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I have no Friends only Associates. The closer you allow someone to get, the more they feel compelled to take a dump on you. I was a good friend to a lot of people they are no were to be found now I was a kind of dude. That would take a shirt off of his back and hand it to you. Not anymore. People are liars, thieves, betrayers deceivers. And only care about their own self-interest. At the cost of your loss their Gane People are to not be trusted. The majority of people are the Borg Sheep And we'll follow anybody blindly off of a cliff. To top it off women are the worst with that va double x They have completely destroyed their bloodlines and lineage. I couldn't even have kids with women Without thinking about that. And I Have stopped addiction myself. I did not Attend. NA or AA So that's all rubbish. A person will stop when they're ready and if they're not, they won't. Go to jail and see just how many friends you have. 0 And then get out and see how many friends you have.0 People are Trash Hot Garbage No principles. No civics. No morals. No ethics.
When my wife and I were in our twenties, we had lots of friends . In the last 2 decades, things have changed drastically. Many of our friends stopped returning our calls, or cancelled events at the last minute. “Too busy”. “Not feeling good/sick”. Etc. Today people are plenty entertained with their smartphones and apps, and don’t feel the need to connect with others as much. As a social species, we are not headed in the right direction.
Same experience. I do have to say most of the social interaction was arranged by women in regard to couples socializing. What I found was that as we approached late 30’s, many couples started divorcing. Those who have 4 or more kids, as we did, stayed together and just got consumed in investing our time in our family & work.
@@JM-rs2ntWe also lost some friends after they divorced. Relationship dynamics just aren’t the same when you see these people alone, or with a new partner. Thank god, I am fortunate to have a partner who also happens to be my best friend.
I’m one of those people who don’t put in the effort with friends anymore cause at the end of my day the last thing I want to do is talk to anyone unless it’s my bf and even then I could go days without talking to him we just text. You gotta consider people have to deal with other people at work on a daily basis and perhaps they’re just not interested in engagement. Downtime to one self is just as important if so more.
@@Bunny11344ppl have ALWAYS had to deal w ppl at work! Lol. Moreso in the past! Now u can work from home… friendship takes investment like all relationships, before social media u had to do it in person…and I do notice a lot of ppl under 45-50 may not have built the in-person history w their friends that keeps the bond alive. DOING Stuff together. Ppl u just text etc. I would call acquaintances.
With your testimonies in mind, the problem doesnt gravitate around technology, and reasonable parents certainly arent canceling on you/me because of screens. Why are we so busy? My feeling is that we procreate without receiving group support. The act has become a personal enterprise. Mind you, white people we stop living after we multiply - here in Ontario parks are essentially for children and for parents who supervise them - while Punjabi Indian grown ups are EVERYWHERE GATHERING IN PARKS DAILY. Not the women. The men. That opens up an entire topic on feminism and what it takes to maintain social integrity beyond procreation. It takes servants perhaps. But the existence of such a concept, where we gather naturally without a reason, gives me wings. It is humanely possible to invest in something else.
The guy asking how to make friends probably helped a lot of the others to understand they're not the only ones struggling to make friends. A really brave question imo.
Absolutely, the courage to voice such a personal struggle is commendable and likely resonated with many others. It's a powerful reminder that we all face similar challenges, and discussing them openly can foster a sense of solidarity and understanding. This kind of vulnerability can be a catalyst for deeper, more genuine connections.
took me going back to rewatch the frienship part where steve got asked a question by a kid while he was sat among 400+ folks, that your sentence hit me. You're so right!
My favourite part of this episode is Simon flipping the script and asking what you are struggling with Stephen. Please do this every time you have him on even if it is uncomfortable. That part was pure gold and so relatable. Also please don’t neglect each other for 3 years. If you don’t water your plants daily they wither away and die. Relationships are like compound interest ❤
I loved this part too! Really enjoyed Stephen’s honestly and answer, being open to speak on his life really makes this episode shine. Also Simon is great*
At 53 I joined a community choir of 100 women and it's one of the best things I ever did. I have friends anyway but the sense of community and unity is just so lovely. Plus I love singing and never got the chance in my schools.
@@thejoyofsingingcanada Our teacher moved to our town about 11 years ago but never really made any friends. She eventually joined a small book club of 4 people and they got talking. She tried to join a choir herself earlier but they were full ... so, long story short she decided to start her own choir and ... voila ... here we are!
That's wonderful! Joining a community choir not only fulfills a passion for singing but also creates a sense of belonging and shared joy. It's a beautiful example of how engaging in community activities can enhance our social connections and enrich our lives, proving it's never too late to pursue new interests and form meaningful relationships.
I am a man and I love to sing. I have an excellent voice, I used to be able to sight-sing and I completed all Theory Courses. Long story short, women are so abusive and nasty and hyper critical and overall horrible, that I quit singing in choirs, I quit singing in public - tired of being crapped on my horrible women.. So interesting how purely evil women are.
On the positive side, I'm sure you have strengthened your bullshit radar. Over the years, I have re-developed my ability to begin relationships with optimism but with my radar on, but over time, with continued positive "actions, not words," a real friendship develops. I wish you the best!
When I was young, I had dozens of friends. We skateboarded in large groups. Fast forward to getting married, having 4 kids, and quitting skating because I simply can’t do it. Now I have virtually no friends. Just acquaintances. Family has become my new “friend”. I think this is common for people who take the family route in life. Everyone they once knew, falls away into oblivion. It is what it is.
Indeed if your friendships are based on skating then they were probably aquaintances too. I assume hes talking about young people. Older people dont have that many friends but they have many aquaintences at their various events and they make connections with people they meet but dont need to keep going back to that person. Like as older people i might meet an amazing couple on holiday and we get on great but im not going to call them when my holiday is over. I might go to a bar and have a great night with some neighbours but im not calling them the next day ...when you're a kid you go dkating every weekend so you see the same people. You have a common interest. If you played racket ball now youd see your racket ball buddies every week too. Or however often you did racket ball.
@@christoferrage that’s an oversimplification of it. People grow up, people move away, and people become very different politically and religiously. People with no wife no kids live a completely different lifestyle than ones with. I physically could never skate again, so I picked up other sports and activities. But it was mostly distance, lifestyles and values that drove us all apart. As an adult, I’ve come to realize that I don’t need friends as much as I need my family.
I'm the friend who did exactly that, calling my friend to hear her cry on the phone day after day when she lost her dad, but none of my friends have even checked on me after being in the hospital, etc. I'm someone who makes my friends a priority if they want to hang out or go somewhere, talk. I feel like I have love to give, and I just end up used. People forget about me, or prefer other people and I don't get invited to things. I know that's life, and I'm incredibly lucky to have my best friend (my husband, but sometimes I get so very, very lonely. I dont expect me out of people, but one day I just hope for a best friend that's not my husband.
I hear you, my husband passed ten years ago and he just ignored me and I’ve never had a best friend So at least you have him! I’m invisible to men because my stress of taking care of everyone made me gain some weight and doesn’t allow me to lose it so never good enough is how I feel. Working on that but you still have to deal with people!
I think it would be great if people reciprocated acts of care and I know we shouldn’t have to ask - but maybe we should. It’s fair to say ‘I need you to be the friend to me that I was to you. And if you can’t, that’s ok, but I hope you won’t want to let me down’.
@pruegallagher1410 that's great communication. I have said something not quite as bold and was resented for it. It was later mentioned in a passive aggressive comment about keeping tabs of good deeds in friendships, that it shouldn't matter. Well, that was easy for them to say when they never gave anything and only received. I stopped being friends after that with ease.
@@momlee664 I sense that you are really low on self-confidence - I'm 69 and I am defiitely invisible to many men (though weirdly attractive to men in their 80s), Do you want men's attention because you are lonely? There are many lonely women out there - perhaps try and develop female friendships - good female friends help boost your self-worth. I watch a lot of burlesque performers and some of the most successful and sex women are 'big' girls. Very big girls. They believe they are sexy and beautiful and that's a very convincing standpoint. Go for lots of walks. Everything is better with exercise. Good luck.
I'm so thankful for the church community that we're a part of. We have had such amazing support structure of genuine people genuinely caring for one another.
I am finding this heart wrenching to watch. My daughter is kind, funny, autistic, intelligent, creative & socially isolated. Her best friend is her brother- who is her only friend. She is 26 but socially about 14-16 years old (by 1980’s standards not 2020’s). It’s hard to find facilities, resources & to activate her motivation in seeking out spaces where she could meet potential friends
I feel for you. My sister (now in spirit) had an intellectual disability. She didn’t have many friends. Not everyone could see her magic but I used to take her with me to a lot of social functions with my friends who loved her. There are great people out there. Sending best wishes to your daughter for the most amazing and wonderful friendships. ❤
Have you tried sitting in the park and letting her play, possibly with the other kids? If she likes dancing, pottery classes etc or Tai Chi, which is very calming and restful, try checking out what classes are available at your local community center, classes are usually for 6 wks... Local church communities also have activities available and can be very uplifting and helpful for guidance on where else to find resources. Local parks and trails have adventure hikes, for birds, butterflies, Flora and fauna too! Short hikes or outdoor activities can really inspire her to try for more and are great social meeting places! Best to you and family 🤗🥰
The real challenge is not to over protect her and thereby add to her isolation. Maybe volunteer work would be good for her self esteem rather than you seeking out resources which could have the opposite effect…I say this as someone who has been through it.
I have a teenager who has autism and she really struggles with friendship. I take her out with me to visit family and friends all the time so she can get used to people of all ages. Having friends of all ages does help. But flow I think is very important. If she sees you actively socializing, she hopefully will get acclimatized and will start. Hope this helps.
This line sucker punched me: “In the military we give medals to others who are willing to sacrifice for others so we may gain while in business we give rewards for sacrificing others so we may gain.” - #profound!
Simon is incredible - literally, everything he says is so connecting, life-affirming and reassuring. SERVICE IS EVERYTHING!!! He is so right - that feeling of purpose, connection and getting out of our own head/self-pity/first-world problems. And friendship is service - this is it!
Simon’s insights truly resonate. Service to others is a profound way to find purpose and forge meaningful connections. By shifting our focus from self-centered concerns to acts of kindness and empathy, we not only enrich our own lives but also build a stronger, more supportive community. Friendship, rooted in service, embodies this beautifully.
This is absolutely the best episode of DOAC I have seen and the first I watched from start to finish. I love that that it wasn't an interview session but a heart to heart conversation between 2 friends. I love that it was a learning curve for both parties. Thanks Simon, Thanks Steven.
I have never commented on any of these amazing podcasts but this one has really hit me. I love the whole concept of the twelve step approach. Volunteering and giving back to others has literally been a life saver for me. So much to unpack with this, it resonated so much with me. Truly grateful.
12 step approach is conditional on being completely abstinent from all substances. I can't share be sponsored working a program or sponsor anyone if I use cannabis LSD MDMA etc even though I may be sober from alcohol for decades..... It's bonkers.
@@peter-cj5fo that's not true. The 12 steps can be used by anyone and is NOT CONDITIONAL. Please don't disseminate misinformation misinformation. Anyone can apply the 12 steps to the best of their ability to any situation no matter their starting point or where they are at now. It's a tool for everyone and the more you use it the better you are able to apply it! 😢❤❤🎉😂❤❤
@@sharonrogers6541 12 Steps I have no quibbles with. They can be transformitive. However Aa has an unwritten cornerstone of Abstinence from all mind altering substances. My quibble is with Aa. It is for people who want to stop drinking. Nothing more Nothing less. To say some one can't work the steps if they use other drugs in a controlled manner is extreme conditionality for full participation. Sitting st meetings listening to people slagging off cannabis methadone etc is unacceptable.
A friend of mine once told me a friendship is like a savings account where both parties add to. However, you add what you can. So if you only have a coin or a cent to give which equate to a phone call or a pop over for 5 minutes. Thats what you give. But the rule is you always have to add even if its a little. And no one takes out if they are not putting in. Changed my perspective on friendship
A way I battle depression, is to be of service. When I volunteer, I feel infinitely better. I will say, finding a good church and community has helped a ton as well. Remote working has been such a blessing to me. Being with my children more, taking them and picking them up from school, making them a real dinner, not commuting 90 minutes a day, etc has changed my life for the better. I still feel connected to people at work but honestly, they’re my work friends and I’d much rather spend time with my family.
working remotely when you don't have a family, is quite the opposite, or falling disabled from medical neglect, as an extrovert.... I agree with the serve thing, m\y career as a nurse ..that's all I did, off and on shift....but we also need balance and while I see the good from your view, it's not every ones' view :(
Growing up, I was always impressed by the way my late father managed to keep his highly stressful jobs from spilling into our family time about 85% of the time. Yes, I would occasionally tag along to events that were tangentially related to his work, but they were events I enjoyed anyway, so I didn't complain. But he showed us, in words and deeds, that he valued his family just as much, if not more, as he did his work.
Shiiiiiiiiiiit I just love the part where Simon goes "what's your perspective on your crossroad?" And he's really giving the stage to him and he means it. I love the sincere switch... just beautiful deep dive... brilliant
It’s because we’ve become selfish. Friendship has become about how I can benefit instead of appreciating life that is shared for the sake of it in it’s simplest, no hidden agenda form.
I agree. Real friendship has become a problem. I was told a man is lucky if he has two close friends at the end of life. Women will have more, maybe 5-6. Selfishness has become a hurdle to maintaining long-terms friendships.
Real friendship involves more than just keeping in touch. It requires that you and your friend display love, empathy, patience, and forgiveness. Those qualities ultimately make a friendship rewarding.
I agree. Lots of conversations where one person does all the talking about themselves. People are socially awkward and it’s all about me. We’ve lost the art of making friends.
Yes, that's true. Sadly most people don't treasure friendship and easily quote busy and no time to respond when friends are genuinely reaching out . If only one party is interested to keep the friendship and the other party doesn't, it is not going to be sustainable and discourage others to form friendships in the long run
Fyi very few people have these qualities. For most people, u are only as good as what they can gain from u. One reason why many people dont have friend.
I have one thing to be grateful for the pandemic of COVID 19 bring home that we are social animals.but my fear is we did not get it.may take a generation or two to rebuild social meaning in to people's lives again we need each other 🙏 more today than eney time in history the Los was tribe feel like that since I was a child I am 66 seeing my generation starting to pass away not one of them are saying I should have worked more that is meaningless without a person hand to hold as you you loose friends love one's and your thies 😢 but life is worth every pane and blissful moments thay all involved someone to hold touch be with no screen ever created can come close to truly intimacy between another human ❤❤❤❤
I’ve never heard of Simon Sinek, but I could listen to him for hours, days, weeks…Simon, you talk and listen from the heart and soul and that’s where I hear you. 🥲
Every time Simon is on this podcast he has wonderful things to say, I'm excited to hear that he's writing a book about friendship and can't wait for it to be done. The only point of disagreement is attendance in the office. I have very few things in common with the people I work with, I twisted and contorted myself to contribute to a better workplace and be a good colleague, as a result, I was bullied and told I was a problem. The requirement to spend my time in person with people who are committed to criticising and excluding others is traumatic and reduced my capacity to engage in friendships with people who I could have meaningful connections with which resulted in loneliness. Work shouldn't be the centre of our connections.
If you find a workplace with congenial and compatible people you are blessed. For the most part though the purpose of the workplace is the welfare of the company not the people and an extremely toxic competitiveness is the norm. In all my years I made only one lifelong friend at work. Some were fine but after changing jobs the relationship faded. I always told people not to count on work for friends.
Agree 100 percent to invest energy in friends outside of work. It’s rare when we can have true friends in the workplace, but it can happen. We have friends for a reason, a season or a lifetime. (Iyanla)
That doesn’t sound much fun and perhaps your expectations of others in the workplace is too much. You’re there to work, to make money for you, your life. It’s great to get on with work colleagues but I always make a rule not to count them as friends. That way there’s no disappointment and if you change jobs, you’ll still have your true friends. Try going to a local activity in your area. Volunteer on litter picking days, involve yourself with the local church, dog shelter, zoos also have volunteer programs. There’s so much out there. Step out of your comfort zone and give it a go! 😊
Are you suggesting that anyone with a friend or friends has an impure heart? Well, you are probably right. It isn't about finding a perfect human being to be friends with. That person doesn't exist. It is about having a RELATIONSHIP where you practice being a good friend, good person, practice setting boundaries, practice being honest and vulnerable, test how helpful you can be, invest time in learning about the other person, giving them time to reveal themselves and what's important to them; and giving them gentle support and feedback and yes, a few laughs.
I was going to say how this is so true, after a while friendships fail when it becomes one sided and the effort is only from one side. It’s taxing over time.
Honestly, working from home has been absolutely amazing. Its given me the time and energy to invest my "social energy" in my friends, and events for things I want to be a part of. I've had 10 hours returned to me weekly just by not having to travel to/from the office. I can absolutely see how its been problematic for others though. I'd rather never be obligated to 40 hrs onsite ever again.
Part of friendship is the ability to make small talk and spend long hours together. I rarely see people willing to invest these resources in another person. Friendships are not about convenience. They are sometimes about sacrifice of valuable time and effort.
He makes an excellent point around 15:30. There are fewer friends to go to when things are going great. That is painfully true. 95% of friends don't like it when you upgrade your life. They are not supportive. They are jealous of that success because you are moving up while they stay in the same place, stagnating.
I think almost all acquaintances and friends are supporting, but some might wirhdraw from your contact because they conclude that you will slowly withdraw from them as a matter of fact due to the fact you will have less time for them in the future. People and circumstances change, and that is ok.
@Internal.Inferno- you hit the nail on the head. I lost someone that was like a brother to me, best man at my wedding close. The friendship was equal and we had each others back. When I began improving my life, he ghosted me almost overnight. I never was able to find out the reason why. 15 years gone without hesitation, a cause, nothing.
I started doing the hard "I love you" with my relatives, all women, but even so, it's tough for them. The reward of hearing it from my Grandma was so great.
Except marriage or a baby 🍼🐣 , cause that's beyond friends and into ROMANCE 💒. One can know a friend & decide to make it into a romance 🎉but that's not easy in most friendships. Only certain friendships are able to turn into being in love love 💕 and or marriage as well.
Dear Stephen, if you look at/after your child with the same passion you look after your businesses, you'll never get bored, you'll allways be out of your comfort zone learning more about the human journey than you even do through these interviews, you'd be an amazing father and the rewards will be beyond comprehension. You say you want challenge, yet your businesses seem to be your comfort zone. Courage is having fears but doing it anyway. You know this. You can live it. All the world needs is more people that stay willing to learn, you seem like the person who would not kill the natural eagerness to learn in a child. So I'd say go for it!
On the work at home topic, i work at home but my community changed from my coworkers to family! Which oh mi gosh, i LOVE! I do believe there can be a better balance. The commuting is not only time consuming, its expensive and dangerous. I do hope we can all work to find a better balance, but im so very grateful for this privilege (working from home is absolutely a privilege!!!)❤🎉
I love remote. I am an introvert and all the trash talk in the office was hard to handle. I work much better when i have a quite Environment. Now we have open office space with 40 people desk to desk so that we "connect" more but the opposite happend. Everyone is afraid to talk to anybody because they feel watched and people hear their conversations. There is more frustration because you have to be careful what you do and what you say. You can't complain because your Boss is sitting next to you. So everybody pretends to be happy and put a fake smile on their faces.
i am an extrovert and prefer remote. office friendships certainly have value, but in my experience they tend to be too managed, and dare i say transactional most times. I prefer spending the “extra” time nurturing the relationships that genuinely enrich my life.
@@janeEriley"At least you are around other people" You missed the point. That's a big negative for them. It would be a good fit for you. I feel bad that you aren't in a situation that helps you thrive. They are in a situation that keeps them from thriving too though. It ceates stress and actively harms them. So it's not "At least you are around other people" for them
Introvert here. Extroverts in my office were more vocal and set the standard for office culture. Lots of vapid, disruptive talking. I live alone and work remote. I'm much more productive. I have friends outside work.
Yes, or you would be oblivious to what these "friends" are doing to you. Took me sometime to reflect on my friendship after building up my confidence and self worth. Things they did were so disrespectful, I didn't know how I allowed all of that to happen because I loved them more than I love myself. All that emotional abuse that has piled up on me is disgustingly frightening.
Part of my counseling people is helping them consider their support system. Friendship is so important as part of our support system. Girls and boys start at a young age learning how to socialize and be friends. If only school is prioritized, then social skills get behind. Learning who and how to be a friend is so important. May everyone find a friend. I’m a friend collector. I love people so much. May everyone find a friend. ✨
Hey man, this is probably the best episode yet. I listen to these while driving, this one felt like 2 mates on a road trip, just talking shit out. I felt part of the conversation. Simon is one of my favorite motivators, he has helped me better myself both privately and in my roll as a project manager in construction. Well done DOAC. Please keep putting these out.
Idk man it just makes me feel like the DOAC seems superficial asf. He interviews all these people who give great genuine advice but he can’t even take them. He seems difficult to deal with
All good to have an opinion and I don't knock you for having that at all. If I could ask a question back to you, do you listen to these pod cast to watch the growth in Steven, or to take advice for you own betterment?
I wish that people would stop criticizing the work from home model, especially those people who do not work an average 9-5, Monday to Friday job. It may not work for some but it works for many. I for one love working from home. I simply get more work done, can still connect to colleagues via TEAMs, sleep more and easier, travel far less...it has changed my life for the absolute BETTER.
Yeah, that bothered me, too. But what else would you expect from a "CEO"? Management is desperate to end WFH and remote models because they crave power and control. It's got nothing to do with creating a sense of community and friendship in the office, let alone productivity and collaboration. That was ridiculous.
I have worked in office settings for 16 years now. Until today, I have no friends from any office I have worked in. Most of my friends were met in activities intresting for me and the individuals that eventualy became my friends.
best quote and insight in this clip/entire of my life: "You cannot have service without developing some sort of love You can't make friends until you learn how to serve because friendship is fundamentally service Friendship is an act of service"
A couple times I’ve struck conversation with people in public places, like the salad bar in the grocery store and at storytime in the library, then the people I’ve talked with ended up trying to sell me something. It was so crushing.
I watch EVERY episode & I talk about this pod more than normal. I love the wide variety of guests that are leaders in their industry or have interesting life stories. I’ve learned so much over the years & am SO glad seeing this continue to grow. SO beyond well deserved!!!💜🥳
I love Simon, could listen to him all day. When I moved in to my house after a very sociable life in the yachting industry, I went to volunteer at a local dog and donkey sanctuary and those people became like family. When I had my first child and my husband was at sea, I was surrounded by them and felt completely supported and safe. It could have been completely differently especially as I’m surrounded by fields rather than other houses 😅
I love this man. Simon Sinek speaks my heart and articulates what I have always seen as problematic in our societies… and I never understood why I was the only person who seemed to see that. I felt crazy to prioritize my relationships over my career or GETTING stuff… this man has integrity and he is COHERENT and CONSISTENT. You do INSPIRE Simon. Thank you.
Really good listen. I have a family member on a high performing team. Slated to win championships. Their coach encourages them not to be teammates but brothers. I once saw them at the end of a practice, in a circle, holding hands. All these manly men holding hands and then lining up to get their hugs and encouragement from their coaches. It's so rare in society that it's startling when you first see it... but it grows men.
When you thought you had lost faith in humanity... you get Simon 🎉 The best podcast of this channel so far ❤ Two hours that flew away without being aware at all. Gratitude from Alsace, France 🇲🇫
Our addiction to productivity is something that honestly needs to be addressed. Especially people between 45 and 30. We have a problem. Great conversation! And glad to hear you’ve bought a place in our beautiful country 🇿🇦
I love that my kids school makes him do 40 hours of community service before he graduate high school. I think it’s a great blueprint for young people. Thank you so much for these podcasts. I love that you do you’ve got me hooked plus you seem like a really down-to-earth kind person. Thank you to you and your team.
I had to do 4 weeks work experience, preferably close to the field I want to study the year before I leave secondary (High) school. It helped me focus on what I wanted to study for.
Simon is so good at connecting with the person in front of him that his accent started to slightly move towards English accent and that’s impressive, that means great connection
So this made me cry. Especially when he was talking about the difference between love ya and I LOVE YOU. I immediately called my best friend since we were 4yrs old and made sure she understood that I LOVE YOU AMANDA. I'm going to make an effort to make sure to be a better friend. This conversation should really be on national tv and make it the ONLY THING ONv so people have to watch. I bet there'd be a lot more people crying and trying to be better to humanity.
I am so excited seeing that Simon Sinek is back on this show. I really understand why he is on a forth time!! His insights, honesty, passion, wisdom is extremely valuable!! It is such an interesting dialogue they have, each time!! Can not wait to get started!
Facts I agree 100 percent. Steven and Simon have great chemistry together; I love how honest and vulnerable he is: and their conversations are so insightful and fascinating. I love Simon
people don't know what true friendship is for one friend's keep you safe from yourself and others true friends don't go the wrong way with you RAISE YAH
Agreed, I wish you all good luck to find the right friends, friends is like what, contact list long, or a call they are always there for you…or opposite, but I don’t need friends, …I have my issues but I don’t feel lonely, that’s how he feels, not mine…
The fear of being disliked, being criticized, not validate make people not dare to be who they are .. so they are all trying to fit in in a trend. Also the wake of all is good nothing is really bad.. leads to NO Values
Whatever else we are, we are social primates. The drive to establish and maintain social pecking order is powerful in us and that is frequently a less than pretty process. We are aggressive, competitive, and often downright mean.
36 mins in, I totally grasp Simon on his church experience, iv had 1 very similar and how he explains it, is exactly the same, blows your mind away, the music, worship, energy,, happiness, and to mention, hillsong!! After this, I'll UA-cam hillsong and play a few songs from 10 years bk when my experience occurred, great listen thus, so connected to this talk, all kinds of directions in conversation too, only 36 mins in, alot of information. A very gd chat this, to think it's on for 2 hours, I can likly say, this be the fastest 2 hours of talk I'll have listened too, 👍👍👌👌
The story of the Mexican fisherman and the American businessman resonates deeply with so many of us. It's a powerful reminder that the pursuit of more-more money, more success, more status-often comes at the cost of the simple joys that make life truly meaningful. After 27 years of hard work in the U.S., I've found myself reflecting on this story more and more. I've achieved financial success, but at what cost? My parents in France enjoyed a lifestyle filled with rich social interactions, delicious food, and affordable healthcare, all without the pressure to constantly "make more." The Mexican fisherman knew that he didn't need wealth to live a fulfilling life-he already had what mattered most: time with his family, peace, and contentment. Many of us chase after the dream of more, only to realize later that what we really want is a return to simplicity, to the life we had when we had less. As I consider moving back to France, I'm reminded that sometimes, the best life is the one that allows us to enjoy what we have, rather than striving for what we don't need.
I completely agree! Unpaid travel time, that actually costs you! I’ve worked from home for sixteen years as I wanted to be there for my boys after school and during the holidays. I’d start before 6am and finish by midday. By the time they got up, I’d almost finished work!
I agree. I would be insane to consider the people at work to be friends. I'm there to get money, not to talk to people, where I have no choice whether they in my life or not. And where my lifehood might be endangered, whether I don't follow all the social norms of small talk and showing moderate interest in everything they do.
Yes people want to work from home usually not because they hate the office or their collegues but because they hate the commute. The commute costs time and money and is bad for the environment.
I have admired Simon Sinek for close to ten years now, so glad you had him on! I will say as an American Evangelical his summary of Hillsong is hilarious (and a bit bittersweet). Being "relevant" can go a bit too far and people can smell the desperation of coffee bars and smoke and lights and pastors throwing in Gen Z lingo from a mile away. Churches should 1) Preach the Gospel (Gospel means "good news", btw) 2) Have radical love towards each other 3)show love and realness to the community they are in. If they genuinely enjoy and certain kind of music or "vibe" go for it, but make the Gospel the center... If all the "extra stuff" is the reason you go to church then when people like Kayne or church leaders from Hillsong "fall' you don't become so disenchanted that your whole faith system falls down with them.
Truth. SMH at the dilution of the beauty and severity of the Gospel not being conveyed with people pleasing churches…got to get praying about that more for a radical passionate authentic and rational zeal renewed in the Gospel loving church. Revival. Good comment btw. Peace-
So after relocating countries from South Africa to england I have had an issue of not being able to make friends here in the UK and after listening to this conversation I have decided exactly to do this find someone who has the issue of lack of friends and then start the service of being a friend- in hanks for this. It just makes so much sense
oh wow Simon Sinek hits the nail on the head every single time, amongst the first to accurately the convey of knowing your why and now regarding human connection. Friendships are the foundation to curing so many ills, issues and challenges we face. This is why we are on this earth - not for greed, profit and hate !!
Wow. Simon Sinek truly understands human relations. His insights and answers are spot-on, providing profound perspectives that resonate deeply. Implementing even one of his recommendations would elevate my soul to a higher level ❤
The part you discussed about the topic of giving or taking it made me think about an interesting fact. I live in Japan and the customer service experience here is so good. And it is because in their culture they give 100% with out expecting anything in exchange. To the point they don’t accept tips because it is expected already that they will give their best service and that it’s part of their job.
"You're the average of the 5 people around you." I met most of my closest friends during my worst times and shaped me to be who I am now. I also met my wife and married recently, she is also a very close friend and thanks to Steven we had the courage to start a UA-cam channel together to share knowledge! :)
I’m screwed then, I only have three people I would call friends, everyone else proved over time they’re only here for what they can get or were never really friends in the first place…
@@82lostsoul Quality over quantity. It was one of Steve's guests who said that when people are asked how many people they could rely on, the avarage response was 0 which is very sad. We'll also consider to make UA-cam videos on friendships, we mentioned it's importance already in our Couple of Health Series.
I think, generally speaking, women are already good at living lives of service. It's ingrained in us as mothers, daughters, carers and wives. We give and give and give and the challenge sometimes is how do we fill our own cups up when we sacrifice and give so much. We burn out. Men, I think, find it more challenging.
It's more challenging because from a sexual selection perspective, men gain benefits from a high degree of selfishness. Men with more money and more power have a bigger pool of potential mates they can choose from, because women, all else equal, prefer wealthy and powerful men. To get wealthy and powerful, being universally of service Is a disadvantage.
I adore Simon! I had to look up his bio because I noticed his accent would flip from American to English and had to know more. He is so insightful with a mix of compassion and directness. Always inspirational!
I have been disappointed by long standing friends last year while I had cancer. I had always been there for them and they were not there for me. One of the things I have learned is that several of the friends I have parted from, have disappointed me because I have outgrown them and my old patterns and they did not grow with me. A good friend is someone who is there for you rain or shine and who you can have a hard talk with and will do whatever it takes for the relationship to make it, meaning also doing the work and growing. A good friend will never use your vulnerability to hurt you. Not everyone has the necessary emotional maturity it takes to be good friends through thick and thin. Advise that applies to romantic relationships apply to friendships. Simple.
Sorry for what you went through. I couldn't agree more. If someone can be a great friend, they'd make a great partner too. And only time tells you how trustworthy someone is or isn't. Only a few folks are as compassionate or considerate as they ought to be.
One thing that may happen (and it has happened to me) is as one very good friend of mine started being "more sucessful" i just started not liking anymore her new persona. It is not that you outgrow people.... sometimes people were happy with who you were and now they do not enjoy this new version of you. My childhood friend became more money driven, more superficial, values money related things and people...wants a lifestyle that I dont like, with people I dont like.... if you question her, maybe she will say that she outgrew me, and the truth is that I just dont like her anymore.
My mom also had that experience during her cancer. One of our oldest and best family friends just never called and completely disappeared. When finally she talked to him she said “you know I have cancer, right?” And he said “yes” and that was that. Only one of her friends helped or brought her anything and she has many good friends unlike me. I grew up around my parents’ friends and thinking I will also have great friends when I grow up. The internet has ruined my generation and Gen Z, no one wants to be or have friends now. A disagreement or argument leads to the end of the friendship. It’s all selfishness.
Similar thing happened to me when my father passed away. Lack of empathy is shocking some times, but in the long run, it's for the best. All the best to you and your health.
At this point in life after being betrayed by the friends I did have I'll be my own friend. I was always there for everyone, now I'm alone and no one wants to be bothered by the hard time I'm going through.
Yeah I feel this. For me, I think I've given more than I should have. I'm definitely a people pleaser and should I set clear boundaries in many situations.
@@AnnaAtl I've always been a people pleaser, I don't have a lot left to give. Now taking care of my elderly parents. I'm in a loveless marriage. I'm exhausted. Learning how to live without connection to people.
Hi Steve, I started listening to your podcast with Paul Brunson- The Professional matchmaker. I have never commented on any of the other podcasts but I really appreciate it when you bring people like Simon Sinek and Simon Cowell who are true/real. Thank you and please more of people like Paul and the 2 incredible Simon(s). Regards to your team and please don't ever think of selling off the business. No one will execute it like you. Greetings from Lagos Nigeria.
Amazing how I was drawn to this episode (despite having amazing friendships that get reciprocal time and care) and it included the exact problem I have had the last two days… having to get my boyfriend to “book me in his calendar” and yes, I did feel negative about that, but you’ve helped me to feel more positive - really needed that… thank you!
I've been a loner all my life,never had relationships,friends,and I'm as happy as can be. 0 drama,arguments,trust issues, or anything that disturbs my peace
I love how @simonsinek pushed back on @TheDiaryOfACEO Stephen about his personal life conundrums vs his personal life conundrums. I love how humble Simon is and that he openly admits that he does not have it all figured out. Always be a student... fabulous advice! Such a wonderful and enlightening conversation to hear. Very grateful for both of these men being so willing to share their knowledge and time with all of us.
My dear dad was a lifelong learner & great at community & friendship. He was healthy until 102 1/2 yrs if age. He was not mobile the last 5 yrs, but his friends came to visit & his care-givers thought he should give lessons in being a true gentleman. He had been in the military & he was born in 1920. Community mattered. I heard his final phone call with his best friend. They talked abt what wonderful lives they had had. They both said, "I love you!"
How do I make friends… 1) spend time alone learning to love yourself 2) do YOUR shadow work 3) open yourself up to the universe and ask to meet YOUR people. 4) FALL IN LOVE … if you’re not in love with your friends then they are acquaintances not friends. 5) now you have found them…. Now….work on it! Listen to them. Open your heart and your life to them. Trust the process. Let go
For Steven: “How strange that the nature of life is change, yet the nature of human beings is to resist change. And how ironic that the difficult times we fear might ruin us are the very ones that can break us open and help us blossom into who we were meant to be.” Elizabeth Lesser, Broken Open The years go quickly. You have enough fish, Steven.
not necessarily for autistic people who need on the whole, routine and stability. change for them is very difficult/traumatic, and we should not speak on their behalf, we should try asking them how they feel, what is good for them, this is entirely missed on this.
My thighs are super strong because I am so lonely lol. Im a late diagnosed autistic woman and i have few friends or family. Instead i hike for miles and miles alone with my dog in the forest.
My 3 favourite quotes.. It took a while to learn its meaning, but eventually, I got it... Maya Angelou - If you want a good friend you have to be a good friend.. Bob Marley - Truth is everyone in your life will hurt you. But you choose who you suffer for... Local Nun - Whenever you start to feel sorry for yourself. Get up and go help someone.
I am addicted to this channel. Thank you is amazing for young people just to hear different perspectives. Is very troubling that we are having to listen conversations about friends. Just 20 years ago god I am old 😂 we had friends and we when out and we had this difficult conversations with friends all the time we said when we did not like something but now is all gone away my brother a young lad tells me he doesn't have friends is just sad my cousin just locks himself in the room. Today's days are very scary and sad for young people especially.
Learn to dance! When I go to dances, and I'm a senior, people of all ages dancing, are together in a big ball room smiling, moving hip swaying, jumping, laughing, I love it!!! Also, my best friends are people I can just hang out with anywhere without an agenda. Where I can sleep over watch a movie or just do nothing and feel comfortable. And laugh out loud and when sad cry!!!
This was such a good interview. I wasn't aware of this man and his work, but I will be checking him out. I loved his straightforward, no bullshit approach.
@deleted01 I know your mind is blown! 🤯 BUT, IT REALLY IS THAT SIMPLE! 🤯 You can do something very rewarding and nurturing by volunteering at an animal shelter... Just sitting with, and if possible petting and holding a very scared, depressed dog or cat does wonders for them and YOU! If you can play in the yard or walk them a bit, even better! You'll be saving lives by helping them be more social and adoptable, because they're no longer feeling hopeless or depressed... While at the same time helping yourself feel useful and LOVED! 😍 🥰 💕 PS: Watch Rocky Kanaka videos where he's "Sitting with Dogs" to see how it's done... Find Hope, Love & Salvation. By giving of yourself, you will get back what you need, a thousand times over! 🎉 🥰🤗😘🎉🎁🎇
All of you saying that if you have a spouse and/or kids, you can't have friends are just not prioritizing friendships at all. My justification of this is that even though I am currently a single man with no kids, I have sat down and shared a meal with several couples I know, who have kids, in the last few weeks. I am so thankful to have these friendships. I realize I am a living anomaly in today's society because of this, but it CAN be done.
This is totally true. I've been living with almost no friends (just acquaintances) for a long time. About 2 years ago I started raiding in vanilla WoW, and there I found a guy who often invites me to Discord almost every time I log in. And while sometimes I become irritated from it (especially when I have nothing to discuss), overall his actions are very wholesome. And I've noticed that I hadn't had even an understanding that such communication can make me feel better. I had been living with emptiness inside and thought that it's okay and it's impossible to totally get rid of it.
Simon- thank you! I’ve been dismissed, denigrated & patted on the head as if I were a simpleton for saying these things… & yet others ‘feel’ the alignment in it but may be too afraid to accept it
You are not the only one. I think it's linked to responsibility. People don't want to be responsible for anything these days at work, in relationships, whatever. In the AA sponsorship example he used the sponsor is responsible to the client, to take the phone call when temptation arises. I think people are avoiding responsibility not because they are bad but because they have allowed themselves to be so distracted by all the garbage around us they have no energy left for what really counts. Sorry to go on but your comment deserves recognition.
I hope you find a friend I hope I do too. It is so sad yo have work acquaintances but can't connect with them as proper friends. I see old men and women with strong friends and even large friendship groups and I'm so envious because I'm in my 30s too and it's just crazy. Best time of my life was 14 to 20 when I had a great friendship group and a best friend I miss it so much
I agree with the notion of the importance of having quality friends. I am an introvert myself however as time progresses with age, I find myself looking for my friends and spend time with them. When I am sad or stressed, they are the one that would hear my troubles and it does make a difference. Always surround yourself with quality, sincere and high-valued people.
Stephen, thank you for letting Simon call you out on your work-vacation issue and prioritizing your relationship. He’s right. ❤ thanks for all you do. Love the show as always.
I've got probably 2.5 legit friends. People I both want to hang out with because I enjoy their company and who they are and that I could ask for help and I'd know they would drop everything for me. Have always valued developing a few strong relationships over many lesser ones.
The reason I don't have friends is because I was attracting people who wanted to take from me but not give and as a giver I got drained so had to cut off everyone and start over it's been over two years in another country and I've met lots of people but I still struggle with keeping a friend and I believe alot of people are dealing with their own demons and I am someone who overcame the demons and I have healthy coping mechanisms. I don't abuse my body and I make sure I live in the moment with new people I meet even though they don't last. I believe God is gonna align me with the right people. A beautiful Woman like me is alone and that's how bad it is out here.
My story is similar, thanks for posting. I have been 7yrs in another country and I only have two good friends here, I spend a lot of time alone. As you have experienced, I seem to attract people who drain me and then give nothing back, and/or are irritated by my ability to cope and thrive. Don't even get me started on finding a love partner, that is pretty much the same story! xx
@@kirstiedonaldson3686 Yes I am single and can't seem to find healthy man who can love me properly. I date but unfortunately they drain me and wanna control my life. Like you said they can't stand the fact that we can thrive and overcome instead of working and inspiring one another they would rather take me down and I just walked away from a man who I have been with for the last 4 months but as I visited him in his country which I regret because he treated me like an option and tried to mentally break me with abusive behaviour so I feel sad because I trusted him and I don't understand why people keep trying to take me down. I am learning to be happy on my own and not worry about who stays or leave. Just because I am learning to love myself and doin self care. They said I'm spoiled,. selfish and high maintenance. It's like we're not allowed to have healthy coping mechanisms. They would rather see me suffering. I believe this is why is better to be ok with being alone until the right people come because lots of people are mentally ill and they don't wanna get help because of their ego
Dear friend, If that is your reason for having kids, so that you have a purpose till you die, then please don't have a kid. A kid is not a prop to fill up your purposeless life. It's a whole different living being with it's own thoughts and emotions. You would probably traumatize that kid of this is your mindset . Please have kids for the right reasons or don't have Kids at all. That would be ideal.
@@akhilnasim336 I think you have entirely missed my meaning, to devote yourself to the welfare of a child is a responsibility you choose as I did 3 decades ago. If you meant well in your comment you will have a clear conscience and be pleased to know a happy healthy adult is the result of having love and support. If you are a troll shame on you.
@@akhilnasim336and you are exactly the example of where society goes wrong! The comment suggests that when you have a child, it becomes your purpose to give them the best! And it's true, I've my beautiful son and to my dying day giving him the best start and ensuring I always there for him. My life purpose has changed and this is not a bad thing! There's nothing wrong with this.
"Devoting yourself to the welfare of your child" is NOT the same as "giving them the best" or spoiling the child. You're reading what you're looking for. The better interpretation of the words that they used is that they're taking full responsibility for the growth and development of the child into a healthy, functioning adult. The "welfare of the child" that comes from devotion and responsibility If I'm comprehending what they meant, they're actually what's right in society. The polar opposite of a dead-beat dad
This thread is a great example of why people choose to not make friends. You say the most innocuous thing and someone decides to "correct" you. People are exhausting.
I have never heard a more relevant topic on any podcast ! Listening to Simon Senek makes me realize what are we missing in life ! Thanks for bringing him on the show !
It sounds like that 25 year old wanted a friendship group vs an employer. I've worked in places that had great social activities, and one where everyone was a shark, looking solely after themselves. I could do my job equally well in both environments. But when I left the more social company we had a big party. When I left the shark tank, my boss brought me for an expensive lunch, and then I left without writing a goodbye email to everyone, without there being a send off, and without even organising a going-away drink. I'm still good friends with the social company colleagues. I haven't spoken to anyone from the shark tank since I left.
I think this depends if you are an extrovert (your guest) or an introvert (myself). I love my own company and am aloof in crowded areas. I am at my happiest in nature on my own feeling totally self sufficient. I am 6ft 5 and 275 lbs and have very strong thighs thank you.
So funny because I can’t count how many time I’ve talked about how beneficial a 12 step program would be for all peoples lives. Step 12-helping the addict who still suffers gets you out of self. When you’re looking at the world through the paradigm of helping others it’s selfless versus selfish but in reality it helps you just as much as it helps the other person(s). It’s also the community & shared goal of those programs that helps in & of itself. There’s a reason it’s not only been around as long as it has but it worldwide with SO many mtngs using the same premise but, all different types where of you look a little you’re likely to find a group w/ ppl you’re drawn to. This is SUCH an important topic & he’s right, one that gets overlooked compared to diet, sleep, purpose, etc. friendship & community is vital. Human connection is something that’s fizzled out with social media & lack of 3rd spaces, among other things but definitely something we can get back to starting tomorrow if we’re all a bit more intentional. 🥰
This was one of the most powerful things I've ever seen. This is why I love watching podcasts, seeing the emotion in Simon and steven together is something else!
DOAC Raffle winners, we’ve got in touch with you via UA-cam, please check your notifications as a few of you haven’t got back to us yet If you want to take part in the raffle, all you have to do is subscribe to this channel. If you’re already subscribed, you’re in the raffle! Best of luck! x
Seems you forgot 😢
I have no Friends only Associates. The closer you allow someone to get, the more they feel compelled to take a dump on you.
I was a good friend to a lot of people they are no were to be found now
I was a kind of dude. That would take a shirt off of his back and hand it to you. Not anymore.
People are liars, thieves, betrayers deceivers. And only care about their own self-interest. At the cost of your loss their Gane
People are to not be trusted. The majority of people are the Borg Sheep And we'll follow anybody blindly off of a cliff.
To top it off women are the worst with that va double x They have completely destroyed their bloodlines and lineage.
I couldn't even have kids with women Without thinking about that.
And I Have stopped addiction myself. I did not Attend. NA or AA So that's all rubbish. A person will stop when they're ready and if they're not, they won't.
Go to jail and see just how many friends you have. 0 And then get out and see how many friends you have.0
People are Trash Hot Garbage
No principles. No civics. No morals. No ethics.
How do you see messages on UA-cam? Thanks
❤
I have strong legs due to cycling alot👍
When my wife and I were in our twenties, we had lots of friends . In the last 2 decades, things have changed drastically. Many of our friends stopped returning our calls, or cancelled events at the last minute. “Too busy”. “Not feeling good/sick”. Etc. Today people are plenty entertained with their smartphones and apps, and don’t feel the need to connect with others as much. As a social species, we are not headed in the right direction.
Same experience. I do have to say most of the social interaction was arranged by women in regard to couples socializing. What I found was that as we approached late 30’s, many couples started divorcing. Those who have 4 or more kids, as we did, stayed together and just got consumed in investing our time in our family & work.
@@JM-rs2ntWe also lost some friends after they divorced. Relationship dynamics just aren’t the same when you see these people alone, or with a new partner. Thank god, I am fortunate to have a partner who also happens to be my best friend.
I’m one of those people who don’t put in the effort with friends anymore cause at the end of my day the last thing I want to do is talk to anyone unless it’s my bf and even then I could go days without talking to him we just text. You gotta consider people have to deal with other people at work on a daily basis and perhaps they’re just not interested in engagement. Downtime to one self is just as important if so more.
@@Bunny11344ppl have ALWAYS had to deal w ppl at work! Lol. Moreso in the past! Now u can work from home…
friendship takes investment like all relationships, before social media u had to do it in person…and I do notice a lot of ppl under 45-50 may not have built the in-person history w their friends that keeps the bond alive. DOING Stuff together.
Ppl u just text etc. I would call acquaintances.
With your testimonies in mind, the problem doesnt gravitate around technology, and reasonable parents certainly arent canceling on you/me because of screens. Why are we so busy? My feeling is that we procreate without receiving group support. The act has become a personal enterprise.
Mind you, white people we stop living after we multiply - here in Ontario parks are essentially for children and for parents who supervise them - while Punjabi Indian grown ups are EVERYWHERE GATHERING IN PARKS DAILY. Not the women. The men.
That opens up an entire topic on feminism and what it takes to maintain social integrity beyond procreation. It takes servants perhaps. But the existence of such a concept, where we gather naturally without a reason, gives me wings. It is humanely possible to invest in something else.
The guy asking how to make friends probably helped a lot of the others to understand they're not the only ones struggling to make friends. A really brave question imo.
Yeah I thought the same
Seems a true individual mindset that directly asks a question of importance
Does make a difference 🤔
I struggle to be left alone
Absolutely, the courage to voice such a personal struggle is commendable and likely resonated with many others. It's a powerful reminder that we all face similar challenges, and discussing them openly can foster a sense of solidarity and understanding. This kind of vulnerability can be a catalyst for deeper, more genuine connections.
took me going back to rewatch the frienship part where steve got asked a question by a kid while he was sat among 400+ folks, that your sentence hit me. You're so right!
My favourite part of this episode is Simon flipping the script and asking what you are struggling with Stephen. Please do this every time you have him on even if it is uncomfortable. That part was pure gold and so relatable. Also please don’t neglect each other for 3 years. If you don’t water your plants daily they wither away and die. Relationships are like compound interest ❤
it made me question why he's in the relationship in the first place... also made me question my own life choices. i loved that part.
I loved this part too! Really enjoyed Stephen’s honestly and answer, being open to speak on his life really makes this episode shine.
Also Simon is great*
My favourite part, too! I loved Stephen's honesty and introspection
Love that part! Simon pretty much called out all of us .. this was such an amazing episode!
The level of openness, the rawness, the candid conversation. Glad I found this. Love from Zimbabwe
At 53 I joined a community choir of 100 women and it's one of the best things I ever did. I have friends anyway but the sense of community and unity is just so lovely. Plus I love singing and never got the chance in my schools.
That is a beautiful idea! Thank you!!!! I love to sing too!
As a singing teacher I totally love this comment!!
@@thejoyofsingingcanada Our teacher moved to our town about 11 years ago but never really made any friends. She eventually joined a small book club of 4 people and they got talking. She tried to join a choir herself earlier but they were full ... so, long story short she decided to start her own choir and ... voila ... here we are!
That's wonderful! Joining a community choir not only fulfills a passion for singing but also creates a sense of belonging and shared joy. It's a beautiful example of how engaging in community activities can enhance our social connections and enrich our lives, proving it's never too late to pursue new interests and form meaningful relationships.
I am a man and I love to sing. I have an excellent voice, I used to be able to sight-sing and I completed all Theory Courses. Long story short, women are so abusive and nasty and hyper critical and overall horrible, that I quit singing in choirs, I quit singing in public - tired of being crapped on my horrible women.. So interesting how purely evil women are.
I am a strong believer in friendship, but I also had my life ruined by 3 friends in succession. Be careful who you call a friend.
TRUE LIFE STORY
“Be slow to fall into friendship; but when thou art in, continue firm and steadfast.” - Socrates
Which is why these phones are now our best friends
Me too. I was deeply hurt for many years. It's taking time to open up again. I'm an extrovert too.
On the positive side, I'm sure you have strengthened your bullshit radar. Over the years, I have re-developed my ability to begin relationships with optimism but with my radar on, but over time, with continued positive "actions, not words," a real friendship develops. I wish you the best!
When I was young, I had dozens of friends. We skateboarded in large groups. Fast forward to getting married, having 4 kids, and quitting skating because I simply can’t do it. Now I have virtually no friends. Just acquaintances. Family has become my new “friend”. I think this is common for people who take the family route in life. Everyone they once knew, falls away into oblivion. It is what it is.
Didn't take the family route still ain't got deep friends. I think its just adulthood.
@@josiahamaze that’s part of it for sure. #Adulting
Indeed if your friendships are based on skating then they were probably aquaintances too. I assume hes talking about young people. Older people dont have that many friends but they have many aquaintences at their various events and they make connections with people they meet but dont need to keep going back to that person. Like as older people i might meet an amazing couple on holiday and we get on great but im not going to call them when my holiday is over. I might go to a bar and have a great night with some neighbours but im not calling them the next day ...when you're a kid you go dkating every weekend so you see the same people. You have a common interest. If you played racket ball now youd see your racket ball buddies every week too. Or however often you did racket ball.
It’s a choice and sacrifice. You could have kept skating and maintained friendships but you or your friends chose not to at some point.
@@christoferrage that’s an oversimplification of it. People grow up, people move away, and people become very different politically and religiously. People with no wife no kids live a completely different lifestyle than ones with. I physically could never skate again, so I picked up other sports and activities. But it was mostly distance, lifestyles and values that drove us all apart. As an adult, I’ve come to realize that I don’t need friends as much as I need my family.
I'm the friend who did exactly that, calling my friend to hear her cry on the phone day after day when she lost her dad, but none of my friends have even checked on me after being in the hospital, etc. I'm someone who makes my friends a priority if they want to hang out or go somewhere, talk. I feel like I have love to give, and I just end up used. People forget about me, or prefer other people and I don't get invited to things. I know that's life, and I'm incredibly lucky to have my best friend (my husband, but sometimes I get so very, very lonely. I dont expect me out of people, but one day I just hope for a best friend that's not my husband.
I hear you, my husband passed ten years ago and he just ignored me and I’ve never had a best friend So at least you have him! I’m invisible to men because my stress of taking care of everyone made me gain some weight and doesn’t allow me to lose it so never good enough is how I feel. Working on that but you still have to deal with people!
I think it would be great if people reciprocated acts of care and I know we shouldn’t have to ask - but maybe we should. It’s fair to say ‘I need you to be the friend to me that I was to you. And if you can’t, that’s ok, but I hope you won’t want to let me down’.
@pruegallagher1410 that's great communication. I have said something not quite as bold and was resented for it. It was later mentioned in a passive aggressive comment about keeping tabs of good deeds in friendships, that it shouldn't matter. Well, that was easy for them to say when they never gave anything and only received. I stopped being friends after that with ease.
@@momlee664 I sense that you are really low on self-confidence - I'm 69 and I am defiitely invisible to many men (though weirdly attractive to men in their 80s), Do you want men's attention because you are lonely? There are many lonely women out there - perhaps try and develop female friendships - good female friends help boost your self-worth. I watch a lot of burlesque performers and some of the most successful and sex women are 'big' girls. Very big girls. They believe they are sexy and beautiful and that's a very convincing standpoint. Go for lots of walks. Everything is better with exercise. Good luck.
I am in the same boat, I feel the same about my friends, except no husband. I have my father.
I'm so thankful for the church community that we're a part of. We have had such amazing support structure of genuine people genuinely caring for one another.
I am finding this heart wrenching to watch. My daughter is kind, funny, autistic, intelligent, creative & socially isolated. Her best friend is her brother- who is her only friend. She is 26 but socially about 14-16 years old (by 1980’s standards not 2020’s). It’s hard to find facilities, resources & to activate her motivation in seeking out spaces where she could meet potential friends
Get her a dog that likes long walks
I feel for you. My sister (now in spirit) had an intellectual disability. She didn’t have many friends. Not everyone could see her magic but I used to take her with me to a lot of social functions with my friends who loved her. There are great people out there. Sending best wishes to your daughter for the most amazing and wonderful friendships. ❤
Have you tried sitting in the park and letting her play, possibly with the other kids? If she likes dancing, pottery classes etc or Tai Chi, which is very calming and restful, try checking out what classes are available at your local community center, classes are usually for 6 wks...
Local church communities also have activities available and can be very uplifting and helpful for guidance on where else to find resources. Local parks and trails have adventure hikes, for birds, butterflies, Flora and fauna too! Short hikes or outdoor activities can really inspire her to try for more and are great social meeting places!
Best to you and family 🤗🥰
The real challenge is not to over protect her and thereby add to her isolation. Maybe volunteer work would be good for her self esteem rather than you seeking out resources which could have the opposite effect…I say this as someone who has been through it.
I have a teenager who has autism and she really struggles with friendship. I take her out with me to visit family and friends all the time so she can get used to people of all ages. Having friends of all ages does help. But flow I think is very important. If she sees you actively socializing, she hopefully will get acclimatized and will start. Hope this helps.
This line sucker punched me: “In the military we give medals to others who are willing to sacrifice for others so we may gain while in business we give rewards for sacrificing others so we may gain.” - #profound!
Simon is incredible - literally, everything he says is so connecting, life-affirming and reassuring. SERVICE IS EVERYTHING!!! He is so right - that feeling of purpose, connection and getting out of our own head/self-pity/first-world problems. And friendship is service - this is it!
Simon’s insights truly resonate. Service to others is a profound way to find purpose and forge meaningful connections. By shifting our focus from self-centered concerns to acts of kindness and empathy, we not only enrich our own lives but also build a stronger, more supportive community. Friendship, rooted in service, embodies this beautifully.
This is absolutely the best episode of DOAC I have seen and the first I watched from start to finish. I love that that it wasn't an interview session but a heart to heart conversation between 2 friends. I love that it was a learning curve for both parties. Thanks Simon, Thanks Steven.
Hard agree!!
I have never commented on any of these amazing podcasts but this one has really hit me. I love the whole concept of the twelve step approach. Volunteering and giving back to others has literally been a life saver for me. So much to unpack with this, it resonated so much with me. Truly grateful.
Thank you so much for sharing. Really happy this one resonated with you. Team DOAC 🙏
12 step approach is conditional on being completely abstinent from all substances. I can't share be sponsored working a program or sponsor anyone if I use cannabis LSD MDMA etc even though I may be sober from alcohol for decades..... It's bonkers.
I love the 12 steps. They are applicable to every situation and every person can use them. Their efficacy is unmatched
@@peter-cj5fo that's not true. The 12 steps can be used by anyone and is NOT CONDITIONAL. Please don't disseminate misinformation misinformation. Anyone can apply the 12 steps to the best of their ability to any situation no matter their starting point or where they are at now. It's a tool for everyone and the more you use it the better you are able to apply it! 😢❤❤🎉😂❤❤
@@sharonrogers6541 12 Steps I have no quibbles with. They can be transformitive. However Aa has an unwritten cornerstone of Abstinence from all mind altering substances. My quibble is with Aa. It is for people who want to stop drinking. Nothing more Nothing less. To say some one can't work the steps if they use other drugs in a controlled manner is extreme conditionality for full participation. Sitting st meetings listening to people slagging off cannabis methadone etc is unacceptable.
A friend of mine once told me a friendship is like a savings account where both parties add to. However, you add what you can. So if you only have a coin or a cent to give which equate to a phone call or a pop over for 5 minutes. Thats what you give. But the rule is you always have to add even if its a little.
And no one takes out if they are not putting in.
Changed my perspective on friendship
Yes and the key word is BOTH !
You should say no one should be allowed to take if they don’t put in.
Thank you! I needed a reminder that even my small amounts some days are better than giving none.
A way I battle depression, is to be of service. When I volunteer, I feel infinitely better. I will say, finding a good church and community has helped a ton as well.
Remote working has been such a blessing to me. Being with my children more, taking them and picking them up from school, making them a real dinner, not commuting 90 minutes a day, etc has changed my life for the better. I still feel connected to people at work but honestly, they’re my work friends and I’d much rather spend time with my family.
working remotely when you don't have a family, is quite the opposite, or falling disabled from medical neglect, as an extrovert.... I agree with the serve thing, m\y career as a nurse ..that's all I did, off and on shift....but we also need balance and while I see the good from your view, it's not every ones' view :(
@jac1161 - you described what I've been dealing with. It's hard for others to get it.
@@jac1161it has been a blessing for majority. I do agree about the minority though.
Growing up, I was always impressed by the way my late father managed to keep his highly stressful jobs from spilling into our family time about 85% of the time. Yes, I would occasionally tag along to events that were tangentially related to his work, but they were events I enjoyed anyway, so I didn't complain. But he showed us, in words and deeds, that he valued his family just as much, if not more, as he did his work.
Shiiiiiiiiiiit I just love the part where Simon goes "what's your perspective on your crossroad?" And he's really giving the stage to him and he means it. I love the sincere switch... just beautiful deep dive... brilliant
Thank you for choosing me! That voucher was a life saver. I will forever be grateful to you and the team😁
Congratulations! Happy for you! 😊
Congratulations 🎉
It’s because we’ve become selfish. Friendship has become about how I can benefit instead of appreciating life that is shared for the sake of it in it’s simplest, no hidden agenda form.
I agree. Real friendship has become a problem. I was told a man is lucky if he has two close friends at the end of life. Women will have more, maybe 5-6. Selfishness has become a hurdle to maintaining long-terms friendships.
We live in an age of narcissism, elitism, self-promotion, and competition that causes many people to use others badly.
So true! So sad! What a shallow society we have become
@@ganymeade5151 This
And why did we become selfish?
Real friendship involves more than just keeping in touch. It requires that you and your friend display love, empathy, patience, and forgiveness. Those qualities ultimately make a friendship rewarding.
Exactly and many people don’t see that
I agree. Lots of conversations where one person does all the talking about themselves. People are socially awkward and it’s all about me. We’ve lost the art of making friends.
Yes, that's true. Sadly most people don't treasure friendship and easily quote busy and no time to respond when friends are genuinely reaching out . If only one party is interested to keep the friendship and the other party doesn't, it is not going to be sustainable and discourage others to form friendships in the long run
Fyi very few people have these qualities. For most people, u are only as good as what they can gain from u. One reason why many people dont have friend.
I have one thing to be grateful for the pandemic of COVID 19 bring home that we are social animals.but my fear is we did not get it.may take a generation or two to rebuild social meaning in to people's lives again we need each other 🙏 more today than eney time in history the Los was tribe feel like that since I was a child I am 66 seeing my generation starting to pass away not one of them are saying I should have worked more that is meaningless without a person hand to hold as you you loose friends love one's and your thies 😢 but life is worth every pane and blissful moments thay all involved someone to hold touch be with no screen ever created can come close to truly intimacy between another human ❤❤❤❤
I’ve never heard of Simon Sinek, but I could listen to him for hours, days, weeks…Simon, you talk and listen from the heart and soul and that’s where I hear you. 🥲
Every time Simon is on this podcast he has wonderful things to say, I'm excited to hear that he's writing a book about friendship and can't wait for it to be done.
The only point of disagreement is attendance in the office. I have very few things in common with the people I work with, I twisted and contorted myself to contribute to a better workplace and be a good colleague, as a result, I was bullied and told I was a problem. The requirement to spend my time in person with people who are committed to criticising and excluding others is traumatic and reduced my capacity to engage in friendships with people who I could have meaningful connections with which resulted in loneliness. Work shouldn't be the centre of our connections.
If you find a workplace with congenial and compatible people you are blessed. For the most part though the purpose of the workplace is the welfare of the company not the people and an extremely toxic competitiveness is the norm. In all my years I made only one lifelong friend at work. Some were fine but after changing jobs the relationship faded. I always told people not to count on work for friends.
Agree 100 percent to invest energy in friends outside of work. It’s rare when we can have true friends in the workplace, but it can happen. We have friends for a reason, a season or a lifetime. (Iyanla)
That doesn’t sound much fun and perhaps your expectations of others in the workplace is too much. You’re there to work, to make money for you, your life. It’s great to get on with work colleagues but I always make a rule not to count them as friends. That way there’s no disappointment and if you change jobs, you’ll still have your true friends. Try going to a local activity in your area. Volunteer on litter picking days, involve yourself with the local church, dog shelter, zoos also have volunteer programs. There’s so much out there. Step out of your comfort zone and give it a go! 😊
A friend with pure hearts will either be used or being taken for granted .
Are you suggesting that anyone with a friend or friends has an impure heart? Well, you are probably right. It isn't about finding a perfect human being to be friends with. That person doesn't exist. It is about having a RELATIONSHIP where you practice being a good friend, good person, practice setting boundaries, practice being honest and vulnerable, test how helpful you can be, invest time in learning about the other person, giving them time to reveal themselves and what's important to them; and giving them gentle support and feedback and yes, a few laughs.
@@F8Friend thus powerful insight thanks so much
@@F8Friendnot looking for perfection...avoiding betrayal.
No, you just should be careful who you call a friend
I was going to say how this is so true, after a while friendships fail when it becomes one sided and the effort is only from one side. It’s taxing over time.
Honestly, working from home has been absolutely amazing. Its given me the time and energy to invest my "social energy" in my friends, and events for things I want to be a part of. I've had 10 hours returned to me weekly just by not having to travel to/from the office. I can absolutely see how its been problematic for others though. I'd rather never be obligated to 40 hrs onsite ever again.
I feel this so much. I have been able to thrive in my schooling since being able to do it all remote.
different people different perspectives
Part of friendship is the ability to make small talk and spend long hours together. I rarely see people willing to invest these resources in another person. Friendships are not about convenience. They are sometimes about sacrifice of valuable time and effort.
It’s easier to make excuses for not wanting to make an effort.
This sooo true. Love /friendship is an action not just a feeling. It is time consuming, inconvenient and deeply satisfying😊
@user-og2wt3le4j: A friendship is not about sacrifice, it's about making time because you want to, not because you have to.
100% legit. Friendships require work. Its not for this age of convenience.
Some people dislike spending time in small talk.
He makes an excellent point around 15:30. There are fewer friends to go to when things are going great.
That is painfully true. 95% of friends don't like it when you upgrade your life. They are not supportive. They are jealous of that success because you are moving up while they stay in the same place, stagnating.
@Internal.Inferno: This just means they were never good "friends" to begin with.
I think almost all acquaintances and friends are supporting, but some might wirhdraw from your contact because they conclude that you will slowly withdraw from them as a matter of fact due to the fact you will have less time for them in the future. People and circumstances change, and that is ok.
What if your friend is upgrading their life via lies and collecting money from gov, not working, narcissist
@Internal.Inferno- you hit the nail on the head. I lost someone that was like a brother to me, best man at my wedding close. The friendship was equal and we had each others back. When I began improving my life, he ghosted me almost overnight. I never was able to find out the reason why. 15 years gone without hesitation, a cause, nothing.
@@orangetruckman Yes. It's painful isn't it? The best friends cut the deepest because they know how to really hurt you. I'm sorry for that :(
I started doing the hard "I love you" with my relatives, all women, but even so, it's tough for them. The reward of hearing it from my Grandma was so great.
I said it to my dad and he just laughed and hung up the phone 😂… I won’t stop though.
How courageous you are! Don't give up; one day they will find their own courage.
The need for FRIENDSHIP is the greatest need humanity has.
FRIENDSHIP gives you every other thing you need in life.
Except marriage or a baby 🍼🐣 , cause that's beyond friends and into ROMANCE 💒.
One can know a friend & decide to make it into a romance 🎉but that's not easy in most friendships. Only certain friendships are able to turn into being in love love 💕 and or marriage as well.
Dear Stephen, if you look at/after your child with the same passion you look after your businesses, you'll never get bored, you'll allways be out of your comfort zone learning more about the human journey than you even do through these interviews, you'd be an amazing father and the rewards will be beyond comprehension. You say you want challenge, yet your businesses seem to be your comfort zone. Courage is having fears but doing it anyway. You know this. You can live it. All the world needs is more people that stay willing to learn, you seem like the person who would not kill the natural eagerness to learn in a child. So I'd say go for it!
Hello. I hope you are doing well.
I want to serve people´s minds through development.
Thank you for watching my content.
On the work at home topic, i work at home but my community changed from my coworkers to family! Which oh mi gosh, i LOVE! I do believe there can be a better balance. The commuting is not only time consuming, its expensive and dangerous. I do hope we can all work to find a better balance, but im so very grateful for this privilege (working from home is absolutely a privilege!!!)❤🎉
I love remote. I am an introvert and all the trash talk in the office was hard to handle. I work much better when i have a quite Environment.
Now we have open office space with 40 people desk to desk so that we "connect" more but the opposite happend. Everyone is afraid to talk to anybody because they feel watched and people hear their conversations. There is more frustration because you have to be careful what you do and what you say. You can't complain because your Boss is sitting next to you. So everybody pretends to be happy and put a fake smile on their faces.
i am an extrovert and prefer remote. office friendships certainly have value, but in my experience they tend to be too managed, and dare i say transactional most times. I prefer spending the “extra” time nurturing the relationships that genuinely enrich my life.
At least you are around other people and can communicate if you would like to. People who live alone, and work alone; that is no good at all.
@@janeErileyi agree with you. there is no one-size-fits-all solution.
@@janeEriley"At least you are around other people"
You missed the point. That's a big negative for them. It would be a good fit for you. I feel bad that you aren't in a situation that helps you thrive. They are in a situation that keeps them from thriving too though. It ceates stress and actively harms them. So it's not "At least you are around other people" for them
Introvert here. Extroverts in my office were more vocal and set the standard for office culture. Lots of vapid, disruptive talking. I live alone and work remote. I'm much more productive. I have friends outside work.
Before you can be a friend to anyone else, you must like yourself.
I think a whole podcast episode needs to be dedicated to what u just said…. I think it might be the root of the issue
well, it is difficult to like yourself if your mind sees that nobody likes you
@@JoeBrown-bt4qgif youre the common denominator, it’s time to look at yourself!! Their likely seeing something you don’t or are refusing to see!!
That’s a lifetime process
Yes, or you would be oblivious to what these "friends" are doing to you. Took me sometime to reflect on my friendship after building up my confidence and self worth. Things they did were so disrespectful, I didn't know how I allowed all of that to happen because I loved them more than I love myself. All that emotional abuse that has piled up on me is disgustingly frightening.
I love Steven getting real and sharing his current dilemmas. It's so genuine and brave and reminds me that everyone is so beautifully human.
Part of my counseling people is helping them consider their support system. Friendship is so important as part of our support system. Girls and boys start at a young age learning how to socialize and be friends. If only school is prioritized, then social skills get behind. Learning who and how to be a friend is so important. May everyone find a friend. I’m a friend collector. I love people so much. May everyone find a friend. ✨
Hey man, this is probably the best episode yet. I listen to these while driving, this one felt like 2 mates on a road trip, just talking shit out. I felt part of the conversation. Simon is one of my favorite motivators, he has helped me better myself both privately and in my roll as a project manager in construction. Well done DOAC. Please keep putting these out.
Idk man it just makes me feel like the DOAC seems superficial asf.
He interviews all these people who give great genuine advice but he can’t even take them. He seems difficult to deal with
All good to have an opinion and I don't knock you for having that at all. If I could ask a question back to you, do you listen to these pod cast to watch the growth in Steven, or to take advice for you own betterment?
I wish that people would stop criticizing the work from home model, especially those people who do not work an average 9-5, Monday to Friday job. It may not work for some but it works for many. I for one love working from home. I simply get more work done, can still connect to colleagues via TEAMs, sleep more and easier, travel far less...it has changed my life for the absolute BETTER.
Yeah, that bothered me, too. But what else would you expect from a "CEO"? Management is desperate to end WFH and remote models because they crave power and control. It's got nothing to do with creating a sense of community and friendship in the office, let alone productivity and collaboration. That was ridiculous.
@@Boababa-fn3mr you are so right!
I have worked in office settings for 16 years now. Until today, I have no friends from any office I have worked in. Most of my friends were met in activities intresting for me and the individuals that eventualy became my friends.
I love that he questioned Steve - it’s refreshing to hear Steve speak more so from a personal level
People need someone to hear their thoughts and feelings without judgment.
That means a lot to most people.
best quote and insight in this clip/entire of my life:
"You cannot have service without developing some sort of love
You can't make friends until you learn how to serve
because friendship is fundamentally service
Friendship is an act of service"
A couple times I’ve struck conversation with people in public places, like the salad bar in the grocery store and at storytime in the library, then the people I’ve talked with ended up trying to sell me something. It was so crushing.
I watch EVERY episode & I talk about this pod more than normal. I love the wide variety of guests that are leaders in their industry or have interesting life stories. I’ve learned so much over the years & am SO glad seeing this continue to grow. SO beyond well deserved!!!💜🥳
Me too. Its like my book of life.
I love Simon, could listen to him all day.
When I moved in to my house after a very sociable life in the yachting industry, I went to volunteer at a local dog and donkey sanctuary and those people became like family. When I had my first child and my husband was at sea, I was surrounded by them and felt completely supported and safe.
It could have been completely differently especially as I’m surrounded by fields rather than other houses 😅
I love this man. Simon Sinek speaks my heart and articulates what I have always seen as problematic in our societies… and I never understood why I was the only person who seemed to see that. I felt crazy to prioritize my relationships over my career or GETTING stuff… this man has integrity and he is COHERENT and CONSISTENT. You do INSPIRE Simon. Thank you.
Really good listen. I have a family member on a high performing team. Slated to win championships. Their coach encourages them not to be teammates but brothers. I once saw them at the end of a practice, in a circle, holding hands. All these manly men holding hands and then lining up to get their hugs and encouragement from their coaches. It's so rare in society that it's startling when you first see it... but it grows men.
The most successful professional teams often function as friends.
When you thought you had lost faith in humanity... you get Simon 🎉 The best podcast of this channel so far ❤ Two hours that flew away without being aware at all.
Gratitude from Alsace, France 🇲🇫
Our addiction to productivity is something that honestly needs to be addressed. Especially people between 45 and 30. We have a problem. Great conversation! And glad to hear you’ve bought a place in our beautiful country 🇿🇦
I love that my kids school makes him do 40 hours of community service before he graduate high school. I think it’s a great blueprint for young people. Thank you so much for these podcasts. I love that you do you’ve got me hooked plus you seem like a really down-to-earth kind person. Thank you to you and your team.
I had to do 4 weeks work experience, preferably close to the field I want to study the year before I leave secondary (High) school. It helped me focus on what I wanted to study for.
Simon is so good at connecting with the person in front of him that his accent started to slightly move towards English accent and that’s impressive, that means great connection
He IS English! Moved to the US and caught their accent.
So this made me cry. Especially when he was talking about the difference between love ya and I LOVE YOU. I immediately called my best friend since we were 4yrs old and made sure she understood that I LOVE YOU AMANDA. I'm going to make an effort to make sure to be a better friend. This conversation should really be on national tv and make it the ONLY THING ONv so people have to watch. I bet there'd be a lot more people crying and trying to be better to humanity.
I am so excited seeing that Simon Sinek is back on this show. I really understand why he is on a forth time!! His insights, honesty, passion, wisdom is extremely valuable!! It is such an interesting dialogue they have, each time!! Can not wait to get started!
Facts I agree 100 percent. Steven and Simon have great chemistry together; I love how honest and vulnerable he is: and their conversations are so insightful and fascinating. I love Simon
😂. It’s not because we can’t make friends. It’s because people don’t know how to be friends.
Which he speaks on “we lost the ability to serve each other”
Truth.
people don't know what true friendship is for one friend's keep you safe from yourself and others true friends don't go the wrong way with you RAISE YAH
Agreed, I wish you all good luck to find the right friends, friends is like what, contact list long, or a call they are always there for you…or opposite, but I don’t need friends, …I have my issues but I don’t feel lonely, that’s how he feels, not mine…
Agree with you 💯
The fear of being disliked, being criticized, not validate make people not dare to be who they are .. so they are all trying to fit in in a trend. Also the wake of all is good nothing is really bad.. leads to NO Values
Whatever else we are, we are social primates. The drive to establish and maintain social pecking order is powerful in us and that is frequently a less than pretty process. We are aggressive, competitive, and often downright mean.
"When everything is beautiful, nothing is beautiful" - stanley kubrick
anti-social media and "smart"tech did this.Period. Rather, people who use them. I don't use it, so I'm not part of the problem.Anti-social media.
I appreciate this comment. There are people in my community I cannot stand but do I respect them for their authenticity, absolutely.
Simon is indeed right about friend!But why big corporation and hospitality industry don't want us to make friends with our colleagues..
36 mins in, I totally grasp Simon on his church experience, iv had 1 very similar and how he explains it, is exactly the same, blows your mind away, the music, worship, energy,, happiness, and to mention, hillsong!! After this, I'll UA-cam hillsong and play a few songs from 10 years bk when my experience occurred, great listen thus, so connected to this talk, all kinds of directions in conversation too, only 36 mins in, alot of information. A very gd chat this, to think it's on for 2 hours, I can likly say, this be the fastest 2 hours of talk I'll have listened too, 👍👍👌👌
The story of the Mexican fisherman and the American businessman resonates deeply with so many of us. It's a powerful reminder that the pursuit of more-more money, more success, more status-often comes at the cost of the simple joys that make life truly meaningful.
After 27 years of hard work in the U.S., I've found myself reflecting on this story more and more. I've achieved financial success, but at what cost? My parents in France enjoyed a lifestyle filled with rich social interactions, delicious food, and affordable healthcare, all without the pressure to constantly "make more."
The Mexican fisherman knew that he didn't need wealth to live a fulfilling life-he already had what mattered most: time with his family, peace, and contentment. Many of us chase after the dream of more, only to realize later that what we really want is a return to simplicity, to the life we had when we had less.
As I consider moving back to France, I'm reminded that sometimes, the best life is the one that allows us to enjoy what we have, rather than striving for what we don't need.
Remote work is the best! It gives me 2 hours back in my life and helps save the planet from air pollution and other pollution.
WFH lets me play tennis with friends right after work vs sitting in traffic commuting
I completely agree! Unpaid travel time, that actually costs you! I’ve worked from home for sixteen years as I wanted to be there for my boys after school and during the holidays. I’d start before 6am and finish by midday. By the time they got up, I’d almost finished work!
I prefer hybrid
I agree. I would be insane to consider the people at work to be friends. I'm there to get money, not to talk to people, where I have no choice whether they in my life or not. And where my lifehood might be endangered, whether I don't follow all the social norms of small talk and showing moderate interest in everything they do.
Yes people want to work from home usually not because they hate the office or their collegues but because they hate the commute. The commute costs time and money and is bad for the environment.
If you have 1 friend, you’re blessed, 2 you’re lucky, 3, hardly possible!
blessed > lucky
I just need 1 rock solid friend. One that tells you what you need to hear not what you want to hear! Their hard to find
@@eurowerx4267 When you find them you will not like them cause that's not what you want to hear
@@OfficialShiPaladin your comment makes no sense
@@eurowerx4267 That's cause you don't realise how difficult it is to hear what you need to hear
I have admired Simon Sinek for close to ten years now, so glad you had him on! I will say as an American Evangelical his summary of Hillsong is hilarious (and a bit bittersweet). Being "relevant" can go a bit too far and people can smell the desperation of coffee bars and smoke and lights and pastors throwing in Gen Z lingo from a mile away. Churches should 1) Preach the Gospel (Gospel means "good news", btw) 2) Have radical love towards each other 3)show love and realness to the community they are in. If they genuinely enjoy and certain kind of music or "vibe" go for it, but make the Gospel the center... If all the "extra stuff" is the reason you go to church then when people like Kayne or church leaders from Hillsong "fall' you don't become so disenchanted that your whole faith system falls down with them.
Truth. SMH at the dilution of the beauty and severity of the Gospel not being conveyed with people pleasing churches…got to get praying about that more for a radical passionate authentic and rational zeal renewed in the Gospel loving church. Revival. Good comment btw. Peace-
🙌
So after relocating countries from South Africa to england I have had an issue of not being able to make friends here in the UK and after listening to this conversation I have decided exactly to do this find someone who has the issue of lack of friends and then start the service of being a friend- in hanks for this. It just makes so much sense
oh wow Simon Sinek hits the nail on the head every single time, amongst the first to accurately the convey of knowing your why and now regarding human connection. Friendships are the foundation to curing so many ills, issues and challenges we face. This is why we are on this earth - not for greed, profit and hate
!!
Wow. Simon Sinek truly understands human relations. His insights and answers are spot-on, providing profound perspectives that resonate deeply. Implementing even one of his recommendations would elevate my soul to a higher level ❤
The part you discussed about the topic of giving or taking it made me think about an interesting fact. I live in Japan and the customer service experience here is so good. And it is because in their culture they give 100% with out expecting anything in exchange. To the point they don’t accept tips because it is expected already that they will give their best service and that it’s part of their job.
"You're the average of the 5 people around you." I met most of my closest friends during my worst times and shaped me to be who I am now. I also met my wife and married recently, she is also a very close friend and thanks to Steven we had the courage to start a UA-cam channel together to share knowledge! :)
I’m screwed then, I only have three people I would call friends, everyone else proved over time they’re only here for what they can get or were never really friends in the first place…
@@82lostsoul Quality over quantity. It was one of Steve's guests who said that when people are asked how many people they could rely on, the avarage response was 0 which is very sad. We'll also consider to make UA-cam videos on friendships, we mentioned it's importance already in our Couple of Health Series.
Lies
@@82lostsoul quality is more important than how many you have in numerical terms :)
@@82lostsoulat least you have 3. It can always be worse
I think, generally speaking, women are already good at living lives of service. It's ingrained in us as mothers, daughters, carers and wives. We give and give and give and the challenge sometimes is how do we fill our own cups up when we sacrifice and give so much. We burn out.
Men, I think, find it more challenging.
It's more challenging because from a sexual selection perspective, men gain benefits from a high degree of selfishness.
Men with more money and more power have a bigger pool
of potential mates they can choose from, because women, all else equal, prefer wealthy and powerful men.
To get wealthy and powerful, being universally of service Is a disadvantage.
Currently my best friend and I talk for all day. What a blessing to me.
I adore Simon! I had to look up his bio because I noticed his accent would flip from American to English and had to know more. He is so insightful with a mix of compassion and directness. Always inspirational!
I thought Bostonian accent
@@lulubelle53 that could be too!
This is the comment I was looking for 🙏🏽
I did the exact same thing! Totally agree.
Same! I'm glad someone else noticed it too!
I have been disappointed by long standing friends last year while I had cancer. I had always been there for them and they were not there for me. One of the things I have learned is that several of the friends I have parted from, have disappointed me because I have outgrown them and my old patterns and they did not grow with me. A good friend is someone who is there for you rain or shine and who you can have a hard talk with and will do whatever it takes for the relationship to make it, meaning also doing the work and growing. A good friend will never use your vulnerability to hurt you. Not everyone has the necessary emotional maturity it takes to be good friends through thick and thin. Advise that applies to romantic relationships apply to friendships. Simple.
Sorry for what you went through. I couldn't agree more. If someone can be a great friend, they'd make a great partner too. And only time tells you how trustworthy someone is or isn't. Only a few folks are as compassionate or considerate as they ought to be.
One thing that may happen (and it has happened to me) is as one very good friend of mine started being "more sucessful" i just started not liking anymore her new persona. It is not that you outgrow people.... sometimes people were happy with who you were and now they do not enjoy this new version of you. My childhood friend became more money driven, more superficial, values money related things and people...wants a lifestyle that I dont like, with people I dont like.... if you question her, maybe she will say that she outgrew me, and the truth is that I just dont like her anymore.
My mom also had that experience during her cancer. One of our oldest and best family friends just never called and completely disappeared. When finally she talked to him she said “you know I have cancer, right?” And he said “yes” and that was that. Only one of her friends helped or brought her anything and she has many good friends unlike me. I grew up around my parents’ friends and thinking I will also have great friends when I grow up. The internet has ruined my generation and Gen Z, no one wants to be or have friends now. A disagreement or argument leads to the end of the friendship. It’s all selfishness.
Similar thing happened to me when my father passed away. Lack of empathy is shocking some times, but in the long run, it's for the best. All the best to you and your health.
At this point in life after being betrayed by the friends I did have I'll be my own friend. I was always there for everyone, now I'm alone and no one wants to be bothered by the hard time I'm going through.
Yeah I feel this. For me, I think I've given more than I should have. I'm definitely a people pleaser and should I set clear boundaries in many situations.
I totally relate to every word. It's so disappointing and sad.
@@AnnaAtl I've always been a people pleaser, I don't have a lot left to give. Now taking care of my elderly parents. I'm in a loveless marriage. I'm exhausted. Learning how to live without connection to people.
@@PaulaW-wq1kh It is sad and feeling alone is hard, especially when you've always been there for everyone. Love your self ❤
I'm living through this right now.
Hi Steve, I started listening to your podcast with Paul Brunson- The Professional matchmaker. I have never commented on any of the other podcasts but I really appreciate it when you bring people like Simon Sinek and Simon Cowell who are true/real. Thank you and please more of people like Paul and the 2 incredible Simon(s). Regards to your team and please don't ever think of selling off the business. No one will execute it like you. Greetings from Lagos Nigeria.
Amazing how I was drawn to this episode (despite having amazing friendships that get reciprocal time and care) and it included the exact problem I have had the last two days… having to get my boyfriend to “book me in his calendar” and yes, I did feel negative about that, but you’ve helped me to feel more positive - really needed that… thank you!
I've been a loner all my life,never had relationships,friends,and I'm as happy as can be. 0 drama,arguments,trust issues, or anything that disturbs my peace
mmm
Umm. Friends are supposed to bring meaning, joy, and peace. If they don't/didn't, they're not friends in the first place.
I’m not saying you’re selfish but back up and see how selfish your words sounds. What are you giving?
@@Spizort nothing
Good for you. Most of humans, in your conditions, would be deeply unhappy
Friendship is a lost art that will be the key to solving and preventing many problems.
I love how @simonsinek pushed back on @TheDiaryOfACEO Stephen about his personal life conundrums vs his personal life conundrums.
I love how humble Simon is and that he openly admits that he does not have it all figured out.
Always be a student... fabulous advice!
Such a wonderful and enlightening conversation to hear.
Very grateful for both of these men being so willing to share their knowledge and time with all of us.
My dear dad was a lifelong learner & great at community & friendship. He was healthy until 102 1/2 yrs if age. He was not mobile the last 5 yrs, but his friends came to visit & his care-givers thought he should give lessons in being a true gentleman. He had been in the military & he was born in 1920. Community mattered. I heard his final phone call with his best friend. They talked abt what wonderful lives they had had. They both said, "I love you!"
How do I make friends…
1) spend time alone learning to love yourself
2) do YOUR shadow work
3) open yourself up to the universe and ask to meet YOUR people.
4) FALL IN LOVE … if you’re not in love with your friends then they are acquaintances not friends.
5) now you have found them…. Now….work on it! Listen to them. Open your heart and your life to them. Trust the process. Let go
This is my single favourite podcast of the channel.
Amazing real conversation.
For Steven:
“How strange that the nature of life is change, yet the nature of human beings is to resist change. And how ironic that the difficult times we fear might ruin us are the very ones that can break us open and help us blossom into who we were meant to be.”
Elizabeth Lesser, Broken Open
The years go quickly. You have enough fish, Steven.
not necessarily for autistic people who need on the whole, routine and stability. change for them is very difficult/traumatic, and we should not speak on their behalf, we should try asking them how they feel, what is good for them, this is entirely missed on this.
My thighs are super strong because I am so lonely lol. Im a late diagnosed autistic woman and i have few friends or family. Instead i hike for miles and miles alone with my dog in the forest.
Correction: You hike for miles and miles with your best friend in the forest. Lost my pup a year and a half ago - miss him every single day.
I have 2 dogs and I'm not lonely, they ARE my best friends and family.
I hear you sister. I’m not autistic. I’m a mom with a son in college but I’m divorced 13 years. All I do is work and walk my dog
I would bet there are numerous people who would love to hike with you or be introduced to hiking.
Same here. Maybe sometimes visit the dog park. It's a start with others you already have something in common with. Good Luck, friend!!
My 3 favourite quotes.. It took a while to learn its meaning, but eventually, I got it...
Maya Angelou - If you want a good friend you have to be a good friend..
Bob Marley - Truth is everyone in your life will hurt you. But you choose who you suffer for...
Local Nun - Whenever you start to feel sorry for yourself. Get up and go help someone.
I am addicted to this channel. Thank you is amazing for young people just to hear different perspectives. Is very troubling that we are having to listen conversations about friends. Just 20 years ago god I am old 😂 we had friends and we when out and we had this difficult conversations with friends all the time we said when we did not like something but now is all gone away my brother a young lad tells me he doesn't have friends is just sad my cousin just locks himself in the room. Today's days are very scary and sad for young people especially.
Learn to dance! When I go to dances, and I'm a senior, people of all ages dancing, are together in a big ball room smiling, moving hip swaying, jumping, laughing, I love it!!! Also, my best friends are people I can just hang out with anywhere without an agenda. Where I can sleep over watch a movie or just do nothing and feel comfortable. And laugh out loud and when sad cry!!!
This was such a good interview. I wasn't aware of this man and his work, but I will be checking him out. I loved his straightforward, no bullshit approach.
I'm good at making and keeping loyal friends!! How? Be the friend u need!
If only it was that simple
@deleted01 I know your mind is blown! 🤯
BUT, IT REALLY IS THAT SIMPLE! 🤯
You can do something very rewarding and nurturing by volunteering at an animal shelter... Just sitting with, and if possible petting and holding a very scared, depressed dog or cat does wonders for them and YOU! If you can play in the yard or walk them a bit, even better! You'll be saving lives by helping them be more social and adoptable, because they're no longer feeling hopeless or depressed... While at the same time helping yourself feel useful and LOVED! 😍 🥰 💕
PS: Watch Rocky Kanaka videos where he's
"Sitting with Dogs"
to see how it's done...
Find Hope, Love & Salvation. By giving of yourself, you will get back what you need, a thousand times over! 🎉
🥰🤗😘🎉🎁🎇
Get your squats in.
But the problem is, if you are a good friend, someone who likes to help and to give, you attract people who only like to take
@@Catradora1987 Yes. There are the takers, the people who will bleed you dry. But there are others not in that boat. You need friends who are givers.
He’s my fav guest; I think this is his 4th appearance; love this man:)
So appreciate the realness of Simon and the vulnerability of the host in this discourse and how the conversation opened up. Subscribed.
All of you saying that if you have a spouse and/or kids, you can't have friends are just not prioritizing friendships at all. My justification of this is that even though I am currently a single man with no kids, I have sat down and shared a meal with several couples I know, who have kids, in the last few weeks. I am so thankful to have these friendships. I realize I am a living anomaly in today's society because of this, but it CAN be done.
This is totally true. I've been living with almost no friends (just acquaintances) for a long time. About 2 years ago I started raiding in vanilla WoW, and there I found a guy who often invites me to Discord almost every time I log in. And while sometimes I become irritated from it (especially when I have nothing to discuss), overall his actions are very wholesome.
And I've noticed that I hadn't had even an understanding that such communication can make me feel better. I had been living with emptiness inside and thought that it's okay and it's impossible to totally get rid of it.
Simon- thank you! I’ve been dismissed, denigrated & patted on the head as if I were a simpleton for saying these things… & yet others ‘feel’ the alignment in it but may be too afraid to accept it
You are not the only one. I think it's linked to responsibility. People don't want to be responsible for anything these days at work, in relationships, whatever. In the AA sponsorship example he used the sponsor is responsible to the client, to take the phone call when temptation arises. I think people are avoiding responsibility not because they are bad but because they have allowed themselves to be so distracted by all the garbage around us they have no energy left for what really counts. Sorry to go on but your comment deserves recognition.
Same here. I let everyone go because the toxicity was creeping into my body.
People tend to avoid inconvenient truths
Just turned 30 yesterday.. dont have a single friend. It hurts my soul to the core
I hope you find a friend I hope I do too. It is so sad yo have work acquaintances but can't connect with them as proper friends. I see old men and women with strong friends and even large friendship groups and I'm so envious because I'm in my 30s too and it's just crazy. Best time of my life was 14 to 20 when I had a great friendship group and a best friend I miss it so much
So sorry young person …sending you a virtual hug.
😢😢 happy belated birthday, I hope you make a new friend soon.
Sorry to hear that. Happy birthday 🎉
Happy Belated. I hope you can make a strong connection soon
I agree with the notion of the importance of having quality friends. I am an introvert myself however as time progresses with age, I find myself looking for my friends and spend time with them. When I am sad or stressed, they are the one that would hear my troubles and it does make a difference. Always surround yourself with quality, sincere and high-valued people.
Stephen, thank you for letting Simon call you out on your work-vacation issue and prioritizing your relationship. He’s right. ❤ thanks for all you do. Love the show as always.
It’s not the amount of friends, it’s that they’re all superficial.
I've got probably 2.5 legit friends. People I both want to hang out with because I enjoy their company and who they are and that I could ask for help and I'd know they would drop everything for me. Have always valued developing a few strong relationships over many lesser ones.
@@out_spockenwhat happend to the other 0.5 of your friend
or Alcoholics
🎯
Quality over quantity
The reason I don't have friends is because I was attracting people who wanted to take from me but not give and as a giver I got drained so had to cut off everyone and start over it's been over two years in another country and I've met lots of people but I still struggle with keeping a friend and I believe alot of people are dealing with their own demons and I am someone who overcame the demons and I have healthy coping mechanisms. I don't abuse my body and I make sure I live in the moment with new people I meet even though they don't last. I believe God is gonna align me with the right people. A beautiful Woman like me is alone and that's how bad it is out here.
My story is similar, thanks for posting. I have been 7yrs in another country and I only have two good friends here, I spend a lot of time alone. As you have experienced, I seem to attract people who drain me and then give nothing back, and/or are irritated by my ability to cope and thrive. Don't even get me started on finding a love partner, that is pretty much the same story! xx
@@kirstiedonaldson3686 Yes I am single and can't seem to find healthy man who can love me properly. I date but unfortunately they drain me and wanna control my life. Like you said they can't stand the fact that we can thrive and overcome instead of working and inspiring one another they would rather take me down and I just walked away from a man who I have been with for the last 4 months but as I visited him in his country which I regret because he treated me like an option and tried to mentally break me with abusive behaviour so I feel sad because I trusted him and I don't understand why people keep trying to take me down. I am learning to be happy on my own and not worry about who stays or leave. Just because I am learning to love myself and doin self care. They said I'm spoiled,. selfish and high maintenance. It's like we're not allowed to have healthy coping mechanisms. They would rather see me suffering. I believe this is why is better to be ok with being alone until the right people come because lots of people are mentally ill and they don't wanna get help because of their ego
Once you have a child you have a purpose and responsibility to your dying day and I think that's wonderful. No greater challenge than raising a child.
Dear friend,
If that is your reason for having kids, so that you have a purpose till you die, then please don't have a kid. A kid is not a prop to fill up your purposeless life. It's a whole different living being with it's own thoughts and emotions. You would probably traumatize that kid of this is your mindset . Please have kids for the right reasons or don't have Kids at all. That would be ideal.
@@akhilnasim336 I think you have entirely missed my meaning, to devote yourself to the welfare of a child is a responsibility you choose as I did 3 decades ago. If you meant well in your comment you will have a clear conscience and be pleased to know a happy healthy adult is the result of having love and support. If you are a troll shame on you.
@@akhilnasim336and you are exactly the example of where society goes wrong! The comment suggests that when you have a child, it becomes your purpose to give them the best! And it's true, I've my beautiful son and to my dying day giving him the best start and ensuring I always there for him. My life purpose has changed and this is not a bad thing! There's nothing wrong with this.
"Devoting yourself to the welfare of your child" is NOT the same as "giving them the best" or spoiling the child. You're reading what you're looking for. The better interpretation of the words that they used is that they're taking full responsibility for the growth and development of the child into a healthy, functioning adult. The "welfare of the child" that comes from devotion and responsibility
If I'm comprehending what they meant, they're actually what's right in society. The polar opposite of a dead-beat dad
This thread is a great example of why people choose to not make friends. You say the most innocuous thing and someone decides to "correct" you. People are exhausting.
The filtering of "good friends" on those who you are willing to share good news with was an eye-opening one.
I have never heard a more relevant topic on any podcast !
Listening to Simon Senek makes me realize what are we missing in life !
Thanks for bringing him on the show !
It sounds like that 25 year old wanted a friendship group vs an employer. I've worked in places that had great social activities, and one where everyone was a shark, looking solely after themselves. I could do my job equally well in both environments. But when I left the more social company we had a big party. When I left the shark tank, my boss brought me for an expensive lunch, and then I left without writing a goodbye email to everyone, without there being a send off, and without even organising a going-away drink. I'm still good friends with the social company colleagues. I haven't spoken to anyone from the shark tank since I left.
I think this depends if you are an extrovert (your guest) or an introvert (myself). I love my own company and am aloof in crowded areas. I am at my happiest in nature on my own feeling totally self sufficient. I am 6ft 5 and 275 lbs and have very strong thighs thank you.
1:49:55 guest is an introvert.
Introvert and neurodivergent who despises superficiality so the forest is my favorite place.
So funny because I can’t count how many time I’ve talked about how beneficial a 12 step program would be for all peoples lives. Step 12-helping the addict who still suffers gets you out of self. When you’re looking at the world through the paradigm of helping others it’s selfless versus selfish but in reality it helps you just as much as it helps the other person(s). It’s also the community & shared goal of those programs that helps in & of itself. There’s a reason it’s not only been around as long as it has but it worldwide with SO many mtngs using the same premise but, all different types where of you look a little you’re likely to find a group w/ ppl you’re drawn to. This is SUCH an important topic & he’s right, one that gets overlooked compared to diet, sleep, purpose, etc. friendship & community is vital. Human connection is something that’s fizzled out with social media & lack of 3rd spaces, among other things but definitely something we can get back to starting tomorrow if we’re all a bit more intentional. 🥰
This was one of the most powerful things I've ever seen. This is why I love watching podcasts, seeing the emotion in Simon and steven together is something else!