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Matteo Lane - Roasting Mall Of America
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- Опубліковано 31 лип 2022
- Link to the full video: • Matteo Lane Roasts The...
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#matteolane #gay #comedy #standup #comedian #standupcomedy #standupcomedian #mallofamerica #shorts
Bro could pass off as straight with that dad pose
Literally especially the clenched jaw and rigid posture 🤣
Honestly, if you don't hear him speak, he can pass as straight. He is the most straight-looking gay man! It was Neil Patrick Harris.
@@camerongist2159 no. As a gay man, he is queer coded af. Its the hairstyle plus facial hair and the outfit
@@A-ID-A-M Thank you
@@camerongist2159 for straight people yes but gay people know immediately when they see one
“So nice to hear kids having a good time like they still enjoy life”🤣🤣🤣
That part 😭
Meanwhile i live across from a school (ages 6 to 11) and when they let them outside it sounds like angry hyenas. The first few times after i moved, i was genuinely afraid of what was happening outside my windows 😳
One time i met two neighbors outside because we were all checking out the noise that had sounded like a shrieking, dying animal, only to realize it was the kids at recess. 👀
It really is though. I love hearing kids have fun and laughing. It’s so pure and innocent 🥲
That's a direct quote from me 😅
He say’s “love”. Thank you
“It’s hard to hug you spongebob, you’re so square”. Perhaps the most nuanced and sophisticated thing I’ve heard all day.
Even Huey Lewis know that "It's Hip to be Square!"
That was so rude, how dare he body shame spongebob LOL
This is just a joke BTW
Lmaoooooooo
@@lawrencewalston2272 HEY PAUL!!
I'm sure it has nothing to do with the oversized nose poking you in the chest 🤣
"Dear god, he's got a nice butt"
This had me sounding like someone was wiping down a window
Lmao, I've never heard the yacking dolphin noise described as wiping down a window 😂
I'm gonna use that!
He really does
The way he said it made me think of the “oh my god nice ass” (something like that) line from Ghost Stories lmao
you r a gurl
That phrase is SOOO ME
Honestly a sculpture depicting the modern day mall-dad pose would be *fine art*
Post capitalist expressionism
It really would.
Holding her purse, preferably
@@thomasholden500 YESSSS
It was kinda hilarious he was kinda wearing some 90s dadwear but now it's kinda more gay fashion.
“These are the designated benches for the angry dads that don’t wanna be here”
Literally my dad anywhere we go
Fr
I’m sure y’all never do anything dad wants to do .
@@daedae1522 He goes to fishing stores and shoe stores before 😒
@@lov3yzz I know it sucks but he goes where you want to. Just make it fair and hate every moment of it but be there 😂.
My husband has been training for this his whole life. He will be ready
Became a whole different person w that dad pose lmfao
That pose was Oscar worthy lol
“There’s a lot of kids, which makes me wanna run far away.” 🤣
Most relatable thing I’ve ever heard 🤚
"these fish aren't even doing anything" killed me
They really weren't tho
what are they supposed to do 😭😭
@@fgkayla8924 at least swim around dammit 😂😂
@@fgkayla8924 idk a backflip
Besides swimming?
How dare these fish not walk 🙄🙄
That shark is my boyfriend… wow homewrecker
gurl it’s fine he didn’t deserve you anyways
You deserve better honey
dw theres plenty more fish in the sea
@@92brofish OH MY GOD LMAO
You should have seen the red flags - He's always swimming forward.
As a straight guy in his mid 40s, I would be happy to settle down with Matteo in a friend marriage at this point
Another mid-40s straight dude agrees.
@@FallenRingbearer I guess I'd have to be a guy to get in on that action, but I'd like to throw my hat in the ring anyway.
I love that! He seems like he would be so fun to have around and is so cute
This guys is a mood. Wants to run away from children, but also loves hearing the sound of them having joy still. 😹
“Rainforest Cafe is a high class Chuck E Cheese” accurate description
Rainforest Cafe was literally my childhood
How?!! Rainforest cafe have multiple video games now?!!
Spot On!!!!! 😂😂😂😂
I lost it lol 😂!!!!
Rainforest Cafe is actually good-
“Theres so much goin’ on here!-Dear god he’s got a nice butt”
That's the same thing I say when I get released from home.
I've said that before...my mom gaped at me lmao 😂
I love that part! 😂😂
@@Aura_Lucario Your mother did what at you?! 😳
That's what got me- XD
"This place has absolutely no idea what this means" 😭💀
His H&M roast is so funny because all the clothes I have gotten from there last wayyy longer than any of my other clothes lol.😂
“If you need a shirt for today, but today only…” Lol this made me laugh
AND SOOOO accurate😂😂😂
Do you get some low quality H&M leftovers in the US? Because here in Sweden the quality is very ok, I have some things from H&M which have lasted a couple of years for me.
@@blueeyedbaer Actually H&M clothes here in Spain are the same. I've bought some clothes that have lasted me for years, and I still wear them. They also have good quality jeans at affordable prices, I think. I've seen these differences all over the Internet with other shops (like Zara, which in Spain is very good) and food and supermarkets. It may be something cultural, I don't know.
@@blueeyedbaer I live in Canada and the quality is decent here. My favorite turtleneck from H&M is still doing good :)
Likewise, here in Bahrain it's definitely good quality, that's why I got all confused. 🤷🏻♂️ Actually, I bought one of my favourite shirts from H&M. 😊
The annoyed dad in a mall bit deserves more appreciation. The wit, the pose, the furrowed brow even behind the sunglasses…. Masterpiece.
In Germany benches are everytime infront of classic Women Stores. Like clothes, shiny things, Soap or other wash yourself things..... They are only there. No bench before technical markets....... Maybe they know where they need them
Fr ✨
" there's a lot of kids that makes me wanna run far away" yes, same
"There's a lotta kids which makes me wanna run far away" 😭😭💀
"IF YOU NEED A SHIRT FOR TODAY." This is the most truth I've heard all week.
Well,I don't get it. I don't shop from H&M, so,I don't know, does it mean the quality is not good? Please!!! Could you explain it to me and maybe help me to avoid making a bad purchase?
I dunno either, I have clothes from HM that I’ve bought 10-15 years ago and they are still going strong 😂
Maybe American HM is different. I am from Europe.
@@aikaterinimoschou9437 correct. The t shirts are getting holes just from being hung in the store. The material is that thin.
@@sangetwc tbf, clothes made 10 years ago are way better quality than ones being made now
You said “The fish aren’t even doing anything” in such a tone of disgust 🤣
I feel like I love Mateo even more with every piece of material of his that I see 🥰
Hilarious and wholesome is such an underrated combination ☺️
In regard to "wholesome"... perhaps u, too, have no idea what "untucked" means ...😉
As someone who lives near MOA, I can confirm that the soap place had everyone tricked
no fr it looks so good too 😭
I live in Shakopee. So yep I’m super close too.
@@Idontwant1 me too 😯😯
“I found a boyfriend”
*points to a shark*
Yep, pretty much sums up my type.
Furries (myself included)
"The correct opinion"
Sidon, my beloved. ❤
Soooo...Bruce from Finding Nemo?
Quite ironic, cause in my childhood, dolphins were insultingly called "gay sharks" cause theyre the uncool, more feminine version of sharks, which is also why my favorite animal is a turtle, not a dolphin, dolphins were ruined for me very early, but maybe thats a good thing, cause they turned out to be regular rapists.
@@Phantasmen to be fair they are as degenerate if not less than humans.
There is a Cinnabon. First floor East side. I worked at MOA
Memorized landmark thank you
I was just about to make that comment.
Just watched the rest of the video, at the end he was right next to the Cinnabon.
It is a little hard to find if you don't know its there
Yep, near where the Sears used to be.
That 'I found a boyfriend' bit is me playing Breath of the Wild.
Matteo seems like the perfect person to people watch at the mall with
the "he's got a nice butt" had me screaming 😂
Really?? Screaming? I mean it was funny but it wasn’t THAT funny.. it was audibly blow air out of my nostrils funny
It's not that funny.... 🙄
Why? He's an obviously gay man. That's literally the one thing he's sure to say
@@pagejames8754 yeah but if he was straight and said that about a girl….. not funny
Finally some one else is talking about it
“I’m honestly a little shocked that there’s not a Cinnabon.. I don’t get it!”
The Cinnabon in MOA: 👁👄👁
Literally as an MN local I was about to cry ;w; THERE IS ONE
Right!!!! I was thinking the same thing…
Yep. First floor by the east parking lot, my fat ass has been there way too much. Especially since the one in Edina closed.
I just remember it scented the cheap school dance dress store across the path from it... I cannot recall what it was called...
@@nikkikah2356 I know when I saw him on the escalator to the sea place I was like dude continue straight you’ll the Cinnabon 😂
Bro would lose his mind at the malls in Dubai 😂😂😂
Unfortunately they don't tolerate gay guys so yeah they will literally lose their head going to Dubai.
I'd love to lose my mind at the malls in Dubai.
"wouldn't you think my collection's complete"🎵🎶
"There's a lot of kids wich makes me run away" most relatable thing i have heard
LOLLLL IKR
@liana nah, worse
@liana but tbf im a minor so technically a kid ig??? But I'm a teen so idk
I'm 6 months pregnant and still not ready for that kind of lifestyle yet 🤣🤣🤣
"It's really hard to hug you. You're just so SQUARE." Best line.
“Like they still love life”
Preach it sister
"I found a boyfriend"
We had bears, now introducing SHARKS! More teeth, less hair
NGL…I’ve been that angry dad at the mall, just waiting for my spouse to finish buying his shirts. 🤣
His??????
@@eupo5936 yeah?
@@dontmindme2267 just realized the commenter is a girl. Makes sense.
@@eupo5936 or ukno, gay people exist. even though OP isn’t a gay man, there wouldn’t be an issue if they were 🤷♀️
@@lizzie5496
Listen, my friend. In the real world, we assume people are straight unless they are obviously gay or they say so.
It’s simply how the world is.
my dad is an odd outlier to the 80’s bench dad. he has the same vibe, same attitude as a traditional bench dad, but we always lose him while shopping, because he’s off looking at something else without telling anyone where he’s going.
my dad will wait in the car and then 10 minutes later he's standing outside the shop we're in like a creep waiting for us to notice
I completely understand why my dad did the same. He didn't want to go to the mall. He was there because my mom wanted to take the family shopping. Didn't matter what shop we went to, first place he went to was the sporting goods store and he would be there talking to the staff for hours. He was usually on a first name basis with the new guy and even sometimes helping him load shelves and/or racks by the time we showed up a few hours later telling him it was time to go.
Sometimes, you just need to get away from the chaos of four hyperactive kids and a wife that doesn't enjoy/appreciate your company as much as she used to
@@gmstrbert2982 your dad sounds like a sweetheart
@@toxxicx wtf?😂😂😂 He gets bored?😂
@@emiliawilson4378 Sometimes, I wished he was a bit more rude as I was growing up 🤣 He'd say it was time to go, then get caught up talking to a complete stranger for the next two hours
Tha angry Dad bench😂. And there def should be a statue!
Lovin’ the sassy tour guide❤
You didn’t find the Cinnabon?? More deliciousness for the rest of us!
It was a little hidden the last time I was there.
It was a little hidden the last time I was there.
He's gay he can't use Google
I was about to get worried that they got rid of the cinnabon lol
I like the implication that if he had found the Cinnabon, he would have devoured every single one and then eaten the entire store, ravaging everything in his path, sparing none for the rest of us.
“There’s so much goin on here- DEAR GOD he’s got a nice butt”
*me during my 8 hour shift as a stressed mall retail employee*
I have never related to a random YT comment more
What's to stress about? I did a few years in retail and they were the most chill years of my life 😌
@@NoEvidenceForGod i feel like mall retail is a whole other level of Things Going On
Me going anywhere tbh
@@NoEvidenceForGodNot much but during the holiday season… dear lord
"kids having a good time like they still love life" 😂😂😂😂😂😂
Not him describing my actual Dad when we go absolutely ANYWHERE 😂😂
“There’s a lot of kids which makes me wanna run away”
Literally me everyday of my life.
Me too, but I birthed them so I can’t leave. 😂😉
"Theres a ton of kids here which makes me want to run far far away"
Yoooo sammeee
Same.. And i have two myself 😂
I am the oldest child with one sibling but same.
Jajaja
Right???
Can't believe he couldn't smell Cinnabon, it permeates the entire property.
If it doesn't have a cinnabon, IT'S NOT A MALL😭😤
Man “I found a friend”.
Shark “lunch”.
Stop with the shark slander.
There are way better meals right there in the water than a human. Pretty much any marine animal is more appetizing to a shark than eating humans.
We eat considerably more sharks than sharks eat humans.
@@tonydai782
.
.
.
Lunch
@@tonydai782 true but also it was kinda funny
It's a shark, not a Hippo
@@tonydai782 lol Katie Halper is that you?
Is he talking about a bench when there’s a whole roller coaster there? 😂
IKR?
@@lily.handler Actually, he's at the Mall of America in Minnesota. Literally says that's where he is in the title.
That's full dad realness though
@@melisamaras where does it say that?
@@shinxsupportstransrights8501 in the title.
"There's a lot of kids which makes me want to run far away"
So bloody relatable
“I found a boyfriend” 🤣🤣 thanks for this 5min clip of a serotonin boost lol!
"what is the ocean?" Followed by "I found a boyfriend" I love this energy XD
"what the hell is Free People!?"
Overpriced fast fashion. Literally what he said about H&M is true for Free People.
"theres a lot of kids, which makes me want to run far away" same bro same
"The fish aren't even doing anything" 🤣😂 the disappointment in his voice. Lolol
POV: your wearing a H&M shirt
We are not thirsty, but we might sip 👀
@@yudeok413???
Its okay, its only for one day.
You're
You’re
“It’s kinda nice to hear kids having fun. Like they still enjoy life”
Yeah I felt that
ARIEL IS THAT YOU-
"I found a boyfriend." **proceeds to disney princess**
*Sees H&M, flashback*
RuPaul: “I don’t want to see any fucking H&M!”
“It’s cute to hear kids having a good time like they still enjoy life” 😂😂😂
seeing a sign saying UNTUCKIT in the mall ABSOLUTELY gagged me
Rainforest Cafe described as a high class Chuck E. Cheese is the most accurate comparison I’ve heard in ages
“UNTUCKit”
💀💀💀
i went there and got dress shirts they're actually really nice i'd recommend it
And walk in, you see drag queens fighting with each other
"These fish aren't even doing anything..."
🤨💀💀💀
HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA like they should've something to do
“What the hell is free people”? 😂 it’s PERFECTO
*The fish aren’t even doing anything*
It's kind of nice to hear kids having a good time like they still enjoy life 🤣
Once I turned 22 I know understand what he means😂
LOVE
Not the H&M shade 😭 I have pieces from there that I got in high school at like 17 and I’m 25 now 😭😂😂
“What’s free people?”
It’s a place where your dreams get crushed while going out in style.
It’s kinda crazy to believe that celebrities have BEEN TO THE SAME PLACES THAT IVE BEEN💀💀
“Like they still love life” 😂 so trueeeee it doesn’t last long.
It's crazy to see a mall that isn't completely abandoned.
I want Matteo to be the godfather of all of my children. I feel like having him as a direct influence would be infinitely beneficial to their development as people. If I had a few wishes, that would be one of them for sure.
My bisexual ass only took a second to realize the first thing and started snickering 😂
Minneapolis rez here: pretty sure there's a Cinnabon 🤣🤣
Same and yes there is
there is more than one lmao
It’s on the first floor close to Barnes and Noble. If I remember correctly.
I live in Minnesota and I'm pretty sure that there's at least two cinnabons in the Mall of America LOL
“Rainforest Cafe is a high class Chuck E Cheese”
Ted Nivison would like to know your location
“There’s a lot of kids which makes me want to run far away!”😂😂
“Dear god, he’s got a nice butt.” 🤣
Does this mean Matteo is a top?! Idk what he is, I thought he’d be a verse bottom/true bottom, but this throws a wrench in everything
@@jasonvargas7564 hmm are you saying that either can't admire a good butt? Is it only Tops?
This video is like the dream you have when you fall asleep after watching his stand up clips.
"There are a lot of kids, which makes me want to run far away"
That killed me tbh 😂
“the fish aren’t even doing anything” what are they supposed to do? they’re fish 😭
That angry dad statue is brilliant! My dad has the same posture every time he is has to go to the mall with us.
“ it’s nice to here kids having fun like they still enjoy life” 😂😂😂😂😂😂 frfr give it time 😌💀
"There's a lot of kids, which makes me want to run far away." Had me SOBBING. 😭
"the fish aren't even doing anything..." that part made me lol.
"There's a lot of kids, which makes me want to run far away." EPIC ! 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
“It’s nice to hear kids having a good time; like they still love life” hahahaha yes the innocence.
Untuckit, my favourite thing to do after work
The MALL DAD look u gave HILARIOUS but totally true 😂😂😂😂
"i'm honestly a little shocked that there's not a cinnabon here"Sir it's on the first floor-
I like his stand up but this content is really great too!
More of this please!
Untucked and every dad at the mall was hilarious
Lol… you got me on “untuck it” and “god he has a nice butt” lol
Untuck It got me.
the little mermaid “part of your world” got me 😂
keep it up, funny dude!
More like...."the grass is always greener in somebody else's lake" 😂
He's embracing his Inner grumpy boomer
😂 "What *is* the ocean?"
-Matteo Lane philosophizing us all
Him-I’m a little shock they don’t have a Cinnabon
Me- the first place every time I go there
Went to the comments to comment that they totally have one.