Back to Boundary Basics - Terri Cole
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- Опубліковано 25 вер 2024
- Do you struggle to assert your boundaries or feel confused about what boundaries you might be lacking?
In this week’s episode, we are going back to boundary basics, so you can gain clarity on the actual state of your boundary skills.
I’m breaking down different types of boundaries, how to identify boundary violations PLUS giving you some tips and scripts so you will have the words you need to assert healthy boundaries!
Read more here: www.terricole....
Discover your boundary style by taking the quiz here: boundaryquiz.com/
ABOUT TERRI COLE
Terri Cole is a licensed psychotherapist and global leading expert in female empowerment. For two decades, Terri has worked with some of the world’s most well-known personalities from international pop stars to Fortune 500 CEOs. Terri has a gift for making complex psychological concepts accessible, and then actionable so that clients and students achieve sustainable change i.e. true transformation. She empowers over 250,000 people weekly through her blog, social media platform, signature courses, Real Love Revolution and Boundary Bootcamp + her popular podcast, The Terri Cole Show. She is also the author of Boundary Boss-The Essential Guide to Talk True, Be Seen and (Finally) Live Free (April 2021)
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I really need this information. I grew up in a dysfunctional family where I never got to set boundaries. I am learning this VERY late in life at age 78.
I'm so glad this resonated for you, Valerie! And some people never learn boundaries - better to learn them now to improve your life than to never learn!
I love your calming voice. I feel like everything is going to be alright.
When I learned about boundaries it was like gaining a super power.
Do not allow people to be comfortable disrespecting you.
Absolutely!
Yesterday I came across the interview with Marie Forleo and I loved it so I subscribed to your chanel and just bought your book. This is exactly what I need now...I'm 54 but better late than never.
☀️ I have been enjoying the book too!!
I love it when people break down really complex things into clear actionable steps. You did this so well. This is one of the things I find really difficult and genuinely feel empowered to start applying this to my life. I am so glad I came across you and will be buying the book 🤩
Hi Terri, I am so greatful that I found you ,your channel and your book. It is more helpfull than everything I tried.....even therapy. I am 57 years old and did not know anything other than abuse. I am codependent and raised by a narcissistic mother and married with a narcissistic husband for 27 years. Both covert. I was so in pain and felt owerwhelmed my whole life. With your book by doing the exercises and I had so many eyeopenings I first felt really joyfull in my life.I have more energy and less pain.I gained hope. Thank you with the bottom of my heart. God bless you. Sending love from Italy ♥
Thank you so much for being here, Claudia ❤ I'm happy to hear that the book and exercises are helping you on your journey!
@@terri_cole ♥
Love your calming voice, you always have a great message.
Thank you so much! And thank you for listening 🥰
I was actually raised in an environment where not only did bounderies not exist, I was teased and bullied if they were meantioned but I was also taught to violate others and taught that it's funny. No, I don't do those things now. Alot of things had to be undone. But now I don't have a relationship with some family.
Such an important issue!
Agreed!
LOVE YOUR VIDEOS!!!!! Would love to have you on our radio show
I'm glad you're enjoying it Rachele! What's your radio show called?
I was raised in a family system, with narc father. Then mother developed schizofrenia, when I was about 10 years old, which led to me doing a lot the the housework, she used to do (ironing, cleaning the bathroom, vaccuming the whole house, etc. = womens work). Once my brother and I actually got punished (no TV for 2 weeks) for not watering the house plants when mom was in psych- hospital for 10 days. No one had ever given us that house chore or taught us how to do it and we got punished for not doing it. I am now over 40. I see that during much of my adult life I do things that need to be done no matter if it is my responsibility or not - talk about broken boundries. My narc father even now acts like many of his responsibilities are mine..... Talk about dysfunctional and manipulative!
Yup. Say "nope. It's your responsibility dad." Good luck!🦋🦋🦋
I’m a recent widow, which has changed my perception of life, relationships, and so much more. I love what you have to say. I moved around a lot, so had a very dysfunctional family. And going to get book ASAP.
Very helpful! Thank you!
Glad it was helpful!
Thankfully I do NOT have any problems with boundaries and never had. I think it's because I have good self esteem. People who don't have good self esteem AND are lacking self awareness are the ones who have problem setting boundaries. Not me!!
I'm so glad I discovered you. I love that your messages are simple, direct, and kind with a dash of humor. And I love your book!
Thank you! I'm so happy you're here 🥰
Thanks for providing this very helpful and necessary information 👍
Glad it was helpful!
I really appreciate these talks and podcasts. I feel I am surrounded by people without boundaries and guidance around how to respond to those people is crucial.
I absolutely feel that, Karen ❤️ Thank you for being here!
Ordered the book today. Just did the free quiz as well. "Push Over" + 3 others(out of 6). Gosh! Going to FB - RLR as well. Thankyou.
Your videos are so helpful, and I love your homely background too, it makes it feel like we are having a chat with a good friend 😊
Thank you for all you do 💜
I'm so glad it resonated for you 🥰 thank you for sharing and for being here!
Hi Terri. I like to watch/listen to your videos (and videos from others on youtube) when I cook, so in the kitchen, however many of your videos are difficult to hear even when I max out the speakers and the volume of youtube. Please, I would like to request, could you, would you please record the videos a bit louder, so that it is possible to listen to them in other scenarios that just sitting in a quiet room....
Congratulations on your new book!
Thank you so much 😀
☀️ So enjoying the book 📖
So great Terri. I bought your book and IT is so great. So many things to learn. Wish I had this book twenty years ago. Sometimes I struggle to understand Some words and Phrases (I'm german). But it's worthwhile Looking It up. Such an important content! Very very Good. Thanks a lot! Keep up the Good work
Hi Terri, I ordered my book on Amazon. Is there a way that I can get access to these additional scripts despite not pre-ordering?
Thank you for the video I really needed it. God bless you 🙏❤
Glad it was helpful!
How can I tell if a boundary is just being emotionally unavailable? What is the difference between boundaries and stonewalling? Is there even a right answer to these questions?
Also, as someone who has been accused of not respecting boundaries, any insight into what’s happening with me that I sometimes don’t see them as “valid”? Why do I have a hard time respecting boundaries that I perceive as stonewalling but the other person doesn’t? What’s goin on here?
I know you typically help people set boundaries but do you help people learn to respect them? Also are there even any “problematic” boundaries ?
Thanks so much Terri!
Hi PeaceCraftin, these are good questions, so thank you for asking.
I have a whole vid on accepting and respecting the boundaries of others here: ua-cam.com/video/wC0cWfXPNlM/v-deo.html
I also have a short vid on setting healthy boundaries vs. being a jerk: ua-cam.com/video/FjndZdaawnc/v-deo.html
If you still have questions, feel free to drop them in the comments ❤
Just discovered your channel...thanks so much for your advice 🎄💚
Thanks for watching!
I REALLY NEED YOUR HELP! My MIL is a covert passive agressive NARC And since I put boundaries in place for her not to be alone with my son anymore she has been trying to get her revenge on me every chance she gets to be with my son at family gathering She makes me sick physically by feeding him some thing she knows we'll make him sick i dont know what to do about her
Thank you so much.🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻✨
You are so welcome 🥰❤️
The shoes thing I struggle with, what if someone has the excuse that they HAVE to wear their shoes because they have bad feet?
If they are a regular visitor tell them they need to bring indoor shoes, or you can buy shoe covers that look like disposable shower hats they just put over their shoes! They will look so daft next time I bet they take their shoes off! Don’t I sound like the boundary queen?! 👑😂🙈. I was just thinking why is it so easy to tell others how to set boundaries but so hard to do it ourselves?! It’s not because we don’t know what we’d like to happen, I think it’s because we either don’t have the language or we are simply scared to set boundaries, as we got punished if we tried too before! 🙈
Thank you !
You're welcome!
If you have experience with it, would you be able to do a video about when people try to use "boundaries", or at least the term "boundary", as a manipulative tactic? As this is something I've seen that can be dangerous, especially against those who have weak boundaries themselves - the other person can be made to feel guilty to further loosen their boundaries out of "respect to that person's 'boundaries'".
So as an example, & my guess is this is likely at least partially due to not fully understanding the concept of boundaries themselves, someone does something they don't like, & they choose not to talk to that person, ever expressing that, but instead take certain actions to try to manipulate that person to stop doing that thing they don't like, not by putting distance, which is generally what someone would do if someone genuinely felt their boundaries were being violated, but rather they don't believe in putting distance because they want to keep that relationship, & they instead believe boundaries are made for the purpose of controlling the other person's actions to avoid things they don't like. So they'll withhold certain information, or evade, or shift blame on the other person, or overall get defensive, etc, & then when they are addressed about the problem, they respond with saying that they are "enforcing a boundary", even though they never made a "boundary" known to begin with. Hopefully that explanation makes sense.
Which also leads me to asking if you had any videos on defensive behavior? & if not, if it was possible to do a video on that topic? Thank you!
I would like to add sexual consent can be extracted from you even against your wishes, through coercion. That's not ok. I did your Boundary Boss book Terri, with all the exercises. Thank you! I am using the tools learned in my daily life. : )
I have let my controlling parents break my boundaries over and over again! I let them belittle me in front of family! I let them tell me what I can and can't do with my life! When I can and can't talk 😤 it hurts soo bad!
I'm holding space for you with SO much compassion ❤️ Keep working on your boundaries and they will work for you
thankyou 🙏🌹❤
You’re welcome 😊