Yes thats true,but as we age we start to See Life and people clearly ,i can See a narcissist a Mile away...Nobody takes nothing from me anymore...use or abouse me.
It's funny, as much as we know the person isn't good for us, we're resistant to kick them out of the dream, we believe they are the only person who can fill that role, I guess we do this cuz accepting the reality that they aren't, is just too depressing, whereas continuing to believe in the fantasy of the dream gives us hope, even if it's false hope.
Its also bc we know them and their problems, with our perspective, and would want to try to help them if we could, to make the dream possible, but they can only fix themselves if they are willing to and put in the work. Dont try to fix others.
Remember that you do not have to have anyone else out there, even if they are worth it. If you don't want them, let them go and cut the wiring clean off.
Game changer: “that person isn’t going to get what you wanted; the other person is going to get what your partner gives them.” Wow!!!! So true and comforting to here.
Hi Emily, this phrase that she made does sound good but I'm trying to wrap my head around on what exactly does that mean. I might be wrong with my understanding. Can you explain with an example? Like I was looking for a certain level of affection from this person, but they give it to their partner even when they don't need to ask for it (it could be something that they want also, right?)
Susan, you're such an intuitive therapist. You just KNOW. Your wisdom, natural charm, and beauty (inside and out) are refreshingly welcomed and appreciated. Thank you.
I was dating a guy for 2 months, it was great till I expressed my wanting to be in a proper relationship. He said he was too traumatized from his past relationships and he didn't want nothing more. I found out that he was dating another girl and he choose her over me. This was 2 years ago, they live together now. He is all over her social media. On the other hand no photo of her on his Facebook /Instagram.Back then I was scattered, now I realize that he does to her the same thing and that I wouldn't tolerate him anyway
Yes he’s too indecisive, he needs to know. What or who he really wants , good thing you tracked him down on fb, now you know you just would of felt used.
One of the messages on the movie WW1984 it's exactly about letting go of the one you love when it has become detrimental to your life and health. When Diana said "I renounce my wish " and left Steve behind she got her power back and was able to fly for the first time... and I got the message and did the same. I renounce my wish and dream with him and since then I feel wonderful.
Ohhh😀😀😀 I'm very happy to hear the last sentence " he will and guess what they are going to experience hot and cold not you."....😀😀😀❤️❤️❤️ Love you Susan ...😘😘😘
That last sentence: “They are going to be experience ‘hot and cold’, not you”. Priceless! Now I can finally move on after 1,5 years.... yesssss Thank you ❤️
Hearing he will not necessarily change his chore behavior with a new partner is somehow a relief. And realizing it’s loosing the “dream”of what someone inspired and not actual reality makes total sense
Alternative take: maybe it's just not with you. People get too wrapped up in these notions that because x, y, z didn't work with you, or said person didn't work with you, that they will act the same with someone else. Sometimes, it's true. Other times, it's not. We want the other person to hurt like we do so we don't feel alone in our grief. The hardest lesson is accepting that even though you may have cared about each other at one point, ultimately, it just didn't work. It hurts to let go this way, because we always try to think of the what ifs or could haves, but the best life lesson I've learned is that sometimes, it really is what it is and what it isn't, and letting go.
I love the parallel you draw between the 'dream" and the idea to replace them by a better actor in a movie. thank you, great idea! I will remember this :)
Right, we get attached to a person and an idea without looking at the reality of the situation. If a person doesn't want then they won't treat you right anyway.
Hardest thing with a broken relationship is moving on and forgetting about them. I'm currently going through it and just want to be happy with them and move on. I found out things about her which doesn't fit what I want from a wife and so I use that to try and move on. One important thing I'll say to everyone here is keep busy, go out do stuff, see family as it really helps mentally. I know with Covid and lockdown occuring in different places around the globe will affect what we can and can't do so better to find things to do which wouldn't break that rule. Worst thing you want to do is sit out home overthink about the person as then your mind starts making things worse.
"Worst thing you want to do is sit out home overthink about the person as then your mind starts making things worse" That's true and unfortunately, the lockdown's policy from my city is making things really hard for people suffering heartache during this time. Restaurants, bars, coffee shop, nightclubs or sporting facilities are closed. Curfew in the evening! What do we have left? Internet, UA-cam or Netflix... Susan's videos is what keeping me sane. She's brilliant!
@@hyperwarrior908 your not wrong with covid messing things up. Here in London we're in our second national lockdown. I heard about this girl I liked last year in march a week before the first lockdown came in. Talk about timing. I've been stuck at home since and for the past few months after finishing university I'm struggling to get into the career I want due to covid messing it up. Im now looking at jobs in the financial sector which is different to the science qualifications I got and parents aren't happy about it but I'm sure hopefully I'll be better off in this.
Excellent advice. Best to focus on what’s IS working in your life over what’s not. Woe is me is a very alluring place to be....but always leads to more overthinking and more disappointment.
Yes I’ve done this for a long time with previous partners. You have to be carful when you get deeply entrenched in this kind of state of mind as you get used to it like a depression it becomes your friend. I use your method of looking at her character and knowing I would not want that from a wife. Ive decided to put all my energies in my goal to succeed as an international sports photographer. My ultimate goal is to photograph the men’s 100mm final at the Olympics.
“Where you’re moving toward is better than anything you’ve got.” Susan, you have such powerful words coming out of you, you might not even know about it! I ended a four-year relationship with my first girlfriend and to this day, I feel like I lost my best friend. When in reality, my life has been much better and I’ve found someone who’s a much better partner. It’s funny how our brain likes to get stuck onto things that we used to idealise.
I really needed to hear this. I'm going through the same hardship. My person was also hot and cold. You shouldn't want them anymore and yet you miss them. I'm looking forward to who will fit my dream ;)
Hey are you trying to attract love (sp) or get an ex back to you, the love specialist offers the best solutions in fixing,restoring broken relationships and attracting love 🌺🏅🏅
Bravo! This has been, in my opinion, the soundest, most articulate, & logical form of advice that I've ever heard! So relevant for anyone going through a divorce or break-up to be able to understand the 'why's' & 'hows' of reframing their experience this way so that they can actually move forward in life with confidence, clarity, and eventually even with gratitude for having been given the tools to help them heal so much sooner than they were otherwise able to !! Skip the redundant sections of your grief experience?? YES PLEASE! After 2 failed marriages- I had to learn the hard way that those 'what-if' kind of thoughts only prolong your pain & add extra regret cause you wasted even more of your precious time stuck in 'analysis paralysis' when you could have been focused on the manifestation of the upgraded version of your dream!!!!
I came to exactly same conclusion as Susan points out, after 10months of “what if’s” and misery thinking. I ended up being grateful for the lessons learned through my experience with him and be thankful of him showing me what I should not in fact tolerate and why I was tolerating BS. Though time and now in the beginning of a new time of calmly and naturally letting go. Susan is the best! I wished for this video to land on my notification 10 months ago. But grateful for the lovely confirmation of my lessons learned through struggle. 🤍
This is a great message. The reality is knowing that the person taps into a dream that you want. You think the person is right for the part and you start to make plans and fantasies. The truth is the other person may not give you what you think they will. Keep the dream but lose the person. Either they don't want the part, are not good for the part, or there is someone better for you. And truth is some dreams turn into nightmares. You don't know what you don't know. I remember being hung up on a person so strong. I stayed in the relationship because I did not want to let go of the dream. It was a disaster. Lesson learned.
YES. We get caught up in what we want to see instead of what is really there. I did that in my youth. Now I follow Maya Angelou's advice, 'When people show you who they are believe them."
My spirit was immediately lifted by the simple, but profound truth presented in this video. Of course, it was the dream that makes this certain someone so attractive... And I can actualize that dream myself, because it is my dream.
Susan you are the only coach that really resonates with me ❤️. I wish I would have discovered you sooner before playing all these games that male “relationship experts” suggest. Sometimes I wonder what the outcome could’ve been if I was honest and straight forward about what I wanted. Thank you Susan I will never play those coy games again.
Everything you said was so accurate Susan, & I would add that there's always more than one person to build your dream with. Don't get caught up in the web of "this is the one'.....there are many people out there to find happiness with. 👍👍💖💖💖 🇬🇧 🇬🇧
Thanks for making this video. This is why it is often so hard to let go. We have this dream that they were once a big part of, and it's hard to just give up on. Sometimes, you have stubborn feelings inside you that tell you to hang on to those dreams and keep your optimism; other times, you have the weight of certain circumstances, of outside reality, that urge you to move on and close this chapter of your life. It's very hard to navigate at times. But you acknowledge that these dreams exist, are common, and are natural. Acknowledging this loss is a part of grieving or figuring out the next steps.
Very true. I believe it is a part of being human to create bonds and strong memories becuase it is how we survive and make it in the world. The problem is this law also works for good things and bad things. It takes work but if you keep at it you will survive.
Thanks ... very good ... very true .... So everyone ... ... Feel it - Grieve it - Don’t try to Retrieve it - Just Let it Go - So You Can Grow - And then Finally Glow !!
Thanks for touching on the fact that the next person who dates your ex is going to get what you got. It's too easy to think, "her next partner is going to get a polished version of her that I never saw, because I was her practice boyfriend to work the kinks out." While that may be partly the case bc we learn from each relationship, the patterns and areas with room for improvement are still largely there.
Thank you, your video was so helpful. Your right my ex will never change. Once hot & cold always hot & cold. I suppose deep down I knew that but didnt want to face it.
This is exactly what I needed to listen to.. Struggling after being discarded.. I needed to have this said to me in practical terms.. I think I understand it now
Love love this advice! Once you realize its the dream and the dream is not gone.. that was so key in me learning a very hard lesson. Being wrapped up in the person as they were the former star in my dream. I had confused the person with the dream. Life does go on, and you are totally spot on about the next person getting what you got- NOT something so much more /better.. ( and probably it wasn't all THAT fabulous when we are honest with ourselves.) You are so right people do not fundamentally change from person to person. It was the dream that made it jump out and grab me and want that person. Once I can delete that snap shot in time when I said he's the one ( and only).. and see the hot and cold, etc behaviors that I didn't appreciate, it became easier. Was I sad and broken up for awhile/ . yep sure was. In our gut we KNOW this person is not the one, but we have fear of letting go of the dream. Keeping my feet on the ground and not getting swept up when meeting someone new, keeping focus of what qualities I really wanted for the person to join my life a new improved better dream helped me find my husband. I have you to thank Susan with your intuitive words of wisdom from your many videos that I played over and over---*** till it stuck in my brain.
Susan Winter ❤️❤️ You could do fifty videos on this from different angles.: it takes a while before you ( I/we) can see it for yourself and actually learn to let it go. It’s amazing though once you get it ya got it.
Your videos always bring me so much comfort. You're like that intuitive best friend that doesn't sugar coat but also keeps your feelings into consideration and doesn't go overboard. Thank you Susan !!! You're such a sweetheart 💕
I know my ex is bad for me, I know she doesn't fit my wife material, I know we're different, I know we wil never be compatible, and yet still I miss her.. Accepting our differences isn't the hard part, it's unnattaching from someone u are emotionally connected too, and dealing wit the dissapointment that they may have detached long before we have 😢
Thank you, Susan, this is a great video. I'm struggling with letting go of a person and the dream. The person falls short of the dream, but I was smitten at our first meeting. So hard, but your comments are helpful.
I hope you recover. When we meet people and are attracted it is normal for us to feel smitten. We fill in the blanks with a person with no evidence of who they really are. It is all a fantasy that you put on a person.
Another great video. When I left my ex I tortured myself for months about him meeting someone else and suddenly becoming the perfect man for her. He never wanted to go out for dinner or on holiday with me or even a day out somewhere. But in my head he was going to do all these things with a new woman. And of course he wasn't ever going to be manipulative or controlling or physically abusive because I caused him to behave like that. They really do a good job on us.
We have to take our power back. We give up our power to fall in love with a person or an idea. Then this person or idea begins to control us. The reality is we have to be in control of our lives.
Ahhh! Susan you did it again. I LOVE this topic b/c it’s my struggle right now. Letting go of him and the dream. I need to watch this daily! I broke up with him in the summer during Covid and now it’s 5 months later and I feel like the victim. All alone etc. I finally cut the cord and put myself on a dating site publicly. I am no longer keeping him in my back pocket as a oh maybe he’ll come around, oh maybe he’ll see what a mistake he made not giving me any attention or love. Wow this is really two steps forward and one step back. Thank you so much for being a catalyst for my steps forward. Love and thanks. -Kate from HK NYC
I found out a week ago my wife says" its over".."I'm done"..it's come from nowhere!...she don't want to fix our marriage??...she said I neglected her for months...and I explained work stresses and this covid lockdowns...took it's toll...I apologize for not giving the attention she needs at the time...we still live together and have 2 children (twins)...I tried to talk but she's like another person??..but I'm going to concentrate on me for my children...but hard still being around her...and still sleeping in same bed!....I miss my wife so much
Oh my goooooodness this is a gift from God. I'm going to watch every single one of your videos now so I snap the bloody hell out of it and rid the idea of going back to someone that isn't worth my time. I'm over romanticising. Its so draining. Thankyou so much.
I'm a 41 year old man. I have a tick disorder, OCD, high anxiety, and am on meds for seizures. Been single for 4 1/2 years. Recently lost my job because of a year off due to having those seizures. A son that has moved out and a daughter that lives with her mother. I am broke basically. No one will hire me and when I get a look from a woman, they look at me like I'm aweful because of my ticks. I was on a dating site, but every woman that chatted with me told me how much of a failure I was because I don't have a job or money. I would love a partner. I'm a great cook and I love to listen and am intelligent as well. How can I ever get a date when women only want men with money or assets and don't see that I have a heart?. Love your channel.
You are just so spot on with your advice. I too am having a Felix moment . A straight guy I have been having a relationship with non sexual but every other thing that you do in a relationship. He even told me when he was drunk in the middle of a very long embrace/ hug. ' do you think you can turn gay in your 50''s' then wonders why I thought he liked me more than friends. He now is dating a lady and I've taken in hard but I think it was the dream he gave me that I am mourning. You helped a lot X ❤️
I’ve commented this before but how is this video so perfectly timed 😩 i literally typed the title into the search bar yesterday! thank u Susan ❤️ every time i fall back into my conscience u upload a video to help bring me back to reality
I've been in an on and off toxic relationship for the past year and a half. Every time they say they are ready to commit they immediately run away. Hot then cold. Jeckyl and Hyde. Last summer I fell into deep depression over the loss. For some reason I thought this time would be different but it was not. I have watched 80/100 of your break up videos and I am already feeling like I will have a much easier time moving on. Thank you Susan!!!
I hope things work out for you. I have been in that situation. Hoping the person is telling the truth when they are just telling lies. I have learned to only give people what I can afford to lose. Only do things with people becuase YOU enjoy doing them not because you want them to stay around. In this way, you are being who you truly are and don't feel such a huge loss when if they decide to move on.
Thank you, Susan, for your great advices. It is exactly what it is -a dream and not yet a love. W/love dream can become a reality w/hot-cold dream turns into Thx God the dream did not materialize to become a nightmare.
It’s so crazy how simple some things really are, but while we go through them our brains will never see these simple solutions. The dream is still outs but just with a different cast.
My dream...☺ After decades of choosing to live alone with a full, busy satisfied life and all through looking after animals.. My dream is to find an incredible person who loves homeless animals and and will work with me rest of my life dedicated to the animals☺ No other type of candidate acceptable 😂 Hear your videos and you always speak in a practical , understanding and soothing manner with sensible and sound advice for the young n needy...☺☺
Wow! This is what I needed to hear today at this very moment. It’s been an awful day and then this beautiful lady appears with the most useful insights imaginable. Thank you so much!
Felix, ANYTHING is possible. Hot and cold is a reflection of your own great thoughts on the one hand and insecurities on the other hand!! Don't give up! But of course, Susan is right in saying that it could be easier with someone else! It's your choice. 🙂
Hey are you trying to attract love (sp) or get an ex back to you, the love specialist offers the best solutions in fixing,restoring broken relationships and attracting love 🌺🏅🏅🏅🏅
This was very helpful. Thank you 💙 I have made up my mind about cutting all the energetic chords I have with this guy. The dream is precious to me I will continue to keep it and let a more competent man fill the place.
This is brilliant! At first when you said dream I imagined a negative conotation like some sort of childish fantasy, but turn it arround to a positive meaning of life vision. I'm inspired.
Thank you so much for this, I needed it today. It's been three years and though I know the person was in no way suitable for me, I still feel sad when I think of the dream for us I had 😔
the dream, that thing that strings us. I guess if we're with the right person, that string will feel natural and we won't be skeptical in giving our all.
You have such a great way of explaining things. I've introduced your videos to several friends and family. Thank You for being you, and sharing your life's work with us. ❤
It was hard letting go of the ex who was the love of my life.. but in the end, it turned out for the best because God DID lead me to another man who is wiser and now, after dating him for eleven years, is my husband. I'm glad and grateful that God set me free from the ex - otherwise, I'd never have met or known my own value/worth and found my husband who respects my value and worth.
You are a treasure. I moved on with my life but 15 years later thoughts oh him still visit me. I tried to thinl of what he have me bacl then that ctreated such an attachment and I cant come up with anything.
Hi Susan winter, words are not enough to convey to you, just how much your videos, your channel and your guidance has helped me with my outlook on life, throughout the last few years, to become a more secure individual, to know my worth, and to help put the past into the boxes it needs to be in, in order to move forward. Honestly I am so so so so greatful to you, I humbly thankyou, from the very depths of my heart, thankyou, thankyou, thankyou. If I am ever having a bad day, you are the person I turn to, for comfort, support, and guidance. THANKYOU!
I love this video because it encourages the wounded not to become bitter. Every bad relationship, I've had to take responsibility for my part. My naitivity & wishful thinking. In the end..they shaped me to the focused and fulfilled woman I am today. So thank you exes!
Yes wishful thinking and magical thinking can get us stuck on a dream that has no chance of coming true. We want to think the best when reality is more realistic. It might not be as good as you think it is.
@@teeahtate What's difficult is these men manipulated me into believing they truly loved me. Even my ex husband who actually tried to kill me. I'm quite serious! I took 2 years off from dating so I could grow close to God. Heal and find my calling. Getting ready to publish my fourth book. My latest release got a 5 star review from Barnes & Noble! Anyway I decided I wouldn't give my heart or body away anymore. God showed me that I was beloved and that He would guide me to a good man or vice versa.
Hey are you trying to attract love (sp) or get an ex back to you, the love specialist offers the best solutions in fixing,restoring broken relationships and attracting love 🌺💕💕
Walked away from him 2 years ago but here I am, still stuck with all of our memories, obsessed with his new relationship, confused with my own decisions and regrets. It just keeps spinning in my head that I was so terrible that he moved on and got married to that wonderful woman so fast. Hate myself for stalking them all the time. How do I get out of my own head??
Work on improving your life and finding a 'right fit' for you. No use ruminating. I have done it too, but you waste valuable time that you are on Earth. They are not worth your anxiety. You need to live life to the fullest, as if it could end at any moment, because it can.....
Simply wow.. that's what my subconscious mind knew. Pain of losing the dream rather than the person. I didn't know any such psychological aspect existed..tysm ❤️🙏
Susan you save me every time. I discovered your channel two or three breaks ups ago (😫) and you save me from my destructive, anxiously attached tendencies every time. I ended things with this person who doesn’t know what they want and now they want me to come over one last time for “closure” but I don’t see what I have to gain from that, only hurt and pain and all of those feelings rushing back in. I’m going to choose myself this time. Thank you for helping me get to this point in my healing journey. Sending you love and blessings ❤️✨🌟💋
One of the best words to describe this was by Gabby Bernstein called "Future Tripping." For me, he represented having the kids with the white picket fence, only he got them with someone else.
Remember, people: some dreams turn out to be nightmares. Let them go...
I definitely needed to hear this.
Yes thats true,but as we age we start to See Life and people clearly ,i can See a narcissist a Mile away...Nobody takes nothing from me anymore...use or abouse me.
i BEEN THERE !!! LOL OUCH !!!
True! A real nightmare.
So true!
The dream is STILL OUR DREAM....just not with that loser ❤
Yessss
💯
or maybe you're the loser...i'm not trying being a jerk, but sometimes people have a delusional inflated perception of themselves..
Absolutely!!!!! 🎉❤
It's funny, as much as we know the person isn't good for us, we're resistant to kick them out of the dream, we believe they are the only person who can fill that role, I guess we do this cuz accepting the reality that they aren't, is just too depressing, whereas continuing to believe in the fantasy of the dream gives us hope, even if it's false hope.
Absolutely true! Losing the whole dream.
I get it. I am dealing with the same thing as you are.
Well said and totally agree!
True..to know someone is not good for us and yet wanting her badly is tough. May be bcoz our minds do not want to accept that we made a wrong choice
Its also bc we know them and their problems, with our perspective, and would want to try to help them if we could, to make the dream possible, but they can only fix themselves if they are willing to and put in the work. Dont try to fix others.
Be like a tree and let the dead leaves drop.
- Rumi
Make like a tree, and get outta here. - Biff Tanner
remember our life is short, our energy is not infinite, there is always somebody worth out there
Beautiful
True..
@@tjfSIM Might need to reconsider what you're searching for.
Remember that you do not have to have anyone else out there, even if they are worth it. If you don't want them, let them go and cut the wiring clean off.
Game changer: “that person isn’t going to get what you wanted; the other person is going to get what your partner gives them.” Wow!!!! So true and comforting to here.
Yes very comforting! That line had me chuckling!
Hi Emily, this phrase that she made does sound good but I'm trying to wrap my head around on what exactly does that mean. I might be wrong with my understanding. Can you explain with an example? Like I was looking for a certain level of affection from this person, but they give it to their partner even when they don't need to ask for it (it could be something that they want also, right?)
@@rejoegeorgethe pattern continues. A guy who is afraid of commitment may also hurt another girl.
Susan, you're such an intuitive therapist. You just KNOW. Your wisdom, natural charm, and beauty (inside and out) are refreshingly welcomed and appreciated. Thank you.
thanks Annette
I couldnt agree more :-)
Always remember. Rejection breeds obsession
The timing could not have been better 😭
LOVE IT.
😭😭😭😭😭😭
Bingo! The way someone acts to you is the way he/she reacts to every relationship! ❤️
I was dating a guy for 2 months, it was great till I expressed my wanting to be in a proper relationship. He said he was too traumatized from his past relationships and he didn't want nothing more. I found out that he was dating another girl and he choose her over me. This was 2 years ago, they live together now. He is all over her social media. On the other hand no photo of her on his Facebook /Instagram.Back then I was scattered, now I realize that he does to her the same thing and that I wouldn't tolerate him anyway
Yes he’s too indecisive, he needs to know. What or who he really wants , good thing you tracked him down on fb, now you know you just would of felt used.
I looked up my big heart break from 20 years ago. He did on numbers on his wife and his mistress so bad they both rant about him on IG!
Yeah he just wanted to hit it and exit. Try unfollowing then on social media (:
@@adday. wow...
He probably cheating on her and unsure about her too.
One of the messages on the movie WW1984 it's exactly about letting go of the one you love when it has become detrimental to your life and health. When Diana said "I renounce my wish " and left Steve behind she got her power back and was able to fly for the first time... and I got the message and did the same. I renounce my wish and dream with him and since then I feel wonderful.
Brava!
Ohhh😀😀😀 I'm very happy to hear the last sentence " he will and guess what they are going to experience hot and cold not you."....😀😀😀❤️❤️❤️ Love you Susan ...😘😘😘
That last sentence: “They are going to be experience ‘hot and cold’, not you”.
Priceless! Now I can finally move on after 1,5 years.... yesssss
Thank you ❤️
1.5yrs?? thats so much time. dear god bless you.. m in similar situation but moving on soon.
Hearing he will not necessarily change his chore behavior with a new partner is somehow a relief. And realizing it’s loosing the “dream”of what someone inspired and not actual reality makes total sense
AmyJacqueline G,You look gorgeous 🌷🌹,Hope you are with a good man!
Alternative take: maybe it's just not with you. People get too wrapped up in these notions that because x, y, z didn't work with you, or said person didn't work with you, that they will act the same with someone else. Sometimes, it's true. Other times, it's not. We want the other person to hurt like we do so we don't feel alone in our grief. The hardest lesson is accepting that even though you may have cared about each other at one point, ultimately, it just didn't work. It hurts to let go this way, because we always try to think of the what ifs or could haves, but the best life lesson I've learned is that sometimes, it really is what it is and what it isn't, and letting go.
The ending! "they're going to experience hot and cold.. Not you" I just love that. Thank you so much, Susan Winter. ♥ 🤗
I love the parallel you draw between the 'dream" and the idea to replace them by a better actor in a movie. thank you, great idea! I will remember this :)
Right, we get attached to a person and an idea without looking at the reality of the situation. If a person doesn't want then they won't treat you right anyway.
Hardest thing with a broken relationship is moving on and forgetting about them. I'm currently going through it and just want to be happy with them and move on. I found out things about her which doesn't fit what I want from a wife and so I use that to try and move on.
One important thing I'll say to everyone here is keep busy, go out do stuff, see family as it really helps mentally. I know with Covid and lockdown occuring in different places around the globe will affect what we can and can't do so better to find things to do which wouldn't break that rule. Worst thing you want to do is sit out home overthink about the person as then your mind starts making things worse.
"Worst thing you want to do is sit out home overthink about the person as then your mind starts making things worse"
That's true and unfortunately, the lockdown's policy from my city is making things really hard for people suffering heartache during this time.
Restaurants, bars, coffee shop, nightclubs or sporting facilities are closed. Curfew in the evening!
What do we have left? Internet, UA-cam or Netflix...
Susan's videos is what keeping me sane. She's brilliant!
@@hyperwarrior908 your not wrong with covid messing things up. Here in London we're in our second national lockdown. I heard about this girl I liked last year in march a week before the first lockdown came in. Talk about timing. I've been stuck at home since and for the past few months after finishing university I'm struggling to get into the career I want due to covid messing it up. Im now looking at jobs in the financial sector which is different to the science qualifications I got and parents aren't happy about it but I'm sure hopefully I'll be better off in this.
Excellent advice. Best to focus on what’s IS working in your life over what’s not. Woe is me is a very alluring place to be....but always leads to more overthinking and more disappointment.
@@hyperwarrior908 thank you!!
Yes I’ve done this for a long time with previous partners. You have to be carful when you get deeply entrenched in this kind of state of mind as you get used to it like a depression it becomes your friend. I use your method of looking at her character and knowing I would not want that from a wife. Ive decided to put all my energies in my goal to succeed as an international sports photographer. My ultimate goal is to photograph the men’s 100mm final at the Olympics.
“Where you’re moving toward is better than anything you’ve got.”
Susan, you have such powerful words coming out of you, you might not even know about it!
I ended a four-year relationship with my first girlfriend and to this day, I feel like I lost my best friend. When in reality, my life has been much better and I’ve found someone who’s a much better partner. It’s funny how our brain likes to get stuck onto things that we used to idealise.
wow! Just let go of a toxic man and dream today! TY . I am going to be o.k.
Happy for you, toxic relationships shouldn’t be endured
I love what you say about the next girl experiencing hot and cold....it is very consoling.
That ending is a PUNCH to my face. Susan, thank you so much. I LOVE YOU
I wish I had known about Susan when I was going through a break up. But still very helpful and pleasant to listen to
same here
she is a motivational for me...❤️..
I appreciate this. Thank you!
I feel the same way, I could have saved wasting my years. You are amazing Susan ❤️
that's why i think we should learn come here and learn and do our study review more often now and then coz it is that good.
I really needed to hear this. I'm going through the same hardship. My person was also hot and cold. You shouldn't want them anymore and yet you miss them. I'm looking forward to who will fit my dream ;)
Just let go and don't look back. That will suck you dry! Better days are ahead.
Hey are you trying to attract love (sp) or get an ex back to you, the love specialist offers the best solutions in fixing,restoring broken relationships and attracting love 🌺🏅🏅
Wh@ts@pp him
＋2348089808728⏭⏭⏭__^^__
Don’t think the new partner will get what you wanted they won’t That is so meaningful to realize . Thank you Susan
Bravo!
This has been, in my opinion, the soundest, most articulate, & logical form of advice that I've ever heard!
So relevant for anyone going through a divorce or break-up to be able to understand the 'why's' & 'hows' of reframing their experience this way so that they can actually move forward in life with confidence, clarity, and eventually even with gratitude for having been given the tools to help them heal so much sooner than they were otherwise able to !! Skip the redundant sections of your grief experience?? YES PLEASE! After 2 failed marriages- I had to learn the hard way that those 'what-if' kind of thoughts only prolong your pain & add extra regret cause you wasted even more of your precious time stuck in 'analysis paralysis' when you could have been focused on the manifestation of the upgraded version of your dream!!!!
Kimberly, thank you thank you thank you!!!!!
@@SusanWinter You are most welcome! So glad I stumbled upon your channel & subscribed! Great content 💯
@@kymbelt you deserve better my dear
I came to exactly same conclusion as Susan points out, after 10months of “what if’s” and misery thinking. I ended up being grateful for the lessons learned through my experience with him and be thankful of him showing me what I should not in fact tolerate and why I was tolerating BS. Though time and now in the beginning of a new time of calmly and naturally letting go. Susan is the best! I wished for this video to land on my notification 10 months ago. But grateful for the lovely confirmation of my lessons learned through struggle. 🤍
@@kymbelt Hi Kimberly, hope you're safe over there, i hope this year brings joy and happiness to all Americans
I've let go of relationships..Period. I can't do it anymore. No more dream. The hurt and the mindf*#@ry isn't worth it.
Same here....
Have you started this process? can you share your progress?
Wow that leading role part really hits me. I have the power to choose and have a great Cast in my life. Thank you Ms. Susan.
Yes you do Jerome. You are the casting director, the screenwriter and the director.
This is a great message. The reality is knowing that the person taps into a dream that you want. You think the person is right for the part and you start to make plans and fantasies. The truth is the other person may not give you what you think they will. Keep the dream but lose the person. Either they don't want the part, are not good for the part, or there is someone better for you. And truth is some dreams turn into nightmares. You don't know what you don't know. I remember being hung up on a person so strong. I stayed in the relationship because I did not want to let go of the dream. It was a disaster. Lesson learned.
I'm starting to wake up from my dream ,I was filling in the bad with a dream, Thank you!
Yep...once I learnt that it was my dream and not reality changed the way I dated. I see what I see now, not want I want to see.
YES. We get caught up in what we want to see instead of what is really there. I did that in my youth. Now I follow Maya Angelou's advice, 'When people show you who they are believe them."
First time hearing about "the dream" theory and I can tell I am having a mega blaster insight now! Thank you for that!
My spirit was immediately lifted by the simple, but profound truth presented in this video. Of course, it was the dream that makes this certain someone so attractive... And I can actualize that dream myself, because it is my dream.
Susan you are the only coach that really resonates with me ❤️. I wish I would have discovered you sooner before playing all these games that male “relationship experts” suggest. Sometimes I wonder what the outcome could’ve been if I was honest and straight forward about what I wanted.
Thank you Susan I will never play those coy games again.
Hi Jane. Thank you for the kind words. Start with where you are now. It will all be fine in the end
Hi jane hope you're safe over there, i hope this year brings joy and happiness to all Americans
Everything you said was so accurate Susan, & I would add that there's always more than one person to build your dream with. Don't get caught up in the web of "this is the one'.....there are many people out there to find happiness with. 👍👍💖💖💖 🇬🇧 🇬🇧
Thanks for making this video. This is why it is often so hard to let go. We have this dream that they were once a big part of, and it's hard to just give up on. Sometimes, you have stubborn feelings inside you that tell you to hang on to those dreams and keep your optimism; other times, you have the weight of certain circumstances, of outside reality, that urge you to move on and close this chapter of your life. It's very hard to navigate at times. But you acknowledge that these dreams exist, are common, and are natural. Acknowledging this loss is a part of grieving or figuring out the next steps.
Very true. I believe it is a part of being human to create bonds and strong memories becuase it is how we survive and make it in the world. The problem is this law also works for good things and bad things. It takes work but if you keep at it you will survive.
Thanks ... very good ... very true .... So everyone ... ... Feel it - Grieve it - Don’t try to Retrieve it - Just Let it Go - So You Can Grow - And then Finally Glow !!
Totally got caught up in the dream. Good to know the dream itself doesn't have to die with the relationship. Didn't think of it that way.
Susan, why does it feel as if you speak directly to us, helping us... in each of your videos? Love from Kuala Lumpur
Oh, that's what I hope you feel. It's true. I only have the camera but I wish it were you in front of me. Thank you for your thoughtful comments
Thanks for touching on the fact that the next person who dates your ex is going to get what you got. It's too easy to think, "her next partner is going to get a polished version of her that I never saw, because I was her practice boyfriend to work the kinks out." While that may be partly the case bc we learn from each relationship, the patterns and areas with room for improvement are still largely there.
Thank you, your video was so helpful. Your right my ex will never change. Once hot & cold always hot & cold. I suppose deep down I knew that but didnt want to face it.
I’m open to my dream being different than I imagined. Giving it to the universe now. ❤️
Holy cow I'm literally in that exact situation!
This is exactly what I needed to listen to.. Struggling after being discarded.. I needed to have this said to me in practical terms.. I think I understand it now
Love love this advice! Once you realize its the dream and the dream is not gone.. that was so key in me learning a very hard lesson. Being wrapped up in the person as they were the former star in my dream. I had confused the person with the dream. Life does go on, and you are totally spot on about the next person getting what you got- NOT something so much more /better.. ( and probably it wasn't all THAT fabulous when we are honest with ourselves.) You are so right people do not fundamentally change from person to person. It was the dream that made it jump out and grab me and want that person. Once I can delete that snap shot in time when I said he's the one ( and only).. and see the hot and cold, etc behaviors that I didn't appreciate, it became easier. Was I sad and broken up for awhile/ . yep sure was. In our gut we KNOW this person is not the one, but we have fear of letting go of the dream. Keeping my feet on the ground and not getting swept up when meeting someone new, keeping focus of what qualities I really wanted for the person to join my life a new improved better dream helped me find my husband. I have you to thank Susan with your intuitive words of wisdom from your many videos that I played over and over---*** till it stuck in my brain.
YES!! YOu've got it. The dream is the hook. Keep the dream, amend as needed and open up to the right person
Susan Winter ❤️❤️ You could do fifty videos on this from different angles.: it takes a while before you ( I/we) can see it for yourself and actually learn to let it go. It’s amazing though once you get it ya got it.
Your videos always bring me so much comfort. You're like that intuitive best friend that doesn't sugar coat but also keeps your feelings into consideration and doesn't go overboard. Thank you Susan !!! You're such a sweetheart 💕
Big hug!! (Electronically)
I love watching her videos. I always go back when in doubt or resistance of my own heart at times
I know my ex is bad for me, I know she doesn't fit my wife material, I know we're different, I know we wil never be compatible, and yet still I miss her.. Accepting our differences isn't the hard part, it's unnattaching from someone u are emotionally connected too, and dealing wit the dissapointment that they may have detached long before we have 😢
Thank you, Susan, this is a great video. I'm struggling with letting go of a person and the dream. The person falls short of the dream, but I was smitten at our first meeting. So hard, but your comments are helpful.
I hope you recover. When we meet people and are attracted it is normal for us to feel smitten. We fill in the blanks with a person with no evidence of who they really are. It is all a fantasy that you put on a person.
Both losses have been hard. However, the reality was a nightmare...
Another great video. When I left my ex I tortured myself for months about him meeting someone else and suddenly becoming the perfect man for her. He never wanted to go out for dinner or on holiday with me or even a day out somewhere. But in my head he was going to do all these things with a new woman. And of course he wasn't ever going to be manipulative or controlling or physically abusive because I caused him to behave like that. They really do a good job on us.
We have to take our power back. We give up our power to fall in love with a person or an idea. Then this person or idea begins to control us. The reality is we have to be in control of our lives.
I’ve gone through so many of your videos since Jan 3rd, I can’t express how much these have helped me move forward from my breakup
Thank you!! And i'm so sorry for the breakup, but happy to be of help
Ahhh! Susan you did it again. I LOVE this topic b/c it’s my struggle right now. Letting go of him and the dream. I need to watch this daily! I broke up with him in the summer during Covid and now it’s 5 months later and I feel like the victim. All alone etc. I finally cut the cord and put myself on a dating site publicly. I am no longer keeping him in my back pocket as a oh maybe he’ll come around, oh maybe he’ll see what a mistake he made not giving me any attention or love. Wow this is really two steps forward and one step back. Thank you so much for being a catalyst for my steps forward. Love and thanks. -Kate from HK NYC
Kate Greer, you look stunning dear
Hi kate, hope you're safe over there, i hope this year brings joy and happiness to all Americans
Good for you for finally letting go. He will now come to realize how wonderful you are, I hope you find a better man, a good relationship
I found out a week ago my wife says" its over".."I'm done"..it's come from nowhere!...she don't want to fix our marriage??...she said I neglected her for months...and I explained work stresses and this covid lockdowns...took it's toll...I apologize for not giving the attention she needs at the time...we still live together and have 2 children (twins)...I tried to talk but she's like another person??..but I'm going to concentrate on me for my children...but hard still being around her...and still sleeping in same bed!....I miss my wife so much
I really emphasize with you, you both deserve your own happiness. I hope everything goes well for you, Richard. 🙌🏽
Oh my goooooodness this is a gift from God. I'm going to watch every single one of your videos now so I snap the bloody hell out of it and rid the idea of going back to someone that isn't worth my time. I'm over romanticising. Its so draining. Thankyou so much.
I'm a 41 year old man. I have a tick disorder, OCD, high anxiety, and am on meds for seizures. Been single for 4 1/2 years. Recently lost my job because of a year off due to having those seizures. A son that has moved out and a daughter that lives with her mother. I am broke basically. No one will hire me and when I get a look from a woman, they look at me like I'm aweful because of my ticks. I was on a dating site, but every woman that chatted with me told me how much of a failure I was because I don't have a job or money. I would love a partner. I'm a great cook and I love to listen and am intelligent as well. How can I ever get a date when women only want men with money or assets and don't see that I have a heart?. Love your channel.
This was timely for me and helpful, thank you.
I've been putting off watching this video for weeks. But now I'm ready.
Love ya Susan! You’re amazing!
Susan... You beautiful lady... You have done it again!! You always seem to know what I am going through day to day.
Electronic hug to you MK
Analogy with an actor is so healing and clear! Thank you Susan, for doing this and putting out there your work. Highly appreciated!
You are just so spot on with your advice. I too am having a Felix moment . A straight guy I have been having a relationship with non sexual but every other thing that you do in a relationship. He even told me when he was drunk in the middle of a very long embrace/ hug. ' do you think you can turn gay in your 50''s' then wonders why I thought he liked me more than friends. He now is dating a lady and I've taken in hard but I think it was the dream he gave me that I am mourning. You helped a lot X ❤️
😭🥺 Susan thank you... no wonder letting go is hard because of this 2 parts. I really appreciate these wisdom you share.
I’ve commented this before but how is this video so perfectly timed 😩 i literally typed the title into the search bar yesterday! thank u Susan ❤️ every time i fall back into my conscience u upload a video to help bring me back to reality
YES!! i love this. Thank you Mindworm
Thank you Susan. This totally helped me. Thought I was going mad...
I've been in an on and off toxic relationship for the past year and a half. Every time they say they are ready to commit they immediately run away. Hot then cold. Jeckyl and Hyde. Last summer I fell into deep depression over the loss. For some reason I thought this time would be different but it was not. I have watched 80/100 of your break up videos and I am already feeling like I will have a much easier time moving on. Thank you Susan!!!
I hope things work out for you. I have been in that situation. Hoping the person is telling the truth when they are just telling lies. I have learned to only give people what I can afford to lose. Only do things with people becuase YOU enjoy doing them not because you want them to stay around. In this way, you are being who you truly are and don't feel such a huge loss when if they decide to move on.
@Susan please prepare us for Valentine’s Day! Just tips to enjoy it alone. Thank you, ♥️
Thank you, Susan, for your great advices. It is exactly what it is -a dream and not yet a love. W/love dream can become a reality w/hot-cold dream turns into Thx God the dream did not materialize to become a nightmare.
man that analogy to an actor that you want for your movie is so spot on! such a good video
It’s so crazy how simple some things really are, but while we go through them our brains will never see these simple solutions. The dream is still outs but just with a different cast.
The best quote was that the new person is getting the same "hot and cold" that I got. That made me feel so much better
My dream...☺
After decades of choosing to live alone with a full, busy satisfied life and all through looking after animals..
My dream is to find an incredible person who loves homeless animals and and will work with me rest of my life dedicated to the animals☺
No other type of candidate acceptable 😂
Hear your videos and you always speak in a practical , understanding and soothing manner with sensible and sound advice for the young n needy...☺☺
Wow! This is what I needed to hear today at this very moment. It’s been an awful day and then this beautiful lady appears with the most useful insights imaginable. Thank you so much!
Felix, ANYTHING is possible. Hot and cold is a reflection of your own great thoughts on the one hand and insecurities on the other hand!!
Don't give up!
But of course, Susan is right in saying that it could be easier with someone else! It's your choice. 🙂
where have you been, I'm so glad that I found your channel
Hey are you trying to attract love (sp) or get an ex back to you, the love specialist offers the best solutions in fixing,restoring broken relationships and attracting love 🌺🏅🏅🏅🏅
Wh@ts@pp him
±2348089808728⏯⏯???????
This was very helpful. Thank you 💙 I have made up my mind about cutting all the energetic chords I have with this guy. The dream is precious to me I will continue to keep it and let a more competent man fill the place.
Spot on! He's going to be the same guy with someone else. Wish him luck, because he's going to need it!!
This is brilliant! At first when you said dream I imagined a negative conotation like some sort of childish fantasy, but turn it arround to a positive meaning of life vision. I'm inspired.
Thank you so much for this, I needed it today.
It's been three years and though I know the person was in no way suitable for me, I still feel sad when I think of the dream for us I had 😔
the dream, that thing that strings us. I guess if we're with the right person, that string will feel natural and we won't be skeptical in giving our all.
You have such a great way of explaining things. I've introduced your videos to several friends and family. Thank You for being you, and sharing your life's work with us. ❤
THANKS MiLo. I appreciate your comment.
It was hard letting go of the ex who was the love of my life.. but in the end, it turned out for the best because God DID lead me to another man who is wiser and now, after dating him for eleven years, is my husband. I'm glad and grateful that God set me free from the ex - otherwise, I'd never have met or known my own value/worth and found my husband who respects my value and worth.
You are a treasure. I moved on with my life but 15 years later thoughts oh him still visit me. I tried to thinl of what he have me bacl then that ctreated such an attachment and I cant come up with anything.
Hi Susan winter, words are not enough to convey to you, just how much your videos, your channel and your guidance has helped me with my outlook on life, throughout the last few years, to become a more secure individual, to know my worth, and to help put the past into the boxes it needs to be in, in order to move forward. Honestly I am so so so so greatful to you, I humbly thankyou, from the very depths of my heart, thankyou, thankyou, thankyou.
If I am ever having a bad day, you are the person I turn to, for comfort, support, and guidance.
THANKYOU!
Great perspective, Susan. Thank you!
You are so welcome!
I just ghosted and moved on. Never heard a word so I know I did the right thing for me.
You're the best, Susan. You're saving lives, thank you.
Susan hit the nail right on the head. Thank you.
Wow.. this woman is amazing! She hits the nail on the head. Voices my exact feelings and problems. thankyou!
Hi Jacqueline, hope you're safe over there, i hope this year brings joy and happiness to all Americans
Damn this came up in my recommended and it’s like the algorithm read my mind.
This was so well explained and fluid. Connected a lot of dots.
thanks Dallas
I love this video because it encourages the wounded not to become bitter. Every bad relationship, I've had to take responsibility for my part. My naitivity & wishful thinking. In the end..they shaped me to the focused and fulfilled woman I am today. So thank you exes!
Yes wishful thinking and magical thinking can get us stuck on a dream that has no chance of coming true. We want to think the best when reality is more realistic. It might not be as good as you think it is.
@@teeahtate What's difficult is these men manipulated me into believing they truly loved me. Even my ex husband who actually tried to kill me. I'm quite serious! I took 2 years off from dating so I could grow close to God. Heal and find my calling. Getting ready to publish my fourth book. My latest release got a 5 star review from Barnes & Noble! Anyway I decided I wouldn't give my heart or body away anymore. God showed me that I was beloved and that He would guide me to a good man or vice versa.
" ...everything I didn't get." Wow. Exactly. xx
Cannot describe how much this helps me! Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom! You are the best, Susan! I love you!!! ❤❤❤
Susan, you are the best!!
Hey are you trying to attract love (sp) or get an ex back to you, the love specialist offers the best solutions in fixing,restoring broken relationships and attracting love 🌺💕💕
Wh@ts@pp him
Cannot let go dream,
Susan will open your eyes✌️
True
Walked away from him 2 years ago but here I am, still stuck with all of our memories, obsessed with his new relationship, confused with my own decisions and regrets. It just keeps spinning in my head that I was so terrible that he moved on and got married to that wonderful woman so fast. Hate myself for stalking them all the time. How do I get out of my own head??
Work on improving your life and finding a 'right fit' for you. No use ruminating. I have done it too, but you waste valuable time that you are on Earth. They are not worth your anxiety. You need to live life to the fullest, as if it could end at any moment, because it can.....
@@rebeccajones8628 Thanks. I hope I'll get better in time.
@@rebeccajones8628Agree. I have seen rumination ruin people.
You are not alone. 👋
@@terrilee734 True
I....actually needed this. Thank you VERY much, Susan. You're too good for words.
Simply wow.. that's what my subconscious mind knew. Pain of losing the dream rather than the person. I didn't know any such psychological aspect existed..tysm ❤️🙏
Susan you save me every time. I discovered your channel two or three breaks ups ago (😫) and you save me from my destructive, anxiously attached tendencies every time. I ended things with this person who doesn’t know what they want and now they want me to come over one last time for “closure” but I don’t see what I have to gain from that, only hurt and pain and all of those feelings rushing back in. I’m going to choose myself this time. Thank you for helping me get to this point in my healing journey. Sending you love and blessings ❤️✨🌟💋
One of the best words to describe this was by Gabby Bernstein called "Future Tripping." For me, he represented having the kids with the white picket fence, only he got them with someone else.
SOMEONE GETS IT! I'm in love with this lady! New biggest fan..