I was scapegoated for 31 years. Cut them all ...I repeat CUT THEM ALL out of my life. Narcissistic vampires on both sides of my family. How I did NOT turn into one of them is a MIRACLE!!! I felt like a Newborn when it was finally over. lol. Huge Gorillas off my back
I just walked away from all my siblings about a week ago (something I have wanted to do as long as I can remember, but never had the balls) and I was expecting it to be incredibly painful and likely lead me into depression. Instead, what I have found is I feel lighter, freer & happier! I feel giddy for the first time in a long time. I know it's early and that could still happen, but right now, I actually feel better than I ever have & think this is an important thing for those considering it to read. Good luck everyone, remove toxic people no matter who they are...but remember too, to do all the self examination work, we also need to work on ourselves.
Guess what? Narcissists/sociopaths are CREATED from their childhood. They are the by-product of extreme abuse and neglect and also SPOILING a child will create them. Don't let anyone tell you they are born that way. They are NOT! Stop child abuse and they will disappear, but most times child abuse is ignored.
I was the scapegoat/ brother golden child because he’s a boy. I left at 18 and moved to a youth hostel and continued college at that time. I went low contact for 3 years and when I visited it was to see the dynamic of the family as narc mother would say when you leave this house I would be happier… Well when I visited my golden child brother was being shouted at, told to do chores (as I was Cinderella from 7-18) that he got told he does not have to do whilst I was living there. It’s like he took my place and the narc mother was being normal and nice to me. I went complete no contact from 21 but due to living in a single parent household with a enabler stepdad and no other family due to narc mother cutting ties with her family and growing up I wasn’t allowed a mobile phone until I left at 18. Once I left the abusive immediate family I have no one else. Narc mother would tell her partner’s family lies about me so they saw me as a problem child and they don’t know the real version of my narc mother as she puts on a nice act. I’ve been in the system ever since I’ve left (youth hostels, “supported shared housing”, temporary accommodations, b & b’s as I’ve got no home and no family. After college finished I’ve became a recluse and barely go out. Because I’m in the system if I work 40 hours or more than 16 hours a week my rent would increase and be unaffordable to live off. E.g I make £1000 take home pay my rent would be £800 a month… I’ve got stuck in the system and have developed social anxiety, chronic bloating and digestive issues. I’ve been on one date at 18 and feel like the narc mother won because she said she wanted to mess my life up and at 27 I’m still in another temporary hostel😭 I know I made the right choice but look where I am now and I’m not the confident adult I’m supposed to be now
Family is the hardest to deal with because of all the “baggage” and history that it comes with. The deleterious effects it has on the targeted individual are devastating and long-lasting, because the “ringleaders” (not “role models”) of the family try to keep you locked into your role as scapegoat, which works for them, but not for you. When I’m with family, the reflexive role-playing instantly begins; it’s a song and dance. There’s not a sincere, human exchange that takes place, ever, during these visits. You may have even changed, but they will make every effort to not see the new You. As an empath, I tend to relapse into people-pleasing and old patterns of behavior that don’t serve me, which is draining and annoying. Family get-togethers should be edifying and invigorating, not soul-sucking and exhausting!! I’m already bracing myself for an upcoming family event. Wish me luck!! Your videos are always imbued with so much wisdom. Your son sounds very cerebral. He must be at the head of his class. I wouldn’t worry about the social skills. Brainiacs will eventually catch up to their peers as they mature.
"When I’m with family, the role-playing instantly begins" This is my life, exactly. It feels like everyone is on their own, unless actively playing their role. In my case, I think I'll be allowed back into the female clique if I remain a follower and do as I'm told.
justlookalittledeeper k I hear you, girl! That is such a burden. Wait until they see the new version of You when you start saying “No.” Being a conformist and keeping our “head low” just to be accepted by the “herd” is the most self “uncaring” thing we can do. I look forward to the day when I can set my boundaries and enforce my standards. Also, what I’ve noticed, is when you aren’t “smiling” from ear to ear in full-on “people-pleaser” mode, the narcs can’t take it. They lose their minds when you can’t meet their unrealistic expectations.
@@breakthroughmoment1647 I'm getting a lot of insinuation that I'm the wayward one in the herd. And, I can also relate to the enforcement of happy, happy. ua-cam.com/video/Zlyzkw1we_g/v-deo.html
justlookalittledeeper k Sorry, I’m so late in responding. For some reason, your reply didn’t come up on my feed. Insinuation by me? If you thought I was implying that YOU were somehow awkward, or the “odd” one out, that was not my intention, or even what I thought. I meant that narcs/bullies pick on smart, gifted, intelligent people, whom they perceive as “weak” because we are often more sophisticated than they are and don’t subscribe to “herd” mentality. Marching to the beat of one’s own drum, makes them jealous and insecure and gets you excluded from the group for daring to be yourself (a friendly, nice person without ulterior motives). It’s the other way around, they are cultural klutzes. “Leveling” is a manipulation tactic narcissists use to inflate their own egos, hence putting others down, or making them feel uncomfortable in groups. The only thing empaths lack, are energetic boundaries. I was only suggesting that setting boundaries and saying “no,” would send a different message to your group. In case you might be interested, I read an interesting article about “leveling.” counsellingresource.com/features/2009/04/01/leveling-as-manipulation-tactic/ Also, thank you for the link. It’s very apropos! It encapsulates the essence of “ingratiating behavior.”
@@breakthroughmoment1647 No worries - I should have been clear that it's the narcissistic types in my family who do all the insinuation, as a subtle way of labeling me this or that. I guess they don't want to be called out by being direct. Glad you liked the link, and I will definitely check out that article.
Thank you for this insightful video, Jonathan!!👍👍Thank you for sharing the stories, too!! The truth of the matter is I haven't found the exit door. Once I get it, I will get out. How to really get out from this situation?? I need an answer. Thank you and God bless🙏🤞
Julia-- Please talk to our Eternal Father and Jesus about it. Tell them EVERYTHING and ask them to help you and give you guidance. Ask them to give you an intuition about everything that is going on and to help you with this and with your whole life in more ways than you could ever imagine. Don't forget to praise them and thank them, and read the book of life and love, which is our love letter from our Father, which is the Bible. When we pray we are talking to Abba Father, when we read the Bible he is talking to us. And our Father talks about these creatures that we have to deal with.
Thank you for the answer, Jonathan!! I have dealt with this all my life and I have been praying for this. However, God wants me to stay?! So, which one is right in this case?!
Julia Tamalo My advice is this: Ask yourself, “has what I’ve done my entire life worked out well for me? Do I think it WILL work for me without changing?” The way I see it, try new things. if it don’t work you can always try something else or go back to the way it has always been. I’ve never regretted peaceful but small holiday seasons, absent of people who do not have my well-being in mind. I miss them, I don’t like the fact it came to what it did, but I also didn’t care for the way it was either. If I have two shitty options, I’ll pick the more peaceful of the two, but that is just me and the way I make decisions.
@@narcissistectomy5134 Thank you, again for the answer and the insights, Jonathan!! 👍👍 I agree with the way you approach the issues. Hopefully, there will be a way out for me soon. Have a nice weekend and God bless🙏🤞
@@maryjoseph9419 Mary Joseph, thank you for the reply!! Sorry that I was mistaken your response to Jonathan's😰 Thank you so much for your time to give meaningful insights!! I really appreciate it👍👍 Hopefully, I can come up with a good decision soon😃💜💙
yeah i like to collect stuff and took care of my childhood possessions.. this guy is gonna be making videos like "why my kids won't talk to me and why it's not my fault" in a few years lol
I was scapegoated for 31 years. Cut them all ...I repeat CUT THEM ALL out of my life. Narcissistic vampires on both sides of my family. How I did NOT turn into one of them is a MIRACLE!!! I felt like a Newborn when it was finally over. lol. Huge Gorillas off my back
I just walked away from all my siblings about a week ago (something I have wanted to do as long as I can remember, but never had the balls) and I was expecting it to be incredibly painful and likely lead me into depression. Instead, what I have found is I feel lighter, freer & happier! I feel giddy for the first time in a long time. I know it's early and that could still happen, but right now, I actually feel better than I ever have & think this is an important thing for those considering it to read. Good luck everyone, remove toxic people no matter who they are...but remember too, to do all the self examination work, we also need to work on ourselves.
Extremely cruel when they drag children, even grown up children, into their twisted ways
Elaine Bines thank you for watching!
It is the MAIN reason why children have so many issues. THEIR PARENTS
Guess what? Narcissists/sociopaths are CREATED from their childhood. They are the by-product of extreme abuse and neglect and also SPOILING a child will create them. Don't let anyone tell you they are born that way. They are NOT! Stop child abuse and they will disappear, but most times child abuse is ignored.
I was the scapegoat/ brother golden child because he’s a boy. I left at 18 and moved to a youth hostel and continued college at that time. I went low contact for 3 years and when I visited it was to see the dynamic of the family as narc mother would say when you leave this house I would be happier… Well when I visited my golden child brother was being shouted at, told to do chores (as I was Cinderella from 7-18) that he got told he does not have to do whilst I was living there. It’s like he took my place and the narc mother was being normal and nice to me.
I went complete no contact from 21 but due to living in a single parent household with a enabler stepdad and no other family due to narc mother cutting ties with her family and growing up I wasn’t allowed a mobile phone until I left at 18. Once I left the abusive immediate family I have no one else. Narc mother would tell her partner’s family lies about me so they saw me as a problem child and they don’t know the real version of my narc mother as she puts on a nice act.
I’ve been in the system ever since I’ve left (youth hostels, “supported shared housing”, temporary accommodations, b & b’s as I’ve got no home and no family. After college finished I’ve became a recluse and barely go out. Because I’m in the system if I work 40 hours or more than 16 hours a week my rent would increase and be unaffordable to live off. E.g I make £1000 take home pay my rent would be £800 a month… I’ve got stuck in the system and have developed social anxiety, chronic bloating and digestive issues.
I’ve been on one date at 18 and feel like the narc mother won because she said she wanted to mess my life up and at 27 I’m still in another temporary hostel😭
I know I made the right choice but look where I am now and I’m not the confident adult I’m supposed to be now
Don't look back keep walking, hold onto to the Lord. My dad did the same with my brother and I.
Family is the hardest to deal with because of all the “baggage” and history that it comes with. The deleterious effects it has on the targeted individual are devastating and long-lasting, because the “ringleaders” (not “role models”) of the family try to keep you locked into your role as scapegoat, which works for them, but not for you. When I’m with family, the reflexive role-playing instantly begins; it’s a song and dance. There’s not a sincere, human exchange that takes place, ever, during these visits. You may have even changed, but they will make every effort to not see the new You. As an empath, I tend to relapse into people-pleasing and old patterns of behavior that don’t serve me, which is draining and annoying. Family get-togethers should be edifying and invigorating, not soul-sucking and exhausting!! I’m already bracing myself for an upcoming family event. Wish me luck!! Your videos are always imbued with so much wisdom. Your son sounds very cerebral. He must be at the head of his class. I wouldn’t worry about the social skills. Brainiacs will eventually catch up to their peers as they mature.
"When I’m with family, the role-playing instantly begins" This is my life, exactly. It feels like everyone is on their own, unless actively playing their role. In my case, I think I'll be allowed back into the female clique if I remain a follower and do as I'm told.
justlookalittledeeper k I hear you, girl! That is such a burden. Wait until they see the new version of You when you start saying “No.” Being a conformist and keeping our “head low” just to be accepted by the “herd” is the most self “uncaring” thing we can do. I look forward to the day when I can set my boundaries and enforce my standards. Also, what I’ve noticed, is when you aren’t “smiling” from ear to ear in full-on “people-pleaser” mode, the narcs can’t take it. They lose their minds when you can’t meet their unrealistic expectations.
@@breakthroughmoment1647 I'm getting a lot of insinuation that I'm the wayward one in the herd. And, I can also relate to the enforcement of happy, happy.
ua-cam.com/video/Zlyzkw1we_g/v-deo.html
justlookalittledeeper k Sorry, I’m so late in responding. For some reason, your reply didn’t come up on my feed. Insinuation by me? If you thought I was implying that YOU were somehow awkward, or the “odd” one out, that was not my intention, or even what I thought. I meant that narcs/bullies pick on smart, gifted, intelligent people, whom they perceive as “weak” because we are often more sophisticated than they are and don’t subscribe to “herd” mentality. Marching to the beat of one’s own drum, makes them jealous and insecure and gets you excluded from the group for daring to be yourself (a friendly, nice person without ulterior motives). It’s the other way around, they are cultural klutzes. “Leveling” is a manipulation tactic narcissists use to inflate their own egos, hence putting others down, or making them feel uncomfortable in groups. The only thing empaths lack, are energetic boundaries. I was only suggesting that setting boundaries and saying “no,” would send a different message to your group. In case you might be interested, I read an interesting article about “leveling.” counsellingresource.com/features/2009/04/01/leveling-as-manipulation-tactic/
Also, thank you for the link. It’s very apropos! It encapsulates the essence of “ingratiating behavior.”
@@breakthroughmoment1647 No worries - I should have been clear that it's the narcissistic types in my family who do all the insinuation, as a subtle way of labeling me this or that. I guess they don't want to be called out by being direct. Glad you liked the link, and I will definitely check out that article.
Dude you have such GREAT perception!💯💯
You are a great father! I wish there were more people like you in the world.
thank you!
Thank you for this insightful video, Jonathan!!👍👍Thank you for sharing the stories, too!! The truth of the matter is I haven't found the exit door. Once I get it, I will get out. How to really get out from this situation?? I need an answer. Thank you and God bless🙏🤞
Julia-- Please talk to our Eternal Father and Jesus about it. Tell them EVERYTHING and ask them to help you and give you guidance.
Ask them to give you an intuition about everything that is going on and to help you with this and with your whole life in more ways than you could ever imagine.
Don't forget to praise them and thank them, and read the book of life and love, which is our love letter from our Father, which is the Bible.
When we pray we are talking to Abba Father, when we read the Bible he is talking to us.
And our Father talks about these creatures that we have to deal with.
Thank you for the answer, Jonathan!! I have dealt with this all my life and I have been praying for this. However, God wants me to stay?! So, which one is right in this case?!
Julia Tamalo My advice is this: Ask yourself, “has what I’ve done my entire life worked out well for me? Do I think it WILL work for me without changing?”
The way I see it, try new things. if it don’t work you can always try something else or go back to the way it has always been.
I’ve never regretted peaceful but small holiday seasons, absent of people who do not have my well-being in mind. I miss them, I don’t like the fact it came to what it did, but I also didn’t care for the way it was either.
If I have two shitty options, I’ll pick the more peaceful of the two, but that is just me and the way I make decisions.
@@narcissistectomy5134 Thank you, again for the answer and the insights, Jonathan!! 👍👍 I agree with the way you approach the issues. Hopefully, there will be a way out for me soon. Have a nice weekend and God bless🙏🤞
@@maryjoseph9419 Mary Joseph, thank you for the reply!! Sorry that I was mistaken your response to Jonathan's😰 Thank you so much for your time to give meaningful insights!! I really appreciate it👍👍 Hopefully, I can come up with a good decision soon😃💜💙
Thank you helpful and informative
You cant do that woth your son.... boundaries are important too you know
yeah i like to collect stuff and took care of my childhood possessions.. this guy is gonna be making videos like "why my kids won't talk to me and why it's not my fault" in a few years lol