LOVE BOMBING EXPLAINED: What Is a Narcissist's Love Bombing And How to Spot Early Signs
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- Опубліковано 22 гру 2024
- If you've been in a relationship with a narcissist or a similarly toxic person, you may have been a target of love bombing. This is one of the three phases of a relationship with a narcissist.
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How to Know if You're Being Manipulated • 13 SIGNS YOU'RE BEING ...
*In this video, I share the tips, techniques and insights that have worked for me in my own journey of healing after narcissistic abuse along with expert tips and tools I've learned through years of coaching narcissistic abuse survivors. I am not a therapist and this video is not meant to provide therapy of any form. #narcissist #covertnarcissist
I agree that you should always believe someone when they tell you who they are. That was a lesson learned the hard way!
Same here! 🙋♀️🤦♀️
If they are honest yes believe what they tell you but we know narcissists are prone to lying. My ex covert took great pains to explain that she isn’t a trusting person because of all the bad exes. This was a setup for love bombing because all of a sudden she’s ultra trusting of me so we must be soul mates! She told me she had a an alcohol problem but was sober for years but the alcohol had changed the chemistry of her brain “alcoholic brain” and that she was prone to snap decisions and difficulties expressing herself. Again another setup as snap decisions was mostly will she cheat right now with this guy and difficulties expressing herself were always revealed when I asked her difficult questions about bad behavior yet she had no problems expressing herself with other people especially prospective new sources of supply. Sometimes they just lie from the beginning!
thewiredgauge agreed
However those are the exact words my ex said about me during their devaluation / demonization phase of me...
I have never felt so loved, so adored, so desired as I had with them.
But simultaneously I've never felt so small, so devalued, so emasculated.
Two song lyrics that I kept in mind during the devaluation phase were, ”why do you build me up buttercup just to let me down,” and, ”I will elevate you just enough to bring you down.”
Because I would either be wrong now or I would be wrong later.
And it would be about the same exact thing.
They would sing my praises to my face and on Facebook and to their friends for something I had done, and then later they would tell me how thoughtless and considerate that same something was.
My ex told me he was a nice person that was a lie he wasn’t so I don’t necessarily agree with this. The subtle signs yes they are true but in the love bombing stage we tend to overlook them.
When they call you perfect, RUN!
If I only knew then what I know now!
So true. We've never thought that anyone was perfect, so why do we believe that we are when we hear it.
well shit
woman moment
honestly
At the beginning my ex joked he was a psychopath according to a personality test some prospective employer did. How we giggled. I'm not laughing now.
Me too!!!!
Mine said he was a sociopath... I should have listened...this guy was a nut case!
When they say "im kind of an asshole." As if it's something to be proud of.
I’ve had my fair share of narcissists in my life... started to see a guy recently but long distance... and he has referred to himself jokingly as a sociopath on more than one occasion. I dunno if I should run!???
Sophia Plate fuckin scramdoodle my dude. Hook up with a chick next time.
In order to resist the hoover, you have to destroy the shared fantasy. It was never true to begin with, it was designed specifically for you to believe it can be true. The person you fell in love with was only a projection of yourself, it never existed.
100 percent true!
@Urkin So they copy your personality and use it against you to benefit them. THAT BASTARD!!
Wow! And then they have this way to make you feel ashamed of yourself so everything they built up, they tore down and no wonder why one is left with confusion and shame!
So true, *a projection of urself
So true
Obsessively liking social media posts, especially profile photos and selfies, is the new digital form of love bombing.
It's also a way narcissists hoover ❤🙏
True that
People who live in social media land are best avoided anyway.
Had a new Instagram follower who just did this. Will go back and check and possibly block.
Love bombed hard for two weeks, and then ghosted. Then intermittent “conversation” for two years, followed by a turbulent five year relationship. If only I saw who/what he was after those initial two weeks, I could’ve saved myself so much heartache. Instead, I wanted to nurse him back to health with love-I needed to fix his broken life with my love. All because he knew exactly what to say for two whole weeks.
Glad I’m on the road to recovery and learning about why I was so enmeshed with him in the first place.
23 year marriage. 2 kids 14 and 11. No sex, no more hobbies I had, family gone, I’m a shell of a man now. Anxiety kills me all day everyday. She keeps telling me its me. That I’m crazy, nuts, schizophrenic, I need mental help!! So I see a therapist and then I get after 1 fucking visit oh she’s not gonna help you at all don’t waste your money!!
Happy for you!
@Mike Ackerman Keep going to a therapist. Encourage your wife to go. If she doesn’t, go by yourself. A good therapist should be able to tell what is happening and help you (and your wife if she goes) develop strategies to make things function (at least to some degree) going forward. It’ll be painful in the beginning trying to make any adjustments, but Your kids will benefit greatly from that. They will be able to tell the difference. Be that rock/calm/steady ship for them (and your wife).
Katie, I was love bombed hard for 2 months. Phenomenal sex, amazing fun together, and just uncontrollable passion. Ghosted right at the pinnacle of it all. It was just so confusing. I couldn’t comprehend why.....
@Katie Don't feel bad.
It happened to me for a month. Then he was trying to leave due to work as he claimed for a month. And I flipped his scripted by putting him out my place.
2 months went by before I contacted him which he replied within 10 mins like he was awaiting it. It seemed friendly. Another month went by and I texted him..he replied again.
I asked to see him and he tried to put me on a weekend schedule only which I disagreed because we didn't start out that way.
Now, I have made up my mind to move on because no one will put me on a schedule like a child. Self-love is my strength..
There was loving bombing peppered with put-downs " you're very beautiful"...later " I'm not sure if you're smart enough for me".
I experienced mental and emotional whiplash!
A normal person doesn't move very fast even if feels that you may be their soulmate .There is a kind of healthy incredulity-if something is too good to be true... I felt a strong connection with my husband after a few months (he's introvert) our first contacts were promising but not WOW at all.
You're better than anybody they ever been with before.. They say this = you know..
That's a great example... putting you on that pedestal while simultaneously putting other people down 🙏❤
Exactly. One of the exes I suspect that was a narcissist told me that I was the only woman he felt comfortable with. And that he had to drink a lot to be close to other women. That other women were boring. That I was perfect in many ways, and so on. But three months later he discarded me and got in a relationship with another woman.
I got the “I loved everyone I was with before you, but you’re the only one I’ve been *in love* with.” Can only imagine what he says about me now 😂
yuppers
I got the “you are the most beautiful soul I’ve ever met” and now he say it wasn’t the truth. I asked why did he lie to me and he said “THAT’S YOUR FAULT.” 🥺😔😢💔💔
Great video.Thats why I think the teaching of mathew hussey is gold..he says we shoudnt think "the love of my life it's treating me bad" and say instead "well if it's treating me bad it's not the love of my life".He says the way we are treated cant be malleable..we cant destroy our self worth to make someone fit in in our lives.
So... I've been with my guy seven years. He has been a "love bomber" the WHOLE TIME. He's never mistreated me. He's not a narcissist. He's just awesome. Just keep in mind, every person is different, and sometimes a red flag is just a red herring.
Yes, there are patterns to abusers, but desperately searching for those signs to try and not get done wrong again, is pure anxiety. If you're afraid to trust again, just take it slow, in a relationship. If he's a narc, he won't be able to hide it long. The important thing is to meet his friends, see how he treats those he's close with. See how he treats strangers. There will be far more obvious red flags.
Thank you so much this is awesome advice 😘
calmingg
Why are you here?
Krista, you haven’t a clue on what Narc abuse is. Believe me, if you do, then you wouldn’t have typed that. It’s very overtly clear that you don’t know what a Narc is or at minimum, the guy your with now isn’t one , the one that only love bombed for 7 years??! No that’s not a Narc……. At all
@@kevphillips02 right.... she's probably dealing with a Narc and is indenial.
Wow, I really needed to hear this. The “soulmate” connection was making this hard on me to completely walk away. This helped me understand it better.
I mistook love bombing for real love.
The devalue & discard was heartbreaking.
Been No Contact for a few months...
He still runs a Smear Campaign.
He still tries to contact me to threaten & harass.
He is totally blocked.
To my experience, it last usually 3- 3,5 months.
Mine lasted 2 months!
@@pam164 yes, you are actually right! 2 months is the very best, in the third, you notice some controversy, some accusations, some bad mood (your foult) but there are still many good days..
Just got love bombed for almost exactly 2 months to the day. Phenomenal sex, amazing fun together and passion I’ve never experienced before. Got ghosted right at the pinnacle. Even though I now know she is indeed a narcissist, it still has me confused for some reason......
Mines was two months
@@ryanp1724 You should not be confused that's what narcs do! But its horrible when they love bomb you then they go freezing cold and don't even care if you exist! That's the confusing hurtful part.
When you realise every compliment you've ever received was a lie. 🤯😭😎🤥
Everything was fake
@@mistywaters1014 EVERYTHING!!!!!!
Lmao 🤣
The love bombing she did to me was intense. I knew something was off, but I was young and dumb!
Same and it went soo fast and I couldn’t handle it and it was something off and odd and I told him and he said bc he’s different every time I told him something off about him he try’s to make it something that good
When someone shows you their true colors, don’t try to repaint them.
My Ex told me:
‘My last boyfriend told me I should go see a psychiatrist. And I wondered why his ex would say that.’
I should have trusted those words.
"Don't try to repaint them." Love that ❤🙏
He told that is ex tried to stab him...
That he’s mom is crazy
Her ex told her she's egotistical and narcissist. 😅 My stupid ass didn't listen. Truly when person tells you or shows you who they are. Believe them.
I have been in a 8 months relationship with a 28-year-old guy (I'm 23) and you just described how our relationship was. We met in January and everything was so fast: in February he told me he loved me and the month next he asked me to move with him in Germany. I thought it was crazy but I was so in love with him, he made me feel special every day and we always had the time for me even when he worked a lot. I was so happy, I thought I found my soulmate, but then we started fighting everyday for bullsh*ts (once we had a fight because I did never tell him the meaning of my instagram name). He started saying things like "I never said it was easy being with me", but then when we were quiet he used to tell me that I changed him, that he was happy with me, that he was everything I hate in a person before knowing me and things like that.
Well..march and april were great, but then May came and things suddenly started falling apart. Basically he broke up with me..I was destroyed, I have been crying for days until I threw up, but he was okay, he didn't care about me at all. We didnt stay in touch for a while but he came back..he told me he missed me and he loved me, and I was still in love with him so I gave him another chance but guess what? He broke up with me again a month later.
He disappeared for months but then he came back again and I gave him another chance because my feelings didn't change a little despite this.
Well, he broke up with me again two weeks ago, but you know what? I dont miss him at all, I think I'm good and damn I deserve better. He know I would have been came back to him if he wanted it to, but there are no more chance for him.
I know my english is not perfect but it's not my first language...
Thank you for this video, it's the conferme I was looking for.
Did he ever come back again? And if so, how did it play out?
@@renewed93 of course he did, but i blocked him everywhere and I changed my number, so he started texting me via email like every day buy I did never text him back. the lasta time he texted me was on my birthday (march 28th) but I did not reply and I really hope he won’t text me ever again...I think I’ll change my email address too, just in case...
@@hyrulino I'm glad you stood your ground! They are such users. They use and discard and still have the audacity come back like nothing is wrong. It's such an insult to ones intelligence. Each and every time you reject that hoover, you empower yourself more and more. Wishing you well on your journey.
you are lucky that you didnot marry to him then he ignore you after the marriage! very lucky!
It's very helpful, especially the "twin flame" dynamic, because that is so intoxicating and feels so "right", when it could be camouflaging dangerous manoeuvers!
I have had experiences with Narcissists in the past. And I recently started a new relationship after years of emotional healing. But I feel like I am in love with him and that scares me. It sucks to be afraid of love.
This one hit home for me...
Yep I feel you. Just met someone and I'm thinking this might be love bombing but so hard to know if it's just not intense attraction and limerance. Time will tell. Unfortunately I feel a heightened sense of alertness to her every word because of my past experience. I think it's affecting my way of just enjoying her company and allowing myself to feel happy.
Lol. No one had been so kind then so mean to me than her. Red flag
Yes. Everything I loved she lived. We had absolutely nothing actually in common.
Compare their words to their actions.
Sadly I was a victim to a narcissist but I learned my lesson 🤨
My mom always told me there's no such thing as soul mates. She also never made me believe in Santa or any of those types of things. I used to think she was boring...but im so glad for it now! I'm always shocked by the things grown adults believe in. So grateful I was given the gift of reality young
The love bombing phase is very addictive. Who wouldn't like being placed upon a pedestal and practically worshipped, especially if you've been mistreated most of your life by others... However, once the devaluation phase hits, it can come as a total shock to one's system. At that point you start thinking that you can fix the relationship so that you can return to the love bombing phase.... But.... It only gets worse after devaluation because its like a pendulum swinging between 2 extremes and this causes you to doubt the sincerity of the relationship etc. Also, due to gaslighting, you will end up accepting responsibility for any flaws in the relationship because Narcs and Borderlines are fantastic actors and script writers. The reinvent history and could convince you of almost anything
I just don't understand how I deserved this😔I've already had such a difficult life
Keep your head up we all in this!
It's possible that previous trauma primes people for attraction to these unhealthy toxic partners and situations. 😔
Just you have to.work on you, your self steem, learm how to set boundaries, your flaws and u my be a narc magnet probably ur empath, just keep learning and growing, we r all in this, at least you go inner and do the work theres others girls that end up worse!
Noone deserves bad treatment. It is up to us to identify it when it happens and move away from it. No need to shame and blame yourself. We can make choices to surround ourselves by better when we are ready. That's what truly matters in the process of taking responsibility....being able to respond vs just react or stay in a victim role.
The twin flame soulmate thing happened to me. This is so spot on.
Digital Diva the notebook🤗 allie and noah are twinflames
My boyfriend and I are twin flames.
We absolutely the same person. We have our good days and bad days but it's just normal stuff nothing crazy.
We did know really quickly we were twin flames but that's because I was around as a friend at first helping him and we'd get into deep conversations about our lives ect... I never knew I even liked him like that but now he's my best friend. We bicker about things and have moody days but nothing crazy, no one says devaluing things or anything like that, like when he's upset, even if I'm mad at him I will always comfort him.
My point is, it can exsist still, and when/if you truly find it, you'll know the difference ❤️
Im so proud of everyone who has made it out of this. It can be so hard.
My ex literally said she's a narcissist and I just laughed and didn't believe her 🤠
NOW I KNOW I SHOULD HAVE LISTENED.
Holy shit I do this. I had no idea lovebombing was a narcissistic strategy.
We as humans have a tendency to show narcissistic behavior, which is way different than being a narcissist. You recognize the behavior and will try to correct it. A narcissist will continue to do this behavior and disregard the fact that the behavior is wrong
You’re probably doing this on a very subconscious level.
My narcissist bf kept repeating "I'm a good person", but 3 people from his past said he's an abusive liar. So they might also not tell you who they are.
alot of people actually get addicted to youtube tarot readings espaically when they use buzz words like twinflame and union etc, can keep us stuck in trauma.
Very sad when that happens coming from a genuine tarot reader intuitive
Yes! Exactly. Been there
wow... I was there
Pretending to be interested in the same things is no different than lying or faking. When the truth comes out and you realise that he or she suddenly hates every single activity/food/etc that you shared together all the time - it will be heartbreaking and confusing. Your head will be asking: "How could he/she hate doing this if he/she always loved doing this?" For example, you might be thinking "How come she hates hugging me or disgusted by my touch if she loved it so much for 2-3 years?" Or, "How come he hates seafood all of a sudden and gets angry that I even offer it if he loved eating seafood with me all those months/years before I moved in?" Or, "Why is she suddenly walking away, like I don't exist, from our favorite movie theater , when I bought us the tickets? She loved going out to the movies! But now she acts like she hates it and gives no explanation. She just walks away, like I'm nothing?" Then the victim is left guessing about what the hell happened. You are left confused and heartbroken. The abusive partner later gives NO apology and blames you for "overreacting" or being "clingy" or just says in a calm voice " I don't like that anymore" as if he or she were talking about weather. It hurts like hell. I had a partner like that. And from my observation, it looks like he was faking and pretending to be someone he was not for over two years and it was easy to do with a smile because of his strong lust for me. He had such intense lust that it gave him a permanent smile(like from a drug) - so intense that it would be easy to pretend to be happy and keep smiling even if he had to eat someone's poop. I had passion and lust for him too. But I honestly would say what I like to do and what I don't like to do. He would just like to do everything I liked and he did that (in action -not just words!) with a smile. But the smile he kept was probably due string lust effects, and the activities he did was just faking it. Then, after 3 years, his lust diminished,but I already fell in love. Then he got to the point where he could not tolerate pretending anymore and started acting like opposite person. Suddenly he hated doing everything he used to like to do with me. He just stopped sharing any activities with me and got annoyed or angry for me even asking. I waited for 5 years to see if he could become the way he was in the beginning. But nothing changed. So, I broke up. It was painful. But I heard a lot of stories how some people pretend to be single while having several girlfriends and secret wives and lead such double lives for years without anyone's awareness. I think their brain is messed up.......The hardest red flag is the one that feels good and not bad: they like every single activity you like. They can show it in action as well! And we often think that actions speak louder than words. Well, action does not speak anything if it is fake! No-one on this planet - NOT even identical twins - like to do everything the same. So, any person who seem to have 100% the same interests in everything as you (even if they show it in action and seem to be happy doing it) - it's fake!!!! Any decent person would admit honestly that they might not like certain activity even if you love it. So, it feels good that the person agrees with everything and like everything the same - but it MUST be fake, even if it lasts for years... Remember this so good-feeling RED FLAG!
One more thing I have noticed about Narcs. During the love bombing stage they make you feel like you can tell them anything, be open with them. As if they would be there for you no matter what. Of course they are getting intel to learn how you operate. Meanwhile, you think you found someone who truly gets you. My Narc was so supportive of me at first during my break up from my ex and the moment I slept with him I could not even mention my ex in the conversation. I could not even mention my ex in the conversation when I was attempting to explain to my Narc that I was not interested in my ex romantically, that I was only interested in my Narc. That I did not mean to hurt him by bringing up my ex and I am sorry if I did. Just by attempting to explain to my Narc and talking about my ex as part of that explanation, my Narc would be like " you see you are still talking about him, you are talking about him all day while I still taste you in my mouth." WTF?! I was merely trying to explain to him why I did it and it was never my intention to hurt him that he was the only one I wanted. And they do tell you who they are... mine said he had sociopathic tendencies why he joined the military. Actually, I am still rather traumatized by these cycles. This just happened a week ago so I am clear as to who he is but I cant stop thinking about this thing. So I do need support. ua-cam.com/video/wzj7wouSe7A/v-deo.html Check this out.. you maybe a borderline .. something I had to face.
Please also realize
after being w/a narcissist or psychopath you may present as a borderline...That does not mean that this is your core issue/wounding.
stop bringing up your ex, if you were over him you wouldn’t bring him up
Find a good therapist.
So true. I got caught up in the twin flame dilemma, and it just had me stuck. I finally let that go and decided to not accept bad behavior, twin flame or not.
Some people waste their lives for years waiting for some abusive a-hole. Waste of life, and so easy to get caught up on.
My ex had me sold on our twin flame connection as well. It justified so much toxicity because we were "bringing out each other's shit to be healed and cleansed. It's our twin flame connection that doesn't allow these negative aspects of ourselves to survive any longer." Turns out it was just a toxic relationship with a histrionic narcissist who had me believing i was the cause of all the problems in our relationship.l because of my "inner demons".
This is so helpful. I just realized I was a victim of such and was emotionally damaged.
You are sooo right about the soulmates!! That’s why I got with my ex narc and stayed!!! It needs to be a slow burn for me from now on or else I don’t trust it
I swear, I just realise that my ex was probably love bombing me... we met 6 years ago, I was 24. From day 1 we talked every day, all day. After 1 month he told me, he loves me and after 6 month we moved in together. Fast forward-> after 4 years of he proposed to me but told me to lose some weight „because I dont look the same like I did at the beginning“ (his words). he also often needed attantion from other girl. he for example wrote my friends „honey“ and didnt get it, why I had a problem with it. oh believe me, I dont understand why I stayed so long but he promised me the world. so anyway, three month before the planned wedding he broke up with me, because he „he realise, he didn't love me unconditionall“ (again his words). Now, over one year later I am soooo happy I did not marry him! I met my new boyfriend and I was a little confused at the beginning, because I was used to get a lot of attantion at the beginning, but I realise that it is not normal. we builed so much trust and love over the month, with no rushing... love from switzerland
All the compliments and I like that too... they are too much.
True colors Will show. Don't excuse it.
I was never really love bombed at all. If I was, it was only for a few days and then he just acted a little "off" but towards the end he was very mean and said some of the most hurtful things you can imagine. At least I'm able to realize now that none of it was directed at me because I was never anything but kind to him. I've always know my own truth and the gaslighting never worked on me.
Had a friend who threw around the love word a lot and I wondered why. Emotional trauma. He felt lost and lonely and wanted to feel apart of a community of some sort and I just don’t throw that shit round because it’s a big thing. I mean I’ve got a little bit of trauma but wouldn’t really consider it to be extremely horrendous. But I think because I’ve had such little amounts of trauma that I’m more psychologically and emotionally aware if that makes sense. I’ve just been taught well I guess and i just don’t throw that shit out
Are they aware of what they are doing? Are they conscious of the 'trap' they are setting? Is it methodical?
That's what I want to know... But yes I think they know exactly what they do
🗣YES..ITS VERY CALCULATED
Yes!
Christina, I do not subscribe to ANYTHING and I normally am not logged in to praise (only logged-in people can), but you have really a complementary and quality aspect to these themes (and I also like your outifts, background and make-up), complementary to my favourites - Une Psy a La Maison, Melanie Tony Evans, Inner Integration (Meredith Miller), Michele Lee Nieves - do I forget anyone? And recently Nanette in "Narcissism exposed" that is from Christian perspective. What I do want to say that you have such brilliant contributions that others have not - you said that volunteering too much to help someone is also crossing my boundaries. I have, after these words of you, refrained myself from it and believe, this feels good not to cross my own boundary in explaining something to someone (it might be useful or the person might get upset at me). So do continue!!! (like you say in your unique voice - "because" - because I need your videos). Thank you. God bless you.
Someone is love bombing me right now, and I have had a lot of experience with it in my life before so I really recognize how strange and shallow it is. I really want them to stop. How could I go about encouraging them to stop?
i need to know this
I think what's so difficult about this we were raised with all these Disney-ified versions of what love looks like. Love at first sight and all that. And, yes, I have met people who ran into someone in a public place and it was, "meant to be." I can't help but always be a little skeptical about online dating though; we live in an epidemic of narcissistic behavior. Instagram, selfies, influencers, all that shit is the new norm. I lived in LA--capital of the Narcissistic Underworld and definitely ran into my fair share of it.
The key to finding long-lasting love is taking things as slow as you possibly can afford to. If it takes you 5 years to move in together, I say more power to you. Boundaries and time to yourself is super duper important.
The love bombing don’t last long ones they get to know you very well they get bored of you then they will create a fight to leave then when they get bored of whatever they do they come back and hoover you with that I miss you lol then you go back and it’s all over again love boom fight again and again till you go crazy or run and never look back . The narcissist I was with told me drunk that everything was just a game to her nothing was real all she was doing was killing time I should of walked away that day I thank god im out that relationship now .
Damn.
I was love bombed but I also slowed down the things he was trying to do and he sent me a text breaking up with me and blocked me on FB. It was two months but I learned a valuable lesson.
wow. I was love bombed for about 6 weeks and I just ended it. But now I am wondering if he might have been OK (not a narcissist) and maybe I should have waited for more toxic or abusive behaviours to become apparent. : /
@@just_another32 but...maybe also trust your decision making and instincts. Time is so valuable and precious.
@@otises8003 thank you : ) I think it's just a bit of break up regret. I can't deny the fact that the whole time I was wondering, "is he a narcissist?!"
@@just_another32 in my experience, when I doubled back after breaking away, it was always a bad decision. IF he is worthy, he will have to prove it. If not, you made the right decision.
@@otises8003 thanks : )
The love bombing was so intense in the beginning. I have love letters from someone who I believe is a narcissist. He knew I was a good source of supply and refused for 2 years to give up on me. I was sucked back in after a break up and It took me 20 years to realize what I was dealing with.
Oh man, this just happened to me last weekend.... a guy saying he was love with me on the 1st date.... why does dating have to be so complicated?
Me too just happened to be. Sept me off my feet for a week the said he was going back with ex. Then one week later said he made a mistake. I was so happy. Then changed his mind again
@@sharonreesechud7881 so it's a redflag if they say in love with you if it's too fast
Have you ever noticed any early signs or red flags?
👉 Free 12-page workbook on the 4 stages of narcissistic abuse (with checklists): bit.ly/3LTXkzE
🙋🏾♀️🌹Hi Christina omg love bombing is pure deception my ex Narcs poured in on hard and lightening fast
@Tracker Pete I started dating a man and within 2 months he had tattooed my name on his arm. My name is the only tattoo he has. I think that qualifies as love bombing.
After all these years, I still can’t tell...Maybe I was wearing those rose colored glasses. If you want another religious analogy, I feel lovebombing is like the old pagan religions who raised and groomed some chosen children, specially selected since birth, you know, they treated them like gods...only to sacrifice them on a certain day.
Is there a way to actually just get sex from the narc? Sex is mind numbing. She is with someone else now 2 weeks after we split. Is there anything I can do?
An ex told me if I gained even 5 pounds, he would dump me! Also that threesomes were a requirement if i wanted to be with him! Oh hell no! After he ghosted me for several weeks, he called and said he wanted to come see me. I said that was not a good idea and it was over. He blew a gasket and said hold on, we need to talk about this. I said we are talking about it and I don't want to see you anymore! I told him he didn't behave like a man, that he could have handled the situation like an adult and that I was a big girl, no need to disappear on me, mic drop!!! He was shell shocked. I don't think he had ever been dumped before. This was like 12 years ago before I even knew what ghosting was. That was one of the most satisfying moments, because he was such a bully! Years later I realized that he was a narcissist!
ty for the series, very good explained. good input/length ratio
Thats how my relationship with ex started - He told me he loved me after 2 weeks and he never met a person like me. It continued with him telling me he wishes we are together every day and every night which I thought its too much for a new person, and 3 dates a week were fine for me. He started cheating on me behind my back and I started to be suspicious. When I caught him cheating (6 months into relationship) I was kinda shocked and he denied and later told me its my fault because he needed me every day. He never listened to me.. I was the love of his life but he didnt even remember my birthday and my surname.
yes but we should also talk about how some of the ppl who love bomb others are victims of trauma. as one of those people, i never experienced any affection growing up, and was in fact neglected quite often. and in all my friendships and relationships i would be spoiling them and checking in and doing the actual loving. i think more often than not, they’re vulnerable narcissists with other mental illnesses or trauma that makes it hard for them to form healthy relationships because they never experienced them growing up. it’s hard to replicate something you never had. they subconsciously become over affectionate and overwhelming because of their intense fear of rejection and abandonment. it’s also very common for those people to put their significant other on a pedestal and never take them off, they never devalue or discard them. sometimes it can be quite the opposite and turn into obsession. just some food for thought.
This comment is so underrated
I’m definitely guilty of that. Makes it really hard to turn away when somebody reciprocates that attention. Even if it’s pure manipulation I’ll eat it up.
If I just had found your videos before I got fooled by a narcissist and married him...
Little did I know!...
I already left him... But I'm not even close to getting him completely out of my life, and that scares me. When is this gonna be over...
When you release he is all imaginary, ghost. He is just an a ilusion. Projection of what you want from a man.
When you say it is… there’s no other way than to just simple get rid of him. Bye bye and move on.
Love bombing is common and not a narcissist thing so no I wasn't here because of a narcissist.
Many people do this, then get to know a person and their flaws, then wake up to reality.
Thank you for all of your videos. I’m finding them very helpful.
When you’ve seen so many red flags yet you choose to ignore it then you regret later on. Waaaaa they are calculative!
i assume this can also apply to a peson not necessarily a narc, but a manipulator who is simply a friend you just met who then later slowly finds ways to get into your head.
i knew someone for years who gives me love, attention, care, gives me compliments all the time (when its not really needed), really makes me feel special like for real like literally would give the whole world to me, we think we were "soulmates" and then called me out because she felt i was not being supportive and not listening. i gave her what she wants but called me out again because she thinks im not doing what i said i would do on how to love and support her. if i have my "me time" she's sad because i chose to be with myself than with her but she says its fine because she understands that everyone is different like really confuses me. i think a lot of people don't know that they love bomb , they should also be aware about this they think that giving so much love and care is a good trait but once that their partner didn't meet their expectations and needs they would say all the things that they did for you and you'll just end up being the "bad guy."
Question. Do all narcissists love bomb? I think I recently was ghosted by a covert narcissist and he was a self identified “jerk,” so he was always crass, and would flirt through rough humor. I fell for him easily because he was so intellectually stimulating. But he never heavily romanced me. In fact, I’d stay he started at the devaluing phase. Super curious about insight on this.
Do you think there's a connection with someone idealizing you so much during the love bombing phase you think they are THAT amazing and then when their true colors start showing and some conflict arises, they are ACTUALLY beginning to gaslight you when they project and blame and say, "Stop putting me on a pedestal!" Hindsight makes me wonder...if they are putting you on a pedestal, they are doing that because they want you to think THEY think you're amazing so you'll see them that way. So basically they just shot themselves down when they do this. Does that makes sense and sound familiar to anyone?
He said I was the Last woman..
And i guess in a way i was. He died 11 months after my discard and he had health issues...
My ex had me sold on our twin flame connection. It justified so much toxicity because we were "bringing out each other's shit to be healed and cleansed. It's our twin flame connection that doesn't allow these negative aspects of ourselves to survive any longer." Turns out it was just a toxic relationship with a histrionic narcissist who had me believing i was the cause of all the problems in our relationship because of my "inner demons". I was simultaneously the most wonderful man in the world and the vilest piece of shit imaginable.
Brilliant video! Well done and spot on!
Do you do private counseling? If so, how can I reach you?
interesting, i've had this happen and while i didnt know what love bombing was at the time, i acknowledged that i was being manipulated i allowed that for the sake of continuing the relationship despite feeling like it was "too good to be true".
after that experience, i doubt i'd subject myself to it again, but still, any advice to people with low self esteem who might accept being manipulated/used as opposed to being alone?
Do they love bomb after a lot of years just to keep you? I've been at my wits end and yesterday he was all sweet. Often they seem like a light switch that went on or off.o
Check out gaslighting
I was thinking that it was called ‘love balming’. Like a balm to cover to pretend to heal.
I was the love of his life in a month and said he said I was perfect.. Made me visualise our future and everything he would do, wedding rings, houses, church to get married in all so soon. I stopped him and said nobody is perfect and u need to get to know a person better before you can say this because I’m going to say or do things at time that are not perfect and that is just human nature. He said he loves me in 3 weeks and then I was his girlfriend before I even met him in person. I had a gut feeling maybe he acted a certain way with many people in his life.. as in this was not his first time expressing emotions so soon. The moment I did anything that wasn’t perfect in his eyes I was the biggest disappointment of his life. And slowly he that special feeling and all those images he made me visualise he projected the opposite into my life and really put a stain on my mental health. All red flags I ignored because sometimes we think it’s a fairytale beginning.
You forgot REPLACEMENT after DEVALUE and before DISCARD. They always have someone on the hook before they discard you. They cannot be alone.
Is it typical that the majority of the abuse/manipulation occurs AFTER the break-up??? My "love bombing" lasted the entire relationship, or at least the majority. It's like he had me on a pedestal until the moment he found a new source. He became distant for a matter of weeks before the discard but it was really unexpected. But then, the moment I came off the pedestal and my replacement was secured...everything changed. Instant and immediate lack of need, love, and respect despite me doing nothing different, if anything I treated him even better because I was so heartbroken. The majority of the manipulation occurred at this point. It's like he was a different person.The triangulation is what was my major wake-up call. Looking back there were many red flags that I chose to ignore (suspected cheating due stories/timelines not adding up, a few angry outbursts). Anyone else had this type of experience where the devaluation didn't become obvious until after the break-up.
You got all of this right ! Thank you for this video
Hello Christina.
The 'love bombing' by my covert narcissist ex partner started as I can remember after a week when we started to date. It went on for the next four months, then my ex started to behave different. Yes, gaslighting, the little insulting remarks between 'the lines'. Shame and blame game, discard. I have dealt with all of the tricks and trades of the covert narcissist.
Regarding to your example about somebody telling who they really are (narcissist) I didn't have that feeling from the beginning that I was dealing with a covert narcissist. A covert narcissist plays her part perfectly in the beginning. She once told me in the beginning of the relationship that she changed years ago because she wasn't the most nice person for others (angry, frustrated, burn out), but this was only a very small topic in our conversations. And I didn't believe that she was a 'bad person' at that time because I really felt sad for her of all she had been gone through. Divorce, painfull pregancies and birth of her two children. She played the victim card I now know afterwards.
I learned, as I wrote so many times here and on other channels, the hard way, but I now know what sorts of red flags I have to take notice of.
Good video.
I'm worried that I was doing this in my past relationship. I didn't do it with the intention of gaining trust but I found my self surprised when they didn't question what I was saying. Almost as if I was lying without realizing? I'm trying to change for the better but not even sure what the problems are
Getting love bombed is making me overwhelmed
I did not know there was such a term as "love bombing" but I was definitely being love bombed. It awkward having someone tell me they loved me so quickly. I'm suspicious by nature so I did not fall for it, but I admit I was attracted to him. So why not, go ahead, love me. When we first met he asked me what I wanted in a relationship, I replied, "to grow old with someone." I noticed things that were not right fairly quickly and I'd bring it up. I noticed how he'd scapegoat and avoid questions. I recognized gaslighting. I have no idea what a covert narcissist was and that's what he is and once his true colors began to show and the love bombing was beginning to slow, I walked. He blind sided me by disappearing on Thanks Giving night, after we had a lovely dinner and things were well. It was deliberate, he wanted to hurt me. I wrote him a kind good bye letter and let him know I accepted that things were over. I didn't take his bait. Now that I know where this all goes, what it leads up to, I'm out. I only wish, but I know better, that I could tell him what he is, but when I think about it, that seems totally ridiculous. Why? Like what, he's going to work on himself? Please. I'm certain he was permanently damaged in his early childhood. He has no empathy, he enjoys looking for women to use in order to puff him up. I feel somewhat certain I was just 1 of his girls and there were at least 2 if not 3 more. I have a friend who is former prostitute and crack addict. She knows men, and not the good ones. She said he's never had a woman like me in his life and will probably never find another one like me again. What i loved, was making him happy. When that began to end, so did our so called relationship. If I want to feel miserable I don't need him. He needed to make me happy too, but that's not what Covert Narcissists do,. is it?
I truly feel the man I’ve been in a relationship with for 13 years does not know that he is a narcissist, I don’t think he’s done all the horrible things he’s done intentionally, he really Wants to be loved and have a partner for life but makes it very difficult. Is it possible to be a narcissist and not believe for a minute you are?
I don't think my narc knows he is a narc. I don't think his intention is to cause pain and suffering! Because he can be thoughtful and do really nice unselfish things. Other times it's like he has a demon in him. He was abused and neglected as a child, by his mother and I think he thinks that his behavior is normal. Make no mistake, fixing him with all his damage is not my responsibility. I want no part of that any more. Sorry, he can be someone else's problem. I had enough. I gotta think about my sanity. I just want NORMAL!
First date with my ex narc boyfriend said he found it very hard to stay faithful he couldn't help it, and he cheated on everyone woman he had been with (including his 2 wives) yep he told me who he was alright and i should have run for the hills! but i didn't 🙄
Narcs ALWAYS tell on themselves
@@mikeackerman1174 Yes they think there clever there not!
Mine told on herself too but with the intense love bombing I just couldn’t listen.
Its ok. We all make mistakes.
can love bombing be more subtle? My ex didn't go overboard in the beginning but made me feel secure and stable. which was all I wanted. We talked about a future together just enough to make me hold on for 6 years. He knew I had an unstable childhood and knew all I wanted was a marriage. He would never commit - and every time I brought it up he'd say "every time you bring it up I don't want to marry you". So then I'd stop and wait. Then he'd bring something up a few months later that would get my hopes up, but instead, he'd dump me! Just as I thought we were getting close to marriage. About 7 times in total over 6 years this cycle happened until he finally discarded me for good last August.
So correct Christina !
What are the chances of 2 lovebomber/narcissist meeting?
So, is it possible for people who do love bombing to get rid of love bombing?
Great insights!
Normal relationship progression doesn’t feel like you have a “connection” and you’re their “soulmate” and there are all types of guys out there some can be insecure or are manipulative but not necessarily a narcissist! Some men just simply sell themselves in the beginning it’s just a strategy they use! And it does and can happen a woman falls for them they lose interest because they didn’t invest enough to begin with so they lose interest that’s just being human, we all need to invest and get to know a person over a period of time and if their behaviour, how they treat us and what they tell us stays consistent over months and years then we can begin to see who they are as a person.
With a narcissist however they will tell you things like “you put a spell on me” “you are my soulmate” “it’s fate” all this BS! They just have a good grasp on making a very good first impression, they come on VERY strong and you are also convinced you have met the love of your life, within a few weeks their mask starts to slip up, they gaslight you, word salad, and you end up apologising to them for things you didn’t do and the gaslight is so sneaky, you just feel confused and have no idea what happened in the conversation and you’re like “whaaaaat” i remember feeling like my head was about to explode and I experienced this shock and just fell like “omg what did I experience just now” they know how to play with your mind it’s insidious and malicious what they do, and it may not be intentional but who knows but it’s like whenever you want them to hear you or understand where you’re coming from they do these things 1. They deflect and say things like “what is wrong with you” 2. They use gaslight and word salad and you have no idea what just happened your mind is spinning ( you couldn’t make sense of the conversation if you tried) with a normal person if they deny responsibility or you feel “gaslighted” you know that person is avoiding accountability for a mistake and they feel shame with narcissists its like a death threat for them to take accountability or even hear you, see you or even understand you. 3. They also play the victim to bring attention to themselves so things like threats of suicide, telling you they don’t feel well so you will stop talking about whatever it is you’re talking about! So once this happens and it will, within 3 months if you know what to look for you will spot them and run ( disclaimer: it’s important you let go of being a codependent and be with a man because you want him not need him to fill this imaginary void, it’s a trap so don’t fall for that! Normal healthy people work on relationships day by day, once you know you’re okay with losing a man you know it’s not a trauma bond or a codependent relationship). With a narcissist their behaviour just gets worse, so if they were giving you 100% they will start giving you 50% after 3 months when they’re devaluing you, so beware, eventually within a year they completely take away all their attention and love and they start making everything conditional and say things like “if you behave this way I will grant you xy and z” and you’re thinking “wait I didn’t sign up for this” but they pride themselves in being soooo clever that they scammed you and now YOU are the person who needs to prove themselves, you are constantly feeling guilty, always walking on eggshells (I used to think maybe I’m not wording this correctly but it doesn’t matter even if you word it nicely and calm they still blow up in your face and deflect everything back to you), you feel confused and anxious, you feel worthless and your self esteem is at an all time low, you think “if only I could get this person to understand what I’m saying” you won’t so don’t hold your breath, you will constantly be unhappy and they tell you “why are you unhappy” it’s like a person who is slapping you every hour of everyday and they ask “why are you always in pain”
Welcome to the world of narcissistic abuse! If they could put all of them in one place and be rid of the rest of us would be good
Peace ✌🏼
They want to be top tier superior over you!
When I first met him he said I have many masks and that my brain dont work
I laughed it off being so naive
Rushing a fraternity...
After pleading you still
Fill special...
So if your following a lie
Your not being yourself
If you're living a lie, you're definitely no being yourself 🙏❤
@@CommonEgo
😃 😃 😃
I had an ex tell me he had no empathy for anyone once and that he didn’t know why. That should’ve been a red flag 😂 I rebounded from him with a love bomber and after 4 months he devalued and discarded me after telling everyone that I was the “one.” I am so messed up now 😅
How would you get out of this relationship early on? I’ve recently met someone on Tinder and I’ve only known him for about 5 days but he’s very eager/ compliments me every chance he gets/ telling me how much I mean to him/ told me he’s so happy that I’m his. We also have an uncanny amount of shared interests. Maybe I’m overreacting but I’m not very experienced with relationships and something about him is making me a little uneasy.
Block him !
What happened in the end?
Sounds like he is a narc!
Always trust your instincts. Even if you don't have the courage to leave be on your guard with your heart and safety. These people will show their true colours and slip up. When they do RUN.
@@thiefonthecross7552 exactly! My best advice is to ghost. Maybe don't block or hate. Maybe talk. But not for a very long time.
this is so true. I used to be completely naive and this ex of mine was telling me things like how I was his first real love very soon and now we’re no longer together whatever but he recently got into a relationship and I randomly saw how she posted a screenshot of him telling her the same and I’m pretty sure he is a narc (his behaviour was analysed by my therapist and some of his peers). He even started this relationship with her and called me/reached out. I had to be really honest and tell him to f off. Hope he leaves me alone and yeah my condolences to the new girl :(
real first love*
There were soooo many red flags with my ex that are oddly clear from the fog now that he discarded me for someone else (who he initially tried to cheat on with me). And there are two that stick out. One was when we first met, he was staying with a “friend” who was out and, when I got to the house, it was sparse with only one open bedroom, one bed, and a tv, which should have told me something was . The second was when we started dating and not even a month in, he shared heavy truth in the midst of all the lovebombing (I think he was aware of his NPD) that he had something wrong with his brain that made him do things, act recklessly, and hurt people, and that he was afraid.
I didn’t know the severity of it at that time nor what it was, but now I know I should have believed that.
My TF DM is actually has karmic partner who is a narcissist with the things he said ab her and telling me she’d tell him she loves him in almost every sentence lmao. 💀 I had always had bad feeling ab her even on my own terms 😬 my father is a narcissist too
I used to have this friend, we would always hang out until I started hanging out with other people and she called me a betrayer, after the cycle keeps on happening I just ended the friendship there, now she keeps on being nice to me in class, but is very rude to me at recess, I used to keep on telling her to leave me alone, I even got a teacher involved and told my parents about it. Now I just don't know what I should do now.. I feel very weird whenever she uses positive act on me when she isn't even my friend anymore! What should I do now? (asking for a friend)
when I slowed down the love-bombing he cancelled the date!
We here are all ex partners of these 😠 people. We are all put in more or less same position in life situation. And we knowed that something is wrong! But still hopeing to come back that person from the bigining. And that's never hapend. We try so hard to wake that imaginary love... Acept it was just a genny from a bottle😉 cheers
My recent ex asked me early on if I thought humans were meant to be monogamous. I was really uncomfortable with that, but he assured me that he was monogamous, but just wanting to discuss an interesting topic.
Now, I look back and think he was kind of excusing away behavior perhaps from his past and maybe in our future. I think he was talking to or seeing someone else.
You'll be prone to get different opinions based on theme of group. In here the mind set is already narcissitic based, so will look more for the narcissism.
When problems are very complex and dysfunctional in nature, I think it's best to get opinions from a good recommended qualified therapist.
I think the final conclusion to most problems in here, should come from a highly recommended therapist, that's if someone is unsure what's going on within their relationship or marriage. Unless of course they feel unsafe or feel their life is at risk.
I think Im a narcissist. I feel like Im broken. at times I trully think I want to be with someone. and Im so scared to aproach. and when I finaly put my fears aside. and do it. but then if feels like hell and I run away.
I felt foreverness at one point when our eyes connected. she would show interest. but then when I ask her out she always bussy. I asked her out like 4 times. in a span of 3-4 months. then I gave up and asked someone else out. and apearently thats considered adoultery... I felt like I walked out of heaven into hell when I walked away from that one that was always bussy. I said Im sorry. she forgave me but answer was no. then 2 months of hell. some 3rd girl shows up and love bombs me. and one hug healed my broken heart but I would run away from her not understanding why. its because I wasnt over the first one. then she shows up and asks me to choose. I really didnt wanna choose her cause she was always bussy and and idk. I hate my self
@@akhimieninnocent813 but why would I do that if I donteven know if I want her. Besides I wouldnt want someone to be with me if they dont chiose to do so with free will
4:40- love bombing
Help I think I met one, recently I met this girl on tinder and got her Snapchat. Before we have a conversation she starts sending me kisses via snaps and kept giving me attention. I found it to be uncomfortable as a girl does something like that . We snapped for a while but I couldn’t keep it up regularly as I became very busy with work. But she kept sending me snaps of her cuddling with her cat or getting ready for bed. After a while she unfriended me and it felt something was taken from me even though I didn’t like her . I got a rush of emotions for her. What do you think this is .
But what if someone is genuine how can you tell if someone is actually genuine at first ?
What if it's my grandpa? I haven't talked to him for almost 2 years, just started to again, I saw him once during the holidays, and now he's trying to get me to spend the night, eat dinner by him, move in with him, and he texts me like every 4 days
Spend the night? Is he a pedophile? This sounds very inappropriate. Do not go anywhere near him and stay in school, get an education in a career that pays well so you don't have to be in a vulnerable situation again. Move out to college and build your life free from this abuse.