It doesn't matter that some people may need a support dog more than you - it matters that you need a support dog. Sometimes it really is your needs that matter most you know? Take care of you right now.
Also, you having a service animal doesn't take anything away from anyone else. Yes, there might be someone who needs a service dog more than you do. But they can have one too. It's not like there's a fixed number of service dogs in the universe. It's not like you're applying to a program that will provide you with a fully trained service dog at no cost. You're using your own resources to train a dog for whom you already provide guardianship, and it's going to make your life better. There is literally no downside to this.
Reminds me of the "put your oxygen mask on before helping others" safety announcement on planes-sometimes you need to help yourself with what you're going through before you can help other people with what they're going through.
I read a sentence in another UA-cam comment that applies really well here. It was something like, "Just because somebody's house burned down doesn't mean your wrist isn't sprained." And I think that's a really important thing to keep in mind. Everybody has their own problems; just because yours seem "less than" somehow doesn't mean they're not there, and it certainly doesn't mean you shouldn't use the resources available to you.
Coming back to comment on this video after 2 years. 3 days ago I lost the man I considered my father. Thanks for making this video Jessica, now I need it more than ever.
janiedella So sorry that happened to you. Our fur babies are our family, and sometimes closer than humans. I believe they have a spirit, as well. Don’t be surprised by an unexpected visit from another cat or a glimpse of someone’s cat that reminds you of your fur baby, Mojo. It’s their way of saying, Thank You for all you did for me...and yes, it was enough...plenty of love. His way of saying I’m okay and watching you from the other side. Take care. Much Love and Light to you in this time of uncomfortable hardship and grief.
janiedella your welcome I had to rewatch the video a few times to remember them 😅 I’m hoping these 3 rules help me aswell deal with grief and anyone who is also struggling with grief I’m always open to talk to anyone if anyone needs to talk about grief maybe we can all help each other in some ways:))
Thanks a lot. I really needed a list, it's the perfect help for any video on ADHD. How are we supposed to follow an entire 10 minute video without a list?
When we train an animal to do something, we're also training ourselves how to ask for it to be done. Training Chloe to help you during panic attacks or extreme sadness trains you to recognize when you need her and when to ask for help.
I've found that most small dogs don't need to be empathy trained. But I do feel the need to warn you, the day will come when you and your canine soulmate will have to part. It will help to get a puppy for your dog to help teach before that day comes. Honest. The loss is profound. >>Tom's wife Pam
When my mom died, the funeral director said that grief is like a helium balloon. At first, it floats right in front of your face, so that you view everything through it. After a while, it floats to the side and colors less of your vision, but occasionally darts in front again. Eventually, it floats behind you, never really gone, but more of a quiet companion that you catch a glimpse of now and then. It's been five years since Mom passed, and this has been the most accurate metaphor for grief that I've ever heard.
That’s such an accurate metaphor. When one of my closest friends passed away last year, a grief counsellor had told me of another metaphor. Grief is like a space or dark circle that never changes its shape, but your life grows more around it as more time passes. Not sure if that made as much sense but it resonated with me. Stay strong, and thanks for sharing that metaphor💖
"...I don't know if anyone has ever given me permission to get the support that _I_ need." Wow. That hits me in a place I don't like thinking about, but really need to. Thanks for that, Jessica. Your work helps.
In case you missed them like me: Rule 1. Forgive yourself for everything (you'll "drop some balls" and that's okay) Rule 2. Operate on your own timeline (go at your own pace) Rule 3. Ask for what you need (even if that means telling everyone to go away so you can be introverted)
People don't realize the emotional toll that comes with ADHD. It is something that just is so present. I am glad for people like you who help other ADHD brains. You are helping a lot of people.
I discussed this with a 🧠 friend; a side effect of this is that if there is ANY emotional impact with anything, it feels like we can remember it forever. I feel like I and a few brains out there have tried to "hack" this and the process led us to constantly ground our memories with emotional connections, and my friend and I both realized we prioritize and remember things with deadlines when emotionally connected to the task or our relationship with the giver. I think there's definitely something there to try and explain to the willing how difficult this condition is to deal with. Is not that I don't "care" about something, a lot of the time, it's more I don't "feel" anything about what I needed to remember, and it makes it hard for me to just put it in a calendar or something. Invisible walls are hard to describe to people who overcome them so easily, so I like to try and analogize in ways to make them more real and noticable to the people around me.
8:30 I really felt that. When you have ADHD your pain is invisible to other people, and you feel forced to endure it in silence. Then when someone actually acknowledges your struggle you just break into a million pieces...
You touched on probably my biggest issue: always feeling like I need someone's permission. So hard to remind myself that no, I am an adult, I can write my own damn permission slip thanks very much. If I want ice cream and a brownie for dinner, that's my prerogative. Worst case, I'm older than you and I hereby give you permission to do whatever the heck puts a smile on your face.
Asking for permission for something is not just asking for permission to do that thing but it is also validation That the thing you wanna do is good or valid.
I’m so sorry for your loss Jessica... Take your time to heal, you had helped a lot of people and never forget how amazing of a person you are, we are here for you
When I was telling my boyfriend about how other people's deadlines matter more to me than my own, I caught myself calling them real deadlines versus my deadlines. I hadn't realized before that my needs, goals, timelines, etc all feel arbitrary and made up.
The only time when my therapist made me bawl my eyes out, was when he said that ”this is for you, we are here for you”. I’ve always been bad at asking for things i need. It was lovely to get some validation and compassion. :)
I started sobbing when you started talking about feeling like you shouldn’t need more help or support. I’m in the process of working out meds, and adjusting my 504, possibly switching to an IEP. I keep feeling like I shouldn’t need this, I’m just not trying hard enough. Thank you for reminding me I’m not alone.
Definitely not alone. I go through the same plus I'm quite intelligent and highly interested in academic stuff, which kept me from being diagnosed as a kid, so people often doubt my diagnosis. Being quite intelligent meaning being evaluated around 130 IQ 3 times by 3 different neuropsychologists, 2 of them said that quite because of that I don't have ADHD. But still the fact that I am very under average at college most of the time and sometimes I manage to be one of the 3 best students when hyperfoccused. Changed my course 4 times, out of frustration, and the last one I'm only being able to keep up, not miss classes, deal with emotional fragility etc because I'm finally diagnosed and going through treatment. My father never believe me, although he may have ADHD as well but he believes every psychologist is nuts. Even though I don't like to be under meds, they mostly only change my domestic routine (doing dishes etc) and put me under my maximum potential at college, I feel like I'm cheating when under my meds. I feel like I should be able to be out of meds and somehow avoid the crisis everytime it comes to make me emotional, anxious and hyperfocused in how people are feeling about themselves and about me, or hyperfocused in useless stuff such as doing well at games that I don't even enjoy playing.
Don't ever drop your meds out of such feelings. It's possible to be fair reasons to stop with the meds, as long as keeping it up with your doctor, but blaming yourself for being on them is not one. Blaming ourselves for needing help is never a good take, and sadly is somewhat a constant...
So sorry for your loss... I cant imagine what you are going through right now. I remember during a tragic loss I had not too long ago... I dropped the ball on SO many things. I forgot to pick my daughter up from school TWICE.. My house was the messiest it had ever been. It's okay. Give yourself TIME.
I don’t think I’ve ever wanted to give a perfect stranger a hug so badly, I can’t begin to imagine what you’re going through but thank you for sharing this, i really appreciate it.
I also simulate panic attacks or other issues and then reward my service dog in training for responding in the way I'm training her. It's a bit dicey because I can accidentally trigger a real panic attack by doing this but I've found it really helpful in training. If you can start tracking your "tells" (behaviors before full blown panic or other episode) then you can teach her to interrupt those too (interruptions are when the dog comes over and does something to try to stop the behavior or stop the escalation. Mine does either pawing or light pressure with her head on my knee)
My dad passed when I was young, and when my mom passed I felt like an orphan, even though I was an adult. It felt like I lost the child inside, my unconditional lifeline. Take the time you need, give yourself the time you need and know there is no deadline on grief.
Firstly, I'm so sorry to hear about your mum, what a profound loss. Secondly, I want to tell you something I've learnt from disability twitter that may help - if you're repeatedly thinking about an accommodation or an aid and wondering whether you might need it, you probably do need it and likely have for some time. That attitude helped me a lot when I was having angst over whether I should get a shower chair (I should have and I did and afterwards I wondered why I'd been so resistant). I hope Chloe is able to train as a service dog, it's clear that she already helps you a great deal just by being her beautiful doggy self.
This is a great point :) Good insight. What I realized is that if you have a disability you aren't alone in that you need to be accommodated. Everyone in the world needs accommodations. We have stairs because humans can't jump 12 feet. We have chairs because people can't stand for 8 hours straight. The only difference is that some people are already accommodated for, and others aren't because their needs are different. That helped me to accept help.
"I'm not a daughter anymore". This really hit home for me, though my dad is still here in another state. I lost my mum to brain cancer on Australia day 2018, and I still go through so many days in grief. Nobody will ever love me like she did, it's so extremely lonely here without her. I'm so sorry for your loss Jessica, but also glad you've got some supports around you. Thanks so much for sharing, I love your honesty. 🐕🦺🤗
I still have both parents but just imagining not having the people that love me most in this world, here in this world took my breath away. I will treasure them and their love even more. Thank you for sharing and thinking of you, hoping you're doing ok
Oh honey, you gotta remember your Mum lives on in your heart and mind. You have to sit down and talk with her. You ask questions and you will have a good idea what your Mum would advise. Lots of Love from Western Australia 💕😘🇦🇺
My true heartfelt condolences for your loss - going through such loss is so incredibly difficult I still have my parents in 3d but they are not the parents that I would have hoped for regarding the things I felt I needed to learn in life and the comfort and support and wisdom and education I felt I needed - I was lost after multiple traumas and my folks dismissing my injuries and multiple disabilities - Instead of parents passing (yet..) I have had dear friends pass away (a number of them through various means) and I have learned through my journey that the spirit world absolutely exists and that each of us also has a 'star family' and I implore you to explore this avenue as it has helped me to personally realize something so much bigger than myself and to have that middle pillar of strength when hard times inevitably come along - they help me to 'ride the waves' ---- Regarding ADD there is a woman called Mary Rodwell who speaks at her conferences regarding the fact that people with ADD Autism and Aspergers have ' souls bigger than the body computer can handle ' and that our souls as ADD'ers are cosmic in nature - I have learned to live for the things that my friends who have passed could not - I have learned to do things that they would have enjoyed and bring them along with me - I have learned to ask the universe for assistance when no one else is there --- You are never truly alone and you are ALWAYS LOVED
*hugs* I can’t say it gets easier at this point ( I lost my momma in 2018) but we go on to live for our loved ones and to hopefully make them proud of who we become for them! ❤️
When my grandpa passed away I completely forgot to pay rent that month. I didn't realize until the next one. My roommate had paid my share for me and wouldn't let me pay her back. Grief brain is real. Give yourself lots of grace. And lots of time.
My sister died in a car crash. My dad died 3 years later after 10 years of cancer. 2 very different experiences but every loss has changed my life! Thank you for sharing the rules from your friend. 10 years since my sister's death and I still needed to hear them! Having them together is important because otherwise I'll forget 1 or 2 of the 3. Take care of yourself before this channel but thank you for sharing and you helped me.
I'm so sorry about that I could never imagine that must have been so scary my best friend's brother got into a car crash and she was crying through the school days 😞
@@megansonneveld6214 the combination of grieving and out of nowhere was the worst! I learned that what I told others was a crock. I believed "Time heals," "at least she didn't suffer," "there's a reason for everything," and other platitudes must have been true or so many people wouldn't say them. I hope your friend had people to support them!
I feel the same way about my dog who is a chihuahua. I call her my angel and my life saver every single day. I deal with MDD, GAD, C-PTSD, OCD, and ADHD. She literally gives me reason to get up everyday and stay alive. Without her, my suicidal ideation would be significantly worse. I have a letter from my psychiatrist that she (Mia) is my ESA. I, like you, never thought I was “bad enough” to need a service dog. It took me years to accept I was “bad enough” to need medication, and even now I still struggle with that. I often feel guilty because I know so many people are so much worse off than me and their mental health negatively impacts their entire life (work, financial, etc) worse than I experience. If Mia wasn’t here with me, there are some days I don’t think I would have lived through. I feel your heart and I pray you have healed a lot since a year ago when you made this video. I am 45, recently divorced, no family and alone and ADHD was a new fun acronym to add to my list of what I call, brain baggage. Your real emotion and openness is so helpful because now I know, I’m not being dramatic, overly sensitive, lazy, imagining my barriers. Thank you for providing what has been missing for adults trying to figure out….”what’s wrong with me.”
I lost my mum unexpectedly way too early (she was 56) unexpectedly 16 years ago. Even without 2020 being a thing and not having AD(H)D I can remember barely anything of that first week. And you will ALWAYS be your parents daughter! 💜 Grief takes time and some days will be harder than others but it will get less overwhelming with time.
Maybe it's my mirror neurons or maybe its just feeling validated for the first time in a way I didn't know I needed but this video has me in tears. "I'm high functioning... I don't know if I need one." This right here is something I feel every time I ask for something to help. It is exactly why I haven't pursued getting an ESA while still in school. Thank you for sharing your journey with us. While our paths might look wildly different there is comfort in knowing I am not alone. Thank you.
I started crying while watching this. It brought up my own grief. Then my dog came over, nosed my leg, and offered that support that I needed to be okay again. It's amazing how wonderful and supportive dogs can be when you let them know how they can help.
I'm going through a ton right now. Wife and I are separated, and probably headed for divorce, and I hardly get to see our two kids; I'm stressed, depressed, angry,and everything else...so much so that I WANT to cry but my body or my brain just won't let me. When you said your doc would write you the letter affirming your need, I cried...I don't bawl or anything pretty much ever but I got choked up and a tear formed...so thank you. Not just for that but for everything you do on here, for helping all the rest of us figure out ways to deal with our own ADHD and remind us we're not alone in the struggle of living life with ADHD.
Dont worry, I'm sure you'll see your kids! And just in case divorce happens, here's this: when I was two my parents divorced. My mom got a little more custody than my dad did and I stayed with just my mom for two months straight before I went to my dad's. Your kids will probably stay with one parent more than the other. Whoever has the house is what I've seen, but my mom got a house. See. My parents both get me, which will hopefully happen with you two. Just keep your hopes high.
NO ONE is able to do this life ALONE! We need our friends, pets, Time Alone (just now). When my wife died the wisest person in my life just now, told me LET GRIEF DO What It NEEDS To Do. EMBRACE your grief and let it flow THRU you. It WILL be better, for now embrace what needs to flow thru. You Will Make It! SO Glad you have Cloe!! (I have my wife and my little ten pound dogs, or I would have gone nuts!)
As a someone with ADHD, Generalized Anxiety Disorder and high functioning depression, it is inspiring to see you having the strength to get the support you need, in the form of a service animal. I wish I had that strength
Chloe is Awesome! Dogs know when "their person" is not feeling good and always make us feel loved. My dog is my best friend! Thanks for sharing Chloe with us!
Your videos have helped me feel so much less alone living with ADHD. In a world where people don't think it's real or it isn't that bad, you affirm that my struggles are real. I cannot thank you enough for raising awareness and providing resources to help. Don't forget you deserve help too, if making Chloe a service dog would help you, it doesn't matter what other people think. Do it for you. I'm sorry for your loss, keep seeking support from your loved ones and take time for yourself.
My heart goes out to you. I was diagnosed with ADHD two years ago (I’m 57 years old) and you have helped me understand what has puzzled and confused me my whole life. You have given me tools to deal with my struggles and to help explain to my wife why I do what I do. If it can help you in some small way, know that I care and you have made a difference in my life (and if I look at the comments and numbers of subscribers, a lot of other people). And though it may not seem like it right now, it does get better.
Oh my God my dear to lose your Mom is so hard. My mom died in 2008 and I still think about her, take God with you, on this life journey, I will pray for you and your loved ones.
Losing a parent is very hard. You've never known a world without your mom in it and now that's a reality you have to deal with. I wish I had advice for how to get through it faster or to make it easier, but honestly there is no easy path. Give yourself grace and let yourself feel how you need to feel. This really sucks, and I'm so sorry.
"Doesn't feel like we need support, it feels like we should be able to do without" That's exactly how I felt when my doctors told me I had to stop working to take care of my mental health. That's also the biggest prejudice I feel when I try to explain why I'm not ok... "Just shake it off, it'll pass" :( Our pain and difficulties are valid and we need to learn to accept support whatever the form it takes. Chloe is such a sweet dog, I'm glad you have her. Take care everyone
I lost my dad March 18th of this year. I didn't even consider adhd affecting my grieve or vice versa. We haven't been able to celebrate my dad's life. This year has just not been the kindest.
1. Forgive yourself for EVERYTHING 2. Operate on your own timeline 3. Ask for what you need The 3 reasons I love this video 1. You share openly from your heart with compassion for all of us 2. Chloe is a sweet little dog and it is nice to see the affection and love you two share 3. Seeing the clips and hearing you share a bit of your mom's story as it unfolds is a sad, somehow uplifting and beautiful experience and we are grateful
How admirable of you to turn something so personaly devastating into something so meaningfull and educational. I Love the 3 rules of grieve and wish you al the love and support from the Netherlands.
You are obviously not understanding, just how MUCH, that your videos and you sharing, is SO HELPFUL. My thoughts & prayers are with you through this painfully difficult time. Your parents MADE you who you are - erego; they are always WITH you, & will always continue to be. ❤️ smiles 🤪
I lost my mom 4 years ago and my sister 2 years ago. Grief while having ADHD is SO HARD. Grief is so lonely, because no one else grieves the way you do. But find people on parallel paths as you. When you are fumbling in the darkness, those people will help to turn on the light.
My mom just died last year Jessica, I'm so sorry about your loss. I miss my mom more than anything in this world. I really really needed this video. thank you for sharing and prayers for you in your journey through your own loss. It's so hard, but it helps me know I'm not alone in both the grief and ADHD department and that maybe it makes sense I'm not okay still only a year later. God bless and keep going. Your momma would be so proud of you
I lost my Father 19 years ago.. you never stop being their child... they are part of who you are and their love stays with you always. I'm sorry for you loss and wish you happiness when you are ready for it again.
You are still his and her daughter. They aren’t here physically but they are with you spiritually. You are half of each of them and they will forever live through you and your kids if you have them.
I'm in that boat of "I'm doing well enough". Yes, some people may need it "more", but you need it too. Thank you for being so open and vulnerable. You make a bigger difference than you know.
I’m so sorry for your loss. It’s amazing that you’re taking this time to also help other people through your pain. From what you said about her it sounds like your mom would be proud.
That moment of someone actually taking our needs seriously, and helping us. That feeling of validation is real... we hold in the pain of not feeling like we're allowed to have these needs for so long, when that validation comes... I felt that.
Grief is like an ocean. Grief will hit you like waves, some so hard they knock you down. Other times are calm, or small waves you can deal with. But don’t fight the waves, it only postpones the grieving process. Time does make it calmer. Thank you, and may God bless you with peace during this time..(I have a pack 3 little dogs that support me without training. They just seem to read my moods.)
I'm so sorry for your loss, Jessica. The feeling that you're talking about - feeling validated by a healthcare professional for seeking support - is something I've had the joy to experience recently with my therapist. I'm 33 and I got diagnosed with ADHD a few months ago, partly because of this channel. It's been exhausting trying to deal with the societal narrative that "it's not that bad" and an instinct that says I'm faking, that I should be able to do without supports like medication, a lot of things that you touched on in your last video. I have a hard time with time mapping, and my therapist just approached it very matter-of-factly, and said, "I want you to buy a lot of clocks and put them everywhere throughout your house." Just the understanding there, and the acceptance - you have this difficulty with your internal clock, and so we need to help you with external timepieces - was so heartening and directly against the things that I'd been telling myself and the doubt I'd been hearing from others, that I started crying, a lot like you did at the end of this video. I'm so glad that there are healthcare professionals like your psychiatrist and my therapist that are working to meet us where we are and provide us with what we need to take better care of ourselves.
@@elfrog98 it's relatively new. The first version was started in Australia and has more recently been adapted to the U.S. other countries may or may not have a version available.
@@adhdathome The easiest way is to Google for "mental health first aid". Nami hosted the one I did, this one was free courtesy of grant money, but they're generally free or low cost and are available different age groups. For helping adults, teens and children, iirc. The specific one I took was through, nami-eastside.org/classes/ , but depending on where you live there are likely other options.
Jessica...I’m at a loss for words. I’m so sorry about your mother. You will ALWAYS be your mother’s daughter. Keep Chloe close and let her warmth be a representation of your mother’s love. Thank you for sharing this. ❤️ We love you and we’re here for you!
I was able to hold the tears back until about 6:05 😭 I'm glad that your doctor has validated and supported you/your needs and that you're covering the topic of grief in your videos. Grief brain is awful; I'm grateful that I've had understanding and compassionate people to lean on in times of grief... And people who have reminded me that the grieving process isn't linear -- it's a rollercoaster of ups and downs, and there are steep inclines and deep plunges even after the ride has been steady for a while.
That validation must be really important, because it is making you, me, and half the people with ADHD watching this cry. I have to say that flood of relief that someone understands that you need help is a gift this channel has given me. Thank you so much, Jessica. You are wonderful. 💕
Sobbing at my phone was not how I was expecting to spend the afternoon. I am so sorry for your loss. And happy you finally know you deserve help and your doctor understands that.
Much love to you in these hard times. I lost my mum a year ago today, and knowing I am not alone in the struggle is a huge comfort. "As her story came to an end, my story changed." Those are amazing words and helps me unpack so much that I have been going through this past 12 months. Thank you. We are with you in this journey.
The validation and relief that comes with someone finally acknowledging how you're struggling is indescribable. I've felt the same "I should be able to do it without support" feeling my entire life. For me, that's why getting a diagnosis was so important. I got diagnosed/medication about 9 months ago, and when I first took the medication and my brain felt more manageable I started crying because it was the first time I had any confirmation that my struggles weren't just because I'm bad at school/work/etc. It was a real issue that needed support. Also, I'm so sorry for your loss, especially during this time. Thank you so much for sharing your experience with grief and with Chloe. I didn't realize how much this video would resonate with me when I clicked on it, but it's so important.
I'm incredibly sorry for your loss. I will say that your mother raised an amazing daughter. Your videos have brought me so much comfort and made me feel so seen. Sending so much love your way, we believe in you.
This was beyond helpful this morning. Thank you so so much. This was healing I lost my friend in April and it still affects me. Yes, service dogs change lives. I'm a handler and I couldn't handle this without her.
That right there: Growing up I didn't feel like my needs were important. 100% the same. I'm 42 and now learning that my needs are important too. I can't carry all of everyone's weight and mine too. Its,time to be more selfish, even if it might upset someone. You are human too and you are valid. ❤
Thank you, Jessica. This was something I really needed to hear. I've recently been diagnosed with ADHD, thanks in part to this channel, which somebody pointed me toward when I was coming to the realization that I might not be as neurotypical as I'd always believed. Like, I always knew I thought differently than most people, but I didn't realize just how much it was affecting my life. More importantly, it was something for which I could get help. Watching this channel was a part of what encouraged me to seek out a diagnosis. I've been on medication for several months now, and it's helped a lot. A couple of months ago, my almost three-year-old son was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes. We're doing okay, and have it under control, but it can be really hard. I have to manage his insulin, monitor what he eats, and deal with his medical team and insurance and so many other things. It's so tiring. And knowing my child's life literally depends on my executive function is...well, terrifying to say the least. I've noticed my symptoms getting worse. My husband has even questioned (kindly) if I'd taken my medication, it's been so bad. I just thought it was due to exhaustion. And that's still probably a big part of it. But it never really occurred to me that it could be grief. My son will be dependent on insulin for the rest of his life. And yes, with proper management and care, it will be a full and happy one, but much like ADHD, even a properly managed disorder is still a disorder. Heaven help this poor child if he's inherited my brain -.- (which I strongly suspect he has, because in personality and temperament he's a little mini me; but at his age it's hard to distinguish symptoms from typical developmental milestones) Anyway. Thank you for being so open and honest. It's given me much-needed insight into what's going on in my own head.
Always remember: You are beautiful 💖 You are loved ❤ (even if your parents have passed, they still love you and you have friends and other people in your life who love you) You are valid 💕 You are worthy and deserving of everything positive you have 🥰 You are brave 🦁 You are strong 💪 You matter 🌠 You deserve self-care 😊 And that goes for ANYONE and EVERYONE reading this!!! Stay hydrated, try to get good sleep (I know it's hard sometimes), and always take yourself and your needs seriously. (I just thought some positivity was needed for Jessica and everyone watching, these are hard times for everyone and sometimes we need reminders)
I have literally never had a comment get this many likes or replies as far as I can remember. You're welcome, but also thank you! I've been going through a rough patch in life, and this kind of comments were on some of the lofi music videos I was watching to help cheer me up, and I thought I should share more of that, and every time I reread my own comment I'm almost brought to tears (not to be self-centered, just because it's a message I need too)
During my recent painful divorce, my parents suddenly split and divorced as well. I couldn’t imagine losing a parent, however, I experienced everything you described in this video and I cried with you. I cannot thank you enough for your help.
I have severe anxiety and also mild depression, also maybe undiagnosed ADHD and I would love a service dog one day...glad you have Chloe during this hard time. I am so sorry for your loss, I can't imagine suddenly losing a parent like that. Your mom would want you to do whatever is necessary to cope. Much love to you both!
I think feeling like we should be able to do something without extra help it is a huge trait from ADHD. I always feel like I shouldn't need this or I shouldn't need that. in my counselor said why is that a rule? Like why do I put those guidelines up for myself. why am I more gracious to other people than I am to myself.
I lost my dad 4 years ago to skin cancer and on the first anniversary of his death I got a puppy impulsively. She is now one of the most amazing service dogs I could ever ask for, and I know my dad would be proud of me. He'd be proud of what I've accomplished. When I clicked the video I wasn't expecting adhd, grief and a service dog 💜💜
When you feel vulnerable and someone hears and understands you, it feels like a big weight has been lifted off of your shoulders and you feel valued and acknowledged. It is like someone says to you :” I see you.” I feel that is what your doctor’s action did to you. You matter, you are protected, and you have the right to feel how you feel. Thank you for doing all you have been doing for adhd. I think I have it and never knew. I appreciate you. We appreciate you. Take your time to heal. We love you 😍
After 3 decades of battling anxiety and depression, I was very recently diagnosed with ADHD. Everything that I was struggling with for all these years suddenly made perfect sense. In the short week since I found your videos, I have made huge progress with my understanding of ADHD. Now I am so excited to be able to have the words and understanding of how it affects me. My therapist and I are now working together to find solutions for the symptoms I experience. Thank you, so much, for dedicating your time to this project. With all that you are going through, I want to give you permission to prioritize yourself first. We will all still be here when you return. In the mean time, your videos will still be doing amazing things for people! If you need to lean on us, please do so. I can’t be the only one that would love to give back to someone that has given so much. You will make it through this. I wish I could give you a hug. Thank you for everything. -Phillip
I lost my dad two years ago and this video not only has me in tears but the first rule is something I still need to remind myself of. Thank you so much for sharing. ❤️❤️
I am really sorry for your loss. She’ll still be looking after you and watching over you. Watching you in pain is really saddening but your courage and determination to deal with this your way AND share the same coping mechanisms with the world is so incredibly powerful. Thank you. PS - We’re all here with you. You might not know us but your journey is important to us. ❤️
This vlog series is a gift to the adhd community, honest representative validating, it makes us feel not alone, it lets us find our normal and leave our shame, thank you
So sorry for your loss... These last two video’s have been so hard for me to watch. I lost my mother almost 2 years ago, also sudden for me, but we “still” had a half year from when her fight started. These rules for grief even help me remind after this time. Apparently it’s taking me a lot longer than I thought it could... My brain still does not feel “normal” (read: like before). Hugs to you, I hope Cloe can help you! She already looks like she knows how to do her job ;)
I had 10 years with my dad. About 3 years after knowing he wouldn't get better. Having that time was helpful for me. I got to say goodbye. I couldn't when my sister died at the scene of a crash. It helped but it's not less painful to get that extra time! 10 years later I'm don't feel "normal" again. Probably won't because my life changed.
Mood. I lost my mother last year...I don't think I've quite stopped crying since haha...ha. My ADHD just has me feeling so much guilt and I don't even know how to begin forgiving myself yet... But this video and everyone in the community... For the first time in my life I can see people expressing things in a way I understand. I didn't know it was important to share grief like this...? I'm so grateful to everyone here and I wish I could hug you all...you deserve the world.
Are you me? I lost my mom to ALS about 8 months after her diagnosis, 2 years ago. I miss her and I miss having a mother's love, but I've been crying less and finding peace with it. Time does heal, but everyone heals at a different rate of time. ❤️
I just posted a bit of my own story... Almost 14 years since my brother, who is 17 months older than me, died very unexpectedly. I've experienced other losses of family members and my brother's death continues to stand out as a benchmark of sorts for me. I sort of think of my life now in 3 parts...before he died, after he died, and after he died and I had my first go round with therapy. I find a lot of truth in the knowledge that the pain probably won't ever go away, however, it has changed over time; rather than a wound that keeps being reopened, it becomes a scar. I still have a very conscious awareness yet the pain shifts to be a bit less acute and I can recall the less painful times in the "before" time with gladness. I have a scar on my lip I got when he and I were kids and sledding down the steep driveway next to our barn. He thought I was going to slide under the electric fence and go into the horse pasture...he stopped me with a metal disc sled he held like a shield, and I slammed my face into it as I was face-first and prone. 🤦♀️ The scar reminds me of how much that hurt and how much he freaked out that he practically carried me to the house, and also how we laughed about it as teenagers and adults when sharing stories. Not sure if that analogy makes sense...
As someone who has lost both of my parents as well. This hits so close to home. The 3 rules are wonderful tips and I wish someone had told them to me when I was going through the thick of it. Sending you lots of love and I’m grateful you shared this! ❤
I´m so sorry for your loss. I´m also thankful that you shared this, When my ADHD went totally out of hand during hard times I honestly thought I had lost my mins. I was a functional invalid, and thanks to you I realize it was normal.
My cousin passed away 3 days ago and I saw your video was posted 3 days ago. my cousin’s name was chloe and your dogs name is chloe and I seriously thought you were making this video about my cousin, but I had no idea who you were and now I know this video was just sent to me from God because I needed to see it. Thank you.
I'm so so sorry for your loss. I lost someone close to me recently, and my grandpa has cancer, and I feel so guilty and it's hard to deal. Please be kind to yourself and remember that we love you!!❤️
I am so sorry for your loss! Thank you for sharing these tips to help those going through grief. You are still your mother and father's daughter. And you are the daughter of a King. I don't know your faith, and I don't need to, from my perspective I know that God is your father in heaven who will always be there for you. I pray that you will feel God's comfort during your grief. Your mom sounds like a great woman.
I cried. Tears of sadness, of joy and also tears of seeing myself "seen" through your experience. We have a Beagle, who is rescued and is anxious as we are in the house, and she has been a lifesaver in my time of need, without training. I need to remind myself the same way you were that "we do need the support, no matter if we're high functioning" and just embrace it. I thank you for opening up to us in this vulnerable time. I thank you and value your honesty. I pray that this huge pain eventually becomes a warm blanket of memories for you and the people she helped throughout her journey.
I think one thing that ADHD does to us through the time, is making us feel like we don't deserve to suffer the way we do. It destroys our self esteem. I think you're an amazing person, and not only you DO deserve everything needed to make you feel better, but you do so so so so much for others, nobody should ever make you feel like what you feel and go through is not important enough. Thank you Jessica, seriously, I wish you could feel what we feel about you, and I wish you would never feel like others' needs are more important than yours. I always feel the same as you do, and writing this makes me a bit of a hypocrite, but what I'm saying is sincere, take care ❤️
It doesn't matter that some people may need a support dog more than you - it matters that you need a support dog.
Sometimes it really is your needs that matter most you know?
Take care of you right now.
Very true! Someone struggling more tha you doesn't mean your struggels aren't important!
Also, you having a service animal doesn't take anything away from anyone else. Yes, there might be someone who needs a service dog more than you do. But they can have one too. It's not like there's a fixed number of service dogs in the universe. It's not like you're applying to a program that will provide you with a fully trained service dog at no cost. You're using your own resources to train a dog for whom you already provide guardianship, and it's going to make your life better. There is literally no downside to this.
Reminds me of the "put your oxygen mask on before helping others" safety announcement on planes-sometimes you need to help yourself with what you're going through before you can help other people with what they're going through.
I read a sentence in another UA-cam comment that applies really well here. It was something like, "Just because somebody's house burned down doesn't mean your wrist isn't sprained." And I think that's a really important thing to keep in mind. Everybody has their own problems; just because yours seem "less than" somehow doesn't mean they're not there, and it certainly doesn't mean you shouldn't use the resources available to you.
Elien 1 Well said! This whole comment/reply chain is great!
"Wherever my mom went, she made things better." Jessica, you do too.
This. Just this.
Couldn't agree more. Jessica you really do :)
Absolutely! Love you and your channel, Miss Jessica...🤗
Agreed from the bottom of my heart.
Yeah! ❤️
Coming back to comment on this video after 2 years. 3 days ago I lost the man I considered my father. Thanks for making this video Jessica, now I need it more than ever.
hope ur okay!
Rule one: forgive yourself for everything
Rule two: operate on your own timeline
Rule three: ask for what you need
Thank you for writing these out!
janiedella
So sorry that happened to you. Our fur babies are our family, and sometimes closer than humans. I believe they have a spirit, as well. Don’t be surprised by an unexpected visit from another cat or a glimpse of someone’s cat that reminds you of your fur baby, Mojo. It’s their way of saying, Thank You for all you did for me...and yes, it was enough...plenty of love. His way of saying I’m okay and watching you from the other side. Take care. Much Love and Light to you in this time of uncomfortable hardship and grief.
@janiedella So sorry for your loss!
janiedella your welcome I had to rewatch the video a few times to remember them 😅 I’m hoping these 3 rules help me aswell deal with grief and anyone who is also struggling with grief I’m always open to talk to anyone if anyone needs to talk about grief maybe we can all help each other in some ways:))
Thanks a lot. I really needed a list, it's the perfect help for any video on ADHD. How are we supposed to follow an entire 10 minute video without a list?
When we train an animal to do something, we're also training ourselves how to ask for it to be done. Training Chloe to help you during panic attacks or extreme sadness trains you to recognize when you need her and when to ask for help.
I've found that most small dogs don't need to be empathy trained. But I do feel the need to warn you, the day will come when you and your canine soulmate will have to part. It will help to get a puppy for your dog to help teach before that day comes. Honest. The loss is profound. >>Tom's wife Pam
When my mom died, the funeral director said that grief is like a helium balloon. At first, it floats right in front of your face, so that you view everything through it. After a while, it floats to the side and colors less of your vision, but occasionally darts in front again. Eventually, it floats behind you, never really gone, but more of a quiet companion that you catch a glimpse of now and then. It's been five years since Mom passed, and this has been the most accurate metaphor for grief that I've ever heard.
Dianna Thomson that is beautiful and will stay with me forever.
Very accurate description, this will stay with me for a while, stranger. Thank you.
This was beautifully written and healing, thank you for sharing 💜🙏
That’s such an accurate metaphor. When one of my closest friends passed away last year, a grief counsellor had told me of another metaphor. Grief is like a space or dark circle that never changes its shape, but your life grows more around it as more time passes. Not sure if that made as much sense but it resonated with me. Stay strong, and thanks for sharing that metaphor💖
That's beautiful. I've heard a similar story about a ball in a box. Google "ball in a box grief" to read it. It's an apt description.
"...I don't know if anyone has ever given me permission to get the support that _I_ need."
Wow. That hits me in a place I don't like thinking about, but really need to. Thanks for that, Jessica. Your work helps.
In case you missed them like me:
Rule 1. Forgive yourself for everything (you'll "drop some balls" and that's okay)
Rule 2. Operate on your own timeline (go at your own pace)
Rule 3. Ask for what you need (even if that means telling everyone to go away so you can be introverted)
Thanks! 😊
These are such great points to remember.
Thanks so much!
People don't realize the emotional toll that comes with ADHD. It is something that just is so present. I am glad for people like you who help other ADHD brains. You are helping a lot of people.
Well said!
I agree 👍
Legit!
I discussed this with a 🧠 friend; a side effect of this is that if there is ANY emotional impact with anything, it feels like we can remember it forever.
I feel like I and a few brains out there have tried to "hack" this and the process led us to constantly ground our memories with emotional connections, and my friend and I both realized we prioritize and remember things with deadlines when emotionally connected to the task or our relationship with the giver.
I think there's definitely something there to try and explain to the willing how difficult this condition is to deal with. Is not that I don't "care" about something, a lot of the time, it's more I don't "feel" anything about what I needed to remember, and it makes it hard for me to just put it in a calendar or something.
Invisible walls are hard to describe to people who overcome them so easily, so I like to try and analogize in ways to make them more real and noticable to the people around me.
Wasabi J it’s so weird cause I always felt I related to that book it was one of my favorite books as a kid
8:30 I really felt that. When you have ADHD your pain is invisible to other people, and you feel forced to endure it in silence. Then when someone actually acknowledges your struggle you just break into a million pieces...
You touched on probably my biggest issue: always feeling like I need someone's permission. So hard to remind myself that no, I am an adult, I can write my own damn permission slip thanks very much. If I want ice cream and a brownie for dinner, that's my prerogative.
Worst case, I'm older than you and I hereby give you permission to do whatever the heck puts a smile on your face.
Dan Bowkley now I want to make myself a little “chequebook” of adult permission slips allowing me to self-care!
Asking for permission for something is not just asking for permission to do that thing but it is also validation That the thing you wanna do is good or valid.
@@teresaveihl7212 so an element of not trusting one's own decision making ability. Ya know I can totally see that.
I’m so sorry for your loss Jessica... Take your time to heal, you had helped a lot of people and never forget how amazing of a person you are, we are here for you
Hola Dana
“My needs just didn’t feel important” oh god. That was far too relatable 🥺
That's my daily thought about everything.
When I was telling my boyfriend about how other people's deadlines matter more to me than my own, I caught myself calling them real deadlines versus my deadlines. I hadn't realized before that my needs, goals, timelines, etc all feel arbitrary and made up.
Seriously. I'm still a little weepy.
@@anna-graceschumann8869 I relate to this so much.
@@anna-graceschumann8869 wow, that's making me think-- I do the same thing!
The only time when my therapist made me bawl my eyes out, was when he said that ”this is for you, we are here for you”.
I’ve always been bad at asking for things i need. It was lovely to get some validation and compassion. :)
I started sobbing when you started talking about feeling like you shouldn’t need more help or support. I’m in the process of working out meds, and adjusting my 504, possibly switching to an IEP. I keep feeling like I shouldn’t need this, I’m just not trying hard enough. Thank you for reminding me I’m not alone.
I feel you.
You're not alone. You're doing your best. We may be missunderstood, but never alone. ❤️
Definitely not alone. I go through the same plus I'm quite intelligent and highly interested in academic stuff, which kept me from being diagnosed as a kid, so people often doubt my diagnosis. Being quite intelligent meaning being evaluated around 130 IQ 3 times by 3 different neuropsychologists, 2 of them said that quite because of that I don't have ADHD. But still the fact that I am very under average at college most of the time and sometimes I manage to be one of the 3 best students when hyperfoccused. Changed my course 4 times, out of frustration, and the last one I'm only being able to keep up, not miss classes, deal with emotional fragility etc because I'm finally diagnosed and going through treatment. My father never believe me, although he may have ADHD as well but he believes every psychologist is nuts. Even though I don't like to be under meds, they mostly only change my domestic routine (doing dishes etc) and put me under my maximum potential at college, I feel like I'm cheating when under my meds. I feel like I should be able to be out of meds and somehow avoid the crisis everytime it comes to make me emotional, anxious and hyperfocused in how people are feeling about themselves and about me, or hyperfocused in useless stuff such as doing well at games that I don't even enjoy playing.
Don't ever drop your meds out of such feelings. It's possible to be fair reasons to stop with the meds, as long as keeping it up with your doctor, but blaming yourself for being on them is not one. Blaming ourselves for needing help is never a good take, and sadly is somewhat a constant...
Now I want a t-shirt that says "sometimes life has a split narrative"
What a great statement.
Dude I would so buy that!
Yes!! I so resonated with that, and would love that shirt!!
So sorry for your loss... I cant imagine what you are going through right now. I remember during a tragic loss I had not too long ago... I dropped the ball on SO many things. I forgot to pick my daughter up from school TWICE.. My house was the messiest it had ever been. It's okay. Give yourself TIME.
💜☺
I cried when you said "Im nobody's daughter anymore". My heart breaks for you. But youre so strong and doing great. You got this.
"People aren't getting enough hugs!" I think that is exactly right.
I don’t think I’ve ever wanted to give a perfect stranger a hug so badly, I can’t begin to imagine what you’re going through but thank you for sharing this, i really appreciate it.
If she does something good again like the laying on you before you panic give her treats if possible to make her more likely to do it again!
And, of course, pet her and tell her she's a good girl!
I also simulate panic attacks or other issues and then reward my service dog in training for responding in the way I'm training her. It's a bit dicey because I can accidentally trigger a real panic attack by doing this but I've found it really helpful in training. If you can start tracking your "tells" (behaviors before full blown panic or other episode) then you can teach her to interrupt those too (interruptions are when the dog comes over and does something to try to stop the behavior or stop the escalation. Mine does either pawing or light pressure with her head on my knee)
My dad passed when I was young, and when my mom passed I felt like an orphan, even though I was an adult. It felt like I lost the child inside, my unconditional lifeline. Take the time you need, give yourself the time you need and know there is no deadline on grief.
I’m so sorry for your loss. There is nothing like losing a parent, especially your mum. Be gentle with yourself 🌻
Firstly, I'm so sorry to hear about your mum, what a profound loss.
Secondly, I want to tell you something I've learnt from disability twitter that may help - if you're repeatedly thinking about an accommodation or an aid and wondering whether you might need it, you probably do need it and likely have for some time. That attitude helped me a lot when I was having angst over whether I should get a shower chair (I should have and I did and afterwards I wondered why I'd been so resistant). I hope Chloe is able to train as a service dog, it's clear that she already helps you a great deal just by being her beautiful doggy self.
This is a great point :) Good insight. What I realized is that if you have a disability you aren't alone in that you need to be accommodated. Everyone in the world needs accommodations. We have stairs because humans can't jump 12 feet. We have chairs because people can't stand for 8 hours straight. The only difference is that some people are already accommodated for, and others aren't because their needs are different. That helped me to accept help.
"I'm not a daughter anymore". This really hit home for me, though my dad is still here in another state. I lost my mum to brain cancer on Australia day 2018, and I still go through so many days in grief. Nobody will ever love me like she did, it's so extremely lonely here without her.
I'm so sorry for your loss Jessica, but also glad you've got some supports around you. Thanks so much for sharing, I love your honesty. 🐕🦺🤗
I still have both parents but just imagining not having the people that love me most in this world, here in this world took my breath away. I will treasure them and their love even more. Thank you for sharing and thinking of you, hoping you're doing ok
Oh honey, you gotta remember your Mum lives on in your heart and mind. You have to sit down and talk with her. You ask questions and you will have a good idea what your Mum would advise. Lots of Love from Western Australia 💕😘🇦🇺
My true heartfelt condolences for your loss - going through such loss is so incredibly difficult
I still have my parents in 3d but they are not the parents that I would have hoped for regarding the things I felt I needed to learn in life and the comfort and support and wisdom and education I felt I needed - I was lost after multiple traumas and my folks dismissing my injuries and multiple disabilities - Instead of parents passing (yet..) I have had dear friends pass away (a number of them through various means) and I have learned through my journey that the spirit world absolutely exists and that each of us also has a 'star family' and I implore you to explore this avenue as it has helped me to personally realize something so much bigger than myself and to have that middle pillar of strength when hard times inevitably come along - they help me to 'ride the waves' ----
Regarding ADD there is a woman called Mary Rodwell who speaks at her conferences regarding the fact that people with ADD Autism and Aspergers have ' souls bigger than the body computer can handle ' and that our souls as ADD'ers are cosmic in nature -
I have learned to live for the things that my friends who have passed could not - I have learned to do things that they would have enjoyed and bring them along with me - I have learned to ask the universe for assistance when no one else is there --- You are never truly alone and you are ALWAYS LOVED
*hugs* I can’t say it gets easier at this point ( I lost my momma in 2018) but we go on to live for our loved ones and to hopefully make them proud of who we become for them! ❤️
When my grandpa passed away I completely forgot to pay rent that month. I didn't realize until the next one. My roommate had paid my share for me and wouldn't let me pay her back. Grief brain is real. Give yourself lots of grace. And lots of time.
The day after you posted your last video, my father died. So I'm greiving as well.
*hugs in solidarity*
sorry for your loss
And the ADHD turned up to 11 is killing me. I can't seem to manage anything.
My deepest sympathy and Condolences for your loss
Sends air hugs
Your doctor is such a good example, every doctor should be like him.
My sister died in a car crash. My dad died 3 years later after 10 years of cancer. 2 very different experiences but every loss has changed my life! Thank you for sharing the rules from your friend. 10 years since my sister's death and I still needed to hear them! Having them together is important because otherwise I'll forget 1 or 2 of the 3. Take care of yourself before this channel but thank you for sharing and you helped me.
bump
I'm so sorry about that I could never imagine that must have been so scary my best friend's brother got into a car crash and she was crying through the school days 😞
@@megansonneveld6214 the combination of grieving and out of nowhere was the worst! I learned that what I told others was a crock. I believed "Time heals," "at least she didn't suffer," "there's a reason for everything," and other platitudes must have been true or so many people wouldn't say them.
I hope your friend had people to support them!
I feel the same way about my dog who is a chihuahua. I call her my angel and my life saver every single day. I deal with MDD, GAD, C-PTSD, OCD, and ADHD. She literally gives me reason to get up everyday and stay alive. Without her, my suicidal ideation would be significantly worse. I have a letter from my psychiatrist that she (Mia) is my ESA. I, like you, never thought I was “bad enough” to need a service dog. It took me years to accept I was “bad enough” to need medication, and even now I still struggle with that. I often feel guilty because I know so many people are so much worse off than me and their mental health negatively impacts their entire life (work, financial, etc) worse than I experience. If Mia wasn’t here with me, there are some days I don’t think I would have lived through. I feel your heart and I pray you have healed a lot since a year ago when you made this video. I am 45, recently divorced, no family and alone and ADHD was a new fun acronym to add to my list of what I call, brain baggage. Your real emotion and openness is so helpful because now I know, I’m not being dramatic, overly sensitive, lazy, imagining my barriers. Thank you for providing what has been missing for adults trying to figure out….”what’s wrong with me.”
Well God damn, loss and rejection probably hit the hardest in my eyes but we can always get through this together.
I lost my mum unexpectedly way too early (she was 56) unexpectedly 16 years ago. Even without 2020 being a thing and not having AD(H)D I can remember barely anything of that first week.
And you will ALWAYS be your parents daughter! 💜
Grief takes time and some days will be harder than others but it will get less overwhelming with time.
Maybe it's my mirror neurons or maybe its just feeling validated for the first time in a way I didn't know I needed but this video has me in tears. "I'm high functioning... I don't know if I need one." This right here is something I feel every time I ask for something to help. It is exactly why I haven't pursued getting an ESA while still in school. Thank you for sharing your journey with us. While our paths might look wildly different there is comfort in knowing I am not alone. Thank you.
This goes for me as well.
And soooo heartwarming and supportive to read others know the feeling, and we are indeed not alone!
I started crying while watching this. It brought up my own grief. Then my dog came over, nosed my leg, and offered that support that I needed to be okay again. It's amazing how wonderful and supportive dogs can be when you let them know how they can help.
I'm going through a ton right now. Wife and I are separated, and probably headed for divorce, and I hardly get to see our two kids; I'm stressed, depressed, angry,and everything else...so much so that I WANT to cry but my body or my brain just won't let me. When you said your doc would write you the letter affirming your need, I cried...I don't bawl or anything pretty much ever but I got choked up and a tear formed...so thank you. Not just for that but for everything you do on here, for helping all the rest of us figure out ways to deal with our own ADHD and remind us we're not alone in the struggle of living life with ADHD.
Dont worry, I'm sure you'll see your kids! And just in case divorce happens, here's this: when I was two my parents divorced. My mom got a little more custody than my dad did and I stayed with just my mom for two months straight before I went to my dad's. Your kids will probably stay with one parent more than the other. Whoever has the house is what I've seen, but my mom got a house. See. My parents both get me, which will hopefully happen with you two. Just keep your hopes high.
NO ONE is able to do this life ALONE! We need our friends, pets, Time Alone (just now).
When my wife died the wisest person in my life just now, told me LET GRIEF DO What It NEEDS To Do. EMBRACE your grief and let it flow THRU you. It WILL be better, for now embrace what needs to flow thru.
You Will Make It!
SO Glad you have Cloe!!
(I have my wife and my little ten pound dogs, or I would have gone nuts!)
As a someone with ADHD, Generalized Anxiety Disorder and high functioning depression, it is inspiring to see you having the strength to get the support you need, in the form of a service animal. I wish I had that strength
You do have that strength.
And our permission should you need it ❤️
Chloe is Awesome! Dogs know when "their person" is not feeling good and always make us feel loved. My dog is my best friend! Thanks for sharing Chloe with us!
Your videos have helped me feel so much less alone living with ADHD. In a world where people don't think it's real or it isn't that bad, you affirm that my struggles are real. I cannot thank you enough for raising awareness and providing resources to help. Don't forget you deserve help too, if making Chloe a service dog would help you, it doesn't matter what other people think. Do it for you. I'm sorry for your loss, keep seeking support from your loved ones and take time for yourself.
My heart goes out to you. I was diagnosed with ADHD two years ago (I’m 57 years old) and you have helped me understand what has puzzled and confused me my whole life. You have given me tools to deal with my struggles and to help explain to my wife why I do what I do. If it can help you in some small way, know that I care and you have made a difference in my life (and if I look at the comments and numbers of subscribers, a lot of other people). And though it may not seem like it right now, it does get better.
EXACTLY!!
May her soul rest in peace.
Sorry for your lost
Oh my God my dear to lose your Mom is so hard. My mom died in 2008 and I still think about her, take God with you, on this life journey, I will pray for you and your loved ones.
Fact. The white floral dress is *STUNNING* on Jessica
Losing a parent is very hard. You've never known a world without your mom in it and now that's a reality you have to deal with. I wish I had advice for how to get through it faster or to make it easier, but honestly there is no easy path. Give yourself grace and let yourself feel how you need to feel. This really sucks, and I'm so sorry.
😭 my grandmother is on hospice. There's been a lot of should'a could'a would'a thinking in my head. Thank you for sharing so deeply.
"Doesn't feel like we need support, it feels like we should be able to do without"
That's exactly how I felt when my doctors told me I had to stop working to take care of my mental health. That's also the biggest prejudice I feel when I try to explain why I'm not ok... "Just shake it off, it'll pass" :(
Our pain and difficulties are valid and we need to learn to accept support whatever the form it takes. Chloe is such a sweet dog, I'm glad you have her.
Take care everyone
I lost my dad March 18th of this year. I didn't even consider adhd affecting my grieve or vice versa. We haven't been able to celebrate my dad's life. This year has just not been the kindest.
Yeah it’s so tough, not getting to do the normal rituals. *hugs in solidarity*
I am sorry for your loss and I hope Chloe really gets you through. Hugs!
1. Forgive yourself for EVERYTHING
2. Operate on your own timeline
3. Ask for what you need
The 3 reasons I love this video
1. You share openly from your heart with compassion for all of us
2. Chloe is a sweet little dog and it is nice to see the affection and love you two share
3. Seeing the clips and hearing you share a bit of your mom's story as it unfolds is a sad, somehow uplifting and beautiful experience and we are grateful
How admirable of you to turn something so personaly devastating into something so meaningfull and educational. I Love the 3 rules of grieve and wish you al the love and support from the Netherlands.
You are obviously not understanding, just how MUCH, that your videos and you sharing, is SO HELPFUL. My thoughts & prayers are with you through this painfully difficult time. Your parents MADE you who you are - erego; they are always WITH you, & will always continue to be. ❤️ smiles 🤪
I lost my mom 4 years ago and my sister 2 years ago. Grief while having ADHD is SO HARD. Grief is so lonely, because no one else grieves the way you do. But find people on parallel paths as you. When you are fumbling in the darkness, those people will help to turn on the light.
My mom just died last year Jessica, I'm so sorry about your loss. I miss my mom more than anything in this world. I really really needed this video. thank you for sharing and prayers for you in your journey through your own loss. It's so hard, but it helps me know I'm not alone in both the grief and ADHD department and that maybe it makes sense I'm not okay still only a year later. God bless and keep going. Your momma would be so proud of you
I lost my Father 19 years ago.. you never stop being their child... they are part of who you are and their love stays with you always. I'm sorry for you loss and wish you happiness when you are ready for it again.
You are still his and her daughter. They aren’t here physically but they are with you spiritually. You are half of each of them and they will forever live through you and your kids if you have them.
I love watching your videos. It makes me feel like I’m good enough and they way I feel is valid. Your videos means so much to me thank you so much xx
I'm in that boat of "I'm doing well enough". Yes, some people may need it "more", but you need it too. Thank you for being so open and vulnerable. You make a bigger difference than you know.
I’m so sorry for your loss. It’s amazing that you’re taking this time to also help other people through your pain. From what you said about her it sounds like your mom would be proud.
I don't know english so much, but I can understand that you are sad because of your loss. I m so sorry. I would like hug you right now.
That moment of someone actually taking our needs seriously, and helping us. That feeling of validation is real... we hold in the pain of not feeling like we're allowed to have these needs for so long, when that validation comes... I felt that.
The validation of a doctor confirming you do need help cannot be overstated. It is life changing emotionally.
Much support. You're being strong and always get something great out of a terrible situation.
I am gutted. I am in tears for your loss. Be blessed, you are in my prayers. Smile sweet girl, you make a difference in our world.
Grief is like an ocean. Grief will hit you like waves, some so hard they knock you down. Other times are calm, or small waves you can deal with. But don’t fight the waves, it only postpones the grieving process. Time does make it calmer. Thank you, and may God bless you with peace during this time..(I have a pack 3 little dogs that support me without training. They just seem to read my moods.)
I'm so sorry for your loss, Jessica.
The feeling that you're talking about - feeling validated by a healthcare professional for seeking support - is something I've had the joy to experience recently with my therapist. I'm 33 and I got diagnosed with ADHD a few months ago, partly because of this channel. It's been exhausting trying to deal with the societal narrative that "it's not that bad" and an instinct that says I'm faking, that I should be able to do without supports like medication, a lot of things that you touched on in your last video. I have a hard time with time mapping, and my therapist just approached it very matter-of-factly, and said, "I want you to buy a lot of clocks and put them everywhere throughout your house." Just the understanding there, and the acceptance - you have this difficulty with your internal clock, and so we need to help you with external timepieces - was so heartening and directly against the things that I'd been telling myself and the doubt I'd been hearing from others, that I started crying, a lot like you did at the end of this video. I'm so glad that there are healthcare professionals like your psychiatrist and my therapist that are working to meet us where we are and provide us with what we need to take better care of ourselves.
I just took a mental health first aid course. I'd definitely recommend that everybody with the time to do so.
I didn't even know there was such a thing, that's so awesome! Thanks for the idea
@@elfrog98 it's relatively new. The first version was started in Australia and has more recently been adapted to the U.S. other countries may or may not have a version available.
@@SmallSpoonBrigade that makes sense then, I'll have to keep my ears open!
How did you find it?
@@adhdathome The easiest way is to Google for "mental health first aid". Nami hosted the one I did, this one was free courtesy of grant money, but they're generally free or low cost and are available different age groups. For helping adults, teens and children, iirc.
The specific one I took was through, nami-eastside.org/classes/ , but depending on where you live there are likely other options.
Jessica...I’m at a loss for words. I’m so sorry about your mother. You will ALWAYS be your mother’s daughter. Keep Chloe close and let her warmth be a representation of your mother’s love. Thank you for sharing this. ❤️ We love you and we’re here for you!
I was able to hold the tears back until about 6:05 😭
I'm glad that your doctor has validated and supported you/your needs and that you're covering the topic of grief in your videos.
Grief brain is awful; I'm grateful that I've had understanding and compassionate people to lean on in times of grief... And people who have reminded me that the grieving process isn't linear -- it's a rollercoaster of ups and downs, and there are steep inclines and deep plunges even after the ride has been steady for a while.
Same!
That validation must be really important, because it is making you, me, and half the people with ADHD watching this cry. I have to say that flood of relief that someone understands that you need help is a gift this channel has given me. Thank you so much, Jessica. You are wonderful. 💕
Sobbing at my phone was not how I was expecting to spend the afternoon.
I am so sorry for your loss.
And happy you finally know you deserve help and your doctor understands that.
Much love to you in these hard times. I lost my mum a year ago today, and knowing I am not alone in the struggle is a huge comfort. "As her story came to an end, my story changed." Those are amazing words and helps me unpack so much that I have been going through this past 12 months. Thank you. We are with you in this journey.
The validation and relief that comes with someone finally acknowledging how you're struggling is indescribable.
I've felt the same "I should be able to do it without support" feeling my entire life. For me, that's why getting a diagnosis was so important.
I got diagnosed/medication about 9 months ago, and when I first took the medication and my brain felt more manageable I started crying because it was the first time I had any confirmation that my struggles weren't just because I'm bad at school/work/etc. It was a real issue that needed support.
Also, I'm so sorry for your loss, especially during this time.
Thank you so much for sharing your experience with grief and with Chloe. I didn't realize how much this video would resonate with me when I clicked on it, but it's so important.
I think it’s incredibly courageous of you to be so open about this struggle. Thank you.
I'm incredibly sorry for your loss. I will say that your mother raised an amazing daughter. Your videos have brought me so much comfort and made me feel so seen. Sending so much love your way, we believe in you.
Seconded
This was beyond helpful this morning. Thank you so so much. This was healing I lost my friend in April and it still affects me. Yes, service dogs change lives. I'm a handler and I couldn't handle this without her.
That right there: Growing up I didn't feel like my needs were important. 100% the same. I'm 42 and now learning that my needs are important too. I can't carry all of everyone's weight and mine too. Its,time to be more selfish, even if it might upset someone. You are human too and you are valid. ❤
Thank you, Jessica. This was something I really needed to hear. I've recently been diagnosed with ADHD, thanks in part to this channel, which somebody pointed me toward when I was coming to the realization that I might not be as neurotypical as I'd always believed. Like, I always knew I thought differently than most people, but I didn't realize just how much it was affecting my life. More importantly, it was something for which I could get help. Watching this channel was a part of what encouraged me to seek out a diagnosis. I've been on medication for several months now, and it's helped a lot.
A couple of months ago, my almost three-year-old son was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes. We're doing okay, and have it under control, but it can be really hard. I have to manage his insulin, monitor what he eats, and deal with his medical team and insurance and so many other things. It's so tiring. And knowing my child's life literally depends on my executive function is...well, terrifying to say the least.
I've noticed my symptoms getting worse. My husband has even questioned (kindly) if I'd taken my medication, it's been so bad. I just thought it was due to exhaustion. And that's still probably a big part of it.
But it never really occurred to me that it could be grief.
My son will be dependent on insulin for the rest of his life. And yes, with proper management and care, it will be a full and happy one, but much like ADHD, even a properly managed disorder is still a disorder.
Heaven help this poor child if he's inherited my brain -.- (which I strongly suspect he has, because in personality and temperament he's a little mini me; but at his age it's hard to distinguish symptoms from typical developmental milestones)
Anyway. Thank you for being so open and honest. It's given me much-needed insight into what's going on in my own head.
Always remember:
You are beautiful 💖
You are loved ❤ (even if your parents have passed, they still love you and you have friends and other people in your life who love you)
You are valid 💕
You are worthy and deserving of everything positive you have 🥰
You are brave 🦁
You are strong 💪
You matter 🌠
You deserve self-care 😊
And that goes for ANYONE and EVERYONE reading this!!!
Stay hydrated, try to get good sleep (I know it's hard sometimes), and always take yourself and your needs seriously.
(I just thought some positivity was needed for Jessica and everyone watching, these are hard times for everyone and sometimes we need reminders)
I love this! Thank you :)
Thank You ☺️
I have literally never had a comment get this many likes or replies as far as I can remember. You're welcome, but also thank you! I've been going through a rough patch in life, and this kind of comments were on some of the lofi music videos I was watching to help cheer me up, and I thought I should share more of that, and every time I reread my own comment I'm almost brought to tears (not to be self-centered, just because it's a message I need too)
@@adorablycutekitten5291 because you need to hear it as much as everyone who's"not you", and also thank you for posting them!
During my recent painful divorce, my parents suddenly split and divorced as well.
I couldn’t imagine losing a parent, however, I experienced everything you described in this video and I cried with you. I cannot thank you enough for your help.
I have severe anxiety and also mild depression, also maybe undiagnosed ADHD and I would love a service dog one day...glad you have Chloe during this hard time. I am so sorry for your loss, I can't imagine suddenly losing a parent like that. Your mom would want you to do whatever is necessary to cope. Much love to you both!
Energy is never destroyed. Love is energy. Your mom still loves you.
I think feeling like we should be able to do something without extra help it is a huge trait from ADHD. I always feel like I shouldn't need this or I shouldn't need that. in my counselor said why is that a rule? Like why do I put those guidelines up for myself. why am I more gracious to other people than I am to myself.
Wow Crystal, I can so relate. Some part of me has felt the need to say..."I can do it myself". And then wondering why I feel nobody cares?? 🤔
I lost my dad 4 years ago to skin cancer and on the first anniversary of his death I got a puppy impulsively. She is now one of the most amazing service dogs I could ever ask for, and I know my dad would be proud of me. He'd be proud of what I've accomplished. When I clicked the video I wasn't expecting adhd, grief and a service dog 💜💜
When you feel vulnerable and someone hears and understands you, it feels like a big weight has been lifted off of your shoulders and you feel valued and acknowledged. It is like someone says to you :” I see you.” I feel that is what your doctor’s action did to you. You matter, you are protected, and you have the right to feel how you feel.
Thank you for doing all you have been doing for adhd. I think I have it and never knew. I appreciate you. We appreciate you. Take your time to heal. We love you 😍
After 3 decades of battling anxiety and depression, I was very recently diagnosed with ADHD. Everything that I was struggling with for all these years suddenly made perfect sense. In the short week since I found your videos, I have made huge progress with my understanding of ADHD. Now I am so excited to be able to have the words and understanding of how it affects me. My therapist and I are now working together to find solutions for the symptoms I experience. Thank you, so much, for dedicating your time to this project. With all that you are going through, I want to give you permission to prioritize yourself first. We will all still be here when you return. In the mean time, your videos will still be doing amazing things for people! If you need to lean on us, please do so. I can’t be the only one that would love to give back to someone that has given so much. You will make it through this. I wish I could give you a hug. Thank you for everything. -Phillip
I lost my dad two years ago and this video not only has me in tears but the first rule is something I still need to remind myself of. Thank you so much for sharing. ❤️❤️
I am really sorry for your loss. She’ll still be looking after you and watching over you. Watching you in pain is really saddening but your courage and determination to deal with this your way AND share the same coping mechanisms with the world is so incredibly powerful. Thank you.
PS - We’re all here with you. You might not know us but your journey is important to us. ❤️
My best friend needed this soo much...Thank you for making this video.
This vlog series is a gift to the adhd community, honest representative validating, it makes us feel not alone, it lets us find our normal and leave our shame, thank you
So sorry for your loss...
These last two video’s have been so hard for me to watch. I lost my mother almost 2 years ago, also sudden for me, but we “still” had a half year from when her fight started.
These rules for grief even help me remind after this time. Apparently it’s taking me a lot longer than I thought it could... My brain still does not feel “normal” (read: like before).
Hugs to you, I hope Cloe can help you! She already looks like she knows how to do her job ;)
I had 10 years with my dad. About 3 years after knowing he wouldn't get better. Having that time was helpful for me. I got to say goodbye. I couldn't when my sister died at the scene of a crash. It helped but it's not less painful to get that extra time! 10 years later I'm don't feel "normal" again. Probably won't because my life changed.
I get what you mean. It's been 5 years my Mom is gone now, and my brain is a big mess.
Mood. I lost my mother last year...I don't think I've quite stopped crying since haha...ha. My ADHD just has me feeling so much guilt and I don't even know how to begin forgiving myself yet... But this video and everyone in the community... For the first time in my life I can see people expressing things in a way I understand. I didn't know it was important to share grief like this...? I'm so grateful to everyone here and I wish I could hug you all...you deserve the world.
Are you me? I lost my mom to ALS about 8 months after her diagnosis, 2 years ago. I miss her and I miss having a mother's love, but I've been crying less and finding peace with it. Time does heal, but everyone heals at a different rate of time. ❤️
I just posted a bit of my own story... Almost 14 years since my brother, who is 17 months older than me, died very unexpectedly. I've experienced other losses of family members and my brother's death continues to stand out as a benchmark of sorts for me. I sort of think of my life now in 3 parts...before he died, after he died, and after he died and I had my first go round with therapy. I find a lot of truth in the knowledge that the pain probably won't ever go away, however, it has changed over time; rather than a wound that keeps being reopened, it becomes a scar. I still have a very conscious awareness yet the pain shifts to be a bit less acute and I can recall the less painful times in the "before" time with gladness. I have a scar on my lip I got when he and I were kids and sledding down the steep driveway next to our barn. He thought I was going to slide under the electric fence and go into the horse pasture...he stopped me with a metal disc sled he held like a shield, and I slammed my face into it as I was face-first and prone. 🤦♀️ The scar reminds me of how much that hurt and how much he freaked out that he practically carried me to the house, and also how we laughed about it as teenagers and adults when sharing stories. Not sure if that analogy makes sense...
As someone who has lost both of my parents as well. This hits so close to home. The 3 rules are wonderful tips and I wish someone had told them to me when I was going through the thick of it. Sending you lots of love and I’m grateful you shared this! ❤
I´m so sorry for your loss. I´m also thankful that you shared this, When my ADHD went totally out of hand during hard times I honestly thought I had lost my mins. I was a functional invalid, and thanks to you I realize it was normal.
My cousin passed away 3 days ago and I saw your video was posted 3 days ago. my cousin’s name was chloe and your dogs name is chloe and I seriously thought you were making this video about my cousin, but I had no idea who you were and now I know this video was just sent to me from God because I needed to see it. Thank you.
I'm so so sorry for your loss. I lost someone close to me recently, and my grandpa has cancer, and I feel so guilty and it's hard to deal. Please be kind to yourself and remember that we love you!!❤️
I am so sorry for your loss! Thank you for sharing these tips to help those going through grief. You are still your mother and father's daughter. And you are the daughter of a King. I don't know your faith, and I don't need to, from my perspective I know that God is your father in heaven who will always be there for you. I pray that you will feel God's comfort during your grief. Your mom sounds like a great woman.
I cried. Tears of sadness, of joy and also tears of seeing myself "seen" through your experience.
We have a Beagle, who is rescued and is anxious as we are in the house, and she has been a lifesaver in my time of need, without training. I need to remind myself the same way you were that "we do need the support, no matter if we're high functioning" and just embrace it.
I thank you for opening up to us in this vulnerable time. I thank you and value your honesty. I pray that this huge pain eventually becomes a warm blanket of memories for you and the people she helped throughout her journey.
I'm sorry jessica, may her memory be a blessing.
Those moments when you want to like an amazingly good video but the subject is soo horrible you don’t wanna like it 😢
I think one thing that ADHD does to us through the time, is making us feel like we don't deserve to suffer the way we do. It destroys our self esteem. I think you're an amazing person, and not only you DO deserve everything needed to make you feel better, but you do so so so so much for others, nobody should ever make you feel like what you feel and go through is not important enough. Thank you Jessica, seriously, I wish you could feel what we feel about you, and I wish you would never feel like others' needs are more important than yours. I always feel the same as you do, and writing this makes me a bit of a hypocrite, but what I'm saying is sincere, take care ❤️
From my experiences with grief, loss, and ADHD. It is the most difficult. I am sending
My father died last week as well and your video helped me a lot. I truly need to forgive myself for the things I didn't do. Thank you, Jessica.