Are You Grieving or Whining?

It can be rather mean to tell someone in pain to, “Quit your whining!” And yet, I have discovered in my own journey of healing, and in my work with clients, that not all expressions of pain are aiming for healthy grieving. Sometimes we (myself included!) are tempted to whine, complain, gripe about something, unconsciously pretending we are grieving, but actually blocking those around us from providing the comfort, support and nourishment that our pain needs in order to heal. In this video I explore this fascinating (and often tragic) pattern we humans are prone to, unpacking some of what we're potentially aiming for, and what we need to aspire towards instead (for the sake of our healing and the potential joy and peace that can become possible). It is still typically unkind to tell someone to just “quit whining,” but we do need wise, compassionate invitations to shift out of complaining and deepen into our actual sorrow in order that we can receive the care we're longing for.
~About~
I'm Sean Slevin, a Licensed Professional Counselor, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and a Certified Sensorimotor Psychotherapist. I love engaging with questions about life, relationships and being human. If you have a question for Ask Sean you can send it anonymously at: AskSean.org
~Resources~
Obviously, I do not know if a given book is right for you, so please use your own judgment. But the following books relate to some of the themes I touch on in this video:
-A Monster Calls: Inspired by an idea from Siobhan Dowd, by Patrick Ness
mft.cc/bk/0763...
-Faith, Hope and Carnage, by Nick Cave and Seán O’Hagan
mft.cc/bk/0374...
-Finding Meaning in the Second Half of Life: How to Finally, Really Grow Up, by James Hollis
mft.cc/bk/1592...
-Owning Your Own Shadow: Understanding the Dark Side of the Psyche, by Robert A. Johnson
mft.cc/bk/0062...
-Leading with a Limp: Take Full Advantage of Your Most Powerful Weakness, by Dan B. Allender
mft.cc/bk/1578...
-Leading with a Limp Workbook: Discover How to Turn Your Struggles into Strengths, by Dan B. Allender and Matthew D. Baugher
mft.cc/bk/1578...
-The Soul of Shame: Retelling the Stories We Believe About Ourselves, by Curt Thompson
mft.cc/bk/0830...
Resources, Books, Quizzes, etc.:
mft.cc/resources
If you are in need of a counselor I've written a guide to assist you in choosing a counselor and evaluating if they are a good fit for you:
mft.cc/choosec...
*Affiliate Disclosure: When you buy through links to Amazon, etc. provided here (or on my website) I may receive a commission on your purchase (at no cost to you).
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