VWestlife, you honestly remind me of myself if I was about 25 years older and American. I’m also a gay man who is on the spectrum and has a fascination with old tech and formats and I really love your videos, keep up the good work man! :)) DW
Oh, how cool - I've watched a fair few of your videos on retro tech, and find them utterly fascinating! Being from the UK, watching your stuff on things like the ZX81 amongst others really caught my attention. I'll second the other reply that said to keep up the good work! Please do!
I describe it like this. Most people are strolling along the beach on a nice day. They’re on a concrete path and their walking is relaxed and easy. They’re enjoying the sun and breeze. I’m on the beach and I’m desperately trying to keep up. I’m running to keep up, but running on the beach is hard. The faster I try to run, the more sand I kick up and the slower I seem to go. The people on the path look at me and think “What’s wrong with that guy? Why doesn’t he just come up here on the path with us?” But they don’t understand that I can never be in the path with them. My lot in life is to have to run through the sand. I will never be like them or enjoy their ease of life. This is my fate.
@@jasonwalthall8382 This is an excellent analogy and I completely relate. The fact that our struggle is often invisible to others makes it even more challenging. Thank you for sharing.
You have gone through a lot. I’m sorry others took advantage of you. I’m glad you’re sharing your story in a way that is good for you. I can tell you’re going to be a fantastic boyfriend when you find the right guy.
Matthew my heart goes out to you! I’m also autistic and gay! There have been times that I wish the things you mentioned weren’t so difficult, like relationships. But like you said at the end of your video, it has its positives, such as being an empath. I can empathize with people way more than your “average” person. And it’s gifts like that that make us important in people’s lives. I know times can be tuff, but I know you’re gonna crush what’s ahead of you in life! 😊
I struggle quite a bit socially and feel very vulnerable even writing this. It’s only the second time I’ve ever written a comment. But what you said is what I’ve wanted to for years. I feel aligned and invisible at the same time. You’re brave to share.
I’m happy to have met someone like you that is very sweet, kind, and good looking autistic guy that shares similar struggles as I do. I have to deal with loneliness all day of having autism mostly throughout school and everywhere I go in public. I do have to agree from what you originally stated that most people aren’t really kind enough to autistic adults when they don’t see it from their perspective. I wish more people would actually listen to autistic adults more closely and actually make strong friendships and to be included in friend groups or other activities that they’re in.
I know exactly what you mean dude. Being intellectually gifted but also autistic makes life especially hard because a lot of people will just write you off as weird or a jerk instead of trying to empathize with your struggles. Unfortunately the world tends to be built by and for the straight and the neurotypical, so when you happen to be both gay and on the spectrum, we really don't "belong" in a very real sense that makes for an unnecessarily difficult and painful existence. The good thing is that humanity has been making progress and I really hope that things will continue to improve for people like us and everyone in general, despite the forces attempting to hold us back...
I'm also gay, autistic (recently learned about that as an adult), intelligent, did very well in school, was picked on. I feel so seen with this video. Even though I've not really struggled with making friends, but my issue has always been keeping more than one active friendship. And I also think autism comes with many good traits, too, but also it is like playing life in hard mode. My biggest problem is that my energy reserves are so limited, and it gets harder as I get older. It might be also related to my adhd at least to an extent, and I am starting to seriously consider experimenting with medication for it. Thank you for sharing your experiences!
Wow, everything you've talked about was incredibly relatable to me. I'm autistic and did not find out until I was already an adult, but I struggled for many years just believing that life was simply meant to be that hard. I did well academically but always struggled to make friends, so my struggles were very "invisible" and got brushed off as just being shy. I have nothing but empathy for your struggles, as it does indeed suck to be treated so poorly simply for being autistic, whether people acknowledge that as the reason or not. I was taken advantage of by friends and was even in an abusive relationship before. My first bf was adhd but also had a lot of mental health issues and did not treat me very well. Invisible disabilities are difficult, I have a number of them not just autism. That said, I ultimately agree with you. I can't imagine who I would even be if I wasn't autistic, and I wouldn't change who I am even if I could. For what it's worth as well, I've been in a relationship now for going on 5 years with a guy who grew up in the same small town as me (like 8000 people). So I do think that things can work out when it come to love. I appreciate you making this video because it's good to add your voice to the growing number of autistic people (especially those who were late diagnosed) to show the world what we go through. Hopefully, that'll inspire people to be just a bit kinder to us
I appreciate you sharing your experience. It can be very difficult living with a disability that is often invisible to others. And I agree with you, I wouldn't change who I am, despite the challenges I face.
I was also recently diagnosed as an adult so I really relate to this. School was so bad lmao. I was always called lazy even though I tried my hardest, but you can only do so much when the simplest things can cause mental exhaustion. Hopefully people will be more patient with us as awareness spreads! Great video ❤
Even if awareness spreads, humans like to hate what is not a part of them. So no, they will probably never realy exept autistic people like you and me... best example for such hate is gay people in the USA. Im sitting here in europe and watching that although people in the US are aware of homosexuality it is like a sport for them to hate these people for no good reason :/
I have add, adhd and dyslexia and ive always felt like i was weird and didnt belong with everyone else. Remember you are one of a kind and thats why you feel like that. There will never be another you. Embrace yourself and love yourself where you are. I pray 🙏 you find your real people, they will accept you how where you are
I was with my ex for 14 yrs & would still be if it were up to me. He's on the spectrum, but his uniqueness is what makes him beautiful. Brilliant, socially awkward, & so many unique qualties because of autism. Your candor is but one of your strengths; you'll discover many others. Don't compare yourself to anyone else. You are uniquely you. Wishing for you a life of ease, wonder, & love.
Thank you for this video, this is an important topic for me. I'm glad I found your channel because I struggle with similar things. It's hard to find a partner being both gay and autistic. It's very valuable that you're talking about this because I know I'm not the only one in this situation. All the best from Poland!
Thank you for sharing. I am in my late 40s, and SO MUCH of what you said are hitting marks that I am seeing in myself and how people view me. I struggle with inter-personal relationships, and always have. I was bullied because I was the “weird kid”, and adults just blew it off, even my own parents in many ways. I missed a lot of school to avoid the other students. It has left a life long trauma and made life more and more difficult. I told my best friend what I was starting to see and talk with my therapist, and he said “You don’t seem Neurodivergent” which makes my battles that much harder. Because I appear “normal” and yet about 90% of what you describe and mention I see in myself and feel that pain. I really appreciate you being open about your journey. It is helping myself, and no doubt, others. I have learned we can live our lives, we have to work a lot harder at it though. Keep fighting, even when you feel you cannot. It is amazing what strength and resolutions you can find in yourself. Thank you.
I'm 49. I'm going through the same thing. I didn't get diagnosed until the past few years. I finally understood why my life has been so difficult. The struggle is real. But being this way gives me super powers. I'm able to organize anything. I can whip a disaster into serenity easily and folks hire me to do it. But I can't make social connections beyond what I do by masking and faking interaction. I loathe small talk. I can't stand it.
Hey Matthew, This is the second video on your channel that I’ve watched, and I really enjoy your content! I’m not usually the type of person to comment on UA-cam videos, but this time I felt I should. First of all, I’m very sorry to hear that you’ve been struggling for so long with your autism, sexuality, and dating life. I’ve been in a very loving and fulfilling relationship with my boyfriend for seven years. He is also on the spectrum and has an ABI (acquired brain injury) due to a very rare kidney disease. All of these factors pose significant challenges in our relationship. For example, my boyfriend struggles with maintaining a schedule, keeping up with social relationships, and, in his case, remembering to take his medication. As his partner, I play a big role in supporting him with these tasks-I basically have to remind him about everything, or it won’t happen, which sometimes makes me feel more like a caregiver than a partner. It’s also important to remember that, just like you, his struggles are invisible to most people. Of course, these are only the tip of the iceberg. Your story resonated with me deeply and even made me emotional because it reminded me of my boyfriend’s experiences. While I cannot fully understand how you feel, I’ve seen firsthand the trauma and hurt that my boyfriend has endured because of his autism and ABI. Despite our struggles, we’ve worked through them together, and our bond is now unbreakable. I’m certain that once you find someone who truly understands and accepts you-perhaps someone else on the spectrum-you’ll have a friend or partner for life. I sincerely hope you find someone who will love and accept you as deeply as I love and accept my boyfriend. This might sound inappropriate, but if you ever want to talk to someone who (in my opinion) has a successful relationship with someone on the spectrum in a complex situation and has worked through similar challenges, feel free to reach out to me. (I’m not exactly sure how that would work haha, but I could always DM you on one your socials if you’re open to that.)
I relate to this, Matthew. It feels better to know it's not just me, and it's good to have others we can rely on to share our stories with. Best wishes going forward.
As somebody that is autistic and also gay, I really liked hearing your thoughts in this video. I feel like I'm different a lot of the time and my own sensitivies/overstimulations with the environment around me bug me a lot. It can be hard trying to mask those things.
I never fully appreciated how priviledged I am to view autism positively and not negatively. Yes, I have the social deficits, but there are some people who really like me for who I am, and I really appreciate the people that do and I'm close with. I never wanted to be "normal" (except when doing interviews to get into colleges and find a job haha). I never got along with my family either. Dating is a horror show but I've come to realize that my bar for romantic love is very high (and has extremely little to do with looks) because I enjoy solitude quite a lot. I'd genuinely rather be autistic than not, because if I wasn't autistic I wouldn't feel like myself. I just wish there were more people like us who would also be willing to talk openly about these sorts of things to share the experience and tips for navigating a world that isn't built for us.
I can relate to be having autism too because I was born with it. I usually didn’t like to talk about my disabilities with anyone else because I thought that they wouldn’t understand me and I also had a hard time opening myself up trying to make conversations with my friends in school. Luckily for me, I never had been bullied by anyone and I was able to make friends and I let my friends know about me and they accepted me and I felt good about talking about myself. But I also keep to myself all the time because my social life is different and I learned how to not worry about spending time by myself and not hanging out with my friends because I love myself and I know how to take care of myself too.
I know the struggles at times since I am on the spectrum myself, but as I am maturing and getting some life experience, I have to be a realist at the end of the day since not every day is going to be the same, just taking things one day at a time. Definitely know the struggle it is to interact and socialize with people, but if no one wants to socialize or interact, honestly it’s on them and not me. The real friends in life are the ones you make after high and into your college years, though there’s a few friends from your school years who will stick around. If no one wants to be my friend anymore, at the end of the day it’s their loss and not mine.
Your willingness to continue to share your life experiences and journey with us (which more people than you can imagine can relate to) is greatly appreciated. You’re letting “strangers” know they are not alone and hopefully the positive feedback that you are justifiably receiving is providing some benefit to you as well. Keep taking care of yourself and I look forward to watching more of your enlightening heartfelt videos.
I’m not autistic, and I can’t imagine how hard it must be for you. I have road blocks too that keep me from having the relationship I wish I could have. You said the world is not kind to autistic people and I find much of the world is unkind to many things. Me, as a Black man, much of the world is always unkind. But you are young, smart and very handsome. I think once you find that right group of people where you “fit”, you will find yourself dwelling into a place you feel you belong and someone there waiting for you too. Be patient, and stay positive. I think you’ll find what you hope to find when the time is right.
For every person, there are so many people out there who are like you and so many people who are quite unlike you but are open, kind, and accepting, and life gets so much better when you find them. (Even if it doesn't fix everything about our world, but it makes the other stuff a lot easier to beat) I hope everyone who doesn't have them will find them soon.
Im so happy to learn more about your experience being autistic. I have similiar struggles with'not fitting in'. I hope that you do find yourself a community of people that you can relate to, regardless of how big or small it is! :) and I am definitely here if you wanna connect w/me 😇
As a gay guy with Aspergers who just recently turned 31 and did a minor study of phycology i can tell you Matthew that i fight the way to regulate basically every minute in my mind since so much data is constantly being worked into my mind.i found ways to make it easier and i find that trying schedule everything as best as possible. Keeping a schedule is what gives stucture to chaos helps. Focus more on finding what is best for you and i feel like day to day life will slowly feel better.
Thank you for sharing your experiences and thoughts on what autism is like for you, it's pretty much the same for me and honestly I hope that we can all find someone who accepts us for we are. Miss talking to you Matthew ❤
I don't know if I have some kind of autism, but I have related to the entire video, every single thing. And the part especially about not knowing why you're like that, making you feel like there's something wrong with you, and the pressure from everyone in your life because the expectations don't match and nobody understands the struggles we feel. So life is difficult to say the least. I know that it's basically impossible for me to be diagnosed, I'm 25. I wonder how were you finally able to put a finger on it, it must have changed the way you perceive yourself, maybe hard to accept that it's part of you, but probably for the better because now you can understand your life and yourself better without having this constant feeling everywhere that it's your fault there's something wrong with you. At least, that's what I wish could happen to me. I have actually been diagnosed with some big mental disorder at 20 years old, and it has helped my family accept my limits better, but I feel like it's so much more than that, I relate way more to things autistic people say about them or the way they think. I don't think I will be able to get diagnosis though. But anyways thanks for this video, whether I am or not, I relate completely and feel you.
Matthew, I find so much of what you have discussed in this one reflects my own life, and how I respond to life in general. Feeling like the outsider and struggling to relate to others in the most mundane moments of life, as well as the big events like relationships, is something I have always experienced. My high school years were not happy ones - I was isolated, found it extremely difficult to form friendships, and was a magnet for every single bully within a ten-mile radius. Teachers did say I was intelligent, but I did not want to draw attention to myself and make myself even more vulnerable by showing it. I'm a bit older than you, and it has taken me a long time to figure out what you might call coping strategies to get through life - I just hope that there is someone out there who can accept me for who I am and want to have me in their life one day. I wish the same for you!
I relate immensely to pretty much everything you brought up here, I was diagnosed with ASD and ADHD in the last 2 years, and only because I stumbled across a video that talked about curious facts about ADHD, I used to think since I was more or less 10 or so that there was something wrong with me, I felt alien to pretty much everyone else, I became the outcast quickly, it also didn't help that I have Dyspraxia(also diagnosed 2 years ago more or less) so I sucked and still suck at any manual thing, it's really hard, but at least knowing what's happening helps.
Don't compare yourself to someone else or someone else's experience. This life is your experience. As far as a relationship you only need to find that one person who gets you and you get. It doesn't matter how your relationship stacks up to other relationships. Harder or easier than the next person....none of that matters. It's just a perception. People are going to look at you and assume it's easy for you because you're attractive. Friends are hard to come by. People move in and out of your life a lot while you're younger. As you get older you'll find a few people who will stick around no matter what. Hold onto those people no matter what.
I was never diagnosed and now my doctor took it off the table completely because I am over 40. But I have forever struggled my entire life with interpersonal skills, social skills. I find patterns in everything. I am super dedicated to my hobby of fragrances and aviation. It takes over my life and if one thing goes wrong its a meltdown lol. I did NOT do well in school and I dropped out Sophomore year. I ended up in culinary school in 2003 and somehow managed to barely squeek by and graduate.
I'm sorry you have those feelings. I have the same feelings, although I don't think as much. I am uncomfortable when I'm at a party or other places where I don't know people. I think you're worthy of friendship and hope you can break through that wall because I see you as a potential friend. Keep working it. You're worth it.
Thank you for making videos like these. Just hearing someone go through similar struggles is incredibly helpful. Its encouraging to at least even know we arent alone in our experiences. So thank. Love your content so far. And Im sure many people in these comments can understand and relate to you.
While it becomes more difficult to make friends as you get older, you also get better at picking out someone who is "one of us." If you're AuADHD, dopamine is a problem for us even more so than those who are only ADHD. You sound like the kind of person my kid (AuADHD) would be friends with, kiddo is about your age. I hope you're able to find the friendship and support you need.
Additional thing most people don't understand about autistics is that when it comes to adverse med reactions (even for something as simple as tylenol) we are much more prone to having adverse (and rare adverse) reactions than normies. So if you start any meds, do it one at a time and when you have someone who can help if you have an adverse reaction, whether it's stomach upset or self harm. I had a reaction to an antibiotic that caused tears in all my tendons and a decade later am still living with the pain and consequences of that.
It is very difficult, I have had similar issues in some of the areas you mention. I feel that its analogous to driving, you cant take your eyes off the road and you have to concentrate which can get tiring. I spent many years learning to manage my conditions with some success and try to adapt when needed. The most important thing i learned was to be kind to myself. I have found a few people who take me as I am but Its still a challenge to have the conversations I really enjoy.
I feel this hard, especially trying to hold down a full time job (not to garner sympathy etc) - not finding that place I belong, without masking the majority of the time, is difficult (albeit mainly due to stress and the like)
Listening to your experience, all I could think was “this sounds so familiar” because I’ve had a similar experience, and it really sucks because none of the people I know right now know what it’s like. I’m sure there are more people who share similar experiences, I just wish it was easier to find them!
While I don’t have a full idea of what it would be like to be autistic I do have a good amount of understanding of the struggles autistic people face because I have an autistic brother.
If i might say that... be happy to not have autism, because apart from the struggles we face inside, we face the rest of humanity that often likes to treat us like some sort of alien in human form.. i guess that's what empathy looks like or something
Here’s something else I’ll reiterate on, being on the autism spectrum definitely has it’s perks, but on the other hand it allows you to spot flaws and fine details others would miss and overlook.
This was fascinating. I feel being young and dealing with all of this must be a burden. Interestingly I had many of the same feelings and experiences all my life about myself- an island unto myself everywhere all the time- but also gregarious and full of energy. A strange paradox, but a superpower I have found for my friends that do suffer with anxiety, I get it. Stay gold and keep on truckin'. There are sights to see and things to feel and eventual reveals that will surprise you.
Have gone through the exact same thing for 7 decades, now. I have stopped trying to make friends, I just have mainly acquaintances. I have focused on my internal self, and have found more peace and feeling included in the world, but the invisible world. After focusing on the invisible, my life turned around. The fact that you are good looking and articulate makes your facade more magnetic, then when people get close, their “expectations” crumble and they leave. I wish I had ignored the physical and experienced the invisible earlier in life, things are much better, now.
I'm lucky enough to have been surrounded by other neurodivergant people for a lot of my life- especially growing up in a family where 4/5 people are autistic- and I can definitely say, it makes all the difference. I'm still struggling (with schoolwork and socialising mostly), but having people around you who understand really helps. Whether it's in real life or an online community, my biggest recommendation for autistic people is to simply surround yourself with other autistic people
Thank you Matthew for the video. Some of the reasons you mentioned resonated with me a lot. I know what it's like to be bullied and do struggle at times with social interactions. I myself have dyspraxia and have my ways of helping me with it. Best wishes from the U.K.
As someone who is autistic, I can relate to you here and there. There are times when I have similar struggles but it does help me at times including with attention to detail and getting along with many people. Either way, it's along with my sexuality is something as a part of me to embrace.
Even though I am not on the spectrum (at least, to my knowledge) and I can't even begin to understand the scope of the struggles you must be facing on a daily basis, I do remember facing similar struggles when I was comparing myself to my peers. When I was your age, I remember looking at my peers in college, and noticing how easily they engaged in social relationships, how they all had romantic partners, etc. and feeling like the most awkward, pathetic, oddball out there. Seven years later, I feel very fortunate to have close friends with whom I can open up a little and be myself a little bit... These things come with time, life has its way of setting the right people on our paths. As a gay dude who performed well in school but s*cked balls at everything else, I feel where you're at right now and all I can say is you’re not alone in this world... This world sure is unforgiving for people on the spectrum, people with all kinds of social disabilities and LGBT people overall... and it's not getting better anytime soon. We need to look out and care for each other more than ever and remember we're not alone in this world. Thank you for setting up this platform where we can listen and engage with each other and realize that we matter.
Hi Mathew, Thanks for sharing your personal experience on the topic of Autism. I find it very admirable of you to give us a glimpse into your 1st person point of view, and feelings about the challenges of it. Happy Monday bro, Great video : )
I can have a full blown intelligent conversation with someone and yet I don't tell many people this but I actually stim a lot. I have a small length of cable with me that I carry everywhere and flap around like mad. The way I see it is it feels good and who am I hurting doing it? No one. Even though I'm older now than when I was at school I remember some teachers saying things like "no you can get rid of that. You don't need it." Well yes. Yes I do. It's a well used phrase but I feel naked without it. Certain teachers really haven't got a clue. But anyway I like to make friends online due to being an introvert. I'm a little agaraphobic too and I'm only recently realising that. Chatting to some of them on instagram or wherever just feels natural and comfortable so that's what I do. Funnily enough a handful of them show autistic traits and a few have indeed said that they agree with me on possibly being on the spectrum ha ha. I always joke that I attract people with my condition like a magnet. It's a good thing though.
Hi Matthew. Sorry to hear about your upbringing and how you dealt with your autism. Same as you I been bullied. I’m not socially sane. I’m awkward, don’t really let new people into my life so easily, scares me if they’ll disappoint or not have great intentions with me. It wasn’t always like that, kiddo me liked making friends and competing with them. It’s a cruel world, we can only navigate life in our will. Head to our destinations, but we’ll run into obstacles and trip and fall, and get up againx2. Have a good day 😊
Thank you for sharing this. And don't ever feel like you don't belong, because you do! Your autism is a strength! And I would love to be able to connect with you and learn more about it. I am in your Discord server if you ever want to chat. Can't wait to see more videos from you! 😁
I feel like one of the Misfit Toys in the movie Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer. I understand your feelings and younger I used to take theater courses in college. I put on an act too...the facade thing. I love telling my stories and making people laugh. Before my Mom passed away I smiled more and when I laughed it came from my toenails up. And I just don't laugh like that anymore. Times are weird for our kind of people. I was brought up around adults too....that was a big issue. I was more friends with my teachers than with other kids my age. The kids never knew what I was doing cause I was sooooooooo quiet.
I empathise so much with your experiences. It's a double whammy and a heavy burden that shatters your confidence and erodes your life chances. You articulate the challenges very well. I wish I could find someone like me or at least more accepting of me here in the UK. It's a niche within a niche.
Thank you for sharing this perspective. It seems that neurodivergent individuals are more likely to identify as LGBTQ+, which makes things difficult in that the feelings of isolation can only escalate upon navigating life as a queer individual where our needs are not always addressed or sometimes even taken away. And it can be hard to establish interpersonal relationships as autistic individuals, including romantic, because of discrepancies as to how empathy is displayed. I find it admirable that people like you are bringing these struggles to light!
Yeah I get you man. The most confusing thing I get is that they either say they can’t get me at all. Or they say you’re thinking is so unique. When what you want is someone to say they get you and give back the same understanding. It’s rare but I made a supporting network of friends with varying qualities it’s good to diversify to find the right support when you need I feel lucky my journey has allowed at least some of that support and connection. And I know for sure if you put your needs first to make the connections with people you meet you’ll eventually find people who at least can hear you and understand sometimes. In a way there’s a common understanding in being misunderstood
I was a caregiver in a group home long ago. And there was a young guy that was autistic, he always sat alone and wasn't inclusive. He wouldn't even speak. When I started working there I would ask the other staff why they wouldn't include him more. So I made it my mission to include him, get him to start speaking and just not be lonely. In 8 months he was talking and engaging others. It's all about how we are with one another. I hope he's ok, I think back and I smile. Now Im a gay man but I don't think he was gay. And I say that cuz other staff would remark on his connection to me. After working with him, at the end of my shift he would sit with me while I did my paperwork. And very often he would try and hold my hand. I would let him. He would just sit there. Sometimes smile. He wouldn't do that with anyone else. In this world it's hard to connect with others and to just feel at peace around them. I hope and wish for the best for everyone, life is already hard enough.❤
I feel you 🥰 For a long time I found amazing how others people's life felt effortlessly good and nice. Until I realized how it's just facade and almost everyone struggle one way or another. And also, you can be happy to grow a bond with us as audience 🤗
Boa noite. Matthews . Aqui é um de seus audientes. Gosto muito de seus vídeos. Bem sabemos nós que somos de uma geração que compartilha os mesmos desafios. Na verdade viver neste mundo ja é um desafio. As vezes é uma jornada cheia de altos e baixos a gente tem uma recaida e depois torna a levantar. É um verdadeiro ciclo natural e normal pela maneira o qual cada um de nós fomos desenhados. Mas no entanto pode ter certeza que há muitas e muitas pessoas que te amam e admiram você pelo seu empatismo e por ser um garoto maravilhoso e cativante assim como você é. Fico muito feliz e grato por ter encontrado você no UA-cam. Por poder compartilhar com alguém a mesma vivência neste mundo. Uma abraco no seu coração garoto.❤❤❤
I'm sure many people can relate to the feeling that they don't belong. I have been like that for many years and the best thing for me was to acknowledge that life will be a bit different (from what we assume other people's lives are) and there may be times a necessity to adapt just to fit in. It can be lonely or isolating with little or no 'connection' with other people. But it is simply that you are special, a unique person, and you have to find your niche in life. From my late teens I was determined to work hard and establish a home eventually, and in the end it worked out fine. You are who you are, be kind to yourself and enjoy things on your terms. 😊
Fulfillment comes from within you not the people around you. It’s something it’s taken me years to discover. I’m also gay and struggle with social interaction. I hope you will discover being at peace with yourself. The moment you stop looking for that relationship to fulfill the emptiness someone will enter your life and you can start a true relationship without attachments. Love who you are and others will love you for that.
I like your videos a lot, and from someone on the spectrum like I am, It's very liberating to get to know you're not alone in feeling these same emotions, and alienation from the rest of the world.
I feel that we all eventually find our 'tribe', whatever form it takes. I can only connect with people I exercise with at my gym - for that hour I feel like I belong. After that hour, I return to my usual, mostly isolated life. How I managed to find (and keep) a partner of 15 years is a mystery. Keep up producing content, I have found them enjoyable.
Hey there, also in the same boat as a lot of you - never had any issues academically, which is probably why I never found out or addressed any of my problems properly until I was an adult. I always felt different, but the adults in my life as a kid just made it that much worse. In my experience, anyone over a certain age (boomers especially) will believe that you're fine because you don't exhibit or try to mask any external behaviors - You present normal for the most part and you do great in school, so how could you possibly be struggling? To make matters worse, I specifically remember this time my mom pointed out one my classmates who was visibly autistic and said "(Name) is autistic and that is what autism looks like, so I expect you to be extra nice to them." So that point forward, I only ever had THAT image or THAT portrayal of autism in my mind until I was an adult
Matt, you seem to have your internal analytics together, you also seem to be pretty tough and can resist all the outside issues, suggest chin up an carry on, you are stronger than you think. Bill
It’s so hard to be autistic i wish neurotypical understood that just cause we look fine things aren’t. I was diagnosed with autism this year and it forced me to take into to consideration so much stuff that i had convinced myself was normal from not understanding social cues, bullying, overstimulation, burnout, and even meltdowns. The most relatable part was when you said you feel like you don’t fit in, thats the same thing i deal with, there’s time when i feel like im not even human and im just alien living through day to day with people and the sensory issues is so irradiating especially dealing with it every single day there’s time where i feel like i just want to pull my skin off and be a ghost😂. It does suck having to deal with our disability, however like you said there’s positivity’s that help us to see the good in or disability and to realize that its not all gloom and doom
Everything you said is the same as what I’m experiencing. I have a mild form of autism I can still go to work and drive etc but just like you I just really have trouble picking up on social cues. I also have the feeling of not really belonging anywhere or like I don’t fit in and don’t really have any friends. My parents suspected that I was autistic ever since I was little but I didn’t officially get diagnosed with it until I was 23 (I’m almost 26 now). So I can totally relate to you.
I see a lot of your struggles and difficulties in myself and i too have struggled in life without knowing why and not really knowing what it is that i am feeling or getting wrong. Or how to express these feelings by describing what they are. I have only three friends, looking back i too see that they were not really friends. Only in the past year or so have i began to look at an assessment for autism. I have never dated a person in a tradiotional way either it is a horrible feeling to sit opposite someone you dont know and try to make a connection. But i do find that doing something else like going for a walk where you dont have to talk about yourself in a formal fashion and you can introduce elements of your life really helped me to make connections with boyfriends in the past by participating in shared interests such as hobbies or activities. Maybe give this a try.
Yeah exactly you’re not alone I feel like that sometimes as well and yeah I get and yes that definitely happened to me.Yes I’m black,christian,autistic,gay, single yeah definitely get it you really. I definitely want through my childhood, teenage hood,now youngadulthood good,bad,sad,happy moments life.
1:07 THIS PART!!! OHH MY GOD it makes me so mad!! i struggle so badly with making new friends because it's so. so. SO hard to connect with other people, even when i really try
God, I just want to hug you, love you, and protect you. I wish i could find a boyfriend or romantic partner as sweet, intelligent, and handsome as you.
I’m gay and I have Semantic Language Pragmatism (similar to autism but not exactly) and I fully understand this. I feel like an android wearing the skin of someone else more normal than I truly am. I’m still in college and I wish I met ppl like u it’d make my life a lot easier.
You're relatively young - im 32 and have only found out recently that I'm autistic. Fully understand how hard it is realising all these traumatic events in your past suddenly have a new light on them in the context of being an autistic. I always misattributed feeling different to being gay.
You’re such a sweet guy and good looking. You belong in this world. I look at you and feel happy. Makes me feel not alone. Hang in there buddy. I have Asperger’s Syndrome I feel ya. 😊
Hi Matthew! I am a new subscriber to your channel. I am also gay and autistic, so I really resonate with your videos. For someone who has social awkwardness, I find it very difficult to meet and socialize with people and this truly makes it hard to find someone who you’re interested in. Sometimes I feel that I won’t find anyone to be my partner ever. But I am very patient, so when the time is right, I hope the universe will send someone my way. Sending you lots of love from east USA! ❤ 🫂
1000% resonate with these experiences. I will say I’m very privileged in the fact that I was diagnosed with autism very early in life (3 years old), so I had a name for what I was experiencing very early on, but I’ve always felt that struggle to belong as well. Something that’s helped me over the years is meeting more people who are also neurodivergent (especially other autistic people). At this point in my life I think most of the people I hang out with are neurodivergent in some ways
Yeah, I notice I tend to click very well with other neurodivergent people (even though I do have neurotypical friends). Thanks for sharing your experience, it's nice to know I'm not alone!
im also autistic and gay, i discovered i was in the spectrum when i had 19 y.o. cause i went to therapy by myself due depression (i still have clinical depression) and right now im 25 y.o. i have a boyfriend which i have 3 years with and i do think it’s an accident cause for real also for me like u it is difficult to connect with other people and has been like that since always. right now it’s something has been challenging a lot cause i want to make films and i mean u need people right? i arrived to mexico city (im from the north of mexico) and i just have 3 friends in 3.5 years (including my bf) and the only pattern i see is autism cause for real i have known lot of people and always theres exists this rejection , like i dont connect or people just dont like your personality and you are always in this constant masking and it’s like a continuous tension. i’m sorry u were a target for being bullied i mean i had no friends when i was a child like for real no exaggeration and was bullied as well hard. so for sure it is difficult for us and more difficult if u were born in a context which is not gonna let you know that u r autistic in a early age and how u feel it’s really valid and your video is really valuable, the only advice i can give it’s therapy, personally speaking is the only thing can in certain way stabilize us in this neurotypical world. thank u so much for sharing this with us, i really appreciate it❤
As someone who is pansexual and has AuDHD. I relate so hard to these videos. You seem like an amazing person and I hope you do find romance. You just got to be patient and persistent.
I understand how it feels to have a hard time connecting with people. You know, you don't necessarily know what kind of fulfillment they have. Maybe it's shallower than you think. People change positions quickly. As an autistic person, you have problems in some areas and strengths in others. That's how it goes and try not to blame yourself that much. I know it’s hard. Best wishes 😁.
As a gay guy I think you are extremely cute, personality and looks-wise. But as an uncle to a young autistic nephew I am very grateful for you sharing your experience and knowledge - in hopes it'll make me a better support system for him. 💙
As an autistic person, I feel this most of the time, too. The only time I don’t is when I’m with other autistic folks. It’s taken time, and now I have made some social connections. Most on zoom. I hope this helps other AS folks can find these connections, too. This, and I stopped trying to conform to rules that don’t work for me. Ran out of f*cks to give. Best mental health hack ever.
As someone who is also gay and on the spectrum, I really enjoy your videos. 😀
Glad you enjoy my content! :) Thanks for watching.
VWestlife, you honestly remind me of myself if I was about 25 years older and American. I’m also a gay man who is on the spectrum and has a fascination with old tech and formats and I really love your videos, keep up the good work man! :)) DW
Oh, how cool - I've watched a fair few of your videos on retro tech, and find them utterly fascinating! Being from the UK, watching your stuff on things like the ZX81 amongst others really caught my attention. I'll second the other reply that said to keep up the good work! Please do!
You’re not alone man! Xx
I’m gay!
I’m ADHD, anxiety, and depression… x
So you’re so not alone man! X
I describe it like this. Most people are strolling along the beach on a nice day. They’re on a concrete path and their walking is relaxed and easy. They’re enjoying the sun and breeze. I’m on the beach and I’m desperately trying to keep up. I’m running to keep up, but running on the beach is hard. The faster I try to run, the more sand I kick up and the slower I seem to go. The people on the path look at me and think “What’s wrong with that guy? Why doesn’t he just come up here on the path with us?” But they don’t understand that I can never be in the path with them. My lot in life is to have to run through the sand. I will never be like them or enjoy their ease of life. This is my fate.
@@jasonwalthall8382 This is an excellent analogy and I completely relate. The fact that our struggle is often invisible to others makes it even more challenging. Thank you for sharing.
You have gone through a lot. I’m sorry others took advantage of you. I’m glad you’re sharing your story in a way that is good for you. I can tell you’re going to be a fantastic boyfriend when you find the right guy.
Matthew my heart goes out to you! I’m also autistic and gay! There have been times that I wish the things you mentioned weren’t so difficult, like relationships. But like you said at the end of your video, it has its positives, such as being an empath. I can empathize with people way more than your “average” person. And it’s gifts like that that make us important in people’s lives. I know times can be tuff, but I know you’re gonna crush what’s ahead of you in life! 😊
People with empathy is rare these days. But those are the friends you need in life.
I struggle quite a bit socially and feel very vulnerable even writing this. It’s only the second time I’ve ever written a comment. But what you said is what I’ve wanted to for years. I feel aligned and invisible at the same time. You’re brave to share.
Thank you for sharing your experience, I'm glad you enjoyed the video.
I’m happy to have met someone like you that is very sweet, kind, and good looking autistic guy that shares similar struggles as I do. I have to deal with loneliness all day of having autism mostly throughout school and everywhere I go in public. I do have to agree from what you originally stated that most people aren’t really kind enough to autistic adults when they don’t see it from their perspective. I wish more people would actually listen to autistic adults more closely and actually make strong friendships and to be included in friend groups or other activities that they’re in.
Totally agree here - and the LGBT community are really missing out on the gorgeous young Matthew, as he is beautiful sweet soul, inside and out 😍😍😍😍
I know exactly what you mean dude. Being intellectually gifted but also autistic makes life especially hard because a lot of people will just write you off as weird or a jerk instead of trying to empathize with your struggles. Unfortunately the world tends to be built by and for the straight and the neurotypical, so when you happen to be both gay and on the spectrum, we really don't "belong" in a very real sense that makes for an unnecessarily difficult and painful existence. The good thing is that humanity has been making progress and I really hope that things will continue to improve for people like us and everyone in general, despite the forces attempting to hold us back...
I'm also gay, autistic (recently learned about that as an adult), intelligent, did very well in school, was picked on. I feel so seen with this video. Even though I've not really struggled with making friends, but my issue has always been keeping more than one active friendship. And I also think autism comes with many good traits, too, but also it is like playing life in hard mode. My biggest problem is that my energy reserves are so limited, and it gets harder as I get older. It might be also related to my adhd at least to an extent, and I am starting to seriously consider experimenting with medication for it. Thank you for sharing your experiences!
Wow, everything you've talked about was incredibly relatable to me.
I'm autistic and did not find out until I was already an adult, but I struggled for many years just believing that life was simply meant to be that hard. I did well academically but always struggled to make friends, so my struggles were very "invisible" and got brushed off as just being shy.
I have nothing but empathy for your struggles, as it does indeed suck to be treated so poorly simply for being autistic, whether people acknowledge that as the reason or not.
I was taken advantage of by friends and was even in an abusive relationship before. My first bf was adhd but also had a lot of mental health issues and did not treat me very well.
Invisible disabilities are difficult, I have a number of them not just autism. That said, I ultimately agree with you. I can't imagine who I would even be if I wasn't autistic, and I wouldn't change who I am even if I could.
For what it's worth as well, I've been in a relationship now for going on 5 years with a guy who grew up in the same small town as me (like 8000 people). So I do think that things can work out when it come to love.
I appreciate you making this video because it's good to add your voice to the growing number of autistic people (especially those who were late diagnosed) to show the world what we go through. Hopefully, that'll inspire people to be just a bit kinder to us
I appreciate you sharing your experience. It can be very difficult living with a disability that is often invisible to others. And I agree with you, I wouldn't change who I am, despite the challenges I face.
I was also recently diagnosed as an adult so I really relate to this. School was so bad lmao. I was always called lazy even though I tried my hardest, but you can only do so much when the simplest things can cause mental exhaustion. Hopefully people will be more patient with us as awareness spreads! Great video ❤
Even if awareness spreads, humans like to hate what is not a part of them. So no, they will probably never realy exept autistic people like you and me... best example for such hate is gay people in the USA. Im sitting here in europe and watching that although people in the US are aware of homosexuality it is like a sport for them to hate these people for no good reason :/
Thank you for sharing your experience, and I appreciate the support!
I have add, adhd and dyslexia and ive always felt like i was weird and didnt belong with everyone else. Remember you are one of a kind and thats why you feel like that. There will never be another you. Embrace yourself and love yourself where you are. I pray 🙏 you find your real people, they will accept you how where you are
I was with my ex for 14 yrs & would still be if it were up to me. He's on the spectrum, but his uniqueness is what makes him beautiful. Brilliant, socially awkward, & so many unique qualties because of autism. Your candor is but one of your strengths; you'll discover many others. Don't compare yourself to anyone else. You are uniquely you. Wishing for you a life of ease, wonder, & love.
Very kind of you to say! Thank you for sharing your own experience as well. :)
Thank you for this video, this is an important topic for me. I'm glad I found your channel because I struggle with similar things. It's hard to find a partner being both gay and autistic. It's very valuable that you're talking about this because I know I'm not the only one in this situation. All the best from Poland!
Thank you for sharing you experience! It's nice to know that I'm not alone in dealing with the challenges of being gay and being on the spectrum.
Thank you for sharing. I am in my late 40s, and SO MUCH of what you said are hitting marks that I am seeing in myself and how people view me. I struggle with inter-personal relationships, and always have. I was bullied because I was the “weird kid”, and adults just blew it off, even my own parents in many ways. I missed a lot of school to avoid the other students. It has left a life long trauma and made life more and more difficult. I told my best friend what I was starting to see and talk with my therapist, and he said “You don’t seem Neurodivergent” which makes my battles that much harder. Because I appear “normal” and yet about 90% of what you describe and mention I see in myself and feel that pain. I really appreciate you being open about your journey. It is helping myself, and no doubt, others. I have learned we can live our lives, we have to work a lot harder at it though. Keep fighting, even when you feel you cannot. It is amazing what strength and resolutions you can find in yourself. Thank you.
I'm 49. I'm going through the same thing. I didn't get diagnosed until the past few years. I finally understood why my life has been so difficult. The struggle is real. But being this way gives me super powers. I'm able to organize anything. I can whip a disaster into serenity easily and folks hire me to do it. But I can't make social connections beyond what I do by masking and faking interaction. I loathe small talk. I can't stand it.
Hey Matthew,
This is the second video on your channel that I’ve watched, and I really enjoy your content!
I’m not usually the type of person to comment on UA-cam videos, but this time I felt I should.
First of all, I’m very sorry to hear that you’ve been struggling for so long with your autism, sexuality, and dating life.
I’ve been in a very loving and fulfilling relationship with my boyfriend for seven years. He is also on the spectrum and has an ABI (acquired brain injury) due to a very rare kidney disease. All of these factors pose significant challenges in our relationship.
For example, my boyfriend struggles with maintaining a schedule, keeping up with social relationships, and, in his case, remembering to take his medication. As his partner, I play a big role in supporting him with these tasks-I basically have to remind him about everything, or it won’t happen, which sometimes makes me feel more like a caregiver than a partner. It’s also important to remember that, just like you, his struggles are invisible to most people. Of course, these are only the tip of the iceberg.
Your story resonated with me deeply and even made me emotional because it reminded me of my boyfriend’s experiences. While I cannot fully understand how you feel, I’ve seen firsthand the trauma and hurt that my boyfriend has endured because of his autism and ABI. Despite our struggles, we’ve worked through them together, and our bond is now unbreakable.
I’m certain that once you find someone who truly understands and accepts you-perhaps someone else on the spectrum-you’ll have a friend or partner for life.
I sincerely hope you find someone who will love and accept you as deeply as I love and accept my boyfriend.
This might sound inappropriate, but if you ever want to talk to someone who (in my opinion) has a successful relationship with someone on the spectrum in a complex situation and has worked through similar challenges, feel free to reach out to me. (I’m not exactly sure how that would work haha, but I could always DM you on one your socials if you’re open to that.)
I relate to this, Matthew. It feels better to know it's not just me, and it's good to have others we can rely on to share our stories with. Best wishes going forward.
As somebody that is autistic and also gay, I really liked hearing your thoughts in this video. I feel like I'm different a lot of the time and my own sensitivies/overstimulations with the environment around me bug me a lot. It can be hard trying to mask those things.
I never fully appreciated how priviledged I am to view autism positively and not negatively. Yes, I have the social deficits, but there are some people who really like me for who I am, and I really appreciate the people that do and I'm close with. I never wanted to be "normal" (except when doing interviews to get into colleges and find a job haha). I never got along with my family either. Dating is a horror show but I've come to realize that my bar for romantic love is very high (and has extremely little to do with looks) because I enjoy solitude quite a lot. I'd genuinely rather be autistic than not, because if I wasn't autistic I wouldn't feel like myself. I just wish there were more people like us who would also be willing to talk openly about these sorts of things to share the experience and tips for navigating a world that isn't built for us.
I can relate to be having autism too because I was born with it. I usually didn’t like to talk about my disabilities with anyone else because I thought that they wouldn’t understand me and I also had a hard time opening myself up trying to make conversations with my friends in school. Luckily for me, I never had been bullied by anyone and I was able to make friends and I let my friends know about me and they accepted me and I felt good about talking about myself. But I also keep to myself all the time because my social life is different and I learned how to not worry about spending time by myself and not hanging out with my friends because I love myself and I know how to take care of myself too.
I know the struggles at times since I am on the spectrum myself, but as I am maturing and getting some life experience, I have to be a realist at the end of the day since not every day is going to be the same, just taking things one day at a time. Definitely know the struggle it is to interact and socialize with people, but if no one wants to socialize or interact, honestly it’s on them and not me. The real friends in life are the ones you make after high and into your college years, though there’s a few friends from your school years who will stick around. If no one wants to be my friend anymore, at the end of the day it’s their loss and not mine.
Brave of you to be so open, i can relate to what you are talking about 🙏🏻
Your willingness to continue to share your life experiences and journey with us (which more people than you can imagine can relate to) is greatly appreciated. You’re letting “strangers” know they are not alone and hopefully the positive feedback that you are justifiably receiving is providing some benefit to you as well. Keep taking care of yourself and I look forward to watching more of your enlightening heartfelt videos.
Thank you for the support! :) It means a lot to me!
I’m not autistic, and I can’t imagine how hard it must be for you. I have road blocks too that keep me from having the relationship I wish I could have. You said the world is not kind to autistic people and I find much of the world is unkind to many things. Me, as a Black man, much of the world is always unkind. But you are young, smart and very handsome. I think once you find that right group of people where you “fit”, you will find yourself dwelling into a place you feel you belong and someone there waiting for you too. Be patient, and stay positive. I think you’ll find what you hope to find when the time is right.
For every person, there are so many people out there who are like you and so many people who are quite unlike you but are open, kind, and accepting, and life gets so much better when you find them.
(Even if it doesn't fix everything about our world, but it makes the other stuff a lot easier to beat)
I hope everyone who doesn't have them will find them soon.
Im so happy to learn more about your experience being autistic. I have similiar struggles with'not fitting in'. I hope that you do find yourself a community of people that you can relate to, regardless of how big or small it is! :) and I am definitely here if you wanna connect w/me 😇
Thanks! ❤
As a gay guy with Aspergers who just recently turned 31 and did a minor study of phycology i can tell you Matthew that i fight the way to regulate basically every minute in my mind since so much data is constantly being worked into my mind.i found ways to make it easier and i find that trying schedule everything as best as possible. Keeping a schedule is what gives stucture to chaos helps. Focus more on finding what is best for you and i feel like day to day life will slowly feel better.
Thank you for sharing your experiences and thoughts on what autism is like for you, it's pretty much the same for me and honestly I hope that we can all find someone who accepts us for we are. Miss talking to you Matthew ❤
I don't know if I have some kind of autism, but I have related to the entire video, every single thing. And the part especially about not knowing why you're like that, making you feel like there's something wrong with you, and the pressure from everyone in your life because the expectations don't match and nobody understands the struggles we feel. So life is difficult to say the least.
I know that it's basically impossible for me to be diagnosed, I'm 25. I wonder how were you finally able to put a finger on it, it must have changed the way you perceive yourself, maybe hard to accept that it's part of you, but probably for the better because now you can understand your life and yourself better without having this constant feeling everywhere that it's your fault there's something wrong with you.
At least, that's what I wish could happen to me. I have actually been diagnosed with some big mental disorder at 20 years old, and it has helped my family accept my limits better, but I feel like it's so much more than that, I relate way more to things autistic people say about them or the way they think. I don't think I will be able to get diagnosis though. But anyways thanks for this video, whether I am or not, I relate completely and feel you.
Matthew, I find so much of what you have discussed in this one reflects my own life, and how I respond to life in general. Feeling like the outsider and struggling to relate to others in the most mundane moments of life, as well as the big events like relationships, is something I have always experienced. My high school years were not happy ones - I was isolated, found it extremely difficult to form friendships, and was a magnet for every single bully within a ten-mile radius. Teachers did say I was intelligent, but I did not want to draw attention to myself and make myself even more vulnerable by showing it.
I'm a bit older than you, and it has taken me a long time to figure out what you might call coping strategies to get through life - I just hope that there is someone out there who can accept me for who I am and want to have me in their life one day. I wish the same for you!
I relate immensely to pretty much everything you brought up here, I was diagnosed with ASD and ADHD in the last 2 years, and only because I stumbled across a video that talked about curious facts about ADHD, I used to think since I was more or less 10 or so that there was something wrong with me, I felt alien to pretty much everyone else, I became the outcast quickly, it also didn't help that I have Dyspraxia(also diagnosed 2 years ago more or less) so I sucked and still suck at any manual thing, it's really hard, but at least knowing what's happening helps.
Don't compare yourself to someone else or someone else's experience. This life is your experience. As far as a relationship you only need to find that one person who gets you and you get. It doesn't matter how your relationship stacks up to other relationships. Harder or easier than the next person....none of that matters. It's just a perception. People are going to look at you and assume it's easy for you because you're attractive. Friends are hard to come by. People move in and out of your life a lot while you're younger. As you get older you'll find a few people who will stick around no matter what. Hold onto those people no matter what.
I was never diagnosed and now my doctor took it off the table completely because I am over 40. But I have forever struggled my entire life with interpersonal skills, social skills. I find patterns in everything. I am super dedicated to my hobby of fragrances and aviation. It takes over my life and if one thing goes wrong its a meltdown lol. I did NOT do well in school and I dropped out Sophomore year. I ended up in culinary school in 2003 and somehow managed to barely squeek by and graduate.
I'm sorry you have those feelings. I have the same feelings, although I don't think as much. I am uncomfortable when I'm at a party or other places where I don't know people. I think you're worthy of friendship and hope you can break through that wall because I see you as a potential friend. Keep working it. You're worth it.
Thank you for making videos like these. Just hearing someone go through similar struggles is incredibly helpful. Its encouraging to at least even know we arent alone in our experiences. So thank. Love your content so far. And Im sure many people in these comments can understand and relate to you.
While it becomes more difficult to make friends as you get older, you also get better at picking out someone who is "one of us."
If you're AuADHD, dopamine is a problem for us even more so than those who are only ADHD.
You sound like the kind of person my kid (AuADHD) would be friends with, kiddo is about your age. I hope you're able to find the friendship and support you need.
Additional thing most people don't understand about autistics is that when it comes to adverse med reactions (even for something as simple as tylenol) we are much more prone to having adverse (and rare adverse) reactions than normies. So if you start any meds, do it one at a time and when you have someone who can help if you have an adverse reaction, whether it's stomach upset or self harm. I had a reaction to an antibiotic that caused tears in all my tendons and a decade later am still living with the pain and consequences of that.
It is very difficult, I have had similar issues in some of the areas you mention. I feel that its analogous to driving, you cant take your eyes off the road and you have to concentrate which can get tiring. I spent many years learning to manage my conditions with some success and try to adapt when needed. The most important thing i learned was to be kind to myself. I have found a few people who take me as I am but Its still a challenge to have the conversations I really enjoy.
I feel this hard, especially trying to hold down a full time job (not to garner sympathy etc) - not finding that place I belong, without masking the majority of the time, is difficult (albeit mainly due to stress and the like)
Listening to your experience, all I could think was “this sounds so familiar” because I’ve had a similar experience, and it really sucks because none of the people I know right now know what it’s like. I’m sure there are more people who share similar experiences, I just wish it was easier to find them!
While I don’t have a full idea of what it would be like to be autistic I do have a good amount of understanding of the struggles autistic people face because I have an autistic brother.
If i might say that... be happy to not have autism, because apart from the struggles we face inside, we face the rest of humanity that often likes to treat us like some sort of alien in human form.. i guess that's what empathy looks like or something
Here’s something else I’ll reiterate on, being on the autism spectrum definitely has it’s perks, but on the other hand it allows you to spot flaws and fine details others would miss and overlook.
I love your personality. I find your videos very refreshing. ❤
Thank you, your support means a lot to me! :)
This was fascinating. I feel being young and dealing with all of this must be a burden. Interestingly I had many of the same feelings and experiences all my life about myself- an island unto myself everywhere all the time- but also gregarious and full of energy. A strange paradox, but a superpower I have found for my friends that do suffer with anxiety, I get it. Stay gold and keep on truckin'. There are sights to see and things to feel and eventual reveals that will surprise you.
Have gone through the exact same thing for 7 decades, now. I have stopped trying to make friends, I just have mainly acquaintances. I have focused on my internal self, and have found more peace and feeling included in the world, but the invisible world. After focusing on the invisible, my life turned around. The fact that you are good looking and articulate makes your facade more magnetic, then when people get close, their “expectations” crumble and they leave. I wish I had ignored the physical and experienced the invisible earlier in life, things are much better, now.
I'm lucky enough to have been surrounded by other neurodivergant people for a lot of my life- especially growing up in a family where 4/5 people are autistic- and I can definitely say, it makes all the difference. I'm still struggling (with schoolwork and socialising mostly), but having people around you who understand really helps. Whether it's in real life or an online community, my biggest recommendation for autistic people is to simply surround yourself with other autistic people
Thank you Matthew for the video. Some of the reasons you mentioned resonated with me a lot. I know what it's like to be bullied and do struggle at times with social interactions. I myself have dyspraxia and have my ways of helping me with it. Best wishes from the U.K.
As someone who is autistic, I can relate to you here and there. There are times when I have similar struggles but it does help me at times including with attention to detail and getting along with many people. Either way, it's along with my sexuality is something as a part of me to embrace.
Even though I am not on the spectrum (at least, to my knowledge) and I can't even begin to understand the scope of the struggles you must be facing on a daily basis, I do remember facing similar struggles when I was comparing myself to my peers. When I was your age, I remember looking at my peers in college, and noticing how easily they engaged in social relationships, how they all had romantic partners, etc. and feeling like the most awkward, pathetic, oddball out there.
Seven years later, I feel very fortunate to have close friends with whom I can open up a little and be myself a little bit...
These things come with time, life has its way of setting the right people on our paths. As a gay dude who performed well in school but s*cked balls at everything else, I feel where you're at right now and all I can say is you’re not alone in this world...
This world sure is unforgiving for people on the spectrum, people with all kinds of social disabilities and LGBT people overall... and it's not getting better anytime soon. We need to look out and care for each other more than ever and remember we're not alone in this world. Thank you for setting up this platform where we can listen and engage with each other and realize that we matter.
This is one of the best responses I have seen! Thanks for sharing this. It will be very helpful to many.
Hi Mathew, Thanks for sharing your personal experience on the topic of Autism. I find it very admirable of you to give us a glimpse into your 1st person point of view, and feelings about the challenges of it. Happy Monday bro, Great video : )
I can have a full blown intelligent conversation with someone and yet I don't tell many people this but I actually stim a lot. I have a small length of cable with me that I carry everywhere and flap around like mad. The way I see it is it feels good and who am I hurting doing it? No one. Even though I'm older now than when I was at school I remember some teachers saying things like "no you can get rid of that. You don't need it." Well yes. Yes I do. It's a well used phrase but I feel naked without it. Certain teachers really haven't got a clue. But anyway I like to make friends online due to being an introvert. I'm a little agaraphobic too and I'm only recently realising that. Chatting to some of them on instagram or wherever just feels natural and comfortable so that's what I do. Funnily enough a handful of them show autistic traits and a few have indeed said that they agree with me on possibly being on the spectrum ha ha. I always joke that I attract people with my condition like a magnet. It's a good thing though.
Hi Matthew. Sorry to hear about your upbringing and how you dealt with your autism. Same as you I been bullied. I’m not socially sane. I’m awkward, don’t really let new people into my life so easily, scares me if they’ll disappoint or not have great intentions with me. It wasn’t always like that, kiddo me liked making friends and competing with them. It’s a cruel world, we can only navigate life in our will. Head to our destinations, but we’ll run into obstacles and trip and fall, and get up againx2. Have a good day 😊
Thank you for sharing this. And don't ever feel like you don't belong, because you do! Your autism is a strength! And I would love to be able to connect with you and learn more about it. I am in your Discord server if you ever want to chat. Can't wait to see more videos from you! 😁
Thanks! ❤
I feel like one of the Misfit Toys in the movie Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer. I understand your feelings and younger I used to take theater courses in college. I put on an act too...the facade thing. I love telling my stories and making people laugh. Before my Mom passed away I smiled more and when I laughed it came from my toenails up. And I just don't laugh like that anymore. Times are weird for our kind of people. I was brought up around adults too....that was a big issue. I was more friends with my teachers than with other kids my age. The kids never knew what I was doing cause I was sooooooooo quiet.
feeling very seen and heard by this video and these comments... thank you very much for sharing :)
I empathise so much with your experiences. It's a double whammy and a heavy burden that shatters your confidence and erodes your life chances. You articulate the challenges very well. I wish I could find someone like me or at least more accepting of me here in the UK. It's a niche within a niche.
Thank you for sharing this perspective. It seems that neurodivergent individuals are more likely to identify as LGBTQ+, which makes things difficult in that the feelings of isolation can only escalate upon navigating life as a queer individual where our needs are not always addressed or sometimes even taken away. And it can be hard to establish interpersonal relationships as autistic individuals, including romantic, because of discrepancies as to how empathy is displayed. I find it admirable that people like you are bringing these struggles to light!
Yeah I get you man. The most confusing thing I get is that they either say they can’t get me at all. Or they say you’re thinking is so unique. When what you want is someone to say they get you and give back the same understanding. It’s rare but I made a supporting network of friends with varying qualities it’s good to diversify to find the right support when you need I feel lucky my journey has allowed at least some of that support and connection. And I know for sure if you put your needs first to make the connections with people you meet you’ll eventually find people who at least can hear you and understand sometimes.
In a way there’s a common understanding in being misunderstood
I'm not autistic but I generally feel that I am in the world but not of it. The world belongs to others, not to me. Best wishes to you, Matthew.
I was a caregiver in a group home long ago. And there was a young guy that was autistic, he always sat alone and wasn't inclusive. He wouldn't even speak. When I started working there I would ask the other staff why they wouldn't include him more. So I made it my mission to include him, get him to start speaking and just not be lonely. In 8 months he was talking and engaging others. It's all about how we are with one another. I hope he's ok, I think back and I smile. Now Im a gay man but I don't think he was gay. And I say that cuz other staff would remark on his connection to me. After working with him, at the end of my shift he would sit with me while I did my paperwork. And very often he would try and hold my hand. I would let him. He would just sit there. Sometimes smile. He wouldn't do that with anyone else. In this world it's hard to connect with others and to just feel at peace around them. I hope and wish for the best for everyone, life is already hard enough.❤
I feel you 🥰
For a long time I found amazing how others people's life felt effortlessly good and nice. Until I realized how it's just facade and almost everyone struggle one way or another.
And also, you can be happy to grow a bond with us as audience 🤗
I agree with you!❤
I'm gay and autistic and I feel like the black sheep in the group
Boa noite. Matthews .
Aqui é um de seus audientes.
Gosto muito de seus vídeos.
Bem sabemos nós que somos de uma geração que compartilha os mesmos desafios. Na verdade viver neste mundo ja é um desafio. As vezes é uma jornada cheia de altos e baixos a gente tem uma recaida e depois torna a levantar. É um verdadeiro ciclo natural e normal pela maneira o qual cada um de nós fomos desenhados.
Mas no entanto pode ter certeza que há muitas e muitas pessoas que te amam e admiram você pelo seu empatismo e por ser um garoto maravilhoso e cativante assim como você é.
Fico muito feliz e grato por ter encontrado você no UA-cam.
Por poder compartilhar com alguém a mesma vivência neste mundo.
Uma abraco no seu coração garoto.❤❤❤
I'm sure many people can relate to the feeling that they don't belong. I have been like that for many years and the best thing for me was to acknowledge that life will be a bit different (from what we assume other people's lives are) and there may be times a necessity to adapt just to fit in. It can be lonely or isolating with little or no 'connection' with other people. But it is simply that you are special, a unique person, and you have to find your niche in life. From my late teens I was determined to work hard and establish a home eventually, and in the end it worked out fine. You are who you are, be kind to yourself and enjoy things on your terms. 😊
Fulfillment comes from within you not the people around you. It’s something it’s taken me years to discover. I’m also gay and struggle with social interaction. I hope you will discover being at peace with yourself. The moment you stop looking for that relationship to fulfill the emptiness someone will enter your life and you can start a true relationship without attachments. Love who you are and others will love you for that.
I like your videos a lot, and from someone on the spectrum like I am, It's very liberating to get to know you're not alone in feeling these same emotions, and alienation from the rest of the world.
Yes, it can be a very alienating experience at times. I try to make the most of it, and embrace my quirks, but some days can be very challenging.
I feel that we all eventually find our 'tribe', whatever form it takes. I can only connect with people I exercise with at my gym - for that hour I feel like I belong. After that hour, I return to my usual, mostly isolated life. How I managed to find (and keep) a partner of 15 years is a mystery. Keep up producing content, I have found them enjoyable.
Hey there, also in the same boat as a lot of you - never had any issues academically, which is probably why I never found out or addressed any of my problems properly until I was an adult. I always felt different, but the adults in my life as a kid just made it that much worse. In my experience, anyone over a certain age (boomers especially) will believe that you're fine because you don't exhibit or try to mask any external behaviors - You present normal for the most part and you do great in school, so how could you possibly be struggling? To make matters worse, I specifically remember this time my mom pointed out one my classmates who was visibly autistic and said "(Name) is autistic and that is what autism looks like, so I expect you to be extra nice to them." So that point forward, I only ever had THAT image or THAT portrayal of autism in my mind until I was an adult
Matt, you seem to have your internal analytics together, you also seem to be pretty tough and can resist all the outside issues, suggest chin up an carry on, you are stronger than you think. Bill
It’s so hard to be autistic i wish neurotypical understood that just cause we look fine things aren’t. I was diagnosed with autism this year and it forced me to take into to consideration so much stuff that i had convinced myself was normal from not understanding social cues, bullying, overstimulation, burnout, and even meltdowns. The most relatable part was when you said you feel like you don’t fit in, thats the same thing i deal with, there’s time when i feel like im not even human and im just alien living through day to day with people and the sensory issues is so irradiating especially dealing with it every single day there’s time where i feel like i just want to pull my skin off and be a ghost😂. It does suck having to deal with our disability, however like you said there’s positivity’s that help us to see the good in or disability and to realize that its not all gloom and doom
Everything you said is the same as what I’m experiencing. I have a mild form of autism I can still go to work and drive etc but just like you I just really have trouble picking up on social cues. I also have the feeling of not really belonging anywhere or like I don’t fit in and don’t really have any friends. My parents suspected that I was autistic ever since I was little but I didn’t officially get diagnosed with it until I was 23 (I’m almost 26 now). So I can totally relate to you.
this video was so completely accurate to my experience - very articulate
The world has never been kind to disabled people history shows that. But a weakness can be a strengh too.
Every human being is special and must be treated as such.
Simonline 🏴🤔😀👍🫂
I see a lot of your struggles and difficulties in myself and i too have struggled in life without knowing why and not really knowing what it is that i am feeling or getting wrong. Or how to express these feelings by describing what they are. I have only three friends, looking back i too see that they were not really friends. Only in the past year or so have i began to look at an assessment for autism. I have never dated a person in a tradiotional way either it is a horrible feeling to sit opposite someone you dont know and try to make a connection. But i do find that doing something else like going for a walk where you dont have to talk about yourself in a formal fashion and you can introduce elements of your life really helped me to make connections with boyfriends in the past by participating in shared interests such as hobbies or activities. Maybe give this a try.
Yeah exactly you’re not alone I feel like that sometimes as well and yeah I get and yes that definitely happened to me.Yes I’m black,christian,autistic,gay, single yeah definitely get it you really. I definitely want through my childhood, teenage hood,now youngadulthood good,bad,sad,happy moments life.
Love your Videos, Matt. Anybody that lets you get away is a fool if they are a match. On a scale of 1 to 10, you an easy 15.
Thanks!
18. Let's be reasonable lol. Practically impossible to look away from Matt.
I know how you feel beautiful young man. I had the same issues. I think you are smart enough to make your way in the world.
Your video is very informative on ASD and it is so relatable. Your content is amazing! I relate to this content. Keep up the great work! 😊
Wow you look like a guy I dated a long time ago, are those gauges you have? I'm in Central Alabama where are you?
1:07 THIS PART!!! OHH MY GOD it makes me so mad!! i struggle so badly with making new friends because it's so. so. SO hard to connect with other people, even when i really try
God, I just want to hug you, love you, and protect you. I wish i could find a boyfriend or romantic partner as sweet, intelligent, and handsome as you.
I’m gay and I have Semantic Language Pragmatism (similar to autism but not exactly) and I fully understand this. I feel like an android wearing the skin of someone else more normal than I truly am. I’m still in college and I wish I met ppl like u it’d make my life a lot easier.
You're relatively young - im 32 and have only found out recently that I'm autistic. Fully understand how hard it is realising all these traumatic events in your past suddenly have a new light on them in the context of being an autistic. I always misattributed feeling different to being gay.
What a gorgeous guy.
5:00
being straight
being intellectual smart
having money
coming from a loving family
things I wish I had that observed from others
I so relate to you Matt. You're not alone by far.
As somebody that has a lit if social anxiety I can relate. You just make me want to hug you.
Enjoy the video I like different views and different protective on things
You doing great job! You are enough just what you doing! Love your videos. Send hugss! 🫂🫂🫂🩵
You’re such a sweet guy and good looking. You belong in this world. I look at you and feel happy. Makes me feel not alone. Hang in there buddy. I have Asperger’s Syndrome I feel ya. 😊
This channel is really evolving ❤
Hi Matthew! I am a new subscriber to your channel. I am also gay and autistic, so I really resonate with your videos. For someone who has social awkwardness, I find it very difficult to meet and socialize with people and this truly makes it hard to find someone who you’re interested in. Sometimes I feel that I won’t find anyone to be my partner ever. But I am very patient, so when the time is right, I hope the universe will send someone my way. Sending you lots of love from east USA! ❤ 🫂
1000% resonate with these experiences.
I will say I’m very privileged in the fact that I was diagnosed with autism very early in life (3 years old), so I had a name for what I was experiencing very early on, but I’ve always felt that struggle to belong as well.
Something that’s helped me over the years is meeting more people who are also neurodivergent (especially other autistic people). At this point in my life I think most of the people I hang out with are neurodivergent in some ways
Yeah, I notice I tend to click very well with other neurodivergent people (even though I do have neurotypical friends). Thanks for sharing your experience, it's nice to know I'm not alone!
This is very relatable sometimes I imagine myself gone (self deletion) or lived away from society because of my own personal reasons
but this is highly relatable for me
You seem very sweet man i wish you all the best in life. I dont have any answers thats for sure 😅
im also autistic and gay, i discovered i was in the spectrum when i had 19 y.o. cause i went to therapy by myself due depression (i still have clinical depression) and right now im 25 y.o. i have a boyfriend which i have 3 years with and i do think it’s an accident cause for real also for me like u it is difficult to connect with other people and has been like that since always. right now it’s something has been challenging a lot cause i want to make films and i mean u need people right? i arrived to mexico city (im from the north of mexico) and i just have 3 friends in 3.5 years (including my bf) and the only pattern i see is autism cause for real i have known lot of people and always theres exists this rejection , like i dont connect or people just dont like your personality and you are always in this constant masking and it’s like a continuous tension. i’m sorry u were a target for being bullied i mean i had no friends when i was a child like for real no exaggeration and was bullied as well hard. so for sure it is difficult for us and more difficult if u were born in a context which is not gonna let you know that u r autistic in a early age and how u feel it’s really valid and your video is really valuable, the only advice i can give it’s therapy, personally speaking is the only thing can in certain way stabilize us in this neurotypical world. thank u so much for sharing this with us, i really appreciate it❤
As an autistic person, I relate a lot to your experiences. Great video!
As someone who is pansexual and has AuDHD. I relate so hard to these videos. You seem like an amazing person and I hope you do find romance. You just got to be patient and persistent.
I understand how it feels to have a hard time connecting with people. You know, you don't necessarily know what kind of fulfillment they have. Maybe it's shallower than you think. People change positions quickly. As an autistic person, you have problems in some areas and strengths in others. That's how it goes and try not to blame yourself that much. I know it’s hard. Best wishes 😁.
As a gay guy I think you are extremely cute, personality and looks-wise. But as an uncle to a young autistic nephew I am very grateful for you sharing your experience and knowledge - in hopes it'll make me a better support system for him. 💙
As an autistic person, I feel this most of the time, too. The only time I don’t is when I’m with other autistic folks. It’s taken time, and now I have made some social connections. Most on zoom. I hope this helps other AS folks can find these connections, too. This, and I stopped trying to conform to rules that don’t work for me. Ran out of f*cks to give. Best mental health hack ever.