Full podcast episode: ua-cam.com/video/qtOKrG_wK5A/v-deo.html Lex Fridman podcast channel: ua-cam.com/users/lexfridman Guest bio: Dr. Shannon Curry is a clinical and forensic psychologist who conducts research, therapy, and clinical evaluation pertaining to trauma, violence, and relationships. She testified in the Johnny Depp and Amber Heard trial.
I would take it one step beyond contempt, and say that disgust is the worst. It basically results in the dehumanizing of the other, and leads to all the worst kinds of behaviors because the other isn't even worthy of basic human dignity.
@@michaelh2282 I’d take it even a step beyond hate. Indifferent. You have progress to a level where this person is just an NPC and holds no negative or positive value.
My wife and I had our 48th wedding anniversary yesterday. I don't believe there has been even 1 second of contempt in our entire relationship. It would be easier for me to have contempt for myself than for her.
Really? Are you 2 human? There are definitely relationships that are damn near perfect. But to have had 0 arguments or fights in 48 years is unfathomable.
@@Chris-ks4sw Of course we've had differences of opinion and even some arguments (I still think she uses too much dish washing soap). But there is a huge difference between an argument and an argument where you have contempt for a person. I used the word 'contempt' intentionally. If arguments rise to contempt, the marriage is probably not going to last.
@@donjindra Wow, well done! Would you say you two have a “traditional“ marriage? Meaning was she a stay at home mom raising the children or something more to that effect while you were the provider?
So when your wife / gf is doing the first of these "dark horsemen" and blaming you for things, you're not allowed to make excuses, your not allowed to flip it on them, and you're not allowed to shut down? What the hell are you supposed to do?
I think the issue in this situation would be on her. She is using unhealty communication tactics. Your role would be to recognize it and control your own reaction, then try to steer the conversation under a constructing flag. If after many tries she remains closed and unchanged in face of your attempts to better the situation for both of you, well....
Most people don’t belong together, because they rushed into the relationship. Plus, most relationships can’t work with a balanced power dynamic. Most of the time, one needs to hold more power over the other, and both of them be oblivious to the structure.
some notes of the video: Warnings: • Criticism • Defensiveness • Stone walling (disconnect from the conversation) ... talking feels unproductive Criticism is really a plea to be loved and get your partner to show you they care • Contempt (looking at your partner from a superior position) (biggest predictive of a split) When you're wearing rose color glasses all the red flags look like flags - Lex (paraphrasing) Is this set of difference from someone something you can work with? do the benefits and strengths make it worth it or they are deal braker differences? - Shannon
I suppose so, maybe like a proactive form of disrespect where you are actively going out of your way to disrespect them. Like the next level of disrespect.
Sounds simple to say, but maybe simple is the best way to say it. What all 'four' of these 'horsemen' have in common - their common source - seems to be: a lack of respect. If you do not respect your partner, your relationship is likely to end. If you respect your partner (and they respect you), you can likely deal with any problem productively.
Last ex was on and off again for three years, and she made it blistering clear she could not respect me, so I ended it. I’m not a perfect man, but no one deserved to be abused. I was always to blame and she took responsibility in a meaningful way maybe twice in three years, ever. She was completely caught off guard that I would leave, thinking only she had the power to end things. Still many years later there is this mix of relief that it’s over but also just wow what a ridiculous situation I allowed myself to get sucked into in the first place. The silver lining? I am now like an Angel fearing to tread, where I once was a fool who would rush in, painful but grateful.
There are many things I love about Dr Curry. One minor thing is she doesn't do what so many American women do: go up in melody at the end of all sentences.
Idk I really really think what shes saying at 5:40 is a problem that mainly is seen in women, I dont think guys have to remind them selves not to go cheat or be with someone else... Certainly not if theyre married.
I never wanted to get married to my ex. When discussing tying the not, i wanted to slow down, She threatened to leave. Unfortunately i caved in thinking that ' noone would love me, so i might as well'. Throughout our marriage there was constant contention. She would criticize my behavior, which i admit in some aspects were not healthy. Over time, My contempt grew towards her. We made eachother miserable. I wish i listened to my instincts. Some people are not meant for companionship. I still hope one day i can actually wear rose colored glasses, they mention in this video.
This gets tricky because in real life there are scenarios in which the two sides are in fact not equally valid. If you are trying to communicate in good faith and giving them the opportunity to engage with you on a matter that clearly means something to you and they respond by attempting to duck any and all responsibility for anything the might have had a hand in, then there is a double injury. They are invalidating you…are you to validate them in this? sometimes that person is behaving in manner that one simply ought not to validate.
What’s encouraging is that Open AI’s GPT models have adopted many of these points. Just for giggles I asked it how to foster a healthy relationship and it came up with most of these points. I’m glad it’s in the zeitgeist and it’s possible for us all to gain this knowledge.
Chat gtp is woke ask it to define a woman. Chat got was trained on woke be. Ask it if a man can be a woman. It will just keep giving you a circular definition.
Criticism is helpful if you have the perspective that everything’s a learning environment. Both sides should criticize which helps the overall relationship.
Another reason divorce is so prevalent is because marriage law has changed it used to be if you wanted to leav you got nothing. If you committed adultry you got nothing and it was a sin to leave a marriage. Now marriage is just a paper that has no actual meaning.
Ugh, "validating someone's feelings" is so vague. The answer is true empathy. Someone can't really help how they feel. How you feel is determined by the narrative you tell, and the narrative is determined by what you care about. True empathy isn't concerned with agreeing with the other person (which is what modern people tend to equate it with), it means being able to tell the story from the other person's shoes and understanding what they care about. The gap between expectations and reality causes the pain. So there are three options. Someone could care about the right thing and have the right narrative, someone could care about the right things and be missing context, or someone could care about the wrong thing and have the wrong narrative. Everyone needs to be charitable, slow to assert guilt, and be willing to change if need be. Voila, perfect conflict resolution.
'right thing' and 'right narrative' seem to me also ambiguous. Also, to the best of my knowledge, guilt is highly associated to feelings, did you mean assign a responsibility? Which I think is more link to actions?
@@fernandomartinezgarcia4908 Only if you're a relativist. The fact that you're already criticizing the other in the hopes they change proves that you want something beyond subjectivity and into intersubjectivity and can't truly act like a relativist.
My people is so into demonstrating being better than the others, but they don't even stop to think why they want to be better than someone, they're just trying to kill each other like on every move. How I show them how mad this is?. I just can't figure out how to let them out of the cage. I'm shouting that they just have to be themselves to recieve love, but they spit me my flaws on my face with venom and don't listen... I'm having a very hard time trying to make them colaborate with me before they fuck up our future together... Should I leave for a while or just keep shouting?... Maybe I'm doing something wrong x.x Maybe I'm wrong and the human default is war... It could turn out that I'm just a stupid hippie...
@@bradspitt3896 Again, criticizing implies a negative emotion for most people. I have no negative emotion linked to you, so far. Also, hope is about a feeling, in this case I am not hoping for something and not event expecting something specific, but rather curious about potential answers to what I have expressed.
#1. When a woman makes more money than a man (sees the man as lesser) #2. When a man is not in charge of the relationship or does not lead #3. When a woman does not have a rollercoaster of emotions = in the end gets bored and cheats
They were not ready for love in the first place. Both need to maintain their own emotional well-being before they meet and even if they breakup. If they don’t feel whole whilst single, they maybe need to develop more emotionally before they look for a partner.
How is "stone-walling" an issue or fault? She described exactly when and why it occurs. Why the heck would I bother defending myself or arguing when it is wasted effort, and the aggressor is irrational and/or relentless? Just because it might hurt the other person doesn't mean it isn't a perfectly justified and appropriate response. It's like repeatedly driving drunk but focusing on the harsh punishment of license suspension ("I have to drive to work. I have to drive kids"), not the criminal's harmful behavior.
You can love the person, even be enamoured with them long term, yet resent the situation. It's contempt for the deadening routine of the quotidian that comes with partnering up - the compromise and loss of personal identity not tethered to familial life. It doesn't mean you don't love the person themselves. Their partnership with you locks them into a contractual exchange that can detract from the free spirit you fell in love with. I get the feeling from this discussion that there is a method of cultivating low expectations that's meant to stand in for the spontaneity of new love. A taxonomy of mediocrity model, if you will. Seems like a terribly dull way to carve out a shared existence. The reward for subservience being conflict avoidance. I'm sure it would have worked nicely for Amber to tame her exotic creature to the level of manageable house pet. Christ, even kids on a drive-through Disney version of life want the mischievous Keith Richards version of Jack. If I was a matchmaker I'd pair her up with Ben Affleck.
@@aono335 I've been in my current relationship for twenty years. We all live in 'fantasy land' to some extent; Where do you think our need (and sometimes fulfillment) of novelty stems from?
Lmao been with my wife for 11 years and we do a bunch of this to each other but we laugh about it all the time. When we are being "serious" we actually discuss things and work on them. But other then that everything's a good time. My rules are NEVER LIE! if u gotta lie, ur not with the right person. And Never cheat, thats an obv one
But taking on another persons perspective may not change anything at all. Nor may it be valid either. Perhaps the other person may be actually no helping out enough. Man or woman. Criticism a cry to be loved? LOL. Or a cry to criticize the other person. I agree w/ the stonewalling, but in reality most of that comes down to actually hating the other person or falling out of love, not because one feels criticized and is defensive (albeit possible). LOL and if you actually ask yourself if the other person is the most beautiful creature you've ever seen ill bet the answer for a lot of people will be either "no" or "she/he used to be". So people find they dont necessarily have that bond anymore, they dont just break up over words. You have to work on the bond. But hey, some people will just fight too. The predictor of fighting will be instantly lost once you take into account the overall feeling of connection in the relationship. In whatever form that takes.
That makes no sense. If women are the ones leaving men, it's actually men that would be the problem. Men generally benefit more from marriage than women do
I was just at a bar approached by a girl for a solid 30 mins and told me she wants to go wherever I go tonight and then just avoided me while the next person she assumedly knew she just made out with and never resumed contact with me So I made out with another person at the bar as you do and she attacked me with drinks and called me names
A woman is never going to be able to give you an objective answer to this question. Get Rollo Tomassi on your show if you have the fortitude to allow him to annihilate your entire belief set about relationships.
Plus, what enjoyment can you derive from a relationship that is based off of constant struggle? I don’t want to constantly be playing a role to keep my partner’s “Burning Desire….”
Criticism and Mockery - excellent example of the first and last reasons peoples relationships fail. I can see you are a perfect example of a hypocritical female dying for attention. Just like the video accurately portrays. Thank for being a perfect example of the Toxic female.
"In true Christian faith there is no separation that should take place, The two will be one flesh {1Corinth 6:16}, The head of the church is Christ just as a man is the head of his wife. {Ephesians 5:23,28-30}"
@@lynnwood2291 "Don't get lost let's focus on ourselves {Lamentations 3:40}, what condition do you have, that everything you do is right? that you are used to having no one reprimand you for what you do {Apoclipsis 3:19}, it's also good at least once in a while know the truth and do it {John 4:24, Matthew 5:18, John 14:6, John 8:51, John 8:44}, because this will save you in near judgment in these last days {Jeremiah 23:20, John 6:40, John 12:48, Jude 1:15} because we are used to lacking understanding and knowledge about the gospel of the Lord Jesus Christ who is complete and will correct our paths{ Proverbs 16:9, Jeremiah 6:16}."
@@lynnwood2291 Sometimes our understanding of things, especially what we read, is far from what our heart beats, so sometimes we make mistakes in answering {Proverbs 10:17, 14:22} because if you don't ask for help and mercy from God who gives all wisdom, all knowledge and understanding {Proverbs 2:6,10}. you are bound to make a mistake. God's rebuke {Job 5:17} is through his Word. The Word became flesh through the Lord Jesus Christ {John 1:14, John 3:16-21}. The gospel of the Lord Jesus Christ is rebuke to the salvation of those who love him, because He is the way to salvation {Ephesians 6:17}.
Full podcast episode: ua-cam.com/video/qtOKrG_wK5A/v-deo.html
Lex Fridman podcast channel: ua-cam.com/users/lexfridman
Guest bio: Dr. Shannon Curry is a clinical and forensic psychologist who conducts research, therapy, and clinical evaluation pertaining to trauma, violence, and relationships. She testified in the Johnny Depp and Amber Heard trial.
When you wear rose colored glasses, all the red flags just look like flags. One of my fav lines in Bojack Horseman.
He was saying it as i was reading your comment, what a coincidence 😂😂
@stevnff no
There it is!
@@bryankilvinski what color would they be?
Classic.
I would take it one step beyond contempt, and say that disgust is the worst. It basically results in the dehumanizing of the other, and leads to all the worst kinds of behaviors because the other isn't even worthy of basic human dignity.
I'd take it even a step beyond disgust. I'd say hate is worse. Hate is bad...
@@michaelh2282 I’d take it even a step beyond hate. Indifferent. You have progress to a level where this person is just an NPC and holds no negative or positive value.
@@K1ngAlexander Hate would be the worst.
Wow, to me personally this has been THE most enlightening short video I've watched in a very long time! Will definitely watch the entire podcast.
Get the ‘7 Principles’ book by Dr Gottman… it’s every good marriage counsellors bible
@@earthsign99 thanks for the book recommendation, I will look it up.
My wife and I had our 48th wedding anniversary yesterday. I don't believe there has been even 1 second of contempt in our entire relationship. It would be easier for me to have contempt for myself than for her.
congratulations, my parents 53 years.
Congratulations! You're a successful man!🎉
Really? Are you 2 human? There are definitely relationships that are damn near perfect. But to have had 0 arguments or fights in 48 years is unfathomable.
@@Chris-ks4sw Of course we've had differences of opinion and even some arguments (I still think she uses too much dish washing soap). But there is a huge difference between an argument and an argument where you have contempt for a person. I used the word 'contempt' intentionally. If arguments rise to contempt, the marriage is probably not going to last.
@@donjindra Wow, well done! Would you say you two have a “traditional“ marriage? Meaning was she a stay at home mom raising the children or something more to that effect while you were the provider?
So when your wife / gf is doing the first of these "dark horsemen" and blaming you for things, you're not allowed to make excuses, your not allowed to flip it on them, and you're not allowed to shut down? What the hell are you supposed to do?
Talk with her to try to find a resolution. But you must stand your ground. Your wife is not the leader of the home.
leave
@@ifeawosika966 No, but she IS one of two co-leaders.
I think the issue in this situation would be on her. She is using unhealty communication tactics. Your role would be to recognize it and control your own reaction, then try to steer the conversation under a constructing flag. If after many tries she remains closed and unchanged in face of your attempts to better the situation for both of you, well....
Most people don’t belong together, because they rushed into the relationship. Plus, most relationships can’t work with a balanced power dynamic. Most of the time, one needs to hold more power over the other, and both of them be oblivious to the structure.
Damn dude that last part is so true. Or the power is so imbalanced that the pros outweigh the cons
That’s well said!
God says wives submit to your husbands. Husbands love your wife as Christ loved the church. That is the balance.
@@ifeawosika966 Oh wow. Christianity. Not for me.
some notes of the video:
Warnings:
• Criticism
• Defensiveness
• Stone walling (disconnect from the conversation) ... talking feels unproductive
Criticism is really a plea to be loved and get your partner to show you they care
• Contempt (looking at your partner from a superior position) (biggest predictive of a split)
When you're wearing rose color glasses all the red flags look like flags - Lex (paraphrasing)
Is this set of difference from someone something you can work with? do the benefits and strengths make it worth it or they are deal braker differences? - Shannon
Shannon Curry seems to be such a wounderfull person! i think it would be hard to find a women like her.
there is no healthy relationship without mutual respect. when you respect each other you can work through anything.
I'm not getting married. I'll find a woman I hate and buy her a house. Be done with it.
🤣 Very time efficient! 😂
.....the best laugh of the day so far!!!~☆~
Contempt is basically just a lack of respect… makes the other person small. No one can stay in a relationship like that healthily.
I suppose so, maybe like a proactive form of disrespect where you are actively going out of your way to disrespect them. Like the next level of disrespect.
Yes! Or to establish yourself as superior by making the other person small.
Sounds simple to say, but maybe simple is the best way to say it. What all 'four' of these 'horsemen' have in common - their common source - seems to be: a lack of respect. If you do not respect your partner, your relationship is likely to end. If you respect your partner (and they respect you), you can likely deal with any problem productively.
Last ex was on and off again for three years, and she made it blistering clear she could not respect me, so I ended it.
I’m not a perfect man, but no one deserved to be abused. I was always to blame and she took responsibility in a meaningful way maybe twice in three years, ever.
She was completely caught off guard that I would leave, thinking only she had the power to end things.
Still many years later there is this mix of relief that it’s over but also just wow what a ridiculous situation I allowed myself to get sucked into in the first place.
The silver lining? I am now like an Angel fearing to tread, where I once was a fool who would rush in, painful but grateful.
I supervised my community orgy while practicing polygamy and I found it really hard to maintain long term marriages.
There are many things I love about Dr Curry. One minor thing is she doesn't do what so many American women do: go up in melody at the end of all sentences.
The dreaded “Up Talkers”.
Oh man you’re talking up speak. Nice call you are right, that really is pretty rare isn’t it
I hate that with a burning passion. Most American blokes are doing it now too
And the over use of "like".
~I think thats the southern CA accent?~
Idk I really really think what shes saying at 5:40 is a problem that mainly is seen in women, I dont think guys have to remind them selves not to go cheat or be with someone else...
Certainly not if theyre married.
I never wanted to get married to my ex. When discussing tying the not, i wanted to slow down, She threatened to leave. Unfortunately i caved in thinking that ' noone would love me, so i might as well'. Throughout our marriage there was constant contention. She would criticize my behavior, which i admit in some aspects were not healthy. Over time, My contempt grew towards her. We made eachother miserable.
I wish i listened to my instincts. Some people are not meant for companionship. I still hope one day i can actually wear rose colored glasses, they mention in this video.
May I ask how long you were married for?
This gets tricky because in real life there are scenarios in which the two sides are in fact not equally valid. If you are trying to communicate in good faith and giving them the opportunity to engage with you on a matter that clearly means something to you and they respond by attempting to duck any and all responsibility for anything the might have had a hand in, then there is a double injury. They are invalidating you…are you to validate them in this? sometimes that person is behaving in manner that one simply ought not to validate.
Should get out of those toxic relationships in the first 3 months
End decision rests on the man. If she is can't allow that, get rid of her.
What’s encouraging is that Open AI’s GPT models have adopted many of these points. Just for giggles I asked it how to foster a healthy relationship and it came up with most of these points. I’m glad it’s in the zeitgeist and it’s possible for us all to gain this knowledge.
Chat gtp is woke ask it to define a woman. Chat got was trained on woke be. Ask it if a man can be a woman. It will just keep giving you a circular definition.
It was good but her take on keeping cheating a secret is really messed up.
This was surprisingly helpful
The amount of uploads of this apocalypse lol love this woman
she is full of it
That’s truly insightful. Thanks!
that's great saying
marriage is choosing one person's faults over another person's.
It is the forces it is. Don't stress it.
What?
Yeah, what? Please elaborate.
So the key above all else is to stay far away from being contempt?
Why be contempt when you can be content
So many people lie to get into relationships. It’s seems like completely self sabotage to me.
It is
Perspective. There’s always more than one way of looking at something 💚♾️
Criticism is helpful if you have the perspective that everything’s a learning environment. Both sides should criticize which helps the overall relationship.
Perception, behavior, is why .
Translation, by Google, you did, maybe?^^
Another reason divorce is so prevalent is because marriage law has changed it used to be if you wanted to leav you got nothing. If you committed adultry you got nothing and it was a sin to leave a marriage. Now marriage is just a paper that has no actual meaning.
Get Coach Greg Adams on the podcast
Ugh, "validating someone's feelings" is so vague.
The answer is true empathy. Someone can't really help how they feel. How you feel is determined by the narrative you tell, and the narrative is determined by what you care about.
True empathy isn't concerned with agreeing with the other person (which is what modern people tend to equate it with), it means being able to tell the story from the other person's shoes and understanding what they care about. The gap between expectations and reality causes the pain.
So there are three options. Someone could care about the right thing and have the right narrative, someone could care about the right things and be missing context, or someone could care about the wrong thing and have the wrong narrative. Everyone needs to be charitable, slow to assert guilt, and be willing to change if need be. Voila, perfect conflict resolution.
'right thing' and 'right narrative' seem to me also ambiguous. Also, to the best of my knowledge, guilt is highly associated to feelings, did you mean assign a responsibility? Which I think is more link to actions?
@@fernandomartinezgarcia4908 Only if you're a relativist. The fact that you're already criticizing the other in the hopes they change proves that you want something beyond subjectivity and into intersubjectivity and can't truly act like a relativist.
My people is so into demonstrating being better than the others, but they don't even stop to think why they want to be better than someone, they're just trying to kill each other like on every move. How I show them how mad this is?. I just can't figure out how to let them out of the cage. I'm shouting that they just have to be themselves to recieve love, but they spit me my flaws on my face with venom and don't listen... I'm having a very hard time trying to make them colaborate with me before they fuck up our future together... Should I leave for a while or just keep shouting?... Maybe I'm doing something wrong x.x Maybe I'm wrong and the human default is war... It could turn out that I'm just a stupid hippie...
@@bradspitt3896 Again, criticizing implies a negative emotion for most people. I have no negative emotion linked to you, so far. Also, hope is about a feeling, in this case I am not hoping for something and not event expecting something specific, but rather curious about potential answers to what I have expressed.
@@fernandomartinezgarcia4908 I was referring to anyone bringing up a criticism in a relationship.
Much more watchable when played on 2x speed.
#1. When a woman makes more money than a man (sees the man as lesser)
#2. When a man is not in charge of the relationship or does not lead
#3. When a woman does not have a rollercoaster of emotions = in the end gets bored and cheats
This
aint worth the hassle
Brih
Can the man not be leading cause everytime he tries to lead the woman gives him a hard time or just rejects the leading?
I love this lady
Don't most women do the voice mocking one. I'd say it's so common that it can't really be a predictor.
Helpful video!
They were not ready for love in the first place.
Both need to maintain their own emotional well-being before they meet and even if they breakup. If they don’t feel whole whilst single, they maybe need to develop more emotionally before they look for a partner.
Products please!
She admitted that she "is" a stone waller not "was" which means she still thinks its a reasonable thing even with this knowledge.
Good night Dr curry i miss you and love you top gun
she’s just describing women behavior
How is "stone-walling" an issue or fault? She described exactly when and why it occurs. Why the heck would I bother defending myself or arguing when it is wasted effort, and the aggressor is irrational and/or relentless? Just because it might hurt the other person doesn't mean it isn't a perfectly justified and appropriate response. It's like repeatedly driving drunk but focusing on the harsh punishment of license suspension ("I have to drive to work. I have to drive kids"), not the criminal's harmful behavior.
“When you are wearing rose-colored glasses, all the red flags just look like flags”
Lol
You can love the person, even be enamoured with them long term, yet resent the situation. It's contempt for the deadening routine of the quotidian that comes with partnering up - the compromise and loss of personal identity not tethered to familial life. It doesn't mean you don't love the person themselves. Their partnership with you locks them into a contractual exchange that can detract from the free spirit you fell in love with. I get the feeling from this discussion that there is a method of cultivating low expectations that's meant to stand in for the spontaneity of new love. A taxonomy of mediocrity model, if you will. Seems like a terribly dull way to carve out a shared existence. The reward for subservience being conflict avoidance. I'm sure it would have worked nicely for Amber to tame her exotic creature to the level of manageable house pet. Christ, even kids on a drive-through Disney version of life want the mischievous Keith Richards version of Jack. If I was a matchmaker I'd pair her up with Ben Affleck.
If thats your reading of love and relationships you've either never been in a long term relatiobship or are living in a fantasy Land.
@@aono335 I've been in my current relationship for twenty years. We all live in 'fantasy land' to some extent; Where do you think our need (and sometimes fulfillment) of novelty stems from?
I think I’m in love
You should have Corey Wayne on this podcast he is to me the most knowledgeable on the topic of relationships
Isn’t he a pedo???
Lex- amazing hair. Do you cut your hair with kitchen shears? The look suits the mall mortician outfit. Keep it up!
Why is Justin Timberlake talking to the lady from the Depp trial?
She knows from her own experience..
Everything you mentioned I was taught as childish behavior, not as natural for mature people as you make it sound
Because they were never ment to be together in the first place 💟
Most of them are suckers for not being alone and attention.
Those things only work when you can fill yourself with love (has to be true for both partners) 💟
Tinted ... Rose tinted glasses ....
Lmao been with my wife for 11 years and we do a bunch of this to each other but we laugh about it all the time. When we are being "serious" we actually discuss things and work on them. But other then that everything's a good time. My rules are NEVER LIE! if u gotta lie, ur not with the right person. And Never cheat, thats an obv one
Easy, set a boundary, they cross it? Leave 😤
If economics did not come so heavily into play, I wonder how many people would marry at all.
I'm alone for the first time in my life, and I LOVE it.
Lex ain’t married as far as I know so he’s qualified to comment.
It's just your turn guys, don't get hypnotized
i can't believe i almost didn't watch this... :)
But what about utter distain for your partner?
That’s a great one.
Disdain has no place in a relationship
Because they think they can replace aomebody
But taking on another persons perspective may not change anything at all. Nor may it be valid either. Perhaps the other person may be actually no helping out enough. Man or woman. Criticism a cry to be loved? LOL. Or a cry to criticize the other person. I agree w/ the stonewalling, but in reality most of that comes down to actually hating the other person or falling out of love, not because one feels criticized and is defensive (albeit possible). LOL and if you actually ask yourself if the other person is the most beautiful creature you've ever seen ill bet the answer for a lot of people will be either "no" or "she/he used to be". So people find they dont necessarily have that bond anymore, they dont just break up over words. You have to work on the bond. But hey, some people will just fight too. The predictor of fighting will be instantly lost once you take into account the overall feeling of connection in the relationship. In whatever form that takes.
You can only keep your side of the street clean
The one time he doesn’t do his hair lol
Yeah l noticed that too..😅
She is so beautiful
Wrong, she was an algolic and I’m ooor
Mostly women file for divorce. Would say the issue largley lies with women. Also she missed hypergamy,
She's a feminist ofc she kept that part out.
She didn’t miss anything.. not everyone exhibits hypergamy…what she is describing is the standard not individual specific cases
That makes no sense. If women are the ones leaving men, it's actually men that would be the problem.
Men generally benefit more from marriage than women do
Because they forgot why they got together in the first place
I was just at a bar approached by a girl for a solid 30 mins and told me she wants to go wherever I go tonight and then just avoided me while the next person she assumedly knew she just made out with and never resumed contact with me
So I made out with another person at the bar as you do and she attacked me with drinks and called me names
That is precisely the ones to stay away from. Weed out process in play.
Well you both sound like lovely and mature humans.
What on earth?
Your run on sentence makes you look really lazy.
and then you woke up
Lex needs to fire his barber for real
~I think he may be trying to hide a receding hairline?~Still, its hard to believe that mess couldnt be improved on?~
@@kathyingram3061 he looks like he engaged in rough trade before coming out of the green room and onto the podcast
@@BL-zi9wb ~ha ha, either that, or its a toupee that he put on backwards by mistake?~
@@kathyingram3061 he's not losing hair it's the angle of the hair growth..
Because in movies when finally couples meet then we see -
the end 😀 after 20 years gap then we have movies on old age cupples .
4:50 Lex has a girlfriend?! 🎉
Who is it?
Lex looks like he cut his hair with a grass trimmer
😂
I imitate my partners voice to make her laugh. And she finds it really funny, will this turn into a negative in the future?
Yeah, that could be seen as moching, especially if it's being done when arguing
@@SugerSprinkledFun I don´t do it when arguing. Just when she does something cute or funny.
@@MrBlues113 that's totaly fine
Bigger D and bankroll
This woman did her hair, her make up, her nails and outfit. And Lex?... Looks like he just rolled out of bed.
Pseudo-intellectual nonsense punctuated by buzzwords.
Long way to say "I didn't understand it"
@@treborkroy5280 think my comment was quite concise actually, and in fact ironically it’s you who misunderstood my comment.
@Chris Paul true, I had the misfortune to take some classes in this subject and the whole time it was exactly like this.
@@deanmulligan160 you're hilarious
@@treborkroy5280 long way to say you have no comeback.
A woman is never going to be able to give you an objective answer to this question. Get Rollo Tomassi on your show if you have the fortitude to allow him to annihilate your entire belief set about relationships.
😆
Well, she just did.
Rollo is an anomaly. I think he puts on a good show, and goes home to his wife who wears the pants.
Plus, what enjoyment can you derive from a relationship that is based off of constant struggle? I don’t want to constantly be playing a role to keep my partner’s “Burning Desire….”
Rollo? The chump that dodges debates?
Nice bald patch Lex.
What a ridiculous title. Couples break up for all kinds of different reasons. Not even going to watch the video.
Criticism and Mockery - excellent example of the first and last reasons peoples relationships fail. I can see you are a perfect example of a hypocritical female dying for attention. Just like the video accurately portrays. Thank for being a perfect example of the Toxic female.
Couples break up cuz most of them should have never been together. Lol
Or maybe the hole 🕳️ gets boring after entering it 5k times
Lex, tell Shannon she’s going to be my baby mother soon.
"In true Christian faith there is no separation that should take place, The two will be one flesh {1Corinth 6:16}, The head of the church is Christ just as a man is the head of his wife. {Ephesians 5:23,28-30}"
Head not bully controller owner
@@lynnwood2291 "Don't get lost let's focus on ourselves {Lamentations 3:40}, what condition do you have, that everything you do is right? that you are used to having no one reprimand you for what you do {Apoclipsis 3:19}, it's also good at least once in a while know the truth and do it {John 4:24, Matthew 5:18, John 14:6, John 8:51, John 8:44}, because this will save you in near judgment in these last days {Jeremiah 23:20, John 6:40, John 12:48, Jude 1:15} because we are used to lacking understanding and knowledge about the gospel of the Lord Jesus Christ who is complete and will correct our paths{ Proverbs 16:9, Jeremiah 6:16}."
@Lynn Wood Actually a husband can be and you must obey or your a bad wife according to God. The Lord say he will deal with him.
@@Godreign1000 who reprimands you then?
@@lynnwood2291 Sometimes our understanding of things, especially what we read, is far from what our heart beats, so sometimes we make mistakes in answering {Proverbs 10:17, 14:22} because if you don't ask for help and mercy from God who gives all wisdom, all knowledge and understanding {Proverbs 2:6,10}. you are bound to make a mistake. God's rebuke {Job 5:17} is through his Word. The Word became flesh through the Lord Jesus Christ {John 1:14, John 3:16-21}. The gospel of the Lord Jesus Christ is rebuke to the salvation of those who love him, because He is the way to salvation {Ephesians 6:17}.
Stifflers mom is that you?
😅😅🤣😊 let's cook a Pie.
relationships are f'ed
Not really gonna take relationship advice from a guy who doesn’t even have a gf
Bet you also take workout advice from guys on roids only because theyre the biggest 🤡