Reacting to PARENTING ADVICE with Hannah Witton! | Melanie Murphy
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- Опубліковано 5 жов 2022
- Reacting to parenting advice with HANNAH WITTON! The good, the bad and the clichéd …
Watch our video on Hannah’s channel all about how we each approach work/parenting differently! • How we Work and Parent...
Common advice we react to in this video:
- sleep when the baby sleeps
- put baby down ‘drowsy but awake’
- don’t hold the baby too much
- don’t pick baby up when they cry, you’ll make a rod for your own back
- follow the routine ‘eat, play, sleep’ / don’t feed baby to sleep
- don’t co-sleep
- enjoy every minute while it lasts
- If you think this stage is hard just wait for xyz
- It gets better
- It doesn’t get easier, just different
- you need to sleep train or they’ll never sleep through the night
- chill parent = chill child
- no screen time before bed
My ‘pregnancy and motherhood’ playlist:
• PREGNANCY & MOTHERHOOD
My ‘project reset’ series from after my first child! • PROJECT RESET 2021
► Follow me on INSTAGRAM: melaniiemurphy...
Have yee missed our collabs!? 🥰🥰🥰🥰 We‘ve visited eachother a few times since the last collab but just didn’t get around to filming anything, so we were DETERMINED to sit down and film for old time’s sake this time! Hope you enjoy and if there’s any advice we DIDN’T react to in this please comment it here so I (and others) can join a convo about it! Xxx
OMG HANNA YOU OK ? YOU LOOK SO SICK ! WHAT HAPPENED ?
It's nice seeing you. For some reason, UA-cam hasn't recommended one of your videos to me in ages.
17:33 i'm feeling lightheaded, a warning would have been nice.
youtube is so fun bc I watched you guys as a teenager when you were mid 20s talking about sex and relationships, and now I'm the one who's mid 20s and you guys are chatting about being PARENTS, honestly wild, but in the best way
Same!!! Feel like we've all grown up together haha
literally! i can see how much i've grown and changed by watching their videos and it makes me emotional
A piece of advice that might be helpful for people with 2 kids, one baby: When you have a newborn and your first is turning 2 and a halfish and starting to skip naps, try and turn the afternoon nap into quiet time slowly. I did that with both of mine and it was especially helpful the first time, because while baby 2 napped in the afternoon, baby 1 had minimum half an hour quiet time in her room (playing, looking at books, sometimes still falling asleep) and I could get some rest too. They still do quiet time now at 5 and 8 years old, they have gotten so used to it after lunch and it's often a very creative time for them.
Really good advice!
My mom did that with me and my sister. Even into summer once I had started going to school.
Yes. 100% a fan of quiet time. I implemented it when my first 3 were born in 3 years.
My Dad always says "they start great and get better and better" and I think that's a nice way to think about kids.
Also I'm a clinical psychologist with child development expertise and whenever people give advice about crying it out or sleep training I want to laugh. The people that "sleep train" their babies were always going to have babies that slept. The best you can do is create environments and routines conducive to sleep, which is not at all the same as "sleep training" an infant.
So you are anti cry it out? Your comment wasn't clear to me lol
Babies are really so different from each other, my first wouldn't fall asleep alone until she was 2 and a half and I "trained" her in one night (as in: told her I was going down to wash some dishes, she cried very little, I said " coming back soon" and by the time I was back she was asleep and the next morning i praised her and made a big deal out of it and from then on she fell asleep on her own proudly after her story) As for my second, at 8 months old she suddenly wanted to be put in her crib awake and waved to us to leave the room. She is a little alien:)
My oldest is 8 and it gets soooo much better. Newborn stage was hands down the very hardest so far. To me now with a 5 and 8 year old it is definitely SO much easier now. We were on holidays for over a month with them, a sort of road trip, and it was not even hard. Never thought it would be like this one day.❣
I’m 39 weeks pregnant, and the sweetest advice I’ve had about the newborn stage is that it’s not forever. It’s so simple, but I can imagine how easy it could be to feel stuck in the sleep deprivation and being constantly needed for their every basic need. I’m going to try and keep telling myself, this is not forever!
I work in health visiting - people come to us for advice, clarity, rules to follow, support. The most common sentences I end up saying are "all babies are different", "do what works for you", "there's no such thing as a perfect parent" and "it sounds like you're doing an amazing job".
Using "you need to do this or else your baby will never/always" Is ridiculous, babies are not always babies, everyone giving that advice is an adult and it's not like they still need to breast feed to fall asleep 😂
Good lord I love this!!! Drowsy but awake is bullshit and I stressed myself out SO much with this in the early months. I fed to sleep until it stopped working for us (my son is nearly 8 months old). As soon as I dropped the guilt and just followed his lead is when everything felt so much easier and more enjoyable ❤️
This is WONDERFUL! I was so excited when I saw the notification for these!
I started making notes in my phone when mine was about 9 months old for all the things no one tells you can happen and are normal, and all the repetitive, useless advice we got that was garbage. And now I'm ready with what I think is the "real" truth when friends have their own babies! 🤣
My top useless piece everyone gave me was sleep when the baby sleeps. I'm not a good sleeper. I can't just fall asleep in 10 minutes. So I'd Finally be falling asleep and 20-30 minutes later he'd be awake again. Wasn't his fault I'm a sh!t sleeper. But really useless advice from everyone.
And we had planned on not doing strict routines or schedules with him. We're both night owls, and figured he's a baby, he'll be fine with whatever. Nope. Turns out we had a kid who is the biggest morning person you've ever seen AND needs an extremely strict and detailed bedtime routine to sleep well. Everything has to happen in the same order and at the same time every day or he won't sleep. Who knew that was a thing? We only heard about parents enforcing schedules on their babies, not the other way around.
At the end of the day, everything comes down to the baby/kid is a full person, and you have to find what compromises work for the whole family, including them, just like you do when you move in with your partner. Ours is 3.5 now and our life improved so much when we stopped trying to fit into other people's advice and investigated how does our family work? And how do we capitalize on that to make it better?
And that's the building block for any advice I give now to anyone who asks me for it. 🙂
New mum to a 6 month old and this was the most hilarious and therapeutic 30 minutes of my week! Thank you both for being so honest about your parenting experience.💚💛
This has made me feel so much better thank you both 💖
Ah it’s so nice to see you together again! Can’t believe you’re both moms now! 💚💚💚
Seeing you two in a video together again makes the universe seem right again even if just for a brief moment lol
I’m not somebody who usually comments on videos but I just had to say thank you! Thank you to both of you for being so honest about these things. I have a 5 month old baby boy and there were so many things (like putting him to bed drowsy) that I’ve been trying and trying to do but just can’t. Everything I read online seems to suggest it’s not that hard but it is so reassuring to hear other people agree that sometimes it just can’t be done!
As somebody who works in a baby room in a nursery, I really understand that sometimes this advice is so silly to hear. When you’re dealing with a baby 24/7 you deal with different situations differently.
I’ve had many babies start with us who are very attached to parents/carers but at nursery they’re very independent. The youngest baby I’ve personally looked after is 4 months old and it’s really hard depending on what parents do at home.
In my job, I can’t hold a baby all day as I have 8 others to look after! In regards to sleeping, many babies respond to repartition and consistency! Changing a babies sleeping habit is really hard, especially if they cry or kick off (they will pull on your heart strings as a parent!).
Personally I’m not a parent myself and if/when I have my own children I could be completely different and do differently to what I think now!
You’re all great mums and as long as baby is loved, clothed and fed nothing else matters!
Love both your vids been watching for years now! it’s been so lovely to see you both grow and have your own children and watching your journey! Keep it up super mums xx
I was constantly holding my first baby the first few months of her life, because I wanted to but also because I did not have a choice. She would not be put down, she was just a very high-needs baby. Luckily I was able to stay at home with her for the first 9 months, so by then it was all better. It was good for her to go to daycare when she started crawling. she made a lot of friends.:) I totally get that you cannot hold them all day in daycare, however what I don't like is when people say it's a bad habit. It's just fulfilling the baby's needs. My baby is now 8 and very secure and confident since she was a little girl. I think it really helps when you respond to their needs when they are a baby. As for you, you are doing a super important job, I'm very grateful for people like you.💝
Really appreciate your perspectives! Especially about how people talk to new parents. Hopefully I can integrate this awareness to be a better support for my friends who have newborns. I agree about the behaviour management, I think if you teach how to self regulate--(deep breathing, talking through it out loud, giving yourself space, light distraction etc.,) then children can practice/try out what methods work for them. Some calm parents just never acknowledge their children's struggling/emotions so that might also play into the differences. Also, seeing you two together again brought such a big smile to my face. Things change but your friendship seems stronger than ever.
As a new mom, this video is exactly what I needed. Thank you!
Missed these collabs! This was lush especially as a pregnant FTM to be 💚
I LOVE seeing you and Hannah together again!
My favourite parenting advice is “this too shall pass”, because it’s a reminder in both the good and the bad moments. When it’s hard, you can remember that it will pass and get better. When it’s good, it’s a reminder to just take it in and appreciate it, because that will also change.
Thank you so much for this! I have a one year old and it is so nice to feel that you are not the only one that rules and advice dont apply, because every child is different
Yay love seeing you together!😊
I relate and agree with everything you both said! Ah being a mum is fun ❤️
Yayyy two of my faves!!!
One of my favourite things I've heard is "all unsolicited advice is criticism". For me personally, I find it easier to recognize that criticism is a suggestion and not all criticism is constructive. On the flip side, I think this helps people think about how giving unsolicited advice can be similar to saying "you're not doing enough/well/correctly". Personally, it frees me from the burden of having to universally accept or give time to unsolicited advice.
I'm the same as Hannah, super organised but soon realised having a schedule for my baby stressed me out more!
Also totally feel the same with letting baby lead and essentially just rolling with it. I like control, but I can't control how tired my child is (or I can't always take him outside for hours to wear him out)!
@@febberz Right? My second baby organized her own life, she fell asleep very easily - in the stroller, in my arms or wherever else - and when we looked at the clock it was in extremely regular intervals. My first however barely napped at al, even as a newborn, she was very tired all the time, I think for her maybe a schedule might have helped. It's hard to say. She also did not want to be put down ever and hated the carrier, which made it so much harder. Every baby is so different.❣
Ive been watching you two together for what feels like a decade and I do not have any kids lol but I was like whats this bluey you are talking about and so I googled it and its really cute. I feel like watching tv my kids and I both like will be really fun someday! I love these videos because my hubs and I are thinking about babies in a few years so its good to hear the good and the bad from women going through it.
Love you guys! Thanks for the video currently 20weeks pregnant 🤰
Oh my gosh I completely relate to feeling deprived of intellectual conversation - I was a single parent with my first kid from day 1 so was completely alone with her throughout the first 2.5 years of her life, not living near friends and no partner (through the lockdowns too 🥴) honestly the lack of human contact was absolutely brutal
Currently filing that intellectual conversation void with your video, baby asleep on me rather than his bedside cot (though she sleeps there fine unlike her big brother)! Thank you so much for this you help take away a lot of the pressure and bring in a lot of common sense. It’s so important !
Also fun fact : they tell us to have babies sleep in their backs cause they can’t sleep quite as deeply as on their front which prevents them from holding their breath which is one of the factor in baby death. So basically they’d rather your baby sleeps less well then you bed sharing (at least in France where bed sharing is a big no no).
There is SO much pressure on new parents to get EVERYTHING right, all the time.
If you do another collab or a q&a, what are your personal thoughts on various aspects of parenting "methods" like Montessori, floor beds, baby-led weaning?
The best advice i got was "sleep begets sleep", so sleeping more during the day leads to more sleep at night, not less. I have read many people try to keep the baby awake to make them more tired, but that just makes them overtired and sensitive/fussy. The "drowsy but awake" thing really helped for me, mostly because it made me try to put her down on her own even though i didn't think she would manage, and she did much better than i thought! But i totally get that its annoying to get repeatedly when you've tried it and it really doesn't work.
Yes, my daughter was born in '92. She was my first baby. I was blessed with such a great nurse doing the baby care talks at the hospital for all us new mothers. She said she'd been working maternity and nursery for 30 years, and in that time the instructions for how to put babies down had been on their backs, on their fronts and were currently on their sides, so that's what she was telling us, but just we should know that in the past three decades, the rules had... um... changed, so we should take what we wanted from her experience!! It was perfect not only for her, but for my other children because of COURSE they changed the recommendations... so I knew to take it all with a grain of salt.
in Korea I think they do bed sharing until like 2 or 3 years old, maybe even longer. In general, though it's starting to change a lot, most families will sleep together in the same room on the floor on futons (they are thinner than a Japanese futon, super uncomfortable in my opinion, lol), so naturally co-sleeping is a no-brainer for them. I was watching a this show called "My Neighbor Charles" which is a like a host and guest show about foreigners living in Korea, and one episode there was a foreign European wife married to a Korean guy (I wanna say she was Dutch but I don't remember), and they had just moved back to Korea after living in Europe, and they had a 6 or 7 month old baby. The European mom would put the baby to sleep in another room (this is a big European thing, especially here in France, where babies just don't sleep with the parents after 3 months of age, and they are usually put on pretty strict sleep schedules. I'm not European/French, so even for me the strictness about this kind of stuff weirds me out a bit), anyways, the Korean mother-in-law/grandmother sees this and says it's abuse, in her culture and mind the baby should never ever be put down, should just sleep on the mom while strapped to her or another family member, and the baby should always be co-sleeping with the mother/parents or else they will develop attachment issues (I'd almost say in Europe the reason for having the baby "cry it out" and sleeping in another room is to prevent attachment issues also, lol, it's so weird the different perceptions on this), the Korean grandmother got so upset and yelled at the European mom saying she's not in Europe and had to do it the Korean way, would constantly take the baby away and strap the baby onto her back, even threatening to call child services on the European mom. When I see stuff like that, I'm just all like, you do you, hhahahha, every culture has a different way of raising children and interpretations on what is right and correct, and so you just do what works for you, your baby, and your family, and don't pay heed to what anyone says, unless you are legitimately breaking a law in the country you are living in, lol, like here in France hitting a child in any form is against the law.
Best comment - you have made so many observations and this is what all new mums need to see! Just do what YOU want! Sod everyone else and their experience/culture/habits. You do you!
What's sad is that the Korean mother-in-law seems like she just legitimately was doing this out of love but also seems to have completely missed the mark on the process and her place in relation to the baby as she is not primary parent. Though that, too, may be the result of culture. There's a very well-written book about parenting and health and cultural differences called The Spirit Catches You and You Fall Down. It's about a Hmong family who flees persecution in Vietnam and land in CA. One of their children has a severe seizure disorder and the book follows the journey of the American doctors who try to treat the daughter, the parents and the entire Hmong community in the local area and their relationship with the hospital and wider local community. It examines how cultural beliefs about how to raise a child who has a condition that can't even be agreed upon between western medical providers and families can lead to dangerous assumptions and rash action.
Loved watching this. Absolutely agree with all the fact that you have to adjust to what makes sense for you and your baby!
The thing about feeding to sleep making it harder if baby then needs to fall asleep with other caregivers is definitely true that people worry about it BUT in my experience ... Both my boys started nursery while contact napping on the boob at home. They both learned really quickly other ways to be comforted with other people! When they knew me and my boobs weren't available they both figured it out 💓
Also I am the smug parent of a child who has asked to dress as Bluey for Halloween and have his baby bro dressed as Bingo and as a mother I simply can't resist so yes I've spent a small fortune on character onesies 🤣
I created so much stress for myself with the whole sleep situation with my 1st child, putting him down drowsy but awake, being told don't co sleep but he wouldn't sleep unless he was on me, next to me or on boob. if I moved once he was asleep he would be up. I gave up in the end and went with my gut, we bef shared as I was struggling to function due to lack of sleep.
2nd baby also wouldn't sleep alone. I had a next to me crib but it's full of books.
My fave quote on tough days is the days are long but the years are short.
Hannah turning Irish at “four months old” and “my husband is phoning me” 😂😂😂😂
I went to a lord of the rings museum exhibition with a school friend a couple of months ago. She brought her then 8 month old son (very cute, calm little lad). When we were driving, a stone hit the passenger door window and I swore and ask what it was. Then automatically said sorry and told the baby not to copy me 😂 my friend was fine with it as he wasn’t near talking yet
aaaaaaaaaa I’m always so happy to see your precious faces together
Chill kids make chill parents:)
In my son's 7 months of life I'm pretty sure he has never even been in a 'drowsy but awake' state and at this point I'm sure it's just a myth. I think as parents we all have to just make decisions that we feel comfortable with at the time based on our beliefs and the information we have. And also sometimes it's just about doing things to survive! We've been bed sharing since the 4 month sleep regression something I never planned on doing but it has been the only way that we could both get some sleep. I personally take the baby led approach as it is the most natural to me and less stressful in my opinion than having all of the routines and trying to fit baby into your life.
I don't have any kids, or nieces or nephews or babysit and I love watching Bluey!
My daughter was like 2 and still not sleeping though the night and I was so tired all the time and also she being a full on toddler in every way. And one of my colleagues at work she said something like "yeah two is a hard time, but I found with both my sons that 17 was the hardest age" and I was just like 🤯😱😤 because obviously a teenager can be difficult as well, but it just doesn't compare to having a small child that needs you so much all the time.
My daughter is very much into Bluey and I’m like yES, GOOD. It’s such a relatable, fun show.
I will say, routines are really easy (and helpful) with bottle fed babies. They generally get into a pretty solid routine that works well, until it changes 😂 but breastfed babies, there's no point in trying to stick to a routine
yes - and feeding every three hours - I wish, lol
I don't know if there is English dub for this show but when my mom was babysitting kids all of them LOVED Masha and the bear!!! The episodes are short and storyline is always cute but educational. Even I preferred that one over the other cartoons when I was helping her out with the kids 😊
Great to see you two together again
💚💛
The thing about screen-time, especially for the very little ones is, that they turn very calm and silent because in the video they get an overflow of stimulation and they can't handle it. So they get outwardly calm, when in reality, their brain is working really hard, to process, what they have seen.
And when talking about screen-time just an observation I made: I'm on holidays and I see so many parents, that give their kids the tablet to watch videos DURING breakfast/ lunch/ dinner. And that is just not okay! It's so important for the kids to be a part of the family, and that means to eat with them, being talked to and talke to the family members. Sometimes the only interaction between parents and kids during a meal is "i need a new video", mama stands up, and puts on another video...
It makes me so sad!
You can't let babies cry it out because they don't learn to regulate their emotions if you don't teach them!
This is literally the sort of unsolicited advice this video is about and is equally as unhelpful
@@niamhkelly6859 I don't think it's unsolicited advice when it's commentary on a video that is about this topic. If I were to tell a mother this unsolicited, then it would be unsolicited. Or have I missed something?
@@niamhkelly6859 They literally talked about in the video how they don't let their babies cry it out. This comment is supporting their commentary with the latest research on healthy emotional upraising
A nanny a toddler and we watch Bluey, and she was on Holiday for a couple of weeks and about 1.5 weeks in I missed Bluey and watched it myself lol
omg I could never just ignore a babys cry
You are both amazing talented women interesting video
I’m in the us, anyone have any more specific advice on safe bed sharing?
Now that I have tweens and teens I don’t think I have any advice for new parents lol I still have no clue what I’m doing! Aside from safety information, do what works best for you!
Love ya’ll! 💚
I highly recommend the book Hunt, Gather, Parent by Michaeleen Doucleff! If you’re needing a break from all the child centered activities, or need help with behavior, or minimizing tantrums- it’s a great resource.
The author & her young daughter spend time with different communities, such as the Maya & the Inuit & learn from their parenting styles. The way we do things makes SO much more work for us.
Oh my, I have so many opinions on this. In terns of sleep I think it's helpful to study some good research on how children sleep to educate yourself. Some kids are clearly prone to falling into these quite good sleep patterns on their own, but the thing is you just will not know if you are digging yourself in until you look back and realise that your 6 year old still does not sleep through the night and only sleeps with you in bed (happened to my sister, and her thing was that she never stopped feeding her child to sleep, until she stopped breatfeeding around 3). On the other hand my oldest child was such an awful sleeper that I did not have the option to co-sleep as he would not do it, but also would nit sleep without me. Basically he just did not sleep. Sleep training went extemely well for him and he had regressions, stil sometime can wake up with a nightmare, but we hadn't done sleep training we'd literally be all dead now. My second child was different but he still responded to sleep training well. I only would recommend it to other parents because generally speaking they don't know how much better most kids could sleep if at least some form of sleep training was followed. People are just often not keen to do it if they are finding other ways tolerable. But I've kniwn many parents who subsequently have really struggled into 4, 5 and 6 with a child who will not sleep in their bed and more importantly will wake up at the crack of dawn and not go back to sleep. They will all sleep eventually of course, but sometimes it may be much longer than you could ever imagine😵💫
The way my mom handled swearing and the way I think about it is "If something feels like shits you should be able to say it"
Especially the "if you think thisis hard, wait until xyz..." I CANNOT STAND!!!
ikr. i hate it when people say stuff like "just wait until you're married and have 4 kids!" oh, so you didn't have any problems before?
I think me and my older brother were in separate rooms as babies from our parents. But my mum would stay up longer than my dad to give us a feed, and my dad was and is always a 6am morning person so happy to help with a morning shift of bottle and nappy change. Plus monitors and mother superhearing helped. And both me and my brother slept through the night at 6 weeks.
Oh my I met this woman who was scared of comforting her baby or even cuddling too much because /what if the baby is spoiled and becomes clingy/ and my entire family was like ??? It's a baby??
Bluey has made me so proud to be an Australian
(writting while watching because I cannot hold myself) Chill parent = chill child was horrifying for me.
Your frendship is goals
Would love to hear your take on Gabor Mate’s recent book “hold on to your kids”. I have read a lot of his work on trauma, I think his work would also tie in really well with Hannah’s sex ed.
This is one of the most judgemental things I’ll ever say and I honestly don’t care - I would rather NEVER have a full nights sleep again than use slee training methods like CIO. I feel like it’s so cruel and can’t get past the idea of having to sit there and leave my daughter in distress.
My daughter often wakes in the night and the amount of people pressuring me to leave her crying just disgusts me.
Also - Bluey is the best show ever.
I need to know what TV show they're talking about? 😂 I couldn't get the name.
Baby Jenga for achieving the perfect side sleep
What a nonstarter
Anyone else wats kids but got terrified after watching this video? Lol
Love the realness though
💖
The vaccination crying never really did much to me because of how much my baby already cried daily, so that was nothing. My second did not cry at the doctor's. Ever. Like I said in another comment already, she is an alien and she's awesome. :)
Does any parent enjoy the minutes when their baby has just had a nappy leak all over everything, you're tired and you needed to leave the house 10 minutes ago? I'm pretty sure that sucks.
It was SO HARD having a mother in law who had kids 30 years ago and wanted to advice me on things. There was how I should hold my baby, to let her cry it out, to give her puffed rice (which has high level of arsenic), who thought shrimp was dangerous in pregnancy, but the lead-laden BPA-toys her kids played with were somehow safe (they all have hormone-relate issues...) etc etc. I had to cut her out of my life for 5 months, until she had calmed down and updated herself some on the current recommendations, as she was literally fighting with me about beijg "too strict" and wondering where I even got my information from -_-
That’s terrible.
We cut ours out permanently because she's a bad person and always has been. But we tried to give her a chance for a few years. And she tried to run ALL over us and enforce her schedule on everyone and her parenting method on our son. Her husband kept trying to tell her its not her place, she already had her turn at being a mom, and now her turn is over. She did not take that well. (She was also an AWFUL mom. Messed up both her kids really good. But her son tried to sort himself out as an adult and did a mostly good job of it. And he and I decided she'd gotten as many second chances as she was going to get.)
My own mom is wonderful, but many of my no room for discussion parenting choices are from the negative experiences from my own childhood. She still tells me she thinks those differences aren't the best choices, but at least acknowledges in the same sentence it's ultimately up to us. And it is.
I didn't appreciate until we had one how hard it is to get constant parenting advice from other people.
@@thayerwilliams905 Mine too did some really bad things, like saying that we wanted any help from her, she doesn't want any of my "smartassery", and that her family (why is she even talking for other people than herself?) didn't need our child - it was our child that needed them. If we couldn't deal with that, there are many other children she can help instead. At that point I decided that if she doesn't change, no way she's going to have anything to do with my child
@@lollsazz good choice. My partner and I made a promise when we got pregnant - the cycle ends with us. He's getting exposure to healthy, well rounded, functional adults who have goals and hold themselves accountable. People who don't fit thar criteria aren't going to be in his life as a minor.
We can't make that choice for him as an adult, but both of us allowed people and abuse in our lives as adults because we grew up with it. And when you grow up with a skewed perception of what's normal and acceptable, you don't know what good baseline for acceptable behavior and relationships IS. And we both made terrible relationship decisions and family member decisions for years because that's what we saw demonstrated. Not our kid. He's going to have the baseline that let's him recognize a lost cause situation at the beginning.
And that's not even touching how much our lives have improved and become peaceful because we cut those people out of our lives as adults. We've got one left on my side of the tree and we've agreed to wait it out because he's old and in very poor health. But we keep him away from our child, even if he's not fully out of our adult lives.
I hope your own life and families life is improved by cutting yours out. So many people try to guilt trip when something like that is necessary. Don't fall for it. Your life and your child's life and your peace matter. You're right to protect it.
Do any of us actually remember when we were less than a year old. ?
Habits and needs difference might not be formed at that early age.
'if you think this stage is hard' makes me wanna RAGE. QUIT.
I feel like all the advice examples make sense for a 2 year old but definitely not a newborn. You can find evidence for ANY advice you hear, any theory, often completely opposing. I also completely changed my opinion on a lot of stuff as my son grew. Parenting in today’s world where you freakin’ have to study before doing anything is exhausting.
to me almost none of them apply to a 2 year old either.
My baby only fell asleep on the boob. But at daycare they managed to get her to sleep in other ways. It's just different when mom's not there.
to anyone who says don't cuddle / holding your baby too much , they will get too clingy ... my son is now 4 and clingy and its the best kind of clingy it's love and it want him to be as clingy for as long as possible 🤭🤭
Whatever reasons you may ever have for doing something one way or the other, the answer can NEVER be "because it has been done for many centuries"! With that argument women would still be locked away with no rights and no eduacation. We should always weight up all the pros and cons and evaluate for ourselves. - And for the new moms: Whatever you are stessing out about with your first baby think about if you can still do all those things when you have another baby while the first one is still under 2. Most second born babies are much more relaxed than the first one. And it has probably much to do with the more relaxed moms the second time around.
I was an Au pair for 4 months for a family with a 3 year old and 1 year old and the only way I could get the 1 year old to calm down when I was alone with him was to show him a few minutes of Mickey Mouse Cartoons. The family otherwise had an absolutly no screen time rule for the kids, but I figured this was better then to let him scream for an hour or so. I never told the mom though🙈
Can you make a nightweaning /weaning video? My daughter is the same age as your son and I’m over it but so worried that it’ll be sleepless nights 😬
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wow i think i'm first!!!!
At night while I breastfeed my son I have to watch my phone with maximum screen light not to fall asleep, he’s 6 months old and still wakes up every our, send help lol
So much 'parenting advice' comes from 'please calm my ego, I probably, moslty likely did it wrong but I dnt want to face it so if you do it to then I dnt have to feel bad about it or look at myself' ... as a gentle parent, I got so much not so helpful advice that really had nothing to do with what's best for a HUMAN CHILD.. and went against child development.. and so often they said stuff that was so flat out wrong.. as someone dealing with a lot of trauma and can see how it comes from how I was raised, I was really angry in those first yrs because I was fighting all corners of my world and from within to break cycles..
I started to say 'If your advice is more about you and not a SUGGESTION and one that promotes connection between us, shut up and go away' ...
Because honestly, there is a huge difference between 'advice' and 'suggestion, this might help' ... and most advice never really helps and is shallow at best.
I hate the "sleep when the baby sleeps" I cannot do that as I exclusively pumping whereas I think it is easier for parents who exclusively breastfeed or formula feed. I do put my baby down drowsy but awake mostly because I do not want to be the only way they go to sleep, but she needs her pacifier to fall asleep. I hold my baby anytime I can, now I do not rush in when my baby cries because they will cry occasionally in their sleep, and they let out a few cries when they fall to sleep. If you rush in to early when they cry it can wake them up, but my baby tends to only cry when they need something. I do not bed share, mostly because I do not trust it. My child is in the same room as us. Once my child is 6 months they will sleep in their nursery, they do take all of their naps in their nursery now and sleep with us in their own bassinet at night. Right now I am getting them to trial their crib and honestly is going well. I have to get my baby to stay awake for long enough. Currently working on getting them on a better awake window times. Their awake windows were way too short for their development of gross and fine motor skills.
When it comes to bed-sharing, my baby was already mobile from day one - sheKNEW how to find my boobs 😆 Even if we started out half a meter apart, she would always scooch up to me and feed. Yes, super-scary to feed while you sleep, unless you know you're not one of the people who lies still throughout the night
I was a natural side sleeper baby, only my right side. My face is lopsided from it. Don’t recommend 😅
"Babies should sleep on their back or they will DIE". Sir. When I was a baby I would put my head between the cot wall and the mattress and SLEEP LIKE THAT. And I'm obviously alive now. Chill.