Borderline Personality Disorder Woman-Shawna
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- Опубліковано 10 чер 2024
- Soft White Underbelly interview and portrait of Shawna, a woman struggling with borderline personality disorder in Detroit, Michigan.
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I just want to say thank you mark for doing this I interview with me, I’m really glad i did this and got to talk about mental health, this topic is very important to me! I also want to thank everyone for the beautiful feedback and comments 💕 it really means a lot to me, and for everyone going through bpd or any mental health problems, I understand it hard, just keep following that light left in you and don’t change your beautiful soul no matter how tempting it is to be like the people who hurt you, I am here and stand for you 🙏🏼
You have touched so many hearts here, thank you for sharing your story 🤗
I really enjoyed hearing your perspective. My sister suffers from BPD and it's been a rough, long road for decades trying to get her help. She doesn't open up much about how she feels because she's ashamed of her behavior, so it was nice to hear from someone similar who is okay with being open about how BPD affects you. Thank you and good luck on your journey to wellness! 💜
You are very eloquent and self aware, especially for someone your age. Recognition is the first step in gaining mastery of your thoughts. My mother and my ex both had BPD, so I am very familiar with it, and I have had anxiety for most of my life, along with depression the past 10 years or so. I, too, was resistant to medication for many reasons. But, one day, I went to my doctor after trying everything else and told her that it was getting pretty dark in my head and I needed help. It was scary, but it helped me get my life back on track when I was so overcome with physical anxiety symptoms that I could hardly function. Something I learned in a psych class I took really freed me from the attitude of stigma I had about medication. They explained that something like an SSRI isn't really changing your brain, it's basically that you have a faulty serotonin "meter" in your brain that thinks you have enough Serotonin, so the brain reabsorbs more than it should. The medication acts like a "stopper" in a drain, keeping more of the serotonin your brain is producing in circulation rather than it getting "flushed" out as what the brain perceives to be "excess" serotonin. Just learning that it wasn't adding anything artificial in my brain somehow made me feel ok about taking it. Perhaps you can find a way to reframe how you're thinking about the idea of medication so it makes sense and will remove that same self-imposed stigma that I once struggled with as well.
If I can offer one bit of advice, it would be to not feel pressured to have everything figured out already. You are young and there's no set timeline to find your passion and follow it. Focus on doing what makes you happy as much as possible on any given day. Some days, it'll be small things like a bubble bath or reading a good book or indulging in your favourite food. Other days, it'll be something bigger like traveling to a new place and exploring. Finding and appreciating the little bits of joy that life offers up on any given day is so important. The big stuff doesn't happen nearly as often, so you miss out on a lot of small pleasures along the way if you don't acknowledge the small stuff.
I have confidence that you will figure things out for yourself, in your own way, in your own time. 😊
Thanks Shawna, I learned a lot and wish truly wish you all the best!
Hey Shawna, I hope you see this message!
I really think you have made the right decision to not take, what THEY call 'medicine'.
I would suggest that thing, that feeling that showed you not to take the 'medicine' from the legal drug dealers, probably comes from the real medicine.
The shrooms. I have been learning a lot about different medicines, and the whole industry, and it's not pretty.
People think they are helping you by saying take the meds, the pills, from the legal drug dealers.
They don't know what they are talking about though.
Keep trusting your gut instincts, and I was so glad to hear you mention the shrooms. I've called it the real medicine for a while now.
I'm in Ireland, and we have some amazing natural medicine growing here!
Thanks for sharing your message Shawna
P.s. Be careful with the weed. In my opinion it can trigger a lot of things, psychologically - I've seen first hand how it can trigger people with underlying mental issues. It may be something you are overlooking by the way - as an added issue to whatever other challenges you face every day.
I really mean that. Weed can be laced with different chemicals - so I'd recommend trying to possibly grow a plant yourself!
And even then I'd suggest just cutting it out altogether - and if not, try to cut it down to the minimum amount possible.
P.p.s Try to focus on your achievements thus far, instead of worrying.
I know that's easier said than done, though realize when we worry, we are putting our focus and attention,and energy, on to things we DON'T want to happen, rather than onto the things we DO want to happen.
Ultimately, things we worry about happening in the future - it is illusion.
Remember we are falling into illusion, focusing on things that are not real.
I'm not saying throw caution to the wind and be illogical - I'm saying realize when you fall into that illusion and bring yourself back.
Life is a practice, and remember there are amazing people around you that are there to help, and will help - and it is not your responsibility to save anybody else. All's we can do is help each other X
Here's some music:
ua-cam.com/video/JnjeoZCdmg4/v-deo.html
----
In my opinion, you are closer to the 'truth' than you think - and you maybe closer to it than a lot of other people.
Don't chase illusions or live in any!
(okay, I'm done! ;oD xx)
I think one of the worst aspects of BPD is the self awareness, watching yourself acting out but being utterly unable to stop it. You’re both the star and the audience of the show.
And it sucks
I get so down when I realize all the people I’ve pushed away and the relationship after relationship I’ve ruined. Hurts so much to say this out loud but beautiful caring girl one after another I’ve alienated from my life. It feels like a black hole to think about. I can’t even allow myself to fully grasp it. Got to distract myself with goals or it just feels like never ending emptiness
It really does strangle the life out of you. You can feel the rage building, you can see the rage spill over, you can see yourself losing control & there’s quite literally nothing you can do!
This part
3500%
“My mind feeds off of negativity”
I have bpd and felt this so bad. Our minds are our biggest enemy
Lmfao you dont even know what true negativity is
@@thatdude3977 how don’t I?
@@dallasthomas7431 they're trolling you....anyway, I read your original comment. I have the same tendency.
You should look into the keto diet. It has a huge effect on my mindset for the better. Its tough, but the change in my mental state is amazing.
ye them bpd f crayzi
Jesus healed my mental issues and gave me freedom. It's not perfect but it's a totally different life for me now. I used to have social phobia so bad I couldn't connect or talk to people and be myself! I never thought I would be free from that!!
BPD is very debilitating , mentally exhausting . I myself suffer from it. the worst is when i go to my girlfriends house in a great mood and she'll do one tiny insignificant thing i dont particularly like and it will cause me to be in that shitty mood all day and i have to leave because i cant stop myself from being hateful . the worst symptom is the despair and feeling of knowing youre being aggressive and too much but cant inhibit yourself
omg i started cracking up laughing because i can totally relate. this video got me self diagnosing myself...baby girl was really speaking facts, never realized a lot of people go through this and cant identify what it is...
@@Sheyville . My daughter.😥
Damn stay away from people and relationships bro
damn, here I thought I just had anger issues
@@raresabraleaks8216 what the fuck is wrong with you? The only time he should have to completely not live his life is when he hurts somebody or IF he abused someone for any selfish reason. He’s CHOOSING to leave before it gets too toxic because he is self reflecting.
Wow she explained BPD perfectly. After the outbursts, you feel terrible and a big sense of guilt and self hate. It's a vicious cycle of self hate and cutting yourself down.
The worst part of it all!
31 years old and now I learn what I really have. No wonder 100mg of sertraline hasn't ever helped
@@kozy4134 don't feel bad. 37 over here and finally figuring it out.
How do you treat it?
@@Wisteria_Lane I rely on my faith a lot. I've never been on any medication. I also rely on hobbies and try to get rid of things that trigger me- social media was one or i try to limit interactions with certain people. My pets are a big therapy for me too and nature. I believe many of us are good genuine people that just want acceptance and love. And at the end of the day, we all just want peace and simpleness in our life. Keeping life simple really helps.
i think it probably went over a lot of peoples head when she said “i find it hard to heal i find myself coping more” the distinction she makes between the two is something many people often miss. im honestly amazed at how articulate and self aware this young woman is for her age and experience. it’s quite admirable.
Def deep! Very self aware which I don’t see often in people with bpd tendencies
That’s not hard to understand , no disrespect just saying
That's why I get kind of annoyed when people say I need to learn coping skills. Like no, lets get to the root to solve it and then maybe I won't have to just cope with it
@@briskii1020yea it’s not hard to understand. It’s hard to realize and change the pattern. Just the fact that she realizes she’s doing that is very very mature, especially for how young she is. If you don’t understand that then you probably don’t know much about depression/anxiety or mental health in general.
that resonated deeply when she said it
6:00 - BPD Starts
6:25 - No help from parents emotionally
6:55 - Seeing a Psychiatrist
7:30 - Running away from medication
8:10 - Anxiety, depression, Anger
8:50 - "I think I'm crazy sometimes"
9:05 - Flipping so intensely and aggressively
9:50 - Getting upset...
10:10 - Boyfriend not knowing what to do
10:30 - Good points?
11:00 - Having good times help
12:40 - Up and down emotions
13:25 - Rough patch with BF. Story
15:05 - Difficult to make friends
16:10 - Not being truthful to fit in
17:10 - Coping in place of healing
17:40 - Grandma with BPD too
19:05 - Do you feel different. Pushing people away.
20:35 - What are you afraid of? "One day I'm going to hurt myself"
22:30 - I wanna get us out of poverty
23:40 - Feel like something you were born with and have to live with?
24:15 - Constantly fighting against you. 💔
24:45 - The mind not allowing her to take medication.
25:50 - "It feels like I'm not allowed to be happy"
26:15 - Types of good days.
27:10 - Quick irritation. "I'm tired" Famous line. Ybur
Thank you sir!
Thank you.
This is amazing! Godspeed, lad
Good man
"I'm afraid I won't be successful, I'm afraid I won't find myself, I'm afraid I'll hurt myself," same girl same. I feel this all the time with my bpd. But we got this 💖
I've healed myself by going down the rabbit hole and finding the light down there
@@EthersMysticalChildTarot8014 me too 🤐
@@Natalaie 💫✨ If triggered I can be darker than a midnight bush
We do?
@Gary Dorfner what you're saying is akin to telling someone with anxiety to not be anxious. It doesn't exactly work like that. People with BPD have an incredibly hard time with having a sense of identity, so its not as easy as following "our path". Many of us struggle to even understand who we are as people, so that makes trying to find a purpose in life extremely difficult. Yes, many people without BPD experience the same issues, and im not at all invalidating that, but these things are listed as symptoms of BPD for a reason, yknow? With us, these issues are generally a lot more intense, even debilitating.
Gonna say a thing: weed worsens mental health issues in the long run. I loved weed and had it for more than a decade but I came to realise and accept it impacts me negatively. I suggest taking a break 1-2 months and see how you feel
I agree 100%
I agree with you. I will also say that the plant is very powerful and medicinal, to be used only when one needs it. Perhaps once or twice in a lifetime. It is obscenely overused and abused in our western society. The less you use it, the better and longer its effects.
@@medokarbo exactly! But it is typical of the West. The plant isn't from the West and the understanding is so... removed from what it really is. And ofc it then becomes abused, that's exactly what happens when the West gets a hold of ANYTHING OR ANYONE from the Global South. Typicalllll.
💯
Oh god!!! Smoking since I was 17. Had 2 breaks. I'm 35 now. I know weed makes me lazy, dumb,and not caring. But I cant stop cause I'm afraid of the reality. 😥 before when I stopped I cherished sobernes,I felt smart,organized and a strong individual. Now I feel like its better to be oblivious to life in order to be happy. Real life feels like a torture! U have to constantly do thing for people who dont even care about u! Why? Why cant I do whatever I want and be left alone? Well! Cause of the society and governments. U do what u r told,and shut up. Weed keeps me away from all this "grownup depressing real life".
Im 27 with BPD. I try to explain to people that I just feel things intensely & they always try to downplay my disorder by telling me everyone gets upset but no I get upset about my friends not showing up for me or texting me back. Romantic relationships are even harder especially when you think the person is gonna leave you. I too struggle with taking my medication & my brain not letting me. Like I make excuses of how I can’t take my meds on a empty stomach so I purposely won’t eat to avoid taking them. There was a time when I did take it & it helped with my depression. I seen the best results from therapy just talking about it & just realizing you don’t need to have everything figured out. One day at a time. Everyday won’t be a good day but that’s ok. Being mindful & aware of how you react to things helps avoid the fits of rage. I always struggle with imposter syndrome really bad thinking I’m not good enough. I do believe that this stems from my childhood I was a very sensitive child with abandonment issues. Healing & Remembering not to take things too seriously. Mastering emotional intelligence is key. Thanks for sharing feels good to not be alone & to know someone understands! ❤️
Reading this helped alot
I am starting to notice symptoms in my daughter. I think the biggest things that help is when I help her feel validation. Or sometimes I just hug her through the outbursts. It can be difficult sometimes and very tiring but I always try to help her be seen
Spot on advice!
Hugs... I feel the same. Struggle is real but I push on and on :)
Also 27 with BPD.. I've never related so much to a comment before!
Too relatable. I try to eat healthy, I workout 4 times a week, get decent sleep, and still I feel dead inside all the time. I'm a ghost in my own life. The only relief is knowing it ends.🖤
Oh man this is relatable. I’ve been trying to express how it feels while doing all you can to be well yet you’re still sinking. Then people say that’s negative, well try living with it constantly and then report back after 40 years of experience please and thank you.
But What happened to you? I know emotional neglect and an abusive violent father did it for me. I also have Bipolar Type 2 and ADHD. I am lucky I have a husband of 23 years who's taken care of my financial needs.
Ever tried Jesus?
Often childhood trauma makes us wise beyond our years and very intuitive but our emotional development has been arrested and we are triggered and disassociate, which causes a huge imbalance inside us. She expresses this so well
Yes!!!
Dissociate not disassociate There's a difference in meaning.
💯
@@cht2162 no there isn’t. Get a life
wow yes
This young woman makes me wanna cry. I've quit drinking and sobriety is painful with untreated mental health issues. May we all find healing.
Wishing you better days from Nashville Tennessee USA 🇺🇸
Yes, very true 🥲
I with you in spirit sister. Be gentle with yourself. I’m on the journey as well! Wishing you peace🥰.
I think drinking is more painful to me personally. Now that I’m sober, I’m finally able to slowly begin to love myself. When I was drinking, I was in a constant state of shame. I hope you start to feel better and learn new coping skills. I’ll be at 2 years this Halloween. I’d like to tell you it gets better but maybe not for everyone. Take care ☮️
I'm 5 years sober. I still struggle on all levels. . . Even tho I've done and continue to do an enormous amount of work with and on my mental health challenges, past traumas., and addictive tendencies.. I believe everyone's recovery journey is unique to them. On really tough days I keep in mind something I heard a speaker ( Adam ) say on an AA speaker UA-cam video. He said " My worst day sober is better than my last day drinking "
As someone with borderline, my psychiatrist told me in the beginning that the more I am aware of my triggers and the people around me, I can cure myself. I laughed and cried after that appointment because it was reassurance to me at the time that no one understands the gravity of what I feel. Here I am now, Unmedicated and fully aware of my triggers. I’m able to be the parent I never had. Research the subtypes of BPD and help yourself, love. Without me, I wouldn’t be here. EDIT: for the extremists without borderline, cure is a relative term. All around it just means worlds of improvement incomparable to the beginning of healing and self awareness. I don’t want to die every second anymore. Let people have their achievements without judgment.
Thank you
You can't cure yourself.
@@rahmspinat you would be suprised at how strong the mind is most ppl underestimate it . Our american diet of processed foods filled with carcinogens dont help the mind either yes what we eat can fog up our minds
They used to believe you can be cured but now that they know the cause is smaller areas of the brain than they normally should be so no you cannot cure yourself ever
@@beckydustin4713 I’ll let my licensed psychiatrist know that Becky said my reality isn’t real and her studies are wrong. Thank you.
I have BPD and I’m 38. I wasn’t diagnosed until I was 35. Every word she said is my life. It’s exhausting.
Having BPD is akin to having stroke/tissue damage in your hippocampus and amygdala. It can take years and years of therapy to "rewrite," "rewire" or "reprogram" your brain. When people say things like "just think positive and think about all the good things you have that others don't because it worked for me" is like suggesting to a stroke patient to just "imagine" that they can walk again, without even attempting physical therapy. People tend to have a clouded idea of what BPD actually is and what it means to suffer from it. And this is exactly why BPD patients feel completely misunderstood by neurotypicals. It is just not that easy to change. It takes a LOT of work and most people don't understand that or are not willing to stick around to understand, because even BPD patients don't quite understand it. BPD patients truly are suffering, to no true fault of their own. They are brought into this world made to believe that they truly don't matter or aren't worthy of love, affection or attention and it is so difficult to bare this burden. Of reported cases, 75% of people with BPD attempt suicide and 10% are successful, likely more, as BPD widely goes undiagnosed. It is a vicious disorder and it is extremely vital to have support and to seek help, which both are hard to come by because of the very symptoms they suffer.
I hope I don’t offend but what is bpd like what are the main symptoms or characteristics I still don’t understand
Thank you because I'm seeing the "just think positive" remarks. It doesn't work that way.
@@Bunny11344 Google it. There are 9 things or actions that determine it. It's too complicated a comment to reply.
Thank you for articulating what it's REALLY like to have BPD. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy!!
Oh please. You don't think other people feel these feelings? They're just not evil or completely selfish
I am 64 yrs old. I was diagnosed when I was 14yrs old. You have got this licked. Your awareness is remarkable and that’s what it’s all about. You seem to be aware when your emotions are intense if it is you’re borderline talking or if they are Within the normal range of intensity. It took me until I was 50 years old to get this awareness. You are an impressive young lady. Kudos
how the hell did you get diagnosed in 1972?
@@gothboschincarnate3931 I worked in an institution in the 80’s and there were people diagnosed with borderline before then. It’s not new. It’s just now really common and was less so back then.
I was thinking the same thing. I didn’t even think it was possible for BPDs to have this level of acceptance and awareness.
@@gothboschincarnate3931 really good docs. McLean Hostpital. Why would I make something like that up?
BPD is so hard. Thank you 🙏🏼
It’s a frickin roller coaster.
Punching walls, Explosive anger, severe anxiety and social anxiety.
Thinking no one likes you and that your useless. And It’s SO lonely.
I have to stay single.
Same. I envy my friends who manage to date people so easily, I never tried because I know that I'm too much to deal with. Yeah sure we can learn to deal with it, but it's SO hard. :( The process of understanding ourselves *and* making people understand is so tough. But we'll get there, eventually.
Jesus took your mental health so you could be hole...Except him into your life ,heart and see the changes..
Does anybody know the differences between BPD and severe depression? I have severe suicidal depression and I feel on the very edge of a bottomless pit of pain most of the time. I can feel temporarily happy but the pain is never far away.
@@sammnew They are venn diagrams where many of the symptoms overlap. I feel similarly most of the time
@@sammnew I was told I have BPD and dysthymia. At one point, (due to treatment) I no longer fit the category of having BPD, but I still took medication for depression.
This is a VERY special person. Very special. I can't imagine the courage it took her to discuss her vulnerabilities in such a masterful way. I wish nothing but good things for her.
There’s also a great book called “Eastern Body, Western mind” that explains how the body holds onto trauma (from before we can remember, from birth) and how that trauma can affect our moods and behavior now. Old trauma can keep us from following our path and doing what we love, but it can be healed! I hope you get this book, I think it can help you a lot!
Love that book. Taught me a lot about my own body and mind. I recommend it
When she said “ especially when it’s not even anybody making you feel that way, it’s you like how do you even win that battle” I felt that 😭 I feel the same everyday
@@ianvisser7899 worst solution ever.
💯% would
Never work.
You must live at the Leave it to Beaver Residence
@@donkeykongsdad1312 What's your idea? Give more money too Pfizer? Surrender yourself as a helpless victim maybe?
“I just can’t get it together”. Wow. Are you inside my mind!? As a 34 year old with BPD I can so relate to Shawna. The mood swings are absolutely exhausting. I still have no idea who I am, what I want from life, what my passions are. I shift from one thing to the next to fill the emptiness. It’s an overlooked and misunderstood disorder so I’m grateful you’ve included it on your channel 🙏🏼 respect to you Shawna for sharing your story. You’re very insightful and your understanding of what you’re going through is refreshing. The more you understand, the more you’ll learn to “live” with it. I think that’s all we can really do. We feel everything more intensely and I hope you get moments to feel the good parts of that too 🥰
Feel the same. Same age. 💗
@@bashmeesh hugs. I get it
Stop being lazy, stop moaning, get off your arse or just go dig yourself a hole and stop boring people..
Hugs to both of you 💚 we’ve got this!
31 year-old with BPD here & relate to every bit of this. Love to my fellow survivors💗🥰
I suffer from BPD and I’ve just recently got a therapist. She’s been helping a lot, I don’t think anyone understands how intense this disorder can be. Sending positive energy for anyone that has BPD 💙💜❤️
Don’t give up on yourself I’m glad you’re getting help I’m right there with you we’ll make it out
Anyone who’s has the misfortune of dating you or anyone with this disorder understands lol
@chrisyroche7633 Thanks for sharing. So glad to hear you found a good fit with your therapist, and are getting help. Would you be willing to share the name of your therapist? She may not be a good fit for me, as well, but it's always appreciated (and rare!) to have a good recommendation like this, Thank you! 💜
@@AD_US Mary Markos-Jian
@@chrisyroche7633 Thank you! That was so nice!!!! (and appreciated). Take care, be well. xo
I hope she knows how self aware she is and how impressive that is. My ex has BPD and this is so on point. She really shows people with BPD in a different light. Stay beautiful.
My ex did too
I also did a shroom trip in which I realized how badly my parents treated me. How they absolutely failed me. It gave me a new perspective and showed me I deserve to have empathy for my younger self. For so long I refused to "blame" my parents for anything. That was making me hate myself. Now I realize I've been so badly hurt. And honestly my parents were probably just hurt people as well.
I had a similar experience. Realized the same things. Hope You are doing alright.
Likewise…the trips helped see reality…it’s certainly painful but better to know the truth.
It is so very important to break the cycle thou. Hopefully your working towards that. God bless
Mushrooms are good for your mental health my psychiatrist suggested doing ketamine to help win depression
Wishing you a life full of happiness and love!
I’ve noticed that this generation is so much more self aware with mental illnesses than previous generations. I hope that’s a good thing & can help us get better faster. I’m 41 & my generation & my parents generation doesn’t talk about mental health problems for the most part we’ve swept it under the rug. And that doesn’t help anything.
The problem is that even though Gen Z may be more aware of mental illness issues, they flaunt them around like they're trading baseball cards, and wear them as badges of honor trying to one-up each other in order to score more victimization brownie points.
@@ARyan-yk9qh
✨This ✨ (comment)
Us millennials were self aware but we were shamed for talking about it. People faked being okay because no-one took them seriously. (It hurts to be vulnerable and have your feelings being invalidated.) All while they suffered in silence. Gen-Z learned from us but also by growing up with smartphones and the internet exposed kids to so much information.
That’s YOUR experience, not an entire group of people’s experience.
I work in adolescent psychiatry and it’s a double edge sword. Sure many children and teens are getting help but there is a noticeable trend where it seems fashionable to be admitted into a unit. Even patients coordinating to get readmitted together. The illness becomes the identity for some which is concerning. But nonetheless it’s better to receive help than not.
You remind me so much of myself… I’ve been dealing with this. My psychiatrist told me I had a mood or personality disorder but “didn’t wanna put a label on it” but it’s gotten so bad that it affects every job I have and now it’s so bad I can’t even decide what I wanna do so much so that I do nothing. Then I feel ashamed and terrible about doing nothing. Then it switches to me applying to hundreds of jobs but hoping none of them call. But then getting upset that they don’t call…. God it’s bad and idk what to do. My dad says I just need to “suck it up”
Maybe get a second opinion with a different psychiatrist who can actually help you in a real way...
Omg I completely understand you about the job thing like i literally feel like I’m living in hell because it shouldn’t be this difficult for me to do the things I’m supposed to
Please look into dialectical behavioral therapy. It was specifically made for people with BPD. It’s a year long commitment but it has a high success rate. There is hope!
***HUGS***
I feel the same 😭 it s like hell
I was diagnosed with bpd. I felt everything u said . I literally woke up the happiest I’ve been in a while . Something my man said triggered me even though he meant no harm by it and it always leads to me yelling at him , saying horrible things I don’t mean , and trying to leave him . Then after eventually calming down, I’m contemplating hurting myself because of how sad I get . Crying uncontrollably and feeling the most guilt . I can’t express how tired I am . It’s a literal roller coaster you can’t get off of . Thank you so much for sharing .. I don’t feel as alone :/
Wow, sounds exactly how my girl is. It’s so hard dealing with her sometimes, like I love her but the way she pushes me away with her mood swings is getting tiring. I use to try to comfort her but now it feels useless, one minute I’m her hero, the next minute she can barley look at me or is so angry that she’ll say any/everything she knows that’ll hurt me. When I see how her family treats her I understand where she gets her emotional instability from…I just wanna love her and build a family but this is not fair, We can’t keep living like this 💔😢
That sounds like bipolar disorder
@@chocolateradiance7216 Nah, Bi Polar disorder happens in cycles. Many people have it misconstrued, mood changes dont happen within minutes. It can takes days, weeks or even months where one feels happy and motivated to do things (manic stage) than for the next few months you feel depressed, unhappy/worthless and dont wanna do sh!t
❤
@@highlightlive7260 This is a common byproduct from general depression or general anxiety/panic disorder. Medical professionals aren't psychologists, therefor they are trained to pull out the prescription pad and put you on antipsychotic medication immediately. Sometimes, life hits us with hard chapters. We want to get out of them so quickly but its so tiring battling everyday, and it breaks you down fast. I know people that were told they had bipolar, but really, they were just depressed. Depression can absolutely make you manic and have mood swings, it happened to me! Glad my doctor is a very personable person and gets down to the bottom of things thoroughly because I DID NOT feel normal, I just was not aware how far down the rabbit hole of depression I was. It lasted years. Either way, BPD or GPD, depression, all of that can take such a toll on your entire body, it makes you feel inhuman, alone, sad, lost, and I pray for everyone who goes through it and hope they know they can beat it and live a good life, wether its medicine, exercise, financial stability etc. that helps them! Everybody is different! God bless!
Never had a chance with my BPD until I got away from drugs/alcohol and completely cut off all the drama in my life. DBT and a good therapist are the key. I am in “remission” now after suffering many, many years.
Proud of you
Cutting out alcohol has absolutely helped with my bpd. People need to know this.
I think I have some of this as well. When I went to get it treated and found out what DBT is I realized I've already been doing something similar to DBT in order to treat it. Then again I may have been misdiagnosed and don't have BPD at all. But the depression and explosive emotions are always there just waiting to go from mild to strong so I definitely have something. My regular state of mind is not peaceful just irritability, feeling nothing, or anxiety.
It's too easy to misdiagnose, though. Maybe I have nothing at all and just feel intensely. But it's debilitating as well.
May you continue on your healing path💜
I feel alcoholism and bpd are tied together. Most people will probably disagree, but I had no idea what bpd was 13 years ago when I was straight edge. I was a violent person, getting into fights at hc shows, blowing up on my friends when they would say ‘the wrong thing.’ Literally blacking out with rage one minute, next minute I’m charming and lovable. After my first breakup I decided to drink. It was amazing, it felt amazing. It helped me and made me happy. Fast forward to age 30, I’m drinking 4 bottles of wine a day and blowing up on EVERYONE. It eventually just made these symptoms skyrocket. Sobriety has brought me back down to earth. I still black out with rage rarely and get triggered, but I feel more ‘normal’ now. All drinking did was make me fight more and attempt suicide more. My family literally caught me attempting to hang myself and that’s when I decided it wasn’t a good mix. Haven’t had a suicide attempt in 3 years.
As someone who has BPD too it's hard to get it together when you have no sense of self. I have no idea who I am and that has always scared me the most, not knowing me. This young woman has really opened the door to people who are willing to understand more about this often misunderstood condition. I'm so glad I saw this
Just wondering, do you believe in God?
@@truthseekingfreethinker5214 just curious , what does that matter ?
People with a label of BPD are usually raised by someone with ASPD or NPD
@@csnoww583 I'm just curious in knowing if the people who suffer from these disorders believe in God or not. Im just an inquiring mind.
There is no real you
Being in a relationship with my ex that had BPD was one of the hardest things I have ever done. I found out how far I was willing to deal with for someone I love. The problems kept persisting and fights would happen over the silliest things. As bad as it sounds I couldn't deal with it anymore and left. I had started mental ailments of my own in trying to deal with everything. Mainly dealing with projecting and splitting from her. It was always walking on eggshells. She would tell me she always had a feeling of emptiness. She had compulsions of spending money to try and make herself feel better. It wouldn't work. God knows I tried loving her but it was just too toxic.
Exactly my experience with a BPD ex
@@Aeliuss same
I am dealing with the same thing currently. I feel everything you are saying in this comment. I so hope that she will realize what is going on and except it. It has beat me down farther than I have ever been. I am at close to my breaking point.
@@frolferfilms-justinmcnab7124 more than anything, the best advice I can tell you is don't lose yourself in the process brother. Hope all is well.
What types of behaviours was she doing that made you break up with her
As someone diagnosed with BPD It is so sincerely amazing to hear how I feel come out of someone else’s mouth 😭
I agree with you Kallie!
The fact that she doesn’t want to medicate herself because she knows that’s not dealing with the core underlying issue or addressing it and fixing it.. she’d rather do the work herself. She believes in herself, doesn’t want the easy way out. She’s braver than most people, myself included… props.
There’s no shame with taking medication. Besides, there’s not a medication regimen that’s specifically for BPD. I’m a psych nurse training to be a PMHNP.
There's no medication that exists for BPD. It's a personality disorder. For some people with BPD, medication doesn't work for them. Mood stabilizers can help but it depends on the person.
@@lanaandrews213 exactly.
@@TheIluAmin There is therapy specifically for BPD and has been shown to be highly effective. I would never shame someone for taking medication. Didn’t mean to come off that way. Just for the record.
I felt this way too.. 2 years after my BPD diagnosis, I was finally diagnosed with PTSD also. Finally was able to find a medication that helps
"I feel like Im not allowed to happy." Significant statement.
I was diagnosed with BPD years ago. Was terrifying, then brought peace. Being raised in a family with a lot of mental illness, and not knowing it was mental illness… and unlearning so much. I used to be ashamed. Now I’m proud. My story is ongoing. Definitely different. But I’m alive. And at one point nobody knew if I would be. Life is good.
I am diagnosed with BPD and bipolar. This is very relatable and it's very hard to get loved ones to understand the difficulty of it especially to ones that don't believe in this. I struggle with taking my medicine as well because I feel it takes away from myself but I try to stay on top of it. I even look for positive things to cope. At days it's like you feel ahead and then all of a sudden if feels like you have taken several steps back. I'm glad to have watch this video and seeing comments makes you feel like you're not alone.
I got both those too. N other shit too. It's nice to see I ain't alone wit this.
BPD is very serious. This interview lightly scratches the surface. I say that with respect.
I can’t express how relieved I feel to see this interview on this channel. BPD needs more exposure. Thank you Shawna and Mark.
Oh Yes, the struggles is terribly fucking real. Untreated, undiagnosed, depressive sever, suicidal, trauma, i know I am bordeline " quiet time" but it's mostly the self image and self hate that is.... Ouff so fucking terrifying. Why can't I jist like... Be with me. And I am VERY VERY conscious of myself.. I have amazing friends and family, I talk about mental illness, suicide, death openly and with understanding. I know I am smart and have " potential" as people say. But...... It's so fucking heavy 6 years, trying to get help from every kind of place, call everywhere... Tell me how they are proud of me for reaching and my case is really important and heavy... But I just gotta wait.... Idont for what when I finally make the jump. I've study, i workout daily have a social life a long term partner even it's fucking hard. Ouff. I am trying trying so hard... Ouff. I don't know. I am still there tho.
@@tahinabeaudreuil4549 The Academy of Cognitive Therapy website has a list of certified therapists (I believe by state). Some of them likely have DBT training also. I see you have looked for help. But if you haven’t been to their website, It might be worth checking. My sincerest best wishes and thank you for being so candid.
I definitely have felt for about 15 years I had a bad problem with emotions and the intense anger it's very hard to control but I'm doing the best I can ,God bless everyone with BPD it's a very hard way to live and sometimes people who love you will test your emotions so I let go of a lot of people and that helps a lot🙏
From my understanding this personality disorder, it is caused by emotional disruption in the brain during formative ages up to four years old.
@@tahinabeaudreuil4549 Dialectical Behaviour Therapy 🙌🏻
I had BPD since childhood. I’m 29 now and I feel like I’m almost 100% better. I have days where I notice old habits resurfacing, but it’s all about being mindful and checking yourself.
It took me being single for 2 years, by choice (that helped with the codependency I had), and had to do a lot of self reflection. I had to stop blaming others for my own actions and take some accountability and actually sit with that and figure out how I was going to fix it moving forward. When people trigger my fight response (where I feel like I’m going to blow my top) I make the conscious decision to separate myself. Whether that means leaving the house or going to another room. I also made the choice to stop all substances… alcohol, weed, all of it. It’s much easier to manager your emotions without a substance clouding your judgement.
BPD IS CURABLE. You just have to work at it. 🖤 prayers to everyone still actively dealing with this.
You did good. I definitely wish I would have removed myself from so many situations instead of ending up fighting with idiots who did not have my best interests at heart. As for substances I gave up booze cuz I almost killed myself combining it with pills. People need to stay away from vices for sure.
Thank you for saying this. I feel like I would get a lot of flack for saying this because it seems like most people just want a disease to blame all their bad personality traits on, but not do any of the personal legwork that can entirely remedy the situation.
OMG accountability? Don’t tell the average person that they need to use it. Seriously good for you though. I wish my mother had learned this restraint. Growing up exposed to her mental chaos was so bad
One of my closest friends has bpd and a much as I constantly try to support them I am only ever shut down and attacked, I feel frustrated and at a point where I don't know how I can keep continuing being a supportive friend when it's so one sided and effecting my own mental health, I was wondering if you had any suggestions on what I can best do to support them.
@@stellacollin6347 my wife has bpd.. it really is hard sometimes.
What a beautiful lady, I hope she finds happiness inside and loves herself because she deserves it.
I’ve suffered with BPD my whole life, my mother had it, a result of a lot of fucked up issues I guess. Thankyou for sharing your story. It is a relief to see the condition being noticed and talked about. Keep pushing forward. You’ve got a head on your shoulders and you are absolutely beautiful.
Your grandmother only needs your time and love - that's how you can take care of her.💗
Yes, that's all they want. Just your presence is enough.
Indeed 🙏🏻❤️🙏🏻
This. People’s presence are a comfort when I feel down.
You should never be attached to anything, esp people. Go align yourself with nature, go feed the birds and squirrels etc. Show compassion to animals. You will be more content and appreciate simplicity. Silence is beautiful, you can get closer to God and heal yourself
No doubt.
Wow this girl is highly intelligent. I don't think she realizes how smart she is. I think she would be an amazing therapist or psychiatrist. She has amazing insights into mental health
Yes. Most of those professionals have mental healtg issues. Takes one to know one.
Yeah that’s her gift for sure
Yeah I’d want this psycho to critique my mind.
Most people with BPD are intelligent and unfortunately manipulative. Difficulty regulating emotions and no fixed sense of identity has zero to do with how smart someone is. I have BPD and I can tell she's lying her as off about a few things. She has some "tells".
Highly Intelligent you say.. So why she's using drugs if she's so Intelligent 🤔 I think not she's no different than the typical addict..
‘I’m afraid I’m not going to be able to be who I want to be”. I related to this and many more things she said so much! I was diagnosed beginning of 2020 right before the pandemic started. It’s so nice to know that there are other people who knows what it feels like inside my brain.
im still working on it but you are spot on. thank you for sharing.
This interview hit me hard. I’ve never got diagnosed with borderline but I relate to her so so much. I know people with borderline and other stories about it and they all sound very severe and ‘crazy’. But you, amazing young woman, made me see it in a different light. Your own mind can be such a lonely place. Feeling stuck and unable to break the toxic cycle of anxiety and insecurity followed by exhaustion and feelings of despair because of it’s constant presence. Wanting to feel happy so badly. I’m thankful you shared your story. It opened up my eyes and made me feel less alone. I hope you find your way in life.
I see me so deeply in her. I found moving to a more rural area saved my life. I have a small house in the woods with creek that runs through it. Went from a corporate job to a simple job in town and I am happy. Something I never thought I would ever be. I think I grew up sensitive to it all.Negative things that one person may experience and move on, I felt it everywhere all the time…..Not to simplify mental illness, but sometimes a change of pace and space eases the breakdowns. I couldn’t live in chaos and have chaos in my head.
I want that so badly! The chaos and noise of the city is so suffocating. I’m so happy for you.
KCK Rox ; can very much relate !!!!!
I relocated from a big city on the westcoast to a sleepy little city here on the eastcoast. It's been life saving/changing for me as well!
It's true! I find myself most relaxed when I'm at my mom's house, a good distance away from the city in a very quiet neighborhood. It's like a reset
I’ve been looking for this but can’t seem to find a match between simple job pay and small house in the woods rent cost. How did you find your place and job?
as a 22 year old who also has borderline I was just sitting here in awe of her and nodding my head in agreement to everything she had to say about her life. Shawna basically described me to the tee, I was just never a dancer.
Absolutely crazy, we go our lives thinking it's just us, feeling like some kind of alien and then one day we realize we're surrounded by people going through the exact same thing we are.
It's sad but comforting.
Same here. I wish I could tell her.. you are going go through so much and it’s gonna be hard. You weren’t taught how to deal emotionally with things. A GOOD counselor will help you navigate. She won’t be able to do life wo a good counselor. Otherwise you’re gonna stay on the course of “I don’t know how to deal w this~upset upset upset ~guilt guilt guilt for not dealing with it correctly “ shoot there’s even some counselors out there that will give you their cell phone numbers for day to day answers on how to feel strong in your decisions/actions
It truly is.
Yes! This inspires me to start my medication back up
@@nikolemarcelin2507 that's amazing to hear! best of luck to you! 🥰
Keep your chin up and remember things always can get better,I know that sounds like the most cliche thing to say but your mind being in a positive or hopeful state can complete change your outlook on life! Look after yourself love from London and Dublin X
I have BPD, and it can be absolutely debilitating. Thank you so much for this. I cried knowing someone else understands this.
WOW!! Thank you for sharing your story Shawna. I was diagnosed with BPD last year, and its really nice to hear your story, your life experiences and relate so much. The flat tire example is literally a constant battle on a daily, sometimes hourly, basis. Thank Mark for brining awareness to BPD, its so misunderstood and I felt a little less alone listening to Shawna's story.
She's very well spoken and self aware.
Very mature for a 22 yr old.
Even though she feels stuck, she still wants more for herself and knows that there's more to life and a light at the end of the tunnel.
I see hope. I see a smart girl w a lot of potential.
I wish her the best 💜
people who struggle tend to seem more mature and reserved. she resonated with a lot of us.
This is exactly what i said! I am so impressed by her, she is fantastic. SHE HAD A LOT OF POTENTIAL I want to see her Succeed. How do we help her ?
It’s great that she is very aware of her mental health at such a young age. There’s a lot of people who are not aware and refuse to acknowledge it. She’s gonna do well.
She'll do well if she accepts professional medical treatment and undergoes DBT. At 13:50 she admits that she committed Domestic Battery on her partner while half naked because he tried to get some fresh air. It is irresponsible for her to not be seeing a treating Psychiatrist for a treatment plan and a Psychologist for DBT. She will remain a danger to herself and to others.
That's my feeling as well.
She said she’s building up to taking her own life, how could you say she’s going to do well??
@@MostInterestingManInTheWrld maybe, maybe not. BPD people say that almost everyday. I know, I lived with it for 2 decades.
@@NonprofitWrench Yes.. I have also but took all help related. Its ok not to be ok... just do the best you are capable of 🌻
This is so relatable. Being misdiagnosed as Bi Polar or just Depressed when in reality it’s BPD. So relatable experiences and being able to recognize them and want to better yourself without the medication. Such wiseness
As someone who comes from a BPD family, my mom, my sister (who committed suicide), and myself in recovery, it can cause so much chaos. It is great to see people so young and tackling their issues honestly. It really feels like coming ‘out of a fog’ when we realize what the issues are and quality of life can be so much better. and it’s important for our descendants that we can pass on the information. I totally can relate to ‘blacking out’ and finding yourself chasing someone, half naked (although I was once completely naked!), acting crazy and trying to prevent someone leaving you. It can look so crazy on the outside. Shawna, you are beautiful, courageous, and strong! wishing you all the best in your recovery! You are inspiring! ❤❤❤
Sitting at home doing nothing makes it worse. Going out and doing things helps, keeping moving, not dwelling. There's so much that she has to offer and I really appreciate her and this video.
Not if you panic, going out when you aren’t prepared or ready can set you back a lot.
Do you have bpd? I have it there's many times it's not safe for me to leave the house and be with the public
I hope I don’t offend but what is bpd like what are the main symptoms or characteristics I still don’t understand
@@3to1mediawhen I'm alone I go insane it's terrible
@@Bunny11344 I mean why don't you try Google
For Shawna and anybody else suffering from depression, I will post my 20 Depression Commandments that I got from a great lecture by a depression expert. I read them almost every day and they remind me of what I need to do during the day.
1) Go to the doctor.
2) Avoid alcohol.
3) Learn about your vulnerabilities, what you are reactive to, and develop ways to manage them.
4) Learn to distinguish facts from feelings, beliefs from facts, and reality test your thoughts.
5) Get good sleep--no screens before bed!
6) Exercise. Do what you can.
7) Do fun things often and laugh. Watch funny shows.
8) Stay around good people and people who are good for you.
9) Relax.
10) Make a flow of steps and develop realistic plans.
11) Prioritize well.
12) Don't dwell on the past--focus on the future.
13) STAY OFF SOCIAL MEDIA.
14) Look at probability--don't catastrophize.
15) Don't ruminate or analyze too deeply--plan and move on.
16) Don't leave important things unsaid no matter how hard it is to say them.
17) Get the facts.
18) Do self care.
19) Accept your feelings--don't run from them.
20) Stay active and structured as much as possible.
Great comment. Thankyou
But without medicating? I cant sleep
@@The_earth_fairy-6 self medicating or medicating?
Just took a screenshot
@@JT0007 Glad you liked it!
Having borderline, suicide is always at the back of your mind. It sometimes comes up multiple times a day. I listen to really load music to keep the thoughts at bay. It's truly difficult to have this disorder, it infiltrates every aspect of life. It's terrible to know that you should be better, but you have no idea how to achieve it.
I never wanted medication, I felt that this was my battle, and I'll beat it on my own, I have to.
I am currently on medication, and is fortunate enough to go to weekly therapy sessions, very few suffers have that.
By reminding myself of the symptoms I try to see the role of the medication. How everything is about chemicals.
Hope you can find your way through this lightening storm of a life. YOU ARE STRONG❣
I’ve watched many of Mark’s videos, but this young woman seems to me that she has a very good grasp on her mental health, her triggers, and her overall sense of well-being. She is also super well spoken. My brother has this same disorder but will not seek help for it. She makes me wish he had the same outlook as this young woman. Keep up the good work Mark!!
It's great to see some BPD rep on this channel! I feel like it's often overlooked and not many people are aware how much of a struggle it is, considering that it's not that uncommon. Been dealing with it for as long as I can think and only last year I've been starting to work with professionals to truly understand myself. It's good to see other people talk about these struggles openly. Thank you so much for this, Mark. :')
I was diagnosed with Borderline when I was 18. It's not a lifelong problem, but it can take many years to correct just as it took many years to develop. Went through electro convulsive therapy and a few rounds of DBT. Honestly what was probably the biggest help was reading the book "stop walking on eggshells". Its a self help book written for family/friends of someone with BPD. A whole self help book so people can cope with our bullshit! Understanding how manipulative my behavior appears, how selfish and immature it all was, people I love "walking on eggshells" because of me. Now 25 years later I'm still left with bipolar disorder, but it's a much preferable existence than BPD. Hope you find the courage and strength. 💜
@@NonprofitWrench Amen and thank God for DBT. It helped me immensely.
Therapist hate to treat this too and it's sad.
I also see it romanticized on tik tok a bunch, so gross
Having BPD feels being a turtle without a shell... No emotional skin, so to speak. No buffer. Everything just... Hits, so hard. Combine that with an overactive amygdala and you end up being a person spending half your days battling brief moments on the verge of an anxiety attack. Physiologically responding to the SMALLEST things. Things that other people would get slightly upset about, leave us sweaty, nauseous, shaking, and sick... Sometimes for hours, until you get a hold of good grounding techniques. It's feeling completely alone at times, even when surrounded by people... Because you don't know how to relate, or what to say. Constantly feeling awkward and like you never really quite fit in. The fear of being judged... Being rejected, again. Even though you really do try really fucking hard. It's meltdowns that leave you mentally and physically exhausted, and the guilt that riddles you afterwards. It's being misdiagnosed and wondering why all the SSRIs you're being prescribed really just don't work for you. It's a life of CONSTANT effort. And wondering when it's all going to start paying off... It's being superrrrr aware of how you respond, knowing what's going on, and meditating yourself out of bad moments. It's the result of trauma....
Facts!
Such a good and accurate description. I’ve been diagnosed for 20 years now and the emotional intensity is something I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy.
@@forest_maiden agreed. Unless you have this diagnosis, I don't think you'd ever really understand how this can feel...
I feel exactly like you, have only been pumped full of Xanax for years…. No diagnosis, no help, just an unwanted addiction. I wish I knew where to turn, at 46 I’m exhausted living like this for the past 30 years.
@@jonathanbrenner4995 😔
Anyone here struggling with BPD look into Marsha Linehan creator of DBT. Also Radical acceptance and mindfulness. Meds usually do not work well for BPD unless you have comorbid depression/anxiety etc. Street drugs and drinking will make it so much worse.
Marijuana absolutely has been the ONLY thing that's ever helped me.
I have Borderline Personality Disorder, and I have never related to someone's mind and behavior more. When I was diagnosed almost a year ago now, I found so much comfort in relatability, knowing that I wasn't alone in my surreal feelings and that I, in fact, wasn't "crazy". Thank you so much for sharing your diagnosis, Shawna. I hope you know how much you are consoling and relieving your fellow Borderlines, both the wiser and the newly diagnosed.
Her capacity to convey herself is extraordinary. Her mild and eloquent manner of speech while discussing such weighty topics is brilliant.
Let's not throw out brilliant. Brilliant is for Einstein, Tesla, Jobs.
@@I_Ace Hope things are ok man.
@@michaelshannon9169 look I just think you are throwing out such big terms for something very ordinary
@@I_Ace hmmmm, and hows that make you feel? We're just here to support you.
@@michaelshannon9169 In my mind I think it's important to be realistic and to give honest compliments. In my mind she isn't brilliant, she isnt the most eloquent, but overall I think what should be complementary to the fact is that she was able to share hardship in front cameras, for what ever reason, could even be deceptive. I tend to be more skeptical and try to understand why people do things they do deep down, I have a hard time taking people's words at face value.
Her voice is so soothing, yet up-lifting. I could listen to her for hours.
The number of responses to your interview Shawna just shows how many people you have touched and helped by sharing your story. What an incredible gift and accomplishment. I wish you much peace for your future xx
i have a complex ptsd from childhood and i am so related to this story. i wish everyone to heal and find support in their life♥️
I have C-PTSD and I can relate to her on a spiritual level. Everyday is a never ending merry go round and it so exhausting emotionally and physically.
“Am I going to church faithfully or in unbelief, yet I still feel TERRIBLE”? “Dunamis Tabernacle” on youtube is an additional source for Word of God. “Tools of a Dead Man” (3:11:08[timestamp]). 👂🏼🫀
“Somedays I feel like a rock, I don’t want to do anything. I can’t do anything” 😩👏🏽 She summed it up perfectly
sure did!
It's called being weak and following the bs y'all see on social media
Bitch you just lazy get yo ass and be better than your parents so your children can do the same,loser
100%
Yea what IS that?!?
It makes me feel so much better knowing that I’m not alone and that I’m not only one that feels this way or are going through these emotions. Everything she said just hit and made me feel so much better in a way. Everyone is fighting their own battle/demons. But def hits home when you hear someone talking about everything you go through or feel on some days. I needed to hear this. She’s so wise for her age, but I realize everyone goes through things to make them the person they are today no matter what age. Thank you again. Stay strong. We got this 🙏🏼💪🏼✨
I never seen a video articulated so much that it resided w/ me, i feel like nobody understands me.. I can’t stop crying, I love you girl!
When she said her friends have anxiety and depression but doesn’t feel like they have the same intensity… I relate to that heavily
I have borderline personality disorder and I never clicked so fast. I feel so heard, especially with this comment section. Thank you for this wonderful video. It’s nice to hear people that are like me
Are you in a relationship?
YOG
@@yawopokugyamfi6609 yeah I’m pregnant w his child but he’s being unfaithful right now and it’s soul crushing
@@iheartshaneandjeffree how long did you know him? And how long have you two been together?
YOG
I have bpd, and I can agree on the mushrooms. They helped open the door for healing for me.
@@garydorfner4576 bait harder.
As a inner city kid I can relate to this. Shrooms have also helped me one time on a trip I began to walk around the neighborhood late at night and the environment made me very emotional… I couldn’t control the crying that came with those emotions but I had another part of my mind telling me I would break out of this place eventually.. I’m on my journey still and that day has stuck with until this day. Shrooms for me helped in this instance and many others helped me learn many things about myself. But props to this young lady!
I also have BPD.
Just wanted to say that medication did nothing for me except give me new symptoms. The only thing that helps my symptoms is talk therapy and staying single has been huge.
Just to many emotions with romantic relationships. 5 years single. Doing much better.
Are you not afraid of never being able to have a healthy relationship?
Good on you bro.
You should check out Richard Grannon here on yt.
He has helped me so much in healing my traumas, cptsd and much more.
Stay strong friend ❤️
Staying single keeps a lot of my symptoms away. I’ve heard this from many people with BPD.
@@haidenkoff1963 same they make me suicidal and self harm
single for first time in years now and getting my life back.. hoping to make it stick this time and maybe stay that way too
She is very emotionally intelligent with her condition and even with recognizing how her family didn't have the tools to be there for her. Which a lot of people struggle with (who don't have borderline personality disorder). I hope sis knows her story and progress can help others as she continues to find her way
Seeing videos like the one above makes me think people just use their problems as an excuse to act shitty/get high under the guise of self medication and other mental bullshit the youth keep saying🤣 Nothing about this girl screams intellectual or that she's got this under control and I dont mean that in a mean way... She's nothing more than another lost child in our shitty country reading stupid comment's on social media and taking them as fact and advice like the one above🤣 what she needs is guidance from an actual adult not all these wanna be philosophical 30 years olds acting like drugs and trusting yourself are they way out of the darkness🤦♀️🤦♀️ Everybody feels emotions but it's our upbringing that teaches how we deal with said emotions... and Shawna is sadly an example of what happens when nobody's there to keep you in check. I mean she assaulted her boyfriend and ignored her medication 😪 and I'm pretty sure social media propelled her thoughts of mental unwellness into what she is now... It's sad and what's more sad is comments acting like this poor girl has got it under control ...
Wow, I know several people with BPD and none of them have this much insight. Bravo girl- that will take you a long way- take your meds, seriously. One day at a time. And Mark you are right- everyone deserves to be happy
It's very easy to put on a good face in a short interview. You really learn who people are when you live with them.
This girl is messed up
Yes on that point. I had depression growing up and an anxiety disorder, and my family did nothing to help me. I held it against them for a long time, but I had to come to the realization that they were not equipped to deal with a troubled child. They should have been better, but they were not equipped. It's hard to forgive, but I have.
this one really hit me, I see so much of myself in her and can relate to almost everything she’s saying. I hope she can stay strong and get through it 💞
Thank you to Shawna & Mark. It’s so helpful to hear her voice on this. Committing to getting help is hard. It’ll come when you are ready. You can work on a lot of things in therapy without medication if you aren’t feeling that route. The best thing I did was just commit to regular therapy. No quitting. No changing therapists for frivolous reasons. No telling myself it’s not needed or I’m too busy. Weekly therapy for a year has been so helpful. I only started to feel any difference at about 6mo. It’s up and down. But so worth it. I wish you healing and growth. you are worthy and capable of love and success and health 💗
Finally, someone talking about the severity of depression without sounding like they're reading a text book. I've tried so hard to explain to the people in my life how depression literally strips you of your power and takes control of you making you feel paralyzed. There's still that part of you that is self aware enough to know that you are a good person and you want to enjoy life. You want to help the people you love. You want to be productive and leave your mark on the world. You know what you're passionate about and you know what you have to do to be happy but depression doesn't care. I've spent the last several years isolated away from the world, glued to the floor of my home and bawling my eyes out every day because I'll look out the window, see that it's a beautiful day and I think of all the things I could do in the day to make myself happy, and then I just begin to weep and I mourn the fact that I am about to let another beautiful day pass me by. I'm fully aware that I could do whatever I wanted to and that I don't have to worry about time, bad weather, or any other negative influences, but it's almost as if depression is just giving me a glimpse of what I'm going to miss out on. Like it's taunting me and every time I get a slight glimmer of motivation to move, the chains pull tighter and keep me locked into the one position I'm used to. I've had days where I've literally had to look at myself in the mirror and BEG my body to move. Screaming at myself through tears things like "PLEASE. DO SOMETHING. YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO MOVE SO DO IT, I'M SO MISERABLE. PLEASE, PLEASE JUST GET UP. I JUST WANT TO BE HAPPY. "
Bless you
My friend got a dog which forced her to take walks and she said it really helped her depression (was not intentional at all) 🤗
@@tfossen13 I definitely do support the idea of getting a dog when you're depressed! My situation is frustrating when it comes to this though because I live with my mom and we originally had one husky, a female. Then she adopted a second husky, a male and kept lying to the family saying she planned on getting him fixed even though her hidden motive was for them to have puppies which is exactly what happened. We expected a litter of 5 (what we were told by the vet) and we ended up with EIGHT. 😂 So after finding homes for 6 of the puppies, we still ended up keeping two so now we have 4 huskies. Oh and my mom had zero intention to train them because she never trained their parents and she works all the time so she's never even home. So I stay home all day every day so that I can watch them and as much as I want to take them on walks, I can't take all of them at once and they're all horrible at walking because they're not trained.. so just the thought of doing that not only once a day but four times...... its enough to keep me in the house. But believe me I totally agree with you! I just needed to get that off my chest lol hope you don't mind 😅
@@MorgueInTheVoid Wow! 1 husky is a handful. You need to give at least 2 of them into adoption. You are doing yourself and the dogs a disservice by allowing this situation to continue. If your mom will not see the light give her an ultimatum to train the dogs herself or lose them altogether.
@@spklyunicorn Thank you for the input, it really does mean a lot that you took the time to give me some advice about my situation.💕 I will definitely talk to her and hopefully we can work something out!
As someone with borderline personality disorder, thank you! I needed to feel less alone today
Me too,thank you for posting
I just want to hug her. I’m 39 and have def felt the anger and sadness. And sometimes it’s just out of nowhere. I have never been diagnosed with BPD, but I feel like I could totally qualify based on what she is saying. I have a career, a husband, loving parents, but I often feel like something is missing. I am aware that my own negative thoughts towards myself leads to my loneliness.
I love that she mentioned plant medicines. I am also opposed to big pharma. I have recently started to pursue a more holistic approach to uncovering the nature of my unhappy thoughts thru the use of of these medicines. Lots of Love to her and You for bringing us her story!
i have bpd and it’s really nice to see the representation. thank u 💗
Yall toxic as fuck.
@@Jordan23501 thank our parents
@@Jordan23501 its always ppl named as "Jordan" smh
@@bluntforcetraumahead6898 Youre a loser.
That 'not being able to turn it off' is soo important. My mum has BPD and she will have outbursts or really uncomfortable emotions when we are at gatherings and the hardest thing for people to understand when they try to comfort her is that she can't just snap out of it or look on the bright side. Hearing you mention that reminded me to accept how she is feeling.
I'm 54 and I've never heard anyone explain what I go through on a day to day like that before. For the first time ever, I feel like someone finally understands. Thank you so much for being brave enough to share your story. I wish you the best. I can tell you it does get better with age. I dont like meds either and haven't taken them in 15 years and I have alot more good days than bad now. ❤❤
as someone with depression this is the most relatable interview I've ever listened.
Shawna your such a smart and strong young woman. Thanks for being vulnerable and honest about your struggles. ❤
and an absolutely beautiful woman!
@@pauliedibbs9028 I can’t relate with Shawna about her struggles with BPD.. but i can relate to major depression and anxiety. All mental health issues are horrible. I have been suffering for 10 years.. it was so mentally, physically and emotionally challenging. Very frightening. I relapsed many times. I kept on reaching out to my family, friends and doctors. I wasn’t on the right medication, went through a divorce, living in a toxic environment.. loneliness all contributing factors. I am feeling better. exercising. self care is important. merry christmas and a happy new year 💕
@@888alp Trust me when I say this... everything that you mentioned going through, including the divorce, has been the same living Hell that I had gone through....
But once you realize that we ourselves are only responsible for we ourselves, and cannot let *ANYTHING* alter who we really are... What we truly care about... then the battle becomes quite clear.
The longer we fight and remain true to ourselves, the more that those who have given up will continue to resent us..
@@pauliedibbs9028 I'm borderline and you say not let anything alter who we are but we respond to most external things and we fluctuate and split so do we even fully know who we are I partially know who I am but knowing fully who I am might not happen
She's a mixed raced stripper with a serious mental illness and no college education who uses drugs. She's definitely courageous for opening up about her issues but smart and strong is a real stretch.
Great channel. It amazes me that certain people with mental health problems, anxiety ect can sit in front of a camera and reveal to all about their problems. I praise them for that. I couldn't do it. Shawna is beautiful and I wish her all the best for the future.
they used to call it , airing your dirty laundry in public
@@Frank75288 or getting paid for it
Everyone’s anxiety is different, and from experience I can say that social anxiety manifest in many different ways ! Me personally I learned to talk my way through anxiety and in my opinion that’s what she’s doing , I can hear her voice shake, the “umms” & pauses , as well as a lot of looking away ! Her anxiety is pretty high in this interview despite it seeming like she isn’t !
"Etc"
@@Frank75288 This is an educational channel. This is hardly "dirty laundry."
"When it's not anybody specific making you feel that way, it's you, how do you win that battle?" So relatable, thank you so much for this 💗!! Great reminder of this sense of community
My brother has bi polar and refuses his medication. He used to be best friend and now we don't speak. His mental health has affected everything. He can not hold a job, relationship. Whether it's a girlfriend or even friends. It's so hard because it's like we're speaking 2 different languages. We can't logically rationally talk things out and he fights super dirty. Anyways, mental health is very important and I'm glad that we're starting to take this stuff more serious. Thanks for sharing!
Shout out to her man, that she’s aware of her mental health and not just letting it define her
I swear I literally just opened youtube hoping soft white underbelly would have a BPD video and it came right up, uploaded 2 minute ago, crazy. I also suffer from BPD and i can feel everything she said. I feel like it is very difficult for people to understand what its like to have it because in many ways the symptoms are just experiencing emotions very intensely, particularly in personal relationships, but its also so distinctly different the way our brains work that I’ve only ever felt other people with BPD can understand what i mean. Like no one else is on the same plane of experience, its very isolating but also there are other people who also experience life in the same way and in my opinion it’s critical to have those people to talk to sometimes because no one else, therapist included, will true feel you. A therapist in tandem can be great help though, unfortunately there is not yet any meds that have proven to help BPD but meds for the depression or anxiety could potentially help. In my opinion therapy and practices are more effective, healthier, more sustainable and safer than drugs. I hope this comment finds someone with BPD or one who is close to someone who suffers. ✌️
Thanks for sharing this comment. I had a difficult experience with someone with BPD and found it extremely difficult to understand their behaviour and decisions and the way that the mind of someone with BPD can operate. I still can't quite wrap my head around the discarding and how brutal it was, however I understand it's something that's extremely difficult to live with. I hope one day they can find more effective treatments for it.
I’m still not understanding a clear picture of how to distinguish one with BPD vs PTSD, etc. Would you please elaborate?
Here someone with BPD if you want to talk :*
Thank you for the comment ♡ I have bpd and I agree 100% to what you said. Stay strong ♡♡♡
@@FLBeautyQueen I think the difference is that personality disorders are centered around a set of internalized "beliefs" about relationships and the world around you.
I really appreciate Shawna for being so open about her mental health it’s actually given me insight on what mite be going on with me. I thought I was just bipolar and had depression but now I think I have bpd. It’s so uncontrollable and the more I try to “just chill out” the more mad and sad I get. I also have social anxiety which makes me just want to cut out the world but I have 2 children that deserve a mentally sound energetic mother… Thank you just thank you!❤
Dang it’s crazy listening to you and hearing you describe yourself and your experiences, it’s totally me. Thank you so much I’m not alone with this. You’re so brave for telling your story. 👏🏾
I think my child’s father had BPD. and as someone who is fully aware of mental health and studies it. It was very painful to love someone who always felt alone and incapable of having someone love them despite their experiences and let downs. No matter how much I encouraged him in therapy, showed up for him, stood beside him…. It was never enough. The root started with his family and that’s where he needed the love the most. It broke me wanting to save him. Smoking, drinking, doing any additional vices doesn’t help, it just numbs it. Praying for everyone who may be suffering with BPD
Praying for you baby girl I’m 48 still fighting the same demons !!! U GOT THIS !!
I always thought I was alone .. but seeing this video and looking at the comments I’m so thankful for this interview I needed this do they have support groups this is exactly how I feel 😔
Yet another great video. My son is dealing with BPD and this give me some really helpful insights and empathy. Thank you both!
She's cool. Self aware, intelligent perspective, down to earth.
She’s lovely, she’s very honest and likeable. I wish her all the luck in the world.
She's so pretty.. also intelligent & well spoken. I too have BPD. I understand her struggle. She's very self aware for her age. Self regulating gets better with time, I promise. Be blessed, beautiful 🥰💟
..and what about looks?! aawwww she's pretty... what about the ugly B&&tches?
Self regulation?!?!? She assaulted her boyfriend... she's ignoring her medication... She's running away... She feels lonely... she needs adult guidance like real soon not these moronic comments saying this poor girl has got it under control or that she'll get better at managing this 🙄🙄
@@Jellybean4871 finally an adult in the room. FFS.
@@Jellybean4871 clearly the "adults" failed her. So I'm guessing by adults you mean trained professionals?
@@Jellybean4871 sometimes you hit your lowest point before you heal yourself. I hope you never know what that's like. Dick.
Shawna, you are a beautiful soul! I’m
praying you give yourself GRACE in this season. You are going to get to YOUR destination. Praying for you!
Thank you for sharing your story, this makes me feel so much less alone…
She has no idea how relatable she is, i feel like a lot of us feel this way
A lot of people say that about the symptoms of BPD. But the level of intensity impairs your life. Not to be rude but think of how you feel in these moments and multiply it to the point that people and yourself are appalled with your reactions making you feel even worse. The uncontrollability and not knowing how often or when these moments will occur and the stress of that is BPD.
BPD is probably just a sexist diagnosis of a type of PTSD honestly
@@alismoran777that’s why so many of us think of suicide when it gets bad. Sometimes it’s just so intense it’s truly like being stuck on a run away train at 400 mph with little control. DBT has helped me Lot