Narcissistic fathers can be very envious and jealous of their child. They compare themselves to the child and rather than wanting the best for them like a normal parent, they want the worst. Sometimes it may seem as though they are doing something in the child's best interest, but it is only for their false image. Narcissistic fathers do not care about their children, they only care about supply.
I’ve seen this many times 😢 when their child excels at something the narcissist approves because it makes them look good but they also resent their child and causes them to pick on them and put them down. It is so confusing for the child because they worked so hard for their parents love and approval and the more successful the child is the more the narcissistic parent resents them.
The damage that a Narcissistic father does is huge, but if you manage to put it into perspective, you are a winner. Remember to break that damaging cycle!
John Bobb I find “no contact “ so incredibly difficult as I still love family dearly and I think that each day is a day out of our precious lives. We are on this earth for such a short time. It’s such a damaging condition and I feel sorry for the Narcissist, as damaging as they are, because many seem to live in such an unhappy and twisted world and spend a lot of time premeditating their cruelty and spite. If they could get help, the damage could be stopped or at least curtailed. I haven’t succeeded yet- no amount of kindness nor love. I think I’ve had to change my expectations, but not my values!
Black Weirdo No but I look back at their lives and possible causes and try and realise the reasons. I change my expectations and am learning to set boundaries.
My Dad is a narcissists..I still called him to say happy fathers day and that I love him... He did great taking care of me from a medical standpoint (I was a premature baby) and coaching me in every sport... But was verbally, mentally, emotionally and physically abusive to me when I didn't do as he wanted... I always said it would be easier if he was just evil the whole time it wouldn't be as confusing...
You expressed it so well. I have the same problem. A father who is taking care in so many various ways yet so narcissistic, insensitive, self-centered and emotionally abusive. Adding to that my father is old and ailing. I am so torn between taking care of myself and taking care of him. I feel so many feelings - anger, guilt, sadness, fear, confusion. I feel myself second , third guessing myself for every tiny decision. How do I love myself and love him at the same time?
Most of them do.. especially the over protective ones & I h8 it
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Right! My father would put me down but uplift my other siblings and cousins! Then he had the nerves to try to tell me off! I ignored him because I can’t take him seriously, and I will never take him seriously.
Thank god for that! My ex covert narc’s Dad is also a narc, whereas his Mum is a codependent. She is very kind and caring, shame his son didn’t take after her.
Why dont you rather teach woman who had narsistic father's how to deal and heal from it and what to watch out for before telling them thy will marry a narcissist husband?
@@Belinda. both of my sisters married narcissists, including myself. When I was going through my divorce one sister was already divorced from her very vicious ex narc. That was ten years ago. My other sister just recently divorced her narcissist (20 year marriage). She has the family support and still she was sucked in very badly. She is the reason I watch these videos on the regular. I have had friends seduced as well and was there to show them to pay close attention to red flags and all the signs of narcissistic behavior.
I broke off all contact with my father the last two years of his life. When my sister called to say he was near death, I said I would only go back after he died. I was actually happy at his funeral. Some of my friends said I would regret cutting him off. It has now been >10 years since he died. I still have no regrets. I am happy he is dead.
When my father dies I will not organize a funeral for him. If someone else does I will not attend. I have no doubts about this. I will not cover up the truth of what kind of person he was.
I wish my dad dies too ! Im extremly tired of the damage he caused me and my mom , i do feel you and i know how people keep saying that they are our fathers and we should be nice to them .. well they cant understand the severe pain unless they go through the same thing . Well sweetheart enjoy your life and make sure you live in the best possible way
George H I feel you on this. Mine assumed room temperature about 9 years ago and I haven’t mossed him for a minute. I hope that you have a peaceful life now.
George... I completely can relate😔 My narcissistic Dad died in January, prior to that I hadn't talk to him for over 2 years. He had a son( the child he always wanted. He never wanted me) He absolutely adored my baby brother. When he died, I was more angry. I never felt bad for cutting him off , I was mad because he treated me like a stranger. I was happy that I was free from that side of my family. They treated me very bad. At 37 years old, I have deep Daddy issues😔 And now my daughter is going through the exact same thing with her Dad. Smh. I hate Father's Day. But , shout out to the good Dads.....
I'm going to celebrate father's day by commemorating the beautiful two years of no contact that have been the most growth oriented two years of my life.
That's great! Happy for you! My first no contact Father's Day - feels good not to send the obligatory card or make the obligatory phone call - I don't remember when it started but as some point doing those things just felt like a lie.
@@user-rc2qh4bc5d - Same here (no contact for 6 years now). Ugh, those obligatory cards/calls. The pit in my stomach. The self loathing for being so phony. Then the guilt (that was drilled into me from early childhood) of never being enough, can't do enough, etc. Finally starting to heal. Hope you are too.
I was always more academically advanced than my brother at a young age... my dad basically treated me like his son... so... lucky me? Yeah not really lol. But I so far have avoided this narcisstic partner thing.
I wrote this lyric back in 2018 after I had recovered from a lifetime of feeling not good enough: I spent my teenage years trying to prove my dad wrong I spent my 20's trying to prove myself right I've spent the last few years trying to learn to stop proving myself I'll spend the rest of my life enjoying that I have nothing to prove Thanks for the informative videos as always, Dr. Ramani.
My husband was an involved parent when my daughter was young. When she became old enough to call him on his inconsistent behavior and question his lies, it was then that he became invalidating and hurtful. He went from adoring his daughter to shaming her. She has been in therapy for over a year and I've discovered how much damage was caused by her witnessing the maltreatment towards me. Its easy for a narcissist to be a happy parent when their child behaves in a way that supports their false image.
Hi!! Im curious as to if you had to go through any prior relationships that weren't as invalidating, since I'm going through this stage and im not too sure if I could actually find a healthy relationship
I ate lovely food on fathers day! Since I’m the one who parented myself, figured I should celebrate and love myself on this day, and be grateful and acknowledge this
I'm an only child of 2 narcissistic parents. For most of my life, I felt really alone because there wasn't anyone to turn to for help. They both created this lie surrounding me as a child saying I was a bad kid, but never took responsibility for how they shaped me; did they forget that they were the ones who raised the "bad" kid?! That lie turned both sides of my family against me, as a child, and no one even thought to look at the truth, that they were blaming a child for their projections of blame, shame and guilt, among other things. Now I celebrate all holidays with the peace and comfort of knowing it wasn't my fault, and I have now chosen the life I want, instead of the life I was programmed for, and I'm incredibly proud of that.
Feel no guilt or shame as a child they controlled your world. I get it all the family say you will never amount to anything. This excuses them from reaching out and guiding you on the correct path. Its like they cast a spell so no one in the family cares about you. I was told a Leppard never changes its spots too
I suffered PTSD because my father. He used to force me and siblings join his family 'time'. I can no longer join any meeting because the trauma haunt me. The tables turn, anger spoke, throw phones, broken tv. I remember clearly the scene. Sending my love to those who suffered the same trauma as me 🌼
My dad was the exact same. He called those times 'Sunday Family Meetings'. They started during breakfast and everyone was stuck there until early evening.
since i’m still underage and living with my father we’re celebrating. because he provides food and shelter and all that he thinks that he’s the perfect dad. but he has no idea that he’s traumatized me over and over :( edit: thank you everyone for the well wishes!! i’ll be going to college this time next year so hopefully things will work out
You have the advantage because you know how he is and you can block the damage he intentionally or unintentionally tries to do. Know that none of his behavior is your fault! I know it hurts but you have the upper hand because you know who and what your dad is. Do not internalize your fathers behavior! Learn and grow from the experience and be the best version of yourself! When you get older get therapy for yourself if you can. A therapist will help you work through the trauma and help you to see that none of it is your fault! 💕 Rise above, you can do it!
My dad, same way. Excellent provider. Deeply cruel. And that was when I was the "golden child." The golden child, however, becomes someone the narcissistic father has to destroy, once an adult. So I've been scapegoated and have suffered gaslighting my entire adult life. I finally ended my relationship with my entire family after Xmas last year. The only one who truly understands is an in-law who experienced what I did and was astounded by how twisted my "family" of origin truly was. I'm so grateful they are no longer able to hoover and repeat the cycle. Dr. Ramani's youtube content has been transformative, for me. And yes: one narcissistic, cruel boyfriend after another.
Ana sometimes they dont know any better.....they have not tools...perhaps he is doing what was done to him....maybe tell him what is bothering u ....he may try to change...if u feel he cares it may be possible..hug
The best narcissistic father can make recognised appologies for their shortcomings.. even though they might not be able to make any further amends by changing their ways.
It’s so overwhelming learning that my father is a narcissist. It makes my childhood and my adult relationship with my father make so much sense. I feel like I’m starting to mourn the image of the father I thought I had by focusing on those golden moments and ignoring the verbal abuse. I am watching myself try to justify him and convince myself that it wasn’t as bad as I think and I’m overreacting.
My dear, my dad is like that and after series of therapy and failed relationships and trying to convince him to see how his behaviour affects us, I've finally given up as he will never change and find excuses or blame everyone else. Seek peace and let go dear.
I just want to say, it's not your fault. It's only normal that you would want to give your family the benefit of the doubt. Still, you didn't deserve what happened to you.
I think my turning point was when male friends of mine started families as we all got older. The differences in their behaviour towards their children compared to my experiences are like night and day. It is and continues to be eye-opening.
That has been my experience too. When I was married, or when I spent any time with other families, I realized I was robbed of a loving childhood that built me up, rather than tore me apart from narcissistic abuse.
To everyone who has replied; I'm so sorry that you went through the things you did. Whether you were child or adult you do not deserve to be treated badly. When my parents divorced (after his infidelity) my Mum said that the best revenge is living well. I hope you guys are living well without contact and remember, none of it was our fault. We were just conned into believing it was by a man with mental illness and a lack of compassion.
@John Narayan True..they NEVER accept responsibility...most loving fathers will let their children win at something in childhood so they can win at life...not narc dads though... sometimes I feel cheated that me being the least favoured child did his burial and last rites... and I'm not even the eldest. Whatever decision you make tell yourself it was the best decision at that point in time of your growth.
This was painful but educational to watch. I suffer from Dissociative Identity Disorder, Anxiety and Depression. I send lots of love to anyone who went through all this ❤
I’m a 47 year old man that continues to suffer from a narcissistic Father. I have tried so hard to keep the peace with in my family. I am always trying to make things work in my family. I find that I’m always forgiving him. He recently had a major operation and I thought this could be an opportunity to change. God I was so wrong. I went to check in with my Dad and he started “ do you remember this you cost me $200 “ and then went on to say “ do you remember the work you did down the the road, that was no good either” I knew at this stage it was time for me too leave. The next few days are always difficult I have been sick suffering from a migraine and major stomach issues. I have made the decision to stay away from him and focus on my own family. I’m the the father of a 6 year old girl. She is a blessing to us. I don’t take this decision lightly to stay away but I owe it to my wife and daughter ❤❤ I’m tired of being told that I’m not good enough by him
Grew up with a narcissistic father, I’m 20 now and I just now realized who he really is. He provided on material level, but he was never there as a father. Never came to any athletic events, graduations, dosent remember birthdays but gets offended if I don’t say anything to him on his birthday. Conversations almost always revolve around him, if he starts a conversation asking about you, he has a hidden agenda. I grew up watching him rage thinking he was just an aggressive person and that the only way to maintain peace was to just agree. This caused me to develop symptoms of anxiety early on that I didn’t even recognize as anxiety until a few months ago. He tells me he loves me but lately it seems like it’s only when I’m doing what he perceives as right. Sometimes I question if maybe I’m overthinking things and he’s just high on the narcissism scale but not full blown NPD. He is obviously depressed and unhappy with anything, and often times try’s venting to me, at first I was glad he talking to me, but things got dark and he was telling me stories with small details changed in attempt to manipulate me. I want to help him and will always love him because he is my father but I don’t know what to do anymore
You will know what to do when the sh*t finally hits the fan and you've emotionally had enough because if he's telling lies when you're duped into thinking you're having a meaningful much yearned-for parent/child conversation, it's hard to imagine when he will be totally honest with you. Some people just can't give genuine love because of their own past. Why not ask him straight out, "What's the worst thing you've ever suffered in your life?" because some men hold in childhood sexual abuse and haven't had counselling, thinking that no-one would want to know about it anyway after so much time has passed...and the damage is rotting inside them for years...women too. This may not be the case but it's the realest short conversation you're going to have to get some straightforward reply out of him one way or the other, and he may even tell you what it was if it wasn't that, but something else troubling him deep inside. As long as you feel safe asking, if he's not the type to kick off in a rage, what do you have to lose? I often think this could be the issue with men (and women) who aren't very nice with their children, because of what I went through after rape by a so-called 'trusted' person at age 19/20 and the incident locked away in my brain for years, causing untold anguish, suffering and suicidal depression and fear of everything and hypervigilant until something triggered the memory. You will only take so much but as always, for all of us....it ain't over til it's over . Sending hope, positivity and strength to you with big hugs 😔🙏🏽💓🌈
Narcissistic dad, and every major relationship in my life has been with narcissist men. It took me 47 years to realize this negative pattern. And now, I keep finding these men, even though I'm aware. So I'm not in any relationship. But I'm happy in my life without the drama.
Years ago I once tried writing a love song, and I'm no lyricist, but all I could muster after an hour was something along the lines of "Why do I always keep falling in love with tortured souls....is it because I'm one too..." and it all makes sense now. I've been single for most of my life. I just can't tolerate any more wasting yeeeaaaarrrrs of literally wasting my precious time and energy on more narcissists when I can easily manage without them. The energies are all off between me and the other person and I always lose out. Saying this though...the relationships don't last long because I just feel that it's at a dead end before I literally end it cos there's only so much one-sided compromising and sobbing alone one can tolerate. When I'm single I have so much clarity, confidence, dynamism, creativity, and all the things which come to us very easily when we're not being narc'ed out to the hilt. Keep on going 🙂💖🌈
I think my ex is a younger version of my dad they both Virgos their birthdays are 3 days of each other and not to mention I think my dad has narc tendencies which got worse now he’s older and my ex saw it when he was around and it’s like he became jus like him or we he always a narc as well idk and don’t wanna find out I left his ass no contact 3 days and it feels good
My dad babied me and spoiled me to the core he woulda did anything for me and still do the tendencies are what really hurt and for my ex to see it and act the same way is jus evil
Thank you. Father’s Day is a difficult one for me. Mine is selfish with narcissistic traits. Glad I live far away with very minimal contact. LEARN TO BREAK THE CYCLE
My father is a narcissist. Him and I don’t get along at all. I hate this day because I usually don’t get anything for him anymore because of all his mistakes he made and all these tactics that he uses on me. It is so painful and triggering to me.
@@craig3714 oh been there done that, I don't have any traceable social media, but my dad and my brother will still go on Zillow to peep my apartment and complain about how bad I am with money and spending on rent. My dad actually threatened to spy on me to see if I was really living alone. i have set very strong boundaries, the only contact is by email and I will send cards for holidays which both my parents complain about the wording, like Hallmark is supposed to cater better to my parents egos.
My father’s a covert narcissist, my mother is a codependent. I was the “golden child” and the prize I took with me into adulthood was Borderline Personality Disorder. I have to thank my mother that I just barely didn’t become a narcissist myself... but I wish she would’ve taken my brother and I away from him..
Damn. And that's what I'm afraid of when my daughter becomes older. Will she hate me for not leaving..or sooner...will she hate me if we do split? I see the things he says and does and we often get in verbal arguments over it. And then...love bombs. I never understood what was going on and the gaslighting had me so confused. Now that he knows and I know he knows I'm ready to move on, he starts to "change." But I know it's only a matter of time. And I know there is really no change. It's been 11 years. And I'm scared.
@@rosemariekindred1325 You have to leave. Now. Narcissistic abuse doesn't stop, narcissists don't heal. Your child will endure further damage for sure if you stay. Leave, now.
@@AT-zr9tv I am scared. And I don't have everything in place to be sufficient enough to take care of her on my own. But I'm working on it. Trying to be prepared and ready for the worst.
@@rosemariekindred1325being the son if a narcisist father and a codependent mother, I can tell you for sure he is never going to change. I was begging my mother to take us away from him since I was 11 years old, but she was always too scared and too weak to live on her own. My brother is dead now, he died in a road kill and I am on antidepressant medication struggling to keep my sanity. My parents are still together. My mother has lost a part of her mind due to the constant gaslighting of my father and he is on the final stages of kidney failure and constant dialysis cause he never listened to anybody and always did what he wanted without thinking about consequences. I have done psychotherapy, it has helped. I don t hate them anymore as I used to, but I ron t feel sorry for them either. If you want the rest of your life to be good for you and your child, the best thing you can do is leave and tell him to get some therapy. Maybe after many years of therapy, he can be a decent human being. You don t deserve to suffer until this happens if it ever does.
My narcissistic father passed away and I experienced great relief when he did. My narcissistic mom has been married to a narcissistic man who has tried to re-father me and it really has caused additional harm. I hate Father's day. I usually try to escape but I acknowledge the men I know who are good Father's and celebrate them
While I had a narcassistic dad, & I am still emotionally limited, I watch, in great pleasure, how my sons are tremendous parents & are well loved by both their spouses & children. Nothing in my life gives me more pleasure than that.
Great idea re celebrating the stable parent. My father sexually, physically and emotionally abused me. I reported to police and he went to prison. Spent years in recovery since!!!
Sorry for your pain sugar, hope he's enjoying his much deserved lock-up! My covert mom is finally in lock up too, she's been committed, I helped even though hundreds of miles away and not visited in 45 months! Cops/social worker finally did a section 10 on her, I'd called adult services 6 months prior to no avail. There should be a word for people whom we knew were always nuts but it took everyone else so long to see! Blessings!
Josee Noel thanks. These people wow. To add to my story. My “remorseful “ father the day before his custodial sentence got his little legs of to the solicitor and cut me out of the will( my family cut me back in) He died with motor neurone disease in dec 2018. No tears shed at a sparsely attended funeral
My dad tried so many times to disown me. It’s the only time my mom put her foot down with him and won. Sometimes I wish she hadn’t but I appreciate that she finally stood up to him.
@@fittobeafarmmom3504 It really is, and look what they miss. We stumble around trying to put ourselves back together and in the process become beautiful, whole people in spite of everything. But, in the end the Narcissists are really the losers. Thank God my mother was all the things my father couldn't ever be.
Is your guys father still alive and sane? Reason asking, if I may ask if you can have a conversation with him n try to call him on his bs that he put your whole family thru your entire life and can neutralize it and obliterate it with one convo, would you guys have that convo?
my narc dad died May 26...I was no contact for 5 years and had been wavering and just re-engaged with my brother a few weeks before and he didn't even tell me dad was dying, cause "dad was adamant you not be told"...more pain upon pain...to this day, I never heard from my brother and wouldn't even know my dad was dead if a friend of my son's didn't see it posted on facebook through my brother's wall...family is so hard
My father got his children alone and would say horrible things, but later in life I discovered he did the same to some of my siblings. For two siblings, it’s too painful for them to admit the horrible treatment we received. Throwing anything he could get his hands on was a typical behavior. Getting pushed into the water and being held down is a typical memory. Thankfully, we had a few angels in the neighborhood that looked out for us.
The more I learn about the effects of (adverse) childhood experiences and narcissism in general the more I understand why I didn't want to leave my grandparents when I was visiting them in my earlier years...
I wondered why I never wanted to leave my Grandparents house, I should have told them about the abuse or teachers, teachers would have understood the reason for my problems in school then.
Sandeep S is that correct to say that he ruined child's mind? Because he have gave you everything he had and he might refuse you and, I don't know, leave you on the street. I don't know, I'm not sure, but even if parents are narcissistic they fed you and done stuff like that and that is something. They didn't have more themselves.
Саша Беленко you’re on the right track! That’s a very balanced view of the situation, coincidentally I came across this video, and it sounds to me like you’re applying the principles described in it: ua-cam.com/video/wCEpFQu3QLg/v-deo.html
I'm uncomfortable sharing my family experiences within the comments and to a public audience. But I did want to take the time to thank you for all your videos, especially this one. Between my therapist and your videos, I've really woke up beyond my comfort and have started to separate from the toxic people in my life. Thanks again.
I had a narcissistic father and my mother thanks me all the time for supporting her and calling out his behaviour every time I saw it. I told her she needed to divorce him and that he was unhealthy for her long before I was 18 and she did divorce him. I thank her for being a great mom who showed me that I was valued and made me feel amazing enough that I never felt the narcissistic behaviour of my dad was my fault. Powerful women supporting each other! Father’s Day is Mother’s Day in my book (just like every other day!)
I was in middle school when I told my mother there was something seriously wrong with my father. I don't remember my words but but I remember her looking at me and realizing there was nothing she could say to change my mind. She was smart enough not to try to do so.
I love Dr. Ramani’s insights. She is so validating. I regret I didn’t find her sooner. I wasted a lot of money on counsellors who were not familiar with the narcissistic personality. Thank you Dr. Armani! You are the best. God bless you !
My narcissist dad put me in therapy at age 17 when we lost my brother in a motor vehicle accident. Truthfully, I was hurting, but my brother’s death didn’t even scratch the surface. I was suffering from a lifetime of abuse as the scapegoat child. My brother had been the golden child. So my father became ten times worse once his favorite son was gone. I believe my father was angry that it wasn’t me instead. He was irritated that I wasn’t the person he wanted me to be. He probably thought a therapist could “fix” me, when I was actually a pretty resilient kid. I didn’t need anything but someone who understood and would listen. I didn’t do drugs or alcohol, and I was never in any trouble. Pawning me off on a therapist was probably my father’s way of alleviating guilt or responsibility, so he didn’t have to deal with anything. I never told the therapist any of this, because I was too young and didn’t understand the whole dynamic at the time. I only told him how abusive my father was to me. But this therapist dismissed it. To this day, I still wonder if the guy actually knew who my father was, but wouldn’t dare say it. Because he would’ve lost a paying customer. I know this is a horrible way to think. But I wonder how often that happens? How many social workers won’t confront a narcissist parent for fear of losing business?? Or maybe he was just really inept at his job and was fooled by my dad? He did attend one or two sessions on his best behavior.
Thank you for this. My father trafficked me as a child and I've been crying alll night and this morning about the pain he has caused. Emotional, physical, sexual spiritual abuse. I feel so worthless after I came forward he looked at me like he never seen me in his life.
@@joseenoel8093 thank you so very much. This is actually the first time I sobbed on this day. I feel a lot better and I thank you for your kind sweet words.soo much❤❤❤❤❤
I’m a hoop jumping, people pleasing, not good enough fool. But we did not put much importance on this holiday growing up, so I’m not triggered. Self care on big commercial holidays is so important, though. I’d love to see more about that subject on days like these. Thank you!
Funny you should mention not much importance being put on this holiday, I had a narcissistic mother and father so my mother was never going to make too big a day of father's day, she wasn't going to give him too much.
HI! Nice to meet you. I am a spoiled princess, who is useless, fat (sometimes also too skinny if I loose weight) and disappointing according to my dad. But whatever, that are lies. We also didn't put much importance on this holiday when I was a child. My father was always a bit frustrated that we wouldn't wish him a Happy Fatherday, but when my brother and I were teenagers we said to our father what we think of him and that he never was a real father to us. Since then Fathersday never was a topic in our family again.
My father has been a narcissist his whole life. At an early age, he recognized we shared none of the same interests. He recently told me he knew when I was just a toddler, that he didn’t like me or care about me because of that! He is now 78 and still continues to a life of complete misery. It’s always someone else’s fault, never accepts responsibility for his own actions or behavior. He also recently said he still doesn’t believe in considering others when he wants or does something, it’s just not important. I now know he is intellectually and emotionally developmentally delayed, as he has been his whole life. He can barely read and barely has reading comprehension. I understand his ability to comprehend much is very limited at best. Now, none of us acknowledge Fathers Day. No reason to, he has never acknowledged any the rest of us in this family, ever! We are sadly, just waiting for him to die, then at last we can be in peace.
We share the same father, he is 72 still having temper tantrums could not have a grown up conversation with a disagreement if someone paid him..he is sooooo miserable he had a child out of marriage He never claimed the child now he is my age 47 and my dad is still lying about it my mother finally divorced him not because of the child but the lies my mother saw the DNA test and child support payments and my dad told her the courts hate black men..he is so toxic I try to love him but it’s so hard he is so controlling and a big liar
@Aura Darkskipper acceptance is useful. Acknowledging a circumstance is less than ideal is important for closure- with or without the other party ever hearing what you want to say.
Dear Dr. Ramani, today is a day that I’m going to celebrate you! If it wasn’t for the educational rehabilitation that you have indirectly given me, today would have been a day of mourning, depression, and self blame for not dropping dead, which is the ONLY way I would be able to win over the acceptance of Mommy Dearest and Step Dad. I actually did disable my Facebook account yesterday. I really appreciate your having said that being the daughter of a narcissistic father sets you up for being attracted to narcissistic men. It removes the intensity of the self blame and shame. I’m spending today alone with my dog, just like I do every other day. Thank you again for all of the amazing videos which you have selflessly shared with the public. You are a National and International treasure. I hope you realize what a difference you are making in the lives of countless people! Sending you many blessings!
Sometimes co-dependant parents aren't any better than the narcissist themselves. They keep quiet when you deal with the rage and abuse from the narcissist.
My father has no empathy. It’s like dealing with a child. He uses my words against me. If I say something as simple as “that was rude to me” he will say “well you’re being rude to me” just gaslighting all my life. It’s why I’m in school to be a therapist. I’m glad I’m my own person because of it at least. Sending strength to families who have narcissistic fathers.
My father passed away in 2016 after enduring Parkinson's Disease. There was no satisfying closure, nor any apology from him--I didn't expect any. We managed a sort of truce. We were basically civil during my visits to the nursing home. It has been a matter of acceptance and moving on ever since his death. Fathers Day is now, just another day to remind me to live more fully and authentically.
Same with me but it was Alzheimer's. Nope, no closure. I didn't expect any as it was obvious to me by middle school he had serious mental health issues.
Converts still alive (she's in detox onto long term care, soon) but very much dead to me, I'll need to clean out her house in a bit, I'll bring home as little as possible.
@@joseenoel8093 My mom was a Covert Narcissist. My Evil sister is a Malignant Narcissist with Grandiose tendencies. My sister was cut out of my life 2000 to 2010 then for good in 2015.
I think the hardest part of my mom's funeral is nobody could come up with one good thing to say about her. One of her old ministers tried to make a joke about her telling him how to do his job, but it was hard to appreciate a joke like that thanks to cptsd. I get his message was one of inclusion, but the scars are real.
my therapist recommended youre videos and i am so glad she did. i was 12 when my empath mother passed away and my brother and i were left in the care of our narcissistic father, i became the scapegoat and he the golden child who went on to become a narcissist as well and i have always felt so painfully alone - being an empath like my mother in a house of narcissists really has a way of messing with your core beliefs. thank you Dr Ramani for your videos, they really are eyeopening
I spent father's day with my stepfather, a wonderful man who deserves to be called my father, not the person who 'fathered' me, because he has pretty much been absent all my life. Self absorbed and selfish man
What a great way to reframe thinking about Fathers Day. Instead of wallowing in sorrow about the loss of that unconditional love and acceptance I will focus on the other fathers in my life, ie: husband, son in law who are wonderful fathers.
My father was a kind man. He taught me to play baseball at age 3 and told me to ignore the boys that gave me a hard time because they were jealous of my talent. That rule still applies today. He did ignore my narcissistic mother using me as a scapegoat so for that he was sad on his deathbed. I wish this information was around back then. Thank you Dr R! Happy solstice 💐
I JUST was thinking of this! GOD BLESS! I like that YOU are opening up the platform so others that know Daddy aint that NICE can feel OK acknowledging it!
My dad is a narcissist but thankfully I didn't ever had a narc boyfriend.. I had a narc best friend and I think it helped me to realize what's going on.
Spot on again. Thx Dr. Ramani. 1st year not calling, texting, cards, etc on Father's Day. He ignored my 50th Birthday in December & Mother's Day this year as well. Not even going to what he did to my daughter. 1st FD in my life I have not called or done something. He doesn't deserve ANYTHING from me. Hard, but necessary. Great reminders, thank you🤗❤️💗
Dr. Ramani, you're a brilliant woman with a gift to heal with your words of truth, love, and wisdom. Cheers to you, my lady, and keep on bringing these messages that so many out there need.
I no longer feel badly about not reaching out! I know who he is and he is terrible. Took a long time to get here. I felt great today.... and so should you!
Thank you for this. Trying to raise a son while having NPD is like crossing a psychological mine field. Well, every time I watch one of your videos it makes the path to safety clearer. Thank you, Dr Ramani! Here's to not passing down psychological heirlooms!
That lipstick is gorgeous on you Dr Ramani. The so called father thought that being authoritative was his role, when he wasn't beating the hell out of me for trivial reasons. Soooo glad I don't deal with either of them. Ty doc
Vanessa because he is a full-blown narcissist and I gave him a narcissistic injury years ago. He can’t bring himself to forgive me nor look inside himself to self-reflect on his mistakes. He doesn’t see anything wrong with himself and he plays the victim. He does not attempt to have a relationship with me, nor does he validate my feelings. I accepted that this isn’t a healthy person and we cannot have a healthy relationship with mutual respect and effort. I have no reason to chase after a person who does not value me nor can show genuine love and concern for me, even after I attempted to make amends. He isn’t a safe person for me so I healed those wounds, and decided to move on and be happy with myself. God is my Father.
Ramani, you are the only one who has given me hope that there are people out there who will believe my situation and agree that I'm not crazy. When I think about it, the assumption is that most doctors will assess my surroundings and assume that I am the one who is crazy because how could so many people that surround me be wrong. But they are very toxic to me and it's not my problem. This doesn't mean I'm completely out of the woods because I have to find some decent people, but your content has helped keep my sanity and given me strength. I'm still not entirely convinced that my discovery is the absolute truth of the matter because when I read the comment section, a lot of people are talking about things I don't understand or experience. But many of your videos do hit the nail on the head. The manifestation of insecurity that rears itself in not straightforward ways: bullying, many forms of abuse, alienation, entitlement, neglect, et cetera. These are the main things I experience.
Bobby it's complex and everyone has their own experiences. This is why there is no right or wrong way to deal with our own situations. If you relate to the video you are on the right path. Welcome. Plenty of people on here have tried having counselling and gotten nowhere because not enough counsellors and therapists have a full grasp of narc abuse. Only survivors of narc abuse have expert inside knowledge so we have to support each other....unless we happen to find a counsellor/therapist who truly understands from their own firsthand experience. I hope you're doing okay. Sending much love and comforting thoughts 💗💖✨☮🌈
Both my parents are narcissistic but father was more abusive. When I was a child I wished he walked out and disappeared from my life forever. His presence made me nauseous, and in my 30s I still have PTSD symptoms. My friend once told me: “I cant imagine having a dad like yours”, just from experiencing a conversation with him a couple of times. I haven’t talked to him for 3 years, he is now dying and all I feel is relief. I will not go to his funeral, I never thought of him as my father. I’m just glad I discovered this channel now, so I know who he was and the rest of my family can’t guilt me into seeing him.
Thank you Dr Ramani. I'm overwhelmed with constantly protecting my children from their narcissistic "father". I cannot wait for the peace and healing I know we will have when we get out of this.
My father is a narcissist. I'm really high in agreeableness and openness and moderately high in neuroticism, so I did everything I could as a kid/adolescent/early adult to gain his acceptance. At 19 I started getting panic attacks. Now, 11 years later, I'm grateful that I went through having panic attacks in a weird way. Looking back, I could see some of my behaviors mirroring my narcissistic father. Having panic attacks allowed me to change a lot of my core beliefs. Now, at 30, I have a loving relationship with my fiance, I can help my mom who still suffers from the abuse my father put her through, and I'm helping my sister to understand what actually happened to us as kids and why she ends up with guys who treat her the same way my father treated us. It hasn't been easy at all. Sometimes I get overwhelmed, but luckily I can funnel it into music and I have developed the mental tools to quiet my mind and fill myself with a sense of strength rather than fear and panic. Your videos helped me out a lot. Thank you!
16 years no contact for me! :) I went no contact 2 years before reporting him to the police. He was sentenced to 11 years in prison for sexual, physical and mental abuse. He is in his seventies now, I saw him the other day and he looks like a pitiful old man with a walking stick.... back in the day he was tall and strong... he is now a shadow of his former self. I was thinking of contacting him again, but recently decided that it is not worth it, because he will only manipulate me and cause more drama in my life. Its a shame, because I would love him to meet his grandson. My son has missed out on a grandad and father, because his dad is a narcissist. I have since learnt my lesson and only attract nice/genuine men now. I can spot a narcissist a mile off and run the other way, they no longer hold any attraction for me because now I know that I deserve better!
I was blessed with a fantastic father. He just turned 70 last week and he and my mom are still together over 40 years. But I've dated women who I believe had narcissistic fathers and I think it had a negative effect on how they relate with men.
Yes, I have a narc dad and I agree with this. I have a strong distrust and discomfort with men. I also tend to think that all men are guilty until proven innocent which is a completely inappropriate and unacceptable way of thinking. Sadly there are genuinely good men out there that are written off because of our experience with a narc father. Honestly it is going to take lots of unlearning on our part and a good therapist who knows about narcissistic relationships.
It's beautiful how elderly couples still have time to share with each other. I wish you the best of Parents Day 🙏 Relationships are with friends who share purpose and reasoning.
I sent an obligatory text saying “Have a nice Father’s Day” and felt somewhat numb. Then I called my son, who is a very attentive and emotionally available father and for the rest of the day celebrated his fatherhood.
Don’t convince your inner self that one day you’ll end up with a narcissistic partner! Try to get rid of the “programs” that the narcissistic parents puts you in ... and after all we are aware of it, we can easily spot one 🌻🍄🌸
woof. You used the term jumping through hoops. That's exactly how I felt growing up and I used that phrase often. Thank you for helping me validate myself and my experience.
Can you make a video please for the daughters of narcissists ? How can they deal with this tough situation , how can they manage to heal and be cured after it ends ...and most importantly how should they avoid ending up with a narcissit partner as you have explained that daughters of narcissits tend to love and fall for narcissists as well . Please hit like so that dr Ramani sees the comment and makes the video . Thanks in advance !
Merioum if you search Doctor Ramani's videos with the keyword ''narcissist parents' or 'family roles in narcissist families' or 'narcissist fathers' or 'narcissist fathers of daughters' you'll be able to listen to her explain all about this.
Good advice. I still want take the time to acknowledge the narc because many times their 'narcissistic birth' arose from multiple traumas. Sometimes the saying,' You cant do better if you dont know better' rings true. Its sad to me that they will never know better because that part of their rationale has been damaged. I dont excuse what they do . Its just sad they dont have the capacity to change. I wish their was a 'cure'
Bless you for this video. I’m struggling really bad with a narcissistic father. And my moms been dealing it for 33 years. I don’t know how she does it. I’m looking to transfer colleges and to make sure he doesn’t know where I am.
Your poor mother, is there any way that you can help her leave the situation? Being in a negative relationship all that time can really take a toll on someones health. I threw my father out of the family home when I was 20 years old. I stood up to him after he beat me up, I gave him two weeks to find somewhere else to live, or I would call the police and tell them everything. What he is doing to your mother is against the law. I wish my mother could have got out of it sooner... after he left she died prematurely because of all the stress and spent the last ten years of her life in constant physical pain, without ever experiencing a man who showed her love. :(
What a beautiful explanation Dr Ramani. I am a single child, who’s narcissistic father died some 10 years ago. I still feel the pain today as a 51 year old woman, more than when he was alive. I’m working on it with a therapist, however it seems monumental. Please speak more on this delicate & hot topic for many out there like me. Love u & thank u♥️
My long suffering mother is still married to my narcissistic stepdad. We come from an old world culture that made it too difficult for her to leave. So I send my step dad gifts and play nice, purely because it makes him easier for my mom to live with for a while, as he basks in all the social attention. But I never, ever get him a card that tells him what a great dad he is, I'm not that much of a liar.
I wish my mother was still alive - She did everything she could to compensate for the imbalance created in my family by my narcissistic father. Now I only have my ungrateful father to have yelling matches with over the phone.
Thanks, my narcissistic parents called me mad person. Clearly i have realised it was not my fault and it was theirs. We need more psychologists like you to come up with such good explanation which others consider socially unacceptable. Narcissistic parents throw their incapabilities on their children. They expect you to do extraordinary things. But they themselves can't do decent parenting and keep on blaming their children. And when u stand up for yourself they will try to bring u down. Unfortunately these kind of narcissistic behaviour does not go away.
I sent this video along to my son. I am certain he will find it helpful. His father is a supreme Narcissist - angry, controlling, shaming, raging, and he plays the victim when he cannot get people to do what he wants. Our marriage only lasted 4 years but my son's relationship with him was still ongoing. Now my son is in his 30s and his narc father is not coping with the boundaries or the "grey rock" that my son has created for himself and his children's wellbeing.
That term "invalidating" nocked the nail on the head. I stoped going to family gatherings (chrismass etc) because he would invaladate me at every turn 8n front of extended family. I just couldnt go it any longr, so spent a lot of Christmas alone. Even now when i do something wrong, drop a cup or find my self getting uptite and flusterd in a task i can litrally hear him in my head tut tuting or and calling me an "arsewhole" . The fact i was a child and adolesent with mentle helth problems ment i knew i made life less than easy for veryone. Its only now after his passing that i have tried to come to terms with it , but which also intails ALOT of guilt for not being better because he was right i am and was far from perfect.
You are not far from perfect. There are plenty of parents in the world with fully disabled children who do not do to them what your father did to you. Anyone who abuses has usually been abused themselves so the saying was created of "hurt people hurt people" unless we are mindful that we want to end the cycle of abuse. Your father obviously had issues from his own life and was projecting them onto you. It is a phenomenon and if you search Doctor Ramani's videos with the keyword 'projecting' or 'projection' you'll be able to listen to her explain all about it....so don't blame yourself or put yourself down just because someone has brainwashed you into thinking that. It isn't true because if you'd had a father with no mental health issues who gave you no grief you wouldn't be saying these things about yourself which is proof that you are perfect just as you are...but your father needs mental health help. I hope you're doing okay. Sending much love and caring comforting thoughts to you 💗💖✨☮🌈
This video was so completely validating. I feel seen for the first time ever. Thank you Dr. Ramani for putting words to the life that I have lived for 22 years.
Sometimes my didn’t father visit for a year or two even though he didn’t live far. He moved to another country and we didn’t know because he couldn’t find us to tell us after we were 18 and no longer lived in the same home. He didn’t even know where I went to high school. Now he’s on my FB and has a daughter 30 years younger. I always forget about Father’s Day because I never really felt I had one. I avoid wishing him happy Father’s Day although I have a few times online. It feels very strange calling him “Dad”. He actually tried to basically blame my brother and I for him barely being in our lives. He is one of the most selfish people I’ve ever met.
I cut off my narcissist dad about five years ago. No holiday cards, calls, or anything. It’s been a long 53 year journey. But I never realized how much the healing would accelerate once I stopped worrying about “honor” and gave myself permission to enforce boundaries. I am still close to his only surviving sibling who completely understands my decision. But not for my uncle, I probably will not go to my father’s funeral. I believe funerals are to support the living every bit as much as honoring the dead. If he goes before my dad, I won’t show up at all.
Dr. Ramani, when I listen to you I feel like I'm being held for the very first time in my entire life; an embrace I didn't even know I needed this bad. A hug I didn't know existed. The relief of my pain being acknowledged, and this huge weight of guilt and confusion and anger being lifted off of my exhausted shoulders is beyond imagination. Thank you for being there and for sharing the much needed knowledge.
Father's day is for fathers who have earned respect. Not every man who has "fathered" a child deserves this.
Amen sister!
Absolutely ua-cam.com/video/Ooj5uhtGW4A/v-deo.html
I once saw a bumper sticker that said, “not every ejaculation deserves a name” 😂😂
@Black Weirdo well they can both live guilt a pro abandonment way of life...
Spot on!
Narcissistic fathers can be very envious and jealous of their child. They compare themselves to the child and rather than wanting the best for them like a normal parent, they want the worst. Sometimes it may seem as though they are doing something in the child's best interest, but it is only for their false image. Narcissistic fathers do not care about their children, they only care about supply.
I love your channel!!
I’ve seen this many times 😢 when their child excels at something the narcissist approves because it makes them look good but they also resent their child and causes them to pick on them and put them down. It is so confusing for the child because they worked so hard for their parents love and approval and the more successful the child is the more the narcissistic parent resents them.
Is it just me who watched them tubble into their bedroom, fist fighting wrecking everything? 😠
Y E S
Narc Survivor be speaking facts !
The damage that a Narcissistic father does is huge, but if you manage to put it into perspective, you are a winner. Remember to break that damaging cycle!
REAL TALK , RIGHT. THERE.😉
Today is a time for healing for many! ua-cam.com/video/Ooj5uhtGW4A/v-deo.html
I've gone no contact for 5 years and counting touch wood
John Bobb I find “no contact “ so incredibly difficult as I still love family dearly and I think that each day is a day out of our precious lives. We are on this earth for such a short time. It’s such a damaging condition and I feel sorry for the Narcissist, as damaging as they are, because many seem to live in such an unhappy and twisted world and spend a lot of time premeditating their cruelty and spite. If they could get help, the damage could be stopped or at least curtailed. I haven’t succeeded yet- no amount of kindness nor love. I think I’ve had to change my expectations, but not my values!
Black Weirdo No but I look back at their lives and possible causes and try and realise the reasons. I change my expectations and am learning to set boundaries.
My Dad is a narcissists..I still called him to say happy fathers day and that I love him... He did great taking care of me from a medical standpoint (I was a premature baby) and coaching me in every sport... But was verbally, mentally, emotionally and physically abusive to me when I didn't do as he wanted... I always said it would be easier if he was just evil the whole time it wouldn't be as confusing...
I can relate. It's easier to hate than be conflicted by your feelings towards them.
I feel you... its like you don't want to be ungrateful but then you tell yourself those are things parents are SUPPOSED to do.
Yes! This confusion led me to being extremely insecure and anxious during most of my life
Same situation here
You expressed it so well. I have the same problem. A father who is taking care in so many various ways yet so narcissistic, insensitive, self-centered and emotionally abusive. Adding to that my father is old and ailing. I am so torn between taking care of myself and taking care of him. I feel so many feelings - anger, guilt, sadness, fear, confusion. I feel myself second , third guessing myself for every tiny decision. How do I love myself and love him at the same time?
They don’t give a damn about their children. Period !!
Fact
I can really believe me.
Actully they do...they give a lot of damn.and shit...
Most of them do.. especially the over protective ones & I h8 it
Right! My father would put me down but uplift my other siblings and cousins! Then he had the nerves to try to tell me off! I ignored him because I can’t take him seriously, and I will never take him seriously.
I just texted with three brothers and wished them a happy father's day. They did not follow my dad's way of fatherhood, thankfully.
Thank god for that! My ex covert narc’s Dad is also a narc, whereas his Mum is a codependent. She is very kind and caring, shame his son didn’t take after her.
My dad-CHEATER..sneering-critical JOY SUCKER,. A cheater hypocrite..!
You were lucky the scapegoat does not have the support of their siblings. Even if the family members say they love you, its a lie.
Why dont you rather teach woman who had narsistic father's how to deal and heal from it and what to watch out for before telling them thy will marry a narcissist husband?
@@Belinda. both of my sisters married narcissists, including myself. When I was going through my divorce one sister was already divorced from her very vicious ex narc. That was ten years ago. My other sister just recently divorced her narcissist (20 year marriage). She has the family support and still she was sucked in very badly. She is the reason I watch these videos on the regular. I have had friends seduced as well and was there to show them to pay close attention to red flags and all the signs of narcissistic behavior.
I broke off all contact with my father the last two years of his life. When my sister called to say he was near death, I said I would only go back after he died. I was actually happy at his funeral. Some of my friends said I would regret cutting him off. It has now been >10 years since he died. I still have no regrets. I am happy he is dead.
When my father dies I will not organize a funeral for him. If someone else does I will not attend. I have no doubts about this. I will not cover up the truth of what kind of person he was.
I wish my dad dies too ! Im extremly tired of the damage he caused me and my mom , i do feel you and i know how people keep saying that they are our fathers and we should be nice to them .. well they cant understand the severe pain unless they go through the same thing . Well sweetheart enjoy your life and make sure you live in the best possible way
George H I feel you on this. Mine assumed room temperature about 9 years ago and I haven’t mossed him for a minute. I hope that you have a peaceful life now.
George... I completely can relate😔 My narcissistic Dad died in January, prior to that I hadn't talk to him for over 2 years. He had a son( the child he always wanted. He never wanted me) He absolutely adored my baby brother. When he died, I was more angry. I never felt bad for cutting him off , I was mad because he treated me like a stranger. I was happy that I was free from that side of my family. They treated me very bad. At 37 years old, I have deep Daddy issues😔 And now my daughter is going through the exact same thing with her Dad. Smh. I hate Father's Day. But , shout out to the good Dads.....
Some resolutions are only met by time 🙏
I'm going to celebrate father's day by commemorating the beautiful two years of no contact that have been the most growth oriented two years of my life.
Yay Hannah! 🏆
Congrats! That is a good idea!
Happy for you! :)
That's great! Happy for you! My first no contact Father's Day - feels good not to send the obligatory card or make the obligatory phone call - I don't remember when it started but as some point doing those things just felt like a lie.
@@user-rc2qh4bc5d - Same here (no contact for 6 years now). Ugh, those obligatory cards/calls. The pit in my stomach. The self loathing for being so phony. Then the guilt (that was drilled into me from early childhood) of never being enough, can't do enough, etc. Finally starting to heal. Hope you are too.
"If you have a narcissistic father and you're a daughter, it's all but a setup, that you are going to find a narcissistic partner" 100% hit home.
I was always more academically advanced than my brother at a young age... my dad basically treated me like his son... so... lucky me? Yeah not really lol. But I so far have avoided this narcisstic partner thing.
I mean this isn’t always the case bc some women r lucky enough to identify these patterns but it’s a far too common pattern for my liking
Yes
I'm still glad I wasn't a boy. My Dad would have broken me with his attention.
Plot twist I became a narcissist like my father and keep getting into relationships with codependents..
I wrote this lyric back in 2018 after I had recovered from a lifetime of feeling not good enough:
I spent my teenage years trying to prove my dad wrong
I spent my 20's trying to prove myself right
I've spent the last few years trying to learn to stop proving myself
I'll spend the rest of my life enjoying that I have nothing to prove
Thanks for the informative videos as always, Dr. Ramani.
I love that lyric ❤
Yeah I won’t be celebrating Father’s Day because mine was and still is an absolute a**. But I wish all the wonderful fathers a happy Father’s Day
Same
Same
I hate him so much
Agree
same 😔
My husband is a great dad!!! My father wasn’t capable of loving me in the way I deserved, but my daughter has a wondrous male role model.
I'm happy to hear your story makes me feel positive. Thank you for sharing
I love reading this.
My husband was an involved parent when my daughter was young. When she became old enough to call him on his inconsistent behavior and question his lies, it was then that he became invalidating and hurtful. He went from adoring his daughter to shaming her. She has been in therapy for over a year and I've discovered how much damage was caused by her witnessing the maltreatment towards me. Its easy for a narcissist to be a happy parent when their child behaves in a way that supports their false image.
Hi!! Im curious as to if you had to go through any prior relationships that weren't as invalidating, since I'm going through this stage and im not too sure if I could actually find a healthy relationship
Dinorah Darby that’s my situation as well
I ate lovely food on fathers day! Since I’m the one who parented myself, figured I should celebrate and love myself on this day, and be grateful and acknowledge this
I love this. I will do this from next year.. .
I ❤❤❤❤❤❤
Great idea 💡 ❤
I'm an only child of 2 narcissistic parents. For most of my life, I felt really alone because there wasn't anyone to turn to for help. They both created this lie surrounding me as a child saying I was a bad kid, but never took responsibility for how they shaped me; did they forget that they were the ones who raised the "bad" kid?! That lie turned both sides of my family against me, as a child, and no one even thought to look at the truth, that they were blaming a child for their projections of blame, shame and guilt, among other things.
Now I celebrate all holidays with the peace and comfort of knowing it wasn't my fault, and I have now chosen the life I want, instead of the life I was programmed for, and I'm incredibly proud of that.
Feel no guilt or shame as a child they controlled your world. I get it all the family say you will never amount to anything. This excuses them from reaching out and guiding you on the correct path. Its like they cast a spell so no one in the family cares about you.
I was told a Leppard never changes its spots too
I grew up with my narcissistic dad, aunt, and grandma in a 2 bedroom apartment, so I feel you.
Amazing girl! So proud of you! Many blessings to you!
one is good enough to make your life hell. and you got 2 😔
Feel for you, fuck them whatever they are saying live your Life and know your Worth.
I suffered PTSD because my father.
He used to force me and siblings join his family 'time'. I can no longer join any meeting because the trauma haunt me. The tables turn, anger spoke, throw phones, broken tv. I remember clearly the scene.
Sending my love to those who suffered the same trauma as me 🌼
My dad was the exact same. He called those times 'Sunday Family Meetings'. They started during breakfast and everyone was stuck there until early evening.
since i’m still underage and living with my father we’re celebrating. because he provides food and shelter and all that he thinks that he’s the perfect dad. but he has no idea that he’s traumatized me over and over :( edit: thank you everyone for the well wishes!! i’ll be going to college this time next year so hopefully things will work out
He's too self absorbed sugar, best of luck!
Same here mate . I will hopefully get out of this house in 2 years . Thank good lord
You have the advantage because you know how he is and you can block the damage he intentionally or unintentionally tries to do. Know that none of his behavior is your fault! I know it hurts but you have the upper hand because you know who and what your dad is. Do not internalize your fathers behavior! Learn and grow from the experience and be the best version of yourself! When you get older get therapy for yourself if you can. A therapist will help you work through the trauma and help you to see that none of it is your fault! 💕 Rise above, you can do it!
My dad, same way. Excellent provider. Deeply cruel. And that was when I was the "golden child." The golden child, however, becomes someone the narcissistic father has to destroy, once an adult. So I've been scapegoated and have suffered gaslighting my entire adult life. I finally ended my relationship with my entire family after Xmas last year. The only one who truly understands is an in-law who experienced what I did and was astounded by how twisted my "family" of origin truly was. I'm so grateful they are no longer able to hoover and repeat the cycle. Dr. Ramani's youtube content has been transformative, for me. And yes: one narcissistic, cruel boyfriend after another.
Ana sometimes they dont know any better.....they have not tools...perhaps he is doing what was done to him....maybe tell him what is bothering u ....he may try to change...if u feel he cares it may be possible..hug
Father is a hero to his children,but narc father is a villain.
They think they're a hero though. In their own twisted Fantasy world
So sad. ua-cam.com/video/Ooj5uhtGW4A/v-deo.html
The best narcissistic father can make recognised appologies for their shortcomings.. even though they might not be able to make any further amends by changing their ways.
And they vilify those they victimize
@@johnoblong7066👍😲 it's their sticky little piece of insurance to avoid any payback in the account for doing so.
"If you're a daughter who had a narcissistic father you will find a narcissistic partner." Yup
Truer words have not been spoken!
Story of my life.
Yes!!! Repeatedly. Not anymore though!!!
@@jcsrst Unfortunately i must tell when you will find a right guy who isn't narcissist you will lose interest and go back to a narcissist man
Colleen Mayes,so true, been there and ran!
Narcissistic father's try to live their lives through their children.
, often but treat them like stuffed toys.
Yep
and destroy their individuality in the process.
TRULY
Bingo! I've always had that feeling, thanks for sharing
It’s so overwhelming learning that my father is a narcissist. It makes my childhood and my adult relationship with my father make so much sense. I feel like I’m starting to mourn the image of the father I thought I had by focusing on those golden moments and ignoring the verbal abuse. I am watching myself try to justify him and convince myself that it wasn’t as bad as I think and I’m overreacting.
Same
My dear, my dad is like that and after series of therapy and failed relationships and trying to convince him to see how his behaviour affects us, I've finally given up as he will never change and find excuses or blame everyone else. Seek peace and let go dear.
I just want to say, it's not your fault. It's only normal that you would want to give your family the benefit of the doubt. Still, you didn't deserve what happened to you.
I think my turning point was when male friends of mine started families as we all got older. The differences in their behaviour towards their children compared to my experiences are like night and day. It is and continues to be eye-opening.
Yeah
That has been my experience too. When I was married, or when I spent any time with other families, I realized I was robbed of a loving childhood that built me up, rather than tore me apart from narcissistic abuse.
To everyone who has replied; I'm so sorry that you went through the things you did. Whether you were child or adult you do not deserve to be treated badly. When my parents divorced (after his infidelity) my Mum said that the best revenge is living well. I hope you guys are living well without contact and remember, none of it was our fault. We were just conned into believing it was by a man with mental illness and a lack of compassion.
Yeah... its like you'll spend the rest of your life wondering what else is wrong with you or how much you were damaged
@John Narayan True..they NEVER accept responsibility...most loving fathers will let their children win at something in childhood so they can win at life...not narc dads though... sometimes I feel cheated that me being the least favoured child did his burial and last rites... and I'm not even the eldest. Whatever decision you make tell yourself it was the best decision at that point in time of your growth.
This was painful but educational to watch.
I suffer from Dissociative Identity Disorder, Anxiety and Depression.
I send lots of love to anyone who went through all this ❤
💗
💜
Aww hugs! ua-cam.com/video/Ooj5uhtGW4A/v-deo.html
💕
I suffer from disassociation as well...along with anxiety, ptsd and depression...this is the aftermath of narc parents. Its like a rite of passage.
I’m a 47 year old man that continues to suffer from a narcissistic Father. I have tried so hard to keep the peace with in my family. I am always trying to make things work in my family. I find that I’m always forgiving him. He recently had a major operation and I thought this could be an opportunity to change. God I was so wrong. I went to check in with my Dad and he started “ do you remember this you cost me $200 “ and then went on to say “ do you remember the work you did down the the road, that was no good either” I knew at this stage it was time for me too leave. The next few days are always difficult I have been sick suffering from a migraine and major stomach issues. I have made the decision to stay away from him and focus on my own family. I’m the the father of a 6 year old girl. She is a blessing to us. I don’t take this decision lightly to stay away but I owe it to my wife and daughter ❤❤ I’m tired of being told that I’m not good enough by him
Grew up with a narcissistic father, I’m 20 now and I just now realized who he really is. He provided on material level, but he was never there as a father. Never came to any athletic events, graduations, dosent remember birthdays but gets offended if I don’t say anything to him on his birthday. Conversations almost always revolve around him, if he starts a conversation asking about you, he has a hidden agenda. I grew up watching him rage thinking he was just an aggressive person and that the only way to maintain peace was to just agree. This caused me to develop symptoms of anxiety early on that I didn’t even recognize as anxiety until a few months ago. He tells me he loves me but lately it seems like it’s only when I’m doing what he perceives as right. Sometimes I question if maybe I’m overthinking things and he’s just high on the narcissism scale but not full blown NPD. He is obviously depressed and unhappy with anything, and often times try’s venting to me, at first I was glad he talking to me, but things got dark and he was telling me stories with small details changed in attempt to manipulate me. I want to help him and will always love him because he is my father but I don’t know what to do anymore
You will know what to do when the sh*t finally hits the fan and you've emotionally had enough because if he's telling lies when you're duped into thinking you're having a meaningful much yearned-for parent/child conversation, it's hard to imagine when he will be totally honest with you. Some people just can't give genuine love because of their own past. Why not ask him straight out, "What's the worst thing you've ever suffered in your life?" because some men hold in childhood sexual abuse and haven't had counselling, thinking that no-one would want to know about it anyway after so much time has passed...and the damage is rotting inside them for years...women too. This may not be the case but it's the realest short conversation you're going to have to get some straightforward reply out of him one way or the other, and he may even tell you what it was if it wasn't that, but something else troubling him deep inside. As long as you feel safe asking, if he's not the type to kick off in a rage, what do you have to lose? I often think this could be the issue with men (and women) who aren't very nice with their children, because of what I went through after rape by a so-called 'trusted' person at age 19/20 and the incident locked away in my brain for years, causing untold anguish, suffering and suicidal depression and fear of everything and hypervigilant until something triggered the memory. You will only take so much but as always, for all of us....it ain't over til it's over . Sending hope, positivity and strength to you with big hugs 😔🙏🏽💓🌈
Same story with my life
this was too relatable. i hope you find your peace.
Sooooooo relatable!!!!!!
So much relatable except for the last lines. You are telling my story
Narcissistic dad, and every major relationship in my life has been with narcissist men. It took me 47 years to realize this negative pattern. And now, I keep finding these men, even though I'm aware. So I'm not in any relationship. But I'm happy in my life without the drama.
Years ago I once tried writing a love song, and I'm no lyricist, but all I could muster after an hour was something along the lines of "Why do I always keep falling in love with tortured souls....is it because I'm one too..." and it all makes sense now. I've been single for most of my life. I just can't tolerate any more wasting yeeeaaaarrrrs of literally wasting my precious time and energy on more narcissists when I can easily manage without them. The energies are all off between me and the other person and I always lose out. Saying this though...the relationships don't last long because I just feel that it's at a dead end before I literally end it cos there's only so much one-sided compromising and sobbing alone one can tolerate. When I'm single I have so much clarity, confidence, dynamism, creativity, and all the things which come to us very easily when we're not being narc'ed out to the hilt. Keep on going 🙂💖🌈
@@CrOwnSphMinX22 being single is way better than being with a narc! I am pretty happy with my life these days. Life is good.
I think my ex is a younger version of my dad they both Virgos their birthdays are 3 days of each other and not to mention I think my dad has narc tendencies which got worse now he’s older and my ex saw it when he was around and it’s like he became jus like him or we he always a narc as well idk and don’t wanna find out I left his ass no contact 3 days and it feels good
My dad babied me and spoiled me to the core he woulda did anything for me and still do the tendencies are what really hurt and for my ex to see it and act the same way is jus evil
Me too
Thank you. Father’s Day is a difficult one for me. Mine is selfish with narcissistic traits. Glad I live far away with very minimal contact.
LEARN TO BREAK THE CYCLE
My father is a narcissist. Him and I don’t get along at all. I hate this day because I usually don’t get anything for him anymore because of all his mistakes he made and all these tactics that he uses on me. It is so painful and triggering to me.
Ya you're not alone! Sorry for your troubles!
My father is the same and i swear to god i will kick his as s one day
Emily same with me & my father he even hacks my computer & stalks my social media and turns friends & family & neighbors against me .
Happy narcissist APPRECIATION day.
I'm sorry you have to go through all that.
@@craig3714 oh been there done that, I don't have any traceable social media, but my dad and my brother will still go on Zillow to peep my apartment and complain about how bad I am with money and spending on rent. My dad actually threatened to spy on me to see if I was really living alone. i have set very strong boundaries, the only contact is by email and I will send cards for holidays which both my parents complain about the wording, like Hallmark is supposed to cater better to my parents egos.
My father’s a covert narcissist, my mother is a codependent. I was the “golden child” and the prize I took with me into adulthood was Borderline Personality Disorder. I have to thank my mother that I just barely didn’t become a narcissist myself... but I wish she would’ve taken my brother and I away from him..
Damn. And that's what I'm afraid of when my daughter becomes older. Will she hate me for not leaving..or sooner...will she hate me if we do split? I see the things he says and does and we often get in verbal arguments over it. And then...love bombs. I never understood what was going on and the gaslighting had me so confused. Now that he knows and I know he knows I'm ready to move on, he starts to "change." But I know it's only a matter of time. And I know there is really no change. It's been 11 years. And I'm scared.
@@rosemariekindred1325 You have to leave. Now. Narcissistic abuse doesn't stop, narcissists don't heal. Your child will endure further damage for sure if you stay. Leave, now.
@@AT-zr9tv I am scared. And I don't have everything in place to be sufficient enough to take care of her on my own. But I'm working on it. Trying to be prepared and ready for the worst.
@@rosemariekindred1325being the son if a narcisist father and a codependent mother, I can tell you for sure he is never going to change. I was begging my mother to take us away from him since I was 11 years old, but she was always too scared and too weak to live on her own. My brother is dead now, he died in a road kill and I am on antidepressant medication struggling to keep my sanity. My parents are still together. My mother has lost a part of her mind due to the constant gaslighting of my father and he is on the final stages of kidney failure and constant dialysis cause he never listened to anybody and always did what he wanted without thinking about consequences. I have done psychotherapy, it has helped. I don t hate them anymore as I used to, but I ron t feel sorry for them either. If you want the rest of your life to be good for you and your child, the best thing you can do is leave and tell him to get some therapy. Maybe after many years of therapy, he can be a decent human being. You don t deserve to suffer until this happens if it ever does.
Same here
My narcissistic father passed away and I experienced great relief when he did. My narcissistic mom has been married to a narcissistic man who has tried to re-father me and it really has caused additional harm. I hate Father's day. I usually try to escape but I acknowledge the men I know who are good Father's and celebrate them
While I had a narcassistic dad, & I am still emotionally limited, I watch, in great pleasure, how my sons are tremendous parents & are well loved by both their spouses & children. Nothing in my life gives me more pleasure than that.
I really hope to have that one day. Not sure if I’ll ever get past this, but one can dream.
you broke the karmic cycle, well done! :)
@@jeanbastien9424please keep dreaming! Xxoo
Great idea re celebrating the stable parent. My father sexually, physically and emotionally abused me. I reported to police and he went to prison. Spent years in recovery since!!!
Sorry for your pain sugar, hope he's enjoying his much deserved lock-up! My covert mom is finally in lock up too, she's been committed, I helped even though hundreds of miles away and not visited in 45 months! Cops/social worker finally did a section 10 on her, I'd called adult services 6 months prior to no avail. There should be a word for people whom we knew were always nuts but it took everyone else so long to see! Blessings!
Good for you! Both for turning him in, and for getting the help you need to deal with it emotionally. 💕
They'll want to send you to hell eternally if you fail to give them the supply they need. 🙏
Josee Noel thanks. These people wow. To add to my story. My “remorseful “ father the day before his custodial sentence got his little legs of to the solicitor and cut me out of the will( my family cut me back in) He died with motor neurone disease in dec 2018. No tears shed at a sparsely attended funeral
Sorry you went through that, I am glad you reported him to the police.
I’m currently disowned so there’s no pressure for me to participate
My dad tried so many times to disown me. It’s the only time my mom put her foot down with him and won. Sometimes I wish she hadn’t but I appreciate that she finally stood up to him.
Lucky you! Disowned is an excellent word choice since narcissists really do think they own you. Happy Freedom Day!🤗
Lucky you
I just got "disowned" as well. It's wonderfully freeing yet discouraging at the same time, isn't it?!
@@fittobeafarmmom3504 It really is, and look what they miss. We stumble around trying to put ourselves back together and in the process become beautiful, whole people in spite of everything. But, in the end the Narcissists are really the losers. Thank God my mother was all the things my father couldn't ever be.
I only realized recently (in my 30s) how having a narc father has affected my life profoundly.
Same here
Shit blows hard. I'm finally realizing at 35!
Is your guys father still alive and sane? Reason asking, if I may ask if you can have a conversation with him n try to call him on his bs that he put your whole family thru your entire life and can neutralize it and obliterate it with one convo, would you guys have that convo?
@@ethansanchez1320 I called my dad out on his BS twice in 7 years. I finally had to walk away from my family.
I’m still having AHA moments looking back on situations.
my narc dad died May 26...I was no contact for 5 years and had been wavering and just re-engaged with my brother a few weeks before and he didn't even tell me dad was dying, cause "dad was adamant you not be told"...more pain upon pain...to this day, I never heard from my brother and wouldn't even know my dad was dead if a friend of my son's didn't see it posted on facebook through my brother's wall...family is so hard
My father got his children alone and would say horrible things, but later in life I discovered he did the same to some of my siblings. For two siblings, it’s too painful for them to admit the horrible treatment we received. Throwing anything he could get his hands on was a typical behavior. Getting pushed into the water and being held down is a typical memory. Thankfully, we had a few angels in the neighborhood that looked out for us.
Mate, I’m so sorry you had the bad luck to have such an awful human as your parent.
The more I learn about the effects of (adverse) childhood experiences and narcissism in general the more I understand why I didn't want to leave my grandparents when I was visiting them in my earlier years...
I wondered why I never wanted to leave my Grandparents house, I should have told them about the abuse or teachers, teachers would have understood the reason for my problems in school then.
Happy Father's Day for every Narssistic Fathers who successfully ruined their child's mind.
He did mine
Sandeep S is that correct to say that he ruined child's mind? Because he have gave you everything he had and he might refuse you and, I don't know, leave you on the street. I don't know, I'm not sure, but even if parents are narcissistic they fed you and done stuff like that and that is something. They didn't have more themselves.
Саша Беленко you’re on the right track! That’s a very balanced view of the situation, coincidentally I came across this video, and it sounds to me like you’re applying the principles described in it: ua-cam.com/video/wCEpFQu3QLg/v-deo.html
I think you will benefit as much as I have from this video: ua-cam.com/video/wCEpFQu3QLg/v-deo.html
@@СашаБеленко-в8ж @ Cawa It seems you do not understand Narcississim. Listen a lot more.
I'm uncomfortable sharing my family experiences within the comments and to a public audience.
But I did want to take the time to thank you for all your videos, especially this one.
Between my therapist and your videos, I've really woke up beyond my comfort and have started to separate from the toxic people in my life.
Thanks again.
I had a narcissistic father and my mother thanks me all the time for supporting her and calling out his behaviour every time I saw it. I told her she needed to divorce him and that he was unhealthy for her long before I was 18 and she did divorce him. I thank her for being a great mom who showed me that I was valued and made me feel amazing enough that I never felt the narcissistic behaviour of my dad was my fault. Powerful women supporting each other! Father’s Day is Mother’s Day in my book (just like every other day!)
I was in middle school when I told my mother there was something seriously wrong with my father. I don't remember my words but but I remember her looking at me and realizing there was nothing she could say to change my mind. She was smart enough not to try to do so.
I love Dr. Ramani’s insights. She is so validating. I regret I didn’t find her sooner. I wasted a lot of money on counsellors who were not familiar with the narcissistic personality. Thank you Dr. Armani! You are the best. God bless you !
Dr “Armani” Ramani …..lol🙏👍🏻❤️
Thank the Lord for her ….one in a million!!!!
My narcissist dad put me in therapy at age 17 when we lost my brother in a motor vehicle accident. Truthfully, I was hurting, but my brother’s death didn’t even scratch the surface. I was suffering from a lifetime of abuse as the scapegoat child. My brother had been the golden child. So my father became ten times worse once his favorite son was gone. I believe my father was angry that it wasn’t me instead. He was irritated that I wasn’t the person he wanted me to be. He probably thought a therapist could “fix” me, when I was actually a pretty resilient kid. I didn’t need anything but someone who understood and would listen. I didn’t do drugs or alcohol, and I was never in any trouble. Pawning me off on a therapist was probably my father’s way of alleviating guilt or responsibility, so he didn’t have to deal with anything. I never told the therapist any of this, because I was too young and didn’t understand the whole dynamic at the time. I only told him how abusive my father was to me. But this therapist dismissed it. To this day, I still wonder if the guy actually knew who my father was, but wouldn’t dare say it. Because he would’ve lost a paying customer. I know this is a horrible way to think. But I wonder how often that happens? How many social workers won’t confront a narcissist parent for fear of losing business?? Or maybe he was just really inept at his job and was fooled by my dad? He did attend one or two sessions on his best behavior.
Thank you for this. My father trafficked me as a child and I've been crying alll night and this morning about the pain he has caused. Emotional, physical, sexual spiritual abuse. I feel so worthless after I came forward he looked at me like he never seen me in his life.
Poor you hon, what a cruel poor excuse for a man he is ..... You are beautiful, move on!
@@joseenoel8093 thank you so very much. This is actually the first time I sobbed on this day. I feel a lot better and I thank you for your kind sweet words.soo much❤❤❤❤❤
I am sending you Love and warmth today. I wish you healing and health. You are worthy . XOXO !!!!
Keep looking at healing videos. I like Cindy Trimm and others ua-cam.com/video/AjqbG3E8LwM/v-deo.html
I'm so sorry for your experience and pain.
I messaged my siblings telling them I love them. That’s how I’m celebrating father’s day.
That is so sweet! I love that 😊
Family scapegoats don't have genuine sibling support, it's false, as soon as you start truth telling, thier toxicity comes out.
@@kr1221E
Stop projecting
I’m a hoop jumping, people pleasing, not good enough fool. But we did not put much importance on this holiday growing up, so I’m not triggered. Self care on big commercial holidays is so important, though. I’d love to see more about that subject on days like these. Thank you!
Funny you should mention not much importance being put on this holiday, I had a narcissistic mother and father so my mother was never going to make too big a day of father's day, she wasn't going to give him too much.
@@marycross6206 I always thanked my father on Father's Day, for anything he had, could or would do to make it a proper union.
HI! Nice to meet you. I am a spoiled princess, who is useless, fat (sometimes also too skinny if I loose weight) and disappointing according to my dad.
But whatever, that are lies.
We also didn't put much importance on this holiday when I was a child. My father was always a bit frustrated that we wouldn't wish him a Happy Fatherday, but when my brother and I were teenagers we said to our father what we think of him and that he never was a real father to us. Since then Fathersday never was a topic in our family again.
My father has been a narcissist his whole life. At an early age, he recognized we shared none of the same interests. He recently told me he knew when I was just a toddler, that he didn’t like me or care about me because of that! He is now 78 and still continues to a life of complete misery. It’s always someone else’s fault, never accepts responsibility for his own actions or behavior. He also recently said he still doesn’t believe in considering others when he wants or does something, it’s just not important.
I now know he is intellectually and emotionally developmentally delayed, as he has been his whole life. He can barely read and barely has reading comprehension. I understand his ability to comprehend much is very limited at best.
Now, none of us acknowledge Fathers Day. No reason to, he has never acknowledged any the rest of us in this family, ever! We are sadly, just waiting for him to die, then at last we can be in peace.
We share the same father, he is 72 still having temper tantrums could not have a grown up conversation with a disagreement if someone paid him..he is sooooo miserable he had a child out of marriage He never claimed the child now he is my age 47 and my dad is still lying about it my mother finally divorced him not because of the child but the lies my mother saw the DNA test and child support payments and my dad told her the courts hate black men..he is so toxic I try to love him but it’s so hard he is so controlling and a big liar
I spent mine having an intensely stressful conversation with my father. I feel like he hears literal static/white noise when I communicate with him.
I felt this
@Aura Darkskipper I cut mine off too
@Aura Darkskipper acceptance is useful. Acknowledging a circumstance is less than ideal is important for closure- with or without the other party ever hearing what you want to say.
Hello baby I feel completely like you
Mine has an unenthused tone until he can talk about himself again
Happy Father's Day ❤
It's still N O C O N T A C T though
Exactly! ua-cam.com/video/Ooj5uhtGW4A/v-deo.html
Yup 👍🙏🌞 same here
@@survivornomad9892 I got you
Same here but no emoticons. I don’t want him to think that I’m open to talking to him on the phone.
@@MsLiLi0728 ❤
Man I’ve been anxious all morning about calling and just came across this before the call. Thank you so much.
So, did you end up calling?? Im curious. I felt the same all day yesterday......I came across this today. I didnt call, and im nervous as all of hell.
Just don’t do it if you don’t want to :)
Dear Dr. Ramani, today is a day that I’m going to celebrate you! If it wasn’t for the educational rehabilitation that you have indirectly given me, today would have been a day of mourning, depression, and self blame for not dropping dead, which is the ONLY way I would be able to win over the acceptance of Mommy Dearest and Step Dad. I actually did disable my Facebook account yesterday. I really appreciate your having said that being the daughter of a narcissistic father sets you up for being attracted to narcissistic men. It removes the intensity of the self blame and shame. I’m spending today alone with my dog, just like I do every other day. Thank you again for all of the amazing videos which you have selflessly shared with the public. You are a National and International treasure. I hope you realize what a difference you are making in the lives of countless people! Sending you many blessings!
Sometimes co-dependant parents aren't any better than the narcissist themselves. They keep quiet when you deal with the rage and abuse from the narcissist.
My father has no empathy. It’s like dealing with a child. He uses my words against me. If I say something as simple as “that was rude to me” he will say “well you’re being rude to me” just gaslighting all my life. It’s why I’m in school to be a therapist. I’m glad I’m my own person because of it at least. Sending strength to families who have narcissistic fathers.
My father passed away in 2016 after enduring Parkinson's Disease. There was no satisfying closure, nor any apology from him--I didn't expect any. We managed a sort of truce. We were basically civil during my visits to the nursing home. It has been a matter of acceptance and moving on ever since his death. Fathers Day is now, just another day to remind me to live more fully and authentically.
I hope you get the best life that your deserve ! Enjoy
Same with me but it was Alzheimer's. Nope, no closure. I didn't expect any as it was obvious to me by middle school he had serious mental health issues.
My father passes away in 2003. He was a wonderful dad. My mom was the Narcissist from hell. She passed away in March. I did not shed a tear.
Converts still alive (she's in detox onto long term care, soon) but very much dead to me, I'll need to clean out her house in a bit, I'll bring home as little as possible.
@@joseenoel8093 My mom was a Covert Narcissist. My Evil sister is a Malignant Narcissist with Grandiose tendencies. My sister was cut out of my life 2000 to 2010 then for good in 2015.
I think the hardest part of my mom's funeral is nobody could come up with one good thing to say about her. One of her old ministers tried to make a joke about her telling him how to do his job, but it was hard to appreciate a joke like that thanks to cptsd. I get his message was one of inclusion, but the scars are real.
my therapist recommended youre videos and i am so glad she did. i was 12 when my empath mother passed away and my brother and i were left in the care of our narcissistic father, i became the scapegoat and he the golden child who went on to become a narcissist as well and i have always felt so painfully alone - being an empath like my mother in a house of narcissists really has a way of messing with your core beliefs. thank you Dr Ramani for your videos, they really are eyeopening
I spent father's day with my stepfather, a wonderful man who deserves to be called my father, not the person who 'fathered' me, because he has pretty much been absent all my life. Self absorbed and selfish man
What a great way to reframe thinking about Fathers Day. Instead of wallowing in sorrow about the loss of that unconditional love and acceptance I will focus on the other fathers in my life, ie: husband, son in law who are wonderful fathers.
My father was a kind man. He taught me to play baseball at age 3 and told me to ignore the boys that gave me a hard time because they were jealous of my talent. That rule still applies today. He did ignore my narcissistic mother using me as a scapegoat so for that he was sad on his deathbed. I wish this information was around back then. Thank you Dr R! Happy solstice 💐
Have a lovely eclipse/solstice week BW! 🌻
You mean he never really knew about her?
For him to be honest about it might have denied him his relationship with you.
Am in no contact with my father since past 2 yrs....had enough after all these years of abuse
I JUST was thinking of this! GOD BLESS! I like that YOU are opening up the platform so others that know Daddy aint that NICE can feel OK acknowledging it!
Sentimental daddies that just as might beat them with sticks.
When I was always tired of being deeply bruised.
Does the day ever come?
I am celebrating my husband and all the amazing work he does being a father to our son.
My dad is a narcissist but thankfully I didn't ever had a narc boyfriend.. I had a narc best friend and I think it helped me to realize what's going on.
The best Father's Days I've had have been after my narcissist father died. Its actually a relief to no longer have to navigate that day.
I hear you, I don’t have to pretend anymore, such a relief 😊
Spot on again. Thx Dr. Ramani. 1st year not calling, texting, cards, etc on Father's Day. He ignored my 50th Birthday in December & Mother's Day this year as well. Not even going to what he did to my daughter. 1st FD in my life I have not called or done something. He doesn't deserve ANYTHING from me. Hard, but necessary. Great reminders, thank you🤗❤️💗
Dr. Ramani, you're a brilliant woman with a gift to heal with your words of truth, love, and wisdom. Cheers to you, my lady, and keep on bringing these messages that so many out there need.
I no longer feel badly about not reaching out! I know who he is and he is terrible. Took a long time to get here. I felt great today.... and so should you!
Thank you for this. Trying to raise a son while having NPD is like crossing a psychological mine field. Well, every time I watch one of your videos it makes the path to safety clearer. Thank you, Dr Ramani! Here's to not passing down psychological heirlooms!
That lipstick is gorgeous on you Dr Ramani. The so called father thought that being authoritative was his role, when he wasn't beating the hell out of me for trivial reasons. Soooo glad I don't deal with either of them. Ty doc
I wish I was as mentally sound, solid, and unbreakable like you. You elude a sense of power and stability.
I don’t have a relationship with my narc dad, but I still wished him a happy Father’s Day today on Facebook.
Very kind of you, now that's over with!
Why?
I'd also like to know why if you don't mind answering?
That's huge! ua-cam.com/video/Ooj5uhtGW4A/v-deo.html
Vanessa because he is a full-blown narcissist and I gave him a narcissistic injury years ago. He can’t bring himself to forgive me nor look inside himself to self-reflect on his mistakes. He doesn’t see anything wrong with himself and he plays the victim. He does not attempt to have a relationship with me, nor does he validate my feelings. I accepted that this isn’t a healthy person and we cannot have a healthy relationship with mutual respect and effort. I have no reason to chase after a person who does not value me nor can show genuine love and concern for me, even after I attempted to make amends. He isn’t a safe person for me so I healed those wounds, and decided to move on and be happy with myself. God is my Father.
Ramani, you are the only one who has given me hope that there are people out there who will believe my situation and agree that I'm not crazy. When I think about it, the assumption is that most doctors will assess my surroundings and assume that I am the one who is crazy because how could so many people that surround me be wrong. But they are very toxic to me and it's not my problem. This doesn't mean I'm completely out of the woods because I have to find some decent people, but your content has helped keep my sanity and given me strength.
I'm still not entirely convinced that my discovery is the absolute truth of the matter because when I read the comment section, a lot of people are talking about things I don't understand or experience. But many of your videos do hit the nail on the head. The manifestation of insecurity that rears itself in not straightforward ways: bullying, many forms of abuse, alienation, entitlement, neglect, et cetera. These are the main things I experience.
Bobby it's complex and everyone has their own experiences. This is why there is no right or wrong way to deal with our own situations. If you relate to the video you are on the right path. Welcome. Plenty of people on here have tried having counselling and gotten nowhere because not enough counsellors and therapists have a full grasp of narc abuse. Only survivors of narc abuse have expert inside knowledge so we have to support each other....unless we happen to find a counsellor/therapist who truly understands from their own firsthand experience. I hope you're doing okay. Sending much love and comforting thoughts 💗💖✨☮🌈
Both my parents are narcissistic but father was more abusive. When I was a child I wished he walked out and disappeared from my life forever. His presence made me nauseous, and in my 30s I still have PTSD symptoms. My friend once told me: “I cant imagine having a dad like yours”, just from experiencing a conversation with him a couple of times. I haven’t talked to him for 3 years, he is now dying and all I feel is relief. I will not go to his funeral, I never thought of him as my father. I’m just glad I discovered this channel now, so I know who he was and the rest of my family can’t guilt me into seeing him.
I'm celebrating to the max. No contact with my NPD ex husband 2 years and we, my sons and I, are soooooo happy
You guys rock, glad you're sssooo happy 😊, it's what they aim to remove!
@@joseenoel8093 yes, true.
Right from the very start.
Thank you Dr Ramani. I'm overwhelmed with constantly protecting my children from their narcissistic "father". I cannot wait for the peace and healing I know we will have when we get out of this.
Strenght on sugar, the kids are way worth the work! They're smart, you'll all pull through! No contact unless he behaves, that's it that's all!
Yes! What a drop. Thank you!
My dad had 7 children to two other women whilst married to my mum and put me on the divorce papers said it was my fault! Go figure..
My father is a narcissist. I'm really high in agreeableness and openness and moderately high in neuroticism, so I did everything I could as a kid/adolescent/early adult to gain his acceptance.
At 19 I started getting panic attacks. Now, 11 years later, I'm grateful that I went through having panic attacks in a weird way. Looking back, I could see some of my behaviors mirroring my narcissistic father. Having panic attacks allowed me to change a lot of my core beliefs. Now, at 30, I have a loving relationship with my fiance, I can help my mom who still suffers from the abuse my father put her through, and I'm helping my sister to understand what actually happened to us as kids and why she ends up with guys who treat her the same way my father treated us.
It hasn't been easy at all. Sometimes I get overwhelmed, but luckily I can funnel it into music and I have developed the mental tools to quiet my mind and fill myself with a sense of strength rather than fear and panic.
Your videos helped me out a lot. Thank you!
Year 3 of no contact. Haven’t looked back since!
congrats! im trying not to contact my narc dad as well.
16 years no contact for me! :) I went no contact 2 years before reporting him to the police. He was sentenced to 11 years in prison for sexual, physical and mental abuse. He is in his seventies now, I saw him the other day and he looks like a pitiful old man with a walking stick.... back in the day he was tall and strong... he is now a shadow of his former self. I was thinking of contacting him again, but recently decided that it is not worth it, because he will only manipulate me and cause more drama in my life. Its a shame, because I would love him to meet his grandson. My son has missed out on a grandad and father, because his dad is a narcissist. I have since learnt my lesson and only attract nice/genuine men now. I can spot a narcissist a mile off and run the other way, they no longer hold any attraction for me because now I know that I deserve better!
I had a huge cathargic cry last night . It’s definitely a trigger to me.
I was blessed with a fantastic father. He just turned 70 last week and he and my mom are still together over 40 years. But I've dated women who I believe had narcissistic fathers and I think it had a negative effect on how they relate with men.
Yes, I have a narc dad and I agree with this. I have a strong distrust and discomfort with men. I also tend to think that all men are guilty until proven innocent which is a completely inappropriate and unacceptable way of thinking. Sadly there are genuinely good men out there that are written off because of our experience with a narc father. Honestly it is going to take lots of unlearning on our part and a good therapist who knows about narcissistic relationships.
It's beautiful how elderly couples still have time to share with each other.
I wish you the best of Parents Day 🙏
Relationships are with friends who share purpose and reasoning.
Thank you for the advice ! I am going through this right now with my father. My solution is to stay away from that energy as much as possible.
I sent an obligatory text saying “Have a nice Father’s Day” and felt somewhat numb. Then I called my son, who is a very attentive and emotionally available father and for the rest of the day celebrated his fatherhood.
Don’t convince your inner self that one day you’ll end up with a narcissistic partner! Try to get rid of the “programs” that the narcissistic parents puts you in ... and after all we are aware of it, we can easily spot one 🌻🍄🌸
woof. You used the term jumping through hoops. That's exactly how I felt growing up and I used that phrase often. Thank you for helping me validate myself and my experience.
They're morons!
Can you make a video please for the daughters of narcissists ? How can they deal with this tough situation , how can they manage to heal and be cured after it ends ...and most importantly how should they avoid ending up with a narcissit partner as you have explained that daughters of narcissits tend to love and fall for narcissists as well . Please hit like so that dr Ramani sees the comment and makes the video . Thanks in advance !
Merioum if you search Doctor Ramani's videos with the keyword ''narcissist parents' or 'family roles in narcissist families' or 'narcissist fathers' or 'narcissist fathers of daughters' you'll be able to listen to her explain all about this.
Dr Ramani I just want to mention how much you and your channel helps me so much. Thank you so much!
It's sad, amazing, and surprising to see how many of us are watching these videos.
Good advice. I still want take the time to acknowledge the narc because many times their 'narcissistic birth' arose from multiple traumas. Sometimes the saying,' You cant do better if you dont know better' rings true. Its sad to me that they will never know better because that part of their rationale has been damaged. I dont excuse what they do . Its just sad they dont have the capacity to change. I wish their was a 'cure'
Wow, lived with "one hand tied behind our back"... thank you for that statement, more meaningful than you even know... knowledge!
Bless you for this video. I’m struggling really bad with a narcissistic father. And my moms been dealing it for 33 years. I don’t know how she does it. I’m looking to transfer colleges and to make sure he doesn’t know where I am.
Blessings to you and your mom. ua-cam.com/video/Ooj5uhtGW4A/v-deo.html
Survivor Nomad thank you ❤️ for your support. I appreciate it
Your poor mother, is there any way that you can help her leave the situation? Being in a negative relationship all that time can really take a toll on someones health. I threw my father out of the family home when I was 20 years old. I stood up to him after he beat me up, I gave him two weeks to find somewhere else to live, or I would call the police and tell them everything. What he is doing to your mother is against the law. I wish my mother could have got out of it sooner... after he left she died prematurely because of all the stress and spent the last ten years of her life in constant physical pain, without ever experiencing a man who showed her love. :(
Blessings hunny
Yess run away from there . my dad wants me to be like him but I'm running as soon as I graduate
What a beautiful explanation Dr Ramani. I am a single child, who’s narcissistic father died some 10 years ago. I still feel the pain today as a 51 year old woman, more than when he was alive. I’m working on it with a therapist, however it seems monumental. Please speak more on this delicate & hot topic for many out there like me. Love u & thank u♥️
My long suffering mother is still married to my narcissistic stepdad. We come from an old world culture that made it too difficult for her to leave. So I send my step dad gifts and play nice, purely because it makes him easier for my mom to live with for a while, as he basks in all the social attention. But I never, ever get him a card that tells him what a great dad he is, I'm not that much of a liar.
You make me feel more validated through UA-cam videos than the father ever has and for that, thank you!
I wish my mother was still alive - She did everything she could to compensate for the imbalance created in my family by my narcissistic father. Now I only have my ungrateful father to have yelling matches with over the phone.
Thanks, my narcissistic parents called me mad person. Clearly i have realised it was not my fault and it was theirs. We need more psychologists like you to come up with such good explanation which others consider socially unacceptable. Narcissistic parents throw their incapabilities on their children. They expect you to do extraordinary things. But they themselves can't do decent parenting and keep on blaming their children. And when u stand up for yourself they will try to bring u down. Unfortunately these kind of narcissistic behaviour does not go away.
I sent this video along to my son. I am certain he will find it helpful. His father is a supreme Narcissist - angry, controlling, shaming, raging, and he plays the victim when he cannot get people to do what he wants. Our marriage only lasted 4 years but my son's relationship with him was still ongoing. Now my son is in his 30s and his narc father is not coping with the boundaries or the "grey rock" that my son has created for himself and his children's wellbeing.
That term "invalidating" nocked the nail on the head. I stoped going to family gatherings (chrismass etc) because he would invaladate me at every turn 8n front of extended family. I just couldnt go it any longr, so spent a lot of Christmas alone. Even now when i do something wrong, drop a cup or find my self getting uptite and flusterd in a task i can litrally hear him in my head tut tuting or and calling me an "arsewhole" . The fact i was a child and adolesent with mentle helth problems ment i knew i made life less than easy for veryone. Its only now after his passing that i have tried to come to terms with it , but which also intails ALOT of guilt for not being better because he was right i am and was far from perfect.
You are not far from perfect. There are plenty of parents in the world with fully disabled children who do not do to them what your father did to you. Anyone who abuses has usually been abused themselves so the saying was created of "hurt people hurt people" unless we are mindful that we want to end the cycle of abuse. Your father obviously had issues from his own life and was projecting them onto you. It is a phenomenon and if you search Doctor Ramani's videos with the keyword 'projecting' or 'projection' you'll be able to listen to her explain all about it....so don't blame yourself or put yourself down just because someone has brainwashed you into thinking that. It isn't true because if you'd had a father with no mental health issues who gave you no grief you wouldn't be saying these things about yourself which is proof that you are perfect just as you are...but your father needs mental health help. I hope you're doing okay. Sending much love and caring comforting thoughts to you 💗💖✨☮🌈
This video was so completely validating. I feel seen for the first time ever. Thank you Dr. Ramani for putting words to the life that I have lived for 22 years.
Sometimes my didn’t father visit for a year or two even though he didn’t live far. He moved to another country and we didn’t know because he couldn’t find us to tell us after we were 18 and no longer lived in the same home. He didn’t even know where I went to high school. Now he’s on my FB and has a daughter 30 years younger. I always forget about Father’s Day because I never really felt I had one. I avoid wishing him happy Father’s Day although I have a few times online. It feels very strange calling him “Dad”. He actually tried to basically blame my brother and I for him barely being in our lives. He is one of the most selfish people I’ve ever met.
You are a life saver Dr Ramani. Nothing makes me feel more calm than to come on your channel and listen to your wisdom. Thank you!!! 🌸💕
I cut off my narcissist dad about five years ago. No holiday cards, calls, or anything. It’s been a long 53 year journey. But I never realized how much the healing would accelerate once I stopped worrying about “honor” and gave myself permission to enforce boundaries. I am still close to his only surviving sibling who completely understands my decision. But not for my uncle, I probably will not go to my father’s funeral. I believe funerals are to support the living every bit as much as honoring the dead. If he goes before my dad, I won’t show up at all.
Dr. Ramani, when I listen to you I feel like I'm being held for the very first time in my entire life; an embrace I didn't even know I needed this bad. A hug I didn't know existed. The relief of my pain being acknowledged, and this huge weight of guilt and confusion and anger being lifted off of my exhausted shoulders is beyond imagination. Thank you for being there and for sharing the much needed knowledge.