Married 3 Weeks and She Shares a Big Secret . . .
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- Опубліковано 21 чер 2024
- Married 3 Weeks and She Shares a Big Secret . . .
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Eating disorders do not arise from a lack of self discipline but almost an excess. It’s an intense need for control.
That’s a powerful statement.
It’s usually a result of attachment trauma. Anxiety and depression go hand in hand with eating disorders.
@@godislove4540it’s a need to control or feel in control of something because you don’t feel or have any control of anything else in your life… there’s layers to this. It’s not one possibility or illness over another.
Been there, age 9 to 25. I'm 67 now, and over it, but it was a significant part of my young life. Admitting it to a therapist or friend is step one, seriously. After I told a therapist it kind of opened me to recovery. No one had ever known my secret, but once I revealed it, the healing began.
One only needs to look at the life of the most public person that I can remember who lost her life with an eating disorder-Karen Carpenter. It was not about control. It is much more about severe responses to anxiety and depression. I’m praying for this couple that they can get the help that they both will need to get through this.
Cody is a gem. It broke my heart how he was so stoked at the beginning to be married to this woman and how he loved the feeling being a/her husband. I wish them both the very best.
Not a real disorder
@@dabd8175sometimes opinions should be kept to oneself. It’s a real disorder, and you are an absolute tool.
@@dabd8175 shut up, troll. In fact, reporting your comments. ✌🏻
Yeah, it really sucks when you find out the person you love didn't love you enough to tell you the truth and instead misled you. That always sucks.
@@rickm6076I don't think it has to do with their significant other. In this case, I would assume that there is a huge amount of shame and guilt and fear on her part. I don't think her not telling him does not equal her not loving him (enough). Of course it would have been the golden way to tell him directly, but so often, this is much easier said than done.
2 years of dating, withholding any disease, neurological disorder, gender identity, etc after taking marriage vows is entrapment. Marriage is already hard enough without surprises after the fact. He sounds like a nice guy, and should have been given the opportunity to see if this is something he could deal with before getting married.
Exactly what I said. I would be pissed if this happened to me. She was not honest and his something extremely serious. Being shady. She specifically waited until she trapped him into marriage
I’m sure in her mind though she was not “trapping him“ she definitely was not honest with him, which is a problem. But from the sounds of it, it is not like she knew that this would crush him if he found out and still hid it anyways… she should have been honest with him, but I think if she is willing to get professional help that this is not a divorce worthy secret…
This should have been discussed before marriage as this possibly affects fertility & will be a long battle. She also continued to lie until he caught her. All that said, I have a feeling he would have married her anyway.
As someone who suffered an eating disorder …it’s amazing the extent you will go to purely to hide your illness. I don’t doubt her love for Cody one bit, I don’t doubt for one second he is her world. However now he is her husband, unfortunately it meant she was presented with more challenges in keeping it hidden and he found out. I know she never ever did it as subterfuge, this is a traumatised young lady who found controlled eating as a coping mechanism. The longer you live it , the worst it becomes. John totally knows this, no one can change her behaviour except her willingness to do so and that is a hard ass battle. I send my heartfelt blessings! You’ve got this 💖
The sooner she gets professional help, the better off she’ll be. Don’t take her word for it.
To her , Asking for help feels like 1 more loss of control...ITS THE 1ST STEP TO FREEDOM & SELF CONTROL
My wife was bulimic for years before I met her. The real danger is that they are not psychologically ok. 24 years into our marriage she filed for divorce. She has struggled with control issues which rose to the point that I wasn’t even allowed to have “my food” in the kitchen. I would advise not marrying someone with such intense psychological issues.
For this man, he didn't know until after marriage. People who entrap others are evil.
The book “Intuitive Eating” saved my sanity. It took me about 3 years to actually do what it said, but I was as bulimic as your wife and now I eat whatever I want comfortably, along with doing exercises that I enjoy. I hope she can recover.
Oooof. Love is not enough to save a marriage. His wife needs to be proactive in getting better. This can kill her.
Especially if she gets pregnant.
The caller’s audio cut out around 12:40 on the video. Is this just on my end, or has anyone else experienced this?
It did but if you watch the full episode from Friday. You can still hear everything! My new wife hid her eating disorder (what do I do?) June 21st, 2024!
Yh I noticed too
@flashthecorgi2053 Hey, it's you again! Lol. do you work on John's team or something? Lol. if not, you're like number one fan or something. I'm not trying to be mean or make fun so please don't take offense. it's just so funny to me that i keep running into your comments. I rarely find the same user twice on any channel that I follow. But this is like the fourth or fifth time I've come across your comments since our little spat about yelling at your kids. Lol I guess you probably don't work on his team cause I'm sure you'd get the audio issue fixed if you did. I just have to chuckle a little at your in depth knowledge of the episodes. Hope you're well. Again, I intend no disrespect. Just brings a little smile to my face.
@@coxrocks25 Hi, I do not work for Delony or Ramsey. Have zero affiliation to their team whatsoever. I am OG 17 with Dr. John though. Have been here since day one and LOVE his content. He’s changed my life for the better times a million. It’s quite surprising that you’ve only seen me like 4-5 times because I’m on his channel every single day commenting and interacting.
@@flashthecorgi2053 lol. You're definitely dedicated. I'll give you that. I don't spend a ton of time usually in the comments unless there's something i feel really strongly about. I don't feel the need to comment on every video cause usually I'm just listening in the background. I also don't listen to every episode though cause I don't know how I'd possibly find time for that... I am also an OG subscriber though. In fact I was I believe his first call that he put on UA-cam by himself. They put out feelers on the ramsey show when they first introduced him to do some practice calls. They didn't really intend to put up all of them but a couple weeks later I was listening and to my surprise heard my call. That must have been over 4 years ago now... crazy... time flies
Food disorders are an insane problem to deal with. Unlike alcohol, you can’t just quit food. I watched my mom go through this and it was hard to watch.
I'm so sorry 🙏🏿 ❤
Yep. Hard disease to battle…
Anyone who knows has been there first hand. Anyone who thinks it’s easy has never been in the trenches…
Cody, you’re absolutely amazing! Such a wonderful, loving, and caring husband! She won the lottery marrying you. I wish you and your wife nothing but the best and I hope she goes and seeks healing for the sake of your marriage and herself because as Dr. Delony always says “you’re worth being well” ! ❤
She belons to the streets. Not saying disorder exist and you know him for all your life? She would never tell him if she had a secret kid etc. Belong TO THE STREETS.
@@supernotnaturalwhy are you so despicable?! Have some shame! You wouldn't say that to someone's face
If she is bulimic, this is an issue that is known, documented, to be something made worse by bulimics being around each other. A “social contagion”. Just bc it’s a social contagion doesn’t mean the symptoms aren’t real of course, but it DOES mean that, much like alcoholism, you can’t be hanging out with other bulimics and expect to do anything other than get worse. All of them will. I’m sure the stress of getting married, looking great in her dress, etc, didnt help that if she hasn’t gotten treatment for it.
I feel bad for this guy. His wife is very ill. More than he realizes. This will overtake their lives completely and even possibly if she gets help it may persist.
Eating Disorders are very very difficult to overcome. The odds are unfortunately against her.
Not many can actually overcome or alleviate this mental disorder.
She needs a program and a good one.
Why would you feel bad for a doof
I could tell my brothers ex wife had an eating disorder being around them for two days.
This guy is so unfit for marriage it’s not even funny. No way could he ever provide and be the man’s he needs…. What she wants is a beta provider and doesn’t look for anything else in him then $$$.
I mean also who the F lies to your engaged husband to be ……. A selfish person
@@ssing7113this is so incredibly tune deaf. shes sick and struggling. he loves her and is trying his very best to help and love her to health. if only everyone was so lucky to be loved by such a "doof".
Karen Carpenter died from this eating disorder. His wife needs help.
At age 32!
Carpenter was anorexic not bulimic but of course eating disorders are not good.
God Bless this young lady and her husband! I just feel so sad for her. I have a stomach disorder where I vomit for no apparent reason and have 15-30 seconds notice, and it happens many times per week. It is called cyclical vomiting syndrome. It has wreaked havoc on my teeth and now need 5 implants which is costing me many tens of thousands of dollars to have done. I live on Zofran and absolutely hate vomiting. You know it’s a mental health issue when someone would intentionally vomit and so I pray for this young lady. No judgement- I just want her to get healthy and have a long and happy life! Hugs!!
Probably allergies, get tested for EVERYTHING.
Thanks. I’ve been tested many times, colonoscopy, endoscopy, allergy testing, etc. but have had cancer. This isn’t about me. It’s about this young lady. I don’t want attention taken away from her.
@@katepollard-vithanage889 have you done an elimination diet? Something is causing it. Keep researching.
Hugs to you, that sounds rough!
@@katepollard-vithanage889
The difference between you and her is that your issues are out of your control, whereas hers, it's within her control. Big difference.
My first cousin died when she was in her late 50s. At the funeral home, her husband was talking and said that she always had a sensitive stomach and was always throwing up. And that before he found her dead, he had heard her in the back of the house throwing up. He didn’t know what this meant, but I knew in that moment that she was bulimic. When I look back, she’s the type of person that would be . it damages your heart and all sorts of bodily functions.
Towards the end of the call the callers audio is lost. From the point dr. John asks how long they’ve known each other , the voice of the caller is not heard anymore.
Cody is an awesome spouse, asking a professional how can I help/ support my new wife.❤ Someone I knew was severely bulimic. She refused all professional help. The bulimia damaged her esophagus, causing her to bleed to death at a relatively young age.
My husband said that about porn. It was a lifelong struggle for him for the 28 yeats of marriage. Addiction doesn't go away. I trusted him and what he said but he couldn't deny when presented with proof. It was distructive to our marriage
Asking questions while dating is essential for several reasons and one of them is Identifying Deal-Breakers: Discussing important topics early on can reveal potential deal breakers before the relationship becomes too serious.
People can lie about anything: they'll say what they think you want to hear.
Very true. I am no sacrificial lamb or white knight and won’t waste my life or energy trying to “help” someone get over their issues.
@@TheRealDeal130Don’t ask a chick if she’s crazy/victim/broken in a direct way. You have to milk it out over time. If she leaves meds out, take a peek. If she trauma dumps, listen and let her talk. See anything alarming, RUN!
@@no_regerts5176 I mean this respectfully, but you are not mature enough to be in a long-term relationship. If you think you're going to go through a marriage without needing to expend some of your time and energy into helping your spouse through a difficult time, then you are part of the statistic of men who drop their wives when they become terminally ill. Do better and stop talking about other human beings the way that you do.
seems like she intentionally hid it.
I am an eating disorder survivor. Recovery is possible but it often costs thousands of dollars of intensive treatment
I'm glad you made it! Be soo proud of yourself, please. ❤🎉
Not a real disorder but ok
@@dabd8175get out
@@dabd8175you must be a doctor 😂 💊🏥
@@dabd8175 Don't spread misinformation.
On the last few videos, the middle to end of the video, we can’t hear the caller.
As someone who struggled with binge-purge DO from 11yrs to 21yrs old, this is also physically dangerous! I started creating tears in my stomach lining, esophageal scarring (i still get food stuck in my throat if i dont chew enough or drink water with meals), and gave myself heart murmurs from the physical stress and pressure of throwing up all the time. Praying for your wife both emotionally and physically.
Caller audio gets lost by the end of the video
This is a production choice on the show - it’s how they wind the episode down.
They usually don't care about the male collars on the show anyway
@@justwondrindid you watch the entire episode ? They never do it while John is still asking the guy questions and basically talking to himself. The audio definitely messed up
Yes I noticed, I thought it was just me
@dabd8175 we get tired of your never ending snark on every podcast. Please find another pasttime.
Eating disorders are sooooooo secretive. She needs help. She will keep everything a secret as much as she can and it’s not her, it’s the ED that does it. She wants to keep it to herself to not let it go
💯 🎉❤🎉 💯
He’s such a nice caring husband.
I know someone who was secretly bulimic from the summer before her senior year in high school, to the end of her freshman year in college. She recognized it wasn't healthy, didn't want it to control her life, and stopped on her own. She never told anyone, until years later. Thankfully, she never returned to being bulimic. Fear of her life changing from being in high school, to venturing on her own to college out of state, was stressful. She said this was the one thing she felt she could control in her life. She said the idea of throwing up came from a friend in high school who told her that this was how she controlled her weight.
is this a sound problem on my side or did the sound of the caller cut off towards the end?
It is about him though. She knowingly entered into marriage without informing him of her reality. Be responsible & don't bring children into this. I am the child of a bulimic & it's terrifying for the children. It warps our view of womanhood, of self. And it's rarely the only issue.
It's always the innocent children that pay for adult dysfunction.
😮
I think ppl should be a little more careful of saying “don’t bring children into this”. My parents got into hard core drugs for years when I was little, and it was devastating, but I’m still glad I was born. At LEAST qualify your statement with “she should get help before thinking about children”. Just bc someone is dealing with an issue now doesn’t mean they should never have kids. I think the bigger issue is that if she DOES have a baby she may be more inclined to re-engage with the bulimia to lose the weight after. That’s something that should be dealt with, of course, but the nuclear option of “don’t have kids with this person” is a bit heavy handed.
@@liz9284people having kids who they destroy mentally because of their own issues is a bit heavy-handed
@@liz9284They said to be responsible and don't bring children into this. That could mean no children at all or no children until she's healthier. Don't assume what someone says then tell them they need a qualifier because you chose to assume.
My " brother" and his wife took me in for a year. They just got married. And all they did was tell me the truth. I walked out of that house free,free ftom guilt,shame,hate,self-loathing and with a new Godly idintity. Everything just fell of my shoulders one morning. I felt free. It safe my life. More than 20 years later I still love them to the moon and back!
Best thing is to hook her up with proper support and take that out from between the two of you except to follow her advice.
My high school/college gf had an eating disorder. It was super tough and actually rubbed off to some degree due to the huge empathy involved trying to understand and you care so much and want to help. Man it is a hard thing. Good luck brother.
I can pick it up in people I meet in minutes it seems like now.
Why did she wait until after they were married to tell him? The guy is loving and understanding. There is no excuse for her not to tell him earlier on. She lied by omission to him about something that will fundamentally affect their relationship so that he wouldn't leave her. Thus maipulating him so she could get the ring. That's the aspect of this that needs to be addressed, too.
Part of this disorder is the hiding. And she brought it out ti let him know earlier but mentioned it as something from her past. He believed her and didn't understand how serious this disorder is or what follow up questions to ask because he couldn't have known.
Now,he is learning. So that bodes well for them.
She shouldn't have lied. Or pretended it was in her past if she's still doing it. That was manipulative.
But the shame monster and specifically thos disorder grows in power around the hiding and the shame. She couldn't tell him if she still felt ashamed of it. Probably because she knows how much he loves her and doesn't feel worthy of that care.
Because her ED is telling her that if people find out, they will force her to eat (and eating will lead to weight gain). That's why most often when people realise someone close to them has the illness, it's really bad and completely out of control.
@@SarahConnor562 Just because someone is sick doesn't mean they can't be a good partner.
@@SarahConnor562 Yeah, if you don't consider a mental ILLNESS an illness then I'm not going to even try. As someone who has recovered from a really bad case of OCD and has a brother who will deal with a serious mental illness for the rest of their life (scitzophrenia), I fully understand how a mental illness can literally destroy someone's life. I'm glad her husband loves her enough and understands that she isn't hiding stuff because she wants to.
@@mandi3891
I feel sorry for this guy but if he's willing to put up with her ED (mental illness -as you call it) then it's on him. He wants to be her White Knight, then that's his decision. But I can guarantee you, his life and hers, are going to be full of drama and struggle.
He's 21, so he hasn't been through it yet, wait until he's been dealing with her ED for 10 years, then he's going to feel resentment because he can't fix her ED. And it doesn't sound like she's ready to fix herself.
John even said, toward the end, that he thinks she's not ready to heal.
This guy is going to suffer in their marriage but that's on him.
I fully recovered from bulimia, it is possible. But, if she is purging multiple times a day for several years then she may need in patient treatment initially, not just therapy alone. At this point it is physically dangerous for her. Eating disorders can be quite baffling, but the root of it is complex trauma and extreme self-hatred.
My girlfriend did this. She was already slim and lost 25pd to be her husband’s dream girl. It worked they got married had 3 kids. She felt safe went to therapy to become her non thin self and he cheated with a girlie at the gym.
She got him to admit that he wasn’t attracted to the healthy Version of her and that he and his big belly could no longer attract what he really wanted.
They’re still together.
If they're still together after she confirmed he cheated, then it's on her. At this point, she chose to stay with him, knowing he cheated. It's a choice, her staying means she is willing to tolerate him cheating.
@@terriesmith2616 that’s such a simplistic statement spewed around the internet.
They’re both not who they once were. And the question she posed to him was can they love each other past the physical.
They’re taking it day by day. It’s her marriage she’ll know when it’s time to give up.
@@Morenita570
Your comment didn't disapprove of what I wrote earlier.
If she chooses to stay with a man who cheated on her, from that point on, whatever happens in the relationship, it's on her. She knew, she was informed, so if she chooses to stay, she can't play the victim later if he cheats again.
It's not a matter of good or bad if she stay. That's her choice. She can do what she wants, it's her marriage. My point was simply about self accountability. Now she is accountable for her choices if she chooses to stay and if he cheats on her again. She can't play the victim. She can't say she didn't know, didn't expect or was surprised. She can't play the long suffering wife if he cheats again.
Self accountability was literally the entire point of my comment. She will get what she is willing to tolerate.
@@terriesmith2616 it wasn’t my point to disprove or approve your comment just to say you sound like a child unable to hold complex thoughts.
My friend can do and/or be anything she wants in HER marriage. Another person’s cheating doesn’t become HER choice. The marriage will either fall apart naturally or BOTH people will decide it’s worth fighting for and keep it together.
Either way she’s done the work and she’ll be fine.
@@Morenita570
Who says his cheating is her choice??? Learn how to read properly next time. I've never said his cheating was her choice.
I said her choosing to stay (after he cheated) was her choice. If she chooses to stay, that's on her.
You accused me of being unable to hold a complex thought yet you can't even read properly. Lmao 🤣😂😆
Before you have kids or acquire any assets, think REAL HARD if you want to give your life to this. There are lots of women out there, you don’t have to be the sacrifice to appease someone else’s demon.
All people have issues - just different ones. It's a small problem to have, though unpleasant. People who have no evident problems have big ones hidden.
@@Netokratenot small. Kids often copy a parent, and it's about control, and is accompanied by other issues. eventually the entire household becomes about her eating disorder. Frequent hospital runs for collapse from dehydration, lack of minerals, vitamins etc. So becomes costly.
@@Netokrateyou sound like you're trying to minimize the seriousness of your own disorder. Also, she did hide it so by your own logic, it is a big problem.
Great great advice, you guys are doing awesome ❤
Who hurt her? Bless her heart... I went through my phase of not eating properly (not forcing myself to throw up, but not eating), it was bad but not _that_ bad...
Sounds like a VERY mature young man. I wish them the best.
Hello from FINLAND 🎉
How is she your high school sweetheart if she doesn't tell you everything. Also you need her in counseling. These issues have causes. This is so scary to me, because I am very upfront about all my issues because it's not fair to get them tied to you without showing all of yourself. Which I guess is why I am being so gun shy about dating.
I respect that you're honest about yourself to a potential partner. Letting him choose if he wants to continue this relationship or not, him making an informed decision because you were honest about yourself. Kudos to you. 👍
@@terriesmith2616 thanks. I figure it only fair. I have had a rough life.... You can take a novice out on the rapids.
@@jillcooper6371
I respect anyone who has a rough life, a nightmare childhood, but refuses to play the victim and is able to be self accountable. That is the mark of growing up mentally and emotionally.
It seems like your life has been very tough, I see all your comments and noticed you refuse to be a victim, refuse to play the victim. You always accept self accountability. I really respect that. A lot.
@@terriesmith2616 thank you.
the sound is cut out
I'll share my perspective. I'm Catholic and in Catholic Church hiding mental illness before marriage is actually grounds for annulment. Of course I'm not saying anyone here needs to be Catholic or anything like that, I'm just sharing that perspective to underline that's how serious it is. Not just the sickness but hiding it. To be honest, I think John brushed over that part, and that was definitely a form of betrayal/dishonesty on the wife's side. And I get that it's difficult, but you have to tell such things before entering the covenant of marriage.
At three weeks into marriage, you can still get an annulment. I wouldn't blame this man if he filed for an annulment due to this.
Honestly, as a woman, if I had bulimia and just married someone I really wanted/loved, I'd not want to get help either. I'd be thinking "it worked, now all Ihave to do is manage it". I overeat and that's so different, but not nearly as outwardly acceptable. But i can understand how she feels and has been reinforced to think she's okay and can handle it.
He sounds like such a good guy. 😔 I’d say it’s shame and control that drives the ED. I had anorexia for a while and I hate to say this, but like anything, I needed to make the decision to eat, get better, etc. Of course, I was in patient somewhere when this revelation came, but still. Purging is really dangerous though. I never did that bc I’m scared to throw up (emetophobia), so one small “positive” there.
Please note ..... She has an eating disorder is totally about her feeling like she has no control. Eating disorders are something that makes a person feel like well even if I can't control what is happening to me.. I can completely control what I allow into my body.
Agreed. 🎯💯💯
ED is about control or over control. The need to over control everything is at the root of her ED. Since she feels she can't control everything in her life, then she's going to control what she puts in her mouth and her body.
Fix the audio
Couldn’t hear the replies of the young man starting at the 12:42’ish point! Love the show very much!!!❤
If he can actually come across with this in the right way, he could be her real life hero. Talk about a swoon-worthy gift he could help hand her.
I’d love to hear about John’s tattoos
I truly hope they got help. This is clearly above Cody's pay grade.
Maybe "playing house" is not such a bad idea after all🤔
100%
Everybody has problems, playing house before marriage would create different problems.
@@darlayeates510 Nope.
@@SarahConnor562 Yep.
@@SarahConnor562this analogy doesn't follow as you're comparing two dissimilar things. Trying on a product isn't the same thing as trying on a marriage. You can't practice marriage as commitment is built into it's definition. Either you're married or you're not
Young man, I am so sorry as your road ahead is going to be long and hard. I hope you have supportive parents who you can turn to in times of need. Love usually conquers all but after her not telling you for 2 years, phew hope you are strong emotionally.
Problem is he’ll help her get better than she’ll divorce him. There’s a 99% chance if this was reversed she’d be already contemplating jumping ship
@@BrianWaller-qe7gr Indeed. So sad for him. Have a lovely day.
What a beautiful man and husband! Your wife hit the jackpot.. Just be supportive and know that this is her disease that you are going through WITH her. Good luck and God bless you both.
Unfortunately he did not hit the jackpot
@@Stanley_Baby what an awful thing to say! You realize bulimia is a disease?! Are you perfect in every way? Sounds to me like this couple actually has a beautiful future ahead of them and have something most people can only dream of.
@@charlottechristian1 Maybe they have a better life than some people. But would you actively go out and seek a partner with a severe disability that will no doubt impact the quality of your life? No. Doubt she could become a mother either as it wouldn’t be safe.
Wow. To both of you. A disability would not turn me away from anyone. And if someone i loved was ashamed of their disease and kept it from me and I found out about it, I would let them know I was a safe person to share that with. I would not get angry and prove their point by telling them that I don't want to have children with them or some such childish thing. Emotional maturity is needed.
@@charlottechristian1 Emotional maturity or being controlled by your emotions? We all have free right to choose or partners, and I am certainly not a bad person to not want to date a mentally disabled girl and want good things for myself. Btw are you aware SHE HID this from him?
This is a lot for a very young, newly married couple to take on. It’s awful that she lied about the situation.
She's probably still lying to herself. Mental illness will do that to you and she's gotta break that delusional state
She didn’t lie. Listen to it again.
She did lie! She deceived him by saying it was something she used to struggle with. When she was in fact still doing it.
@@igit4ever558 it's unclear if she had stopped binging and purging during this conversation. It may be she truly thought she was telling the truth. We just don't know. We can't assume and immediately call her a liar
@@Villanelle2she hid significant information from him until after they were married. It's called a lie of omission.
Second vid from this particular day’s show where the caller’s audio cut out right around the 12:00 mark. So disappointing.. The other one was the traumatic birth caller.
Why is the first thing some people say is get a divorce? He loves her and wants to be there for her. Show support people not distrust and anger.
Honeymoon’s over
Eating disorders create a health risk. I recently read Catie Couric's book. She had an eating disorder that she was able to give up.
I wouldn’t call her friend group, I would call her family.
It doesn't sound like her family would be much help.
@@lyndalamb3221 what I meant is a trusted and mature family member, because young kids aren’t mature or equipped enough to handle the weight of her condition.
I would not call her family. Often times they are the source of an eating disorder.
@@rebeccaoprea9917what makes you think she has a trusted and mature family member?
Cody ...you are a good man.
So according to the comments if Cody had a sex addiction it was okay for him to omit that before marriage? He loves her, provides for her ,is a good partner but his illness pushed him to have sex all the time with whoever is available because he is sick! Is that ok? Or his partner deserves to know the truth and be given the possibility to make a choice before entering a marriage?!🤔Just curious.
Eating disorders are a big deal. I can see why she hid it from him, but it’s a huge concern on dishonesty.
Bulimia is an addiction, the deception is appalling. If she's not getting herself into rehab that is a huge red flag. Can you imagine your brand new bride saying "oh hey, I'm a herion addict". Probably something she should have mentioned before your wedding?!
..
SOME people absolutely need professional treatment.
Some don’t. As someone who did indeed overcome multiple ED’s on my own (they aren’t gone but I am stronger than them even when they rear their ugly heads during times of stress especially).
It’s disempowering and inaccurate to assert that *nobody* can overcome an ED without therapy or in patient treatment. It’s simply not true.
Great advice from Delony but again, no accountability for what was essentially the wife deceiving him.
She lied to him and Cody blamed himself and Dr Delony didn't even call it out as wrong that she lied. If this had been a male with an eating disorder who lied and hid it from his future wife, I'm sure Delony would have held him responsible for lying and keeping back the truth.
Women must take accountability.
Accountability is most women's kryptonite. Dr. Baloney will always simp for women. He thinks every woman is like his wife.
But that wasn't the focus of the call. If the husband called about how to deal with his resentment regarding the deception, Dr. Deloney could offer advice in this area, but Cody called about helping his wife. Dr Deloney takes his cues from the caller's request
@@dahliaherrod4301 I get your point but it's extremely rare that Ramsey show hosts ever hold women responsible. They always blame the man and there's close to zero accountability for the women.
@@F1R3EMBLEM I've watched enough of this show to know that's not true. I've seen him hold women accountable though he's not at harsh with his words for women. I wonder if that's because men can handle harshness a bit better than women can when it comes from a man.
This guys life is going to be full of struggle and drama. But he wants to be a White Knight so that's on him. Toward the end, John even said caller and his wife is in over their heads and that wife is at the point where she's not ready to heal/fix her ED.
This guy is going to suffer, in the years to come. But that's on him. He choose it.
Worry if they try to have kids.
@@joywebster2678
It's always the innocent children who suffer for their dysfunctional parents' problems.
She lied to him, she deceived him, and he married her. That's actually selfish and cruel of her. Now if she refuses to get help or refuses to change, and he gets tired of her disease dragging him through the mud, he could lose half of everything. For God's sake dude, DO NOT GET HER PREGNANT. She can't even take care of herself properly, and now you're married to her. She's no different than an addict in some regards. She'll continue to hide and lie and try to make him believe she can handle it herself. It is her thinking that got her here, so what's that tell you, sir? It is a mental illness. Super sad. When he finally opens his eyes to what she's done, he should be disgusted.
100% agree. If I was him, I would make it clear she needs to get help. I wouldn't make it an ultimatum, but I would know in my mind that I'd file for divorce if she didn't work to get better. I'd also see a lawyer immediately so I knew what I needed to do in order to protect as much of my assets as I could.
@@smania7575 Definitely.
Tough
I have to ask, is obesity an eating disorder? I feel like it has a higher death rate. Not to put this aside, but America is suffering from diet issues.
It can be a symptom of an eating disorder. Binge eating is a form of ED even if purging doesn't follow it. Very very large people (like over 500 lb) almost always have some sort of an ED.
Yes, over eating is an eating disorder. Actually one of the seven deadly sins, gluttony, is this very eating disorder. Religious connotation aside, it just shows you how long its been an issue and how impactful this issue is where it made it to the list of most harmful human behaviors. I think it's become an even larger issue now, because of the sheer amount of advertising bombarded at the average person steering them towards horrible food and overconsumption; plus they add things to our food now that mess with our hormonal balance and how our body functions which cause a whole myriad of health issues most obvious of which is weight gain.... I have empathy for people that are struggling and authentically trying to change, I have less for those who just want acceptance to continue in their addiction without consequence, much like an alcoholic that wants you to "just accept" that they have a 6 pack for breakfast. The whole "Fat Movement" and "healthy at any size" movement are basically individuals who want acceptance in their addiction without consequence. It's not healthy.
In some cases yes, but mostly because of whats in our food. Too much added sugar & seed oils.
@@SarahConnor562 Yes, but part of it is I dont think people realize just how much added sugar is in stuff. No reason something like tomato sauce, fruit juice or apple sauce needs extra sugar added to it but there usually is.
Yes, as obesity is a lifestyle. It is not something that simply happens, and it also takes commitment. It's actually quite difficult to become and maintain morbid obesity, in particular. I had no experience with it until the last few years, as I traveled with some colleagues who are morbidly obese. The obsession with food. I had never seen the lifestyle up close. It was utterly fascinating.
While I love the way Dr. John MEANS “I don’t know how to live your life through this,” I’m a little worried she might take it as “I don’t know if I can live you through this” or something to that effect. I love where he’s coming from but I feel like someone who hasn’t heard it phrased that way before may take it the wrong way.
Please don’t recommend better help they are a scam and sell your private information
That rumor has been disproved over and over.
@@joywebster2678 respectfully do your research again then comeback
No, she misled him into believing that there was no issue, and now she still doesn't really want to get help. She has abused him. Moreover, she is completely out of control, like an addict. Like an addict, they lie and hide things and abuse you
I think it is most likely denial with no intention of abuse. She probably thought she could handle this and possibly just the stress of new married life may have made her purge more. IMO
Everyone calls everyone abuse now. You aren't special.
Absolutely ridiculous perspective, the comments on these videos only get crazier and crazier. Everyone's an expert I guess
Abuse? Hardly.
I'm going to guess that food is your love language and you're still tender over getting your feelings hurt by someone with an alternative diet. Bulimics and anorexics have so much going on within their own minds that believing their disorders are intended to abuse other people is just laughable.
Im not a huge advocate of therapy because it's casually thrown around rather than someone just knocking it off, but this might warrant it. I'm not really sure why the wife couldn't find a chart that showed her daily caloric needs and follow that if she's worried about weight gain. If it didn't do hell on your teeth, it'd be ok, but taking care of your teeth is ultra important, so she definitely should get some help.
Teeth! It demineralizes all bones eventually. The electrolytes in her blood go wonky, causing frequent ER runs for rehydration, and infusions. Its deadly as it continues. Barfing is one aspect only.
To have no understanding of eating disorders.
I guarentee her Dad or Mom or a significant authority inadvertantly helped create this issue. Could be a trauma response. Many people are forced to clean your plate or mom and dad , or one was were size obsessed or she got the message fat was bad. Or her enviroment was so controlled she felt she had none. Women have so much pressure on them to be "acceptible" the perfect looks or shape or compliance. She needs a eating disorder theraphist that will unravel the knots that created her need for control of a situation by excessive unhealthy control of herself in an out of control enviroment.
She’s afraid to go to therapy. She doesn’t sound ready for therapy.
she could also be afraid the therapist won't listen to her and would force her to eat food she doesn't want. She needs a good nutritionist as well, while her methods are bad, the intent (to control the nutrients coming into her body) is good, and may help her feel better about therapy.
Control not shame
Talk to her about the long term affects of this. The list is long….
Look, I know she’s sick, but she was dishonest and broke his trust. I don’t know how that can move forward. If he hid a porn or gambling addiction from her, no one would be as understanding.
Because there is a huge shame around ED. Also it can come & go. Stress can trigger it to reoccur. She may well have thought she had a handle on it , but its recurred. It's often a result of feeling you have no control in your life, but controlling your body by dysfunctional eating is one thing you can control. She hasn't spent all their money or used p*rn as a substitute for real intimacy or , had an affair, she's harmed herself. Now she's had the courage to tell him. That means she wants help to recover. That's huge. And he wants to help. That's a positive thing.
@phipsdeus I COMPLETELY AGREE with you 1,000%. I'm sorry everybody, but I would be "pissed" that she lied. Yes, she lied, because being not FULLY transparent about what he was getting when he married her, was the same as lying. Shame or no shame about her disorder...she STILL lied. They weren't just dating. She went ahead and MARRIED him, knowing that she was deceiving him. If I were him, I would wonder what else she is hiding at this point. Makes you wonder what else is going to pop up about her.
Shame isn't an excuse for deception.
I would be pissed. Because this is a huge mental problem that she kept from him. He says she was being violent in the bathroom. I think she was doing that on purpose. She was intentionally being loud so he would hear her and bring it up. Because she eants to tell him. But the problem is she refused to do this before they got married. Thats shady and wrong
Playing John Bingo.
Does he ask "What about you* made it unsafe for her to tell you the truth"?
No he didn’t. In fact, he praised this man for being such a great husband! 😊
John I can hear you are burning out go take a vacation❤
Karen Carpenter rest in peace.
Plus infertility issues
Sick of it all 🫡
This is an epidemic problem. If men knew how many women barfed up every meal to stay beautifully thin, they’d be appalled. When I was at Pepperdine, the girls were lined up at the bathroom after dinner so they could barf up their meal.
WOW!! That's really, really sad...💔
I hate when John says “gross”. I know he’s joking but it’s so immature and off-putting to hear from a counselor.
That's a hell of a secret to keep from your partner..... bulimia is very hard to overcome and can destroy a marriage. I hope he takes this seriously 😑 Hopefully his wife can get the professional help she needs before they have kids.
Also: he CANNOT actually help her. That's the really hard part, only she can do it.
So she’s been making herself throw up for two or three times a day for two years and you never smelled it or had any inclination?
I'll be the bad guy here... this exactly the kinda bs you invite into your life by getting married. Shes lied for years, got that ring and now its YOUR problem too. Marriage just removes your ability to easily dismiss a troublesome woman from your life. Run. Send her packing and get back on YOUR path and purpose. Lift heavy things, eat right, grow that career and be the best version of you, that you can possibly be. Or keep dragging this anchor behind you and pop out a few damaged children. Choose wisely.
Unfortunately you are expressing exactly what I think.
They're high school sweethearts. How did he not know? I mean GAWD! Really what's the deal here?
yhhh…..was gonna say the same thing. no sleepovers? nothin???? yeesh
Maybe add, not wise to try for kids while she is in disordered eating.
She sadly isnt ready to married to anyone.
She lied and covered up a major issue. Divorce.
21??? Ugh...
❤️🙏❤️
He heard her in the bathroom and it was pretty violent, sounds like me after Taco Bell
Get an annulment
Unfortunate but true. She kept this hidden from him. There's no trust in their relationship. It's time to move on, especially this early on when there's no financial consequences.
@@ThatGuyJD he definitely will not by the way he sounded. And he’s in for a world of hurt.
He’s beating himself up for not seeing red flags but at 21 yu don’t have enough life experience to really decide who to marry.
@@tj139agreed
Convient that she only told him AFTER they were married. She lied by omission so she could get the ring. I wonder what else she's lied about?
Lease change the title...it give big betrayal vibes. This is a serious health concern. Hope everything goes well for her