A Race Designed to Torture People
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- Опубліковано 13 сер 2022
- Yet another project that sucked a few hundred hours off my life. Very cool.
/ valefisk
Twitter: / valefisk
Twitch: www.twitch.com/valefisk
Company of Heroes
Total War: Warhammer II
Crusader Kings III
Crusader Kings II
Democracy 4
Hearts of Iron IV
Hoi4
#pain#gaming#valefisk - Ігри
This one took a ludicrous amount of extra editing but i think you'll agree it was worth it. Doesn't help that I had to learn After Effects while I had covid either.
I might also make an extra q&a video on the second channel to talk about the weird world of MCC theater files. I need to rant.
nerd
Mcc is notorious for being the 6th circle of hell
Learning after effects while sick with covid kind of sounds like a poor man's 2001 black monolith sequence.
Glad your alive
I've been waiting mr Fisk
I missed the event but still beat the map. You will pay for my missed time
was it painful? oh absolutely.
but not as painful as being blocked in that maze by Solll for 5-10 minutes.
It was painful, but having you at 200% volume made it just that much better
You know it
@@Solll0 Brave to be showing your face so soon
Your struggle against Vale at the end was the highlight, good man
@@gold664 thank you, but i wasn't strong enough to beat him. next time... if there is
Don't get the wrong impression from this video, Joe's Mongoose Parkour is hell. Play it at your own risk. Do not overdose on JOEpium. Good luck.
You have a truly brave soul, sir.
Chad
each comment on this thread is 3h apart
Not anymore
@@kalezzzzzzzz nooooooo
$500 challenge: Make JOE 2, just delete all the checkpoints. First person to record themselves finishing a lap without falling wins.
You're sick!
I love it.
Moist Critical challenge part 2
I’ll chip in 100
I'd do this if I had halo lol
500$ is NOT enough for the genuine hell that would be 😭
I’d like to imagine that Mr. Joe actually believed that someone could complete 3 full laps without going absolutely insane
This was not the gamemode I designed for the mode. Someone took my map and added their own :(.
@@JoeCuddlefish you are joe????
@@JoeCuddlefish OH MY GOD IT IS JOE!!
@@33screamingfrogs34 Yessir I am.
@@JoeCuddlefish what do you mean? What happened?
i was mentally checked out at the end of this, and i may never recover.
the receptionist at the check-in desk of your psyche was shot dead in a drive-by
I feel like if you cited this video in a psychiatric evaluation you'd be put in a straight jacket
abrasive
Do we need to stage an intervention so we can get you away from that monster Vale?
mommy
Just that one guy that went “oh no” when vale said “one lap” knew immediately that he signed up for a torture game…
I assume most of the other players either realized it and kept quiet, or guessed what they were getting into ahead of times.
E
@@EEEEEEEE E
his canon event
35:17 “Candy, you’re a dead man.” He said calmly.
IT WASNT LOUD ENOUGH
Rat stages of grief:
16:44 Anger
19:09 More anger
21:03 Denial, depression and more anger
23:40 Bargaining
27:20 More depression and more anger
28:50 (Same rat radio as before) First acceptance
31:30 Me trying to assist the rats and more anger
35:15 Delusions, denial, acceptance, bargaining and more anger
37:45 Denial, some realization of what a monster Joe is and more anger
42:05 Catharsis by rejecting Candy's offer to bargain but still with more anger
42:31 (Same rat Radio) Teddy's fast food order
45:37 Denial, Extreme Depression, more catharsis and more anger
51:05 Acceptance and embracing their loss and the sweet pain of Joe
52:00 Relive by inflicting pain to their captor with more depression and anger
52:38 Pope manage to go pas 32 and finally seeing a glimpse of hope
Vale bargaining with Candy and more rat revenge
54:15 Candy's payment and more anger
55:24 The game was rigged from the start by the reveal of vale addiction to Joepium to them, and more anger
56:30 Rats trying to stop the inevitable
57:05 Vale is rapidly approaching your location
58:20 Long live the King and acceptance
Reading this had me dying and I love it
The mere fact that this course is ACTUALLY doable, means that Joe mongoose is either absolutely insane, or the biggest genius in the entire halo community. Can you imagine how many hours it took him to test all of it and make sure it is? Unreal
both
He's probably both lol
He saw the near impossible parkour maps, and thought, let's do that but in a mongoose.
@@xxxdumbwordstupidnumberxxx4844 Both is good.
that means he also had to test all this
i love the idea joe made such a complex course it literally took him days if not weeks to create, yet made it so hard hes likely either barely played the map or hes spent genuinely hundreds of hours becoming its master
joe is the true joe of our time.
@@LieRenThePope the best part was when he said “it’s joeing time!” Then he proceeded to joe.
@@LieRenThePope Joe who?
@@bringurownvibe joe m. joe. middle name mama.
@@LieRenThePope The one true Joe to rule them all
Whoever Joe is, he has infinite knowledge and we should fear him.
Joe mama
Steel ball run
this is joe!! aka EliteCuddlefish ua-cam.com/channels/dltMCZ_3oijalJX4jaxRSw.html
@@33screamingfrogs34we finally know who joe is...
28:14 at that moment, I could genuinely feel the inner turmoil of vale experiencing empathy for a friend for the first time in his life
Can't wait for vale to out source the creation of torture devices under the guise of a game jam
@e no, ua-cam.com/video/AF5kZxxqeZE/v-deo.html
Please dont give him ideas like that
i'm not ready for a crypt x joe collab
Actually a brilliant idea
@@LieRenThePope Crypt 2: Joe Harder
I like that the trolls are listed above the rats, to show their hierarchical superiority. Because choosing to ruin it for everyone is a much more sane option than actually trying to compete
to be fair, the trolls are all insects anyways. they'd be higher than us rats no matter what.
@@LieRenThePope what
@@mihailmilev9909 the trolls are all insects anyways, they'd be higher then us rats no matter what
@@igunn8632 what
@@lunalesombras1150 the trolls are all insects anyways, they'd be higher then us rats no matter what
10:35: As soon as the rats heard that the goal was something simple, at _least_ one of them recognized that they had agreed to record a torture video. Oh no indeed!
I am _shocked_ that this game didn't devolve into gunfire more often!
I think the feather that breaks the rat’s back is probably the respawn time being 3 seconds.
FR
Staying up for 2 days straight before Joe really enhanced the entire experience. Still waiting to get back at Candy for the riddles too
Ouch dude... 2 days?
@@shuvelstone1331 2 days and had never played Halo in my life before 😳
@@nearlyabsolutelybonkers Quite bonkers.
@@nearlyabsolutelybonkers ouchhhhhh... i feel bad for you dude.
E
Personaly, this feels like a win.
still no trading card for you.
It's all there, black and white, clear as crystal! You stole peoples chance of winning joe. You bumped into multiple contestants who now have to be taken care of, so you get nothing! You lose! Good day sir!
vant brunosten
🤡🤓
@@nearlyabsolutelybonkershe truely collected and absorded thier misery turning it into power.
as it's almost been 12 months I expect the second annual Joe mongoose grand prix
If it does happen, I would hope it's not the same map. The mongoose parkour community has grown a lot since then.
Ohhhhh shit I remember being on this project! I was friends with the team who initially made this map on Reach! I think we all met through a Forge focused forum, and exchanged GTs through it, but that was almost a decade ago, I guess someone ported it over to MCC cause like 90% of the people who made this are all no longer active Halo players. I helped make the first section, and in the original I made that dong with blue balls cause I thought it was funnier. Cause the map is basically CBT.
I also tested on the hangar section we spent like 6 hours alone designing and testing the first jumps so they were possible but tough.
Glad to see it still alive and well! So surreal seeing the map in 2022!
do you feel bad?
Damn, Vale didn’t even reply to you and thank you for the free content.
Joe mongoose parkour is hosted on MCC a couple days every week now
@@33screamingfrogs34 You are correct. And no, no one helped me with the map lol. Hopefully I'll get around to posting my video soon. I've been working on getting my Parkour Infinite video out first, which will be out any day now...
When I saw the interior at the start of the video I recognized it. I remember our clan trying to beat this thing for a whole day. Seeing that rock in the center immediately brought back the memories. Super weird to see a decade old map like this suddenly be part of the zeitgeist.
This video makes me look like a deranged psychopath, when in truth I am simply a psychopath (defamation smh)
hi lazer
Hello lazer
hello mr lazershark (formerly once known as LazerJack, and multiple other aliases)
@@nearlyabsolutelybonkers so true
Salutations LazerShark
As a person who completed Joe without knowing anything about it it was PAIN, took just under 7hrs to do. Mad respect for getting 16 people in to do it :)
i have more respect for the 6 people playing until the end
even more respect for the 2 in that 6 who tried finishing it
E
Vale reminds me of that serial killer from the Saw movies. He traps random people in cruel and often extremely painful death gauntlets and then watches as they experience limitless agony with the end goal of "making them appreciate their lives more."
I gotta tell you, after watching this video I have a whole new appreciation for casual single player gaming experiences.
28:46 First recorded instance of Vale having empathy
"Why do you force us to do this?"
"It's great for my youtube analytics."
"That's fair."
it's true, it was on the contract that we signed- i mean explained to us in our little rat cage
@@LieRenThePope 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Vale really has cornered the small but loyal corner of UA-cam dedicated to "Cruel and unusual punishments"
Less of a punishment, more just for the heck of it. And that's clearly more entertaining.
you will never be a woman
@@BalrogQuote cruel and unusual torture*
Vale and Alpharad are masters in their craft
@@8-bitalex215 alpharad is in it for the memes
Vale is just a sadist
But that would be wild for them to team up
45:55
"I come from a mine, and I'm surrounded by wood always"
Door hinge. Could also be coal or canary.
Graphite for a pencil?
Human babies
After the trolls allowing Vale in front of them at Crouch and then not having to deal with them for the rest of his course, that grenade at Shields knocking Vale off was very cathartic.
Like the city in Monsters Inc. ran on fear, Valefisks home runs on the suffering of his "friends".
This brings a whole new definition to “Endurance Racing”
I'm sure next years annual Joe will be 24 Hours of Le Joe
Tour de joé
@@nearlyabsolutelybonkers also you gotta won annual Joe Gran Prix and Joey 500 to got the most prestigious award, The Triple Joe Crown
Tabletop simulator puzzles let you upload video files for the background, and the piece layouts are always consistent. I’m working on a way too complex jigsaw puzzle that occasionally swaps around pieces, messes with the background, and drives the player insane. Seems like something you’d be interested in
Can you respond to me with the link when it’s done?
I love how you handled the course introduction, it's like a guide giving a go-over on a high-level ski run. Everything is named like a ski hill too, which makes it even better.
Well this was a trip down memory lane. I completely forgot how painful this map was. It took fucking *forever* to memorize the whole thing, let alone get through it without ever messing up. Or getting tripped up by friends (which led to a lot of roasting lol). A great mongoose race map. 12/10. Would never play again
How!?
@@DTinkerer When you're young and don't have a lot going on, you have plenty of time for just about anything. And the difficulty of a map like this honestly doesn't lie in remembering where everything is (but god does it help). It's keeping yourself focused enough to maintain a sense of momentum throughout the whole thing. You stop moving, well, you kinda set yourself up for failure.
Wait... half of these items were only available in the newer MCC forge updates that weren't even released that long ago... sure you don't mean another race? 🤔 I'm lost
@@jamiekennedy1228 No? I can't vouch for MCC, since I don't really play it, but all of the items featured in this race were already present in Halo: Reach's forge upon release back in 2010. The map's old my guy (like, 2013 old), this ain't new.
@@killer25014 i played more than 1000 hours of halo reach my dude. That ain't accurate I'm afraid as you 100% cannot place spirit dropships and Phantoms in OG forge, as well as some other items in the video 😅😅😊
I don't think I can ever feel sympathy for Candy or Soll ever again after this
lmao
You said "annual"?
Candy and lazer just give off the whole “he’s just standing there,menacingly” vibes when candy mentions the joker origin story
Honestly impressed by the solidarity of some of the patreon player doing their best to stop Vale from advancing on his second lap.
If they are stuck, so is he.
I killed Vale, that's enough of a win for me.
Respect to Maivi for trying to achieve the last check point for two and a half hours.
I love how HALFWAY through the video he's at 45/50 checkpoints
If I got stuck behind one of those trolls you'd never want to have a fan meet up, because you'd have a death on your hands.
I agree. Guys can be funny, but if the Patrons had an IRL meetup, the rats would have strangled Candy and Sol to death.
VALE
VALE WHERE IS THIS YEAR'S MONGOOSE RACE
Technically it already happened. He just didn't upload a video about it.
Did it actually
2023 has almost ended where is the 2nd Annual Joe Mongoose Race
Gotta love the sound of *literal screaming* in a Discord call.
It really is the best thing to hear, you always know something's going down
As opposed to 'metaphorical screaming' ??
The sheer fact that course can be completed makes Joe one of those people who straddle the line between genius and insanity.
Valefisk is eventually going to release "I made a REAL torture chamber" in the thrilling climax of his career
Props to Mo and Snooperman for entering the hall of a lap of Joe after the event.
Oh wow, this is like a mongoose version of Schadenfreude (a famous on foot parkour map for Reach).
Remember when valefisk made funny stuff ?
Yeah now he's doing the same but AT THE COST OF OTHER'S MENTAL HEALTH 👁️👁️
Yes. Soon we shall escalate to Vale committing literal, actual, honest to god warcrimes IRL.
I can laugh along with most of these videos mostly because it’s his close friends, but this one wasn’t as funny to me because he just subjects complete strangers to this without warning. It’s why I’m fine with “pranks” on your friends but public pranks, rage compilations, etc. aren’t fun to me.
@@Guardian-of-Light137 would be fun to see him make hats out his own friends 👁️👁️
@@nuh_uh210 yeah but it's their decision to keep going. They lose absolutely nothing if they quit. They're not forced, just going in blind, and honestly you should expect something like this if you're going up on a Valefisk video
@@uncroppedsoop You’re right, but people can be incredibly stupid. Either they’re masochists or they’ve become victims of the Sunk Cost fallacy.
"have you played joe mongoose" will now be a PTSD trigger for a few brave souls
if this was the first annual, whens the next
Technically it already happened. He just didn't upload a video about it.
I’m very certain that if The Hague catches wind of Vale’s doings he will get life in prison for repeated violations of human rights.
Im dissapointed that when asked what second place gets vale didnt respond "a sense of pride and satisfaction"
or a sense of pride and accomplishment
It brings me great joy to see the near six hours we put into Joe originally amount to this
All the pain and suffering we spent together was worth it, for I now get to watch a bunch of randoms suffer my same fate
WE FOUND JOE
Are you (one of the) creator(s)?
I’ve watched this video 3 times it never loses its beauty
Vale I think your giving people an unhealthy addiction to torture.
digital masochism moment
I love the editing, legit burst out laughing when you first showed the rat radio with the F1 graphics.
Those guys were clearly on a Ferrari strategy.
@@AdamSandal83 bro I thought the same thing lmao
I'd just like to say: I absolutely love the -torture- large, collaborative projects that you and your friends go through. Something about a bunch of a friends going on a digital road-trip is endlessly enjoyable to me.
You're so close to having a good formula. You must become the host of the gaming equivalency to "Takeshi's Castle". When I saw people in the race completely of their own volition gatekeeping others it reminded me of the goons Takeshi would send to mess with the contestants. Watch a few episodes of the show, I think some are on youtube. This is good content!
I thought “it can’t be that hard” but after 30 minutes of the Hangar it’s impossible
"You only got that far because you didn't get caught on the balls"
-Valefisk, 2022
This one feels a bit less fun tbh. In the previous videos the primary antagonist was the game itself and everyone was on the same playing field. In this one, about half the players are held back by a few people being dicks. They don't even really get to battle the map itself. I just end up feeling really bad for them instead of laughing at them.
nah it's funny
They weren't forced to play 😂
Do you think the purpose of Valefisks videos is for people to have fun…like where does he give that inclination. Valfisk is an escaped Nazi experiment whose sole purpose is to create maximum suffering on all who interact with him. He is a dementor feeding off the hopes and dreams of the innocents.
Fun…was never an option.
VALE IT'S BEEN ONE YEAR
YOU STILL OWE US ANOTHER JOE VIDEO
IT'S JOEBIN TIME
factual novelpond
Joe should’ve made it so that failure at the last jump teleports you back to the beginning.
If this was the first annual Joe Mongoose Grand Prix, when is the second annual one coming out? I want to see you guys do three laps like Joe intended.
Well, this got me to reinstall MCC.
First Day: 5.5 hours, got to corner 31.
I'll update as I go.
update???
I have made several enemies
Perhaps
"Your goal is to do just one lap, that's it"
"Oh no."
I feel like it would have been a better showing if the other players weren't stuck in a crouch maze or similar situations with literally nothing they could do to progress for so long.
*look at score*
"Oh cool only 6 corners left, they've nearly made it yet*
*check video length*
*not even halfway*
I feel like I passed some kind of sanity test by getting on the patreon for one month, paying extra, and then leaving to never return
As much as I love Vale and the crew, this is the exact reason I will never join any of his shenanigan torture devices.
F to the poor bastards who had no idea what they were getting into.
I mean it wouldnt have been as bad if they were actually just given a chance to try and not have people there trying to purposely ruin the experience. I just don't get that part at all
@@Spoilt8920 Agreed. I wish the rat group was given a chance to actually complete it rather than not only having no experience with the map, but also having people with the sole purpose of screwing them over in the game.
@@Spoilt8920 it’s valefisk the only purpose he needs for anything is to maximize suffering. If ANY of the rats had fun he would have failed, so the trolls are the real hero’s here.
Unsurprisingly for a race video, there’s an F1 style interface/leaderboard with a 3 tiered World Endurance style categorization, complete with the fast as fuck Hypercars, messing with everyone LMPs and just trying to survive GTEs.
Edit: Meanwhile the entire race is just the most difficult Rally ever with every racer on simultaneously.
I made maps like these back when halo 3 came out. My friends and I would get drunk and play them. Thanks for bringing back good memories.
9:26 is where it actually starts if you don’t care about the course or if you already know about it
These videos are legit well made and it's easy to notice the time and effort you put into them... even for people who prefer shorter videos like me, watching you is always fun and entertaining. Great work keep it up
42:00 literally the funniest moment of the whole video
Subjectively and metaphorically, perhaps. Not literally. ;)
WHERES OUR SECOND ANNUAL RACE
Technically it already happened. He just didn't upload a video about it.
@@Zaiqahal so it should be coming soon then
if i was invited to this id tell you to stick that 50 where the sun dont shine then just go into spectator and cast the race
Ah yes, the greatest game engine for racing. Floaty Halo Reach vehicles !
Joking aside I loved mongoose racing on this game
I see, your putting all joeking aside huh?
Seeing everyone genuinely check out mentally and emotionally was... Very fun.
The idea of Joe Mongoose watching this and laughing maniacally gives me life and purpose.
:)
20:46 Glad to see that even Valefisk and his friends recognize the awfulness of the Halo TV show.
Joe had to test this course to make sure you're actually able to finish it, let that sink
Yes, ive spent roughly 200 hours forging and playtesting the map haha.
11:04 almost choked me with a drink.
It hurts, and I am crying. Good job.
I feel like this was torture enough without having the trolls, this would've been more entertaining without having assholes ruining it for everyone else
Yeah I agree I think adding the troll thing was a mistake. A guy just sitting still blocking the course just... isn't very funny? Much more funny to just throw the rats right in and let the map itself be the troll.
If there is a way to increase the amount of torture, vale will do it.
The trolls where they were doing something to actively disrupt a player was funny.
Passive "haha I block you and you can't move me" was grade F shit tier trolling and was boring after the first minute of it
The riddle shit was very funny, the getting stuck in 2 was not
i am the real winner of this video, i regret nothing.
wait until my 16 part video series explaining (ranting) on why i really won
rue, there is no win. there's only mental decline. and i think u lost the most on that part.
Not true I lapped you several hundred times
@@LazerShark7777 i passed you nerd
I used to do these kinds of "races" in Trackmania YEARS ago. You say torture, but beating one of them within the time limit was soooo satisfying.
In the last 30 minutes, Joe Mongoose should have spawned and raced everyone
I have no idea who Joe is, but he's a monster and I love him.
Joe mama
@@JoeCuddlefish HES HERE
@@NocturnalTyphlosion ;)
This has got to be one of my favourite channels now, and I literally just discovered it. I just wish I could tell everyone's voices apart better...
I like the term "Vertical Wall", thanks for the clarification that it wasn't a horizontal wall or in layman's terms "floors"
Hey Vale, wonderful torture here. I managed to con my friend into being tortured by Crypt for 35 minutes. I now have more torture material, much thanks.
Holy shit the memories. Halo Reach and 4 were my childhood and I remember doing stuff like this all the time with my friends
Oh my god! Joe’s track! It’s been years since I’ve seen this. It’s bringing back ptsd of my friends and I playing this in og reach.
I made this in the last two years, only being brought over to MCC in the last year. Stop the cap.
@@JoeCuddlefishwhy
@@JoeCuddlefishwhy would to do this? And can you make it worse?
You don’t play Joe’s mongoose parkour race, Joe’s mongoose parkour race plays you.
You said this was the first annual race. So when is the next one coming out.
Technically it already happened. He just didn't upload a video about it.
@@Zaiqahal Share your insider information.