Hoarding As A Mental Health Issue | Ceci Garrett | TEDxSpokane
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- Опубліковано 6 жов 2024
- It is not just about getting rid of stuff! Hoarding is a mental health illness and care needs to be taken when addressing the hoarding behavior.
Ceci Garrett is the founder and Executive Director of Lightening the Load, a ministry that works to connect those in the Spokane area with resources and hope as they unclutter their homes, lives, and relationships. Her work to raise awareness about the effects hoarding disorder has on the family and the community stems from her personal experiences growing up with a hoarding parent. Ceci received her Bachelor’s in Psychology from Liberty University and recently began offering in-home clutter coaching through her business, Hoarding Consultants Northwest.
This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at ted.com/tedx
I wept for two hours after watching this. My mother was a hoarder. Clearing her house after her death was a nightmare. I recognized symptoms of the same in myself, fifteen years later, and I am in active therapy, with full support of my beloved, non-shaming, non-blaming sister. Thank you!
This is the video that help me start my minimalism lifestyle journey a year ago. I have a 2 year old son who deserves to live in a clutter free home . I can't begin to tell people how easy it is to maintain a clutter free home , my family is happy with all the benefits that comes with having less stuff.
Thank you for sharing your story It has changed my life in a way I had never imagined ❤
I did this while I was a pre teen. My parents divorced and always had to go back and forth between homes. It was hard and probably why I hoarded. Today I cleaned up my room and got rid of a lot of things. It’s worth it
Yay! Good for you in taking control now before it got too out of hand!👐👍💥
Texas Tea Thank you! It was hard but it had to be done!
My son just started he collect rapper sticks rocks etc and keep in his room, don't know how to help him can you advise me I will be very grateful to u
You rule ! You are master off your life
@@nasaraisha that doesn't mean he is this kind.
Kids collect favorit items. I brought home stones from different oceans etc. Now its my bussiness - unique jewelry from them
Make a nice shels for display them so he feel difference between messing room and displaing collection. He will be happy to feel Your support .
O and don't be afraid from teenager room mess - its normal too.
Growing up in a household by hoarders you quickly develop an anxiety at home that goes with it. When you don't feel comfortable in your own home that is a problem. Shame, embarrassment, frustration, stress, guilt all stem from an internal struggle that translates a need to hoard on material possessions. My parents are the best people I ever known, the lack of possessions growing up, grief that follows with being poor and a focus on being materialistic I think is what caused half of my family to be hoarders. When you accumulate so many possessions you can't keep track of internally and externally you can never appreciate what you already have.
This hits hard - "my childhood house was not a home"
I call it "my house" or "my parents' house" - very rarely do I say "home"
Thank you so much for this. I also grew up in a hoarder house. My mom is a hoarder and so was my grandma.
Both of my mother and aunt are both cleaners and my mother is also a hoarder.
My childhood was very very traumatic.The trauma is still here .
Crying watching this video. My mom also goes through this hoarding disorder and I feel helpless.
I understand. Same here :(
Hoarding is probably the most underappreciated mental illness in the U.S. I personally know or have known dozens of people with the disorder. She says 3-5% of the population, but I think it's even higher.
I AGREE 💯%‼️
I agree. I know well over a dozen in my area. Including myself.
Good insight into how hoarding and mental health issues affect children. It's hardly ever seen from their angle until social services intervene.
Thanks for being courageous. My parents are hoarders. It's ruined our family relationships.
but what is the root cause of hoarding? feeling of always loosing everything? not being loved as a child? anxiety?
I think it differs between people. Trauma for some, anxiety for others, and sometimes exacerbated by disability.
Thank you for your insight.. I am a hoarder..since 2006. I am researching why.. Thank you for realizing that it has a cause. I am sooo overwhelmed it consumes me
This is a subject that definitely needs to be talked about! The only thing I wish she has talked about more in depth is the causes of hoarding.
Physical hoarding is an outward expression of mental hoarding. I have noticed a strong pattern of hoarders (both in personal life and others stories) of the hoarder having had some emotional trauma as a kid/teen that they can't let go (often abuse).
The reason why throwing a hoarders things away doesn't work is because when we do, we are saying "you don't get to process this trauma. You're all done." and yanking it away. While we would like for them to be all done with it, WE cannot make them process it.
Help them get to the memories they are hoarding, validate them with phrases like "Wow, what happened to you was wrong. That just wasn't appropriate for that to happen. I am so sorry you have carried that for so long." "Sometimes we need things at points in our life, and then there comes a time where we simply don't need them anymore. We got use out of them, and we can get rid of them because they aren't helpful to us anymore." encourage self love, praise any small act of self compassion and vulnerability they have with you.
Ash, thanks for the feedback! My goal in this presentation wasn't to dive into the causes of hoarding. Yes, many of those who have this challenge have experienced trauma, grief, and loss. But there's also a difference in the executive function of the brain, in the active processing centers for individuals affected. There also seems to be some challenges in social support and resiliency for these individuals.
Unfortunately, validation alone is not enough. I've sat with nearly 100 individuals and families as they've battled to clear out from under this struggle and simply validating their experience and pain does not free them to move forward. There's a huge amount of healing and teaching of new skills required to make a successful recovery.
Nearly two years later, my mother is still holding her own though she now lives with us. She still saves things that don't make sense to us, but we're able to keep her from filling up spaces and guide her through strong decision-making. So glad you found value from my sharing!
Cecilia Garrett I am curious about the brain science behind it, so is the executive function not affected by trauma? Are you saying some people are just "born" hoarders? I don't know much on the brain science side of things as I would care to...
And no doubt, validation isn't the final key, but it can often be the starting point to allowing vulnerability to cone about, and honesty about the issue. There are hoarders who cannot even discuss the issue because they are so scared of repercussions. Overall, having understanding and compassion may do nothing for the hoarder, but can make a world of difference for those affected by it/ living with a hoarder when we start to gain understanding into the why. Sorry, I didn't make that so clear the first go around. :)
Ash your experiences can literally shape your brain, but there is also likely a genetic link as there is often a genetic link with ocd.
Ash - how do you relate the past trauma theory to the shopping expeditions of the speaker's mother - the haul from which was not even taken out of its bags?
I've seen house starting-up shows in which the presenter cuts a small piece of a dead beloved grand-father's shirt so the boarder-owner has some memento. But that would not apply in the case of the mad shopping spree. Is there an insatiable acquisition aspect and where does that originate?
Tarting-up, not starting up, hoarder not boarder - predictive text, so annoying!
Thank you, I had to deal with hording for 14 years now (I'm 15). Nothing is like that childhood that is lost and never regained
I know how you feel. I'm currently 20 and trying to move past this. It's hard on everyone invovled.
my home wasn't nearly as bad but this still hurts to listen to
thank you Ceci; you of all peoole are not bitter toward your mom. that alone - i have such respect for your attempt to understand. you have no idea how listening to your talk helped, and how you have warmed my heart. thank you for taking the bad childhood you had, and instead of becoming bitter and blaming for your robbed childhood, doing work that may save someone else - the hoarders and their children and other victims of this mental health issue. your mother is lucky to have a daughter like you.
Thank you for your kind words. I've learned that being angry at my mother for what she can't control without help is like being mad at infant for not being able to dress and feed itself. It was extremely tough to reprogram the hurt little girl in my childhood that Mom's inability to create what I needed was not about my self-worth or even hers. But we push forward and make the best of what is left. I want to see families grow in their understanding and empathy so that when they find themselves overwhelmed they can operate from knowledge and not just gut response. I understand now how my attempts to make it better by cleaning for her when I was younger only made it worse. But it's taken a long time to get there!
@@vernapoynor2341 do you have a question?
@@CeciliaGarrett your kindness towards your boarding parent gives me hope that my own children may be able to understand and forgive me.
@@marthakasten4725 @Martha Kasten Try your hardest to find help...you seem very self aware that your disorder is hurting your relationship with your children. The first step is to seek help. You can't just expect your children to "understand" you and forgive you. Thats not fair. How about you do the work to mend your relationship and then they can forgive you with time. There is no understanding this disease. It's pure insanity. Putting mere items/clutter before your flesh and blood. Its sick.
Hoarding is a terrible terrible addiction it's absolutely devastating a good percentage of Hoarders don't like the overwhelming feeling of all that clutter it's important that we are compassionate and caring for these people yelling and degrading will not help so when these people reach out for help I beg of you be patient be caring they need your help not criticism y'all have a great day
Great job Ceci, you are a great spokesperson for the families of those with this condition.
Ronda Williamson and the
Brilliant, such an eye opener, and definitely some home truths. Ive decluttered so much, but still drowning in clutter.
Red Foxes was my
My mom is 79 and get house is terrifying.. It's been cleaned by myself several times and by friends and relatives but it always goes back.. At this point she refuses to try medicine and she can't do anything to discard... Only aquiring more stuff!!
Great job Ceci. It is most certainly a mental health issue. Thanks for sharing this story.
+Michael Luchies Thank you for your kind words! It's amazing how many "pros" dismiss the mental health component.
Giovanni Nuño A lot of people hoard items because they think it is proof of their value or proof of how hard they work. That's why they don't see it as a problem. Perhaps if she saw the reality of how minimalistic wealthy people live versus people with less money, it might change the way she perceives the value of clutter.
Giovanni Nuño how are you and your family? God bless and good luck. Merry Christmas. I know a few missionaries they send gifts to people in Mx.
Giovanni, You depicted your mother so well that I am able to imagine her. There are people like your mum in all towns big and small everywhere. I recall where I lived many years ago that the local second-hand furniture shop was guarded at its entrance by the owner - who hated customers and did not want to sell anything! Chairs tables wardrobes dressers all stacked to the ceiling. If you spotted something you really wanted the owner would snarl and only reluctantly haul down the item.
I don't think these people want to change. They have no insight or are too defensive to ever admit there is a prob lem. They live in the way they wish to live. This man was shut down by the council as a fire hazard. We missed him. But he probably started up elsewhere. For the children of your family living in the difficult conditions you describe, the best option might be to get them out of there if possible.
@@giovanninuno3903 Read books from Randy O. Frost and Gail Steketee. They have studied this subject for 20 years. I know because I started hoarding 20 years ago after my father died. Randy O. Frost has videos on UA-cam where he is talking to an audience of licensed counselors. The first step is admitting you have a problem. It is a delicate subject for us because of shame and guilt, but if you educate yourself on this matter you will be able to find the right words to use. I told my brother once that I was ashamed to have people over. He said, " you should be ashamed ". I was hurt and wondered how he could say that when he had a major in psychology. But education doesn't mean you have good manners. 😀
Thank you for this! My father became a hoarder after my parents divorced. He has two houses and a condo and they are all full of "stuff". You can barely walk around. You can't use the kitchen and there are no furniture items that you can sit or sleep on. I don't know what to do or say to help him come around. I have tried talking to him and pleading with him. He has no one, but me.
Would he listen or watch things like this with you or alone if you sent it to him?
The words I needed to hear! Thank you for sharing your story and I hope more people hear it. I hope everyone will please share this!
My mother is a hoarder and my dad is an enabler. She love thrift stores, garage sales and especially the swapmeet.
Me too
@Greenlali Because I am a hoarder I avoid garage sales, thrift stores and dollar stores. But once in a while I will go and just buy what I really need. I put stuff in my basket for a while and then when I leave the store I go put things back I know I don't really need. When my daughter was little I would do that. Poor thing she didn't realize we could buy the toy until she got much older. 😀 I bought her toys but it was limited. I didn't have a hoarding problem when she was little. She grew up to be a delightful person. When she got married she bought a dress from a thrift store. She doesn't have to have a name brand when it comes to clothes. I am proud of her.
Likewise
She should sell those items and hoard the profits instead. Or simply take the loss and never shop thrift again.
@@sandybeach7487 Wow! It is so liberating n being comfortable in your own skin not to be brand conscious even for your marriage 👍
Thank you for sharing. It is so much easier for me to help someone clean their house than to help them clean up their mental house
Thank you Ceci for your insightful talk. I think it will help a great number of people. The image of that little girl sitting in the bed amidst the sea of things was so touching. I believe you are right about this being a mental health issue. Clearing out The board is not The end of the process. The cycle will simply restart unless other processes are out in place.
The shame involved in all this is so huge it becomes an issue in itself, a block to receiving or asking for help.
There really should be a Hoarders Anonymous to support hoarders and their families and friends.
Hoping your talk will expand the field.
My GF (or ex now) who lives with me is a hoarder. She lost her first child because of it. We have a baby and she's filling up our small place with 'stuff' that she refuses to get rid of. She is in constant denial of the issue to the point where I can no longer be with her. She refuses to admit any problem even though the house is almost to the point of not being able to walk through. Every surface has something, from small specks of food to rolled up paper and plastic bags or receipts. Trying to have any conversation related to hthis disorder ends in an argument.
I feel you.
Why don't you kick her out?
what do you think the cause is, who hurt her? what emotions is she holding onto? I am helping my friend clean their basement so we can have renters upstairs .. we are making progress.
@@texastea5686 That's like throwing the baby out with the bathwater.
Texas Tea Probably a lot of people would. My family is going through a similar issue. We have a family house we inherited, in which our sister lives. We have been trying to sell it for over two years and it took almost two years to get our sister to sign the paperwork to get a realtor. As she is a partial owner, we are constrained, in that we need her signature on the paperwork to sell the house.
We have the option of going to the courts, but that is pouring money to lawyers and the court system. As a family we wanted to spend that money to help our sister. But, although she admits she has a hoarding disease, she uses that to justify her behavior.
Ultimately, it is my opinion we will eventually have to go the court route. Our sister will take her inheritance and start hoarding elsewhere. Hopefully, she will spend some of her inheritance on counseling.
There are a number of lessons we have learned. For example, we should have never allowed her to fill the common areas of the house with her stuff. Basement, Attic and garage as well.
Second, we should have raised money to pay for counseling. I suppose if we were going to spend $15,000 to hire lawyers, we could have used the same $15,000 to hire a counsellor.
It is a horrendous mess, and extremely challenging to deal with.
Hoarding is a form of OCD and for me I've always been at the other end of the spectrum. I couldn't stand clutter, I would organize my room. Since my second child was born I haven't been able to keep a clean and clutter free home. My husband also I think is a hoarder/collector. He claims he's a collector but I see some of the things he buys have no where to display them so they end up on a pile on OUR dresser. I recently have been financially blessed and I found myself buying things as well with the intention of fixing something or planing a organization haul but never following through. I get so overwhelmed when a space is no longer functional. My second son is autistic and he requires a lot of attention so my house isn't getting attention. I know it's more important to care for kids before house but the house creates stressful energy. I'm constantly exhausted.
So brave, thank you for such a great awareness of broken spirits. Thank you for the gift of WE can heal! Excellent !!
+Jen Dyer Thank you for being part of my journey and supporting me as I stretch and grow beside you!
My marriage and relationship was ruined by hoarding. I lost my home I remodeled lovingly, thinking I’d raise my kids there. Then my spouse destroyed it and I felt helpless to stop him. As a mom of two small children my only choice seemed to be to leave my home. That was the only advice given by a professional therapist and lawyer; leave and divorce. Years later, I’ve realized I needed an intervention so I could stay in my home! Why did my life and dreams have to be destroyed? There need to be some better answers for the spouses, children, and family members affected by this. Currently I am trying to take care of my aging mother who has trapped herself in her home full of stuff. Caretaking is monumentally difficult in a hoarding environment. Thank you for your talk! I hope more people start talking about this so there can be solutions and help.
My dad's a hoarder, and he refuses therapy...
wish someone would offer me therapy - I have asked for it repeatedly over many years and it falls on deaf ears
@@Nigel1502 Look for books written by Randy O. Frost and Gail Steketee. They are the leading experts on this subject in my opinion. I too am a hoarder. I am tired of waiting for help. I got my counselor the workbook Frost and Steketee wrote for licensed counselors. She helped me for 6 months until she had to move. I continue to work on my homework assignments. I take a picture of a space (about 2 ft wide) I want to clean and then after I clean it I take another picture. When I say clean it means moving items to a more appropriate location, if something is no longer useful I throw it away. Hoarders avoid making decisions about an object because it causes anxiety, But it is the exposure and not avoidance that heals you. I use to show the pictures to my counselor, but now I show it to my older daughter. I get motivated by her supportive comments. I hope this will help. You can do this.
Same
Thank you Sandy Beach!
I love you for doing this. Thank you.
I saw the first picture and went to washing the dishes
Damn even depression and anxiety won’t make me that messy
Hope the people can get better
January 1st I decided that I was going to get rid of a bunch of stuff I don’t use. Mind you I’m a sneaker head so I had 70+ pairs of Nike’s and Jordan ranging from $200-$1500. I also bought a bunch of hyped clothing like Supreme a few years back. Also the past 2 years I became a thrifter and I always bought stuff that I considered steals such as a Tom Ford shirt for only $3 a Nike hoodie for only $5 ect. Stuff I didn’t necessarily need and sometimes even like but the deals were just to good to pass up. I had 5 bins full of thrifted clothes, 6 bins full of supreme and other hyped clothing and my guest room was strictly for my clothes and my closet in my main room was for just my sneakers. To add to this I was(kinda still am) a gamer. I have over 150 Xbox 360 games and 60+ Xbox one games. Mind you I’ve been buying and collecting since middle school..I’m 24 now. And a whole bunch of other random things. So I got a notebook and a pen and went out for a coffee and told myself I was going to go through each category and name what I have and write it down. And if I didn’t think of it it was getting sold no matter what. I named like 25 out of my 70+ sneakers. Like 30 out of my 250+ tees 13 out of my 35+ plus jackets and hoodies ect. Point being that i made so so much money from this. Around $10.5k and I finally have my guest room empty and everything that’s left fits in my closet perfectly. I now have implemented a new rule. If I want a tee shirt I have to sell one first. If I want another pair of sneakers? I have to get rid of a pair first. I refuse to go back to how I was. I was a Hoarder and didn’t even realize it.
Your idea about only keeping the things you could •specifically• remember and write down is so GREAT! It is savage! Even better is that you sold the rest, and the best part is that you turned such a tidy profit! Well done, you! Impressed. 😊
Thank you for taking the time to make this video, I have been bummed out for months over my brother's hoarding problem but only today did I finally start looking for answers. This helps me a lot, having the patience is very hard to deal with this chronic ongoing problem that almost destroyed our family. Thanks so much, Ceci, Bless You..!! Sorry your childhood was ruined, I hope at least now you can have a good life...!! I have a friend, three brothers actually, and they had to live through such as you speak of, embarrassed to bring friends over, etc. etc. It touches so many lives...!! Such a bummer for all involved....!!
This was brilliant.Thank you
Ty. This hits close to home. On so many levels. That is why I want to challenge my own mind
A very nice & so informative speech that will enlighten everyone may he or she have this or don't have this hoarding disorder problem..Thanks so much!
I remember Ceci from the Hoarders show, very sad😢
Ceci Garrett was very enlightening. I now know what hoarding is,.I think I will do some serious thinking and thin my belongings. Thank you👏👏👏👏👏
I commend your giving so much of yourself to help others. You are wonderful.....you sure woke me up.
May god bless you with much happiness and rewards for your kindness.🦋🌱
The problem is, most hoarders are extremely rebellious. If you suggest that they have a "mental health issue" and they might need to "seek help", they will never comply because they would rather stay in denial.
Oh yes, I can relate to that. My grandparents, parents and older sister are hoarders. They'll complain about the crampness of space in their house but did nothing. They even asked me to help them clean up. But when I did, they refuse to let go of anything as they want to keep everything. Hmm..crazy. It's more like to something but do nothing. It's a never ending rollercoaster ride whenever it comes to their behaviour. They couldn't even see that the family relationship is jeopardized because of them.
Lack of or low insight can be part of the disorder and is often no more a choice than the hoarding itself
you did a fantastic job, ceci!!!!! I remember seeing you on "hoarders". I hope you are well and enjoying life. how is your mother? I hope she is well also. :) you keep up the good work and stay strong. also, you looked beautiful in the video. :)
I have a friend who is a hoarder and I would throw things out and clean many times and I couldn't keep up and it didn't do any good.
She doesn't see it as a problem.
I was thinking about her health.
I have walked away from trying to help and this vid reinforces my decision.
Thank You!
I have hoarding problems. Extreme pain and anxiety of letting go of anything. I make a lot of efforts to keep things under control, but it's difficult. I think most people just don't understand how hard and distressful it can be. I hope most people will understand someday that it's indeed a mental health issue, just like you said, so the judgements and misunderstandings can stop, and more help can be offered. Thank you for your words, to contribute to the understanding and kindness and empathy towards people like me 🌺 (Sorry for mistakes, I'm French)
Have you looked for support groups online? They are awesome. You can do it!
wicious Thank you for your encouragement :) no I never tried it, do you have some suggestions of online groups or forums in particular?
I'm curious, what would a hoarder as yourself do if you were to lose everything due to a fire or flood, etc? Not being rude, but Would it cause a breakdown? Or would it just make you more determined to hoard again?
Texas Tea That's an interesting question.. Actually, I'm thinking about it sometimes, what it would do to me (cause we can never know what might happen in the future, like flood or fire, as you said).. I cannot know for sure, but I think.. I think one part of me would be truly devastated, thinking about the things I lost that I truly cared about.. It would be extremely difficult, I would basically feel like a big part of me has been ripped off.. But maybe, also, another part of me might feel kinda relieved, thinking about the things I was not able to let go by myself (even if I wanted to), and that are now gone.. Like, "I can't feel guilty, it was not my fault they disappeared".. I can't say though if it would make me hoard even more after that (traumatic experiences can make it even worse, especially for people who lose everything I guess), or if it would make me switch to "oh, you see, you lost everything and you survived", and make me less emotionally attached to stuff.. Honestly I can't say :/
@@NorthAngel17
Well, obviously i dont wish a tragedy like this on you or anyone and I appreciate your response. Take care and i wish you the best. Maybe watching some clean up videos will inspire you or watching videos of people living in extreme poverty or those choosing minimalistic lifestyle will make you see how much better your life can be! Please dont let material things get in the way of what's important. Your are special and wonderfully created for a purpose! Stay strong!
Hoarding is fear for me; not packaging and rubbish but my sons stuff...admitting that one stage is finishing and going into another. He's only young, a pre-teen but we live in chaotic disorder. And it feels like a blockage in every sense; I do decent days out for us and delight in hospitality wherever we can find it, I even collect images of domestic warmth and normality in book illustration. Hands up..I'm one lazy (a word hoarders won't use), fearful yet surprisingly aware bad homemaker who becomes overwhelmed in most tasks. I want to change things very badly.
I've had a hard time getting rid of things from my childhood that my mother kept. It's nice to have a few knicknacks to remember those days, but at a point, it does become a burden. Maybe it might help to donate the things worth donating, and know that they will end up contributing to domestic warmth in another household with another young child.
My childhood, described perfectly
I really need help. I don’t know how to let go of all the stuff I have. I try all the time but it’s so hard to. Sometimes I make some progress but the dent isn’t big enough. And I’m always finding new stuff to get. Smh
God damm i wish i had those therapists in mexico, i have same prpblem with my mother and i just dont k ow what to do anymore i 've been thinkings in leaving and forget about my own family but thats not an option although i do think this often. HELP I NEED SOMEBODY, HELP NOT JUST ANYBODY
Dudeeee estoy en las mismas. Es super importante que encontremos a alguien que pueda ayudar!
+Cindy Luu Creo que es más común en México considerar "normal" esta clase de desorden al intentar compensar la mentalidad de escasez con la que muchos crecemos. Es muy difícil explicar el impacto emocional que esto tiene en la salud a alguien que no lo ha vivido. Honestamente en este punto yo sería muy feliz en un departamento pequeño de paredes blancas, lo más vacío posible.
Si quieres ayudar, dale muestras de afecto; mi madre tiene este mismo problema y como mencionan en la plática, una de dos, o es muy sensible respecto a sus cosas o niega tener un problema. Generalmente un problema así está asociado a pérdidas. La acumulación de objetos da a la persona un tipo de "seguridad"; le da la sensación que siempre tendrá algo sin que se acabe o sin perderlo. Lo difícil es la componente emocional y el hecho de que suele ser inconsciente. Las muestras de cariño y presencia por parte de la familia (por ejemplo visitar o hablar por telefono cada cierto tiempo) ayudan a alivianar la sensación de pérdida. Suerte.
Whenever I come clean and ask for somebody's help, he or she says "we'll do it next time; now you give me a ride to the city etc." or, even worse "this is so interesting, I've never seen so much staff". I asked for some understanding and concrete help at least 20 different people in past 6 months (older, younger, one businessman, my colleague at work, even one extreme narcississt, my mother, neat people, raw people - this even turned out to be an experiment for me to gather all their advice and make the best out of my clutter). No one is willing to help, not even to listen when I present it as a problem. We live in a selfish minor world where everyone thinks only about themselves and humanity these days disgusts me even more than my so problematic clutter. That is all I can say about getting help from our sisters and brothers, and professional help just raises the PTSP subjects that anyway made me trust only in my hoard!
the hardest part was convincing my mother tossing useless items was there an excuse for keeping the useless items. She wouldn't give people back their family photos. The irony is she'd insult other people front yard or houses for having junk in them
Yes -- I have noticed hoarders insult others frequently. Putting others down does tend to make one feel better.
I saw you on hoarders. I’m so sorry for what you had to go through.
Thankfully there's help out there and I know someone who is getting help out there through human services. This illness is a problem and hoarders cannot care for others nor their pets.
kathleen devereaux in what state may I ask?
kathleen devereaux I am looking for help, but they keep saying "there's no resources for that. We don't work with that"
My friend has a hoarding problem I've tried to help her but it's just hopeless
A hoarder will continuously give you plenty of excuses. It's more like do something but do nothing. It's crazy because you'll always ended up in a never ending cycle.
Yeah I get what you mean, but her landlord is evicting her now she’s had enough of her hoarding.. but at least she’s got until March to get out I tried to help her but to no avail. so in the end I thought sod it ill sort it.out for you, and that’s what I’ve done but it’s come to late now. I just hope she doesn’t do it in the next place she said won’t but I’m not convinced. Anyway she got a phone number for a new place and she called them and they’ve sent an application form out for her to fill in anyway I hope she gets it she needs it They don’t give a dam putting an elderly person out on the streets all they think about is money she’s worked all her life in this country since she came here from Sweden in 1962 and she’s always paid her rent all she’s got now is her stuff and a lot of past memory’s and they can’t wait to get her out disgraceful!!!!
My in-laws are hoarders. For years, I asked them, why do you keep it? Do you really need it? They never really give me an answer. I remember my late mother in law saying she had more than a 1,000 VHS, CD's and DVD's and cassettes. She was proud of it. My uncle in law has VHS tapes stacked from the floor to the ceiling...literally. His bed collapsed, so he has to sleep downstairs. My mother in law had more than 20+ storage bins filled with VHS tapes and magazines, and name tags from 15 to 20 years. I'm trying my very best to clean out the clutter, and restore this house back to how a "normal" house looks.
Michelle... the cause is almost certainly emotional. I have no connection with Jasmine Harman. Check out her "eft" treatment. Will give you an idea of how this could help.
Azam Lackhani thank you very much!
How are you? God bless you.
Oh gosh, I totally feel you. I'm also trying to make sure that my parents' house look "normal" after the termites infestation. It was crazy because my parents and siblings simply dump all the house cleaning and maintenance responsibilities on me. I'm the one who had to face their hoardings while they simply complain all day long doing nothing and still thinking to save their junks.
I can't talk about it to my friends since they don't have this problem and won't be able to understand me. Siblings? My older sister is a hoarder too while my older brothers who live nearby couldn't even care less.
Even though I live in my own house right now, I still need to make sure that my parents' house is in check during the weekends. I loathe doing this but I have to because I have no choice. The main reason is; I don't want them to come and live with me if their house is wrecked.
I don't meet all the criteria but I am overwhelmed with clutter in my bedroom. I can't seem to start the process of cleaning it all up. My counselor had little insight Stating sometimes one has too many purposes for one room. There is a pathway to my bed. That's it. This has been a lifelong problem. Just that the clutter is much worse.
Wow. She does an amazing job of relating how powerful the impact of this particular type of crazy on children.
My father hoards women, wood, and anything you can imagine... He is turning 70 soon and Diógenes syndrome will come too. My mother a narcissist hoarder that shames him Inn a daily basis, also accumulate clothes, shoes, beauty stuff. She is a professional in mental health but denies my father mental issue. He have abandoned his own kids or hide them in "fear" of my mother reactions... He might be very depressed and never able to be vulnerable or weak. How to drag him to a professional is my goal
Is there something I can do to help? Ive waited 30 years and no one has said that yet...
I hear you there. Sometimes there is no help but severe abuse that makes things incredibly worse.
No one even knows to ask for help in my case. I guess.
Why isn't there a
" Hoarder's Anonymous" Chapter,
if this is so prevalent in the population ?
It is hard to ask for help (severe embarrassment) and many people don't know that someone has a problem because it is often kept hidden and would perhaps find it difficult to offer help (fear of embarrassing the sufferer/ hoarder).
The only solution is to ask for help and swallow the embarrassment. People will then help. But hoarders often do not actually want help; that is the blockage.
Anthony GD. olynyk in Australia we have a support group called ‘Buried In Treasures’ they offer workshops
Good job, I live with three of them, and my mother married one; they are life destroyers...
+Silver Cloud Transportation Services My heart goes out to you...
Thanks this is really good information for people who love someone with HD and don't know what to do.
If someone is unable to eat that's a problem. I just can't have someone falling down, getting buried by falling boxes and trapped in a blaze.
I'm exhausted and I hope someone can help her.
My auntie has this problem and it is affecting me. I want to move out.
Thank you for sharing. You are a great speaker. I fear I am becoming a hoarder.
I do not think you are. Hoarders never seem to think they have a problem. But start getting rid of stuff then look at what you cleared out, what you accomplished. Peck away at it.
My mother like this it frees she doesn’t want someone get use out of something she paid for
This is what I went through as a child
My 40 yrs old neice is a hoarder ,she won't allow any one to visit and I don't know how to help her.. she complains all the time of allergies . I said she needs to clean and de clutter ..she wouldn't accept n ignores. 🙁 I offer help telling her, I'll just take the bags outside that she chooses to throw away..and room at a time. Not happening so far.😣 I love my neice .
I’m trying to help someone who confided this. Just the bedroom, because it’s not only this person’s house. Trying to find the right approach. I don’t think it’s a disorder, yet.
What makes a hoarder recognize that he/she has a problem with accumulating stuff? Is it there the key to start the process of decluttering/dematerialism? How to deal with the emotions of those people when they have to throw away something you consider like junk? Do you know the konmari method?
It really is an interesting subject!
Tbh even when you know you got a problem you'll feel like there's not rly much to do about it ...
Little Swallow - the Linnaeus method is for UNTIDY people. Hoarders are not connected to being untidy, it is a different problem, a different order of magnitude. I laughed when I saw Marie Kondo tackling a cupboard for a client. Don't confuse these separate problems.
Even when a Hoarders has insight, the next steps towards getting help to clear and stay clear (understanding the problem) is not easy. Hoarding has not yet been addressed as the mental health issue which it is.
Thumbprint: Whoops! The Konmari method,
I hoarder my thoughts
The guided journal "Throw It Away" by Guru Notebooks is helpful. It's on amazon.
Please don't come for me, guys, I am already feeling deep shame and a shock to the system. I'm looking around and seeing what she is describing in my own house, and what my 10 yr old son sees around him. I never believed in denial until this minute. I need help. It's just him and I and he's already processing the trauma from losing his four year old sister and the divorce last year. I feel sick thinking that he has lost at least three years of his one and only childhood to my chaos. This has to stop now. I hope it's not too late for him to feel secure enough to grow stronger roots and experience having a home, not just a house.
Update: Ok, just saw the picture. My house is not that bad. Yet.
Thanks for the information. Very educational. Now i know.
I'm hoarder. I've sought help 3 times. But no one is trained to help me. Sometimes I feel like burning my home down with me inside.
I do hope u can get some help Galaxi. You have a beautiful name and u deserve to have a great life. Maybe start with just one item every hour. Not sure how to help but please dont burn it down - n definitely not with u inside God bless u
@@rebeccaandrew6455 well said! poor guy, so sad...
@galaxi 7 I feel for you. Sorry I can't help because I am struggling, too, and don't even know why. My hoarding emerged 16 years ago after losing my mum with whom I had a very "love and hate" relationship.
Please keep seeking help and don't give up!
thanks for sharing
I just ordered the guys with the truck. It doesn't work? I too didn't have sleep-overs!!!! Nailed it.
I wish these comments went to the speaker.
I have it on good authority she reads them...what's up?
You are SO sweet😊Thank you 💛
I'm sry you had to go through such the sad up bringing . I greatly appreciate that you clarified this so deeply. I was hoping to find such the affirmation . Because I know that in my particular situation , the person who wants to move in with me is a hoarder . Does not seem to have a sense of good order to at least minimize what is needed in the new place she will be SHARING. So, do you have any advice on how to go about making her aware of her surroundings? Because , right now, the place is clean. Can see the floor and the walls and ID the rooms. I believe you're correct that it is a mental disorder.
had irrational and apathy torwards me conversiation with a friend of family She said i could stay in midst a move and clear the room a simbling used years ago. yet she went into that room looking for trouble, she was angry that i cleared two extra doors and could not find an i.d. Damn , it was on the shelf, and did she expect me live in acorner,? she denied the fact taht that sibbling had her own place and left a closet of stuff in her mothers house, but i needed to much space. obvious denial and a message of dont get too comfortable.
" need to aquire and reflects disordered mind" fear, maybe their lives are empy and this is a way to compensate? poor lady could not have friends and lved in constant risk. So glad that she figured things out and can go her own way.
thank you
I have a cousin and I want to help her. Should I bring it up? She has not spoken about it.
So what does it mean? Do hoarder needs someone to talk to? But if they don’t realise they are hoarding how will they open up?
I have this problem with hoarding and it's making me so angry I want to burn the flat down with me inside it. I looked for help, even paid for two separate councillors who couldn't help me. Waste of money. I've been desperately trying to find other ways to get help. I'm stuck like this for the rest of my life. The only way out is death.
Have you joined the Facebook hoarding groups?
Galaxi I felt the same way you have about burning the house down with me in it and sometimes when I get depressed the thought crosses my mind BUT that is not the solution. My hoarding started after my Dad died in 1994. That same year I went to a Mental Health Clinic and was diagnosed with major depression, recurrent. One time in 1994 I was planning to kill myself and I looked over and there was a Bible. I opened it to Psalms 51 and read it over and over for 15 minutes. In my case it was fitting because I had committed adultery. Anyway, I learned that day that if I just hang in there that the feeling passes. I still have hoarding but I am making progress. I told my new counselor about Dr. Randy Frost and Gail Sketekee. She downloaded a workbook they had online. She was a volunteer and only had 4 months to help me and hoarding takes time. I would clean a small space. I took before and after pictures and I showed them to her and we talked about it. Now I send the pictures to my oldest daughter. She showers me with compliments and I get rewarded for cleaning. I don't throw everything away, but I do throw some of it if I no longer need it. I'm getting a little better. The other thing I think about is writing to Dr. Phil for help but I don't want to embarrass my family and friends. Please look up videos Dr. Frost has on UA-cam. It helps to know how other hoarders think. Sorry for long message.
Cecilia- Awesome job, girl. xoxo Judy D.
Hoarding is an addictive behavior
Compulsions. Anxiety disorder. Related to part of the brain for primitive nesting behaviors in mammals.
Right, especially the acquisition part; going to thrift stores, garage sales, finding discarded, stuff, ETC, the "treasure hunt" aspect is very stimulating, a high, really.
My family are hoarding in a apartment I live with mom &bro hoarder what do I do move ou or how I live New York place please help me!
The only thing you should hoard is money.
no doubt hoarding is a mental health problem, make difficult to understand why people had it
Talking and understanding and patience don't work. There is no cure for hoarding disorder. Living with a hoarder will ruin your life. And your childrens' lives.
As hard as it may be, get out and stay out. Hoarders don't love you, they love their stuff.
What personality disorder causes this?
Long term depression, OCD tendencies, hopelessness, anger, self loathing, ETC. Hoarding is a form &/or result of mental illness.
we need to include these people in LGBTQIA+ community to help them be accepted by the society. protect hoarder youth.
I guess we all are hoarders to some extent, collecting small useless things.
hoarders are like locusts they consume everything. the clutter takes over everything.
shame on her parents
Sure, collect stamps or coins. oy vey, my wife is collecting SOFAS !
Hoarders are animals abusers
it sure does, requires mental health treatment .
Ted talk tiny home
We call them elite...? Not sure why
First