I'm an ENFJ too and I hope you really appreciate him because you INFP's can really challenge us 😉 The relationship that this ENFJ is currently trying hardest to maintain is with a non-responsive INFP, and it is not going well 🙃
I think you made a lot of good points. I feel like as an INFP i want to be invited to the party but also have to be mindful of my personal social battery. I love my friends that'll pick up after six months like nothing happened. Because I'm just out here doing my thing. Just because I haven't reached out to you doesn't mean you're not important, I just figured you're doing your thing too
Here's a twist: When I make friends and they start telling me how great they think I am, I get nervous and start wondering how long it will be before they find out that I'm really terrible... Then there'll be conflicts, hurt feelings, shock and awe, and the whole kitchen sink. We can't have that, now can we? So, we must avoid this outcome by keeping our contact to a minimum🙃 (Brendon, you actually defined this fear of mine when you touched on Fe. I think I fear having people who think I'm great get disappointed when they see how bad I am at Fe! Guess it's kind of like imposter syndrome...)
Oh yeah, that is JUST like the impostor syndrome it’s like we can’t trust our use of Fe because we think we are really bad it it (we are actually pretty good but it just isn’t as natural
@@psychcasserole Hmm, that makes sense. It probably doesn't help that I have everybody's favorite Fe king over here to compare myself to (my ESFJ hubby). People probably think I'm good at Fe by association! But I'm actually good at hiding out while binge-reading random Wikipedia articles and watching phone calls go to voicemail...
Yeah. Same. People think we're amazing at relationships because we're good listeners, enthusiastic and all. But we're so contradictory, so much, and so critical to ourselves. That mess relationships. I can hug you if you want ❤️
As an INFJ with strong Fe, this really helped me understand the behaviour patterns of my INFP best friend. Naturally I assume she will respond to my texts in an appropriate time frame like I do, or show an equal level of appreciation that matches my compliment or expression of gratitude. My Ni-Ti loops gets triggered by this lack of expected reciprocation so I've been learning to snap out of my overthinking/overanalysing state and just accept her actions for what they are. And I know it's all in my head, because she hasn't ACTUALLY showed me a sign yet that she isn't interested in remaining friends with me. All her "actions" that I think are signs are just triggering my attachment anxiety and recognising that she uses Fi and not Fe is a really important step towards healing this part of myself and strengthening/understanding our friendship dynamic on a much deeper level than before.
A Friend , this word has very deep meaning to me . But as introvert a lost many of them (who were not too much) !..thanks to my hermit mode !. They don't understand that , and leave me . Other point , my Fi dominant function is a very big struggle !..I'm all the time in "observant mode" !.., seeing the deepest details of the details is exhausting ...sure, I know it's our mechanic of defense , this WALL !..to protect our selves but it's also keep many of my friend away . Being INFP is so exhausting , this is nothing comparing to our struggle in this SJ world !😔
Yep this is all so true. And weirdly I've learned this from having other INFP friends over the years and neither one reaches out, and both assume the other person doesn't want to see the other. Definitely made me reflect on my own behaviour later in life and the importance of putting that effort into reaching out - in order to keep the good people in my life.
@@psychcasserole Apparently an ENFJ who doesn't want to cross any boundaries also makes it complicated because I haven't reached out to my favorite INFP in 6 months because I thought he wanted space... maybe he did, maybe he didn't but just in case he did I wanted to make sure I respected his boundaries 😅 I'm watching your channel to learn how to understand him better
I don't get friendships...there is this one friend that I really wanna keep after a while and I really do everything I can think of and they deeply ignore me (they seem like loners too)...and others are just not really my kind of people so I'm doomed to loneliness. Maybe you get to hang around with people but shouldn't really idealize having a long lasting friendship...
I personally think its ok to 'lose' friends. It goes both ways. When im into my art hobbies, i need to be isolated. When im into something else, i meet people in that thing but when i move on, i dont feel any obligation whatsoever to keep them in my life if thats all.we had in common. Thats not being authentic to myself and thats a deal breaker for me.
This is true for me, this long-standing tendency of not maintaining friendships in a reciprocal manner. The realization that friendships require relatively consistent attention, like all other meaningful relationships, is one that challenges a preference for living life on terms that conflict with normal expectations. Although we might truly value our friendships, our interest in and regard for others do not seem to translate when we neglect to sufficiently demonstrate either. I imagine it can look to others as if we simply don't care enough or are outright disinterested. For instance, I am notorious for responding to text messages in an egregiously untimely manner. People hate that. (Including me!) Moreover, an imbalance exists between accepting invitations and extending them in return, as you point out. I do enjoy hosting whenever I manage to pull it off, but it is an infrequent occurrence. Perhaps it is accurate to acknowledge the influence of the protectiveness we feel toward our personal space, both inner and outer, that limits the appeal of having those spaces occupied by even those we would appreciate having there. I am currently left with entertaining the same self-doubting questions you pose, Brendan. Like you, I share the privileged friendships of the kind that can handle "radio silence." Both are colored by dominant preferences for Fi (ISFP), which might partially explain this leniency. But, then again, I think solid friendships possess the foundation for this kind of infrequent engagement. We require friendships that are like houseplants that can withstand minimal attention, yet provide the beauty and practicality we seek to incorporate in our lives. Thanks for this topic.
Hey there Morte, some HEAVY DUTY insight here, kudos for what you said about returning text messages. Also, I’ve never said kudos to anyone before until this comment, so kudos to you for that too
@@psychcasserole A first for you, and a first for me. (To wit: Leaving a comment containing more than one to three words in the past 18 years or so!) Keep throwing down that INFP pulse like nobody's business.
I'm ENFJ and I say yes to your second paragraph. It does feel like you don't care if a lot of time passes between interactions. Especially when I know that my INFP actually is interacting with someone else they know. I understand hermit mode, I have my own hermit modes, but I always tell people why I'm not responding or I give them fair warning before it starts and my friends understand and appreciate the heads-up. If you don't say anything and don't respond when I contact you (especially if I've reached out several times) that's actually ghosting and ghosting is excruciatingly painful for the ghosted
Friends are so hard to maintain.. Friends that i have are always from school/college that i eventually got closer without even trying. Once we went in a different direction, I didn't know how to be the same friend. I always feel like I'm the one changing, the one not trying to maintain it. I also once had a gaming friend from an online game, he's the type of person that's the one 'adopting' introverted friends, and sometimes i got uncomfy when he asked me abt my personal life even though we've been friends for almost 2 yrs. I felt like I was being mean, but i really thought we're only friends for gaming. I don't deserve him i guess 😭 Oh as always thank you for the video sir
My issue is that i tend to think that a lot of people around me envy me a lot because of my looks and skills i have developed throughout my life. i'm really fast with learning new skills because i alway did that. i learned to ski, snowboard, skate, play the piano, play trumpet, i learned to fix cars, phones, all sorts of things that broke down, i learned a ton of human psychology and spirituality, i'm learning Japanese right now, i'm killing it at the gym and the list goes on. and it's not that i'm average when i learn something... mostly i stand out with the things i learn aswel but that gives me a lot of people who tend to be nice in my face but are also jealous especially the guy i know the longest... Woman also tend to see me and guys don't like that ! They seem really jealous when it comes to woman... the point is i'm just me doing my thing it' not that i have that agenda to be beter at things then anyone else although i like a bit of healthy competition. I just want the best for everyone but many aren't that way. they want what i have but arn't willing to do the things i did to get there... they think i didn't have to put in the work to acquire those skills which is not true ! So, how can i ever trust someone around me ?
I have many acquaintances bur don't keep in contact with many as they are shallow as hell and also by judging ourselves so harshly and holding back we are offending people without realising. That hurts me knowing that but the fi is much stronger
Thank you for this video. This seems to be the story of my life. Every time you use the words "I", "We" or INFP you could just insert my name. Ever since finding out about MBTI and learning that I am an INFP l begin to understand why I am the way I am. Watching your videos has helped me feel less outsidery and that it's OK being me. This one is another great example. I would like to tell all those people who think that I'm a little weird to go and watch your videos.
I wish I had a friendship like this... Months without interacting and then talk like nothing happened... All the strong friendships I've had and also the friendships I still have, are with people that need too much attention and constant connection, so they aren't satisfied with me. To me, if there is a connection, a really strong bond, I always keep in mind the other person, it's not necessary to be always talking or meeting. I doorslamed a really codependent girl (my bff I suppose) three years ago for being really annoying to me. And now I'm doing the same with the only group of "best freinds" I have. They force me to do things I don't want to do. It takes me so much effort to say no, and they are a bit disrespectful with boundaries. But I still love them and we're all learning from this "relationship crisis", so I'll try to work out this relationship.
Interesting, Brendon, but part of our decreased facility with Fe might be adaptive. As introverts, we can easily become overstimulated. With our ability to attract people, there is never a shortage of interesting people in our life. How crowded it would become if we kept all these people around?! I, also, have select friends who react the same way to extended radio silence. They don't expect me to babysit them. They swim forward in the ocean of life without becoming fixed like an embedded organism on a coral reef. Perhaps we should give more thanks for friends like that in our life. And, perhaps we should quit paying lip service to it, and actually rejoice in the multidimensional diversity of people on this earth. As the say, maybe it's a feature, and not a bug!
"there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother" And what is a "pepper phase"🫑?😄 I am currently in a lounging phaze but it's only for today/Saturday..
@@psychcasserole oh nice!!! I get it. I worked at a garden/ greenhouse center in Kansas of a while and we had hot pepper eating competitions. I was not as brave as some of the men (or women) there but I tried..😄
If it wasn't for my ENFJ husband, I'd be much more isolated. He is so good at maintaining relationships and making me get out of my comfort zone.
I'm an ENFJ too and I hope you really appreciate him because you INFP's can really challenge us 😉
The relationship that this ENFJ is currently trying hardest to maintain is with a non-responsive INFP, and it is not going well 🙃
I think you made a lot of good points. I feel like as an INFP i want to be invited to the party but also have to be mindful of my personal social battery. I love my friends that'll pick up after six months like nothing happened. Because I'm just out here doing my thing. Just because I haven't reached out to you doesn't mean you're not important, I just figured you're doing your thing too
Yeah John you get it! Those are the real friends, the ones that you can reach out to any time
Here's a twist: When I make friends and they start telling me how great they think I am, I get nervous and start wondering how long it will be before they find out that I'm really terrible... Then there'll be conflicts, hurt feelings, shock and awe, and the whole kitchen sink. We can't have that, now can we? So, we must avoid this outcome by keeping our contact to a minimum🙃
(Brendon, you actually defined this fear of mine when you touched on Fe. I think I fear having people who think I'm great get disappointed when they see how bad I am at Fe! Guess it's kind of like imposter syndrome...)
Oh yeah, that is JUST like the impostor syndrome it’s like we can’t trust our use of Fe because we think we are really bad it it (we are actually pretty good but it just isn’t as natural
@@psychcasserole Hmm, that makes sense. It probably doesn't help that I have everybody's favorite Fe king over here to compare myself to (my ESFJ hubby). People probably think I'm good at Fe by association! But I'm actually good at hiding out while binge-reading random Wikipedia articles and watching phone calls go to voicemail...
Yeah. Same. People think we're amazing at relationships because we're good listeners, enthusiastic and all. But we're so contradictory, so much, and so critical to ourselves. That mess relationships.
I can hug you if you want ❤️
@@joanaborrellsanchez9225 You hit the nail on the head🤗
As an INFJ with strong Fe, this really helped me understand the behaviour patterns of my INFP best friend. Naturally I assume she will respond to my texts in an appropriate time frame like I do, or show an equal level of appreciation that matches my compliment or expression of gratitude. My Ni-Ti loops gets triggered by this lack of expected reciprocation so I've been learning to snap out of my overthinking/overanalysing state and just accept her actions for what they are. And I know it's all in my head, because she hasn't ACTUALLY showed me a sign yet that she isn't interested in remaining friends with me. All her "actions" that I think are signs are just triggering my attachment anxiety and recognising that she uses Fi and not Fe is a really important step towards healing this part of myself and strengthening/understanding our friendship dynamic on a much deeper level than before.
A Friend , this word has very deep meaning to me .
But as introvert a lost many of them (who were not too much) !..thanks to my hermit mode !. They don't understand that , and leave me .
Other point , my Fi dominant function is a very big struggle !..I'm all the time in "observant mode" !.., seeing the deepest details of the details is exhausting ...sure, I know it's our mechanic of defense , this WALL !..to protect our selves but it's also keep many of my friend away .
Being INFP is so exhausting , this is nothing comparing to our struggle in this SJ world !😔
Yep this is all so true. And weirdly I've learned this from having other INFP friends over the years and neither one reaches out, and both assume the other person doesn't want to see the other. Definitely made me reflect on my own behaviour later in life and the importance of putting that effort into reaching out - in order to keep the good people in my life.
Yeah two INFPs would make it even more complicated 🥹
nice comment/ thoughts (: I don't mind reaching out to people but it's nice when they reciprocate too.. otherwise I move on
@@psychcasserole Apparently an ENFJ who doesn't want to cross any boundaries also makes it complicated because I haven't reached out to my favorite INFP in 6 months because I thought he wanted space... maybe he did, maybe he didn't but just in case he did I wanted to make sure I respected his boundaries 😅 I'm watching your channel to learn how to understand him better
Holy smokes, this is so spot on. 🎯 At 52 y/o I’ve lost hope that I’ll ever have close friendships outside of my spouse and kids. 😞
I'm so bad at friendships. I feel like I've failed at least two major friendships in my life at this point beyond recovery..
I don't get friendships...there is this one friend that I really wanna keep after a while and I really do everything I can think of and they deeply ignore me (they seem like loners too)...and others are just not really my kind of people so I'm doomed to loneliness. Maybe you get to hang around with people but shouldn't really idealize having a long lasting friendship...
Friendships can at times seem so complicated for INFPs 😿
@@psychcasserole 💚
Insecurities are a lot of the problem and letting the wrong person in your life
I personally think its ok to 'lose' friends. It goes both ways. When im into my art hobbies, i need to be isolated. When im into something else, i meet people in that thing but when i move on, i dont feel any obligation whatsoever to keep them in my life if thats all.we had in common. Thats not being authentic to myself and thats a deal breaker for me.
I heard that, thanks for sharing Susan.
This is true for me, this long-standing tendency of not maintaining friendships in a reciprocal manner. The realization that friendships require relatively consistent attention, like all other meaningful relationships, is one that challenges a preference for living life on terms that conflict with normal expectations.
Although we might truly value our friendships, our interest in and regard for others do not seem to translate when we neglect to sufficiently demonstrate either. I imagine it can look to others as if we simply don't care enough or are outright disinterested.
For instance, I am notorious for responding to text messages in an egregiously untimely manner. People hate that. (Including me!) Moreover, an imbalance exists between accepting invitations and extending them in return, as you point out. I do enjoy hosting whenever I manage to pull it off, but it is an infrequent occurrence. Perhaps it is accurate to acknowledge the influence of the protectiveness we feel toward our personal space, both inner and outer, that limits the appeal of having those spaces occupied by even those we would appreciate having there.
I am currently left with entertaining the same self-doubting questions you pose, Brendan. Like you, I share the privileged friendships of the kind that can handle "radio silence." Both are colored by dominant preferences for Fi (ISFP), which might partially explain this leniency. But, then again, I think solid friendships possess the foundation for this kind of infrequent engagement.
We require friendships that are like houseplants that can withstand minimal attention, yet provide the beauty and practicality we seek to incorporate in our lives.
Thanks for this topic.
Hey there Morte, some HEAVY DUTY insight here, kudos for what you said about returning text messages. Also, I’ve never said kudos to anyone before until this comment, so kudos to you for that too
@@psychcasserole A first for you, and a first for me. (To wit: Leaving a comment containing more than one to three words in the past 18 years or so!) Keep throwing down that INFP pulse like nobody's business.
I'm ENFJ and I say yes to your second paragraph. It does feel like you don't care if a lot of time passes between interactions. Especially when I know that my INFP actually is interacting with someone else they know. I understand hermit mode, I have my own hermit modes, but I always tell people why I'm not responding or I give them fair warning before it starts and my friends understand and appreciate the heads-up.
If you don't say anything and don't respond when I contact you (especially if I've reached out several times) that's actually ghosting and ghosting is excruciatingly painful for the ghosted
Yep. I have 3 friends that I don’t actually hang out with plus my son. That’s all I can manage! 😂
Friends are so hard to maintain..
Friends that i have are always from school/college that i eventually got closer without even trying. Once we went in a different direction, I didn't know how to be the same friend. I always feel like I'm the one changing, the one not trying to maintain it.
I also once had a gaming friend from an online game, he's the type of person that's the one 'adopting' introverted friends, and sometimes i got uncomfy when he asked me abt my personal life even though we've been friends for almost 2 yrs. I felt like I was being mean, but i really thought we're only friends for gaming. I don't deserve him i guess 😭
Oh as always thank you for the video sir
And thank you for watching and for your comments natxon 😊
My issue is that i tend to think that a lot of people around me envy me a lot because of my looks and skills i have developed throughout my life. i'm really fast with learning new skills because i alway did that. i learned to ski, snowboard, skate, play the piano, play trumpet, i learned to fix cars, phones, all sorts of things that broke down, i learned a ton of human psychology and spirituality, i'm learning Japanese right now, i'm killing it at the gym and the list goes on. and it's not that i'm average when i learn something... mostly i stand out with the things i learn aswel but that gives me a lot of people who tend to be nice in my face but are also jealous especially the guy i know the longest... Woman also tend to see me and guys don't like that ! They seem really jealous when it comes to woman... the point is i'm just me doing my thing it' not that i have that agenda to be beter at things then anyone else although i like a bit of healthy competition. I just want the best for everyone but many aren't that way. they want what i have but arn't willing to do the things i did to get there... they think i didn't have to put in the work to acquire those skills which is not true ! So, how can i ever trust someone around me ?
I have many acquaintances bur don't keep in contact with many as they are shallow as hell and also by judging ourselves so harshly and holding back we are offending people without realising. That hurts me knowing that but the fi is much stronger
Thank you for this video. This seems to be the story of my life. Every time you use the words "I", "We" or INFP you could just insert my name.
Ever since finding out about MBTI and learning that I am an INFP l begin to understand why I am the way I am. Watching your videos has helped me feel less outsidery and that it's OK being me.
This one is another great example. I would like to tell all those people who think that I'm a little weird to go and watch your videos.
Henrike thank you so much for your comment and I’m happy you relate so hard… makes me not feel less outsidery too
Yep. Ditto.
I wish I had a friendship like this... Months without interacting and then talk like nothing happened... All the strong friendships I've had and also the friendships I still have, are with people that need too much attention and constant connection, so they aren't satisfied with me. To me, if there is a connection, a really strong bond, I always keep in mind the other person, it's not necessary to be always talking or meeting. I doorslamed a really codependent girl (my bff I suppose) three years ago for being really annoying to me. And now I'm doing the same with the only group of "best freinds" I have. They force me to do things I don't want to do. It takes me so much effort to say no, and they are a bit disrespectful with boundaries. But I still love them and we're all learning from this "relationship crisis", so I'll try to work out this relationship.
Thanks for your comments and sharing you personal experience Joana 😊
What’s a pepper scene?
Lois it’s the subculture that revolves around growing and eating superhot peppers like Carolina Reapers and Ghost Peppers.
@@psychcasserole I had an inkling that what it was but I wasn’t sure. Sounds cool though!
Interesting, Brendon, but part of our decreased facility with Fe might be adaptive. As introverts, we can easily become overstimulated. With our ability to attract people, there is never a shortage of interesting people in our life. How crowded it would become if we kept all these people around?! I, also, have select friends who react the same way to extended radio silence. They don't expect me to babysit them. They swim forward in the ocean of life without becoming fixed like an embedded organism on a coral reef. Perhaps we should give more thanks for friends like that in our life. And, perhaps we should quit paying lip service to it, and actually rejoice in the multidimensional diversity of people on this earth. As the say, maybe it's a feature, and not a bug!
Exactly!!! Thank you!!!
Thanks for watching Jennifer 😊
Dear god please never ever lemme come in contact with these fake roaches in my life ever again
-INTP
"there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother" And what is a "pepper phase"🫑?😄 I am currently in a lounging phaze but it's only for today/Saturday..
Haha 😂 I had a phase of my life where I was obsessed with growing pepper plants and eating the spicy ones 🌶️
@@psychcasserole oh nice!!! I get it. I worked at a garden/ greenhouse center in Kansas of a while and we had hot pepper eating competitions. I was not as brave as some of the men (or women) there but I tried..😄