Honestly it's just a symptom of the digital age. As our communication becomes more and more physically disconnected, we also become more disconnected as people. It's a lot easier to forget someone if your communication is primarily just text on a screen, versus meeting and talking in person.
There's a book called Casanova Optimization of Attraction, and it talks from body language and conversaton starters to dark mind tricks and flirting through texts, it's the real deal
As someone who struggles with texting, please don't jump to conclusions with people based on texts. Texting is incredibly mentally taxing for me, to a point where I rarely engage with it nowadays, but if you want to call or talk in person, I'll always be there. Not everyone finds the same things easy, and them withdrawing can be about their own mental state, not a form of manipulation.
real, it takes me 2-4 days to respond sometimes if it’s not close family. it’s not that I don’t like my friends, I just get exhausted easily…. i wish people didn’t think it’s some sort of litmus test for whether they value you.
This this this! I truly mean no harm… I’m just introverted and have a lot of social things I need to keep up with already😓… If anyone has any advice for me to be less toxic with this, please let me know❤️🩹/nf
I dont wanna go too into detail on why I think this video has so many flaws and biases tbh but a key point I want to say: context and communication are what matters, Ask questions, don’t just assume, no one knows whats really going on in someone’s day to day life for why they aren’t responding quickly, responding at certain times, or being dry.
If You are the one experiencing obstacles to communicate, You should say what's going on. I don't bother with people who want me to elicit info anymore.
@@gattasara Well I’m not the commentor, but here’s a that I’ve noticed for the first one: For the ghosting one, you may have no idea what they are doing at the same time. Many people are extremely busy, and have important things to do, so they might be doing something while texting. The fact that they bother to continuously text you in the first place usually means they enjoy the conversation. Plus, others, like me, have ADHD, so I find it hard to focus
Ya, pretty sure they say to think about it and reflect on how you feel. Nice deflection " don't want to go into detail " picking apart something for no reason acting like they didn't just say all the disclaimers etc. Comments like this is why videos take 20 minutes to make sure that they cover everybody's little insecurities when they're going over videos. If it's not about that then they're not referring to that and if it's about that then they're referring to that and you have your own common sense like you said you can fucking evaluate on your own
I don’t like the first one. To say it’s always a form of deliberate manipulation is cruel. Ghosting texts and forgetting and coming back like nothing happened is a big sign of ADHD and I do this too. I usually say sorry, but to say I’m manipulating my friends and family on purpose in order to control them is hurtful. Edit: if you don’t agree with this comment it wasn’t for you
Okay, then it isn't for you. Not everything that has a small detail about you IS about you. It was mentioned that they ghost you and when they came back they don't even say sorry or explain why they did it. Just straight up another conversation. It isn't about you, stop being so sensitive.
Maybe you should think more about how your behavior affects others, and prioritize improving in this area, instead of thinking 'that's just the way I am' and cant do anything about it
@ thank you for not reading a thing I said. I don’t debate with people who make up context that didn’t exist. If you like this video, that’s great. I’m allowed an opinion too.
some people have texting anxiety, or sometimes cant think of what to respond. so they step away to think about what to reply. happens to me sometimes, and then i worry that the person might think im showing disinterest or something bad. then i feel bad about myself and become even more distant. it can be a vicious cycle
I get your point but I do not think that a thing like "texting anxiety" exists. That would be a fancy and misleading term for what you are experiencing.
Then just say that you'll get back to them soon tell them you got their message you read it and you will respond shortly. that's really not that difficult, and it's not rude either
There are so many people in the comments here who are thinking they are toxic people just because they don't put texting at the top of their priority list. That's really sad and not fair. This topic has a lot of nuance even within generational gaps. No you're not a horrible person for not talking with everyone you consider a friend every second of the day. How woukd anyone get anything done otherwise? I get that it feels hard to navigate relationships with others in these days but this really isn't it.
It's something they addressed. But from this and the comment section, things will develop. There'll be a way to tell the difference between all the possibilities and situations people are in. The main things that steps are taken to break things down and to prevent misunderstandings. But in the process of that people will have a variety of opinions for, against, and even different directions things can go. So, since is near the start of the whole process, things will be addressed more properly in later videos by people.
Honestly a lot of these habits are not "new" but this UA-camr just took down popular psych studies of how people text and condensed it. But it also depends on your relationship with the person. A lot of these studies are done for people dating and that information is utilized by dating apps. So do not think this video is informative of friendships
So I'm not a big texter at all.....im old school and prefer to CALL people or see them in person. Texting to me is just for a quick conversation, if it's something that important it's a lot quicker just to call somebody or go see them
Yeah, texting maybe look convenience but more often than not, it could contain mixed sign for miswordings which can cause misunderstandings. Texting lacks expressions like body language & facial expression which is crucial to make sure the message you want to deliver will conveyed in its entirety.
I prefer texting over talking over phone because it gives both of you a possibility for an afterthought. It's nice knowing you can take a minute or two to really think through your next actions. Ain't got a partner though so can't really relate
@@KhoiruunisaRF Exactly why I prefer talking face to face... The misunderstandings that happen during texting are all caused by plain messages that show 0 emotions
@@Ancient_00exactly dating has turned into red flag hell, when a girl is into you, she doesn't see flags or ignores them, when she's not into you, move on, it's the only sane thing to do.
I agree, and seems like according to the video this makes me a "Minimalist" my texting style uses some "nice" and "yeah that's funny" and the reason is that I don't know what to do with a random massege I recive, chating in text is not an activity I do, you are practicly keeping me up, and I just don't want to be rude not saying a thing
I'm not sure if I fully agree with this video. I've learned over the years that texting is much more complicated than that. Someone could not be texting you because they have adhd or are anxious or depressed or something like that. It's not always because you're an afterthought. Some people genuinely forget or start overthinking so much, and it's really not because they don't care. And I think different people also have different ideas over how texting should go. Some people look at it more like sending letters, like back in the day just to put it simply lol. And other people expect a reply within a few minutes.
Yes !! I really agree with this! I grew up being told that a text is something you get to when you can, and a call is more urgent with whatever someone is trying to tell you. And it always feels like i’m doing something whether it’s like doing house tasks, personal hobbies, spending time with family, i hardly take out my phone for these tasks. So i just naturally forget about everything on my phone until a month later i remember getting notifications about something.. and then it becomes embarrassment and shame (?!??) and i reply when i realize there’s nothing else to it, all my friends and family know already that i’m a horrible texter, it’s just kind of sad when meeting new people.
I have depression and I hate more than anything trying to fake my mood to someone during texting. I don't feel it's fair to the other person when they ask "how are you?" and the answer is "Not good, to be honest." especially if it's a newer friend that you don't want to show your down side too yet, and so it's just easier to text back when you are actually in a good mood again. TL: DR - Texting people when you have depression is difficult.
I feel like this would do well if there was no effort put into understanding each other's situation. Then, use this video to get a further understanding. Sometimes just sending one quick text of I can't text oftern because of etc. I'm not sure how many people forget or don't know to do this.
I’m a night texter only because that’s when I have time to myself. In fact, this comments being written at 3am. The point is, I love my friends more than anything but responsibilities may get in the way. Of course I will always try to be as quick to respond as I can and I’m currently still working on it but I wouldn’t at all call the ones I’m texting a low priority. They mean the world to me. Moral of the story, don’t be quick to assume the worse.
Exactly! It's not because I think of texting people as an afterthought, it's because night is the only time I have to respond to people and do my own thing!
I have had a best friend for like over 7 years now and we used to talk alot but now we just skip a whole moth without talking and we both come back like nothing happened and start jokes. I once confronted her about this, for me it's normal because i feel like I've secured her as my best friend "forever", and so when i asked her she had the exact same reason and i just knew she was the one. 😂❤
Texting is very new and a lot of people don't fit into texting social norms. We should not expect texting will be the same as face to face interaction or it will lead to more misunderstanding. Red flags here only means a sign to investigate and seek clarification.
I think denoting these patterns as "red flags" is very lethargic and dismissive. You are looking for somebody without asking them about themselves. How ironic is that!
I'm an introvert and a night owl, so I naturally struggle with conversation as it is even face to face. I try my best, but when I can't get a word in edgewise with face to face conversations, I forget what I was trying to say in the first place and don't even bother trying anymore. The one time I did try to participate in a conversation with my dad's family, my dad interrupted me and said that my story was boring and no one wanted to hear it. Meanwhile, I'm sitting there thinking to myself, "Yeah, and how many boring conversations did I have to sit through over the years? The one time I try to participate, you interrupt me and you wonder why I never join in any conversations."
I sort of relate to the first one. Sometimes I just need to retreat and recharge from things and that leads to be not looking at (and sometimes avoiding) my texts. I've never done it to try and string anybody along, I just need that break sometimes.
I pull back only because I feel like I'm the one that often tries to reach out to someone. Idk, but it feels frustrating and sad when you feel like uninteresting or unwanted. That's why I pull away and come back when I'm in the right headspace.
Hardly anyone is truly "bad" at texting. They just don't feel like texting YOU. Keep putting yourself out there and find someone who does. Having said that, be patient with people. The biggest problem with texting an individual is that two people are almost always in different moods when apart. If you're an adaptable, understanding, and patient texter, it will pay off. :)
Yeah, I call it the "what is their pattern of texting" test. "If you snatch their phone and look at their messages, how often do they text other people" ? Obviously don't need to take their phone away, it's more of a gut feeling in you, where you know they are bread crumbing you. And just stop texting and get over the anxiety of wanting to connect and please someone who doesn't really care about you
I'm not always resposive to texts from friends and family, but I'm very busy with school and work. I hope the ghosting thing doesn't make me toxic, I communicate with people and spend quality time with them when we make plans
Wait, the vanisher one is so real... My "friend" always responds and then leaves until 2 day later. They also always messaged short words like "lol" etc. It turned out they just purely didnt want to be friends with me. The timing of this vid is so right that i feel like im being watched-😭😭
That's dry texting. I vanish, respond to the last text, and then try to start a new conversation because I know my friend is long since done with the last one.
Clicked on this to see if any of my texting behaviours were toxic - and lo and behold. Not even surprised. My texting pattern is very inconsistent, sometimes I can talk almost for hours, other times can't talk at all - I might have the time, but just not the strength. Recently it's mostly the latter. And I feel really bad when I haven't texted someone in a long time, prompting me to avoid them out of shame, thus not texting them even longer. I'm very aware of this and I feel bad about this, but I can't help it. And even if I do text them eventually, not very often do I have much to say. Which I feel bad about yet again.
You're not toxic, you're different. People place far too much emphasis on texting as if it's objective. It's different for everyone. Don't sweat it. Find people who understand how you are. These kinds of expectations breed anxiety disorders
People that project their insecurities in your texts... Not a good sign! Generally a sign of someone who is VERY emotionally (and/or mentally) unstable.
I do feel bad when i have people i enjoy being around and talking to, but then having multiple groups of people like that. I cant hang out with everyone and sometimes i just need time to myself, either or makes it feel like im leaving someone out… just trying to remind myself that i’ll talk to them soon, i know i will.
I definitely do the last one. Not constantly and not often anymore, but my BPD causes me to panic and overthink and overanalyse every potential hidden meaning behind messages and the gaps between them. Even sometimes typing then pausing then typing again. I have worked so hard to get rid of that mindset, and it’s been so hard because I’ve been hurt so many times by ignoring or mainly not recognising signs somebody was not interested or offended or something like that due to my autism making social situations a bitch and a half. But I like to think that I’m doing better with that. Especially with letting people get back to me when they want (within reason obviously like don’t leave me hanging for half an hour), and I’m doing okay ish with not reading into every message.
Sorry to hear you're experiencing that, and it's not your fault you have BPD. I was hoping you could explain further: "don't leave me hanging for half an hour" that's not a very long time to be left hanging in my opinion. What are you going to do if they leave you hanging for 30 minutes?
@ Realistically? Panic probably. Worry and stress about if they hate me or not. I’m doing my best to be okay with longer and longer stretches of time between replies
@@Chaotic.Fish88 you're amazing for so much self reflection and it's clear that you care. You're gonna get through this don't worry. Try to take it slowly, that's what I try to focus on when dealing with anxiety. Everything will be okay
Hey! BPD it's not mental disorder, connected somehow with your brain, it's illusion of your own wrong understanding of your feelings formed from childhood. You constantly devalue your feelings because you think they're shameful. "BPD" doesn't really exists, and it's emotional disorder that is easy to heal. You can find more by searching The Last Symptom in the articles, they helped me to get rid of this "BPD" and forget this. And I had it as you, absolutely the same. To heal you need to understand that your parents did something wrong to you, and understand that some people around you can behave wrong to you. You'll need to understand that your feelings matters, and you value as person in this world. You're the only one who can do it, and no one will help you. You can't do it for someone, and only for yourself, only if you really want to get rid of it. The reason why you fear abandonment and easily get offended is that you subconsciously sure that you and your feelings are nothing, and it doesn't matter in this world. So you think that others think the same, which is not true. In your head you have formed worldview of that your value fully depends on evaluation of other people, which is not true, and it just means you can't really value yourself. To get rid of this illusion you need to stop pity yourself and stop searching for pity from others, and try to understand things seriously. What is true is that your behavior shouldn't be accepted, which is for some reason almost all psychologists do, and makes you to never heal fully, and it destroys you every day. You will find more on the articles. I'm sure you, as everyone can and as I did, can get rid of it, and have happy life that you deserve. But for this you will need to really want it, and take it seriously. And remember, people who really care and really want to help always exists, so you're not hopeless. Your feelings is the only reason why you exists, and the only thing that takes it from us it's end of life. After death feelings disappear. So don't devalue them, because once you just won't have them, and now you can have happy deserved life until you can. Your BPD is related to that you your whole life lack of intimacy, that you can replace with other behavior, with animals, with other things that gives oxytocin but not real intimacy. People can't live without it, it's important thing of pyramid of needs, so please find it, after you'll heal. I'm sure it's around you just don't notice it. People bring love, and maybe you're the only one who hate yourself now, thinking that all the world against you. Good luck ❤
Hey! BPD it's not mental disorder, connected somehow with your brain, it's illusion of your own wrong understanding of your feelings formed from childhood. You constantly devalue your feelings because you think they're shameful. "BPD" doesn't really exists, and it's emotional disorder that is easy to heal. You can find more by searching The Last Symptom in the articles, they helped me to get rid of this "BPD" and forget this. And I had it as you, absolutely the same. I'm sure you, as everyone can and as I did, can get rid of it, and have happy life that you deserve. But for this you will need to really want it, and take it seriously. And remember, people who really care and really want to help always exists, so you're not hopeless. Your feelings is the only reason why you exists, and the only thing that takes it from us it's end of life. So don't devalue them, because once you just won't have them, and now you can have happy deserved life until you can. People bring love, and maybe you're the only one who hate yourself now, thinking that others do. Good luck ❤
agh i often vanish but it's due to autism/anxiety..... then i feel too stupid to reply after a long time so sometimes i avoid people for months even though i like them a lot :(((
Real talk, I cut contact with one last month and feel so much better. He got even worse when I bought a really good laptop two months ago, and that possibly flared his insecurities even more. It didn’t feel good ending the friendship, ngl, but it was necessary. Maybe he’ll learn how to deal with people someday, but knowing him, that’s a minor possibility.
Social media is ruining my life. Friends are posting on instagram stories all the time but doesn't reply to my messages or somehow am unable to hang out with me (yet they are able to hang out with other people). I can't help but wonder if it's because Im jealous or there is a bigger problem that I can't seem to see. This thought has been killing me and I am at a lost of what to do 😫
Unfortunately I’m somewhat of a”the vanisher” when texting. I’ve had bad relationships in the past so I have a hard time maintaining relationships. I can never start conversations because of my social anxiety, so when the other person doesn’t start it, I seemingly “ghost” them.
To me, excessive concern about texts is a monstrous red flag. Texting isn't for meaningful conversation, it's for short messages what used to be phone calls. Wanting to have full-on novel-length conversations in text are a giant red flag with flashing red lights. It's rare that I disagree with these videos, but I can't really get behind this one. I would consider someone who demanded all of what this video suggests about texts to be a red flag wrapped in red flags. Far too clingy and dependant on texting, overthinking the meaning of every thing, and the whole timing of text return time to be more than a little creepy.
I don't completely agree with this. I have online friends who I only talk to via text and we usually write each other "novel-length" messages every month or two. But I treat it like writing letters to each other. So I think it also depends on the situation. But I do agree that in a lot of other situations, people shouldn't make texting such a big deal.
It's all subjective and this video is more of take with a grain of salt. Me and my bestie are extremely close yet we rarely text and when we do it's short and sweet, we leave bug convos to calls or In person
Your comment feels really defensive, as if you exhibit a bunch of these behaviors. Feeling called out? "excessive concern" "full-on novel-length" "demanded" "clingy and dependent" "overthinking" "timing" - where in the video did they claim you should be these things? #1 inconsistency #2 night crawlers, low priority #3 minimalist #4 one directional #5 constant critics #6 passive aggressive Over the course of the 6 behaviors mentioned, they specifically state that context matters. A few of these are just straight toxic. If you exhibit some of these behaviors, maybe you need to do some introspection. And do you know what a "red flag" is? It doesn't mean this person is evil, and cut them off immediately. It means there's something worth paying attention to, so you can get more context and understanding. It may turn out there's nothing wrong. Your criticism was pretty vague. What specifically was stated that you disagree with?
@social3256 I think it's just that some people prefer and have different forms of communication and therefore, some of these things won't always apply to everyone.
@bramble-95 I can't disagree with you that there is a situational component. However, I didn't get the impression that the video was about that once-a-month, we're-far-apart-and-don't-talk-much kind of catch up, although even then, I'd prefer an email or an actual call, but in that situation I get it. The feeling I had was more in casual dating/existence with people you are around often and close-by. The kind of texting clinginess described in the video is a bit squicky.
I am autistic and I am pretty bad with keeping text conversations because I feel overwhelmed by too many conversations going on when I enter messaging apps and social media. So, it’s quite common for me to disappear without answering the messages for days, and then come back. According to this video, I am an abusive person. What the heck
I am guilty for some of these. Whenever someone starts a conservation with me for the first time, I am usually checking out if I want to stay in contact with them. If I am not interested, I don't text them again but don't tell them that I don't want to engage with them anymore. My girlfriend is usually sending me big walls of text. While my texts are a lot smaller than hers doesn't mean that I am not interested. I just don't seem to have the ability to communicate that well. I have very rarely had moments where I say a lot. Most of the time I say a little to nothing. But she knows about it and is fine with it. It's more of what I say instead of how much. We are always there for each other, whenever someone is having a bad day or just want to talk, we always make sure to give us the time and attention. We love each other very much and while our energies don't seem to match, we balance each other out. If some of you got a question, feel free to ask me anything (regarding to my comment though lol)
Personally I think the first behavior you described is just straight up wrong. Someone is making the effort to try to engage with you and you just don't text back depending on how you may feel about them and then you don't even tell them what your issue is. That leaves the other person wondering if they did something wrong, if you don't like them, if you'll answer eventually, ect.. I think you should absolutely just openly tell the person whatever the reason is that you are not interested in a conversation with them. That way you leave no unnecessary confusion. While you and me will probably never privately text, this is super important to me because people these days think they can do whatever they want on the internet or through texting platforms without considering that there is another human being behind the screen. You wouldn't just turn around without saying a single word when someone tries to talk to you in real life aswell. It would be rude, ignorant and dishonest if you did that, aslong as the engaging person had normal or good intentions with their cause.
@babsibenson Ok, I think you misunderstood me there. That's not what I was trying to say. Of course I am answering them when they text me. But when the next day is coming and they don't message me again, I take that as them understanding that I don't want to keep the conversation going. I am not just ghosting them. That's something even I don't do. Edit: I also tell them beforehand that I am not really that much into texting or smalltalk and I usually don't engage in conversations
1:40 uh- what if ur totally ruined with depression and trust issues and physically cant open urself up to anyone any further bc ur scared to be damaged more -cough cough- def not what im going thru rn
@@jonniefast"You have to take responsibility for the fact you're going through a mental illness that deprives you of dopamine and therefore doesn't let you do anything that feels even slightly exhausting to think about" See how insane that sounds? Yeah?
As a person who have horrible experiences with ghosting,I always get very anxious when someone didn't reply to me after they saw it. This is apparent especially in conflicts and because of it,I get incredibly anxious and paranoid. And because of my reaction of ghosting,my friends get mad at me and told me that ghosting is not a bad thing to people and that I should move on my trauma and change my view on ghosting as ghosting is not always bad. Now I did learn try to control myself and it does reduces friction
I have an issue with this one - I had a significant portion of my life when I was homeschooling two kids, attending college myself, working full time, and I just didn't have the time to maintain full on conversations and I just didn't have the time to respond. If someone couldn't handle that, then that's on them. I'm not reorganizing my life for someone when I already running at my maximum capacity.
Sadly, I am one of the ghosters. Its completely unintentional, I just unfortunately have ADHD and I forget the person. When I remember them, I miss them and I feel bad, but its completely not intentional
I find it super hard to text. I just don't find the conversations interesting most of the time and find it hard to engage. I think for me it's just the lack of physicality and seeing and actual face. Emojis and such doesn't really do it for me. Voice notes are helpful sometimes but you don't always have time or space to listen to them. This creates a lot of problems in my romantic relationships and I'm always met with "just do it, try harder" and I have worked super hard on this but it always comes off forced and my partners seem to pick up on this immediately.
Honestly, I struggle texting back to someone because 1. Social anxiety 2. I have hard time thinking of a response 3. I'm more of a caller type. I also feel like my parents being strict distances me because I distance from them. Plus, there's always that back of the mind thought that who I'm texts to may snap because I said something wrong. So yeah.
This one, the vanishers (0:40), kinda upset me. I’m not lacking interest or pulling away when I feel too close, nor am I manipulating you. I just really f*cking hate texting. I don’t dislike you. I just hate texting and having to read a message behind a message. Also, as said by my father: “If it was important, they’d call you. Texting can be replied to later.” Edit: Also, context is important. It varies from person to person, and this video is too narrow for such a broad subject.
texting does kinda suck for this reason the medium of communication has room for too much variety at random- are u gonna get a short text or a long thoughtful one? a quick reply or one that takes days-?- all things that open the gate to overthinking
@bramble-95 Sadly, all too complicated to grow up with in this day and age. Kids are growing up with this stuff, and lacking the actual ability to hold a real life conversation, particularly with an adult, and not sound like a wet sock.
I’ve had a friend (but I’m not friends with her anymore) who would display a few of these. She would always correct the slightest incorrect grammar, and she would be so inconsistent with texting me back! Like I could text her at around 10 in the morning, and she would answer back around 7 pm 😤. I’m just glad that I do t text her anymore
i feel like i just realised that i’ve been avoiding most people due to the fact that i don’t think i should get close to them or i’m just afraid of becoming friends with them as a whole. I don’t want to get hurt, so I keep my distance from others. That’s also a reason I don’t have anyone to spend time with, other than my family members. this video is like a wake-up call, but does anyone have any device on how i can do something about it?
I don’t have time to chitchat on my phone every 30 seconds for 15 hours every day for my work. I have to focus on every text i get is a burden of work. Imagine having to type in a authentication code every 30 seconds during a math test. Thats what texting is.
I’m the minimalist and vanisher, but I normally vanish whenever it gets to a topic that I might say something wrong about, and I’m minimalist simply because half of the time I don’t know what to say.
The first one also has a reverse. You're constantly carrying the conversation but the person on the other side, just keeps responding in short words like they have little or nothing to say. Even when a good discussion is going, as soon as you try to make plans to talk more, the other person offers nothing.
I want to be engaged in texting but texting and calling are both really hard for me. I get easily bored and sidetracked; staying engaged is almost impossible. Saying this is purposeful manipulation is really hard to hear especially because I get so much crap from my friends and relatives because I never want to call or text. I always feel guilty for not loving phone calls and text conversations as much as they do but I really only like in-person conversations where we can talk face to face. text conversations and phone calls have haunted me to the point of becoming a genuine fear. To the extent that I will purposefully forget to charge my phone or respond to texts to avoid them dragging on. I see how this could be viewed as manipulation but I have expressed my hatred for long calls to the majority of people in my life who try to start them with me but every single person just brushes it off or asks impossible questions. It is really really hard to hear this when it is a genuine cause of some of my fear and anxiety. Edit: Reading some of these comments makes me feel a bit better. It is comforting to know that there are people who have similar opinions about texting and calling as I do.
3:18 Or that I don't want to make the other person feel uncomfortable by asking questions about themselves as I wouldn't like that and that there is the risk they would ask me something about myself
I used to believe that when someone does let's say ONE bad thing but the other time they'd do more positive things, i'd fixate on that. But now i see it as "how do they behave?" And then i start to look for patterns on an over time deal. We mess up all the time because we are humans but if we keep doing it, it's a pattern and sometimes it might not be seen because of the level of awareness. That's when i learned about boundaries and started putting focus in myself more. Been feeling good learning new things
Narcissist will love bomb u in beginning of the conversation and when u ll start giving them importance suddenly they will start playing games and rude behaviours. U ll feel so bad after communicating with them.
I often vanish, but it’s usually because I’m not always texting people. If you text me, then i will try my best to reply because I actually care, it’s not always a manipulative thing
I may be a backhanded texter.. in the sense that I say 'alr imma stop bothering you now' except I acc mean it since ik I'm annoying. I don't say it with aggression, I say it with insecurity. I literally pour my heart out to someone, write a whole rant to make sure they don't lose interest and get bored and tired of me, then I say something like 'ALRR I'LL STOP BEING ANNOYING NOW' since I don't wanna be an energy vampire. I'm constantly trying to be active, responding to each text instantly, and yet that's not enough. I js wanna them happy n keep them interested :(
I feel like the anonymity of texting can influence anyone in different ways. Its good to get everyones experiences from both sides, as to develop a better understanding of it. Also, everyone deals with things differently, and processing takes a while to happen.
Uhm ever though the "night wanderers" are people in a hard time having difficulties with their sleep pattern? Besides, you cant deny 3 AM hits differently... You be a person you won't be on daytime, more morally intrigued.
The number of times where it goes from a balanced conversation to where I have to carry our whole relationship (even if it is only a friendship) is really discouraging...
I just hate texting. I lose interest quickly and people often don’t have anything to say that I find engaging. The same “what are you up to?” every day makes me feel like it’s a chore, even when I want to respond with detailed responses - I just don’t have that kind of energy anymore. It’s not the right type of socializing for me. I HATE trying to focus on just my phone long enough for a short conversation. Kinda just hate my phone honestly
Perhaps start an engaging conversation? It sounds like people are trying to reach out to you & "what are you up to?" is a foundational connection point. You can't make it other people's responsibility to be engaging if, from what it sounds like, you don't care to put any effort in, yourself. What are *they* up to?
Had a friend who almost always texted in extremely long paragraphs. It would become exhausting overtime to the point it’d delay us hanging out or such, and when it’d come to arguments and i’d want to call to get my words out, they worried i’d guilt trip them with my tone despite never doing that with them. It was so hard to text my complex feelings without overthinking it
Sometimes its not a red flag rather the person don't like your personality and don't want to engage with you ! Nowdays ig we have so many terms that we all are somehow entangled to everything. Heard a podcast few days back that said we all are bit of narcissistic because we want attention , who doesn't want to lead and look good just for getting more opportunities.
If you don't like someone's personality and don't want to engage with them, tactfully tell them. Don't play games. That's why it's a red flag. Being opportunistic is one thing; but only thinking of yourself is narcissistic.
Reminds me of an ex fling who couldn't talk face to face everytime I tried to but wouldn't stop texting me on Instagram and even blame me for not responding as fast as she wanted to. Conversations irl are way better than texting.
Bro I always worry about accidentally conveying what might be toxic when I don’t mean to and try to apologize for it. Like I sometimes just trauma dumb on my friends but try to ask if I can first bc no one’s ever really listened or acknowledged those feelings. And I’m over apologetic so that can get annoyed and I overthink everything. While I think what is in this video is helpful it might not be the best to directly apply each to every context/situation/citcumstance.
I don't understand how the point at 0:52 is valid. If anything urgently needs to be responded to then call. Sometimes texting needs to be put on hold to take care of things which are right in front of you.
My best friend that I trust the most dose all of this. I don’t know if she’s just not the texting person or not. But your content helps my super emotional self figure things out ❤
i genuinely dislike minimalists they're so boring and flat and no brainers it's so annoying especially in a discussion they state dumb stuff you give them contra and they just say no or ok and there's so damn many of them AAAAH
I knew an online friend once that matches perfectly with the 3rd and 6th points. She was invested in me at first, and over time her texts became shorter and more dismissive/with a passive agressive undertone. I took a while to notice this since our friendship lasted for 5 years, and while she mostly kept her answers short she _wanted_ me to keep the conversation going because it was like "Keep talking about whatever" . But then when I asked her to talk about something, she said she prefered I continue, even when I wasn't sure what to bring up. And if I was talking too long to reply (like more than a few hours, when we used to talk everyday) she'd go "I guess you're busy, I'll stop bothering you" . I finally ended up cutting ties recently and at first I felt as though I was probably exaggerating when I thought she had unrealistic expectations of me, but this video just proves I wasn't. So thank you, for helping me realise I wasn't just being crazy
The last part of this video had really caught my attention. I used to be close with someone, and this person used to be a friend. I won’t say gender or names to uphold confidentiality. We texted a lot and this person truly valued my time. However if I took too long to respond they would immediately feel rejected and think that I dislike them or that I didn’t want to be their friend anymore. They would start to think that there a nuisance to me and that I was sick of them, but in reality, texting anyone 24/7 will drain me it’s because it’s too much of my time during the day
I had a best friend, probably the only one I’ve ever truly had. We were part of a trio, but I always felt a bit left out. I’d send texts, pictures, anything to start a conversation, but often got no reply. Meanwhile, they seemed close-sharing calls and posts together, while I felt like I was forcing myself into the friendship. After high school, I ghosted everyone. I was hurt, overthinking (academic) and felt ignored. They tried to contact me 3-4 times in between. Four months later, I came back to wish her happy birthday - made a memory video and explained briefly why I disappeared. She seemed genuinely happy, even sent a heartfelt voice message, but things still felt distant. I was always the one starting conversations, while she was more connected to our other friend. We talked for a 3 months (when things were quite the same like before), but I told her I needed another break to focus on exams-which she already passed. Since then, I’ve cut myself off from everyone, scared of being judged or feeling ignored again. She is my first real bestfriend, but sometimes I wonder-was this friendship mutual? Or have I just been a second option all along?
A red flag to me is someone who over analyzes my behaviour to look for red flags. I’m no longer a teen, I dont text chat anymore I text when necessary and I keep it short because I dont like texting. If that is interpreted as a red flag I’m gonna interpret your interpretation as a red flag.
I don’t want to sound like a broken record but to echo most comments I’ve seen I think everyone has their own communication preferences and conversations about that go a long way. Like personally I use to think all of these were red flags when I was younger now that I’m an adult with a full on life I will go weeks sometimes a month without remembering to respond to a message or months without speaking to family for multiple reasons (object permanece, dopamine overwhelm, mental health problems, etc) and my friends would do the same I have a friend who get seriously overwhelmed and breaks down trying to respond to people and I just took her not responding as that’s her and if I don’t like that I can easily not be her friend but I didn’t care cause we would still hang and catch up when we can I still gave her shit about it because I knew it was a problem in other areas of her life and I will admit I wasn’t understanding until the overwhelm started happening in my own life then I became a lot more understanding but again we had already had a conversation prior and I had been accepted that as a trait of hers. My friends and I ghost each other a lot and come back and like “damn gang life” and it’s like don’t apologize cause a text doesn’t stop us from seeing on another in person, catching up on social media, going out to party I think text shouldn’t be the sole means of communication and I think people especially if you are a teenager or preteen watching this video to try to fill your life and time with things outside your phone because I know what it’s like to have super low self esteem that you are just waiting for people to text you back and it feels like they don’t care cause they are living life without you but that’s literally life people are supposed to live life without you and you are allowed to do the same everything isn’t a red flag if your gut is telling you so a simple healthy chat can clear everything up and if you cannot accept that that’s how a person communicate and if you deem it so necessary then just exit their life but trying to force them to change their communication style for you is not healthy because people are meant to grow apart nothing in your life is permanent except the relationship your cultivate with yourself and when you have a solid connection with yourself I promise you won’t need psych2go videos about texting red flags (also sorry this is super long 😭)
I recently broke up with my extremely toxic girlfriend and realized what kind of person she really is. It's shocking that several of your points directly apply to her. I was blind with love... Very helpful. I like your videos❤
Dealt with one-sided texters. Tried to ask different open ended questions, but their answer is always similar to the other and their personality is very one-dimensional.
Thx. I needed this cuz there was a person i was DMing on twitter a while ago who was asking for donations and stuff and then they left me for a few months and then came back outta nowhere and didn’t explain to me while I was gone. I finally understood why this seemed sketchy when my uncle came over to my house to help me with donations but said no to them (OMFG WHY AM I GETTING DEJA VU FROM THIS😭)
It’s sad when a friend goes from being hella invested to obviously no longer interested in texting you anymore.
Same+++ i had a lot
Object impermanence applies to people too. I love my best friends, but there are moments where my ADHD just genuinely forgets they exist
That's just life in general too
Honestly it's just a symptom of the digital age. As our communication becomes more and more physically disconnected, we also become more disconnected as people. It's a lot easier to forget someone if your communication is primarily just text on a screen, versus meeting and talking in person.
It gets annoying but I think it's better that way so I can forget them as well
There's a book called Casanova Optimization of Attraction, and it talks from body language and conversaton starters to dark mind tricks and flirting through texts, it's the real deal
As someone who struggles with texting, please don't jump to conclusions with people based on texts. Texting is incredibly mentally taxing for me, to a point where I rarely engage with it nowadays, but if you want to call or talk in person, I'll always be there. Not everyone finds the same things easy, and them withdrawing can be about their own mental state, not a form of manipulation.
I agree, it's not easy to get a read on texts very often or the mood or queues etc.
real, it takes me 2-4 days to respond sometimes if it’s not close family. it’s not that I don’t like my friends, I just get exhausted easily…. i wish people didn’t think it’s some sort of litmus test for whether they value you.
Exactly, it's better to not immediately expect the worst
This this this! I truly mean no harm… I’m just introverted and have a lot of social things I need to keep up with already😓… If anyone has any advice for me to be less toxic with this, please let me know❤️🩹/nf
Same for me. It's such a difficult thing sometimes that even the thought of replying is too overwhelming.
0:41 Ghosters
1:43 Texting At Night/ Low Priority
2:11 Disinterest & Dismission
2:56 Egotistical
3:24 Criticalist
4:15 Undertones
thanks! ^^ this should be pinned !!
Great... i guess a girl i like is 2... mabye she doesnt mean it right?.....
@shakythunder153 what? 😭
@@zannadrawz 😭
@shakythunder153 dont know maybe just doesn't check her phone exept nights or something
I dont wanna go too into detail on why I think this video has so many flaws and biases tbh but a key point I want to say: context and communication are what matters, Ask questions, don’t just assume, no one knows whats really going on in someone’s day to day life for why they aren’t responding quickly, responding at certain times, or being dry.
If You are the one experiencing obstacles to communicate, You should say what's going on. I don't bother with people who want me to elicit info anymore.
Wait i like details :( can u go into detail? If u don't mind, of course
Imagine a guy who works 12 hour shifts and can only text at night...
@@gattasara Well I’m not the commentor, but here’s a that I’ve noticed for the first one:
For the ghosting one, you may have no idea what they are doing at the same time. Many people are extremely busy, and have important things to do, so they might be doing something while texting. The fact that they bother to continuously text you in the first place usually means they enjoy the conversation. Plus, others, like me, have ADHD, so I find it hard to focus
Ya, pretty sure they say to think about it and reflect on how you feel.
Nice deflection " don't want to go into detail " picking apart something for no reason acting like they didn't just say all the disclaimers etc. Comments like this is why videos take 20 minutes to make sure that they cover everybody's little insecurities when they're going over videos. If it's not about that then they're not referring to that and if it's about that then they're referring to that and you have your own common sense like you said you can fucking evaluate on your own
I don’t like the first one. To say it’s always a form of deliberate manipulation is cruel. Ghosting texts and forgetting and coming back like nothing happened is a big sign of ADHD and I do this too. I usually say sorry, but to say I’m manipulating my friends and family on purpose in order to control them is hurtful.
Edit: if you don’t agree with this comment it wasn’t for you
exactly
You're right bro, i somewhat always suspected of my flirt getting annoyed of bothered by me for ghosting me whereas in reality he is just a busy guy..
Okay, then it isn't for you. Not everything that has a small detail about you IS about you. It was mentioned that they ghost you and when they came back they don't even say sorry or explain why they did it. Just straight up another conversation. It isn't about you, stop being so sensitive.
Maybe you should think more about how your behavior affects others, and prioritize improving in this area, instead of thinking 'that's just the way I am' and cant do anything about it
@ thank you for not reading a thing I said. I don’t debate with people who make up context that didn’t exist. If you like this video, that’s great. I’m allowed an opinion too.
some people have texting anxiety, or sometimes cant think of what to respond. so they step away to think about what to reply. happens to me sometimes, and then i worry that the person might think im showing disinterest or something bad. then i feel bad about myself and become even more distant. it can be a vicious cycle
That's what I was thinking-
as long as you communicate it, I don't see a problem
I get your point but I do not think that a thing like "texting anxiety" exists. That would be a fancy and misleading term for what you are experiencing.
Then just say that you'll get back to them soon tell them you got their message you read it and you will respond shortly. that's really not that difficult, and it's not rude either
yess, happens w me very often
There are so many people in the comments here who are thinking they are toxic people just because they don't put texting at the top of their priority list. That's really sad and not fair. This topic has a lot of nuance even within generational gaps. No you're not a horrible person for not talking with everyone you consider a friend every second of the day. How woukd anyone get anything done otherwise? I get that it feels hard to navigate relationships with others in these days but this really isn't it.
It's something they addressed. But from this and the comment section, things will develop. There'll be a way to tell the difference between all the possibilities and situations people are in. The main things that steps are taken to break things down and to prevent misunderstandings. But in the process of that people will have a variety of opinions for, against, and even different directions things can go.
So, since is near the start of the whole process, things will be addressed more properly in later videos by people.
Honestly a lot of these habits are not "new" but this UA-camr just took down popular psych studies of how people text and condensed it. But it also depends on your relationship with the person. A lot of these studies are done for people dating and that information is utilized by dating apps. So do not think this video is informative of friendships
Fr, I have a busy life and mental disorders. I don’t always have time or energy to call or send text messages
So I'm not a big texter at all.....im old school and prefer to CALL people or see them in person. Texting to me is just for a quick conversation, if it's something that important it's a lot quicker just to call somebody or go see them
Texting is the worst.... I prefer live conversations while my partner prefers knowing what's up on the spot
Yeah, texting maybe look convenience but more often than not, it could contain mixed sign for miswordings which can cause misunderstandings. Texting lacks expressions like body language & facial expression which is crucial to make sure the message you want to deliver will conveyed in its entirety.
I prefer texting over talking over phone because it gives both of you a possibility for an afterthought. It's nice knowing you can take a minute or two to really think through your next actions. Ain't got a partner though so can't really relate
@@KhoiruunisaRF Exactly why I prefer talking face to face... The misunderstandings that happen during texting are all caused by plain messages that show 0 emotions
@@Ancient_00exactly dating has turned into red flag hell, when a girl is into you, she doesn't see flags or ignores them, when she's not into you, move on, it's the only sane thing to do.
I agree, and seems like according to the video this makes me a "Minimalist" my texting style uses some "nice" and "yeah that's funny" and the reason is that I don't know what to do with a random massege I recive, chating in text is not an activity I do, you are practicly keeping me up, and I just don't want to be rude not saying a thing
I'm not sure if I fully agree with this video. I've learned over the years that texting is much more complicated than that. Someone could not be texting you because they have adhd or are anxious or depressed or something like that. It's not always because you're an afterthought. Some people genuinely forget or start overthinking so much, and it's really not because they don't care. And I think different people also have different ideas over how texting should go. Some people look at it more like sending letters, like back in the day just to put it simply lol. And other people expect a reply within a few minutes.
Yes !! I really agree with this! I grew up being told that a text is something you get to when you can, and a call is more urgent with whatever someone is trying to tell you. And it always feels like i’m doing something whether it’s like doing house tasks, personal hobbies, spending time with family, i hardly take out my phone for these tasks. So i just naturally forget about everything on my phone until a month later i remember getting notifications about something.. and then it becomes embarrassment and shame (?!??) and i reply when i realize there’s nothing else to it, all my friends and family know already that i’m a horrible texter, it’s just kind of sad when meeting new people.
I was already confused, this video didn't help! But I agree with you...texting is complicated.
I have depression and I hate more than anything trying to fake my mood to someone during texting. I don't feel it's fair to the other person when they ask "how are you?" and the answer is "Not good, to be honest." especially if it's a newer friend that you don't want to show your down side too yet, and so it's just easier to text back when you are actually in a good mood again.
TL: DR - Texting people when you have depression is difficult.
I feel like this would do well if there was no effort put into understanding each other's situation. Then, use this video to get a further understanding.
Sometimes just sending one quick text of I can't text oftern because of etc. I'm not sure how many people forget or don't know to do this.
People who expect reply within minutes might have anxiety.
I’m a night texter only because that’s when I have time to myself. In fact, this comments being written at 3am. The point is, I love my friends more than anything but responsibilities may get in the way. Of course I will always try to be as quick to respond as I can and I’m currently still working on it but I wouldn’t at all call the ones I’m texting a low priority. They mean the world to me. Moral of the story, don’t be quick to assume the worse.
To be fair this video dropped at like 1am. I know this because I was up. And procrastinated to watch it
Exactly! It's not because I think of texting people as an afterthought, it's because night is the only time I have to respond to people and do my own thing!
This
I have had a best friend for like over 7 years now and we used to talk alot but now we just skip a whole moth without talking and we both come back like nothing happened and start jokes. I once confronted her about this, for me it's normal because i feel like I've secured her as my best friend "forever", and so when i asked her she had the exact same reason and i just knew she was the one. 😂❤
Neu 👏 ro 👏 di 👏 ver 👏 gent 👏
@@IMightBeVannyare you mocking her/him?
Same with me and my bestfriend 🤣
True friendship🙂↕️ My mom and her best friend are the same😆
Aww that is a good kind of friendship
Texting is very new and a lot of people don't fit into texting social norms. We should not expect texting will be the same as face to face interaction or it will lead to more misunderstanding. Red flags here only means a sign to investigate and seek clarification.
The timing of this is insane
True!
Agree😂
Right!
Fr! This channel is full of mind readers I swear.
I saw the notifciation and had me started looking around my surroundings. Its too timing
I think denoting these patterns as "red flags" is very lethargic and dismissive. You are looking for somebody without asking them about themselves. How ironic is that!
I'm an introvert and a night owl, so I naturally struggle with conversation as it is even face to face. I try my best, but when I can't get a word in edgewise with face to face conversations, I forget what I was trying to say in the first place and don't even bother trying anymore. The one time I did try to participate in a conversation with my dad's family, my dad interrupted me and said that my story was boring and no one wanted to hear it. Meanwhile, I'm sitting there thinking to myself, "Yeah, and how many boring conversations did I have to sit through over the years? The one time I try to participate, you interrupt me and you wonder why I never join in any conversations."
Im sorry man
Omg I feel you so much❤❤❤❤❤
0:10 In ✨PeRson!✨
GAHA
so elegant and demure✨
Yeah that was unsusually mindful and cutesy
I sort of relate to the first one. Sometimes I just need to retreat and recharge from things and that leads to be not looking at (and sometimes avoiding) my texts. I've never done it to try and string anybody along, I just need that break sometimes.
I pull back only because I feel like I'm the one that often tries to reach out to someone. Idk, but it feels frustrating and sad when you feel like uninteresting or unwanted. That's why I pull away and come back when I'm in the right headspace.
I miss the 1990s when there was nothing of this.
That was the 70's you're referring to
@Realnofake5Actually it was the 50's 🤓
E-Mails were a thing in the 90's and people used their landline phones a lot and also wrote mails. What changed is what these things transformed into.
I miss Medieval Times
The restaurant theatre show.
I miss the Stone Ages
(The Medieval Times restaurant theatre show still exists)
One of my friends told me, "there's always that one dude who doesn't have to text first". Dang
Hardly anyone is truly "bad" at texting. They just don't feel like texting YOU. Keep putting yourself out there and find someone who does. Having said that, be patient with people. The biggest problem with texting an individual is that two people are almost always in different moods when apart. If you're an adaptable, understanding, and patient texter, it will pay off. :)
Yeah, I call it the "what is their pattern of texting" test.
"If you snatch their phone and look at their messages, how often do they text other people" ?
Obviously don't need to take their phone away, it's more of a gut feeling in you, where you know they are bread crumbing you. And just stop texting and get over the anxiety of wanting to connect and please someone who doesn't really care about you
What are you grateful for this week?
Being alive ❤
This video
Yes! Always grateful for smallest of the smallest things.
I'm grateful for this video, and i am also grateful for my family and friends
family
I'm not always resposive to texts from friends and family, but I'm very busy with school and work. I hope the ghosting thing doesn't make me toxic, I communicate with people and spend quality time with them when we make plans
No, you're not ghosting if you're busy with responsibilities.
Wait, the vanisher one is so real... My "friend" always responds and then leaves until 2 day later. They also always messaged short words like "lol" etc. It turned out they just purely didnt want to be friends with me. The timing of this vid is so right that i feel like im being watched-😭😭
dw you'll find a good friend eventually
@thebanquetneverends TY! actually made some that were better than them in many ways
lol
She just wants her time
That's dry texting. I vanish, respond to the last text, and then try to start a new conversation because I know my friend is long since done with the last one.
Clicked on this to see if any of my texting behaviours were toxic - and lo and behold. Not even surprised. My texting pattern is very inconsistent, sometimes I can talk almost for hours, other times can't talk at all - I might have the time, but just not the strength. Recently it's mostly the latter. And I feel really bad when I haven't texted someone in a long time, prompting me to avoid them out of shame, thus not texting them even longer. I'm very aware of this and I feel bad about this, but I can't help it. And even if I do text them eventually, not very often do I have much to say. Which I feel bad about yet again.
Same QwQ
You're not toxic, you're different. People place far too much emphasis on texting as if it's objective. It's different for everyone. Don't sweat it. Find people who understand how you are. These kinds of expectations breed anxiety disorders
People that project their insecurities in your texts... Not a good sign! Generally a sign of someone who is VERY emotionally (and/or mentally) unstable.
I do feel bad when i have people i enjoy being around and talking to, but then having multiple groups of people like that. I cant hang out with everyone and sometimes i just need time to myself, either or makes it feel like im leaving someone out… just trying to remind myself that i’ll talk to them soon, i know i will.
Don’t take these ‘red flags’ to heart, many people may have other reasons for these ‘red flags’
Honestly I don't get it, I have friends, but they never seem to actually text me first.
for anyone who needs this
I definitely do the last one. Not constantly and not often anymore, but my BPD causes me to panic and overthink and overanalyse every potential hidden meaning behind messages and the gaps between them. Even sometimes typing then pausing then typing again. I have worked so hard to get rid of that mindset, and it’s been so hard because I’ve been hurt so many times by ignoring or mainly not recognising signs somebody was not interested or offended or something like that due to my autism making social situations a bitch and a half. But I like to think that I’m doing better with that. Especially with letting people get back to me when they want (within reason obviously like don’t leave me hanging for half an hour), and I’m doing okay ish with not reading into every message.
Sorry to hear you're experiencing that, and it's not your fault you have BPD. I was hoping you could explain further: "don't leave me hanging for half an hour" that's not a very long time to be left hanging in my opinion. What are you going to do if they leave you hanging for 30 minutes?
@ Realistically? Panic probably. Worry and stress about if they hate me or not. I’m doing my best to be okay with longer and longer stretches of time between replies
@@Chaotic.Fish88 you're amazing for so much self reflection and it's clear that you care. You're gonna get through this don't worry. Try to take it slowly, that's what I try to focus on when dealing with anxiety. Everything will be okay
Hey! BPD it's not mental disorder, connected somehow with your brain, it's illusion of your own wrong understanding of your feelings formed from childhood. You constantly devalue your feelings because you think they're shameful. "BPD" doesn't really exists, and it's emotional disorder that is easy to heal. You can find more by searching The Last Symptom in the articles, they helped me to get rid of this "BPD" and forget this. And I had it as you, absolutely the same. To heal you need to understand that your parents did something wrong to you, and understand that some people around you can behave wrong to you. You'll need to understand that your feelings matters, and you value as person in this world. You're the only one who can do it, and no one will help you. You can't do it for someone, and only for yourself, only if you really want to get rid of it. The reason why you fear abandonment and easily get offended is that you subconsciously sure that you and your feelings are nothing, and it doesn't matter in this world. So you think that others think the same, which is not true. In your head you have formed worldview of that your value fully depends on evaluation of other people, which is not true, and it just means you can't really value yourself. To get rid of this illusion you need to stop pity yourself and stop searching for pity from others, and try to understand things seriously. What is true is that your behavior shouldn't be accepted, which is for some reason almost all psychologists do, and makes you to never heal fully, and it destroys you every day. You will find more on the articles. I'm sure you, as everyone can and as I did, can get rid of it, and have happy life that you deserve. But for this you will need to really want it, and take it seriously. And remember, people who really care and really want to help always exists, so you're not hopeless. Your feelings is the only reason why you exists, and the only thing that takes it from us it's end of life. After death feelings disappear. So don't devalue them, because once you just won't have them, and now you can have happy deserved life until you can. Your BPD is related to that you your whole life lack of intimacy, that you can replace with other behavior, with animals, with other things that gives oxytocin but not real intimacy. People can't live without it, it's important thing of pyramid of needs, so please find it, after you'll heal. I'm sure it's around you just don't notice it. People bring love, and maybe you're the only one who hate yourself now, thinking that all the world against you. Good luck ❤
Hey! BPD it's not mental disorder, connected somehow with your brain, it's illusion of your own wrong understanding of your feelings formed from childhood. You constantly devalue your feelings because you think they're shameful. "BPD" doesn't really exists, and it's emotional disorder that is easy to heal. You can find more by searching The Last Symptom in the articles, they helped me to get rid of this "BPD" and forget this. And I had it as you, absolutely the same. I'm sure you, as everyone can and as I did, can get rid of it, and have happy life that you deserve. But for this you will need to really want it, and take it seriously. And remember, people who really care and really want to help always exists, so you're not hopeless. Your feelings is the only reason why you exists, and the only thing that takes it from us it's end of life. So don't devalue them, because once you just won't have them, and now you can have happy deserved life until you can. People bring love, and maybe you're the only one who hate yourself now, thinking that others do. Good luck ❤
Counter perspective on the night time texting, I am an individual that works overnight and am up at odd hours instead of when ppl are typically awake
My best friend and i both have ADHD... our texting issues are next level
agh i often vanish but it's due to autism/anxiety..... then i feel too stupid to reply after a long time so sometimes i avoid people for months even though i like them a lot :(((
Same :')
the constant critics are genuinely the worst kind of people in real life too
Real talk, I cut contact with one last month and feel so much better. He got even worse when I bought a really good laptop two months ago, and that possibly flared his insecurities even more. It didn’t feel good ending the friendship, ngl, but it was necessary. Maybe he’ll learn how to deal with people someday, but knowing him, that’s a minor possibility.
Your voice is freakn' awesome. Very relaxing. Its actually helping me finally wind down
Social media is ruining my life. Friends are posting on instagram stories all the time but doesn't reply to my messages or somehow am unable to hang out with me (yet they are able to hang out with other people). I can't help but wonder if it's because Im jealous or there is a bigger problem that I can't seem to see. This thought has been killing me and I am at a lost of what to do 😫
Soon as I saw the notification, I knew I had to click
I’m a nightcrawler and it’s not that you’re an afterthought, it’s just I’m nocturnal
Unfortunately I’m somewhat of a”the vanisher” when texting. I’ve had bad relationships in the past so I have a hard time maintaining relationships. I can never start conversations because of my social anxiety, so when the other person doesn’t start it, I seemingly “ghost” them.
To me, excessive concern about texts is a monstrous red flag. Texting isn't for meaningful conversation, it's for short messages what used to be phone calls. Wanting to have full-on novel-length conversations in text are a giant red flag with flashing red lights. It's rare that I disagree with these videos, but I can't really get behind this one. I would consider someone who demanded all of what this video suggests about texts to be a red flag wrapped in red flags. Far too clingy and dependant on texting, overthinking the meaning of every thing, and the whole timing of text return time to be more than a little creepy.
I don't completely agree with this. I have online friends who I only talk to via text and we usually write each other "novel-length" messages every month or two. But I treat it like writing letters to each other. So I think it also depends on the situation. But I do agree that in a lot of other situations, people shouldn't make texting such a big deal.
It's all subjective and this video is more of take with a grain of salt. Me and my bestie are extremely close yet we rarely text and when we do it's short and sweet, we leave bug convos to calls or In person
Your comment feels really defensive, as if you exhibit a bunch of these behaviors. Feeling called out? "excessive concern" "full-on novel-length" "demanded" "clingy and dependent" "overthinking" "timing" - where in the video did they claim you should be these things?
#1 inconsistency
#2 night crawlers, low priority
#3 minimalist
#4 one directional
#5 constant critics
#6 passive aggressive
Over the course of the 6 behaviors mentioned, they specifically state that context matters. A few of these are just straight toxic. If you exhibit some of these behaviors, maybe you need to do some introspection. And do you know what a "red flag" is? It doesn't mean this person is evil, and cut them off immediately. It means there's something worth paying attention to, so you can get more context and understanding. It may turn out there's nothing wrong.
Your criticism was pretty vague. What specifically was stated that you disagree with?
@social3256 I think it's just that some people prefer and have different forms of communication and therefore, some of these things won't always apply to everyone.
@bramble-95 I can't disagree with you that there is a situational component. However, I didn't get the impression that the video was about that once-a-month, we're-far-apart-and-don't-talk-much kind of catch up, although even then, I'd prefer an email or an actual call, but in that situation I get it.
The feeling I had was more in casual dating/existence with people you are around often and close-by. The kind of texting clinginess described in the video is a bit squicky.
I am autistic and I am pretty bad with keeping text conversations because I feel overwhelmed by too many conversations going on when I enter messaging apps and social media. So, it’s quite common for me to disappear without answering the messages for days, and then come back. According to this video, I am an abusive person. What the heck
@@emo0000 I don’t care if you think I am an asshole
I am guilty for some of these. Whenever someone starts a conservation with me for the first time, I am usually checking out if I want to stay in contact with them. If I am not interested, I don't text them again but don't tell them that I don't want to engage with them anymore.
My girlfriend is usually sending me big walls of text. While my texts are a lot smaller than hers doesn't mean that I am not interested. I just don't seem to have the ability to communicate that well. I have very rarely had moments where I say a lot. Most of the time I say a little to nothing.
But she knows about it and is fine with it. It's more of what I say instead of how much.
We are always there for each other, whenever someone is having a bad day or just want to talk, we always make sure to give us the time and attention. We love each other very much and while our energies don't seem to match, we balance each other out.
If some of you got a question, feel free to ask me anything (regarding to my comment though lol)
Personally I think the first behavior you described is just straight up wrong. Someone is making the effort to try to engage with you and you just don't text back depending on how you may feel about them and then you don't even tell them what your issue is. That leaves the other person wondering if they did something wrong, if you don't like them, if you'll answer eventually, ect..
I think you should absolutely just openly tell the person whatever the reason is that you are not interested in a conversation with them. That way you leave no unnecessary confusion.
While you and me will probably never privately text, this is super important to me because people these days think they can do whatever they want on the internet or through texting platforms without considering that there is another human being behind the screen. You wouldn't just turn around without saying a single word when someone tries to talk to you in real life aswell. It would be rude, ignorant and dishonest if you did that, aslong as the engaging person had normal or good intentions with their cause.
@babsibenson Ok, I think you misunderstood me there. That's not what I was trying to say. Of course I am answering them when they text me. But when the next day is coming and they don't message me again, I take that as them understanding that I don't want to keep the conversation going.
I am not just ghosting them. That's something even I don't do.
Edit: I also tell them beforehand that I am not really that much into texting or smalltalk and I usually don't engage in conversations
Yeah, sounds like my EX. I tried to understand him, but now I'm petty sure I prefer someone who values my effort to communicate and create bonds.
I hope i dont do one of them 😭😭😭
Same😭
I only do one red flag😮
I know I'm guilty of half of these. I don't feel like you should be available 24/7 because we aren't.
i sometimes am the vanisher bc of my social battery
@@Moon65-m3c oo nice
1:40 uh- what if ur totally ruined with depression and trust issues and physically cant open urself up to anyone any further bc ur scared to be damaged more -cough cough- def not what im going thru rn
having depression is not a free pass
you still have to take personal responsibilty for your own actions & deal with the consequences
@jonniefast When did I say it was a free pass-
@@jonniefast"You have to take responsibility for the fact you're going through a mental illness that deprives you of dopamine and therefore doesn't let you do anything that feels even slightly exhausting to think about" See how insane that sounds? Yeah?
As a person who have horrible experiences with ghosting,I always get very anxious when someone didn't reply to me after they saw it. This is apparent especially in conflicts and because of it,I get incredibly anxious and paranoid. And because of my reaction of ghosting,my friends get mad at me and told me that ghosting is not a bad thing to people and that I should move on my trauma and change my view on ghosting as ghosting is not always bad. Now I did learn try to control myself and it does reduces friction
I have an issue with this one - I had a significant portion of my life when I was homeschooling two kids, attending college myself, working full time, and I just didn't have the time to maintain full on conversations and I just didn't have the time to respond. If someone couldn't handle that, then that's on them. I'm not reorganizing my life for someone when I already running at my maximum capacity.
Sadly, I am one of the ghosters. Its completely unintentional, I just unfortunately have ADHD and I forget the person. When I remember them, I miss them and I feel bad, but its completely not intentional
I find it super hard to text. I just don't find the conversations interesting most of the time and find it hard to engage. I think for me it's just the lack of physicality and seeing and actual face. Emojis and such doesn't really do it for me.
Voice notes are helpful sometimes but you don't always have time or space to listen to them. This creates a lot of problems in my romantic relationships and I'm always met with "just do it, try harder" and I have worked super hard on this but it always comes off forced and my partners seem to pick up on this immediately.
Honestly, I struggle texting back to someone because 1. Social anxiety 2. I have hard time thinking of a response 3. I'm more of a caller type. I also feel like my parents being strict distances me because I distance from them. Plus, there's always that back of the mind thought that who I'm texts to may snap because I said something wrong. So yeah.
This one, the vanishers (0:40), kinda upset me. I’m not lacking interest or pulling away when I feel too close, nor am I manipulating you.
I just really f*cking hate texting.
I don’t dislike you.
I just hate texting and having to read a message behind a message.
Also, as said by my father:
“If it was important, they’d call you. Texting can be replied to later.”
Edit:
Also, context is important. It varies from person to person, and this video is too narrow for such a broad subject.
texting does kinda suck for this reason
the medium of communication has room for too much variety at random- are u gonna get a short text or a long thoughtful one? a quick reply or one that takes days-?- all things that open the gate to overthinking
@@nicolovespanda Exactly! Texting is just so subjective, based on situation, receiver *and* sender.
I completely agree with your comment. But then there's also people who HATE phone calls and would rather text lol.
It's all so complicated 😅
@bramble-95 Sadly, all too complicated to grow up with in this day and age. Kids are growing up with this stuff, and lacking the actual ability to hold a real life conversation, particularly with an adult, and not sound like a wet sock.
I’ve had a friend (but I’m not friends with her anymore) who would display a few of these. She would always correct the slightest incorrect grammar, and she would be so inconsistent with texting me back! Like I could text her at around 10 in the morning, and she would answer back around 7 pm 😤. I’m just glad that I do t text her anymore
0:41 The vanishers
1:04 Avoidant Attachment
1:43 Night Crawlers
2:11 The Minimalist
2:56 One-Way Texters
3:25 Constant Critics
4:15 The Backhanded Texters
😂😂
i feel like i just realised that i’ve been avoiding most people due to the fact that i don’t think i should get close to them or i’m just afraid of becoming friends with them as a whole. I don’t want to get hurt, so I keep my distance from others. That’s also a reason I don’t have anyone to spend time with, other than my family members. this video is like a wake-up call, but does anyone have any device on how i can do something about it?
I don’t have time to chitchat on my phone every 30 seconds for 15 hours every day for my work. I have to focus on every text i get is a burden of work. Imagine having to type in a authentication code every 30 seconds during a math test. Thats what texting is.
they don’t want you to read the book Magnetic Aura by Takeshi Mizuki because it sets you free
0:53 THIS RIGHT HERE IS WHAT GETS ME. Then I still respond quickly like a fool
Starting to see this with my gf and I’m worried…
@@Kai-jj8gfMaybe she picked up on the pattern and thought it was normal? Manipulation does things to a person.
@@Kai-jj8gfgotta leave her bro
@@Kai-jj8gfTell her what she's doing and why you don't like it
I’m the minimalist and vanisher, but I normally vanish whenever it gets to a topic that I might say something wrong about, and I’m minimalist simply because half of the time I don’t know what to say.
If they text you late at night you may be an afterthought or they may just be an insomniac or have delayed sleep phase disorder.
The first one also has a reverse.
You're constantly carrying the conversation but the person on the other side, just keeps responding in short words like they have little or nothing to say.
Even when a good discussion is going, as soon as you try to make plans to talk more, the other person offers nothing.
I want to be engaged in texting but texting and calling are both really hard for me. I get easily bored and sidetracked; staying engaged is almost impossible. Saying this is purposeful manipulation is really hard to hear especially because I get so much crap from my friends and relatives because I never want to call or text. I always feel guilty for not loving phone calls and text conversations as much as they do but I really only like in-person conversations where we can talk face to face. text conversations and phone calls have haunted me to the point of becoming a genuine fear. To the extent that I will purposefully forget to charge my phone or respond to texts to avoid them dragging on. I see how this could be viewed as manipulation but I have expressed my hatred for long calls to the majority of people in my life who try to start them with me but every single person just brushes it off or asks impossible questions. It is really really hard to hear this when it is a genuine cause of some of my fear and anxiety.
Edit: Reading some of these comments makes me feel a bit better. It is comforting to know that there are people who have similar opinions about texting and calling as I do.
3:18 Or that I don't want to make the other person feel uncomfortable by asking questions about themselves as I wouldn't like that and that there is the risk they would ask me something about myself
Guy: "Hello."
Girl: "Hey."
Guy: "Wanna go out sometime?"
Girl: "No thanks."
Guy: *Ghosts her for 8 Years.*
Girl: "Why aren't you texting me?...Hello?"
Your videos have been a tremendous help for my personal well-being. God bless you.
I used to believe that when someone does let's say ONE bad thing but the other time they'd do more positive things, i'd fixate on that. But now i see it as "how do they behave?" And then i start to look for patterns on an over time deal. We mess up all the time because we are humans but if we keep doing it, it's a pattern and sometimes it might not be seen because of the level of awareness. That's when i learned about boundaries and started putting focus in myself more. Been feeling good learning new things
2:06 but what if you can only text at night? Like I'm fully not available in the day..
that's another thing but if someone's only texting you at night you can watch out for other red flags too and yeah I thought about it too
@ okie :3
This gave me so much validation for choosing to distance myself from someone instead of feeling guilty. Thank you! ❤
Narcissist will love bomb u in beginning of the conversation and when u ll start giving them importance suddenly they will start playing games and rude behaviours. U ll feel so bad after communicating with them.
I often vanish, but it’s usually because I’m not always texting people. If you text me, then i will try my best to reply because I actually care, it’s not always a manipulative thing
I may be a backhanded texter.. in the sense that I say 'alr imma stop bothering you now' except I acc mean it since ik I'm annoying. I don't say it with aggression, I say it with insecurity. I literally pour my heart out to someone, write a whole rant to make sure they don't lose interest and get bored and tired of me, then I say something like 'ALRR I'LL STOP BEING ANNOYING NOW' since I don't wanna be an energy vampire. I'm constantly trying to be active, responding to each text instantly, and yet that's not enough. I js wanna them happy n keep them interested :(
Same QwQ
Sometimes I am burned from socialising and need to back a little bad. So I avoid communicating with my friends. I tried to force myself but I couldn't
I have a friend who exhibits these behaviors in REAL LIFE and it's very annoying🤦🏾♂️😒
I feel like the anonymity of texting can influence anyone in different ways. Its good to get everyones experiences from both sides, as to develop a better understanding of it. Also, everyone deals with things differently, and processing takes a while to happen.
0:58 Or the person is just busy like me
Uhm ever though the "night wanderers" are people in a hard time having difficulties with their sleep pattern? Besides, you cant deny 3 AM hits differently... You be a person you won't be on daytime, more morally intrigued.
1:29 If I every take long to reply, it means that I’m either 1) Busy or 2) thinking about a valid response
The number of times where it goes from a balanced conversation to where I have to carry our whole relationship (even if it is only a friendship) is really discouraging...
I just hate texting. I lose interest quickly and people often don’t have anything to say that I find engaging. The same “what are you up to?” every day makes me feel like it’s a chore, even when I want to respond with detailed responses - I just don’t have that kind of energy anymore. It’s not the right type of socializing for me. I HATE trying to focus on just my phone long enough for a short conversation. Kinda just hate my phone honestly
Perhaps start an engaging conversation? It sounds like people are trying to reach out to you & "what are you up to?" is a foundational connection point. You can't make it other people's responsibility to be engaging if, from what it sounds like, you don't care to put any effort in, yourself. What are *they* up to?
Had a friend who almost always texted in extremely long paragraphs. It would become exhausting overtime to the point it’d delay us hanging out or such, and when it’d come to arguments and i’d want to call to get my words out, they worried i’d guilt trip them with my tone despite never doing that with them. It was so hard to text my complex feelings without overthinking it
Sometimes its not a red flag rather the person don't like your personality and don't want to engage with you !
Nowdays ig we have so many terms that we all are somehow entangled to everything.
Heard a podcast few days back that said we all are bit of narcissistic because we want attention , who doesn't want to lead and look good just for getting more opportunities.
If you don't like someone's personality and don't want to engage with them, tactfully tell them. Don't play games. That's why it's a red flag. Being opportunistic is one thing; but only thinking of yourself is narcissistic.
Reminds me of an ex fling who couldn't talk face to face everytime I tried to but wouldn't stop texting me on Instagram and even blame me for not responding as fast as she wanted to. Conversations irl are way better than texting.
Some people have anxieties...
Bro I always worry about accidentally conveying what might be toxic when I don’t mean to and try to apologize for it. Like I sometimes just trauma dumb on my friends but try to ask if I can first bc no one’s ever really listened or acknowledged those feelings. And I’m over apologetic so that can get annoyed and I overthink everything. While I think what is in this video is helpful it might not be the best to directly apply each to every context/situation/citcumstance.
wow, everyone I text is toxic, including me 😭
I don't understand how the point at 0:52 is valid. If anything urgently needs to be responded to then call. Sometimes texting needs to be put on hold to take care of things which are right in front of you.
No words, thank you psych2go
Needed This
My best friend that I trust the most dose all of this. I don’t know if she’s just not the texting person or not. But your content helps my super emotional self figure things out ❤
i genuinely dislike minimalists they're so boring and flat and no brainers it's so annoying especially in a discussion they state dumb stuff you give them contra and they just say no or ok
and there's so damn many of them AAAAH
This is spot on especially about people who respond backhandedly, which is true in general
I knew an online friend once that matches perfectly with the 3rd and 6th points.
She was invested in me at first, and over time her texts became shorter and more dismissive/with a passive agressive undertone. I took a while to notice this since our friendship lasted for 5 years, and while she mostly kept her answers short she _wanted_ me to keep the conversation going because it was like "Keep talking about whatever" . But then when I asked her to talk about something, she said she prefered I continue, even when I wasn't sure what to bring up. And if I was talking too long to reply (like more than a few hours, when we used to talk everyday) she'd go "I guess you're busy, I'll stop bothering you" .
I finally ended up cutting ties recently and at first I felt as though I was probably exaggerating when I thought she had unrealistic expectations of me, but this video just proves I wasn't. So thank you, for helping me realise I wasn't just being crazy
She ain't shit
The last part of this video had really caught my attention. I used to be close with someone, and this person used to be a friend. I won’t say gender or names to uphold confidentiality. We texted a lot and this person truly valued my time. However if I took too long to respond they would immediately feel rejected and think that I dislike them or that I didn’t want to be their friend anymore. They would start to think that there a nuisance to me and that I was sick of them, but in reality, texting anyone 24/7 will drain me it’s because it’s too much of my time during the day
2:16 my dad in a nutshell
I had a best friend, probably the only one I’ve ever truly had. We were part of a trio, but I always felt a bit left out. I’d send texts, pictures, anything to start a conversation, but often got no reply. Meanwhile, they seemed close-sharing calls and posts together, while I felt like I was forcing myself into the friendship.
After high school, I ghosted everyone. I was hurt, overthinking (academic) and felt ignored. They tried to contact me 3-4 times in between. Four months later, I came back to wish her happy birthday - made a memory video and explained briefly why I disappeared. She seemed genuinely happy, even sent a heartfelt voice message, but things still felt distant. I was always the one starting conversations, while she was more connected to our other friend.
We talked for a 3 months (when things were quite the same like before), but I told her I needed another break to focus on exams-which she already passed. Since then, I’ve cut myself off from everyone, scared of being judged or feeling ignored again. She is my first real bestfriend, but sometimes I wonder-was this friendship mutual? Or have I just been a second option all along?
A red flag to me is someone who over analyzes my behaviour to look for red flags.
I’m no longer a teen, I dont text chat anymore I text when necessary and I keep it short because I dont like texting. If that is interpreted as a red flag I’m gonna interpret your interpretation as a red flag.
your videos is helping me relise how unhealty my relationship is...
I don’t want to sound like a broken record but to echo most comments I’ve seen I think everyone has their own communication preferences and conversations about that go a long way. Like personally I use to think all of these were red flags when I was younger now that I’m an adult with a full on life I will go weeks sometimes a month without remembering to respond to a message or months without speaking to family for multiple reasons (object permanece, dopamine overwhelm, mental health problems, etc) and my friends would do the same I have a friend who get seriously overwhelmed and breaks down trying to respond to people and I just took her not responding as that’s her and if I don’t like that I can easily not be her friend but I didn’t care cause we would still hang and catch up when we can I still gave her shit about it because I knew it was a problem in other areas of her life and I will admit I wasn’t understanding until the overwhelm started happening in my own life then I became a lot more understanding but again we had already had a conversation prior and I had been accepted that as a trait of hers. My friends and I ghost each other a lot and come back and like “damn gang life” and it’s like don’t apologize cause a text doesn’t stop us from seeing on another in person, catching up on social media, going out to party I think text shouldn’t be the sole means of communication and I think people especially if you are a teenager or preteen watching this video to try to fill your life and time with things outside your phone because I know what it’s like to have super low self esteem that you are just waiting for people to text you back and it feels like they don’t care cause they are living life without you but that’s literally life people are supposed to live life without you and you are allowed to do the same everything isn’t a red flag if your gut is telling you so a simple healthy chat can clear everything up and if you cannot accept that that’s how a person communicate and if you deem it so necessary then just exit their life but trying to force them to change their communication style for you is not healthy because people are meant to grow apart nothing in your life is permanent except the relationship your cultivate with yourself and when you have a solid connection with yourself I promise you won’t need psych2go videos about texting red flags (also sorry this is super long 😭)
I recently broke up with my extremely toxic girlfriend and realized what kind of person she really is. It's shocking that several of your points directly apply to her. I was blind with love... Very helpful. I like your videos❤
1:47 what if they’re from another country/region
🤦🏼♀️
@@crose1469Why the face smack? It’s a good point
Dealt with one-sided texters. Tried to ask different open ended questions, but their answer is always similar to the other and their personality is very one-dimensional.
Right on time for me. I'm trying to text more people.
Thx. I needed this cuz there was a person i was DMing on twitter a while ago who was asking for donations and stuff and then they left me for a few months and then came back outta nowhere and didn’t explain to me while I was gone. I finally understood why this seemed sketchy when my uncle came over to my house to help me with donations but said no to them (OMFG WHY AM I GETTING DEJA VU FROM THIS😭)