even her hair looks healthier and brighter
It's mostly lighting and makeup, but she does sound much more natural now.
i had a childhood friend who served her mission in nicaragua, she was mugged MULTIPLE times and put into so many situations that were EXTREMELY inappropriate to entrust to a NINETEEN YEAR OLD. eg, counseling domestic violence victims and rape victims! it was extremely disturbing and sad to hear about. we lost touch sometime after she ended her mission because she transferred to a mormon college. i hope she is doing alright now.
Your Mormon outfit! It’s all so familiar. The voice, the cautious cadence, the subservient posture.
Anyone who says that leaving the church will make you lose your joy should watch this video. You are clearly a more joyful person now. I’m so glad we left the church. Interesting that they groomed my brother to go on a mission but they never did with me as a girl. I was groomed to get married and make babies. Women missionaries were rare when I was growing up.
I'm so glad that I wasn't pressured into serving a mission. I feel like I was in the same boat as you. I really believe my brothers were brainwashed more severely because of their missions. I got out pretty young because I wasn't forced into that.
It’s great that you’re out of this Mormon cult but I hope you’ve not lost your love for God and Jesus Christ ❤
@@lavieenrose5954 let it go 🙄 we don't need your imaginary friends in our lives
@@wannabecar8733 cool. Except no it wasn't, no it wasn't, no it wasn't, no he didn't, and no he didn't. Neat story though, I guess.
It's the fault of man that people look down upon the faith, when it has nothing to do with faith. Jesus is Lord. Laudium Dei ❤ @@lavieenrose5954
I am a born-again Christian (not lds), and I did a lot of mission trips as a college student (late 90s, early 2000's). In 2001, at age 19, I was part of a group that did Vacation Bible Schools at Baptist churches in Boston. We didn't go door to door the way Mormons do, we did these Bible schools with kids at churches. Anyway, one day, my team and I ran into some Mormon missionaries, and they tried to convert us. We asked them a few doctrinal questions, which they side-stepped, and they just wouldn't leave. We tried to engage them and share what we believed, but they didn't want a discussion. They wanted to do their presentation on us. We were polite, but kept saying, "Look, you're not going to convince us, and it looks like we're not going to convince you. Let's call it quits. We have commitments to get to." But they still wouldn't let us go, and they kept trying to convert a group of young adult Baptists. They held us up about 2 hours, and finally asked if they could sing to us, and we shrugged an okay, and they sang the song "The Wise Man Built His House Upon the Rock." We knew that one. It was very odd. They seemed like sweet young men, but really only trained to do their presentation, not engage wirh people who already had a strong faith that differed from Mormonism. They werebt able to give real answers to our questions about sone discrepancies in Mormonism.
Utah is a MISSION FIELD
That's because they're 19-year-old knuckleheads. They don't know how to interact with people or to critically think or have conversations beyond the propaganda they've been told.
Perfect illustration of the hive mind cult that LDS, LLC is and always has been.
Christians especially wtt Christians are so raysts
the irony is that your religion is just as fraught with hypocrisies and doctrine that many christians refuse to address. so don't talk like you're better than them.
I grew up with victim-speak as a mormon in Idaho. It has taken me a lifetime to recover from all the lies and deception I was taught. This cult sets women up to be victims of misogyny for their whole lives. I'm so glad that you are the person you are today. There is life in your eyes, health in your voice, and you seem genuinely happy.
I was in Argentina 2014-2016 and I literally was almost murdered on like nine different accounts. I actually have to be medicated for the trauma I recieved in the mission field. Oddly enough though, almost dying wasn't the worst thing for me. It was more being held against my will, being constantly monitored by everyone and having absolutely zero privacy, and also being forced to go against my own conscience in order to do what church leadership wanted me to do
Sounds like PTSD. I am so sad for your experience and wish you brighter days ahead. ❤
I am so sorry.
Woah! Where were you serving? I've been living in Argentina for almost 30 years and have even voluteered in shanty towns (villas miseria) and I don't see Argentina as being as dangerous but idk
@@euge7569 I lived in Mar del Plata, Bahia Blanca, and places like that. The best place I lived was easily Tandil. I would probably live there now tbh. Most argentine people are awesome (if not really blunt lol) but when you're being shoved into enough ghettos and shanty towns dressed like a wealthy american in a white shirt and tie, you tend to have things happen to you. One guy in my mission even got stabbed in the liver. We were robbed a lot. And since we weren't allowed to carry any weapons or even walking sticks, I got creative and turned my scriptures into a weapon that I used to fend off wild dogs and thieves. One time I was helping an older woman carry her groceries to her house in Mar del Plata and a drug addict tried to attack us with a big knife. I had to protect us with my scriptures lol. The church also refused to let us go to the hospital and it was common to get dysentary and other illnesses
@@euge7569 In hindsight I would've done a lot of things differently to protect myself and my missionary companions, but you aren't really thinking as much when you're only 19 years old
Just yesterday my husband and I were eating at a sub place and an older "rough" looking man came in wirh two young modestly dressed girls with name tags. They sat right down and were talking, never ordered. I'm such a nosy people watcher I couldn't stop paying attention to them. And I told my husband that I thought it was two missionaries, and eventually, I overheard some of the conversation that confirmed it. It bothered me that they never ordered anything ( im always worried about people not eating) , and though they were in public, they were "alone" with this man. I refused to leave until I saw them get into separate cars and leave... my husband thought I was nuts, but I couldn't help but worry. I also realize that I was being judgemental towards the man, who knows he may be a great, idk.
Wow your comment is from two months ago but I feel like I have to respond to you when I came across this. You weren’t crazy; or judgmental. You were being a very safe, smart, considerate, and concerned person. I kinda hate to say this but in today’s world it’s much much safer for us girls and fem presenting ppl to assume the worst unless we have evidence otherwise. I like to tell my girlfriends to always assume a guy wants to sleep with you, which sounds very bad and judgmental, but it is always safer, because if and when that is the case we’d would be prepared, and also we’d take many more preventative measures to avoid being in an unsafe situation in the first place. Sadly, I learned this the hard way, when I was younger and had no concept of how s*x-oriented some guys’ brains can be. So seeing your comment made me think of that, and I feel so warm inside about how you stayed to make sure those girls were okay! ❤❤❤
I've been unable to get an erection since I read your comment.
I have to say, you look much younger now than you did as a teen. There’s a glow to your face, a light in your eye, and sureness in your voice that I can see now that is absent from your teen version of yourself. I’m so happy for you
Yes, the girl in the video looks like her older sister. I'm so glad she looks so happy and stunning now! She really looked tortured/stressed.
Cult voice is the perfect way to describe mormon voice. I can always point out a mormon person by how their voice sounds its very distinct
Yes, I grew up LDS and I call it Mormon speak. It's strong in them. You can definitely pull them out.
You wouldn’t be able to tell with me, sorry. Not all of us use this voice. Maybe many Utah members do. But since our church is global and there are so many cultures involved, we don’t all sound like that. This is a Utah thing. It’s wild she adopted it. There are probably people out there that feel like they have to adopt it to fit in, but so many of us do not use this.
@kjeracarroll450 its not just the sound, its also the words you use. I grew up mormon i can always pick out a mormon.
I'd swear there are cult eyes too. Some sorta, idk...distant, sorta vacant and glazed look in the eyes, hard to put my finger on. The leader of Heavens Gate is a prime example but most people aren't that extreme in the look.
unfortunately i feel like i still have a mormon voice because i speak very low and timid and careful and slow but you can certainly tell quickly i'm not mormon by what i'm saying lol
You sound/look like a robot. You sound exhausted. You sound sad. And now you sound SO much more confident, happy, and free. It's genuinely eerie & I understand this crazy dissociation seeing yourself "that way" back then.
Great job for being brave & getting out ❤
Wow! You were in your "I am pleasant" mode. You were a perfect Mormon girl.
Something I recently learned is that the Church has a significant fund to "bring home the many missionaries who were killed or died on their missions". Those were the words used. There were several hundreds returned. Terrifying that the Church places baptising new members above the safety of missionaries.
When I lived in South Africa, I had female missionaries come to my door. S.A. was and is a very dangerous country. I left because I was held at knifepoint in an attempted r@pe. I could no longer raise my daughter there. My family was greatly relieved when I returned to Europe.
It’s also confusing that the Mormon church places baptizing new members above the safety of its missionaries - because what good does it do to risk the lives of your members? They’d only be trying to convert amongst the least likely to join - at the risk oflosing a devout member. 😵💫
@@jenniferlynn3537 Everyone loves a martyr. Nothing confusing about that, very horrifying though.
@@jenniferlynn3537yes, but if one missionary makes even 2-3 converts, the church makes more money, even if the missionary leaves
I was a missionary 10 years ago and one of my companions had an obsessive stalker that knew where we lived. I literally thought my companion was going to end up dead. The elders in the area did not think this guy was a threat, so I called the mission president who also did nothing. After I left the area, things escalated and the sisters had to move to a different city.
I was recently sent pictures of myself when I was growing up in a very religious household. The person's intention was to evoke nostalgia, I think. But I looked absolutely dead inside. I had such an immense sadness looking at my younger self seeing what a toll life had already taken on me at so young an age. And such a thankfulness for how I feel now that I'm out of that sphere.
As you’re talking in the interview, it almost feels as though you’re trying to convince yourself you mean what you’re speaking about! The shift and exuberance you possess now makes me so incredibly happy 😭🫶🏻
I think it would be really cool for you to have a Colorado trip where you experience all the things you should have when you lived there. Go on the hikes, see the city, snowboard etc!
YES!!
I think it’s interesting how you explain the dynamic of friendship at the end and how you have to constantly look at everyone you meet as potential convert, no wonder why MLMs and Mormons are so linked. It makes so much sense.
I remember when i was at uni and I lived in a dormitory, there was a flat near us that was obviously rented by the Mormon church and they would cycle their missionaries through there. I don't know how or when but over time the missionaries would drop by for chats. In the beginning ostensibly about their faith but then it transitioned into more social calls really. We invited them for BBQs and parties and they were genuinely a lot of fun to hang out. Somehow when the first set of "deviant" missionaries left, the new ones came by pretty soon, standing there like very clearly knowing there would be fun and hanging out in the garden, but not knowing how to ask for it 😂
That went on for quite some time and then the missionary flat was moved somewhere else. i always thought it was a pity, because they seemed to enjoy it so much and then they just stopped coming.
You spoke a lot about the inherent danger in serving a mission and I think that those negative experiences are half the point. They want missionaries to recruit but it also doesn't hurt their cause if, at the point in your life when you begin to question things more and potentially start thinking for yourself, you are confronted with how dangerous and scary the world outside of you Mormon bubble can be. You are actively encouraged to bother the hell out of people and those negative reactions you receive may make you want to retreat further in to that comfort zone rather than exploring life outside Mormonism in a safe way.
Excellent point!!
This is what I’ve always believed. Missions are only partly about conversion but more importantly solidifying the us versus them mentality through fear and isolation
And if nothing bad actually happens, those close calls and seemingly dangerous situations are interesting missionary stories you can tell after.
Your eyes look so much more alive now!! I've been out for a decade and it's still so reassuring to see that and remember why we left. Thank you
Your eyes looked so lifeless and distant. Now they look radiant. The difference in your eyes alone is striking.
It’s mainly her eye makeup.
@@graceg3250i mean, the eye makeup is different, and it could be the nerves from being on camera, but she sort of has a thousand yard stare going on, and less facial expressions as well. she seems much more tired and subdued
I've had to spend a few periods in my life homeless (doing better now, thankfully) and when asked I'd often tell people that one of the worst things about homelessness is the complete and utter lack of privacy. Rooms in shelters all had at least 5 other dudes in them, the rest of the time you were on the streets or in the library looking for work/housing etc. - Literally the only time I was truly alone with my thoughts was when I was in the washroom (and even then, only in the really nice public restrooms that actually are private lol) - It's kinda amazing/depressing to learn that Mormon Missionaries go through something similar.
Thank you for being so honest about your emotional experiences being ex mormon. Ive seen your videos recommended to me a few times but have been hesitant to watch because i think im still so afraid that if someone else's experiences with the church differ from mine, that means mine arent valid. But im working on that. And hearing you talk about the identity crisis that comes with leaving high demand religion makes me feel very seen 💜
As I kid I did a fund raiser where we were told to go door to door to sell random crap from a catalog. That experience was enough to make me realize I would never go door to door for anything again!
As an ex Fundie, these videos are so cathartic and so healing ❤️🩹
I’m so happy to hear it. The journey is long 🤍
I was raised as a Jehovah's Witness, and there are a lot of similarities with the Jehovah's Witnesses and the Mormons... even if the Jehovah's Witnesses would never admit that. Jehovah's Witnesses also go to people's houses to "preach the Bible," but they do it their whole lives, starting as children. I was a young child when I went to my first house. I was taught what to say, but I wasn't really prepared for the anger of people who didn't want to hear it. Looking back, I think some of the anger probably came because I was a small child, and people didn't agree with letting small children knock on the doors of strangers. There was always adults not far away, though. I never really thought of it as dangerous... but I live in Canada, and I don't live in a big city.
There are also missionaries in the Jehovah's Witnesses faith, but those missionaries usually go to other countries to teach the Bible.
Any fundamentalist religions have some level of brainwashing, even if the people doing the brainwashing don't understand that's what they are doing. They believe in the religion, and they are doing what they are taught to do... they don't see that it's brainwashing.
My mom is still in the Jehovah's Witnesses religion. I listen to her repeat the lies she is told, like that the Jehovah's Witnesses Bible is the "most accurate translation of the holy scriptures," but I actually looked into that claim, and it isn't. They definitely made changes to the translations... or translated it badly... but most of them are somewhat small changes... but the "translator" made changes nonetheless. I don't bother trying to argue with her about it. Some people WANT to believe.
Thank you for doing this video. My granddaughter is currently serving as a missionary for the LDS Church and she strongly believes that God is directing her actions and paving the way with miracles. I worry for her safety as she enters the homes and apartments of people that she does not know to share her message. She believes that she is being protected and yet every year missionaries return home with serious illnesses, injuries, mental and emotional trauma and sometimes not alive. This is an 'elephant in the room' that goes undiscussed in the church. Parents across the church who have missionaries out in the field spend 18-24 months in fear and anxiety hoping that their child will return unscathed, while on the outside they exude confidence that the Lord is looking out for their missionary.
@@wannabecar8733If only the Mormons actually believed that. They created their own book, which is a sin in itself :/
At the time, I loved my mission, (Kansas) where I felt like I learned god, & church history (& obviously, MAN was I wrong!) but I did lean shame, guilt, scrupulosity, realize I’m bad as “sales”, and have a ton of social anxiety.
I was also really closeted (I’m trans for context) and came out to my sister like 3 days after I came home. She was really supportive.
Fast forward 9 years now and I’ve left the church, been transitioning for 2 years, & I’m an atheist. What a WILD RIDE! 😂
I'm from Kansas... ya'll have missions to Kansas?! 😂😂😂
@@SmolTrailer surprisingly yes, lol
I was Spanish speaking too
Enjoy the ride! 🏳️⚧️😊
@@mariesabine2385 oh yeah! The ride to PRIDE! (Next week… because yeah, it’s almost June, & that’s, that’s where all the queers & ally’s are.. at PRIDE 👀)
The difference between the two, your prior video and who you are today is a level of confidence. Before, you sounded hesitant, probably in the sense you were self editing, and now you sound self-assured. Speaking one's truth is a powerful thing.
A few years ago, during the Summer at 95 degrees, I treated a couple of male missionaries to lunch. They had asked the restaurant owner if they could sit in the air conditioning for a few minutes. They first had to call their senior missionary ("supervisor") for permission first. They were soaked wirh perspiration. I was afraid they were about to drop when they entered the restaurant.
Your analysis of the "but jesus was watching anyway" healed my inner SA victim who was told "why did you fight the spirit."
Just stumbled upon your channel after a recent encounter with Mormon missionaries. Thanks for all the insights and background details - this helped me gain more perspective on who those missionaries are and why they do what they do.
I’ve had quite a number of such encounters, always initiated by missionaries who just talked to me on a street at random. Perhaps I look like a potential believer to them… I was always fair to them in telling them upfront that there was no way to convert me, but that I’m always happy to chat. In most cases it was a very interesting conversation about their life, studies, travel experience and other stuff.
One thing I found shocking (and scary, in a way) was their language knowledge. You already covered the language education in another video, but I bet very few people will really understand how good that education is until they actually talk to missionaries. Two of them talked to me on a street in the Czech Republic. For a moment I stared at them in disbelief and then I asked: “So, you must be of Czech origin, right…?” Their Czech was flawless. No foreign accent, no common mistakes made by foreigners. (Just to make this clear: Czech is a language with 7 cases/modes with declensions of all nouns, adjectives and pronouns, with information encoded into the ordering of words in a sentence, with “gender-aware” nouns and even verbs, etc.) Anyhow, they said they were actually from Utah and had been through a year or so of a language course. No Czech ancestry involved! Incredible!
Those language courses are almost dangerous. I doubt that most foreign intelligence services of powerful countries have this level of language education. 😀
Another time I behaved in quite a stupid way, I must admit. I told two missionaries that I had an important message for them from my Lord and Savior, Dionysus. I explained to them that Lord Dionysus was the Only Lord and Savior and that He was becoming increasingly upset about the sheer number of fake “gods” in the world. Now, for the sake of redemption, salvation and all that stuff, and also to honor Lord Dionysus in general, you are required to chug bottles of wine in His Honor, so that you don’t accidentally enter Lord Dionysus’ Underworld sober. An Eternity of suffering awaits those who do! Lord Dionysus will puke His Fiery Puke right in the faces of former non-believers, for Eternity! However, if you chug wine and praise Dionysus (and sing dithyrambs) while you still can, you can reach Salvation and then chug wine with The Lord for Eternity in His Underworld one day.
As I was “explaining” all of this to them, suddenly I started to feel ashamed, in a way. This time the encounter took place in Geneva. Two young girls. Their French was absolutely flawless. (So was their German, actually.) As I told them about Lord Dionysus, they looked confused, if not a bit scared. They didn’t laugh. They were struggling to figure out what to think about what I had said. Then I realized how little they knew about life and about the stupid jokes that come with it. Anyhow, sadly I did not manage to convert them and bring them closer to Lord Dionysus. May He have mercy with their avatars entering His Underworld one day.
Congratulations on more than 100K subs. And May I say that 9years-ago-Alyssa was courageous to speak up about the danger of being a Mormon missionary and recommending a safeguard like pepper spray.
My mother was actually brought into the LDS church my missionaries. It made her personality unrecognizable to me. I didn’t handle it the way I think I should have now.
But one thing I stand by was when she’d get my kids for a weekend and she’d take them to church activities. They’d come home very unhappy. Ages 10 and 14. We raised our kids in the Methodist church and were strong believers in that doctrine. And she “had the nerve” to tell me I wasn’t being a good mother because I wasn’t taking care of their spiritual lives. So she got the nonnegotiable, if you take them to one more church meeting that will be the end of weekend visits, and probably the end of unsupervised visits. That about killed her because she adored her grandchildren. But she never took them to things again.
Your story also explains why, At Her Funeral! one of the men followed our family to the car and said to my older daughter, right in front of me, it’s too late for your parents, but you can be saved. He pushed the Book of Mormon into her hand and told her she must read it. She tried to hand it back but he stepped away and wouldn’t take it.
ew.
How gross. Doesn’t he know the official response is it’s never too late for anyone?
Wow, what a guy 😢
😳 that’s insane!
My family is Methodist.
Omg… your comment about never looking inward but instead looking for outside confirmation explains SO MUCH. I remember being taught that if I was upset about something to go serve someone else to “put things in perspective.” Aka, I could have it worse, go focus on someone else. Don’t look inward, don’t focus on yourself, only others matter.
I'm an exmo now thankfully. I served my mission in central america. My first week we went without food. My trainer sent all of our money home to his family. He assumed I would have money because I was american. Nope. We had some left over bread that we shared. we went 4 days without food. we did have running water at the apartment though. A few weeks later I saw the only village cop get stabbed and killed in front of me. Throughout my mission, there were dangerous situations. I've been chased down and mugged. I was chased and almost stabbed with a screwdriver. I would find dead bodies on the dirt roads walking to church in the morning. Some missionaries decided on their own to go against the mission president and carry machetes or knives of their own for protection. Also, going without water, electricity, or food was not uncommon. We were living on a little island with another set of missionaries where the small island flooded and we were without fresh water for a little over a week. We filled a jug with dirty water and poured chlorine into it. Most apartments didn't have showers, just a bucket. and some had dirt floors. We would have to lock down during political riots. It was crazy! The most we could do is call for help to the mission office several hours away. My experiences were standard for most missionaries in that area.
Holy crap dude. That's crazy. It's amazing you're okay. With all that happening I think I'd have decided god was forcefully telling me he didn't want me there after all and I'd go home.
I went to something similar to that when I was in the Peace Corps. I was one of the first groups that went out and they didn’t realize asking us to live like the natives people. Ha ha was making us very very sick. We were with we lived without any utilities you had to go out and get your own water, and there was no sanitation of any kind And we were 12,000 feet up in the mountains so there was very very little food that we could get. I went from 130 pounds to 92 pounds and I was seven months pregnant when I weighed the 92 pounds I had gotten in Amiba while I was there that was causing me to opt check at least five times a day, but I will say the people were very kind to us. I was not fearful for my life.
So wrong on all accounts! Surprised to hear how horrendous the circumstances were for many of you.
Nicaragua?
@@SmolTrailer yep
My family lived in Utah for 7 years. This video has given me a new insight into why it was so hard to connect with other women. When meeting a Mormon it always went like this....
1. What Ward are you in? Oh, we aren't LDS.
2. Oh, have you been to our church? No, we are happy with our own Church.
3. Well it was nice meeting you.
4. Cease to exist
Then neighbors would try to get my kids. My daughter was in 1st grade when we moved there. The prblems didn't start until they invited her to the girls' after-school program, 4th grade I think. I told the mom in charge that I didn't care if she was asked to read Bible Verses but I didn't want her reading from the Book of Mormon. She assured me that would be fine. After a few weeks I learned that she was asked to read from the BoM outloud every single time!!
Rather, than thinking she was a liar I reiterated that I didn't want my daughter reading from the BoM but the Bible was okay!! Turns out our good LDS woman was a liar and made her from the BoM AGAIN!! I signed her up for gymnastics so she couldn't go anymore.
Next it was trying to get her to jpin the choir.... I'll stop this is too long already!!
Sounds like a horror movie. "Invasion of the Soul Snatchers"
I mean... Do it make any difference? Its ok if my child read Harry Potter, but I do not want my child to read from Lord of the Rings.
@zhoupact8567 It does if a parent says we will be reading Harry Potter and then knowing your feelings on the issue has your child read Lord of the Rings out load to the group.
She lied to me regarding an 8-9 year old little girl. She was trying to indoctrinate her. This is standard procedure and considered godly by the LDS Church.
@@StandedInUtah I dunno. At that point I feel like its the parent being a bit silly.
As someone who was not allowed to watch Harry Potter or Lord of the Rings, I think I would side with the person letting the child enjoy reading the books or watching the movie in this particular case... With the context that the child wanted to watch it anyway.
I get that its slightly different in your case. Indoctrination is more serious and a bigger deal. However as someone looking in from outside reigious stuff all together though. I am not sure how much of a difference it really makes whenever its a book of mormon or a bible. Is it better if its the parent's preferred flavour of indoctrination of a child? Perhaps it is, but you know.
Obviously for me, and probably if it was anyone else from outside christianity, making a 8-9 year old child read the bible also sounds like an attempt at indoctrination, right? And there are probably fair bits of the bible that can be said to be not suitable for children to read at all.
God having children mauled to death by bears for finding a person's look funny enough to laugh comes to mind. (You better do as the priest says or god may get angry! 'Creepy laugh.')
I dunno. Its not as if its something I care massively about. If nothing else, reading the bible is at least culturally relevant and I can not deny that, living in a reality where somehow a large portion of the population actually believe in magical stuff like that. Its probably not bad to learn what is in the book.
I just presume you think christianity, jesus is like, the difference between someone burning in a hell forever, or going to that weird heaven place right? So say that it was my child, who I raise to not be exposed to christianity at all. Or say I was muslim, hindu, norse and raised my child that way.
Would you look at it as equally terrible for someone to try to slip my child what you deem to be the secret, they key the lifeline to avoid hell?
Presuming religious people truly believe the stuff they are into. Would not trying to 'indoctrinate' someone, even a child. And even against the parents wishes, be a terrible thing to do. Worse than if you caught the parent molesting their child, but they tell you they do not want you to do anything about it. Although I think it is all silly, I can understand why religious people would do stuff like that. And if they where not based in something... ?superstitious? but rather something real. I guess I would side with their action probably being the right one. Between upsetting/going against a parent, and saving a soul. The difference there in values is night and day right?
@@zhoupact8567 imagine someone forcing your child to read a book you don't believe in
What a glow up - you look more alive now. Thank you for sharing your story.
My friends and I always talk about the eyes mormoms have. We all grew up in the church and saw it ourselves after. I'm so happy you have gotten out and are helping others in the exmo community.
Thanks for sharing your story Alyssa. I remember something we often said at our church: "how should I think about this" or "help me know how to think about this". And if someone should think differently from a leader about some important issue, we would need to "get with the programme". (I was not a Mormon was was in a high-control group)
My urge to request a wellness check on that poor girl is intense. good lord. Real scientology energy behind the camera.
You are so brave (and stunning) for being able to sit through a video of yourself from so long ago. I can't get through more than 20 seconds of my old YT vids before I cringe and die.
Lol good point! I don't even like to read old emails I've sent at work. I don't think I could have made this video! Maybe the fact that she is so utterly different now helps her disassociate from it.
Total night and day. The courage it takes to leave a world you're raised in couldn't have been easy. Glad you found happiness.
The difference in voice was something I immediately noticed. Absolutely accurate.
I took a tour of the Tabernacle in SLC years ago and my guide gave me a Book of Mormon. It was such a treasure! I figured the most loving, giving thing I could do was to share it with a stranger -- so I left it in a stall in the men's room. 😁😁
She looked so scared 😢 whereas you give off such a joyful strength, also yes the voice is totally different.
I once met a group of returning missionaries at an airport when they sat near me at the gate. The young man next to me was so sweet, so very young, and surprised that I even knew what a Mormon mission was. He was holding a Book of Mormon and asked me if I knew about it, which I did. Do these boys not know that there are Book of Mormon copies in the nightstand drawers of many hotels? Anyway, I was asking about his family, and he actually asked me if I would call his mom and tell her I saw him at the airport. He wrote her name and number on the front page of the Book. Well then I had to take it, as a mom, and I did call his mom. Maybe it was just a way to get a book into my hands, but it was done in such a way that I just wanted to help him. Smart kid, yes?
Your kindness is important.
They’re not allowed to talk to their parents while on missions so it was more than just a way to get you to take the book. He wanted her to know he was okay.
@@bunnylacy2097 So not even on a payphone from the airport, because until they get home, they are still technically on their mission?
Yes. I wonder how many times he did that?
i think the main difference in the tone of your voice is how confident and assured you sound now. you speak with more conviction and certainty. love your content, i’ve binged everything you put out. ❤❤ i’ve never been mormon but i find it so fascinating.
Not Mormon, but I am an ex Christian and the son of a preacher. Your videos resonate so much with my upbringing and experiences. Thank you for sharing this part of your life with us.
You in your old interview reminded me in a weird way of princess Diana and her famous interview after her divorce. At first I was thinking it's styling (your hair, makeup etc) but then you mentioned the voice! I have never thought that women in very traditional enviroments alter their voice, but it really makes sense now that you said it
Ohhh you're right!! I'm now reconsidering many old interviews and movies...
YOU'RE SO RIGHT THIS IS SO PRINCESS DIANA. THAT WOMAN COULDN'T SPEAK FREELY.
The eyes looked similar too... Now she has alive eyes, not sad eyes.
I served my mission in 2019, and there was absolutely no safety training specifically for sister missionaries. We were pushed to talk to everyone we saw, even creepy men, which were abundant. My innocence was taken from me as I saw the men look at us and realized that they were interested in us, but not in our message. And even after I knew that, I still felt pressured to talk to them anyway- because I was taught that their salvation was in my hands. I was put in countless uncomfortable and dangerous situations, and I am grateful I made it home without being seriously harmed. Thank you for speaking up about this huge issue that is still ongoing today.
I'm late to the party on this one, but I'm 100% with you. I was in SO many dangerous and potentially life-threatening situations because there were ZERO safety measures beyond "come home 9 pm." I'm sorry, what? Apparently, the church thinks predators only lurk at night, which is a load of bull. I often felt so unsafe because we weren't allowed to carry weapons for self defense. I broke the rules and carried a small knife, but it absolutely wasn't enough. I honestly don't know how I came home NOT having been assaulted or abducted. I sure came close a couple times. My poor sister was not so lucky. I think sister missionaries should be given SERIOUS self-defense training and should be allowed to pack heat if they so choose and it's legal where they are. I can think of at least a couple instances where I would have absolutely taken a weapon off my belt and used it if necessary. Missionary safety is a joke.
@@aliciawhimple3907 SO true ! I’m so sorry for your sister. That’s awful. And for what you went through as well. It’s frustrating they don’t do more to protect missionaries. I agree with you completely.
I really wonder how that can happen, we never experienced anything like that on my mission.. I think mayby thats less about policy and more about who is in charge of specific missions.
@SimonDaumMusic Respectfully, you got lucky. And it's not just because you're male. A friend of mine was nearly killed at knifepoint in India because he wasn't made aware of certain signs of gang activity in the area. It happens mostly because the assumption is that the Lord will always protect missionaries. But God can't always help us if we aren't prepared. Heavy safety training, self-defense training, and removing the policy of trying to talk to everyone, no matter how sketchy they look, would go a long way. I'm still an active member, but I have to look objectively at my mission and say that my safety was largely in my own hands. God expects us to be wise and stay out of bad situations, but that can be hard to do when you're supposed to talk to EVERYONE, knock EVERY door, and always have the last word.
@@aliciawhimple3907 No question, is something the church can and should do about it.. But I still think to a great part it depends on the people being in charge in certain regions... Usually I would suspect that new missionaries are instructed by another Missionary who already knows about these things..
I think things may also be a little different here in europe. I experienced sevral missions and my impression was its more about the spirit than about the letter and the numbers...
We also had areads in Engald where we couldnt go out as soon as it was dark due to gang activity, we also got beaten up once and had another not so kind encounter..
But after all I think that different coutnries can be so different that a general church policy cant be the answer to every situation..
So, there certainly is room to improve.. My point is just that its not everywhere like that and that people within and outside the church still have much in their own hands to do about it. Its not like everyone everywhere is a victim of church policy.
But, when things go wrong because of such policy, thats certainly something that has to be addressed.
I have been gone almost 3 years and realizing my voice has changed and how much I love my voice now and how much more bolder I am. Thank you for this!
That sounds like talking-at-gunpoint voice, to me. WOW! Coercive control is so mad.
You have such amazing perception of all the subtle yet important differences! Like cadence in tone, feeling obligated to downplay harm- very interesting stuff. I love your videos so much!
I didn’t grow up in the Mormon church, but I find the content very interesting, because a lot of the experiences that I hear from ex Mormon women parallel with my experience being raised in evangelical Christianity. There’s lots of differences, but so many similarities. I love your takes, definitely looking forward to watching more of your content!☺️
You are so brave because I am a manager at a call center and I can’t even bear to hear my voice let alone see my face in a video and when you work in a call center it is voice is not face kudos to you. I am so proud of you. You are an amazing human being, and you inspire me every day and although I was never a Mormon, I am an extra Jehovah’s Witness, you will always be my favorite channel
Not just your voice. Your whole body and face feels more joyfull, content, at peace and happy now.
I'm a real life Native American from near Utah. (born raised/schooled near the Grand Canyon) Every time Missionaries came to my home I challenged them on the historical treatment of my ancestors and they would always play good-cop bad cop, some thing white people, as a zeitgeist, tend to do with not-whites.
Your best video so far🙌🏼 the part when you talk about de “Logic mormon trap” was the reason I started doubting eventually and left the church: I must have been about 18yo, when I was having my last interview prior going to the temple. I shared with my bishop that I was having doubts and stuggling with my faith, so he said “if you really want to know the truth and WANT to belive, you will recive”, and I was like “but if I Really Want to belive, im I not just brain washing myself setting me up for a certain answer?” He didn’t know what to tell me… soon after I left for good.
This was 15 years ago , and to this day it was the best decision of my life. I will never regret leaving! 🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼
So my dad spent some time with missionaries at one point in his 20s or 30s after my grandfather converted. That is exactly what he said convinced him not to go through with it. He told me he had a great time and everyone was really nice but when he asked them why he should believe in the book of mormon and Joseph Smith, they said the same thing and he wad like well if it's true, you would have a better answer, so no thank you...
The difference in your voice is definitely the first thing I noticed!! I’m not a linguist by any means - but I think it makes perfect sense that women who are raised in a male oriented religion like Mormonism to grow up and present more “docile”, or submissive.
And in terms of serving missions, I think having a voice that comes off more as sweet, gentle, etc makes people more receptive towards hearing you out. Because from someones appearance, their voice is usually the first indicator we have to “judge” them. I think most of us would be more open to talking/listening to someone who’s more soft spoken, compared to someone who comes off as more aggressive.
I think it is so cool that you are reacting to yourself!
I left the church when I was about 20 and I’m now 35.
I truly appreciate everything you share about your personal experience and your perspectives.
So that’s why my roommate snuck a Book of Mormon back into my suitcase after I tossed it in the trash 😳
Lol
Just don't ever do that with a Koran. (And not because the Koran's more legitimate than the Book of Mormon... or Bible or Torah. It's not. But because the reaction could be entirely different.)
@@bartlebyscrivener2980i'm confused, what do you mean by that?
Arabs be crazy
@@stellasdoesstuff To put it in Sam Harris' terms: Islam is not a religion of peace. Make of that what you will.
And look how vibrant and flourishing you are today! Amazing transformation. Congrats!
Hearing "'Cause sometimes people want to kill you" in the fundie voice is something else.
Wow this is wild! One second in and I could already see that the light in your eyes is completely missing in the old video and your soul just seems so tired 😢 Such a contrast from how you are now. I’m so glad you got out of that. You’re a beautiful person, thank you for all that you do :)
Right??? As everyone’s saying, she obviously looked scared, but she also looked **tired**. Like, exhausted. I was genuinely surprised when she said this was a month after getting back from the mission and not directly after.
It is actually startling to watch the interview and compare it to how you speak now. It's more than just your voice. It's your face and your eyes like this is a perfect example in my opinion of when they make the statement of the eyes are the windows to the soul because there is a huge difference in your presence. You seem far much more content and fulfilled and happy now than before. Which I'm very happy for you about that 😂💜
I was inspired by the revealing insights you shared on your "Mormon Me," but even more by the compassion you show to your younger self. It's so important so healing. I know from personal experience how painful it can be to confront that part of one's self-the one that believed the lie, or tried to. I was a preacher's kid, so I never met the bright, inspiring, emotionally available minister people saw at church: it was like Jekyll and Hyde. And yet I had to play the role, support the illusion, be the acolyte. I wish I could have told my younger self, "You don't have to be a true believer to be loved." I know so little about life inside the LDS, and your videos are so illuminating. Congratulations on getting your 100,000 subscribers.
You look really tense back then. Lots of words but no self confidence or joy. Glad you're happier now and more comfortable with yourself ❤
Congrats on your 100,000 UA-cam plack. Remember to always take time for fresh air. I wanted to say that my mom started to back out of the church when they started to try to force me to go door to door. It's dangerous. You were very brave and also lucky. I'm so happy for you that you seen the church for what it truly is. A cult. They know it's dangerous yet they force you to go on missions.
Because Judaism is a closed religion, as a jewish person, i have always found the goal of constant evangelizing as being fascinating and bizarre. Thank you for sharing ❤
I'm very curious about this. I've heard of people converting to Judaism. Is there something in Judaism for that or are those people acting in a more appropriating lane?
Most people who convert either marry into Judaism or they are Jewish by ethnicity or family ancestry and rejoin the religious part of their heritage. So I guess the second one is more of a “home coming” than a conversation. But like most converts have some connection to the faith already.
(At least that’s how conversation was explained to me by my mom when I asked her just now.) I’d never considered it before since everyone in my family is pretty much Jewish.
@@rogueshadows4664 I'm orthodox which is the most difficult but also most widely accepted community to convert to. If someone wants to convert the have to go to a bais din ( jewish court) which discourages them heavily from converting ( called geirus) the idea is a truly sincere person will return asking to convert 3 times. After this they might ( or might not) be approved to move forward and start adopting religious practices like kosher and shabbos and once they've basically become as religious as orthodox jews the go to the mikva with another bais din and say a bracha on geirus and afterwards are considered as if they were born jewish
Christians and Muslims do it a lot
Good thing the spirit will definitely tell you if you're in an area you shouldn't be, cause sounds like no one else will.
You look much happier now!
Thank you for sharing these stories. I grew up Mormon, but stopped going to church shortly after my parents divorced. I was a Miamaid. I never did the baptism for the dead either. I had a hard time believing that!!
I can't speak for all missions, but on my mission there was also a culture of being proud to be in such a dangerous area because it was proof that we must have been stronger spirits in the pre-mortal existence. I was attacked and threatened more timed than I remember and I remember wearing it as a badge of honor. I took a bus back with my district leader on his last transfer and we had to go through a mountain pass during a pretty bad snow storm and I remember him deadpan looking at me and saying that he had always had the feeling that he was not supposed to make it home from his mission.
Ironically a war broke out weeks after he left and the hardest part for me, at least mentally, was the fact that it meant I had to go home early. That cult really f***s with your head.
Where did you serve your mission?
I'm saving this for later but even seeing you with the sound off, you did a complete 180 and look much happier and healthier ❤
This interview is crazy. 😂 I’m low-key surprised they posted your interview.
Hi Alyssa, I’m a never-Mormon who saw your 2 extensive interviews on Mormon Stories and then found your channel (or it found me via UA-cam :) which is great. How often do we get to really hear about and share in the detailed lives of others (especially women), where people can speak and tell their stories, and I appreciate your authenticity and desire to support to others. Wow a published author (loved you speaking about how we sometimes want to be “chosen” by a big publishing house and instead you just did it, Inspiring to many of us). Now the UA-cam award. And all while being “you.”💜