How to Tell if Someone is a Narcissist : The 3 Ds of Narcissism | Dr. David Hawkins
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- Опубліковано 25 лис 2024
- There is a lot of information out there on the internet on the topic of narcissism and it can get a bit overwhelming and confusing, so Dr. Hawkins has come up with a quick and simple way to tell if someone is highly narcissistic. He calls it the test of the 3 Ds - Defensiveness, Dismissiveness and Dominance - which he talks about in this video. He also developed the Narcissistic and Emotional Abuse Inventory (NEAI), a more comprehensive assessment to find out if someone is a narcissist, which you can access here: www.flexiquiz....
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Dr. Hawkins and his team of experts offer education and professional training as well as treatment for narcissistic and emotional abuse.
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About
The internet is inundated with hyperbole and misinformation about narcissism, leaving many people confused and hopeless. Get the facts about narcissism and emotional abuse from someone who has been researching, writing about and treating narcissism and emotional abuse for over a decade.
Dr. Hawkins is a best-selling author and clinical psychologist with over three decades of experience helping people break unhealthy patterns and build healthier relationships. He is the founder and director of the Marriage Recovery Center and the Emotional Abuse Institute which offers education, training and counseling for people who want to break free of, and heal from, emotional abuse.
Whether the perpetrator of the abuse is your spouse, partner, parent, boss, friend or family member, we offer practical advice for anyone trapped in a toxic, destructive relationship. In addition to narcissism & emotional abuse, topics include covert, reactive, spiritual, secondary, relationship trauma and more.
#narcissism #narcisist #narcissistic
It is exhausting dealing with a narcissist. Being married to someone like this is consistent emotional abuse on a daily basis. These people do not change.
Yes
I agree. And it’s also tiring for people to ask why do you stay with him? The first thing a therapist is treat the survivor like we need to work on communication skills. 🙄 Narcissist don’t listen or care what anyone thinks.
@mystic4truth There is no such thing as talking to a narcissist. They intentionally act like they misunderstand you. It is classic manipulation.
@@Unebellecreole yes, I know that.
34 years of this 😢
Eg. “I didn’t say that”!, “I don’t know what you are talking about”! Crazy making comments
Yup
Oh yes they love making it sound as fbyou are serious delusional. They love angering you by denying and by saying are You Craxy?
Gaslighting
Defensiveness, dismissive, dominance. A 4th is difficult
So true! Thanks for sharing
I would like to know whether my second half is also narcistic because those things and the 4 is there heavily but sometimes I see like improvements. She is going to therapy not but I dont know for what exactly. She is like always hiding what she is dong there. Very secretive about those things. Sometimes also she telling me the next day she did not say what she said or that she meant it different way. I feel like she is lying to me and it makes me angry. I am exhausted. I have been crying last 1 year like every week and I am a man so imagine. And our couple therapist talk she never does those things on purpose. That she does not want to harm me. I am confused and lost. @@drdavidbhawkins
@@ladislavsvencikHer therapist is wrong. She won't change. Plan your escape, please 🙏
Usually drunk too
Beware: they can Dominate from the Bottom. Meaning they will appear helpless and vulnerable, but twist you to do what they want every time.
The relationship with me ex was the hardest thing I’ve ever endured. I came to realize I was just their for him and not us…a way for him to regulate his emotions.
I wish I would have seen this simple explanation 14 years ago..this is spot on the narcissists I married. It would have saved me so much heartache
Glad you found it helpful, thanks for your comment
The question is what do you do? When you have kids? It is easy to pack and leave if you don't have kids... so what do you do?
I’m 25 years into a marriage like this 😢 5 kids … I wish I had know ahead and understood that this was abuse
It is such a simple explanation! I have been doubting for years. It applies to my husband of 22 years. I have pervasive depression since forever and no amount of therapy has helped.
@@nourl4834I had to end it. I couldn’t take it anymore. My daughter was two when I ended it. And guess what , she moved on so quickly almost like we had never been together. Then that relationship for her ended in 6 months. They don’t change. Now my daughter is 6. I just talk to her when dealing with my kid, and that’s it. Back when we left it was great, have my own place of residence where I’m not sitting in her energy field all day long. And have my daughter throughout the week. It is truly a blessing !
Next three Ds: 1. Defiance (against rules, agreements, interventions, or instructions); 2. Defamation (false allegations, smear campaigns, character assassination, backstabbing); 3. Deception (tricking other people that they are kind/good/helpful to get their side/vote/admiration, or be their flying monkeys/narcissistic source).
Great additions, thank you!
Every video I have watched on this leaves me feeling like my whole life has just passed me by.I spent 30+ yrs trying to make sense of what kind of pig headed human being I was dealing with.I finally left, and even now he is still trying to dictate the narrative.
I am drained emotionally, mentally narcissism is like a slow eating cancer.Makes me so sad.Good Lord
It is utterly draining and exhausting. Boundaries can help create mental and emotional space to allow healing. If you would like to learn how we can help, please reach out to info@marriagerecoverycenter.com or (206) 219-0145
I was listening to this and checking off the boxes. It's like you're looking into my house. I wish I'd known this YEARS ago, my whole life would have been different. How wonderful to know I'm not crazy, and everything isn't on me.
Glad to hear you found it helpful. Hope you are getting the help you need to heal.
No your not going crazy the narc wants you to believe that. Be careful with the Gaslighting the narcissist likes to use
Interesting video, My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her..
its difficult to let go of someone you love, i was in a similar situation, my relationship of 12 years ended, but i couldnt just let her go i did all i could to get her back, i had to seek the help of a spiritual counselor who helped me bring her back
Amazing, how did you get a spiritual counselor, and how do i reach her?
Her name is Shelly renee white , and she is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex.
Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked her up now online. impressive
The only spiritual counselor you need is Christ alone!! 😔
I married a man whom I thought was the man of my dreams. Soon after I started to see red flags (many).He was so controlling even though it appeared he was so laid back. He was trying to control me and made it seem like he was just trying to help. I told him he was being too controlling. He smirked! Did not deny it.I told him I wanted a divorce after all the humiliations he put me through. He threw tantrums and begged me to stay; that he was going to change. Narcissists don’t change! He did things that violated my very existence. I literally saw the devil in his eyes one time, which really shocked me. I used to think the devil did not exist. I have divorced him and years later I’m still trying to heal and he’s still trying to get me back after all the damage he’s done! I now know what attracted me to him in the first place (I’m a daughter of a narcissist mother). That is a generational curse I must break!
Same here.. So I hear you 🙏
I'm 52 & recently realised my mums a covert narc. They are the worse kind. Coz they're so good at appearing nice to everyone else. She's Selfish, fake, entitled, spiteful, compulsive liar.. Both my sister & I ended up dating Narcs. My sisters still with one. 10 years! He's making her ill. But she 'loves him' 💔 I'm now solo & it's best I've ever felt. 💪 Prey you do too 🙏
This was my relationship with my late mother. You describe it to a tee. Dismissiveness especially was probably the main theme of our relationship and drove me insane growing up. I'd have massive emotional meltdowns begging for validation and was always met with blame.
Hope you have found healing for your heart
@@drdavidbhawkins it’s a process. She passed in November. My head is a bit all over the place
I used to be laud, dramatic, clownish, i used to be an entertainer and yes, very emocionally open. He is quiet, dark, always under the hood, but yes, dismissive, defensive if its about his behavior towards me, and dominant under the radar. He always ends doing what he wants. And dismissiveness is his surname. I have been erased. Not a bit of the old me remains after these hellish on off 18 years of relationship...all subtle,all done with a smile. My nervous system is dysregulated. I have been diagnosed with parkinsons...need help but im alone and i feel like im doing the drama by sharing this...but the pain is so big i dont know if i will make it..😢
Will you just finding wrong men of low class real man would never anore you if don't anore him he stick by your side looks out for your best interest
Yes indeed, Im quite exhausted by it and I am planning my escape while he is away for two weeks I cannot stand much more of this hell.
how did it go, I'm with a women that has these 3 D'
Did you leave? I truly hope you found the strength 🙏
My lovely sister is still suffering with her horror of a being after a decade.. She says she loves him. While he's being spiteful, calling her names, & dumped her for the 100th time. I can't get through to her that he will NEVER change.. So heartbreaking 💔
@@ricklegendary2990are you still with her? If so, what makes you stay even now you know she's a Narc & will never respect or genuinely love you? Want to understand to help my sister 💔
@@DJPeachyful no I am not
I never commented on you tube videos before, but this description of behavior is so accurate that looks like this expert witnessed the interactions I have with my abuser.
Thanks to you and all your team for your insight and support, your videos are helping me to keep some sanity through a very difficult time.
Yes, we witness these kinds of interactions everyday here in our practice. Glad you found it helpful and thanks for your comment. Here are some videos we hope can help jumpstart your healing:
Hope for Victims of Emotional Abuse
ua-cam.com/video/u9XkQuHLEJY/v-deo.html
Break Free of Emotional Abuse and Heal: ua-cam.com/video/u9XkQuHLEJY/v-deo.html
Finding Healing
ua-cam.com/video/I5N5t_mQiTA/v-deo.html
Difficult, Dark and dangerous🗣🗣🗣💯
I am living this! I kearned what gaslighting is today as well. That is the norm. So my question is...how do I manage this? Its grat until.its not, then BAM....IM EXHAUSTED.
Same😮💨
Leave
Thank You Dr David Hawkins. Your clear communication is a breath of fresh air to me. Your description of the lady who just wanted things to be not so difficult, made me have an AHA moment. Just wanting Issues to be resolved efficiently and effectively, if impossible with someone who is always difficult or dominant.
So perfectly put! Simple explanation but so complicated to take action after 52 years. It is so breathtakingly refreshing to finally realizing the puzzle pieces have been put together. “I can see clearly now!” 🙏🏼😉Absolutely a God send! Thank you!
You just defined our daughter TO THE TEE!! Wow... just heartbreaking. She's withheld our 5 grandchildren from us for 8 mos now. We were like 2 n d parents to those babies. Meanest thing you could ever do to grandparents!
My daughter has withheld my grandkids from me for 5 years because I am intuitive and aware of her facade. She stays connected with my husband/her dad because he doesn’t pay attention, and he lives in denial. He has covert narcissist traits. All the traits described in this video. So she feels safe that he won’t admit her poor behavior traits. He isn’t restricted from our grandkids. The bottom line when our relationship is good with her. She creates conflict until she gets enraged. At the point, I don’t personalize her words or behavior. It is hard to know that we can’t have a comfortable relationship 😢. I love her very much. I miss my grandkids fiercely. 😢
My husband matches all of those characteristics and behaviors. He rages over every day issues that may come up. Anything & everything that isn’t what he believes, or the way he wants something. He way is correct #FINAL.. He invalidates my opinion. I’m not allowed an opinion unless I want to end being confronted with a raging argument. So I don’t defend my beliefs at this time; it’s redundant. He doesn’t care, nor does he listen.
Please don’t ask me why I am still with him. That’s a redundant question. For now it just is.
I refused to believe that narcissism is due to parents not setting appropriate biundaries. Scientists have yet to find a single character trait that does not have a strong genetic component. NPD runs rampant in my mother's family & somewhat in father's. In my Mother's family of origin 5 out of 8 family members have NPD.
@@annemccarron2281 Yes that can in essence be true. The way that not only the parents but also Aunts, Uncles, Grandparents ect. behave influences the child. In addition, the innate sentiment of the child is related to the personality one will exhibit including being empathetic.
Boundaries may not be the primary reason contributing to a narcissistic personality; yet, if the parent/ parents don’t set boundaries it can lead to narcissistic behavior. Without boundaries or consequences for poor behavior, one can be conditioned to believe that rules don’t apply to him/her. Leading to a path of entitlement, mistreating others, and bullying all of which are narcissistic traits. That being said, in addition narcissism is not based on one pattern. It has a plethora of different distinct possibilities to be predisposed to from genetics to environment along with the sentiment of the person, which is crucial in a person’s development. There’s years of research that agrees with my understanding. Also years of research that demonstrates an array of factors that contribute towards narcissism. Setting boundaries is one factor that plays a role to the path of narcissism. I do agree that one factor depends on the person’s sentiment. A teen with awareness may believe that his parent has the problem with setting boundaries. And that teen’s environmental experiences will put them on a path to understanding boundaries.
i know how youre feeling--i raised my gdaughter, gave up my scholarship and degree to help raise the child, got her to 6 1/2 yrs old and mom takes her from me, she is now 18 and my daughter goes and has 3 more, let me and them get attached and took them also--its been 5 yrs since i saw them, all because i said witches are ugly (didnt know her best friend was a witch at the time) for that--my sociopath daughter wont let me see the kids, 99% of my days are spent wishing i could die just to be able to stop the pain--this generation is pure evil!!! i pray for you and the nervous breakdown youve probably been experiencing---your forever in my prayers!
They never say they're wrong
Thank you this really helped fortify me in my decision to leave a 5 year relationship in which the man did all those things
I was not heard
just gold: "Defensiveness, Dismissiveness and Dominance"
I love this! You are the most simple straightforward therapist on UA-cam that talks about narcissism! Thank you for all the work that you do and the compassion with which you deliver the message.
The sad part is that these people are "beyond therapy." No one can help them.
There is abundant research that our brains can be rewired. People don't change because they don't want to, not because they can't.
@@drdavidbhawkinsnarcs are always right, they don't need to change. Everyone else does. 😮
@@drdavidbhawkins That's true, but I think that some are so mired in who they are at present that change is not reachable. Besides, few like the concept of change. Have you ever talked a narcissist out of being one?
@@drdavidbhawkins I agree. It's totally possibly for them to change. It's always a choice.
@@truthseeker9355They CHOOSE not to change because...there's nothing wrong with them!! 🙄
im in this now. prayers are appreciated.
Dealt with all this and more with my ex. It got to the point that I didn’t even wanna question something or go against her belief towards the end , cause I knew it be a whole thing for hours. So happy I’m done with her and moved on. I know vet women out properly, cause I will never live that way ever again lol
Trust is everything
Good lord, you are describing every single one of my so called 'friends'. What on earth have I been doing to myself
I prey you've discarded all these energy sucking vampires & focusing on self love ❤️
You deserve to be happy 🙏
How to identify a Narcissist if they are mirroring?
spot on / it is exhausting and futile dealing with narcissists / best advice is to find a circle of friends who are not narcissistic/ narcissistic families are like sects/ they excel in subjugation and manipulation/
One of THE best videos I I’ve seen! Explains the last (current) 21 years of my life! I do need help. I loved ur style of explaining and it sounds like I totally get it. Thank u.
So glad you found it helpful. Please reach out to learn how we can help. info@marriagerecoverycenter.com or (206) 219-0145
Love your honesty and passion in your explanations. 😊
Actions: they never apologise, its always someone else's fault, they are persecuted and need help all the time, cant follow rules of society (late for work and dont think its their problem etc), they never compliment you, they dont honor repeated requests to honor or do something (because they love breaking boundaries and seeing your increasing anguish). A lot of conversations seem to be about addressing previous or current behaviour.
Feelings: pity, confusion, exhausted and it never gets better, anxiety, walking-on-egg shells, dreading/continiously thinking about next encounter/meeting and what it will be like
Oh My God. This sums up the total "relationship" I had with my now-dead husband. It was dreadful and I had filed for divorce 4 weeks before he died, saving me from the trouble and expense of legal fees.
We hope you have found healing for your soul. God Bless
@@drdavidbhawkins it's only been 2 months since he died, but YES---I am healing and enjoying peace for the first time in many years. Thank you.
Exodus 20:7
"Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain, for the Lord will not hold him guiltless that taketh his name in vain.”
Beyond therapy isn't the word it's there way or the highway
So very very true…. I chose the highway….after 37 years living with him, had enough of feeling like a nobody and having to do as I was told or else!!! My mental health has suffered greatly over the years, suffer badly with anxiety. They still torture you, even after they’ve left.
thank you for this validation/facts. everything was exactly relatable and I am so grateful for my support system right now after leaving my ex.
Glad to hear you have a support system, that's critical.
I can be all of those things if i feel threatened. But it's specific to the trigger. I'm usually just normal and self-reflective and want good relationships. I guess I have a narcissistic wound that needs tending to. My mom is definitely full blown no hope of recovery
Wow this really sums up everything that i experience when ever I have tried to bring up issues but I realise how I have let her be the dominant one because it’s just too difficult trying to have any meaningful discussions without it getting out of hand or walking off( dismissive). I don’t think I’ll ever see any investment coming back to resolve things from someone who uses the first two D’s so unconsciously.
I watched your other video on what what is the difference between emotional abusers and narcissists. If my husband IS a narcissist, he AT LEAST is an unrelenting, unrepentant, determined emotional abuser. He doesn't usually see the needs of others. He never fails to be angry with other drivers on the road. He never wants to be gentle close to me, but at church he would put his arm around me, try to hold my hand, make it look like he was loving. It upset me so much I would not have it. He might have well said the words back, like the disappointed little boy, "Aw, cmon. Let me have my candy." He'd say, with a smooth voice,."I just want to ... Let me...why not?" He didn't really hear me. But I would not let him be at church what he would not be at home or anywhere else. He is a very "LARGE" theology apologetics guy who is RIGHT. SEVERELY RIGHT, destroying obedience, love, relationship in his RIGHT about my being THE problem. He's full of ABSOLUTES. Right in the beginning he established, authoritatively, "Don't expect me know how to treat you. I don't know how to treat a woman. " That's the part that haunted me and tore ne up through the years, that I let myself marry someone who I realize ditched me before even the wedding vows. I had an awful lot of anger. But what I knew was right and wrong, no reasoning had any effect on him, except he would go into a rage, always gaslight me, minimize me worthless small, to be someone with no mind, be a physical threat, and more, to keep me intimidated and afraid, to shut my voice up. And he hit me very dangerously once. And my health became destroyed very quickly.
And was always gaslighting the kids about me, interfered with my goals to teach my kids responsibility. He'd tell them, anger aimed at me, "You dont have to do what she told you to do. She's trying to get you to do HER work!." He wanted me to feel helpless and hopeless, then turn around with my grief and pain , use it against me to convince the kids I was the problem. It was horrific and devastating what I experienced.
I have a peace now about leaving him. All the negatives used against me have lifted and I'm no longer paranoid about nor believing I am the shameful terrible housekeeper. I am understanding that the chaotic stress kept my binder neuro wiring, etc including the other bodily systems all dysfunctional. I know I will heal when I am finally away from this destruction.
Glad you have clarity about what you need to do to get healing. We wish you the best and God Bless.
not just narcisist do this, avoidant and fearful avoidants also do this as a defense mechanism that has nothing to do with being a narcisist
1:50 yes! for your own safety & the safety of others you should always let someone speak you might end up giving them info they need after you listen when they want to listen to you in writing or recorded is even better
Great analysis. Appreciate the counsel.
I will never forget.. after months of living together, with his 2-year-old every other week. I was supporting everyone financially and did everything. He told me "I'm sorry I didn't think about you as my girlfriend girlfriend"...he proposed to me! So happy he is gone!
Late to this. Defensiveness check! I didn't wake up until it was too late and im very ill, then I saw it. My father always a toxic man from large gift giving, using me as a buddy, to complete put downs shut downs anger and extreme rage. It dawned on me I was listening to my mother empathising and validating, she wasn't doing the same in reverse. She yas done more damage than him. Difficult CHECK! No patience, no listening just telling and dismissive. I feel more alone around them than when im actually action. My life has been action lie, narcs are con merchants. Open actioned receptive, definitely not. My father is still the dominant force because my mother wants it that way yet she moans actilonendbout him to ME!
You need to get away or spend less time with them before they make you really sick. Prey you find the strength 🙏
This is incredibly validating. Thank you so much. It’s hard to find this specific information!! I am grateful.
I honestly thought most the arguments me and my lady had were my fault the good guy I am I would always apologize cause I wanted to be grown and try to fix us and not be in bad terms dealing with a narcissist is tough they won’t change ever they don’t care 3 years and a month and she’s never taken accountability to her wrongs at the end of the day we the prize us people with good hearts gonna be getting stepped on all the time but it’s time for us to put our foot down. They want to leave let them they’ll regret it in the long run. Have a good one yall remember you are the prize good luck to everybody on this video
Thanks for your perspective.
3Ds Measure =>
(Character Traits of #Narcissism & #EmotionalAbuse)
---------------------------------------------------------
0:30 1st D....
#DEFENSIVENESS :
• The opposite of Defensiveness is 'An Openness to Listen'. (1:50)
• What is Relationship-Health ? (2:54)
Openness & Receptivity not Defensiveness.
2:25 2nd D....
#DISMISSIVENESS :
The opposite of Dismissiveness is Validitaion. (3:07)
3:40 3rd D....
#DOMINANCE :
A Dominant Person does whatever it takes to get their way with no other consideration for others. (5:19)
---------------------------------------------------------
5:23 (Revision)
- Defensiveness 5:40
- Dismissiveness 6:04
- Dominance 6:29
---------------------------------------------------------
This has been the hardest thing to get over for some reason I still just want him but I don’t want him if that makes sense. I’m sure he is a narcissist. I could never try point out any faults he had but yet noticed mine. He would get in the defensive all the time especially if what I thought was just saying something like, I don’t want to lose u and he would go off on one saying I wouldn’t be here and telling me I got to stop saying things like that. But he had cheated by text so some people will probably think it’s not cheating but he told an ex how he misses her and she’s so sexy and all he thinks about is her he loves her and wants to see her. Those words I read cause she sent me the screen shots burn a hole in my heart. I knew I should have run but I loved him so much and he said he was drunk . When I found out he went out and got drunk than rang me saying he needed me he wanted to kill himself would I come to speak to him and I did and he for a few moments again made me feel loved. Everything was on his terms what we eat had to be left to his decision what we watched on tv what we done when we could have sex . He would get funny if I tried to say right we going to have such and such for dinner and he will say don’t fancy it I just won’t bother eating . There was no romance he couldn’t even look at me would rather watch tv when we did make love no for play but he expected it to him. Sorry again if this is to much info. But I need the peace in knowing of me feeling he was a narcissist is true. He lost his sister and I lost my son and my dad and it was a battle with him making sure that his loss was worse than anyone else’s . He would get angry so quick over little things. He would question me on my phone every time it made a noise to the point I would just leave it any where and he could look cause I had nothing to hide. He wouldn’t and if I asked him he would get angry and even if it was family and I asked who text him as he always asked me again he would get offensive saying what am I not aloud to talk to my own family now. He never left his phone around woukd even pick it up to take to the toilet . He done things like avoided answering things blanking me ignoring me for hours if he went out . But if I didn’t answer him straight away he wouldn’t get mad at me. It was always he was aloud to do things but I wasn’t. He would cuddle me at night which he knew I liked as never had it before but I don’t know if it was all pretend. When he had depression I walked on egg shells round here. If I felt down due to any thing he said I could control my emtional feelings and stop using excuses as I know each month when it’s that time my feelings seemed heightened that I was worried of losing him I would feel down and may cry cause I have all these thoughts and feelings . And he would just snap at me saying what the f you crying for now. He swore at me a lot. He left me a few weeks ago blaming me for everything when all I don’t was made myself worn out by making sure he got everything he wanted from me all branded clothes etc I wasn’t in debt but now I am. When he left he said I do love you but I want a few months break as friends then get back together. I couldn’t do t as I know this was code for him to go with other woman. So the other day I said to him if he had feelings for me or missed me and as always avoided questions by saying I’m depressed I don’t know how I feel but could turn around and said he misses the cat. All I want is to block my heart I don’t know how it was like being under a spell he would get funny if my family talked to me saying well they never there for u etc so shy should I be there for them. So I became this worried wreck that only had him in my life day in and day out as he could hardly keep a job as he always found away of them not making him feel valid enough cause they didn’t give enough comments on his work which they did and he felt to good for them. He didn’t hardly pay anything towards shopping and energy bills a little sometimes here and there when I paid for everything. I had a hip replacement so had a few issues he stayed at the house with my son. The day I got out he said he needed to get away it was to much and went to his cousins where again he would drink loads forget I excisted and blank my texts. There is more stuff but based on this am I the delusional one as he would say as he told me he had no faults and he was a perfect person. Or was my feelings right for him being a narcissist. It’s so hard to get over this even though the relationship could be very toxic . Sorry for the essay just where I have no friends or family to talk to
Thanks 🙏🏼 this 3 Ds 😢😢😢I hope for my relationship of 10 years Can have a solution!
Glad you found it helpful. Please reach out to learn how we can help. (206) 219-0145 or info@marriagerecoverycenter.com
I’m not sure she’s a narcissist, but some signs could be, she was in a bad relationship for 30 years with her husband who was the first guy she was with, and now I get blamed for things I’m not doing, if I’m on my phone I’m cheating, but she’s on her phone it’s ok? She belittles my relationship with my daughter, always has temper tantrum’s over things I do, now she’s telling me she has no affection feeling for me because of menopause, but in reality she’s not been affectionate for the last few years and I need affection, I want to leave but I’m feeling anxiety about leaving and being lonely it really sucks 😢
She wanted my attention and validation and looked at me to see if I was looking at her but didn't want to go out with me. That was my first sign. Then I saw she was liking her ex-husbands posts and he suddenly stopped posting. His new girlfriend or he decided to stop enabling her. It's sad because I met her at Church and she seemed so nice and sweet. I didn't expect to meet a psycho. All that praying doesn't seem to be doing her much good.
in a relationship with a narcissist. You have to be dominant by in and explanatory and understanding way. Or you be road kill
my husband is an Altruistic Narcissist, he is kind and helpful to others but verbally narcissist to me, he is also a conversational narcissist, he must always be right and will argue until you give in, and must always have the last word and will argue until he gets it. He hates being interrupted but will interrupted me all the time. my husband and I live with mu elderly mother, I live with 2 narcissist, ... Yes, 2. mom does not care what anyone says, she will do what she wants, she does not care how her actions affect others. Queen of Liars.
Yes yes & yes
Yup. And the couple’s therapist has completely missed this, I haven’t. It’s very clear to me, but not to him or the therapist. It sucks, I have no problem being more aware then an PhD, but it is rather annoying that the obvious narcissistic traits are not acknowledged always dumped into other things like ADHD, which I actually have, but that is ignored. I hate how she wants me to be an equal contributor to the problem, but I only stayed, that was my mistake I wanted to be with my children. Worst of all is the women in positions of authority that push me back into that hell. I don’t care what their stories are, they are dangerous to other women. I am out, my body will not allow me to go back.
Frankly, you deserve worse, Rochelle. It's clear he's doing all the work in our sessions and YOU'RE the problem.
@@ChrisMeadows1992 wow, you are not well at all. First off, you are not attending the sessions as it is clear by that fact you have given me a name that is not mine. I am not Rochelle, you are not my partner nor are you my therapist. But you are trying to stir up conflict which says you are very unwell. I do hope you do the work you need to do. I am not the problem sweetheart. But you definitely have one, shall we call your Bert Fartington.
@@ChrisMeadows1992 what do I deserve? Hum, little boy? What have I done to you.? What an angry fool you are.
@@ChrisMeadows1992 such an abusive little boy.
this is exactly me!!! And he did not spot this. We have our daughter which I love so much. She was also trying to impact our relationship. I have been builduing it with mz daughter hard but now I see like every day my daughter love me, how she is happy around me.
Thank you! God Bless.
dont forget the 5th and 6th "D"
Double Down
He blames me
Perfect .. trim to the point
Glad you found it helpful, thanks for your feedback
So you have met my mother then!
Very helpful hit the mail right on the head . Thank you
If you need your ears scratched..Mr. Hawkins will disappoint..Shortly after getting Born again in a puddle of my own Tears. He begged me to be authentic, Transparent, Sincere.. Haven't attained it..Still Digging in..Thxs for the advise to focus on Jesus Christ and his finished works.Not my feelings, understanding ❤❤..This Ministry has helped to build a solid foundation..T.Y.
Thank you, thank you always for your videos.
BINGO on ALL of the above that you’re mentioning.
God bless you from Cynthia in JANESVILLE, WI
My only child is a narcissistic person. She is emotionally and mentally abusive towards me, especially if I don't do exactly what she wants me to do.
You raised her so who is the narcissist you or the father. Because if it's not you then you're an enabler of the narc which means you didn't protect your child from the narc.
So many of us didn't understand what was going on in the past, we didn't understand narcissism, we didn't know what to look for, we may have even thought abuse was "normal" if we were subjected to abuse in earlier years. It does no good to blame ourselves for not yet knowing back then what we are actively working on learning now. This is what's important, that we are here learning, understanding and healing right now and moving forward.
The sad part is when our own children are narcissists as adults. If their behavior improves over time, then they weren't narcissists to begin with; but sadly, if they are narcissists, they will not get better over time. This means that we must protect ourselves from their abuse in all the same ways we must protect ourselves from any narcissist. This usually means finding a way to going "no contact" with them. The only way to heal from abuse is to get out of the abusive situation.
Again, it is very sad when the narcissist is your own child. Please remember to be kind, gentle, patient and loving with yourself as you continue moving forward in your healing journey. I wish you all the best and hope you take good care of yourself.
@@sonyvalencia
My ex-husband was very selfish and yes I raised my daughter right. My daughter was shone love and also disciplined. I taught her right from wrong. None of us are perfect parents. If you have children, you're not a perfect parent. You went wrong somewhere. Many people are ignorant (unlearned) about narcissistic behavior in a person and how it comes to be in an adult. You don't have to have narcissistic parents. It can be inherited from other family. Do you think that people who have killed, all have parents who are violent? If so, what are you hiding?? Since you figure parents are at fault for mental issues children or adult children may have because there are no perfect parent and no perfect children.
@@danielkaiser8971
Thank you!! You understand and that's exactly right. I wish others would educate themselves before making such ignorant comments on the subject of mental health.
@@sonyvalencia
Educate yourself before you comment and make yourself sound so ignorant in speaking about narcissism and other mental issues. Read , study and get a good understanding and then comment and I bet you will sound like you may be smart. I don't know, just a suggestion 🤔
You just described my soon to be ex husband! 😢
Same it’s brutal
You described the narcissist I got stuck with EXACTLY with those 3 D’s; they described this Ahole to a T. I wish I had heard you 18 years ago. He wouldn’t leave me alone; it took his death to get rid of him at last (he died of kidney cancer2 years ago). I’m STILL full of anger & loss for wasting so much of my life with this MONSTER of a human being. I’m also still at the point of distrust of anyone in the male race that comes on too strong.
Hope you find healing for your heart and the trauma you experienced.
Thank you for your content.
Glad you found it helpful, thanks for your comment
Spot on. The most interesting thing was when I tried to hold my husband accountable, without any mean words said, just simply logic and reasoning, he said what I did left him feeling suicidal.
Yep they make it about them
Sorry you have to be married to a blame shifter
Just saw a statue of my darling darling husband.
Going into tangent speaking does not help anything or anyone
Thanks for your feedback
Will boundaries help with narcissistic tendencies?
They hate boundaries or the word "no". Set strong boundaries and stand on them. When you set boundaries don´t move them, change them etc because that would make you toxic (moving the goal post) and don´t forget that it´s different then ultimatums and or controlling stance. Fine line. It won´t help them, but you.
No, they will ignore the boundary, or whatever the issue is they will be vindictive and cause more conflict about it. I had teenagers. It reminds me of my adolescent/ teen rebellious daughter. She would do worse. Stay out later if she had a curfew. At first she would comply a few times; then she’d think that I was ridiculous. Even laugh about the curfew. That’s exactly what my husband does. It’s best to know they’re responsible for their poor judgment and behavior. I don’t take it personally. I used to feel abandoned. Now I know he thinks he’s punishing me. He doesn’t realize that I have worked on that issue. Of course because narcissists have a lack of awareness.
One thing that does work is if I don’t take it personally, and I’m nonchalant about the situation. He actually does it less because narcissists need supply. I don’t give it to him. He will try other tactics. I say that he is treating or speaking to me inappropriately and leave it at that. Then move on to a different activity.
No contact
🙏
You have described my mother to a T!
You pretty much just described how to manipulate someone because everyone of the responses that you said are not genuine, so I’m supposed to pretend that Samantha is valid supposed to pretend that I’m interested in hearing further about how stupid they are
Difficult 😮😮😮😮
Can a narcissist only have 2/3 of these? I know someone who is extremely dismissive and dominant, to the point where they don't even have to be defensive.
All to hide his addiction to pornography and women outside of our marriage
My ex did the opposite! ... desperately tried to hide the real mental illness by brushing it off as 'normal' porn & cheating! The porn & cheating were just a COVER UP for an even more sinister problem!
Yess big facts
cut and run they are tormenters - the most horrible people
Yes then u get there to come explain they don't talk
They talk fast and come in try to take over
My ex !! Pfff
Curable..Forgivable..We all stumble in many ways.. Selfish ambition, deluding ourselves, self-centered ambition, All the foundation of the Culturally ridiculous buzz word today..All thing's are possible in Christ Jesus....Listen to the Word.. Pray for the Thirst and hunger for it.. what's coming in becomes utter nonsense. Surrender is a life time of learning to make Healthy choices..Christ Jesus is the solution ❤
Most of them got high paying jobs
Yep like politicians..
Deez nuts.
The doctor's voice sounds like Donald Trump's
I’m a narcissistic 🙌