I kind of dislike the idea that being paid more at your job justifies having more work piled on top of you. There are physical limits to what you can do and more money isn't going to change that.
I agree. Companies are trying to work humans like they are robots or AI. Humans cannot function like robots. Our brains can only do so much. And we will eventually run out of energy which turns into burn out.
I tend to overwork myself and burn myself out to the point where I don't really have any friends anymore, I don't date, I have trouble keeping up with housework and self-care, like you mentioned. If I'm being completely honest, though, I think a lot of the overworking comes from a place of avoidance. I may not like working, working, working all the time, but at least it's a familiar discomfort. Going to new places, meeting new people, having new experiences are all very scary and intimidating. It's very easy to avoid potentially uncomfortable or "un-fun" situations and obligations with the excuse "I have too much work to do." And I have to keep taking on more work or creating more work for myself in order for that excuse to not be a lie.
Very true. I tend to do the same. Sometimes it might even be a form of self sabotage. I dont have to do anything unknown such as dating or going out, since I am always working. I honestly think I have been avoiding the very things that are (like you sayd) frightening yet extremely important for a full life.
Woow thanks for sharing. Felt like i was being read there! We got this, its a step at a time out the comfy "busy-ness". Im kind of over it lately tho 😂😁 love to yooou!
If you really don't like being around anything unfamiliar or uncomfortable like that but you do prefer to be at home or at work, you could transform some of that time into "me time". For example, you can take a hobby or interest in something that is NOT work related and make time for you to enjoy that hobby in solitude. It'll give you time to destress and help you learn how to regenerate mentally and emotionally. You can start this in small increments, like 30 mins to 1 hr and then gradually work your way up into longer times that you can stand in your routine. The best part about it is you don't have to make new friends or start dating just yet unless YOU are ready. Right now you're only focusing on healing yourself and giving your mind and body the self-care it needs. I hope this helps. If it does, let me know!
This was me before depression put a stop to overwork. No boundaries, no balance and it even slowed getting better as in I worked so hard to get better. Now I value rest, not even knowing rest was to be valued as working harder was the only coping skill I had as I always felt lazy.
How I can relate to you. What's is great here in comments is how we are relating to each other's story. It gives me strength and confidence. We are far from being alone in our endeavours
@@Linda2 The book knowledge is one thing, yet the connections with others can be the thing that turns knowledge into wisdom. Thanks for sharing, it helped after a long day of overdoing. Wisdom will come one of these days.
Because we were always told were lazy. I don't know u but baby I highly doubt ur lazy. Ur precious and self care if the best care. Sending love peace and abundance in the name of Jesus. - ur spiritual brother
I feel this soo much! Slowing down to ‘heal’ but then feeling guilty that you’re not doing enough/not pulling your weight/being lazy so you take on more/try to improve yourself as that’s the only thing you know how to do…
"If no one ever gets 'push back' from you, they think you're capable of doing the work." My biggest work obstacle. Thank you Dr. Marks for the suggestions.
Never knew how to react when I was given a person to train while delivering my quoata at the same time. And of course this was for same min wage as others. Expectation was always to do both magically or else... right up to the day I quit and never looked back.
@@DrTraceyMarks Hey Dr. Marks, all of your videos are awesome. Im not sure if you've already done a video about boundaries but this one was great. It hit home because its something I've been trying to work on. I also didn't realize that burnout and boundaries had a connection. Thank you!
Whenever I get one of her videos in my suggested I feel like my mind is being read!! Overwork and lack of recognition for it has left me so stressed and ultimately burnt out lately 😞
Lee, progress is possible. In the last 10 years I have gone from somebody living under all these problems to a person who has gotten out from under them and made friends and done much better self care.
I suffer from both OCPD and lack of boundaries. This video has explained exactly why I am exhausted, burnt out, depressed and have a deep craving for “alone time” that alienates everyone.
This year, for the first time, I pushed back and said "I am already working 50 to 60 hours a week, I do not physically have the time to do this extra task. If you want me to do it, something will have to be taken out of my timetable so I can fit that in." My manager kept dodging it and I ended up telling her: "I feel this conversation would only go somewhere constructive if you stopped pretending you do not understand what I am telling you."
You are describing me. I'm constantly over working myself and with men's job's. Just recently I have put my foot down and saying no, I can't do that. Ive been sick with Pneumonia. I believe nature's way of saying, stop, and it did do that. I will start over and manage my time and work so I can just relax and chill out. Thankyou Dr Tracey.
I came close to burning out multiple times at my old job because I had to do a lot of hours for wages that were not enough to cover everything. I tended to feel guilty if I said no to covering for someone last-minute even when I knew it would leave me drained and grumpy by the end of the day. With my new job, I was able to pick which sites I wanted to work at and to an extent I'm more able to choose which hours I work. That last one was an important factor in accepting the job offer because I didn't want to relive the old cycle of risking burnout. I still work two different shifts most days, but there is enough time in between them for me to do other things that life feels more manageable and enjoyable, even on on busy days.
It's like you can see into my soul. I'm bookmarking this so I can keep coming back to it periodically, as I tend to eventually wander off the path. Thank you so much, Dr. Marks!
I am so grateful for you taking your time to create useful content Dr. Marks. I just retired, you described my M.O. to a T. I am spent, and I got the covid too. Now I finally have my me time - all to myself !
It's amazing how this was posted 12 hours ago just when it's been my toughest week in a while because of these very same things mentioned in the video. The amount of stress I've been through because of my bad habit of not setting boundaries and this video has given me the tools to deal with just that. Thank you Dr Tracey Marks!
I suffered from fixated with detail! This illness has put me behind as both a designer and an artist. I noticed that most artistic people suffer from this and it is really sad that sometimes I even have to stop myself and just take a break. Which means that sometimes I’m on task and is sometimes I’m not so I really have to focus on things.
Amazing video. Thank you!! Please please add to your list video on how to help over achieving children not to burn out at universities. I just see it all over, with my kid and others. And it's hard because they insist that this IS a workload that professors expect them to do and setting boundaries and self care will result in low grade. There must be a way to help them!!
I feel my mania always causes me to overwork. Also, I realized I've been overcompensating working so much because I was told at a young age I'd never amount to anything or accomplish anything so I try to prove all those people wrong. But for what? I'm killing myself working so much.
Thank you so much for this video Dr. Tracy. After weeks of overworking myself, my body just couldn’t handle it and I got sick. Now I have been reflecting a lot on how to manage my time better and this content got recommended right on time.
Oh wow Terrie. That’s a high compliment as I grew up weak in English and struggled to write papers. I majored in engineering so I could stay clear of English. But then psychiatry changed all of that…
@@DrTraceyMarks - wow! I've always thought your videos are incredibly well written and well executed. You are so clear. I often share your videos with friends and clients because they're so well done. I hope you're super proud of your videos!
@@MegInWhispers Thanks a lot Megin. Actually I am proud of the library of information I've created. This process has made me be get better at explaining things. Thanks so much for sharing the information 👍🏽❤
Hi Dr Marks, thanks for this informative video. As an Adult with ADHD (Inattentive subtype), I burnt out badly before the diagnosis. After years of striving, it seems that mental capacity has reduced & became intolerable to stress. So I'm confused about whether I'm trying hard enough or not. I appreciate very much if you could suggest how to work productively without getting burnt out again.
That's me. Always taking care of others and feeling selfish when I think about myself. In the past I have been made to feel selfish or have not many people around to help with childcare. Some things we have to just accept, because fighting for others to be responsible becomes too much. I've been trying to connect with others as a form of self care, but I still neglect my body like exercise a lot. I am very angry with my family because I feel like they get a free pass while I have to do the responsible part. It's a reality for some people. Your advice is like a weight lifted from my shoulders. Thank you.
This was me for the past 2 weeks until I said, "I am going to decline the OT. I am not going to hang out with my boyfriend. I told my kids I am NOT going anywhere. I need a break! " I stayed home slept in. Did some self care. Read. Etc. It was much needed to get me out of the monotony of just going through the motions of life. It felt like depression I didn't want to get up to do anything, frustrated, irritated, tired mentally and physically. Thanks for sharing I now know it's normal sometimes. ❤
Your channel solved a need, clearly! These subscribers and all of these likes and views speak volumes. Cudos to you for using your gifts and voice to inspire and influence change over all of our lives. Thank you for sharing your wisdom. I love seeing and hearing it all from a Black woman especially. You’re special Dr. Tracey 🙏🏾
Excellent advice. I find as self employed, I tend to accept work when I need or want to do something else because of uncertainty of work. Even though now I have some savings, I know how quickly it can disappear made even more difficult with the global situation.
So relatable! I have OCPD and I've made huge improvements. The problem is I have a boss who I'm certain has severe OCPD. She has all the characteristics listed here and she is very hard on her direct reports. She's always dissatisfied and you can see the fear in her as she stresses over every little detail. I love my job and my company, but working for her is extremely demoralizing and exhausting. I'm slowly developing boundaries, work from home has helped some, but I'm constantly having to communicate how I'm doing my best and can only do so much.
How dare you do this to me Dr. Tracey Marks. Sorry I'm just kidding! I was just wondering why I was so burnt out when this video popped up on my front page. It's quite a call-out. Thank you for the video, I'll have to bring this up with my therapist
This video was very helpful to watch! This is something I've been struggling with for quite some time now. I also tend to overwork myself thinking that my supervisors will like me more or think that I'm the most reliable employee on the job. I don't want people to think badly about me if I ever request time off for myself. While it's good to take time off, I don't want people to think that I'm lazy and only care about myself and not others. At my old job, I kept pushing my boundaries away to help others when I was extremely miserable on the inside, feeling irritable, stressed, and even angry depending on the day. I loved it when she said that you can't fill a cup with an empty one. That's something I'll have to remember to keep me going!
@@someonesomeone25 maybe u need a MAN like me for u to " rest in your femininity " BUT when I say REST I don't mean not doing nothing ...U still need to keep the house well maintained , clothes clean, kids clean , fridge stocked ful of food , plants in the yard that you planted , help kids with homework and attend PTA meetings , HOME COOKED meals , and oh when I get home u drop what u doin to come " serve and cater " to me ........SEE to get with me it's still work but not back breakijng work....SOOO send in your RESUME and I can review it and see if your fit for this KING 👑👑👑
OMG! alarmingly accurate!! !! I knew the anxiety and sense of guilt attached to it, but never realised it was a disorder!! Thanks for helping me take a second look at myself!!
thank you. It was painful to hear this, no OCPD but definitively no healthy boundaries. It’s so much more painful because I have been aware of this for some long time, but I still don’t know how to built healthy boundaries. 45 years old, given a team of 4 to report to me, but when speaking about goals I could not even start a conversation about a new title and better compensation. Oddly I will manage a team as “senior analyst”. I often hear comments like you’re so good, you have both analytical skills as well you’re so great with people. Earlier this year I realized that when my boss starts to praise me or tells me how much he values my work, it means I will get more work “with opportunity to be part of great projects”, which is true in a way, but I just wish I was also promoted.
Thanks Dr. Tracey Marks for this very timely video. I was truly burning out and could not tell the difference between a sick body or a tired body. I have been violating the me time a lot. I realise that I spend all my spare time for other people and inconsistent in maintaining the boundaries for my me time.
This video came at a good time for me. I've been working produce throughout the pandemic and we were pretty low staffed. And even when things started to open back up and people started taking breaks, I didn't. Part of it was because of case number anxiety, but also because it have this thing where "as long as I'm here while other people are out, things will be fine". I rarely took an actual break because of that. Because of my schedule shifts, I was pushed around to different times and with one staff member on medical leave, I had to put my life on hold again because I felt I was needed. Even when we got two new people on my department, I still have this feeling that I'm still needed. Despite the two picking things up quicker than expected, and even when I was given the chance to have this Sunday off, I did not take it. Whether it was because I did not fully trust myself to trust the new people, or I'm trying to escape from things that are going on at home, I refused to take time off. I realize that this is not healthy at all. I need a proper break from work. Not just two days off, but maybe a full week off. But the problem is, with so much uncertainty in a job in retail, it's hard to ask those type of questions.
Every time I come here to check Dr. Tracey's videos, I feel lighter... as if something very heavy has left my shoulders. This is therapy! Many thanks, from Japan.
Welcome to America: we are told that if you don't work, work and more work along with pushing up the corporate ladder then you must be "lazy." We congratulate people for overworking and when they tell us how much work they do we feel "inspired." But we fail to understand that we are working for an economy that teaches hyperconsumerism and that you will never have enough even when your 5 bedroom house is overfilled. We should be valuing time and quality of life more then how "hard" you can work to compensate for something else that you are missing. The soul of America has been lost.
What's really getting me lately is voluntarily taking on more work in addition to weak boundaries and some OCPD tendencies. It's very challenging for me as a small business co-owner because I see work that needs to be done and no one else is available, capable, or willing to do it I'm proud to say that I've finally scheduled some time off next week!
Boundaries and assertive are one of my deficit, as i always feel obligated to fulfill everything people ask from me, i was raised by Narc and work with many Narcs before, i knew it....
It's amazing to listen to the Doctor. We need people who can articulate the things we feel. I feel relieved when I hear there is a explanation. Maybe the second step in getting better is definition of the problem.
Great video! I think I may be guilty of the OCPD. As an engineer, the details determine the outcome. Couple that with consulting, working in toxic and competitive environments, etc., I think it's downhill from there towards having OCPD unless you're consistently self aware, making adjustments, and making hard changes.
As an engineer too. I think engineering colleges teaches us to get OCPD while in the program... Then just keep getting worse in the toxic work environments....i relate to your experience.. Thanks..
I relate so much to the leisure time point. I am supposed to be reading books before bed to relax. And I love books ! But, I now have a stack of 4 I wanna to finish by EOY and the LONGEST list I cannot work my way through fast enough 🤣 I am the same way with podcasts... I have to listen to every episode or not pick up a new podcast at all most of the time 😬 I feel like I turn everything I enjoy into a challenge or check list ... And when I make myself take a personal day to chill I'm like a lost puppy idk what to do with myself that is truly relaxing 🤣
Thank you for all your videos. This one especially since I have OCPD and work in Healthcare and I definitely feel horrible when I'm exhausted and burned out and call in to work cuz I feel like I'm letting others down.
Dude really!! I got this vid in my feee randomly and now I know I suffer from OCPD. This type of people get appreciated (exploited) at work tho. Thanks Doc. Really really appreciate the valuable information you are providing.
Maybe it's not a problem with individuals having disorders, but that we live in a society that is conducive to stress because of it's hyper-fixation on productivity and "success", and anything short of this is deemed as lazy, incompetent and just outright "bad". This is alluded to at 4:00, but the way it's spoken about seems to put the onus on the individual for having this mindset, as opposed to ALL OF US being conditioned this way by schools, media, family etc. from a very young age.
This is so helpful. I really find it hard, if not impossible to delegate job and chores because it's hard to get them done to my liking . I always want to do it right ,my perfectionism is overwelming,for me it's well done or nothing, and these creates more and more work undone . And when I try to do all at a go , it could lead to one having too much on ones plate. I don't know how to say no to extra work because I don't want to be mean .. I am trying to learn how to ignore and not to be a perfectionist. .. I can do it..so help me God. Thank you UA-cam.
You are also living under the illusion that your way is the best way, but that's not even true. When you step back and let others do it on their own you might learn something. Not to mention that your behaviour turns everyone off. It's micro managing and it doesn't trust anyone.
Thank you. I have never realized that I might have this or such tendencies. I am diagnosed with OCD. Now I wonder if you can have both OCD and OCPD, I'll ask my therapist. Thank you for your video.
Omg Dr Tracey this video is amazing , I love how you give examples of how to communicate your needs with tact . Thank you so much this is super helpful 🤩🙏🤍
I put soo much pressure on myself, but still never do things as they should be or what people asking of me. And I feel so much pressure even when I'm doing something fun. Cause I'm thinking I will oversleep or that something will go wrong. I don't get to enjoy life. It's sooo exhausting
I've never heard my own personal work ethic described with such pinpoint accuracy as this video just did. I'm guilty of a lot of these things, but I don't feel they've infringed on my me time as much as they could. They do to an extent, mind you, but I do make it a point to dedicate some time to myself on a regular basis where I give myself permission to do nothing of monetary value. If anything, all of that just drives me to find more efficient ways to do things--you know, work smarter, not harder and all that stuff--to be able to have a life while still delivering work I'm proud to have my name on.
I have watched this so many times already.👍 I don't think I have an ocpd personality, but boundaries are where I falter- especially since I live with an invisible disability that demands rest and solitude
I kind of dislike the idea that being paid more at your job justifies having more work piled on top of you. There are physical limits to what you can do and more money isn't going to change that.
A
I agree.
I agree. Companies are trying to work humans like they are robots or AI. Humans cannot function like robots. Our brains can only do so much. And we will eventually run out of energy which turns into burn out.
I tend to overwork myself and burn myself out to the point where I don't really have any friends anymore, I don't date, I have trouble keeping up with housework and self-care, like you mentioned. If I'm being completely honest, though, I think a lot of the overworking comes from a place of avoidance. I may not like working, working, working all the time, but at least it's a familiar discomfort. Going to new places, meeting new people, having new experiences are all very scary and intimidating. It's very easy to avoid potentially uncomfortable or "un-fun" situations and obligations with the excuse "I have too much work to do." And I have to keep taking on more work or creating more work for myself in order for that excuse to not be a lie.
Now that you've recognised that, what have you been doing to address it?
Very true. I tend to do the same. Sometimes it might even be a form of self sabotage. I dont have to do anything unknown such as dating or going out, since I am always working. I honestly think I have been avoiding the very things that are (like you sayd) frightening yet extremely important for a full life.
Woow thanks for sharing. Felt like i was being read there! We got this, its a step at a time out the comfy "busy-ness". Im kind of over it lately tho 😂😁 love to yooou!
If you really don't like being around anything unfamiliar or uncomfortable like that but you do prefer to be at home or at work, you could transform some of that time into "me time". For example, you can take a hobby or interest in something that is NOT work related and make time for you to enjoy that hobby in solitude. It'll give you time to destress and help you learn how to regenerate mentally and emotionally. You can start this in small increments, like 30 mins to 1 hr and then gradually work your way up into longer times that you can stand in your routine. The best part about it is you don't have to make new friends or start dating just yet unless YOU are ready. Right now you're only focusing on healing yourself and giving your mind and body the self-care it needs. I hope this helps. If it does, let me know!
Same, the thought of going outdoors to somewhere that isn't work is just horrific to me
This was me before depression put a stop to overwork. No boundaries, no balance and it even slowed getting better as in I worked so hard to get better. Now I value rest, not even knowing rest was to be valued as working harder was the only coping skill I had as I always felt lazy.
How I can relate to you. What's is great here in comments is how we are relating to each other's story. It gives me strength and confidence. We are far from being alone in our endeavours
@@Linda2 The book knowledge is one thing, yet the connections with others can be the thing that turns knowledge into wisdom. Thanks for sharing, it helped after a long day of overdoing. Wisdom will come one of these days.
Because we were always told were lazy. I don't know u but baby I highly doubt ur lazy. Ur precious and self care if the best care. Sending love peace and abundance in the name of Jesus.
- ur spiritual brother
Same.
I feel this soo much! Slowing down to ‘heal’ but then feeling guilty that you’re not doing enough/not pulling your weight/being lazy so you take on more/try to improve yourself as that’s the only thing you know how to do…
"If no one ever gets 'push back' from you, they think you're capable of doing the work." My biggest work obstacle. Thank you Dr. Marks for the suggestions.
I felt that when she made that statement
Never knew how to react when I was given a person to train while delivering my quoata at the same time. And of course this was for same min wage as others. Expectation was always to do both magically or else... right up to the day I quit and never looked back.
👆👆
Thanks for commenting/
Gotta be vocal about your limits!
I love this lady ❤ she is pure logic and heart combined!!
Thanks so much Pateint Prosper! ❤
@@DrTraceyMarks I’m a fan of yours, do you have any books?
Yes 🙌🏻 !
@@DrTraceyMarks Hey Dr. Marks, all of your videos are awesome. Im not sure if you've already done a video about boundaries but this one was great. It hit home because its something I've been trying to work on. I also didn't realize that burnout and boundaries had a connection. Thank you!
Whenever I get one of her videos in my suggested I feel like my mind is being read!!
Overwork and lack of recognition for it has left me so stressed and ultimately burnt out lately 😞
An old timer i work with told me that going the extra mile is like pissing your your pants wearing a dark suit, it feels good but nobodys gonna notice
@@heywatchthis1992 Or spilling Pepto-Bismol on a pink sweater!
Lee, progress is possible. In the last 10 years I have gone from somebody living under all these problems to a person who has gotten out from under them and made friends and done much better self care.
I suffer from both OCPD and lack of boundaries. This video has explained exactly why I am exhausted, burnt out, depressed and have a deep craving for “alone time” that alienates everyone.
👆👆
Thanks for commenting/
This year, for the first time, I pushed back and said "I am already working 50 to 60 hours a week, I do not physically have the time to do this extra task. If you want me to do it, something will have to be taken out of my timetable so I can fit that in."
My manager kept dodging it and I ended up telling her: "I feel this conversation would only go somewhere constructive if you stopped pretending you do not understand what I am telling you."
You are describing me. I'm constantly over working myself and with men's job's. Just recently I have put my foot down and saying no, I can't do that.
Ive been sick with Pneumonia. I believe nature's way of saying, stop, and it did do that. I will start over and manage my time and work so I can just relax and chill out. Thankyou Dr Tracey.
Geta better job!
What's "men's jobs"?
@@midnull6009 Mowing lawn, car care, wash the dog. Jobs my late husband did and now I do.
@@Linda2 Those aren't "men's jobs" those are just called regular house chores that needed to be done.
@@midnull6009 So you do regular tasks, ie wash dishes, sewing and ironing etc? Maybe you have never been married.
I came close to burning out multiple times at my old job because I had to do a lot of hours for wages that were not enough to cover everything. I tended to feel guilty if I said no to covering for someone last-minute even when I knew it would leave me drained and grumpy by the end of the day. With my new job, I was able to pick which sites I wanted to work at and to an extent I'm more able to choose which hours I work. That last one was an important factor in accepting the job offer because I didn't want to relive the old cycle of risking burnout. I still work two different shifts most days, but there is enough time in between them for me to do other things that life feels more manageable and enjoyable, even on on busy days.
LACK OF A UNION. IM LISTENING TO THIS AND PLANNING FOR RETIREMENT NEXT YEAR . IVE HAD IT!
It's like you can see into my soul. I'm bookmarking this so I can keep coming back to it periodically, as I tend to eventually wander off the path. Thank you so much, Dr. Marks!
Same for me!
Same. Even the YT algorithm knew I needed to hear this.
I am so grateful for you taking your time to create useful content Dr. Marks. I just retired, you described my M.O. to a T. I am spent, and I got the covid too. Now I finally have my me time - all to myself !
It's amazing how this was posted 12 hours ago just when it's been my toughest week in a while because of these very same things mentioned in the video. The amount of stress I've been through because of my bad habit of not setting boundaries and this video has given me the tools to deal with just that. Thank you Dr Tracey Marks!
I suffered from fixated with detail! This illness has put me behind as both a designer and an artist. I noticed that most artistic people suffer from this and it is really sad that sometimes I even have to stop myself and just take a break. Which means that sometimes I’m on task and is sometimes I’m not so I really have to focus on things.
👆👆
Thanks for commenting/
Amazing video. Thank you!! Please please add to your list video on how to help over achieving children not to burn out at universities. I just see it all over, with my kid and others. And it's hard because they insist that this IS a workload that professors expect them to do and setting boundaries and self care will result in low grade. There must be a way to help them!!
I feel my mania always causes me to overwork. Also, I realized I've been overcompensating working so much because I was told at a young age I'd never amount to anything or accomplish anything so I try to prove all those people wrong. But for what? I'm killing myself working so much.
OMG.....She is super duper smart, she understand everything she is explaining no doubt about it. Thank you Doc.
Thank you so much for this video Dr. Tracy. After weeks of overworking myself, my body just couldn’t handle it and I got sick. Now I have been reflecting a lot on how to manage my time better and this content got recommended right on time.
👆👆
Thanks for commenting/
I have been having burnout symptoms for almost two years. This video has been helpful in understanding myself and how to help myself.
Could you talk about coping with living in poverty? I work two jobs and still struggle to pay bills. It's really holding back my recovery.
Thanks for the suggestion Maddie. I’ve added it to my list
In addition to psychological insights,
you are an English teacher's dream. 🙋
Oh wow Terrie. That’s a high compliment as I grew up weak in English and struggled to write papers. I majored in engineering so I could stay clear of English. But then psychiatry changed all of that…
@@DrTraceyMarks - wow! I've always thought your videos are incredibly well written and well executed. You are so clear. I often share your videos with friends and clients because they're so well done. I hope you're super proud of your videos!
@@MegInWhispers Thanks a lot Megin. Actually I am proud of the library of information I've created. This process has made me be get better at explaining things. Thanks so much for sharing the information 👍🏽❤
So articulate...so.. verbally skilled. Love you
@@DrTraceyMarks Whoa, you were in engineering too? Thats amazing!
Hi Dr Marks, thanks for this informative video. As an Adult with ADHD (Inattentive subtype), I burnt out badly before the diagnosis. After years of striving, it seems that mental capacity has reduced & became intolerable to stress. So I'm confused about whether I'm trying hard enough or not. I appreciate very much if you could suggest how to work productively without getting burnt out again.
Wow, same here!
Dr. Tracey Marks, you are a pure blessing! I love how you break it down in simple terms. Thank you for all you do.
You’re so welcome and thank you! 🙏🏽
That's me. Always taking care of others and feeling selfish when I think about myself. In the past I have been made to feel selfish or have not many people around to help with childcare. Some things we have to just accept, because fighting for others to be responsible becomes too much. I've been trying to connect with others as a form of self care, but I still neglect my body like exercise a lot. I am very angry with my family because I feel like they get a free pass while I have to do the responsible part. It's a reality for some people. Your advice is like a weight lifted from my shoulders. Thank you.
This is me. 😩
👆👆
Thanks for commenting/
*"It is during our darkest moments that we must focus to see the light." - Aristotle Onassis*
This was me for the past 2 weeks until I said, "I am going to decline the OT. I am not going to hang out with my boyfriend. I told my kids I am NOT going anywhere. I need a break! " I stayed home slept in. Did some self care. Read. Etc. It was much needed to get me out of the monotony of just going through the motions of life. It felt like depression I didn't want to get up to do anything, frustrated, irritated, tired mentally and physically. Thanks for sharing I now know it's normal sometimes. ❤
Your channel solved a need, clearly! These subscribers and all of these likes and views speak volumes. Cudos to you for using your gifts and voice to inspire and influence change over all of our lives. Thank you for sharing your wisdom. I love seeing and hearing it all from a Black woman especially. You’re special Dr. Tracey 🙏🏾
Excellent advice. I find as self employed, I tend to accept work when I need or want to do something else because of uncertainty of work. Even though now I have some savings, I know how quickly it can disappear made even more difficult with the global situation.
Yes the global situation has changed a lot of things 🙁
So relatable! I have OCPD and I've made huge improvements. The problem is I have a boss who I'm certain has severe OCPD. She has all the characteristics listed here and she is very hard on her direct reports. She's always dissatisfied and you can see the fear in her as she stresses over every little detail. I love my job and my company, but working for her is extremely demoralizing and exhausting. I'm slowly developing boundaries, work from home has helped some, but I'm constantly having to communicate how I'm doing my best and can only do so much.
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How dare you do this to me Dr. Tracey Marks.
Sorry I'm just kidding! I was just wondering why I was so burnt out when this video popped up on my front page. It's quite a call-out. Thank you for the video, I'll have to bring this up with my therapist
This video was very helpful to watch! This is something I've been struggling with for quite some time now. I also tend to overwork myself thinking that my supervisors will like me more or think that I'm the most reliable employee on the job. I don't want people to think badly about me if I ever request time off for myself. While it's good to take time off, I don't want people to think that I'm lazy and only care about myself and not others. At my old job, I kept pushing my boundaries away to help others when I was extremely miserable on the inside, feeling irritable, stressed, and even angry depending on the day. I loved it when she said that you can't fill a cup with an empty one. That's something I'll have to remember to keep me going!
Now I realized how to value ourselves and be a proper positive social person!!
Thank you Dr. Marks for the useful assertive language to place and defend boundaries peacefully.
You are very welcome
You are amazing! I have no boundaries…..yikes! This video is going to help me in so many ways.
This has been the first time I understood why I never seem to have time to myself. Why I feel overworked and overwhelmed. God bless you.
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Every job burns me out. I find all work exceptionally hard. I manage my stress and time well, but I'm just not designed for labour.
Find a good man sis
@@percyastronautstatus.8780 Lol.
@@someonesomeone25 maybe u need a MAN like me for u to " rest in your femininity " BUT when I say REST I don't mean not doing nothing ...U still need to keep the house well maintained , clothes clean, kids clean , fridge stocked ful of food , plants in the yard that you planted , help kids with homework and attend PTA meetings , HOME COOKED meals , and oh when I get home u drop what u doin to come " serve and cater " to me ........SEE to get with me it's still work but not back breakijng work....SOOO send in your RESUME and I can review it and see if your fit for this KING 👑👑👑
@@percyastronautstatus.8780 I'm not a woman.
Thank you so much for posting your videos..they really help us understand many issues.
This. I needed this.
I'm glad I work my butt off when I was young so I can sit around and watch UA-cam videos now
OMG! alarmingly accurate!! !! I knew the anxiety and sense of guilt attached to it, but never realised it was a disorder!! Thanks for helping me take a second look at myself!!
You’re welcome Tino. So glad this gave you some insight 😊
thank you. It was painful to hear this, no OCPD but definitively no healthy boundaries. It’s so much more painful because I have been aware of this for some long time, but I still don’t know how to built healthy boundaries. 45 years old, given a team of 4 to report to me, but when speaking about goals I could not even start a conversation about a new title and better compensation. Oddly I will manage a team as “senior analyst”. I often hear comments like you’re so good, you have both analytical skills as well you’re so great with people. Earlier this year I realized that when my boss starts to praise me or tells me how much he values my work, it means I will get more work “with opportunity to be part of great projects”, which is true in a way, but I just wish I was also promoted.
Thanks Dr. Tracey Marks for this very timely video. I was truly burning out and could not tell the difference between a sick body or a tired body. I have been violating the me time a lot. I realise that I spend all my spare time for other people and inconsistent in maintaining the boundaries for my me time.
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This video came at a good time for me. I've been working produce throughout the pandemic and we were pretty low staffed. And even when things started to open back up and people started taking breaks, I didn't. Part of it was because of case number anxiety, but also because it have this thing where "as long as I'm here while other people are out, things will be fine". I rarely took an actual break because of that. Because of my schedule shifts, I was pushed around to different times and with one staff member on medical leave, I had to put my life on hold again because I felt I was needed.
Even when we got two new people on my department, I still have this feeling that I'm still needed. Despite the two picking things up quicker than expected, and even when I was given the chance to have this Sunday off, I did not take it. Whether it was because I did not fully trust myself to trust the new people, or I'm trying to escape from things that are going on at home, I refused to take time off.
I realize that this is not healthy at all. I need a proper break from work. Not just two days off, but maybe a full week off. But the problem is, with so much uncertainty in a job in retail, it's hard to ask those type of questions.
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Great video! I’m glad to see I’m making and keeping proper boundaries... and never over scheduling myself on my non work times
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Every time I come here to check Dr. Tracey's videos, I feel lighter... as if something very heavy has left my shoulders. This is therapy! Many thanks, from Japan.
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Welcome to America: we are told that if you don't work, work and more work along with pushing up the corporate ladder then you must be "lazy." We congratulate people for overworking and when they tell us how much work they do we feel "inspired." But we fail to understand that we are working for an economy that teaches hyperconsumerism and that you will never have enough even when your 5 bedroom house is overfilled. We should be valuing time and quality of life more then how "hard" you can work to compensate for something else that you are missing. The soul of America has been lost.
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Love this doctor.....God bless you 🙏
Thanks a lot Pamela!
What's really getting me lately is voluntarily taking on more work in addition to weak boundaries and some OCPD tendencies. It's very challenging for me as a small business co-owner because I see work that needs to be done and no one else is available, capable, or willing to do it
I'm proud to say that I've finally scheduled some time off next week!
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Boundaries and assertive are one of my deficit, as i always feel obligated to fulfill everything people ask from me, i was raised by Narc and work with many Narcs before, i knew it....
Wish I lived by you so you can be my therapist! I can learn so much! These videos are helpful. Thank you!
Wait, that's me! Especially the ' I don't need hugs, just handshakes part' Glad I found this channel.
It's amazing to listen to the Doctor. We need people who can articulate the things we feel. I feel relieved when I hear there is a explanation. Maybe the second step in getting better is definition of the problem.
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Great video! I think I may be guilty of the OCPD. As an engineer, the details determine the outcome. Couple that with consulting, working in toxic and competitive environments, etc., I think it's downhill from there towards having OCPD unless you're consistently self aware, making adjustments, and making hard changes.
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As an engineer too. I think engineering colleges teaches us to get OCPD while in the program... Then just keep getting worse in the toxic work environments....i relate to your experience.. Thanks..
Very true. I work so hard on me, not to fall back.
I relate so much to the leisure time point. I am supposed to be reading books before bed to relax. And I love books ! But, I now have a stack of 4 I wanna to finish by EOY and the LONGEST list I cannot work my way through fast enough 🤣 I am the same way with podcasts... I have to listen to every episode or not pick up a new podcast at all most of the time 😬 I feel like I turn everything I enjoy into a challenge or check list ... And when I make myself take a personal day to chill I'm like a lost puppy idk what to do with myself that is truly relaxing 🤣
ThankYou so much Dr Mark, you are a phenomenal teacher 👩🏻🏫!
This video felt like you are speaking directly to me!
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Thank you for all your videos. This one especially since I have OCPD and work in Healthcare and I definitely feel horrible when I'm exhausted and burned out and call in to work cuz I feel like I'm letting others down.
I’ve just found your channel, i love it here
It’s always nice when UA-cam drags me on a Saturday afternoon 😌
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Love your colors and style choices ❤️❤️
Thank you Neptune 😊
*“Reduce the complexity of life by eliminating the needless wants of life, and the labors of life reduce themselves.” - Edwin Way Teale*
I love this.
Thank you for providing tips on creating healthy boundaries. Your content is helpful, to the point and easy to understand.
Thank you Ashley I’m glad you find it helpful. 😊
Please feel blessed
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Good to see you Dr. Marks my lady 🥰😊 and again, thank you for the insight.
Can u make a video on overthinking, like being too much philosophical about things and also being too judgement..
Dude really!! I got this vid in my feee randomly and now I know I suffer from OCPD. This type of people get appreciated (exploited) at work tho.
Thanks Doc. Really really appreciate the valuable information you are providing.
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Maybe it's not a problem with individuals having disorders, but that we live in a society that is conducive to stress because of it's hyper-fixation on productivity and "success", and anything short of this is deemed as lazy, incompetent and just outright "bad". This is alluded to at 4:00, but the way it's spoken about seems to put the onus on the individual for having this mindset, as opposed to ALL OF US being conditioned this way by schools, media, family etc. from a very young age.
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Thank you . Time to change
You’re welcome
Thank youuuuu! I just got the answers the questions I've been asking myself for weeks now!
Thank you Dr, you hit the mark on this with me, much appreciated
This is so timely 😩 I’ve been working from 8am to 10pm 😭
U may need a good MAN sis
The second 1/2 of this video has amazing examples of boundries and how to verbally state them. BOUNDDRIES ! great.
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This is so helpful. I really find it hard, if not impossible to delegate job and chores because it's hard to get them done to my liking . I always want to do it right ,my perfectionism is overwelming,for me it's well done or nothing, and these creates more and more work undone . And when I try to do all at a go , it could lead to one having too much on ones plate. I don't know how to say no to extra work because I don't want to be mean .. I am trying to learn how to ignore and not to be a perfectionist. .. I can do it..so help me God. Thank you UA-cam.
You are also living under the illusion that your way is the best way, but that's not even true. When you step back and let others do it on their own you might learn something. Not to mention that your behaviour turns everyone off. It's micro managing and it doesn't trust anyone.
Thank you for another great video! I love your knowledge Dr Marks!!!! You have helped me soooo much!!!
Thank you. I have never realized that I might have this or such tendencies. I am diagnosed with OCD. Now I wonder if you can have both OCD and OCPD, I'll ask my therapist. Thank you for your video.
Yes you can have both. Think of OCD as an overlay on top of your OCPD hardwiring. Thanks so much for the super thanks. 🙏🏽
@@DrTraceyMarks Thank you 🙏🏻
Never thought I can be described like this... thanks dr. Tracy and youtube for recommending this!
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These videos are life saving and live changing to me thank you
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Your video was sent to me as my friend saw much of what you discussed as reflecting my personality type...I learned quite a bit...Thanks for sharing!
Thank you so much Dr. Tracy marks ‼️🙏🏾
Tracey*
Omg Dr Tracey this video is amazing , I love how you give examples of how to communicate your needs with tact . Thank you so much this is super helpful 🤩🙏🤍
Really thankful for this video Dr Tracy
This is a very good list to touch back on when it comes to limits and healthy boundaries.
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I put soo much pressure on myself, but still never do things as they should be or what people asking of me. And I feel so much pressure even when I'm doing something fun. Cause I'm thinking I will oversleep or that something will go wrong. I don't get to enjoy life. It's sooo exhausting
I've never heard my own personal work ethic described with such pinpoint accuracy as this video just did. I'm guilty of a lot of these things, but I don't feel they've infringed on my me time as much as they could. They do to an extent, mind you, but I do make it a point to dedicate some time to myself on a regular basis where I give myself permission to do nothing of monetary value. If anything, all of that just drives me to find more efficient ways to do things--you know, work smarter, not harder and all that stuff--to be able to have a life while still delivering work I'm proud to have my name on.
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Dr. Marks, you are awesome. Thanks for presenting these things with such reassurance and clarity. You have a gift.
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I love your videos on social anxiety, can you do a video about not being emotional and how to open up to people.
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I have watched this so many times already.👍 I don't think I have an ocpd personality, but boundaries are where I falter- especially since I live with an invisible disability that demands rest and solitude
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Thank you, Dr. Tracey. I learn so much with every video.
Your content is empowering.
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I see myself in the boundaries discussion. Yikes. Thank you for this video.
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Thank you for discussing this topic.
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Wow! I feel all of this! Thank you for sharing
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Love this lady! I wish she was my therapist in real life.
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Good advice!
Thank you
I only heard of OCPD about 5 years ago & wondered what the symptoms were. Thanks for sharing your expertise!
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Brilliantly explained and very good advice. Thank you for sharing
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I am a startupfounder totally related to me
Excellent suggestions Dr.Marks 👩 👍🏼
Thanks! 😃