@@antonp6917 I do not try with women anymore, I contact them, then if they pursue me and follow my rules I spend some time with them... or they can leave and stop wasting my time :)
Not all narcissists rage, some use very subtle passive aggressive tactics. They use neglect, intermittent reinforcement & indifference as emotional abuse to keep you inline. This kind of abuse is also invisible to the outside world, and easily denied, so you (and everyone else) think you are the crazy, abusive one, who has got it all wrong.
I have 4 children with a covert narc wife. I remember after we had 2 kids, one day i noticed with absolute clarity.. This woman has no personality at all. I realized she mirrored way back then, but didnt know what NPD was. Now im 4 kids into it, shes done 2 discards and imploded our family multiple times. We are broke, in section 8 housing with zero possible life goals because nothing matters when living with one of these black holes. Its day by day. She implodes any progress. I tried multiple home businesses only for her to sabotage it. If she cant outright sabotage the job, she will mess with my sleep, I cant work a full time job because this lunatic will stay up till 3am with my youngest, slamming into the door while she keeps enabling it. I can rant for hours, but the point is, they live their life by sapping any of yours. She thinks she is winning, when she does damage to our family. I guess they dont realize this also ruins them in the process and they too are poor? Its insane, and ill never get out from under her. She used family court to ruin me last time i tried to get away, and my covert narc father purposely sabotaged me while i was staying out there. I gave up, and was sick of seeing my kids get manipulated. My son was so depressed he was breaking my heart. I couldnt take it anymore, and i came back. So ill take it. I have now begun to discuss NPD, the behaviors, and what to look out for. So if you have read all of this, know there is a silver lining. I now workout, and live as if she was a ranting child not to be taken seriously. My kids are now versed about narcissism and my oldest actively researches it. If the cycle will not break with me, my children will break it!
The sad part is that I have been so destroyed financially that at this point , leaving means homelessness. And it honestly looks better to me to be homeless than to continue living the same lifestyle as I have been.!
I’m in the same boat. Went through my finances And I have not instead of working and I had moved in with him prior to Covid and I sold my house in Ocean Beach biggest mistake ever
You can never be enough for a narcissist. If you're strong enough run from them and never look back. I knew it very well from the 1.5 years of relationship with a covert narcissist.
Fascinating. First thing I noticed was the complete lack of empathy. To be honest, the trip was so unusual I just played along , watching and studying. Text book example unfolded right before my eyes. Ultimately I felt sadness over the realization that someone I cared about could be so damaged, so unable to achieve and embrace real intimacy.
After 25 years l end it up with fibromyalgia and all kinds of physical and emotional issues, 4 years out and still struggling with a lot after this psychopatic hurricane.
After 15 years, I never even considered my autoimmune disease and fibromyalgia could have been caused by my marriage to a narcissist. Have your symptoms with fibromyalgia gotten any better since you left? I am still navigating my marriage and it's been torture on my physical and emotional health.
Wearing a literal "bulletproof vest" has been (and still is) a part of my every day professional life for decades. No problem ! But having to wear a proverbial one at home for only a couple years was to much for me. Problem is both the real thing and the proverbial one are not really bulletproof. You will get hit and hurt eventually. When i realised that i just put my hands up and walked away ! Walked away with my life ! Best move i ever made !!
@@linalg10 ... Just to push the analogy a bit further: .... Prepare to get shot in the back when you walk away ! If you have a single sided plate-carrier ... wear it backwards ! ;-)
This was so spot on. I am nine years out of a four year (two years married ) relationship with a narcissist. He may have had borderline personality also. I could not find this kind of quality information and support earlier in my recovery. It really would’ve helped. I questioned myself for a long time wondering if I could’ve done something differently to save the relationship. Now, I realize it was hopeless. I was “love starved” coming into this relationship. His praise of me drowned out my own inner critic. He provided an anchor for my wounded soul. This made it all the more devastating and confusing when I left. Still, it was the right thing to leave. I have found healing and sanity. Out of the ashes…❤
1 month into dating she asked while I was driving if I would consider marriage to which I absently replied “I honest haven’t thought about that yet”. She immediately started bawling and I had to pull over. 12yrs of marriage and divorce later, I realize now that was a HUGE red flag
Thank You For Sharing This The Worst Thing I Did Was Having A 8 Year Relationship With A Malignant Narcissist. I Developed Severe Health Issues Severe Depression Anxiety.Low Self Worth Uncontrollable Shaking FEAR Inadequacy..Self Doubt. Not Feeling Good Enough My Life Was Destroyed Narcissistic Abuse Is Brutal
@@alexs5405 Thank you So Very Much For Caring For Sharing This.I’m Struggling To Keep My Abuser Blocked. I Blocked The Narcissist This Past Saturday And I’m Struggling. How Do I Stay Strong keeping My Abuser Blocked!!
I’m going through the same things as you I’ve been discarded But he keeps coming back And I keep getting lured back in He knows I still love him He’s messing with my head I think I’ve got a trauma bond with him
I realised it had to end, even with 2 children. It was the worst decision, and also the best. Do what you need to do, because you know it won't improve. Love yourself enough to not put up with it. ♥️
@@viewsfromthe7side171 collect evidence of her behaviour if it's bad and you have opportunities, you could go for child custody. I just realised things would get much worse and kicked her out. It's taken a long time to recover from it all, and wouldn't wish any of this on anyone. I stayed for the children for as long as possible, only you know what's best for you. Good luck.
Stop trying to defend or justify your actions. This is good advice here. Sometimes a narcissist doesn't even care what you have to say at times lol. Sometimes it is best to be quiet and do what you have to do.
Spot on for me. 41 years married and she keeps calling me the narcissist. Living above my garage in an apartment because can't afford to divorce her. So we keep our distance. Thanks much for your Chanel. It has made me see things better.
In the same situation after almost 30 years. We live in separate bedrooms and are like two strangers with shared responsibilities of kids together. If it wasn’t for the kids I’d live in a shack to get away from her.
appreciate your videos lise, they always say this to me " just let it go" Not so easy when when its all you have known for many years, remember too these people are master manipulators.
Excellent tactical advice! Remembering that their attacks are not personal is such a tremendous challenge, but it is an essential tool for survival... this is about them and only them, on every level. Try and try and you will find out what “with ears to hear” really means.... these people develop “rubber eardrums”!!! Forget about pleading your case, you are only digging your hole deeper... thanks for another stellar video, Lise!
Spot on. It never gets better. Staying with them just enables them to plot out their discard if they're picking up on you leaving them, especially if you have kids. Its amazing the extremes they'll go to, to destroy you. Good discussion🕊
Before I knew it wasn't me (recently after raising two children, going out of my mind, and 35 years of marriage....) I called it "Porcupine and Kittens". I never knew which it was going to be and when it was Kittens, I learned to be afraid because the devil would soon follow. She stole my life and pushed my kids from me. Only just a couple years ago I left the room and walked past an open window - the door had just shut and she was telling my kids why everything we had just talked about was wrong and I was an idiot. It came so easily from her I realized this must have been going on for a very long time. It blew my mind but explained a few things. She stole my life and nearly my mind. I don't want to be the bad guy and tell my kids my wife is sick (and has been for 34 years) but I now realize she has been programming them not to trust me and smearing me all these years. She has no boundaries and NOTHING is sacred. She has said things that no person should say to anyone even if they hate them. She has never felt bad about it and has never apologized. The kids are fair game and she uses them as tools.
Ben, I just saw a quote from another UA-cam channel today (The Enlightened Target) that states, "If you have children with a sociopath, they will attempt, and many times succeed at alienating you from your children. Make no mistake, their goal is to rob you of everything you love. Turning your own children against you is the ultimate high". I'm so sorry for all that you have gone through. Always remember that God knows the truth and He will reveal it to your children one day.
I have been in a six year relationship with a narcissist and she is about drove me crazy I have discovered you and your videos and they’re the best things I’ve ever watched this one explains everything to me I know what I need to do thank you so much continue the good work
Some people don't want to leave their kids 1/2 the time as they're defenseless against these psychopaths. Ur videos r helpful to support us as we go thru this.
Your videos are exceptional. As someone who survived being married to a covert narcissist I am impressed with all your videos, especially this one. It had been sooooo confusing. There was no information about Narcissism at that time. So thankful for all the information available now and you deliver it in such a clear, concise and understandable way. I recommend your videos to many of my friends and acquaintances. Many thanks from a survivor who experienced all you artfully describe. ❤
I didn't know my ex was a narcissist, but about 4 months into the relationship she accidentally showed me the ring she was going to propose to me with and told me she was planning on doing when we were going to Florida for vacation in like two weeks. I told her don't propose to me. It broke her heart at the time. She held it against me the entire relationship. Now many many months later when I went through her phone turns out she was already cheating on me and talking to other guys when she was planning on marrying me. Just absolutely nuts how big of a bullet I dodged. I feel good today it's taken me about 2 1/2 months and I'm starting to feel like myself again and the pain is subsiding. I just have to remember it was my decision to walk away from her, I miss her regardless of all the abuse. Gave my virginity to her and the first person I'd say I ever truly gave my heart to(true love). No regrets definitely upset about the virginity part though I was legitimately saving myself for marriage and she had me played for a fool that she was the one. I may have told her not to propose to me but I had every intention of marrying her just once we got to know each other more, it was way too early. I'm glad I'm a smart guy because waiting that extra time was one of the best decisions I ever made.
you're spot on in describing my wife, from the get go, Been married over 30 years, and the homeymoon was over quickly. I dread every day, but had figured out about 20 years ago, that it wasn't me with the faults. Thanks for the tips Doc, Signed, Trapped in NY.
You're an angel, Lise. As for my I seriously entertained thoughts that I myself is a narcissist. My psychiatrist asked to take some tests and then explained to me the score and told me I'm not an NPD sufferer. Bus seriously, I'm still doubting it bec she's just probably being kind to me. I don't know.
Thank you so much for this I needed this today! I was spiraling down the emotional drain, and I am still trauma bonded… 4 months, no contact… Thank you so much 🙏
Feel you here . I spiral so hard omfg , I literally end up in panic attack wanting to reach out to them. Trauma bond is the hardest anyone can go through.
@@amyt7378 Your doing well 4 months is not long :) I'm one year since she left, however i been in constant contact and seen her many times :/ Difficult drug to quit
Cutting the trauma bond is the most important part of your process. After that , you are healed and it will not happen again with a possible next Narc. For this you need help and educate your self intensive . It is all a process. There are no short cuts. But this is after NO CONTACT , the most important issue in your process. I did 3 years now. I am healed. I Know what it means.
One aspect of existing (I use that term in all seriousness) with my narcissistic wife is that everyone we know just thinks she is a loving, giving, super hero type person. I say this because she really does treat everyone like she is in the early stage of narcissistic 'controlling' with them as you describe in your 10 steps video. Afterall she has me to herself 99% of my time to exert a 11+ year relationship and as such she can afford being in "early stages" with everyone else since I have become the number one whipping post to her driven phychosis. I finally confided in one of my Aunts who is out of state and my Aunt was totally shocked to hear that was the situation I was existing in with my wife. She was flabergasted!
This is wonderful advice. I am one year out of a narcissistic relationship and I’m so happy. Holocaust survivor Viktor Frankl said, « Everyone has their own Auschwitz. » Read his book, Man’s Search for Meaning. What Lise is talking about is recognizing that you are in a « provisional existence with no limit » and developing tools to find meaning and get through. Thank you Lise!
What's so powerful about your descriptions of the narcissist is the play-by-play. It's uncanny to hear what sounds like a concise and detailed description of what's happens. Not only do your videos validate the experiential understanding of the target, what seemed to be unique circumstances and dynamics are revealed to be common, formulaic and predictable.
I got your vids as a suggestion around a week ago without even looking into the topic, even though I am currently going through most of these situations. I can’t thank you enough for shining some light and guidance, helping me come to a healthy decision for myself. You deserve more likes and subs, God bless you and thanks once again! 😎👍
I like how you point up to the link that's on the other side of the video. It's incredibly cute. You should have 100's of thousands subscriber's. Your content is that good and incredibly accurate.
I love how you advice. very realistic in the perspective of the person on the other end. The traumatized victim. Sometimes it's hard to detach from narcissist due to the long term diminished self- esteem. Thank you
Hi Lise, can you make a video about healing and growing into a better person after a cluster B relationship is over? This time I want to learn how to date again, trust people again, and set healthy boundaries that work at protecting myself but not scaring good people off
This month will be our 5 year anniversary. We are currently living apart. My mind understands what I am experiencing...THANK YOU SO MUCH LISE but my heart We will spend this weekend together...first time in months...I am worried but thanks to all the education from Lise I am better equipped to dodge bullets... I hope and pray. I also realize my actions determine my future
I kept going back, because i love her, she made me co dependant without knowing, im broken down and have suffered 20 years of torment and i do not trust anybody, more so women, im now done with them and im not going to be sucked in by there sweetness, women can be just as evil as men they just do it differently
👏👏Been there, done that. One must leave the narcissist (if at all possible) or the consequences will likely be costly,. In martial arts training, we were always taught "Can't is the same as won't." I left and went no-contact just before the discard. Thank God for small favors. That was in 2014 and I still revel in the fact that I beat her to the punch. As it turns out, she married another dude about 30 days later and was divorced 2 or 3 months later. DUH. "Run, Forrest, Run..."
I learned the hard way, do not ever call out a narcissist on what they are doing wrong in a relationship, the hate filled rage is beyond reproach, absolutely total loss of control, things go flying, property is torn up or completely damaged, the out of control rage is absolutely one of the scariest ordeals a human being will endure
Had a friend whose marriage of almost a decade was "on the rocks" and in came a narcissist woman to show him all the support and kindness and understanding his wife wasn't providing. She eventually pressured him to divorce, regularly crucifying him for taking so long to do so. When he finally did divorce, the narcissist moved away two days before it was finalized. He's a ruined man.
48 yrs of marriage, and birth to 21 being raised by narcissistic mother and siblings. WoW I finally started to learn what to call the abuse, instead of always trying to prove and repeat the stories they deny. This is good. And worth sharing. Thank you for Lifting me Up Today 😊.. He chooses to stay, which I don’t understand b/c he discards me. What a prison cell for life, but I”m to old and like other’s have said would have to give up what I worked hard for so he could have it while he has taken me homeless with children, No way am I giving up my home. I learned how to deal with it and slap back. 😂 I get to laugh at the games and be strong enough to laugh out loud when they start. And believe me when you get over the hurt and shame of disregarded and thrown away but never leave b/c the girls throw him back as if I want him back lol no thank you. Just a crappy roommate with a piece of paper that means nothing. Just another day as he puts it. So it gets treated just like that. I like to celebrate another day, the day I let him go from my heart and trust. Just another untrusting friend…they never leave… and if they do they think they can just walk back in as if they left the room to escape the crap they started before they walked out of their reality… sorry no more pity for the fool or patiences.
Jesus I'm so glad that I am analyzing people and can't shut up. She discarded me, which resulted in me feeling like absolute garbage for MOTHS, questioning my reality, my personality and my worth as a human being. I was a neurotic mess trying to win her back. That girl was a textbook vulnerable narcissist. If I would've just tolerated her behaviour and if I wouldn't be a argumentative person she would've never broken up. I would've been trapped in that toxic up and down haze until my entire brain would've rotten away. To anyone who's in a relationship seeing this and wondering if their partner is a narc: *GET. OUT.* If you feel the need to research this because of your partners behaviour THEY ARE DANGEROUS. Safe people don't make you question their safety!!
Ur content is GOLD!!! Sharing your knowledge has helped me understand what is truly going on. My findings are not an “Overnight” realization of what it is. It’s been years but now it’s all clear…I still struggle with denial but ur videos give me a sense of acceptance and clarity and that’s a great start towards recovery … Please continue doing ur amazing work by educating us and keeping the lite ON in the end of that dark tunnel…♥️💯
i lost my sense of self its horrible oh god its horrible i dont wreckonize my self have trust issues doubt my self not good for anyone you said it perfectly
Lisa. One of your videosad to stop watching and move on, but i can't help but watching. I learn more on every video, thank you for that. This one fits my situation closely. We got together at 16 years old. Ran away from our dysfunctional families together, and never seen it coming in the 45 years together. I told 2 years ago when things were turning bad that i though we had the most wonderful life together, and i did, her response was " i was making it look good for 40 years" it felt like i got hit with a brick. And added " if i wasn't so desperate i never would have gone out with you" she has yet taken it back. Yes im stuck right now because I want to divorce her but feel sorry for her because i was always the bread winner and i fear she will struggle without me financially. At the point where i hope i don't see tomorrow.
I totally agree ! On narc parents i am sure fear is one the most prominant factors when a person is not able to leave toxic narcissistic parents. As you stated this is because of years of psychological abuse which makea a person weak in mind and soul to leave those energy vampires who have been feeding on theie son/ daughter's energy as parasites for them to survive. I believe children of such parents should every moment pray to God and plan a way out Fast . Those parenta after practising narcissistic behaviours for years in their aging old age becomes most evil and could spoil their sons/daughter's life in any moment. A single minute stay with old narc parents is very risky. A person should believe and pray to God to not let the fear inflicted upon by the narcissistic parents to get depressed and not able to leave. With God's help and self help it is easy to leave such evil morher father any moment .
Lived it for 3.5 years....Wow!!!..I feel so Lucky that I got out....I went through all of this...& was constantly told I was the problem...it hurt so bad...I gave her so much love...still recovering...but I invest in these videos everyday... Thank You & God Bless 12:04
thanks for taking your time making all these videos I watched them all and you practically describe my emotional adult life, I don't blame them I have a lot of self improvement work to do. Thanks again
Loving a Narcissist is a loosing game. If you are able, run and please seek for help who understand the disorder !! not just a therapist, please go therapy for cutting the trauma bond otherwise even you leave you still will be attached like an addicted person. Please go No contact on lifetime or if you have kids, grey rock method, even he or she is not violent. The manipulations injures your mental system , these are wounds you can not see . It is so hard to leave , it is so hard to go no contact , but it is your survival and strength for your kids . They are not a reason to stay. They need strong parents. You are not a good parent to excuse the narcissist and staying because of your children with them.
Its hard to leave but at leastcwe habe a chance at LIFE. To stay only guarantees more of the same. For me at least, its like the movie Groundhog Day, same 'arguments' every other day. The days between are usually silent treatment. Glad to know im not the only one in 'bizarro-land' or whatever one would call my existence. Prayers and strengths to my fellow survivors. Or soon to be.. 🤞🧡🙏🏼
I've been married to a covert narcissist for almost 20 years. I'd have left with the shirt on my back a long time ago, but we have two autistic kids that I'm not willing to walk away from. I had been trapped in Dante's second level of domestic Hell until recently. Thanks to videos like this one, I've made it out of the building and into Hell's parking lot. At least there's fresh air and sunshine out here. Thank you Lise, for turning the light on. It's a great thing you do.
Same here. Not autistic, but one is medically fragile. We have moved several times the last 10 years and want to allow him to finish high school at his current school. Neither of us can afford our house alone, and we are upside down on it so can’t sell and even break even. I feel stuck with her for his well being.
Yes, what you say is truth in fact. I met my narc 34 years ago. Sadly, I am still living in her reality. However, I have learned to be more aware of the narc’s tactics. An Australian therapist Mel Tonia Evan’s coined the “CRAP” term of a narc’s behavior. Criticism Rejection Abandonment Punishment. There is a chronic repetition of these 4 behaviors. Mine occur in 2week cycles. Thank you .
After watching your videos I’m starting to doubt if I am the narcissist. She always accused me of all these things. And now she dumped me to “protect herself”. I’m going crazy. She being a psychologist herself has some serious issues and when your video on Covert Narcissist found me, It ticked all the boxes in her behavior except that she is blaming ME of all that.
Hello Lise, I decided to erase my original comment. Anyway, thanks for the video and looking forward to watching a new one. Stay healthy and safe inside your body🤙🏼😉
@@LiseLeblanc I had been driving and I was at a stop so I wanted to ask if a narcissist can dupe another narcissist or do they just argue and fight amongst each other?
Wish I knew this channel an year ago... Whenever I try to speak up my mind to my gf, no matter how calm and respectful I might be, she always lashes out at me. After a huge fight we had, she started devaluing me, gaslighting me and telling me that "you're too sensitive". She even considers my simple requests as "putting pressure on her" or "controlling her" or "no trusting her enough". If she's moody ffs reason, she devaluates me. After love bombing me in the first phase and imagining a future with me, she recently told me that she hates women who are "dependent on their relationship with their significant other". She put pressure on me to divorce, giving me a deadline. She showered me with support, kindness and confidence. She told me about what a hard life she lived full of childhood trauma and what an asshole her ex was... I left a beautiful, smart and wise wife and home for this woman. Too late now...
I lived the narcissistic abused lifestyle for a decade before I realised what was going on. I did some research and through several twists of fate, I ended up realising that the abuse had little if anything to do with me personally, and that I AM "good enough". My idea of self was shattered by this time and I had no idea of who I was anymore. I am in a situation where leaving is not a realistic option. I use the experience to rebuild myself into the person I want to be, which especially includes learning to catch mind games and subtle abuse on the fly and how to not react to it or take it to heart like I did previously for far too long. If nothing else, I stand up for myself without defending myself now, where I would have cowered and let people walk all over me before.
I told my very difficult aunt that I was learning about narcissist and how to handle them. She told me that I was waisting my time. She spends her time watching horror movies. Who do you think uses their time more wisely? What can you learn from horror movies? I can master my anti narcissistic skills why she's watching someone getting stabbed to death? Women confuse me. What are they thinking? Thanks for the videos. Your great! Bye
Please listen to the warnings, and please never tell them you know they are a narcissist or you have evidence of them cheating. After 10 years with my exgirlfriend who I'm positive she is at least a covert narcissist. And maybe a malignant narcissist. By the end of the relationship I was completely isolated and totally broken. No self esteem or self worth. I reached a point I didn't want to live. I blamed everything on myself and believed then it was menopause. Her gaslighting got so bad she did shit right in front of me and denied it and called me crazy. Everytime I'd reach a point to leave she would be Bice for 3 weeks or a month. When I realized she was actually having someone in the house while I was at work I told her I knew. She called the police filed false domestic abuse charges on I was off to jail. At 48 years old I had never even had the police called on me never mind ever putting my hands on a women. I grew up seeing that and lived my life despising men that put their hands on women. I was held no bail for 4 months. The first couple of times at court just trying to get bail the judge believe everything she said. Mind you their was no signs of me doing what she claimed. She was even caught liying about the main charge and it was dropped but still gave me no bail. Ultimately I knew unless I had alot of money for a good lawyer they viewed me as an abuser to this poor 53 year old grandmother. Narcissist know exactly how to fool people. He'll she fooled me for a decade. I also found out she had 37 convictions on her record for lying deceitful crimes. Theft fraud to steeling identity. Blows my mind how they took her word over mine. I plead guilty if I went to trial the da wanted 7.5 years for basically verbal threats and taking her phone out of her hand. I'm on 2 years probation with a gps ankle monitor. She kept over 20k of my possessions, worste then that my 2 little shitzu dogs I love. I can't thank you enough for your amazing videos you truly saved my life and gave me hope. Once I was able to accept it was never real and she never cared for me I could let go. It was one of the hardest things iv gone through. Now I have to focus on fixing myself. I didn't realize how much damage that has done. I live in constant vigilance and it's hard to trust anyone. I don't want to be this way she will win if I become miserable like her. Thank you again
I admitted to things I hadn't even done to assuage the Narcissist ego. I took the blame. Now they want to come back and be friends, saying we can create new memories and (conveniently) forget past memories. I love this person so much but I can't afford to allow them to destroy me AGAIN no matter how much I love them. 😮
It has come to my clear and sustained attention that most Speakers/Influencers on the Internet, even Experts and "Victims" of Narcs talking about Narcissists/NPD present them, without always saying it loud, as "ennemies" to fight some way or another, while ALL admitting at the same time that this personality disorder has its roots in the Narc's childhood & past marked/wounded by shame, low self-esteem, excessive parental/social control, or even abuses in some cases... Thus masked by the Narc's arrogance, lack of empathy, always looking/craving for attention and higher self-esteem by controling, manipulating or even consciously hurting others. (Obviously as a twisted yes but definitely real anticipative mental defence mechanism). Therefore aren't our Society and Health Professionals in this field obviously misplacing one of the fundamentals of the NPD diagnostic while putting aside the obvious cure? How can we be fighting the wrong by the wrong? Most are saying that there's no cure to this disorder. My most recent research and understanding of this more-common-than-thought disorder is UNCONDITIONAL LOVE/ACCEPTANCE. Have you ever wondered WHY this so recurrent and so well known & observed Narcissist & Empath Relationship/Interaction? The Narcissist is actually asking the Empath to go the extra mile to prove his/her sincerity... So the Narcissist could also reverse the phase and now consider being freely an Empath 100%.
"However you feed a wolf, she will always look to the forest. -Anton Chekhov. ". In other words, a narcissist will do what a narcissist does best. It's in their psyche and nature.
"Endless arsenal of weapons of psychological mass destruction" 😂 sounds funny but, unfortunately and sadly, it's so much true! They are really good at what they do. It goes beyond ones wildest imagination. I would just add that the weapons are also super stealth.
If anyone still has any doubts about whether leaving is the best option or not, check out the current case about how Kouri Richins killed her husband once he was of no more use to her. Poor man, ignored the red flags for too long.
Suggestion opening theme music: Unknown Hinson: "Devil in a Thong." Music only no vocals til asked, then private msg answer. New Merriam Webster entry: Diatch. All you, Lise. Praying for everything in your world. You are an emotional airborne EMT hero of the fatherland.❤
This perfectly describes a couple girls I've dated frustration beyond human comprehension thanks Lisa I can usually beat them at their own game but I had one discard me before we had time to smash 😁😁
I had to work for 2 days very hard work.... I was excited to get home....she hardly acknowledged me... she walked up to acting like she was so busy. Then to make even more devalued she pat me on the head.......I said what the heck is that!!!??? You patted me on the head? She shrouded and walked away....
Ugh, I'm watching all your videos around NPD and just sick to my stomach for what I realize now that have been intensifying over the last 3 months. Would it be abnormal for the Love and sex bombing to happen for 2 years and then suddenly stop as soon as she moves in? Or does that phase occur until they have you locked in? For the last 6 months, it's always been something since moving in, but nothing is improving, and when I bring up 'issues," I feel like gaslighting is increasing. Leading me to this video and all the others. Also, while calling out gaslighting in our argument last night, I immediately felt like I was gaslighting by calling it out. It's a cruel, cruel wrath that I have a keen eye on, and I'm watching intently. Great videos! the straightforward way you describe all of this is so very helpful.
You get a false protective order filed against you once they run out of their supply/discard you (always stood against any form of abuse/a nice guy). If you have children and take pride in being the best parent (I did), they take your pride (children) away from you. Then once they leave, they will shame and devalue you (hence the protective order).
I m in a relationship with a very narcissistic woman myself and I have tried to overcome these mind games and tactics played by a narcissistic is I simply listen to all her shit wat ever she has to say she devalue abuse crush my self worth I simply agree and don't even bother to reply back. Don't reply when such a personality disorder person tries to take control don't let them take control over you. I suggest that the more u give explanation the more they will provoke you. In such a case just remain calm don't loose ur cool and God has given you two ears listen from one and kick it out from the other. The moment you take those words to your mind boom u are trapped. So relax and keep calm and don't respond at all in such situations. Be very clear don't try to isolate urself from your family and friends no matter how hard the narcissist tries to isolate you.
I know my partner is a covert narcissist and I feel as though I’m completely stuck. I love him so much I left him five years ago and I went back due to desperation and now I have been caught up in this for 7 months. I feel totally confused because I know he is destroying me inside, I’ve lost myself, I’ve lost motivation, direction, self worth, happiness and it’s been replaced by the exact opposite. I am always sad, I cry every single day and multiple times, I feel hopeless and trapped. No matter how bad I feel I just can’t leave him because I feel like I need him. No matter how hard things get or what he does or says, how badly he treats me I can’t imagine my life without him in it. It’s like a curse that has ye grips on me and I’m so low from fighting him all the time that I just don’t even want to go on in this life anymore. Does anyone know how to break free from this because I seriously want to stop feeling this way. I’ve tried no contact and it’s like literally withdrawal symptoms. I wait for him to show up in any way and as soon as he does i feel relief because I feel almost obsessed with him. How do I begin to be more obsessed with myself
The hard answer is, they won't change. You will be treated worse as time goes on and your natural reactions to it will be framed to paint you as the bad person. You will never get back what these people steal from you. For example, that state of bliss you once felt with them - it's not coming back. Or that complete trust in them - no, that trust is irreparably damaged. Like me, it sounds like you are struggling to escape a trauma bond - I wish I'd known 20 years ago what all the behaviours were. I hope you find peace and love one day 🙏
Staying with a narcissist only gets worse, it NEVER really gets better!
Yep, just a destructive endless waste of time and life........
Yes, yes, yes!!!!!
Yet we keep trying 🙄
@@antonp6917 I do not try with women anymore, I contact them, then if they pursue me and follow my rules I spend some time with them... or they can leave and stop wasting my time :)
@@TheHumanRanger thank you, brother!
Set rock solid boundaries...got it
Not all narcissists rage, some use very subtle passive aggressive tactics. They use neglect, intermittent reinforcement & indifference as emotional abuse to keep you inline. This kind of abuse is also invisible to the outside world, and easily denied, so you (and everyone else) think you are the crazy, abusive one, who has got it all wrong.
This is what I'm married to. He stops returning texts, doesn't answer calls.
@@Aidenshale Can you get away at all? Get pauses at least? Do ACA-free program?
@Medietos not yet. All the debt is in my name and I can't afford to do anything.
Incredibly Spot on!
This sums up my marriage. Finally divorcing after almost 30 years. Wish I had done so way sooner.
This was like the best video for someone in the midst of it
I have 4 children with a covert narc wife. I remember after we had 2 kids, one day i noticed with absolute clarity.. This woman has no personality at all. I realized she mirrored way back then, but didnt know what NPD was. Now im 4 kids into it, shes done 2 discards and imploded our family multiple times. We are broke, in section 8 housing with zero possible life goals because nothing matters when living with one of these black holes. Its day by day. She implodes any progress. I tried multiple home businesses only for her to sabotage it. If she cant outright sabotage the job, she will mess with my sleep, I cant work a full time job because this lunatic will stay up till 3am with my youngest, slamming into the door while she keeps enabling it. I can rant for hours, but the point is, they live their life by sapping any of yours. She thinks she is winning, when she does damage to our family. I guess they dont realize this also ruins them in the process and they too are poor? Its insane, and ill never get out from under her. She used family court to ruin me last time i tried to get away, and my covert narc father purposely sabotaged me while i was staying out there. I gave up, and was sick of seeing my kids get manipulated. My son was so depressed he was breaking my heart. I couldnt take it anymore, and i came back. So ill take it. I have now begun to discuss NPD, the behaviors, and what to look out for. So if you have read all of this, know there is a silver lining. I now workout, and live as if she was a ranting child not to be taken seriously. My kids are now versed about narcissism and my oldest actively researches it. If the cycle will not break with me, my children will break it!
The sad part is that I have been so destroyed financially that at this point , leaving means homelessness. And it honestly looks better to me to be homeless than to continue living the same lifestyle as I have been.!
Is anyone else afraid of commenting on these posts for fear of getting a notification at the wrong time 😮
@@ChiqueChiingI totally gave it a second thought for fear that my spouse might see my post.
@@ChiqueChiingyes because she has my phone which has all my info, but I need to speak up, I've gone thru too much to hide my feelings
@@nemziii200 lol your spouse sound boring
I’m in the same boat. Went through my finances And I have not instead of working and I had moved in with him prior to Covid and I sold my house in Ocean Beach biggest mistake ever
You can never be enough for a narcissist. If you're strong enough run from them and never look back. I knew it very well from the 1.5 years of relationship with a covert narcissist.
Fascinating. First thing I noticed was the complete lack of empathy. To be honest, the trip was so unusual I just played along , watching and studying. Text book example unfolded right before my eyes. Ultimately I felt sadness over the realization that someone I cared about could be so damaged, so unable to achieve and embrace real intimacy.
Ditto.
After 25 years l end it up with fibromyalgia and all kinds of physical and emotional issues, 4 years out and still struggling with a lot after this psychopatic hurricane.
After 15 years, I never even considered my autoimmune disease and fibromyalgia could have been caused by my marriage to a narcissist. Have your symptoms with fibromyalgia gotten any better since you left? I am still navigating my marriage and it's been torture on my physical and emotional health.
@@michellebelle6269 still navigating?, is going to sunk anyways and the longer the worst for you, l feel better the pain is less, l have peace.
Wearing a literal "bulletproof vest" has been (and still is) a part of my every day professional life for decades. No problem ! But having to wear a proverbial one at home for only a couple years was to much for me. Problem is both the real thing and the proverbial one are not really bulletproof. You will get hit and hurt eventually. When i realised that i just put my hands up and walked away ! Walked away with my life ! Best move i ever made !!
YOU! Already know! Thanking God you escaped!
Good for you to you. Those vests are heavy.
Thank you for sharing that! Your analogy will help a lot of people I’m sure.👍🏾
@@linalg10 ... Just to push the analogy a bit further: .... Prepare to get shot in the back when you walk away ! If you have a single sided plate-carrier ... wear it backwards ! ;-)
This was so spot on. I am nine years out of a four year (two years married ) relationship with a narcissist. He may have had borderline personality also. I could not find this kind of quality information and support earlier in my recovery. It really would’ve helped. I questioned myself for a long time wondering if I could’ve done something differently to save the relationship. Now, I realize it was hopeless. I was “love starved” coming into this relationship. His praise of me drowned out my own inner critic. He provided an anchor for my wounded soul. This made it all the more devastating and confusing when I left. Still, it was the right thing to leave. I have found healing and sanity. Out of the ashes…❤
1 month into dating she asked while I was driving if I would consider marriage to which I absently replied “I honest haven’t thought about that yet”. She immediately started bawling and I had to pull over. 12yrs of marriage and divorce later, I realize now that was a HUGE red flag
You did the right thing, I got love bombed, and walked right into her trap
Thank You For Sharing This The Worst Thing I Did Was
Having A 8 Year Relationship With A Malignant Narcissist.
I Developed Severe Health Issues Severe Depression Anxiety.Low Self Worth
Uncontrollable Shaking FEAR Inadequacy..Self Doubt.
Not Feeling Good Enough My Life Was Destroyed Narcissistic Abuse Is Brutal
@@alexs5405
Thank you So Very Much For Caring
For Sharing This.I’m Struggling To Keep My Abuser Blocked.
I Blocked The Narcissist This Past Saturday And I’m Struggling.
How Do I Stay Strong keeping My Abuser Blocked!!
I’m going through the same things as you
I’ve been discarded
But he keeps coming back
And I keep getting lured back in
He knows I still love him
He’s messing with my head
I think I’ve got a trauma bond with him
I realised it had to end, even with 2 children. It was the worst decision, and also the best. Do what you need to do, because you know it won't improve. Love yourself enough to not put up with it. ♥️
How do you walk away I have 3 children I’m afraid of her taking out her frustrations out on them all the time
@@viewsfromthe7side171 collect evidence of her behaviour if it's bad and you have opportunities, you could go for child custody. I just realised things would get much worse and kicked her out. It's taken a long time to recover from it all, and wouldn't wish any of this on anyone. I stayed for the children for as long as possible, only you know what's best for you. Good luck.
Stop trying to defend or justify your actions. This is good advice here. Sometimes a narcissist doesn't even care what you have to say at times lol. Sometimes it is best to be quiet and do what you have to do.
Spot on for me. 41 years married and she keeps calling me the narcissist. Living above my garage in an apartment because can't afford to divorce her. So we keep our distance. Thanks much for your Chanel. It has made me see things better.
In the same situation after almost 30 years. We live in separate bedrooms and are like two strangers with shared responsibilities of kids together. If it wasn’t for the kids I’d live in a shack to get away from her.
appreciate your videos lise, they always say this to me " just let it go" Not so easy when when its all you have known for many years, remember too these people are master manipulators.
And "Don't bring up the past" Not even yesterday.
Lise, it can be very difficult, just because of own feelings. Lise, you’re always a step ahead, profound.
Two of the songs that have helped me are " I don't remember loving you" by John Conlee, and "Already gone" by the Eagles. Stay strong people.
So many songs. Savior. By Rise against
@@MainSupply7285 interesting lyrics
Mine's Master of Puppets and Bleeding Me by Metallica.
Fairytale....by the Pointer Sisters.....I have loved this for years, but recently really noticed the lyrics
Excellent tactical advice! Remembering that their attacks are not personal is such a tremendous challenge, but it is an essential tool for survival... this is about them and only them, on every level. Try and try and you will find out what “with ears to hear” really means.... these people develop “rubber eardrums”!!! Forget about pleading your case, you are only digging your hole deeper... thanks for another stellar video, Lise!
Spot on. It never gets better. Staying with them just enables them to plot out their discard if they're picking up on you leaving them, especially if you have kids. Its amazing the extremes they'll go to, to destroy you. Good discussion🕊
My wife to a “T”. I’m so torn in this because of my daughter.
Before I knew it wasn't me (recently after raising two children, going out of my mind, and 35 years of marriage....) I called it "Porcupine and Kittens". I never knew which it was going to be and when it was Kittens, I learned to be afraid because the devil would soon follow. She stole my life and pushed my kids from me. Only just a couple years ago I left the room and walked past an open window - the door had just shut and she was telling my kids why everything we had just talked about was wrong and I was an idiot. It came so easily from her I realized this must have been going on for a very long time. It blew my mind but explained a few things. She stole my life and nearly my mind. I don't want to be the bad guy and tell my kids my wife is sick (and has been for 34 years) but I now realize she has been programming them not to trust me and smearing me all these years.
She has no boundaries and NOTHING is sacred. She has said things that no person should say to anyone even if they hate them. She has never felt bad about it and has never apologized. The kids are fair game and she uses them as tools.
Ben, I just saw a quote from another UA-cam channel today (The Enlightened Target) that states, "If you have children with a sociopath, they will attempt, and many times succeed at alienating you from your children. Make no mistake, their goal is to rob you of everything you love. Turning your own children against you is the ultimate high". I'm so sorry for all that you have gone through. Always remember that God knows the truth and He will reveal it to your children one day.
@@jeanninehill6009 Thank you.
I have been in a six year relationship with a narcissist and she is about drove me crazy I have discovered you and your videos and they’re the best things I’ve ever watched this one explains everything to me I know what I need to do thank you so much continue the good work
Some people don't want to leave their kids 1/2 the time as they're defenseless against these psychopaths. Ur videos r helpful to support us as we go thru this.
I’m in that problem now I want to leave but how do I leave my kids with her.
Your videos are exceptional. As someone who survived being married to a covert narcissist I am impressed with all your videos, especially this one. It had been sooooo confusing. There was no information about Narcissism at that time. So thankful for all the information available now and you deliver it in such a clear, concise and understandable way. I recommend your videos to many of my friends and acquaintances. Many thanks from a survivor who experienced all you artfully describe. ❤
This is so accurate what I sent through its scary. Especially how they will attack you if you stand up to them it’s terrible
I didn't know my ex was a narcissist, but about 4 months into the relationship she accidentally showed me the ring she was going to propose to me with and told me she was planning on doing when we were going to Florida for vacation in like two weeks. I told her don't propose to me. It broke her heart at the time. She held it against me the entire relationship. Now many many months later when I went through her phone turns out she was already cheating on me and talking to other guys when she was planning on marrying me. Just absolutely nuts how big of a bullet I dodged. I feel good today it's taken me about 2 1/2 months and I'm starting to feel like myself again and the pain is subsiding. I just have to remember it was my decision to walk away from her, I miss her regardless of all the abuse. Gave my virginity to her and the first person I'd say I ever truly gave my heart to(true love). No regrets definitely upset about the virginity part though I was legitimately saving myself for marriage and she had me played for a fool that she was the one. I may have told her not to propose to me but I had every intention of marrying her just once we got to know each other more, it was way too early. I'm glad I'm a smart guy because waiting that extra time was one of the best decisions I ever made.
Saved yourself a lot of wasted time and trouble,hope life gets better for you.there are good women but just got to be carefully choosing.
THERE.ARE GOOD WOMEN OUT THERE. LOVE AND RESPECT YOURSSELF. TAKE YOUR TIME GETTING TO KNOW THE WOMEN. KEEP EDUCATING YOURSELF ABOUT TOXIC PEOPLE.
you're spot on in describing my wife, from the get go, Been married over 30 years, and the homeymoon was over quickly. I dread every day, but had figured out about 20 years ago, that it wasn't me with the faults. Thanks for the tips Doc, Signed, Trapped in NY.
You're an angel, Lise. As for my I seriously entertained thoughts that I myself is a narcissist. My psychiatrist asked to take some tests and then explained to me the score and told me I'm not an NPD sufferer. Bus seriously, I'm still doubting it bec she's just probably being kind to me. I don't know.
Thank you so much for this I needed this today! I was spiraling down the emotional drain, and I am still trauma bonded… 4 months, no contact… Thank you so much 🙏
Feel you here . I spiral so hard omfg , I literally end up in panic attack wanting to reach out to them. Trauma bond is the hardest anyone can go through.
@@snozrick yes ugh! And it hits out of the blue
@@amyt7378 Your doing well 4 months is not long :)
I'm one year since she left, however i been in constant contact and seen her many times :/ Difficult drug to quit
Cutting the trauma bond is the most important part of your process. After that , you are healed and it will not happen again with a possible next Narc. For this you need help and educate your self intensive . It is all a process. There are no short cuts. But this is after NO CONTACT , the most important issue in your process. I did 3 years now. I am healed. I Know what it means.
@@snozrick 🙏❤️
One aspect of existing (I use that term in all seriousness) with my narcissistic wife is that everyone we know just thinks she is a loving, giving, super hero type person. I say this because she really does treat everyone like she is in the early stage of narcissistic 'controlling' with them as you describe in your 10 steps video. Afterall she has me to herself 99% of my time to exert a 11+ year relationship and as such she can afford being in "early stages" with everyone else since I have become the number one whipping post to her driven phychosis. I finally confided in one of my Aunts who is out of state and my Aunt was totally shocked to hear that was the situation I was existing in with my wife. She was flabergasted!
This is wonderful advice. I am one year out of a narcissistic relationship and I’m so happy. Holocaust survivor Viktor Frankl said, « Everyone has their own Auschwitz. » Read his book, Man’s Search for Meaning. What Lise is talking about is recognizing that you are in a « provisional existence with no limit » and developing tools to find meaning and get through. Thank you Lise!
What's so powerful about your descriptions of the narcissist is the play-by-play. It's uncanny to hear what sounds like a concise and detailed description of what's happens.
Not only do your videos validate the experiential understanding of the target, what seemed to be unique circumstances and dynamics are revealed to be common, formulaic and predictable.
I got your vids as a suggestion around a week ago without even looking into the topic, even though I am currently going through most of these situations. I can’t thank you enough for shining some light and guidance, helping me come to a healthy decision for myself. You deserve more likes and subs, God bless you and thanks once again! 😎👍
I like how you point up to the link that's on the other side of the video. It's incredibly cute. You should have 100's of thousands subscriber's. Your content is that good and incredibly accurate.
Oops!!😂
I love how you advice.
very realistic in the perspective of the person on the other end. The traumatized victim. Sometimes it's hard to detach from narcissist due to the long term diminished self- esteem.
Thank you
Hi Lise, can you make a video about healing and growing into a better person after a cluster B relationship is over? This time I want to learn how to date again, trust people again, and set healthy boundaries that work at protecting myself but not scaring good people off
This month will be our 5 year anniversary. We are currently living apart. My mind understands what I am experiencing...THANK YOU SO MUCH LISE
but my heart
We will spend this weekend together...first time in months...I am worried but thanks to all the education from Lise I am better equipped to dodge bullets...
I hope and pray. I also realize my actions determine my future
I kept going back, because i love her, she made me
co dependant without knowing, im broken down and have suffered 20 years of torment and i do not trust anybody, more so women, im now done with them and im not going to be sucked in by there sweetness, women can be just as evil as men they just do it differently
👏👏Been there, done that. One must leave the narcissist (if at all possible) or the consequences will likely be costly,. In martial arts training, we were always taught "Can't is the same as won't." I left and went no-contact just before the discard. Thank God for small favors. That was in 2014 and I still revel in the fact that I beat her to the punch. As it turns out, she married another dude about 30 days later and was divorced 2 or 3 months later. DUH. "Run, Forrest, Run..."
I learned the hard way, do not ever call out a narcissist on what they are doing wrong in a relationship, the hate filled rage is beyond reproach, absolutely total loss of control, things go flying, property is torn up or completely damaged, the out of control rage is absolutely one of the scariest ordeals a human being will endure
Had a friend whose marriage of almost a decade was "on the rocks" and in came a narcissist woman to show him all the support and kindness and understanding his wife wasn't providing. She eventually pressured him to divorce, regularly crucifying him for taking so long to do so. When he finally did divorce, the narcissist moved away two days before it was finalized. He's a ruined man.
Same here
thank you Lise. Your insights are invaluable 🙏
48 yrs of marriage, and birth to 21 being raised by narcissistic mother and siblings. WoW I finally started to learn what to call the abuse, instead of always trying to prove and repeat the stories they deny. This is good. And worth sharing. Thank you for Lifting me Up Today 😊.. He chooses to stay, which I don’t understand b/c he discards me. What a prison cell for life, but I”m to old and like other’s have said would have to give up what I worked hard for so he could have it while he has taken me homeless with children, No way am I giving up my home. I learned how to deal with it and slap back. 😂 I get to laugh at the games and be strong enough to laugh out loud when they start. And believe me when you get over the hurt and shame of disregarded and thrown away but never leave b/c the girls throw him back as if I want him back lol no thank you. Just a crappy roommate with a piece of paper that means nothing. Just another day as he puts it. So it gets treated just like that. I like to celebrate another day, the day I let him go from my heart and trust. Just another untrusting friend…they never leave… and if they do they think they can just walk back in as if they left the room to escape the crap they started before they walked out of their reality… sorry no more pity for the fool or patiences.
Jesus I'm so glad that I am analyzing people and can't shut up. She discarded me, which resulted in me feeling like absolute garbage for MOTHS, questioning my reality, my personality and my worth as a human being. I was a neurotic mess trying to win her back.
That girl was a textbook vulnerable narcissist.
If I would've just tolerated her behaviour and if I wouldn't be a argumentative person she would've never broken up. I would've been trapped in that toxic up and down haze until my entire brain would've rotten away. To anyone who's in a relationship seeing this and wondering if their partner is a narc:
*GET. OUT.* If you feel the need to research this because of your partners behaviour THEY ARE DANGEROUS. Safe people don't make you question their safety!!
Thank you for being so direct and clear about these important matters.
Ur content is GOLD!!!
Sharing your knowledge has helped me understand what is truly going on.
My findings are not an “Overnight” realization of what it is. It’s been years but now it’s all clear…I still struggle with denial but ur videos give me a sense of acceptance and clarity and that’s a great start towards recovery …
Please continue doing ur amazing work by educating us and keeping the lite ON in the end of that dark tunnel…♥️💯
#truth #hope #understanding #free
i lost my sense of self its horrible oh god its horrible i dont wreckonize my self have trust issues doubt my self not good for anyone you said it perfectly
I have seen this first hand, it crippled me financially and my self esteem is through the floor, I’m barely holding my job up.
Thank you for sharing your video it's educational and informative. ❤
Had 2 kids with my narc of 25 years u tube video's like this saved my life . Thank you
Lisa. One of your videosad to stop watching and move on, but i can't help but watching. I learn more on every video, thank you for that. This one fits my situation closely. We got together at 16 years old. Ran away from our dysfunctional families together, and never seen it coming in the 45 years together. I told 2 years ago when things were turning bad that i though we had the most wonderful life together, and i did, her response was " i was making it look good for 40 years" it felt like i got hit with a brick. And added " if i wasn't so desperate i never would have gone out with you" she has yet taken it back. Yes im stuck right now because I want to divorce her but feel sorry for her because i was always the bread winner and i fear she will struggle without me financially. At the point where i hope i don't see tomorrow.
Sharing your knowledge is pure treasure. Huge thank you!
I totally agree ! On narc parents i am sure fear is one the most prominant factors when a person is not able to leave toxic narcissistic parents. As you stated this is because of years of psychological abuse which makea a person weak in mind and soul to leave those energy vampires who have been feeding on theie son/ daughter's energy as parasites for them to survive. I believe children of such parents should every moment pray to God and plan a way out Fast . Those parenta after practising narcissistic behaviours for years in their aging old age becomes most evil and could spoil their sons/daughter's life in any moment. A single minute stay with old narc parents is very risky. A person should believe and pray to God to not let the fear inflicted upon by the narcissistic parents to get depressed and not able to leave. With God's help and self help it is easy to leave such evil morher father any moment .
Lived it for 3.5 years....Wow!!!..I feel so Lucky that I got out....I went through all of this...& was constantly told I was the problem...it hurt so bad...I gave her so much love...still recovering...but I invest in these videos everyday...
Thank You & God Bless 12:04
thanks for taking your time making all these videos I watched them all and you practically describe my emotional adult life, I don't blame them I have a lot of self improvement work to do. Thanks again
Loving a Narcissist is a loosing game. If you are able, run and please seek for help who understand the disorder !! not just a therapist, please go therapy for cutting the trauma bond otherwise even you leave you still will be attached like an addicted person. Please go No contact on lifetime or if you have kids, grey rock method, even he or she is not violent. The manipulations injures your mental system , these are wounds you can not see . It is so hard to leave , it is so hard to go no contact , but it is your survival and strength for your kids . They are not a reason to stay. They need strong parents. You are not a good parent to excuse the narcissist and staying because of your children with them.
Its hard to leave but at leastcwe habe a chance at LIFE. To stay only guarantees more of the same. For me at least, its like the movie Groundhog Day, same 'arguments' every other day. The days between are usually silent treatment. Glad to know im not the only one in 'bizarro-land' or whatever one would call my existence. Prayers and strengths to my fellow survivors. Or soon to be.. 🤞🧡🙏🏼
I've been married to a covert narcissist for almost 20 years. I'd have left with the shirt on my back a long time ago, but we have two autistic kids that I'm not willing to walk away from.
I had been trapped in Dante's second level of domestic Hell until recently. Thanks to videos like this one, I've made it out of the building and into Hell's parking lot.
At least there's fresh air and sunshine out here.
Thank you Lise, for turning the light on.
It's a great thing you do.
Same here. Not autistic, but one is medically fragile. We have moved several times the last 10 years and want to allow him to finish high school at his current school. Neither of us can afford our house alone, and we are upside down on it so can’t sell and even break even. I feel stuck with her for his well being.
you just described everything I've been through 100% like howwwww did you know that all ???????
You are a Godsend. Thank you so much. Learning so much
Yes, what you say is truth in fact. I met my narc 34 years ago. Sadly, I am still living in her reality. However, I have learned to be more aware of the narc’s tactics. An Australian therapist Mel Tonia Evan’s coined the “CRAP” term of a narc’s behavior. Criticism Rejection Abandonment Punishment. There is a chronic repetition of these 4 behaviors. Mine occur in 2week cycles. Thank you .
Thank you this is so deep. Your more than medication.. communicated to me sharply
jeeze you describbed me pretty well in this oh my goodness
@liseleblanc your videos are the clearest videos on the subject around. Thank you, you have helped my understanding greatly.
After watching your videos I’m starting to doubt if I am the narcissist. She always accused me of all these things. And now she dumped me to “protect herself”. I’m going crazy.
She being a psychologist herself has some serious issues and when your video on Covert Narcissist found me, It ticked all the boxes in her behavior except that she is blaming ME of all that.
Thanks be to God I was discarded. Otherwise I'd still be in the dark on what I was dealing with and I'd still be living in chaos.
Awesome video, thanks for sharing!
Hello Lise,
I decided to erase my original comment. Anyway, thanks for the video and looking forward to watching a new one. Stay healthy and safe inside your body🤙🏼😉
Oh I missed your original comment
@@LiseLeblanc
I had been driving and I was at a stop so I wanted to ask if a narcissist can dupe another narcissist or do they just argue and fight amongst each other?
A comment for comment's sake. thank you Lise.
Wish I knew this channel an year ago...
Whenever I try to speak up my mind to my gf, no matter how calm and respectful I might be, she always lashes out at me.
After a huge fight we had, she started devaluing me, gaslighting me and telling me that "you're too sensitive". She even considers my simple requests as "putting pressure on her" or "controlling her" or "no trusting her enough".
If she's moody ffs reason, she devaluates me. After love bombing me in the first phase and imagining a future with me, she recently told me that she hates women who are "dependent on their relationship with their significant other".
She put pressure on me to divorce, giving me a deadline. She showered me with support, kindness and confidence. She told me about what a hard life she lived full of childhood trauma and what an asshole her ex was... I left a beautiful, smart and wise wife and home for this woman. Too late now...
I lived the narcissistic abused lifestyle for a decade before I realised what was going on. I did some research and through several twists of fate, I ended up realising that the abuse had little if anything to do with me personally, and that I AM "good enough". My idea of self was shattered by this time and I had no idea of who I was anymore. I am in a situation where leaving is not a realistic option. I use the experience to rebuild myself into the person I want to be, which especially includes learning to catch mind games and subtle abuse on the fly and how to not react to it or take it to heart like I did previously for far too long. If nothing else, I stand up for myself without defending myself now, where I would have cowered and let people walk all over me before.
I told my very difficult aunt that I was learning about narcissist and how to handle them. She told me that I was waisting my time. She spends her time watching horror movies. Who do you think uses their time more wisely? What can you learn from horror movies? I can master my anti narcissistic skills why she's watching someone getting stabbed to death? Women confuse me. What are they thinking? Thanks for the videos. Your great! Bye
She’s a narcissist 😂maybe. They don’t want you to know who they are
@@cdorothy444 possibly, I also suspect possible BPD. Yikes. Stay safe.
Please listen to the warnings, and please never tell them you know they are a narcissist or you have evidence of them cheating.
After 10 years with my exgirlfriend who I'm positive she is at least a covert narcissist. And maybe a malignant narcissist.
By the end of the relationship I was completely isolated and totally broken. No self esteem or self worth. I reached a point I didn't want to live. I blamed everything on myself and believed then it was menopause.
Her gaslighting got so bad she did shit right in front of me and denied it and called me crazy. Everytime I'd reach a point to leave she would be Bice for 3 weeks or a month.
When I realized she was actually having someone in the house while I was at work I told her I knew.
She called the police filed false domestic abuse charges on I was off to jail.
At 48 years old I had never even had the police called on me never mind ever putting my hands on a women. I grew up seeing that and lived my life despising men that put their hands on women. I was held no bail for 4 months.
The first couple of times at court just trying to get bail the judge believe everything she said. Mind you their was no signs of me doing what she claimed.
She was even caught liying about the main charge and it was dropped but still gave me no bail. Ultimately I knew unless I had alot of money for a good lawyer they viewed me as an abuser to this poor 53 year old grandmother. Narcissist know exactly how to fool people. He'll she fooled me for a decade.
I also found out she had 37 convictions on her record for lying deceitful crimes. Theft fraud to steeling identity.
Blows my mind how they took her word over mine.
I plead guilty if I went to trial the da wanted 7.5 years for basically verbal threats and taking her phone out of her hand.
I'm on 2 years probation with a gps ankle monitor. She kept over 20k of my possessions, worste then that my 2 little shitzu dogs I love.
I can't thank you enough for your amazing videos you truly saved my life and gave me hope. Once I was able to accept it was never real and she never cared for me I could let go. It was one of the hardest things iv gone through.
Now I have to focus on fixing myself. I didn't realize how much damage that has done. I live in constant vigilance and it's hard to trust anyone. I don't want to be this way she will win if I become miserable like her.
Thank you again
I admitted to things I hadn't even done to assuage the Narcissist ego. I took the blame. Now they want to come back and be friends, saying we can create new memories and (conveniently) forget past memories. I love this person so much but I can't afford to allow them to destroy me AGAIN no matter how much I love them. 😮
It has come to my clear and sustained attention that most Speakers/Influencers on the Internet, even Experts and "Victims" of Narcs talking about Narcissists/NPD present them, without always saying it loud, as "ennemies" to fight some way or another, while ALL admitting at the same time that this personality disorder has its roots in the Narc's childhood & past marked/wounded by shame, low self-esteem, excessive parental/social control, or even abuses in some cases...
Thus masked by the Narc's arrogance, lack of empathy, always looking/craving for attention and higher self-esteem by controling, manipulating or even consciously hurting others. (Obviously as a twisted yes but definitely real anticipative mental defence mechanism).
Therefore aren't our Society and Health Professionals in this field obviously misplacing one of the fundamentals of the NPD diagnostic while putting aside the obvious cure?
How can we be fighting the wrong by the wrong?
Most are saying that there's no cure to this disorder. My most recent research and understanding of this more-common-than-thought disorder is UNCONDITIONAL LOVE/ACCEPTANCE.
Have you ever wondered WHY this so recurrent and so well known & observed Narcissist & Empath Relationship/Interaction?
The Narcissist is actually asking the Empath to go the extra mile to prove his/her sincerity... So the Narcissist could also reverse the phase and now consider being freely an Empath 100%.
"However you feed a wolf, she will always look to the forest. -Anton Chekhov. ". In other words, a narcissist will do what a narcissist does best. It's in their psyche and nature.
Thank you for this video! 🫶🫶
Thank you. You speak so much truth.
"Endless arsenal of weapons of psychological mass destruction" 😂 sounds funny but, unfortunately and sadly, it's so much true! They are really good at what they do. It goes beyond ones wildest imagination.
I would just add that the weapons are also super stealth.
If anyone still has any doubts about whether leaving is the best option or not, check out the current case about how Kouri Richins killed her husband once he was of no more use to her. Poor man, ignored the red flags for too long.
Excellent video again
@lise Can you do a video on comorbid NPD/BPD and what that would look like in an individual? Thank you for considering.
Suggestion opening theme music: Unknown Hinson: "Devil in a Thong." Music only no vocals til asked, then private msg answer. New Merriam Webster entry: Diatch. All you, Lise. Praying for everything in your world. You are an emotional airborne EMT hero of the fatherland.❤
Thank you, Lisa
Thanks for the advice ❤
This perfectly describes a couple girls I've dated frustration beyond human comprehension thanks Lisa
I can usually beat them at their own game but I had one discard me before we had time to smash 😁😁
This video is gold
Get out. Get out. No matter how hard it is at first. Get out, focus on yourself, seek help and therapy, and you'll bounce back.
I had to work for 2 days very hard work.... I was excited to get home....she hardly acknowledged me... she walked up to acting like she was so busy. Then to make even more devalued she pat me on the head.......I said what the heck is that!!!??? You patted me on the head? She shrouded and walked away....
You really need an escape plan. When you call out a narcissist, its nuclear war.
So basically....im screwed 😔
They have no filter.
thank you your words are really connecting with me you thanks your really attractive
I just like looking at her!
Ugh, I'm watching all your videos around NPD and just sick to my stomach for what I realize now that have been intensifying over the last 3 months. Would it be abnormal for the Love and sex bombing to happen for 2 years and then suddenly stop as soon as she moves in? Or does that phase occur until they have you locked in?
For the last 6 months, it's always been something since moving in, but nothing is improving, and when I bring up 'issues," I feel like gaslighting is increasing. Leading me to this video and all the others. Also, while calling out gaslighting in our argument last night, I immediately felt like I was gaslighting by calling it out. It's a cruel, cruel wrath that I have a keen eye on, and I'm watching intently.
Great videos! the straightforward way you describe all of this is so very helpful.
your a real person
You get a false protective order filed against you once they run out of their supply/discard you (always stood against any form of abuse/a nice guy). If you have children and take pride in being the best parent (I did), they take your pride (children) away from you. Then once they leave, they will shame and devalue you (hence the protective order).
I m in a relationship with a very narcissistic woman myself and I have tried to overcome these mind games and tactics played by a narcissistic is I simply listen to all her shit wat ever she has to say she devalue abuse crush my self worth I simply agree and don't even bother to reply back. Don't reply when such a personality disorder person tries to take control don't let them take control over you. I suggest that the more u give explanation the more they will provoke you. In such a case just remain calm don't loose ur cool and God has given you two ears listen from one and kick it out from the other. The moment you take those words to your mind boom u are trapped. So relax and keep calm and don't respond at all in such situations. Be very clear don't try to isolate urself from your family and friends no matter how hard the narcissist tries to isolate you.
But when you don’t respond, sometimes they will get worse and hit you or more so be mindful
@@stephaniehall6309 you are right but just by saying yes in everything you can make things work. I mean to say don't argue with them
I know my partner is a covert narcissist and I feel as though I’m completely stuck. I love him so much I left him five years ago and I went back due to desperation and now I have been caught up in this for 7 months. I feel totally confused because I know he is destroying me inside, I’ve lost myself, I’ve lost motivation, direction, self worth, happiness and it’s been replaced by the exact opposite. I am always sad, I cry every single day and multiple times, I feel hopeless and trapped. No matter how bad I feel I just can’t leave him because I feel like I need him. No matter how hard things get or what he does or says, how badly he treats me I can’t imagine my life without him in it. It’s like a curse that has ye grips on me and I’m so low from fighting him all the time that I just don’t even want to go on in this life anymore. Does anyone know how to break free from this because I seriously want to stop feeling this way. I’ve tried no contact and it’s like literally withdrawal symptoms. I wait for him to show up in any way and as soon as he does i feel relief because I feel almost obsessed with him. How do I begin to be more obsessed with myself
The hard answer is, they won't change. You will be treated worse as time goes on and your natural reactions to it will be framed to paint you as the bad person.
You will never get back what these people steal from you.
For example, that state of bliss you once felt with them - it's not coming back. Or that complete trust in them - no, that trust is irreparably damaged.
Like me, it sounds like you are struggling to escape a trauma bond - I wish I'd known 20 years ago what all the behaviours were.
I hope you find peace and love one day 🙏