Love this so much. Watched again. I went from being a crumpled, self-loathing, feeling worthless little crumb of a woman. Within a month of working on healing. It blows my mind how I let him make me hate myself. How I wanted HIS love so desperately! Who is HE?!? He’s so pathetic. I can’t believe I was attracted to that little wiener who flirts w anything that moves. Gross
I’m watching this video today after another discard and your comment made me smile. I hope I can get to that point where I see my narc as a POS instead of an all consuming force in my mind.
Shout out to all my fellow Thrivers who are no contact and dealing with the demons the narc abuse conjured. Although friends and family may lend an ear, I feel only those who have gone through this know how hard it is and the constant strength that's required. Sending love and positive energy.
I’m going through this right now , I’ve been repeatedly discarded.. and now I fully understand the trauma bond.. it’s so bad , I feel that feeling like I’m dying .. but at same time I’m missing my abuser .. I need to break this cycle as soon as possible!!
Please know Gabby these feelings are SUCH a part of narcissitic abuse. Have you checked out NARP yet? It is such a powerful way to break the cycle, get out of the pain and get your life back www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp To find out more about NARP come into my free webinar www.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar I hope that this can help you xoxox
1.) Get clear about your values and truths (you're being granted the ability to heal from a fake, unhealthy relationship) 2.) Turn inward to consolidate your relationship with yourself (we can finally devote ourselves to ourselves) 3.) Accept that this person was a catalyst (we learn how to be better people because of the pain we persevere through after being discarded) 4.) Self partnering communication (you will NEVER accept the lack of love you tolerated with narcs) 5.) Releasing and reprogramming your trauma (replace the pain you have with self-love and self-respect) 6.) Connecting to your true life (become the person you were destined to be) I think that was everything 😅
My final discard before I left was caused because I held my boundaries. He knew the gig was up he turned up the heat. I recorded it...the mask completely fell off and it was horrific. I still tried due to cognitive dissonance. He hated that I was beginning to heal due to physical symptoms. The first time someone crosses boundaries, doesn't take accountability, or is dishonest you need to leave them.
Something to keep in mind. Your value is what attracted the narcissist to you to begin with. You still have the value, give it someone else who appreciates it and reciprocates. You deserve better than trash.
Sorry to hear that. I’m 3.5 months out and psychologist has said he’s never seen anyone so traumatised, like someone out of a war zone.....,my GP has put me on medication and its really helping. I hope you find yourself again soon. We must find ourselves again. X
@@leighparratt3015 I’m two months out... my whole body aches for him and can’t eat much I feel he had someone else! I’m thinking of going to doctors as feel ill with it all wondering what medication they put you on?
Hello Sinjin I am freshly out of this relationship on July 4th of this year. I am not sure if you're a believer in our heavenly God our Father above. The reason I am saying this is because he is the only answer to turn to besides your inner healing as well. He is good and will always pull you through anything if you trust and believe in him. Say out loud Devil I resist you in the name of Jesus. Say it loud each and every time you feel this awful feeling. Stay strong, I know it hurts and effects your mind, body and soul. It's the worst I have ever experience in my life ever in a relationship. God is good..
My father was damaged as a child and I never understood him until near the end of his life. Looking back, I now see his narcissistic ways were the result of abuse from his early childhood. Throughout my life I have felt drawn to wounded men, hoping to give them some comfort from their abuse only to my personal detriment. Let these men find and heal themselves. Don't be a nurse or a caregiver. See these damaged people as impossible seven year olds, whose emotions will pounce on you every chance they get.
I've had the same all my life, iam 58 always thougt he would change never did 85 , we will never heal with out no contact we are doing the right thing for ourselves
I felt the same way ... when you have an open heart and you are attractive inside and out you need to be extra, extra careful. You will be come a magnet for people (especially Men) who have extreme confidence because they have massive egos or nothing to lose. I realized that being raised by a narc parent means I will always attract these predators like a moth to the flame. My kindness was often mistakenly taken for weakness. I have spent so much time during covid time really you-tubing and understanding what I attract and am attracted to and how to listen to my intuition and to what people say and do. My nature is to fall in love with abandon ... those days are over. Now vet people friends, family and Men very carefully and I look for humbleness and humility combined with intelligence and humor and honesty. A rare combo indeed. Just remember Excitement and Anxiety can sometimes feel like the same thing but one is enthusiasm and the other is a warning bell. No harm in being by yourself for a while to sort out your mind and emotions and really learn how to slow down to get to know the emotional intelligence and values of a person and to watch how people talk and treat you when they are stressed . By the way ... you look really cute in your photo but so you know those pic filters with animal ears are a dead give away to a predator that you have an innocent, childlike fantasy based mind.Sociopaths and charmers look for that type of innocent girly like behavior in grown women. Just so you know. Protect yourself especially on the internet.
Sat for two hours pausing, replaying, and taking notes as if I'm back in school. Forcing myself forward because there's really nothing to fall back to but an empty hole and more painful confusion.
Dear Melanie, #4 is my challenge. I treat myself well until the craziness of the narcissist devalues and discards. Then in my depression, I am not there for myself. Another layer peeled off to realize how worthy I am of better things.
I needed to see this video Melanie! I've had 4 months of no contact with 'my' Narc. I walked away from them. I had a wobble the other day as I nearly contacted them, BUT I didn't. I held my ground. Seeing your video has reminded me of that cycle of make up, break up. Sometimes I wonder if he is a Narcissist. I know he is but at the end of the day, this is about ME! Stuff them! X
the last couple months have been a more terrifying, devastating nightmare than i ever imagined. i've been watching a lot of videos and reading and looking into various options for therapy or counseling. this video spoke to me on such a primal, emotional & spiritual level. 'the words such as sweetheart, i'm here for you. i love you. i'm never leaving you again. you're doing a great job & i'm never leaving you.' i often tried to say and be this for others but NEVER for myself. thank you
This is so true 👍 and spot on, the thing that I learned is stop emotional thinking about them and learn to let go of these toxic people that don't serve you nothing at all, and if they are not on the same team it's time to just walk away.
I’m going through the phase where I’m stuck and in shock the more I realize what happened. I find myself going back to a conversation or a situation that now makes sense when i felt confused Or unsure
Dear Melanie! Thank you so so so so very much for this video! Getting over the discard has been my most difficult task in this lifetime... I can't thank you enough for this video! It is EXACTLY what I/we 👨👦needed to hear today! And thank you again for reminding us NARPer's about the "Thriver Healing Guidelines".... much love to you, Melanie! ❤️🦋❤️
This is first time I understand what happened to me . I became so ill I thought I was not going to survive Melanie has connected me back to my damaged soul and is helping me heal
1. I was there for him day or night, at work, at home, no matter what when he needed me to be while he was hurting during his divorce. 2. Never there for me. 3. Silent treatments and Distanced repeadly and randomly. 4. I begged for phone calls to work out misunderstandings and he refused. 5. Never once apologized for anything but I frequently found myself apologizing and taking the blame for my frustration at what seemed a forever one sided friendship. In the end, AGAIN it was "my fault" for a frustrated text. Apologized for 3 days with no response until the final text where he said it didn't matter because I would never be different. I agreed to go and not text him again but that was not good enough. He had to systematically block me on EVERYTHING. My "fault" was in caring too much for him, wanting the best for him, and asking for him to FEEL the same. He never did.
My ex husband/narc lied and gave me the silent treatment. He also led a double life I am just finding out about...multiple women....even though my divorce is final all this new information about his double life has ripped a scab off my healing. Do you hear of these things happening with narcissists or is this stemming from other issues? My counselor told me that the need to smear others is part of borderline personality disorder....lately I’ve heard he is telling people he had to leave me because I had multiple personality disorder! I don’t understand how someone can do things like this. For some reason I still am In the habit of taking all the blame....
I'm there now. I know all about the double life...... Well now I do. The other women, drugs, being set up. I've been smeared so bad. I've gone NO CONTACT. I'm trying to get the divorce now. I am being tortured all day all night with memories, flashbacks, thoughts non-stop of him and us. I can't turn it off. It's been 2 months since I've seen him and the final discard. I have PTSD. I seen to talk about what happened everyday to someone. I'm trying not to but it just comes up. I'm trying to move on but I find that my thoughts are uncontrollable. Idk what to do anymore. I'm just waiting for the day that I wake up and feel better
I’m not too smart, I’ve been discarded again... for the 4th time. In the past, I’m the one who gives in, let’s her have her way, and then I’m back into a life where my opinions, values, and dreams mean zero. I have 3 daughters, and never wanted to divorce, so I did whatever necessary to save the marriage. Not smart I guess...
I discarded her once I saw dishonesty and betrayal show up. Damage was done to my soul, but the dark presence left after one day. It occurred to me I've dated and married women who exhibited many of these behaviors. The problem was never them. It was me. There's some serious inner child healing to be done.
This video just popped up into my auto play. It’s three years old, but right on time! Thank you Melanie I know for a factNARP completely turned my life around
How about you’re better off without a narcissist in your life? What’s to get over? They did you a favor! Now you’re free to heal and embark on a healthy relationship. The Lord works in mysterious ways, His thoughts are higher than our thoughts!
She will never heal herself but I will! I am finally doing this for me. I know it’s a continuous journey! I am so grateful and I will never accept the level of love below the level I love myself!
I remember speaking to you personally many years ago. It helped me tremendously. What you say resonates powerfully with me in your presentations. I could care less about the Narc but ten years later I still struggle. I have never felt so afraid of the world. I will not give up on myself.
Once realize that these animals/demons exist and what you were dealing with it is much easier to come to terms. You will never get CLOSURE from these demons!!!!!!!
Thank you so much for this Melonie. I am one of the strongest forces I know and had begin loosing myself through a toxic relationship due to narcissism and an abrupt hurtful discard and now feel completely equipped to begin again with the best luggage needed to journey me forward! I am abundantly appreciative
Exactly what happened to me, the last discard came out of blue and told me she sees the husband qualities in new supply rather than me and I walked away without any argument because I was strong enough to since I knew about narcissism and their games, now on no contact and healing, thank you so much for all the videos which helped me a lot ♥️🙏
I am with you. But is there a chance that she might? If a narc. finds their next supply with all the love bombing they need to punish the one who turned on them, how is she supposed to find out? When I turned on my ex (after we had split), he asked his girlfriend to marry him, took a sabbatical leave, had a child. He has said himself that he was not in love with her. But from her end it only seemed like a show of love.
@@calysody3843 They play people off of people to keep a psychic energy soul tie to derive a dark energy from the people they discard. Once they drain you of your sun shine happiness and white light you are seen as old, tired and useless, un stimulating ....and they get bored. They cheat and secure a new target then you get the final blow out discard and they mentally triangulate you with their new supply. Even if you are in no contact they will still be in a state of constant psychic revenge by living their best life with an oblivious new target. They basically love Bomb the hell out of the new supply to keep them happy and shiny as they project hate and disgust psychically at you, even when you are gone. They can quickly marry or have kids with the new supply and give them all the treatment that they held back from you when they were punishing you. I have found when they really fall in love with a target they become vulnerable and that feeling makes them want to destroy and punish their love object. They are able to get continual revenge on you by staying with the new target and faking love. This revenge punishment is a by product of some twisted childhood life abuse or crimes or bullying they went thru. By abusing a person that triggers true love and vulnerability in them they get revenge on all those people who abused them in the past. Bottom Line- Hurt people - hurt people.
@@calysody3843 My eldest daughter tells me the new victim is convenient, but she's just as looney as he is, apparently she charges him rent, happily ever after, rolls eyes
@@lisaariottiart Thank you. I like the "They ... love Bomb the hell out of the new supply!" Your comment is useful to explain how a union with new supply can last a lifetime if the intention continues to be to punish a love object. I have been feeling the psychic punishment for so long and puzzled by what seems like a narc stuck on discard. In any case, he was able to cause me great hurt because of the hurt that was already in my heart. And yet I am careful not to hurt people. Clearly he was deeply damaged as a child but he has a responsibility not to perpetrate this. That's the psychic vibe I have been sending in his direction. It might be time for me to be done and save my stamp money for good causes.
@@HellasGD88 Oh the rent charge is a good one (He at least ought to pay for the supply.)! But the best part in your story is that you turned on him. Evidently, it hit a nerve if that's when he left. Kudos, for while they might not learn or evolve, it can drive them nuts to be exposed and find out game is over.
Thank you sooooooo much. I am so grateful for you. I'm feeling better just because I watched this. Its doable. I'm worth love and I'm healing slowly. I'm looking forward to healing 100 percent. Many many thanks
I'm in the throws of Discard and Aftershock now. I discarded my abuser last August but stayed in touch with him when he moved to another state for the winter. Got love bombed and hoovered all winter. Stuck to my guns and stayed strong. He came back with his new supply and wanted to text me to make sure he didn't run into me. When I moved his things, he exploded and got dangerous (I'd been through it before so I knew he was escalating) My attorney helped me get a Protection From Abuse to prevent him from contacting me. I didn't understand Aftershock or even narcissistic behavior and abuse until I found these videos. I'm doing NARP now. This is very hard work but I know it will be worth it. I've discovered so much about myself already. Some things I instinctively knew. But Melanie explains them in beautiful terms that speak to my soul. I'm so grateful. My abuser has borderline personality disorder with narcissistic behaviors that were programmed at birth. And I believe they're generational. But so are my beliefs about myself which is what drew us together. That he came into my life is a blessing. Thanks to him, and this discard, I can finally break the cycle and heal my inner being that has felt unlovable and "too much" my whole life.
I discarded him I couldn’t take the cognitive dissonance and blowing hot and cold. I ended it loads of times the cycle of violence continued subtly over 2.5 years . I’d had enough he was a caregiver not romantic- but when I discarded he cleverly twisted it as he did it - he rang me acted like a 2 year old, shouted cursed and slammed down the phone knowing he would trigger my nervous system ( as he knew me I told him my whole life story and vulnerabilities) just then I constantly called / email with being ignored- that’s when I realised it wasn’t care it was control. Let him have the last word the coward he wouldn’t even give me closure knowing how important that was to me. That’s when I really realised what abuser I was dealing with- he’s gone the trauma bond is fizzling away and I want to grab and hold my 6 yr old self and love her ❤️ it’s not about and never about that piece of s*** - he just triggered my trauma but as a professional could not even give me closure. ITS MY TIME NOW TO LOVE ME 🌺 leave him in in his ashes and darkness - I reported him I don’t know where I got the strength- but of course he smeared, had his enablers who took his side - it was awful. I’ve been in therapy for years but it’s just renumeration and not help / I want to go quantum and love ❤️ me. Exercise, yoga, meditation, salt baths and I believe he was a catalyst- God decided it’s time now to heal this once and for all I don’t ever want to allow anybody in my life again 🙏 I think it cut so deep because I was paying him money to help me therapeutically and he abused me. He even asked me to teach him how to do yoga - that hurt I felt played that’s when I ended it. I don’t understand how these people are not vetted on their own personality disorder / counsellors psychiatrist etc… that’s where they get their supply / he wanted to put me on antipsychotics and I took control and said no. I’m in Ireland 🇮🇪 and it’s a disgrace. I’m actually feeling repulsed now with him and couldn’t care less if he fell off the face of the earth - it was the worst retraumatised experience in my life - Namaste Mel thank God for my spirituality 🙏🌹
This definitely spoke to me. When I met him, I was at rock bottom. Homeless. He took me out of that situation, but I know I was there because of my own traumas. I've recently been discarded and am practically homeless again, but this makes a lot of sense to me. Thank you.
Exactly what you are saying is my life we've been together for 8 years and she is doing all of this right now and has done this but in her book I'm the narcissist
Okay, this video talked me out feeling played. I see now “The gig was up” and his discard by telling me I too draining He’s a self aware relationship influencer. I decided to go completely no contact. Then got an obscene call from an unknown caller that I know was him having sex with who I guess is the current supply replacement. I was shocked, I immediately called him and he answered on the 1st ring out of breath and says hello like a mischievous child. It just made me feel like well, that’s disgusting and good riddance, but I was pissed off and had to do a lot of introspection w/ prayer to not break no contact again after that call. I know that any contact is breaking no contact. I’m so glad I watched this video. It specifically speaks on where I’m at in my healing journey. I’ve been asking the question and journaling about my patterns w/ repeat experiences with narcissist. I’m a walking target until I do the work. I’m currently waiting on my intake evaluation with a counselor. they’re booked until December. Ty for your labor of love.
I am working through the early stages of a terrible Narcissistic Discard. It was initially very dark. I reached out to various supports. One person very close to me held a lantern for me in the darkness. When I first watched one of your videos I had tears of relief. Finally someone was saying as it is through personal experience, knowledge, and insight into this terribly destructive relational experience. My past coping mechanisms have included focusing on self-healing through spirituality, nature, acceptance, forgiveness, and letting go. This has always been a painful process. I have concluded that forgiveness is the doorway to my own healing space at this time. This is such a liberating realization. I have long recognized the patterns in my life stemming from childhood trauma and abuse, and abusive past intimate relationships. Childhood abuse set me up for a lifetime of sheer struggle influenced by patterns of behavior that kept me chained to the wheel. I have had some past treatment for PTSD. The six important points you make in this video are in my opinion very apt and worthy of practice. Thank you Melanie for helping shine that light through the darkness, gloom, and despair in the painful journey through being so cruelly discarded. I will be referring to and utilizing your material as I work through to more complete and thorough healing. I have some questions. 1. As I researched and studied Narcissism and Narcissistic Personality Disorder, whilst living with someone I suspected may be a narcissist, often times, when feeling so totally and maddeningly confused, I began to question myself and doubt myself to the point where I asked myself "Is it me? Am I the Narcissist here"? I concluded over and over that no, I was not the narcissist. Is this a common issue: the victim being afraid that they are in fact the perpetrator? 2. A question I cannot help asking, is who helps the narcissist? How do they find freedom from such a terrible condition? In terms of spiritual growth and journeying towards higher levels of being, how does a narcissist break the cycle and begin their journey forward to Nirvana?
They don’t! In this day n age technology is leading a helping hand in molding people towards narcissistic behavior. Bad parenting, childhood abuse, the cycle goes on
This has been a random but fateful breakthrough. Before entering the program, just hearing your confirmation and understanding of what I’ve been through and endured, I’m in beautiful tears of chock and gratitude. I will survive. I will heal. I will love again and one day, one year, one lifetime…. I will be loved the way I will date you love myself. Thank you
This has been one of the best, most empowering video I’ve seen in the 3 weeks since my narcissist discarded and has giving me the silent treatment. Oh and he stopped talking to me on the day my mom died. I think he was planning this and my mom dying just got in the way. This video helped me do what I’m already doing, taking my power back and becoming a new me. He didn’t win, I’m going to continue have an amazing life!
I guess I’m blessed from not going through discard and escaped before it started to happen eventually I was broken when I left wouldn’t like to feel what I’d be like if I was to stay for this.
Although I didn’t use NARP, I took all the steps toward healing that you outline in this video. Thank you for your validation about these healing steps. 5 years out and no contact with the ex, I’ve grieved the loss of my parents, my ex-husband (non-narcissistic), the recent ex, gone inward to meet and heal my relationship with my child self, and generally heal my SELF. I’m grateful for the ex and thanked him for being in my life and behaving toward me the way he did. Without his catalysis, I might still be the person I was - unhealed. Blessings!
I really needed this. My bestfriend of about 15 years discarded me and I still have no real reason of why as we speak. I still think about her and wonder why couldn’t a simple conversation salvage our relationship, but the way she carried on after our separation by gossiping about me kind of tells it all. She tells people that I’m her enemy and I had to cut myself off from loving her. I know that I have to let go, it’s been 3 years and sometimes I come across her IG or people speak of her around me and I still get triggered. I thought I had a solid friendship with her but it ended all of a sudden. I’m bothered because I never got closure and I have been working on healing this situation so I’m Glad that I came across this video.
the pros and cons list helped me alot We were suppose to be friends after the real relationship ended then he got mad at me for "calling" too much he thought and blocked me on the phone It is HIS LOSS. the third narcissist person it is terrible, it has to do with lower self esteem I realize
GOld gold gold!!!! I can not thank you enough!!!! You cannot imagine how much this is helping me , now i understand, i was literally going crazy, into severe depressión, completely lost my inner light, was completely exausted, lost and clueless, suffering brutally and going into pure darkness. And she just didnt care AT ALL. This video has taken me from total pain and confussion to instant understanding EVERYTHING, thank god it´s not to late to get myself back. I am going to buy your book instantly , its the minimun i can do, this has saved my sanity and now i´m free from this f*****G DEMON of a person.
The more the narc destroys or tries to sabotage the things going on in my life, the harder I will work to heal. I will work to break the soul contracts/ties, trauma bonds, psychic chords to toxic narcissitic strangers therefore I won't be a match for them. The more they think they own me, the more I will be motivated to be healed and break those ties, bonds and chords.
I was married to a narc 10 yrs before. My current husband is way better. Instead of telling me how he will change & stop abusing me. He gives silent treatment.. I miss him so bad. He’ll be so normal & sane. Play w the kids. Then hug me one day & we have to talk about what I did!! And I took all the blame for his actions EVERY SINGLE TIME!! Bc I missed him so much. I was always living in fear of losing him. I didn’t realize this was his Hoover until I didn’t want to make up again. Then he cried & used pity plays. I didn’t fall for that this time either. It was hard... but I saw it was an act. And I was right. 2 days later he was cruel & sending flying moneys to abuse me Thank you for this video. I was told how damaged I was so long I forgot who I was & didn’t think I was worthy of him. Now that I see clearly... wow. He doesn’t deserve to lick the dirt off the bottom of my shoes!!
@@clairebearie87 current one is worse. In process of divorce. But I just ran from one narc to the arms of a sociopath. I didn’t recognize his Hoover’s bc he would make me apologize. But he did want that. When I refused to apologize & was no longer afraid of losing him he switched & pretended to be so sad & like I never loved him. Manipulating me to try harder to PROVE my love! Nope. So happy I’m done! He is very very good at manipulating & sometimes you can’t see you’re being played. My ex wasn’t as evil & didn’t abuse so bad.
The way She discarded me was the most psychological destructive episode I've ever experienced in a relationship. She was pushing me away on and off for 3months then came over for dinner. I caught,cleaned and filleted then cooked fish and she dumped me whilst I was finishing cooking dinner.
Not being bothered by my narcissistic sister in law … on going jealousy of me. Trying to tare my brother and I apart. She can’t, I have up-leveled through NARP and it works. I have already manifested the perfect life. I feel wonderful♥️
@megha_sh I still think of them every single day, but it's a little more subtle than before. I came to terms and I accepted the facts and the reality of it. I still blame myself for allowing it all to happen but I now understand that the abuse has more to do with them and who they are to their core than it has to do with me.
Sometimes the trash takes itself out. I'm getting the silent treatment now because he no longer wants to provide the support that he promised. So now it's progressed from mental/emotional abuse to financial threats, because I left years ago and he's probably gone back to his old supply and/or found someone new.
Been watching your videos for years. This one hit the mark. They all have done in one way or another - but - Finally - I see the light of day. So brilliant and SO appreciated. No words. Thank you.
I was truly Blessed by what you were saying, I Thank you how you explained that it was the inner unhealed self my unawareness how this had taken place, I'm on my road of recovery fir 18 mos. Now, but I still listen to & watch all videos on narcissism. THANK YOU all so my🙌🏽
Your a true gift an Angel and saviour of damaged souls that are in need of repair. For this I thank and love you so much for your kindness and guidance 🙏🏼💚🙌🤝💓🔥😇
The pain is this intense even if you discard the narcissist. So wether you discard them or they discard you, basically it doesn’t matter, it’s the same in regards to recovery ❤️🩹 because they would of done a “fake discard” to come back to be the “rescuer” to make the trauma bond stronger. I wish I knew this ten years earlier! ARGH 😖
Truly helpful. I did feel obligated to narc daughter. For two & half decades thought unconditional love would win. Lol. I no longer have any relatives.. including grandchildren, such is the smear. My art seemed to embarrass narc son-in-law & daughter. They bled me dry. I'm well down the track after vicious discard left me on streets at 72yrs old. Zero contact is heaven. Picking up my mojo has been slow, this is where you are helping. I wondered if it was my age, bit of weariness, but have reached total joy in meditation. Every day I'm getting more and more creative. Can't express enough my gratitude
Sadly going through the same. After my mother died from cancer and I was left with virtually no family. I met this woman on a date and she love bombed me. Told me she would be there for me but it was just to suck me in. I have fear of abandonment issues from child hood when my dad left multiple times so this relationship hit especially hard over time. I went through the idolizing, devaluing and discard numerous times. Every time I called her out on her bad behavior she would shift blame, give the silent treatment and break up with me. It wasn't til I recently called her out on this disrespectful behavior that she really turned on me. I had gone to therapy and was doing self help to overcome my abandonment issues. I told her how I was feeling about myself. I asked her for emotional support and she told me she couldn't help me. She made my insecurity about her and when i told her I needed her to make an effort to be in a relationship she broke up with me, blamed me for the failure of the relationship and blocked me. She threw me away like a piece of trash.
@@joshinbama83 I ended up meeting an amazing Woman on a Christian dating app. One who respects me, is open and honest and has integrity. I am happily married to her now. I am grateful to the Lord for turning this all around for my good. Thank you for asking! What I went through made me wiser and taught me to not settle for crumbs when there is better out there. Self respect goes a long way.
I really wanted to say thank you for your time, kindness, and protective nature Given in your wisdom I am so grateful for finding this video today and having a spiritual Ah-haw moment That brought me to a moment in my life when I was a child with my father which almost mirrored an experience I had with my now x. I came to this page because my narcissist is starting to panic because after he disappeared on me I would still try to check on him when I stopped is when he started to try to reach out as the nice him which usually I fold you after seeing this memory I realize if I let go of him I’m letting go of all the bullshit I carry from my past with my father and taking my power back and giving it to spirit in hopes that one day I will help someone like you help me today spirit bless you thank you again
Thank you so much for this video. I'm focusing on myself and getting myself thriving. Applied for a degree in Psychology today. Doing all the things I've wanted to do for the longest time, it's scary as it's such a huge change. Thank you again for your help 🥰
So true. After the discard which took place 5 months ago, I perfectly and completely found myself in your video. Thank you from the bottom of my heart! 🙏
I consider myself heal because to me that is nothing but trash and I don’t mind getting rid of it Iam good after I realize what I was involved with I love my freedom everyday less stress more rest and peace and happiness God is the one that heals me everyday ILOVE MYSELF
Your common sense personal way is just what I needed to hear , “ CLICK✨💫!!” Thank you so much appreciated, Tonia ♥️ I’m on board the Quantum Cruiser! At 61 years young I’m breathing easy and feeling light ☀️. Thriver♥️and I am the driver. 😉😎🌻
I discarded my ex whose also my child's father about 2 weeks now. We had brief contact for our son, but even in that he has found ways to be demeaning, and toxic. I took it upon myself to do no contact. I went through every form of abuse you can think of, and our son went through it with me hearing, and seeing the abuse , and I realized I need to first be honest with the anger , and the resentment , and the trauma he's caused me. I was in a trauma bond. I avoided my own intuition. I suppressed how I felt to accommodate him. Today, I want to start a new way of life. Toxicity will no longer be my normal. I choose me!
After a month a being away from my narcissist in a new apartment I felt no connection to this man and he was a total stranger in my mind just for a couple of hours and then I did feel drawn back into what happened. But this man literally paid to move me four and a half hours away I helped him find a house when he moved to this area and we created a household and home and then he fell apart when I decided I still wanted to have my own place I didn't want to leave him but when I made the decision to get an apartment he flipped and then his grandson died 6 weeks ago I took care of the house while he went to Florida and he told his daughter that I didn't want to fly because of covid I had asked him to drive out to Florida he needed me to stay at the house with his dog after he came back from Florida he was kind and loving and then all of a sudden he flipped and I said my Apartments ready when it May 1st and I'm leaving and it didn't even faze him he got angry he didn't get sad he got angry
I know I could not have financially afford it the move and the relocation and now he's paying to move me to my apartment I could not afford to do that and I had done so much to keep him going and take care of him when he was sick and design his house for him my background design and construction but now that it's summer and we got through the winter and I shoveled and cooked and cleaned and helped him split wood and do everything now it's summer and time to play it really broke my heart because I was so looking forward to all the things he promised me for summer and now all those fake future dreams are dashed to the ground maybe not but at this point I don't even know the man anymore after a year
Thanks so much for this. What can a person do when the flying monkeys say that I only helped the Narcissist because I loved them and only blew up because they didn't love me any more. That's how it looks from the outside, especially when I sent crazy late night texts declaring my love. I'm being blamed for the whole thing. The narc has destroyed me because I gave them my power. The power to make me happy. Shattered breakdown of narcissist abuse has forced me, thankfully, to turn towards myself and love myself first. I might even be thankful to the ex narc. Someday.....
Dear Melania,this really really resonated with me. I never had anyone to guide me through anything. I can't tell you how much your help and videos means to me. Thank you. I can't afford narp but am an avid watcher of your videos. Thanks for everything.
Hi Mel, your narp recovery program turned my life around in ways I cant even explain, after being completely broken. I love your work . Thank you thank you x
You are so right. I am looking within. I know why I pick toxic people who show love to me. I am doing the work. It was difficult to be in the relationship and after, however, I learned a lot about myself. This as a growth experience for me. Thank you.
Love this so much. Watched again. I went from being a crumpled, self-loathing, feeling worthless little crumb of a woman. Within a month of working on healing. It blows my mind how I let him make me hate myself. How I wanted HIS love so desperately! Who is HE?!? He’s so pathetic. I can’t believe I was attracted to that little wiener who flirts w anything that moves. Gross
When you find yourself a real man, you'll be blown away all over again.
Lol
It takes years and tears
I’m watching this video today after another discard and your comment made me smile. I hope I can get to that point where I see my narc as a POS instead of an all consuming force in my mind.
@@lauren5883 That's the hooks of the trauma bond.
Shout out to all my fellow Thrivers who are no contact and dealing with the demons the narc abuse conjured. Although friends and family may lend an ear, I feel only those who have gone through this know how hard it is and the constant strength that's required. Sending love and positive energy.
I hope we get all through this. The damaged they caused is so traumatic
I really hope....to become the Original Me....and can trust and love again(even my own self)!
Power to the people 💥 we are surthrivers!
Just starting my Journey,Thanks Bud
Yup no one understands I’m really struggling miss her very much
I’m going through this right now , I’ve been repeatedly discarded.. and now I fully understand the trauma bond.. it’s so bad , I feel that feeling like I’m dying .. but at same time I’m missing my abuser .. I need to break this cycle as soon as possible!!
Please know Gabby these feelings are SUCH a part of narcissitic abuse. Have you checked out NARP yet? It is such a powerful way to break the cycle, get out of the pain and get your life back www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp
To find out more about NARP come into my free webinar www.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar
I hope that this can help you xoxox
I feel the same!! How you feeling now?
@@ponniicharlene still going through it .. it’s been hard
@@gabbyb4998 girl I know ❤️🩹❤️🩹 it's so horrible I hope you heal soon xxx
Did you make it out looking for hope
1.) Get clear about your values and truths (you're being granted the ability to heal from a fake, unhealthy relationship)
2.) Turn inward to consolidate your relationship with yourself (we can finally devote ourselves to ourselves)
3.) Accept that this person was a catalyst (we learn how to be better people because of the pain we persevere through after being discarded)
4.) Self partnering communication (you will NEVER accept the lack of love you tolerated with narcs)
5.) Releasing and reprogramming your trauma (replace the pain you have with self-love and self-respect)
6.) Connecting to your true life (become the person you were destined to be)
I think that was everything 😅
Thanks Cren!!!!
Great job Cren! 😊👍
Thank you for this 🙏🏾💖
Very well said ty
Thanks for the lists, Cren!!!
My final discard before I left was caused because I held my boundaries. He knew the gig was up he turned up the heat. I recorded it...the mask completely fell off and it was horrific. I still tried due to cognitive dissonance. He hated that I was beginning to heal due to physical symptoms. The first time someone crosses boundaries, doesn't take accountability, or is dishonest you need to leave them.
Something to keep in mind. Your value is what attracted the narcissist to you to begin with. You still have the value, give it someone else who appreciates it and reciprocates. You deserve better than trash.
2 years no contact and I have ptsd so bad still I'm here watching this.
I'm so grateful for this channel and all the sessions.
Sorry to hear that. I’m 3.5 months out and psychologist has said he’s never seen anyone so traumatised, like someone out of a war zone.....,my GP has put me on medication and its really helping. I hope you find yourself again soon. We must find ourselves again. X
@@leighparratt3015 I’m two months out... my whole body aches for him and can’t eat much I feel he had someone else! I’m thinking of going to doctors as feel ill with it all wondering what medication they put you on?
Medication is not the answer, ladies. Hope you heal soon.
Hello Sinjin I am freshly out of this relationship on July 4th of this year. I am not sure if you're a believer in our heavenly God our Father above. The reason I am saying this is because he is the only answer to turn to besides your inner healing as well. He is good and will always pull you through anything if you trust and believe in him. Say out loud Devil I resist you in the name of Jesus. Say it loud each and every time you feel this awful feeling. Stay strong, I know it hurts and effects your mind, body and soul. It's the worst I have ever experience in my life ever in a relationship. God is good..
Six years here after 62 years of trauma. Still feeling the PTSD AND CPTSD but slowly getting better. I wish you the best on your path to healing.
All of the people in my life are on UA-cam. You guys seem sane and safe.
My father was damaged as a child and I never understood him until near the end of his life. Looking back, I now see his narcissistic ways were the result of abuse from his early childhood. Throughout my life I have felt drawn to wounded men, hoping to give them some comfort from their abuse only to my personal detriment. Let these men find and heal themselves. Don't be a nurse or a caregiver. See these damaged people as impossible seven year olds, whose emotions will pounce on you every chance they get.
I've had the same all my life, iam 58 always thougt he would change never did 85 , we will never heal with out no contact we are doing the right thing for ourselves
Great analogy and advice.
I've noticed that the "discard" can be emotional, and not just physical.
I am at the point in my life where l no longer wish to engage with people anymore on any level.
I liked your comment then realized I was engaging with you on some level
Don’t lose hope, Karla. Work on yourself, focus on yourself, love yourself & the right people will be presented into your life. Stay strong 💪🏽
I felt the same way ... when you have an open heart and you are attractive inside and out you need to be extra, extra careful.
You will be come a magnet for people (especially Men) who have extreme confidence because they have massive egos or nothing to lose.
I realized that being raised by a narc parent means I will always attract these predators like a moth to the flame. My kindness was often mistakenly taken for weakness.
I have spent so much time during covid time really you-tubing and understanding what I attract and am attracted to and how to listen to my intuition and to what people say and do.
My nature is to fall in love with abandon ... those days are over. Now vet people friends, family and Men very carefully and I look for humbleness and humility combined with intelligence and humor and honesty.
A rare combo indeed.
Just remember Excitement and Anxiety can sometimes feel like the same thing but one is enthusiasm and the other is a warning bell.
No harm in being by yourself for a while to sort out your mind and emotions and really learn how to slow down to get to know the emotional intelligence and values of a person and to watch how people talk and treat you when they are stressed .
By the way ... you look really cute in your photo but so you know those pic filters with animal ears are a dead give away to a predator that you have an innocent, childlike fantasy based mind.Sociopaths and charmers look for that type of innocent girly like behavior in grown women.
Just so you know. Protect yourself especially on the internet.
I’m right there. I have no desire to interact with anyone.
I'm getting there too 😞
Sat for two hours pausing, replaying, and taking notes as if I'm back in school. Forcing myself forward because there's really nothing to fall back to but an empty hole and more painful confusion.
Dear Melanie, #4 is my challenge. I treat myself well until the craziness of the narcissist devalues and discards. Then in my depression, I am not there for myself. Another layer peeled off to realize how worthy I am of better things.
My Discard is over thank u God 🙌🙌🙌
I needed to see this video Melanie! I've had 4 months of no contact with 'my' Narc. I walked away from them.
I had a wobble the other day as I nearly contacted them, BUT I didn't. I held my ground.
Seeing your video has reminded me of that cycle of make up, break up. Sometimes I wonder if he is a Narcissist. I know he is but at the end of the day, this is about ME! Stuff them! X
How did it turn out?
Holy crap! The description around knowing that the gig is up?! 😱 Incredibly accurate.
Yes, agree 🌿
the last couple months have been a more terrifying, devastating nightmare than i ever imagined. i've been watching a lot of videos and reading and looking into various options for therapy or counseling. this video spoke to me on such a primal, emotional & spiritual level. 'the words such as sweetheart, i'm here for you. i love you. i'm never leaving you again. you're doing a great job & i'm never leaving you.' i often tried to say and be this for others but NEVER for myself. thank you
Never discuss with someone that has not been through this pain
This is so true 👍 and spot on, the thing that I learned is stop emotional thinking about them and learn to let go of these toxic people that don't serve you nothing at all, and if they are not on the same team it's time to just walk away.
I’m going through the phase where I’m stuck and in shock the more I realize what happened. I find myself going back to a conversation or a situation that now makes sense when i felt confused Or unsure
I’m in that now. How are you doing now?
@@TartyMcfly completely over it at this point. Best thing to do is completely cut ties.
Dear Melanie! Thank you so so so so very much for this video! Getting over the discard has been my most difficult task in this lifetime... I can't thank you enough for this video! It is EXACTLY what I/we 👨👦needed to hear today! And thank you again for reminding us NARPer's about the "Thriver Healing Guidelines".... much love to you, Melanie! ❤️🦋❤️
This is first time I understand what happened to me . I became so ill I thought I was not going to survive Melanie has connected me back to my damaged soul and is helping me heal
The heartbreak was staggering decade later still haven't healed completely thanks for this video
1. I was there for him day or night, at work, at home, no matter what when he needed me to be while he was hurting during his divorce.
2. Never there for me.
3. Silent treatments and Distanced repeadly and randomly.
4. I begged for phone calls to work out misunderstandings and he refused.
5. Never once apologized for anything but I frequently found myself apologizing and taking the blame for my frustration at what seemed a forever one sided friendship.
In the end, AGAIN it was "my fault" for a frustrated text. Apologized for 3 days with no response until the final text where he said it didn't matter because I would never be different. I agreed to go and not text him again but that was not good enough. He had to systematically block me on EVERYTHING.
My "fault" was in caring too much for him, wanting the best for him, and asking for him to FEEL the same. He never did.
Your story sounds just like mine. Sending all my love and strength xx
Same as mine
My ex husband/narc lied and gave me the silent treatment. He also led a double life I am just finding out about...multiple women....even though my divorce is final all this new information about his double life has ripped a scab off my healing. Do you hear of these things happening with narcissists or is this stemming from other issues? My counselor told me that the need to smear others is part of borderline personality disorder....lately I’ve heard he is telling people he had to leave me because I had multiple personality disorder! I don’t understand how someone can do things like this. For some reason I still am
In the habit of taking all the blame....
I'm there now. I know all about the double life...... Well now I do. The other women, drugs, being set up. I've been smeared so bad. I've gone NO CONTACT. I'm trying to get the divorce now. I am being tortured all day all night with memories, flashbacks, thoughts non-stop of him and us. I can't turn it off. It's been 2 months since I've seen him and the final discard. I have PTSD. I seen to talk about what happened everyday to someone. I'm trying not to but it just comes up. I'm trying to move on but I find that my thoughts are uncontrollable. Idk what to do anymore. I'm just waiting for the day that I wake up and feel better
She came to Show me I need to heal at the core I’ve dated all Narcs or very toxic people just like my mom!
I’m not too smart, I’ve been discarded again... for the 4th time. In the past, I’m the one who gives in, let’s her have her way, and then I’m back into a life where my opinions, values, and dreams mean zero.
I have 3 daughters, and never wanted to divorce, so I did whatever necessary to save the marriage. Not smart I guess...
I discarded her once I saw dishonesty and betrayal show up. Damage was done to my soul, but the dark presence left after one day. It occurred to me I've dated and married women who exhibited many of these behaviors. The problem was never them. It was me. There's some serious inner child healing to be done.
Her voice and demeanor are soothing.
This was profound. I’m 2 months out from a brutal discard. I really resonated with the part about the ex being a catalyst.
This video just popped up into my auto play. It’s three years old, but right on time! Thank you Melanie I know for a factNARP completely turned my life around
How about you’re better off without a narcissist in your life? What’s to get over? They did you a favor! Now you’re free to heal and embark on a healthy relationship. The Lord works in mysterious ways, His thoughts are higher than our thoughts!
Not when it’s your own mother. It leaves you in agony.
She will never heal herself but I will! I am finally doing this for me. I know it’s a continuous journey! I am so grateful and I will never accept the level of love below the level I love myself!
I’m in my breakthrough! I can feel the last few remaining cords to the narcissist drying up and leaving me free after watching this.. thank you!
I remember speaking to you personally many years ago. It helped me tremendously. What you say resonates powerfully with me in your presentations. I could care less about the Narc but ten years later I still struggle. I have never felt so afraid of the world. I will not give up on myself.
Once realize that these animals/demons exist and what you were dealing with it is much easier to come to terms. You will never get CLOSURE from these demons!!!!!!!
Thank you for this video Melanie! I’m beginning to understand how to heal😌
Thank you so much for this Melonie. I am one of the strongest forces I know and had begin loosing myself through a toxic relationship due to narcissism and an abrupt hurtful discard and now feel completely equipped to begin again with the best luggage needed to journey me forward! I am abundantly appreciative
Parasitic cruelty...absolutely insane, then turn your family against you. Exhausting....oh well...I'll focus on my own Joy
Exactly what happened to me, the last discard came out of blue and told me she sees the husband qualities in new supply rather than me and I walked away without any argument because I was strong enough to since I knew about narcissism and their games, now on no contact and healing, thank you so much for all the videos which helped me a lot ♥️🙏
The lunatic discarded me because I turned on him. Hopefully the 2nd 'wife' discards HIM.
I am with you. But is there a chance that she might? If a narc. finds their next supply with all the love bombing they need to punish the one who turned on them, how is she supposed to find out?
When I turned on my ex (after we had split), he asked his girlfriend to marry him, took a sabbatical leave, had a child. He has said himself that he was not in love with her. But from her end it only seemed like a show of love.
@@calysody3843 They play people off of people to keep a psychic energy soul tie to derive a dark energy from the people they discard.
Once they drain you of your sun shine happiness and white light you are seen as old, tired and useless, un stimulating ....and they get bored.
They cheat and secure a new target then you get the final blow out discard and they mentally triangulate you with their new supply.
Even if you are in no contact they will still be in a state of constant psychic revenge by living their best life with an oblivious new target.
They basically love Bomb the hell out of the new supply to keep them happy and shiny as they project hate and disgust psychically at you, even when you are gone.
They can quickly marry or have kids with the new supply and give them all the treatment that they held back from you when they were punishing you.
I have found when they really fall in love with a target they become vulnerable and that feeling makes them want to destroy and punish their love object.
They are able to get continual revenge on you by staying with the new target and faking love.
This revenge punishment is a by product of some twisted childhood life abuse or crimes or bullying they went thru.
By abusing a person that triggers true love and vulnerability in them they get revenge on all those people who abused them in the past.
Bottom Line-
Hurt people - hurt people.
@@calysody3843 My eldest daughter tells me the new victim is convenient, but she's just as looney as he is, apparently she charges him rent, happily ever after, rolls eyes
@@lisaariottiart Thank you. I like the "They ... love Bomb the hell out of the new supply!" Your comment is useful to explain how a union with new supply can last a lifetime if the intention continues to be to punish a love object. I have been feeling the psychic punishment for so long and puzzled by what seems like a narc stuck on discard. In any case, he was able to cause me great hurt because of the hurt that was already in my heart. And yet I am careful not to hurt people. Clearly he was deeply damaged as a child but he has a responsibility not to perpetrate this. That's the psychic vibe I have been sending in his direction. It might be time for me to be done and save my stamp money for good causes.
@@HellasGD88 Oh the rent charge is a good one (He at least ought to pay for the supply.)! But the best part in your story is that you turned on him. Evidently, it hit a nerve if that's when he left. Kudos, for while they might not learn or evolve, it can drive them nuts to be exposed and find out game is over.
Thank you sooooooo much. I am so grateful for you. I'm feeling better just because I watched this. Its doable. I'm worth love and I'm healing slowly. I'm looking forward to healing 100 percent. Many many thanks
I'm in the throws of Discard and Aftershock now. I discarded my abuser last August but stayed in touch with him when he moved to another state for the winter. Got love bombed and hoovered all winter. Stuck to my guns and stayed strong. He came back with his new supply and wanted to text me to make sure he didn't run into me. When I moved his things, he exploded and got dangerous (I'd been through it before so I knew he was escalating) My attorney helped me get a Protection From Abuse to prevent him from contacting me. I didn't understand Aftershock or even narcissistic behavior and abuse until I found these videos. I'm doing NARP now. This is very hard work but I know it will be worth it. I've discovered so much about myself already. Some things I instinctively knew. But Melanie explains them in beautiful terms that speak to my soul. I'm so grateful. My abuser has borderline personality disorder with narcissistic behaviors that were programmed at birth. And I believe they're generational. But so are my beliefs about myself which is what drew us together. That he came into my life is a blessing. Thanks to him, and this discard, I can finally break the cycle and heal my inner being that has felt unlovable and "too much" my whole life.
I discarded him I couldn’t take the cognitive dissonance and blowing hot and cold. I ended it loads of times the cycle of violence continued subtly over 2.5 years . I’d had enough he was a caregiver not romantic- but when I discarded he cleverly twisted it as he did it - he rang me acted like a 2 year old, shouted cursed and slammed down the phone knowing he would trigger my nervous system ( as he knew me I told him my whole life story and vulnerabilities) just then I constantly called / email with being ignored- that’s when I realised it wasn’t care it was control. Let him have the last word the coward he wouldn’t even give me closure knowing how important that was to me. That’s when I really realised what abuser I was dealing with- he’s gone the trauma bond is fizzling away and I want to grab and hold my 6 yr old self and love her ❤️ it’s not about and never about that piece of s*** - he just triggered my trauma but as a professional could not even give me closure. ITS MY TIME NOW TO LOVE ME 🌺 leave him in in his ashes and darkness - I reported him I don’t know where I got the strength- but of course he smeared, had his enablers who took his side - it was awful.
I’ve been in therapy for years but it’s just renumeration and not help / I want to go quantum and love ❤️ me. Exercise, yoga, meditation, salt baths and I believe he was a catalyst- God decided it’s time now to heal this once and for all I don’t ever want to allow anybody in my life again 🙏 I think it cut so deep because I was paying him money to help me therapeutically and he abused me. He even asked me to teach him how to do yoga - that hurt I felt played that’s when I ended it. I don’t understand how these people are not vetted on their own personality disorder / counsellors psychiatrist etc… that’s where they get their supply / he wanted to put me on antipsychotics and I took control and said no. I’m in Ireland 🇮🇪 and it’s a disgrace. I’m actually feeling repulsed now with him and couldn’t care less if he fell off the face of the earth - it was the worst retraumatised experience in my life - Namaste Mel thank God for my spirituality 🙏🌹
This definitely spoke to me. When I met him, I was at rock bottom. Homeless. He took me out of that situation, but I know I was there because of my own traumas. I've recently been discarded and am practically homeless again, but this makes a lot of sense to me. Thank you.
Thankyou melanie... I have a crazy story... you saved my life
Exactly what you are saying is my life we've been together for 8 years and she is doing all of this right now and has done this but in her book I'm the narcissist
it so sad when it is your own children and than have to let go them and grandchildren in order to have peace
It was strange for me after a female narc, all the past narcs trauma surfaced. It was like the last narc, that broke the camel's back. 🐪
I love that!! "the narc that broke the camels back!"... Hit the nail on the head with my last relationship!!! 🤗
@@Bellasherbear There's only so many narcs a person can deal with LoL. 😄
Okay, this video talked me out feeling played. I see now “The gig was up” and his discard by telling me I too draining He’s a self aware relationship influencer. I decided to go completely no contact. Then got an obscene call from an unknown caller that I know was him having sex with who I guess is the current supply replacement. I was shocked, I immediately called him and he answered on the 1st ring out of breath and says hello like a mischievous child. It just made me feel like well, that’s disgusting and good riddance, but I was pissed off and had to do a lot of introspection w/ prayer to not break no contact again after that call. I know that any contact is breaking no contact. I’m so glad I watched this video. It specifically speaks on where I’m at in my healing journey. I’ve been asking the question and journaling about my patterns w/ repeat experiences with narcissist. I’m a walking target until I do the work. I’m currently waiting on my intake evaluation with a counselor. they’re booked until December. Ty for your labor of love.
I am working through the early stages of a terrible Narcissistic Discard. It was initially very dark. I reached out to various supports. One person very close to me held a lantern for me in the darkness. When I first watched one of your videos I had tears of relief. Finally someone was saying as it is through personal experience, knowledge, and insight into this terribly destructive relational experience. My past coping mechanisms have included focusing on self-healing through spirituality, nature, acceptance, forgiveness, and letting go. This has always been a painful process. I have concluded that forgiveness is the doorway to my own healing space at this time. This is such a liberating realization. I have long recognized the patterns in my life stemming from childhood trauma and abuse, and abusive past intimate relationships. Childhood abuse set me up for a lifetime of sheer struggle influenced by patterns of behavior that kept me chained to the wheel. I have had some past treatment for PTSD. The six important points you make in this video are in my opinion very apt and worthy of practice. Thank you Melanie for helping shine that light through the darkness, gloom, and despair in the painful journey through being so cruelly discarded. I will be referring to and utilizing your material as I work through to more complete and thorough healing. I have some questions. 1. As I researched and studied Narcissism and Narcissistic Personality Disorder, whilst living with someone I suspected may be a narcissist, often times, when feeling so totally and maddeningly confused, I began to question myself and doubt myself to the point where I asked myself "Is it me? Am I the Narcissist here"? I concluded over and over that no, I was not the narcissist. Is this a common issue: the victim being afraid that they are in fact the perpetrator? 2. A question I cannot help asking, is who helps the narcissist? How do they find freedom from such a terrible condition? In terms of spiritual growth and journeying towards higher levels of being, how does a narcissist break the cycle and begin their journey forward to Nirvana?
They don’t! In this day n age technology is leading a helping hand in molding people towards narcissistic behavior. Bad parenting, childhood abuse, the cycle goes on
I teared up when you said my inner being is reaching out for me. ❤
This has been a random but fateful breakthrough. Before entering the program, just hearing your confirmation and understanding of what I’ve been through and endured, I’m in beautiful tears of chock and gratitude. I will survive. I will heal. I will love again and one day, one year, one lifetime…. I will be loved the way I will date you love myself. Thank you
This has been one of the best, most empowering video I’ve seen in the 3 weeks since my narcissist discarded and has giving me the silent treatment. Oh and he stopped talking to me on the day my mom died. I think he was planning this and my mom dying just got in the way. This video helped me do what I’m already doing, taking my power back and becoming a new me. He didn’t win, I’m going to continue have an amazing life!
I guess I’m blessed from not going through discard and escaped before it started to happen eventually
I was broken when I left wouldn’t like to feel what I’d be like if I was to stay for this.
Although I didn’t use NARP, I took all the steps toward healing that you outline in this video. Thank you for your validation about these healing steps.
5 years out and no contact with the ex, I’ve grieved the loss of my parents, my ex-husband (non-narcissistic), the recent ex, gone inward to meet and heal my relationship with my child self, and generally heal my SELF.
I’m grateful for the ex and thanked him for being in my life and behaving toward me the way he did. Without his catalysis, I might still be the person I was - unhealed.
Blessings!
Looking forward to having a narc free life . Working hard at it 😊
The final discard came for me when I got too strong for him as I had been working on myself. He couldn't handle the truth nor my strength.
I really needed this. My bestfriend of about 15 years discarded me and I still have no real reason of why as we speak. I still think about her and wonder why couldn’t a simple conversation salvage our relationship, but the way she carried on after our separation by gossiping about me kind of tells it all. She tells people that I’m her enemy and I had to cut myself off from loving her. I know that I have to let go, it’s been 3 years and sometimes I come across her IG or people speak of her around me and I still get triggered. I thought I had a solid friendship with her but it ended all of a sudden. I’m bothered because I never got closure and I have been working on healing this situation so I’m Glad that I came across this video.
One of the best videos I've seen and heard on the topic. God bless you for the healing you share.
the pros and cons list helped me alot We were suppose to be friends after the real relationship ended then he got mad at me for "calling" too much he thought and blocked me on the phone It is HIS LOSS. the third narcissist person it is terrible, it has to do with lower self esteem I realize
This is so helpful ❤️ Thank you for educating us and giving us hope and strenght to break free from the narsissistic horror, stress and confusion 🌿
GOld gold gold!!!! I can not thank you enough!!!! You cannot imagine how much this is helping me , now i understand, i was literally going crazy, into severe depressión, completely lost my inner light, was completely exausted, lost and clueless, suffering brutally and going into pure darkness. And she just didnt care AT ALL. This video has taken me from total pain and confussion to instant understanding EVERYTHING, thank god it´s not to late to get myself back.
I am going to buy your book instantly , its the minimun i can do, this has saved my sanity and now i´m free from this f*****G DEMON of a person.
The more the narc destroys or tries to sabotage the things going on in my life, the harder I will work to heal. I will work to break the soul contracts/ties, trauma bonds, psychic chords to toxic narcissitic strangers therefore I won't be a match for them. The more they think they own me, the more I will be motivated to be healed and break those ties, bonds and chords.
I was married to a narc 10 yrs before. My current husband is way better. Instead of telling me how he will change & stop abusing me. He gives silent treatment.. I miss him so bad. He’ll be so normal & sane. Play w the kids. Then hug me one day & we have to talk about what I did!! And I took all the blame for his actions EVERY SINGLE TIME!! Bc I missed him so much. I was always living in fear of losing him. I didn’t realize this was his Hoover until I didn’t want to make up again. Then he cried & used pity plays. I didn’t fall for that this time either. It was hard... but I saw it was an act. And I was right. 2 days later he was cruel & sending flying moneys to abuse me
Thank you for this video. I was told how damaged I was so long I forgot who I was & didn’t think I was worthy of him. Now that I see clearly... wow. He doesn’t deserve to lick the dirt off the bottom of my shoes!!
I'm confused which husband you are talking about here and if you're still with the 2nd or are u talking about him being worse?
@@clairebearie87 current one is worse. In process of divorce.
But I just ran from one narc to the arms of a sociopath.
I didn’t recognize his Hoover’s bc he would make me apologize. But he did want that.
When I refused to apologize & was no longer afraid of losing him he switched & pretended to be so sad & like I never loved him. Manipulating me to try harder to PROVE my love!
Nope.
So happy I’m done!
He is very very good at manipulating & sometimes you can’t see you’re being played. My ex wasn’t as evil & didn’t abuse so bad.
I needed to hear this.. 😞
I've been following u for a while now.
I love all the advice even if it is painful
Praying for us all ❤️😭
The way She discarded me was the most psychological destructive episode I've ever experienced in a relationship.
She was pushing me away on and off for 3months then came over for dinner. I caught,cleaned and filleted then cooked fish and she dumped me whilst I was finishing cooking dinner.
Not being bothered by my narcissistic sister in law … on going jealousy of me. Trying to tare my brother and I apart. She can’t, I have up-leveled through NARP and it works. I have already manifested the perfect life. I feel wonderful♥️
In theory, I know all of this. However, I still can't seem to forget.
It's been 3 months and I still think of them every day.
How are you doing now
@megha_sh I still think of them every single day, but it's a little more subtle than before. I came to terms and I accepted the facts and the reality of it. I still blame myself for allowing it all to happen but I now understand that the abuse has more to do with them and who they are to their core than it has to do with me.
Sometimes the trash takes itself out. I'm getting the silent treatment now because he no longer wants to provide the support that he promised. So now it's progressed from mental/emotional abuse to financial threats, because I left years ago and he's probably gone back to his old supply and/or found someone new.
Been watching your videos for years. This one hit the mark. They all have done in one way or another - but - Finally - I see the light of day. So brilliant and SO appreciated. No words. Thank you.
I was truly Blessed by what you were saying, I Thank you how you explained that it was the inner unhealed self my unawareness how this had taken place, I'm on my road of recovery fir 18 mos. Now, but I still listen to & watch all videos on narcissism. THANK YOU all so my🙌🏽
Your a true gift an Angel and saviour of damaged souls that are in need of repair. For this I thank and love you so much for your kindness and guidance 🙏🏼💚🙌🤝💓🔥😇
The pain is this intense even if you discard the narcissist. So wether you discard them or they discard you, basically it doesn’t matter, it’s the same in regards to recovery ❤️🩹 because they would of done a “fake discard” to come back to be the “rescuer” to make the trauma bond stronger. I wish I knew this ten years earlier! ARGH 😖
I love that - accept no less from others the love you have for yourself - that was powerful statement!
Truly helpful. I did feel obligated to narc daughter. For two & half decades thought unconditional love would win. Lol. I no longer have any relatives.. including grandchildren, such is the smear. My art seemed to embarrass narc son-in-law & daughter. They bled me dry. I'm well down the track after vicious discard left me on streets at 72yrs old. Zero contact is heaven. Picking up my mojo has been slow, this is where you are helping. I wondered if it was my age, bit of weariness, but have reached total joy in meditation. Every day I'm getting more and more creative. Can't express enough my gratitude
Sadly going through the same. After my mother died from cancer and I was left with virtually no family. I met this woman on a date and she love bombed me. Told me she would be there for me but it was just to suck me in.
I have fear of abandonment issues from child hood when my dad left multiple times so this relationship hit especially hard over time. I went through the idolizing, devaluing and discard numerous times.
Every time I called her out on her bad behavior she would shift blame, give the silent treatment and break up with me. It wasn't til I recently called her out on this disrespectful behavior that she really turned on me.
I had gone to therapy and was doing self help to overcome my abandonment issues. I told her how I was feeling about myself. I asked her for emotional support and she told me she couldn't help me. She made my insecurity about her and when i told her I needed her to make an effort to be in a relationship she broke up with me, blamed me for the failure of the relationship and blocked me.
She threw me away like a piece of trash.
How did this turn out for tou?
@@joshinbama83 I ended up meeting an amazing Woman on a Christian dating app. One who respects me, is open and honest and has integrity. I am happily married to her now. I am grateful to the Lord for turning this all around for my good.
Thank you for asking! What I went through made me wiser and taught me to not settle for crumbs when there is better out there. Self respect goes a long way.
Sometimes l wonder if you are watching my life. Their pathological bs exhausts me.
It’s makes it doubly hard when the narcissist is your ex and your daughter…try dealing with that one
I really wanted to say thank you for your time, kindness, and protective nature Given in your wisdom I am so grateful for finding this video today and having a spiritual Ah-haw moment That brought me to a moment in my life when I was a child with my father which almost mirrored an experience I had with my now x. I came to this page because my narcissist is starting to panic because after he disappeared on me I would still try to check on him when I stopped is when he started to try to reach out as the nice him which usually I fold you after seeing this memory I realize if I let go of him I’m letting go of all the bullshit I carry from my past with my father and taking my power back and giving it to spirit in hopes that one day I will help someone like you help me today spirit bless you thank you again
Amazing. I needed this, thank you.
Thank you so much for this video. I'm focusing on myself and getting myself thriving. Applied for a degree in Psychology today. Doing all the things I've wanted to do for the longest time, it's scary as it's such a huge change. Thank you again for your help 🥰
So true. After the discard which took place 5 months ago, I perfectly and completely found myself in your video. Thank you from the bottom of my heart! 🙏
I am so appreciative of this video and the work you do Mel. Thank you for being a beacon of light, and lighting the way out of the shadows for us...
This is absolutely spot on,incredible truth. Thank you so much for your helpful wisdom, yes to Healing and thriving 🙏❤️
EXCELLENT 🎯🎯🎯 this video absolutely nails it. You have done us all an enormous service here. Thank you very much. 🙏🙏🙏
I consider myself heal because to me that is nothing but trash and I don’t mind getting rid of it Iam good after I realize what I was involved with I love my freedom everyday less stress more rest and peace and happiness God is the one that heals me everyday ILOVE MYSELF
Your common sense personal way is just what I needed to hear , “ CLICK✨💫!!” Thank you so much appreciated, Tonia ♥️
I’m on board the Quantum Cruiser!
At 61 years young I’m breathing easy and feeling light ☀️.
Thriver♥️and I am the driver. 😉😎🌻
I discarded my ex whose also my child's father about 2 weeks now. We had brief contact for our son, but even in that he has found ways to be demeaning, and toxic. I took it upon myself to do no contact. I went through every form of abuse you can think of, and our son went through it with me hearing, and seeing the abuse , and I realized I need to first be honest with the anger , and the resentment , and the trauma he's caused me. I was in a trauma bond. I avoided my own intuition. I suppressed how I felt to accommodate him. Today, I want to start a new way of life. Toxicity will no longer be my normal. I choose me!
Wow! That was amazing to listening ❤ thank you so much for all the knowledge ❤
The most helpful video in helping me with healing. Thank you.
After a month a being away from my narcissist in a new apartment I felt no connection to this man and he was a total stranger in my mind just for a couple of hours and then I did feel drawn back into what happened. But this man literally paid to move me four and a half hours away I helped him find a house when he moved to this area and we created a household and home and then he fell apart when I decided I still wanted to have my own place I didn't want to leave him but when I made the decision to get an apartment he flipped and then his grandson died 6 weeks ago I took care of the house while he went to Florida and he told his daughter that I didn't want to fly because of covid I had asked him to drive out to Florida he needed me to stay at the house with his dog after he came back from Florida he was kind and loving and then all of a sudden he flipped and I said my Apartments ready when it May 1st and I'm leaving and it didn't even faze him he got angry he didn't get sad he got angry
I know I could not have financially afford it the move and the relocation and now he's paying to move me to my apartment I could not afford to do that and I had done so much to keep him going and take care of him when he was sick and design his house for him my background design and construction but now that it's summer and we got through the winter and I shoveled and cooked and cleaned and helped him split wood and do everything now it's summer and time to play it really broke my heart because I was so looking forward to all the things he promised me for summer and now all those fake future dreams are dashed to the ground maybe not but at this point I don't even know the man anymore after a year
Thanks so much for this. What can a person do when the flying monkeys say that I only helped the Narcissist because I loved them and only blew up because they didn't love me any more. That's how it looks from the outside, especially when I sent crazy late night texts declaring my love. I'm being blamed for the whole thing. The narc has destroyed me because I gave them my power. The power to make me happy. Shattered breakdown of narcissist abuse has forced me, thankfully, to turn towards myself and love myself first. I might even be thankful to the ex narc. Someday.....
Thank you Melanie. You're wonderful!
This video is incredibly helpful, thank you!
Dear Melania,this really really resonated with me. I never had anyone to guide me through anything. I can't tell you how much your help and videos means to me. Thank you. I can't afford narp but am an avid watcher of your videos. Thanks for everything.
Hi Mel, your narp recovery program turned my life around in ways I cant even explain, after being completely broken. I love your work . Thank you thank you x
Waited too late.... Old age and health gone....Cancer and old age inl I have been discarded.
So sad! They are so cruel....no conscience in these deplorable creatures....🙏
Seek the LORD while He may be found; call to Him while He is near. Isaiah 55:6
Melanie, "Nobody does it better.."....thank you for providing the shake some great people really need to hear.
You are so right. I am looking within. I know why I pick toxic people who show love to me. I am doing the work. It was difficult to be in the relationship and after, however, I learned a lot about myself. This as a growth experience for me. Thank you.