How to Tell the Difference Between Love and Love Bombing
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- Опубліковано 2 лип 2023
- Is this new love interest a keeper, or a creeper? I'm here to help you tell the difference between the beginning stages of love, and love bombing!
Hello!
My name is TyaCamellia (Tya) Stone, LMFT -- Licensed therapist in the states of California & Nevada (CA 112207 & NV 2779-R).
Welcome to Tips From a Therapist! I post videos to offer tips and tricks to improve your relationship with yourself, and other people. Be sure to subscribe to this channel for more Tips From a Therapist!
*Website:
www.rootsrelationaltherapy.com
**To see my full series of Blogs for Better Relationships, visit:
www.rootsrelationaltherapy.co...
***This video is not intended as individualized professional or legal advice. Be sure to seek the services of a professional if you are in need of them.
1. Saying I love you really quickly
2. Wanting to dominate your time and attention (this is an excellent clue)
3 Wanting to be in touch all the time, almost checking up on you 24*7
4. Speeding up the timeline of commitment
5. Helping and assisting excessively even to the point of infantilising you
6. Devaluation - suddenly you feel icky about sharing your past traumas and vulnerabilities for eg. your dating history
7. Leaving when you’re at your most vulnerable and while doing it, saying something deeply personal or hurtful and totally beside the point (one of your soft wounds they’ve remembered).
8. Telling everybody about you before you’re ready and then reporting indirectly if one of their circle doesn’t approve. Just keeping you under pressure (one of the comments above asked if this was a sign and I firmly believe it is.)
The above is all true; it all happened to me, and this video is spot on. Yet I cling to the fantasy of it. I have some work yet to do. Thanks though ❤
I wish you well on your journey forward❤️
This just made me realise that although my boyfriend and I may be progressing a little faster than the average couple, it does not seem to be love bombing. I have once experienced love bombing and that felt a whole lot different.
Yes! When things progress a little fast, it's good to reflect and question, just in case. Love bombing is only when it's part of a greater cycle of abuse. I'm so glad you can tell the difference!
I was heavily love bombed recently. And knew it. He literally had a tick list of compliments that he would reel off. Said within a week he was "falling in love". Wanted to be with me all the time. And wanted to define us as in a relationship by the second date. Picked it all up very quickly and told him what he was doing and that I want to go slow...and then he didnt know what to do next! He wasnt able to go slow and steady and resorted to sending me photos of the pints of beer he was drinking rather than engaging in conversation. This was in the space of 2 weeks and it is now over (I ended it as it was clear we weren't right for each other). Looking back, I can see other manipulative tactics that I didnt pick up on straight away (mirroring my likes and dislikes for example). But overall I am glad I could see what was going on.
Another thing that I don't see talked about, but wonder if is also part of love bombing. As I've seen it before as well. But I've noticed that love bombers also tell everyone about you, to the extent that it feels almost like you are pressured to stay with them? I don't know if that is a love bombing thing or not though!
I'm so glad you were able to notice things that were off and listen to your gut!
Hmm, the telling others about you -- I'm not sure if it's a love bombing thing in this case. If not love bombing, definitely some other form of being unwell, immature, or manipulative in relationships.
Absolutely. Someone obsessing over you is a bad thing. Believe that. Trust that. Run from it. Look for unflashy (that does not mean neglectful) consistent care, not flashy obsession.
Well said!
It's also important to keep in mind that *true love* takes time and you will know this person is the one when you both been through some challenges together and risen up feeling more connected and becoming a team more than ever :)
Struggles should make you feel stronger not weaker bcus you're afraid of being punished from your partner.
Many people romanticized "love at first sight" so it's easy to hold on to the love bombing 🥲
We just need to remind ourselves to be gentle with our relationship and takes as long time as we need 💗
Well said! Thank you for watching!
I knew it. He tried to manipulate me by love bombing me 😂 good news I am an avoidant so his actions disgusted me instead and I told him I hate liars. He wanted me to meet him, call him, and text him 24/7. He tried to mirror me. He said he loved me one week after knowing me😂 (I knew he was lying) I told him that’s not love, love needs time. I openly told him that I can’t date someone I don’t t even know well.” I know enough” was his response. He talked about himself all the time and tried his best to impress me but that just pushed me away. I was not even interested. I ended up blocking him. Pathetic!
I'm so glad you saw the signs! I wish you well on your journey going forward!
@@tipsfromatherapist thank you so much💕.I really wanna thank you for this video because at first i thought I did the wrong thing by being cold blocking him and worried if I hurt his feelings but now I can see it clearly! He was a pathetic loser.
What's an avoidant?
This is something I went through recently and I'm so glad that I broke away before I was in too deep. The guy was moving this direction within two weeks and I saw all of the red flags, I knew something was off. Glad I listened to my first instinct. Great video that didn't take over half an hour to make a valid point.
Dang I wish I listened too! That fool moved in my house after 3 weeks! He got me good. Lesson learned!
I'm so glad you listened to your instinct!
Better late than never! Moving forward wiser!
Thank you!
Just ran into the exact same situation
Feel better after watching your video
I feel a sense of obligation and responsibility when someone wants my attention and has me on the pedestal. I don’t want to disappoint them.
Did not realize this sets me up for cycles of abuse 😮
No más!
I'm so glad you found this helpful! I wish you well on your journey forward!
I have love bombed consistently over my life and I am realising it just now. I am wondering if there are any ways I can break the cycle and have better more genuine relationship with people. Or am I doomed to be the same person right until I reach my grave. I feel very bad about the hurt that I have done.
Surely not! Because you are sincere and self-aware. I say this as a crappy partner.
I have ADHD, and I realized that I do this too, and have been doing it naturally as well. For me, I’m being intentional about pacing myself, not giving a bunch of compliments, and restricting the amount of time I can spend.
@@AmberinTreesbe careful to differentiate between love-bombing and the “fawn response”
Your self awareness is the first step! You will be able to grow and you will be able to forgive yourself. Do not give up hope!
Remorse + self awareness + commitment towards change + the right support = a damn good chance to be the person you want to be!! I wish you well on your journey forward!
Your acting, channeling the bomber is hilarious, in a good way.
Thank you for watching and for your kind words!
That comment, "they're not thing about you" is spot on.
Yes, so we owe it to ourselves to have our own backs!
I never knew love bomb existed . Until this girl told me about it , after I expressed my feelings .. that I held back for over a year. I was just being expressive and was proud of myself but I am not no love bomber….makes me watch my actions. Thank you great video…. But now I know why there is so many damn games … when it comes to love uggggg
The world needs more people willing to express themselves! Being expressive is definitely not the same as love bombing. It's only love bombing if it's part of a greater cycle of abuse. Otherwise, it could just be someone whose really stoked on a new person, or doesn't have a lot of experience with dating. I wish you well on your journey forward!
I love your brief but comprehensive take on Love Bombing. You humor is good, too. 😂
I'm glad you appreciate my cheesy humor😂
A few months ago I finally left abusive relationship.
Now when Im happy, alone and with myself, when my mind is clear - I met someone, who is exactly like my ex....
love bombs me, loves me only after a month of knowing me, talks about marriage and kids
nope nope nope - thank you, bye bye ! Im not going back to the same cycle, just with another man.
YES!! 👏🥳 Love this for you!
I don't know how I fall for these every time. Although I am more aware now and try to restrict my interaction with these kind of people.
You're learning and growing, that's fabulous! Soon, you'll spot them from a mile away and avoid them all together.
Great job and thank you! This topic is essential in today's confused dating world where terms like "love bombing" are thrown around so recklessly that even appropriate affection is mistaken for hostile and toxic red flags. Seeking a balanced approach based on measured caution helps to protect both against legitimate narcissists and against throwing in the towel over harmless initial tokens of appreciation.
Thank you for your kind words! I'm so glad you found it helpful!
Holy crap 😊I just went through this with my ex partner. It’s definitely didn’t last long. I wish I would have known about love bombing people before. Thank you for this video.
Thank you for watching! I'm glad it didn't last long. Moving forward wiser!
I just fell for this and damn, it sucks...
Me too girl!! Me fkn tooooooo!!!!! uuugggghhhhhhh
I wish you well on your journey forward!
I wish you well on your journey forward!
This a topic I talk about with my granddaughters! They are 7 and 8 so I have some time. No relationship is everything to anyone. And the fable of the snake that wants to have me pick it up to keep it warm. Then it bites and tells me I knew it was a snake.
What an important life lesson. You go, grandma!
Really well said! Thank you!❤
You are so welcome!
Great stuff! Thanks for the video.
Thanks for watching!
Thank you for this information!
Thank you for watching!
Love -- wonderful vibe + info 👌🏼
Thank you! Glad you're here!
This channel is going to be big, thank you for the content 🙏🙏
Thank you for your kind words! I'm so glad you're here!
This video was very informative! Great job delivering
Thank you, I'm so glad you enjoyed it!
This is some of the greatest applicable advice I've ever heard on love.
Thank you for your kind words! Happy to help!
Thank you so much for this video...... This is valuable information ...and it is very well said...
I’m so glad you enjoyed it! Thank you so much for watching 🥰
So funny! Really enjoyed watching, can't beleive this doesn't have millions of views.
Thank you so much! Glad you're here!
Excellent video.
Thank you! Glad you're here!
You’re a great speaker and therapist, thank you. I took good notes from this ❤
Thank you for your kind words!
Absolutely brilliant delivery! I will circulate it to my friends.
Thank you for your kind words and support! I'm glad you're here!
Thank you so much for this. It explained my situation perfectly. It provided such clarity, and that makes me feel better.
I'm so glad you found it helpful! Thank you for watching!
You’re so different from all the other therapists here. I enjoyed watching. Didn’t get bored. This was so interesting and so informative. Definitely subscribing ❤
Thank you for your kind words! I'm so glad you're here😊
Perfectly delivered! 🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯 I’m warning a friend with a share and a like! Not all heroes wear capes! Thanks girl!
Also search - what is limerence - who knew?? I sure didn’t!!!
Thank you for your kind words and your support! And for being a good friend!
That is a new word for me! Thank you for sharing!
I wasnt sure anout watching this videp first, but i ended up enjoying it. Thank you.
I'm so glad you enjoyed it! Thank you for watching!
Educative video
I'm glad you found it helpful!
Thanks for offering a lot of good advice in a very short time frame . I also like your light tone and fun approach to a very serious topic of picking a person. I found myself gravitating towards this topic because of wanting to be able to discern the difference between being the recipient and instigator of love bombing. I also currently find myself attracted to an individual where there’s a huge age gap and I am trying to assess if my motives are for my own gratification or if l genuinely understand what l am feeling and if l know how to express it in a healthy constructive, respectful unconditional manner.
Thank you for watching! I wish you well on your journey forward!
Very informative about explain genuine love in general tanks much.
Those behaviors and patterns are truth yellow flags.
You got to be strong and ready to identify and let go with an wisdom 👍
I'm glad you liked it! Thanks for watching!
I've only just found your channel and this is the first video I watched, which is brilliant! In fact, it's one of the best I've seen on the subject, so definitely subscribed. I'll be watching all the other ones as well.
I want to add that I laughed about your sarcasm in regard to the lovebombing because I received over the top text messages from the last conman I got caught up with, after 17 years of being single.
It turned out that he was only after s*x, then money and it graduated to somewhere to stay for a few months, until I put a complete stop to the cycle. He moved from place to place and back again, so liked to have a girl in every port, as the old saying goes!
I'm also going to share your videos with other people who will benefit, especially since you didn't mention the N word. I've found that it can be too much for some people, which is totally understandable. 😊
Thank you so much for your kind words and your support! I'm so glad you're here!
Thank you for sharing…FR!! I’ve watched soooo many videos & they were all relatable, however, this fkn video…YOU…idk what about it but it OPENED MY FKN EYES!!!! I can’t thank you enough!!
(this is not a love bomb) i didn’t even know that was a thing until til very recently …LoL …this is me being in shock at how fkn naive I really was/am!!! Thank u again!!
😂 "(this is not a love bomb)"
Thank you for your kind words, and I'm so glad you found it helpful!
I am pretty sure I was love bombed, and each time I was, I happened to be in a really vulnerable place (after a major breakup from a healthy relationship). Luckily, I don't think the bombers in question had really sinister intentions, apart from getting laid and the "ego boost" of getting a girl to catch feelings for you, and have the "upper hand" in keeping or discarding them. I actually just broke up with a really loving partner (long distance), but I want to remain single so I can have a better head on my shoulders the next time I decide to date!
I wish you well on your journey forward!
Thank you 😢❤
You're absolutely welcome 😊
I still question if my ex loved me. If any of my exes loved me lol. But the more recent ex, was very affectionate very soon, until he asked me to change my entire self for him. It does feel like being hoodwinked. Turns out, he had a type, women with limited experience with dating men.
That's not love. I wish you well on your search to find it!
When i was dating more frequently in my college years, i automatically knew he was either a love-bomber or basically a windbag when the "you know, you could be a model" made it's appearance. 🤣 Happy i had that awareness!
Good instincts!
I completely agree. Thank you for encouraging and helping others ❤
You are so welcome!
@@tipsfromatherapist 🛡️ Is there a way to shield yourself, or defend against this? …. On a related note, how can a person stop the flood of, or neutralize endorphins (oxytocin, serotonin, and dopamine)? 💔😢
I accidently caused a lovebomber to slip up once and drop a flag during a conversation where I impromptu asked her to actually do me a small favour (pick up something which I was willing to pay for up front) "Uh... yeah sure, here's... how you can do that yourself... now back to the love bombs you dumb guy" (a paraphrase of course). I'll remember that one for the next time. As for the second question, I'm no expert, but based on personal experience: if you're male forget it; you'll have a 16-year-old small head into your 80's unless you take medication to sedate yourself. As men get older (and richer), they become more of a target for lovebombers while their self-esteem simultaneously drops. Your best defense is gaining knowledge along the way and using it@@mike.pittsburgh3466
Good question! The best defense is awareness of the love bombing cycle of abuse, then creating and maintaining boundaries to limit that person's access to you. Neutralizing endorphins would be disrupting the body's natural functions that are needed to be healthy. We don't want a "hack" to stop this. There will always be liars and manipulators in the world, and others can put on a good performance in the beginning. Going slow, not attaching too soon, and watching carefully is the way!
I appreciate your willingness to offer guidance to others!
I just experienced this. I’m left with so many questions after being love bombed. This one hurts…
I wish you well on your journey forward!
💯
I'm so glad you found it helpful! Thank you for watching!
I recently noticed I do this. Not deliberately though.
Awareness is a great start! I wish you well on your journey forward 😊
Love bombing is now the word I hear more from my wife after we get into a disagreement. With a ton of videos on how to look for love bombing and how to deal with love bombing. I seem it hard to find one video on how to truly show love the person so it is not "Love Bombing". Any tips there or is a subject that no one really wants to help out with? Because I am searching for a answer.
Good question! I can't answer in a way that directly applies to you and your situation, so I will speak generally. Here's a start: love bombing is part of a larger cycle of abuse, so for the love to be sincere, it should be continuous, and not used as a pawn to manipulate someone after conflict. It would also be good to know each others love languages, so the love is translating. Hope this is helpful!
dang, this female love bomed me so hard. Lesson learned :) I wish her well though.
I wish you well on your journey forward!
Could you explain the difference between anxious attachment and love bombing. I feel like falling for someone and being anxious at the same time can lead to similar behaviours. Even though, it's probably not due to bad intentions
Good question! Love bombing is part of a cycle of abuse, strategically forming fast bonds to exploit the person. Whereas an activated anxious attachment style is how a person tries to form attachments.
@tipsfromatherapist I too would love a video as to the differences in behaviors in these two - one with bad intentions, and the other with good intentions, albeit a bit too eager.
Some WonderWorks in the same facility that I work at said that he likes me he gave me his number but when I called it I think it said this person cannot be reached not sure but I don't know this person is playing with my head or what tell me thank you
I'm very late at responding to this, so I hope things worked out! The answer is simple -- address it directly!
Omg
Thank you for watching!
Does anybody know if lovebombing is only at the beginning of the relationship or does it lasts consistently all throughout the relationship?
Good question! When it is true love bombing, it's part of a cycle that is ongoing throughout the relationship.
If what you think might be lovebombing continues consistently for years, you're one of the lucky ones! That's called love and devotion.
I'm on the fence right now as a man, with a potential woman love bomber. I can't tell if she just likes me lot because I gave her great sex or if she just sees me as a keeper. So far, she's not overwhelming but does say she wants me a lot and stated, "she didn't want to share me" after 3 dates. She doesn't get upset tho, when I have other plans. Nor has she said anything mean (yet) . I'm so confused
Me too. On the fense and there are other obstacles to get over too. I think I like the challenge of this one but and very unsure as to the value of it being worth all of the trouble. Either way, its interesting.
Well; that's something you can check - simply explain to her that you would prefer not to have sex for a while, take it more slowly. See how she reacts.
Talk about it with her! Clarity is a kindness
Life is challenging enough! Don't look for challenges in people
I have probably loved bomb in my life - but I’m wary that I may be being loved bombed - here’s my trepidation though; I’ve known this person for roughly 5 years but on and off. We never really established what I would say is a deep connection within that time. We would go on 1 date and maybe see each other one time after and then we would both part ways for long periods. We ended up having sex after quite some time and afterwards they would tell me how they’d tell everyone about me. They would “spill” about me. They are “weak in the knees”. They started buying me gifts. Sending me money. Insisting on helping me. Extremely generous. Mind you - it’s only been 2 barely 3 months since we’ve had intercourse. They’re telling me they’re in love with me. They tell me they love me often. I feel conflicted because before seeing them I had just gotten out of a relationship and I communicated that I was looking for anything serious. Am I being love bombed? Or am I being resistant? It’s confusing
I would be very wary of what you just described...
Damn, regardless of intent the actions of my ex match up with this shite.
Yes, regardless of intent, the consequences are still the same. I wish you well moving forward!
You look for similarities that you have in yourself
Thank you for watching!
That's fucked up. Entertainment should educate. I only argue in this toxic manner with toxic people if I cannot avoid them because it is fighting fire with fire. If it's my choice, I walk away. Using the insecurities of others against them does not improve them and actually sets them up for self-defense and be less likely to change those behaviors. If you want to point out bad habits you have to do it in a way that shows there are manageable and practical steps for them to improve gradually. The more time you spend with someone without being emotionally or physically invested the easier it becomes to see if they are trustworthy of investing. Men and women seems to hit this impass where she is not giving physically because he is not giving emotionally or vice versa and it just ends up in a loop where the woman is at risk of cheating emotionally and the man is at risk of cheating physically or else they break up. It's so so hard to recognize when that loop started and you have to be so hyper diligent to the relationship I think most people are just not interested in putting that amount of effort to keep it going.
I wish you well on your journey forward!
Are they abusive people?
I don’t think you understood the point of the video you should watch it again it is abusive in nature to love bomb somebody.
She even goes into detail about after love bombing they then the value you so wouldn’t that be psychological abuse to then start devaluing you
@@Khadiyah01 Genuine question. What's the difference between somebody simply just being excited at the prospect of a new relationship that they see meaning and significance in and are genuinely invested in, therefore overstating the positive words / compliments early on, but without any abusive intent? I feel that this happens to some people pretty naturally (perhaps naively, but not maliciously), while others may be more reserved due to personality. I guess I still don't fully understand the exact line where this kind of behavior becomes abusive.
@@calebdruckenmiller3148I wonder the same thing? I feel like every behaviour is now considered pathological. Can we trust anybody?
@TuMadreexP Good question! This is actually a common question people have, because intent matters to some people. True love bombing is part of a greater cycle of abuse (Google cycle of abuse). If it isn't part of an ongoing cycle, it isn't technically love bombing. It's just someone who is selfish, immature, or ignorant etc. Regardless of intent, the consequence is still damaging.
@calebdruckenmiller3148 Great question! True love bombing is part of a greater cycle of abuse (Google cycle of abuse). If it isn't part of an ongoing cycle, it isn't technically love bombing. It's just someone who is inexperienced with dating.
actually you have to fall for it many times, just to tell it for yourself the difference and find the one.
Yes, this is a tricky concept for people to grasp when they haven't had much experience with it. They can tell it hurts, but there's still an emotional connection. It's hard to understand, and it's hard to accept.