Never tell suitors what your truest desires in a relationship are. They will conform and mimic what you want. It’s deceitful at its core. See them in their natural environment. I learned the hard way by being extremely honest. I didn’t know there were people like this 😢‼️
I know. I grew up with a narcissistic father and an enabling bordering on covert narcisist mother. I attract users and abusers subconsciously. I don't trust my judgment so I quit dating all together. I see deal breaking red flags in most.i gave up.
How can you not feel angry at yourself for being like the most naive person and the cause of your own exploitation because you believed in humanity but then not allow yourself to trust it? 🤯 My head aches from putting this into words.
😢 I hear you. I’ve been talking to a young lady who got totally sucked in to a love bombing relationship for 7 years!! She had no idea of what was happening to her. What a beautiful spirit this young lady is!
I totally understand what you mean. And I think that’s why the most challenging part for those who have been deceived is self-forgiveness. Because when you realize that you've projected your deepest and most innocent wishes onto someone or something that took advantage of them, it can lead to a deep sense of self-betrayal and self-hatred, which might take years to get fully healed.
The best way to figure out these kinds of people is to determine if what they say matches their actions. And when you meet someone you may date, you could ask them to take a dark triad test. If they react negatively to that, it's a red flag.
Challenges in relationships are a normal part of life, but there’s always a path forward. My marriage encountered major difficulties, but with proper guidance, my wife and I managed to resolve our issues and deepen our connection. If you’re willing to put in the work and collaborate, solutions are always within reach. Keep hope alive; there are answers out there.
I’m facing significant relationship problems and can’t stand the idea of losing her. My love and longing for my partner are profound, and I’m ready to do anything to restore our connection. I would greatly appreciate any advice or help you could give.
Parting with someone you love is always a challenging process, but in my experience, I had the guidance of a spiritual guide who prevented my marriage from collapsing. Her name is Suzanne Ann Walters.
Thank you for this advice. I'll promptly start searching for her online. I appreciate it. I'm optimistic that pursuing this approach will also lead to favorable outcomes for me; her absence weighs heavily on me.
I'm sorry. Sometimes, that's what it takes to be safe and happy. I did the same thing after my marriage to my rat-bastard of an ex-husband. My taste in men is so abysmal that I haven't dated in all the years since I took our son and left him in 1987.
@@vlmellody51 I agree. and Of course I watch too many episodes of 48 hours where people have the perfect marriage...and well you know the deal. But seriously, I just don't want to invest any time anymore if there is a chance my heart might be broken again. after it has been so many times. so I just made that decision and I am sticking to it. Also, everyone I know is either divorced (and most have been through very very bad divorces) and the few that are still together are either unhappy, or bored., or annoyed abut their husbands when they call me. So I'm like why bother?
Being a toxic people magnet drains all your energy. Which also taught me that being naive is more dangerous than being alone. I'm trying to not care about other people's opinion or inputs, if their actions don't match what they say. And i learnt that lesson because of one relationship where i went against my own intuition and my judgement with that person. And love bombing is how i got entangled with that person and wasting my time and energy and sanity. she ended up cheating on me and got married within few months after the break up. And her friends thought i was the bad guy for breaking up. I have not shared about this experience to many people in my life except to couple of my close friends. I regret being quiet and minding my own things because that has allowed that person to form a narrative behind my back. I'm starting to believe that many such toxic people get away with lot of bad things unlike the fairy tale ending that bad people get punished. This channel has helped me gain some clarity about how to spot toxic behavior and how to see people for who they really are. Thanks again and very much appreciated 🙏. I will try to buy your book when i can, professor. thank you very much.
ANY time anyone, male or female, comes on strong right out of the gate, I am on guard. It's just weird..they barely know you and you're the best thing they've ever seen. If you "can't stop thinking about" me, I suggest you stop that right now and get a hobby.
In my 20s, I didn't realize I had trauma that had shaped me and could be used against me. It wasn't until being discarded by my now-ex narc, that I could begin to understand what led up to it, and how I could start to avoid that same pattern in the future. Thanks to Dr. Ramani and other shining lights, I have become stronger, mentally and emotionally.
The personal reasons and dynamics of why we are getting into the relationship are SO crucial. I didn’t have the self awareness 28 years ago that could have prevented me from getting into and stuck in a narcissistic longterm marriage. I’m almost out of of it now 🙏🏼💫✨🎉
No problem there! I am very love bomb resistant at this point in my life. Enjoy my peace and quiet living on my own with my own mini animal sanctuary, so not really alone. :) If you're in a toxic relationship and trying to get out, I'm hoping the very best for you. Once you make it out, you'll feel better than ever!!
honestly I am considering living a more solitary life. I don't know how to deal with some of the details of that, but it's something I am thinking about. An animal sanctuary sounds really nice. Company of animals
@@graciev2973 It took me a long time to walk away and say "I'm done" for the last and final time, and then it took a couple of more years just to feel like myself again. Nearly 20 years of emotional pain to recover from. Full disclosure on my little animal sanctuary: It currently just consists of 4 stray cats that I've taken in and Sal the opossum who I feed outside every night! But it makes me happy. :)
What I’ve learned from this is the importance of being authentic-not only to others but also to myself. If I know who I truly am, then no one could deceive me with love-bombing. Often, the reason people fall for manipulative tricks stems from issues deep within themselves.
this is what I am trying to deal with right now. I'm out, but I want to explore and FIX the things that made me so susceptible to it in the first place. It's sad to admit there is an issue deep within, but it's better to work on it than to fall into the same type of relationship ever again.
"I see you" because they're going to prey on you later. They see you in order to gather information on your vulnerabilities and on what kind of supply they can get.
I am healing from a relationship with a covert narcissist. Listening to all this just makes me sad really. If someone genuinely wants to express kindness they automatically become suspect. Seems nothing is real anymore, as such we've become so distrustful as a society and it's sad.
I feel like narcissistic friends can come into your life in this same way. In the beginning, the friendship is intense. They want to hang out all the time. They give you gifts "just because". They tell you that you are like a "sister" even though they have known you for a very short amount of time. They mirror you to the point where they even start dressing like you. And then as soon as they realize they have your trust, the mask slips off. For me Love Bombing has not been just with romantic partners. I have even experienced it with co-workers who are trying to manipulate.
Yes, being paraded around a workplace in which I just accepted a position, cringing the whole way in fear of seeing any old coworkers on that smear campaign.
Being with my ex narc for the past 8 yrs. made me observe this very pattern. I think they wanted to feel very important in a way that is disturbing. Instead of building trust with their intimate partners, they destroy the trust that they built with you (in that case lying when they tried to put you in their pedestal). Once they have a committed partner, they can’t stand being loved authentically by one person. Instead they go on and prey on other women that is susceptible to their love bombing. My ex narc was a compulsive pursuer in a relationship. He would go back and forth to the women he were involved before or try to meet women in complicated situation so that going public isn’t an option while having you as their main supply. In the end they destroy the very person that loved them. They are like toddlers testing your love for them. Showing and telling them you love them isn’t enough, they will cheat on your face to make you feel inadequate even if you are more than they deserve. They want to test your love for them so they keep hurting you and when you have enough of their abuse, you leave. Then they tell you, ‘you never loved me because you abandon me’. Well in fact it’s their actions and narcissistic behavior that made you leave or in other cases they discard you and will give silly reasons of the discard. Mine would use, ‘she’s crazy’, ‘she’s a nega-star’, ‘she insults me’, ‘she cheated on me’ et al. So with this pattern of infidelities and emotional abuse (who knows what else) it’s better to walk away. I did walk away and is now rebuilding my life with our daughter. We are struggling financially because I’m not earning enough to provide for my daughter but now we get to laugh and bring with us sunshine every day. No lies, no abuse and no fake love. We only live once, forgive yourself and move forward but never forget the lesson that narc abuse taught you. That is to respect yourself to walk away from what’s hurting and destroying you. That you deserve a life of solitude, happiness and love. Hugs*** :) Additionally I got to know about my narc husband bad ways when I reach out to a private detective digitalinvestigate@gmail. com for help he did a perfect work for me I can see everything he’s doing on his device.
So weird. I was always someone who would take her time to get to know somebody which would make me kind of immune to love bombing. Would go slow, observe and take step by step. This would chase away a lot of them. But the weird thing is that my female friends would always gaslight me about it: you are so anxious, you have attachment issues and I would start to believe them. Just recently learnt that I can absolutely trust my intution and that is what we all should do.
Also taking time before getting into a relationship or sleeping with the person is a good idea. This gives us time to see the true person and hopefully make the narc bored and move on.
Thank you for the PSA. 🙏🏻 Being aware of the different flavors of lovebombing is eye-opening. In my experience, when I'm being lovebombed, I feel unsure/anxious about the attachment. In some cases, I feel addicted to the person. But when someone truly cares about me, their acts of kindness feel warm. I don't feel anxious about the connection. I feel mostly peace. The gut always knows. We gotta learn to listen.
Wow I was always curious about different type of love bombing because my ex was broke so he couldn’t buy me things at the beginning of the relationship, but he overwhelmed me with daily texts and spending A LOT of quality time. Even wanting to go grocery shopping with me or run errands. I’ve never had someone want to do those things with me so I fell for it. He was also very curious, always asking a million questions about me and about what I’m doing every day. Now I know where I went wrong and how to notice it in the future when I start dating again.
That was 💯 my ex as well, and I fell for it too smh. Now I know it was one of his many controlling qualities, including always thinking I was cheating (projection) despite being around him 24/7 and oh yeah I'm not that kind of person...(Arg) but I'm with you.. Never going to allow it again
We can also be love-bombed by friends too. Got reaquainted with an old friend after she became disabled. Had to set a boundary when she was requiring too much from me. Next came the love you, miss you texts. It's a pattern. When she needs something from me, those texts come regularly.
Having been raised by a narcissist and having a narcissistic sibling, love-bombing is one of the behavior patterns I've learned and modeled. How does one learn to have a healthy courtship? Thank you again Dr. Ramani you have given so many words to the things I have been through.
Spot on dr Ramani 😊 the first thing to do is to get to know your wounds and unfulfilled needs that might make us susceptible to the seduction of love bombing which is gross and offensive in its manipulative predation!
It helps (me, anyway) to be a screeching lifelong cynic. And fiercely independent. There are delicate ways to act out these traits, so you don't seem to be picking fights all the time. And it also helps to play detective right back at the narc. They may like talking about themselves, but only to a point.
Pro level moves! I'm a Crusty Old Broad, that helps a lot. One of my best self defender tactics is saying "oh, baloney." and "why would I believe that?"
Brilliant. Had to watch twice. This is NEXT LEVEL become love bomb resistant. Know how your past and your beliefs can make you susceptible to specific types of love bombing. I would have loved to be a student in one of your classes, Dr. Ramani.
My husband likes to say Happy wife, happy life. It annoys some women and men who hear it because they feel he is acting like I’m making life impossible for him if he doesn’t cater to me. But he actually likes making me happy. And I tell them I like being happy. It’s a healthy relationship to want to make each other happy. After so many horrible, controlling, contentious relationships, I can do this one.
No way this just came up on yt Just spent 2 weeks keeping to myself and had to repeat myself about needing space It's my birthday in a few days and a present has been dropped off along with msgs of I miss you. Felt for a second, have I got this wrong, but stepped back into ma power and gave no emotion away in my response. It's a neighbour There's 2 of them Am happy to say thanks to Dr Ramani and this community for the strength to own these feelings and not betray my spirit, never again. I greive my old joyful self But thankful in a way for this painful experience making me stronger
Thank you for the great description of the types of "love-bombers"! My Ex couvert N was a mix between the off-set and the grown-up pattern. He managed to impress me with his "responsible way of life" and seductive gentleman mask! These insights are very helpful in my healing journey🙏🏻❤️
I’m glad I’m old and been listening to Dr. Ramani since the close down. I absolutely love this fairytale it’s a new one. It’s called Ella Enchanted, a free film on UA-cam right now. It reminds me of myself. More back in the day. I did get love bombed but rarely. I believe it’s because my father was a psychopath. Which to this day I have intimacy issues especially sexual ones. And I kinda read my father a bit. He had like a 6th sense which he passed on to me. My issue is sometimes still but rare is ignoring that gut instinct. Narcs are right tricky too.
This is something where I can't say that I'm going to spot every narcissist. I might spot many more of them. And I think that I do. But it takes awhile. All narcissists don't all act the same at first. But after a while I've seen common behaviors. I guess that the best signs are within ourselves that we are being manipulated. And once seen the other signs just start cascading in.
A perfect marriage or relationship is an illusion; there's no universal playbook for making them work. What's effective for one couple may not apply to another. Nevertheless, I've come to understand that there's always a solution to be found. Half a decade ago, my wife and I faced such trials in our marriage that divorce seemed inevitable. Yet, through perseverance and determination, we navigated through the rough waters and emerged stronger, reunited, and more resilient...
Its always difficult to let someone you love go, but in my case I had the help of a spiritual adviser who saved my marriage from collapsing her name is shelly renee white..
When you find an offset lovebomber it pulls you in so easily. I was looking for the exact opposite of my first husband, I even said as much on several occasions. Walked right into it 😢
I love to hear and learn from you, doctor. It helps me personally and profissionally! Im psychoterapist, from Brasil, helping my clients to break free from abusive experiences and also helping myself to deal with narcissist personalities. Thank you a lot ❤
This is quite fascinating. I was in a weird place & he love bombed me but it also felt like we just fitted. It was kinda like "I see you" love bombing... No anger, nothing passive aggressive... Just one weird comment after a few months... He asked me questions constantly & learnt all about me... He always checked on me... He wanted to know every time I got home...But he never told me when he got home... It was an issue...
After a year of therapy I've learned what made me vulnerable to love bombing was an insecure attachment style and needing to hear those things. The more I reclaimed my sense of self and ability to self validate it stopped being a need. It's been so long since I've been love bombed I'm experiencing a stage of under stimulation but that is my nervous system readjusting to where it should be. Once it stops feeling so weird I look forward to the real possibility of actually having a few real healthy dates change.
I was told that once and it did feel real because I was never told anything nice like that before. “I’ve never met anyone like you/I’m so glad I met you” when little did I know that I barely knew him.
They want to isolate you and own you. Early on, make them angry and see how they react. Challenge them, keep secrets. Be willing to offend them and let them leave you forever. I don't let ANYONE drive my car. I never have. I don't loan money to ANYONE...unless I'm testing them. I've been married for 25 years. Because he respects and upholds my investment and my boundaries. 3rd marriage- I kicked the first two to the curb.
It's harder the longer you are in it. Eleven years for me! Texting is a lie with narcissists. While they're texting you how much they love you, they are doing the exact same thing to many others at the same time.
Big red flag for me is the text first thing at the crack of dawn, "Just awake, thinking of you". That's it for me, way too creepy and obsessive. The other stuff I'm a bit slower to pick up on...oops. I once had a person (a new love in my life) drive me to the airport for a vacation I was going on alone, and they also picked me up when I landed back - I found out afterwards they only did this to ensure I was actually alone and not making "a fool" of them by being with others "behind (their) back". Hmm...
Thank you greatly appreciated. People here are very kind as ya all call these things narcissist i can tell you i have better names for them. They feel entitled to a fantasy story, but yet they dont feel at all how does that happen. Sadly a therapist had done this harmful abuse to me leaving me to save them as I became the theripist and they became the client. In the end I said to them dont worry I get it your the victim. they Caused me years of damage. The dangers of a toxic love bombing table Turing theripist. Please share more videos about this to help navigate back to a healthy life.
I got to experience this earlier in the year. It was lots of fun for a few days but as he kept pushing past boundary after boundary until my body wigged out and I realized he was a narcissist. I told him goodbye after 9 days of knowing him and he didn't want to give up. Had to block 3 phone numbers.
She is mistaken at the end with her words, but the feelings & passions run true. Your happiness is not for another to give. You give it to yourselves. To deserve is to judge, not a good thing. The miracle of miracles? Is you. You right here, right now, are beyond the languages of humans to predict, describe, understand. If Albert Einstein can be trusted every person is his equal in genuis, in their own path. Your health will be limited to your honesty, your presence, giving your best, your humility. You got this. Thanks for another amazing day in our adventures. Know your/you're love
5 years and 2 different partners of this all because i thought so low of myself. I took every shot they threw. Now, it's to enjoy being with myself and the long therapy road ahead.
Offset got me. Went from lazy, fiscally irresponsible dude to hard-working fiscally responsible dude. Who turned out to be the poster child for covert narcissism. He had nice spreadsheets 😂
My sadistically abusive family fueled by crime, addiction, neglect & trauma pushed me into, onto, a relationship w a NPD abuser when I was jst 13 & the nxt 25+ yrs off & on were sheer hell & I haven't been in any other serious relationship & I'm now 46 & have no want, need or interest in a relationship for the damage done is that severe & significant & I need lot's of therapy jst for that.
You forgot the cheap love bomber. These people offer you lots of breadcrumbs, so they think they've bought you as a friend or lover. They will give you a broken item that still works, a half-eaten box of candy, or a certificate for a massage that has to be booked in the next three days or it expires, etc..... Then they talk about you being their soul mate or special friend, and they act shocked when you don't act like you owe them for all the "great" things they gave you.
But what differentiates a normal courting stage, for instance someone that wants to give you nice gifts and flowers or shows you their interest so you’re not concerned or confused if they’re interested or not, which are normal and healthy things from love bombing? It seems like a lot of actions and gestures that people look for in the dating stage are also then red flags of love bombing so it seems like there’s no winning in the dating game … so a person isn’t supposed to treat you and give you attention because that’s love bombing? I don’t understand.
@Dr. Ramani-- I've always kicked myself for being so stupid to fall for his games almost 40 years ago, but you have just shown me HOW his game was played, and I FINALLY GET IT NOW, that his game was so good that it wasn't my fault for not seeing through it. He played the "Adult" love-bomber: so mature, level-headed, disciplined, fiscally responsible and in-control. For a full year of dating, it never crossed my mind that he was faking, so I married him. I realize now that I was nothing more than a conquest, and then he immediately quit playing his game and started devaluing me.
I think one of the biggest mistakes I made in my past narcissistic relationships (familial and romantic) has been talking about love languages. then they were able to exploit mine and blame me if I wasn’t perfectly catering to theirs. it also helped them know exactly what to do to love bomb me.
Hai doctor ramani thanks for saving so many life expecially in cent people 4 years I refused love bombing now doing black majic for my life am praying to stop this demons
I’m reminded of 20+ years of just quick meets or weekends with some close friends who and then all this time later when I realize how I’m being treated it all falls apart. Felt like I was being kept like a pet and then dumped on the road
In my case, before my narc I was with a decent guy truly fond of me but we had communication problems as he was rather introvert and not a great conversationalist to say the least.After quite a painful breakup I felt lonely and I couldn't find anybody for over one year.And tadaaam lo and behold that eloquent outgoing guy appeared and seemed to tick most of my boxes.I felt seen and understood, never bored since we went to events and talked all the time. And that was enough, no excessive compliments nor gifts needed.
Not only blind spots, but what are you ignoring? Your nose is always in view, but the brain omits it, in a way. Pay attention to those too. Dr. Ramini, this has been so helpful. All of your videos. Rewiring my brain has been a challenge though. Lol
A divorced woman is a easy target for a narcissist… After coming out of a relationship having been unloved for years, she is easy easy pray for any type of love bombing after having scraps for a while.
I joined a Discord server where I was instantly targeted by a narcissist. I have never been love bombed so blatantly before cause usually they are smarter with their tactics, but this specific one was really bad at hiding who they were 😂
On first date, I received a black T shirt with Paris in rhinestones on it. With it came hints of trips to Paris, offer of other gifts. My trusty red flag detectors were in full protection mode. Bye bye to that!😂
After my experience of this when i was in my 20s i tend to run a mile now if i get love bombing, including turning up at work randomly with a gift after the second date! No thank you. My big learning was that i could avoid these kinds of people if i maintained my independence uncompromisongly. Relationships dont need to be stifling.
Considering the world we live in where you can't tell the difference if someone is being real or fake. The best way to survive is to be like Spok from Star Trek, logical and emotionless.
Hi Dr Ramani Can you please speak on narcissistic mothers with electra complex, and how they behave with their kids, especially with daughters due to electra complex they had? What are consequences in their and their kids adulthood? Thank you
Never tell suitors what your truest desires in a relationship are. They will conform and mimic what you want. It’s deceitful at its core. See them in their natural environment. I learned the hard way by being extremely honest. I didn’t know there were people like this 😢‼️
It does teach you to be super cautious and private, doesn't it? With Barca, everything you say WILL be used against you!
Also beware of friendships.
@ I learned the painful, hard way of betrayal. I just can’t process the trauma ( vs drama). It was much2much, still hard to believe…
Same happened to me....and everything he said he loved about me was exactly what he tried to crush once he got me
I second this!
I will never see people the same again. Dating a narcissist forever changes you.
I know. I grew up with a narcissistic father and an enabling bordering on covert narcisist mother. I attract users and abusers subconsciously. I don't trust my judgment so I quit dating all together. I see deal breaking red flags in most.i gave up.
How can you not feel angry at yourself for being like the most naive person and the cause of your own exploitation because you believed in humanity but then not allow yourself to trust it? 🤯 My head aches from putting this into words.
I'm glad you could sum this up for me because. All of this! Total truth.
Exactly ❤
😢 I hear you. I’ve been talking to a young lady who got totally sucked in to a love bombing relationship for 7 years!! She had no idea of what was happening to her. What a beautiful spirit this young lady is!
I totally understand what you mean. And I think that’s why the most challenging part for those who have been deceived is self-forgiveness. Because when you realize that you've projected your deepest and most innocent wishes onto someone or something that took advantage of them, it can lead to a deep sense of self-betrayal and self-hatred, which might take years to get fully healed.
@ I’m going to pass this on Ty!
I don't trust anyone anymore
🌻
I've had trust issues since I was 3 years old, and I'm now 65.
The best way to figure out these kinds of people is to determine if what they say matches their actions.
And when you meet someone you may date, you could ask them to take a dark triad test. If they react negatively to that, it's a red flag.
Same here
It does eliminate a lot of risk and drama, doesn't it?
Challenges in relationships are a normal part of life, but there’s always a path forward. My marriage encountered major difficulties, but with proper guidance, my wife and I managed to resolve our issues and deepen our connection. If you’re willing to put in the work and collaborate, solutions are always within reach. Keep hope alive; there are answers out there.
I’m facing significant relationship problems and can’t stand the idea of losing her. My love and longing for my partner are profound, and I’m ready to do anything to restore our connection. I would greatly appreciate any advice or help you could give.
Parting with someone you love is always a challenging process, but in my experience, I had the guidance of a spiritual guide who prevented my marriage from collapsing. Her name is Suzanne Ann Walters.
Thank you for this advice. I'll promptly start searching for her online. I appreciate it. I'm optimistic that pursuing this approach will also lead to favorable outcomes for me; her absence weighs heavily on me.
You should... I promise you will not regret it
I don't date because I don't want to deal with these types of people. My life is much better.
🌻
I'm sorry. Sometimes, that's what it takes to be safe and happy.
I did the same thing after my marriage to my rat-bastard of an ex-husband. My taste in men is so abysmal that I haven't dated in all the years since I took our son and left him in 1987.
@@vlmellody51 I agree. and Of course I watch too many episodes of 48 hours where people have the perfect marriage...and well you know the deal. But seriously, I just don't want to invest any time anymore if there is a chance my heart might be broken again. after it has been so many times. so I just made that decision and I am sticking to it. Also, everyone I know is either divorced (and most have been through very very bad divorces) and the few that are still together are either unhappy, or bored., or annoyed abut their husbands when they call me. So I'm like why bother?
Same dating is too much for me
Thank you for keeping us educated! We so appreciate you!
Being a toxic people magnet drains all your energy. Which also taught me that being naive is more dangerous than being alone. I'm trying to not care about other people's opinion or inputs, if their actions don't match what they say. And i learnt that lesson because of one relationship where i went against my own intuition and my judgement with that person. And love bombing is how i got entangled with that person and wasting my time and energy and sanity. she ended up cheating on me and got married within few months after the break up. And her friends thought i was the bad guy for breaking up. I have not shared about this experience to many people in my life except to couple of my close friends. I regret being quiet and minding my own things because that has allowed that person to form a narrative behind my back. I'm starting to believe that many such toxic people get away with lot of bad things unlike the fairy tale ending that bad people get punished. This channel has helped me gain some clarity about how to spot toxic behavior and how to see people for who they really are. Thanks again and very much appreciated 🙏. I will try to buy your book when i can, professor. thank you very much.
ANY time anyone, male or female, comes on strong right out of the gate, I am on guard. It's just weird..they barely know you and you're the best thing they've ever seen. If you "can't stop thinking about" me, I suggest you stop that right now and get a hobby.
I agree. I met a gal friend who told me I was her best friend after three outings. That made me feel real uncomfortable and I backed off.
In my 20s, I didn't realize I had trauma that had shaped me and could be used against me. It wasn't until being discarded by my now-ex narc, that I could begin to understand what led up to it, and how I could start to avoid that same pattern in the future. Thanks to Dr. Ramani and other shining lights, I have become stronger, mentally and emotionally.
The personal reasons and dynamics of why we are getting into the relationship are SO crucial. I didn’t have the self awareness 28 years ago that could have prevented me from getting into and stuck in a narcissistic longterm marriage. I’m almost out of of it now 🙏🏼💫✨🎉
No problem there! I am very love bomb resistant at this point in my life. Enjoy my peace and quiet living on my own with my own mini animal sanctuary, so not really alone. :) If you're in a toxic relationship and trying to get out, I'm hoping the very best for you. Once you make it out, you'll feel better than ever!!
honestly I am considering living a more solitary life. I don't know how to deal with some of the details of that, but it's something I am thinking about. An animal sanctuary sounds really nice. Company of animals
@@graciev2973 It took me a long time to walk away and say "I'm done" for the last and final time, and then it took a couple of more years just to feel like myself again. Nearly 20 years of emotional pain to recover from. Full disclosure on my little animal sanctuary: It currently just consists of 4 stray cats that I've taken in and Sal the opossum who I feed outside every night! But it makes me happy. :)
What I’ve learned from this is the importance of being authentic-not only to others but also to myself. If I know who I truly am, then no one could deceive me with love-bombing. Often, the reason people fall for manipulative tricks stems from issues deep within themselves.
this is what I am trying to deal with right now. I'm out, but I want to explore and FIX the things that made me so susceptible to it in the first place. It's sad to admit there is an issue deep within, but it's better to work on it than to fall into the same type of relationship ever again.
Totally agree!
"I see you" because they're going to prey on you later. They see you in order to gather information on your vulnerabilities and on what kind of supply they can get.
TRUTH.
Childddd😮
Every so called friend I have ever had was this.
@@robinantonio8870 Same.
I am healing from a relationship with a covert narcissist. Listening to all this just makes me sad really. If someone genuinely wants to express kindness they automatically become suspect. Seems nothing is real anymore, as such we've become so distrustful as a society and it's sad.
Keep learning. It gets better
Same and we don't need to be less caring or open we just need to be wary 😅 I hope things are ok for u now
I feel like narcissistic friends can come into your life in this same way. In the beginning, the friendship is intense. They want to hang out all the time. They give you gifts "just because". They tell you that you are like a "sister" even though they have known you for a very short amount of time. They mirror you to the point where they even start dressing like you. And then as soon as they realize they have your trust, the mask slips off. For me Love Bombing has not been just with romantic partners. I have even experienced it with co-workers who are trying to manipulate.
Yes, being paraded around a workplace in which I just accepted a position, cringing the whole way in fear of seeing any old coworkers on that smear campaign.
Love you lots Dr Ramani🥰🥰 you are saving the lives of many🙏
Being with my ex narc for the past 8 yrs. made me observe this very pattern. I think they wanted to feel very important in a way that is disturbing. Instead of building trust with their intimate partners, they destroy the trust that they built with you (in that case lying when they tried to put you in their pedestal). Once they have a committed partner, they can’t stand being loved authentically by one person. Instead they go on and prey on other women that is susceptible to their love bombing. My ex narc was a compulsive pursuer in a relationship. He would go back and forth to the women he were involved before or try to meet women in complicated situation so that going public isn’t an option while having you as their main supply. In the end they destroy the very person that loved them. They are like toddlers testing your love for them. Showing and telling them you love them isn’t enough, they will cheat on your face to make you feel inadequate even if you are more than they deserve. They want to test your love for them so they keep hurting you and when you have enough of their abuse, you leave. Then they tell you, ‘you never loved me because you abandon me’. Well in fact it’s their actions and narcissistic behavior that made you leave or in other cases they discard you and will give silly reasons of the discard. Mine would use, ‘she’s crazy’, ‘she’s a nega-star’, ‘she insults me’, ‘she cheated on me’ et al. So with this pattern of infidelities and emotional abuse (who knows what else) it’s better to walk away. I did walk away and is now rebuilding my life with our daughter. We are struggling financially because I’m not earning enough to provide for my daughter but now we get to laugh and bring with us sunshine every day. No lies, no abuse and no fake love. We only live once, forgive yourself and move forward but never forget the lesson that narc abuse taught you. That is to respect yourself to walk away from what’s hurting and destroying you. That you deserve a life of solitude, happiness and love. Hugs*** :) Additionally I got to know about my narc husband bad ways when I reach out to a private detective digitalinvestigate@gmail. com for help he did a perfect work for me I can see everything he’s doing on his device.
So weird. I was always someone who would take her time to get to know somebody which would make me kind of immune to love bombing. Would go slow, observe and take step by step. This would chase away a lot of them. But the weird thing is that my female friends would always gaslight me about it: you are so anxious, you have attachment issues and I would start to believe them. Just recently learnt that I can absolutely trust my intution and that is what we all should do.
Also taking time before getting into a relationship or sleeping with the person is a good idea. This gives us time to see the true person and hopefully make the narc bored and move on.
Thank you for the PSA. 🙏🏻 Being aware of the different flavors of lovebombing is eye-opening.
In my experience, when I'm being lovebombed, I feel unsure/anxious about the attachment. In some cases, I feel addicted to the person.
But when someone truly cares about me, their acts of kindness feel warm. I don't feel anxious about the connection. I feel mostly peace.
The gut always knows. We gotta learn to listen.
Wow I was always curious about different type of love bombing because my ex was broke so he couldn’t buy me things at the beginning of the relationship, but he overwhelmed me with daily texts and spending A LOT of quality time. Even wanting to go grocery shopping with me or run errands. I’ve never had someone want to do those things with me so I fell for it. He was also very curious, always asking a million questions about me and about what I’m doing every day.
Now I know where I went wrong and how to notice it in the future when I start dating again.
That was 💯 my ex as well, and I fell for it too smh. Now I know it was one of his many controlling qualities, including always thinking I was cheating (projection) despite being around him 24/7 and oh yeah I'm not that kind of person...(Arg) but I'm with you.. Never going to allow it again
We can also be love-bombed by friends too. Got reaquainted with an old friend after she became disabled. Had to set a boundary when she was requiring too much from me. Next came the love you, miss you texts. It's a pattern. When she needs something from me, those texts come regularly.
Having been raised by a narcissist and having a narcissistic sibling, love-bombing is one of the behavior patterns I've learned and modeled. How does one learn to have a healthy courtship?
Thank you again Dr. Ramani you have given so many words to the things I have been through.
Thank you for making this journey possible and sharing your knowledge with us Dr. Ramani❤
Spot on dr Ramani 😊 the first thing to do is to get to know your wounds and unfulfilled needs that might make us susceptible to the seduction of love bombing which is gross and offensive in its manipulative predation!
see it coming and you are safe . so learn to see .
It helps (me, anyway) to be a screeching lifelong cynic. And fiercely independent. There are delicate ways to act out these traits, so you don't seem to be picking fights all the time. And it also helps to play detective right back at the narc. They may like talking about themselves, but only to a point.
Pro level moves! I'm a Crusty Old Broad, that helps a lot.
One of my best self defender tactics is saying "oh, baloney." and "why would I believe that?"
@@lindac6919 Hahaha! Linda, I almost included "Get old!" but decided against it. I think many people get tired of my "Back in my day..." comments. 🤣
@@susanlewis1875 Older is what everyone secretly hopes to be someday! 😆
Brilliant. Had to watch twice. This is NEXT LEVEL become love bomb resistant. Know how your past and your beliefs can make you susceptible to specific types of love bombing. I would have loved to be a student in one of your classes, Dr. Ramani.
It's so interesting that they are so many different ways of being love bombed. Thank u for the work, Dr Ramani!
This is one of the most insightful and eye opening videos I’ve ever seen. Thank you Dr. Ramani. You are a blessing.
My husband likes to say Happy wife, happy life. It annoys some women and men who hear it because they feel he is acting like I’m making life impossible for him if he doesn’t cater to me. But he actually likes making me happy. And I tell them I like being happy. It’s a healthy relationship to want to make each other happy. After so many horrible, controlling, contentious relationships, I can do this one.
Thank you for this awesome video! Yes. Know thyself. 🙏🏽
No way this just came up on yt
Just spent 2 weeks keeping to myself and had to repeat myself about needing space
It's my birthday in a few days and a present has been dropped off along with msgs of I miss you.
Felt for a second, have I got this wrong, but stepped back into ma power and gave no emotion away in my response.
It's a neighbour
There's 2 of them
Am happy to say thanks to Dr Ramani and this community for the strength to own these feelings and not betray my spirit, never again.
I greive my old joyful self
But thankful in a way for this painful experience making me stronger
Thank you for the great description of the types of "love-bombers"! My Ex couvert N was a mix between the off-set and the grown-up pattern. He managed to impress me with his "responsible way of life" and seductive gentleman mask! These insights are very helpful in my healing journey🙏🏻❤️
Thank you🎉I have already become narcissistic resistance because of you and other truthtellers have helped us🎉❤
I’m glad I’m old and been listening to Dr. Ramani since the close down. I absolutely love this fairytale it’s a new one. It’s called Ella Enchanted, a free film on UA-cam right now. It reminds me of myself. More back in the day. I did get love bombed but rarely. I believe it’s because my father was a psychopath. Which to this day I have intimacy issues especially sexual ones. And I kinda read my father a bit. He had like a 6th sense which he passed on to me. My issue is sometimes still but rare is ignoring that gut instinct. Narcs are right tricky too.
This is something where I can't say that I'm going to spot every narcissist. I might spot many more of them. And I think that I do. But it takes awhile. All narcissists don't all act the same at first. But after a while I've seen common behaviors. I guess that the best signs are within ourselves that we are being manipulated. And once seen the other signs just start cascading in.
Thank you Dr Ramani. The opposite of trust is fear and we find out how much room they give us to be ourselves without the love bombing.
Okay he did every single one of these tactics over the three years we were together.
A spectacular first date is a huge red flag.
A perfect marriage or relationship is an illusion; there's no universal playbook for making them work. What's effective for one couple may not apply to another. Nevertheless, I've come to understand that there's always a solution to be found. Half a decade ago, my wife and I faced such trials in our marriage that divorce seemed inevitable. Yet, through perseverance and determination, we navigated through the rough waters and emerged stronger, reunited, and more resilient...
Its always difficult to let someone you love go, but in my case I had the help of a spiritual adviser who saved my marriage from collapsing her name is shelly renee white..
This is helpful, I will look her up online right now...Thanks..
You wont regret it.
SPAM
So happy for you! Thanks for sharing.
When you find an offset lovebomber it pulls you in so easily. I was looking for the exact opposite of my first husband, I even said as much on several occasions. Walked right into it 😢
Yep, a divorced woman is a easy target for narcissistic love bombing after having been unloved for years
Dr. Ramani just a big THANK YOU!! 🙏🏾 ❤❤❤❤❤😊
Powerful Truth! Thank you. 💖👑🌟
"You're mine, do you know it?" - that kind of love bombing.
Think of "charm" as a verb instead of a noun. Charm can be a virtue, or it can be a calculated series of actions.
Yes- to be charmed is to be enchanted; to be put under a spell.
I love to hear and learn from you, doctor. It helps me personally and profissionally! Im psychoterapist, from Brasil, helping my clients to break free from abusive experiences and also helping myself to deal with narcissist personalities. Thank you a lot ❤
This is quite fascinating. I was in a weird place & he love bombed me but it also felt like we just fitted. It was kinda like "I see you" love bombing... No anger, nothing passive aggressive... Just one weird comment after a few months... He asked me questions constantly & learnt all about me... He always checked on me... He wanted to know every time I got home...But he never told me when he got home... It was an issue...
He sounds like a narc.
Wow that’s the best video yet! Thank you Dr. Much Appreciation
After a year of therapy I've learned what made me vulnerable to love bombing was an insecure attachment style and needing to hear those things. The more I reclaimed my sense of self and ability to self validate it stopped being a need. It's been so long since I've been love bombed I'm experiencing a stage of under stimulation but that is my nervous system readjusting to where it should be. Once it stops feeling so weird I look forward to the real possibility of actually having a few real healthy dates change.
It makes sense both to work on yourself (especially your patterns) AND make a checklist of key traits that are important to you.
I was told that once and it did feel real because I was never told anything nice like that before. “I’ve never met anyone like you/I’m so glad I met you” when little did I know that I barely knew him.
They want to isolate you and own you. Early on, make them angry and see how they react. Challenge them, keep secrets. Be willing to offend them and let them leave you forever.
I don't let ANYONE drive my car. I never have.
I don't loan money to ANYONE...unless I'm testing them.
I've been married for 25 years. Because he respects and upholds my investment and my boundaries. 3rd marriage- I kicked the first two to the curb.
It's harder the longer you are in it. Eleven years for me! Texting is a lie with narcissists. While they're texting you how much they love you, they are doing the exact same thing to many others at the same time.
This is why i trust no one they just want to find a weakness show them nothing and they'll lose interest
Big red flag for me is the text first thing at the crack of dawn, "Just awake, thinking of you". That's it for me, way too creepy and obsessive. The other stuff I'm a bit slower to pick up on...oops. I once had a person (a new love in my life) drive me to the airport for a vacation I was going on alone, and they also picked me up when I landed back - I found out afterwards they only did this to ensure I was actually alone and not making "a fool" of them by being with others "behind (their) back". Hmm...
Wowww smh😮,thats silly anyways because you could have met someone if you wanted to once you got off the plane lol,he was crazy😅
Thank you greatly appreciated. People here are very kind as ya all call these things narcissist i can tell you i have better names for them. They feel entitled to a fantasy story, but yet they dont feel at all how does that happen. Sadly a therapist had done this harmful abuse to me leaving me to save them as I became the theripist and they became the client. In the end I said to them dont worry I get it your the victim. they Caused me years of damage. The dangers of a toxic love bombing table Turing theripist. Please share more videos about this to help navigate back to a healthy life.
I got to experience this earlier in the year. It was lots of fun for a few days but as he kept pushing past boundary after boundary until my body wigged out and I realized he was a narcissist. I told him goodbye after 9 days of knowing him and he didn't want to give up. Had to block 3 phone numbers.
Is this a chapter in your book?
This is really good information!
I’m taking notes😊
My takeaway: know thyself first.
Doctor Ramani, thank you!
She is mistaken at the end with her words, but the feelings & passions run true. Your happiness is not for another to give. You give it to yourselves. To deserve is to judge, not a good thing.
The miracle of miracles? Is you. You right here, right now, are beyond the languages of humans to predict, describe, understand. If Albert Einstein can be trusted every person is his equal in genuis, in their own path. Your health will be limited to your honesty, your presence, giving your best, your humility. You got this. Thanks for another amazing day in our adventures. Know your/you're love
5 years and 2 different partners of this all because i thought so low of myself. I took every shot they threw. Now, it's to enjoy being with myself and the long therapy road ahead.
He/she doesn't think about you when sending messages... they make you think about them… they want to stay in your head.
Offset got me. Went from lazy, fiscally irresponsible dude to hard-working fiscally responsible dude. Who turned out to be the poster child for covert narcissism.
He had nice spreadsheets 😂
My sadistically abusive family fueled by crime, addiction, neglect & trauma pushed me into, onto, a relationship w a NPD abuser when I was jst 13 & the nxt 25+ yrs off & on were sheer hell & I haven't been in any other serious relationship & I'm now 46 & have no want, need or interest in a relationship for the damage done is that severe & significant & I need lot's of therapy jst for that.
You forgot the cheap love bomber. These people offer you lots of breadcrumbs, so they think they've bought you as a friend or lover. They will give you a broken item that still works, a half-eaten box of candy, or a certificate for a massage that has to be booked in the next three days or it expires, etc..... Then they talk about you being their soul mate or special friend, and they act shocked when you don't act like you owe them for all the "great" things they gave you.
12:59
Thank You so much Dr Ramani ♥️
I really like your information
Somethings I don't understand but I appreciate healthy advice
But what differentiates a normal courting stage, for instance someone that wants to give you nice gifts and flowers or shows you their interest so you’re not concerned or confused if they’re interested or not, which are normal and healthy things from love bombing? It seems like a lot of actions and gestures that people look for in the dating stage are also then red flags of love bombing so it seems like there’s no winning in the dating game … so a person isn’t supposed to treat you and give you attention because that’s love bombing? I don’t understand.
Thank you Dr. Ramani for describing the varying manifestations of the love bomber. Somehow, they all sound familiar!
Please! 🙏🏽 I just fell for the love bomb stage in a ‘friendship’ 🤦🏽♀️
Oh boyyyy,fell for this trap many times🤦🏾♀️🤦🏾♀️🤦🏾♀️
@Dr. Ramani-- I've always kicked myself for being so stupid to fall for his games almost 40 years ago, but you have just shown me HOW his game was played, and I FINALLY GET IT NOW, that his game was so good that it wasn't my fault for not seeing through it. He played the "Adult" love-bomber: so mature, level-headed, disciplined, fiscally responsible and in-control. For a full year of dating, it never crossed my mind that he was faking, so I married him. I realize now that I was nothing more than a conquest, and then he immediately quit playing his game and started devaluing me.
Love Bombs matter. When e don’t know our hopes and wants and needs! Period! When we do not know - that we deserve happy peaceful ease moments!
9:45 Our psychological blind-spots & our childhood 🗣️👂🏼
I think one of the biggest mistakes I made in my past narcissistic relationships (familial and romantic) has been talking about love languages. then they were able to exploit mine and blame me if I wasn’t perfectly catering to theirs. it also helped them know exactly what to do to love bomb me.
Hai doctor ramani thanks for saving so many life expecially in cent people 4 years I refused love bombing now doing black majic for my life am praying to stop this demons
I’m reminded of 20+ years of just quick meets or weekends with some close friends who and then all this time later when I realize how I’m being treated it all falls apart. Felt like I was being kept like a pet and then dumped on the road
We just nix anyone who are extra nice to us! Trust is gone. 😥
Truly sad 😢
In my case, before my narc I was with a decent guy truly fond of me but we had communication problems as he was rather introvert and not a great conversationalist to say the least.After quite a painful breakup I felt lonely and I couldn't find anybody for over one year.And tadaaam lo and behold that eloquent outgoing guy appeared and seemed to tick most of my boxes.I felt seen and understood, never bored since we went to events and talked all the time. And that was enough, no excessive compliments nor gifts needed.
Fifty Shades of Grey has a lot to answer for!!
My mom used to say, “never date a guy you wouldn’t marry.” Something to think about.
Not only blind spots, but what are you ignoring? Your nose is always in view, but the brain omits it, in a way. Pay attention to those too. Dr. Ramini, this has been so helpful. All of your videos. Rewiring my brain has been a challenge though. Lol
13:16 GOLD.
A divorced woman is a easy target for a narcissist… After coming out of a relationship having been unloved for years, she is easy easy pray for any type of love bombing after having scraps for a while.
What she left of me after the discard, I'm not going to have to worry about being love bombed.
I joined a Discord server where I was instantly targeted by a narcissist. I have never been love bombed so blatantly before cause usually they are smarter with their tactics, but this specific one was really bad at hiding who they were 😂
I will definitely not get myself a fixer-upper again. I don't need a project this time around. 🤣🤣🤣
When it's obvious it's lovebombing it feels gross: humiliating.
It’s easy! Develop trust issues 😅
Yes, Narkys are very susceptible to flattery, and sincerity.
It's one way to manipulate and destroy them.
❤👿❤️👿❤️👿❤️......love bomb.... Power Persevering in Prayers Psalms 1-150🙏🤲
On first date, I received a black T shirt with Paris in rhinestones on it. With it came hints of trips to Paris, offer of other gifts. My trusty red flag detectors were in full protection mode. Bye bye to that!😂
Most recent one was the ‘needy’ love bomb friendship
Thanks for sharing
After my experience of this when i was in my 20s i tend to run a mile now if i get love bombing, including turning up at work randomly with a gift after the second date! No thank you. My big learning was that i could avoid these kinds of people if i maintained my independence uncompromisongly. Relationships dont need to be stifling.
Considering the world we live in where you can't tell the difference if someone is being real or fake. The best way to survive is to be like Spok from Star Trek, logical and emotionless.
Well said.
Seriously
Fuck it. I'm not dating anymore. Too much risk little reward 😂
Exactly
Dr. Ramani a hindi movie has come out Do Patti...If you have time please do watch it. The male character is a typical narcissist.
Hi Dr Ramani
Can you please speak on narcissistic mothers with electra complex, and how they behave with their kids, especially with daughters due to electra complex they had?
What are consequences in their and their kids adulthood?
Thank you