Lines you wouldn't hear in a TV detective show | Mock the Week - BBC

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  • Опубліковано 31 гру 2024

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  • @WardyLion
    @WardyLion 5 років тому +100

    “In fact there was no murder at all! Lady Chatterington-Smythe died of chronic constipation!”
    “No-shit, Sherlock?”
    “Exactly, Watson!”

  • @kjamison5951
    @kjamison5951 6 років тому +523

    Holmes: “The burglar used the yellow door, Watson.”
    Watson: “How can you possibly know?”
    Holmes: “Lemon entry, Watson.”

    • @JamesJamesW
      @JamesJamesW 5 років тому +9

      I dislike you immensely

    • @mattdickie4696
      @mattdickie4696 4 роки тому +3

      I know no one will believe this, but I was going to make this exact joke. Qudos!

    • @CorvusCorone68
      @CorvusCorone68 3 роки тому +2

      well then the burglar must have been remarkably unendowed, to attempt such a feat; unless there was an enormous amount of damage to the entrance thereafter, resulting in more of a hosepipe-gauge stream

  • @sarahholman2570
    @sarahholman2570 6 років тому +1144

    "So, Holmes, what sort of school do you think the pedophile will strike next?"
    "Elementary, my dear Watson!"

    • @kjamison5951
      @kjamison5951 6 років тому +7

      Sarah Holman This made me chortle!

    • @FarikoJumpz
      @FarikoJumpz 5 років тому +19

      Sarah Holman well, with sherlock being british, he wouldnt say elementary.

    • @wrenbird8214
      @wrenbird8214 5 років тому +3

      Cantabrigian Elementary is the American version of Sherlock.

    • @MCF961
      @MCF961 3 роки тому

      🤦🏻‍♂️

    • @CorvusCorone68
      @CorvusCorone68 3 роки тому

      @@wrenbird8214 i think you meant, "Elementary is the American version of Primary." we Americans also call the fictional detective (invented by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle) Sherlock Holmes, or at least those of us well-read enough to know such fiction exists; i don't waste my time talking to those that don't

  • @kjamison5951
    @kjamison5951 7 років тому +163

    Continuity Announcer: "This week's episode of Midsomer Murders has been cancelled as no one died for the first time in a ten year history."

  • @ndhammer
    @ndhammer 4 роки тому +52

    "Oh you said it was a who done it. Err... Yeah we arrested Hugh Dennis." That's my favourite line.

  • @RyanKravesGaming
    @RyanKravesGaming 8 років тому +315

    There's been a murder!? Let me call Inspector Morse! Dot, dot, dash, dash

    • @emilycopper2712
      @emilycopper2712 6 років тому +1

      Rebuffed Raccoon that was actually quite funny 😂😂

    • @user-lz9zw8gb9i
      @user-lz9zw8gb9i 6 років тому

      . . _ _ means I'm if you left a space

  • @rustkarl
    @rustkarl 6 років тому +64

    Are you going to arrest me for making lewd childish innuendos?
    I hope you don’t expect me to come quietly.
    GODAMMIT ED!

  • @MikeyJMJ
    @MikeyJMJ 8 років тому +97

    The last one by Hugh was one of my favorites

  • @gadfageyar
    @gadfageyar 8 років тому +29

    "Another murder in Midsomer, why the fuck don't people just move to Lewisham for the lower crime rate!?"

  • @asta1597
    @asta1597 5 років тому +96

    0:44 I'm danish, and that sounds like dutch, norwegian, french and Russian mixed together

    • @skjorta1984
      @skjorta1984 5 років тому +9

      Asta Jørgensen ‘plinken plonken’

    • @09sigfos2
      @09sigfos2 4 роки тому +16

      Asta Jørgensen I am Norwegian, and I didn't really hear a difference between the video and real Danish.

    • @leoanker
      @leoanker 4 роки тому

      @@09sigfos2 Rude (JK)

    • @annebaudelaire5264
      @annebaudelaire5264 4 роки тому +6

      That sounded exactly like danish to me (source I’m swedish)

    • @leoanker
      @leoanker 4 роки тому +3

      @@annebaudelaire5264 You just stay on your side of the øresund and we will hath no quarrel

  • @anarfox
    @anarfox 4 роки тому +269

    I can tell you that's not danish. That was way more coherent than danish.

    • @lindahl458
      @lindahl458 4 роки тому +7

      David Olandersson Just add 5 beers and a scorching hot potato and you’ve got something believable.

    • @helvettefaensatan
      @helvettefaensatan 4 роки тому +1

      I thought it was 'flemish', then 'italian'. I was very surprised when she said it was supposed to be danish.

    • @lindahl458
      @lindahl458 4 роки тому +2

      Herter I.... am Swedish, swedes and danes make fun of each other’s languages... And I come from south Sweden were danish is not particularly rare and Denmark not far away, I can understand danish.

    • @helvettefaensatan
      @helvettefaensatan 4 роки тому +3

      @@ireallylikeshoes Norwegian checking in here. If we loose out right of teasing the Danes for their kartofel, I don't know what to live for.
      Danes can, if they want to, understand Norwegian. Just as Norwegians can, if the Danes wants to, understand Danish.

    • @rachelfox8108
      @rachelfox8108 4 роки тому

      @@helvettefaensatan The fact that Danish, Norwegian and Swedish are mutually intelligible languages is great, honestly. I have it in mind, since my sister is learning Norwegian, to learn Swedish and see how much we understand of each other, just to try it out.

  • @nataliaaiman25
    @nataliaaiman25 3 роки тому +9

    i just love how josh says "very good" to sara after she makes hugh break 😂😂😂😂

  • @andyz6994
    @andyz6994 7 років тому +23

    "The victim was tortured horribly. All that remains is blood and bone and gristle. Lunch anyone?"

  • @mulrich
    @mulrich 9 років тому +982

    Just for the record: Sara Pascoe wasn't speaking Danish.

    • @filmjacks2362
      @filmjacks2362 9 років тому +427

      No Shit Sherlock.

    • @porscha901
      @porscha901 6 років тому +18

      mulrich18 just for the record she was Danish embassy London

    • @wynn6240
      @wynn6240 6 років тому +106

      She said plinky plonk at one point i believe 😂

    • @gracereads2917
      @gracereads2917 5 років тому +36

      Gosh, British Humour means don't point out the bleeding obvious. We know! It's a joke!

    • @MrExEssex
      @MrExEssex 5 років тому +24

      @Terence devlin You are so uninteresting.

  • @Peace-w1y
    @Peace-w1y 5 років тому +20

    "What did you have for dinner, Holmes?"
    "Alimentary, my dear Watson"

  • @beckathepandaXD
    @beckathepandaXD 4 роки тому +21

    This week on Midsummer, we reflect on why there are still people living in Midsummer

  • @ashleyp.4932
    @ashleyp.4932 6 років тому +16

    There's something really loveable about Sara with her reaction to Hugh Dennis after she had done her "line". It looked like an inadvertent hamster impression. See 2:53

  • @carld3218
    @carld3218 3 роки тому +9

    The best parts of all the SWLTS segments for me are when the other comedians break down after one delivers an especially funny line.

    • @CorvusCorone68
      @CorvusCorone68 3 роки тому

      it's rare that it's Hugh that cracks tho, i think i can count on the fingers of one hand, in all the episodes i've seen, the amount of times that's happened

    • @carld3218
      @carld3218 3 роки тому

      @@CorvusCorone68 I saw him do it on 2 different occasions. I'll try to post links to those segments.

    • @dragonsdynamite6403
      @dragonsdynamite6403 Рік тому

      @@carld3218how are those links coming along?

  • @edwardharriss1463
    @edwardharriss1463 6 років тому +66

    My entry:
    "This week on a touch of frost, the inspector comes face to face with his worst enemy yet....the sun"

  • @kralik394
    @kralik394 4 роки тому +8

    "Not so fast, Poirot! No, really, could you slow it down a bit? How exactly was it the butler?"

  • @scarbutterfly5003
    @scarbutterfly5003 8 років тому +49

    I dont know how to solve crimes...but I'm going to guess: It was Reverand Green with the pistol in the bedroom

  • @Bear_Andersen
    @Bear_Andersen Рік тому +1

    I love Andy Parson's shirt. I want that for myself.

  • @jetfire851
    @jetfire851 10 років тому +179

    Alternate version of the "whodunnit" joke: "I heard you said it was a whodunnit, so I ran and arrested Peter Capaldi."

  • @soapysoappla942
    @soapysoappla942 8 років тому +23

    Hugh Dennis funny man

  • @lukacunningham342
    @lukacunningham342 9 місяців тому +1

    “Let’s see, who was the murderer this time? Young actor, young actor, semi-famous actress, famous actor who has special guest star appearance, well let’s see whodunnit!”

  • @NateSean
    @NateSean 7 років тому +16

    Tonight on Midsmomer Murders, special guest Sean Bean. For fuck's sake, the dog could solve this one.

    • @mortenu.5606
      @mortenu.5606 7 років тому +3

      Except Sean tends to be the victim.

    • @edwardharriss1463
      @edwardharriss1463 6 років тому

      Really, you'd assume that after the role he played in Goldeneye

  • @Algahiem
    @Algahiem 9 років тому +131

    My entry:
    "I don't understand it! I know the clues are right in-front of me and yet I can't make sense of it! At this rate, I'll never finish this crossword."

    • @user-lz9zw8gb9i
      @user-lz9zw8gb9i 6 років тому +20

      It's clear why you aren't on this show

  • @jaggass
    @jaggass 9 років тому +28

    ''my entry ''judging by this possible trail that's been left behind by the suspect its high likely that he or she had explosive diarrhea''

  • @alexanderticonuwu7591
    @alexanderticonuwu7591 4 роки тому +10

    My Entry
    "The butler did it!"
    "You are the butler."
    "Exactly, I was paid to accuse the victim's wife"
    "Then why did you confess?"
    "I wasn't paid enough"

  • @uwu-pe2nt
    @uwu-pe2nt 4 роки тому +8

    Little did Josh know he just summed up a good deal of Johnlock fanfiction.

  • @MrExEssex
    @MrExEssex 5 років тому +9

    0:42 Sandi Toksvig - avert your ears!

  • @ayyrem
    @ayyrem 6 років тому +6

    The fashion police xD

  • @BarterTom
    @BarterTom 5 років тому +23

    “Eet vaz ze butler.”
    “Why Poirot, how on Earth do you know?”
    “Because ‘Astings, eet eez alvays ze butler.”

  • @6MaxSix6
    @6MaxSix6 3 роки тому +6

    Why have they never done "Lines you wouldn't hear on Mock the Week?"

  • @ammamunday7754
    @ammamunday7754 5 років тому +2

    Hugh Dennis camp is everything

  • @TKGriffiths
    @TKGriffiths 7 років тому +3

    Hugh should do camp more often, he's very good at it!

  • @pauldockree9915
    @pauldockree9915 3 роки тому +2

    Chalk outlines done 17 times? I rest my case.

  • @chrisgarton4225
    @chrisgarton4225 4 роки тому +1

    Where did you get those lemons Holmes? A lemon tree Dr. Watson.

  • @sanatprasad1594
    @sanatprasad1594 3 роки тому

    You put these three on the thumbnail, ofc I'm gonna watch

  • @AkAsCoTTii3
    @AkAsCoTTii3 4 роки тому +3

    How do you win against Ed, Hugh and James😂

  • @lofthouse23
    @lofthouse23 3 роки тому +1

    Turmaic & Chilie would make a good TV show.

  • @azimyunus4518
    @azimyunus4518 4 роки тому

    lol the envelope joke got me

  • @stephenmurphy2212
    @stephenmurphy2212 10 років тому +104

    My entry:
    SHERLOCK: "So... We meet at last... Doctor!"

    • @333Vampirewillrule33
      @333Vampirewillrule33 10 років тому +6

      /TARDIS sounds and drums start to play/ DOOO WEEE OOOO

    • @fusel5883
      @fusel5883 6 років тому +4

      it's Strange

    • @jonathanfraser321
      @jonathanfraser321 4 роки тому

      Not that impossible.Mark Gattis has done several Dr who scripts and appeared in Peter Capaldis last show. And Blink, one of the best episodes ever is very much a thriller featuring the universes most benevolent psychopaths

  • @ViMi1
    @ViMi1 4 роки тому +2

    0:45 Dara is confused :)

  • @1987MartinT
    @1987MartinT Місяць тому

    0:42-0:52 Yes. I do. Do you?

  • @bluepalmer6908
    @bluepalmer6908 5 років тому +6

    Oh my god I miss Rosemary and Thyme

  • @sera1227
    @sera1227 4 роки тому +1

    3:34 bluegreeners 💙👁👄👁💚

  • @TantiramDesign
    @TantiramDesign 10 років тому +10

    Godt sproget

  • @campbellphoenix7662
    @campbellphoenix7662 3 роки тому +2

    “No shit, Sherlock!” Classic! 🤣

  • @frasergibson5763
    @frasergibson5763 4 роки тому

    "So you're telling me that this actually WAS a suicide? There's no way they could've been murdered? Are you absolutely sure?"

  • @swordsword5593
    @swordsword5593 4 роки тому

    Here for James

  • @SuperMarioDWfan
    @SuperMarioDWfan 10 років тому +3

    Oh Andy's first one XD

  • @101Draico
    @101Draico 3 роки тому

    So midsummer murders has been cancelled... everyone’s died

  • @apb7721
    @apb7721 4 роки тому +2

    Sara pascoe 😍

  • @mdntctyvlcn
    @mdntctyvlcn 6 років тому +1

    We're still not sure who shot Biggie and Tupac, but we can rule out the Crips.

  • @sturryteacher
    @sturryteacher 6 років тому +1

    Hugh Dennis always tries to get in the no shit Sherlock joke in there somewhere

  • @cymro6537
    @cymro6537 3 роки тому +1

    "The black guy did it"

  • @emma_5407
    @emma_5407 6 років тому +5

    That Danish tho better than mine and it's my mother tongue

  • @mathieuleader8601
    @mathieuleader8601 10 років тому +9

    is James Acaster a relative of the Weasleys?

    • @Gongasoso
      @Gongasoso 10 років тому +4

      No. Not since that incident with the grindylow on the Floo Network.

    • @teatowel1748
      @teatowel1748 6 років тому +1

      Mathieu Leader OMG LOL THAT IS SO FUNNY, I GET, ITS BECAUSE HE IS GINGER HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

  • @edwardkinsey5680
    @edwardkinsey5680 6 років тому +1

    Holmes: Watson I can solve the case I have dier-rea. Watson: No Shit Sherlock

  • @onkelmarvin8360
    @onkelmarvin8360 2 роки тому +1

    00:42...............Come on Girlie.................that doesn`t sound Danish at all...................." Plinken Plonken "........that`s more like Dutch or German !!!!!!

    • @TomFynn
      @TomFynn Рік тому

      The Swedish Chef from The Muppet Show is known in Germany as The Danish Chef and goes "Smørrebrød, Smørrebrød, rømtømtømtøm, sooo...."

    • @onkelmarvin8360
      @onkelmarvin8360 Рік тому

      @@TomFynn Are you pulling my leg here ....😁

    • @TomFynn
      @TomFynn Рік тому

      @@onkelmarvin8360 Not about one of the icons of my childhood.

    • @onkelmarvin8360
      @onkelmarvin8360 Рік тому

      @@TomFynn I used to Love The Muppet Show, but why " Se Germans " would change a character into something it`s not, I find illogical and dumb, but since they call The Danes...... " Die Dumme Dänen "......maybe they have some kind of inferiority complex...........probably because of WW2............🤔

  • @MrPatoya
    @MrPatoya 4 роки тому +3

    I thought for a second there were two James Acasters in the thumbnail

  • @mortenu.5606
    @mortenu.5606 7 років тому +1

    3.32 That is Hugh really voice.

  • @rnalonto
    @rnalonto 4 роки тому +1

    AHAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!
    Sorry... I always wanted to say that.

  • @LPKelly380
    @LPKelly380 2 роки тому

    Was that really Danish Sara was speaking? I heard “plinkin-plonkin” so surely not, or was it?

  • @johnmasterman
    @johnmasterman Рік тому

    I liked midsummer because there is no token black person

  • @HarryNicNicholas
    @HarryNicNicholas 3 роки тому +1

    into my hand. har har.

  • @Lord_Skeptic
    @Lord_Skeptic 7 років тому

    the come quietly joke was originaly done on the thin blue line

  • @akonfan111
    @akonfan111 10 років тому +6

    Can anyone explain the Danish joke?

    • @Scy
      @Scy 10 років тому +12

      It's not fucking danish, it's nonsense.

    • @DavidJHScanlon
      @DavidJHScanlon 8 років тому +34

      +Luka Tomasevic There have been several Danish TV series on the TV screens in the UK, especially detective story "The Killing" and political show "Borgen" and they were very well received, although the Brits just don't understand Danish.

    • @AnimePlaysMinecraft
      @AnimePlaysMinecraft 8 років тому +15

      Danish crime shows are extremely famous in the UK.

    • @DavidJHScanlon
      @DavidJHScanlon 8 років тому +9

      Yes, and I can confirm that Sarah Pascoe does not speak a word of Danish. She is in fact speaking a language called "Gibberish" :)

    • @geralteld1332
      @geralteld1332 7 років тому +1

      As opposed to everyone else?

  • @gabrielsim1988
    @gabrielsim1988 5 років тому +1

    I'm constipated, Watson.
    No shit, sherlock.

  • @NateSean
    @NateSean 8 років тому +30

    "The American version is better".

    • @geralteld1332
      @geralteld1332 7 років тому +1

      HAHAHA

    • @Anans1_Spyd3r
      @Anans1_Spyd3r 6 років тому

      Nathanielle Crawford Unless you are talking about Law & Order

    • @cov9290
      @cov9290 4 роки тому

      @@Anans1_Spyd3r law and order Is too over dramatic for me

  • @sugarnads
    @sugarnads 5 років тому

    RSI Miami. Heh.

  • @TrashMarineMusic
    @TrashMarineMusic 3 роки тому

    to save wifi connection speeds, watch at 360p. TV resolution over here is awful, so the difference is really unnoticeable

  • @landmind666
    @landmind666 6 років тому +1

    I gathered you all here, to let you all know who killed the victim. And to me it was so obvious, cause the gun was in my pocket. I did it, which is why know so soon

  • @colin9152
    @colin9152 6 років тому

    What’s the bald guys name

    • @gwishart
      @gwishart 5 років тому

      Andy Parsons and Dara Ó Briain

  • @ZedExGaming
    @ZedExGaming 7 років тому +45

    Sara pascoes jokes were just awkward

  • @MrExEssex
    @MrExEssex 5 років тому +2

    Det var ikke dansk som Sara Pascoe snakkede. Det var bara en massa vrøvl og ikke særlig morsomt.

  • @borednow
    @borednow 5 років тому +1

    i dont get the danish one

  • @phon6932
    @phon6932 8 років тому

    hugh at the beginning lo

  • @MCny12
    @MCny12 5 років тому +1

    As a Dane... that was not danish

    • @GallowglassVT
      @GallowglassVT 5 років тому +1

      That's the joke, pal.

    • @MCny12
      @MCny12 5 років тому +1

      @@GallowglassVT and that was irony... pal

    • @tobyhart8515
      @tobyhart8515 4 роки тому +1

      But it was great.

    • @MCny12
      @MCny12 4 роки тому

      @@tobyhart8515 No agument there m8

    • @zerb9461
      @zerb9461 4 роки тому

      @@MCny12 that's not irony, big man

  • @johnmasterman
    @johnmasterman Рік тому

    Pascal is embarrassingly bad

  • @nathanmccormack5870
    @nathanmccormack5870 7 років тому +2

    44th

  • @ilicarriedoll2843
    @ilicarriedoll2843 7 років тому +1

    for a moment I thought Sara was pregnant! :0

    • @adamt7667
      @adamt7667 4 роки тому

      She has put on a few pounds right?

  • @emilbrink4483
    @emilbrink4483 6 років тому

    Haha yeah I do speak Danish ... do you?

  • @katja6992
    @katja6992 10 років тому +1

    4th

  • @shaileshrana7165
    @shaileshrana7165 4 роки тому +1

    Why was the danish thing funny? Is that a stereotype or something?

    • @gwishart
      @gwishart 4 роки тому

      It was mocking the sudden and inexplicable popularity of Danish detective programmes in the UK.

  • @wayne20uk
    @wayne20uk 3 роки тому +2

    Sara "Not funny" Pascoe

  • @leoanker
    @leoanker 5 років тому

    0:42 not Danish, :(

    • @gwishart
      @gwishart 4 роки тому +1

      Obviously. Are you new to the concept of "comedy"?

    • @leoanker
      @leoanker 4 роки тому +1

      @@gwishart yes

    • @gwishart
      @gwishart 4 роки тому

      @@leoanker What a miserable life you must lead.

    • @leoanker
      @leoanker 4 роки тому

      @@gwishart very

  • @UnbearableYT
    @UnbearableYT 6 років тому +3

    When you actually speak Danish so you actually know that it was all rubbish

    • @ashleyp.4932
      @ashleyp.4932 6 років тому +8

      When you know it's a comedy show and don't expect Sara to actually be speaking Danish.

    • @tommieves1404
      @tommieves1404 5 років тому +1

      no shit sherlock

    • @cov9290
      @cov9290 4 роки тому +3

      Just like your sense of humour

  • @chrisgarton4225
    @chrisgarton4225 5 років тому +1

    So someone clogged the toilet and I don’t know who. Which pops the question, poo done it?

  • @philipmoeller6067
    @philipmoeller6067 5 років тому +1

    WTF 0:41 that wasn’t danish at all. Like not even close. I couldn’t understand a word she was saying and I’m from Denmark

  • @lordliptxn555
    @lordliptxn555 7 років тому +2

    It wasn't even Danish 🤷‍♀️😂

  • @Monkey80llx
    @Monkey80llx 4 роки тому

    Has Ed or Andy ever been funny?

  • @Char10tti3
    @Char10tti3 10 років тому

    First

  • @mpashle1
    @mpashle1 3 роки тому

    Aaaaaaaand, still not funny.

  • @sonintrepidus
    @sonintrepidus 4 роки тому

    Wtf was that one about Indian detectives turmeric and chilli I hope it had layers I am not getting or that’s just offensive I can tolerate it if it makes me laugh this didn’t sorry

  • @smobworld
    @smobworld 5 років тому +5

    Sarah Pascoe just isn't funny... on any tv show I've seen her she isn't telling good jokes ever

    • @zerb9461
      @zerb9461 4 роки тому +3

      I like that you're saying that when she got the biggest laugh in this round

  • @judz567
    @judz567 3 роки тому

    Unfunny as usual

    • @dontspikemydrink9382
      @dontspikemydrink9382 3 роки тому +2

      nope, it is funny, you have no sense of humor

    • @judz567
      @judz567 3 роки тому

      @@dontspikemydrink9382 whatever Trevor 🙄

  • @caseybell8861
    @caseybell8861 4 роки тому

    This is such a terrible tv show