How I overcame decision paralysis | Mary Steffel | TEDxNortheasternU
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- Опубліковано 29 тра 2019
- More often than not, we find ourselves immobilized with indecision- unable to choose between two or more alternatives, whether their impact on our lives is small or large. Mary Steffel is an assistant professor of marketing at Northeastern who specializes in decisions and decision delegation. In her talk, Mary describes the importance of delegating decisions to others and how we can overcome decision paralysis. Assistant professor of marketing at the D’Amore-McKim School of Business Dr. Mary Steffel (Ph.D. Princeton University, University of Florida) serves on the Office of Evaluation Sciences at the General Services Administration and has served on the White House Social and Behavioral Sciences Team, where she helps to translate and test evidence-based insights into concrete recommendations for how to improve government.
Her hobbies include performing choral music and participating in half marathons. One of her favorite places to visit is New York City. This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx
So putting somebody else to take the decision for you is not overcoming is just avoiding.
Anxiety comes from two fears: fear of failure/trauma or fear of unknown.
When you don't know what you're choosing, that is actually the problem and what causes the past anxiety to kick in.
Absurd
.....
So you disagree with her? She is saying delegating helps.
Some people spend years learning how to make choices and fail time and time again, so I think her solution is better for the people who really struggle and are scared of wasting more time.
@@mariarudina1224 well I disagree with that. If someone can't make a decision (in this context) it's because it lacks the skills for doing so. It's like asking a child to run and jump when it can barely stay up straight. There are steps to making decisions, same as there are steps in being able to use full motricity skills. Anxiety kicks in for a miriad of reasons, but in all of them it is so because the person experimenting it feels it doesn't have control (on the event, the people, the info related to it and so on, but not necesarily all of them simultaneous). One way to deal with it is practicing smaller decisions until it become easy and almost reduntant. Then anxiety has no reason to appear, because the confort zone of this particular reduntant situation is too high and well established.
Now if the trauma is too hard to deal with and the decision in question involves a lot of big risks, yes, it is better to delegate, in agreement, to someone else. It is a solution, but only in the short term, because the pattern that triggered the trauma or memories of it and thus involving anxiety will resurface whenever possible within an interaction.
However, always residing to someone else to deal with your stuff is not helping you, only limiting you.
This is a very problematic "solution" for so many reasons (that I'm too busy to actually write down right now). This might be a good solution for certain situations, but for others, it could be disastrous. There were many times in my life that I ended up relying on others' decisions and advice when I couldn't decide on my own (I have OCD) and it ended up ruining my life. The decisions and advice of others won't always fit you and could be terrible for you when it's about more than just which type of tea you should get.
Not to mention that if you get too accustomed to relying on others, you'll never learn to decide on your own, and where will that leave you when you have no one to rely on? We all have decisions we have to make on our own and there won't always be someone to do it for us, and even if there are, they might make the wrong decision for us. It's far more crucial, imo, that we gain the confidence to handle making choices on our own. There's nothing wrong with seeking advice, but eventually it's important that we are the ones making the decision.
Sorry, but I really didn't like this one.
(But I do LOVE into the woods)
Well- stated, I agree. Slippery solution
Completely agree with this. When a question is loaded with anxiety or fear you will only strengthen it if you ask(or rely) on others to decide. This can be absolutely debilitating for a person prone to anxiety.
Would love to hear your take on this Talk about being decidedly undecided.
Your comment is more insightful than the video
i agrèe
I couldn’t decide how felt about this video, so I delegated my reaction to the comments. I am not disappointed on how they chose for me to feel.
This is f-ing relatable
Big brain energy!
Lol
A moment of silence please.
Great response! 😂
I can't decide if I want to watch this video.
Don't watch u can save 10 minutes
SuperAtheist me!!!!!!!!!!!! Lol
I can’t decide if to end it here or listen all the way to the end lol.
Literally
Just use the Randi android app.
This is very toxic!
I am stuck with depression because I used to make decisions like that.
At first I thought the problem are other people influencing me with their opinion. I was wrong a long time.
Just recently I experienced that my real problem is making no decision at all (fear, overwhelmed, ...) and let other decide for me without noticing.
Paired with big decisions like buying a flat left me with extreme remorse, anxiety and no energy to go on with my life.
I tried to change my situation on my own without anyone giving me advices and learned I am not able to do it as I am not strong enough to make decisions. My depression got worse and I often think about my past and the slipped-away opportunities.
So I can only give you the advice to stand up for yourself and make decisions that make you feel good, do not care too much about others and keep informing yourself about the techniques to make a decision (write down pros and cons, write down your wishes and fears, write down the best and the worst case, ...)
Stay true to yourself and better make a bad decision than no decision.
I am feeling the same right now.. 😔... I didn't make any decision at all... I have always taken others decision and now I must take the decision for myself and I'm not able to... I couldn't overcome it. 😔
Can you share your story if you have overcome it.
thar is actually true.. let your experience drive you...she just tries to make you feel good about leaving your decisions on other people's shoulders...and here the problem of Learned Helplessness begins
Her advice of delegating is simply going from internal to external. If you think about it in a broader sense such as this, it could mean "delegating" to online resources to help inform your decision. I'm sure everyone will feel much more confident in their decision after doing research, which is similar here where you delegate the decision to an expert who had already done the research.
It would be more accurate to label the video " How to overcome shopping decision paralysis. "
* sees the youtube recommendation *
me: do i watch it or not?
For some reason, this talk took a lot of load out of my psyche and cleared a lot of air. To me, it means unloading, getting the burden of one's shoulders, truly letting go and just taking in, enjoying it or learning from the decision. Thank you very much.
The issue is whether the delegate is genuinely serving you, or has ulterior motives
Exactly, store employees aren't advisors, even when they know their stuff (slim chance), they'll only recommend what they can sell to you and if you're lucky they don't consider margins. I've made that mistake and it cost me a lot more money to save time on choosing products that ended up being bad choices and unfit for the purpose than I would have spent getting what I actually needed with a little time to prepare.
yes, @@Hosenanzugtasche The issue scales very quickly when it comes to your bank manager or national security advisor.
This is why you should choose a number of delegates and ask each of them for a few recommendation instead of just one recommendations. You will end up a list of ~10 options or, better, much less, like 3-4
Yeah right! This "solution" might be a short term solution since it might help you, but you'll be dependent on another person who might know as much as you know about your problems. This is just a way of sending the responsibility to another person, a real solution would be to help us learn that sometimes not making a move is the worst move possible or we shouldn't live with regret on something like that.
@@leonarduxis12 I see what you're saying. Can u elaborate on what u mean by "not making a move"? There's this term called Zugzwang and it's a move in chess(I think) which doesn't move and means "sometimes the best move is not to move" this seams to contradict what you're saying so I'm curious when it's important to make a choice. Like if your fear stops you then u shouldn't let it? Etc
I've always delegated to people, but you know what; it left me reliant on them for everything. Making the decison yourself and dealing with the consequences gives you confidence when you mess up less than you fear and learn and deal with the bad choices. Having said that, I think it's good for the government to give people advice and information to help with the decison.
I don't feel like she actually gave a solution to the problem. I understand that asking for help is important and that it can help a lot, but it is still just passing the responsibility to someone else who may not even choose the best option for us
Which problem do you imply? If the problem is to make a choice only by yourself, well there is no answer to that in this talk. If the problem is to cope with paralysis because any choice is more profitable than no choice, there is a good piece of advice about it.
Just use it in relevant situation.
@@user-tw9pq6ti3h You're right, I was expecting a solution for coping with this paralysis and making the right choices by myself rather than only the first one, I supposed they were connected
So basically just put your responsability on someone else so you don’t have to worry about that
sorry i think i didn’t fully get the message
Flip a coin. When it's in the air you will know which way you want it to land.
I flipped about 100 times.
I flipped it 3 times and I still don’t know
No idea.. that’s what comes to mind when I’ve tried this. ☹️
Thank you
Yes! Love this method when I can't decide. Your brain is forced to make a subconscious decision. When you choose one of the options and feel any resistance towards it, then that's a sign that you want the other option.
First of all, I was impressed with the delivery of the talk - 12 minutes without notes and not a single filler word.
I wish I had been aware of the concept of 'Analysis Paralysis' a few years ago. I had been living with my mum while dating a girl, but was keen to buy my own place. I viewed a few, but couldn't make a decision very often (although I did offer on two of them, but both were rejected). I didn't want to commit in case a better house came up next week.
When my mum died, a lovely looking house came up for sale, a 5 minute walk from my work. It was slightly more expensive than houses I had looked at before, but I knew that I would receive an inheritance which would be sufficient to pay off the mortgage.
I analysed whether to buy it or not. I looked at the previous sales history and noticed that it got sold every 4-5 years and wondered why. I played with spreadsheets with all sorts of calculations. I looked at pictures of the house on the internet. But I didn't go to view it. My girlfriend asked if I had arranged to view it, so I told her I hadn't because I thought it was a bit too expensive. She invited me to move in with her, 25 miles away. I thought this was a fantastic result as it would save me the hassle of having to make a decision about the house, even though I would have to buy a car and have a 50 mile per day commute instead of a 10 minute walk. Because of the effect of 'Analysis Paralysis' on me, I deemed that this was the better option.
Having moved in together, we looked at a few houses together, both near her house and near my work. The plan was for me to buy 'my' house and for her to keep 'her' house. We would live in one and rent the other out. But we didn't really like any of the 5 houses we saw and our house search became cold and we stopped viewing them (although I continued my internet searches).
A year later, a house near my work came up for sale. I went to view it on my own and it was amazing! It was definitely my 'dream' home. A bit more expensive than I would have liked to have paid (by about half my salary), but affordable (according to the numerous spreadsheets that I created and fed the numbers in to), especially if I could overpay the mortgage while the interest rates were low. I tried numerous times to get my girlfriend to view it, but she refused.
Over the next few weeks, I was back to the spreadsheets, the pictures on the internet etc almost daily. I would look to see if the house was still for sale. My colleagues had seen the pictures and kept trying to persuade me to make an offer, insisting that the worst that could happen would be that they would reject it. For some reason, I thought that would be a disaster. I thought about asking for another viewing, but wanted to take someone with me. It felt 'wrong' to take someone other than my girlfriend, so I didn't, and I couldn't think who to ask (although in hindsight, I realise there are plenty of people who would have helped me). I thought about just telling my girlfriend I was going to make an offer, but wasn't sure how she would react. She might declare our relationship was over and then I would be homeless. Surely it wouldn't be worth the risk! I may even have thought about buying it without her knowledge, as a contingency in case the relationship broke up and I was homeless. But I didn't think I could cope with the buying process on my own, especially if post relating to the purchase would be sent to her address for me and I would have to keep it a secret. I should have realised that we clearly wanted different things from our relationship, 'grown a pair' and made the effort. I mean, millions of people have bought houses before so what was I afraid of? I continued to play with my spreadsheets and look at the pictures, then one day while I was searching for properties for sale, it didn't appear because it was sold. I was devastated.
I didn't view any properties after that. None of them were as good as the 'dream' home. Then one day, a house came up for sale that I had tried to buy when I was living with my mum but got outbid. I could easily afford it this time, but the UK, where I live, was about to leave the European Union (EU) and there had been stories in the media about how this would make house prices fall. I don't usually believe everything in the media, but I was certainly sucked in by this, much to my annoyance in hindsight. I didn't want to miss out on the possible fall (even though this house wouldn't be for sale then, and all I would be doing would be procrastinating about whether to make an offer on some nicer houses which I was looking at), so I used that as an excuse for me not to view it and have to make a decision. I realise now that the reason I have so many properties 'saved' on my PC but actually viewed very few of them is because by viewing them, I would feel obliged to make a decision, which is where I suffer from 'Analysis Paralysis'.
Two months later, the country was in lockdown due to the COVID pandemic. When the housing market reopened, it was difficult to even get to view properties. People were bidding more than the asking prices and I was suffering from anxiety with it. I didn't believe the prices (which were already accepted to be very high) could increase much more (how wrong I was again) and I was anxious so gave up.
Nearly two years after the start of the pandemic. my girlfriend unsurprisingly decided she was fed up with me and we split up. I was made homeless overnight. I'm now trying to buy a property but the standard of properties that I can afford has dropped considerably over the last two years. I'm looking to buy one that was sold just before the pandemic for £100k less than it costs now (Annoyingly, it now costs about the same as my 'dream' home). Mortgage rates are increasing and I estimate that the cost of me not buying any of the three properties that I could have done in this story is over £100k (so far) (the average salary is about £30k). The process of buying a home is more difficult for me now as well, as I don't have a fixed correspondence address. I spent years saving up to be able to buy a nice house so it is devastating to see that the standard of house that I can afford has decreased so dramatically. I could have been living in a nice home without a mortgage and with some savings, but now I will need a mortgage to buy the equivalent property.
Interestingly, I can relate to the part of Dr Steffel's talk where she talks about the sales assistant at Teavana advising about the customers' purchases. I do find it very helpful having someone with me when I view houses. I viewed one with someone that I had only just met that day. It's just reassuring to have a second paid of eyes who may notice things that I don't.
I've also recently come across a youtube video explaining the difference between 'reactive' and 'proactive' people. I think there is a link between 'Analysis Paralysis' and 'reactive' people. I've certainly been 'reactive' instead of 'proactive' to my great cost. I've reacted to whatever life has thrown at me instead of making plans and being ready. It seems that I had the attitude that buying the 'dream' home would just 'happen' instead of me pulling my finger out and making more effort. Of course, I'm devastated now. If only someone had said to me, 'if you don't make an effort with this dream house, then you will regret it for the rest of your life. Now pull your finger out and do something about it'. That may have been the kick up the backside that I needed. If the house had turned out not to be the dream home that I had imagined then I could always sell it and move somewhere else.
thanks for sharing your story. after reading it, it was nice to realize that I'm not alone. i suffer from paralysis by overanalysis as well and it drives me nuts. I'm a spreadsheet guy myself and being analytical is a gift and a curse because its a valuable trait in the workplace but can also make your life difficult due to inaction
@@mike20855 I agree that being so analytical can lead to inaction. Since I've been homeless this year, I've had time to reflect on my shortcomings and am so cross with myself for not realising my problem was so serious sooner.
I know I've always been indecisive, which my girlfriend also knew. She suffered from anxiety, but had medication to help her. I also researched anxiety so that I could support her.
Since I've been single again, I've realised that I also have a form of anxiety. I find it strange because while I was researching anxiety for my girlfriend, I never considered that it applied to me. This is because my brain concocts all sorts of irrational thoughts and beliefs (irrational in this sense is a clinical term, not a judgement) to protect me from getting myself in to anxiety inducing situations (such as buying a house). An example of this is in the story above, when I told my girlfriend that I thought the house was too expensive, but looking back, there have been numerous occasions when I have made silly excuses not to even view houses. It seems common sense now that just after I received the inheritance from my mum would have been the ideal time to buy a property, when I was in a fantastic financial position but my brain concocted all sorts of excuses not to even view any (apart from the 'dream' home). I now know that this was my brain protecting me from having to make a decision if I viewed a house that I liked. After I received the inheritance, I remember seeing one house for sale that I could almost have afforded outright. My brain came up with the idea that I should save a bit more so that I could buy it without a mortgage, as that would make the purchase easier. Of course, the house was sold before I had saved up that much (about £8k) and the next 'suitable' house that I saw on the internet cost £15k more. I even remember looking at some house prices and thinking 'that can't be right', because they were becoming less affordable than ones I had seen earlier. I really couldn't work out why because I was saving SO hard.
One 'reason' for me not to view any houses was that just after I received my inheritance was that I found out that my employer may be taken over by another company 25 miles away, near where I was living with my girlfriend. If this had happened then my job may have moved, but I wasn't sure. I told myself that I needed to know where my job would be based before I could buy somewhere. This was the biggest mistake of my life. In my head, I was fairly certain my job would move if the takeover went ahead. But I liked working where I did and felt institutionalised there. I feared the change to a new location. I saw the takeover as a threat instead of an opportunity. But if my job had moved then there would have been some great promotion prospects, as the new organisation was so much bigger.
I looked at houses for sale on the internet. But each time I saw one near my work, I thought 'but what if my job moves? I don't want to be living there then'. Each time I saw a house near my girlfriend's, I thought 'but what if my job doesn't move? And so the analysis paralysis went on. An even worse mistake that I made was 'saving' properties that I liked the look of in a 'favourites' list, thinking that I could 'come back' to them at any point in the future. I seemed to think that if I continued to save then even if the prices increased then I would then still be able to afford them. This was also irrational and flawed logic. If I had taken time to think about it properly, it wouldn't have taken long to realise that prices were increasing at a faster rate than I was saving. It was the 'boost' that my inheritance gave to my savings that clouded my judgement of this.
I remember seeing a house for sale about five years earlier, for which I would have needed to have borrowed just over twice my salary. When I received my inheritance, I could have bought a similar one outright. I was so awestruck about my financial position that I failed to realise that the house had increased so much in price that if I hadn't received my inheritance, I would have needed to have borrowed even more than I would have done five years earlier. As such, I completely overlooked the fact that prices were likely to continue to rise at a similar rate.
There are plenty of youtube videos and other internet articles with advice about how to overcome these irrational thoughts. In my case, what I should have done was allocate a score out of 10 to each of these combinations (Location A is the town where I work, Location B is the city where I was living with my girlfriend):
Buy a House Work Ease of Commute Girlfriend’s preference Friends and Social Life Total
Location A Location A 10 3 4 17
Location A Location B 1 3 4 8
Location B Location A 5 8 8 21
Location B Location B 7 8 8 23
This clearly shows that I should have bought somewhere at Location B. Although I was still working at location A, the commute from B to A is much easier than the commute in the opposite direction (A is a commuter town and B is a city where a lot of people from 'A' travel to each day, so commuting from B to A is in the opposite direction to most of the traffic).
Instead, I worked myself in to a bit of a state trying to find out where my job would be based, even before the takeover had taken place. I was convinced that some managers must know already and that I might have found something out soon. Realistically, it would be a couple of years before the takeover would actually happen, during which time, the prices would continue to increase (which I completely forgot about. I had this idea that prices would 'stand still', or at least only increase by the amount I was saving while I took my time deciding.
I failed to act on foresight, which is a concept that I understand much better now. During the period just after I received my inheritance, there was talk in my office about what would happen to our jobs. There are only 14 of us in the office and the concensus was that maybe three or four jobs (excluding mine) would stay at location A and the others would move to location B. Some people would be unhappy about moving to 'B' so would just leave and find another job. I agreed that this was the most likely scenario.
However, instead of taking a risk and buying somewhere at location 'B', I still decided to wait to find out if I was right. Another huge mistake! If I had bought in location 'B' straight away then even if my job had stayed at 'A', the commute wouldn't have been any worse than my commute at that time and I would have still been near my friends and I would have had a happy girlfriend. If my job had stayed at 'A' then there would always be the risk of it moving to 'B' at any point in the future (but there was no way it would move from 'B' to 'A'.
In hindsight, as soon as the possible takeover was announced, I should have seen the potential move to 'B' as an opportunity instead of a threat and embraced it. I thought that I didn't want to work at location 'B' and resisted any ideas that I might have to go. In reality, I had no control over whether I would stay at 'A' or move to 'B', even though my head knew that I would be moving.
If you find yourself torn between two options, it may be worth talking about your options with a friend. They won't have an emotional link to the decision so will be able to advise rationally. That was the problem that I had - I liked working at 'A' and feared moving to 'B'.
It's also worth remembering that there are costs and risks to taking a course of action. In my case, I could have bought a property at 'A' or 'B', but the consequences of not making a decision at all are far worse.
Gadamn this is painful to read. Your story will help people inevertly be decisive so to not end up like you. Be a man and don't let your woman wear the pants. Pathetic
If you don't make a choice, the choice makes you!
This is what happened to me! And I ruined my health!
If I'd chosen to go to the doctor, I would have been given the chance of getting the right medication, and I would not be in a wheelchair now!
So, making the decision to not make a decision. Has made the decision for me!
Alistair.. I hope everything works out good for you.
I always say this to my son who leaves the choice to us when ordering for food. "Son, if you don't make a choice, the choice will make you. It will spread in your life. That is why all your answers to questions brought to you sound like you're unsure of any of them such as what is 5+2? answer -- 7??" The truth is when I say this to him, I often reflect on my own choices as if I am offering this advice more to myself than him." I first got these words of wisdom from the movie Ghostrider (1) Nicholas Cage (a younger actor version of Nicolas Cage and his dad scene).
Decision delegation never really applied to me to my knowledge until this talk.
On the contrary, I now realize that I inadvertently delegate a lot when in stores especially by just asking the sales clerk any question such as:
- "which one do you prefer or
- have tasted or
- have experience on or
- have customers say they are satisfied?"
It is amazing how the sales clerk or any one can give you insight and then be able to narrow down to make a decision whether on one that is totally new to you or just the one that is more readily identifiable from past experiences and association.
To think I made the decision myself is foolish when I only said the "let's go for it part".
That last sentence is what my Mom has told me for years, thanks for reiterating. I didn't realize there were many others like me
@@johnmariano47 ♥,Thank you for asking, I am actually the Andréa part of the name!
I am sorry for any confusion I may have caused.
Well, I am in a wheelchair now, and I was so active before, so it's pretty frustrating!
I always worked with animals, and I miss the horses and farm animals!
I still rescue wildlife.
This does make me feel a bit more useful!!~Well, I suppose I'm actually more about nursing them,till well enough for release!
And yes, it's all down to my own indecision! ~I have no one to blame but myself! Now I have got my head around it, I don't lash out! I take responsibility for myself and my actions! ♥Namaste.♥again, Thank you for asking,you are very kind. ":)X.
@@alistairnandreadownie2238.. "Hi Andrea, I hope everything works out good for you. :)" No worries, apology is mine. Life is challenging but we always find a way to learn, adapt, survive, and transform within our circumstances. I've always discovered that after something I thought of as a negative was proven to, later on, bear a much better positive outcome after all of it playing out.
♥ Thank You!♥That is an awesome way to look at things , and move forwards with life! ♥.
No need for you to apologise!(my name etc.)
Your reply was extremely kind! ♥
I am getting my head into a much better place now, and, people like yourself, give me back my faith in humanity!♥I'm still having mood swings, but I am becoming much more stable now.
I see myself as being in a kind of transition, to my new life, and although I am excited about this, I'm also a little apprehensive!
So, if I came across as a bit grumpy, ignore it please! :)
And again, I thank you for your very kind and positive reply! ♥You are absolutely right, in what you say,inspirational thoughts indeed! ~ Helpful to keep myself moving!♥!And keep me from being gloomy! ♥
Have a beautiful weekend, and ♥Namaste♥! Andréa.X
It was my worst decision that delegating others to make decisions about the direction of my life. Your family, friends, mentor, or consultant could have different motives when giving advice other than considering your own goodness. In the end, you'll face the consequences, you'll pay the price of those decisions, not them.
I can really relate to this speaker and like her solution. 😀 Another suggestion for a big decision is to brainstorm a list of all possibilities then under the choices, write the pros and cons. Next use a highlighter on the items in each column which carry the most weight with you. Yellow highlighter for the really important pros and orange for cons.
For smaller decisions, the ol' flip a coin trick works if it is between two choices. If there are multiple choices, write the options on little pieces of paper, fold them into squares and toss them up in a bowl. Reach in and blindly choose one. Or you can assign a number to each option in your mind. Then, ask a friend to choose a number within that range and go with their answer. Of course, if you find yourself really disappointed with the answer and realize you were hoping for a different one, then there's your answer. Either the choice is made for you or you revealed your true desire.
Did I miss something? This was how did she over come her decision paralysis? Just have someone else make a decision for her???
I wouldn't call taking a salesman's help as delegating a decision. I'm simply getting more information to help in making a decision. Actually delegating a decision sounds dangerous. That is what politicians take advantage of.
I’m not delegating anything to anyone who doesn’t have an ethical obligation to act in my best interest.
So on time and on point. That's a familiar issue to me. Just a recent case:
Spent few days looking at one body lotion at the store, today finally made up my mind and went there to buy ше but then - boom - spent a lot of time trying to pick between two! Luckily I got one of them :D
How I overcame decision paralysis: Ask someone else to make decisions for me. Brilliant 😒
The Tea shop is a great example of being immobilized with indecision...but is easily remedied by good old fashioned "Service" which sadly has declined. Making our mind up is easier when we have the information
that allows us to choose with confidence...Sometimes we need the opinion of another to reinforce our own preference.
the key to a good decision is to have the correct CRITERIA for what we need + plus the DATA to sort through.
Well coded software do that all day long for us !
The anxiety comes from the fear of not having the right data
👍🏻
@@glasser2819 Love how you worded that 🤗 Both of u seam very smart
I'm brazillian, and I just like so much Tedx videos, they simply can make me think about a lot of things in my life. It's so good!
Even if someone has told you to opt for something then also you have to make a decision, whether to go with the suggestion of the person or not.
It may influence your choice but you are the only one who is making the decision.
Thanks in a million. Great content. Awesome. Very well explained. I couldn't find this explanation--simply put anywhere else. Great teachers are hard to find. Grade: A++💥
I prefer taking my own decitions, and taking responsability for them. Everybody can overcome the freedom paradox, and if in the process you just felt that you were not ready to choose, I thinks that's better than to rely on other people, specially on the big decitions. This felt like a marketing class, not suitable for life.
their is proverb which says
if you want someone not to choose something gave him a bunch of choices
Like "their", "there", and "they're"?
give**
how to make decisions, put them on to someone else
The next question is: Who do you put the decision on?
You'd have to choose that too
Who'd be fit to bear your responsibility, and do it in a matter that'd make you 'happy'.
My thought was, Leave it to someone who works for the federal government to tell you that you can't shoulder your own responsibilities. 😣
Not making a choice and/or delegating your choice to others is called being irresponsible.
Agreed ...I feel like this video delivers the worst advice to undecided people... don't delegate important decisions ! Take advices, but meet the choice yourself... You can get some professionnal help to accept the responsabilities that your choices make you shoulder ! But delegating that responsability to someone else is the best way to let them go away from you if they made a wrong decision (culpability , remorse , anger...) !
The real solution is to accept that you can make bad decisions sometimes. You're human, no better than other humans, and every single one of us takes bad decisions sometimes. Don't be afraid of remorse, because regrets for taking no decision are way worse.
I know all of this sounds a lot easier to say than to do, but again, professionnal psychological help exists to help you!
P.S. : Sorry for my poor english, it's not my native language; l hope that my sentences are understandable 😅
I'm trying to get my boyfriend to make decisions on his own. I'm so pissed I watched this
What
Excellent speech thr can never b an empty space or nill decision choose the right if couldn't try to choose the best for u .... A big eye opening speech... Life has to move on u need to make a decision keep gng...
I really don't think the message conveyed here is healthy at all. I don't think any responsible therapist would encourage it's clients to walk this path.
How so?
@@mitsusousa1385 creates dependency in a way ; doesnt take away the problem of indecision, just shifts the responsibility to someone else
Totally agree
Some people will always be terrible at making decisions..
Yeah I agree. It’s basically training people to rely on other people for their life decisions and if it goes wrong, they have someone else to blame. It’s teaching people to not take responsibility and put their power in another’s hands. Hense why the Medicaid etc all the larger companies profit at the end of the day. They profit off of citizens who don’t know who they are :(
Thank you for this video, much appreciated!
Talking about indecisiveness - now I know I am not alone. Dedicating decision to someone else is one of the choice. Thank you for the talk.
Hmm.. I don’t know; I’m here looking for advice on decision making *precisely* because I feel I depend too much on having others’ input when I myself can’t make a decision. I guess it varies for everyone, but for me I think the solution lies in working on my confidence and anxiety.
I love TED x talks and hearing many different approaches and perspectives, though I’m not completely sure about this one (at least for my own needs).
It's a great idea if you have someone to whom to delegate the decision and who is willing to take the responsibility. Otherwise, it's still all up to you. How do you propose to help make a difficult decision at this point?
Yeah, else you will pay for the problems later, and harder decisions.
Better to get info, factors, and pick a "enough" choice.
I raised my hand so high around 4:30 examples that I touched another galaxy that we have not yet discovered.
An entirely different universe completely.
OMG this is real! I feel so much better I'm not crazy. I don't think this will work for every decision but I will apply it every time I can.
I get nothing from this, except making it more overwhelming.
I feel like this video delivers the worst advice to undecided people... don't delegate important decisions ! Take advices, but meet the choice yourself... You can get some professionnal help to accept the responsabilities that your choices make you shoulder ! But delegating that responsability to someone else is the best way to let them go away from you if they made a wrong decision (culpability , remorse , anger...) !
The real solution is to accept that you can make bad decisions sometimes. You're human, no better than other humans, and every single one of us takes bad decisions sometimes. Don't be afraid of remorse, because regrets for taking no decision are way worse.
I know all of this sounds a lot easier to say than to do, but again, professionnal psychological help exists to help you!
P.S. : Sorry for my poor english, it's not my native language; l hope that my sentences are understandable 😅
Excellent comment, well said.
So to summarise: Get someone to make the decision for you.
What if someone who makes the decision for us doesn't do it in OUR best interest but for the benefit of a corporation, business etc.?
In a corporate context, that would be an ideal situation. In a private context, that's the typical situation and why so many people end up having a bad picture of many things, because they never bothered to learn the basics, instead relying on people who don't have their best interest in mind.
That's why you should choose whoever you're delegating the decision to carefully. Also, you don't have to accept their decision, but you could still benefit from understanding their thought process regarding how they reached it.
There are so many options of universities that it feel like I have none . It made me waste my one year to apply for college and still I am in same place stucked where I was last year
Same here ...
The problem of most advisors and information holders lies within a conflict of interests. If they are not obliged by law to serve you in your best interest, they will work only for their interest, which is earn more money. This is why relying on others to make important decisions like investments, healthcare insurance should not be preferred, even if it is easier.
Love this! Thank you
I'm not sure if asking someone else to make a decision is helpful. Sometimes that is also avoiding making a decision yourself
As one who is completely overwhelmed, this is good advice.
My favourite UA-cam channel 😍
6
@@sandravidalin2858 what 6 ???
Wow! I can't even decide I was indecisive at any point in my life
Thankyou Mary Steffel
Great advice. Thanks for sharing.
There are useful elements to this video, but I don't think you're empowering yourself in this case. I agree that being decisive is an extremely important personality trait and I agree that consulting others is sometimes a great way to aid in making an informed decision. But I don't agree with putting the burden on someone else to make a decision for you. I think you're still stuck being a follower because then you'll just do what others are doing or agree with the masses.
What I'm about to say may sound like a joke but it is not. I don't recommend you delegate to decision on whether or not to marry a certain person. You'll get biased opinions and no one knows you better than you know yourself. If you cannot decide whether or not to marry this person then wait
You can say that again.
*you r true inspiration*
UA-cam read my mind. I've just been under stress trying to choose which school attend recently and I keep switching between the options.. ahh how indecision tortures me..
Instead of delegating you should create a list of pros and cons and go with the one you really want to, there's always one you lean towards.
The DJ I did what you suggested and it’s helped a lot thanks :)
I have often troubles to make decisions, and I'm not sure about this advice.
I'm the type of person who ask my relatives for advice, so I agree with the fact that others can help you, I also think maybe some choice should be taken by people who are experts(like in the medical field for example...but even here the patient's opinion is still important), and maybe sometimes it's better to have something chosen by someone else than to have nothing. For the tea example, asking someone else to choose can be great; but this advice shouldn't (in my opinion) apply to every difficult decisions in life.
When I watched this video, it reminded me a video from Pursuit of Wonder called "Every Person is One Choice away from Everything Changing" (by the way I really recommend this video for people who struggle with choices!). To sum up (sorry I'll spoil a little, if you don't want to get spoiled go see it first), the main character is confronted with a big life changing decision and at the end he realises there is no "bad" decision and he must be the one who choice for himself, because if he let anyone take this choice for him, then he will have the impression he's living a life he didn't even choose and if one day he had some regrets it wouldn't even be his own.
I don't know if it's clear but that's my opinion
Pointless video. So we have to basically ask someone EVERY TIME to make a decision that we can't make? Technically that is not getting over the problem.
Her: If you help the people who walk in your store to decide what to buy they are more likely to end up with a decision and make their purchase.
Businesses: Write that down!
Don’t let others decide for the important staff in your life!
On the other hand it is good for Business… Especially in a big variety of similar products there are many possibilities that the customer will get something and will probably like it as well…
Heres some applicable advice. Starting somewhere is better than not even starting. the best decision will have bumpy roads. Its unavoidable. YOU want to start a business, you want to get married, you want to seriously develop your hobbies into a job, you want to move to another country, you want to exercise. You focus on the details of how though, what’s my options, where, and whos To complete these goals which is where indecision starts coming in. BUT extensive research, especially information you know about already is pointless. Research for 1 hour. Then set the info aside and make a rough plan. What matters is you r doing your goal, not how you r doing it or if you are doing it right. Start anywhere, and once you start, you’ll quickly grasp how to do it because you r doing it instead of wasting time obsessing about how to do it.
Excellent speech.but in India we can't delegate decision to experts like call center for health care, shopping mall etc because they will say in favour for someone
Shout out to the comments section for saving me 12 minutes of my day
Then a seller can play with you, or other with conflict of interest could use you. Your friends will get annoyed that you put the responsibility on them and if they don't really care about, they won't analyze well.
and what if you can't delegate those decisions? oftentimes, delegating decisions inflicts more indecisions
I have often delegated that decision to rep and often found I got what no one wanted.
Make your own decisions.
I get the idea of delegation, but I think it needs a bit of tweaking. I think the smart move would be getting input/advice from experts or friends to weigh the options, list out pros and cons, and maybe point out what options are likely to fit best depending on factors like lifestyle, money that I plan to spend etc. But at the end of the day, I'm the one calling the shots.
You can take advice from other experts. But you really need to make your own decisions, and don't let others do it for you. Otherwise, you give your life to them.
What if we cannot delegate?
Thanks Mary now i have to make every decision for my girlfriend
So how do the people you delegate to make decisions? Do they delegate out in infinite inception-like layers of delegation??
Well with my android app, you don't have to decide on unimportant decisions. The app is called Randi. I was tired of making trivial decisions like what to wear or what to eat, what hot sauce to use. Now I don't have to. That's my way of overcoming decision paralysis.
OMG! Im listening to you, searching for a flight that has gone up in price ... a result of past indecision paralysis!!!!! Im listening!
This can work for simple decisions but not life changing ones.
Show maravilhoso magnífico super like abraços 😘
my boss,when we were impossibly without solution used to say "Lets do something,even if its wrong "
Great speaker
I think it works for simpler decisions like choosing ur lunch... While for others, not so much, to put it mildly. Making decisions is part of adulting, making wrong decisions give invaluable opportunity for learning and growth. Plus, how do u know u are trusting the right person to make that decision for u? U are the one to bear the consequence. On the other hand, she did say in times of paralysis.... That means she is offering this step probably just as a nudge in the right direction. Paralysis is such a strong state... So maybe that is what is needed. Eventually, we'll have to take the final say in any decision (and brace the risk as well)... It is part of life.
What I think is the best option is to choose something out of the available options rather than delicating it to someone else but that way we won't regret that that person screwed my life
This is incredibly helpful. Thank you so much.
Spectacular!
Pretty good for low and medium level decisions, but I don't think too applicable to larger level decisions.
True. We fear to choose difficult decisions.
so it’s better to choose something instead of choosing nothing. And always ask experienced people for help.
When I delegate I end up disagreeing with their choice or opinion and so i'm still left without a decision being made
I use a random number generator phone app as a decision making tool, especially to avoid getting hung up on relatively unimportant choices that involve multiple options.
Nothing is better than something wrong, things are complicated, decision are so hard to make
The reason I found this was because my girlfriend always outsources her decisions to other people. So actually, this advice can be really bad.
I often find myself in situations where I advice her to do whatever. Because there's no complete certainty and, like stated in the video, it's better than no decision.
However this is no solution. You are pushing the problem to someone else if you always use this strategy. Some decisions are uncertain. Nobody can know the future.
For the next Ted Talk, she should tell us how to deal with uncertainty, instead of pushing responsibility away.
So i should put my responsabilities on other people and they should make an effort instead of me? Sry i think i don't agree with this mentality
Well, I disagree to some extent. You can narrow down to a list of 5 choices by help of someone and then make the best choice for yourself. Best of both worlds. In this manner, you make your own choice when it comes to doing something big, but most of the obvious bad choices are filtered out by someone else.
This could actually help!!
If I delegated the tea choice to a sales rep I'd end up questioning his choice and say "nah" I don't want that.
One major problem with this: I don't want to/can't do it so lemme offload that onto someone else and waste their time instead. Cool. Only part here that could be salvaged is arguably working together takes less time/effort but it's such a surface level conclusion that it has no benefit on my life, I already knew this?
I can’t decide if I like this video or not can someone tell if what would I do?
This is horrendous advice. As others have pointed out in the comments section, this creates a dependency on others to make decisions for you. Which will make decision paralysis even worse when u can’t find someone trustworthy to make a decision for you.
Delegating a decision to someone else is not solving or addressing the core root of your weakness. One should learn how to make decisive decisions vs. Getting someone else to make them for you.
güzel bir sunum teşekkürlere. Türkiye'den selamlar👏👏🇹🇷🇹🇷
Amazing Lady
Delegating choices is convenient and reliable in countries like the US, not in countries like Belgium or Europe for that matter, where a) language is a barrier b) you can't trust in the value experts provide (experts usually don't have a practical viewpoint from my experience, hence they don't end up with ways which fascinate you) c) The orthodox/ 20th century education system of Europe, leading to making choices more difficult (in the way relevant information is presented, choices are complicated, critical questions are not answered when asked etc). Don't know for sure, but living the American dream is probably true especially when it comes to the (quality) resources you have to delegate decisions.
Decide not to decide and let someone else decide???
this is good as long as its not an important decision.
I wish I could delegate this school work 😭
"How to be taken advantage of by wasting more time on deciding than making up your own mind with information would have taken". Sorry, no. Delegating works in certain settings, but your everyday advice is just plain terrible.