✨ Ready to transform your life in 2025? ✨ The Artist of Life Workbook is your personal guide to setting goals, finding clarity, and creating the life you want. Start your journey here: lavendaire.com/workbook 🌟
But it is for our own good if we self improve so we can get rid of negative feelings more easily but self improve also means not being hard on ourselves. Take it easy
That's true. Sometimes there's a fine line between "I need to do better" and "because I'm not good enough". I had to stop constantly improving to accept myself more. 😉
@@nilimachetia314 literally what are you trying to imply because you did nothing but contradict yourself in one sentence. Obsession with improvement and productivity will drive you to self destruction and insanity. It’s not healthy. You’ll improve only when you fail and fail to improve, and acknowledge that you’re stalling and not progressing, or else you’d just be deluded and you’ll keep destroying your own progress by forcing yourself to improve non stop. There are limits to everything. Balance is key.
Right on! We are so much in our heads that we need to measure even our healing. Can't we just relax? I love watching my cats live their lives by and just wonder why didn't humans create a more loving and easier place to live? Human experience with added human fabricated stressors is getting out of control. We need to realize of what actually being human is?
A quick tip for some people: your inner critic doesn't have to be a voice, it can also be a feeling. I never think "I need to do more", it's a feeling I get and unnoticed I'll act on that feeling.
I'm so hard on myself because I feel I lived in a shell during all my adolescence. I didn't experience enough and stayed too safe. Since I turned 20 I started to get out of my comfort zone and live my true self
A time ago I was seeing my old photos and cried so bad, I've damaged myself in many different ways, seeing that cute, happy girl broke my heart. I started trying to treat myself as I would treat my younger self. Since then, I've been slowly getting better, eating better and I'm actually improving in being less mean to myself. Life feels lighter.
I can say First 13 years of my life I had many problems n issues N stuff that cud cause anxiety or depression But I was happy mostly From age 18-24 I was so traumatised Depressed anxious As a woman I lost my best years to depression trauma Overthinking Lost But it's ok From last year I've been learning to do things slowly I won't b healed until 50 it seems I am 25 and a half now
I feel like i'm always pushing myself too hard and then beating myself over not achieving what i planned to achieve, or for feeling tired or overwhelmed with everything. This video couldn't have come at a better time.
I was literally crying ab how I was being soo critical and being hard on myself and the second I opened up this app your video was the first thing I saw 😩😩 god is good ❤️ thank you
Same as you, I was struggling and keep telling myself “love myself” and “you are good enough” , and then I opened the app to see this video! Thanks God
Our parents really put unnecessarily high expectations on us as children. This is why I'm almost glad my father passed so I can have that representation of high expectations from him die off with him. I'm comfortable with having a simple and easy lifestyle. I don't need to force myself to achieve goals based off of fear and acceptance. It's foolish and a tradition that I'm glad it's being broken among younger generations of people.
honestly, the part where you talk about your own struggles is so meaningful. I can't possibly tell you how much I appreciate that you made yourself so vulnerable. it was deeply touching and created some kind of connection, I guess. I just want you to know that it's 100% worth it.
honestly I wish I showed myself more care and empathy as I show my friends. I feel like Im definitely more critical of myself while im empathetic towards friends
Constantly being hard on yourself gets exhausting. You’ll eventually hit a wall because you’ll start to feel that nothing you do is enough. Choose to relieve yourself from the pressure. From a self love content creator to another; great video Aileen! ❤️
I can definitely relate, coming from a Nigerian household, where there is so much pressure on your acing your studies. This puts so much fear and pressure on your neck that you don’t want to take an L. When really you learn so much from taking an L. We are all not perfect sometimes you gotta take Ls to get the Ws
Your personal situation is similar to mine. Having a narsisstic father and a very unhealthy family dynamic made me mentally sick. I too am in therapy and its been 6 months and it takes so much time and healing. Its in so many layers as you said. The thoughts of i am not good enough, i am not doing enough, i am worthless bcs noone is there for me. They dont Love me, i am not worthy of love, i have to work hard to be loveable..these are mine 🙈 i had a trauma attack yesterday after meeting a friend and holding back, not being completely myself. I did breakdown in tears after i came home and started to reflect but truely i was just so hard on myself and all the things i shouldnt do, i did and i slipped into all the bad selftalk and destructive behaviour. Once again i understood that all of this is rooted deeper than i thought and this video is everything i actually learned and did in therapy but it was a refresher and helped me so much right now. Thank you so much Eileen. 💖
I think the reason I was being so hard on myself was because I wanted to achieve a certain goal in a certain amount of time but that's not helping because that's what creates the tension and if you don't achieve it that causes self hatred.
I was being very hard on myself last night and cried about how I also wasn’t good enough. Work evals are rough this time of the year and negative thoughts tend to snowball for me. I saw your video this morning and it helped me so much to center myself again. I don’t know if you will read this comment, but thank you for creating content like these to become our true genuine self. 💖 I hope you have a wonderful day Aileen! ☺️
You're so right about really getting a time to relax. I took me a while to understand that, this is NOT your typical Relax, watch netflix, play videogames, go to the movies, have beer with friends, etc. Like you said, and I don't find it cliche, not a single bit. To relax on a deeper level, and the only way to that you have to move your body in order to connect with it, either walking or doing Yoga, that's the way to really go blank and have real peace of mind. Thank you Aileen.
I listen this on my way to work and I almost cry 🥺 I know I was being hard on myself but I just don’t want to admit it. I think I need to sit down with my journal and watch this again.
I really loved this video. I am struggling with my desires and i am not gonna give up but I feel so overwhelmed. And feel im not working enough but I am doing enough. I just need rest. Depression sucks.
I love your videos and your vibe so much!!! I loved the idea of writing people you admire and what they embody:) Your energy is like a very soft blanket ❤️ You are a blessing for us!!! Thank you for sharing 💕🌸
breaking down right when i see your face and hearing your comforting, “hello my loves” because i know somethings wrong with me and that’s why i’m here bc you help keep me grounded
I resonate so much with your story, of survival and barely treading water. There were different reasons it wasn't based upon success but not passively accepting abuse. I've always felt no one could understand me. Thank you
Alieen, I discovered your channel last year, and I can definitely say you have added so much value in my life. I look up to you always. I want to be authentic, kind, lively like you, the best person I have ever seen in the Internet. Thanks for everything 💖
This is a great exercise. I like how it builds your sense of self by realizing where certain messages come from, but also thinking about what you do like about yourself, and gets you focused on who you want to be. It doesn't destroy the individual within, like so many other influences.
I just tried the exercise with imagining yourself as a child. Just wanted to say that it helped me quite a lot realising how negative and unfair the thoughts were that I had in my head during the past weeks. To me this was better than just imagining someone else because it is more connected to your personal experience and the imagery of a child touched me. Thank you for your video, your content and the way you convey it. It is really helpful!🤍
I cannot thank you enough, Aileen. I'm so grateful that you exist and work so hard to share your wisdom with us. Your content on every channel helps me innately and motivates me to take action. I was feeling my lowest, and I tried the prompt you suggested in this video where I kept asking “why” till I could find the core belief. It was a true aha moment for me. I have much better clarity on things now. I just want you to know that you're an awesome person and you're doing great for this community 💕 and you're on the top of my favorite UA-camrs list 💖ily
when you started talking about working with your child self, I just started breaking down. I can't imagine telling that poor little girl all the horrible things I tell myself now and having her think all the terrible thoughts I have now. She doesn't deserve that. No one does. I just wanted to comment this cos it was an instant reaction and I never cry so suddenly, hell, I haven't even really cried in months so this really hit home. Thank you so much for this video Aileen. You don't know how much it has helped me ❤️
The younger me loved when she made others smile. And loved to be loved. I am still the same, although in trying my best to support others or make them happy, I started to be too harsh on myself. And developed an anxiety disorder. I am slowly working on it now. I also met a wonderful person who helped me start being kinder to myself, but who also had to see and handle all my insecurities and fears that were the result of me being hard on myself, and bursted out since I felt safe and opened up around the person. I'm honestly very scared to lose them because of that, but thankful that they were the one helping me notice it all and start working on it.
This video is beautiful. I am on a healing journey recovering from multiple burnouts. I was born in a country where we were trained to believe that architects have to work extra hours every single day including weekends. Now that I live in the UK, I have legal rights. It has changed my belief system entirely and I am slowly learning to learn to enjoy my free time. I wish I could save my country from this toxic belief system, however, at the time being I am focusing on healing. I am deeply grateful to be out of that environment and to be able to enjoy my life.
This is so valuable. Thank you. It is great to see movements beyond hustle culture in younger generations and also such a focus on healing. Gives me hope that throughout my life we can make the world a nicer place to be
Yes ate aileen🥺, low confidence and insecurities are the main reasons why i am so hard of myself and from this video, i've learned a lot even if a single advice would really help me to get rid of being so hard❤. Thanks for a consistent motivational vlogs you've made ate. Appreciated💓
found this channel just when i am going thru some not so good days of my life,,and have been binge watching her videos and i must say my whole perspective and attitude towards whatever is happening to me right now has changed a lot in a positive way,,thank you ♡♡
*To all the dreamers out there, don't ever let the world's negativity disenchant you or your spirit. If you surround yourself with love and right people, ANYTHING is possible...*
ugh, I always always feel I'm not doing enough. and it's crazy when you said something like that holds you back. It's so true its just the start of a downward spiral. Thank you for this video!
This video helped me soo much. I was in a negative and a very stressed head space this entire week for missing out on an opportunity. I was having headache the entire week and was so frustrated that I just wanted to scream my lungs out. You sharing your personal story helped me to take a step back and figure out where is this stemming from. I feel so much lighter now. Can't wait to do all the exercises.
Love reading your comments on this one! Btw, we’re launching our new 2022 Artist of Life Workbook and Weekly Planner on 10/22! If you’re on the email list, you’ll get access to our exclusive soft launch on 10/21 😊 join the mailing list here: lavendaire.com/mail
Thank you so much because I needed to hear that and your advice about self love though I didn’t like it at first but when it appeared on Home Screen I thought I could use some real life advice because I was also hard on myself because I need to do some changes for myself as well my own character whenever my dad say aoothu billah he mean may Allah save you, and it worked and that’s by making me give up whatever is making this way, because that’s what expected me to do plus the chores and whatsoever and would even yell at me for doing something wrong whenever I screw up
I never comment on your videos but somehow it resonates too much to not comment something. I started journalling this morning and after pouring all my emotions on the page it ended with this sentence "why do I hate myself so much? What did I do to myself to hate myself so much? Why?" And tbh it's so hard to put a single answer, it made me cry a ton and now I go to your video and wow...thank you for this, for making us stop and reflects a bit on how harsh we are on ourselves 💖💖💖 thank you
Taking care of ourself is so important because at the end of the day we will be spending most of our time with ourselves and thanks for this amazing vedio ☺
One of the hugest realizations I made in therapy was that, without being fully conscious of it, I feel like I'm responsible for everything. Responsible for other peoples' comfort and happiness, responsible for all the things that go wrong or don't get done at work, responsible for all the chores and maintenance in my shared house. It of course led to heaps of resentment, since the people around me weren't matching or appreciative of what *I* was doing to keep everything neat and nice and happy. And I'm still trying to figure out where exactly that stems from and work on rooting it out, but at least realizing that it was unreasonable to hold myself highly and solely responsible for so many things took a bunch of pressure off.
For me, I punish myself and it’s irrational, it takes me a moment for release that painful thoughts, I feel that I have to archive all in the moment. But I’m tired of my thoughts and all the things I "have" to do and finally I don’t do nothing, I’m always tired. And like you, for recibe attention from my parents since a kid, I needed to archive things, like good grades, and now I feel obligated to continue studying, although I love learning and I’m studying something I like. It’s so confuse and I feel I wanna go away of all.
That is sooo powerful to imagine your childhood self and how you speak to them! I love this. We still are that inner child! I’m definitely going to keep this in mind.
I always been so hard on myself I am not doing enough, never focused on how my body is feeling and am I giving my body enough , you aRe true, we need 2 celebrate ourselves, shine as trueselves., love you lavi
Our brains are wired for automatic negative thoughts - but that doesn't mean we are stuck with them! The story we tell our brains is SO important, because our brains believe them, and our lives are built outwards from that. Thank you for sharing your story and your insights! :-)
I didn't realize how much I needed this video until I resonated with everything you said and when you said "you're not doing enough, you should be doing more, you're not good enough" actually felt broken inside because I've been saying this to myself every day. But hearing it from someone else voice, really made me realise how awful I've been to myself.
I am basically a walking insecurity, and I've learned that I am horrible at celebrating my wins. My therapist told me to write a few wins each day, but each day I end up unable to think of any- and my dad's had to help me a fair number of times. Thank you for reminding me to work on that :)
I felt this video as necessary for me today. Lately I’ve been feeling a bit off, like I’m not my desired self anymore and, therefore, I’m not loving my self but, this video was a good reminder to start from the very beginning again in order sort out all these messy thoughts that has been on my mind. Thanks a lot !!!
Omg I just did the inner child exercise and I'm so glad that you've mentioned it in this way. I cried so freaking hard and it really helped me put things into perspective. I relate to your story soso much and I absolutely love your channel girl. You are such a light in this word, seriously.
I've always been hard on myself. One of the goals I had since I was a child was to be a self-confident and very productive person by the age of 18... now that I am 18 I feel like a failure and too old to start again because I have not achieved that goal and I have not been so productive lately and I feel sooo guilty.. Guilt and overthinking is holding me back and I am trying to forget my age and try to get back on track!
First of all, I am amazed that your father has given both you and your brother the pressure of having to be good at your academics in your young age. But, I recently study academics to make myself happy. Second, I started to have the thought of going to cafe for studying positively. When I was in the age under adult, I did not understand why so many people in my neighborhood prefer using cafe for their work and leisure, but now I think cafe giving me a lot of positivity.
I took notes of all tips, exercises, your recommend, and your idea. I listened and made what’s matched me. I still learning doing until become old woman 80.
Ohh lavy , god bless you for this video . Im going throught a burnout , emotionally , phisiclly , spiritually , all of it . Burned out all . And im going through a reset where i rest and recharge and your video came like a blessing , because i asked myself the 1st question of why im hard on myself and wooow , every single thing showed up and i took my time and i figured out alot on why im the way im and i found that all that hatred over myself is within just a voice telling me :hey girl you are not supposed to be like this you have a better version , this is not who you are . It felt freeeeeee so much , and im gratfule . I wrote the practices and im going to do them in this period of resetting myself and whats coming is better . All the love to you. thank u a lot is still not enough of what u do aileen .THANK YOU 🙏💜💜
Wow I appreciate this. The last part really stuck out to me when you talked about people who got bullied and actually gave a real solution for how to change the behavior of not knowing the true power one has. I definitely feel like I can relate and feel like I have a solution and that is to celebrate my successes and wins. And definitely haven't done that much. Thanks girl.
I greatly appreciate the time you took to share your story❤️ I constantly wonder wether I am deserving of happy/good things and if I am a bad or good person. This is a thought process that has been with me since before I was 8. I did the exercise where you imagine talking with your child self, and I found that I couldn’t tell my child self that I should not be here, that I was unworthy of safety and kindness. It felt scary to do it, mostly because I have a hard time recognizing my feelings and thoughts because I have Autism and deal with mental health struggles. I greatly assume my worth is based on productivity, and I turned 18 during the pandemic, so that was when I was supposed to learn to drive and get a job, but that didn’t happen, so I now thought of myself as worthless and lazy. I’m slowly learning that may not be the case. I will be applying everything you said/recommended into my journaling/daily reflection sessions, thank you so much💜
Loved the child exercise! It made me realize that I would NEVER speak like that to anyone else, let alone a child, and that the reality is that I can (and all of us can) achieve anything I put my mind to. I believe in you all! 💯
There was a lot going on these last few months.Long story short,people tend to say that going through something make you stronger and I agree,but now I cannot sleep peacefully without thinking "how am I going to dress tomorrow?my hair is so messed up what am I gonna do?i didn't do my daily workout today,all my effort is wasted now.etc" What I'm trying to say is that in one point I put so much expectations on myself that once I reached it ,it didn't feel like I thought it would,so I'm questioning myself daily did I do something wrong or I don't deserve this or else... Ps : my comment is a little messed up I know.Many of you maybe don't even understand what am I saying and so do I but writing this make me less heavier : )). THANKS FOR ALL YOUR VIDEO LAVENDAIRE💜everytime I'm not feeling like "being a human being" your video help me a lot to get myself together 😊🥰.So again thanks.
I'm always hard on myself... but, thank you for all your videos. You inspired me a lot and motivated. Thank you for reminding us. You are a lifesaver.💖
Watching ur vds becomes my habit and it's such a healing for me while watching. I feel like ur my big sister TT I'm waiting for "Plan with me:October" and I luv uuu
Thank you for posting this video at the perfect time. Im a first year architecture student with this being my first time being in-person in college and I’m experiencing burnout along with releasing my stress to family and friends which is not healthy to them, Its a vicious cycle and therapy is costly, so thank you for being here. ❤️
I’m in a really high expectation family as well (Japanese tho), and my parents always tell me that I should do better/they expected better. I’m part of a GATs (gifted and talented) class, so my life is really competitive, and everyone’s really smart and sporty and sometimes I feel like I’m never enough. At this point, my teacher is a jerk, and when I delivered this speech, I got full marks BUT he chose someone who got lower marks then me only because he basically hates me… that made me fell really sad for like days, and now I find myself either ridiculously rude and sarcastic to him, or meek and quiet… looking at photos I took a few years ago (I was around 5), it brought tears to my eyes, the little girl there was so carefree, unlike my weighed down self now.
Thank you for posting this video otherwise I would probably get so stressed out right now because from the last 2 weeks I have been really hard on my self due to my exams. LOVE YOU A LOT
Yesterday I heard the healing tape from Louise Hay and it had that exercise of inner child and I was in tears!!!! I would highly highly recommend this simple and quick exercise because it is sooooooooo liberating!! ♥️♥️♥️
Such an impeccable vid indeed aileen 😍🌻😘 Well, it has been almost 2 years since i discovered such concepts and mantra concerning self love and acceptance .it has worked wonder with me and still doing great.however, since im lacking vitamin D + being diagnosed with IBS , im being almost all the time sorta moody and bad tempered .like it is very terrible to be such a moody person who can get constantly lightly depressed for no reason and hardly accepting myself in that way😑.it is like im constantly asking and blaming myself for those negative feelings i keep getting very often + beating myself for not being able to discover the reasons that make me feeling in that way . As sometimes, frankly speaking , i keep blaming exactly if i masterd srlf love and then taking a step back for not understanding myself
needed to hear this right now! glad i'm not the only one struggling with this. thank you for sharing your story on your father, i resonated with that :)
I do the exercise at the same time when you talk to me, it help me better and i realize so many things hidden from me when i write it down ,thank you so much Lavendaire, you are helping so many people, thank you for being here with us!!
I saw this video as soon as it was uploaded yet somehow managed to have it postponed until 4 days after. I could sense it in my spirit that this is what I needed in this point in my life and honestly, I'm glad i mustered up the courage to finally click play. First of all, thank you, Aileen, for being vulnerable and sharing your story. It felt like I was sharing and listening to a very close friend I could trust (which in all honesty is something I need ever so desperately right now). Next, I did the journaling and paused the video as I dug deep and it helped me a lot to unearth the triggers and identify what needed to be healed. Our triggers and traumas are somewhat the same so at times during this video it felt like a mirror was being held up and reflected my shadow parts back to me but I'm very grateful. It's so crippling to have been living in fear, shame, and guilt. I also did the working with my inner child while watching this video so let me say it took a while to finish. LOL. I realized that was a major trigger for me was people telling me "You're too loud!" or "Shut up!" when I sang and talked a lot so as I grew up I felt that my thoughts and words weren't valid or important. (I wanted to be a broadcasting major/journalist but that never happened). Another was when I would be around my mom and her friends and she would act as if me being around was a huge nuisance to her so I felt like my presence or existence was unwanted. Woooh. That was a lot of painful stuff to go through but thank you for this message. I hope you know that it has helped me heal and grow in more ways than you could probably ever think possible. I cried so much and my heart felt like it was being squeezed and torn up into a million pieces but it felt so freeing afterwards
Thank you so much 💕 I was so down today, so hopeless, feeling so lonely and misunderstood I thought this state will be for days and days. But in 20 minutes you gave me courage, hope and confidence for the futur, willing to make self-love my priority. 🙏
10:50 But often people talk about negative self talk, but the thing is my inner critic doesnt have self talk, i just feel it. I feel that im not doing good enough, i dont tell myself that.
Fear was instilled within me as a child too. It made me become a perfectionist to the point where if I make a mistake, especially in work, I have a panic attack.
this is so on point! I think more of us are going through something like that than we actually notice.A sign we should be more understanding to one another too
everything I needed to hear in one vid, the pressure of society, the high expectations, the self-criticism, and so on.... thank you for making me feel worthy all the love and respect I deserve.
Wow, we totally underestimate the power of just asking Why. I have a practice of Soul Journaling and I'm looking forward to asking my Soul the Why and seeing what comes through. Thanks for the inspiration. Love this video as always!
✨ Ready to transform your life in 2025? ✨ The Artist of Life Workbook is your personal guide to setting goals, finding clarity, and creating the life you want. Start your journey here: lavendaire.com/workbook 🌟
While the world of self-improvement has helped me in a lot of ways... sometimes that constant urge to improve is stressful
But it is for our own good if we self improve so we can get rid of negative feelings more easily but self improve also means not being hard on ourselves. Take it easy
That's true. Sometimes there's a fine line between "I need to do better" and "because I'm not good enough".
I had to stop constantly improving to accept myself more. 😉
That is soo true. Sometimes its counterproductive☺
@@nilimachetia314 literally what are you trying to imply because you did nothing but contradict yourself in one sentence. Obsession with improvement and productivity will drive you to self destruction and insanity. It’s not healthy. You’ll improve only when you fail and fail to improve, and acknowledge that you’re stalling and not progressing, or else you’d just be deluded and you’ll keep destroying your own progress by forcing yourself to improve non stop. There are limits to everything. Balance is key.
Right on! We are so much in our heads that we need to measure even our healing. Can't we just relax? I love watching my cats live their lives by and just wonder why didn't humans create a more loving and easier place to live? Human experience with added human fabricated stressors is getting out of control. We need to realize of what actually being human is?
She is our older sis that every person needs 😭❤️
Yessss
Absolutely!
She's young
she is!!!
@@jamesnoonan9302 so? age has nothing to do with wisdom
A quick tip for some people: your inner critic doesn't have to be a voice, it can also be a feeling. I never think "I need to do more", it's a feeling I get and unnoticed I'll act on that feeling.
That's what I have
I'm so hard on myself because I feel I lived in a shell during all my adolescence. I didn't experience enough and stayed too safe. Since I turned 20 I started to get out of my comfort zone and live my true self
A time ago I was seeing my old photos and cried so bad, I've damaged myself in many different ways, seeing that cute, happy girl broke my heart. I started trying to treat myself as I would treat my younger self. Since then, I've been slowly getting better, eating better and I'm actually improving in being less mean to myself. Life feels lighter.
❤️❤️❤️
I can say
First 13 years of my life
I had many problems n issues
N stuff that cud cause anxiety or depression
But I was happy mostly
From age 18-24
I was so traumatised
Depressed anxious
As a woman
I lost my best years to depression trauma
Overthinking
Lost
But it's ok
From last year I've been learning to do things slowly
I won't b healed until 50 it seems
I am 25 and a half now
I feel like that right now… now it’s getting hard to let go of guilt.
I feel like i'm always pushing myself too hard and then beating myself over not achieving what i planned to achieve, or for feeling tired or overwhelmed with everything. This video couldn't have come at a better time.
I feel exactly the same!! ❤
I was literally crying ab how I was being soo critical and being hard on myself and the second I opened up this app your video was the first thing I saw 😩😩 god is good ❤️ thank you
Man....oh my godd..I was also crying after journaling and noticing how harsh I was..... 🥺🌸🌸
I was having the same problem today I can’t believe how good the timing was on this I needed it and sounds like others did too
I have the same problem ❤️. Read Bhagvad Gita As It Is by Srila Prabhupada if you can.
Same as you, I was struggling and keep telling myself “love myself” and “you are good enough” , and then I opened the app to see this video! Thanks God
no thats the government helping you out
Our parents really put unnecessarily high expectations on us as children. This is why I'm almost glad my father passed so I can have that representation of high expectations from him die off with him. I'm comfortable with having a simple and easy lifestyle. I don't need to force myself to achieve goals based off of fear and acceptance. It's foolish and a tradition that I'm glad it's being broken among younger generations of people.
I also feel I'll be better off once my dad passes.
honestly, the part where you talk about your own struggles is so meaningful. I can't possibly tell you how much I appreciate that you made yourself so vulnerable. it was deeply touching and created some kind of connection, I guess. I just want you to know that it's 100% worth it.
thank you 💓
honestly I wish I showed myself more care and empathy as I show my friends. I feel like Im definitely more critical of myself while im empathetic towards friends
Constantly being hard on yourself gets exhausting. You’ll eventually hit a wall because you’ll start to feel that nothing you do is enough. Choose to relieve yourself from the pressure.
From a self love content creator to another; great video Aileen! ❤️
@@fullsunoo I can comment at the beginning, middle or end of a video. I don’t have to wait until the video is over Conan.
This is everything I needed today. Lots of tears, lots of reflection, and lots of healing on the way. Thank you for this Aileen.
❤️
same... with tears comes healing right :)
I thank you deeply for sharing the roots of “your why,” I resonate deeply with this. 💖🙏🏽
U said "It's not your fault." N I ended up in tears 😢
Never related more to the title, I'm always hard on myself, you're a life saver Aileen! Thank you so much!
I can definitely relate, coming from a Nigerian household, where there is so much pressure on your acing your studies. This puts so much fear and pressure on your neck that you don’t want to take an L. When really you learn so much from taking an L. We are all not perfect sometimes you gotta take Ls to get the Ws
Your personal situation is similar to mine. Having a narsisstic father and a very unhealthy family dynamic made me mentally sick. I too am in therapy and its been 6 months and it takes so much time and healing. Its in so many layers as you said. The thoughts of i am not good enough, i am not doing enough, i am worthless bcs noone is there for me. They dont Love me, i am not worthy of love, i have to work hard to be loveable..these are mine 🙈 i had a trauma attack yesterday after meeting a friend and holding back, not being completely myself. I did breakdown in tears after i came home and started to reflect but truely i was just so hard on myself and all the things i shouldnt do, i did and i slipped into all the bad selftalk and destructive behaviour.
Once again i understood that all of this is rooted deeper than i thought and this video is everything i actually learned and did in therapy but it was a refresher and helped me so much right now.
Thank you so much Eileen. 💖
I think the reason I was being so hard on myself was because I wanted to achieve a certain goal in a certain amount of time but that's not helping because that's what creates the tension and if you don't achieve it that causes self hatred.
literally just had a breakdown last night for this exact reason, and when I woke up this video pops up in my recommended. the universe is here to help
Needed this 💜🌈
Let's get connected Natalies
What's the rainbow 4??/
The timing of this is crazy. I just had a very emotinal talk with my bf about this an hour ago.. Thank you for this upload!
I was being very hard on myself last night and cried about how I also wasn’t good enough. Work evals are rough this time of the year and negative thoughts tend to snowball for me. I saw your video this morning and it helped me so much to center myself again. I don’t know if you will read this comment, but thank you for creating content like these to become our true genuine self. 💖
I hope you have a wonderful day Aileen! ☺️
Sending you love 💓💓
You're so right about really getting a time to relax. I took me a while to understand that, this is NOT your typical Relax, watch netflix, play videogames, go to the movies, have beer with friends, etc. Like you said, and I don't find it cliche, not a single bit. To relax on a deeper level, and the only way to that you have to move your body in order to connect with it, either walking or doing Yoga, that's the way to really go blank and have real peace of mind. Thank you Aileen.
I kick the soccer ball around and am whole again.
My negative self talk in my mind is "I should have been better by now"
I listen this on my way to work and I almost cry 🥺 I know I was being hard on myself but I just don’t want to admit it. I think I need to sit down with my journal and watch this again.
I have this feeling too 🥺
Sending you love 💓 it’s okay to be patient with yourself
I really loved this video. I am struggling with my desires and i am not gonna give up but I feel so overwhelmed. And feel im not working enough but I am doing enough. I just need rest. Depression sucks.
I love your videos and your vibe so much!!! I loved the idea of writing people you admire and what they embody:) Your energy is like a very soft blanket ❤️ You are a blessing for us!!! Thank you for sharing 💕🌸
breaking down right when i see your face and hearing your comforting, “hello my loves” because i know somethings wrong with me and that’s why i’m here bc you help keep me grounded
I suffer from toxic productivity and really felt this video. Thanks for the awesome message!
Just what I needed. My brother recently told me "don't be too hard on yourself" and made me think about it for a while.
I resonate so much with your story, of survival and barely treading water. There were different reasons it wasn't based upon success but not passively accepting abuse. I've always felt no one could understand me. Thank you
I think most of our present day issues are rooted in our childhood..healing our inner child is really important....👧♥️
Alieen,
I discovered your channel last year, and I can definitely say you have added so much value in my life.
I look up to you always. I want to be authentic, kind, lively like you, the best person I have ever seen in the Internet.
Thanks for everything 💖
This is a great exercise. I like how it builds your sense of self by realizing where certain messages come from, but also thinking about what you do like about yourself, and gets you focused on who you want to be. It doesn't destroy the individual within, like so many other influences.
I just tried the exercise with imagining yourself as a child. Just wanted to say that it helped me quite a lot realising how negative and unfair the thoughts were that I had in my head during the past weeks. To me this was better than just imagining someone else because it is more connected to your personal experience and the imagery of a child touched me. Thank you for your video, your content and the way you convey it. It is really helpful!🤍
Happy it helped ❤️❤️
From here 12:05 my tears out. Thankyou for the video.
I cannot thank you enough, Aileen. I'm so grateful that you exist and work so hard to share your wisdom with us. Your content on every channel helps me innately and motivates me to take action. I was feeling my lowest, and I tried the prompt you suggested in this video where I kept asking “why” till I could find the core belief. It was a true aha moment for me. I have much better clarity on things now. I just want you to know that you're an awesome person and you're doing great for this community 💕 and you're on the top of my favorite UA-camrs list 💖ily
Right on time 🥺 I’m hard on myself and I don’t need to be. I’m succeeding everyday. Thank you Queen 👸🏽🙏🏾❤️
you’re doing great ✨✨
when you started talking about working with your child self, I just started breaking down. I can't imagine telling that poor little girl all the horrible things I tell myself now and having her think all the terrible thoughts I have now. She doesn't deserve that. No one does. I just wanted to comment this cos it was an instant reaction and I never cry so suddenly, hell, I haven't even really cried in months so this really hit home. Thank you so much for this video Aileen. You don't know how much it has helped me ❤️
The younger me loved when she made others smile. And loved to be loved. I am still the same, although in trying my best to support others or make them happy, I started to be too harsh on myself. And developed an anxiety disorder.
I am slowly working on it now.
I also met a wonderful person who helped me start being kinder to myself, but who also had to see and handle all my insecurities and fears that were the result of me being hard on myself, and bursted out since I felt safe and opened up around the person. I'm honestly very scared to lose them because of that, but thankful that they were the one helping me notice it all and start working on it.
This video is beautiful. I am on a healing journey recovering from multiple burnouts. I was born in a country where we were trained to believe that architects have to work extra hours every single day including weekends. Now that I live in the UK, I have legal rights. It has changed my belief system entirely and I am slowly learning to learn to enjoy my free time. I wish I could save my country from this toxic belief system, however, at the time being I am focusing on healing. I am deeply grateful to be out of that environment and to be able to enjoy my life.
This is so valuable. Thank you. It is great to see movements beyond hustle culture in younger generations and also such a focus on healing. Gives me hope that throughout my life we can make the world a nicer place to be
Yes ate aileen🥺, low confidence and insecurities are the main reasons why i am so hard of myself and from this video, i've learned a lot even if a single advice would really help me to get rid of being so hard❤. Thanks for a consistent motivational vlogs you've made ate. Appreciated💓
I did the exercise and felt emotional after doing it ❤️
found this channel just when i am going thru some not so good days of my life,,and have been binge watching her videos and i must say my whole perspective and attitude towards whatever is happening to me right now has changed a lot in a positive way,,thank you ♡♡
*To all the dreamers out there, don't ever let the world's negativity disenchant you or your spirit. If you surround yourself with love and right people, ANYTHING is possible...*
You are a blessing from The greatest God to us! Every comment of yours is so beautiful and motivating 💕
"likely your current self is a muted version of yourself" omg that hits hard.
ugh, I always always feel I'm not doing enough. and it's crazy when you said something like that holds you back. It's so true its just the start of a downward spiral. Thank you for this video!
This video helped me soo much. I was in a negative and a very stressed head space this entire week for missing out on an opportunity. I was having headache the entire week and was so frustrated that I just wanted to scream my lungs out. You sharing your personal story helped me to take a step back and figure out where is this stemming from. I feel so much lighter now.
Can't wait to do all the exercises.
Love reading your comments on this one! Btw, we’re launching our new 2022 Artist of Life Workbook and Weekly Planner on 10/22!
If you’re on the email list, you’ll get access to our exclusive soft launch on 10/21 😊 join the mailing list here: lavendaire.com/mail
What's the artist life workbook!? ♡
Thanks Aileen once again! 😇
Thank you so much because I needed to hear that and your advice about self love though I didn’t like it at first but when it appeared on Home Screen I thought I could use some real life advice because I was also hard on myself because I need to do some changes for myself as well my own character whenever my dad say aoothu billah he mean may Allah save you, and it worked and that’s by making me give up whatever is making this way, because that’s what expected me to do plus the chores and whatsoever and would even yell at me for doing something wrong whenever I screw up
@@kaesowna4478 A book you use to write about what life you want and the person you wish to be
You can see the current version here: lavendaire.com/workbook
I never comment on your videos but somehow it resonates too much to not comment something. I started journalling this morning and after pouring all my emotions on the page it ended with this sentence "why do I hate myself so much? What did I do to myself to hate myself so much? Why?" And tbh it's so hard to put a single answer, it made me cry a ton and now I go to your video and wow...thank you for this, for making us stop and reflects a bit on how harsh we are on ourselves 💖💖💖 thank you
It’s very self destructive and it effects me in a lot of areas in my life.
Taking care of ourself is so important because at the end of the day we will be spending most of our time with ourselves and thanks for this amazing vedio ☺
One of the hugest realizations I made in therapy was that, without being fully conscious of it, I feel like I'm responsible for everything. Responsible for other peoples' comfort and happiness, responsible for all the things that go wrong or don't get done at work, responsible for all the chores and maintenance in my shared house. It of course led to heaps of resentment, since the people around me weren't matching or appreciative of what *I* was doing to keep everything neat and nice and happy. And I'm still trying to figure out where exactly that stems from and work on rooting it out, but at least realizing that it was unreasonable to hold myself highly and solely responsible for so many things took a bunch of pressure off.
For me, I punish myself and it’s irrational, it takes me a moment for release that painful thoughts, I feel that I have to archive all in the moment. But I’m tired of my thoughts and all the things I "have" to do and finally I don’t do nothing, I’m always tired. And like you, for recibe attention from my parents since a kid, I needed to archive things, like good grades, and now I feel obligated to continue studying, although I love learning and I’m studying something I like. It’s so confuse and I feel I wanna go away of all.
That is sooo powerful to imagine your childhood self and how you speak to them! I love this. We still are that inner child! I’m definitely going to keep this in mind.
I always been so hard on myself I am not doing enough, never focused on how my body is feeling and am I giving my body enough , you aRe true, we need 2 celebrate ourselves, shine as trueselves., love you lavi
Our brains are wired for automatic negative thoughts - but that doesn't mean we are stuck with them! The story we tell our brains is SO important, because our brains believe them, and our lives are built outwards from that. Thank you for sharing your story and your insights! :-)
I love the words you choose, you are nice and constructing your sentences
literally crying right now, eating lots of sweets,, then i saw this vid!!! thank you for saving me!
I didn't realize how much I needed this video until I resonated with everything you said and when you said "you're not doing enough, you should be doing more, you're not good enough" actually felt broken inside because I've been saying this to myself every day. But hearing it from someone else voice, really made me realise how awful I've been to myself.
Wow! What timing! I needed to hear this today cause I was literally crying just 2hrs ago because of how hard I was to myself in the past few days.
I am basically a walking insecurity, and I've learned that I am horrible at celebrating my wins. My therapist told me to write a few wins each day, but each day I end up unable to think of any- and my dad's had to help me a fair number of times. Thank you for reminding me to work on that :)
My therapist told me the same thing! And she said keep it in front of you and remind yourself how great you are!good luck
❤❤❤❤❤relate to video because self worth can be expected but we over whelmed wanting more,more,and more. Pride. Thank you
It's so important for successful people like you to admit their insecurities to make to relevant, send you lot of love and blessings my dear❤❤❤❤🤗
I felt this video as necessary for me today. Lately I’ve been feeling a bit off, like I’m not my desired self anymore and, therefore, I’m not loving my self but, this video was a good reminder to start from the very beginning again in order sort out all these messy thoughts that has been on my mind. Thanks a lot !!!
Omg I just did the inner child exercise and I'm so glad that you've mentioned it in this way. I cried so freaking hard and it really helped me put things into perspective. I relate to your story soso much and I absolutely love your channel girl. You are such a light in this word, seriously.
This video is life-changing. It could not have come at a better time. I truly believe that I was meant to see this video. Thank you so much.
I've always been hard on myself. One of the goals I had since I was a child was to be a self-confident and very productive person by the age of 18... now that I am 18 I feel like a failure and too old to start again because I have not achieved that goal and I have not been so productive lately and I feel sooo guilty.. Guilt and overthinking is holding me back and I am trying to forget my age and try to get back on track!
First of all, I am amazed that your father has given both you and your brother the pressure of having to be good at your academics in your young age. But, I recently study academics to make myself happy.
Second, I started to have the thought of going to cafe for studying positively. When I was in the age under adult, I did not understand why so many people in my neighborhood prefer using cafe for their work and leisure, but now I think cafe giving me a lot of positivity.
I took notes of all tips, exercises, your recommend, and your idea. I listened and made what’s matched me. I still learning doing until become old woman 80.
Ohh lavy , god bless you for this video . Im going throught a burnout , emotionally , phisiclly , spiritually , all of it . Burned out all . And im going through a reset where i rest and recharge and your video came like a blessing , because i asked myself the 1st question of why im hard on myself and wooow , every single thing showed up and i took my time and i figured out alot on why im the way im and i found that all that hatred over myself is within just a voice telling me :hey girl you are not supposed to be like this you have a better version , this is not who you are . It felt freeeeeee so much , and im gratfule . I wrote the practices and im going to do them in this period of resetting myself and whats coming is better . All the love to you. thank u a lot is still not enough of what u do aileen .THANK YOU 🙏💜💜
Wow I appreciate this. The last part really stuck out to me when you talked about people who got bullied and actually gave a real solution for how to change the behavior of not knowing the true power one has. I definitely feel like I can relate and feel like I have a solution and that is to celebrate my successes and wins. And definitely haven't done that much. Thanks girl.
thank you so much.... i made a self-reflection and i realized a lot of great things about me that i never admitted to ever.
I greatly appreciate the time you took to share your story❤️ I constantly wonder wether I am deserving of happy/good things and if I am a bad or good person. This is a thought process that has been with me since before I was 8. I did the exercise where you imagine talking with your child self, and I found that I couldn’t tell my child self that I should not be here, that I was unworthy of safety and kindness. It felt scary to do it, mostly because I have a hard time recognizing my feelings and thoughts because I have Autism and deal with mental health struggles. I greatly assume my worth is based on productivity, and I turned 18 during the pandemic, so that was when I was supposed to learn to drive and get a job, but that didn’t happen, so I now thought of myself as worthless and lazy. I’m slowly learning that may not be the case. I will be applying everything you said/recommended into my journaling/daily reflection sessions, thank you so much💜
i talk with my inner child, and hey, i felt so much better, thank you Lavendaire!
Im not even a influencer type of guy as far as being out here in stream land but im so glad i clicked on today . .better health better self.
Loved the child exercise! It made me realize that I would NEVER speak like that to anyone else, let alone a child, and that the reality is that I can (and all of us can) achieve anything I put my mind to. I believe in you all! 💯
There was a lot going on these last few months.Long story short,people tend to say that going through something make you stronger and I agree,but now I cannot sleep peacefully without thinking "how am I going to dress tomorrow?my hair is so messed up what am I gonna do?i didn't do my daily workout today,all my effort is wasted now.etc"
What I'm trying to say is that in one point I put so much expectations on myself that once I reached it ,it didn't feel like I thought it would,so I'm questioning myself daily did I do something wrong or I don't deserve this or else...
Ps : my comment is a little messed up I know.Many of you maybe don't even understand what am I saying and so do I but writing this make me less heavier : )).
THANKS FOR ALL YOUR VIDEO LAVENDAIRE💜everytime I'm not feeling like "being a human being" your video help me a lot to get myself together 😊🥰.So again thanks.
I COULD RELATE 😢 I’ll have to start to celebrating MYSELF! I am worthy!! 🤍
I'm always hard on myself... but, thank you for all your videos. You inspired me a lot and motivated.
Thank you for reminding us. You are a lifesaver.💖
Watching ur vds becomes my habit and it's such a healing for me while watching. I feel like ur my big sister TT
I'm waiting for "Plan with me:October" and I luv uuu
Thank you for posting this video at the perfect time. Im a first year architecture student with this being my first time being in-person in college and I’m experiencing burnout along with releasing my stress to family and friends which is not healthy to them, Its a vicious cycle and therapy is costly, so thank you for being here. ❤️
I’m in a really high expectation family as well (Japanese tho), and my parents always tell me that I should do better/they expected better. I’m part of a GATs (gifted and talented) class, so my life is really competitive, and everyone’s really smart and sporty and sometimes I feel like I’m never enough. At this point, my teacher is a jerk, and when I delivered this speech, I got full marks BUT he chose someone who got lower marks then me only because he basically hates me… that made me fell really sad for like days, and now I find myself either ridiculously rude and sarcastic to him, or meek and quiet… looking at photos I took a few years ago (I was around 5), it brought tears to my eyes, the little girl there was so carefree, unlike my weighed down self now.
Thank you for posting this video otherwise I would probably get so stressed out right now because from the last 2 weeks I have been really hard on my self due to my exams. LOVE YOU A LOT
I am suffering from too much self-criticizing and this video was on my feed. Thank you so much for helping me on this issue
Yesterday I heard the healing tape from Louise Hay and it had that exercise of inner child and I was in tears!!!! I would highly highly recommend this simple and quick exercise because it is sooooooooo liberating!! ♥️♥️♥️
Such an impeccable vid indeed aileen 😍🌻😘
Well, it has been almost 2 years since i discovered such concepts and mantra concerning self love and acceptance .it has worked wonder with me and still doing great.however, since im lacking vitamin D + being diagnosed with IBS , im being almost all the time sorta moody and bad tempered .like it is very terrible to be such a moody person who can get constantly lightly depressed for no reason and hardly accepting myself in that way😑.it is like im constantly asking and blaming myself for those negative feelings i keep getting very often + beating myself for not being able to discover the reasons that make me feeling in that way .
As sometimes, frankly speaking , i keep blaming exactly if i masterd srlf love and then taking a step back for not understanding myself
needed to hear this right now! glad i'm not the only one struggling with this. thank you for sharing your story on your father, i resonated with that :)
I do the exercise at the same time when you talk to me, it help me better and i realize so many things hidden from me when i write it down ,thank you so much Lavendaire, you are helping so many people, thank you for being here with us!!
I saw this video as soon as it was uploaded yet somehow managed to have it postponed until 4 days after. I could sense it in my spirit that this is what I needed in this point in my life and honestly, I'm glad i mustered up the courage to finally click play. First of all, thank you, Aileen, for being vulnerable and sharing your story. It felt like I was sharing and listening to a very close friend I could trust (which in all honesty is something I need ever so desperately right now). Next, I did the journaling and paused the video as I dug deep and it helped me a lot to unearth the triggers and identify what needed to be healed. Our triggers and traumas are somewhat the same so at times during this video it felt like a mirror was being held up and reflected my shadow parts back to me but I'm very grateful. It's so crippling to have been living in fear, shame, and guilt. I also did the working with my inner child while watching this video so let me say it took a while to finish. LOL. I realized that was a major trigger for me was people telling me "You're too loud!" or "Shut up!" when I sang and talked a lot so as I grew up I felt that my thoughts and words weren't valid or important. (I wanted to be a broadcasting major/journalist but that never happened). Another was when I would be around my mom and her friends and she would act as if me being around was a huge nuisance to her so I felt like my presence or existence was unwanted. Woooh. That was a lot of painful stuff to go through but thank you for this message. I hope you know that it has helped me heal and grow in more ways than you could probably ever think possible. I cried so much and my heart felt like it was being squeezed and torn up into a million pieces but it felt so freeing afterwards
Thank you so much 💕 I was so down today, so hopeless, feeling so lonely and misunderstood I thought this state will be for days and days. But in 20 minutes you gave me courage, hope and confidence for the futur, willing to make self-love my priority. 🙏
10:50 But often people talk about negative self talk, but the thing is my inner critic doesnt have self talk, i just feel it. I feel that im not doing good enough, i dont tell myself that.
Fear was instilled within me as a child too. It made me become a perfectionist to the point where if I make a mistake, especially in work, I have a panic attack.
Wow, sending you love & healing ❤️✨
@@lavendaire thank you so much 💕
this is so on point! I think more of us are going through something like that than we actually notice.A sign we should be more understanding to one another too
Aileen, you would be on my vision board of inspirational people. love you
everything I needed to hear in one vid, the pressure of society, the high expectations, the self-criticism, and so on.... thank you for making me feel worthy all the love and respect I deserve.
Wow, we totally underestimate the power of just asking Why. I have a practice of Soul Journaling and I'm looking forward to asking my Soul the Why and seeing what comes through. Thanks for the inspiration. Love this video as always!
Hearing you talk about self worth being misplaced really captured something I’ve been working on. Great video! 💖
The most necessary and mind changing video with self awareness....blessed to listen such words