Sadism is an excellent source of supply for the Narcissist, some actually prefer this form of supply. The Narcissist thinks "If I can not have love, respect and admiration then I will seek power". I will abuse and exploit others. I take great pleasure in causing them pain and fear. This makes me feel powerful. If I can abuse with impunity then I feel Godlike, superior, impervious and untouchable.
Well, thanks to the legal system the narcissist has a powerful back up system. The victim has no legal rights because they must produce evidence and we all know narcissist have total control with the finances and usually the big and impressive degree while blocking advancement of the victim. The only justice for the victim will be found in the courts of heaven!!!!!
@@marjoriemurray4381 Learn about claiming your rights back via the Cestui Que Vie Trust act 1666. You have two identities, one legal one lawful. Legal is described as the 'undoing of Gods law'. Governments are corporations and so are you. 'Persons' are entities with no rights.
Oh how true, they choose their primary source as someone they view as superior,but this makes them feel more insecure which then becomes jealousy & control,that they then spend their time playing with your emotions to bring you down, isolate you & destroy your life from every angle possible.and by isolating you , your have less or no contact with other "normal " people that you have nothing to compare to .so you lose touch with what is a healthy relationship,that you don't feel capable of fighting back or leaving .
I have personally witnessed the need for supply and the need for it by the narcissist, I saw physical change in the narcissist who didn't have supply and the aging effect it had on them, it seems supernatural the way that it can change their appearance and attitude,it reminds me of the story of the witch that turns to a skeleton and dust when they are defeated, I could not believe the effect that it had on them when they finally lost their supply
Yes my ex is like that lost his supply cos I caught him out on his bullshit and he looked empty I learned how to grey rock him and he looked like he lost energy that he was getting off me that’s when I found out he was cheating then he alienated our daughters against me
The first time I have ever heard someone describe my 10 years of hell after I divorced my first husband, and the emotional abuse he leveled on my children. Horrific. I had to finally get to the point of standing up for myself and my children in a very public way for the abuse to begin to subside. I could not be nice, pleasant, understanding and cooperative. I had to completely change my normal approach. I literally believe this saved my life.
Laurie McCracken Alsted And, Laurie, they can turn that behavior of self preservation around to use against you. They are masters at deception and usury
Laurie McCracken Alsted I think It’s better we understand that Life isn’t a bed of roses and it only takes a smart and determined mind to know what he or she is getting into. There’s a popular saying that: “don’t trust too much because that too much might hurt you so much”. A Narcissist shouldn’t be trusted. I discovered my husband of 13 years cheating on me through the help of Cyberhackingsage who helped cloned his cellphone and i was able to read all his messages and uncover his Infidelity without having to touch his phone. All i did was share my husband’s number with Cyberhackingsage and i got access to his social media accounts. I read all recent and deleted chats On his WhatsApp, Snapchat, and emails with a remote link on my phone. I’m here in L.A and able to read my husband’s text even while he was away in Australia cheating on me. I found out through his chats that my husband has been secretly diverting our hard earned savings to his old school mistress for upkeeps. Thanks to Cyberhackingsage, now i am going through a divorce with lots of evidence against him.. You can contact this Sage hacker Via Gmail ( cyberhackingsage@gmail ) Or Text and speak to him directly on his phone and WhatsApp +15713758467 and don’t forget to thank me later.
Oluwaseun Mabinuori Thanks, but I am grateful to say that I live a life today that does not require spying on anyone for security or sanity. I live a life that is happy, joyous and free. 👍🎉
Thank you!!! I finally know why my ex-husband won’t see or pay for his young children when he would previously say I was crazy and he had to protect them from me. Evil really does walk among us.
Love it: two grades of supply! I feel such hatred toward narcissists, when i watch these videos. Sometimes I dont feel hatred, but sometimes I really, really do. I would love to make them pay. Yes. I guess i have narcissistic traits too.
you are super empath - the worst enemy of narc and the only one who can finish them completely, bc we are able to turn off empathy and finish them - but the question is - is it worth our time and energy to finish a pig?
I was raised by a narcissist. Being around someone who uses anger as leverage and thrives on validation, attention etc was extremely scary as a child. I'm 29 and I'm still processing how having a narc father has affected me on a mental level.
It took 40 years to figure out not to show them my talents, because that's what seems to attract them, I've learned to bore the narcissist, and it's like watching a shark hunt for prey, when they start grooming another supply.
Omg, you just revealed something that I was previously oblivious to. My narc sister knows (because I’ve told her) that what hurts me the most isn’t necessarily when she misuses/abuses me but rather when she does this to those I love. She has been misusing/abusing our parents for as long as I can remember. She ramped up her abuse when our father was dying. It was, hands down, the most despicable display of human indecency I have ever witnessed. She couldn’t stand anyone being the center of attention other than herself even despite the fact that our mom was losing the love of her life and our father was experiencing the most excruciating pain anyone could go through. Now that he is gone and I have had to establish “no contact” with her, she still gets to me by abusing our mother who always plays right into her hand because she’s a mom and wants nothing more than to hope and believe that there’s something redeemable to hold onto in regards to my sister. She will hold onto that hope to her dying day and my sister will exploit that fact until our mom’s dying day. The only way we will ever be free of this is if something should happen to my sister, God forbid. I would never wish anything bad to happen to her but it’s the only way of escape that I can logically comprehend. I can’t believe she had turned me into someone who would even consider the demise of a beloved sister. This is the extent a narc will take you to...
Don't EVER blame yourself! YOU are a normal empathetic compassionate human being. This is THEIR issue-NOT yours! They want what you already have & they want to steal it FROM YOU! This has nothing to do with you at all!!
There exists a subtle narc. They learn what's important to their target and then act like it's their idea as they suggest it. Gives them that "What would you do without me" implication. Seems as though they care. The principle is : they never care. So say nothing and chuckle at their shoes. They can't stand it.
Such a wonderful video. I walked out, beat my narcissist in court and walked away...but there is still a price to be paid and I will never be the same.
Same but im in that dangerous phase where he doesnt want to be done with me and since I have never stood firm with him before I really am in fear of what he may do to me. I hope he finds someone else honestly
You explain NPD better than anyone else on UA-cam. Straight talking , no bulls**t facts. I have recently come out of a relationship with a narcissistic woman who discarded and ghosted me in the cruellest way possible. She is incredibly vain and constantly looking for attention from everyone - her family , her bosses , people she hardly knows on Facebook. My wounds are deep and slow to heal. Your channel is helping immensely. Thankyou x
Thank you! You are very good at clarifying this crazy human behavior. It is important to understand that the same thing that triggered the NPD (mainly inconsistent parental attention) also create overly empathic people.
This is ABSOLUTELY priceless. This explains everything, from killing the children to mass shooting sprees, from love bombing to doing favors and appearing to be a socially benevolent pillar of the community; etc etc.
You are 100% right! The greatest paradox to me is that these machines don't love, Not even ppl who love them, no matter how, kind, loving, loyal, giving, supportive you are they ONLY regard the thing itself not the person, place or thing giving it. As I've observed it seems like the 3 main sources THEY ABSOLUTELY NEED are: 1. Adoration and admiration Showering them with compliments and flattery, constantly reinflating their slow leak, fragile ego 2. A punching bag. Someone for them to project upon to release their frustrations and deep inner self loathing. They don't want to hear what you have to say and DO NOT CARE literally everything has to be about them. 3. Sex/ other substances, anything to quench their perpetual boredom and need for dopamine, and adrenaline. I believe in my heart these are demons walking in human form. And they really sadly don't deserve love bc they hate love.
THank you. Your explanation gave me a wider perspective to what happened to me. I was bled of narcissitic supply by one who gave me so much thinking it was out of generosity. This one was exquisitely cruel, sadistic, a monster. Would go into a fit of rage almost all day long even on small things like not putting 2 rolls of toilet paper in the toilet. Then I noticed that when after 30 - 45mins of ranting and making ne feel bad about myself which would make me cry, the person would calm down. But this is short-lived. The peeson woiuld find another reason to rage over again. I left in the person's employ after 4 months and cut all forms of communication even deactivating my social media account w/c can be accessed by the person. I was not the problem. But I pity the person because the pain was deepseated. I also pity the next victim.
Michael Jensen Michael, in my situation with the man I am legally chained to does come from a family like that. I felt sad for him, but enough is enough !!!!
I am really thankful for the insights. I'm getting educated on narcissism. It's good to know that getting discarded by one is a blessing in disguise. But boy it really hurts! And he is still hurting me after our divorce this past January. He has moved on to his 2nd supply now. He is a nurse, and now he found a doctor to move in to his apartment, and heard that this supply is married. Oh what a mess and drama that he craves! I am so thankful for all the videos I've watched to educate me and strengthen my self. I still have ups and downs through bad and good memories that I've been for 28 years and considered it for nothing! What waste of my precious time, love and everything
I have CPTSD from Narcissistic Abuse. The worst was being labeled as Crazy by my Mom at 7.. Then she abandoned me to be taken care of by my brothers and sisters. She used and abused me financially for decades, turned me into her personal slave. all Humiliating me ws her LOVE and calling me as being CRAZY. Two weeks before she died she told me she just wanted me to be independent. How twisted is that? She rarely spoke to me, she talked about me to others, Never ever said she was sorry to anyone! I wanted her to finally show up for me- never did! I have an attachment disorder and now the executor of the estate and his flying monkeys under the direction of the golden child routinely calls me mentally ill at parties that I no longer attend. I went no contact and am in counseling.
I'm so angry you were treated that way. Sounds like are self-actualized and healthy. You're doing ALL the right things to be healthy and well going forward. Keep making excellent decisions. I believe in you. *hugs*
You are amazing woman. You have explained what is wrong with everybody around me and you have exposed their true self's. The narcissists people have to be SUPERIOR TO EVER ONE AROUND THEM. This video explains everything. Thank you.
Another great video, thank you. This helps to explain why after 12 years my ex is still trash talking about me to our son. I don't confront her anymore about it because it just make things hard on him. Just remain grey rock with her and answer any questions my son has as honestly as possible for his age.
You are doing the right thing. It is not only setting a good example to your son on how to be the bigger person, one day he will realize just how much you dealt with out of love for him. It is his mother so he will always love her but when he is grown he will realize you were never the things she made you out to be.
Thank you for the warning about what I’m facing leaving my long term narcissistic marriage. I have prayed so long he would leave, stopped giving him supply etc. we have a 14 yo and that’s really the only thing that will keep us in contact once we leave. She knows her dad is abusive and is in therapy.
My ex narcissist told me this very same thing! There were too many people in our relationship, both male and female. He told me they were like air to him that he needed. My attention alone 24/7 was not enough for him.
these videos are a great help to people and families who have or are currently experiencing this horror. i didn’t have this kind of information to look to when i was going through it, but to be able to watch now is giving me so many flashbacks. when our daughter was born he would proudly brag to visitors that i chose to breastfeed (good for her health) and no sooner than they left, he would harass me to no end that me breastfeeding her was giving me an “unfair advantage” over him in bonding with her. 😳 i left when she was a year old and that triggered a hellish nightmare of a 10+ year custody battle for my baby girl. he would stop at nothing to try and take my daughter away from me. when she was 3 he called child services and lied that my son (who was 11 at the time) molested her. the night the police showed up to my house to investigate, my daughter was in his care for visitation, and unbeknownst to me was taken to the hospital to endure a rape exam. my children and i went through hell going back and forth from child services, to the police, to custody court. he spent thousands of dollars on attorneys (while refusing to financially support our child) while i could only afford to represent myself. as hellish as it was, i always prevailed in court, but as a result of the stress i developed migraines. because my daughter was so young she could not express the abusive behavior she was enduring in his home at the hands of him, his mother and new wife. courts never want to believe that so many horrendous things are happening within a family especially when one of the parties is a narcissist who will boldfaced lie every time. i will never forget, after our last court hearing the judge, a very nice white gentleman, was so upset by the end he was red faced with tears in his eyes. a judge. 😳 he said in all his years he had never seen such a hopeless case and stated that the court hesitates to refer to any co-parenting dynamic as hopeless because it is so imperative to the child’s well being. they awarded me primary custody and final say legally and him limited visitation on sundays. he was so displeased with that outcome that he simply never came to retrieve our daughter for any of his visitation time, even though i called to try and help arrange it many times. eventually he told me via text that i was satan and to never ever contact him again no matter the circumstance. the last time my daughter saw any of them (her father, stepmother, little brother and grandmother) was december 2017. they now have a new child, my daughter’s almost 1-year-old baby sister, whom she has never seen or met. to this day my daughter, who is now 14, still tells me things she endured in their household that i had no ideal she had to go through. and this is just the tip of the iceberg. i could write literal volumes on the abuse. if not for the grace of GOD i don’t know how we would have made it through all that. 🙏🏽🙌🏽
My exmother-in-law had a baby who died after six weeks. She was not allowed to mourn and the baby was taken away without knowing where. Then she got my ex and all the care and attention was in abundance. Yet he always felt quickly rejected and thus sought supply. Has he taken over the trauma of the shock of losing the baby to death? And my mother was in grandma's belly for 8 months when grandpa was shot by the Germans, she also developed narcissistic which I can understand better. My older sister rejected my mother from birth, also developed covert narcism and I was born with separation anxiety. Strange and painful systems that I have only become aware of for several years. Many thanks for you enlightment on the topic 💕🙏
I've been so glad to find you Jill. Have been just walking out of the biggest trauma of my life lately and your video help has really made a difference for me in coping. My partner was a "mother emeshed man " ( that other video explained it to a T..) Our loving and wonderful 7yr relationship was only made possible by him raging and discarding his mom (i think). She was blocked and prevented from participating in family randomly. I couldnt have much contact as she was so strange and problematic for us. Anyways, unfortunately, he got seriously ill, and I believe all his tools to stay away from his moms orbit became weaker and weaker until one day, he had all his supply in place to make it happen. He humiliated and smeared me to our good friends and then discarded me to live with his mom and have the friends and his mom take my place for his end of life months. The supply he had was the two friends who thought and believed bad things about me, and his mom who hated me. She acted as gatekeeper and prevented me from seeing him as he declined, but he was so emeshed with her and dead to me and the kids anyways...so weird to be completely disregarded by him until he died, he never wanted to make peace with me or the kids, and the family never experienced any change from him. He was the same loving man to them all except us. The flying monkeys are Still to this day convinced that I am bad... I struggle with grief and betrayal.
Being victimized by a smear campaign is psychologically brutal - which is why "no contact" (physically and electronically on phone, social media, etc.) to the narc and flying monkeys alike is so important for your mental health. You are grieving on multiple levels. Peace to you, friend, as you heal from this horrific chapter.
Yes! This resonated so much. He was initially attracted to me because I was the one woman in his classes intellectual enough to challenge the professors' logic. He pursued me because I was beautiful and smart. Once we were married, he did his darnedest to make me feel unattractive, even to the point of decades of abstinence, because he liked hurting my feelings more than he getting laid. And that intelligence that made me so valuable at the outset became a liability, too. Every single time I happened to know something he didn't, I was "going out of the way to make him feel stupid."
A really good and important video, thank you such much. God willing I will watch it again so I can fully absorb it more because it contains a lot of information. This video is so well done!!!
Simply amazing again. I have watched several videos dealing with narcissism, and I have to say that you're teaching and knowledge really does nail it. Finally, questions answered and things are starting to make sense.every video that I've ever watched from other coaches on UA-cam have been very helpful, however, you really are filling in the blanks.. amazing and thank you again 🙏
This is the best analysis of narcissistic supply there is. You do not have to be a clinical psychologist to get this. You have to have experienced this phenomenon to truly understand it. Even then, it is confusing. The only thing I will say is that the narcissist does not have to be at the level of the personality disorder.
We all had childhood traumas. Just being born is trauma. These people are born with a mental defect same as any other killer or psychopath. These people are just lousy people.. I discarded the narcissist and she begged me to come back. I did and she discarded me that very same night. Its all about there ego and winning. They are selfish greedy creeps..
But you won not her. The creepy thing is that when you figure out their game and try to get away then they stalk you and hunt you down and are in your face again. The best thing is to get them to leave you because once they do that you can then block any contact with them at all. I agree with the video, it is best to let them think they are dumping you so then you have an excuse to cut all contact. This looks right to other people too. However if you dump them then you have the whole smear campaign blow up and the flying monkeys nightmare. The best thing is to let them think they 'won' so you can go on with your life without them (never let them back in though.) Discard is actually a gift as it means that won't be abusing you anymore. The problem is that most get hurt by the discard as they still believe the false self and are trauma bonded. When you have been around them a very long time (eg. Family members) then the discard is a huge relief. That's why when people have not been discarded and have not been able to go no contact, they even get to a point that they hope the narcissist dies and are relieved when they do. Awful to say but it is true.
The covert narc I was with for 50 years loved to go to the doctor over nothing. "Dog licked me" was in some of the notes I saw. He loved the attention he got there and you'll find that it's extremely rare that a clinic says ENOUGH. You're here every week and you have nothing wrong with you. Any attention anywhere anytime.
Lol sounds like my narc mother. Especially on birthday and mother's day, she knows she's not about to get any attention. So she heads off to the hospital like clockwork, it's so sad honestly.
Really well expressed video on this subject. I referred to one of my clients who had the narcissistic mother and is in a narcissistic relationship and keeps wondering if she's a narcissist. She's a victim not an narcissist this video really I believe will help her come to understand that...
I'm not sure how I found your video, but at 3 in he morning this morning it was the only thing I found that could calm me down to sleep. This narcissistic supply thing is what I'm experiencing with my mother right now and it reared its ugly head last night. Your words were encouraging. Would like to hear suggestions for coping and responding to the attempts for supply. The more I purposely don't fuel or supply her the more desperate and maniulative she is.
It’s a difficult situation when you are dealing with a narcissistic parent. My best advice for dealing with them is to implement The Grey Rock Method with any and all interactions. The goal is to get them to find and depend on another person for their narcissistic supply and leave you alone. Of course, no contact is always the safest way to go, but if that isn’t an option for you, implement the Grey rock method constantly, and over time she will become tired and bored trying to extract supply from you and will start looking for other sources. If you are not familiar with the Grey rock method, be sure a google it and read up about it. I will also be doing a video about it in the near future. I’m sorry you are going through this. My father is a malignant narcissist, so I understand how hard it is.
Thanks for your beneficial videos. All your videos are very clearly expressed and explained. My suggestions would be better create boundaries with narcs to avoid disturbances. This is how I'm maintaining my peace though it hurts deep down that I did not choose a normal person as my life time companion. With no options left better we compromise with our circumstances creating boundaries without causing narc injuries. God bless and be with us as our strong hold. Amen
I’ve noticed that the narcs in my life fawn over anyone who has some minor cache or achievement. It might be anyone from a Cadillac salesman to a local politician, a middle manager in a well known corporation or an attorney. Beyond that the narc seems to be easily swayed by the opinions of their perceived betters without the slightest bit of skepticism. It strikes me as a source of supply via objectification, a perception of superiority and one of the few times they let their insecure foundation show through.
Great explanation! Sometimes I can’t help but wonder how you describe my ex to a tee? What made it awful for me is he is a mental health nurse practitioner. His ego is inflated because he is very respected, but bored with those who pump up his inflated ego. I saw through him to some extent. When I questioned his behavior he put me down, then he’d asked me when I got my license to practice? That kept me in my place until I discovered his cheating, lies and who he really is. He wasn’t sorry for what he did, however, he was terrified I’d ruin his reputation, his career and everything he worked so hard for. There is the no emotional attachment.
It's a true pleasure listening to you , first off you make perfect sense, my exwife is a covert narc and after our divorce which was 8 yrs ago I ripped off that mask at the time I didn't realize what happened but I do now and it helps to know that , she has gotten way out of control with her abuse on me and my son , hes smart and he will reach a point where when he gets to be 15 16 he will probably tell her to fukoff because she controls his every move and I can tell its wearing on him, I think he will survive this madness it will leave a scar how big ? Who knows? but somewhere in the back of his head he knows that his dad me will always be there god willing and I will handle any situation that is needed !!
"Narcissistic Supply" (their Selfish Pride) The absolute need as an addictive drug, liken to breathing life giving air. The sum total of all the other narcissistic traits and characteristics. Thank you!
So my daughter is a teacher, of teenagers. Well loved. but has lot of attention, and she control the class. I live with her. At home, horrible.. I treated like I am 7 years old. Kicked out of the house, where I pay rent, so her bf could spend the night. Threatens not to let me babysit, if upset her in anyway. I cannot even have a case of water in the fridge, she does not want it. Everything is her way or the high way. I am so emotional drained. She claims, she has to protect her child from me. What?? She so hurtful. The word, the twist in the truth, is unbelievably. She demands apologies from me. Not just simple one, I mean, almost an act of worship. I plan to get out in June, when the lease is up.
Liz Moore I think It’s better we understand that Life isn’t a bed of roses and it only takes a smart and determined mind to know what he or she is getting into. There’s a popular saying that: “don’t trust too much because that too much might hurt you so much”. A Narcissist shouldn’t be trusted. I discovered my husband of 13 years cheating on me through the help of Cyberhackingsage who helped cloned his cellphone and i was able to read all his messages and uncover his Infidelity without having to touch his phone. All i did was share my husband’s number with Cyberhackingsage and i got access to his social media accounts. I read all recent and deleted chats On his WhatsApp, Snapchat, and emails with a remote link on my phone. I’m here in L.A and able to read my husband’s text even while he was away in Australia cheating on me. I found out through his chats that my husband has been secretly diverting our hard earned savings to his old school mistress for upkeeps. Thanks to Cyberhackingsage, now i am going through a divorce with lots of evidence against him.. You can contact this Sage hacker Via Gmail ( cyberhackingsage@gmail ) Or Text and speak to him directly on his phone and WhatsApp +15713758467 and don’t forget to thank me later.
Very helpfull! Could you go into how messy it is to heal? For me it is a Rocky road but I don't hear about that alot.. Thank you so much for this one none the less!
The Narcissist I Work with, Makes a lot of noise and she's trying to get attention and people may often say what's going on over there but I know it's on purpose I just ignore her that's how I deal with her, she doesn't care because everyone there gives her all the attention and Supply she needs she interrupts and gets entangled in other people's conversations and no one says anything she eavesdrops guess the conversation on herself no one says anything she just has a grand time doing whatever she wants and has escalated she's been there about six and a half years no matter who comes or goes she is able to reel them in she's a master manipulator so I see myself as the only one that is not caught up in her antics
I once saw a man on TV in a news related show. He was begging his wife to come back home. He was down on his knees crying. He was prostrating to her and saying please come back. She sat there with her chin supported on her fingers just looking at him. Eventually, she agreed to return if he cut of all his ties to his family. I wonder if she was a narcissist....
My sick in the head narc female told me in the begining that she carefully pick the boyfriends that she want to be whith !!! She was the worst person i EVER had in my life totaly !!! After the lovebombing she became the devil no brain functions at all !!!!! And the mask came of after 3 mounth !!!! And she work as a teacher and she scream and fight whith her children !!! The rage i have seen whit her is the worst i have seen in my life totaly EXPLODE in 1 sek !!!! Mikael from sweden
An Angel in Public and a Demon in private. The Narcissist is given to attacks of Rage which are projected onto the innocent. Often it is their own spouse and children who bear the brunt of their rage since they are the least likely to protest this behavior fearing rejection and abandonment.
I'm just learning about this subject over the past few weeks. It's looking like I'm very codependent towards these relationships as this very much explains my history of 4 marriages to two women. My last ex and I broke up several weeks ago and I've been returning her texts and email with just silence, she keeps contacting me with increasingly angry messages, yesterday's being the most hate-ridden message I've ever received. We've no reason or need for contact but if she doesn't get her "supply" from someone else and she only has me in her sick head for being the cause of all her problems I'm actually worried she could continue escalating until she's knifing my car's tires or something.
In 4 years I have been through 2 Narc. Both very different. Number 1 was an extrovert, he was a regular at my bar, for over a year. He had a huge break up with his wife, and I felt really sad for him. He was extremely smart, charismatic, tall pretty good looking, but off the chart funny. Todd was not a very good pathological liar, I would call him out on his lies and he would apologize and say I'm not sure why I just made that up, Well I know now he was testing me and making sure to throw me off balance, and I looked back and reailze he would climb a tree to tell a lie. There was nothing real about him ever. He was a thief never walked into a 7-11 he didn't walk out of the store with a pocket full of candy, or whatever else he needed. He would drink with me in the begining and then I realized he wasn't really drinking anymore with me and I was doing all the drinking and would have major blackouts. He would joke and say hahahha you don't know what I'm doing when your asleep, which was absolulty correct, because he was a sexual preditor. I woke up one time and he was watching something on his phone that was laying on me and he was sexually assaulting me anally. Which he knew I was not into. I believe he's made videos of me passed out while he sexually assaulted me. When I came to I shifted around and he grabbed his phone and ran down the hallway so he knew he was doing something wrong. I didn't react at the time because I wanted to continue to see what he was doing while he thought I was unconscience. I told him the next morning I know exactly what you did lastnight to me , that's called sexual assault. He said if I was really upset he would go to the POlice station with me to file a report. I left that day and I moved out two days later. He kept my make up, my favorite pair of boots that my deceased husband bought me I was allowed to have one of them to always remind me of him and get pisssed off , I could see the one boot and know I could never wear them. Almost $600 boots. He also new he had financially bankrupted me so no way would they ever get replaced. Kept notebooks that were given to me by my deceased best friend that had died that year. I was dealing with a personal injury case and he threatened to call the insurance company and tell them that he was asked to lie on a affidavit that was summitted by me to them. He posted pics of him and his new supply on facebook, while sending me the most horrific emails, because he was blocked on my phone. One day he was so nasty in emails I called him and could tell he was at a bar , drove to one I thought it might me walked up while his homeless pos self was gathering up a bag of clothes out of his vehicle. and his new supply was sitting in her car in front of his. I raged I said fucking really, is this your new GF (which she refused to make eye contact with me, asked how the new gf would like to see the text he was stilll sending me bullshit messages, answer was no....He looked like a deer in the headlights when I showed up. You have to understand I went no contact, he was blocked in every way. But he had like 20 email accounts. He used apps to change his number to continue to send me abusive texts. He stole my ipad that was linked to my icloud accoun....he monitored me for months without my knowledge. Then one day he sent me a message to let me know that he could see alll my stuff. He was in my facebook account, my email accounts he could see all my browser history, and no telling what else. All while he was with the new supply. I realized if he could see me I could see him too, I was able to access the browser history only, but what I found was soooooooo sick and disturbing, I was in shock. He was on porn non stop, his favorite was short clips and in almost everyone of the clips the man wore a mask and was sexually assaulting the partner. There was one that showed the masked man interestingly enough titled mask man has sex with sleeping blonde girl. I was able to track the longitude and latitude of ever search he did. He was either at work , after the business closed or at his ex's house. I confronted him and he said that's bullshit everyone knows I don't watch porn. I sent him screne shots and this is when he finally realized his mask was off and I could exspose him. He finally went no contact with me, thank god. He showed up like 8 months later to my regular bar, just as I was closingout stood next to me said hello I didn't make eye contact or engage and I walked off out the front door. Todd and I had a 5 month relationship , and it took me almost a year to get rid of him. What a sick fucking POS,. this all came to my life 6 months after my husband of 12 years passed away in a motocycle acciden, same year lost 6 of my closest friends, also was new to Colorado Springs, Todd new I was prime supply. We even got a marriage license after 3 months thank god I made excuses. Todd blew up FB with our pics to get to the ex I know now. Todd was lazy, never held a job.He made some different arts and crafts when he wanted money. Not if we needed money. I was constantly sick , I remember screaming at him stop your going to give me a stroke, I was driving down the highway when he started his shit. I had multible trips to the ER. Todd was best friends with his ex that he left for his wife. After he kept me isolated wouldn';t do shit to help me get the cell phone paid, even more isolation. And you are right the ex made slight comments about him being a cheater and liar. These people need to come with a warning label. speaking of identity theft I had been a bartender for 15 year and 5 minutes after I left him he went and got a job as a bartender. I literally didn't beleive him so I actually drove there.. and lord knows he refused to work the whole time we were together. He had the ownerand all these older ladies taking care of him, driving him to court buying him a car, and no telling what else. He knew he had the flu and roped me into seeing him and infected me on purpose. I missed the birth of my first grandaughter , I missed my shifts at my bartending job. St. Patricks Day even which is a huge night and money , he would tell me he was a better bartender than I would ever be. Atleast I knew better. Oh another thing was he told me he had me in the enlarging phase, he tried so hard to cause me to gain weight . Both his exes I knew were over 300 pounds. He was trying to destroy my self image and my health. He stole my tools I'm a jig saw artist at a co op he stole my art work from there , convincinng people it was his. Althought I had witnesses watch me cut and stain the wood plus pictures during the whole process... This guy was just flat out scary. I can;t even begin to detail all the lies , the exhausting hours of him purposely gaslighting me, never went ghost until I found out his gross rapist porn addiction . He never went into a store that he didn't steal something from. Very obseesed with his looks, alot of time in the mirror , all his selffies photo shopped with rock hard abs. When i would take a shower he would scare the shit out of me peaking in the shower. He was a very scary person, I was soooo lost sooo cunfused as to how someone that newall the trauma I had been through would treat me this way. I've been in counseling for the past 2 years. Mostly for PTSD from his and the loss of my 7 friends in one year. This guy made sure tobuyhis ex stuff for Valentines Day posted it on FB and never got me anything ever. Sorry it was inpossible the keep this short people need to know about these sick fucks. I had never met one thill I moved to Colorado Springs and they are every other person you meet here. I am origianlly from Dallas, Texas
No need to apologize you had me hanging on every word. You poor girl. Sounds like my ex except I shut down my own facebook account cause I dont want to give him the opportunity to rub it in my face. I have stopped talking to anyone who would be willing to give him the time of day and I am scared to death of him. He was very physically abusive. The thing about you blacking out and him doing things to you I can relate to but I never until reading your story even thought of what he may have done and /or recorded. I feel so sick right now
Narcissist have tried,...hahaha 😂😂😂 it's funny. It's always a mistake on their part, i like to mess with their heads xD. The Tiger doesn't fear the Jackal.
@@boki69ful I'm not "the right person" myself to be honest about it. I'm a bit (just slightly) higher up the food chain vs any narc. Hence, it's a mistake on their part to cross my path, not mine to cross theirs, to me it was very calculated hahahah.
Hi. Thank you for this thorough information. May I ask a question? I'm wondering how we tell the difference between a true narcissist vs a victim suffering identical traits from reactive abuse? Is there something different between the 2 types? I can remember during the last year's of my 22 yr marriage that I became so dysregulated. So defensive. So stuck in victim mode. Even manipulative in some horrible way hoping someone would help me make sense of what was happening to me that I was so distorted confused hopeless scared ...etc... Thank you for any guidance you can render. I spent almost am entire year thinking I became a narcissist, that my counselors coaches and team managers had to help me understand about reactive abuse and PECPTSD. I felt so shameful am entire yr thinking id become a narcissist bc I could not regulate my overly sensitive emotions. When I talk to other survivors they have also gone through this too, believing they'd become or they were the narcissist. Such a sad thing looking back but still confused to understand the difference.
I don't have kids, but when my bf is giving me the silent treatment and I don't go chasing him, he will ignore not only me, but also our cats and dogs. He knows that hurts me deeply. When I see him walking right by one of our dogs, whose tail is wagging with excitement to see him, and he just ignores him, I feel like crying. How can a person do that to an innocent animal?
It’s truly sad, and it started with a mother or a father or primary caretaker from birth to two or three years of age. My late sister in law tried to understand her brother’s narcissistic behavior and told me that when he was born his father wanted a girl but he was not, so he kicked him around like dirt beneath his feet. Then his mother would scoop him up and give him anything he wanted even to the point of spoiling him and never setting any limits. So while one parent abused him the other spoiled him. How confusing is that to a child. My heart broke when I heard the story. How sad. He could have been an entirely different man had he been loved and accepted by both parents. What I’m wandering is, is there any help for them in therapy to find true empathy? I would suppose it would begin with empathy for their own broken bonds and attachments. Is it possible past childhood for a narcissist to heal? It’s so very sad that a parent can cause so much damage that could be irreversible. It’s heart breaking. Thank you for another wonderful video.
Why would a narcissist actually regret and miss an ex to the point he rubs her in everyone's face. He can't stop mentioning her. He keeps her photos up. Texts her Constantly. She has all their couple photos on Facebook open on her profile pictures. Don't get this game between them both!
IT'S JUST WORDS. Repeat that to yourself when in the midst of one of their crazy tirades. IT'S JUST WORDS, this person is beneath your goodness, and it isn't worth a response or even a change in your facial features. IT'S JUST WORDS.
I know my husband has something wrong. NPD fits. I have tried to be a Christian & love him unconditionally. Not asking for my needs to be met. When I stopped arguing & just tried even harder to figure out what he wants & meet those needs.. he filed for divorce. From what I’ve read, they don’t leave.. they usually just threaten. I realized I did my best & tried my hardest to make our marriage work. Then he started going to counseling w me. We started doing so so well. Then here came the silent treatment AGAIN. He finally tells me what I did & he’ll say I called him a name years ago. So he gets mad at me for a memory he has.. from YEARS earlier. And I really worry bc I am 100 sure that I never said what I get accused of. So they don’t really want love. They don’t want happiness. Is the only way for him to be happy is for me to be miserable??? That’s what it seems.
I am married for 43 years and I believed I am crazy like he told me over and over and then my therapist said I must run cause he will make me crazy cause he is a narc. he oogle woman, cheat etc. But he is this great christian and everything envolve around him etc. people tell him how good he is and why didnt they discovered him years ago etc. and then every 3/4 months he will suddenly ignore me without any reason for weeks. At this moment am I in the midst of this mood swing of ignoring me. I ignore him as well and go on with my life like nothing is wrong. Is this the right way to handle him.
Watch video's about the "grey rock" technique. That's my only suggestion if you plan on staying married to him. I don't know how you could handle it anymore tbh.
Sadism is an excellent source of supply for the Narcissist, some actually prefer this form of supply. The Narcissist thinks "If I can not have love, respect and admiration then I will seek power". I will abuse and exploit others. I take great pleasure in causing them pain and fear. This makes me feel powerful. If I can abuse with impunity then I feel Godlike, superior, impervious and untouchable.
Michael Jensen, all this really scares me like hell!!😱
Well, thanks to the legal system the narcissist has a powerful back up system. The victim has no legal rights because they must produce evidence and we all know narcissist have total control with the finances and usually the big and impressive degree while blocking advancement of the victim. The only justice for the victim will be found in the courts of heaven!!!!!
True
@@marjoriemurray4381 Learn about claiming your rights back via the Cestui Que Vie Trust act 1666. You have two identities, one legal one lawful. Legal is described as the 'undoing of Gods law'. Governments are corporations and so are you. 'Persons' are entities with no rights.
E
Oh how true, they choose their primary source as someone they view as superior,but this makes them feel more insecure which then becomes jealousy & control,that they then spend their time playing with your emotions to bring you down, isolate you & destroy your life from every angle possible.and by isolating you , your have less or no contact with other "normal " people that you have nothing to compare to .so you lose touch with what is a healthy relationship,that you don't feel capable of fighting back or leaving .
We are like Piñatas to them! They are excited to Destroy a pretty, shiny ✨ New object of attention that when WACKED & BEATEN, yields CANDY 🍬 & Treats!
You described it perfectly! Im in that vortex for 3 years now since i left a 23 year marriage from the demon!
My ex narcissist used to get jealous of people that I followed on UA-cam.
@@desertangelfish140 mine to 😂 wtf I did 7 years
Play dead till they are long gone.
Excellent description of their need for "supply" and how they get it - including getting primary supply by causing pain to their target.
I have personally witnessed the need for supply and the need for it by the narcissist, I saw physical change in the narcissist who didn't have supply and the aging effect it had on them, it seems supernatural the way that it can change their appearance and attitude,it reminds me of the story of the witch that turns to a skeleton and dust when they are defeated, I could not believe the effect that it had on them when they finally lost their supply
Well I hope that happens with my ex cause right now I am living in fear
Yes my ex is like that lost his supply cos I caught him out on his bullshit and he looked empty I learned how to grey rock him and he looked like he lost energy that he was getting off me that’s when I found out he was cheating then he alienated our daughters against me
The first time I have ever heard someone describe my 10 years of hell after I divorced my first husband, and the emotional abuse he leveled on my children. Horrific. I had to finally get to the point of standing up for myself and my children in a very public way for the abuse to begin to subside. I could not be nice, pleasant, understanding and cooperative. I had to completely change my normal approach. I literally believe this saved my life.
Laurie McCracken Alsted And, Laurie, they can turn that behavior of self preservation around to use against you. They are masters at deception and usury
Laurie McCracken Alsted I think It’s better we understand that Life isn’t a bed of roses and it only takes a smart and determined mind to know what he or she is getting into. There’s a popular saying that: “don’t trust too much because that too much might hurt you so much”. A Narcissist shouldn’t be trusted. I discovered my husband of 13 years cheating on me through the help of Cyberhackingsage who helped cloned his cellphone and i was able to read all his messages and uncover his Infidelity without having to touch his phone. All i did was share my husband’s number with Cyberhackingsage and i got access to his social media accounts. I read all recent and deleted chats On his WhatsApp, Snapchat, and emails with a remote link on my phone. I’m here in L.A and able to read my husband’s text even while he was away in Australia cheating on me. I found out through his chats that my husband has been secretly diverting our hard earned savings to his old school mistress for upkeeps. Thanks to Cyberhackingsage, now i am going through a divorce with lots of evidence against him.. You can contact this Sage hacker Via Gmail ( cyberhackingsage@gmail ) Or Text and speak to him directly on his phone and WhatsApp +15713758467 and don’t forget to thank me later.
Oluwaseun Mabinuori Thanks, but I am grateful to say that I live a life today that does not require spying on anyone for security or sanity. I live a life that is happy, joyous and free. 👍🎉
My ex narcissist husband alienated me from my only son child. And he abused him relentlessly at any opportunity he had.
You just have to be radical sometimes.... Radical times require radical measures.
Thank you!!! I finally know why my ex-husband won’t see or pay for his young children when he would previously say I was crazy and he had to protect them from me. Evil really does walk among us.
Love it: two grades of supply! I feel such hatred toward narcissists, when i watch these videos. Sometimes I dont feel hatred, but sometimes I really, really do. I would love to make them pay. Yes. I guess i have narcissistic traits too.
you are super empath - the worst enemy of narc and the only one who can finish them completely, bc we are able to turn off empathy and finish them - but the question is - is it worth our time and energy to finish a pig?
As painful as being an empath is-- I would NEVER want to be a narc! That right there is a reward for all of the pain..
It’s not our empathy that keeps us in abuse. It’s the learned helplessness and codependent mechanisms that keep us continuing in abuse.
I was raised by a narcissist. Being around someone who uses anger as leverage and thrives on validation, attention etc was extremely scary as a child. I'm 29 and I'm still processing how having a narc father has affected me on a mental level.
It took 40 years to figure out not to show them my talents, because that's what seems to attract them, I've learned to bore the narcissist, and it's like watching a shark hunt for prey, when they start grooming another supply.
What can they do with your talents???
Omg, you just revealed something that I was previously oblivious to. My narc sister knows (because I’ve told her) that what hurts me the most isn’t necessarily when she misuses/abuses me but rather when she does this to those I love. She has been misusing/abusing our parents for as long as I can remember. She ramped up her abuse when our father was dying. It was, hands down, the most despicable display of human indecency I have ever witnessed. She couldn’t stand anyone being the center of attention other than herself even despite the fact that our mom was losing the love of her life and our father was experiencing the most excruciating pain anyone could go through. Now that he is gone and I have had to establish “no contact” with her, she still gets to me by abusing our mother who always plays right into her hand because she’s a mom and wants nothing more than to hope and believe that there’s something redeemable to hold onto in regards to my sister. She will hold onto that hope to her dying day and my sister will exploit that fact until our mom’s dying day. The only way we will ever be free of this is if something should happen to my sister, God forbid. I would never wish anything bad to happen to her but it’s the only way of escape that I can logically comprehend. I can’t believe she had turned me into someone who would even consider the demise of a beloved sister. This is the extent a narc will take you to...
There evil sob’s my ex was one.
I hate that I am what a narcissist needs.
I felt this statement. 😔😪😔
Me too.
Don't EVER blame yourself! YOU are a normal empathetic compassionate human being. This is THEIR issue-NOT yours! They want what you already have & they want to steal it FROM YOU! This has nothing to do with you at all!!
There exists a subtle narc. They learn what's important to their target and then act like it's their idea as they suggest it. Gives them that "What would you do without me" implication. Seems as though they care. The principle is : they never care. So say nothing and chuckle at their shoes. They can't stand it.
This is the first time I have had someone explain this personality type so clearly to me. Thank-you for your time & trouble. Knowledge is power!!
Such a wonderful video. I walked out, beat my narcissist in court and walked away...but there is still a price to be paid and I will never be the same.
I’m in the same situation.
Same but im in that dangerous phase where he doesnt want to be done with me and since I have never stood firm with him before I really am in fear of what he may do to me. I hope he finds someone else honestly
You explain NPD better than anyone else on UA-cam. Straight talking , no bulls**t facts.
I have recently come out of a relationship with a narcissistic woman who discarded and ghosted me in the cruellest way possible. She is incredibly vain and constantly looking for attention from everyone - her family , her bosses , people she hardly knows on Facebook. My wounds are deep and slow to heal. Your channel is helping immensely. Thankyou x
Thank you! You are very good at clarifying this crazy human behavior. It is important to understand that the same thing that triggered the NPD (mainly inconsistent parental attention) also create overly empathic people.
Wow! Never put that together. Absolutely true.
Yes! Childhood Trauma causes disorders for coping mechanisms. We tend to have learned helplessness and codependent issues, and they are Narcs
Yeah.... I had a narcissistic mother and became an empath.... My step brother turned out to be a sadistic narcissist
This is ABSOLUTELY priceless. This explains everything, from killing the children to mass shooting sprees, from love bombing to doing favors and appearing to be a socially benevolent pillar of the community; etc etc.
Damn this is like vamparism! The psychic Vampire.
Thats wat im saying
Informative explanation of the reason an ex will mistreat a child--and harass even into adulthood--to engage or get the attention of the other parent.
That is exactly right. This is the reason. It's a horrible but very real reality of what they will do to gain narcissistic supply.
Oh boy. Not looking forward to it but so glad I’m aware.
Sometimes it's just they're entitlement issues. They feel as their parents there's ownership.
You are 100% right! The greatest paradox to me is that these machines don't
love,
Not even ppl who love them, no matter how, kind, loving, loyal, giving, supportive you are they ONLY regard the thing itself not the person, place or thing giving it. As I've observed it seems like the 3 main sources THEY ABSOLUTELY NEED are:
1. Adoration and admiration
Showering them with compliments and flattery, constantly reinflating their slow leak, fragile ego
2. A punching bag. Someone for them to project upon to release their frustrations and deep inner self loathing. They don't want to hear what you have to say and DO NOT CARE literally everything has to be about them.
3. Sex/ other substances, anything to quench their perpetual boredom and need for dopamine, and adrenaline.
I believe in my heart these are demons walking in human form. And they really sadly don't deserve love bc they hate love.
THank you. Your explanation gave me a wider perspective to what happened to me. I was bled of narcissitic supply by one who gave me so much thinking it was out of generosity. This one was exquisitely cruel, sadistic, a monster. Would go into a fit of rage almost all day long even on small things like not putting 2 rolls of toilet paper in the toilet. Then I noticed that when after 30 - 45mins of ranting and making ne feel bad about myself which would make me cry, the person would calm down. But this is short-lived. The peeson woiuld find another reason to rage over again. I left in the person's employ after 4 months and cut all forms of communication even deactivating my social media account w/c can be accessed by the person. I was not the problem. But I pity the person because the pain was deepseated. I also pity the next victim.
Girl you are blowing my mind! Thank you.
I've watched HUNDREDS of NPD videos. This is one of the BEST.
Thank you.
Agreed. This is incredibly powerful and insightful. Truly.
In my opinion attachment trauma, prolonged abuse, and neglect are the primary reasons for developmental arrest.
Michael Jensen Michael, in my situation with the man I am legally chained to does come from a family like that. I felt sad for him, but enough is enough !!!!
I am really thankful for the insights. I'm getting educated on narcissism. It's good to know that getting discarded by one is a blessing in disguise. But boy it really hurts! And he is still hurting me after our divorce this past January. He has moved on to his 2nd supply now. He is a nurse, and now he found a doctor to move in to his apartment, and heard that this supply is married. Oh what a mess and drama that he craves! I am so thankful for all the videos I've watched to educate me and strengthen my self. I still have ups and downs through
bad and good memories that I've been for 28 years and considered it for nothing! What waste of my precious time, love and everything
I have CPTSD from Narcissistic Abuse. The worst was being labeled as Crazy by my Mom at 7.. Then she abandoned me to be taken care of by my brothers and sisters. She used and abused me financially for decades, turned me into her personal slave. all Humiliating me ws her LOVE and calling me as being CRAZY. Two weeks before she died she told me she just wanted me to be independent. How twisted is that? She rarely spoke to me, she talked about me to others, Never ever said she was sorry to anyone! I wanted her to finally show up for me- never did! I have an attachment disorder and now the executor of the estate and his flying monkeys under the direction of the golden child routinely calls me mentally ill at parties that I no longer attend. I went no contact and am in counseling.
Fuck her .. shes 100% in hell
@@damsbb2440 Hell is here!
I'm so angry you were treated that way. Sounds like are self-actualized and healthy. You're doing ALL the right things to be healthy and well going forward. Keep making excellent decisions. I believe in you. *hugs*
We are all labeled “crazy” by them, it’s their MO and total projection.
Just wanting to add that Attachment is not the only way narcissists are created.
Other ways created?
Mason Peck abuse in most cases
Overindulgence
You are amazing woman. You have explained what is wrong with everybody around me and you have exposed their true self's. The narcissists people have to be SUPERIOR TO EVER ONE AROUND THEM. This video explains everything. Thank you.
Another great video, thank you. This helps to explain why after 12 years my ex is still trash talking about me to our son. I don't confront her anymore about it because it just make things hard on him. Just remain grey rock with her and answer any questions my son has as honestly as possible for his age.
You are doing the right thing. It is not only setting a good example to your son on how to be the bigger person, one day he will realize just how much you dealt with out of love for him. It is his mother so he will always love her but when he is grown he will realize you were never the things she made you out to be.
Wow, what an accurate description. Thank you
Thank you for the warning about what I’m facing leaving my long term narcissistic marriage. I have prayed so long he would leave, stopped giving him supply etc. we have a 14 yo and that’s really the only thing that will keep us in contact once we leave. She knows her dad is abusive and is in therapy.
I say take the child and run no contact
Listened to this twice. Brilliant analysis that might save many undue pain.
My ex narcissist told me this very same thing! There were too many people in our relationship, both male and female. He told me they were like air to him that he needed. My attention alone 24/7 was not enough for him.
these videos are a great help to people and families who have or are currently experiencing this horror. i didn’t have this kind of information to look to when i was going through it, but to be able to watch now is giving me so many flashbacks. when our daughter was born he would proudly brag to visitors that i chose to breastfeed (good for her health) and no sooner than they left, he would harass me to no end that me breastfeeding her was giving me an “unfair advantage” over him in bonding with her. 😳 i left when she was a year old and that triggered a hellish nightmare of a 10+ year custody battle for my baby girl. he would stop at nothing to try and take my daughter away from me. when she was 3 he called child services and lied that my son (who was 11 at the time) molested her. the night the police showed up to my house to investigate, my daughter was in his care for visitation, and unbeknownst to me was taken to the hospital to endure a rape exam. my children and i went through hell going back and forth from child services, to the police, to custody court. he spent thousands of dollars on attorneys (while refusing to financially support our child) while i could only afford to represent myself. as hellish as it was, i always prevailed in court, but as a result of the stress i developed migraines. because my daughter was so young she could not express the abusive behavior she was enduring in his home at the hands of him, his mother and new wife. courts never want to believe that so many horrendous things are happening within a family especially when one of the parties is a narcissist who will boldfaced lie every time. i will never forget, after our last court hearing the judge, a very nice white gentleman, was so upset by the end he was red faced with tears in his eyes. a judge. 😳 he said in all his years he had never seen such a hopeless case and stated that the court hesitates to refer to any co-parenting dynamic as hopeless because it is so imperative to the child’s well being. they awarded me primary custody and final say legally and him limited visitation on sundays. he was so displeased with that outcome that he simply never came to retrieve our daughter for any of his visitation time, even though i called to try and help arrange it many times. eventually he told me via text that i was satan and to never ever contact him again no matter the circumstance. the last time my daughter saw any of them (her father, stepmother, little brother and grandmother) was december 2017. they now have a new child, my daughter’s almost 1-year-old baby sister, whom she has never seen or met. to this day my daughter, who is now 14, still tells me things she endured in their household that i had no ideal she had to go through. and this is just the tip of the iceberg. i could write literal volumes on the abuse. if not for the grace of GOD i don’t know how we would have made it through all that. 🙏🏽🙌🏽
My exmother-in-law had a baby who died after six weeks. She was not allowed to mourn and the baby was taken away without knowing where.
Then she got my ex and all the care and attention was in abundance. Yet he always felt quickly rejected and thus sought supply. Has he taken over the trauma of the shock of losing the baby to death?
And my mother was in grandma's belly for 8 months when grandpa was shot by the Germans, she also developed narcissistic which I can understand better. My older sister rejected my mother from birth, also developed covert narcism and I was born with separation anxiety.
Strange and painful systems that I have only become aware of for several years.
Many thanks for you enlightment on the topic 💕🙏
A+! You' have an amazingly wonderful teaching style!
You are very good!! This is by far the best description I’ve heard to date.
Thank you
I've been so glad to find you Jill. Have been just walking out of the biggest trauma of my life lately and your video help has really made a difference for me in coping. My partner was a "mother emeshed man " ( that other video explained it to a T..) Our loving and wonderful 7yr relationship was only made possible by him raging and discarding his mom (i think). She was blocked and prevented from participating in family randomly. I couldnt have much contact as she was so strange and problematic for us.
Anyways, unfortunately, he got seriously ill, and I believe all his tools to stay away from his moms orbit became weaker and weaker until one day, he had all his supply in place to make it happen. He humiliated and smeared me to our good friends and then discarded me to live with his mom and have the friends and his mom take my place for his end of life months. The supply he had was the two friends who thought and believed bad things about me, and his mom who hated me. She acted as gatekeeper and prevented me from seeing him as he declined, but he was so emeshed with her and dead to me and the kids anyways...so weird to be completely disregarded by him until he died, he never wanted to make peace with me or the kids, and the family never experienced any change from him. He was the same loving man to them all except us. The flying monkeys are Still to this day convinced that I am bad...
I struggle with grief and betrayal.
Being victimized by a smear campaign is psychologically brutal - which is why "no contact" (physically and electronically on phone, social media, etc.) to the narc and flying monkeys alike is so important for your mental health. You are grieving on multiple levels. Peace to you, friend, as you heal from this horrific chapter.
they feed off of our pain it's so strange and detestable
This is THE BEST on the topic -- so thorough yet easy to understand! Thank you.
Yes! This resonated so much. He was initially attracted to me because I was the one woman in his classes intellectual enough to challenge the professors' logic. He pursued me because I was beautiful and smart.
Once we were married, he did his darnedest to make me feel unattractive, even to the point of decades of abstinence, because he liked hurting my feelings more than he getting laid.
And that intelligence that made me so valuable at the outset became a liability, too. Every single time I happened to know something he didn't, I was "going out of the way to make him feel stupid."
Power is all they seek and satisfies them!
A really good and important video, thank you such much. God willing I will watch it again so I can fully absorb it more because it contains a lot of information. This video is so well done!!!
Simply amazing again. I have watched several videos dealing with narcissism, and I have to say that you're teaching and knowledge really does nail it. Finally, questions answered and things are starting to make sense.every video that I've ever watched from other coaches on UA-cam have been very helpful, however, you really are filling in the blanks.. amazing and thank you again 🙏
Love your channel Jill. Thank you.
This is the best analysis of narcissistic supply there is. You do not have to be a clinical psychologist to get this. You have to have experienced this phenomenon to truly understand it. Even then, it is confusing. The only thing I will say is that the narcissist does not have to be at the level of the personality disorder.
You have helped me understand so much. Thank you for your informative and empathetic channel.
We all had childhood traumas. Just being born is trauma. These people are born with a mental defect same as any other killer or psychopath. These people are just lousy people.. I discarded the narcissist and she begged me to come back. I did and she discarded me that very same night. Its all about there ego and winning. They are selfish greedy creeps..
But you won not her. The creepy thing is that when you figure out their game and try to get away then they stalk you and hunt you down and are in your face again. The best thing is to get them to leave you because once they do that you can then block any contact with them at all. I agree with the video, it is best to let them think they are dumping you so then you have an excuse to cut all contact. This looks right to other people too. However if you dump them then you have the whole smear campaign blow up and the flying monkeys nightmare. The best thing is to let them think they 'won' so you can go on with your life without them (never let them back in though.)
Discard is actually a gift as it means that won't be abusing you anymore. The problem is that most get hurt by the discard as they still believe the false self and are trauma bonded. When you have been around them a very long time (eg. Family members) then the discard is a huge relief.
That's why when people have not been discarded and have not been able to go no contact, they even get to a point that they hope the narcissist dies and are relieved when they do. Awful to say but it is true.
Thanks a lot for this video Jill.
Top video. I recognize it as an ex partner who dealt with a covert narcissist.
Superb explanation. I love your videos. It is so true.
Very insightful video that explains a lot about Narcs.
This was very helpful, thank you!
The covert narc I was with for 50 years loved to go to the doctor over nothing. "Dog licked me" was in some of the notes I saw. He loved the attention he got there and you'll find that it's extremely rare that a clinic says ENOUGH. You're here every week and you have nothing wrong with you. Any attention anywhere anytime.
Lol sounds like my narc mother. Especially on birthday and mother's day, she knows she's not about to get any attention. So she heads off to the hospital like clockwork, it's so sad honestly.
You have just described my crazy ex..14 years no contact and he is still hounding me..Great video.
Perfectly said and this is something I’ve never heard explained but, I am familiar with this pattern.
I love all your videos! Where is your video on Attachment styles, please? This video was VERY IMPORTANT! Thank you 🙏🏻
Really well expressed video on this subject. I referred to one of my clients who had the narcissistic mother and is in a narcissistic relationship and keeps wondering if she's a narcissist. She's a victim not an narcissist this video really I believe will help her come to understand that...
Very good explanation... Thank you🤗
Wow,your right,they will take any sort of attention they can get,any attention is better than none at all.
Very clear explanation of this. Thank you
I'm not sure how I found your video, but at 3 in he morning this morning it was the only thing I found that could calm me down to sleep. This narcissistic supply thing is what I'm experiencing with my mother right now and it reared its ugly head last night. Your words were encouraging. Would like to hear suggestions for coping and responding to the attempts for supply. The more I purposely don't fuel or supply her the more desperate and maniulative she is.
It’s a difficult situation when you are dealing with a narcissistic parent. My best advice for dealing with them is to implement The Grey Rock Method with any and all interactions. The goal is to get them to find and depend on another person for their narcissistic supply and leave you alone. Of course, no contact is always the safest way to go, but if that isn’t an option for you, implement the Grey rock method constantly, and over time she will become tired and bored trying to extract supply from you and will start looking for other sources. If you are not familiar with the Grey rock method, be sure a google it and read up about it. I will also be doing a video about it in the near future. I’m sorry you are going through this. My father is a malignant narcissist, so I understand how hard it is.
@@theenlightenedtarget I have not heard of that. I will look into it. Thank you so much!
Doris Taylor, I have a question for you. Are you an adult and is your way clear to go no contact? I'd love to hear your response.
I feel sorry for you. I lost 26 years
Thanks for your beneficial videos. All your videos are very clearly expressed and explained. My suggestions would be better create boundaries with narcs to avoid disturbances. This is how I'm maintaining my peace though it hurts deep down that I did not choose a normal person as my life time companion. With no options left better we compromise with our circumstances creating boundaries without causing narc injuries. God bless and be with us as our strong hold. Amen
Great explanation!
I’ve noticed that the narcs in my life fawn over anyone who has some minor cache or achievement. It might be anyone from a Cadillac salesman to a local politician, a middle manager in a well known corporation or an attorney. Beyond that the narc seems to be easily swayed by the opinions of their perceived betters without the slightest bit of skepticism. It strikes me as a source of supply via objectification, a perception of superiority and one of the few times they let their insecure foundation show through.
Great explanation! Sometimes I can’t help but wonder how you describe my ex to a tee? What made it awful for me is he is a mental health nurse practitioner. His ego is inflated because he is very respected, but bored with those who pump up his inflated ego. I saw through him to some extent. When I questioned his behavior he put me down, then he’d asked me when I got my license to practice? That kept me in my place until I discovered his cheating, lies and who he really is. He wasn’t sorry for what he did, however, he was terrified I’d ruin his reputation, his career and everything he worked so hard for. There is the no emotional attachment.
It's a true pleasure listening to you , first off you make perfect sense, my exwife is a covert narc and after our divorce which was 8 yrs ago I ripped off that mask at the time I didn't realize what happened but I do now and it helps to know that , she has gotten way out of control with her abuse on me and my son , hes smart and he will reach a point where when he gets to be 15 16 he will probably tell her to fukoff because she controls his every move and I can tell its wearing on him, I think he will survive this madness it will leave a scar how big ? Who knows? but somewhere in the back of his head he knows that his dad me will always be there god willing and I will handle any situation that is needed !!
Crystal clear. Well done.
Now we have learned
how to strike back.haha!
"Narcissistic Supply" (their Selfish Pride)
The absolute need as an addictive drug, liken to breathing life giving air.
The sum total of all the other narcissistic traits and characteristics.
Thank you!
You have a good voice and tone. Succinct and to the point.
This is such excellent info!
So my daughter is a teacher, of teenagers. Well loved. but has lot of attention, and she control the class. I live with her. At home, horrible.. I treated like I am 7 years old. Kicked out of the house, where I pay rent, so her bf could spend the night. Threatens not to let me babysit, if upset her in anyway. I cannot even have a case of water in the fridge, she does not want it. Everything is her way or the high way. I am so emotional drained. She claims, she has to protect her child from me. What?? She so hurtful. The word, the twist in the truth, is unbelievably. She demands apologies from me. Not just simple one, I mean, almost an act of worship. I plan to get out in June, when the lease is up.
Liz Moore I think It’s better we understand that Life isn’t a bed of roses and it only takes a smart and determined mind to know what he or she is getting into. There’s a popular saying that: “don’t trust too much because that too much might hurt you so much”. A Narcissist shouldn’t be trusted. I discovered my husband of 13 years cheating on me through the help of Cyberhackingsage who helped cloned his cellphone and i was able to read all his messages and uncover his Infidelity without having to touch his phone. All i did was share my husband’s number with Cyberhackingsage and i got access to his social media accounts. I read all recent and deleted chats On his WhatsApp, Snapchat, and emails with a remote link on my phone. I’m here in L.A and able to read my husband’s text even while he was away in Australia cheating on me. I found out through his chats that my husband has been secretly diverting our hard earned savings to his old school mistress for upkeeps. Thanks to Cyberhackingsage, now i am going through a divorce with lots of evidence against him.. You can contact this Sage hacker Via Gmail ( cyberhackingsage@gmail ) Or Text and speak to him directly on his phone and WhatsApp +15713758467 and don’t forget to thank me later.
Very helpfull! Could you go into how messy it is to heal? For me it is a Rocky road but I don't hear about that alot.. Thank you so much for this one none the less!
Yes! As soon as I thought I was in the clear my healing backtracked... it takes time and patience
The Narcissist I Work with, Makes a lot of noise and she's trying to get attention and people may often say what's going on over there but I know it's on purpose I just ignore her that's how I deal with her, she doesn't care because everyone there gives her all the attention and Supply she needs she interrupts and gets entangled in other people's conversations and no one says anything she eavesdrops guess the conversation on herself no one says anything she just has a grand time doing whatever she wants and has escalated she's been there about six and a half years no matter who comes or goes she is able to reel them in she's a master manipulator so I see myself as the only one that is not caught up in her antics
You are the wise woman
Mason Peck, I really Appreciate you Encouragement ❤
I once saw a man on TV in a news related show. He was begging his wife to come back home. He was down on his knees crying. He was prostrating to her and saying please come back. She sat there with her chin supported on her fingers just looking at him. Eventually, she agreed to return if he cut of all his ties to his family. I wonder if she was a narcissist....
Thank you!
Wonderful explanation. Thank you
Wow, good insight!
Never heard it put that way b4 Jill.
It’s exhausting continually trying to fill that attention void that they need on a daily basis.
When my ex narc was in his discard phase he said to my face “ I hate that I cannot intimidate you” 😮
My sick in the head narc female told me in the begining that she carefully pick the boyfriends that she want to be whith !!! She was the worst person i EVER had in my life totaly !!! After the lovebombing she became the devil no brain functions at all !!!!! And the mask came of after 3 mounth !!!! And she work as a teacher and she scream and fight whith her children !!! The rage i have seen whit her is the worst i have seen in my life totaly EXPLODE in 1 sek !!!! Mikael from sweden
An Angel in Public and a Demon in private. The Narcissist is given to attacks of Rage which are projected onto the innocent. Often it is their own spouse and children who bear the brunt of their rage since they are the least likely to protest this behavior fearing rejection and abandonment.
I'm just learning about this subject over the past few weeks. It's looking like I'm very codependent towards these relationships as this very much explains my history of 4 marriages to two women. My last ex and I broke up several weeks ago and I've been returning her texts and email with just silence, she keeps contacting me with increasingly angry messages, yesterday's being the most hate-ridden message I've ever received. We've no reason or need for contact but if she doesn't get her "supply" from someone else and she only has me in her sick head for being the cause of all her problems I'm actually worried she could continue escalating until she's knifing my car's tires or something.
Great video 👍
In 4 years I have been through 2 Narc. Both very different. Number 1 was an extrovert, he was a regular at my bar, for over a year. He had a huge break up with his wife, and I felt really sad for him. He was extremely smart, charismatic, tall pretty good looking, but off the chart funny. Todd was not a very good pathological liar, I would call him out on his lies and he would apologize and say I'm not sure why I just made that up, Well I know now he was testing me and making sure to throw me off balance, and I looked back and reailze he would climb a tree to tell a lie. There was nothing real about him ever. He was a thief never walked into a 7-11 he didn't walk out of the store with a pocket full of candy, or whatever else he needed. He would drink with me in the begining and then I realized he wasn't really drinking anymore with me and I was doing all the drinking and would have major blackouts. He would joke and say hahahha you don't know what I'm doing when your asleep, which was absolulty correct, because he was a sexual preditor. I woke up one time and he was watching something on his phone that was laying on me and he was sexually assaulting me anally. Which he knew I was not into. I believe he's made videos of me passed out while he sexually assaulted me. When I came to I shifted around and he grabbed his phone and ran down the hallway so he knew he was doing something wrong. I didn't react at the time because I wanted to continue to see what he was doing while he thought I was unconscience. I told him the next morning I know exactly what you did lastnight to me , that's called sexual assault. He said if I was really upset he would go to the POlice station with me to file a report. I left that day and I moved out two days later. He kept my make up, my favorite pair of boots that my deceased husband bought me I was allowed to have one of them to always remind me of him and get pisssed off , I could see the one boot and know I could never wear them. Almost $600 boots. He also new he had financially bankrupted me so no way would they ever get replaced. Kept notebooks that were given to me by my deceased best friend that had died that year. I was dealing with a personal injury case and he threatened to call the insurance company and tell them that he was asked to lie on a affidavit that was summitted by me to them. He posted pics of him and his new supply on facebook, while sending me the most horrific emails, because he was blocked on my phone. One day he was so nasty in emails I called him and could tell he was at a bar , drove to one I thought it might me walked up while his homeless pos self was gathering up a bag of clothes out of his vehicle. and his new supply was sitting in her car in front of his. I raged I said fucking really, is this your new GF (which she refused to make eye contact with me, asked how the new gf would like to see the text he was stilll sending me bullshit messages, answer was no....He looked like a deer in the headlights when I showed up. You have to understand I went no contact, he was blocked in every way. But he had like 20 email accounts. He used apps to change his number to continue to send me abusive texts. He stole my ipad that was linked to my icloud accoun....he monitored me for months without my knowledge. Then one day he sent me a message to let me know that he could see alll my stuff. He was in my facebook account, my email accounts he could see all my browser history, and no telling what else. All while he was with the new supply. I realized if he could see me I could see him too, I was able to access the browser history only, but what I found was soooooooo sick and disturbing, I was in shock. He was on porn non stop, his favorite was short clips and in almost everyone of the clips the man wore a mask and was sexually assaulting the partner. There was one that showed the masked man interestingly enough titled mask man has sex with sleeping blonde girl. I was able to track the longitude and latitude of ever search he did. He was either at work , after the business closed or at his ex's house. I confronted him and he said that's bullshit everyone knows I don't watch porn. I sent him screne shots and this is when he finally realized his mask was off and I could exspose him. He finally went no contact with me, thank god. He showed up like 8 months later to my regular bar, just as I was closingout stood next to me said hello I didn't make eye contact or engage and I walked off out the front door. Todd and I had a 5 month relationship , and it took me almost a year to get rid of him. What a sick fucking POS,. this all came to my life 6 months after my husband of 12 years passed away in a motocycle acciden, same year lost 6 of my closest friends, also was new to Colorado Springs, Todd new I was prime supply. We even got a marriage license after 3 months thank god I made excuses. Todd blew up FB with our pics to get to the ex I know now. Todd was lazy, never held a job.He made some different arts and crafts when he wanted money. Not if we needed money. I was constantly sick , I remember screaming at him stop your going to give me a stroke, I was driving down the highway when he started his shit. I had multible trips to the ER. Todd was best friends with his ex that he left for his wife. After he kept me isolated wouldn';t do shit to help me get the cell phone paid, even more isolation. And you are right the ex made slight comments about him being a cheater and liar. These people need to come with a warning label. speaking of identity theft I had been a bartender for 15 year and 5 minutes after I left him he went and got a job as a bartender. I literally didn't beleive him so I actually drove there.. and lord knows he refused to work the whole time we were together. He had the ownerand all these older ladies taking care of him, driving him to court buying him a car, and no telling what else. He knew he had the flu and roped me into seeing him and infected me on purpose. I missed the birth of my first grandaughter , I missed my shifts at my bartending job. St. Patricks Day even which is a huge night and money , he would tell me he was a better bartender than I would ever be. Atleast I knew better. Oh another thing was he told me he had me in the enlarging phase, he tried so hard to cause me to gain weight . Both his exes I knew were over 300 pounds. He was trying to destroy my self image and my health. He stole my tools I'm a jig saw artist at a co op he stole my art work from there , convincinng people it was his. Althought I had witnesses watch me cut and stain the wood plus pictures during the whole process... This guy was just flat out scary. I can;t even begin to detail all the lies , the exhausting hours of him purposely gaslighting me, never went ghost until I found out his gross rapist porn addiction . He never went into a store that he didn't steal something from. Very obseesed with his looks, alot of time in the mirror , all his selffies photo shopped with rock hard abs. When i would take a shower he would scare the shit out of me peaking in the shower. He was a very scary person, I was soooo lost sooo cunfused as to how someone that newall the trauma I had been through would treat me this way. I've been in counseling for the past 2 years. Mostly for PTSD from his and the loss of my 7 friends in one year. This guy made sure tobuyhis ex stuff for Valentines Day posted it on FB and never got me anything ever.
Sorry it was inpossible the keep this short people need to know about these sick fucks. I had never met one thill I moved to Colorado Springs and they are every other person you meet here.
I am origianlly from Dallas, Texas
No need to apologize you had me hanging on every word. You poor girl. Sounds like my ex except I shut down my own facebook account cause I dont want to give him the opportunity to rub it in my face. I have stopped talking to anyone who would be willing to give him the time of day and I am scared to death of him. He was very physically abusive. The thing about you blacking out and him doing things to you I can relate to but I never until reading your story even thought of what he may have done and /or recorded. I feel so sick right now
Narcissist have tried,...hahaha 😂😂😂 it's funny.
It's always a mistake on their part, i like to mess with their heads xD.
The Tiger doesn't fear the Jackal.
Yes, but you still lose. Because you do not experience what you would experience with the right person !!!
@@boki69ful I'm not "the right person" myself to be honest about it.
I'm a bit (just slightly) higher up the food chain vs any narc.
Hence, it's a mistake on their part to cross my path, not mine to cross theirs, to me it was very calculated hahahah.
@@thatdutchguy2882 Ok it seems I should not worry about you, hahahaha...
@@boki69ful Hahaha xD.
Indeed, there's no need🎭.
@Dexy Nash Very.
Thank you
Hi. Thank you for this thorough information.
May I ask a question?
I'm wondering how we tell the difference between a true narcissist vs a victim suffering identical traits from reactive abuse?
Is there something different between the 2 types?
I can remember during the last year's of my 22 yr marriage that I became so dysregulated. So defensive. So stuck in victim mode. Even manipulative in some horrible way hoping someone would help me make sense of what was happening to me that I was so distorted confused hopeless scared ...etc...
Thank you for any guidance you can render.
I spent almost am entire year thinking I became a narcissist, that my counselors coaches and team managers had to help me understand about reactive abuse and PECPTSD.
I felt so shameful am entire yr thinking id become a narcissist bc I could not regulate my overly sensitive emotions.
When I talk to other survivors they have also gone through this too, believing they'd become or they were the narcissist.
Such a sad thing looking back but still confused to understand the difference.
If he never apologizes or admits he is wrong then he is a Narc. They have no remorse
Thank you !!!
I don't have kids, but when my bf is giving me the silent treatment and I don't go chasing him, he will ignore not only me, but also our cats and dogs. He knows that hurts me deeply. When I see him walking right by one of our dogs, whose tail is wagging with excitement to see him, and he just ignores him, I feel like crying. How can a person do that to an innocent animal?
It’s truly sad, and it started with a mother or a father or primary caretaker from birth to two or three years of age. My late sister in law tried to understand her brother’s narcissistic behavior and told me that when he was born his father wanted a girl but he was not, so he kicked him around like dirt beneath his feet. Then his mother would scoop him up and give him anything he wanted even to the point of spoiling him and never setting any limits. So while one parent abused him the other spoiled him. How confusing is that to a child. My heart broke when I heard the story. How sad. He could have been an entirely different man had he been loved and accepted by both parents. What I’m wandering is, is there any help for them in therapy to find true empathy? I would suppose it would begin with empathy for their own broken bonds and attachments. Is it possible past childhood for a narcissist to heal? It’s so very sad that a parent can cause so much damage that could be irreversible. It’s heart breaking. Thank you for another wonderful video.
Why would a narcissist actually regret and miss an ex to the point he rubs her in everyone's face. He can't stop mentioning her. He keeps her photos up. Texts her Constantly. She has all their couple photos on Facebook open on her profile pictures. Don't get this game between them both!
Thank you for explaining this with such clarity. Just wondering what constitutes a normal healthy level of attention giving/receiving.🤔
Not our coping mechanisms from our own childhood trauma and abuse.
Very good. Thank you.
IT'S JUST WORDS. Repeat that to yourself when in the midst of one of their crazy tirades. IT'S JUST WORDS, this person is beneath your goodness, and it isn't worth a response or even a change in your facial features.
IT'S JUST WORDS.
I know my husband has something wrong. NPD fits. I have tried to be a Christian & love him unconditionally. Not asking for my needs to be met. When I stopped arguing & just tried even harder to figure out what he wants & meet those needs.. he filed for divorce. From what I’ve read, they don’t leave.. they usually just threaten. I realized I did my best & tried my hardest to make our marriage work. Then he started going to counseling w me. We started doing so so well. Then here came the silent treatment AGAIN. He finally tells me what I did & he’ll say I called him a name years ago. So he gets mad at me for a memory he has.. from YEARS earlier. And I really worry bc I am 100 sure that I never said what I get accused of.
So they don’t really want love. They don’t want happiness. Is the only way for him to be happy is for me to be miserable??? That’s what it seems.
They look for a doormat to blame everything on.oh it’s rainy outside? Your fault. The stock market crashed? Your fault. Etc
I asked this psychopath for a divorce. He said no. He said I have to earn my freedom.
:'(
My ex told me I was trying to “escape.”
I am married for 43 years and I believed I am crazy like he told me over and over and then my therapist said I must run cause he will make me crazy cause he is a narc. he oogle woman, cheat etc. But he is this great christian and everything envolve around him etc. people tell him how good he is and why didnt they discovered him years ago etc. and then every 3/4 months he will suddenly ignore me without any reason for weeks. At this moment am I in the midst of this mood swing of ignoring me. I ignore him as well and go on with my life like nothing is wrong. Is this the right way to handle him.
Lynnette Jordaan I have the same question..
Watch video's about the "grey rock" technique. That's my only suggestion if you plan on staying married to him. I don't know how you could handle it anymore tbh.