How to Set Boundaries & Stop People Pleasing

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  • Опубліковано 25 лют 2020
  • Learn to set boundaries, stop people pleasing, and have healthier relationships with others and yourself 💞This video was so fun to make. If you liked it, please share! Open for timestamps 👇
    ❍ what are boundaries? - 0:40
    ❍ how we're abandoning ourselves - 1:36
    ❍ how to set boundaries - 2:30
    ❍ self awareness - 2:35
    ❍ communicate your desires/needs - 3:14
    ❍ how to communicate - 4:05
    ❍ you are not responsible for others' feelings - 5:05
    ❍ stop trying to force harmony - 6:12
    ❍ how to say no - 6:48
    ❍ self love - 7:51
    ❍ a healthier process for relationships & building trust - 8:52
    // links
    → The Lavendaire Lifestyle Podcast: Boundaries w/ Nancy Levin | lavendaire.com/lifestyle-139
    → Authenticity: PSA for people pleasers | bit.ly/301Ldw0
    → How to stop caring about what others think of you | bit.ly/2ZQzWeX
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    // ABOUT
    I’m Aileen, a lifestyle blogger sharing knowledge and inspiration on creating your dream life.
    Lavendaire is my blog about personal growth + lifestyle design. Follow along and learn how you can create a life you love.
    Subscribe to Lavendaire to get inspired by new videos weekly! bit.ly/sublavendaire
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    Disclaimer: This is NOT a sponsored video. All opinions expressed are wholly my own.
  • Навчання та стиль

КОМЕНТАРІ • 1,6 тис.

  • @lavendaire
    @lavendaire  6 місяців тому +3

    ✨ Plan your most intentional & successful year with the 2024 Artist of Life Workbook, a powerful guided journal for achieving your dream life → lavendaire.com/workbook

  • @ErikaK
    @ErikaK 4 роки тому +2263

    *Saying NO is saying YES to yourself ♡ saying NO is healthy, is respecting yourself and putting your best interests first. You are not being selfish or rude, you are loving yourself!!!!*

    • @honk8683
      @honk8683 4 роки тому +5

      Erika you honestly made up a quote! 𝚃𝚑𝚊𝚗𝚔 🙏 𝚢𝚘𝚞 😇

    • @ErikaK
      @ErikaK 4 роки тому +5

      @@honk8683 aaaw I'm sending you lots of love Mannat!!!! 🤩❤

    • @ShanqKoo
      @ShanqKoo 4 роки тому +7

      Sometimes we have to take care of ourselves first before we can take care of others!

    • @ErikaK
      @ErikaK 4 роки тому

      @@ShanqKoo yes, absolutely !!! ❤💕 much love

    • @bhagyashrigundecha3866
      @bhagyashrigundecha3866 4 роки тому +1

      Thank you erika ❤

  • @osse1n
    @osse1n 4 роки тому +1264

    Boundaries is not about being rude, it's about acknowledging that your wellbeing comes first in your priority list.
    When you feel good, everything around you will be affected in a positive way.

    • @lavendaire
      @lavendaire  4 роки тому +40

      so true 🙏🏼

    • @sydneyreid7401
      @sydneyreid7401 2 роки тому +1

      Amen so true

    • @SixStringsCovers
      @SixStringsCovers 2 роки тому +2

      You're right, except narcisists will envy you more and attack you. I don't know about you guys, but I sometimes have to "hide" my true self and happiness to not affect negative people around me and "trick" them I am at the same level.
      I have to learn more how to stop feeling guilty about myself being self-confident and feeling good in my own shoes and don't care about other people who didn't work on themselves more efficiently.

    • @issavibez394
      @issavibez394 Рік тому

      Most folks who always take have garbage priorities most just take and run

    • @xarchanx
      @xarchanx Рік тому +2

      Thanks. It's not easy to unlearn the guilt I feel when I don't people please

  • @Jade-wb6fd
    @Jade-wb6fd 3 роки тому +538

    Every time I’ve set boundaries with a “friend” I lost a “friend” but looking back they weren’t real friends anyways

    • @aysu9356
      @aysu9356 3 роки тому +25

      I want to do that so bad but I can't 😔 Even if I'm not gonna lose them, the idea that they'll change their thinking about me freaks me out. So jealous of you!

    • @Jade-wb6fd
      @Jade-wb6fd 3 роки тому +25

      @@aysu9356 I still think like that to some extent because I’m still a people pleaser (even though I’m trying hard to unlearn the fawn response). But there’s only so much I can take before I’m at my breaking point. When I tried to set boundaries I think it was too late into the friendship. So they were probably thinking, “Who is this new person who all of a sudden has boundaries? You’re not my doormat anymore??” And then they left because they realized they couldn’t use me anymore. But now I’m working on setting boundaries at the beginning of friendships so I don’t end up getting close to toxic people

    • @takemypainaway9517
      @takemypainaway9517 3 роки тому +13

      @@Jade-wb6fd omg exactly!! The part where you said “who is this new person that has boundaries now? They’re not my doormat anymore??” I felt this so much!! I remember finally sticking up for myself from my “friend” and she actually got angry. Lol. It’s funny now but when it happened I didn’t feel good. It was like a joke to her. She was thinking like “who does she think she is?!?” Because she wasn’t used to it. That wasn’t my personality or character. But over time I had to learn. I learned the hard way but I still learned. Sometimes it’s tough but I’m MUCH better than I was in the past few years.

    • @Jade-wb6fd
      @Jade-wb6fd 3 роки тому +9

      @@takemypainaway9517 Yeah my “friend” got angry too when I finally stood up for myself. Yeah that’s exactly why she was angry because she wasn’t used to me standing up for myself. At the time I didn’t understand why she was so angry at me as if I was the one that did something wrong. But now I understand that it was because she knew she couldn’t get her way with me anymore. I had to learn the hard way too but I think I needed to at the time. Yeah it is tough but that’s great that you’re feeling much better now! I’m happy for you!

    • @artdaze
      @artdaze 3 роки тому +5

      Yeah I've actually discovered that I've always had one sided relationships with my friends and I'm constantly giving to other people but I don't recieve anything back and tha led me to feel extremely burned out and fatigued. Any advice on how to let go and set boundaries?

  • @ZenEscape.
    @ZenEscape. 3 роки тому +588

    I'm an empath, and it feels overwhelming to set boundaries. I am so used to prioritizing others, but it depletes my energy. I'm working to be more assertive, because it is self-care to have healthy boundaries.

    • @jowyschwarz313
      @jowyschwarz313 3 роки тому +7

      So you know right if that very exhausting?

    • @jowyschwarz313
      @jowyschwarz313 3 роки тому +13

      I'm serious you must stop or later you will destroy yourself. Your mental health

    • @sydneyreid7401
      @sydneyreid7401 2 роки тому +1

      Right

    • @juliankastner301
      @juliankastner301 2 роки тому +3

      Keep on sharing!! They should teach that in schools, and churches!!

    • @zaygroovie3311
      @zaygroovie3311 2 роки тому +4

      There’s inner boundaries and Outter Boundaries if you exude confidence as Empath Narcissistic people stay nah try to come out you sideways but they’ll think twice to cross you because when your in your power and empowerment as an Empath it’s truly admirable, either people wil love you or hate you

  • @VannaMae
    @VannaMae 4 роки тому +2132

    This should be taught in school honestly.

    • @QuestforBeauty
      @QuestforBeauty 3 роки тому +66

      I know right? Our lives would be much easier if we had learned this on a very early age.

    • @AquamarineDolls
      @AquamarineDolls 3 роки тому +10

      I agree.

    • @littleone3357
      @littleone3357 3 роки тому +1

      Can't do that with different views and stuff; for example, if I have Faith in God, I can't talk about it at work, because of non-believers and because of their views I can't talk about it because it is considered a "conflict starter" and even in schools... also you are forced to just not voice your opinions because of different people's views. That's everywhere; so it's hard not to be a people pleaser when you can get kicked out of school for it possibly.

    • @Rose-id9sj
      @Rose-id9sj 2 роки тому +4

      @@littleone3357 how is talking bout god a conflict starter why would people think that

    • @empathematics8928
      @empathematics8928 2 роки тому +6

      school itself is the problem. it teaches us to deny how we are feeling and just sit in class and listen to the teacher.

  • @kandaceboo
    @kandaceboo 4 роки тому +1164

    Everyone repeat after me: boundaries protect relationships
    BOUNDARIES. PROTECT. RELATIONSHIPS.

    • @svetlananana9609
      @svetlananana9609 4 роки тому +12

      Boundaries protect relationships!

    • @talliedolls12
      @talliedolls12 4 роки тому +8

      Boundries protect relationships!

    • @anitamorin6255
      @anitamorin6255 3 роки тому +8

      Boundaries Protect Relationships!!!

    • @ishikab
      @ishikab 3 роки тому +10

      Boundaries protect relationships and brings respect.❤️

    • @ashwiniajari9199
      @ashwiniajari9199 3 роки тому +5

      True... very true 🙏

  • @remi_brancs
    @remi_brancs 3 роки тому +305

    Living in an African household, every time I say no, my parents and sister would always say I’m being rude or disrespectful. Currently unlearning this

    • @wheatstonebridge
      @wheatstonebridge 2 роки тому +4

      I'm not sure what that's like as I'm more from an individualized culture

    • @labonetia4399
      @labonetia4399 2 роки тому +42

      I'm from an Asian household and my family would shame me for setting my boundaries and joke around abt it. Been trying to communicate with them for awhile but it always ends the same regardless. I feel your pain

    • @seblewengelgeleta8030
      @seblewengelgeleta8030 2 роки тому +4

      Same here dear

    • @alextroy9202
      @alextroy9202 2 роки тому

      yess

    • @coltenkelso5764
      @coltenkelso5764 2 роки тому +21

      That's the problem with society. We are "trained" and brainwashed into thinking we have to be nice and make others happy instead of ourselves. Most of our parents tell us it is not acceptable to say no or argue and to just agree with everything. When really the other person just cares about their needs and not yours. That's where boundaries come in.

  • @rebeccawells1580
    @rebeccawells1580 Рік тому +95

    People wonder why I am SO big on setting boundaries. You know why? Because past experiences with being a push over and being abused has made me realize that boundaries ARE important. I was tired of being pushed around. I was tired of abuse. Ever since I have laid out boundaries, everything has been bliss for me.

    • @minfires7572
      @minfires7572 Рік тому +4

      Whenever i try to set a boundary the other person either acts like i'm joking and doesn't take me seriously or they don't respect it at all... How can i be better at setting boundries?

    • @sunside7
      @sunside7 Рік тому +3

      @Minfires I would say keep insisting on the boundaries to make it clear that you are actually serious. That's happened to ne as well because I haven't been setting consistent boundaries before. Just keep at it! Wish you the best 😊

    • @Cuuhleerity
      @Cuuhleerity Рік тому +6

      @@minfires7572 Well, if those people don't respect that and took it as a joke, maybe it's time for you to leave those people. They are toxic to your growth. And that's how you set boundary.

    • @nicolajirving
      @nicolajirving 8 місяців тому

      How?

  • @MotiveVideoBook
    @MotiveVideoBook 4 роки тому +765

    “Say no with grace and gratitude” This advice was really awesome.

  • @kajalswarup6664
    @kajalswarup6664 4 роки тому +508

    "You're trying to shield everyone else from pain when you are the one hurting".....🙌❤

    • @jaylaw.7660
      @jaylaw.7660 2 роки тому +3

      💯💯💯💯

    • @lauralovesquinsy
      @lauralovesquinsy 2 роки тому +1

      Had to pause the video for a second to let that one sink in!

    • @jasonmichalski6048
      @jasonmichalski6048 2 роки тому +4

      How does the other person know your pain? Your pain is no concern to anyone but you and you need to protect your enegry from being redirected in a negative way

  • @sopheakem8283
    @sopheakem8283 2 роки тому +115

    I'm not responsible for other people's feelings.
    I also learn to not let other people's problem become my problem.
    I love this video!

  • @Kaorinote
    @Kaorinote 4 роки тому +72

    Growing up in Japan, pleasing people is something that determines if you are grown-up or not. And it took so much time for me to realize that pleasing people is not what I wanted in my life. Thank you so much for such a inspiring video 😍😍😍

  • @daringliving
    @daringliving 4 роки тому +227

    Boundaries are so important! Instead of thinking saying "no" is mean and selfish, we can think that if we agree to something we don't want to do - we're actually being "fake" and trying to trick others into liking us. And THAT is selfish.

  • @SaintOrCinema
    @SaintOrCinema 4 роки тому +346

    Just a slight caveat about the “other people’s feelings are not your responsibility”. I think some very blunt people do use this as an excuse to say things that they want to get off their chest though they know they’re hurtful and tactless. I think the key and compassionate balance is to speak honestly, but with the intention of being kind and considerate of people’s feelings. That way, if someone does react badly it was not your intention, but you don’t have to feel guilty. I just think we actually do have SOME responsibility to be careful with the feelings of others; but our greatest responsibility is to ourself - you’re right 🌸 It’s just I’ve heard this reasoning misused before!! X

    • @sachipawooskaralmeida
      @sachipawooskaralmeida 3 роки тому +3

      tru

    • @wowso4
      @wowso4 3 роки тому +13

      Yes I agree, I Don’t want to hurt anyone intentionally so I want to learn to express my boundaries in a healthy and safe way. And also kind way so to not hurt the other person.

    • @cyndigooch1162
      @cyndigooch1162 3 роки тому +16

      SaintOrCinema That's exactly right and I want to add that it's necessary to be extremely rude and even to hurt people sometimes though. I've had traumatic experiences with some who got very angry when I wouldn't do what they wanted, so certain individuals won't accept boundaries, no matter how respectfully it's conveyed. As you'd know, it's a sign to stay away from those types of people, yet it's not always possible, especially in regard to family members. ❤

    • @laetitiasiahaan9720
      @laetitiasiahaan9720 2 роки тому +5

      @@cyndigooch1162 yess.. the old adage of THEY ARE YOUR FAMILY.. for the last couple of years, I've been trying to implementing my boundaries towards few family members n i got this pushback.

    • @minfires7572
      @minfires7572 Рік тому

      @@cyndigooch1162 what i'm currently dealing with :( My younger sisters don't respect my boundaries at all. They're either immature or selfish and I'm so exaushted from always expressing my feelings and then them saying I'm just being sensitve. It's so hard to distance myself from them because i live with them and I will always have to deal with them because they're my family

  • @AM-xe4iq
    @AM-xe4iq Рік тому +14

    An aspect of this that wasn’t mentioned is that, your circle is going to start getting smaller when you start setting and enforcing real boundaries. People will start dropping out of your life and that’s going to feel bad at first. It’s going to get a little lonely. People that don’t respect boundaries might just stop being so present with you. So be prepared for that. People will guilt trip you, insult you, attack your personhood etc. when they hear the word “No” and they may just disappear. Look at it as a chance to open up your life and your world into the direction you want to go in and free up space for healthier relationships.

  • @SohamBasak1996
    @SohamBasak1996 2 роки тому +4

    I am the one who is always trying to find the balance of giving time to each of my friends and specially when they are not in good terms with each other and I am just doing stuff to make everyone happy and come together and it's so exhausting. I am so so so done!!

  • @kathrynkjulian
    @kathrynkjulian 4 роки тому +244

    I feel like this was speaking directly to me. I grew up with a mentally unhealthy parent which made me always feel responsible for other people’s feelings and that if they were unhappy it was because of me. Boundaries are a new thing I’m working on but I’ve realized just how much of myself I’ve let go or not allowed to grow because I was using my energy on others. Thank you for this message!

    • @jowyschwarz313
      @jowyschwarz313 3 роки тому +4

      How are u right now? Did u find the tool? Because this is very relatable to me

    • @imenechernai1935
      @imenechernai1935 2 роки тому

      How did u fix that is there books for slefgrowth and health in dealing from this since ages and I have to work on it or else I'm gona explode

    • @ShayLamere
      @ShayLamere 2 роки тому

      Same boat! Any tips on how you’ve worked on this, this past year?

    • @jaylaw.7660
      @jaylaw.7660 2 роки тому

      💯💯💯 hope you’re doing better, Kathryn!

    • @Miss-Curious128
      @Miss-Curious128 Рік тому

      How r u now Kathryn?

  • @khatelynlim
    @khatelynlim 4 роки тому +63

    Her acting skill yay 🤣💗 sooo cuteee

  • @loveme1641
    @loveme1641 3 роки тому +37

    “It is okay to say no without any reason”. This quote really resonated with me because a few weeks ago, I backed out of doing something solely for the reasons of I was tired and didn’t feel like doing it in that moment. Afterwards, I felt so lazy and guilty because I didn’t have a “good enough” reason. This line helped me see that I did have a good enough reason, so thank you. ❤️

    • @Captain_MonsterFart
      @Captain_MonsterFart Рік тому

      Except, how do you actually conduct the conversation? It rarely is as simples as saying 'no thank you" and then they say , "ok, no problem "and that is that.

  • @user-bf7pm8mt9f
    @user-bf7pm8mt9f 8 місяців тому +2

    this is my biggest problem...
    to the point theres nothing left to my self... that I learned in a hard way that I should learn to take care first myself before anyone else ...

  • @ChristaBello
    @ChristaBello 4 роки тому +197

    When we feel secured in ourselves, then the acceptance of people of us, won’t matter. Friends, you’re enough❤️

    • @DrBiohack
      @DrBiohack 4 роки тому +8

      Absolutely, you speak so much wisdom and I love your channel Christa💕

    • @ChristaBello
      @ChristaBello 4 роки тому +4

      Elizabeth Lucy Such an amazing human being you’re. Lots of love💕

    • @QuestforBeauty
      @QuestforBeauty 3 роки тому +2

      It's so true right?

    • @thrivewithnitya
      @thrivewithnitya 3 роки тому +1

      I agree with this. When we are secure and have self-love, we don't need validation or acceptance from others. But, I can tell you from my own experience that this is not easy especially if you have had a very toxic childhood or complete toxic life. I undervalued myself my whole life but this year, I understood the importance of setting up personal boundaries. You can check my UA-cam channel- *Revamp Mind* where I post videos on self-help, career, and other interesting topics, or check on the link to watch my video on setting up personal boundries- *ua-cam.com/video/6ZK9ELqM6u0/v-deo.html*

    • @lamonicahayes8766
      @lamonicahayes8766 11 місяців тому

      Love this thank you! Currently learning boundaries and self love.

  • @rishibenwalling1224
    @rishibenwalling1224 4 роки тому +114

    Is it just me or do you guys also think she glows up more in each video? 🤯♥️

    • @lavendaire
      @lavendaire  4 роки тому +18

      The November Soul aww ty, working on a continuous glow up ✨✨

    • @ariadnafriski_
      @ariadnafriski_ 2 роки тому +1

      For me no

  • @sakuraflares7054
    @sakuraflares7054 2 роки тому +1

    took me so long to realize i was doing this, mostly bc the people in my life just straight up wouldnt let me believe it was what was going on because it wasnt convenient for them

  • @phobianxietya2185
    @phobianxietya2185 2 роки тому +7

    something worth mentioning(even tho is "obvious") is - learning to walk away when someone does not respect our boundries.
    people pleasers might be able to learn how to say no(i did),but the next step is leaving when someone crosses our bondries once/twice and thats it.

  • @magickaldust1213
    @magickaldust1213 4 роки тому +126

    I am fairly "selfish" in that I know my own boundaries well, and over the years I have become very willing to say no, HOWEVER, being a highly empathetic person, I definitely needed the note about "you are not responsible for other peoples feelings". I AM acting the people around me cannot handle their own emotions and "harmony at all costs" generally comes with me holding my tongue, so thank you 💖

  • @lavendaire
    @lavendaire  4 роки тому +497

    Name that girl in the yellow 😂
    also, do you guys like more info in the description like this? do you even open the description box usually?

    • @Princessgia
      @Princessgia 4 роки тому +25

      I do because sometimes there's some interesting and well worth info there! Smiled so hard at the stalker outside the window because that's how I am in my head....sometimes 😂😅

    • @emilya6454
      @emilya6454 4 роки тому +10

      I like it!♥️

    • @jessinthemundane
      @jessinthemundane 4 роки тому +11

      Shes your arch nemesis 🤣

    • @raesthetic257
      @raesthetic257 4 роки тому +27

      I love having the detailed timestamps and descriptions, sometimes I like to take notes on your videos and having the “subjects” listed helps ☺️

    • @gemmag1099
      @gemmag1099 4 роки тому +10

      I like the level of detail you give in the description box.

  • @Maria00569
    @Maria00569 Місяць тому +2

    It took me a while to realize that people actually respect meaner people , I don’t have any “ real” friends at all so I thought with being kind I’d have more but no,being kind is considered either naive or fake .

  • @bettikaro4787
    @bettikaro4787 Рік тому +5

    "You are trying to shield everybody else from pain, when you are the one hurting." I felt that one very hard and i look forward to watch your advice video for people pleasers right after i finished this one. And later on i will write those points into my notebook. I have to remember it all and reread and rewatch this too

  • @Thefitty
    @Thefitty 4 роки тому +78

    *Need to do this with certain friends, family, and bosses.* 🔥

    • @InnerResearcher
      @InnerResearcher 4 роки тому

      yesss!

    • @kaylea573
      @kaylea573 4 роки тому +1

      Same this was super helpful!

    • @Thefitty
      @Thefitty 4 роки тому +3

      @@kaylea573 I'm glad you can agree! Let's set those boundaries now.

    • @Thefitty
      @Thefitty 4 роки тому +1

      @@InnerResearcher we can start today!

    • @kellsliving3220
      @kellsliving3220 4 роки тому +2

      same i need to say no to everyone and not allow the world too take advantage,!!!”. of me i want the world to no i’m a amazing 😉 adult with a disability but that don’t stop me i will keep on going. in i will not ever allow people to step all over me i have to set boundaries with everyone

  • @BreakconValen
    @BreakconValen 4 роки тому +134

    So much needed! Honestly, I know I have this need of pleasing people, but it's still so hard for me to deal with that. At least good to know I'm not alone in this :)

  • @FransceneJK98
    @FransceneJK98 Рік тому +4

    Having been raised by multiple narcissists and catering to them all my life, it feels so selfish to take care of me and to say No to them. They guilt trip me. When do you consider someone as actually being selfish when they say no? Is it when they have alternate motives? Please share. This is so new to me

  • @healthwealthharmony4113
    @healthwealthharmony4113 3 роки тому +11

    "...managing the perception of others and taking more responsibility than is actually ours. So we've been abandoning ourself to make sure other people are okay" WOW. That's so very true!!! It's so important to know how/when to prioritize your self love and that it's OKAY to put yourself first. You deserve it!!! So so soooo important 👏👏👏

  • @bhavnas1696
    @bhavnas1696 4 роки тому +22

    🙋‍♀️ Wasted time and energy on it and now learning to say "no", Learning to put myself my first priority 💕💕

  • @athirarajanpillai
    @athirarajanpillai 4 роки тому +32

    "Always do the best for yourself.. Everyone else are doing the best for themselves."
    This is so true.. I just realised it now. Thank you Aileen for this video.. you always post videos on right time.

  • @areskodvin
    @areskodvin Рік тому +1

    How can you say that everyone else is doing the best for themselves? No one knows that, plus, sometimes it is a good thing to do what is best for others as well, including yourself. So even though I agree with many things you say it is still important to think of others. A balance.

  • @charleyyap9123
    @charleyyap9123 9 місяців тому +1

    Thank you for pointing this out. I'm glad to find your video. I'm 30 years old, and I realized that I have been a people pleaser all my life because I do not want to disappoint my family, my co-workers, etc. Now, I want to focus on self-love and taking care of myself since I have deprive myself of such for a long time.

  • @InnerResearcher
    @InnerResearcher 4 роки тому +27

    May we all set healthy boundaries and put our wellbeing first! ✨

  • @mariaziarnik6909
    @mariaziarnik6909 4 роки тому +28

    This is an excellent video! I have placed solid boundaries with toxic family members and they don’t understand and say negative things. Now I don’t get upset I just move on and do the best I can for those around me

  • @DuongNguyen-gz8zr
    @DuongNguyen-gz8zr 2 роки тому +3

    Actually people-pleasers are those who don't want to upset others in order to protect themselves from others' displeasure. That includes me. Too afraid to lose face. If we genuinely care about others we would want to be honest with ourselves and others while still being compassionate.

  • @battlevain
    @battlevain 11 місяців тому +2

    It's a very interesting video. Yes we have to learn to say "No" to others, but we have to also learn about who we are dealing with. Most people who force us to set boundaries are usually not the sort of people we should be spending long periods of time with and many will continue to encroach and test us in this way. These characters are best avoided in the long run, as they will only escalate issues over time. Creeps, Stalkers, clingy friends and Toxic people don't respect boundaries, so we have to set them first and then learn to get these people out of our lives asap as they will only bring drama and misery.

  • @inhabitantofearth
    @inhabitantofearth 4 роки тому +21

    I so needed to hear this. I'm always so afraid to hurt other people's feelings because in the past I have unintentionally. And sometimes people retaliate, or i'm afraid they're going to abandon me. Or because people just can't accept/respect no as an answer so I have to explain myself because they're asking why.

  • @gosiacal5533
    @gosiacal5533 4 роки тому +33

    I love Lavendaire. Her channel has helped me so much. She inspired me to start my own channel and I would apprieciate any support on it❤️Also, I think it’s the most deserved one million💕

  • @whitelotus2516
    @whitelotus2516 2 роки тому +1

    Omg 🤣🤣🤣 I seriously needed the comic relief from her boundary pushing alter ego after being so angry about my boundary being violated. Seriously thanks 🙏💕😂

  • @weirdkidcoqui8299
    @weirdkidcoqui8299 Рік тому +1

    So helpful! I have a very hard time with saying the scary word," NO". This taught me that it is okay to say no and it is safe to say it without giving reason to it.

  • @Rivendel_va_y_viene
    @Rivendel_va_y_viene 4 роки тому +42

    Lavendaire: raise your hand if...
    Me: *raises hand high*
    Lavendaire: now raise the other hand if...
    Me: *switches mug to raise the other hand before she finishes the sentence*

    • @priscillajimenez27
      @priscillajimenez27 3 роки тому +1

      🙋‍♀️🙋‍♀️🙋‍♀️🙋‍♀️🙋‍♀️

  • @iamanki_24
    @iamanki_24 4 роки тому +6

    I sacrificed my inner peace and joy for others but now I am practicing to set boundaries..and I am feeling happy inside and outside..and thank you so much Aileen for helping me in this journey.

  • @wohha3766
    @wohha3766 2 роки тому +1

    Oh my god now I understand I’m trying to start saying no ofc people is not used to it from me but I so happy that I’m stopping pleasing others

  • @marse9233
    @marse9233 4 роки тому

    Thank you for making this video! I realized I've been dealing with boundary issues with a childhood friend and this just puts my experience into crystal clear bits! Really good advice!

  • @DrBiohack
    @DrBiohack 4 роки тому +40

    💕Setting healthy boundaries is so key to your mental health💕

  • @alexmcginness8859
    @alexmcginness8859 4 роки тому +12

    Literally reading Rising Strong right now. This video couldn’t have come at a more perfect time.

  • @nipunikaadiraju6634
    @nipunikaadiraju6634 4 роки тому

    Gosh girl, I love the way you shot the video, it was different from your other videos, you actually acted and worked on a single frame too just to add more nuance, I love this, please do more of it

  • @user-ce3hv4sk6h
    @user-ce3hv4sk6h 4 роки тому

    This is the first time I ever watched something that is motivating and healing me so much.. thank you so much! Wish you have a great day ❤️

  • @haseena1001
    @haseena1001 4 роки тому +68

    Hi Aileen - This is certainly a topic that is relevant and important to everyone. Boundaries are a good thing! It is essential if not critical for our health and wellbeing as well as when it comes to our relationships with others. You can't give from an empty cup - we need to look after ourselves in order to serve our purpose and help others :-) Be true and honest with yourself, don't play to an ideal, take time to find out what are the right boundaries you need to set for yourself
    Thanks for sharing - adding great value as always x

  • @shompurnagunjan
    @shompurnagunjan 4 роки тому +10

    Finally Goddess reached 1 million. I love you girl.

  • @vibrantcolors255
    @vibrantcolors255 4 роки тому +2

    I love how creative this video is (and also how the intro music and the girl in yellow pounding were in sync)! This video reminded me of all the times I had to hold my anger back because I was trying to make the situation better for everyone except for me. I know I can't get mad at anyone for this so I have to keep it in. This time, I am going to stand up for myself for once.

  • @thenotsomundane3230
    @thenotsomundane3230 4 роки тому +2

    I needed this so bad and the timing is perfect. I'm so so glad I'm seeing this. Thank you so so much🥺♥️

  • @jackieg5854
    @jackieg5854 4 роки тому +7

    I just had some self reflection and realized I need to set up boundaries bc I’m a giver and ppl take so much. Def happy to see this video on my feed. ☺️

  • @joan_28
    @joan_28 4 роки тому +5

    This was the most perfect timing ever!! Every single word you said was something that I felt and that I struggled with for years and I was just wondering how to finally get out of that thinking pattern as I saw your video! Thank you so much, your content helps me a lot!😘

  • @denisesharma2121
    @denisesharma2121 4 роки тому

    Literally am going through all of your videos and I’m obsessed! I can listen to you all day!

  • @Jerriiiooo
    @Jerriiiooo 4 роки тому

    Ty girl for this video, it came just in time. I always forget about myself bc im always thinking of whats best for others. Ill def take youe advice into practice, ty girl so much, i really needed to hear this🙏💕

  • @cherry-xz6ei
    @cherry-xz6ei 4 роки тому +4

    Thank you for this video. The best thing I ever did was set healthy boundaries, I got a lot more respect and the people who got angry about with me for doing so left and my life became more peaceful. It was hard but I have better friends and relationships now. Sending love your way

  • @user-nd9pc7vu8u
    @user-nd9pc7vu8u 4 роки тому +7

    I seriously don’t know how this happened but since the last week i have been having such of these problems, i have never needed this much , thank you girl keep going ♥️♥️✨

  • @rachaelharper3778
    @rachaelharper3778 Рік тому +2

    ‘Everyone is doing what’s best for them If your doing what is best for everyone else, no one is going to look after you’ well said ❤❤❤

  • @ammesoon3290
    @ammesoon3290 4 роки тому

    omg...everything is on point..! i found myself a sanctuary to heal my thoughts and start the journey towards self love..omg thankyou!!!

  • @UneakTershai
    @UneakTershai 4 роки тому +4

    This is a timely video for me. Thanks for posting this. 💕✨

  • @Pumac0319
    @Pumac0319 4 роки тому +7

    Great advice. I’m in my 30s and I’m
    still learning. This kind of subject matter was never brought up when I was younger. I’m glad we’re getting away from the mentality that women should put everyone before themselves. So important to put yourself first and not let others drag you down 🙂

  • @JesusOwns
    @JesusOwns 2 роки тому +1

    I honestly needed to hear this! Thanks for your wise words!

  • @FrancisLeoni
    @FrancisLeoni Рік тому +1

    Oh, I LOVE LOVE LOVE WHEN YOUR VIDEOS ARE LONG!!
    your videos and explanations are just relatable and easy to understand (plus not boring at all)
    I love how you make the 'other people' character in here, too! 🥰🌸

  • @archanam652
    @archanam652 3 роки тому +3

    saying NO to those who spread their toxic energy spoiling our peace is always the best thing to do for your own goodness....
    Thank you so much very very good message..Aileen❤👍

  • @MansiJain-xm9ob
    @MansiJain-xm9ob 4 роки тому +5

    I needed this so much..
    I am having a hard time defining my relationship with a friend. She radiates happiness but some times she is all abt herself her problems nd sometimes even laughing over my problems. She might not be a good advisor but she's a great person to be with .
    Now I know how I can tell just tell her abt how I feel abt this and that sharing problems is okay but its uss not only you.
    Thank uh for this video!!

  • @gayathrisudheesh122
    @gayathrisudheesh122 4 роки тому

    Aileen you are a truly inspiring person to the whole world. You always spread love and light at dark times. The video was great. Learned a lot from you. Start setting boundaries. Live your life for yourself

  • @CraftyMarieArts
    @CraftyMarieArts 4 роки тому

    Thank you for this! I'm saying no a lot better but still getting better. I'm still learning.

  • @sadcottonballdog
    @sadcottonballdog 4 роки тому +6

    This was the exact video I needed, after realizing about me wanting to please people and not be who I was. I literally just texted with one of my closest friends about "Okay, I think it's time to set some boundaries..." Because I know exactly what I was doing, I just thought I was doing what was right for me. I took a reality check and turned out that I was just hurting myself and burying myself deeper into my shell. Thank you so much!! ♥

  • @primrosew.3986
    @primrosew.3986 4 роки тому +3

    🙋 thanks a lot for this beautiful video ! I'll be more careful with that topic from now on! ☺️ I didn't make myself priority and I ended up being sad and overwhelmed all the time . Now I see what I did wrong

  • @mooncosmicpower2956
    @mooncosmicpower2956 3 роки тому +1

    thank you, this video really helped me, boundaries are completely new to me, and you made it so easy to understand! thank you!!

  • @fahimshahriarnihal285
    @fahimshahriarnihal285 Рік тому +1

    I am an Emphatic person. Thanx for most of the information about setting boundaries. It was quite helpful. My comment may not alter your thinking process but I should say this, not all yu said were correct. You are a human being. If yu start prioritising yourself only, you are called mean, selfish, insane person. We should know our value, yes and others as well. Being too afraid of hurting others may not be the right thing but that’s the call of yur human inside. Being honest, straightforward is great. Situations defines all.
    If I be straightforward person, I should say this, “You are the college cheerleader mean girl who has a face, thinks she deserves the best, a spoiled girl who is going to marry a high value man and will demand freedom of her own, do whatever she wants and eventually destroying her marriage or, marry a rich person do whatever she wants and after one point of time will get to know she is not she anymore.” Do not waste your time. The thinking process yu entirely have is toxic.

  • @nadinecoco
    @nadinecoco 4 роки тому +3

    This episode is SO GREAT, Aileen. Thank you so much!

  • @fleurdelacour5247
    @fleurdelacour5247 4 роки тому +11

    I really kove to watch every vids of her cause her lines are so deep and so easily understandable, it also helps me to improve my talking. She is a great motivational.💕
    Her lines have so many inspirational quotes.
    "If you don't decide for yourself, other people will decide for you."
    "Stop trying to make everything okay cause things can't always go okay, you can't be okay with everything, people can't be okay with everybody, everything and you have to be okay with that."
    "Say no what doesn't serve you."

  • @amyjigoyan5
    @amyjigoyan5 2 роки тому +1

    This was so amazing, she covered so many important parts.
    Thanks so much for this video ❤️

  • @riemann4151
    @riemann4151 4 роки тому

    i really need this its my goodness that its too late but i found your channel. i wrote all the things you've said and gonna follow this. thanks for your beautiful and meaningful words!!!! i seriously need the exact thing.100%

  • @hinatagirl33
    @hinatagirl33 4 роки тому +3

    🤚 🙋🏾‍♀️ learning to speak up for myself especially with humor as a buffer but also getting comfortable in being straight forward with it!!! This video is really speaking to my soul
    P.S. after this video, I had to immediately subscribe! I’m excited to go through your content

  • @lillyb6260
    @lillyb6260 4 роки тому +8

    This was so creative. Loved it! I needed to hear this.

  • @forevermore9431
    @forevermore9431 4 роки тому

    This videos is very entertaining to watch. I'm such a people pleaser and find it sooo hard to say no. Thank you for adressing this topic

  • @nikkipineda1311
    @nikkipineda1311 4 роки тому

    this was such a timely post! i just discussed this in therapy the day before this was posted and viola! magic huhu what great content

  • @BecomingTia
    @BecomingTia 4 роки тому +6

    Omg! Congrats on a million! I’ve been here since around 60k. The music is giving me Parasite vibes. I 👀 you.

    • @lavendaire
      @lavendaire  4 роки тому +1

      I just watched it before making this & didn’t realize! I liked it bc it sounds so sneaky and funny haha

  • @toetovocaloid
    @toetovocaloid 4 роки тому +20

    🙋‍♀️ The callout is real. Thank you for everything Aileen!

  • @prasannapradhan5564
    @prasannapradhan5564 3 роки тому

    I'm really attracting the best for me, even this channel has been such a blessing, thank you!

  • @carlozcali
    @carlozcali 4 роки тому +2

    Me encantó este tipo de video, podrías seguir explorando esa manera de explicar las cosas así, como con pequeñas intervenciones ❤️ gracias infinitas como siempre Ayleen🔥

  • @raiderfrankdatank
    @raiderfrankdatank 4 роки тому +9

    Great video. I struggle with this as well, all my life. Its stressful. My life has gone and passed bcuz of this. Its too late for me. Hope the younger people can make changes

  • @baitbyoot9405
    @baitbyoot9405 4 роки тому +11

    I liked this new atmosphere, funny and refreshing 😄

  • @TheGypsyGirl77
    @TheGypsyGirl77 7 місяців тому +1

    I only beginning this in my 40s 🤦🏼‍♀️ but wow what a breath of fresh air

    • @lavendaire
      @lavendaire  7 місяців тому +1

      i'm so proud of you ♡

  • @breethewish
    @breethewish 3 роки тому

    🙌🙌 hands raised for the first two questions of people pleasing,
    What an amazing advice! Thank you fo sharing this..I sure we feel changed already!

  • @MarielaMerino
    @MarielaMerino 4 роки тому +10

    Saying no to others is saying yes to yourself 😊 also love how you filmed this 🤗

  • @surakshasworld1310
    @surakshasworld1310 4 роки тому +34

    You're such an inspiration to me.. You're an amazing.. This is also one of the inspiring contants Thankyou for your hard work for us.. You're role model to me who inspires me to create my own UA-cam channel thankyou so much.. Much much love💕

    • @adityarai3404
      @adityarai3404 4 роки тому +1

      Yes she is an inspiration to me as well.. And also your contants are good.. Keep working. ❤️

    • @cheeryblossom878
      @cheeryblossom878 4 роки тому +1

      I too me aileen's big fan but i go through your channel and you too is doing pretty well keep going.. Your new subscriber.. Much love and support ❣️😘😍

    • @surakshasworld1310
      @surakshasworld1310 4 роки тому

      @@adityarai3404 thankyou so much keep supporting

    • @surakshasworld1310
      @surakshasworld1310 4 роки тому

      @@cheeryblossom878 thankyou so much.. Well she is my rola model ♥️

    • @ruparai7361
      @ruparai7361 4 роки тому

      She is doing really well but you too is doing well keep her as your Rola model.. you're also doing well.. you're new subscriber..lots of love.

  • @tti3n_n777
    @tti3n_n777 4 роки тому +1

    Thank you so much for this video, I really needed to hear this ❤️❤️❤️

  • @monineathsar8601
    @monineathsar8601 2 роки тому +2

    Playing this video on repeat. Very encouraging and validating. THANK YOU!

  • @ioanao.6028
    @ioanao.6028 4 роки тому +30

    Your hair style in this video is so beautiful, it frames your face so nice 💖!

    • @Vale-ej1fz
      @Vale-ej1fz 4 роки тому +3

      ioana o. Better than bangs

  • @camta17
    @camta17 4 роки тому +7

    This came at the right time! Just recently had someone disrespect my boundaries and that made me quesrtion setting up boundaries in the first place. Thanks for sharing this! 💖
    ALSO you seem to be radiating so much more strength and confidence I am loving it!

  • @MilaKoren
    @MilaKoren 2 роки тому

    Sooo appreciative of this vid as a empath and someone newer to boundaries