Unpacking Reesa Teesa's "Who TF Did I Marry" with Lydia K. M.
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- Опубліковано 29 чер 2024
- Join us and our special guest Lydia K. M. as we unpack Reesa Teesa's "Who TF Did I Marry?" TikTok series.
Would we really do things differently if we were in her position?
Maybe society's pressures get to us at some point and we "settle"...
Let us know your thoughts in the comments..
#itsrelatedipromise #irip #reesateesa
00:00 - 04:41 Introduction
04:42 - 22:22 What Caught Your Attention?
22:23 - 25:49 Who TF Did She Marry?
25:50 - 43:12 What Informed Our Ideas About Love/Marriage?
43:13 - 46:53 Would We Freeze Our Eggs?
46:54 - 50:20 Is Getting A Sperm Donor Crazy?
50:21 - 1:06:31 Societal Pressure Is Rea
1:06:32 - 1:10:54 Bumble Is Where It's At
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Sharon is strikingly beautiful like her beauty catches your eyes❤
This is what I've been saying
Thank you. I find myself just staring at her when she's talking lol. Beautiful inside out.
Her voice also ❤
And such a pretty smile❤
She kinda looks like Janet Mbugua, both very beautiful 😻
I am over 35, a woman, unmarried & Kenyan.
All my life, I've known that I don't want children. Part of it has come from past trauma that I've worked through and a big part is that I've never had the desire to carry a pregnancy or be a full-time mum (full-time sounds funny but the permanency of parenthood is a commitment I've never wanted because I don't have the capacity for it). My biggest source of frustration is actually the fact that people feel the need to constantly remind me that I'll regret my decision. I know that a bigger regret will be getting children when I clearly know that I don't any at this point. And if the feeling ever comes, then I will embrace it and figure out what parenting looks like at that time...adopting? Sperm donor? Who knows! That makes me more empathetic to those who desire marriage and kids, and they don't find the opportunity to be either or that it takes so long. I see you, and I pray it happens soon.
On a separate note, I haven't dated for more than 7 years. But I didn't even realize it got to 7 years because so much life has been lived in that time & I didn't even notice. I'm not keen on marriage (the paper, wedding, and the traditional way of doing things), but I do want a partner. I have a list of values, very similar to Lydia's, and I'm yet to meet such a person. I can't compromise on these things. I once tried it, but I was so frustrated, and I made a decision not to let myself down. I literally was always unwell during that period of compromise😄.In the 7 years I've also not had sex, not for the lack of opportunity but for me sex and intimacy goes hand in hand and in the 7 years I haven't met a man who makes me feel safe enough (I mean emotional and mental safety).
I considered freezing my eggs 2 years ago. Money was not the issue, but I realised I was doing it just in case I met an amazing man and kids was the only thing I couldn't give him and the relationship ended up not working🙂. But I decided against it because that was not a good enough reason to do something that wasn't right for me.
The truth is, the past few years have been amazing, and I would not change anything about them. I may be naive, but for me, the older I've become, the bigger my life has gotten, and the more I love it and respect myself for staying true to that which I value. The thing about life is that we can't fully plan for it...someone might regret not getting kids and another might want them so bad and not be able to get pregnant, someone might want only one marriage and find the right person after divorce, another might find a spouse at 50, another might have kids and lose them. We don't know, and we shouldn't make drastic decisions now just to avoid a possible negative scenario later. Trust that you'll be able to handle the situation when it comes and let life unfold. Again, I may be naive but so far life has brought me experiences that I could never have dreamt of in my wildest dreams and I'm open to the possibility that maybe one day when I'm 50, the feeling of wanting to be a mum will finally come and with it will come a solution😊
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We're together on this.
This is so wise ❤️
You gave me such a different perspective on this matter and I love and feel the wisdom behind your words...God bless you 💜
I'm a mom of one oops baby at age 22😂 I'm currently thirty one and the permance aspect of having a child scares the shit out of me. I'm in and out of deciding whether to have the second born or not,like never 😂
The calm and peace ,and being able to go out and come back with some sense of normalcly (he's ten,can take care of himself for most parts) ...I don't want to lose that.
Wishing you well dear ,I love your life.
The thing with Jules is, I started listening to her at 20 21, whe she was doing over 25.
I'm now 25 and I can see how we have grown I say we because and it feels like she's been here with me all through. Cheers babe. You're my virtual big sister and I'm forever rooting for you.
Sharon the proverbs 31 woman is definitely a career woman as well… ”She looks for wool and flax And works with willing hands in delight. She is like the merchant ships [abounding with treasure]; She brings her [household’s] food from far away.“
”She considers a field before she buys or accepts it [expanding her business prudently]; With her profits she plants fruitful vines in her vineyard.“
That woman definitely has her own thing going on ❤
Ohh thanks for letting me know! I definitely want to embody the proverbs woman then ! :)
@@officialsharonmachira you aren’t far off sister❤️❤️
This was some good Girlfriend's time.
Loved it
I'm turning 39 this year, been single for many (5) years now, childless and Unbothered.
Do I want/wish for marriage and children yes, but at my age now I've stopped fussing about it. If it happens fine. If it doesn't, I'm still gonna live my Best life either way doing the things that gives me fulfillment ❤❤❤
I'm reading this book called Single, Dating, Engaged, Married by Ben Stuart and there is a part he says - "Anyone can get married. If you set your standards low enough, you can get married tonight! Finding someone is easy but finding the RIGHT someone the RIGHT way is not." I feel like that's the place most people are, that because they are so tired of being alone, they just lower their standards so much, which later costs them. I am a firm believer in lowering our expectations but NEVER lowering our standards.
"if you set yours standards low enough..." ouch.
I'm 40, unmarried and without kids. I grew up desiring a family and almost all my relationships were intentional. I wanted to have at least 2 kids by the time I was 30 but that didn't happen because I just couldn't risk marrying or having kids with the people I was dating then.
I come from a close knit family and my dad is very intentional in his parenting so single parenting has never appealed to me and my biggest fear has always been to raise children alone.
Also, I'm aware that it gets harder to have kids at my age but that doesn't scare me. In fact, it's when people point it out (sana sana friends and relatives who are doctors) that I remember, haya, kumbe I'm old😂 I always feel young at heart and I'm also blessed to have a petite body which means that I'm always hit on my men in their late 20s and early 30s.
3 years ago, I lost an amazing job and that made me sink into depression. I had enough savings to take care of myself for one year and that contributed to me remaining in a "comfort zone" for a long time. It's when I became broke that depression hit me hard and for the first time, I questioned if I must have kids. For the first time in my life, the reality of struggling to meet my basic needs hit me and I panic every time I imagine if this happens again when I have kids. So right now, I'm not sure if I want kids. I love them so much and wish I had them but...
Anyway, I can see light at the end of the tunnel; positive feedback from interviews I have done recently so God willing, soon I'll be returning to fulltime employment. I plan to immediately go for therapy as I wait to see what the future holds.
One big desire I have right now is to have a lifetime partner. However, I feel like I'm not in the right place to get into a serious relationship now just in case this feeling about not having kids becomes a permanent decision while in a relationship with someone who's sure they want them.
This is an exact copy of my story. I am turning 32 in a few months left a toxic work environment but was not able to secure another employment in 2 years and the struggle of getting even the basic needs is real and I wouldn't imagine having kids and them looking upto me . I made up my mind sometime back not to have kids but now it's real and I will consider a permanent tubal ligation . 😢
@@teresiamaina9573 It's called adulting. You go through traumatic events and they completely change you. Sometimes I laugh at who I was just over 2 years ago when I wanted marriage and kids badly. Now the idea of bringing kids to this world scares me.
I like what Sharon said about romanticizing the husband, I am the same way too.
In my books, contrary to popular opinion what makes an amazing mother is not primarily her relationship with her kids (not saying that the relationship is not important because it 100% is) but her love for her husband.
The real key to a thriving family is the love between the man and his lady. I think a healthy home environment cannot be built exclusively on parents love for their children, it’s important for children to see healthy love among their parents this causes better development for them😄
Ah, loved this episode. I'm 27, and these conversations are so necessary. I think I would add that trusting in God in such seasons is sooo important and can save us so much heart break cause He knows what's best for us. He will be your guide in your romantic life 💘
I'm really touched by how vulnerable & authentic you girls are 😭
I earnestly pray that God would reveal his perfect choice of partner for each of you because His Word says in Ps 37:4 He will grant you the desires of your heart. May it be yes & Amen in Jesus name for you Jules, Lydia & Sharon 🙏🙏🙏
AMEN! ❤
I 100% like Jules perspective on having a child. She is the kind of person who should have a child. Her motivation is solely to give a human a different experience than she did and she is willing to do it within or without the confines of a culturally acceptable context. I cannot imagine someone who deserves a child more.
I’m 32 and single. I enjoyed this talk definitely relatable. The pressure is high externally but I also have a deep desire for marriage n children. However I care more about the quality of a partner than marriage itself. Definitely trusting God, praying for a godly partner n working on myself to be the best wife!
Jules & Lydia Km are so genuine & authentic. Love them❤🎉🎉🎉
"We can't be blaming women for reacting to the pressure cooker we are putting them in."
Put that on a tshirt 👏🏾👏🏾
The age thing also applies to men. Past 30, and not having prospects is terrifying. I feel like we focused all our energies in our 20s on establishing a career and the lifestyles we yearned for.
I love the very important and real conversation you’re talking about today.
Firstly, it is my sincere wish and prayer that you ladies find your respective significant others and live a happily fulfilled life ahead.
Secondly, it truly is not easy to find your one and therefore I totally hear and fully understand and empathize with you and any lady on this journey. So I’ll hardly judge anyone who settles for the person whom they think would be good to marry. Or the person who chooses to have kids without the father in the picture.
However, raising kids is quite the journey and needs so much more than just the ability to fend for them. One of the most important things (IMHO) that every child needs and seeks is identity and the parent who gives this to children is fathers. It doesn’t matter how much we try and compensate for this as mums but this is just the truth.
As a woman (married) who’s raising 3 boys, this has become apparent to me in my motherhood journey and I thank God for their present dad.
As a daughter with a great relationship with my dad, my confidence and self esteem can be directly linked to how my dad raised me.
Just food for thought when eventually making life decisions. Please note and let me reiterate that I’m in no way judging anyone’s actions as we are all humans and make certain decisions under certain circumstances.
All the best ladies 💜💜💜
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Said with love
I liked the video without even starting it 😂😂😂. My favorite Podcasters together.... love it ❤❤❤❤❤
Wherever i see lydia i pause and watch such a gorgeous and intelligent babe❤
And you ladies look stunning ❤
I am so happy to see Sharon giggling like that. haha. I too am in a happy relationship and I feel like we are sharing the journey because I can't wait to wear a Gele too! Haha. Alsooooo, Lyd and Jules!!!! I have so much love for youuuuu.
Oh Lord thank you for this podcast. Literally where i am at in my life. Lydia and Jules thank you for showing us that it's related❤
Jules Ephesians 5 is the blue print for us women for the kind of men to look out for.
”Husbands, love your wives [seek the highest good for her and surround her with a caring, unselfish love], just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, so that He might sanctify the church, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word [of God], so that [in turn] He might present the church to Himself in glorious splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy [set apart for God] and blameless. Even so husbands should and are morally obligated to love their own wives as [being in a sense] their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own body, but [instead] he nourishes and protects and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members (parts) of His body.“
”However, each man among you [without exception] is to love his wife as his very own self [with behavior worthy of respect and esteem, always seeking the best for her with an attitude of lovingkindness].
The comment I was looking for
Wow! Love that you’ve shared the follow up for us Catherine! You’re a real one, we appreciate you ❤ this I so insightful
Was looking for the verses thanks 🙏
@@zoeNyamburab49 you’re welcome! 😊
Many men do not want to embody this. But, of course, church will never put emphasis on this, like they do with 'women should submit', and Proverbs 31 woman.
My favorite brains from the 254❤
First up Kelly did great as Mea Harper from the acting to the fashion except for the turn in the script with the stabing in the end,I really enjoyed her in the role.
I come from the Era of no pressure to get married or have kids and I'm 35 but at this point if I could get a sperm donor as well and just have a kid that would be amazing I've never been too sure about marriage and kids but once I turned 35 I don't know what changed but I've started feeling I'd definitely want children, it's a bit scary that the other methods like adoption and egg freezing are very costly especially in my country.
The karibu it's related I promise in the back today should be kept, that was dope. Much love from the 256.
Wait 😭😭the episode is over how ????? We need a part 2
Jules really went deep with this❤️I love it
I really Love Love this. Very eye opening and informative. You guys have really opened my eyes to so much.❣
I really enjoyed this episode. Thank you for creating always ❤️ The idea of marriage is so ingrained in us as women and it's great to see us being more aware and choosing whether or not it's what we want🤌🏾
I love you gals. Loved your honesty and vulnerability in this conversation, I pray that you all realize the desires of your hearts.
I was gonna get a sperm donor after a relationship ended at 26 which is the age I have always wanted to be a mum . I was getting both internal and external pressure. I actually was set on a sperm donor and was gonna order the kit from a sperm bank in California. However , my therapist knocked me out of my despair and let me know that at that time I needed to have faith and know that a child needed both parents. So then I started talking to my current husband as a friend while praying so hard for my desires . I am a mom now and I know it would have been so hard if I did it on my own . I hope God grants your desires because he can come in and change things just like that !
Aaaw,this sounds so pure Kimani blessings ❤🎉
I love Jules so much.. she is so honest and wears her heart on her sleeve, which is a very brave thing to be.
Subscribed already! Loved this!!
This type of conversation is very important Jules ❤❤
What a powerful message you have shared today. Thanks 🙏🏾
Wow!!!
What a conversation!
Here I am, 38yrs old married at 28 and separated at 31. I have a son from that relationship.
7 years later,I still want to get married and believe I'll get the guy. On lowering my standards,I haven't and I'm not intending to perhaps because I have a child and I dont want more kids.
Jules,I'm so like you on thinking about marriage since I was in my early 20s and that children were never really a factor.
Very good convo girls.
Lowering Ur standards that's harsh....how will U be able to love anyone who is beneath U..U will be stuck in a loop of dating someone below Ur standards then u end up separating because there's no love ...i can't tell U what to do but maybe lower Ur expectations
@@user-janre6544 Lower your expectations how far down? lol
The sincere and transparency here is everything we need♥
You guys are amazing and all speaking from your wealth of knowledge. Thanks for giving many perspectives as you are all at different phases in your lives. May all your desires come true at Gods time as its the best. Being 34 now, married with 2 kids, I can relate with the phases of being selective, then being single, living alone, enjoying life and now being the chief planner of "every ones" welfare, noise etc. LOL
Best wishes yall
Aki I manifested you guys doing audio visuals and it's better than I could ever imagine.❤
Enjoyed this episode 😁
Gosh!! Sharon is such a cutie 🥰🥰
Beyond insightful ❤
Lydia , Jules, Sharon perfectly perfect🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉❤❤
Loved it!
Jules back on screen full time!!! Alilililililiiiiiiiii🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉❤❤
Omg omg omg🎉 🎉 Not Thee Lydia K. M ❤❤❤😭😭😭
🤣🤣 I had this same reaction ugh. 🎉❤❤
Ikr?? 😭 😭
I knoooooow😮❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
Great conversation. I really enjoyed it
I have enjoyed this episode. I always love the vulnerability in this channel. Iam a 23 year old lady and after listening to you wonderful ladies I am left thinking about what do I need to do or rather how do I live my life in way that I will avoid the pressure of rush dating and the "loneliness" that comes with getting to my 30s without having found a good man.
I was like Lydia with the age thing where I had given myself upto the age of 30 to meet someone and have children by the age of 35. Time has passed, I am now 39 and I am going through the process of acceptance knowing that I can't possibly plan my life and expect that it will work out the way I want. I am coming to terms with the fact that I am possibly never going to get married and have children, and also accepting it mentally that IT IS OK... As I am still single and don't have anyone at the moment. At a point I had thought about freezing my eggs and having a baby with a sperm donor like Jules said, just for the sake of it. It's still a process accepting it since everyone around me doesn't understand that it's ok, cause the pressure for me has been the outside noise, and not necessarily my own.
As a fellow 39 year old, I completely agree with you. Although I have been in a stable relationship for the past 2 years, I had my very 1st pregnancy last year which ended into a miscarriage (which I learned happens a lot then people think to a lot of women despite their ages or health) , I have learned that life will happened to you not matter the mental plan you put yourself through. Now I have to accept certain reality even tho if I end up marrying my partner in the future.
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Why do U feel like U will never get married?
@@user-janre6544 Not getting married is my default setting. I am at peace living my life with the knowledge of what I know now and planning around it than I am living my life with a fallacy of a possible marriage that isn’t my reality to a nobody I’ve never met. It actually gives me peace of mind. I have been living my whole life preparing for something that possibly could never happen and that to me is absurd! People around me keep asking me to pray about it and hope, which makes me feel like my life now is a failure as if marriage is the only end goal. Yet at the moment I have a beautiful life. l truly love my life as it is and nothing about it is wrong or a miss… though somehow everyone seems to be bothered by it and constantly remind me about my lack of marriage and children. Marriage and children if anything will destabilize the life I have now.
Also I don’t know what a marriage life of mine is… Imagining it is stressful and so does adding a child into it. If I am to picture my marriage from other people’s marriages as a prospect it seems more stressful than the single life I have now, which is why it’s nothing I long for…and that is why I believe I will never get married. I no longer long for marriage.
I wish it was longer❤️
My Favorite podcasters❤❤❤❤
Yes yes and yes, present.
Locked innn❤
The video is crisp🎉🎉🎉🎉❤
Well lydia is so me....at 35 we are loosing it...am now 30 and counting 😂
hi, the pressure weeh🤭,I am 27y/o and a firstborn,no boyfriend and working on changing the state of my family.Coming from a single family background am scared of marriage coz I have not seen a loving, successful marrige in my own family.Am dealing with all this and an auntie would say "Utaolewa lini?" and the expectations they have on me to be pefect in everything weeh 😔,and now to be married, come on!! Of course I want to be in love and get married but am glad that this is my own decision to make."What will my life look like with this person" my take home. Loved this episode 😍.
About to turn 27 in the same exact circumstances. I believe life will pan out just fine though but I'm moving intentionally
Ladies ur all lovable don't let ur age and the internet tell u that ur not ...if u believe Ur lovable then u will be loved ....if u believe that ur unlovable then u wont be loved....so live this life with that mantra and u will enjoy life.....love urselves and don't live for the external world....live for urselves and ur inner purpose...
Ah! You guys (Sharon & Lyd) are unbelievable! I wholly agree with Jules analysis of Mea Culpa and Kelly especially. In addition, the male character was underwhelming to (ie. his acting)
Amazing episode. Jules the dress and the colour😍😍. Where is it from?
My jules is back on UA-cam yaaaaay🎉❤❤❤
Omg ...Lydia the wisdom 😊😊
About the proverbs woman ,we have misunderstood the Bible. The Proverbs woman is a very powerful woman. Her husband is very powerful too. She has maids ,she owns lands , her husband trusts her with investment . Proverbs woman she is not a stay at home mum, and she is not a weak woman.She is respected by the society n her husband sits with who is who of that time. Just read that chapter well and you will see how powerful that woman is. Even the husband respects her.
Sharooon😂😂😂You've said it only takes one act of service from a legion🤣🤣🤣
You ladies are so beautiful!!! I agree with Jules on Mea Culpa! Kelly ATE!!! Love the conversation too!!! 🥳🥳🥳♥️♥️♥️
The moment Lydia asked Sharon "WHY?" I'm wheezing😂😂😂😂
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In our friend group even me I am dating in the friend group because also the dating of strangers has become tricky and its just easier to love inward.
I was actually at one point not in dating someone in my friend group. But hello, dating is becoming tough😅
😍😍Lydia loves ,here we can sing the intro ..😂🤣
A joke the TMI gang would get😆💯
love it
I love this girl😍😍😍
Good to see Lydia on this episode 🥰🥰🥰🥰
wow,Jules i love that outfit 😍😍😍😍😍
Omg I watching using MTC , 3 G bundles. Which is ridiculous how fast the data’s goes off so fast . Regardless I love you ladies. 😊
The actual episode starts at minute 22. Giiiiiirrrrlssss!!!
OMG Lydia 🥰❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
The man is one who loves the wife as God loves his church ⛪️ ( meaning anything u ask God for,forgiveness, kindness ,gifts ,good health “like providing health living “ etc for his wife
Where there is Jules or Lyd you will find me ✨😊. Sharon is a vibe too😘. This is another wholesome KE🇰🇪 podcast❤. Over 25vers and In Betweeners subscribers mko?
The love I have for julie ❤️
Eeei guys,si you post more often jameni😭
The mini you Jules would be so cute
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Lyd K.M. ❤❤❤
Ladies you look so 🥰🥰
The male version of Proverbs 31 woman is outlined in 1 Timothy 3:1-10
Awesome episode. I'd love to hear a male perspective. The proverbs man is Christ referencing Ephesians 5
Jules❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
Jules! I can’t seem to find your instagram! Kwani I got blocked and I am not a hater I promise. I don’t remember commenting anything that would warrant that 😢😢😢 nakupenda bure!
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Listening to Lydia and the host in pink i'm like, girls you will close your eyes and open and you will be 36 like Jules. What I mean is when you are younger you feel like you have time or two years looks far but its not. Looking forward to Lydia at 35. I am 38 and 35 and 38 looks like 24 hours. I will say to you girls give yourself grace and go easy.
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The pressure to have kids and a husband from friends and family isnt talked about enough. Its twisted enough that even neighbors, aunties etc feel the need to comment or make their "demands/expectations" known.
So the question should be are people having both, for the right reasons or succumbing to societal pressure hence the high cases of single parents, coparenting and divorce in todays scenarios?
the proverbs woman is a working woman ,, i think what she means is a 'stay at home wife' / home maker
..the proverbs one was not a home wife ,, she fed and clothed her family and was buying land
@a home maker is also a working woman the difference is she is working from home ,the home is her office 😊
The Proverbs 31 women matches with the Ephesians 5 Man. Men have preparation to do too
I get what Jules was trying to say about the Role Kelly Rowland played. She did good as an actor but the role she played was terrible! She's for sure a better actor than Beyonce.
😘😘😘
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Is sharon ever single? 😂😭
Very short video😢
Yes, there is a Proverbs man, however God’s instructions for men in the Bible are not centered on proverbs alone. The Proverbs 31 woman was advise given to King Lemuel by his mother. The Bible has expectations of men/ husbands for example in proverbs 31 a husband should trust his wife. In Corinthians, a husband must love and cover his wife. Many instructions to husbands are in regards to his protection of his wife. For example Proverbs 16:32 A patient man is better than a strong man;
I feel like someone needs to unpack the proverbs 31 woman to Sharon because I feel like her perception of her is a little bit misconstrued.
It must be tough for well educated professional women in Kenya to find quality men.
The country is poor, there’s a high unemployment rate so I imagine that the pool of men with decent jobs is severely limited?
Can Kenyans define for me what a “good family” is?
I heard a lot of desperation
Life without depending on God is so empty and sad. Just put God first
Can't say this enough just trust God and everything will flow
from their conversations you can tell that as humans we are trying to control so much in our lives. Give God the reins then enjoy the ride because you Trust in Him
@@user-su9br6zz7e We really try to figure out things on our own but end up nowhere, including relationships