This all hit home! Especially the self-criticism part. When I got praised for my success I would always discount it. I didn’t realize it either until my therapist called me out on it.
It’s an attempt to control our lives as we tend to struggle with anxiety. It can have its roots in criticism in childhood and not feeling ‘good enough’ not accepted for being ourselves. We are constantly striving to ‘do better’.
I wasnt criticized at all in childhood. My parents didnt give any attention to me. I had to be own adult from as young age of 4. I had to manage everything on my own. I really hated that, but when there isn't other way, I had to do it. I also was jealous for my older sister and brother which had a different situation. But they had mostly negative attention, not positive.
I'm sorry you had to experience that childhood. That breaks my heart that no one was there to make you feel safe. Do you find that now as an adult you push your self harder, set really high expectations for yourself thinking that if you do and be better you will be noticed and accepted? I feel if I had your experience that's what I would be doing.
Some times yes and my perfectionism lvl is at scale 1-10 like 15. Also I "fell in love" in notime to a narcissistic, very beautiful woman ( because she gave so much neglected attention ). That situationship was a lesson to be learned. Through that I could heal my wounds from childhood. Even so it was very painful experience in overall, it had a good results in the end.
We set quite a high standard for ourselves and the fear of rejection makes it worse. Let me share with you what calms me downs when it comes to perfectionism. If something doesn't go according to my plan then this verse gives peace to my heart BUT PERHAPS YOU HATE A THING AND IT IS GOOD FOR YOU; AND PERHAPS YOU LOVE A THING AND IT IS BAD FOR YOU. AND ALLAH KNOWS, WHILE YOU KNOW NOT. [SURAH AL-BAQARAH | AYAH 216] And when it comes to comparison, mostly I'm competing against myself but yeah sometimes our environment reflects on us. Then this hadith (saying) of prophet Muhammad PBUH guides me to be more grateful Abu Hurairah (RA) narrated that the Messenger of Allah ﷺ said: Look at those who are lower than you but do not look at those who are higher than you, lest you belittle the favors Allah conferred upon you.
Thank you for sharing, those are all excellent words to live by. I often would find myself being pulled into the comparison, then come down on myself because I wasn't good enough compared. I think I did this because of how often during my entire life I was put down by people who were supposed to be Important figures in my life. Because when I got curious and paid attention to thought I would be having when I would begin comparing, it was always the thoughts and memories of being reminded of all my short comings.
@@trinabrettnell Absolutely isn't it? I live by his teachings. We need to choose our role models very carefully because it's who we look upto and any mistake in their life makes us compensate with ours. I find myself to be very grateful and blessed to be a Muslim because it's all given us on a plate. Because Quran is a way of life. I find it very interesting that how our Prophet Muhammad PBUH taught us the smallest things to the highest ones. Like from how to enter in a washroom to how to manage our personal, social, religious, political life. Everything you name it. When I was going through my lowest it was Allah, Quran and Prophet's life that helped me. A man whose father died before he was born, then his mother dies at the age of 6, then his grandfather died, his uncle died, at the age of 25, he got married then 2 of his sons died, his 3 daughters died when he was alive. And At the age of 40, when he told people I'm a messenger of Allah and there is only one God. His own people turned against they called him names, they boycotted him, they planned to kill him multiple times, he fasted most of his life, his wife died, his uncle died but still he stood strong, he remained patient, he stood for truth he stood against the oppressors. He fought the battles and most of them he won. He was always best to his family and relatives. He is mercy for all mankind. He forgave the ones who hurt him, who martyred his uncle, who planned to kill him. Quran says it's very hard to forgive and be patience. It's the most difficult thing. My words aren't able to express the grief and sadness that he must have gone through.He has been literally tortured mentally, physically , emotionally. Quran says in this verse that We know it tightens your Chest by what they are saying to you but be patient. And the kind of stress that he has to go through is unimaginable. and he was the one who prayed and made dua for all mankind infront of kabba for more than 5 hrs continuously, ashing Allah for our forgiveness & for our betterment.. And when he was leaving this world, he was still Saying ya ummati (oh my People). He was concerned about us like a father worries for their children. He asked what they will do after me? Allah replied we will take care of them & we will keep forgiving them, When ever they will return to us until their last day(Death) So, whenever i go through something low and these negative thoughts and emotions are surrounding my head, i think to myself i am a follower of prophet Muhammad PBUH if he can go through so much and still he has the most smiling face. And always grateful to Allah when one of his son died tears were flowing down on his blessed cheeks and he said our heart is sad but our tongue will only say the words that will please our lord. Then i think How can one small thing make me so depressed. When i look at his life i feel like i have gone through nothing seriously my life's lowest points dont feel anything after that.
This all hit home! Especially the self-criticism part. When I got praised for my success I would always discount it. I didn’t realize it either until my therapist called me out on it.
Sometimes we self sabotage and we don't realize we do it.
Wow. Lots of great information in this video. Thank you so much.
You are so welcome!🥰
That's us. Perfectionism is deeply rooted to our cores. And its level is so high that not many understands it.
It’s an attempt to control our lives as we tend to struggle with anxiety. It can have its roots in criticism in childhood and not feeling ‘good enough’ not accepted for being ourselves.
We are constantly striving to ‘do better’.
I wasnt criticized at all in childhood. My parents didnt give any attention to me. I had to be own adult from as young age of 4.
I had to manage everything on my own. I really hated that, but when there isn't other way, I had to do it.
I also was jealous for my older sister and brother which had a different situation. But they had mostly negative attention, not positive.
Yes, because that thought " if I just be better than they will accept me".....even though we know that probably isn't going to be the case
I'm sorry you had to experience that childhood. That breaks my heart that no one was there to make you feel safe. Do you find that now as an adult you push your self harder, set really high expectations for yourself thinking that if you do and be better you will be noticed and accepted? I feel if I had your experience that's what I would be doing.
Some times yes and my perfectionism lvl is at scale 1-10 like 15.
Also I "fell in love" in notime to a narcissistic, very beautiful woman ( because she gave so much neglected attention ). That situationship was a lesson to be learned. Through that I could heal my wounds from childhood.
Even so it was very painful experience in overall, it had a good results in the end.
We set quite a high standard for ourselves and the fear of rejection makes it worse. Let me share with you what calms me downs when it comes to perfectionism. If something doesn't go according to my plan then this verse gives peace to my heart
BUT PERHAPS YOU HATE A THING AND IT IS GOOD FOR YOU; AND PERHAPS YOU LOVE A THING AND IT IS BAD FOR YOU. AND ALLAH KNOWS, WHILE YOU KNOW NOT.
[SURAH AL-BAQARAH | AYAH 216]
And when it comes to comparison, mostly I'm competing against myself but yeah sometimes our environment reflects on us. Then this hadith (saying) of prophet Muhammad PBUH guides me to be more grateful
Abu Hurairah (RA) narrated that the Messenger of Allah ﷺ said: Look at those who are lower than you but do not look at those who are higher than you, lest you belittle the favors Allah conferred upon you.
Thank you for sharing, those are all excellent words to live by. I often would find myself being pulled into the comparison, then come down on myself because I wasn't good enough compared.
I think I did this because of how often during my entire life I was put down by people who were supposed to be Important figures in my life. Because when I got curious and paid attention to thought I would be having when I would begin comparing, it was always the thoughts and memories of being reminded of all my short comings.
@@trinabrettnell Absolutely isn't it? I live by his teachings. We need to choose our role models very carefully because it's who we look upto and any mistake in their life makes us compensate with ours. I find myself to be very grateful and blessed to be a Muslim because it's all given us on a plate. Because Quran is a way of life. I find it very interesting that how our Prophet Muhammad PBUH taught us the smallest things to the highest ones. Like from how to enter in a washroom to how to manage our personal, social, religious, political life. Everything you name it.
When I was going through my lowest it was Allah, Quran and Prophet's life that helped me. A man whose father died before he was born, then his mother dies at the age of 6, then his grandfather died, his uncle died, at the age of 25, he got married then 2 of his sons died, his 3 daughters died when he was alive. And At the age of 40, when he told people I'm a messenger of Allah and there is only one God. His own people turned against they called him names, they boycotted him, they planned to kill him multiple times, he fasted most of his life, his wife died, his uncle died but still he stood strong, he remained patient, he stood for truth he stood against the oppressors. He fought the battles and most of them he won. He was always best to his family and relatives. He is mercy for all mankind. He forgave the ones who hurt him, who martyred his uncle, who planned to kill him. Quran says it's very hard to forgive and be patience. It's the most difficult thing. My words aren't able to express the grief and sadness that he must have gone through.He has been literally tortured mentally, physically , emotionally. Quran says in this verse that We know it tightens your Chest by what they are saying to you but be patient. And the kind of stress that he has to go through is unimaginable. and he was the one who prayed and made dua for all mankind infront of kabba for more than 5 hrs continuously, ashing Allah for our forgiveness & for our betterment.. And when he was leaving this world, he was still Saying ya ummati (oh my People). He was concerned about us like a father worries for their children. He asked what they will do after me? Allah replied we will take care of them & we will keep forgiving them, When ever they will return to us until their last day(Death)
So, whenever i go through something low and these negative thoughts and emotions are surrounding my head, i think to myself i am a follower of prophet Muhammad PBUH if he can go through so much and still he has the most smiling face. And always grateful to Allah when one of his son died tears were flowing down on his blessed cheeks and he said our heart is sad but our tongue will only say the words that will please our lord. Then i think How can one small thing make me so depressed. When i look at his life i feel like i have gone through nothing seriously my life's lowest points dont feel anything after that.