Although I decided that I don't want children, I'm really interested in this whole conversation. My neighbor gave birth a few weeks ago. She's a single mom and every time we interact, I ask her how she's feeling first and try to show empathy for her struggles. We aren't friends or anything, but I still want to give her the feeling, that she is save with me and that she knows that I don't judge her, however often or loud her baby cries, or she doesn't look her best etc. I don't want to showcase how good of a person I am here ^^ just wanted to share my experience as a child-free by choice person and say that videos like these help me a lot to understand and to improve my empathy towards parents.
this video helped me confront my bias against stay at home mothers. My mom, who was a stay at home mom, was abusive. Stupidly, I didn't realize that my instinctive anxiety toward the idea of stay at home mothers was more tied to that than anything else.
OMG I work in a nursery and I wrote a goodbye letter to the parents thanking them for the trust they instilled in me for the privilege and responsibility of looking after their precious children. I wrote a section in the letter saying how it breaks my heart that parents feel so guilty for sending their kids to child care when they're busy supporting them in other vital ways like working, cooking, cleaning, recharging their emotional batteries etc. And it's literally a job I'm trained and qualified to do because parenting is a valid and skilled job. My boss made me cut that paragraph out though 😕 but yeh, with breastfeeding, disciplining, rewards and punishments, diet, access to the internet etc. There's so many heated opinions. I've not even watched 1 full minute yet and I could write an essay
Melanie, I’m SO glad you made this video. The hardest part about being a mum for me is fearing constant judgement. I’m always scared that people will think I’m a bad parent for choices that I think are best for my child. Sometimes I look towards mothers like yourself and think that they’re all perfect and I’m not good enough. But the reality is that no one can ever be a perfect parent. We just need to do what’s best for our babies! 💜
Thank you for sharing such an important message, Melanie! As a new mom of a 4 month old I’m experiencing this all the time. E.g. older generations asking why I don’t use formula, because “the child can’t possibly get enough milk”, even though it is perfectly thriving and gaining weight greatly. “Why do you have to carry her around all the time, you’ll spoil her, let her scream once in a while so she’ll learn to sleep on her own” is another one. And the list goes on and on. It is so exhausting. We are busy enough figuring it all out and fighting self-doubt as a parent and we are all giving it our best. Constantly having to justify oneself just adds to the stress, but surely doesn’t help anyone.
Just to say - you don't have to go down the Better Help route and pay for therapy ! If you are perinatal (pregnant, baby under age of two, any gender) you can access therapy and counselling via GP within IAPT FOR FREE perinatal clients are prioritised and seen quicker so no long waiting lists !!
Oh Melanie, you've absolutely smashed this. Formula feeding (hilarious considering she's almost 2 and hasn't had formula in a year), allergy part time working mum here. Being an allergy parent brings a whole new level of judgement - some people believe just giving the allergen repeatedly will fix things, some people believe it's my fault for being a germaphobe or that I was too scared to eat things during pregnancy. And then you have to trust other people not to kill your child because somehow reading allergens on a packet is IMPOSSIBLE for everyone except you.
In my almost three years of being a mammy I’ve learned no matter what we decide someone will always disagree. Now I’ve baba number two and I feel so much more relaxed because I’m listening to myself and not others. I can’t work right now because we can’t afford child care, and it suits us for the moment until my eldest starts crèche next year. It’s a full time job with no pay or breaks.
Can we also talk about how in this capitalistic, patriarchal, misogynistic society we are set up for a man to work a 40 hour week and for a woman to be a housewife. However because of the economy women are also expected to work and contribute financially to the home while maintaining the full responsibilities of a mother. Few if any of her responsibilities are delegated to the man. Being a mother is more than a full time job which requires physical and emotional labour 24/7 (particularly in the first year) with no holidays or sick leave, often while recovering from the physical and mental toll of pregnancy. Yet it's completely unpaid and disturbingly undervalued
And if you throw IVF in it, while the woman works she does hormonal treatements, interventions and she still has to be a functional, normal behaving and pretty woman
Huh? This isnt capitalism. This is corrupted capitalism. When capitalism isn't being regulated by the government through offering subsidies to certain megacorps and writing bills that favor them through backdoor lobbying, it gives couples the OPTION of one person staying home because the economy is booming for all.
I get this may be for a lot of people but my husband really helps and helped a lot. He definitely takes on house work when I can't and a lot with our baby too. I think there are a lot of men out there trying and successful at helping their families.
Many years ago, a friend of mine was unable to breastfeed. She tried to get help and advice, but the nurses and representatives of LeLeche league told her that "if you really wanted to do it, you would get it done". She was heartbroken.
There are women that just can't. Some women's milk take a really long time to come in. That's why formula is such a great invention! It saves lives! It's not the easy option either because of all the extra washing and preparation time. I am lucky enough to have breastfeed both my kids and I tell people it's the lazy option, it's always ready, no dishes and you can't forget it at home.
@@powderandpaint14 the pressure to bottle feed is unfortunately also strong. Hospitals and formula manufacturers have been pressuring mothers for decades. It's influenced cultures to the point some places think that formula is the only option. Not to mention many countries don't offer mothers protection to pump at work. That means that the mothers supply runs dry and they are forced to formula feed. And if you look at what's recently happened in the US that there was a shortage and many families were having real problems feeding their babies to the point that lactating mothers were selling their surplus frozen milk. What really shocking is that companies were trying to get mothers in Africa to go to formula even though that would be a huge part of their income and safe water to make formula is hard to come by. This was in the 70s and 80s a huge problem.
@@michellezevenaar no it isn't, certainly not in the UK and Ireland. They literally treat formula as a last resort and won't even mention it often until the baby appears to be losing weight or getting dehydrated. And even then mothers are scared to use it!
My granddad's baby brother starved to death in the early 1940s because he couldn't latch. My great grandmother never recovered from the loss, formula is a miracle!
Crazy how most, if not all, parents will resonate with everything you have said. Thanks for sharing your experiences with for the world to enjoy and be reminded that we are not alone. I am a single mom that breastfeed my daughter until she turned three and still bedshare, while working full time. Bonus, we are plant based and I was raised in New Orleans, Louisiana, USA. There are so many challenges in life, and motherhood has additional ones. This experience has taught me to be less judgmental and more loving towards others for sure. If you’re reading this, just know that you’re an amazing being that is deserving of love!💕
I'll be honest with you - this is what really scares me about becoming a mom. But we have to keep in mind we're multidimensional, and first of all we're HUMAN. Thank you for this video!! Ps. You look like a pregnant version on Miss Honey 😍🥰
@@chloely_ thanks for explaining i find it weird though, because it can apply to nonhuman animals too, or if there were another intelligent being like humans, aliens if you will, if they were like us they wouldn't call it being a human! they would call it being an alien for instance. idk to me it's a very vague definition for the experience we go through cause i feel like it's not exclusive to humans.(sorry for the long reply)
Thank you Melanie💚 I'm almost 27 weeks pregnant, the baby isn't even here yet, and I'm allready hearing&feeling it. So many people are convinced, that the way they do it, is best and while I appreciate advice as a first time mom to be, as soon as it's 'no you really do need to do it this way, I also didn't believe it at first but it' the only way' I just shut off and stop listening. Also persistent advise to solve issues we don't even have yet.... just let me experience it first and if we have such problems, we'll look into solutions for them😅
I know this is for mothers, but I think sometimes we do this to ourselves in so many other areas of our lives. Thank you for reminding us to be kinder with ourselves and others always.
Im 25 so I am mentally preparing for having children, etc. I am SO paranoid about this for some reason (I don’t really care about being judged in almost all other aspects) so THANKS YOU for talking about this!! Makes me feel more prepared to go on the eventual journey of Motherhood.
Very glad you made this video! Stay at home mammy of three here, 29 soon, still have no idea what I'm doing and only started online education now over the "what are you going to do with the children you'll never be around them if you're in college all the time", comments 🙄) Congratulations on Baby Girl btw 💚💚 1 girl and 2 boys myself here in Cork! 🙃
Happy Birthday Melanie! You have been such a wonderful friend I don’t even know lol. Just wishing you so much goodness. NGL I was a bit worried your content would no longer apply to me (I don’t have kids). But I just love your perspective on all aspects of life so much! Love your content! Thank you for continuing to let us in during all of your own challenges and life changes. Means the world.
After my daughter was born, my grandmother used to hang over my shoulder while I was breastfeeding and tell me that I had no way of knowing that she was getting enough, and that I was starving her and needed to give her formula. My creepy stepfather used to tell that I was obviously getting SEXUAL PLEASURE from breastfeeding and that was the only reason I was doing it 🤮 One of my cousins asked me how I was enjoying motherhood, and I said it was great but I was missing some of my alone time, and this man lost his **** and yelled that if I wanted alone time I should just leave my baby on the bed and go clubbing. In summation, the next time I get pregnant I'll probably be cutting off most of my family.
It's best to do..at least the person cutting out has enough respect to not want to be disrespectful, where as the other is ok just being bitchy and judgemental to everyone, not caring how they make people feel. Been there!
Hello Melanie! I’m currently pregnant with my first and have such strong views about this already, I’m an over thinker and I’m already trying to plan what I’ll say to people who want to tell me what to do. It is MY baby, my body and what I say goes.
a quote that always came up to me is " you did the best you could with the information and knowledge you had at the moment" it makes things easier sometimes
Great video! Could you also comment on the fact that fathers aren't judged so much about their decisions? Like: they work and don't look after their baby bcos they need to provide for them and it makes them good parents (and not bad as for mums)
Thank you for this. I have doubted myself so many times because people say I am coddling my 21 month old for breastfeeding this long, co sleeping and being a sahm. Though I don’t thing those “judgemental people” would be taking advice from this video but it is indeed comforting to hear that as mothers, we are not alone in feeling this way.
as a new first-time mother, who just couldn‘t breastfeed due to a huge blood loss, this SPOKE to me so much! the amount of guilt i felt for switching to formula, for no“trying enough“, for being selfish, etc etc, was insane. THANK YOU so much for this ♥️🙌🏼
Oh my god THIS, THIS - this entire video spoke to my soul! I'm still breastfeeding after a year, and I'm honestly sick to death of the opinions of everyone 😂 I feel like being a mum just made me realise that we're all winging it and as long as you're keeping yourself and baby happy and healthy - do whatever the bloody hell you need to keep sane 😂👍
I am still breastfeeding my 2 yr old. And I still bedshare with her. But 10 years ago with my 12yo, she was bottle fed and was sleep trained. I work 4 days a week from home and I dont send my 2yr old to childcare. But with my first, she was in childcare and with relatives because I didnt have the luxury of working from home. And guess what - both of my girls are smashing milestones. They are both happy and healthy and you'd never be able to tell my eldest had a different start and this is why I don't advocate for breastfeeding or bed sharing or formula or sleep training. I advocate for PARENTS doing what they have to do to be able to functionally and successfully look after their children. Its bloody hard being a parent. When I bottle fed my first after an excruciating attempt to breastfeed for 6 weeks and turned to formula, I felt ashamed and was looked at by others as a failure (I was also only 17 and in an abusive relarionship). Only a few months into breastfeeding my youngest I already had comments from other people (mainly women) about how I'd be making a rod for my own back. It's tough navigating it but because I have this balanced view I can safely say screw anyone who judges you for making your own parenting choices. It's not meant to be easy - nothing worthwhile is. But people could really lay off the judgement and that would make a tiny difference ❤
Ooh, I feel this! Unfortunately especially from my mother. And I wonder if she does this intentionally or if the judgement just.. seeps in? But yeah, our bedsharing was questioned, my decision to breastfeed past my son's first birthday, our use of a baby carrier (instead using a stroller) etc etc. And I don't want to always talk against her because I don't want to make her feel that she did something wrong with me or my siblings..
Thanks for making this video! It couldn't have come at a better time for me. I experienced my first clash over parenting with my parents and it has bruised my heart. Thanks for letting me know I'm not alone. X
I loved your passion in this! It's timely too - I'm 28 weeks pregnant with my first baby and I think it'll help me to feel empowered in the decisions I make as a new parent.
I agree with you wholeheartedly ❤ I'm friends with a lot of moms who made parenting choices that were different from mine and I don't care. The only things I will not accept is any form of abuse: corporal punishment, verbal abuse, humiliation, CIO etc. If you don't respect your kids and use any form of abuse to "parent", I don't want to be your friend.
I used to be terrified about the idea of becoming a parent because there's so many opinions and I'm so scared I'll like... Put them in a cot and then 18 years down the line it'll turn out that's the worst thing and I'll feel awful. But we can't predict the future, we can only do our best in each presant moment with the information we currently have. Watching you, Hannah Witton, Jess and Claudia Kellgan-Fozard all become mum's around the same time as two of my friends has been such an amazing eye-opener and made me so much calmer about the idea of being a mum. Each mum is doing things a little differently, each has slightly different opinions, but every baby (so far only sons? Not for long though!) is perfect and happy. We put way too much stress on these differences- breast milk or formula, what matters is your baby gets fed ❤️
Parenthood is so commercialized as well - they'll try to sell you a solution for a problem that you don't have! My bf and I don't have children yet but we're hoping for some in the coming years. Also this definitely applies to soo many other areas of life in that no matter what you do there will be others who think it's wrong. You made loads of good points in this video, especially about the unsolicited advice from others as a coping mechanism for their own guilt. I hope you had a lovely birthday!!! 💚🥰✨
I realized how bomb ass we women are since becoming a mom. Before not really. WE GIVE LIFE (mostly mamas know) THANK YOU SO MUCH. Really Sparkling something in me. I want more friendddddss 💗🙏🏻🌺🌻🌹
This video was important and necessary but honestly I was so in love with and distracted by the 90’s style and editing of this that even if I didn’t agree with the video, I simply would be too stunned to speak 😅 as always love your transparency, Mel! Keep up the great work and fashion ❤️
I got so much of this with my 1st kid. I fed until he was 2.5yrs and got alot of ppl telling me to stop. Did same with 2nd kid and no one said anything. I found everyone's thought and opinions with my 1st child so stressful, I was always second guessing myself. One morning an older lady said to me go with your gut instincts, all babies are different, your next child will be different to your first. All these people giving you there thoughts and opinions are not living your life, you need to do what you need to do to get by or make things easier for yourself. I was getting hassle about wanting to co sleep by health visitors as my son wouldn't sleep well without me and I wasn't sleeping due to constantly being up in the night and being told to sleep train. I got to breaking point, I realised it was me and my son suffering and if we got more sleep by co sleeping that's what I was going to do regardless of other people's thoughts and opinions. It was so much better after that as we were both getting sleep. 2nd child people didn't say too much other than telling me my 3yr old should be potty trained but she wasn't ready. At 3yrs 5mths she cracked it in a day. I sometimes get hassle about her still having a nap in the day, supposedly she's too old for naps at 3. I know she needs her nap so she will continue having a nap until she no longer needs it
I screamed through sainsburys as a baby. I was just in a mood. My mum needed to do some shopping so she let me scream until she finished. I ironically calmed down when she left. Babies in particular have random tantrums and you need to get on with life
Great video. Completely understand you stopping sharing your son online anymore. He is so cute and have enjoyed seeing you post pictures/videos of him but totally get why you would want to stop doing so. Hope the next baby goes well. xx
We have to have an immensely solid routine and I get a looootttt of judgement for this. My toddler truly cannot thrive without one. We've literally just discovered she has Hyperlexia III which is an incredibly early ability in English and maths as well as autistic traits. One of those traits is routine. I also work in a Montessori style nature nursery and so the focus is actually on later reading, as research shows. I therefore get a fair amount of judgement that I'm forcing my daughter to read when in actual fact, she started teaching herself. I also feel out of my depth because I had planned to homeschool but she could count to 10 before she turned 1, she can read the whole alphabet and a few words and she's not 2 for another few weeks. So much judgement and self doubt around having a neurodivergent child.
I had so much crap thrown at me from the first pediatrician that i took my daughter to after she was born because she wasnt growing “by the book” standards so i had to switch to a new pediatrician that told me she was growing at her own rate and thats okay!! Also letting me know that all kids do everything at different rates. I also have alot of people in the small town i live that cant believe how well im doing raising 2 kids and working full time!!
Before you even mentioned you were dressed as Miss Honey, I was feeling the 90s vibes! Great video, as always. Right now it’s easy for me to think that I won’t be affected by others’ judgement when I become a mother, but I’m sure it’ll get me at times. You’re doing great! 💚
Thank you for this video. I'm dealing with shit like that on a daily basis. The things I get suggested are terrible and don't apply to me at all but my husbands family, they just speak faster than they think and so much bullshit comes out of them it makes my head hurt. It's really hard to be the reflective and considerate one and it's hard because it's almost impossible to not internalise that you're doing it all wrong when I get told almost every day. I don't go turn around and tell them what I think of their choices because I can see the trauma it inflicted in my husband and other people in the family. Phew. Being a mother is frigging hard. I chose to distance myself from those people as much as possible, but with family, I just can't ignore them completely.
I realise this reads quite judgmental and I acnowledge that it is - but it's like they are asking for it. I do try to not judge other parents and if I have judgmental thoughts, I try to analyse them but I would never just bluntly say to another mother what I think she is doing wrong. I try to learn from all mothers even if I chose to do things completey different as all of our children are different.
I agree 100%. My mum can be quite critical of my parenting as I try to practice gentle parenting. She sees this as me giving in to my child by letting him pick his snacks or what activities we do etc. But I know her comments aren’t coming from a negative place. Whereas some people have made awfully negative comments to me regarding my parenting choices. Like breastfeeding until 27 months. Mothering and parenting is a mine field
Everything you just said is why I'm am terrified about ever being a mother. Especially when the judgement is coming from people closer to you. Watching family yotubers like you has given me a better understanding of what being a parent today is like. Thank you 💚
As someone who is planning to have kids eventually this is so helpful and validating even between me and my partner 😅😂 we literally had a convo last night about whether it's "ok" to put a TV/tablet in front of the kid for 10/20mins of a break and I was a yes and he was a no but we talked it through and I am still a yes and he's now a "yeah ok that makes sense" 😂😂😂 so thank you for this video, perfect timing! 💚💚
Thank you Melany. I am 16 months breastfeeding and I heard so much about it - why I do it, why I do not give him formula, how long I will do it? Like why they care? My son has 25 food alergies and he is picky eater. Breastfeeding is for me so important because it keeping him alive. I can give him formula which is so expensive and there are only 2 types he can have and doctors told me that it tastes like plaster. So breastfeeding is so important because I can try the risky food and he got it in my milk and the reaction is much smaller than risk anaphylactic shock after gaving it directly. And fun fact? The recommendation from WHO is for Africa - like wtf? I wish you a healthy baby and thanks for your videos. Sorry for my english I hope you understand - mom brain :-)
I've been getting a lot of judging for breast and bedsharing with my 22 months old. Currently pregnant with my second so I'm worried that will get more intense because my toddler should be independent 🙄That being said I do find it hard not to judge when I see people shout at their kid's I think it's a combination of guilt for when I've done it and a trigger for being shouted at as kid myself. Definitely wouldn't say anything though, we don't know other peoples stories!
This is why I got off Instagram. It has too many influencers saying too many different things. It made me feel like crap as a mom. I know I'm my heart I'm an elite level mom, I try so hard, I give the EVERY part of me. But after a few minutes of scrolling Instagram I was convinced that I was a crap mom that was ruining my kids for life. Since not letting mommy influencers run my life and make my parenting decisions, I was able to get rid of PPD/A and truest start enjoying this phase of life with little kids. It isn't easy as there's so much good info on insta, but sometimes less is more.
Well spoken, Mel. I felt related and sympathized by you. To all the moms out there, just do your best. 🌸 Let them talk and don’t take shit from them; so at the end, it’s their shit, not ours.🤪
As much as I love your vlogs, and initially wasn't sure about this video, I ended up loving this style! You make some excellent points, and when it comes to judgement I think we could all learn from that outside of parenthood as well.
I have so many thoughts on this. Because I totally agree. And yet also think we should be open to hearing new ideas, just as much as someone who wants to present a new idea should be open to questioning why they're presenting the new idea in the first place (either to make themselves feel better, or actually help, as you say). And sometimes there are genuine facts that can change the way we parent for the better. For example, I was all for restricting my son's sugar intake, until I learned that apparently it's not actually addictive. I tested the theory by letting him stop when he wanted to, and he left the tiniest bit of a little chocolate bar, so I figured he wouldn't have done that if he was going mad for the sugar, and ever since mealtimes have been more relaxed and he eats such a good balance of food by being mostly left to his own devices, so long as we offer those options. And I would love to share that information but like you with the breastfeeding, it feels like I can't do that without it being taken the wrong way. And I need to reserve some of my judgement because I could even be wrong! It's probably just that we need to ask questions about how/why someone else does something, as long as it comes from a place of genuine interest. But I don't think our culture does this very well with anything, for example with stuff like politics. And it's perhaps harder with parenting because we can't actually ask preverbal children what they really want/need! And we don't learn anything in school! AND THEN it's so hard when you want to do something differently than your grandparents did but you don't want to make them feel guilty... but if it's YOUR child they're looking after, it's even more important to be able to talk about it compared with questioning a stranger on the internet. It's our choice to be offended, and in equal measure, you shouldn't be a dick. Those two things crossover an awful lot, and because our children are so precious to us and we want to get it right, that's why it's so hard to navigate that space in-between and you end up either saying nothing or saying it wrong! There are plenty of right ways to parent, but we owe it to our children to try to do our best, and I think there is space to learn from others in that, and yet we also need to follow our own instincts. And capitalism makes everything impossible and has caused us to inherit, and causes us to pass down, a whole load of stuff that at best is 'not ideal'. Here endeth the word vomit!
even though I'm childfree and don't think I'll ever have kids i like Watching you and Colleen Ballinger.. mainly to keep in mind how difficult this job is and to remind myself to not fall into pressure just to fit in when i don't have that motherly instinct ..but also to have perspective..these experiences i won't have and id wanna be in the know to not be an asshole to my friends who'll become parents ... because yes everyone has those snap judgmental thoughts but it's our responsibility to learn enough to be kind and understanding to people who do things differently
I always say don't have children if you don't really REALLY want them. If you are thinking of having them because you'll miss out on something on a life tick list, it's not the right reasons and potentially you'll regret having children and actually put that feeling onto them. It's a big deal having a child, emotionally and physically challenging and unless you've got that drive of this is what I was so desperate to have, it leads to people being neglectful and other areas of abuse, whether intentional or not. If later on down the line your feelings change massively and biologically it isn't possible, you can adopt and foster and be fulfilled as a parent in that way.
I think there ARE people that think their way is the only way and every other way is inheritely wrong and they want to "save" other people by telling them what to do
you are such a well spoken and charming person. you have a point.i fully admit i did wrong commenting those thing to you in some of your videos and i'm sorry. i'm an antinatalist for the most part but i've never seen a mother in my life who is more considerate and loving and perfect as you. maybe i see only your edited videos but as far as i know, you're as good as a mother can get.
You've described my mother, she has one opinion then she has another that contradictory to the first. She tries to still parent me in public and tell me how to be a mom. I'm only around her very specific times and try with my dad or husband around, it helps, a little. Boundaries are great, I don't see her unless it's for his sake but she's still a B and it's still hard hahah
(just an excuse for a comment, to get those engagement ratings up) I judge people who leave their tea bad in the mug while drinking tea. It is so weird and gross and unpractical. It sloshes around and can sludge against your nose while drinking, and the tea becomes as black as coffee if you leave it in there too long. I have no idea why packaging says to steep tea for 3-5 min; it is ridiculous, a few dunks and the tea is autumnal brown, and DONE. /rant over XD
My oldest is now in his early 20's. It can be so hard to raise above the judgments of others. I personally have to remind myself often, that this person isn't actually likely to know more about a child they see little to nothing of. It becomes more ridiculous when you consider the total stranger who doesn't know you from Adam. Who's advice could over well, unknowingly kill someone.
If I had a £1 for everytime someone criticised or made a judgy comment about me, my baby or parenting, I would be pretty well off already and I'm only 7 months in. It's crazy how many people come out of the woodwork to force their unwanted opinion on you. My girl is thriving, smashing all her milestones and is so loved by all so to me, that's all that matters!
I´ve seen a short video on instagram (obviously it's kind of a joke) where a young mother dressed her toddler for a walk, probably during winter. And when she's going to open the door to go outside, two child's grandmothers stand in her way. The fist grandmother says "Are you sure you wanna dress him like this? It's not enough! He'll get a cold! You need to put on something else.", and another grandmom says "Oh, why you dressed him up so much? It's too much, he'll sweat in this! Take something off!" 😅It's reminicent of my grandmothers so much, they too had different views when my mother raised me 😁 Sorry if I have mistakes, I'm not native.
I think people have lost perspective on this topic and it has turned into this weird competition of who’s better rather than really caring about the well-being of the babies. I also believe privileged people get bored and start creating what I call ✨made up problems✨ that are not at all backed up by science or anything else. Ignore them, you’re doing amazing.
I cannot leave my baby's sight because he will start to cry and he is formula fed. My sister who have a breastfed baby can leave him with our parents (grand parents) and he doesn't mind lol....
Oh man the amount of judgement that happened from pregnancy to birth and then after is insane. Apparently everything is right, but everything is wrong too. 🤭🙈 When you're pregnant you're either too small or too big. If you give birth with epidural you're "cheating", but if you give birth naturally they ask you "why put yourself through that when the epidural exist??". Sleep training is bad, sleeptraining is good... you name it. It goes on.
I've a theory that "mom guilt" is a product of or exacerbated by patriarchal societies. I found myself being grateful my early years of parenting took place before the rise of social media. It was challenging enough navigating within my circle of peers without complete strangers piling on!
This video is going to be so beneficial to mothers and people who want to have children but are terrified of judgement, pressure, making mistakes etc
Although I decided that I don't want children, I'm really interested in this whole conversation.
My neighbor gave birth a few weeks ago. She's a single mom and every time we interact, I ask her how she's feeling first and try to show empathy for her struggles. We aren't friends or anything, but I still want to give her the feeling, that she is save with me and that she knows that I don't judge her, however often or loud her baby cries, or she doesn't look her best etc.
I don't want to showcase how good of a person I am here ^^ just wanted to share my experience as a child-free by choice person and say that videos like these help me a lot to understand and to improve my empathy towards parents.
this video helped me confront my bias against stay at home mothers. My mom, who was a stay at home mom, was abusive. Stupidly, I didn't realize that my instinctive anxiety toward the idea of stay at home mothers was more tied to that than anything else.
That's not stupid at all! Trauma is so hard to untangle. I'm so sorry you went through that
OMG I work in a nursery and I wrote a goodbye letter to the parents thanking them for the trust they instilled in me for the privilege and responsibility of looking after their precious children. I wrote a section in the letter saying how it breaks my heart that parents feel so guilty for sending their kids to child care when they're busy supporting them in other vital ways like working, cooking, cleaning, recharging their emotional batteries etc. And it's literally a job I'm trained and qualified to do because parenting is a valid and skilled job. My boss made me cut that paragraph out though 😕 but yeh, with breastfeeding, disciplining, rewards and punishments, diet, access to the internet etc. There's so many heated opinions. I've not even watched 1 full minute yet and I could write an essay
Melanie, I’m SO glad you made this video. The hardest part about being a mum for me is fearing constant judgement. I’m always scared that people will think I’m a bad parent for choices that I think are best for my child. Sometimes I look towards mothers like yourself and think that they’re all perfect and I’m not good enough. But the reality is that no one can ever be a perfect parent. We just need to do what’s best for our babies! 💜
Thank you for sharing such an important message, Melanie! As a new mom of a 4 month old I’m experiencing this all the time. E.g. older generations asking why I don’t use formula, because “the child can’t possibly get enough milk”, even though it is perfectly thriving and gaining weight greatly. “Why do you have to carry her around all the time, you’ll spoil her, let her scream once in a while so she’ll learn to sleep on her own” is another one. And the list goes on and on. It is so exhausting. We are busy enough figuring it all out and fighting self-doubt as a parent and we are all giving it our best. Constantly having to justify oneself just adds to the stress, but surely doesn’t help anyone.
Just to say - you don't have to go down the Better Help route and pay for therapy ! If you are perinatal (pregnant, baby under age of two, any gender) you can access therapy and counselling via GP within IAPT FOR FREE perinatal clients are prioritised and seen quicker so no long waiting lists !!
Yes! This! I was seen super quick for therapy after the birth of my daughter, almost 3 times as quick as when I was previously referred.
Oh Melanie, you've absolutely smashed this. Formula feeding (hilarious considering she's almost 2 and hasn't had formula in a year), allergy part time working mum here. Being an allergy parent brings a whole new level of judgement - some people believe just giving the allergen repeatedly will fix things, some people believe it's my fault for being a germaphobe or that I was too scared to eat things during pregnancy. And then you have to trust other people not to kill your child because somehow reading allergens on a packet is IMPOSSIBLE for everyone except you.
In my almost three years of being a mammy I’ve learned no matter what we decide someone will always disagree. Now I’ve baba number two and I feel so much more relaxed because I’m listening to myself and not others.
I can’t work right now because we can’t afford child care, and it suits us for the moment until my eldest starts crèche next year. It’s a full time job with no pay or breaks.
Can we also talk about how in this capitalistic, patriarchal, misogynistic society we are set up for a man to work a 40 hour week and for a woman to be a housewife. However because of the economy women are also expected to work and contribute financially to the home while maintaining the full responsibilities of a mother. Few if any of her responsibilities are delegated to the man. Being a mother is more than a full time job which requires physical and emotional labour 24/7 (particularly in the first year) with no holidays or sick leave, often while recovering from the physical and mental toll of pregnancy. Yet it's completely unpaid and disturbingly undervalued
And if you throw IVF in it, while the woman works she does hormonal treatements, interventions and she still has to be a functional, normal behaving and pretty woman
Yes it only works if the man also does his part at home.
Huh? This isnt capitalism. This is corrupted capitalism. When capitalism isn't being regulated by the government through offering subsidies to certain megacorps and writing bills that favor them through backdoor lobbying, it gives couples the OPTION of one person staying home because the economy is booming for all.
I get this may be for a lot of people but my husband really helps and helped a lot. He definitely takes on house work when I can't and a lot with our baby too. I think there are a lot of men out there trying and successful at helping their families.
@@ask9087 My husband doesn't even "help", he does his equal part, since it's his house and kids too.
Many years ago, a friend of mine was unable to breastfeed. She tried to get help and advice, but the nurses and representatives of LeLeche league told her that "if you really wanted to do it, you would get it done". She was heartbroken.
There are women that just can't. Some women's milk take a really long time to come in. That's why formula is such a great invention! It saves lives! It's not the easy option either because of all the extra washing and preparation time. I am lucky enough to have breastfeed both my kids and I tell people it's the lazy option, it's always ready, no dishes and you can't forget it at home.
I went through something similar because of my sensitive skin. It can be heart wrenching. I feeling like your less of a woman.
The pressure to breastfeed is unbelievable. Unfortunately even Melanie has been over zealous about championing breastfeeding in the past.
@@powderandpaint14 the pressure to bottle feed is unfortunately also strong. Hospitals and formula manufacturers have been pressuring mothers for decades. It's influenced cultures to the point some places think that formula is the only option. Not to mention many countries don't offer mothers protection to pump at work. That means that the mothers supply runs dry and they are forced to formula feed. And if you look at what's recently happened in the US that there was a shortage and many families were having real problems feeding their babies to the point that lactating mothers were selling their surplus frozen milk. What really shocking is that companies were trying to get mothers in Africa to go to formula even though that would be a huge part of their income and safe water to make formula is hard to come by. This was in the 70s and 80s a huge problem.
@@michellezevenaar no it isn't, certainly not in the UK and Ireland. They literally treat formula as a last resort and won't even mention it often until the baby appears to be losing weight or getting dehydrated. And even then mothers are scared to use it!
My granddad's baby brother starved to death in the early 1940s because he couldn't latch. My great grandmother never recovered from the loss, formula is a miracle!
@@jaspreethobbs1859 I don't think that's true? The teat of a bottle is much bigger than a nipple?
Crazy how most, if not all, parents will resonate with everything you have said. Thanks for sharing your experiences with for the world to enjoy and be reminded that we are not alone.
I am a single mom that breastfeed my daughter until she turned three and still bedshare, while working full time. Bonus, we are plant based and I was raised in New Orleans, Louisiana, USA. There are so many challenges in life, and motherhood has additional ones. This experience has taught me to be less judgmental and more loving towards others for sure.
If you’re reading this, just know that you’re an amazing being that is deserving of love!💕
I'll be honest with you - this is what really scares me about becoming a mom. But we have to keep in mind we're multidimensional, and first of all we're HUMAN. Thank you for this video!!
Ps. You look like a pregnant version on Miss Honey 😍🥰
Been following you for years and loving your genuine personality as always!! 🧡💚💛
what does being a human actually mean? not a troll i just really curious why people use that word so much and what it actually means
@@lastround2357 meaning we can't win in certain situations, we all make mistakes or fuck up in someone else's eyes!
@@chloely_ thanks for explaining
i find it weird though, because it can apply to nonhuman animals too, or if there were another intelligent being like humans, aliens if you will, if they were like us they wouldn't call it being a human! they would call it being an alien for instance. idk to me it's a very vague definition for the experience we go through cause i feel like it's not exclusive to humans.(sorry for the long reply)
@@lastround2357 hey don't apologize. What you said is super interesting!!
Thank you Melanie💚
I'm almost 27 weeks pregnant, the baby isn't even here yet, and I'm allready hearing&feeling it. So many people are convinced, that the way they do it, is best and while I appreciate advice as a first time mom to be, as soon as it's 'no you really do need to do it this way, I also didn't believe it at first but it' the only way' I just shut off and stop listening. Also persistent advise to solve issues we don't even have yet.... just let me experience it first and if we have such problems, we'll look into solutions for them😅
Don’t worry, you will figure it out instinctively on your own as you see fit. It will be amazing and come naturally for you.
Blessings! 🌹☀️
You can’t win .. but in the long term you do your best💕🌸💕 just do what you can 💕🌸
I know this is for mothers, but I think sometimes we do this to ourselves in so many other areas of our lives. Thank you for reminding us to be kinder with ourselves and others always.
Im a new mom & yes, we cannot win😩 feeling it already. Makes me depressed to write that down. SOOO.... we need our sisters.💗💜✨🌺🌙👩🏼👩🏾👩🏿👩🏻👩🏽
loving this whole thing: your thoughts, the new office, the Miss Honey vibes 💚
Im 25 so I am mentally preparing for having children, etc. I am SO paranoid about this for some reason (I don’t really care about being judged in almost all other aspects) so THANKS YOU for talking about this!! Makes me feel more prepared to go on the eventual journey of Motherhood.
Very glad you made this video! Stay at home mammy of three here, 29 soon, still have no idea what I'm doing and only started online education now over the "what are you going to do with the children you'll never be around them if you're in college all the time", comments 🙄)
Congratulations on Baby Girl btw 💚💚 1 girl and 2 boys myself here in Cork! 🙃
Happy Birthday Melanie! You have been such a wonderful friend I don’t even know lol. Just wishing you so much goodness. NGL I was a bit worried your content would no longer apply to me (I don’t have kids). But I just love your perspective on all aspects of life so much! Love your content! Thank you for continuing to let us in during all of your own challenges and life changes. Means the world.
After my daughter was born, my grandmother used to hang over my shoulder while I was breastfeeding and tell me that I had no way of knowing that she was getting enough, and that I was starving her and needed to give her formula.
My creepy stepfather used to tell that I was obviously getting SEXUAL PLEASURE from breastfeeding and that was the only reason I was doing it 🤮
One of my cousins asked me how I was enjoying motherhood, and I said it was great but I was missing some of my alone time, and this man lost his **** and yelled that if I wanted alone time I should just leave my baby on the bed and go clubbing.
In summation, the next time I get pregnant I'll probably be cutting off most of my family.
It's best to do..at least the person cutting out has enough respect to not want to be disrespectful, where as the other is ok just being bitchy and judgemental to everyone, not caring how they make people feel. Been there!
How am I just finding you!!? You’ve said everything I’ve been thinking since becoming a mama!!
Hello Melanie! I’m currently pregnant with my first and have such strong views about this already, I’m an over thinker and I’m already trying to plan what I’ll say to people who want to tell me what to do. It is MY baby, my body and what I say goes.
a quote that always came up to me is " you did the best you could with the information and knowledge you had at the moment" it makes things easier sometimes
Love this style of video, well done for juggling it all Melanie!
Great video! Could you also comment on the fact that fathers aren't judged so much about their decisions? Like: they work and don't look after their baby bcos they need to provide for them and it makes them good parents (and not bad as for mums)
Thank you for this. I have doubted myself so many times because people say I am coddling my 21 month old for breastfeeding this long, co sleeping and being a sahm. Though I don’t thing those “judgemental people” would be taking advice from this video but it is indeed comforting to hear that as mothers, we are not alone in feeling this way.
as a new first-time mother, who just couldn‘t breastfeed due to a huge blood loss, this SPOKE to me so much! the amount of guilt i felt for switching to formula, for no“trying enough“, for being selfish, etc etc, was insane. THANK YOU so much for this ♥️🙌🏼
Oh my god THIS, THIS - this entire video spoke to my soul! I'm still breastfeeding after a year, and I'm honestly sick to death of the opinions of everyone 😂 I feel like being a mum just made me realise that we're all winging it and as long as you're keeping yourself and baby happy and healthy - do whatever the bloody hell you need to keep sane 😂👍
I am still breastfeeding my 2 yr old. And I still bedshare with her. But 10 years ago with my 12yo, she was bottle fed and was sleep trained. I work 4 days a week from home and I dont send my 2yr old to childcare. But with my first, she was in childcare and with relatives because I didnt have the luxury of working from home. And guess what - both of my girls are smashing milestones. They are both happy and healthy and you'd never be able to tell my eldest had a different start and this is why I don't advocate for breastfeeding or bed sharing or formula or sleep training. I advocate for PARENTS doing what they have to do to be able to functionally and successfully look after their children. Its bloody hard being a parent. When I bottle fed my first after an excruciating attempt to breastfeed for 6 weeks and turned to formula, I felt ashamed and was looked at by others as a failure (I was also only 17 and in an abusive relarionship). Only a few months into breastfeeding my youngest I already had comments from other people (mainly women) about how I'd be making a rod for my own back. It's tough navigating it but because I have this balanced view I can safely say screw anyone who judges you for making your own parenting choices. It's not meant to be easy - nothing worthwhile is. But people could really lay off the judgement and that would make a tiny difference ❤
Ooh, I feel this! Unfortunately especially from my mother. And I wonder if she does this intentionally or if the judgement just.. seeps in? But yeah, our bedsharing was questioned, my decision to breastfeed past my son's first birthday, our use of a baby carrier (instead using a stroller) etc etc. And I don't want to always talk against her because I don't want to make her feel that she did something wrong with me or my siblings..
Thanks for making this video! It couldn't have come at a better time for me. I experienced my first clash over parenting with my parents and it has bruised my heart. Thanks for letting me know I'm not alone. X
Finally someone sharing no nonsense motherhood advice!! 🙌🏼
I loved your passion in this! It's timely too - I'm 28 weeks pregnant with my first baby and I think it'll help me to feel empowered in the decisions I make as a new parent.
I have to wait for my kids to go to bed before i can get anything done around my house
I agree with you wholeheartedly ❤ I'm friends with a lot of moms who made parenting choices that were different from mine and I don't care. The only things I will not accept is any form of abuse: corporal punishment, verbal abuse, humiliation, CIO etc.
If you don't respect your kids and use any form of abuse to "parent", I don't want to be your friend.
Why are you cosplaying Miss Honey?
omg so true lol whats up with that 🤣😬☹
🤯
She has parallel photos of her and Miss Honey on a recent Instagram post.🙃
@@surlespasdondine 🤷🤭
@@surlespasdondine I wonder why.. is she trying to reinvent herself?
I used to be terrified about the idea of becoming a parent because there's so many opinions and I'm so scared I'll like... Put them in a cot and then 18 years down the line it'll turn out that's the worst thing and I'll feel awful. But we can't predict the future, we can only do our best in each presant moment with the information we currently have. Watching you, Hannah Witton, Jess and Claudia Kellgan-Fozard all become mum's around the same time as two of my friends has been such an amazing eye-opener and made me so much calmer about the idea of being a mum. Each mum is doing things a little differently, each has slightly different opinions, but every baby (so far only sons? Not for long though!) is perfect and happy. We put way too much stress on these differences- breast milk or formula, what matters is your baby gets fed ❤️
Can we talk about the colours too? Omg this green wall with your pink shirt and with the pillows… immaculate 🤚🏻
Parenthood is so commercialized as well - they'll try to sell you a solution for a problem that you don't have! My bf and I don't have children yet but we're hoping for some in the coming years. Also this definitely applies to soo many other areas of life in that no matter what you do there will be others who think it's wrong. You made loads of good points in this video, especially about the unsolicited advice from others as a coping mechanism for their own guilt. I hope you had a lovely birthday!!! 💚🥰✨
I realized how bomb ass we women are since becoming a mom. Before not really. WE GIVE LIFE (mostly mamas know) THANK YOU SO MUCH. Really Sparkling something in me. I want more friendddddss 💗🙏🏻🌺🌻🌹
This video was important and necessary but honestly I was so in love with and distracted by the 90’s style and editing of this that even if I didn’t agree with the video, I simply would be too stunned to speak 😅 as always love your transparency, Mel! Keep up the great work and fashion ❤️
Yes I agree with everything said. Everyone will always love to give an opinion
This video's frame looks better than the last one
You are an awesome person and a wonerful mother iam proud of you love you Melanie you know how best to look after your child
I love this editing format, so much more personable and fun
I got so much of this with my 1st kid. I fed until he was 2.5yrs and got alot of ppl telling me to stop. Did same with 2nd kid and no one said anything. I found everyone's thought and opinions with my 1st child so stressful, I was always second guessing myself. One morning an older lady said to me go with your gut instincts, all babies are different, your next child will be different to your first. All these people giving you there thoughts and opinions are not living your life, you need to do what you need to do to get by or make things easier for yourself. I was getting hassle about wanting to co sleep by health visitors as my son wouldn't sleep well without me and I wasn't sleeping due to constantly being up in the night and being told to sleep train. I got to breaking point, I realised it was me and my son suffering and if we got more sleep by co sleeping that's what I was going to do regardless of other people's thoughts and opinions. It was so much better after that as we were both getting sleep. 2nd child people didn't say too much other than telling me my 3yr old should be potty trained but she wasn't ready. At 3yrs 5mths she cracked it in a day. I sometimes get hassle about her still having a nap in the day, supposedly she's too old for naps at 3. I know she needs her nap so she will continue having a nap until she no longer needs it
I screamed through sainsburys as a baby. I was just in a mood. My mum needed to do some shopping so she let me scream until she finished. I ironically calmed down when she left. Babies in particular have random tantrums and you need to get on with life
There is usually a reason. Shops are highly stimulating for a baby. It gets too much for them very fast.
Excellent video, Mrs. Mel!!! I love your openness (and the new office space is amazing! Perfect, calming, and homey background)
Great video. Completely understand you stopping sharing your son online anymore. He is so cute and have enjoyed seeing you post pictures/videos of him but totally get why you would want to stop doing so. Hope the next baby goes well. xx
We have to have an immensely solid routine and I get a looootttt of judgement for this. My toddler truly cannot thrive without one. We've literally just discovered she has Hyperlexia III which is an incredibly early ability in English and maths as well as autistic traits. One of those traits is routine. I also work in a Montessori style nature nursery and so the focus is actually on later reading, as research shows. I therefore get a fair amount of judgement that I'm forcing my daughter to read when in actual fact, she started teaching herself. I also feel out of my depth because I had planned to homeschool but she could count to 10 before she turned 1, she can read the whole alphabet and a few words and she's not 2 for another few weeks. So much judgement and self doubt around having a neurodivergent child.
I had so much crap thrown at me from the first pediatrician that i took my daughter to after she was born because she wasnt growing “by the book” standards so i had to switch to a new pediatrician that told me she was growing at her own rate and thats okay!! Also letting me know that all kids do everything at different rates. I also have alot of people in the small town i live that cant believe how well im doing raising 2 kids and working full time!!
Before you even mentioned you were dressed as Miss Honey, I was feeling the 90s vibes! Great video, as always. Right now it’s easy for me to think that I won’t be affected by others’ judgement when I become a mother, but I’m sure it’ll get me at times. You’re doing great! 💚
Thank you for this video. I'm dealing with shit like that on a daily basis. The things I get suggested are terrible and don't apply to me at all but my husbands family, they just speak faster than they think and so much bullshit comes out of them it makes my head hurt. It's really hard to be the reflective and considerate one and it's hard because it's almost impossible to not internalise that you're doing it all wrong when I get told almost every day. I don't go turn around and tell them what I think of their choices because I can see the trauma it inflicted in my husband and other people in the family. Phew. Being a mother is frigging hard. I chose to distance myself from those people as much as possible, but with family, I just can't ignore them completely.
I realise this reads quite judgmental and I acnowledge that it is - but it's like they are asking for it. I do try to not judge other parents and if I have judgmental thoughts, I try to analyse them but I would never just bluntly say to another mother what I think she is doing wrong. I try to learn from all mothers even if I chose to do things completey different as all of our children are different.
I agree 100%. My mum can be quite critical of my parenting as I try to practice gentle parenting. She sees this as me giving in to my child by letting him pick his snacks or what activities we do etc. But I know her comments aren’t coming from a negative place. Whereas some people have made awfully negative comments to me regarding my parenting choices. Like breastfeeding until 27 months. Mothering and parenting is a mine field
Everything you just said is why I'm am terrified about ever being a mother. Especially when the judgement is coming from people closer to you. Watching family yotubers like you has given me a better understanding of what being a parent today is like. Thank you 💚
"HOW DARE YOU COEXIST WITH ANOTHER HUMAIN BEING ?!" 🤣
As someone who is planning to have kids eventually this is so helpful and validating even between me and my partner 😅😂 we literally had a convo last night about whether it's "ok" to put a TV/tablet in front of the kid for 10/20mins of a break and I was a yes and he was a no but we talked it through and I am still a yes and he's now a "yeah ok that makes sense" 😂😂😂 so thank you for this video, perfect timing! 💚💚
Excellent EXCELLENT video Melanie!💚 As a fellow mother of a toddler I truly feel you on these things.
Thank you Melany. I am 16 months breastfeeding and I heard so much about it - why I do it, why I do not give him formula, how long I will do it? Like why they care? My son has 25 food alergies and he is picky eater. Breastfeeding is for me so important because it keeping him alive. I can give him formula which is so expensive and there are only 2 types he can have and doctors told me that it tastes like plaster. So breastfeeding is so important because I can try the risky food and he got it in my milk and the reaction is much smaller than risk anaphylactic shock after gaving it directly. And fun fact? The recommendation from WHO is for Africa - like wtf? I wish you a healthy baby and thanks for your videos. Sorry for my english I hope you understand - mom brain :-)
I've been getting a lot of judging for breast and bedsharing with my 22 months old. Currently pregnant with my second so I'm worried that will get more intense because my toddler should be independent 🙄That being said I do find it hard not to judge when I see people shout at their kid's I think it's a combination of guilt for when I've done it and a trigger for being shouted at as kid myself. Definitely wouldn't say anything though, we don't know other peoples stories!
It's crazy how society wants kids independent so fast!
This is why I got off Instagram. It has too many influencers saying too many different things. It made me feel like crap as a mom. I know I'm my heart I'm an elite level mom, I try so hard, I give the EVERY part of me. But after a few minutes of scrolling Instagram I was convinced that I was a crap mom that was ruining my kids for life. Since not letting mommy influencers run my life and make my parenting decisions, I was able to get rid of PPD/A and truest start enjoying this phase of life with little kids. It isn't easy as there's so much good info on insta, but sometimes less is more.
Well spoken, Mel. I felt related and sympathized by you. To all the moms out there, just do your best. 🌸 Let them talk and don’t take shit from them; so at the end, it’s their shit, not ours.🤪
As much as I love your vlogs, and initially wasn't sure about this video, I ended up loving this style! You make some excellent points, and when it comes to judgement I think we could all learn from that outside of parenthood as well.
I have so many thoughts on this. Because I totally agree. And yet also think we should be open to hearing new ideas, just as much as someone who wants to present a new idea should be open to questioning why they're presenting the new idea in the first place (either to make themselves feel better, or actually help, as you say). And sometimes there are genuine facts that can change the way we parent for the better. For example, I was all for restricting my son's sugar intake, until I learned that apparently it's not actually addictive. I tested the theory by letting him stop when he wanted to, and he left the tiniest bit of a little chocolate bar, so I figured he wouldn't have done that if he was going mad for the sugar, and ever since mealtimes have been more relaxed and he eats such a good balance of food by being mostly left to his own devices, so long as we offer those options. And I would love to share that information but like you with the breastfeeding, it feels like I can't do that without it being taken the wrong way. And I need to reserve some of my judgement because I could even be wrong!
It's probably just that we need to ask questions about how/why someone else does something, as long as it comes from a place of genuine interest. But I don't think our culture does this very well with anything, for example with stuff like politics. And it's perhaps harder with parenting because we can't actually ask preverbal children what they really want/need! And we don't learn anything in school! AND THEN it's so hard when you want to do something differently than your grandparents did but you don't want to make them feel guilty... but if it's YOUR child they're looking after, it's even more important to be able to talk about it compared with questioning a stranger on the internet.
It's our choice to be offended, and in equal measure, you shouldn't be a dick. Those two things crossover an awful lot, and because our children are so precious to us and we want to get it right, that's why it's so hard to navigate that space in-between and you end up either saying nothing or saying it wrong!
There are plenty of right ways to parent, but we owe it to our children to try to do our best, and I think there is space to learn from others in that, and yet we also need to follow our own instincts. And capitalism makes everything impossible and has caused us to inherit, and causes us to pass down, a whole load of stuff that at best is 'not ideal'.
Here endeth the word vomit!
even though I'm childfree and don't think I'll ever have kids i like Watching you and Colleen Ballinger.. mainly to keep in mind how difficult this job is and to remind myself to not fall into pressure just to fit in when i don't have that motherly instinct ..but also to have perspective..these experiences i won't have and id wanna be in the know to not be an asshole to my friends who'll become parents ... because yes everyone has those snap judgmental thoughts but it's our responsibility to learn enough to be kind and understanding to people who do things differently
I always say don't have children if you don't really REALLY want them. If you are thinking of having them because you'll miss out on something on a life tick list, it's not the right reasons and potentially you'll regret having children and actually put that feeling onto them. It's a big deal having a child, emotionally and physically challenging and unless you've got that drive of this is what I was so desperate to have, it leads to people being neglectful and other areas of abuse, whether intentional or not. If later on down the line your feelings change massively and biologically it isn't possible, you can adopt and foster and be fulfilled as a parent in that way.
Melanie, looking forward to your skincare and makeup video during pregnancy. Looking lovely! Getting vintage vibes from your lovely sofa 🎀
I have a 20 month old. I feel this in my soul.
I think there ARE people that think their way is the only way and every other way is inheritely wrong and they want to "save" other people by telling them what to do
the bangs are so cute!!
Thank you so much for this video Melanie ❤️
This was so wonderfully thorough!! 🤣🤣🤣🥰
It felt like I was venting through your mouth. VERY cathartic
you are such a well spoken and charming person. you have a point.i fully admit i did wrong commenting those thing to you in some of your videos and i'm sorry. i'm an antinatalist for the most part but i've never seen a mother in my life who is more considerate and loving and perfect as you. maybe i see only your edited videos but as far as i know, you're as good as a mother can get.
this video is amazing!
Unrelated, the portion of your office in the background looks gorgeous
You've described my mother, she has one opinion then she has another that contradictory to the first. She tries to still parent me in public and tell me how to be a mom. I'm only around her very specific times and try with my dad or husband around, it helps, a little. Boundaries are great, I don't see her unless it's for his sake but she's still a B and it's still hard hahah
Thank you🙏💝
Im not a mom but Ive experienced this with all my life choices. People just need to start thinking before speaking
This video is IT Melanie!!!!! Its EXACTLY like that!!!
I loved all the clips, but especially the Labyrinth one
(just an excuse for a comment, to get those engagement ratings up)
I judge people who leave their tea bad in the mug while drinking tea. It is so weird and gross and unpractical. It sloshes around and can sludge against your nose while drinking, and the tea becomes as black as coffee if you leave it in there too long. I have no idea why packaging says to steep tea for 3-5 min; it is ridiculous, a few dunks and the tea is autumnal brown, and DONE.
/rant over XD
Thank you, thank you, thank you 💜 this needs to be said!
This … this is gold 🌟
YES to all of this. Just 100% yes. ❤️
My oldest is now in his early 20's. It can be so hard to raise above the judgments of others. I personally have to remind myself often, that this person isn't actually likely to know more about a child they see little to nothing of. It becomes more ridiculous when you consider the total stranger who doesn't know you from Adam. Who's advice could over well, unknowingly kill someone.
If I had a £1 for everytime someone criticised or made a judgy comment about me, my baby or parenting, I would be pretty well off already and I'm only 7 months in. It's crazy how many people come out of the woodwork to force their unwanted opinion on you. My girl is thriving, smashing all her milestones and is so loved by all so to me, that's all that matters!
I´ve seen a short video on instagram (obviously it's kind of a joke) where a young mother dressed her toddler for a walk, probably during winter. And when she's going to open the door to go outside, two child's grandmothers stand in her way. The fist grandmother says "Are you sure you wanna dress him like this? It's not enough! He'll get a cold! You need to put on something else.", and another grandmom says "Oh, why you dressed him up so much? It's too much, he'll sweat in this! Take something off!" 😅It's reminicent of my grandmothers so much, they too had different views when my mother raised me 😁
Sorry if I have mistakes, I'm not native.
I think people have lost perspective on this topic and it has turned into this weird competition of who’s better rather than really caring about the well-being of the babies. I also believe privileged people get bored and start creating what I call ✨made up problems✨ that are not at all backed up by science or anything else. Ignore them, you’re doing amazing.
I cannot leave my baby's sight because he will start to cry and he is formula fed. My sister who have a breastfed baby can leave him with our parents (grand parents) and he doesn't mind lol....
Thank you so much for this video 💛
Oh man the amount of judgement that happened from pregnancy to birth and then after is insane. Apparently everything is right, but everything is wrong too. 🤭🙈
When you're pregnant you're either too small or too big. If you give birth with epidural you're "cheating", but if you give birth naturally they ask you "why put yourself through that when the epidural exist??". Sleep training is bad, sleeptraining is good... you name it. It goes on.
I Love all the points you made in this video!!!
I've a theory that "mom guilt" is a product of or exacerbated by patriarchal societies. I found myself being grateful my early years of parenting took place before the rise of social media. It was challenging enough navigating within my circle of peers without complete strangers piling on!
Thanks for this great video!!
Very interesting and important video! Thank you for making it.
I always say: “ Become a mother and be prepared to be judged (and criticised)”
When you’re the most exhausted and vulnerable
Happy Birthday Melanie 🎂🥳 so grateful for your content always. big fan of Matilda myself. really enjoyed the Miss Honey outfit. you wear it well 💚
u looks so pretty wow💗💗💗😿