Lex Fridman on marriage

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  • Опубліковано 1 жов 2024

КОМЕНТАРІ • 140

  • @johnmitchell2741
    @johnmitchell2741 2 роки тому +12

    Both these guys are stuttering quite a bit. their wife's must be watching

  • @cliffmorgan31
    @cliffmorgan31 2 роки тому +87

    Marriage is like a garden. You can’t just plant it and walk away and expect it to give you anything worthwhile back. A garden takes ongoing weeding, watering, and monitoring over quite a bit of time. Effort has to be put into a marriage by both partners over time to grow fruit n flowers that are beautiful.
    (Short version)

    • @chuck1052
      @chuck1052 2 роки тому +4

      Women walk away from marriages not Men.

    • @darylallen2485
      @darylallen2485 2 роки тому

      Given this definition, how would we distinguish between marriage and a long term committed relationship between unmarried people?

    • @cliffmorgan31
      @cliffmorgan31 2 роки тому

      @@darylallen2485 -
      Do we need to?

    • @darylallen2485
      @darylallen2485 2 роки тому

      @@cliffmorgan31 No. Just asking since you specifically started your comments by mentioning marriage.

    • @spockskynet
      @spockskynet 2 роки тому

      This might be helpful if you didn't talk in metaphors and actually gave examples about what you mean by this.

  • @garylake1676
    @garylake1676 2 роки тому +102

    Let's cut to the chase, lust and obsession drive most younger relationships, if you are lucky, you will have some love left at the end of it, but you have to be lucky, it's probably why arranged marriages have stood the test of time.

    • @sigmasociety2180
      @sigmasociety2180 2 роки тому

      Jeez

    • @1MinuteFlipDoc
      @1MinuteFlipDoc 2 роки тому

      @@joegibbskins 65. fixed it for yah! :)

    • @garylake1676
      @garylake1676 2 роки тому +6

      @@shelbyspeaks3287 Marriage is the best structure known to mankind for bringing up children.
      Contraception is the reason why marriages have broken down, as sex is now free of risk, and all this has occurred inside just four generations, this is new ground for the human race.
      Humans have always been too busy, you talk as if there was some golden age when all was well, pray tell me when that actually was?

    • @MrAngryCucaracha
      @MrAngryCucaracha 2 роки тому +1

      @@garylake1676 both hunting and farming societies had more free time than now

    • @garylake1676
      @garylake1676 2 роки тому +3

      @@MrAngryCucaracha Can I ask how you know these two facts that you refer to?
      Can I also inquire as to what the average lifespan was for hunting communities?
      Can I also ask as to what the average lifespan was for farming communities?
      Do we know if farming communities sent their children to school, (it's clear that hunter based groups did not)?
      Do you also have the information on the average number of times that a woman would get pregnant and the infant mortality rates that both kinds of communities would suffer from?
      I do not have a view, I am interested in gleaning the facts.
      Thanks in advance

  • @jumpingchulla
    @jumpingchulla 2 роки тому +15

    The first question is why people get married?

  • @lynnlobliner3933
    @lynnlobliner3933 2 роки тому +27

    There are some couples who have an easier time than others, which is not to say they don't have bad times.

    • @seethamrajumukund318
      @seethamrajumukund318 2 роки тому +3

      that's not magic nor luck. that's cause they put in the effort either in choosing the right partner or they put in effort daily so that their differences didn't grow big over years of marraige.

  • @ondinnonk
    @ondinnonk 2 роки тому +29

    "Happily ever after" 🤣 if you want unconditional love, get a pet

    • @sigmasociety2180
      @sigmasociety2180 2 роки тому

      Cynic

    • @ondinnonk
      @ondinnonk 2 роки тому +1

      Lol, not saying unconditional love doesn't exist* just that for healthy love there absolutely have to be conditions ~ the Hollywood romantic ideal of unconditional love often Translates to a justification or rationalization for Disrespect or abusive behaviors: "you're supposed to accept this about me" and can be used to undermine a victim's feelings and experience ~ that's the toxicity of the concept.
      Unconditional love absolutely exists, it just needs to be tempered with discernment about the appropriate contexts

    • @ondinnonk
      @ondinnonk 2 роки тому

      I'm agreeing with the guests about the work, pain, and hardship that are required to make love successful and of which (true) happiness is a byproduct

    • @mark.a.winter
      @mark.a.winter 2 роки тому

      At the very least, a pet can be "put down" when the comes, as it always will. As humans we invaribly live longer.
      Go buy a parrot or a cockatoo, you can teach it what to say

    • @kubasniak
      @kubasniak 2 роки тому

      @Von only mothers and fathers can love their children unconditionally or pets. Couples? No such thing. Everything is conditional or it becomes conditional after couple months.

  • @cyberpunkcomplex629
    @cyberpunkcomplex629 2 роки тому +30

    single life is so much easier & honest. have wasted half my life carrying the ungrateful. hope those that want a partner can find one & have a healthy relationship just the same.

    • @1MinuteFlipDoc
      @1MinuteFlipDoc 2 роки тому +9

      @@derek4412 but it's extremely rare.

    • @Kobe29261
      @Kobe29261 2 роки тому +3

      @@derek4412 Its a "drink deep or taste not!" scenario. Marriage will either make you eternally grateful or unbearably miserable. Philosophically very few should pursue it i.e. considering our innate adaptation to loss aversion. If the toss of a die cost you a finger or won you a Lamborghini almost nobody will roll the dice; theres just no healthy way to decouple desire from commitment.

    • @reardelt
      @reardelt 2 роки тому +1

      Pro creation is a duty. So you need to marry

  • @DadSkool
    @DadSkool 2 роки тому +7

    ppl need to stop lying about love. There is no such thing as love that is portrayed in movies etc.
    There is a feeling you have at the start of a relationship that goes away and ends with a feeling of love as you would have for a sibbling.
    If you wanted to stay in "love" your whole life you would need to change partners every few years.
    This is what a long term relationship is like but so many ppl split up bc they no longer feel the same way as they did in the beginning. Im sorry to break it to everyone but that is impossible. The only way to get that feeling again after being in a relationship for more than say 10 years is to find another woman and start the long process again.
    The feeling of love in the beginning is very nice but the feeling of love in the end is a much stronger bond and the 2 concepts are very different things and deserve different words.
    What is love?
    Baby dont hurt me...No More

    • @DadSkool
      @DadSkool 2 роки тому +1

      @@derek4412 yep

    • @DadSkool
      @DadSkool 2 роки тому

      @@derek4412 i dont know the secret but yes, to both work towards the same goal is very important.
      ours was children, We both wanted to be parents and have a family.
      Goal accomplished.
      I do feel now that we are very separate as we are not really working together to achieve something anymore so yeah you are def right about that.

  • @dreamiraii9861
    @dreamiraii9861 2 роки тому +33

    I think people conflate unconditional love with unconditional tolerance. it's possible to unconditionally love someone but you have to love yourself first, because then you can set boundaries and gauge the quality of that love based on respect as a metric. basically, love should begin with conditions but once trust and respect are well-established then you can both grow into a state of unconditional love, which is the foundation from which all of the good stuff in life happens.

    • @VaultBoy1776
      @VaultBoy1776 2 роки тому +4

      Trust and verify, when required.
      Love is an emotional investment that requires a certain threshold of return. It's not finance and it is definitely not scientific. It is tricky and challenging, but seems to have a prolific pay-off as a long term and short term yield. Lol definitely not financial! My grandfather used to equate relationships to a bank account and he'd say that you can only remain in the red for so long.
      In the end, love has a staying power that is more valuable than any gem or precious metal.
      Awesome reply.
      Great interview.

    • @kasforai
      @kasforai 2 роки тому +2

      I love myself babe

    • @kasforai
      @kasforai 2 роки тому

      @Lauren Pritchard Jesus News ✝️ ✡️ that's why I pay for sex

    • @remydon2391
      @remydon2391 2 роки тому

      this sounds nice, but it's unclear and misses the point. unconditional love only exists between family members. if your partner commits infidelity, or is physically violent and abusive, or neglects you, the relationship will eventually end and you will grow out of love with them. this is true for a majority of individuals.
      but the idea that unconditional love doesn't exists, isn't a bad thing. it's almost better to understand that if you want your relationship to last be meaningful that you'll have to work at it and make compromises. just hopefully as you age it's easier and easier

    • @acika72
      @acika72 2 роки тому +1

      @@kasforai PAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA, this!

  • @JW-dc8hk
    @JW-dc8hk 2 роки тому +17

    This whole episode was fantastic. The guests philosophers are fantastic and was very thoughtful and interesting so well done and thanks 💯

  • @Pimpjit85
    @Pimpjit85 2 роки тому +14

    Most don't work on loving themselves, yet are expected to somehow learn to love others.

  • @johnmitchell2741
    @johnmitchell2741 2 роки тому +44

    I figured it out after two marriages I was a lot healthier living on my own and lots more financially stable. I watched lots of my friends have children then the marriages fell apart and they had to work 2 jobs and live in their car in order to pay child support

    • @ignad2537
      @ignad2537 2 роки тому +6

      That's because marriage was meant to protect female's vulnerability to your detriment as a male

    • @JasonLiske
      @JasonLiske 2 роки тому +8

      I’m sorry. Marriage works for some. I am in love.

    • @naught_
      @naught_ 2 роки тому +1

      @@JasonLiske based

    • @fab_beatz_87
      @fab_beatz_87 2 роки тому

      @@naught_ you are also based in a negative way. Find a spouse to build

    • @josephnorris4095
      @josephnorris4095 2 роки тому

      @@JasonLiske Let me guess, "Our love is like no other love", am I right? 🤣

  • @MrChannelnamehere
    @MrChannelnamehere 2 роки тому +11

    Call me crazy but I think it's more impressive and telling if a monogamous non-married couple willingly stays together for 60 years, compared to a married couple that's been routinely forced to make it work against their will because getting divorced is too big of a pain to deal with.
    If you're just together in a monogamous relationship but not married, you both have far more freedom to walk away compared to being married... Yet, if you both still insist on remaining together for all those years despite always having an easier way out, THAT is true love IMO. Lex, I honestly think you're overly romanticizing the idea of marriage due to the influence of pop culture and movies. Marriage is hard, voluntarily maintaining a non-married monogamous relationship together for a lifetime is far more difficult.

  • @Onezero675
    @Onezero675 2 роки тому +3

    both guys to Lex basically like "listen son..."

  • @fibonaccifanzeroviews7839
    @fibonaccifanzeroviews7839 2 роки тому +8

    I just love Lex's openness to all subjects....and I totally have the biggest crush EVER on him 😍 🙆 💖😇

    • @fibonaccifanzeroviews7839
      @fibonaccifanzeroviews7839 2 роки тому +2

      @@shelbyspeaks3287 that is funny af my friend, touché. 😂 I like the fine mix of logic and goofiness that he expresses so freely. He's not afraid to be himself in life n love, or in front of macho type of dudes. a lot of men aren't like that. Lexus Lex 24/7/365 and that sexy as hell to us ladies 😍

    • @fibonaccifanzeroviews7839
      @fibonaccifanzeroviews7839 2 роки тому

      @@shelbyspeaks3287 We do not use the "Z" word in this home. That guy is not right man, soooooo compromised as a human being and creepy af !!!

    • @fibonaccifanzeroviews7839
      @fibonaccifanzeroviews7839 2 роки тому

      @@shelbyspeaks3287 right!! 😝

    • @lrke5142
      @lrke5142 2 роки тому +1

      This Lex robot is all some sick social experiment. Collecting and perfecting data on what makes women absolutely obsessed.
      Just making a video with this title, what the fuck is that? Why am I watching this? xD

  • @francissynergia7385
    @francissynergia7385 2 роки тому +14

    Personally I think if you want to have a partnership with someone and call it a marriage that’s fine- but don’t affiliate it with the government! Keep it between yourselves and also keep your supernatural bullshit there as well and then go knock yourselves out lol

  • @Vaporwaving
    @Vaporwaving 2 роки тому +2

    Ok Boomer
    Jk They are absolutely right

  • @luislopes5419
    @luislopes5419 2 роки тому +3

    You should do a podcast with Jason Evert, the guy that promotes chastity and teaches how to have a lasting loving marriage!

  • @1MinuteFlipDoc
    @1MinuteFlipDoc 2 роки тому +3

    some how we got this far just fine without romantic ideas of love.

  • @djcardwellai
    @djcardwellai 2 роки тому +1

    Marriage is about being your best self, not being defensive, and forgiving each other.

  • @shannonrosengarth8874
    @shannonrosengarth8874 2 роки тому +5

    Marriage wasn’t designed to make you happy, but if you surrender to the process, and work hard at being honest with your spouse, marriage will make you a much better human, and that can lead to happiness! I’m married 25 years next month!

  • @dariusarmand4511
    @dariusarmand4511 2 роки тому +1

    Lex, marry Clara Sousa-Silva. It will be the best decision you’ve ever made 🙃

  • @M3LT666
    @M3LT666 2 роки тому +3

    I’m glad I watched this clip

  • @charaznable9209
    @charaznable9209 2 роки тому +4

    If you want to get cheated on then divorced and lose your kids, your house, your car, your dog, and three fourths of everything else you own, sure, go right ahead.

  • @StarZ35
    @StarZ35 2 роки тому +1

    ''Sigma'' male club like here💪👇

  • @jicalzad
    @jicalzad 2 роки тому +1

    romantic love is absolutely conditional. Countless examples of why

  • @eaf888
    @eaf888 2 роки тому +8

    I fought for my marriage... Wasnt going to put children through a failed marriage... Divorce was better since he put no effort into the marriage. He wanted a trophy wife. I was unfulfilled. I was to look good and be spoken to when youre spoken to. I was to JUST KNOW I was loved... I developed stolkhome syndrome and felt very unsafe... Even if it wasnt. The alienation being so far from family too. Then when I divorced. I was shamed for leaving. Family wasnt refuge. No support except my channel. Used it as talk therapy.

    • @eaf888
      @eaf888 2 роки тому +2

      @@Andy-pl7nk 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

    • @Kobe29261
      @Kobe29261 2 роки тому +1

      You all should make a checklist from your post-mortem. My question is how was it possible to decide to make a life-long commitment to someone so disagreeable? I've seen married couples who need cops to prevent them tearing each other apart and I always have to remember at least once these two people thought and desired nothing else besides in life!

    • @eaf888
      @eaf888 2 роки тому +1

      @@Kobe29261 my parents were those people. I Would never put myself in that again. Health of the mind in regards to emotional intelligence is EXTREMELY important. Most people in society doesn't even know what that is! Lack of this, and destruction of the relationship is imminent. Its as invisible as being to busy, taking someone for granted or not taking someone or something seriously. I was weak when I got married... It woke me up to what marriage really was.

  • @mark.a.winter
    @mark.a.winter 2 роки тому +1

    I had a friend who seems to be "stuck in love" with a very poor example of a human being. I thought my ex wife was evil until I met the devil that she is. Convicted murderer released from prison. We no longer speak as poor Billy is not allowed to have any mates. I think and pray for him daily, which actually says a lot as I am not a very religous person. Please send good energy to Bill.

  • @auntedna6376
    @auntedna6376 2 роки тому

    What lifespan point makes marriage unfeasible ya think? Like, if we lived to be 200 do you still think marriages could sustain? What about 300? Love is great and all, but I love way too many people that I've grown not to be able to stand in less than 100 years. I still love them, but I don't like them. I think we are at our max right now with current lifespans.

  • @killa3x
    @killa3x 2 роки тому +2

    Love is all you need. I seem it in movies.

  • @DiziCone
    @DiziCone 2 роки тому +1

    yeah but then you're just scaring the shit out of people so they never take it on. marriage as an institution is at an all time low right now, i dont think all of this. fear mongering helps. unless you believe we're better off not here at all

    • @1MinuteFlipDoc
      @1MinuteFlipDoc 2 роки тому

      divorce is terrible on men. there is no equity there.

    • @okipo3443
      @okipo3443 2 роки тому +1

      Maybe,but especially men need to know the possible consequences,because most times the man is the one that puts on the line his home,savings,investments

  • @rabahmadini3778
    @rabahmadini3778 2 роки тому +1

    I feel like people have a higher expectation of what their partner should be or should do for them based on stories or what they see in movies.

  • @TABWA6
    @TABWA6 Рік тому

    Lexie I love YOU
    Sorry I ll luv you harder. WENDY🎉🎉❤😂 ZASHIRA😅😊

  • @dandoesntknowsstuff1769
    @dandoesntknowsstuff1769 2 роки тому +1

    I have this sudden urge to go back and rewatch all the Homestar Runner videos.

  • @MonaMarMag
    @MonaMarMag 2 роки тому +6

    The truth is that love is unconditional , but trust and respect is something we all have to work for it .
    That is what many people seem to forget .

    • @JasonLiske
      @JasonLiske 2 роки тому

      Essentially - and another might simply call this ‘work’

  • @johnnyquist8362
    @johnnyquist8362 Рік тому

    The only way that Lex will be happy in marriage is if he is with someone whom he respects and admires greatly.

  • @eldee1628
    @eldee1628 2 роки тому +2

    It's rare for a man to reach his full potential in life in a marriage because the innate being of a man and woman is very different. Men and women are so different in fact that it's only the children who stop it all from falling apart in most cases. My advice to young men is if you are going to marry, you really need to vet that woman very carefully, as if you don't it's going to be a very painful and damaging experience for you. Finding an emotionally mature, fair, rational woman who cares about how you feel too, above her own wants and needs is possible, but it's more difficult today than ever. Get with the wrong woman, and they are very abundant but well disguised, and she'll hen peck you and control you through verbal warnings about what she'll do if you don't do what she wants. I've never been married but I've witnessed the psychological tactics many women use all my life. Finally, don't fall for the idea of love that Hollywood or the woman sweet talks you with. It's all manipulation.

  • @joroberson4084
    @joroberson4084 2 роки тому

    I look at this problem from a psychosocial developmental point of view. The divorce rate started climbing in the 1970's, about half of the next generation didn't experience what a stable and loving marriage looks like. Then you get two young adults, with unrealistic expectations for what a life partner is supposed to provide, who expect the other person to provide what was missing. This may or may not even be a conscious desire/expectation that either person has. What you get in those situations are two people drowning hoping the other will provide a life raft to survive upon. I grew up in the 60's and 70's. My high school offered a marriage and family class as part of the curriculum, I don't think they do this anymore, but they need to bring that back.

  • @gregorylent
    @gregorylent 2 роки тому

    why get married at all ? ever ? a residue of old-paradigm thinking

  • @36AccountsBlockedRIP
    @36AccountsBlockedRIP 2 роки тому +2

    The main problem with relationships is that they interfere with my love for solitude.

  • @sirgb7
    @sirgb7 2 роки тому

    I think that not all people have to WORK in a marriage or in a friendship. Some actually have to, but I think many other people just complicate things. It's actually very easy to keep up a friendship. If don't like someone, you just stop being friends with them, don't you? People must just be honest with each other.

  • @Shecrimson
    @Shecrimson 2 роки тому

    My standards seem to be set extremely high up there these days.. so it’s either up “ there “or single old lady with a really cool collection of fish and a journal of what if’s 😂😂

  • @BeanUasal
    @BeanUasal 2 роки тому

    The love can be unconditional, but the relationship conditional...

  • @144Donn
    @144Donn 2 роки тому

    Who sold us on the idea that life a cake walk? Can we get a hold of them a publicly flog them?

  • @DenKrauten
    @DenKrauten 2 роки тому +1

    Beautiful conversation!

  • @lanagalaxy9
    @lanagalaxy9 2 роки тому +1

    Ok thank you

  • @eaf888
    @eaf888 2 роки тому +1

    🌈🌈🦄🦄

    • @francissynergia7385
      @francissynergia7385 2 роки тому

      Why would you post this!? Just to be the first comment methinks! 😝💜😇😈

  • @Magicalfluidprocess
    @Magicalfluidprocess 2 роки тому

    Marriage is a contract between 2 flawed individuals

  • @rododendronkrakatoa8633
    @rododendronkrakatoa8633 2 роки тому

    "Lex Fridman on marriage" why do I even care?

  • @StrideRunner68
    @StrideRunner68 2 роки тому

    HONOR 🎖 AND FAVOR , SMALL LIES TO BUILD UP THE VISION, TO BE ORACLE OF YOUR LOVE AND RELATIONSHIP

  • @brimster-valorantaggressiv3419
    @brimster-valorantaggressiv3419 2 роки тому

    You you you you

  • @WolfWould
    @WolfWould 2 роки тому

    Reminds me of the Don't Look Up guy.

  • @grapy83
    @grapy83 2 роки тому

    OMG! What a view! I forgot that its a work to keep it good.

  • @toddferguson6369
    @toddferguson6369 2 роки тому

    Unconditional love is something women invented to not do the work

  • @HigherPlanes
    @HigherPlanes 2 роки тому

    Parenting is a crushing responsibility.

  • @batman1robin034
    @batman1robin034 2 роки тому

    Lower age to enter workforce to 15.

  • @_fa_
    @_fa_ 2 роки тому

    Pure wisdom!

  • @chuck1052
    @chuck1052 2 роки тому +1

    Guys, don't get married.

  • @ethimself5064
    @ethimself5064 2 роки тому

    NOOOOOOOOOOOOO, not again?

  • @kasforai
    @kasforai 2 роки тому

    I love GFE

  • @Agapanthah
    @Agapanthah 2 роки тому +1

    I found this discussion very interesting. The guests reaction to 'turning the other cheek' was enlightening (and instant). Both gentlemen were emphatic that this viewpoint of turning-the-other-cheek was unacceptable...... that it showed a lack of self respect and/or self love.
    I couldn't disagree more.
    Their hubris is leaking out all over the place.
    This is the reasoning of the white male hierarchy. If all individuals followed this self-centered view (male, female, black, white, brown, conservative, progressive, democrat, etc. Well.....
    I would be surprised (if not shocked) that any humans were left standing.

    • @Agapanthah
      @Agapanthah 2 роки тому

      @Dante S I suggest you actually read my comment. I was very clear on what part of the discourse I found to be objectionable.

  • @psiinc
    @psiinc 2 роки тому

    💜🙏🏽♥️

  • @spookypoker3747
    @spookypoker3747 2 роки тому

    After he says "no human relationship is easy," I have to really question the validity of his positions.
    I was going to say how my brother and I have this great relationship and all this, but just look at this comment section. You barely have to scroll to find 2 marriages that are going really well. The anecdotes of good and easy relationships are endless.

  • @Suro_One
    @Suro_One 2 роки тому

    Take the 🔵

  • @user-gl1lr2qn6y
    @user-gl1lr2qn6y 2 роки тому

    Love, unconditional love, and falling in love are myths. Feelings do change. However I think it is “humanly possible” a broken marriage can be fixed; because feelings can change both ways.

    • @yaghiyahbrenner8902
      @yaghiyahbrenner8902 2 роки тому

      seperate the parties for weeks, months years. War did this, it cultivated permanent bonds.

  • @AJ-gc5mp
    @AJ-gc5mp 2 роки тому

    This guys in a room talking with other dudes all day and we’re going to listen to him talk about marriage. Ha!

  • @blackwolf3488
    @blackwolf3488 2 роки тому

    Elmer Fudd is willy twying to they thumtin.

  • @navneetakumar1814
    @navneetakumar1814 2 роки тому +1

    Marriage 💑💒👰🤵 is a very important institution. For procreation purposes and
    for running this 🌎

    • @StarZ35
      @StarZ35 2 роки тому +2

      Other animals don't marry but still they are there. 😅

  • @goat9325
    @goat9325 2 роки тому

    I believe this guys on the left is salty about his own life. There are beautiful perfect easy marriages just not for this guy.

    • @okipo3443
      @okipo3443 2 роки тому +1

      Most mariages aren't that great

  • @Fendeguard
    @Fendeguard 2 роки тому

    Mawwaiage is what bwings us togebah, today...