My girlfriend is an INFJ people pleaser, and I am an INTP with Asperger's and depression. One day I was being an oblivious, insensitive jerk, and she had had enough and told me exactly why I was being a jerk and how she felt about it. I shut down halfway through the conversation, and when I had hit my own limit of being told off I left, and I didn’t talk to her the next day. But I wasn't trying to punish her or anything like that, I just needed the time to process all the stuff she had said, and the day after that we finished the conversation (Including some of the distorted misinterpretations that my depression was feeding me). Having a very firm boundary set with me didn’t feel good at all, but I was and am grateful she did so. It was an important lesson that will benefit me for the rest of my life.
I am awed by your honesty. I too am an INFJ, and my son can be a difficult INTP. (I know.) That you were able to look that closely at yourself is inspirational. Cheers to you and your girlfriend.
That's so amazing you could stand back and observe what was going on. That truly is a strength that many need to work on. Be proud of yourself for that. Thank you for sharing
Trina, it seems like your mother must have been a narcissist. Along with INFJ, my narc mother turned me into a people pleaser. You are becoming aware at a younger age than I. Thanks for you honesty. Blessings and Cheers
If we weren't pleasing then we were being drama queens or wanting to be center for attention or causing waves, being disrespectful. I didn't realize I was a people pleaser until I was almost 40. I also spend a number of years in a relationship with narc. I didn't know what narcissism was. I thought it was all me. 🙄
I know if someone is going through a bad phase we feel them. But we need to understand that it's there battle to deal with that God has selected for them. I struggled with boundaries as well mostly in my teen years because i used to think if I'll not do anything thing bad to anyone they will not do anything bad to me as well. As they say give respect to earn respect but it doesn't work with everyone. Some people are evil to the core. It took me my whole teen years to understand that everyone isn't me and everyone doesn't deserve respect.
Oh gosh, it took me till almost 40 before I could live by the truth that not everyone deserves respect. I knew this my entire life but I could not live by it. Even when I was treated worse than a feral dog by people I gave them respect......☹️. But not any more. Now I kindly tolerate people and if they deserve my respect I give it.
@@trinabrettnell People leaving your life isn't always a loss. Most of the times it's a gain. Everytime a toxic person gets out of our life we win. And I suggest you instead of treating these people kindly ignore them. They will take your kindness for granted and they will try to benefit from it. They are not worth our attention. As Quran also mentions that The servants of the Merciful are those who walk the earth in humility, and when the ignorant address them, they say, 'Peace.' -Quran 25:63 If we reply to these people they will trap us and drain our energy like vampires so as mentioned in Quran say peace( muslim greetings) and walk away from them. You don't have to waste your time on them And if they think they can get away with what they did to you No they can't Allah is all-seeing and ever listening. The will get punished in this world or in the hereafter. And the record [of deeds] will be placed [open], and you will see the criminals fearful of that within it, and they will say, "Oh, woe to us! What is this book that leaves nothing small or great except that it has enumerated it?" And they will find what they did present [before them]. And your Lord does injustice to no one. Surah Kahf verse 49
My girlfriend is an INFJ people pleaser, and I am an INTP with Asperger's and depression. One day I was being an oblivious, insensitive jerk, and she had had enough and told me exactly why I was being a jerk and how she felt about it. I shut down halfway through the conversation, and when I had hit my own limit of being told off I left, and I didn’t talk to her the next day. But I wasn't trying to punish her or anything like that, I just needed the time to process all the stuff she had said, and the day after that we finished the conversation (Including some of the distorted misinterpretations that my depression was feeding me). Having a very firm boundary set with me didn’t feel good at all, but I was and am grateful she did so. It was an important lesson that will benefit me for the rest of my life.
I am awed by your honesty. I too am an INFJ, and my son can be a difficult INTP. (I know.) That you were able to look that closely at yourself is inspirational.
Cheers to you and your girlfriend.
That's so amazing you could stand back and observe what was going on. That truly is a strength that many need to work on. Be proud of yourself for that. Thank you for sharing
Trina, it seems like your mother must have been a narcissist.
Along with INFJ, my narc mother turned me into a people pleaser.
You are becoming aware at a younger age than I. Thanks for you honesty.
Blessings and Cheers
If we weren't pleasing then we were being drama queens or wanting to be center for attention or causing waves, being disrespectful. I didn't realize I was a people pleaser until I was almost 40.
I also spend a number of years in a relationship with narc. I didn't know what narcissism was. I thought it was all me. 🙄
I know if someone is going through a bad phase we feel them. But we need to understand that it's there battle to deal with that God has selected for them. I struggled with boundaries as well mostly in my teen years because i used to think if I'll not do anything thing bad to anyone they will not do anything bad to me as well. As they say give respect to earn respect but it doesn't work with everyone. Some people are evil to the core. It took me my whole teen years to understand that everyone isn't me and everyone doesn't deserve respect.
Oh gosh, it took me till almost 40 before I could live by the truth that not everyone deserves respect. I knew this my entire life but I could not live by it. Even when I was treated worse than a feral dog by people I gave them respect......☹️.
But not any more. Now I kindly tolerate people and if they deserve my respect I give it.
@@trinabrettnell People leaving your life isn't always a loss. Most of the times it's a gain. Everytime a toxic person gets out of our life we win. And I suggest you instead of treating these people kindly ignore them. They will take your kindness for granted and they will try to benefit from it. They are not worth our attention. As Quran also mentions that
The servants of the Merciful are those who walk the earth in humility, and when the ignorant address them, they say, 'Peace.'
-Quran 25:63
If we reply to these people they will trap us and drain our energy like vampires so as mentioned in Quran say peace( muslim greetings) and walk away from them. You don't have to waste your time on them
And if they think they can get away with what they did to you No they can't Allah is all-seeing and ever listening. The will get punished in this world or in the hereafter.
And the record [of deeds] will be placed [open], and you will see the criminals fearful of that within it, and they will say, "Oh, woe to us! What is this book that leaves nothing small or great except that it has enumerated it?" And they will find what they did present [before them]. And your Lord does injustice to no one.
Surah Kahf verse 49